Latest / Deep Transformation / When One Sex Loses, Everyone Loses: Warren Farrell on the Boy Crisis, Dad-Deprivation & Healing the Gender Divide

Transcript

When One Sex Loses, Everyone Loses: Warren Farrell on the Boy Crisis, Dad-Deprivation & Healing the Gender Divide · Deep Transformation

0:00
Welcome
0:00
to
0:00
our
0:00
conversation
0:01
with
0:01
Dr.
0:02
Warren
0:02
Farrell,
0:03
known
0:03
as
0:03
the
0:03
father
0:03
of
0:04
the
0:04
men's
0:04
movement
0:04
and
0:05
best
0:05
selling
0:05
author
0:06
of
0:06
The
0:06
Boy
0:07
Crisis,
0:07
Why
0:08
Men
0:08
Are
0:08
the
0:08
Way
0:08
They
0:08
Are,
0:09
and
0:09
The
0:09
Myth
0:09
of
0:09
Male
0:10
Power.
0:10
In
0:10
this
0:10
conversation
0:11
we
0:11
explore
0:11
the
0:11
problems
0:12
of
0:12
being
0:12
a
0:12
boy,
0:13
especially
0:13
a
0:13
boy
0:13
without
0:14
a
0:14
father
0:14
figure,
0:15
and
0:15
the
0:15
terrible
0:15
evolution
0:16
of
0:16
the
0:16
idea
0:17
that
0:17
women
0:17
are
0:17
good
0:18
and
0:18
men
0:18
are
0:18
bad.
0:19
Dive
0:19
into
0:19
this
0:20
conversation
0:20
with
0:20
Roger
0:21
and
0:21
myself
0:21
with
0:21
this
0:22
very
0:22
informed
0:22
and
0:23
challenging
0:23
man.
0:27
Welcome
0:28
to
0:28
Deep
0:29
Transformation:
0:30
Self-Society-Spirit.
0:32
Life-enhancing,
0:33
paradigm-rattling
0:34
conversations
0:35
with
0:35
cutting
0:36
edge
0:36
thinkers,
0:37
contemplatives
0:38
WithDr.RogerWalshandJohnDupuis.Dupuy
0:44
Welcome
0:44
to
0:45
Deep
0:45
Transformation:
0:45
Self-Society-Spirit.
0:48
Our
0:48
co-host
0:49
is
0:49
John
0:49
Dupuy,
0:50
founder
0:50
of
0:50
iAwake
0:51
Technologies
0:52
and
0:52
I'm
0:52
Roger
0:53
Walsh.
0:54
With
0:54
us
0:54
today
0:54
is
0:55
someone
0:55
who
0:55
has
0:56
been
0:56
a
0:56
pioneer
0:57
helping
0:57
us
0:57
think
0:58
through
0:58
some
0:58
of
0:59
the
0:59
many
0:59
challenges
0:59
around
1:00
gender
1:00
relations,
1:02
economics,
1:03
and
1:03
the
1:04
issues
1:05
that
1:05
go
1:05
with
1:06
our
1:06
contemporary
1:06
society
1:07
and
1:07
our
1:08
relationships
1:09
between
1:09
men
1:09
and
1:10
women
1:10
and
1:10
how
1:11
best
1:11
to
1:11
foster
1:12
nurture
1:13
both
1:13
psychologically
1:14
and
1:15
economically.
1:16
Our
1:16
guest
1:17
is
1:17
Warren
1:17
Farrell,
1:18
a
1:18
truly
1:18
remarkable
1:19
man
1:19
who
1:19
has
1:20
really
1:21
been
1:21
a
1:21
champion
1:22
of
1:22
multiple
1:23
gender
1:24
insights
1:25
and
1:26
role
1:26
innovations.
1:28
He
1:28
began
1:29
very
1:29
interestingly
1:30
as
1:31
a
1:31
second
1:32
wave
1:32
feminist
1:33
and
1:33
was
1:34
one
1:34
of
1:34
the,
1:35
I
1:35
think
1:35
is
1:35
the
1:35
only
1:36
man
1:36
who's
1:36
been
1:37
three
1:37
times
1:37
elected
1:38
board
1:38
of
1:38
the
1:38
National
1:38
Organization
1:39
of
1:39
Women.
1:40
He's
1:41
known
1:41
as
1:41
the
1:41
intellectual
1:42
father
1:43
of
1:43
the
1:43
men's
1:43
movement.
1:44
He's
1:44
a
1:44
prolific
1:45
author
1:46
starting
1:47
back
1:47
in
1:48
the
1:48
70s
1:48
with
1:48
his
1:49
books
1:49
The
1:49
Liberated
1:50
Man
1:51
and
1:51
The
1:52
Way
1:52
Men
1:52
Are.
1:54
And
1:54
then
1:55
he
1:55
made
1:55
a
1:55
pivot
1:56
towards
1:57
a
1:58
concern
1:58
with
1:59
the
2:00
challenges
2:01
that
2:01
men
2:01
were
2:01
facing
2:02
and
2:03
wrote
2:03
The
2:03
Myth
2:04
of
2:04
Male
2:04
Power
2:05
and
2:06
the
2:08
very
2:08
important
2:08
book
2:09
Why
2:09
Men
2:09
Earn
2:10
More,
2:11
which
2:11
we'll
2:11
get
2:12
into
2:12
in
2:12
detail.
2:13
And
2:13
then
2:13
more
2:13
recently
2:14
he's
2:15
written
2:15
a
2:15
very
2:15
important
2:16
book,
2:16
The
2:16
Boy
2:17
Crisis
2:18
and
2:18
most
2:19
recently
2:20
this
2:21
beautiful
2:21
practical
2:22
book,
2:22
From
2:23
Role
2:23
Mate
2:23
to
2:24
Soulmate.
2:25
So
2:25
Warren
2:25
is
2:26
a
2:26
very
2:26
prolific
2:27
author
2:28
who
2:28
has
2:28
contributed
2:29
to
2:29
a
2:30
number
2:30
of
2:30
areas
2:31
all
2:31
around
2:32
gender
2:32
issues.
2:33
So
2:33
Warren,
2:34
maybe
2:34
just
2:34
fun
2:35
to
2:35
hear
2:35
your
2:37
personal
2:37
description
2:38
of
2:38
your
2:38
own
2:38
evolution
2:39
from
2:39
this
2:40
remarkable
2:40
position
2:41
of
2:41
being
2:41
a
2:42
leader
2:42
in
2:42
the
2:42
feminist
2:43
movement
2:44
to
2:46
your
2:46
deep
2:46
concern
2:47
about
2:48
men
2:48
and
2:49
particularly
2:49
boys.
2:50
And
2:50
now
2:51
more
2:51
recently,
2:53
looking
2:53
at
2:53
the
2:54
man
2:54
crisis.
2:55
So
2:55
love
2:56
to
2:56
hear
2:56
you
2:56
talk
2:56
about
2:57
your
2:57
evolution
2:57
here.
2:59
Sure,
2:59
yeah.
2:59
When
3:00
the
3:00
women's
3:00
movement
3:01
surfaced
3:01
for
3:02
me,
3:02
it
3:02
just
3:02
clicked
3:03
immediately.
3:04
I
3:04
had
3:05
a
3:05
mother
3:05
who
3:06
had
3:06
not
3:06
gone
3:07
to
3:07
college,
3:07
even
3:08
just
3:08
because
3:08
the
3:09
scholarship
3:09
was
3:09
too
3:10
small
3:10
and
3:10
she
3:10
came
3:10
from
3:10
a
3:11
poor
3:11
family
3:11
and
3:11
she
3:12
felt
3:12
that
3:12
if
3:12
she
3:12
had
3:12
nice
3:13
clothing,
3:14
she'd
3:14
be
3:14
able
3:14
to
3:14
attract
3:15
a
3:15
man
3:15
and,
3:16
you
3:16
know,
3:16
and
3:16
that
3:16
would
3:17
be
3:17
her
3:17
security.
3:18
And
3:18
so
3:18
she
3:19
put
3:19
her
3:19
focus
3:20
on
3:20
that.
3:21
But
3:21
when
3:21
I
3:21
Got
3:21
into
3:22
graduate
3:22
school
3:23
and
3:23
at
3:23
ucla.
3:24
She
3:25
was,
3:25
you
3:25
know,
3:26
very
3:26
happy
3:26
for
3:26
me,
3:26
but
3:26
she
3:27
also
3:27
started
3:27
crying
3:28
and
3:28
she
3:28
said,
3:29
I
3:29
asked
3:29
her
3:29
what
3:29
that
3:30
was
3:30
about
3:30
and
3:30
she
3:30
said,
3:31
well,
3:31
you
3:31
know,
3:31
she
3:32
told
3:32
me
3:32
that
3:32
priority
3:33
that
3:33
she
3:33
had
3:34
made
3:34
and
3:34
how
3:34
sad
3:35
she
3:35
was
3:35
that
3:35
she
3:35
hadn't
3:36
gone,
3:36
taken
3:37
advantage
3:37
of
3:37
going
3:37
to
3:38
college
3:38
and,
3:38
you
3:39
know,
3:39
what
3:39
the
3:39
priorities
3:39
were
3:40
at
3:40
that
3:40
time.
3:40
And
3:41
my
3:42
father
3:42
had
3:42
come
3:42
through.
3:43
He
3:43
was
3:43
born
3:44
in
3:44
1910,
3:45
so
3:45
we
3:45
had
3:45
come
3:46
at
3:46
the
3:46
age
3:46
of
3:46
35.
3:47
He'd
3:47
experienced
3:48
two
3:48
world
3:49
wars
3:49
and
3:49
a
3:49
depression
3:50
and
3:50
saw
3:50
people
3:51
kill
3:51
themselves
3:51
because
3:52
they
3:52
had,
3:52
you
3:52
know,
3:53
invested
3:53
in
3:53
the
3:53
stock
3:54
market
3:54
and
3:54
lost
3:54
all
3:55
their
3:55
money.
3:55
And.
3:56
And
3:56
he
3:56
was,
3:56
you
3:56
know,
3:57
very
3:57
fearful
3:57
of
3:58
spending
3:58
a
3:58
dollar
3:59
for
3:59
fear
4:00
that
4:00
he
4:00
would,
4:00
you
4:01
know,
4:01
leave
4:01
the
4:01
family
4:02
destitute
4:02
if
4:02
something
4:03
happened.
4:04
And
4:04
so
4:04
my
4:05
mother
4:05
felt
4:05
like
4:05
she
4:05
had
4:06
to
4:06
ask
4:06
for
4:06
permission
4:07
for
4:07
all
4:07
the,
4:07
you
4:08
know,
4:08
for
4:08
any
4:08
time
4:08
she
4:08
wanted
4:09
to
4:09
spend
4:09
something.
4:10
And.
4:10
But
4:10
she
4:11
was
4:11
a
4:11
full
4:11
time
4:11
mom
4:12
because
4:12
in
4:12
those
4:12
days,
4:12
you
4:12
10
4:13
to
4:13
be
4:13
a
4:14
full
4:14
time
4:14
mom.
4:14
But
4:15
when
4:15
she
4:15
worked,
4:16
she
4:16
just,
4:16
even
4:16
though
4:16
she
4:17
worked
4:17
at
4:17
a
4:17
very,
4:18
you
4:18
know,
4:18
ordinary
4:19
job,
4:19
a
4:19
clerical
4:20
job,
4:20
she
4:21
felt
4:21
like
4:21
at
4:21
least
4:22
she
4:22
had
4:22
some
4:22
independence.
4:23
And
4:24
I
4:24
had
4:24
a
4:24
sister
4:24
who
4:25
was
4:25
in
4:25
high
4:25
school,
4:26
the
4:26
same
4:26
age
4:26
as
4:27
I
4:27
was,
4:27
a
4:28
couple
4:28
of
4:28
years
4:28
younger.
4:28
And
4:29
she
4:29
would
4:29
be
4:30
often
4:30
thinking
4:30
about,
4:31
you
4:31
know,
4:31
wanting
4:31
to
4:31
ask
4:32
a
4:32
man
4:32
out
4:32
and.
4:33
But,
4:33
you
4:33
know,
4:33
it
4:33
wasn't
4:33
proper
4:34
in
4:34
those
4:34
days
4:34
to
4:35
ask
4:35
a
4:35
man
4:35
out.
4:36
You
4:36
had
4:36
to,
4:36
you
4:36
know,
4:37
flirt
4:37
and
4:37
dress
4:38
nicely
4:38
and
4:38
hope
4:39
the
4:39
man
4:39
would
4:39
notice
4:40
it
4:40
and
4:40
ask
4:40
you
4:41
out.
