Latest / Deeply Well with Devi Brown / Loving your Dark Side with Van Lathan

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Loving your Dark Side with Van Lathan · Deeply Well with Devi Brown

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Mm from grandmothers who whispered in their baby girl in
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: two fathers on dimly lit street corners, instructing young soldiers
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: to always keep their eyes open. You be queen, you
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: were fired. You will pass through centuries on the hands
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: of your daughters. They called you wisdom. Proverbs on the
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: backs of diamond eyed school children who growing into hymnals
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  Speaker 1: recited by amethyst holding urban philosophers who recited neighborhood commandments
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  Speaker 1: out of the windows of restored Alchemedo chariots. To keep
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: the warmth of their blood. Be wise, be smart, being black,
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  Speaker 1: Opal Brown courts bloodstone and prayer. Be every form of
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: Jim see King told, scribe, scribe told son, son, told wife,
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: wife told her daughter, and daughter told the ant. This
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: is at the instant has told me that you would
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: come to give wisdom thousand. They said you would come
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: dropping dropping them. Hey, welcome back to another episode of
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: the Dropping Jim's Podcast. As always, just me Debbie Brown.
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  Speaker 1: Today on the show, I have one of Instagram's favorite people.
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  Speaker 1: I mean, this guy has had quite quite the last
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  Speaker 1: few years. He's a screenwriter. He is a TMZ senior producer.
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  Speaker 1: He is host of the highly acclaimed The Red Pill
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  Speaker 1: podcast also one of my favorite listens, and he's also
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: affectionately known as the Kanye slayer Um, the one, the
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  Speaker 1: Only Van Lathane And thank you very much. By the way,
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  Speaker 1: I prefer the Kanye whisper because we don't we don't
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  Speaker 1: slay each other. We call each other in Oh, that's
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  Speaker 1: so soulful. Yeah, Like, the reality is that they looked
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  Speaker 1: at it as something way more novel than it actually
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  Speaker 1: was explained. That could be anybody, anyone that had that
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  Speaker 1: has had that amount of success, that amount of pressure
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  Speaker 1: on them, can get up there in a moment and
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  Speaker 1: sort of become something different or mutated or perverted from
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  Speaker 1: what we thought that they were or what they even
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: thought that they were. Right, if you forget about what
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  Speaker 1: we think, if you showed that version of Kanye West
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  Speaker 1: to Kanye West from two thousand and four, he'd be like,
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  Speaker 1: that's not possible, Like he'd said that that would never happen,
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  Speaker 1: not to me. And that's part of the reason why
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  Speaker 1: it was so hard for a lot of people to
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  Speaker 1: grasp it, because it went so counter to what we knew.
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  Speaker 1: It was. So on the other side of it. Well,
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  Speaker 1: that's interesting. I would challenge that a little bit because
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  Speaker 1: I don't know if it's counter to what we knew
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  Speaker 1: or if it's countered to our own projections on Kanye
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  Speaker 1: of who we perceived him to be or wanted him
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  Speaker 1: to be, or assumed him to be. So he had
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: always been that guy, but we were ever under the
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: gun right. So what I would say is that when
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  Speaker 1: Kanye West came out, the music was very soulful and
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  Speaker 1: very sort of affirming, um to what I would be
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  Speaker 1: considered the I would consider, should I say the culture right.
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  Speaker 1: It was always about how when you look at songs
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  Speaker 1: like crack music, when you look at songs um like,
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  Speaker 1: all falls down. It was all things that had to
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: do with issues that went on inside the black community
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  Speaker 1: and how he understood them, um, and how he felt
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  Speaker 1: like there was a bigger game being played against us.
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  Speaker 1: And then when he would open his mouth and he
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  Speaker 1: would say things like, um uh, George Bush doesn't care
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  Speaker 1: about Black people. So he was always going on these rants,
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  Speaker 1: but we were never the people that he was ranting against.
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  Speaker 1: And what it seemed like what happened was we made
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  Speaker 1: his gun like really big right with that cultural weapon
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  Speaker 1: that he willed willed it that he willed it now
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  Speaker 1: fairly or unfairly against Taylor Swift, or against George Bush,
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  Speaker 1: against whomever. We just made the gun bigger. This was
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: as Yea being Yea, and we accepted it right as
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  Speaker 1: a member of our family who sometimes goes off, but
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  Speaker 1: this member of our family doesn't go off on other
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  Speaker 1: members of the family. He goes off on the cops
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  Speaker 1: or the mailman or whoever. It was jarring to see
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  Speaker 1: him using on us. It was jarring to see him
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  Speaker 1: side with with with President Trump, or to say that
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  Speaker 1: our ancestors were in some way complicit in the situations
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  Speaker 1: that they were in. And for me personally, having having
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  Speaker 1: been someone who was such a fan, I was incredibly
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  Speaker 1: let down. But really what I wanted to do more
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  Speaker 1: in that moment was not having anything happened for me,
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  Speaker 1: was to remind him of who he was as brothers
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  Speaker 1: in the human experience, as brothers and sisters in the
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  Speaker 1: human experience. Everyone at some point, everybody need somebody to
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  Speaker 1: remind him of who they are. Simba in the Lion
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  Speaker 1: King needed someone to remind him of who he was.
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  Speaker 1: Like Simba is like yo, man, I'm walking around and
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  Speaker 1: like I'm not my dad's son, freaky ring symbol over
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  Speaker 1: to the thing. I think it was what you can't remember. No,
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  Speaker 1: it was one of the whatever. So look at you, like,
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  Speaker 1: look at your reflection, like that's your dad. I see
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  Speaker 1: your father right there, Like, remind you who you are.
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  Speaker 1: And I think as human beings, we can't be afraid
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  Speaker 1: to do that. And it's coming from me too, because
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  Speaker 1: as much as you're trying to juggle, as much as
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  Speaker 1: you're trying to do sometimes you can start believing people,
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  Speaker 1: believing the things that people think about you, and you
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  Speaker 1: can lose a side of who you are. It's so
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  Speaker 1: important to not believe. Really take a lot of stock
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  Speaker 1: in either side of that, right, don't listen to the criticism,
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  Speaker 1: don't listen to the praise, because both of them can
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  Speaker 1: contort you into a version of yourself that's not authentic.
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  Speaker 1: And it's so hard to do. It's so hard to
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  Speaker 1: not be destroyed by the criticism and exalted by the praise.
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  Speaker 1: It's so hard. But that's why anything that has to
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  Speaker 1: do with sort of aligning yourself and becoming a better
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  Speaker 1: you and taking time out, um, that's why I really
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  Speaker 1: and am receptive and open to it because you have
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  Speaker 1: to have a strong base so that someone doesn't tip
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  Speaker 1: you over, because you can get tipped over in either way. Well.
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  Speaker 1: And the thing to it like about having a strong base,
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: because I think so easily, especially now that like positivity
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  Speaker 1: is so on trend and doing the work is so
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  Speaker 1: on trend, people have a wrong assumption of what the
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  Speaker 1: work is, right, Like, the work isn't just positive thinking.
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  Speaker 1: It isn't just like hey, you know, I'm I'm gonna
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  Speaker 1: I'm gonna be like the calid I'm just oh, everything
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  Speaker 1: is positive, were the best, It's all good. It's like
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  Speaker 1: excavating the darkness, you know what I mean. It's like
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  Speaker 1: really taking time to go through like an inquisition of
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  Speaker 1: sorts of yourself. You know, like you have to excavate
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  Speaker 1: to authentically be that version, because if you're just playing
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  Speaker 1: the role and you're saying all the right quotes and
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  Speaker 1: you're doing the right things, it's the cancer, you know,
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  Speaker 1: it's the band aid on the cancer. You're not. Actually,
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  Speaker 1: it's not a sustainable life for you. You will still
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  Speaker 1: crash and burn, you will still make really sometimes awful,
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  Speaker 1: painful choices. You know, you have to go past just
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  Speaker 1: the quote that you connect to that you see and really, um,
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  Speaker 1: fall in love with the light and the dark aspects
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  Speaker 1: of who you are because they're both you a couple
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  Speaker 1: of things jop at me. But I think falling in
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  Speaker 1: love with the light and the dark aspects of who
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  Speaker 1: you are something that happened for me, like doing a
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  Speaker 1: really alone period in my life, like when UM with
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  Speaker 1: my way really blown and everybody else's experience in life
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  Speaker 1: life right after right towards the end of college and
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: right after college, it was just weird. What was your
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: highest point? Three? Really? Yeah. I remember when you first
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: told me that you used to be heavier. I was like,
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  Speaker 1: what how? And you had to like physically pull out
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  Speaker 1: a picture and show me. Because you're very healthy, like
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  Speaker 1: you're always working out, You're always you know, very conscious
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  Speaker 1: and what you're eating, and so I think and so
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  Speaker 1: like even that is a part of the work aspect,
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  Speaker 1: right when you talk about the sort of the discipline
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  Speaker 1: that you have to have in order to be a
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  Speaker 1: spiritually centered person, Yeah, that discipline is important so many
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  Speaker 1: areas of your life. And I think I had to
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  Speaker 1: learn that. What I thought was that the fact that
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  Speaker 1: I was a decent guy or trying to be a
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  Speaker 1: decent guy. Was gonna be enough for people in the
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  Speaker 1: world to be receptive to who I am. It was
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  Speaker 1: gonna be enough for me to feel good about myself.
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  Speaker 1: But there were so many areas of me that I
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  Speaker 1: wasn't really working on. And there were so many things
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  Speaker 1: about myself that I didn't like that I wasn't willing
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  Speaker 1: to put the work in, uh to sort of fix.
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  Speaker 1: And two things happened. One thing that happened was that
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  Speaker 1: the parts of me that other people thought we're bad
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  Speaker 1: or were shameful, um, I leaned into them. I leaned
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  Speaker 1: into them because for a long time I thought they
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  Speaker 1: were the truest part of me. Like, give me, give
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  Speaker 1: me an illustration of what that would look like. Um,
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  Speaker 1: what what were those characteristics? Uh? The fact that whereever
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  Speaker 1: I was, I would pick an intellectual fight because for me,
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  Speaker 1: the only way to prove my worth was to let
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  Speaker 1: people know that I was smart. The only way for
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  Speaker 1: me to prove my worth the only Like we're in
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  Speaker 1: a room, right, and my homies are dressed nice, right,
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  Speaker 1: my clothes come from the big and Tall store. It's
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  Speaker 1: very hard for me to talk about this, Like my
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  Speaker 1: homies are my homies are dressed nice. My clothes come
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  Speaker 1: from the big and tall store. They're all like super
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  Speaker 1: handsome and and and like really with it, and everyone
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  Speaker 1: loves him and I don't have that same thing. I'm sweating,
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  Speaker 1: I'm uncomfortable. It's the whole nine, right. I was waiting
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  Speaker 1: for a moment in this entire deal to assert myself intellectually.
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  Speaker 1: I'm waiting for a moment where someone says something for
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  Speaker 1: me to be like no, actually, and then when that happens,
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  Speaker 1: my guys goes. My guys go, oh, that's man, he's
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: a smart guy. So that was the thing that I
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: would do so for a long time. That was both
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: a defense mechanism, but it also made me realize that
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: excuse me. It made me get smarter. It forced me
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: to dive into knowledge, knowledge that a lot of times
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: at that point in my life wasn't useful, but that
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  Speaker 1: now it's really useful. So uh. It was a flaw
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  Speaker 1: that I like, definitely a flaw in to insecurity that
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  Speaker 1: ended up becoming a part of my personality and now
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: it's something that I try to use to bring people together.
