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What Is Infidelity? · Relationship Talk Thursday

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  Speaker 1: Good morning, Inspiration 1390 family. It's Sonya Blakey.
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  Speaker 2: I feel like I can talk to them about anything.
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  Speaker 2: We've been having some great conversations. Relationship Talk Thursday. My
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  Speaker 2: guest for the entire month is Dr. Bishop Horace Smith
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  Speaker 2: and his lovely wife, Sister Susan Smith of the Apostolic
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  Speaker 2: Faith Church. 50 years of marriage. I think y'all got
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  Speaker 2: a lot to say. Y'all got a lot to share.
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  Speaker 3: Thank you for having us.
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  Speaker 4: Glad to be here. It's been a joy.
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  Speaker 1: So we talked about money. We talked about boundaries. And
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  Speaker 1: today we want to talk about infidelity. It is, people
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  Speaker 1: view it differently.
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  Speaker 2: Bishop Smith, you mentioned that earlier, that it's not your typical,
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  Speaker 2: I'm just going to keep my vows and I'm not
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  Speaker 2: going to get into a relationship with anybody else outside
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  Speaker 2: of you.
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  Speaker 1: But today people look at it differently.
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  Speaker 4: Like, what are your thoughts?
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  Speaker 1: And even in pastoring?
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  Speaker 5: Yeah, well, the first thing is, you know, I say
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  Speaker 5: about the last 20 years is that it seems to
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  Speaker 5: me like in many cases, basic definitions have been changed.
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  Speaker 5: So what we use to hold as sacrosanct and dear
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  Speaker 5: and unbreakable no longer exists. So number one, people are
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  Speaker 5: getting married later or not getting married at all, but
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  Speaker 5: they are in fact in a marital relationship. They're living together.
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  Speaker 5: And so I think that's the first thing that shows
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  Speaker 5: you the different mindset that people have. And then not
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  Speaker 5: only with the internet, but with easy access to everything
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  Speaker 5: that I think that the issue of infidelity has even changed.
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  Speaker 5: So clearly people can be on the internet and be
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  Speaker 5: in a long distance, intimate relationship with somebody who lives
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  Speaker 5: in another country. And that has been done, clearly seen.
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  Speaker 5: And so even with that, what is infidelity? Is it social?
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  Speaker 5: Is it emotional? Is it only physical? Is it just
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  Speaker 5: physical infidelity? But it's all these things. Is it giving
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  Speaker 5: your time to somebody else outside of your spouse that
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  Speaker 5: you feel close to? And so I think that these
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  Speaker 5: are real issues today that people have to in a
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  Speaker 5: marriage talk about together, the two of them.
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  Speaker 4: What does it mean to be faithful to one another?
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  Speaker 5: And then again, the whole issue of different types of sexuality,
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  Speaker 5: I think people are beginning to relook at, and they
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  Speaker 5: talk about this all the time, is a monogamous marriage
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  Speaker 5: together really the rule?
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  Speaker 4: I mean, people now have... open marriages. They have triads.
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  Speaker 5: They have all kinds of things that before you only
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  Speaker 5: heard about, you know, in the deep corners of something.
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  Speaker 5: But now it appears to me that even more so.
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  Speaker 5: And people want to be accepted with their own definitions.
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  Speaker 5: So I think that fidelity is still a big thing
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  Speaker 5: crossing the line. I think you have to understand what
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  Speaker 5: your marriage means. I haven't been in a marriage with
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  Speaker 5: a woman who And she would always say, I'm totally
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  Speaker 5: old school, but we both are.
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  Speaker 2: What does that mean to you, Sister Smith? I'm old
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  Speaker 2: school as it relates to this topic that we're talking about.
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  Speaker 3: I took a vow that I would be faithful to
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  Speaker 3: this one man for life. And whatever it takes, I
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  Speaker 3: need to try and do that, you know. Notice I
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  Speaker 3: said tribe. I'm trying real hard, but no.
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  Speaker 4: No, I can do it. I've done it.
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  Speaker 3: But I think there's a reward in that because you
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  Speaker 3: take that vow to God. I didn't take that vow
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  Speaker 3: to Horace. I took that vow to God. So I
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  Speaker 3: think that that is my reward is that when I'm
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  Speaker 3: faithful to him, I'm going to be rewarded by God.