4:42
And
4:42
so
4:42
I
4:42
thought
4:42
those
4:43
things
4:43
were
4:43
ridiculous,
4:44
you
4:44
know,
4:44
that
4:45
women
4:45
should.
4:46
I
4:47
knew
4:47
as
4:47
a
4:47
man
4:47
that
4:48
it
4:48
was,
4:48
you
4:48
know,
4:48
I
4:48
feared
4:49
rejection.
4:49
And
4:49
it
4:50
would,
4:50
you
4:50
know,
4:50
it
4:50
would
4:51
give
4:51
me
4:51
days
4:52
of
4:52
happiness
4:52
if
4:53
a
4:53
woman
4:53
asked
4:53
me
4:54
out,
4:54
even
4:54
if
4:54
I
4:54
wasn't
4:54
that
4:55
interested.
4:55
The
4:55
fact
4:55
that
4:56
I
4:56
was
4:56
cared
4:56
for,
4:57
you
4:57
know,
4:57
attractive.
4:58
And
4:58
so
4:59
all
4:59
these
4:59
things
5:00
that
5:00
the
5:00
feminist
5:00
movement
5:01
was
5:01
saying,
5:01
and
5:02
that
5:02
seemed
5:02
to
5:02
be
5:03
really
5:04
very
5:04
much
5:04
what
5:04
I
5:05
wanted
5:05
for
5:05
my
5:05
mother,
5:06
for
5:06
my
5:06
sister,
5:06
for
5:07
women
5:07
in
5:07
general.
5:08
And,
5:08
you
5:08
know,
5:09
eventually
5:09
I
5:09
got
5:09
married
5:10
and
5:10
married
5:10
a
5:10
woman
5:11
and
5:11
chose
5:12
between
5:12
a
5:12
couple
5:13
of
5:13
women
5:13
that
5:13
I
5:13
was
5:13
thinking
5:14
about.
5:14
And
5:14
the
5:14
woman
5:14
I
5:15
ended
5:15
up
5:15
marrying
5:15
was
5:15
a
5:16
woman
5:16
who
5:16
was
5:16
very
5:17
interested
5:18
in,
5:18
you
5:18
know,
5:18
being,
5:19
producing
5:20
and
5:20
being
5:20
effective
5:21
in
5:21
the
5:21
world.
5:22
And
5:22
she
5:22
ended
5:23
up
5:23
being
5:23
an
5:23
executive
5:24
vice
5:24
president
5:24
of
5:25
American
5:25
Express
5:26
and.
5:26
Yes,
5:26
and
5:27
a
5:27
White
5:27
House
5:27
fellow.
5:28
And
5:29
so
5:29
she
5:29
was,
5:29
you
5:30
know,
5:30
all
5:30
of
5:30
this
5:30
was
5:31
sort
5:31
of
5:32
part
5:32
of
5:32
my
5:32
inspiration
5:33
about
5:33
the
5:33
feminist
5:34
movement.
5:34
That.
5:35
And
5:35
then
5:35
I,
5:35
when
5:35
I
5:35
was
5:36
elected
5:36
to
5:36
the
5:36
board
5:37
of
5:37
now,
5:38
they
5:39
were
5:39
considering
5:41
rejecting
5:41
men
5:41
from
5:42
now,
5:42
that
5:42
is,
5:42
not
5:42
allowing
5:43
men
5:43
to
5:44
enter.
5:44
And
5:44
I
5:44
asked
5:44
why?
5:45
And
5:45
they
5:45
said
5:45
because
5:46
in
5:46
those
5:46
days
5:47
being
5:47
the,
5:47
you
5:47
know,
5:48
the
5:48
1970s,
5:49
late
5:49
1960s,
5:50
there
5:50
was
5:51
a
5:51
consciousness
5:52
raising
5:53
groups
5:53
would
5:53
be
5:54
used.
5:54
Consciousness
5:55
raising
5:55
groups
5:56
were
5:56
groups
5:56
where
5:57
women
5:57
basically
5:58
got
5:58
together
5:59
and
5:59
talked
5:59
about,
6:00
raise
6:00
awareness
6:01
of
6:01
the
6:01
things
6:01
that
6:01
they
6:01
felt
6:02
discriminated
6:02
against,
6:03
articulated
6:04
those
6:04
things.
6:05
But
6:05
Men
6:05
in
6:06
now,
6:06
the
6:07
national
6:07
organization
6:07
for
6:08
Women
6:08
in
6:08
New
6:08
York
6:08
City,
6:09
men
6:09
were
6:10
oftentimes
6:11
making
6:11
suggestions
6:12
and
6:12
solving
6:12
problems
6:13
in
6:13
these
6:13
groups.
6:13
And
6:14
you
6:14
know,
6:14
and
6:15
the
6:15
women
6:15
didn't
6:15
feel
6:16
comfortable
6:16
being
6:17
able
6:17
to
6:17
share
6:17
their
6:17
feelings
6:18
freely.
6:19
So
6:19
the
6:20
feminist
6:20
leaders
6:21
got
6:21
together
6:21
and
6:21
they
6:22
said
6:22
they
6:22
needed
6:23
to
6:23
kick
6:23
men
6:23
out
6:23
of
6:23
now.
6:24
But
6:25
then
6:25
a
6:25
few
6:25
of
6:25
them
6:26
agreed
6:26
that
6:27
maybe
6:27
if
6:28
they
6:28
could
6:28
get
6:28
this
6:29
Warren
6:29
Farrell
6:29
guy
6:30
to
6:30
form
6:30
a
6:31
men's
6:31
group
6:31
at
6:31
the
6:31
same
6:32
time
6:32
that
6:32
the
6:32
women
6:33
formed
6:33
the
6:33
women's
6:34
groups,
6:34
that
6:35
they
6:35
could
6:35
get
6:35
the
6:35
men
6:35
out
6:35
of
6:36
the
6:36
women's
6:36
hair
6:37
and
6:37
still
6:38
allow
6:38
men
6:38
in
6:38
now
6:39
for
6:39
the
6:39
positive
6:40
purposes
6:40
that
6:40
it
6:41
might
6:41
serve.
6:42
And
6:42
so
6:43
they
6:43
asked
6:44
me
6:44
to
6:44
do
6:44
that
6:44
and
6:44
I
6:45
formed
6:45
a
6:45
men's
6:45
group.
6:46
And
6:46
because
6:46
I
6:46
was
6:47
doing
6:47
my
6:47
doctoral
6:47
dissertation
6:48
on
6:48
women's
6:49
issues
6:49
and
6:50
feminism,
6:51
I
6:51
would
6:51
sort
6:51
of
6:51
give
6:51
like
6:52
mini
6:52
lectures
6:52
at
6:53
the
6:53
men's
6:53
group.
6:54
And
6:54
that
6:54
really
6:55
was
6:55
extremely
6:56
anti
6:56
productive.
6:57
So
6:57
what
6:58
I
6:58
ended
6:58
up
6:58
doing,
6:59
eventually
6:59
I
7:00
got
7:00
myself
7:00
to
7:01
be
7:01
emotionally
7:02
intelligent
7:02
enough
7:02
to
7:03
actually
7:03
ask
7:03
the
7:03
men
7:04
to,
7:04
to
7:04
speak
7:05
up
7:05
and
7:05
for
7:06
me
7:06
to
7:06
listen
7:06
to
7:06
them
7:07
rather
7:07
than
7:07
to
7:07
interrupt
7:08
them
7:08
and,
7:08
you
7:09
know,
7:09
be
7:09
the,
7:09
the
7:10
biggest
7:10
jock
7:10
in
7:10
the
7:10
sensitivity
7:11
group,
7:11
if
7:11
you
7:12
will.
7:12
And
7:13
so,
7:13
but
7:14
as
7:14
I
7:14
did
7:15
that,
7:16
my
7:17
world
7:17
vision
7:18
changed.
7:19
I
7:19
saw
7:19
that,
7:20
you
7:20
know,
7:20
men,
7:20
I
7:21
formed
7:21
not
7:21
only
7:21
that
7:22
men's
7:22
group,
7:22
but
7:23
eventually
7:23
I
7:23
formed
7:23
some
7:24
300
7:24
men's
7:24
groups
7:25
around
7:25
the
7:25
country
7:25
and
7:25
some
7:26
250
7:26
women's
7:27
groups.
7:28
And
7:28
in
7:28
that
7:29
process
7:29
I
7:30
started
7:30
a
7:30
seed
7:31
that
7:31
man
7:32
after
7:32
man
7:33
who
7:34
once
7:35
children
7:35
occurred,
7:36
happened
7:37
for
7:37
him
7:38
that
7:38
he
7:38
would
7:38
give
7:39
up
7:39
his
7:40
passion,
7:40
like
7:41
being
7:41
a
7:41
musician,
7:42
a
7:42
writer,
7:42
an
7:42
artist,
7:43
you
7:43
know,
7:44
a
7:44
actor.
7:45
And
7:45
because
7:46
these
7:47
high
7:47
fulfillment
7:48
jobs,
7:49
like
7:49
even
7:49
being
7:49
an
7:50
elementary
7:50
school
7:50
teacher,
7:51
didn't
7:51
pay
7:52
very
7:52
well.
7:53
And
7:53
so
7:54
I
7:54
remember
7:54
one
7:54
man,
7:55
the
7:55
first
7:55
man
7:56
that
7:56
really
7:56
struck
7:56
my
7:57
heart,
7:57
was
7:58
one
7:58
of
7:58
the
7:58
most
7:58
beautiful
7:59
souls
8:00
I
8:00
have
8:00
ever
8:00
seen.
8:00
He
8:01
was
8:01
passionate
8:02
about
8:03
the
8:03
love
8:03
for
8:03
his
8:04
elementary
8:04
school
8:05
children
8:05
that
8:05
he
8:06
taught.
8:06
And
8:07
you'd
8:07
see
8:07
tears
8:08
in
8:08
his
8:08
eyes
8:08
and
8:09
his
8:09
heart
8:09
open
8:09
up
8:10
as
8:10
he
8:10
was
8:10
talking
8:10
about
8:11
them.
8:11
But
8:11
then
8:12
he
8:12
had
8:12
his
8:12
own
8:12
child
8:13
and
8:14
he
8:14
realized
8:15
that
8:15
as
8:15
an
8:15
elementary
8:15
school
8:16
and
8:16
his
8:16
wife
8:17
stopped
8:17
working
8:17
to
8:18
be
8:18
able
8:18
to
8:18
take
8:18
care
8:19
of
8:19
the
8:19
child.
8:20
And
8:20
together
8:20
he
8:21
realized
8:21
they
8:21
didn't
8:21
have
8:21
enough
8:22
money
8:22
to
8:22
move
8:22
to
8:23
a,
8:24
a
8:24
location
8:24
where
8:25
there
8:25
were
8:25
better
8:26
schools
8:26
and
8:27
a
8:27
good
8:27
home
8:28
that
8:28
they
8:28
could
8:28
maybe
8:29
have
8:29
two
8:29
or
8:29
Three
8:29
children
8:30
in.
8:30
In
8:30
a
8:31
good
8:31
school
8:31
district.
8:32
And
8:32
so
8:33
he
8:33
gave
8:33
up
8:33
being
8:34
this
8:34
elementary
8:35
school
8:35
teacher.
8:35
He
8:36
basically
8:36
gave
8:36
up
8:36
his
8:37
heart
8:37
in
8:37
order
8:38
to
8:38
be
8:38
a
8:38
principal.
8:39
He
8:39
hated
8:39
administration,
8:40
as
8:40
most
8:41
people
8:41
who
8:41
love
8:41
children
8:42
hate
8:42
administration
8:43
and
8:44
all
8:44
the
8:44
politics
8:45
of
8:45
that.
8:45
And
8:46
then
8:46
eventually
8:46
he
8:46
became
8:47
a
8:47
superintendent
8:47
of
8:47
schools.
8:49
But
8:49
we
8:49
in
8:50
the
8:50
feminist
8:50
movement
8:51
were
8:51
saying
8:51
that,
8:52
look,
8:53
men
8:53
in
8:53
education
8:54
are
8:54
the
8:54
minority,
8:55
and
8:56
especially
8:56
in
8:56
those
8:56
years,
8:57
and
8:57
yet
8:58
they're
8:58
dominating
8:59
the
8:59
education
9:00
system
9:00
as
9:01
principals
9:01
and
9:01
superintendent
9:02
of
9:02
schools.
9:03
This
9:03
just
9:04
goes
9:04
to
9:04
show
9:04
you
9:05
that
9:05
men
9:06
have
9:06
the
9:06
power.
9:06
They're
9:07
just
9:07
power
9:07
grabbers.