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  Speaker 1: Isn't life so dope? In that way? Like when you
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: get to a point that you can look back on
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  Speaker 1: things with that vision like life is so fire in
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: that way where we don't realize how we came to
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  Speaker 1: be where we are. And then you look at all
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: the tiny little steps and all of the little tools
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: you picked up along the way, Like there's stuff that
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: helps me today that I learned selling ice cream out
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: of the Albert Sins grocery store when I was in
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: high school. That was the joint. Abusince was the nice
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: joint back in the day. But you know what I mean,
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: like things and and that's like I don't know to
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: me that that's one of the more beautiful things about
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: being on you know, this journey that's so called you know,
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: I always say it like that because it's so like
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  Speaker 1: overused now with that journey. Um, it's it's that space
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  Speaker 1: where you can be in the midst of the yen
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  Speaker 1: and the yang of who you are, right the light
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  Speaker 1: in the dark, the dark in the light, Like the
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  Speaker 1: same thing that was for you like probably harmful to people,
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: probably was away. Yeah. Really it's minimizing. My dues would
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: be like like my dudes would be like, yo, you know,
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: we over here to get some asks, like you messing
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: the whole situation of by bringing the abortion debate up.
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: God were these One time shout out to a girl
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: named Keisha Karmuse. We're at Keisha's house and we were
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: all sitting around playing spades and some kind of way,
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: Keisha brought up some girl to have been with some
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: Kappa guy and she got pregnant and she was thinking
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: about having an abortion, and they started talking about it,
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: and I swooped in and me and her started on.
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: And I remember my boy Briant, who had come over
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: there specifically that night to kick it with her. He goes, well,
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: she piste off. She did, stormed away and going into
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: the room, I fucking got dressed up for nothing. And
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: then and then and then he have so a lot
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: of times I would spoil to set, but it was
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: the only way I could be seen. Yes, it was
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: the only time that it was the only it was
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: the only place that I felt comfortable. Um So after
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: a while, it just it. And now I think people
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: look to me not so much for calm, for for confrontation.
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: They really want somebody else that can translate culture and
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: help them understand the world a little bit better. And
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: I think it's not so much that I have a
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: talent for doing that. It's just so much that I'm
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: willing to do it that it's that it's something that
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  Speaker 1: I enjoy doing. Um, And that was out of necessity.
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: So often the darker parts of who we are, or
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: the things that that we're using to like cover up
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: these traumas, are our superpower. They ended up becoming that. Yeah,
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: and it was, it was, and it was for a
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: long time. Uh just understood that that was about me.
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: And so when even me think about that, even the
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: back and forth between him and me, that's what that was.
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: That was him turning around and going, Yo, does it
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: I feel like I'm speaking freely and me going no, Actually,
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: do you think that he thought your answer was going
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: to be like yes, Kanye. I don't know what he thought,
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: but I do know one thing that the ancestors are
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: still inside of his soul because once he once I
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: started talking, all he did was listen. He came back
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: a little bit while I'm listening to dude while he's out,
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: I don't know, I'm not. I haven't forgotten or I mean,
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: it's not up to me to forgive, so, but I
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: haven't forgotten anything that he said. And really he hasn't
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: moved off anything. He said, So that is what it is.
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: But I got through to him, and I think that
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: anytime you're talking to someone, did you guys have more conversation?
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: Called that night? You called that night? We exchanged emails
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: and he was very very forthright about what he felt
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: like he couldn't do, what he feels like he can't
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: do um, and what he feels like he can do,
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: and how he feels like, uh, we need to protect
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: him and some un solicited thoughts that he has about
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: other rappers that I didn't even ask him, so so
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: I didn't even ask you so uh But yeah, so
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: you know I look at things in totality. Now you
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: know that hasn't been one part. And it was like
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: I said, it was a It was a portion of
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: my life where I developed a lot of addictions. Um,
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: some that are unhealthy. Uh is it porn? I just
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: I just saw the video that you put on your
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: Instagram before you came over and you and you were
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: talking about point. I said, oh, Van, what but like
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: he was at a I was three seventy five. I
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: had to like that, I said, that needs what do
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: you want me to like? And I wasn't like a
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: three seventy five move it around. I was like, it was,
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: it wasn't like I love That's why I loved Biggie's
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: because I would look. I really looked up to fast
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: moved dudes, man, because they had so you don't have
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: much confidence. You gotta have to be Biggie. You gotta
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: have the utmost confidence to be Biggie pun any of
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: those guys. Right, But so that addiction happened in But
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: you know, it's weird that once I got on TMZ,
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: it was it ended just being ended up just being
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: another pocket of knowledge. They would say something and they
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: would be a bunch of porn stars in the post
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: or the picture. I'd be like, oh that's boom boom boom,
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: boom boom. And it started to become a point to
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: where they felt like there was nothing that I didn't know.
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: And not not that that's true, and that's an arrogant
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: thing to say, but that's how they felt the only
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: reason why they felt that way is because I spent
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: five years alone just filling my brain up with things
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: not even thinks. Some of them were um uh were
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: we're unhealthy. Some of them were really healthy, but just
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: time that people don't spend like in their twenties when
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: you're out, like spending a lot of your time on
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: other people in parties and having fun and stuff like that.
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: I was just by myself, writing, figuring me out, diving
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: into things that I loved, trying to understand the world,
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: really developing all of these things that at that point
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: we're unhealthy, but then actually became big parts of my personality.
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: And then one day I just decided, you know what,
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: if I'm ever going to be the person that I
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: want to be, I gotta lose weight. And then I
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: just did it, and so and then after that I
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: came out of it armed with obviously some bad habits,
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: but also with a lot of habits that, uh, when
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: you put me in the situation, I'm not afraid. I
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: to to speak my mind. But I also know how
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: to build bridges to people, and that's actually more important,
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: Like when you leave a conversation with someone, and I
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: see people that do this all the time. Um, winning
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: in an argument is much less important than winning a
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: human because you can you can make an ally even
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: when you disagree, because when you're really talking to someone
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: and they know that you're sincere about what you're saying,
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: and they know that you're that you're passionate about it.
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: Even if they don't agree with you, the vibration and
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: the energy that they're given to that you're a serious,
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: thoughtful person will mean a lot to them. That's much
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: more important than proving your point, because there's going to
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: be something that you're gonna agree with that person on
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: down the line where humans we're gonna agree at some point,
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: And when you have that ally and you can make
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: use of it, it's much better than intellectually subjugating somebody
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: and having them leave a room thinking that person is
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: smarter than me. Well, because what's the real outcome you're
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: looking for, Like, what's the real agenda? That's what I
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: think about a lot, because we have so much dialogue
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: happening that is at opposite ends of the world right
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: right now, Like when you're talking about politics and policy
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: and just overall basic lifestyle and belief systems. It's like,
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: if you are seeking to prove someone wrong, you're not
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: actually seeking for them to change in a meaningful way,
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: and you're not extending any compassion, and nothing positive can
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: grow out of that time You proved your point, but
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: now you have offended them, so they're going to dive
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: even deeper into their wrongness. They're going to be even
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: more loud and wrong because now you're affecting their ego
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: and what you really get. You have the personal satisfaction
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: of knowing you're right, But then what else you know? What?
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: I mean? You you're you're right? I mean what you
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: should always the the purpose of any back and forth
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: should not be to to make someone even come to
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: your side. It should be to let somebody know how
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: serious you are about what it is you're talking and
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: the fact that you know what it is that you're
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: talking about, because and that's the thing a lot of
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: people aren't doing right now, like you have to actually
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: arm yourself with knowledge. I don't just respect opinions. I'm
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: not gonna waste my time bantering and having dialogue about
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: opinion based stuff because it doesn't matter and time is
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: too valuable for me to waste it on that, right.
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: But it's like everybody now, especially with social media, can
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: add their thoughts, add their you know, their couple of
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: cents on things, but no one is actually arming themselves
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: with the knowledge to articulately, articulate in a in a
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: meaningful way, or to have facts or to have anything
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: that does that creates any level of change from this conversation.
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: Like that, that part feels frustrating to me at this
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: moment in history, Like there's so many conversations happening, but
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: so few of them are actually seeking outcomes that are
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: beneficial for anybody. It's just like to hear yourself and
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: to win, you know. Yeah, I think that's the So
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: Max Caleman, who's his boxing analysts, right, he has this
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: really awesome analogy that he uses. He'll ask somebody. He'll
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: be like, what's your favorite sport? And somebody goal basketball
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: and goals football. He go, no, your favorite supporters boxing
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: And they'll be like why hell, he says, okay. So
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: let's say you you, you, you. You get to the
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: end of a block, and there are four things that
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: are happening on the end of that block. It's a
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: block on on an American street. There's a basketball game
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: being played with one on one. There's some kids playing
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: stickball okay um, and then there's some kids playing street
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: hockey right, and then on the other side of the
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: block there are two people fighting which one are you
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: going to watch? And if you're being honest, you're gonna watch. Okay.
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: So he says that there's something inside of us as
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: human beings, um, and I don't. I really can't argue
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: with them. There's something inside of us as does that
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: waterfall stay on all the time? Devi's wealthy that does
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: that always go? H? It turns off as soon as
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: the when to pour people down? Yeah? Yeah, right, okay,
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: we just set the stage for you got a waterfall.
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: So we're at the ranch we're recording, um, and it's
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: really hot because where I built the studio for this
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: podcast there's no air conditioning. Then is a few hours
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: late until the sun change. Try to get to the
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: just get to them. I have to keep the windows
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: open right now so that we don't die. Um. So
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: he's staring at the pool. Well, what I'm saying is
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: that she said all of that to try to make it.
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: She's got a waterfall in the pool and it's just running.
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: It's very very relaxing. But anyway, so what are just
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: what are he's saying is that it's nice? Well, like, like,
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: what are he's saying is that, uh, there's something inside
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: of us as human beings. The reason why boxing is
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: your favorite sport is because there's something inside of us
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: as human beings that draws us to to to man
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: on man, woman on woman, human on human conflict, and
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: that thing is the thing that makes you want to
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: watch two people fight each other. Right, And if you
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: study human civilization, that's very hard to argue because the
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: Romans built gigantic and we know that our Western European
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: friends are crazy, but the Romans built built gigantic status,
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: so the guys can fight and stuff like that. So
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: what's happened on social media is that whereas if you
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: get to people in the room and they they have
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: a conversation, there's a way that they relate to one another.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: But if everyone's watching, there's a different way. There's a
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: certain level of performance to it. It's it's performative and
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: it's not want to lose your championship belt every time
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: you open your mouth. So I get people on the
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: podcast and the guys coming uh from the n r
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: A or UH from the shout out to Resislam, from
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: the Nation of Islam, or whoever is coming in there.
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: And when I get somebody on the podcast, my goal
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: is to not capitulate to anything that they say or
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: acquiesced everything that they said, but to understand them better.
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: That's the goal because that makes me smarter. Not they
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: say something that I think is wrong, then I'm gonna
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: push back a little bit like you did earlier. Um.
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: But seriously, that's what you should That's what to uh
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: intelligent people should do one another. But what people do
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: in the comments section when they see somebody on there
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: that they disagree with, is they say, Van, why didn't
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: you get this person? Because what they want to see
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: is not so much a conversation. They want to see
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: their side win. And I understand that notion, but I
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: mean that that's just in a nutshell explained Trump supporters
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: to me, right, they don't even know. They don't even
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: know that he's not talking about them, you see what
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: I'm saying, Like they don't even like, they don't even know,
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: they don't even know that they're on Obamacare on Obamacare,
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: they don't even they don't even know that when he's
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: talking about uh tack be cuts and the rest of
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: the things, that he's not really thinking about them. All
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: they know is that he's given someone to them to vilify. Yeah,
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: he's given a reason why they're not where things are
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: working for them. Yea. And even at an even less
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: lower level than that, they picked a side and now
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: they want this right. He was precisely exactly what you said.
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: To order to have a side, you have to have
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: an enemy. So those people um which to a degree.
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: But it's like, you know how like for instance, like
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: you know, I mean clearly Trump lies at nauseum, right,
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: and so many things are unproven, and you can say
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: that to a Trump supporter like, well, here is exactly
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: let's go through this timeline. Here are the actual facts.
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: That's how this breaks down. But that desire, I already
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: chose a side and I'm not switching it. So no
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: matter what you're telling me, for me to feel comfortable
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: with my life, I have to make myself the wire.
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: One of the greatest shows of all time. Slim Charles
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: Lord says it says what what Slim Charles from the
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: Wild You like, what did he say? He says, Uh,
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: we're going to war and if it's a lie, we
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: fight on that line ship like he said he say,
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: he said, were at war. And if it's a lie,
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: if it's a lie, we fight on that lot. At war,
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: will fight on the lie, not you forget about the fact.