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  Speaker 3: And I think that our marriage has been rewarded.
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  Speaker 5: No doubt it has. But again, as a pastor who
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  Speaker 5: I've married, I don't know how many hundreds of couples,
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  Speaker 5: I'm not so sure that people, Put any real value
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  Speaker 5: in vows that are said at an altar. I think
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  Speaker 5: it's almost, this is 30 years ago, I was reading
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  Speaker 5: a book talking about marriage and staying together. And it
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  Speaker 5: was this jewelry store and it had a sign said,
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  Speaker 5: wedding rings for rent. And when people are saying that, okay,
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  Speaker 5: I'm going to try this and, you know, and if
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  Speaker 5: it works great, if it doesn't, Hey, you know, praise
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  Speaker 5: the Lord.
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  Speaker 4: So again, the whole global.
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  Speaker 5: Mindset has changed somewhat, but still, yeah, we believe that
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  Speaker 5: God ordained marriage. We believe that it is a husband
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  Speaker 5: and a wife together. And you're going to have issues.
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  Speaker 5: You're going to have, you know, 50 years, I'm going
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  Speaker 5: to have problems, but you, you commit to working those
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  Speaker 5: things out before God. And, And again, I agree with
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  Speaker 5: people on this regard. If God's on the part of it,
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  Speaker 5: it probably is not going to work because this is
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  Speaker 5: a supernatural endowment of two people committed, not 50-50, but 100-100.
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  Speaker 2: You're with Bishop Horace Smith and Sister Susan Smith talking
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  Speaker 2: about infidelity. What are some of the things that can
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  Speaker 2: happen in a relationship or marriage that may cause infidelity
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  Speaker 2: or just open up the door for it?
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  Speaker 1: Like in your experience, what are some of the things?
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  Speaker 2: Sickness.
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  Speaker 1: That you've seen happen.
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  Speaker 3: Sickness, you know, one spouse is sick and the other
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  Speaker 3: one feels like his or her needs are not being
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  Speaker 3: met or somebody's working way too much or out of town,
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  Speaker 3: those kinds of things. I believe that people can make
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  Speaker 3: mistakes and there can be infidelity and that can be
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  Speaker 3: worked through, you know, but when you have an ongoing
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  Speaker 3: relationship outside the marriage and That's a little more difficult.
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  Speaker 3: To me, you've kind of given up on the marriage. But,
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  Speaker 3: you know, I can work out anything, but I prefer
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  Speaker 3: to kind of keep it straight.
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  Speaker 5: Yeah, I think what Sister Smith is saying, if you
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  Speaker 5: look at infidelity is one of the major causes of
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  Speaker 5: people getting divorced. And if you look at each case,
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  Speaker 5: it's rarely something that happens overnight. It's over time and
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  Speaker 5: people stop talking. They stop relating. They don't do things together.
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  Speaker 5: Those are warning signals that you really are separating, even
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  Speaker 5: though you're in the same house, but you're not really together.
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  Speaker 5: And so I think one of the things to look
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  Speaker 5: at is, you know, do we spend time together? If
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  Speaker 5: we do, do we enjoy being together? I can remember
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  Speaker 5: early in our marriage, you know, things that I liked
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  Speaker 5: to do that she didn't. She told me she learned
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  Speaker 5: to like those things. And I tried to do the
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  Speaker 5: same thing. What I didn't like to do, but she did.
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  Speaker 5: I learned to like those things.
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  Speaker 4: Why?
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  Speaker 5: Because you're not trying to crowd each other out. You
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  Speaker 5: both have a life that is your own. But you
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  Speaker 5: have to share things together without being forced to. It
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  Speaker 5: has to be a source of satisfaction, joy, looking forward
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  Speaker 5: to stuff.
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  Speaker 4: I just like for her to be around.