9:08
And
9:08
yet
9:09
I
9:09
was
9:09
having
9:09
the
9:10
reality
9:10
of
9:10
seeing
9:11
this
9:11
men
9:11
in
9:11
my
9:11
men's
9:12
group,
9:12
this
9:13
man
9:13
in
9:13
my
9:13
men's
9:13
group.
9:14
And
9:14
this
9:14
wasn't
9:15
about
9:15
power.
9:15
This
9:16
was
9:16
about,
9:16
you
9:17
know,
9:17
this
9:17
was
9:17
about
9:18
a
9:18
feeling
9:18
of
9:18
obligation
9:19
and
9:19
responsibility
9:20
and.
9:21
And
9:21
living
9:22
his
9:22
life
9:22
doing
9:23
things
9:23
he
9:23
did
9:24
not
9:24
like
9:24
to
9:25
do
9:25
so
9:26
that
9:26
his
9:26
children
9:27
and
9:27
his
9:27
wife
9:27
would
9:28
have
9:28
opportunities
9:28
that
9:29
he.
9:29
They
9:29
wouldn't
9:30
have
9:30
if
9:30
he
9:31
did
9:31
what
9:31
he
9:31
really
9:31
loved
9:32
to
9:32
do.
9:32
And
9:33
so
9:33
there
9:33
was
9:33
beginning
9:34
to
9:34
become
9:34
some
9:35
friction
9:35
between
9:36
my
9:37
understanding
9:38
of
9:38
male
9:38
power
9:39
and
9:39
male
9:39
privilege
9:40
and
9:40
the
9:41
feminist
9:41
assumption
9:42
that
9:42
because
9:42
the
9:43
men
9:43
were
9:43
more
9:43
likely
9:44
to
9:44
be
9:44
principals
9:45
or
9:45
superintendents
9:45
of
9:46
schools,
9:47
that
9:47
just
9:47
goes
9:47
to
9:47
show
9:47
you
9:48
that
9:48
they
9:48
were.
9:48
It
9:49
was
9:49
about
9:49
male
9:49
domination
9:50
and
9:50
male
9:50
power.
9:51
And
9:51
so
9:52
that
9:52
was
9:52
some,
9:52
you
9:52
know,
9:52
the
9:53
first
9:53
little
9:53
inklings
9:54
of
9:54
my
9:55
feeling
9:55
that
9:56
something
9:56
was
9:57
there
9:57
was
9:57
a
9:57
good
9:57
part
9:58
of
9:58
feminism.
9:59
And
9:59
then
9:59
there
9:59
was
9:59
also
10:00
sort
10:00
of
10:00
what
10:01
I
10:01
would
10:01
call,
10:02
as
10:02
I
10:02
saw
10:02
feminism
10:03
go
10:04
from
10:04
I
10:04
am
10:05
woman,
10:05
I
10:05
am
10:05
strong,
10:06
to
10:07
I
10:07
am
10:07
woman,
10:07
I've
10:08
been
10:08
wrong.
10:09
I
10:09
stayed
10:10
with
10:10
supporting
10:11
that
10:11
part
10:11
of
10:12
feminism
10:12
that
10:12
was
10:13
in
10:13
favor
10:14
of
10:14
I
10:14
am
10:14
woman,
10:14
I
10:15
am
10:15
strong,
10:16
and
10:16
began
10:17
to
10:17
articulate
10:18
different
10:19
perspectives
10:20
on
10:20
the
10:20
part
10:20
of
10:20
feminism
10:21
that
10:22
focused
10:22
on
10:22
I
10:23
am
10:23
woman,
10:23
I've
10:23
been
10:24
wronged,
10:24
and
10:24
men
10:24
are
10:25
the
10:25
problem.
10:26
Yeah,
10:27
I
10:27
wanted
10:27
to
10:27
say,
10:28
Warren,
10:28
I
10:28
had
10:29
the
10:29
privilege
10:29
of
10:29
being
10:30
graduate
10:30
assistant
10:31
to
10:31
Fritjof
10:31
Capra
10:32
in
10:32
Berkeley
10:32
back
10:32
in
10:33
the
10:33
late
10:33
80s.
10:34
And
10:34
one
10:34
of
10:34
the
10:34
books
10:34
that
10:35
was
10:35
recommended
10:35
with
10:35
Marilyn
10:36
French's
10:36
Beyond
10:37
Power.
10:38
And
10:38
I
10:38
read
10:38
a
10:38
big
10:39
old
10:39
fat
10:39
book,
10:39
and
10:39
I
10:39
read
10:40
it,
10:40
and
10:40
I
10:40
was
10:40
extremely
10:41
impacted.
10:42
I
10:43
mean,
10:43
oh,
10:43
my
10:43
God.
10:44
You
10:44
know,
10:44
I
10:45
mean,
10:45
I
10:45
just.
10:45
Anyway,
10:46
the
10:46
book
10:46
changed
10:47
me.
10:47
For
10:47
the
10:47
rest
10:47
of
10:48
my
10:48
life,
10:48
I
10:48
treated
10:49
women
10:49
differently.
10:50
And
10:50
I'd
10:50
never
10:51
been
10:51
a.
10:51
You
10:51
know,
10:51
I'd
10:52
never
10:52
had
10:52
a
10:52
locker
10:52
talk
10:53
like
10:53
our
10:53
president
10:54
had,
10:54
or
10:54
spoken
10:55
like
10:55
that
10:56
or
10:56
had
10:56
friends
10:57
speak
10:57
like
10:57
that.
10:57
But
10:58
I
10:58
became
10:58
much
10:59
more
10:59
aware,
10:59
and
10:59
it
11:00
really
11:00
helped
11:00
me
11:00
to.
11:01
I
11:01
don't
11:01
know,
11:01
to
11:02
be
11:02
a
11:02
different
11:02
kind
11:02
of
11:02
man.
11:03
And.
11:03
But
11:04
I
11:04
agree.
11:04
Then
11:05
the
11:05
worm
11:05
turned
11:06
or
11:06
something's
11:06
going
11:07
on
11:07
where
11:09
Masculinity,
11:09
you
11:09
know,
11:10
what
11:10
is
11:10
the
11:10
positive
11:10
role
11:11
model
11:11
for
11:11
men?
11:11
How
11:11
do
11:12
we.
11:12
How
11:12
is
11:12
it
11:12
okay
11:13
to
11:13
be
11:13
a
11:13
man?
11:13
For
11:14
years
11:14
I
11:14
felt
11:14
it
11:14
wasn't
11:15
okay.
11:15
Yes,
11:16
yes,
11:16
absolutely.
11:17
And,
11:17
you
11:17
know,
11:17
people
11:18
often
11:18
say
11:18
to
11:18
me,
11:19
well,
11:19
do
11:19
you
11:19
believe
11:19
in
11:19
toxic
11:20
masculinity
11:21
and
11:21
expect
11:21
me,
11:22
now
11:22
that
11:22
I've
11:22
been
11:22
supporting
11:23
boys
11:23
and
11:23
men,
11:23
to
11:24
say
11:24
no?
11:24
I
11:25
believe
11:25
that
11:25
there's
11:26
such
11:26
a
11:26
thing
11:26
as
11:26
toxic
11:26
masculinity,
11:27
and
11:27
I
11:27
certainly
11:28
believe
11:28
there's
11:28
such
11:28
a
11:28
thing
11:29
as
11:29
toxic
11:29
femininity
11:30
that
11:30
all
11:31
human
11:31
beings
11:31
have
11:31
inside
11:32
of
11:32
us.
11:32
Multiple
11:33
sides.
11:33
But
11:34
toxic
11:34
masculinity
11:35
is
11:35
more
11:36
part
11:36
of
11:36
the
11:36
ethos
11:37
of
11:37
masculinity
11:38
in
11:38
this
11:38
respect.
11:39
Let's
11:39
say
11:40
we're
11:40
in
11:40
the
11:41
armed
11:41
services,
11:42
and
11:43
let's
11:43
say
11:43
we
11:44
have
11:44
a
11:44
sergeant
11:44
and
11:45
he
11:45
makes
11:45
some,
11:45
let's
11:45
say,
11:46
anti
11:46
Semitic
11:46
comment,
11:47
and
11:47
one
11:48
of
11:48
the
11:48
people
11:48
in
11:48
the
11:49
boot
11:49
camp
11:49
is
11:50
Jewish,
11:51
and
11:51
he
11:51
raises
11:51
his
11:52
hand
11:52
and
11:52
says,
11:52
excuse
11:53
me,
11:53
officer,
11:54
but,
11:54
you
11:54
know,
11:54
I'm
11:54
Jewish.
11:55
And
11:55
I
11:55
think
11:55
you
11:55
made
11:56
a
11:56
comment
11:56
that's
11:56
anti
11:57
Semitic.
11:57
And
11:57
it
11:57
really
11:58
hurt
11:58
my
11:58
feelings.
11:59
And
11:59
what
12:00
would
12:00
the
12:00
sergeant's
12:00
response
12:01
be?
12:01
Would
12:01
it
12:01
be,
12:01
oh,
12:02
I'm
12:02
sorry,
12:02
no,
12:03
it
12:03
would
12:03
be,
12:03
excuse
12:04
me,
12:05
isn't
12:05
this
12:05
sweet?
12:06
Little
12:06
Jew
12:07
boy
12:07
has
12:08
his
12:08
feelings
12:08
hurt?
12:09
Little
12:09
Jew
12:10
boy,
12:10
why
12:10
don't
12:10
you
12:11
do
12:11
20
12:11
pushups?
12:12
Now?
12:12
What's
12:13
the
12:13
purpose
12:13
of
12:13
the
12:13
sergeant
12:14
behaving
12:14
so
12:14
insensitively?
12:16
The
12:16
purpose
12:16
of
12:16
the
12:17
preparing
12:17
for
12:18
war
12:18
is
12:19
to
12:19
not
12:19
be
12:20
a
12:20
squeaky
12:20
wheel.
12:21
The
12:21
war
12:21
machine
12:22
doesn't
12:22
operate
12:22
when
12:23
people
12:23
are
12:23
saying,
12:24
my
12:24
feelings
12:25
are
12:25
hurt.
12:25
You're
12:26
preparing
12:27
for
12:27
war,
12:27
for
12:28
being
12:28
disposable,
12:29
for
12:29
being
12:30
dead,
12:31
for
12:31
dying,
12:31
for
12:31
being
12:32
able
12:32
to
12:32
give
12:32
your.
12:33
Your
12:33
life
12:33
for
12:34
your
12:34
country.
12:35
And
12:35
you're
12:35
being
12:36
seduced
12:36
by
12:36
the
12:37
social
12:37
bribe
12:38
of
12:39
people
12:39
calling
12:39
you
12:40
a
12:40
hero.
12:40
And
12:40
if
12:40
you
12:40
die
12:41
for
12:41
your
12:41
country,
12:41
you'll
12:42
be
12:42
called
12:42
a
12:42
hero.
12:42
And
12:42
you'll
12:43
be
12:43
like
12:43
Uncle
12:43
Joe
12:44
who's
12:44
on
12:45
the
12:45
counter
12:45
in
12:46
our
12:46
home.
12:46
And
12:46
everybody
12:47
worships
12:47
him
12:47
because
12:48
he
12:48
was.
12:48
He
12:48
was,
12:49
he
12:49
died
12:49
in
12:49
the
12:49
Marines,
12:50
and
12:50
wasn't
12:50
he
12:51
such
12:51
a
12:51
hero?
12:51
And
12:51
I
12:51
want
12:52
to
12:52
be
12:52
a
12:52
hero
12:52
like
12:52
that,
12:53
not
12:53
be
12:53
criticized
12:54
by
12:54
my
12:54
parents.
12:54
So
12:55
I'm
12:55
willing
12:55
to
12:55
take
12:55
all
12:56
this
12:56
criticism.
12:57
But
12:57
the
12:57
result
12:58
of
12:58
taking
12:58
all
12:59
this
12:59
criticism
13:00
and
13:00
keeping
13:00
it
13:01
inside
13:01
of
13:01
yourself
13:02
is
13:02
that
13:02
you
13:03
don't
13:03
express
13:03
your
13:04
feelings,
13:04
you
13:04
don't
13:05
express
13:05
your
13:05
fear.
13:06
That
13:06
creates
13:07
toxicity.
13:08
And
13:09
so.
13:09
But
13:09
the
13:09
toxicity
13:11
is
13:11
not
13:11
what
13:12
we
13:12
feminists
13:12
were
13:13
saying
13:13
it
13:13
was
13:13
about.
13:14
It
13:14
was
13:15
not
13:15
about
13:15
male
13:16
privilege,
13:16
and
13:16
it
13:16
was
13:17
not
13:17
about
13:17
male
13:17
power.
