Latest / Under The Fur / When Love Means Letting Go: Mel’s Story of Loss, Guilt and Friendship
Transcript
- Vanessa Waite: Hi, I am Dr. Vanessa and this is our podcast called Under the Fur, where we're going to discuss all things veterinary on the inside and the outside and things to do with your pets. And on that note, I would love to introduce my very dear friend who was a client of mine, Mel, who had two lovely dogs that I was very, very fortunate to meet and that she trusted me with. And we're to be discussing a little bit about their journey and ⁓ what it took to look after them. But first of all, Mel, you have such a fascinating history and your life stories that you've told us and that's part of what bonded us. Give us a little introduction. I am Melanie, shortened to Mel, and my career was, I was a backing singer in the 80s and the 90s. And I worked with lots of very famous people, as you know, because we've discussed it. People like Juran Juran and Dolly Parton, Sting, Chris Rea, Bill Wyman, Boy George, Bob Geldof. Sorry, clear my throat. And I toured around the world and had a fabulous time and made a load of money and went in limousines and first-class travel everywhere. and just had the best time. And then I got pregnant and had children and it all changed. And that ended it. Kind of ended it. No more first class. Lots of breastfeeding. It kind of ended it because a lot of my job was actually going away touring. And while I was pregnant with my first child, I used to say to my mom, this baby is not going to change my life. I'm give the baby to you and I'm going off around the world. And then I gave birth to the baby and looked at the baby and was like, I can't leave you. And so it did change things. I then was restricted to doing stuff in London, TV shows and recordings and very sort of short jaunts to Europe for a couple of days and then come back. And then I had a tonsillectomy and that ruined my voice and I had to give up. And that's why I stopped singing. And then I actually quit and became a trader on the stock market randomly for a couple of years. I didn't know that. How boring. Really boring. I actually went in as a, I had secretarial skills. So I went in as a PA and I ended up trading. I don't quite know how it all happened. And then nine one one happened and I was in the room with a bunch of traders and they were all making millions of pounds over the first tower going down and being a bit of a hippie, was like, Oh my God, I can't trade over this. And they were going trade, trade, trade. And I couldn't. And then the second tower got hit. And then they all were like, You need to trade over this. You're going to make millions. And I literally picked up my bag and was like, you've got blood on your hands. I can't do this. And I walked out and I went to the school, very tearful, very frightened, wasn't sure what was going to happen. Was this the beginning of the end of the world? And I bumped into a friend of mine who was in the music industry, a producer and was obviously really upset. And he asked me what was wrong. And I said that I just walked out of my job and I didn't know how I was going to pay for my kids upbringing. And he said, ⁓ I've got a job in my. music company, do you want to come and run it? And I was like, yeah, okay. And I'd never done that either. And I thought, yeah, I can do it. And that was 2001, obviously. And I've been doing that ever since. So I manage songwriters and producers, and I go into record companies and try and get songs on records and help develop artists. And that's what I do. And the children that I gave birth to all that time ago also do it now themselves. So that we're all in the same industry, which is wonderful. And that's kind of where I'm at today. And then obviously I met you from being a dog mom. Yes. I was going to say, so you've, your first mom was an actual child, first mom to an actual child. And then later came, did you always love animals? I always grew up with dogs. I always had dogs in my family and cats. And actually the first pet I ever had was a monkey when I was about four. My mom bought a monkey, a spider monkey in the sixties. And we used to walk it up and down Partly High Street with its little like two keys on. but then it kept peeing down the back of the telly and blowing up the telly. So my dad made us get rid of it and send it to... That was the last straw. No more monkeys in our house. We've had all sorts of animals, but mainly dogs. And so I was brought up with dogs. And once the kids had grown up, I really missed that nurturing, you know, having to look after something. And I'd already had a rescue dog way before that had died, a girl called Chevy who was 13, a Labcross. And for six years I didn't have a dog because it was so painful losing her. And then I talked to my partner at the time into let's get another rescue dog and went