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: And some of the people know that it's a lie,
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: and some of the people on the other side know
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: that they're lying. But everybody just loud and wrong. Everybody
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: just loud wrong, everybody at war. They're fighting on their
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: different lives. And how how sad is that? Like to
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: really sit and think about that, especially in the state
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: that our countries in right now, It's not sad. It's
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: going to be the end of the world. It's going
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: to be just going to destroy everything, everything. And and
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: because the first thing that they will destroy is the
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: one thing that we need. Two. Um, reach any type
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: of harmony, which I don't know that we've ever had
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: in human civilization, which is the understanding of another person. Um.
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: The most crucial element to civilization to me is empathy.
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: Because all civilization really is is a series of agreements
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: that are supposed to be in the best interests of
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: an interests of a large group. Right, So so what
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: I mean, what I mean is like, uh, we could
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: all drive as fast as we want it, right, but
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: we've made a decision that in order to keep everyone safe.
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: This is the safe drive and speed, so we could
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: all really um like some of us are larger than others, right,
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: and if we were like the animal kingdom, well would happened?
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: Is the weaker ones and the smaller ones will will
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: get eaten. But what we've tried to do as a
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: as a civilization is to make rules to make sure
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: that people's basic rights are intact. Now Here in America
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: we've never really done a good job at that. In
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: other places they've done haven't done a great job at it.
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: But the purpose of civilization is supposed to be respecting
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: the good excuse me, respecting the needs of everyone. So
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: you make little, small treaties, as I say, a little
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: small treats that you're not gonna do this. You know.
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: That's where laws come from. This, where all of that
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: comes from. What's happening now is that people are using
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: opinions to differentiate humanity from one another. So if you
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: think this way, you're not a human being. If you
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: think that way, you're not a human being. And to
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: be honest with you, some of the thoughts are inhumane,
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: but they're being weaponized by people who know that they
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: are in order to build congregations of people that will
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: worship them. So what what what like? What Trump essentially
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: does is he comes along and he says, listen, um
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: and everyone, there's a guy that I read. His name
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: is no I'm Chomsky. He predicted that Trump would come
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: in like two thousand and ten or two thousand and eleven.
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: He said, what happened. What's happening is that the left
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: in America is overlooking a certain group of people. And
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: because they're overlooking these people, it leaves it right for
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: demigog to come along and say, Yo, this is why
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: you and and that's exactly That's exactly what happened. The
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: only difference in that now is that with social media,
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: you don't just have to see these things on the
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: evening news. You can inundate yourself into this type of
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: discourse all day long. It's so funny to say that
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: I just I just had a conversation about that. So
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: I'm in a lot of group chats, right like me
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: and my friends, Me and Dwayne, We're in a lot
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: of group chats. We send each other many, many ridiculous things,
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: and then sometimes you know, politics whatever, And I was listen,
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: I don't want to be part of this anymore. I
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: decided that this week because so I'm an EmPATH, right,
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: I am somebody that feels really deeply all the time.
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: So I rarely cry about myself for my life, but
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: if I see someone on the street crying, I will
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: start crying, right Like, I I feel very connected to
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: people's energies and emotions, um and just just a high
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: level of compassion, especially for dysfunction. Seeing those things is
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: really hurting my mental health and my emotional stability, like
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: every day, not being able to choose what I'm scrolling,
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: Like if I'm just looking at my timeline thumb moving,
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: I could see a dead child, I could see a
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: naked woman. I could see all kinds of things that
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: I did not choose to see in that day, but
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: I'm seeing just because I'm logged on to social media
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: and I need a break from it. I can't. I
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: can't function as the caliber of person that I want
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: to be and raise a one year old little boy
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: with the joy that I want to raise I'm with
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: If I am feeling so emotionally oppressed by the things
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: that are that are flashed at me in every moment,
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: you know, I know the world is bad. It's a
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: it's a really terrible place, um in a lot of ways,
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: and I'm doing the best that I can to aid
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: the world in my own way. Um, But being reminded
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: of how bad it if every single day is not
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: conducive to my emotional health. I couldn't agree more. UM.
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: I made a pact with myself two. This was after
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: we lost Nip, to never post anything violent on my
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: social media ever again, because I think that violence is
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: becoming too violence is becoming has become too commonplace. It's
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: too violence is too quick of a of a solution,
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: and it's been for a while. But just the fact
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: that he could be killed, Um, yeah, they just they
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: they killed him like that. It's just I don't understand.
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: But um. And then also images of black people being
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: sucked over. Uh, I'll never post anything like that ever again.
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: And that's not a shot at anyone. Awareness is very important,
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: and it's very people, very important for people to understand
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: the true nature of American society, the beginning of American society,
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: what American society is really about, what the country was
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: founded on, um, And how the system isn't broken, how
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: it's not broken, how the system is working unbelievably well.
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: So I don't have any issue with anyone who decides
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: that it's their goal in life to post on social
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: media every time a black man or a black woman
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: or a black child is killed or hemmed up by
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: the cops or brutalized in some way. I can't do it.
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: I can't even have the capacity to do it. I
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: don't have that. We're just people, Like I'm just a human.
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: I was not built to take in all of this
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: sorrow on a daily basis and still be able to
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: do the things necessary to live, you know, like for me,
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: when it's about education and it's about something that's outrageous,
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: or it's about something and someone said that I don't
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: agree with, and I want to make people understand how
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: important it is. It will be on there. But nobody's
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: lifeless body, nobody getting beat up, nobody um, nobody having
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: their humanity stripped from them, nothing along that side. I can't.
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: That's not for me. I try. I played that game
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: for a little while, because you know, walking around with
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: all of that with really no outlet for it. Uh,
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: it's crazy, and it's driving us mad. It's driving us crazy,
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: and and for so many people you know, we're all
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: at our own rates of growth. So there's a lot
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: of people that maybe haven't done as much self work
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: as you've done or maybe I've done. Right, it looks
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: different for them. They're seeing all of this. They haven't
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: even processed their own trauma. So now this is additional
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: trauma energy placed on top of them, and they are
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: sinking deeper and deeper and deeper away from being able
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: to tap into that authentic self you know, to be
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: able to tap into joy. Your life is already hard,
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: you know, all day long, it's like you're going to
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: suffer and suffer and suffer. One thing that I also
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: I will say this though, finish the post. And this
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: is this is what I have to say to everyone
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: out there. Finish the waterfall stopped? Yes something, el shut up?
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: Does that mean the job you'll have to? Like you like,
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: did you miss a payment? Isn't something it's set to
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: you know, it starts at sunrise and it goes down
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: a sunset. Wow? Yeah, sure. So what I'll say is this,
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: finish the post. And this is what I mean. If
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: you are posting a child that's got beaten up by
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: the cops, if you're posting the black man that's been
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: arrested by the cops. There has to be a point
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: to the post. You have to finish, and what I
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: mean is post a number somebody can call to lodge
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: your complaint. Post go fund that you can do to support,
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: have some purpose. The purpose is just outrage, you're hurting people.
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: Like If the purpose is just outrage, you're hurting people.
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: And if in any way you're posting something like that,
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: search your soul and ask yourself if you're posting something
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: like that just to get people to come on your Instagram,
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: Because if you're doing that, you're not just hurting people,
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: you're evil. Because what I would say is that if
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: your look at me has to be a brutalized black body,
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: then you know better than the cop that's doing it.
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: If you're if you're if you'll look at me it
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: is some ridiculous injustice, then you're complicit in what's going on.
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: Nothing wrong with wayne raising awareness. Finish, what's the next step?
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: Have a point to it. Don't leave the circle open,
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: not not not just look at how messed up this is.
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: Look at how messed up this is. This is what
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: we can do. And if you don't. It's also further
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: desensitizing people who are on the posing end of that, right,
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: because they're seeing all of these images and for them
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: it completely disconnects them from the humanity of the people
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: that they're seeing in the images. Even more. They are
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: sad they didn't get it. Now it's commonplace. So it's like, yeah,
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: so another dead body right now, I could look. It's
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: like we we've all we've been we've been through it.
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: We we know that it happens. I think that we
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: need to think about and you know, shout out to Charlemagne.
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: Man like me and Charlemagne got into a huge argument,
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: a gigantic argument, maybe like three weeks ago, right, we
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: argue it constantly. We're all like we like ask anyone
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: who knows I mean there that there are there arguments
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: that are like always about um uh, they're always like
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: we have difference of opinion, and that's what we do.
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: We aregue. We go back and forth, blah blah blah blah.
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: But we are you a lot. Uh. It's not like
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: its brothers, you know what I mean. But a little
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: while ago when the studance situation was happening, right, um,
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna give him this one when the Sudance situation.
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: First of all, the stance situation is still happening. To
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: educate yourself on what's going on Sudan and figure out
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: a way that you can have I posted the video
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: of a friend of mine, I mean al Hassan, who
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: works over at ESPN, and the video was basically I mean,
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: I mean talking about he's from Sudan, talking about what
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: was going on over there, and just basically emoting and
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: saying that he didn't really know what he could do,
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: but telling people what was going on. And I felt
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: I found that video to be very useful because I
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: didn't really know exactly what was happening in Sudan, and
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: I thought that a video from um uh someone to
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: nees who could explain to people what was happening, might
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: spark some awareness. And I hit Charlemagne to post the
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: video and he was like, okay, but what are we
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: gonna do? And I was like, what do you mean?
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: He was like, WHOA, what's the call to action? And
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: while I still contend that sometimes if there's a humanitarian crisis,
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: the first call to action is the call to knowledge
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: that people need to know about it, at the same time,
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: his overall point, and a lot of people's point that
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: I've talked to, is this just too much trauma and
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: not enough trying, like you were, not trying to give
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: people ways that they can help. And the one thing
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: that he did that really kind of got through to
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: me is that whereas I put that video up, he
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: googled ways you can help so then and there was
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: a list of like ten fucking things, tangible things that
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: you could actually do. And who knows if that list
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: we're working out work, But there were things that people
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: are saying, Yo, if you want to help, this is
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: what you can do, and not talk to a lot
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: so these people that say, man, you are helping. We
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: need more people to know about that. That's right, But
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: there has to be a point to where all of
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: this activity is creating a better life or a better
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: situation for someone, because if not, then we're all just
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: playing around and um, we're making ourselves feel better without
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: having had any We're making ourselves, Yeah, I feel better
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: by being outraged. Just shows they have heart and it
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: shows we have a conscience that we're better than that
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: than the bad people. And for me, the one thing
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: that I've learned more about my life than anything over
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: these past ten years, is that I I desperately wanted
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: to have purpose. All I wanted, like you know, I
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: just I've I've always what do you consider to be
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: your purpose at this state of evolution? Man? Um, My purpose,
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: as I've always seen it is to inspire people. Um.
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: I know that's a very break that down a little
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: bit more. Uh, I know that that's very open ended,
• 39:46
  Speaker 1: but um, well, can I can I share something with
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: you as you're as you're simmering with this a little bit. Yeah.
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: So I have a big issue and I've talked about
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: this on my last episode, which I sent to you
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: a couple of times. I know you haven't listened yet
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: because yeah, exactly, And I'm gonna get to that a
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: little bit later in the show. Um. But no, I
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: you know, I have a little bit of beef with
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: the concept of purpose because I think that it's another
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: way to make people feel that they are lacking something,
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: because a lot of people are attributing the tagline purpose
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: to like really attention or having grand gestures or looking
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: like they have it all together. And for me, what
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: what I boiled down purpose as is like if you
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: were to ask me what my purpose is, I would
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: say it's to be of service to people. It's to
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: be of service, it's to be kind. It is to
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: create safe space for people to use the tools that
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: I've gathered to communicate well, to help people unlock themselves.
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: I can do that with any job that I have. Right, Like,
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: when you know what your purpose is, it doesn't mean
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: you've got to quit your job and do this, or
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: go off on a vision quest, or you know any
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: of these things. Like, you can apply those those fundamental
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: characteristics of yourself to any job. I can do it
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: as the fry cook, I can do it as the politician.