13:18
It
13:19
was
13:19
about
13:19
male
13:20
responsibility
13:21
and
13:21
the
13:22
absolute
13:22
opposite
13:23
of
13:23
male
13:23
power.
13:24
It
13:24
was
13:24
about
13:24
the
13:25
willingness
13:25
to
13:25
die
13:26
and
13:26
give
13:26
up
13:26
our
13:27
lives
13:27
and
13:28
not
13:28
be
13:28
in
13:28
touch
13:28
with
13:29
who
13:29
we
13:29
are
13:29
as
13:29
human
13:30
beings,
13:30
but
13:31
rather
13:31
just
13:31
how
13:32
we
13:32
can
13:32
contribute
13:33
to
13:33
saving
13:34
the
13:34
world
13:34
from
13:34
being
13:35
under
13:35
the
13:35
rule
13:35
of
13:35
Hitler.
13:36
And
13:37
so
13:37
I
13:37
was
13:37
beginning
13:38
to
13:38
see
13:39
what
13:39
I
13:39
felt
13:39
were
13:39
misinterpretation
13:41
among
13:41
my
13:41
feminist
13:42
board
13:42
members
13:43
about
13:44
yes,
13:44
there's
13:44
male
13:45
toxicity.
13:45
Let's
13:46
make
13:46
sure
13:46
we
13:47
understand
13:47
that
13:48
and
13:48
let's
13:48
make
13:48
sure
13:49
we
13:50
take
13:50
a
13:50
careful
13:50
look
13:50
at,
13:51
which
13:51
I'm
13:51
really
13:51
happy
13:51
to
13:52
do
13:52
with
13:52
you
13:52
all
13:52
today,
13:53
about
13:53
how
13:53
we
13:54
evolve
13:54
for
13:55
a
13:55
minimum
13:55
amount
13:56
of
13:56
male
13:56
toxicity.
13:57
But
13:57
in
13:58
the
13:58
process
13:58
of
13:58
doing
13:58
that,
13:59
if
13:59
you
13:59
have
13:59
less
14:00
male
14:00
toxicity,
14:01
that'll
14:01
be
14:01
wonderful
14:02
for
14:02
women,
14:03
but
14:03
also
14:03
it's
14:03
going
14:04
to
14:04
change
14:04
the
14:04
role
14:05
that
14:05
men
14:05
play
14:06
in
14:06
being
14:06
willing
14:06
to
14:07
die
14:07
for
14:07
women
14:07
and
14:08
men
14:08
and
14:09
other
14:09
people
14:09
in
14:09
the
14:09
country
14:10
so
14:10
quickly.
14:12
Yeah,
14:12
that's
14:12
very
14:13
powerful.
14:13
Warren.
14:14
I'm
14:14
pulling
14:14
about
14:15
where
14:15
to
14:15
go
14:15
with
14:15
this
14:16
because
14:16
it
14:16
opens
14:17
many
14:17
doors.
14:17
Is
14:18
there
14:18
anything
14:18
else
14:18
you'd
14:19
like
14:19
to
14:19
say
14:19
about
14:19
that?
14:20
Because
14:20
it's
14:20
such
14:20
a
14:20
powerful
14:21
theme.
14:22
Let's
14:22
see.
14:23
For
14:23
now.
14:24
No,
14:24
I
14:24
trust
14:24
that
14:25
we'll
14:25
evolve
14:25
into
14:26
other
14:26
dimensions
14:27
of
14:27
that,
14:27
I
14:27
think.
14:28
Yeah.
14:28
I
14:29
just
14:29
want
14:30
to
14:30
say
14:30
I
14:30
was
14:30
in
14:30
the
14:30
military.
14:31
I
14:31
served
14:32
and
14:32
military
14:33
policemen
14:33
and
14:33
they
14:34
just
14:34
purposely
14:35
insulted
14:35
the
14:36
hell
14:36
out
14:36
of
14:36
us.
14:36
Because
14:37
if
14:37
you're
14:37
going
14:37
to
14:37
be
14:37
out
14:38
on
14:38
the
14:38
street
14:38
with
14:38
a
14:38
gun
14:38
and
14:38
a
14:39
billy
14:39
club
14:39
and
14:39
all
14:39
this
14:40
stuff
14:40
and
14:40
somebody
14:40
starts
14:41
calling
14:41
you
14:41
names,
14:42
you're
14:42
not
14:42
going
14:42
to
14:42
be
14:42
able
14:43
to,
14:43
you
14:43
know,
14:43
whack
14:44
him
14:44
on
14:44
the
14:44
head
14:44
or
14:45
pull
14:45
out
14:45
your
14:45
pistol
14:46
and
14:46
shoot
14:46
him.
14:47
So
14:47
we
14:47
were
14:47
aware
14:48
of
14:48
that.
14:48
We
14:48
knew
14:48
that
14:49
we
14:49
were
14:49
being
14:49
salted
14:50
for
14:50
a
14:50
good
14:50
reason,
14:50
see
14:51
if
14:51
we
14:51
could
14:51
handle
14:51
it.
14:52
Yeah,
14:52
but
14:53
there
14:53
was
14:53
a
14:53
sense
14:54
of
14:54
honor,
14:54
duty,
14:55
country,
14:56
serve,
14:56
protect
14:57
all
14:57
these
14:58
very
14:58
masculine
14:59
values
14:59
that
14:59
I
15:00
still
15:00
think
15:00
need
15:01
to
15:01
be
15:01
taught.
15:02
It's
15:02
to
15:02
be
15:02
a
15:03
man,
15:03
it's
15:03
to
15:03
be
15:04
in
15:04
service,
15:04
it's
15:05
to
15:05
honor
15:05
the
15:05
feminine
15:06
and
15:06
if
15:07
necessary,
15:07
to
15:07
protect
15:08
women
15:08
and
15:08
children
15:09
and
15:09
other
15:09
men,
15:10
but
15:10
especially,
15:11
especially
15:11
women.
15:11
And
15:12
that's
15:12
deeply
15:12
embedded
15:13
in
15:13
my
15:13
psyche
15:14
and
15:14
I
15:14
don't
15:14
think
15:14
it's
15:14
wrong.
15:15
Yes.
15:16
And
15:16
it
15:16
also
15:17
has
15:17
trade
15:17
offs.
15:18
And
15:18
what
15:18
we've
15:18
been
15:18
doing
15:18
is
15:19
not
15:19
understanding
15:20
those
15:20
trade
15:20
offs.
15:22
And
15:22
so
15:22
you
15:22
know
15:23
when.
15:23
But
15:23
this
15:24
really
15:24
opens
15:24
up
15:24
a
15:24
door
15:25
that
15:25
I
15:25
think
15:25
will
15:25
be
15:25
very
15:26
helpful
15:26
for
15:26
women
15:26
and
15:27
men
15:27
to
15:27
understand.
15:28
In
15:29
my
15:29
books
15:29
I
15:30
talk
15:30
about
15:30
the
15:30
commerce
15:31
of
15:31
masculinity
15:33
being
15:33
the
15:33
trading
15:34
of
15:35
wit,
15:35
covered
15:36
put
15:36
downs.
15:38
And
15:38
so
15:38
if
15:38
you
15:39
and
15:39
I
15:39
are
15:39
together
15:39
at
15:40
the
15:40
armed
15:40
services
15:40
and
15:41
so
15:41
on,
15:41
I'll
15:42
mock
15:42
you
15:42
and
15:42
you'll
15:43
mock
15:43
me.
15:43
We'll
15:43
find
15:44
anything,
15:44
you'll
15:45
find
15:45
anything
15:45
about
15:46
me
15:46
that
15:47
looks
15:47
a
15:47
little
15:47
Bit
15:47
different
15:48
or
15:48
whatever,
15:49
and
15:49
you'll
15:49
make
15:49
a
15:50
joke
15:50
out
15:50
of
15:50
it,
15:50
and
15:50
I'll
15:51
do
15:51
the
15:51
same
15:51
with
15:51
you.
15:52
And
15:52
so
15:53
women
15:53
see
15:53
this
15:53
and
15:53
they're
15:54
really,
15:54
like,
15:54
won't
15:54
really,
15:55
you
15:55
know,
15:55
weird
15:56
it
15:56
out.
15:56
The
15:56
people
15:56
who
15:57
do
15:57
this
15:57
the
15:57
most
15:58
are
15:58
the
15:58
ones
15:58
that
15:58
are
15:59
in
15:59
the
15:59
most
15:59
hazardous
16:00
jobs.
16:00
The
16:00
firefighters,
16:01
the
16:01
Marines,
16:02
and
16:03
so
16:03
on.
16:03
And
16:03
so
16:04
most
16:04
men
16:05
don't
16:05
understand
16:05
why
16:06
they
16:06
do
16:06
this,
16:06
and
16:06
most
16:07
women
16:07
certainly
16:07
don't
16:08
understand
16:08
why
16:08
men
16:09
do
16:09
this.
16:10
And
16:10
here's
16:10
what
16:11
I
16:11
think
16:11
will
16:11
be
16:11
helpful.
16:12
Men
16:13
do
16:13
the.
16:13
Let's
16:13
say
16:13
you're
16:14
a
16:14
firefighter.
16:15
A
16:15
new
16:15
firefighter
16:16
comes
16:16
in,
16:16
and
16:16
he's
16:16
a
16:17
graduate
16:17
from
16:17
Harvard,
16:18
and
16:18
he's
16:18
the
16:18
son
16:18
of
16:19
the
16:19
fire
16:19
chief.
16:20
Well,
16:20
you
16:21
fear
16:21
that,
16:21
you
16:21
know,
16:21
he's
16:22
going
16:22
to
16:22
be
16:22
like
16:22
a
16:22
prima
16:23
donna,
16:23
so
16:23
you
16:23
test
16:24
him
16:24
out.
16:24
What's
16:25
the
16:25
matter
16:25
with
16:25
being
16:25
a
16:26
prima
16:26
donna?
16:26
What's
16:27
the
16:27
matter
16:27
with
16:27
it
16:27
is
16:27
that
16:28
you
16:28
fear
16:28
that
16:28
if
16:29
you're
16:29
in
16:29
a.
16:29
In
16:29
a
16:29
fire
16:30
in
16:30
a
16:30
house
16:30
that's.
16:31
And
16:31
the
16:31
roof
16:31
of
16:32
one
16:32
of
16:32
the
16:32
rooms
16:33
is
16:33
burning
16:33
and
16:34
is
16:34
about
16:34
to
16:34
fall
16:35
on
16:35
you
16:35
and
16:35
you're
16:36
in
16:36
that
16:36
room,
16:37
that
16:37
a
16:37
prima
16:37
donna
16:38
is
16:38
unlikely
16:39
to
16:39
be
16:39
willing
16:39
to
16:40
come
16:40
into
16:40
that
16:40
room
16:41
to
16:41
save
16:41
your
16:41
life
16:42
and
16:42
risk
16:43
his
16:43
own.
16:43
So
16:44
you
16:44
test
16:44
this
16:44
person
16:45
out
16:45
to
16:45
see
16:45
whether
16:46
they
16:46
really.
16:47
They're
16:47
so
16:48
focused
16:48
on
16:48
themselves,
16:49
and
16:49
I
16:50
don't
16:50
want
16:50
to
16:50
be
16:50
called
16:50
this
16:51
or
16:51
I'm
16:51
really
16:51
sensitive
16:52
about
16:52
that.
16:53
You
16:53
test
16:54
that
16:54
person
16:54
out,
16:55
and
16:55
if
16:55
he
16:55
can
16:56
handle
16:56
the
16:56
criticisms,
16:57
you
16:57
know,
16:58
you
16:58
don't
16:58
want
16:58
to
16:58
be
16:58
around
16:59
him,
16:59
so
17:00
you
17:00
isolate
17:00
him
17:00
because
17:01
you
17:01
don't
17:01
want
17:01
him
17:02
to
17:02
be
17:02
the
17:02
one
17:03
who
17:03
is.
17:03
You
17:04
know,
17:04
if
17:04
you're
17:04
a
17:04
Marine,
17:05
he's
17:05
not
17:05
the
17:06
one
17:06
that's
17:06
going
17:06
to
17:06
risk
17:06
being
17:07
killed
17:08
to
17:08
pick
17:08
you
17:08
up
17:08
to
17:08
save
17:09
your
17:09
life
17:09
if
17:09
you're
17:09
only
17:10
injured.
17:10
And
17:11
so
17:11
these
17:11
are
17:11
the
17:12
things
17:12
that
17:12
men
17:12
learn
17:13
to
17:13
be
17:13
willing
17:14
to
17:14
have
17:15
this
17:15
type
17:15
of
17:16
willingness
17:16
to
17:16
sacrifice
17:17
themselves.