and got Wilson, my boy Collie, who I lost last May. And then six years after getting him, the rescue place phoned me up and said, we've got this female and she needs you. And because Wilson had had lots of surgeries by this point, had both of his hips replaced, she knew that I would invest. And I think she knew that Harper, the girl that I ended up getting. had issues and so when she was doing the right thing as a rescue person by going, who will invest in this dog and pay for surgeries and nurture it? And so I ended up with Harper, not knowing she needed surgeries at the time and bought her home, fell in love with her and I lost her in November as you know this year because you helped me to put her to sleep very beautifully. yeah, so I had these two collies and for the first few years all was hunky dory and then... That's when I met you, when Harper went downhill, because Willson surgeries had already been done. And then I met you, I was recommended to you by my vet at the time and came to see you and just fell in love you. And that was it, we were in. And then we became firm friends from that because I think that was like over two years ago, two and a half years ago now. So we're going to talk a little bit about those two years. But I want to know actually the bits that happened before you met me. which you've told me some bits of, you, so you rescued Wilson and Wilson was, how old was Wilson when you Wilson was three months when I rescued him. was three months from a puppy. He was a puppy. And then he ended up having, as I recall, hip dysplasia. Yeah, in both hips. And he had two, did he have two hip replacements? Both hip replacements. He then had a spinal issue. Yeah, I had spine surgery. Yes. And was that a disc? That was, it was compressing. So he was losing the use of his back. don't know what the official term is. has a compression on his spine, which meant that the signals from his brain were not getting to his legs and he was walking like he was drunk. Does that sound about right? Yeah. so he, and had he already had his hips done by then. So two hip surgeries, major surgery, major aftercare, and then a spinal surgery. Which was the hardest one of all. And then he had cruciate ligament, but that was actually easy. comparison. Walk in the park compared to what you had. So bionic hips, bionic hips, new knees. Yeah. And a bit of his spine chopped out. Yeah. That's horrendous. he was, I mean, it's hard with a collie because they need to be stimulated as you know, and trying to keep him entertained while he was in a crate and all the care that it took. I mean, it was so out of my comfort zone to be doing anything like this. Cause you know, I'm used to traveling around the world and being looked after. I'm not used to that level of nurturing. was a whole different. And you're now stuck at home, aren't you? Stuck at home with him. and just the backwards and forwards and the rehab and the physio and the, the different things we had to do the hydro just to get him back on track. But he did get back on track, as you know, until he was 13 and a half. So yeah, he really well. And then his kidneys got him. And then his kidneys got him. Yeah. In the end. the good thing is. That's an old age disease. Yeah. So he got to old age. Yes. So that's five surgeries. Yes. Five major surgeries that you nursed him through. Yeah. And, what, so we touched on it little bit. You're stuck at home. Yeah. You can't walk him in the park. No. ⁓ and a lot of the joyful things that you get from being a pet owner are your daily walks. being able to watch them run off the lead, Richmond Park, isn't it? Off the lead and play with other dogs and interact. And then suddenly you're actually isolating that dog. ⁓ Great rest. rest. rest. Harness. Harness, no walks. Physiotherapy, at least weekly, I imagine. Yeah, I think it was twice a If not twice a week. Hydrotherapy. he did it all. The drugs. ⁓ cost of the drugs. The cost. Yeah. Yeah. get to the cost in a second. So every, are you doing? Three times a day pain relief and other medications. Yes. Morning, and evening. Yeah. Also changing food because he couldn't exercise for keeping his weight down. So that was hard because obviously you want to entertain them by giving them, so I bought licky mats to try and kind of keep them entertained, I to put low fat stuff in. was just, there was a lot of thought that goes into it because you love them so much. You don't want them to think what's happened to me like you know is my life over and actually he loved playing frisbee and football so all the twisting and turning stuff yeah he couldn't do that and when when he could eventually do it again we had to keep it really low level and quite close there was no sort of like you know thrusting a frisbee for like 50 feet and watching him run and jump four feet in the air all of that completely changed. it a fee