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: I can do it in a in a multitude of ways.
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: So when you say your purpose is to inspire, let's
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: unravel that a little bit more. Like you've shared what
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: one of your biggest superpowers is, right, it's your intellect.
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: Cerebrally like, that is the gift that you share with people.
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: So you want to inspire them to do what to learn? Well, well,
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: actually what I want I want to inspire them to unlearn.
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: And so what I mean is everyone is so certain
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: about what it is that they can do. Yes, and
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: everyone everyone so good. Everyone is so certain about their
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: their place as a call in the will uh, in
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: society and what they're not supposed to have, what they're
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: not supposed to do, what they're not supposed to be,
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: and sort of how they were born. They can just
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: be a consumer and now it's time to get out
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: of here. Even when I posted the thing that I
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: that I that I posted about, uh, the pooring thing, right,
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: you get so many people that go, oh, Van, I
• 42:14
  Speaker 1: thought you were better than that, better than what the
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: reality is that anything can become an unhealthy addiction, like
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: anything can become something that's not a positive. I think
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: that people will put themselves into these boxes and they
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: feel like these boxes make them better people, and I
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: want to help them break those boxes. Anything that you
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: do that doesn't hurt anyone else and it's fulfilling to you.
• 42:37
  Speaker 1: Um doesn't hurt anyone else, and it's fulfilling to you.
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: I want you to be brave enough to go to
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: go do that, and I want you to do it
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: with the full heart. And there's so many people that
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: just don't feel like that's a thing. And I don't
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: understand how the trick of society has worked so well
• 42:53
  Speaker 1: when we all know that you get one spin on
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: this berg, but we all spin our one spin think
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: about how everyone else thinks we should live our life,
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: and well that that's like the purpose of life. Well
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: for me personally, I don't believe we get one spin.
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: I think I might be on my last spin. But yeah,
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: I'm fully in alignment with the ideology of reincarnation. Yeah,
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: for sure, of course we all have like that. That's
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: that's the point, you know, like I think right now
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: so obnoxious, Oh my god, yeah no, yeah, well, so
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: if we think about like natural law, right, Like to me,
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: that's one of the biggest things that confuses people's souls
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: on earth living in this societal context. It's we believe
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: in natural law only as it relates to plants and
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: animals and sun and moon, But we don't think that
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: those same laws applied to us, like the change, the evolution,
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: that all of the all of the contexts around how
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: nature or exists, right, it's the same with that. So
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: I think that the whole purpose of us being alive
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: is to unlearn things and then you keep coming back
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: like the soul. All right, let me try to unpack
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: this as quickly as possible. Though this would be more
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: like a workshop I would present over the course of
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: a day. Um. You know, I I do feel that
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: I'm in alignment with the fact that God is energy.
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: I don't think of God as a man or as
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: a physical being of any kind. I don't think of heaven.
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: I don't. That's not how I experience spirituality. Yeah, no, dogma, Um.
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: But you know, I think that God wanted to experience himself.
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: If you are one of one, if you are one thing,
• 44:44
  Speaker 1: you don't know. There's no good or bad because there's
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: nothing to compare, anything to write. So I think that
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: God had a longing to experience himself. Thus he created
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: the world. Thus he created all of these little souls,
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: which are you know, pieces of him. We're all just
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: the exact same energy in different forms. That's why each
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: of us have gotten us. That's why each of us,
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: when we choose to can connect to God. You know. Um,
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: But I think we're here because we wanted to experience
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: something we couldn't experience in that energy realm um. And
• 45:16
  Speaker 1: that's why we live a life that is not based
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: or rooted in fairness. I think, you know, we think
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: of life in terms of good or bad. Fair unfair,
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: and that's not natural law. None of those things apply
• 45:29
  Speaker 1: to plants. You know, flower gets picked. It doesn't think
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: god life is so unfair, right like an animal gets
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: eaten by another animal. It's not about how unfair things are.
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: How you know you've got to be a better purse,
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: a better animal and not do that. You know, it's
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: just they're just experience it. And so I say that
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: to say, um, you know, I think I view life
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: in those terms. I view life in the thought process
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: that I'll be back as many times as I need
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: to be back to experience whatever it is that my
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: soul is longing to know. And when I'm done, then
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: i'll know who knows, we don't know, you know, I'll
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: be whatever it is that exists in the realm that
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: I've never experienced before. That's a lot um. I what
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: I would say, This is the only thing that I
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: would say. I would say that. The only place that
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: I sort of differ with you is I do believe
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: that there's something special about humanity. And the reason why
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: I say that is because if you listen to what
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: we're capable of. Um, the animal kingdom is beautiful. No,
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: I'm not saying we're the same as a leaf. By
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: no means do I think that we are like equal
• 46:38
  Speaker 1: to grass. You know, there is something very special and
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: specific about being I think that human with opposable thumbs,
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: you know. I think in that specificity is a beauty
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: that everyone is trying to find. Everyone is trying to recreate, uh,
• 46:55
  Speaker 1: moments that really make them feel amazing about being alive. However,
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: there everyday lives are doing the exact opposite of that.
• 47:07
  Speaker 1: Their everyday lives are shutting them off. And I am
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: a victim of this as well. Um, I go into
• 47:12
  Speaker 1: a job that I don't very much like. Uh, But
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: when I go into that job, to your point, what
• 47:18
  Speaker 1: I try to do every day is connect to people
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: and speak for people who wish they could be talking
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: and and and that gives me, That makes me feel
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: good about that, That makes me feel purposeful about that
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: people that wish that they could say because there's so
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: many people that wish to say listen, they wish that
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: they could talk, They wish that they could say their peace.
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: And I know who they are, how they feeling, where
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: they're from, and I try to be that and represent them,
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: not in a contrived way, but in a very real
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: and inspired way. And also one part of my purpose
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: is not limited myself. Like we're in the off is right,
• 48:01
  Speaker 1: or we're talking and yeah at tim Z and we'll
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: be talking about somebody who won an oscar, and we'll
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: be talking about whether or not the movie deserve the
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: oscar or whatever. The conversations that people have. And I
• 48:11
  Speaker 1: remember there was one specific time where one girl who
• 48:15
  Speaker 1: worked with me goes, well, that's a problem we'll never have.
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: We want we'll never know that. Now, Well, when an
• 48:22
  Speaker 1: oscar is not a big deal in the grand scheme
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: of things, it's a great honor, but it's not a
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: big deal in the grand scheme of things. But just
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: think about it. How could you ever tell yourself what's
• 48:34
  Speaker 1: not going to happen for you? Why are you so
• 48:38
  Speaker 1: acquainted with what it is that you can't do. I
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: don't think like that. I don't know what's going to happen.
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: All I know is that in order to live a
• 48:48
  Speaker 1: full life, I have to believe that anything can happen.
• 48:52
  Speaker 1: I have to believe that it's all possible, or else
• 48:55
  Speaker 1: I start to believe that it's all pointless. Because the
• 49:01
  Speaker 1: optimism is such a luxury for most people, you know,
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: like like the ability to have optimism or hope or
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: even have the level of wokeness that you have, Like,
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: it's not it's so rare for most people based on
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: their life experiences. It's only ingredient. Yeah, that matters, the
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: only thing. But imagine how much work someone in a
• 49:24
  Speaker 1: severe amount of pain has to do to arrive at
• 49:29
  Speaker 1: where you are. I completely understand. I would tell anyone
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: who ever wanted to be anything anything, there's only one
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: thing that fifty cent, Mark Zuckerberg, Barack Obama, can you
• 49:45
  Speaker 1: talking to the mic place like like like it doesn't matter,
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: like Stalin even bad guys like it doesn't. There's only
• 49:53
  Speaker 1: one thing that all of those people had in common.
• 49:56
  Speaker 1: They believed that they could do it. Yeah that like
• 49:59
  Speaker 1: that like that that's the so if you don't have that,
• 50:04
  Speaker 1: you're fucked. So like so it's like if the only
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: thing anyone who's ever been successful, any the only thing
• 50:13
  Speaker 1: that all of these people have. The one thing that
• 50:16
  Speaker 1: Jay Z has in common with Warren Buffett, that Warren
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: Buffett has in common with Walt Disney, who is a Nazi,
• 50:23
  Speaker 1: by the way, that that all that hasn't that has
• 50:26
  Speaker 1: in common with Harriet Tubman with with w E. They
• 50:30
  Speaker 1: believed that they could do this, whatever it is, they
• 50:34
  Speaker 1: believe that they could do it. So not believing that
• 50:37
  Speaker 1: you can do something that you want to do isn't
• 50:41
  Speaker 1: waste of time. Yeah, so in theory, everything you're saying
• 50:46
  Speaker 1: is a hundred accurate. But on a soul level, I
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: mean that is some people's entire life work is to
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: unlearn that feeling of worth of worthlessness that they have
• 50:58
  Speaker 1: for themselves. That's there in higher life stand what they're
• 51:01
  Speaker 1: going to be working. They've been taught that, and they've
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: been because because it's very necessary to make people believe
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: what they can't do in order to have our society
• 51:10
  Speaker 1: functional way it functions, because you need people to listen.
• 51:13
  Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong with any specific job. There's nothing wrong
• 51:17
  Speaker 1: with it. There I know people. One of my one
• 51:20
  Speaker 1: of the happiest person people that I know in the
• 51:23
  Speaker 1: world is a shady treat mechanic, which is people from
• 51:28
  Speaker 1: back home know what I'm talking about. It's a dude
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: who knows how to fix cars, but he doesn't work
• 51:33
  Speaker 1: in a shop. If you need your brake pads right,
• 51:36
  Speaker 1: if you if Devin needs a brave pads done right,
• 51:39
  Speaker 1: You can take your brake pads two pet boys and
• 51:43
  Speaker 1: let pet boys charge you a hundred and fifty some
• 51:46
  Speaker 1: dollars to get your brake paths done. Or you can
• 51:49
  Speaker 1: go buy your brake pads and you can let my
• 51:51
  Speaker 1: homie come over. He'll change your brake pass for thirty
• 51:54
  Speaker 1: dollars and a six pack. He loves his life. He
• 51:57
  Speaker 1: loves working on cars. He he fixes up old cars.
• 52:02
  Speaker 1: He never runs out of work, and never ever runs
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: out of work because he's undercutting these big guys and
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: he's hanging out. He's chilling. He doesn't need other things
• 52:13
  Speaker 1: that we feel like we need, like health insurance. He
• 52:16
  Speaker 1: doesn't feel like like these are dudes that he doesn't
• 52:18
  Speaker 1: care about. He hangs out, he does well. He drives
• 52:22
  Speaker 1: the cars that he builds on the weekend. That dude
• 52:27
  Speaker 1: just didn't buy the bullshit of society. It's a job
• 52:31
  Speaker 1: that I would never want to be a mechanic and
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: have my hands dirty all the time. You know, we
• 52:35
  Speaker 1: were in a wedding together and the dude's hands were dirty.
• 52:40
  Speaker 1: He's like, this is not coming off. But he had
• 52:44
  Speaker 1: to believe that that life was the best life for
• 52:46
  Speaker 1: him and well all all of this wealth. Did y'all
• 52:52
  Speaker 1: hear that? They didn't hear it. It It didn't pick up.
• 52:54
  Speaker 1: Let me tell you something. We're sitting here. It's not
• 52:59
  Speaker 1: getting because people need to understand. This helps people with
• 53:02
  Speaker 1: their purpose because they want Devy got a robot butler.
• 53:07
  Speaker 1: We're sitting here and so and it just with somebody's
• 53:10
  Speaker 1: at the front door. That's off the chain. It's a
• 53:14
  Speaker 1: smart house. It's stuff you can buy on Amazon in anywhere.