17:18
Now,
17:19
this
17:19
creates
17:19
some
17:19
real
17:19
challenges
17:20
in
17:20
the
17:20
workplace
17:21
and
17:21
with
17:21
hr,
17:22
with
17:22
human
17:23
resources
17:23
and
17:23
relations,
17:24
which
17:25
is.
17:25
Let's
17:25
say
17:25
you're
17:25
in
17:25
the
17:26
workplace
17:26
and
17:27
you
17:27
and
17:27
I
17:27
are.
17:28
John,
17:28
were
17:28
in
17:28
the
17:28
workplace,
17:29
and
17:29
I
17:29
came
17:29
up
17:30
to
17:30
you
17:30
and
17:30
said,
17:30
ha,
17:31
ha,
17:31
look
17:31
at.
17:31
Look
17:31
at
17:32
John,
17:32
guys.
17:33
He's
17:33
gaining
17:34
a
17:34
little
17:34
weight
17:34
here.
17:35
I
17:35
tap
17:35
your
17:36
belly.
17:36
That
17:37
would
17:37
be
17:37
a
17:37
signal
17:37
for
17:38
you
17:38
to
17:38
sort
17:38
of
17:38
like,
17:38
oh,
17:39
boy,
17:39
it's
17:39
beginning
17:40
to
17:40
show.
17:40
And
17:40
I
17:40
have
17:40
to
17:41
maybe
17:41
pay
17:41
attention
17:41
to
17:42
this
17:42
and.
17:42
And
17:43
maybe
17:43
you'd
17:43
try
17:43
to
17:43
figure
17:44
out
17:44
a
17:44
way
17:44
of
17:45
mocking
17:45
me
17:45
back.
17:46
Warren,
17:46
your
17:46
hair
17:47
is
17:47
turning
17:47
a
17:47
little
17:47
gray.
17:48
And,
17:48
you
17:48
know,
17:48
it
17:48
used
17:48
to
17:49
be
17:49
so
17:49
your.
17:50
Your
17:50
age
17:50
is
17:51
really
17:51
showing
17:51
type
17:51
of
17:51
Thing
17:52
and
17:52
we'll
17:52
go
17:52
back
17:52
and
17:52
forth
17:53
with
17:53
each
17:53
other.
17:54
Now
17:54
take
17:55
that.
17:55
And
17:56
now
17:56
there's
17:56
a
17:56
woman
17:56
in
17:57
the
17:57
workplace
17:58
and
17:58
we
17:59
go
17:59
up
17:59
to
17:59
her
18:00
and
18:00
we
18:00
tap
18:00
her
18:01
on
18:01
the
18:01
belly
18:01
and
18:01
say,
18:02
oh,
18:02
look
18:02
at
18:02
Marianne,
18:03
she's
18:04
gaining
18:04
a
18:04
little
18:04
weight
18:05
here.
18:05
She
18:06
wasn't
18:06
like
18:06
this
18:06
when
18:07
she
18:07
first
18:07
joined.
18:08
I
18:08
won.
18:08
What
18:08
there
18:08
is
18:09
about
18:09
us
18:09
that's
18:09
making
18:09
her
18:10
eat
18:10
so
18:10
much.
18:11
And
18:11
what
18:12
would
18:12
happen
18:12
with
18:12
that
18:13
comment?
18:13
It
18:13
would
18:13
go
18:14
right
18:14
to
18:14
HR
18:15
and
18:15
that
18:15
the
18:16
human
18:16
resources
18:16
and
18:17
HR
18:17
would
18:18
say,
18:18
hey,
18:18
you
18:18
know,
18:19
you.
18:19
Did
18:20
you
18:20
really
18:20
make
18:20
this
18:20
comment?
18:21
It
18:21
would
18:22
probably
18:22
just
18:22
believe
18:22
her.
18:23
And
18:23
then
18:24
we
18:25
doing
18:25
that
18:25
would
18:26
be
18:26
fired.
18:27
Now
18:27
here's
18:27
the
18:27
dilemma.
18:29
So
18:29
what
18:29
we
18:29
were
18:30
doing
18:30
is
18:30
we
18:30
were
18:31
treating
18:31
Marianne
18:32
equally.
18:34
We
18:34
were
18:34
doing
18:34
the
18:34
same
18:35
with
18:35
Marianne
18:36
as
18:36
we
18:36
were
18:37
with
18:37
each
18:37
other.
18:38
And
18:39
so
18:39
that
18:39
was
18:39
equal
18:40
treatment.
18:40
But
18:40
nobody
18:41
ever
18:41
communicated
18:42
to
18:42
Marianne
18:43
that
18:43
that
18:43
was
18:43
a
18:44
sign
18:44
of
18:44
us
18:45
showing
18:45
respect
18:46
for
18:46
her,
18:46
that
18:46
she
18:46
could
18:47
handle
18:47
it,
18:47
that
18:47
she
18:47
could
18:48
handle
18:48
the
18:48
wood
18:48
covered
18:49
put
18:49
downs.
18:50
And
18:50
so
18:51
what's
18:51
the
18:51
solution?
18:52
What
18:52
is
18:52
needed
18:53
in
18:53
HR
18:53
is
18:54
not
18:54
for
18:54
HR
18:55
to
18:55
be
18:55
about
18:55
her,
18:56
which
18:57
is
18:57
basically
18:58
her
18:58
complaining
18:59
to
19:00
the
19:00
human
19:00
resources
19:01
and
19:02
human
19:02
resources
19:02
listening
19:03
predominantly
19:04
or
19:04
only
19:04
to
19:04
her,
19:05
and
19:05
then
19:05
getting
19:06
rid
19:06
of
19:06
the
19:06
men
19:06
that
19:07
upset
19:07
her,
19:08
but
19:08
rather
19:09
human
19:09
resources
19:10
really
19:10
being
19:11
human
19:12
and
19:12
bringing
19:12
in
19:13
what
19:13
they
19:13
do,
19:14
sort
19:14
of.
19:14
John
19:15
Warren,
19:16
what
19:16
did
19:16
you
19:16
mean
19:16
by
19:17
doing
19:17
that
19:17
with
19:17
Marianne?
19:18
Marianne,
19:19
how
19:19
did
19:19
that
19:20
feel
19:20
to
19:20
you?
19:20
Oh,
19:21
and
19:21
I
19:21
say,
19:21
I'm
19:22
just
19:22
treating
19:22
Marianne
19:23
like
19:23
I
19:23
treat
19:23
John
19:24
and
19:24
everybody
19:24
else.
19:25
I
19:25
want
19:25
to
19:25
treat
19:26
her
19:26
equally.
19:26
I
19:26
want
19:26
to
19:27
respect
19:27
her.
19:28
Ah,
19:28
HR
19:29
goes.
19:29
Marianne,
19:30
how
19:30
does
19:30
that
19:30
feel
19:30
to
19:31
you?
19:31
If
19:31
you
19:31
don't
19:32
do
19:32
this,
19:32
Marianne,
19:33
if
19:34
this
19:34
is
19:34
not
19:34
done
19:35
with
19:35
you,
19:35
this
19:36
shows
19:36
a
19:36
lack
19:37
of
19:37
respect
19:37
for
19:37
you.
19:38
Now,
19:38
Marianne
19:39
is
19:39
looking
19:39
at
19:39
that
19:40
very
19:40
differently.
19:41
On
19:41
the
19:41
other
19:41
hand,
19:42
Marianne,
19:42
now
19:43
that
19:43
you
19:43
hear
19:43
that,
19:43
how
19:44
does
19:44
that
19:44
feel
19:44
to
19:44
you?
19:45
Well,
19:45
I
19:45
have
19:46
to
19:46
think
19:46
about
19:46
whether
19:46
I
19:47
want
19:47
that
19:48
type
19:48
of
19:48
treatment
19:49
of
19:49
that
19:49
type
19:49
of
19:49
equality
19:50
or
19:51
I
19:51
want
19:51
to
19:51
be
19:52
able
19:52
to
19:52
leave
19:52
that
19:53
part
19:53
out
19:53
of
19:53
my
19:53
life.
19:53
And
19:54
maybe
19:54
you
19:54
can
19:55
talk
19:55
to
19:55
me
19:56
more
19:57
gently
19:57
about
19:58
something
19:58
that
19:58
you
19:59
care
19:59
about
19:59
and
19:59
not,
20:00
you
20:00
know,
20:00
not
20:00
do
20:00
this
20:01
with
20:01
covered
20:01
putdowns,
20:02
or
20:02
maybe
20:02
I'm
20:03
going
20:03
to
20:03
enjoy
20:03
the
20:03
with
20:03
covered
20:04
put
20:04
downs
20:04
and
20:05
be
20:05
one
20:05
of
20:05
the
20:05
guys.
20:06
So
20:06
there
20:06
has
20:07
to
20:07
be
20:07
a
20:08
dialogue
20:08
between
20:09
men
20:09
and
20:10
women
20:10
about
20:11
what
20:11
types
20:12
of
20:12
feelings
20:13
different
20:13
behaviors
20:14
create,
20:15
rather
20:15
than
20:15
an
20:16
assumption
20:16
that
20:16
a
20:16
complaint
20:17
by
20:17
a
20:17
female
20:18
leads
20:18
to
20:19
a
20:19
male
20:19
being
20:19
fired
20:20
or
20:20
at
20:21
least
20:21
demoted
20:21
or
20:22
at
20:22
least
20:22
not
20:22
promoted.
20:23
And
20:24
so
20:24
these
20:24
are
20:24
just
20:25
some
20:25
of
20:25
the
20:25
off
20:26
the
20:26
cuff
20:26
examples
20:27
of
20:27
the
20:28
types
20:28
of
20:28
misinterpretations
20:29
we've
20:30
done
20:30
about
20:30
the
20:30
evolution
20:31
of
20:31
men
20:31
and
20:31
women
20:31
in
20:32
the
20:32
last
20:32
60
20:32
or
20:32
so
20:33
years.
20:33
And
20:33
that
20:34
would
20:34
require
20:34
a
20:35
much
20:36
more
20:36
careful
20:37
reflection
20:39
on
20:40
the
20:41
gender
20:42
differences
20:42
in
20:42
communication
20:43
styles.
20:44
Yes.
20:45
Than
20:45
it
20:45
is
20:45
the
20:46
norm.
20:47
Yeah.
20:47
And
20:47
it
20:47
seems
20:47
like
20:47
men
20:47
need
20:48
to
20:48
be
20:49
taught
20:49
how
20:49
to
20:49
speak
20:50
to
20:50
women
20:50
because
20:51
they
20:51
are
20:51
different,
20:51
believe
20:52
it
20:52
or
20:52
not.
20:53
And
20:53
there
20:53
are
20:53
just
20:53
some
20:54
things
20:54
you
20:54
don't
20:54
do.
20:55
And
20:55
I
20:56
had
20:56
a
20:56
really
20:56
good
20:56
father
20:56
and
20:57
a
20:57
really
20:58
successful
20:58
mother
20:59
and
20:59
I
20:59
had
20:59
a
20:59
really
20:59
good
20:59
role
21:00
model
21:00
growing
21:00
up.
21:00
But
21:01
I
21:02
just
21:02
learned
21:02
to
21:03
treat
21:03
women
21:03
with
21:04
respect.
21:04
And
21:04
as
21:04
I
21:05
learned
21:05
about
21:05
feminism,
21:06
I
21:06
treated
21:06
even
21:06
more
21:07
respect.
21:07
And
21:08
I
21:08
live
21:08
in
21:08
the
21:08
south
21:08
now
21:09
where,
21:09
you
21:09
know,
21:09
people
21:10
are
21:10
very,
21:10
very
21:11
polite.
21:11
You
21:11
know,
21:11
I'm
21:12
Mr.
21:12
John
21:12
and
21:13
you
21:13
know,
21:13
but
21:13
I
21:13
say
21:14
ma'
21:14
am
21:14
and
21:14
sir
21:15
to
21:15
everybody
21:16
where
21:16
it's
21:16
the,
21:16
you
21:16
know,
21:17
the
21:17
kid
21:17
that's
21:17
taking
21:17
the
21:18
groceries
21:18
out
21:18
or
21:18
something
21:19
like
21:19
that.
21:19
It's
21:20
just
21:20
something
21:20
that's
21:21
built
21:21
in
21:22
a
21:23
respectful
21:23
behavior.
21:24
And
21:24
learn
21:25
to
21:25
whom
21:25
you're
21:26
talking.