on him? Yes I think it was because we discovered When he was really young about the hips, he was only like a year, year and a half old when we discovered about the hips and it was either put him to sleep or do this. And obviously we've completely fallen in love with him. We had insurance. mean, the other thing we should touch on insurance because I did a different insurance with Harper as a result of getting stuffed with his because when we did the first hip that was obviously covered on insurance. Yes. When it came to the second hip and we went to claim on insurance, it was a preexisting condition. And so the insurance didn't cover that. So they didn't cover the other hip? No. And then also what happened when he had the spine surgery, when we were investigating the hips in the beginning and we took him in, they did some investigating and found out he had a little spinal issue when he was a puppy. So they gave him some injections. So when I went to pay for the spine surgery, which was a lot more money, that was classed as pre-existing condition. No. So I actually had to do a GoFundMe to get the money. So you had been paying for this pet insurance all his life and they weren't covering anything. they covered one hip out of the out of those three major surgeries they covered one of the surgeries then I had to find the money for the other two so I think the second hip was about six six and a half thousand and the spine surgery was about ten thousand and of course in the place that I went to it's like you don't pay now we don't operate on your dog absolutely and I was freaking out because I knew he was in pain so with the spine surgery I had to find 10 grand like within a week. one has 10 grand in the back pocket. No, they don't know. I certainly couldn't find 10 grand this week. So I did a GoFundMe. And luckily, because I work in the music industry and I know some quite well known people, I had some quite big donations. I got the 10 grand. Thank you, history, for allowing me these contacts. Thank you, pop stars. Hey, if you traded on the world trade on the twin towers going down, you would have been able to pay for it. I could pay for everyone's surgery for all their dogs for the rest of their lives. So yeah, so that was tough, we may, you know, we managed to make it work. think between him and Harper, I spent over a hundred grand in surgeries and I think insurance covered maybe 60, 70 grand of that. And then we had to find the rest. Wow. Yeah. So it was a lot. Yeah. It was a lot. Let's put it this way. I didn't have holidays. I haven't had holidays for many, many years as a result because I just couldn't afford to. Yeah. Yeah. And, um, I know when we met, actually couldn't, you couldn't leave. Harper with anyone. leave either of them because they were both really needy and they needed special care. So then we met when Harper needed surgeries and you decided to come. So just to explain my clinic is not specialist, but it sort of bridges the gap between general practice and specialist in that there's particular surgeries that I can do that I'm experienced with and I have a certificate of advanced veterinary practice which is in surgery. ⁓ But there's a next level up, which is a specialist who have a diploma and are five times my costs. And that was one of the reasons actually I came to you because the place where I had Wilson surgeries done was very, very expensive. And then when I saw my vet and she said, you need to go to the vet station and actually her prices are really reasonable in comparison. And that was one of the factors because I'd spent so much on Wilson. I just thought, Christ, I can't go through this again. Where's the money going to come from? Absolutely. Yeah. But when I did her insurance, because of being stuffed on the pre-existing condition, small print, then had Harper's became 7,000 pounds a year, covered her for everything. Yeah. Yeah. So I pray that that was going to cover me, which it did for the large part. Yeah. As you know. But it wouldn't have. Had you gone elsewhere? Because that's the other thing, isn't it? You think you've got this massive pot of money, but when it ends up that you need to go for referrals and things like CT scans are involved and medications. And I just looked at buying a CT scan. Do know how much they cost? The cheapest one I found is 150,000 pounds. Insane. How do you make your money back on that? By charging this much. But unfortunately, people don't have that money. Yeah, that's difference. But there were certain things that we could do at the vet station that we can do without CT scan. We could use x-rays and that kind of thing. So the surgery that Harper needed was a Tarsaloth release. So we need to diffuse her ankle joint because the ligaments had, they had given up on they, they went out of there. They were doing nothing. She was walking completely plantar