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When a "Perfect" Job Makes You Miserable · Happen To Your Career - Meaningful Work, Career Change, Career Design, & Job Search

• 0:00
  I knew I had a job that allowed me to do the things that were important to me. So why was I so unhappy? I could not point it out.
• 0:12
  There's a fascinating career paradox that we've seen trap countless high performers. And whether your soul feels crushed despite having a perfect job on paper, or whether you have a great situation but you feel guilty for secretly wanting more, you've probably experienced this. The breakthrough here isn't finding a better version of what you have, but redefining what better actually means for you.
• 0:42
  So I had a long list of things that I didn't want to, but when I looked into things that I wanted to, they were all very vague. I wanted flexibility. I want a work-life balance. I want to be well paid. I wanted to be recognized for my talents. But what does work-life balance look like?
• 1:09
  What does that even mean, right?
• 1:11
  What does that mean?
• 1:13
  That's Vivi, who spent 12 years at the same financial services company, creating five different roles for herself as she identified needs within the organization and progressed to each one. From the outside, she had it all– a good salary, supportive colleagues, and the flexibility to visit her family in Brazil every year. But as time passed, she found that her creativity was increasingly stifled, and micromanagement was popping up everywhere. In a moment, you're going to hear my conversation with Viv,i and I want you to pay attention to her approach to career change. She didn't just jump to another job out of desperation. Instead, she paused to understand her strengths, what truly energized her and what she really actually wanted. We got to see this firsthand as we worked with her, and she transformed her vague wishes like more flexibility and better work-life balance, into very specific targets that aligned with her values, what she wanted the most, and her signature strengths. Today, Vivi works as a client service associate where her creativity and independence are celebrated. Here she is going back to where her career first began.
• 2:25
  Before I moved to the US, I felt that, professionally speaking, I knew what I would be doing for the rest of my life. Since a very young age, I knew I wanted to be a teacher, and I cannot express how much joy it would bring to me having those conversations where I would get something that was very complex for my friends in school, and help them to visualize in an easier way. And that was always something that was so natural to me. So when it came to my time to decide that I really needed to find a profession, I wanted to be a teacher. And that was my path through college. That's what I did. And I became a teacher. And I was a teacher in Brazil for 10 years, and I absolutely loved everything about it. So when I came here...
• 3:29
  In the first place, what caused you to say, "Hey, I'm going to the US."
• 3:33
  My husband. So I met my husband in Brazil. He has dual citizenship. He's from an American family, but he was born here in the US. His family used to live in Brazil, and that's why he has, actually has recent citizenship. It's a long story, but anyway, so we met in Brazil. I was an English teacher there, and we met in a conference for English teachers, and after living in Brazil together for five years, he said, "It's now time for you to know my side of the world. And I think that we should give it a try. What do you think?" And that's how I ended up coming to the US. And it was a really interesting experience because I was already fluent in English. It was not something that language would be a barrier for me. I was, in a way, familiarized with American culture because we were living together. So I thought it would be an easy transition, and it was far from that.
• 4:53
  What made it really difficult or different than what you expected?
• 4:59
  When I got here, many things came in. First was, I missed everything about home. And I didn't realize that even though I was very independent, independence here in the US means a completely different thing than what it means to me in Brazil. So I had to reframe that in my daily routine. So we had a period that I had to wait to change my status so I could start working. And I think the biggest part was exactly that everything, when I look back on my career, it was always about connections. It was always about networking, making friends, meeting people, and getting to know others that would look at me and say, "I can see something here. I believe in you. I believe in your skills. Let's try something." But because I was brand new here, I didn't have any friends, connections. That felt scary, actually terrifying. How am I going to use my tools, what I'm used to do to build those connections and relationships in a place that I don't know anyone? So I think that was the first most scary thing, that the scariest thing that I had to face.
• 6:29
  I'm curious, when you got here to the US, and in many ways, it was different than what you anticipated, what did your initial transition look like when you went from education into finance?
