Latest / Pastor John Piper's answers / When Love Wanes, the Marriage Covenant Remains

Transcript

When Love Wanes, the Marriage Covenant Remains · Pastor John Piper's answers

• 0:04
  Speaker 1: Well, from dating last time to talking about marriage today.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Marriage is a beautiful institution designed by God to point
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: the world to Christ and to his bride, one wedding
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: at a time. Marriage exists for us because God decreed
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: that Christ would purchase his bride the church, and because
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: of sin, that church, that fallen bride must be redeemed
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: from her ugly sin and be made beautiful in holiness.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: It's an amazing drama played out in history and in
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: our lives. And it's a drama played out in harmonious marriages,
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: and one played out even in hard marriages.
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: Too.
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: Painful marriages are no less reflective of God's plan. And
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: so we have several episodes now on marriage challenges, which
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: you can see. I gathered of all those APJA episodes
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: and summarize them into one digest in the EPJA book,
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: one whole section just on this topic of hard marriages
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: on pages seven to twenty one. And today, Pastor John
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: joins us over the phone for a question from a
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: perplexed father who wrote us anonymously. Pastor John, Hello, I
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: write to you because my adult son wants to get
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: a divorce from his wife. They've been married for two years.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: And have a one year old son and a newborn
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: baby girl of only ten days old. I am totally
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: perplexed by the timing. I don't understand why he feels unhappy,
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: but he claims he is quote no longer in love
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: with his wife anymore. What would you say to someone
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: who has quote fallen out of love with our spouse
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: and why that's no grounds for divorce?
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: Well, what I would say to them face to face
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: would depend partly on their demeanor. But I don't have
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: him face to face, and so I'm just going to
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: say what I think he probably needs to hear. Whether
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: I would say it exactly like this, I don't know,
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: but here we go. We would be naive, I think
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: to suppose that people young or old, our own children
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: or those of others will act on the basis of
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: reason and biblical truth when it comes to justifying divorce,
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: I would guess that ninety five cases out of one hundred,
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: people do what they want to do and then find
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: reasons to do it, Especially those who claim to believe
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: the Bible, will find biblical reasons to do it. They
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: just know what they're going to do, they want to
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: do it, to do it so we should be realistic
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: as we talk to people, and we should pray. I
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: think that's the greatest realism. Pray and fast that God
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: would do what our biblical arguments and reasonings by themselves
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: could never do. But having said that, I totally believe
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: in speaking the truth in love because it's God's way,
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: it's God's design that people should know the truth, and
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: the truth would set them free, and that texas free
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: from sin like leaving your wife. So I would hang
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: my thoughts on three words, joy, significance, and ownership. I
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: would try to make those three words as compelling and
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: winsome as I can, but also as forceful as Jesus
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: and the Apostles did for the sake of staying married.
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: So let me say a word about what I mean
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: by joy, significance and ownership. Joy, I would say to
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: this young man who wants a divorce because he's not
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: in love, Oh, what joy lies ahead for those who
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: do not break their covenant even when their hearts are broken.
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: And here's what I mean. I believe that most couples
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: who stay married for fifth your sixty years fall in
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: and out of love numerous times. And I say that
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: with not the slightest hint of trying to be funny.
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: It is, in my judgment, almost ludicrous to think that
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: we experience as being in love for the entire sixty
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: years what we felt at the beginning of that relationship.
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: That's just utterly crazy. It is not eve and immature
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: to think that staying married is mainly about staying in
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: love in a relationship between two sinners forced to live
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: as close as married couples live. It is not eve
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: to think that every season will be one of warmth
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: and sweetness and sexual romance. That's just contrary to almost
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: the entire history of the world, and contrary to every
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: make up of fallen human nature. Staying married is not
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: first about staying in love. It's about covenant keeping, promise keeping,
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: being a man and woman of your word, a man
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: and woman who keep the vows to be committed for
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: better or for worse, A man and a woman of character.
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: That's what it's about. This covenant keeping relates to being
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: in love the way gardening in the fall relates to
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: roses in the spring. This is why I said a