21:26
What's
21:26
appropriate
21:26
with
21:27
your
21:27
18
21:27
year
21:27
old
21:27
friend
21:28
is
21:28
not
21:28
okay
21:29
to
21:29
talk
21:29
to
21:30
the
21:30
40
21:30
year
21:30
old
21:30
man
21:31
or
21:31
the
21:31
25
21:32
year
21:32
old
21:32
woman.
21:33
There's
21:33
just
21:34
emotional
21:34
intelligence
21:35
that
21:35
has
21:35
to
21:35
be
21:35
kind
21:35
of
21:36
inculcated
21:37
into
21:38
becoming
21:39
a
21:39
man.
21:40
Yes.
21:40
And
21:41
I
21:41
think
21:41
the
21:42
complexity
21:42
here
21:43
is
21:43
that,
21:43
you
21:43
know,
21:44
different
21:44
women
21:45
feel
21:45
differently.
21:45
I
21:46
mean,
21:46
some
21:46
women
21:46
would
21:47
love
21:47
it
21:47
if,
21:47
you
21:48
know,
21:48
once
21:48
they
21:48
understand
21:49
the
21:49
purpose
21:50
of,
21:50
you
21:50
know,
21:50
being
21:51
treated
21:51
equally,
21:51
say,
21:52
all
21:52
right,
21:52
fine,
21:52
now
21:53
that
21:53
I
21:53
understand
21:53
that
21:53
you're,
21:54
this
21:54
is
21:54
an
21:54
equal,
21:55
you
21:55
know,
21:55
sort
21:55
of
21:55
part
21:56
of
21:56
being
21:56
in
21:57
with
21:57
the
21:57
guys,
21:58
that's
21:58
fine.
21:59
But
21:59
other
21:59
women
22:00
would
22:00
feel
22:00
differently.
22:01
So
22:01
what
22:01
we're
22:02
dealing
22:02
with
22:02
here
22:03
is
22:03
a
22:03
need
22:03
to
22:04
communicate
22:04
with
22:04
each
22:04
other
22:05
and
22:05
hear
22:05
each
22:05
other
22:06
and
22:06
not
22:06
do
22:06
what
22:07
President
22:07
Obama
22:08
did,
22:08
which
22:09
was
22:09
he
22:09
sent
22:09
out
22:09
a
22:10
letter
22:10
to
22:10
all
22:10
the
22:11
university
22:11
presidents
22:12
and
22:13
he
22:13
said,
22:13
and
22:14
the
22:14
letter
22:14
was
22:14
what
22:15
is
22:15
generally
22:16
called
22:16
the
22:16
believe
22:17
women
22:17
letter.
22:18
And
22:18
the
22:18
believe
22:19
women
22:19
letter
22:19
said
22:20
to
22:20
all
22:20
the
22:20
university
22:21
presidents,
22:22
if
22:22
a
22:22
woman
22:23
on
22:23
campus
22:23
says
22:24
that
22:24
she's
22:24
sexually
22:25
harassed
22:25
or
22:25
something
22:26
bothers
22:26
her
22:27
like
22:27
that,
22:27
we
22:28
have
22:28
to
22:28
believe
22:29
women.
22:29
And
22:30
as
22:30
a
22:30
result,
22:30
and
22:31
if
22:31
you
22:31
don't
22:31
follow
22:31
that
22:32
policy,
22:33
your
22:33
federal
22:33
funds
22:34
may
22:34
be
22:34
in
22:34
jeopardy.
22:35
And
22:36
so
22:36
that
22:37
set
22:37
up
22:38
things
22:39
on
22:39
campuses
22:40
where
22:40
if
22:40
a
22:40
woman
22:41
said
22:41
something,
22:42
instead
22:42
of
22:43
it
22:43
going
22:43
to
22:43
a
22:44
hearing,
22:44
it
22:44
would
22:45
go
22:45
to
22:45
a
22:45
hearing.
22:45
But
22:46
the
22:46
man
22:46
was
22:46
not
22:46
allowed
22:47
to
22:47
cross
22:47
examine
22:48
the
22:48
woman
22:48
and
22:49
the
22:49
man's
22:50
lawyer
22:50
was
22:50
not
22:51
allowed
22:51
to
22:51
cross
22:52
examine
22:52
the
22:52
woman.
22:53
So
22:53
we
22:53
only
22:54
heard
22:54
the
22:54
female
22:55
part
22:55
of
22:55
it
22:55
as
22:56
femalest
22:56
victim,
22:57
we
22:57
didn't
22:58
hear
22:58
the
22:58
male
22:58
part
22:59
of
22:59
it.
22:59
And
23:00
many,
23:00
many
23:00
thousands
23:01
and
23:01
thousands
23:01
of
23:02
men
23:03
that
23:03
were
23:03
accused
23:03
of
23:03
sexual
23:04
harassment.
23:04
And
23:05
I'll
23:05
get
23:05
into
23:05
that.
23:05
What
23:06
sexual
23:06
harassment
23:07
Is
23:07
and
23:07
isn't,
23:08
were
23:08
discarded,
23:09
were
23:10
gotten
23:10
rid
23:10
of
23:10
from
23:11
college
23:12
and
23:12
on
23:12
their
23:12
resume,
23:13
on
23:14
their
23:14
record
23:14
was
23:14
the
23:15
fact
23:15
that
23:15
they
23:15
were
23:15
let
23:16
go
23:16
because
23:16
they
23:16
were
23:17
guilty
23:17
of
23:17
sexual
23:17
harassment
23:18
and
23:19
so
23:19
on
23:19
and
23:19
that's
23:20
with
23:20
them
23:20
for
23:20
the
23:20
rest
23:20
of
23:21
their
23:21
life.
23:21
And
23:21
the
23:21
people
23:21
who
23:22
were
23:22
most
23:22
angry
23:22
about
23:23
that
23:23
were
23:24
usually
23:24
the
23:24
mothers
23:24
of
23:25
these
23:25
sons
23:25
who
23:26
had
23:26
a
23:26
more
23:27
complex
23:27
understanding
23:28
of
23:28
the
23:29
types
23:29
of
23:30
back
23:30
and
23:30
forth
23:31
dynamics
23:31
between
23:32
males
23:32
and
23:32
females
23:33
that
23:33
make
23:34
what
23:34
may
23:34
be
23:34
sexual
23:35
harassment
23:35
to
23:35
one,
23:36
not
23:37
sexual
23:37
harassment
23:38
to
23:38
another.
23:38
And
23:39
so
23:39
the
23:39
lack
23:40
so
23:40
much
23:40
to
23:41
eliminate
23:42
the
23:42
opportunity
23:43
for
23:43
due
23:43
process
23:44
in
23:44
exchange
23:45
for
23:45
just
23:45
believing
23:46
one
23:46
was
23:47
a
23:47
very
23:48
dangerous
23:49
overreach
23:50
of
23:50
what
23:51
a
23:51
respect
23:52
for
23:52
women
23:52
is.
23:53
For
23:54
me,
23:54
respect
23:54
for
23:55
women
23:55
means
23:56
that
23:56
you
23:56
give
23:57
them
23:57
an
23:57
opportunity
23:57
to
23:58
be
23:58
heard,
23:58
but
23:59
you
23:59
also
23:59
require
24:00
of
24:00
them
24:01
an
24:01
opportunity
24:01
to
24:02
hear.
24:02
And
24:03
so
24:03
that
24:03
that
24:03
is
24:04
anything,
24:05
any
24:05
privilege
24:06
that
24:06
comes
24:06
without
24:07
a
24:07
responsibility
24:09
doesn't
24:09
show
24:09
respect
24:10
for
24:10
that
24:10
person,
24:11
but
24:11
rather
24:12
shows
24:12
condescension
24:13
to
24:13
that
24:13
person.
24:14
Yeah.
24:15
And
24:15
I
24:15
might
24:15
add
24:16
that
24:16
I
24:16
think
24:16
what
24:16
you're
24:17
talking
24:17
about,
24:17
I
24:18
mean
24:18
that's
24:18
true.
24:19
Men
24:19
do
24:19
talk
24:20
like
24:20
that
24:20
inappropriately
24:21
to
24:21
women,
24:22
but
24:22
a
24:22
lot
24:22
of
24:23
men
24:23
don't,
24:23
you
24:24
know,
24:24
so
24:24
you're.
24:24
It's
24:25
partially
24:25
right
24:25
and
24:25
partially
24:26
wrong.
24:27
And
24:27
I
24:27
think
24:28
because
24:29
of
24:29
the
24:29
progressive
24:30
wokeism
24:30
if
24:31
you
24:31
will,
24:32
we've
24:32
gotten
24:32
to
24:32
the
24:32
point
24:33
that,
24:34
and
24:34
I
24:34
felt
24:34
this
24:35
personally,
24:35
that
24:35
if
24:35
you're
24:36
a
24:36
man
24:36
you're
24:36
wrong.
24:37
Okay.
24:38
And
24:38
if
24:38
you're
24:38
a
24:38
white
24:38
man,
24:39
you're
24:39
doubly
24:39
wrong.
24:40
Yes.
24:40
And
24:41
I
24:41
don't
24:41
think
24:41
that's
24:42
fair.
24:42
And
24:42
I
24:43
try
24:43
to
24:43
be
24:43
the
24:43
person
24:44
that
24:44
I
24:44
would
24:45
respect
24:46
and
24:47
I've
24:47
made
24:47
mistake
24:48
but
24:48
when
24:48
I
24:48
do
24:49
I
24:49
check
24:49
in
24:50
that
24:50
was
24:50
a
24:50
little
24:50
off.
24:51
Did
24:51
I
24:51
offend
24:51
you?
24:52
And
24:52
they
24:52
go,
24:52
no,
24:52
no,
24:52
you
24:53
know,
24:53
it's
24:53
like.
24:54
Or
24:54
if
24:54
I
24:54
want
24:54
to
24:54
say,
24:54
you
24:55
know,
24:55
you
24:55
looked
24:55
really,
24:56
really
24:56
good
24:57
today
24:57
and
24:58
this
24:58
is
24:58
not
24:58
a.
24:59
Come
24:59
on.
24:59
But
24:59
I
24:59
just
25:00
have
25:00
to
25:00
say
25:00
you
25:00
look
25:00
really
25:01
beautiful.
25:01
Is
25:01
that
25:01
okay?
25:02
And
25:02
then
25:02
you.
25:02
Yeah,
25:03
sure.
25:03
And
25:03
I'm
25:04
not,
25:04
it's
25:04
not
25:04
an
25:04
aggressive
25:05
move,
25:05
it's
25:06
just
25:06
expression
25:07
of
25:07
something
25:07
that's
25:08
quite
25:08
self
25:09
evident
25:09
for
25:09
me.
25:09
So
25:10
anyway.
25:11
Yes,
25:11
no,
25:12
absolutely.
25:12
And,
25:12
and
25:12
it's.
25:13
I
25:14
often
25:14
make
25:14
comments
25:14
about
25:15
people's
25:15
dress
25:16
and
25:16
so
25:16
on.
25:16
When
25:16
I
25:17
first
25:17
got
25:17
together
25:17
with
25:17
the
25:18
woman
25:18
who
25:18
became
25:18
my
25:18
wife
25:19
some
25:19
31
25:19
years
25:20
ago,
25:20
she
25:20
was
25:21
a
25:21
little
25:21
bit
25:21
sort
25:21
of
25:22
like,
25:22
you
25:22
know,
25:22
if
25:22
you
25:23
comment
25:23
on
25:23
her
25:24
very
25:24
nice
25:25
blouse,
25:25
she's
25:26
going
25:26
to
25:26
think
25:26
you're
25:26
flirting
25:27
with
25:27
her.
25:27
And
25:28
we've,
25:28
you
25:28
know,
25:28
worked
25:29
that
25:29
through
25:29
and
25:30
I
25:30
comment,
25:30
I
25:31
used
25:31
to
25:31
design
25:31
my
25:31
own
25:32
shirts
25:32
and
25:32
I
25:32
enjoy
25:33
art
25:33
and
25:34
so
25:34
on.
25:34
And
25:34
she
25:34
sees
25:35
that
25:35
the,
25:35
that
25:36
those
25:36
comments
25:36
do
25:37
not
25:37
come
25:37
with
25:37
a
25:37
flirtatious
25:38
attitude.
25:39
That
25:39
you
25:39
know
25:39
that
25:39
what
25:40
you
25:40
say
25:40
to
25:40
somebody
25:41
is
25:41
the
25:42
context,
25:42
the
25:42
tone
25:43
of
25:43
voice,
25:43
the
25:44
look
25:44
in
25:44
your
25:44
eyes.