grade, which basically is when her Hocks are completely on the floor. I remember how upset you were by that. You're like, she can't move. She wants to, she wants to. And I said to you, this is a highly complicated surgery in that it's got something like a 50 % complication rate. But we can try. And we did. And we did. We did try. We did try. And we had, we did both sides. We did. Neither side went smoothly. Cause what we discovered was Harper is Terrible at healing. Terrible. Way worse I think she's the worst tarsal arthrodesis I have ever done. And the skin. And her skin does not heal. No. It does not heal. And she had bones popping up everywhere. We put plates on, we took plates off. Bones popping through put them back on again. ⁓ God. was just, I'd say her surgeries were way harder than Wilson's because he healed well. She just didn't heal well, as you know, and it was just heartbreaking to see, but by that point, I'm already in the process. And you can't go, well, okay, we're gonna give up because it's not working. You think we've got to keep trying until I kept saying to you for these two years, you tell me when it's time if it's not working. But all the time that you're saying, it's okay, we need to keep going, we'll keep going. And I put myself on way down the pecking order on the back burner because she was so... loved and so wanted and so, and she was a special dog, as you know. But in the end, the, ⁓ those eyes, those eyes killed you, boring to your soul. But in the end, when I brought her to you thinking it was for an x-ray because she wasn't weight bearing on one of her legs after two years of surgery, you just said, it's not worked and we can either do this all over again, but she won't heal or you do what you have to do and let her go. that was... The hardest thing, especially because by this point I wasn't with my partner anymore and I was doing this on my own. And just to walk out of there with her, because she was obviously in a buggy as you know, to walk out with that buggy without her in it. I sat in that car park and I howled for about an hour. I couldn't drive. I was so upset. I just couldn't drive. And then I got home and all her dog beds, because I had dog beds in every room for her. I even bought a bungalow so that she didn't have to do stairs. I had a mattress on the floor so she could sleep in my bed. I changed. my whole life, my, where I lived for her, because I loved her that much. But it was the right thing to not put her through any more pain. So yeah, that was hard. So I'm now for the first time in God knows how many years, 15, 16 years dog free, which just feels really weird to me and not natural. But as we were talking earlier, like it's just a little bit of putting myself first for a minute. But I dog sit my son's dog once a week. I look after friends dog. So I'm still kind of like a dog foster mum for people that need dog help. Yeah. It's going to patch over the time between maybe getting another dog, but you're not ready. You've gone through a massive ordeal. And that's part of what I wanted to highlight to people when you get pets that have chronic illnesses. ⁓ we don't give up on them as long as they're happy. Right. And that's one thing I promised you, wasn't it? I said, I will help you make the decision and I'll tell you when we're going too far because we can go too far. and they can be in pain all of the time, but because they love us, they hide that from us and they do their best for us every day. And they're like, I'm fine, mommy, I love you, I love you, I love you. But actually they're in pain. And I promised you that I would tell you when that time was. Because how can you know when you're in it? were, Mel, you were exhausted. I could see you were emotionally just wrung out. You had lost your dad. You had lost Wilson, lost Wilson. I'll say lost your husband, but congratulations on that. Yeah. the best loss of all. was probably the highlight. That was a happy moment. Although you to go through a divorce and then there you were just you and Harper. Yeah. And also from lifting her out of a crate and the car, my back had given up on me. So I was having a chiropractor, you know, I wasn't spending anywhere near on myself when I was spending on her, but she was worth it. She was so worth it. And I sort of saw both you and Harper fizzling down at the same time. And I, it's one of my, it's one of the things I go back on. There's some certain cases in your career that you go back and you're like, did I do the right thing? Could I have done it better? Was it my mistakes? And Harper's probably going to be one of those ones for me that I look at for my entire life. Cause I loved you so much and I loved Harper so much. And I just thought of all the ones I wanted to fix. let it be her. What I'm grateful for is. You know, and I've thought about this a lot since losing Harper. If you were