• 53:17
  Speaker 1: It's stuff buy on Amazon. And people need to understand,
• 53:22
  Speaker 1: you know what the first purpose, the first thing to
• 53:24
  Speaker 1: believe in that you can have to get in a
• 53:26
  Speaker 1: smart house. It's believing that you can have well, but
• 53:31
  Speaker 1: that and that, like if we're being fully honest with ourselves, right,
• 53:36
  Speaker 1: like everything is bullshit, you know, like everything that we
• 53:40
  Speaker 1: have been trained to believe for the most part, all
• 53:42
  Speaker 1: of our ideas of success, everything is just projections. It's
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: people projecting on us all this unhealed trauma. It's us
• 53:50
  Speaker 1: projecting on them all our unhealed trauma. And it's just
• 53:53
  Speaker 1: this layering and layering and layering of projections that ultimately
• 53:58
  Speaker 1: became the societal construct that keeps the majority of the
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: population stuck and unable to unlearned, unable to let go
• 54:07
  Speaker 1: of things that don't serve them, unable to access the
• 54:10
  Speaker 1: proverbial higher highest version of themselves. You know. Um, I
• 54:15
  Speaker 1: just I don't know. I have a lot of compassion
• 54:18
  Speaker 1: for people in that space because I think for us
• 54:21
  Speaker 1: to be alive in this moment right now is such
• 54:24
  Speaker 1: even though it's difficult, it's such a luxury, Like the
• 54:27
  Speaker 1: idea that someone could even spend time on getting to
• 54:31
  Speaker 1: know themselves or loving themselves right being on a journey
• 54:36
  Speaker 1: like that is only available to us at this exact
• 54:40
  Speaker 1: moment in history, at the mainstream level that it's become available.
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: We have only just begun to have transparent conversations in public,
• 54:48
  Speaker 1: you know, to to be able to not be ashamed
• 54:51
  Speaker 1: of things that have happened to us. Our parents didn't
• 54:53
  Speaker 1: have that luxury, Our grandparents didn't have that luxury. No
• 54:56
  Speaker 1: one else has ever had that luxury, you know. And
• 54:58
  Speaker 1: so I feel like for people that are stuck, because
• 55:02
  Speaker 1: I think when you when you first get into this
• 55:04
  Speaker 1: place of awakness, when you first get into this place
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: of your spiritual journeying and things click for you, it
• 55:12
  Speaker 1: can get frustrating when you're looking at people in your
• 55:14
  Speaker 1: life who aren't growing right in whatever ways. They're not
• 55:17
  Speaker 1: growing emotionally, financial, whatever. You know, we we can get
• 55:21
  Speaker 1: frustrated and we can say but it's so easy just
• 55:23
  Speaker 1: listen to me, or if you just did this, or
• 55:26
  Speaker 1: if you just stop being so afraid, or if you
• 55:29
  Speaker 1: just went for it right, like all of these things
• 55:31
  Speaker 1: that seem so small, um, but like I said earlier,
• 55:34
  Speaker 1: for a lot of people, it is the entire point
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: of them being alive to get to that point. It
• 55:39
  Speaker 1: may not click till they're on their deathbed, or it
• 55:41
  Speaker 1: may never click and they may have to do another
• 55:43
  Speaker 1: trip around the sun to learn it right. But I
• 55:47
  Speaker 1: think ultimately, you know, we have to extend compassion and
• 55:52
  Speaker 1: not be in judgment because it is just it's not
• 55:55
  Speaker 1: for everybody in this life. That is my belief system.
• 55:59
  Speaker 1: Not everybody is meant to be the quote unquote great.
• 56:02
  Speaker 1: Not everybody is meant to be great in this lifetime
• 56:05
  Speaker 1: whatever great means, right, And not everybody has meant to
• 56:09
  Speaker 1: heal in this lifetime. Not everybody has meant for all
• 56:12
  Speaker 1: of these things. So for me, I just stand in
• 56:15
  Speaker 1: a state of gratitude that I am, you know, and
• 56:18
  Speaker 1: and and humble, deeply humble gratitude that I have the
• 56:22
  Speaker 1: opportunity to know how to do better and to have
• 56:26
  Speaker 1: access to the tools to do better. See, that's my thing.
• 56:29
  Speaker 1: It's not the perfect, it's the better. The better is
• 56:32
  Speaker 1: the goal. Told story of my podcast, I'll say it
• 56:35
  Speaker 1: right now. I was working with a trainer. I'm sorry
• 56:37
  Speaker 1: to get a little older, and I was playing basketball
• 56:39
  Speaker 1: pick up basketball, and you know, you get up there
• 56:43
  Speaker 1: and you dumped the ball and then you come down
• 56:44
  Speaker 1: and you're done. Like it's not even the jumping, it's
• 56:47
  Speaker 1: the landing. You're like, damn, my knees and ankles are finished.
• 56:50
  Speaker 1: So I got with a guy and I was like,
• 56:53
  Speaker 1: you know, I never really worked out this way, and
• 56:55
  Speaker 1: I want to see if I can get to do
• 56:57
  Speaker 1: what Daz and the rest of the guys at the gym,
• 57:00
  Speaker 1: Amra and all those guys are doing, like getting playing
• 57:04
  Speaker 1: really above the room and all that stuff like that.
• 57:06
  Speaker 1: And I wanted to be able to jump off two
• 57:08
  Speaker 1: feet in the assis trainer, I said, yo, these exercises
• 57:12
  Speaker 1: they were doing, am I gonna be able to jump
• 57:15
  Speaker 1: off two ft like them? And he said, I don't know.
• 57:17
  Speaker 1: But I know that you'll be a better too for
• 57:19
  Speaker 1: the jumper. And that's a stupid thing to have changed
• 57:22
  Speaker 1: my perception, but it did because really speaks to the
• 57:26
  Speaker 1: point that you just made, and to a point that
• 57:29
  Speaker 1: I'm making, is I realized that it wasn't about me
• 57:32
  Speaker 1: jumping like someone else. It's just about me jumping the
• 57:35
  Speaker 1: best that I can jump, your personal best. It's just
• 57:38
  Speaker 1: it's just about me. It's not even about me jumping
• 57:41
  Speaker 1: the best that I can jump, because I might never
• 57:43
  Speaker 1: jump the best that I canna jump. It's about me
• 57:45
  Speaker 1: just jumping a little bit better than I did yesterday. Well,
• 57:47
  Speaker 1: but that's the best in that moment, right, Like that's
• 57:50
  Speaker 1: the best you're capable of in that moment, right. And
• 57:53
  Speaker 1: so for me, for the rest of the time, I
• 57:55
  Speaker 1: had to look around and go I have to just
• 58:00
  Speaker 1: be connizant. I have to concentrate on doing a little
• 58:07
  Speaker 1: bit better than I did before, and hopefully that's good
• 58:09
  Speaker 1: enough to get whatever it is that I want. Now,
• 58:11
  Speaker 1: what I will say is that people who have become
• 58:14
  Speaker 1: stagnant in their development, it's often oftentimes hard for me
• 58:20
  Speaker 1: to relate to them because I'll ask somebody, what is
• 58:23
  Speaker 1: it that you want, because typically, if I'm being honest,
• 58:28
  Speaker 1: these are the people who have the most complaints about life,
• 58:32
  Speaker 1: and their complaints aren't wrong, their complaints are all valid,
• 58:37
  Speaker 1: but they're just not providing any solutions or accountability for themselves.
• 58:42
  Speaker 1: And I know and I feel the people think that
• 58:50
  Speaker 1: the group of people that I'm most tethered to, that
• 58:53
  Speaker 1: I feel the most kinship to, that I'm the most
• 58:56
  Speaker 1: active for a black people. That's actually not true. I
• 59:01
  Speaker 1: love black people just I'm just the way I grew
• 59:04
  Speaker 1: up culturally. I have a sick love for my people, sick.
• 59:08
  Speaker 1: I just love being black. I remember I said it
• 59:13
  Speaker 1: in the seventh grade teacher was telling us about slavery
• 59:17
  Speaker 1: and about how horrible it was, and I was like,
• 59:19
  Speaker 1: I gotta be honest with you, I still would choose
• 59:21
  Speaker 1: being black. It's just like I love everything about my
• 59:25
  Speaker 1: grandfather and my mother and all those little things that
• 59:28
  Speaker 1: we only get. I just I'm in love with them.
• 59:30
  Speaker 1: But the group that I'm most in the bag for,
• 59:33
  Speaker 1: it's overweight people. Because when I started talking about that,
• 59:38
  Speaker 1: I immediately become overcome with emotion. Because you can't do
• 59:44
  Speaker 1: anything if you don't like what you see in the
• 59:47
  Speaker 1: mirror if you if you like I used to. I
• 59:50
  Speaker 1: used to take showers with the lights off. You know
• 59:53
  Speaker 1: what I'm saying. Like it was bad, It was, it was,
• 59:56
  Speaker 1: it was. It's tough, and you're you're you're you're hoping
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 1: at the jokes don't come. You're hoping. There's a lot
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 1: of people that are listening to this that understand what
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 1: I'm talking about. It is a lot of people thinking, yo,
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 1: he's soft. But the reality is that that's a tough thing, right.
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 1: But what I do know what I know, and this
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 1: is the tough part about it, is that if you can,
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 1: if you consume less calories than you uh, then you
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 1: burn if you consume excuse me, if you burn more
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 1: calories than you consume, you'll lose weight. Will Now, it'll happen.
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 1: It will happen faster for some people, and it will
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 1: happen slower for some others. But it's a fact. So
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 1: the reason because of that, my empathy isn't empty. It's
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 1: I understand what you're going through. I went through it
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 1: for a long time, a long time. Erect my health,
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 1: It funked up with my blood pressure, it did all
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 1: of these things. I get it let's get out of it.
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 1: I am not going for anyone. I am not for
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 1: anybody gonna come to the same dead end over and
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 1: over and over again with you just because you like
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 1: to drive. Either we're driving through this motherfucker, we're taking
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 1: a different route, and and and and and and so
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 1: for me, that's the thing. The thing is, how do
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 1: I kind of put all that together to really let
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 1: people know that I'm on their side and I just
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 1: want better for them if they want better for themselves,
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 1: if you're happy, and there are a lot of people,
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 1: by the way, this is something that's under um articulated.
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 1: There are plenty of people that are flat that that
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 1: are if you're fat, fluffy, a little pudgy, that are
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 1: completely happy with themselves, love themselves. Put the light on
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 1: me all of that, and they don't want to and
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 1: they're living their best life cupcakes, and all actually envy
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 1: them because I couldn't be one of them. For the
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 1: other people, but that wasn't your path. This may just
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 1: be the thing that isn't really important them for them
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 1: to know we're change in this life? Is there? So
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 1: there maybe other ships you know you're saying, you're saying
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 1: that maybe they'll get it right when they come back.
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 1: Then well maybe it won't even be an issue when
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 1: they come back, Like maybe that this is just whatever
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 1: form they needed to take to have the experiences that
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 1: they were supposed to have, you know, just because like
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 1: I like, I just want people to get what they want. Yes,
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 1: like my thing is too when you being in a
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 1: state of compassion for other people, and maybe like the
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 1: limits they put on themselves doesn't mean that they have
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 1: to be a part of your everyday life. Just like
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 1: choosing to forgive somebody doesn't mean you have to have
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 1: them as an active member in your life. You're just
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 1: choosing to be done with whatever suffering you were feeling
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 1: about the experience you had with them. Right, So I'm
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 1: compassionate for everybody, no matter what level of growth they're
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 1: at or what however they're choosing to stunt themselves. But
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 1: it also doesn't mean that I'm going to kick it
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 1: with them all day, like the level of conversations that
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 1: I want to have to feel like a fulfilled human,
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 1: I can't operate with them doing that, right, But I
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 1: can still send them love and I can still not
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 1: be in judgment of them. But it doesn't mean, we're
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 1: kicking it. You know, I don't judge anyone for anything, right,
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 1: but I really that's the only rule that I have
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 1: is yo. Do I love that. I love that you
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 1: share that though about the way stuff because like for me,
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 1: like my my weight has fluctuated my entire life. I've
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 1: had times where I have been skin knee ribs popped
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 1: out like skinny, skinny skinny, and I have had times
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 1: where I've been super on fluff. Right now, I'm just
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 1: kind of in the middle. Um. But when I have
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 1: my baby, I gained sixty five pounds. That was really
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 1: hard for me. A lot of it was Sam, he's big.