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  Speaker 5: No, my kids say, he can be upset, but he
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  Speaker 5: comes to the room, he does change. Well, you know, no,
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  Speaker 5: I don't, you know, again, biblically, I believe that's because
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  Speaker 5: of what God did with Adam and Eve. You know,
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  Speaker 5: they always say that the man was first and whatever,
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  Speaker 5: but I always say, no, Eve was always in Adam,
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  Speaker 5: but he couldn't relate to her, and the Lord simply
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  Speaker 5: took her out of him. When he said, bone to
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  Speaker 5: my bone— What are you saying?
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  Speaker 4: Oh, this is me.
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  Speaker 5: This is a part of who I am, but I
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  Speaker 5: could not see it or relate to it. And when
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  Speaker 5: you have that, and I think you have to work
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  Speaker 5: on it. For me, I think that is the epitome
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  Speaker 5: of what marriage can be for a person. But you
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  Speaker 5: have to treasure that person and value them. And if
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  Speaker 5: you see yourself thinking about other people or spending a
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  Speaker 5: lot of time with somebody else, Those are warning signs.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Here with Bishop Horace Smith and Susan Smith. One last question.
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  Speaker 1: Isn't it important or how important is it? I believe
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  Speaker 1: it is important. How important is it for couples to pray.
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  Speaker 2: Together, like literally like together? I mean, of course you
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  Speaker 2: have your own time and you being who you are, Bishop,
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  Speaker 2: I'm quite sure you pray all the time, I would think.
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  Speaker 4: Sure.
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  Speaker 1: But like you're praying together, that intimacy of, you know, praying.
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  Speaker 3: Reaching the Lord. I think that's very important. We should
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  Speaker 3: do it more. I think everybody should do it more.
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  Speaker 3: because I think it is important to know what the
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  Speaker 3: other person is really reaching out to the Lord for,
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  Speaker 3: and then you know better how to pray with them
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  Speaker 3: and live with them.
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  Speaker 5: Yeah, I think that is true, you know, praying together.
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  Speaker 5: It's not always the two of you only praying. My
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  Speaker 5: first pastor taught me this about who you marry and
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  Speaker 5: do they love the Lord. It is important that You
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  Speaker 5: know in that person's life there's a God who they
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  Speaker 5: respect as higher than themselves because Bishop Holly said if
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  Speaker 5: they don't love a God as higher than themselves, something
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  Speaker 5: can happen. They won't love you. So, yeah, the praying together,
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  Speaker 5: you know, we do have prayer at church and other things,
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  Speaker 5: and we do pray together then. We do have prayer times.
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  Speaker 5: I think that the acknowledgement of that there's a God
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  Speaker 5: that we both need and we both trust is a
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  Speaker 5: huge part. of what we do in faithfulness in a
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  Speaker 5: marriage and those kind of things. And we need to
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  Speaker 5: practice those things more, I think. But again, even Sharon,
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  Speaker 5: we love traveling together. You know, she just recently took
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  Speaker 5: me to one of my lifelong dreams was to go
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  Speaker 5: to this crazy place called Madagascar. When I was 10
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  Speaker 5: years old, reading dictionary, I read about this place. And
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  Speaker 5: just in the last year, we had to go to
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  Speaker 5: South Africa or something else. And she arranged a trip
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  Speaker 5: for me to go to Madagascar.
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  Speaker 4: True love. She said that's true love. Now, this is
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  Speaker 4: what she also said. I owe her big time because
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  Speaker 4: it's a rugged country. I loved it.
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  Speaker 5: She said all you did was see 135 species of lemurs.
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  Speaker 5: And she knew that before she went. But she went
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  Speaker 5: there because she knew I wanted to go.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah. And that's us.
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  Speaker 3: When I looked it up, I was like, we're going
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  Speaker 3: to Madagascar for what? But we went because he always
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  Speaker 3: wanted to go, and so that was his bucket list.
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  Speaker 4: And for me, it was fantastic. I see. That's love.
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  Speaker 4: I went to Madagascar. Oh, man. No, that's good. That's love.
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  Speaker 1: Y'all got me in tears over here. Bishop Horace Smith.
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  Speaker 4: I went to Madagascar.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: Bishop Smith, Sister Susan Smith, celebrating 50 years of marriage
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  Speaker 2: and sharing some advice and some wisdom with us here
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  Speaker 2: on Inspiration 1390 on this Relationship Talk Thursday.