a vet that was only interested in the money, you would have said, let's operate again, because you would have got more money out of it. And you said that was an option, but you wouldn't take that option as her vet. You didn't think it was the right thing for her. And I appreciated that it wasn't about the money for you. It was about her wellbeing, my wellbeing. And you saw at that point, they've kind of reached the end. They can't do this anymore. It's not sustainable as it is. And I would always appreciate you for that because you could have just kept taking my money and I would have kept giving it to You could have traded on the twin towers. I could have traded We're not those people. I know you're not. And I'll always appreciate that about you. And that's something that I don't think all vets would do. The money makers would just keep taking my money and keep putting her through unnecessary torture. Because for the end of day, was hard on her. It was really hard. You know, we'd walk in the park and she'd take... 15, 20 steps and then she'd sit down and look at me like, I can't do this, I'd have to lift her back into a buggy. And what ended up being my life for the last, the four, four or five months that I had her on my own is I'd spend at least four hours a day out in her buggy with her just to give her different senses and different experiences, just to keep her entertained because the rest of her time she was stuck on her bed, barely able to move. So I was then, my work was starting to suffer because I wasn't putting the time into work because I was... concentrating on keeping her happy. think I remember you saying that you had lost a contract. Yes. Which is obviously so important to you. a client because I was so busy looking after her. I wasn't putting into that client. And then how are you going to pay for her? Because I know you had a good insurance, but we did run out and you had to dig deep into your pockets for her. Because her medication bill alone was I was spending £500 a month on physio and medication. That was after the surgery. You know, just to not be paying that every month, you kind of go, wow, that's, you realize how much she was spending after the event. The hardest thing was actually getting rid of all of her stuff when she died. And what I did was I took all her beds to a dog charity and I gave her toys to my son's dog who's been cursing me ever since. A lot of squeaky toys that driving him nuts. And I just had to clear the house of her because it was just too heartbreaking. I still find her hairs to this day. You know, even like. Five months later, I'm still finding hairs in places that I didn't realize there could be hairs or clothes that I haven't worn since I've had them because I'm not wearing dog clothes as much anymore. You know that dog clothing, you just wear any old shit. Absolutely, absolutely. doing that anymore. So I keep finding the occasional dog hair when I'm putting on clothes to clean the house and I go, ⁓ and I have to go and put it in the bin because I know if I leave it in the house, it would just upset me too much. But I've stopped crying every day. know, I say for the first... First month after she died, I just woke up and just burst into tears every morning. I just literally couldn't get myself together. It was as hard as losing my dad, I have to say, because it was before her time. She was only eight and I thought I had more time with her. And I bought my bloody house for her in an area that I didn't want to move to. But because it was a bungalow and it was in my price range, I thought everything's on one level for Harper. There's no step into the garden. It's a flat square garden. She can't get into any trouble. There are no holes anywhere. Because you have to think about all those things as well. You know, if I walked her anywhere, I'd be like a radar ahead of her trying to see if there were any pits that she could fall into and do damage to her legs. It's exhausting. You want to go on a walk as a, as a something to look after yourself and to feel good and to rest your brain. But actually you're on high alert. You're on high alert all the time. Sounds like when I take my son out for a walk. I have to watch everything he does. Exactly. It's not relaxing. He's usually up a tree. least Harper couldn't get up a tree. ⁓ imagine the both of them would be up trees together. So I just think it's amazing how you changed your entire life. She was worth it. You're an amazing dog, mum, you are. Any dogs listening to this podcast are going to be like, I'll look after you. Can I go stay with Auntie Mel? Honestly, my best friend Mel actually says to me when I look after her dog, because she's having chemo at the moment, I'll have her dog every now and then. And I had a dog for the last couple of days and I was driving her back to the station yesterday and it was an early start. We