• 6:46
  Yeah, again, it was exactly what have always been in my life. It was knowing, being in the right place, meeting right people. I migrated to a Brazilian meetup group here in Denver, Colorado, and met some girls, and we are all talking about our struggles. And one of them, her husband, really wanted to learn Portuguese, and that's how I connected with him. And he is a financial advisor. And throughout our classes, and we built that relationship, that friendship, and he said, "Vivi, you have all the skills that I'm looking for in a person to help me manage my office. Were you interested in trying out?" And I said, "Why not? I need to work." And initially I thought I would go back and still be a teacher, but it was really hard the realization that I am a non-native speaker who is trying to teach English in the country of native speakers. So it was not very an easier path. And also, there was all the change in education, certificates, your diploma, take much longer. It was a longer process. And I always believe that education doesn't only happen inside a classroom. There's many ways to educate people. And when he explained to me what he did, it was the first glimpse to me that there's some room for education in there. You're teaching people how to manage their money. So maybe my skills in the classroom and my ability to connect with people and being pathetic can be used for this in this area. So that's how I entered the world of the financial advising system in the US.
• 9:02
  So what I'm curious about, though, is you spent, if I remember correctly, around 12 years in the same organization.
• 9:11
  In the very same company. Yes. But so I started working in the company in 2012 and I left last year, exactly when I realized that it was time for a change. But throughout those 12 years, I was not doing the same thing. Again, I have always been good at spotting needs. Places where or situations or roles that needed to be created or you would improve or streamline the processes and facilitate what they're trying to accomplish. So if you look at my resume, I had five different roles inside the company, and all of them I created for myself because I would find out they had projects, they wanted to achieve certain things, but didn't know how to do. And again, my ability as a teacher was to see that complexity and break down into things and actions, small actions, that we could actually transform an idea into something that it was an action plan. So every single role that I had inside that company, it was always, in a certain way, a creative role, because I was proposing something new to do what they were used to, but in an easier and more efficient way.
• 11:01
  So fast forward a little bit then. So you had this wonderful set of experiences after a very, very steep learning curve initially. And you spent 12 years in this organization in various different roles that you created, and it sounds like eventually something changed, and you must have realized that there were pieces of this situation that no longer served you. So I'm curious what those were, and what caused you to decide that you needed to make another transition 12 years later.
• 11:01
  Yeah, so I think that things started going down the hill when I didn't have more space to be creative anymore. That's when I realized that I was losing... There is no room for growth. I wanted to keep growing, but where I was, they were not ready for the next steps. And so instead of using my creativity and my problem solving skills, I started doing repetitive work because I had already implemented everything that it was possible to be implemented at the point. And don't get me wrong, there were room for growth. They were just not ready for it, and that's totally okay. As a business person, you have to evaluate, well, those are good ideas, but it's not the right time to implement them. And for a long, long time, that became a battle between me and my team and my work, because I kept pushing for that growth. But because they're not ready, they felt as I was being stubborn because I wanted to change. I have always been told that I'm a very forward thinker. I'm always two steps ahead. And if you just to give you a glimpse a little bit on the financial industry, the financial industry is very reactive, and at that time, for them, being reactive was okay. So that's when I started feeling that my soul was being crushed, and there was no more room for growth for me in there. And that's where I felt... and it becomes the guilt part because I had a good job, I had a healthy environment, I was not in a toxic relationship at work, I had the flexibility which was my top, my number one priority, I needed to go back to Brazil to visit my family. This has been like my thing since I moved here. I almost made my husband to sign an agreement with me as long as I can go back to Brazil annually, I can move in with you. And it's been 14 years. And yes, that's the deal. It's not the marriage license. It's, "Can I go back home every year?" And so I knew I had the job that allowed me to do the things that were important to me. So why was I so unhappy? I could not point it out.
• 14:32
  I think that really is the situation so many people get into, where you're in this job, company, whatever, that was actually a really good or really wonderful situation, and then eventually you outgrow it, it's no longer serving you. And you have all of these wonderful elements, like in your case, you could go back to Brazil every year, and you had that level of flexibility. And I think most of us get really fearful of losing that, or if I'm going to make a change or if I'm going to do something different, that means I'm going to give this up. And I think that that's the place that so many of us get to. And I'm curious, was that your experience in this particular case, or...? So, tell me about that.