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 1: He's big, but I walked to the house. He was like,
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 1: do would never know? But you know? And and I
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 1: felt like people want to have so much um uninvited
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 1: conversation with women who have babies about their bodies, either
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 1: overly trying to tell them, girl, don't worry about losing weight.
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 1: You just enjoy your baby and you just relax. Then
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 1: people say, oh, you need a snap back, you gotta
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 1: start working out, And it's just all of this conversation
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 1: that no one really has the right to have with you.
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 1: But for me and I was talking to my girlfriend
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 1: and she was like, why are you pushing yourself so hard? Like, girl,
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 1: you should just be relaxing. Well, I know myself, I
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 1: know me, and I know that me carrying around this
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 1: much extra weight will plummet me into a space of depression.
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 1: I won't be able to feel like my best self
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 1: one because my body Ethan hurts. Weight add so much
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 1: pressure to your joints. I was walking around after him,
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 1: my hip kept like popping out of place, my knees
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 1: were swollen, my ankles like I was in pain. So
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 1: for me, carrying that weight, no matter how much I
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 1: love myself, did not feel good. And I didn't want
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 1: to feel like that every day. For some people it's
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 1: completely fine. For me, it was not right. And so
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 1: I was like, I need to add minimum drop twenty
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 1: pounds just so I can walk better and feel better
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 1: about looking at myself, so that I can approach everything
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 1: in my life with the same level of enthusiasm and
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 1: joy that I want to approach it, you know, and
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 1: so well people have follow me on Instagram. No, but
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 1: I do keto and I dropped all sixty five pounds
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 1: plus some more, And it wasn't about snapping back. It
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 1: wasn't about people finding me attractive or giving me, you know, kudos.
• 1:05:37
  Speaker 1: It was about I need to do this for me
• 1:05:39
  Speaker 1: because I know myself. I know how I function, I
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 1: know what I'm my highest self, and I know when
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 1: I'm in out of alignment. I want to be in alignment.
• 1:05:47
  Speaker 1: And to be that way, I have to practice joyful discipline,
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 1: right like I have to have an exuberant excitement for
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 1: applying discipline to my life. I think that that's my
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 1: that's my entire life's mantra right there, joyful discipline. It
• 1:06:09
  Speaker 1: is actually fun. I will say this though today is
• 1:06:15
  Speaker 1: my last day as a vegan. I tried it for
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 1: two days. Welcome back to the dark. Said, my head hurts,
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 1: and it is not worth it, like like it is.
• 1:06:26
  Speaker 1: It's just not worth it. Like it's like if everybody's
• 1:06:30
  Speaker 1: like pushed through it, pushed through it. When I say
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 1: my head hurts, my head is banging. How many days
• 1:06:35
  Speaker 1: have you been doing it? Since? Monday? Is the withdrawal
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 1: they say from everything. But I don't think I did
• 1:06:40
  Speaker 1: the right way, so whatever. But when I say joyful discipline,
• 1:06:44
  Speaker 1: like one another thing that people have to understand because
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 1: we're taught to be in uh in a society where
• 1:06:51
  Speaker 1: we consume so much, is that saying no it can
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 1: be as pleasurable as saying yes, Yeah, I love it,
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 1: and and like and and like like saying no can
• 1:07:02
  Speaker 1: be as fulfilling as indulging. Like when I when I
• 1:07:07
  Speaker 1: see a lot of people like really going hand, like
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 1: we were just on vacation, and we all on a vacation,
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 1: we like this, what did you do? But like when
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 1: I see a lot of people indulging into something, and
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 1: I know I'm not doing something that's going to make
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 1: me feel bad, that makes me happy. I know I'm
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 1: avoiding something that's gonna feel bad. You don't feel like
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 1: you're lacking something. You don't feel like you're missing out
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 1: on things like that's typically you view limiting certain things
• 1:07:32
  Speaker 1: from your diet as a punishment instead of looking at
• 1:07:36
  Speaker 1: us like, I'm joyfully disciplined for the results. That was
• 1:07:41
  Speaker 1: big for me because I used to really resent having
• 1:07:45
  Speaker 1: discipline in my personal life because I was so regimented
• 1:07:48
  Speaker 1: for like working career, and I felt like, dang, I
• 1:07:51
  Speaker 1: do all of this and I'm such a good person,
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 1: Like why am I punishing myself? You know, it was
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 1: really hard for me to maintain discipline for my body
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 1: and my health in my personal life. And as soon
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 1: as I heard the term joyful discipline and I put
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 1: those two things together, it completely shifted my perspective and
• 1:08:12
  Speaker 1: and changed like a light switch, changed everything how I
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 1: viewed it, and I was able to say, like, oh wow,
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 1: like I'm making these choices to reward myself to feel
• 1:08:24
  Speaker 1: like the best version of me. And it's not always easy.
• 1:08:26
  Speaker 1: You have to be able to see how something is
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 1: affecting you negatively, and that takes a little soul searching too.
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 1: You have to sometimes it's not always easy to see
• 1:08:34
  Speaker 1: when something's burning you or when you can be without something.
• 1:08:37
  Speaker 1: But everything is a process. It's all a process. And
• 1:08:40
  Speaker 1: you know, I wanna I wanna talk about an origin
• 1:08:44
  Speaker 1: story really quick, okay, because you have a movie to
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 1: go to, but I have things I want to say,
• 1:08:52
  Speaker 1: So I want to talk about how we met. We
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 1: have a mutual best friend, Charlemagne, the god leonard Um
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 1: And it's so funny, man, because I did not this
• 1:09:04
  Speaker 1: was probably I mean, this is some years ago, so
• 1:09:06
  Speaker 1: I was probably just in a more judgy phase than
• 1:09:08
  Speaker 1: I am now. But I did not think that I
• 1:09:10
  Speaker 1: was going to dig you interesting? Why not? I thought
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 1: you were really like stuck up, Okay, but you're not
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 1: at all. But it was interesting because like at that time,
• 1:09:22
  Speaker 1: so anybody that heard my episode with Charlemagne or read
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 1: his first book. We've been friends for a long time,
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 1: but specifically like I was his l A connect Born
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 1: and raised in l A. We would crash on each
• 1:09:34
  Speaker 1: other's couches. He would always crash with me in my
• 1:09:36
  Speaker 1: little studio apartment, um, and when I went to New York,
• 1:09:40
  Speaker 1: I would do the same. So whenever he came here,
• 1:09:43
  Speaker 1: there was not a moment he was step in the
• 1:09:45
  Speaker 1: city that I was not. We weren't next to each other, right,
• 1:09:49
  Speaker 1: And then I moved away and I happened to be
• 1:09:52
  Speaker 1: in l A. I think I was here for like
• 1:09:55
  Speaker 1: a press junket. I was screening a movie, interviewing the cast.
• 1:10:00
  Speaker 1: I meet up with him for dinner and then you're
• 1:10:01
  Speaker 1: there and I'm like, who's this guy? And you're like
• 1:10:04
  Speaker 1: this new bestie that I hadn't heard of, and I'm like,
• 1:10:06
  Speaker 1: who is he? Right? And you were so rude, yo,
• 1:10:13
  Speaker 1: like you just wanted to have like one on one
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 1: time with Charlottagne. You were You were irritated that I
• 1:10:17
  Speaker 1: was there, just like I was irritated you were there.
• 1:10:20
  Speaker 1: So you were like not conversing with me. I would
• 1:10:23
  Speaker 1: like try to add a little point in and you're
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 1: just like, yeah, well, this is a real problem with America,
• 1:10:30
  Speaker 1: and like you were just like doing you know what
• 1:10:31
  Speaker 1: I was doing the thing I was talking about earlier.
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 1: I was in a situation why I wasn't. I didn't
• 1:10:38
  Speaker 1: really know a lot of people, and what I was
• 1:10:40
  Speaker 1: doing in that situation was making sure that people that
• 1:10:45
  Speaker 1: I definitely knew you were smart as well I was.
• 1:10:48
  Speaker 1: But also he put you around so many people that
• 1:10:52
  Speaker 1: you don't know, and he knows all of them. Yeah,
• 1:10:57
  Speaker 1: so they fall right into their own rhythm and who's
• 1:11:01
  Speaker 1: gonna pass me the ball? So so, so and so,
• 1:11:05
  Speaker 1: and in a lot of ways, it was just like
• 1:11:08
  Speaker 1: being back in the old situation again, not that there
• 1:11:11
  Speaker 1: was well, yeah, you just don't want to fit like
• 1:11:14
  Speaker 1: you're sitting there, you know, and you're sitting there with everybody,
• 1:11:18
  Speaker 1: and you never know. One day we had dinner and
• 1:11:21
  Speaker 1: justin timber Lay came to the you know what I'm saying.
• 1:11:23
  Speaker 1: So it's like, so It's like that was so funny. Yeah,
• 1:11:26
  Speaker 1: it was random. And so were we were at the
• 1:11:29
  Speaker 1: Beverly Hills. What's that hotel on Will shirts like it
• 1:11:34
  Speaker 1: was in Pretty Woman. We were at that hotel? How
• 1:11:35
  Speaker 1: many Yeah that cut right? Um, yeah, at the at
• 1:11:39
  Speaker 1: the Beverly willshirt And so you you never know. And
• 1:11:41
  Speaker 1: so in that situation, especially for me, like you're around
• 1:11:46
  Speaker 1: these people and he doesn't do anything better than he
• 1:11:49
  Speaker 1: just talks somebody up. He talks somebody up so amazingly.
• 1:11:56
  Speaker 1: He's like, yo, uh home girl be about to come,
• 1:12:01
  Speaker 1: super dope. You're gonna love her. This is what Devy
• 1:12:03
  Speaker 1: has done. Blah blah blah blah blah. And so when
• 1:12:06
  Speaker 1: you get there, you go, oh, Ship, I need to
• 1:12:07
  Speaker 1: know Debbie Deviie is somebody who I need to be
• 1:12:09
  Speaker 1: cool with. Let me make sure that DeBie knows. And
• 1:12:13
  Speaker 1: I'm with the Ship and blah blah. You know what
• 1:12:14
  Speaker 1: I'm saying, and you and you end up doing that. Oh,
• 1:12:17
  Speaker 1: this is my man Chip, the funniest writer in the world.
• 1:12:20
  Speaker 1: It is my man CP. It's all of these people
• 1:12:22
  Speaker 1: that are around and blah blah blah blah. Only person
• 1:12:24
  Speaker 1: doesn't do that with his wax, but like like like
• 1:12:27
  Speaker 1: but everybody's around. So that was me doing that and
• 1:12:30
  Speaker 1: so like shout out to child. I mean, he's such
• 1:12:32
  Speaker 1: an incredible friend because he really is amazing for stuff
• 1:12:35
  Speaker 1: like that, like he's the biggest advocate of his people. Like,
• 1:12:39
  Speaker 1: but then I would see you over the years, every
• 1:12:42
  Speaker 1: time i'd be in l A and he'd be in
• 1:12:44
  Speaker 1: l A. Every time you would act like you didn't
• 1:12:46
  Speaker 1: remember me. Like I'd be like, oh, Hi, nice to
• 1:12:48
  Speaker 1: see you again. He'd be like what up. I'd be
• 1:12:53
  Speaker 1: like yo, like I was, I was ready to catch
• 1:12:56
  Speaker 1: Faithe like, listen, my dude, Like you cool, but I'm
• 1:13:00
  Speaker 1: bad with that though. Yeah. That was extra. So then
• 1:13:03
  Speaker 1: I wrote you off completely and so like we were
• 1:13:06
  Speaker 1: we were somewhere else and I was like, oh no,
• 1:13:08
  Speaker 1: there's Van yeah the other way. Um. And then a
• 1:13:11
  Speaker 1: couple of years ago we ended up at the et together.