25:45
They
25:45
all
25:45
speak
25:46
to
25:46
whether
25:46
you're
25:47
flirting
25:47
or
25:47
whether
25:48
you're
25:48
really
25:48
just
25:48
giving
25:49
a
25:49
person
25:49
a
25:49
comment.
25:50
And
25:50
she
25:50
would
25:51
fear
25:51
that
25:51
when
25:51
I
25:51
made
25:52
the
25:52
comment
25:52
like
25:52
that
25:53
to
25:53
men
25:53
that
25:53
they
25:54
would
25:54
think
25:54
I
25:54
was
25:54
gay
25:56
and
25:56
flirting
25:57
with
25:57
them.
25:57
And
25:57
so
25:58
as
25:59
time
25:59
went
25:59
on,
25:59
we
26:00
worked
26:00
that
26:00
through.
26:01
Warren,
26:01
there
26:02
are
26:02
a
26:02
lot
26:02
of
26:02
directions
26:02
we
26:03
could
26:03
go
26:03
here,
26:03
but
26:05
one
26:05
of
26:05
your
26:06
central
26:06
concerns,
26:07
you
26:08
have
26:08
this
26:08
lifelong
26:09
concern
26:09
with
26:10
gender
26:10
roles
26:12
and
26:12
first
26:13
with
26:13
feminism
26:14
and
26:14
then
26:14
with
26:14
the
26:14
concern
26:15
for,
26:16
for
26:16
men.
26:16
But
26:17
it
26:17
particularly
26:18
crystallized
26:19
in
26:19
the
26:20
teens
26:21
and
26:22
when
26:22
you
26:22
really
26:23
became
26:23
concerned
26:24
about
26:24
the
26:24
effects
26:25
of
26:25
fatherless
26:26
families,
26:27
the
26:27
lack
26:27
of
26:28
a
26:28
father
26:28
figure
26:28
in
26:29
boys
26:29
lives.
26:30
And
26:30
you
26:30
wrote
26:30
the
26:31
very
26:31
powerful
26:32
book
26:32
the
26:32
Boy
26:33
Crisis.
26:33
I
26:33
think
26:34
in
26:34
2018
26:36
was
26:37
actually
26:37
brought
26:37
to
26:37
my
26:37
attention.
26:38
I
26:38
went
26:38
to
26:38
visit
26:38
Ken
26:39
Wilbur
26:39
and
26:40
he
26:40
read
26:41
excerpts
26:41
of
26:42
it
26:42
to
26:42
me.
26:43
It
26:43
was.
26:44
He
26:44
was
26:44
enthralled
26:45
in
26:45
it
26:45
at
26:45
the
26:45
time.
26:46
And
26:46
Ken
26:46
read
26:47
prodigiously,
26:48
more
26:48
probably
26:48
more
26:48
than
26:49
any
26:49
human
26:49
being
26:49
on
26:50
the
26:50
planet.
26:50
So
26:50
if
26:51
there
26:51
was
26:51
a
26:51
book
26:51
that
26:52
really
26:52
stood
26:52
out
26:52
to
26:53
him,
26:53
it
26:53
was
26:53
like,
26:54
okay,
26:54
I
26:54
should
26:54
pay
26:55
attention
26:55
to
26:55
this.
26:55
So
26:56
that
26:56
got
26:56
my
26:57
attention
26:57
that
26:57
Ken
26:58
would
26:58
select
26:58
this
26:59
book
26:59
and
26:59
actually
26:59
read
27:00
parts
27:00
of
27:00
it
27:00
to
27:01
me.
27:01
So,
27:01
and
27:02
this
27:02
is
27:02
actually,
27:03
I
27:03
think
27:03
marked
27:04
part
27:04
of
27:05
your
27:06
break,
27:06
if
27:07
that's
27:07
the
27:07
right
27:07
word,
27:08
with
27:08
National
27:08
Organization
27:09
of
27:09
Women
27:09
about
27:10
your
27:10
concern
27:10
about
27:12
the
27:12
way
27:12
in
27:12
which
27:13
fathers
27:14
were
27:14
kind
27:14
of
27:14
sidelined
27:15
during
27:15
divorce.
27:16
But
27:16
anyway,
27:17
it's
27:17
a
27:17
complex
27:17
story.
27:18
Why
27:18
don't
27:18
you
27:18
tell
27:18
us
27:19
about
27:19
this?
27:19
Yeah,
27:20
it
27:20
is.
27:20
And
27:21
it
27:21
started
27:21
back
27:21
when
27:21
I
27:22
was
27:22
on
27:22
the
27:22
board
27:22
of
27:22
now,
27:23
the
27:23
National
27:23
Organization
27:24
for
27:24
Women
27:24
in
27:24
New
27:24
York
27:25
City.
27:25
And
27:26
this.
27:26
So
27:26
this
27:26
is
27:26
in
27:26
the
27:27
early
27:27
70s
27:28
and
27:28
divorces
27:29
were
27:29
just
27:29
beginning
27:30
to
27:30
happen
27:30
in
27:30
much
27:31
bigger
27:31
numbers.
27:32
And
27:32
we
27:32
had
27:32
the
27:32
first
27:33
bit
27:33
of
27:33
research
27:33
about
27:34
children
27:34
of
27:34
divorce.
27:35
And
27:36
the
27:36
first
27:36
bit
27:37
of
27:37
research
27:37
was
27:37
showing
27:38
that
27:39
children
27:39
of
27:39
divorce
27:40
that
27:40
did
27:40
not
27:41
have
27:41
father
27:41
involvement,
27:42
that
27:42
were
27:42
what
27:43
I
27:43
eventually
27:43
came
27:44
to
27:44
call
27:45
that
27:45
were
27:45
dad
27:45
deprived.
27:46
Because
27:46
every
27:47
people
27:47
would
27:47
often
27:48
say
27:48
fatherless
27:48
children,
27:49
but
27:49
there's
27:49
no
27:49
such
27:49
thing
27:49
as
27:49
a
27:50
fatherless
27:50
child.
27:51
But
27:51
a
27:51
child
27:51
can
27:52
be
27:52
dad
27:52
deprived
27:53
by
27:53
having
27:53
a
27:53
divorce.
27:54
And
27:54
then
27:54
oftentimes
27:55
after
27:56
the
27:56
divorce,
27:56
the
27:56
children,
27:57
the
27:57
mother
27:58
and
27:58
father
27:58
would
27:58
live
27:58
separately
27:59
and
27:59
the
27:59
father
28:00
would
28:00
have
28:00
very
28:00
minimal
28:00
involvement.
28:01
For
28:02
complex
28:02
reasons,
28:03
especially
28:04
in
28:04
those
28:04
days
28:04
in
28:05
particular,
28:06
equal
28:06
shared
28:06
parenting
28:07
was
28:08
not
28:08
an
28:08
assumption.
28:09
It
28:09
was
28:09
assumed
28:09
that
28:09
the
28:10
children
28:10
were
28:11
better
28:11
brought
28:11
up
28:11
by
28:12
the
28:12
mother.
28:12
But
28:13
the
28:13
early
28:13
data
28:14
began
28:14
to
28:15
show
28:15
with
28:15
relatively
28:16
small
28:16
numbers,
28:17
that
28:17
children
28:18
did
28:18
better
28:19
both
28:19
girl
28:19
and
28:19
boy
28:20
children,
28:20
but
28:20
especially
28:21
boy
28:21
children,
28:22
when
28:22
they
28:22
had
28:22
a
28:22
significant
28:23
amount
28:23
of
28:23
father
28:24
involvement
28:24
after
28:25
a
28:25
divorce.
28:26
And
28:26
so
28:27
I
28:27
brought
28:27
this
28:27
up
28:27
to
28:27
the
28:28
board
28:28
of
28:28
the
28:28
National
28:28
Organization
28:29
for
28:29
Women.
28:30
And
28:30
remember,
28:31
at
28:31
this
28:31
time,
28:32
I
28:32
was
28:32
speaking
28:33
all
28:33
around
28:33
the
28:33
world
28:33
on
28:34
women's
28:34
issues,
28:35
and.
28:35
And
28:36
those
28:36
speaking
28:36
engagements
28:37
were
28:37
bringing
28:37
significant
28:38
income.
28:38
And
28:38
I
28:39
was
28:39
on
28:39
virtually
28:40
every
28:40
TV
28:40
show
28:41
that
28:41
existed
28:41
at
28:42
that
28:42
time
28:43
and
28:43
talking
28:43
about
28:44
these
28:44
issues.
28:45
And
28:45
so
28:46
when
28:46
I
28:46
mentioned
28:46
this,
28:47
I
28:47
remember
28:48
to
28:48
this
28:48
day,
28:49
decades
28:50
later,
28:51
the
28:51
deafening
28:52
silence
28:52
that
28:53
was
28:53
in
28:53
on
28:54
the
28:54
board.
28:55
And
28:55
finally,
28:55
one
28:56
woman
28:56
had
28:56
the
28:56
guts
28:57
to
28:57
speak
28:57
up,
28:57
and
28:57
she
28:57
said,
28:58
you
28:58
know,
28:58
Warren,
28:59
you
29:00
realize
29:01
that
29:01
we
29:01
get,
29:03
when
29:03
women
29:04
join
29:04
now,
29:05
they
29:06
don't
29:06
want
29:06
us
29:06
to
29:07
be
29:07
saying
29:07
after
29:08
a
29:08
divorce
29:09
that
29:09
the
29:09
child
29:10
should
29:10
have
29:10
an
29:10
equal
29:11
amount
29:11
of
29:11
time
29:11
with
29:11
the
29:12
mother
29:12
and
29:12
father.
29:13
They
29:13
want
29:13
us
29:14
to
29:14
say,
29:15
you
29:15
make
29:15
the
29:15
decision,
29:16
mother,
29:17
as
29:17
to
29:17
whether
29:17
you
29:18
want
29:18
the
29:18
father
29:18
involved
29:19
or
29:19
not.
29:20
And
29:20
if
29:20
you've
29:20
maybe
29:21
had
29:21
the.
29:21
If
29:21
the
29:21
father's
29:22
been
29:22
abusive
29:22
or
29:22
the
29:23
father's
29:23
been
29:24
in
29:24
some
29:24
way
29:24
maybe
29:25
potentially
29:25
dangerous
29:26
to
29:26
the
29:26
child,
29:27
the
29:27
mother
29:27
knows
29:28
that
29:28
the
29:28
mother
29:28
will
29:29
take
29:29
care
29:29
of
29:29
that
29:29
and
29:29
she
29:30
will
29:30
make
29:30
good
29:30
decisions
29:31
for
29:31
good
29:31
reasons,
29:32
that
29:32
she
29:32
might
29:33
want
29:33
to
29:33
start
29:33
her
29:33
life
29:34
anew
29:34
with
29:34
a
29:34
new
29:34
father
29:35
that
29:35
might
29:35
be
29:35
better
29:36
for
29:36
the
29:36
child
29:36
and
29:37
maybe
29:37
move
29:37
out
29:38
of
29:38
state
29:38
to
29:38
some
29:39
other
29:39
place
29:39
and
29:39
start
29:40
a
29:40
new
29:40
life.
29:41
She
29:41
should
29:41
be
29:41
allowed
29:42
to
29:42
do
29:42
that.
29:42
And
29:43
if
29:43
we
29:43
don't,
29:43
if
29:44
we
29:44
say
29:44
there
29:44
should
29:44
be
29:45
equal
29:45
shared
29:45
parenting
29:46
after
29:46
divorce
29:47
and
29:48
both
29:48
mothers
29:48
and
29:49
fathers
29:49
should
29:50
be
29:50
with
29:50
the
29:50
children,
29:51
that
29:52
will
29:52
undermine
29:53
our
29:53
NOW
29:53
membership.
29:54
And
29:54
we
29:54
have
29:54
a
29:55
lot
29:55
of,
29:56
you
29:56
know,
29:56
we
29:56
have
29:56
a
29:57
lot
29:57
of
29:57
fish
29:57
to
29:57
fry.
29:58
We
29:58
can't
29:59
just
29:59
sort
29:59
of
29:59
focus
30:00
only
30:00
on
30:00
custody
30:01
issues.
30:01
There's
30:02
pay
30:02
issues
30:02
and
30:03
everything
30:03
else.
30:04
And
30:04
so
30:05
I
30:06
said,
30:06
I
30:06
really
30:06
can
30:06
understand
30:07
that
30:07
and
30:08
obviously
30:08
support
30:09
women's
30:10
right
30:10
to
30:10
have
30:10
children
30:11
and
30:11
make
30:11
decisions.