• 15:22
  Definitely. So I spent, I think I started feeling my first move to leave the company was actually back in 2019. That was the first wake up call, I would say, that I no longer fit in that environment. I needed to do something different. But at the time, I had a five year old kid, and I'm glad I didn't leave at that time, because soon enough, we had COVID. And actually that was what kind of helped me to move a little bit away, to put aside that feeling that it was so intense for me that I didn't fit any longer, and that in space, because we had to help so many people to navigate through COVID. So I was glad that I stayed for longer. And a few other changes with the company, we changed broker dealers, we went to another space. I had the chance to, again, to learn new things. So it felt that, "Okay. I think things will get better. Maybe I should just hold on a little bit." And if you ask all my friends and my husband, he'll say, "She was ready to go a long time ago. However, it was always that point." And if I'm making the wrong call, and if I don't find something that is at least as good as what I have now, it's not good, but it's not bad, so I should stay here. A lot of people would dream of having my position. Why am I being so stubborn that I should have something different? So it was an internal battle over at least four years. But I think that when the conflict started getting more intense and into 2023, and I saw myself shrinking. Waking up, I was never the person to wake up in the morning and dread going to work, and that's what it was happening to me. And I have always been a person who, look, I strive for balance. I'm not a workaholic, but I'm not a stay at home mom. I'm not, you know, the gym guru, but I need a little bit of everything. So balance for me was really important. And when my professional life started being unbalanced in the sense that I was not getting the excitement that I had, it doesn't mean that it was not hard sometimes, that I didn't struggle, that I had all the challenges that any person has in a professional life, but I was okay waking up every morning and go to work. When that was not happening, I knew that the pain of staying was bigger than actually the fear of living. That was the moment where I realized, no matter what happened, I have to go because, yeah, it might be a wrong call, but it might be a right call, and if it's the right one, and I'm missing out, I need to take the chance.
• 19:00
  So I'm curious, when you look back, do you think that you could have made that decision earlier, or do you think that you needed to go through those experiences to get to the point where you decided, "This is no longer a right fit for me, and I'm going to make a change."? Tell me a little bit about what you've learned out of that.
• 19:19
  I think that if I had left at that specific point, I would have just jumped into another job for the paycheck. Not that I was doing a meaningful thoughtful change of careers, which didn't happen to, we're going to get there, but it was not a change of career. But I was not able, or I was not mentally prepared to go through the hustle of self-awareness. Do the internal work to find out what really brought the spark in my eyes because, as I mentioned at the beginning, a lot of things that I do because you were so natural to me, and at that time, I didn't know about StrengthFinders. I didn't know about, "Now, look at your strengths and see how that fits in a position, on a role, in a professional role", everything was so natural to me. The coaching, the problem solving, the education, the guidance, I didn't see that as a value. For me, it was just who I was. So I could not picture how that actually affected my choices, my professional choices in life. I only knew at the beginning that I wanted to be a teacher. Period. Everything after that, I could not link my personal skills and my personal strengths to what I was so insisting on doing. So everything was just happened to happen, but it was not something that I was taking. I was aware of why I was making those movements.
• 21:09
  So that's so fascinating for you, in particular, because I think generally your strengths lend to looking forward into the future and anticipating and being more intentional. So I think it's so fascinating that for such a period of your career, it was... you weren't getting to operate in that same way how you do almost anything else, but weren't necessarily able to apply that initially to your career. So that's sort of, yeah, that's fascinating. So once you made that decision, and once you had your last day, what did your journey look like from there? Where did you, I'm going to call it the figuring out the next step portion, start?
• 22:05
  When I left, I had a long list of things that I knew I didn't want to. So I didn't want to be micromanage. Yes, but I-don't-want-to list. I don't want to be micromanagement anymore. I don't want to be filling out papers. I don't want to feel guilty when I take my vacation because the job is accumulating, and nobody else can do but me. So I had a long list of things that I didn't want to. But when I looked into things that I wanted to, they were all very vague. I wanted flexibility. I want a work-life balance. I want to be well paid. I wanted to be recognized for my talents. But what does work-life balance look like?
• 23:12
  What does that even mean, right?