• 1:13:16
  Speaker 1: We were at Charlemagne was doing an experience, the one
• 1:13:20
  Speaker 1: of the BT experiences, and the first time I met
• 1:13:24
  Speaker 1: Yes Yeah and Sa Ray too, and it was it
• 1:13:29
  Speaker 1: was just a beautiful, beautiful day, and so we were
• 1:13:33
  Speaker 1: backstage and then we ended up next to each other
• 1:13:35
  Speaker 1: and I was not going to deal with you. Not
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 1: in a judgmental way, but I was just like, well,
• 1:13:40
  Speaker 1: you know, this guy's in his own world. I'm not
• 1:13:42
  Speaker 1: going to give it no energy. Yeah. I was a
• 1:13:44
  Speaker 1: little more involved by then, but I'm just like, you know,
• 1:13:46
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm gonna exert my energy for people. You
• 1:13:50
  Speaker 1: know that I can have good conversation with um. And
• 1:13:53
  Speaker 1: so we ended up we wanted to see the AVA talk,
• 1:13:57
  Speaker 1: so we left backstage and we just ended up walking together.
• 1:14:01
  Speaker 1: Somehow that turned into me and you spending hours together
• 1:14:05
  Speaker 1: that day. Like we left the convention center downtown l A.
• 1:14:09
  Speaker 1: And then we just started walking the streets and then
• 1:14:12
  Speaker 1: we I was like, oh, you want me to give
• 1:14:14
  Speaker 1: you a ride home? So you hopped in my car
• 1:14:15
  Speaker 1: and then we sat in the car for hours, talking
• 1:14:19
  Speaker 1: about everything under the sun. And we've been thick as
• 1:14:22
  Speaker 1: thieves ever since. And I'm like, oh, I love man.
• 1:14:24
  Speaker 1: He's an amazing friend, great guy, UM. And you know
• 1:14:28
  Speaker 1: now we're a part of each other's lives and I
• 1:14:29
  Speaker 1: think you're amazing, UM. But you know what happened. We
• 1:14:32
  Speaker 1: had a conversation when no one was watching, So I
• 1:14:36
  Speaker 1: mean I probably didn't matter for you as much because
• 1:14:38
  Speaker 1: you're probably much more secure person than I was. But
• 1:14:41
  Speaker 1: that conversation was and I'm even a different person now
• 1:14:45
  Speaker 1: than I was then, but that conversation was death. We
• 1:14:48
  Speaker 1: were talking about relationships and humanity, and there was vulnerability
• 1:14:54
  Speaker 1: in that conversation, and there was connection in that conversation.
• 1:14:58
  Speaker 1: And I remember even calling him and be like, oh, man, like,
• 1:15:03
  Speaker 1: is Deavy like a therapist? And and and he was like,
• 1:15:07
  Speaker 1: he was like, she got you high. I was like, yo,
• 1:15:10
  Speaker 1: she just like she was just relating in a real
• 1:15:12
  Speaker 1: human way. But it was it was the kind of
• 1:15:14
  Speaker 1: connection that happens when I'm not at dinner trying to
• 1:15:19
  Speaker 1: impress my homeboys or trying to impress other people that
• 1:15:23
  Speaker 1: I don't know, thinking is that in some industry ship, which,
• 1:15:26
  Speaker 1: by the way, that was on me. It never really
• 1:15:28
  Speaker 1: was like that. Everybody would just be chilling and and
• 1:15:31
  Speaker 1: and and really since those situations now where we all together,
• 1:15:35
  Speaker 1: it's all everybody just chilling. That's the last place you
• 1:15:37
  Speaker 1: should be thinking about something like that. But that's what
• 1:15:40
  Speaker 1: I was on. Yeah, yeah, you know what I'm saying,
• 1:15:42
  Speaker 1: like and so like it was it was just like
• 1:15:48
  Speaker 1: a like like a like a whole deal and it
• 1:15:50
  Speaker 1: was really getting to know somebody, you know. I remember
• 1:15:55
  Speaker 1: even when we were walking around, um like uh the
• 1:16:01
  Speaker 1: BT thing and people kept like saying, there's a guy
• 1:16:05
  Speaker 1: from tm and it was just like it was it
• 1:16:07
  Speaker 1: was like for me because we were walking out of
• 1:16:10
  Speaker 1: here and I said to you, I actually said, I
• 1:16:12
  Speaker 1: don't know if you remember this. I said, this is
• 1:16:15
  Speaker 1: about to be a nightmare. Yeah, and I And it's
• 1:16:18
  Speaker 1: so funny because I knew. I knew that you worked
• 1:16:21
  Speaker 1: in entertainment obviously, right like I knew you were a
• 1:16:23
  Speaker 1: part of TMZ, but I had never seen the show
• 1:16:27
  Speaker 1: because you know, just in this in this moment of
• 1:16:29
  Speaker 1: my growth, um, which was also I talked about a
• 1:16:32
  Speaker 1: lot of struggle with me continuing to work in radio
• 1:16:35
  Speaker 1: is I got so sick of having to come up
• 1:16:38
  Speaker 1: with judgments and opinions about people, you know, And so
• 1:16:42
  Speaker 1: I was I hate that, Yeah, I don't like like
• 1:16:47
  Speaker 1: it's truly what really made me have to lend yourself
• 1:16:50
  Speaker 1: the same negative things, always have to think about something
• 1:16:53
  Speaker 1: to say about somebody. If you notice, I like I've
• 1:16:56
  Speaker 1: refrained on it. I hate that not only doing not
• 1:17:00
  Speaker 1: only do I not care about some of these people's lives,
• 1:17:02
  Speaker 1: at all. I wish you the best, actually, like you
• 1:17:07
  Speaker 1: don't have nothing, I swear if there's not one. If
• 1:17:11
  Speaker 1: there's one takeaway that we've talked that you take away
• 1:17:15
  Speaker 1: from this brilliant conversation, is that I wish you the best.
• 1:17:22
  Speaker 1: If you got caught with, if you if you got
• 1:17:24
  Speaker 1: a d U, I I wish you the best, if
• 1:17:26
  Speaker 1: you bought a new house, I wish you the best.
• 1:17:28
  Speaker 1: Any fucking dumbass story that ends up, I wish you
• 1:17:31
  Speaker 1: the best. Man I like, I like like, I don't
• 1:17:34
  Speaker 1: even I don't even care to have an opinion, and
• 1:17:38
  Speaker 1: if I have an opinion, it's all up, Like if I,
• 1:17:44
  Speaker 1: if I am I. There used to be a point
• 1:17:46
  Speaker 1: where I would sit and be on the show and
• 1:17:48
  Speaker 1: say pithy things all the time and get a yuck
• 1:17:51
  Speaker 1: up and get it, get get a happy. And then
• 1:17:53
  Speaker 1: you at some place and you see somebody getting out
• 1:17:56
  Speaker 1: of the car um with their kid, and you just
• 1:18:00
  Speaker 1: kick their back in a week before or even now
• 1:18:02
  Speaker 1: even keep them back in or had an opinion about
• 1:18:04
  Speaker 1: their life, and it's just wild to me. I don't
• 1:18:08
  Speaker 1: I really don't like that. I don't want to be
• 1:18:09
  Speaker 1: in judgment of people like I I just don't have
• 1:18:13
  Speaker 1: too much compassion. Yeah, even if you're up, I hope
• 1:18:17
  Speaker 1: you get out of it. Yeah yeah, right, even honestly,
• 1:18:22
  Speaker 1: where where my emotional growth is at this moment, It's like,
• 1:18:26
  Speaker 1: even if you try to cause me harm or wish
• 1:18:29
  Speaker 1: harm on me, I wish you love. Like, not only
• 1:18:32
  Speaker 1: do I wish you love, I wish you wholeness and
• 1:18:35
  Speaker 1: I wish you healing. I wish you depth of self,
• 1:18:38
  Speaker 1: you know, because if you had access to all those
• 1:18:41
  Speaker 1: things you want to be doing this. So there's compassion
• 1:18:44
  Speaker 1: for the fact that you don't have it right now,
• 1:18:47
  Speaker 1: you know. But so I say all that to say, I,
• 1:18:51
  Speaker 1: uh so I knew obviously that people knew who you were,
• 1:18:55
  Speaker 1: but I didn't know no. Right, we walked outside, yo,
• 1:19:02
  Speaker 1: like you were mobbed and people and this is like
• 1:19:05
  Speaker 1: before the Kanye thing, this a few years before, and
• 1:19:08
  Speaker 1: I mean people were so excited. And I actually brought
• 1:19:12
  Speaker 1: this up to you recently. Is it okay if I
• 1:19:14
  Speaker 1: talk about a conversation we had on the phone. So
• 1:19:18
  Speaker 1: I like to give you a hard time on text, right,
• 1:19:20
  Speaker 1: Like sometimes I just throw darts at you, you know,
• 1:19:23
  Speaker 1: because I just I want to see what like really cerebral,
• 1:19:26
  Speaker 1: brilliant response You're going to have back, right, so I'll
• 1:19:28
  Speaker 1: give you a hard time. So I had sent you
• 1:19:31
  Speaker 1: something like randomly out of the blue, I'll just text
• 1:19:34
  Speaker 1: Van and be like shaking my head and it'd be
• 1:19:37
  Speaker 1: like what what. I'll just be like and then I'll
• 1:19:39
  Speaker 1: put like, you know, some emoji and I'll be like,
• 1:19:41
  Speaker 1: you know, you'd be like what. And so then you
• 1:19:44
  Speaker 1: actually called me, and I was gonna be like, jazz kidding,
• 1:19:48
  Speaker 1: ha ha, and you were like, um, listen to have like,
• 1:19:51
  Speaker 1: I'm going through a hard time right now. I don't
• 1:19:54
  Speaker 1: need this, Like what what did I do? What are
• 1:19:57
  Speaker 1: you mad about? Was particularly bad bout a way, And
• 1:20:00
  Speaker 1: then I felt awful because I was like, oh, I
• 1:20:02
  Speaker 1: was just kidding. But then I was like, well, what's
• 1:20:05
  Speaker 1: going on? You know? And you know, you had just
• 1:20:09
  Speaker 1: kind of shared like some conflict you were feeling about
• 1:20:12
  Speaker 1: really everything. We just talked about about being a big
• 1:20:15
  Speaker 1: figure in the world of entertainment but wanting like the
• 1:20:20
  Speaker 1: best for people and having a hard time reconciling those
• 1:20:24
  Speaker 1: two roles, like am I fully standing in my purpose?
• 1:20:28
  Speaker 1: If I you know, I'm working for one of the
• 1:20:31
  Speaker 1: biggest celebrity driven businesses in the world and if I'm
• 1:20:36
  Speaker 1: participating in some salacious canter or you know, judgments or
• 1:20:41
  Speaker 1: perceived judgments of people. And I remember I told you
• 1:20:45
  Speaker 1: that day, like, yeah, you know there, it's the end
• 1:20:48
  Speaker 1: in the yang. It's the dark in the light in
• 1:20:50
  Speaker 1: the light in the dark. But you are serving such
• 1:20:52
  Speaker 1: a bigger purpose because when I see people receive you
• 1:20:56
  Speaker 1: right like even then, which was so far removed from
• 1:21:00
  Speaker 1: of the brilliant like commentary that you have been giving
• 1:21:03
  Speaker 1: and some of the amazing opportunities you're giving people on
• 1:21:07
  Speaker 1: your platform, I was like, people saw you and had hope.
• 1:21:11
  Speaker 1: And every single person that saw you, every single person,
• 1:21:15
  Speaker 1: every black person, was like, man, man, you speak for me, Like,
• 1:21:23
  Speaker 1: oh man, keep holding it down for us, Like everybody
• 1:21:27
  Speaker 1: said that. And I'm like, then, like, you are being
• 1:21:30
  Speaker 1: so hard on yourself for what you're perceiving, that you're
• 1:21:32
  Speaker 1: not doing enough of that you're not appreciating who you've
• 1:21:37
  Speaker 1: been in the world for so many people. Yeah, And
• 1:21:40
  Speaker 1: I appreciate those words, and I really need to hear them.