left at nine o'clock in the morning and I he hadn't peed or pooped and she had quite a long journey. So on the way there, she's obviously quite tired because she's been in hospital the day before. And we stopped, I said, I'm just gonna stop at this park so I can give back to his pee and poop. And she just turned to me she went, you are just the best dog mom. And I was like, So yeah. then I went and saw another friend, Jesse has six dogs and I just sat and snuggled and I just missed that. missed that. What you get out of it. I mean, yes, I was on high alert and it was hard work with Harper, but the love I got out of it was worth every ounce of stress, every penny that I paid. The just, way she look at me was. the joy in my life. She just brought me so much happiness. And she also got me through that breakup with my awful ex-husband. She got me through that. She really did. And it was, I felt it was like her and I against the world. We moved into this house and there are boxes everywhere and just me and Harper and a mattress on the floor. And I was like, come on then, Harps, we got this. And luckily, sadly I didn't have it for long enough to enjoy the benefits of where I am now. And I'd found all these amazing parks near us that I could take her to and obviously vetted them to make sure they were good walking for her, good places for me to walk a buggy because of course in the buggy with a dog that was nearly 30 kilos, that's quite a workout. actually I've put on two stones since I've lost her. Because I'm not pushing a buggy up a hill. So she was worth it. She had those eyes, didn't she, that looked into your soul. I remember her looking at me and I just thought, ⁓ my gosh, she's looking straight up. soul. She can see my innermost thoughts. She knows. really could. She was just so special. They both were. you know, losing both of them within six months of each other was brutal, quite frankly. It really was. But now I've gone, okay, I'm dog free at the moment. I definitely have another dog in me for sure. But just this year is going to be about having a holiday. Yes, dribbling into a sun. Maybe we could have a spa day. Let's do a spa day. You mean cow. Yeah. And some alcohol maybe. Day drinking. really like day drinking. And you've got no responsibility. It's the best. So when I, don't know if I've told you this, my, you've met my absolutely bonkers dog now, Phoenix that I've got. Before her, I had two other Akitas that were way better behaved than her, the way. Lovely. Best dogs ever. And, um, one of them was called Bellini after the cocktail. And the other one was called sushi after the food. ⁓ Sushi got a GDV, twisted stomach when he was only, I think he was about seven years old, which is not old enough to lose a dog. that when you lost him? Yes. So the same is similar. I didn't have the chronic illness and that chronic exhaustion. It was very quick and sudden. Yes, I was in bits. I was in absolute bits. I operated on him. because I at that point felt I was the best surgeon, because surgery is my thing. I felt I was the best surgeon. I also didn't want to put the responsibility of that onto my colleagues that it's such a high risk surgery. He made it through the surgery and I euthanized him two days later because he was septic. That must have been so hard for Yes, I couldn't make the decision myself. I called my best friend who was a medicine specialist and I made her drive down. to come and see him and make the decision for me. was it only two days after the surgery? He wasn't improving. So I wanted to try and actually it's really common with twisted stomachs or something people don't know. We can get them through the surgery, but the damage done from the torsion is there. You can't repair it. The blood vessels are damaged, the linings dying, they go septic. So you actually lose them in the post-operative period. So some of them do survive. But again, it's like 50 50. was going downhill. What's he? Yeah. I potentially would have given it longer. I needed someone to make the decision for me. And she said, this test. This test. There's no hope. Let him go. So I remember feeling first, there was a shock because I wasn't prepared for it. But I don't know if it's better being prepared with a long term illness or a I think shock is shock. Shock is shock. But I remember one of the things that was the worst thing for me was I felt cheated out of his lifespan. That's how I feel. Yeah. And we don't, it's not something we talk about very often, but you expect this many years from them. You expect about 12, 13 years. And then you get a half or just over half and you feel cheated. I remember that is the feeling that stayed with me for years. I think that will stay with me with Harper over losing Wilson because Wilson was 13 and a half so he'd had his time. He had his life. had his life where I planned through the breakup