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: minute ago, Oh what joy lies ahead for those who
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: do not break their covenant, even when their hearts are broken.
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: The modern world of self centeredness and self exaltation and
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: self expression has taken the normal fifty year process of
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: falling in and out of love and turned it into
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: a fifty year process of multiple divorces and remarriages. That
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: pattern has not and will not bear the fruit of joy.
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: It leaves a trail of misery in the soul, and
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: misery along the generation's marriage is the hardest relationship to
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: stay in and the one that promises glorious, unique, durable
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: joys for those who have the character to keep their covenant.
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: So that's what I mean by joy. Here's what I
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: mean by significance. God offers to husbands and wives the
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: highest possible significance for their marriage relationship by showing them
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: what its greatest and most glorious meaning is, namely, the
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: replication in the world of the covenant relationship between Christ
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: and his bride the Church. That's what the highest meaning
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: of marriage is. There is no higher, more glorious, more
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: significant conception of marriage than the one that Paul portrays
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: in Ephesians five, a parable of the greatest, strongest, deepest, sweetest,
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: richest relationship in the universe, the blood bought union between Christ,
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: the Son of God and his bride, the Church. That's
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: the meaning, that's the significance of marriage. And I would
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: just say to this young man that you are acting
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: or about to act on one of the lowest views
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: of marriage, not one of the highest, one of the
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: lowest views of marriage. If you divorce because you don't
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: feel love anymore, there is nothing noble, nothing great, nothing beautiful,
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: nothing high, nothing truly significant about such a motive. What
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: does it say about Christ? The model of a man's
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: commitment in marriage. What does it say if he forsakes
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: his wife because he doesn't feel like staying anymore? What
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: does it say about Christ? That's the issue. Marriage is
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: an act of worship. It's a display of the price
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: and the preciousness of the covenant keeping love between Christ
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: and his church. Covenant keeping in marriage glorifies Christ and
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: the blood He's shed to possess a bride forever. We
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: cannot even conceive of a greater significance of marriage than
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: the one God has given. And lastly, the word ownership,
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: What do I mean by ownership? What I mean by
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: ownership is that the union between a man and a
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: woman isn't theirs to break. They didn't create it. They
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: can't break it. It's not theirs, Jesus said, what Therefore,
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: God has joined together, let not man separate. It's another
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: sign of the man's centeredness and contemporary self centeredness of
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: Christianity that a young couple would have the mindset that
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: they created the union called marriage, and therefore they can
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: break it. They didn't create it, they can't break it.
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: God made it. God breaks it with death. Or, as
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: I think Paul would say, you are free to break
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: your marriage covenant when Christ breaks his covenant with his bride.
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: So for the sake of maximum long term joy, and
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: for the sake of the deepest and highest significance, and
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: for the sake of the maker and owner of your union,
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: keep your covenant. Oh, what joy lies ahead beyond anything
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: you can presently imagine for those who keep their covenant
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: even when their hearts are broken.
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, what does it say about Christ the model of
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: a man's commitment in marriage? What does it say if
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: he forsakes his wife because he doesn't feel like staying anymore?
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: Thank best, John for your willingness to address these hard
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: questions in what we see in the grace of the
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: Gospel to unlovable centers like us, like me. Hard marriages
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: do not fail to reflect the grace of Christ's love
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: for his twisted bride. It's an amazing point. For more
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: here for digest APJ episodes on hard marriages, see the
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: APJA book on pages one ninety seven to two twenty one.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: So much to untangle in the complexities of marital strife.
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: It's required dozens of episodes, and I've attempted to keep
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: all of them straight for you, and thanks for joining
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: us today. Have a question to ask Pastor John. Find
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: a link to email us and find our complete episode
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: archive at askpastor John dot com. Every episode with audio
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: and full transcripts available for you all the time. We
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: turn our attention to work. Next time and hear from
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: a Christian man who leads a construction crew. Can my
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: construction company help build a casino? Or are some projects
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: off limits for a Christian contractor? Topic that touches all
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: sorts of secular business decisions. That's up next. I'm Tony Ranky.
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: We'll see on Thursday.