• 1:21:44
  Speaker 1: And that's why I'll tell people all the time, Man,
• 1:21:48
  Speaker 1: don't hold the ship in because your angels don't know
• 1:21:50
  Speaker 1: when to talk to you, like I really need to
• 1:21:52
  Speaker 1: hear them, like like that was a particularly tough day
• 1:21:57
  Speaker 1: to where I was like, like, you just wanna you
• 1:22:04
  Speaker 1: want to be on the right side of things, and
• 1:22:05
  Speaker 1: I just was like I'm not. I was. I was
• 1:22:08
  Speaker 1: really like I can't, I can't, like I don't, you
• 1:22:10
  Speaker 1: know whatever, And I needed to hear what you had
• 1:22:13
  Speaker 1: to say. So when when when? Because I remember exactly
• 1:22:18
  Speaker 1: what it was that you that that that you said,
• 1:22:20
  Speaker 1: because you had this little running joke where you would
• 1:22:22
  Speaker 1: see me since the Kanye thing and you'd be like
• 1:22:25
  Speaker 1: you've changed and a hole. No, but that was you
• 1:22:31
  Speaker 1: didn't to me a couple of times. One time you
• 1:22:33
  Speaker 1: did it. It was comic genius because one time we
• 1:22:36
  Speaker 1: saw we saw each other at the screening. It was
• 1:22:39
  Speaker 1: the screening for us. It was a room of black excellence,
• 1:22:42
  Speaker 1: Like that was one of the most John Legend, Ryan Coogler, everybody,
• 1:22:48
  Speaker 1: it was ross. Everybody was in there right And I
• 1:22:52
  Speaker 1: came over and I was talking to you, and then
• 1:22:55
  Speaker 1: I actually did kind of pull a Hollywood move because
• 1:22:57
  Speaker 1: somebody started talking to me. I turned around, like, yo, man,
• 1:23:00
  Speaker 1: how's it going. Good to see you? And you looked
• 1:23:02
  Speaker 1: at me and you went you just you kind of
• 1:23:04
  Speaker 1: cut your eyes and you you looked into my eyes
• 1:23:06
  Speaker 1: like you were searching, and You're like you're different, you
• 1:23:13
  Speaker 1: You've changed and like, and I was like, it was
• 1:23:17
  Speaker 1: so weird because I felt so convicted because I was like, yo,
• 1:23:21
  Speaker 1: she just peep that Hollywood bullshit hello that I gave
• 1:23:25
  Speaker 1: that guy. And then then we saw you saw me.
• 1:23:28
  Speaker 1: It was very fair. And then you saw me again
• 1:23:30
  Speaker 1: at Elliot's thing and shout saw me get an Elliot's thing,
• 1:23:35
  Speaker 1: and you saw me and I did something else and
• 1:23:38
  Speaker 1: you went yep a one point. I'm like, yo, I
• 1:23:42
  Speaker 1: don't want to hear that ship no more. And then
• 1:23:44
  Speaker 1: I think whatever the text was, you said it again
• 1:23:47
  Speaker 1: and I was like yo, like but I wasn't mad.
• 1:23:53
  Speaker 1: I was just like, it was like, Yo, damn, I'm
• 1:23:56
  Speaker 1: sucked up right now. I gotta go, man, Yeah, you
• 1:24:00
  Speaker 1: do have to go. Um. What was the last thing
• 1:24:02
  Speaker 1: that I wanted to say? Okay, final thoughts? Um. Something
• 1:24:11
  Speaker 1: I really loved about the Kanye situation. To me, it
• 1:24:16
  Speaker 1: fully represents when preparation meets opportunity like that. And I
• 1:24:21
  Speaker 1: remember we talked about it soon after it and you
• 1:24:23
  Speaker 1: were like, yo, I went off in the matrix, like
• 1:24:25
  Speaker 1: I feel like I just jumped like light years ahead.
• 1:24:30
  Speaker 1: But who you are right now, the person that is
• 1:24:33
  Speaker 1: beloved and wildly celebrated, that's who you've been, right. But
• 1:24:38
  Speaker 1: it was the right opportunity that got even more eyes
• 1:24:41
  Speaker 1: on you, that allowed you to be your authentic self
• 1:24:43
  Speaker 1: in an even bigger way. And I think, like that
• 1:24:46
  Speaker 1: piece of it, to me is something I find really
• 1:24:48
  Speaker 1: really inspiring about your journey because that moment obviously, I
• 1:24:52
  Speaker 1: mean catapulted you into new households, um but that's who
• 1:24:58
  Speaker 1: you are, and all of of work you did to
• 1:25:00
  Speaker 1: get to that point, even in the pain, right, even
• 1:25:03
  Speaker 1: when you were you know, a little overweight, and your
• 1:25:07
  Speaker 1: knowledge was a tool for you to hide yourself, right
• 1:25:10
  Speaker 1: or a tool for you to shine when you felt unseen.
• 1:25:14
  Speaker 1: Then you've done the self work and practice the joyful discipline,
• 1:25:18
  Speaker 1: and you arrive at this moment in time where one
• 1:25:21
  Speaker 1: of the biggest superstars in the world is getting a
• 1:25:25
  Speaker 1: real dose of reality for you and you're getting in
• 1:25:28
  Speaker 1: front of all these people. But all the work you
• 1:25:30
  Speaker 1: did allowed you to be who you are in this
• 1:25:33
  Speaker 1: moment right and allowed you to get all of the
• 1:25:36
  Speaker 1: opportunity the book deals the screenwriting, like all of the
• 1:25:40
  Speaker 1: things that you are ready were you know, So it's
• 1:25:43
  Speaker 1: like not. And I think it's so important for people
• 1:25:45
  Speaker 1: to really realize this, especially when they're searching for purpose.
• 1:25:49
  Speaker 1: It is not the audience that makes you valuable. It's
• 1:25:52
  Speaker 1: not the audience that gives you worth. That is not
• 1:25:54
  Speaker 1: the thing that you should be seeking. You should be
• 1:25:56
  Speaker 1: fine tuning yourselves at all times the time. And then Adelgia, Yeah,
• 1:26:00
  Speaker 1: because you don't know when when a you know, Kanye
• 1:26:04
  Speaker 1: West is going to walk into the room and and
• 1:26:07
  Speaker 1: put all of these new eyes on you. And if
• 1:26:09
  Speaker 1: you're not ready, if your character is not built, you
• 1:26:13
  Speaker 1: will f off the opportunity. Be ready when it's your
• 1:26:16
  Speaker 1: time the rap. Yeah, like where your bar is at, Like, yeah,
• 1:26:20
  Speaker 1: would be when it's when it's your time the rap,
• 1:26:23
  Speaker 1: be ready. And that's the that's the one thing that
• 1:26:28
  Speaker 1: you can control. Man, it's people that's waiting for that moment.
• 1:26:32
  Speaker 1: Sometimes it comes early, sometimes it comes late. Scary thing
• 1:26:36
  Speaker 1: is sometimes it never comes. Sometimes you gotta make it happen.
• 1:26:39
  Speaker 1: Sometimes you gotta sometimes you gotta kick the door down.
• 1:26:42
  Speaker 1: But just be ready in that situation. It's like I
• 1:26:46
  Speaker 1: was just actually really just reacting, really like in one
• 1:26:51
  Speaker 1: million percent sincerity, I was just reacting. So I like
• 1:26:54
  Speaker 1: to think that life got me ready, but there's so
• 1:26:56
  Speaker 1: many other times and people's careers and people's lives like boom,
• 1:27:00
  Speaker 1: you got one shot, what you got and just just
• 1:27:04
  Speaker 1: trying to be as uh as as good as your
• 1:27:07
  Speaker 1: talent in any in any spot that you're in, and
• 1:27:10
  Speaker 1: find find your superpowers, find your gifts, like even the
• 1:27:12
  Speaker 1: things that aren't celebrated. People think that gifts have to
• 1:27:15
  Speaker 1: be some large grand gesture, Like just because you don't
• 1:27:18
  Speaker 1: know how to you know, play basketball whatever, Um, doesn't
• 1:27:23
  Speaker 1: mean that you don't have these like little easter eggs
• 1:27:25
  Speaker 1: and you that are that are the defining things that
• 1:27:27
  Speaker 1: set you apart um or that give you even more
• 1:27:30
  Speaker 1: reaching ability to be of service to people. That's work.
• 1:27:34
  Speaker 1: I mean, let yeah, Like for me, for me, it
• 1:27:37
  Speaker 1: was it was really about understanding that some of the
• 1:27:41
  Speaker 1: flaws that I had were actually hitting blessings and sort
• 1:27:44
  Speaker 1: of just leaning into the fact um that everything that's
• 1:27:51
  Speaker 1: made you is a part of you. And um, you
• 1:27:57
  Speaker 1: gotta like you got to embrace the negative sometimes you
• 1:28:02
  Speaker 1: gotta you gotta embrace them because you're going. We all
• 1:28:06
  Speaker 1: have a shadow. And as soon as you can lean
• 1:28:08
  Speaker 1: into the fact that there is absolutely, in no way,
• 1:28:11
  Speaker 1: shape or form, anything that is perfect on this earth.
• 1:28:15
  Speaker 1: As soon as you understand what the real flow of
• 1:28:18
  Speaker 1: life is supposed to be, It's meant to be lived uncomfortably,
• 1:28:21
  Speaker 1: it's meant to be in a constant search seeking answers
• 1:28:26
  Speaker 1: to things. The better off you'll be, like, the more
• 1:28:28
  Speaker 1: piece you'll have instantly, because you will never be perfect.
• 1:28:31
  Speaker 1: The goal is just to be whole, whatever that is.
• 1:28:37
  Speaker 1: Challenge yourself, man, all right, you gotta go. You have
• 1:28:39
  Speaker 1: a really fancy, beautiful watch on. I want to shout
• 1:28:41
  Speaker 1: out that wealth. Um, you know it's gorgeous. Real quick,
• 1:28:50
  Speaker 1: I want to shout out my girl, Carly Hustle for
• 1:28:53
  Speaker 1: a moment. And if you are not up on Carly,
• 1:28:55
  Speaker 1: you need to follow her right now the Carly Hustle
• 1:28:58
  Speaker 1: on Instagram and check her podcast called Brutally Honest. She
• 1:29:03
  Speaker 1: is just one of the most phenomenal women that I've
• 1:29:07
  Speaker 1: ever known or witnessed, and she is so brave. Right now,
• 1:29:11
  Speaker 1: she's battling cancer and winning and sharing what she affectionately
• 1:29:17
  Speaker 1: calls cancer content. And when I tell you some of
• 1:29:21
  Speaker 1: the stuff that she shares and and the ways and
• 1:29:23
  Speaker 1: what she shares herself are so life changing. Um, she's
• 1:29:28
  Speaker 1: changing my life. Everything that she chooses to share with
• 1:29:32
  Speaker 1: us or show of herself is changing my life in
• 1:29:34
  Speaker 1: every moment, and it's really making me reevaluate myself and
• 1:29:38
  Speaker 1: reevaluate my opinions and my thoughts and it is. It's
• 1:29:43
  Speaker 1: just absolutely beautiful her standing and her authentic self and
• 1:29:49
  Speaker 1: being exactly who she is on purpose and out loud.
• 1:29:52
  Speaker 1: And I just highly recommend you guys check her out
• 1:29:55
  Speaker 1: because she's a ship. So that's it. Thank you for
• 1:29:57
  Speaker 1: listening to the show. Van, I love you, I love
• 1:29:59
  Speaker 1: you to sister, give me a all right, all right,
• 1:30:07
  Speaker 1: big thank you for listening to this episode of the
• 1:30:09
  Speaker 1: Dropping Gyms podcast. This show is executive produced by Adrian
• 1:30:13
  Speaker 1: Scott and me Debbie Brown. Our theme music was created
• 1:30:16
  Speaker 1: by producer Day One, and the poem that you heard
• 1:30:19
  Speaker 1: at the beginning of the show, well that was created
• 1:30:21
  Speaker 1: especially for us by award winning poet and Nambieca for
• 1:30:24
  Speaker 1: If you have a quick moment right now, please hit
• 1:30:26
  Speaker 1: subscribe on the show and if you like what you heard,
• 1:30:29
  Speaker 1: take it a step further and give us a five
• 1:30:31
  Speaker 1: star rating. Until next time you connect with me on
• 1:30:34
  Speaker 1: I g at Debbie Brown or my website Debbie brown
• 1:30:37
  Speaker 1: dot com. Be blessed,