and moving home and having a home that suited her. I remember I'd lay in bed with her in the evening and think right when she's better I'm going to rent a camper van and I'm going to take her on holiday all over England and we're going to go to some other so that was my plan. I had a plan for us to do this holiday together. Yeah. And of course I never got to do that because she was never well enough. And as you know when she died. she still had open wounds from the surgery from a year before. So it just, was it a year before? Yeah, it probably was a year before. Sometimes they healed and sometimes they came back. We'd get there and we'd think, yes, we've got there. And then a new one would come. A new one would poke through. It was just heartbreaking. So I didn't get to do the things that I thought I was going to do. And I think you're right, the shock and just feeling robbed of that time because I was expecting to have it for at least three or four years. That's what I was hoping. I thought we've got through the worst. We've done the surgeries. She at least walks a few steps. I'm going to take her on a holiday when she can walk a bit further and we're going to go to beaches and stuff. And I wanted to do all this stuff with her. We just never got to do. Yeah. And she loved the beach and so did Wilson. They loved the beach. I used to take them down to the beach. I used to drive a hundred miles just to take them for a beach day because I just knew they loved it so much. So I've do, I definitely feel robbed and you know, even my mum fell in love with her and she was just like, I just feel so sad that you don't have her anymore because she was just such a lovely animal and she just was so grateful for anything. any bit of love. She was just so grateful, but she did love her food and that was a problem trying to get that weight off. did love her food. Remember when she stole the Cabanara? Oh my God. Yeah. Your husband dobed on you about that. Yeah. Well, yeah. He was always dobing on me. He a bit of a wanker, wasn't he? He was a real wanker. Didn't like him. No, I you didn't. I didn't like him. I couldn't decide when to tell you, but when you told me he was divorcing, I just said, congratulations, didn't I? Best thing I ever did. That was the best thing that happened last year. Yeah. And I don't think she missed him either. It was all about me. It was always all about me anyway. I was her main person. I hope you watch this. We're not old man hating. Yeah, just him. Yeah. Yeah. So the other one I had was Bellini. She died when she was older, but I euthanized her. Again. Yes. And I wasn't sure if I should. And that was the hardest decision. But it helps me to help other people going through it myself. So she was a euthanasia. That I think was the correct decision. Bellini, don't know if it was the correct decision. She was skin and bones. She could barely move anymore. She was skeletal. She had degenerative myelopathy. So her spine was dying. Right. How old was she? She was old. So she was 13, I think. Then you did the right thing. That's the thing. ⁓ But sometimes I think, so what if she couldn't walk? Maybe she was still happy. Still eating her food. ⁓ She didn't get up to greet me when I come in the room anymore. My fear was I'm going to walk in one day and she's collapsed and she can't get up. And I didn't want that to happen for her. And I thought if she goes today, I'll suffer. But if she goes when she can't get up and she can't do this and that, we both suffer. And I didn't want her to suffer. Yeah. I think you the right thing. Yeah. It'll still. I think when I'm logical, I think I've done the right thing, but sometimes I, if there's always going to be a doubt because you don't know what was going to happen when who knows? And maybe I did that. I had just had this feeling come over me. I was actually in work and I just said to Callum, Callum's ⁓ one of my best friends. He's a veterinary nurse. ⁓ We love him. He's the best. I just said to him, we need to go to my house now and Euthanasia Bellini just out of nowhere. Just to have this feeling. need to do it now. And he said, okay, I'm I'm going to do, I'm going to rent a car and I'm going to follow you because I'm going to bring her back to the clinic or to the crematorium. Yes. So we did that and the decision was made and it was done and it was a snap decision, I forget gut instinct. just think maybe I was going to come home the next day and she wouldn't get up. Okay. But you know, as a vet, she had degenerative issues with her spine. You know, unless she had surgery, that wasn't going to improve at 13. No. Even surgery couldn't have fixed it. No, exactly. So was going to your gut was you were doing the right thing for her. It wasn't the right thing for you. Yeah. But it was the right thing for her. And that's the decision, isn't it? Yeah. Losing Harper wasn't the right thing for me, but it was the right thing for her. And you have to put your emotions and your feelings so they can't tell you. And she did have it till she was 13. Yeah. So I think you did. mean, from what I know from you telling me you did the right thing, it's the decision guilt. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have the decision guilt over half. Yeah. And that's actually one of the things that I try to take off of people is the decision guilt. So we are actually taught in vet school and then you go out and you're by older vets. You can't make the decision for people that you should give options A, B and C. My new grads that come to me and my vets, I say, that's absolute shit. That's crap. Those, you are the ones with the medical information. You are the ones with the experience and you know what's right for that dog or cat or budgie or hamster or whatever it is. Actually, you need to make the decision for them. you need to sit, not obviously you don't put your views on someone, but you say, this is what I believe is the correct thing to do. Which you did. Because of XYZ. If you do strongly feel you don't want to, these are the other options. I think that's the right way to be a vet. And I remember actually texting you after Harper several times over the two or three days after saying, did we do the right thing? I feel like I did it too soon. And you reassured me, but that it was the right thing to do. And even on the day that we did it, you you said these are our two options. We can either operate or we can do this. And of course you didn't go down the money route. You went down the... emotionally and morally right route. But then I had that guilt afterwards. And I remember I kept texting you and saying, should I do the right thing? Was it too soon? And you really reassured me and put my mind at ease that I had done the right thing for her. But as I say, it wasn't the right thing for me because I then suffered that horrible loss. But that was really, really reassuring to have that. And I think that's where I just wish I had animals so I could see you more because I love you. I did miss you, you know, I this is the worst thing about letting not, not the worst thing, the worst thing is losing Halper, but also I didn't, I was seeing you every week. I didn't get to see you. I then came and saw you for a cup of coffee. I just missed you so much. We talked about doing this. This is where this idea was born. Over a coffee. Yes. We did this. ⁓ thank you so much for sharing the story. I think it's going to help other people that have to go through this. So any top tips for caring for a dog with mobility issues? Get a Jack Russell. ⁓ I would say top tips is bed in. Don't make arrangements to go out and do anything fun. Focus on your dog because you're in it for the long haul. Sleep downstairs. Be near them. be present, entertain them as much as you can. I learned to play games with Harper and her crate. Like we used to do lay down catch where she would just lay down and I'd just throw the ball like two feet. So try and find things to do to entertain them, give them lots of love, lots of encouragement, tell them how well they're doing. Just that's all you can do. And just find a fabulous vet like you where you have that, cause it doesn't feel like that. Give me that five or later. But it didn't feel like, right, time to go to the vets now. And was all very official. was like seeing your friends, know, with half the time we did Harper's kind of like consultancy in the reception. So we could all hang out together. then very inappropriate. I love that about I think that's okay to be. I want to break down that wall between vets and their clients. You definitely have. definitely have. Because I think sometimes we can hold vets slightly in awe of, you know, we have our pets and these people are the ones that... But you broke down that barrier. was like seeing your friend who's going to help me with my dog. Cause you have to don't want you to be fearful to say what you want to say or to argue with me. If I say something you don't want to do, I want you to have the confidence to say, hell no. No, you are that person. And you drop the F bomb in there, which is always kind of like makes you feel like really relaxed. do swear. It's very naughty. know, potty mouth. We've said much worse to each other. Off air we've done a lot worse and said a lot worse and actually need to go out and get drunk together is the next thing we need to do. Yes on the list. okay good. I hope so. I love you. I love you. Thank you so much for coming. You're so welcome my darling. Love you. You're the best. It's a wrap! How was that? Great. Brilliant. I knew it, yeah. Yeah. It's true though, I do love you. I love And all the things I said are true. I'm only speaking the truth, I wouldn't lie on camera. That went well. Yeah, it was good.