• 23:14
  What does that mean? What are my talents? What are my skills? What am I bringing to the table? So I knew I would not be able to get away from the situation. I could quit my job. Yes, it was not that hard. But not to get into that role, you know, that ball that I was just repeating the same thing again, I needed to look inward. I needed to understand myself first to be able to understand what I actually wanted and why I wanted. And that's when I found Happen To Your Career. I just went online and Google and I found the podcast. And I remember as if it was today, I hadn't taken notes of the episode, but it was an episode where every single word that she was saying, it felt like she was just describing my life. She had a good job. She had that conversation with her husband, and she didn't know. She just didn't know how to translate, how to name what she was looking for. And I started reading a book where he mentioned a quote that said, "An arrow without a target, never misses." So I knew I needed my target. I had the arrow, but I didn't have a target. And I was eager to find how could I create that target for me. And when I listened to that episode, it was life changing because I saw, "Hey, somebody did that. So there is a way to do that."
• 25:18
  "So maybe it could be possible for me too."
• 25:21
  For me as well to figure that out. "What do I want?" That was that question. What do I really want? Because I think that my biggest fear was exactly that I would end up it could be a really good job again. It could be a good pay, but I was still feeling that lack of fulfillment inside me.
• 25:45
  I, you know, I'm really interested, too, in how your ideas evolved, particularly around it. When we started talking here, you mentioned this idea of balance or flexibility, and my understanding is how you used to think about that is very different than how you think about that now. So what did you learn as you were going through trying to develop your target, or what we would call an Ideal Career Profile, what did you learn about what you needed for balance or flexibility?
• 26:21
  I would say that it's not that it's different. It was just incremented. I think I added more aspects into what I had as a basic thing. And then we can use the example of the minimums, the ideals, and the non-negotiables. So I think that my non-negotiables haven't changed. I still need the flexibility. I still need to be able to join my son's martial art game.
• 26:50
  Still need to go to Brazil on a yearly basis.
• 26:52
  Go to Brazil every year. Exactly. And but then I start adding other aspects as I recognize as I learn about my top strengths. This is where I understood that I needed a place that I can be independent, but also I can work in collaboration with others. We can brainstorm together, and we are in an environment where creativity is valued and is celebrated. That simplifying, optimizing, streamlining processes and deliveries are celebrated, and we are all working towards the same goal. For me, a different thing when you compare job scenarios in Brazil and in the US, one of the things here is it's all about what your title is. For me, has never been my title, It has always been how I fit in that job. So now that I have more clarity of my strengths, it's so easy for me to point it out where I fit and where I don't. So I was able to design what it was my ideal job, and it was not exactly about any specific company or any specific... When I decided to do my experiences, I was debating, "Should I focus on a company, or should I focus on a role?" But I lean towards the role because with a role, I could fit in and look what are the strengths required for you to perform that specific role. So for me, it was much easier having that to go and build my ideal profile career, rather than just focusing on a company that has good benefits and etc, I would go to my non-negotiables because then I could see the company's values also, what is my minimal income. But I had all of that in my previous job, and I was not happy. So that's why I pivot to the direction of I need to know what that role requires from me so I know if I will fit in, if it's what I'm looking for or not.
• 29:30
  You ended up, you did all that work, and you ended up at an organization, at a company that I think it's fair to say that you never expected to work for, is that accurate?
• 29:47
  Yes and no.
• 29:49
  Tell me about that. How did that come about then, and how did this happen?
• 29:56
  Actually, I worked with the company through my previous job. So it's a big institution here in the US, and my office was affiliated to that institution. And I was in the moment of experimenting. And one of the biggest fears that I had, it was the interview part of it. So I didn't know how it would perform in an interview. I had, as I mentioned, all my jobs and my job opportunities have always been out of the pattern. So I had never been formally, I've never applied to a job formally, and I had never been interviewed in a formal setting.
• 30:47
  So that was new for you.
• 30:47
  So I was really worried about that. So I decided to start applying for positions just to practice what should they expect of an interview. How my nerves would work? How would that be able to perform well? Would I be able to come across and express myself as I wanted to? And I found this job, which was very interesting, because the company is not based in Colorado, and they said that for the right person, they were willing to do a remote job. That was also one of my non-negotiables. I wanted to work remotely. But my intention when I applied for that job, it was just to see how I would perform in an interview setting.
• 31:46
  Interesting.
• 31:46
  But as the interviews went by, I got to know more and more about what they're looking for. It was exactly checking every single box of what I had it. They had at the department that they had gone through this transition, they were looking into being creative in implementing an educational program for new staff.
• 32:12
  Sounds weirdly familiar, right?
• 32:14
  Right. And I said, "Oh, my goodness. Is this real?" But I also,it felt really empowering to go on that interview knowing that I needed to interview them too, because I had my requirements, and they needed to prove to me that they were a good fit for me too. Because I think this is one of the biggest challenge for anyone in a situation that you're trying to find for your next step is when you do finally found a job that you believe it's a great fit, you will do everything to convince them that you are the right person, but you live outside the equation, something which is really important they need to convince you that they also are a good fit for you. And I think that going through the bootcamp gave me all the tools that I needed to go in that interview empowered. "This is what I need. And if it's not that way, I'm sorry. I appreciate your time and effort, but it's not what fits for me."And as you mentioned in many podcasts and even throughout the book, it's not about checking all the boxes and being the perfect fit. For instance, now I only have two weeks vacation, while before I had much more time, so I had to give up and negotiate a couple things. But just for the nature of my role and what I've been doing for this last two and a half months, and how much I have already learned, and things just keep coming and saying, "You're gonna have the opportunity to do that. If you are interested, you can grow that." So the feeling I have right now is that it's an unlimited situation where I can keep exploring and just growing. And I was blessed enough to have a manager who thinks exactly like me, too. And in our conversations about my former position, she said, "I can see where you felt the lack of stimulation, and you feel felt so frustrated, because for people like us, we need to exercise our creativity. We need to be able to implement and to move and to change. And no matter, everything... Changes are not easy. However, the reward that you get after the changes are so meaningful that it's so worth it to go through the hustle." So that's why we do it.
• 35:08
  I love that. I am really interested in, as I think about your story too, is somebody who has... you've done a lot in your life. You move from a new country or move from a country to a new country, I should say. You switched industries. You developed roles for yourself along the way. You switched organizations again. What I'm curious about is what advice would you give to somebody else who is finding themselves in that same place that you were a few years ago, where you know that something is off and you know that you need to change, what advice would you give to that person?
• 35:55
  I would say the most important piece of everything is patience. This is not something that you can do overnight. And you will... As growth works, you are very uncomfortable, you get out of a comfort zone, and which is not easy, then you make tons of mistakes, you feel unsafe, you feel insecure, but then you start learning, you get the clarity, and that's when you start growing. So this is a path. It's not just across the street. It's a long walk. It can be intimidating. It can be scary, but I truly believe that the more that you work on yourself, you only can get positive results out of that. There's no way to be the other way around. Jumping from one position to another will not bring the fulfillment that you're looking for. So you need to stop. Give yourself the gift of time, and use that time in a proper way where you can first learn about yourself, learn what you want and why you want. And when you have clarity over that, you will notice that every step that you give moving forward will be intentional. So intention is very important, but intention can be, "I just want a better job." But what does a better job look like to you? So that's why inward work is so important. So we have to look within first. Do the internal job, face all the demons and self doubts and fears that you have, and then you can come out and see, "Okay, now I know what it's important to me. Now I know exactly what matters. I'm ready to move forward."
• 38:08
  If you're at the point where you're ready to make your own career change and find a career that fits you, we'd love to help. Just drop me an email, Scott@happentoyourcareer.com, put 'Conversation' in the subject line, and I'll connect you with the right person on our team, they'll be able to have a conversation with you and understand the very best ways that we can support you in your situation. That's Scott@happentoyourcareer.com. And if you're absolutely loving these tips, these strategies, these stories, take a moment right now, hit the subscribe or follow button, and that way, every time we release an episode, you're going to get notified.
• 38:08
  All right, here's what's coming up on the very next episode of Happen To Your Career.
• 38:49
  I surprised myself completely with my reaction to it, because I feel like the old Kristen would have been really scared, fearful, anxious, overwhelmed, like, "Oh no, what do I do now?" But I flew. Actually the day I got laid off, the very next day, I had a family wedding in Florida that I was flying to, and so I was like, "Oh my gosh, this is great. I just got laid off, and I get to go party with all my family now. How amazing."
• 39:28
  We've been taught that a layoff is something to fear, a career setback that leaves you scrambling for what comes next. But what if I told you that a layoff might be exactly the catalyst you need to create a career that you've wanted all along? Instead of a door closing, it's the universe kicking open the door that you've been too hesitant to walk through on your own.