30:12
But
30:12
I
30:12
also
30:12
feel
30:13
that
30:13
when
30:13
women
30:14
exercise
30:14
the
30:15
right
30:16
to
30:16
have
30:16
a
30:17
child
30:18
at
30:18
that
30:18
moment,
30:19
they
30:19
make
30:19
a
30:19
decision
30:20
to
30:20
make
30:20
sure
30:21
that
30:21
the
30:21
needs
30:21
of
30:21
the
30:22
child
30:22
are
30:22
first
30:23
and
30:23
her
30:24
desires
30:25
are
30:25
second.
30:26
That's
30:26
the
30:26
decision
30:27
we
30:27
make
30:27
when
30:27
we
30:27
have
30:28
children.
30:28
And
30:29
they
30:29
looked
30:29
at
30:29
me
30:30
and
30:30
said,
30:30
you
30:30
know,
30:30
well,
30:31
you
30:31
have
30:31
acknowledged,
30:32
Warren,
30:32
that
30:32
the
30:32
research
30:33
is
30:33
just
30:33
in
30:34
the
30:34
beginning
30:34
and
30:34
has
30:34
small
30:35
numbers
30:36
that
30:36
children
30:36
do
30:36
better
30:37
with
30:37
significant
30:38
dad
30:38
involvement
30:39
after
30:39
divorce.
30:40
So
30:41
why
30:41
don't
30:42
you
30:42
maybe
30:42
just
30:43
do
30:43
some
30:43
more
30:43
research
30:44
before
30:44
you
30:44
speak
30:45
up
30:45
on
30:45
this.
30:45
But
30:45
know
30:46
that
30:47
if
30:47
you
30:47
do
30:47
speak
30:47
up
30:48
to
30:48
this
30:48
effect
30:49
of
30:49
the
30:49
importance
30:50
of
30:50
father
30:50
involvement,
30:52
we
30:52
can't
30:52
support
30:53
you.
30:53
We
30:53
can't
30:53
recommend
30:54
you,
30:55
and
30:55
understand
30:56
that
30:56
a
30:56
huge
30:57
amount
30:57
of
30:57
income
30:58
was
30:58
coming
30:58
to
30:59
me
30:59
and
30:59
a
30:59
lot
30:59
of
31:00
respect
31:00
and,
31:01
you
31:01
know,
31:01
as
31:01
I
31:01
Said
31:02
it
31:02
was
31:02
on
31:02
almost
31:02
all
31:03
the
31:03
news
31:03
shows
31:03
and
31:03
TV
31:04
shows
31:04
and
31:04
written
31:05
up
31:05
in
31:05
every
31:05
magazine
31:06
from
31:06
People
31:06
to
31:06
Parade
31:07
and
31:07
stuff
31:07
like
31:07
that.
31:08
And
31:08
so,
31:09
as
31:09
you
31:09
know,
31:10
the
31:10
outstanding
31:11
male
31:11
feminist,
31:12
et
31:12
cetera.
31:13
And
31:13
so
31:14
that
31:14
was
31:14
a
31:14
lot
31:14
to
31:15
put
31:15
at
31:16
risk.
31:17
And
31:17
yet
31:17
as
31:17
I
31:17
did
31:18
more
31:18
research,
31:19
the
31:19
research
31:19
began
31:20
to
31:20
show
31:21
more
31:21
and
31:21
more
31:22
that
31:22
the
31:22
father
31:23
involvement
31:23
after
31:24
divorce
31:24
was
31:25
significant.
31:26
But.
31:27
And
31:27
as
31:27
I
31:27
began
31:27
to
31:28
articulate
31:28
that,
31:29
yes,
31:29
I
31:30
began
31:30
to
31:31
have
31:31
less
31:31
and
31:31
less
31:32
feminist
31:32
support
31:33
and
31:33
went
31:34
from
31:34
earning
31:34
a
31:34
huge
31:35
amount
31:35
per
31:35
year
31:35
and
31:36
being,
31:36
frankly,
31:37
a
31:37
candidate
31:38
for
31:38
the
31:38
MacArthur
31:39
genius
31:39
grant.
31:40
And
31:40
when
31:40
I
31:40
got
31:41
the
31:41
room,
31:41
one
31:41
of
31:41
the
31:42
finalists
31:42
knew
31:42
that
31:42
I
31:42
was
31:43
beginning
31:43
to
31:44
talk
31:44
about
31:44
boys
31:44
and
31:44
men's
31:45
issues
31:45
and
31:45
the
31:45
importance
31:46
of
31:46
fathers.
31:47
And
31:47
that
31:47
just
31:47
was
31:48
enough
31:48
to
31:48
let
31:48
them
31:49
drop
31:49
me
31:49
from
31:49
the,
31:50
you
31:50
know,
31:50
any
31:50
further
31:51
interest.
31:52
So
31:52
I
31:52
began
31:53
to
31:53
see
31:53
it
31:53
right
31:53
from
31:54
very
31:54
early,
31:55
this
31:55
is
31:55
decades
31:56
ago,
31:56
that
31:57
if
31:57
I
31:57
started
31:57
speaking
31:58
up
31:58
about
31:58
boys
31:59
and
31:59
men,
31:59
that
32:00
was
32:00
going
32:00
to
32:00
be
32:00
the
32:00
end
32:01
of
32:01
my
32:01
sort
32:01
of
32:02
privileged
32:02
position
32:03
on
32:03
multiple
32:03
levels
32:04
or
32:04
beginning
32:04
to
32:04
be
32:04
the
32:05
end.
32:05
Well,
32:06
I
32:06
did
32:06
write
32:06
why
32:06
Men,
32:07
the
32:07
book
32:07
why
32:07
Men
32:08
Are
32:08
where
32:08
they
32:08
are
32:08
in
32:08
1986
32:09
after
32:10
that.
32:11
And
32:11
there
32:11
I
32:11
was
32:12
both
32:12
supporting
32:13
many
32:13
aspects
32:14
of
32:14
feminism,
32:14
but
32:15
also
32:15
saying
32:16
that
32:16
there
32:16
are,
32:17
you
32:17
know,
32:17
I
32:17
pointed
32:18
out,
32:18
I
32:18
looked
32:18
at
32:19
Ms.
32:19
Magazine,
32:19
which
32:20
was
32:20
the
32:20
feminist
32:20
publication
32:21
that
32:22
everybody
32:22
who
32:23
was
32:23
feminist
32:23
in
32:23
orientation
32:24
looked
32:24
at
32:25
at
32:25
the
32:25
time.
32:26
And.
32:26
But
32:26
as
32:27
I
32:27
looked
32:27
at
32:27
the
32:27
magazine,
32:28
I
32:28
saw
32:28
that
32:29
every
32:29
single
32:29
reference
32:30
to
32:30
men
32:30
that
32:31
was
32:31
made
32:32
was
32:32
either
32:32
negative,
32:33
as
32:34
in
32:34
your
32:34
future
32:35
ex
32:35
husband
32:36
type
32:36
of
32:36
thing,
32:37
or
32:38
was
32:39
positive
32:39
if
32:40
the
32:40
man
32:40
earned
32:41
a
32:41
lot
32:41
of
32:41
money.
32:42
So
32:42
there
32:42
were
32:42
De
32:42
Beers
32:43
diamond
32:43
ads,
32:44
for
32:44
example,
32:44
that
32:45
would
32:45
say
32:45
that,
32:45
you
32:46
know,
32:46
make
32:46
sure
32:46
that
32:46
your
32:47
man
32:47
spends
32:47
two
32:47
months
32:48
salary
32:48
for
32:48
your
32:48
De
32:49
Beers
32:49
for
32:49
your
32:50
diamond.
32:50
But
32:51
there
32:51
was
32:51
no
32:52
expectation
32:52
of
32:53
the
32:53
woman
32:53
to
32:53
spend
32:54
two
32:54
months
32:54
salary
32:54
for
32:55
something
32:55
for
32:55
him.
32:56
But
32:56
as
32:56
I
32:57
looked
32:57
at
32:57
the
32:57
diamond
32:58
size
32:58
and
32:58
I
32:58
took
32:59
it
32:59
to
32:59
people
32:59
who
32:59
were
33:00
experts
33:00
on
33:00
diamonds,
33:01
and
33:01
they
33:01
said,
33:02
make
33:02
sure
33:02
that
33:02
the
33:02
clarity
33:03
is
33:03
good.
33:03
And
33:04
they
33:04
had
33:04
the
33:04
four
33:04
Cs
33:05
that
33:05
men
33:05
had
33:06
to
33:06
pay
33:06
attention
33:06
to
33:06
to
33:07
make
33:07
sure
33:07
that
33:07
they
33:07
got
33:07
a
33:07
good
33:08
quality
33:08
diamond
33:09
and
33:09
a
33:09
clear
33:09
diamond
33:10
for
33:11
their
33:11
future
33:11
wife.
33:12
And
33:12
so,
33:13
but
33:13
in
33:13
order
33:14
to
33:14
do
33:14
that,
33:14
he
33:15
had
33:15
to
33:15
make
33:15
what
33:16
would
33:16
be
33:16
today's
33:16
equivalent
33:17
of
33:17
a
33:17
couple
33:17
of
33:17
hundred
33:18
thousand
33:18
dollars
33:18
a
33:19
year.
33:19
And
33:20
so
33:20
when
33:21
I
33:21
did
33:21
that,
33:22
Ms.
33:22
Magazine
33:23
looked
33:23
at
33:23
that
33:23
and
33:24
they
33:24
were
33:24
very
33:24
angry
33:25
at
33:25
me.
33:26
And
33:26
they
33:26
also
33:27
got
33:28
a
33:28
Foundation
33:28
to
33:29
buy
33:29
Ms.
33:29
Magazine
33:30
so
33:30
that
33:31
they
33:31
could
33:31
give
33:31
up
33:31
all
33:31
the
33:31
ads
33:32
that
33:32
made
33:32
them
33:33
feel
33:33
like
33:33
they
33:33
had
33:33
to,
33:34
you
33:34
know,
33:34
put
33:34
in
33:35
comments
33:35
like
33:36
that.
33:36
So
33:36
that
33:37
was
33:37
when
33:37
some
33:37
of
33:37
the
33:38
tension
33:38
began.
33:38
When
33:39
I
33:39
was
33:39
in
33:39
1986
33:40
with
33:40
why
33:40
Men
33:41
Are
33:41
the
33:41
way
33:41
they
33:41
are.
33:42
And
33:42
then
33:42
when
33:42
I
33:42
wrote
33:43
the
33:43
Myth
33:43
of
33:43
Male
33:43
Power,
33:44
I
33:44
just
33:45
redefined
33:45
what
33:46
power
33:46
was.
33:46
I
33:47
said,
33:47
power
33:47
is
33:48
not
33:48
about
33:49
feeling
33:49
obligated
33:50
to
33:50
earn
33:51
money
33:52
that
33:52
someone
33:53
else
33:53
spends
33:54
while
33:54
we
33:54
die
33:55
sooner.
33:55
And
33:56
so
33:56
I
33:56
sort
33:56
of
33:57
said,
33:57
let
33:57
power
33:58
is
33:58
about
33:58
the
33:58
ability
33:59
to
33:59
have
33:59
control
33:59
over
34:00
your
34:00
own
34:00
life,
34:01
to
34:01
be
34:01
a
34:02
human
34:02
being,
34:02
not
34:03
a
34:03
human
34:03
doing.
34:04
And
34:04
I
34:04
pointed
34:05
out
34:05
that
34:05
in
34:05
Japan,
34:06
for
34:06
example,
34:07
there's
34:07
a
34:07
game
34:07
called
34:08
karoshi.
34:09
And
34:09
karoshi
34:10
in
34:10
Japanese
34:10
means
34:11
death
34:11
from
34:11
overwork
34:12
or
34:12
death
34:12
at
34:13
your
34:13
desk.
34:13
And
34:14
the
34:14
game
34:14
would
34:15
have
34:15
little
34:15
karoshi
34:16
figures,
34:17
and
34:17
people
34:17
would
34:18
compete
34:18
to
34:18
go
34:19
to
34:19
the
34:19
top
34:19
of
34:19
the
34:20
ladder
34:20
with
34:21
each
34:21
time
34:21
that
34:22
they
34:22
won
34:22
a
34:22
round
34:23
in
34:23
karoshi.
34:24
And
34:24
when
34:24
the
34:25
player
34:25
that
34:25
got
34:25
to
34:25
the
34:26
top
34:26
of
34:26
the
34:26
ladder
34:26
first
34:28
one
34:29
by
34:29
committing
34:30
suicide,
34:31
not
34:31
in
34:31
reality,
34:32
but
34:32
in
34:32
the
34:33
game.
34:34
And
34:34
so
34:34
what's
34:35
that
34:35
about?
34:36
It
34:36
was
34:36
the
34:36
Japanese
34:37
millennial
34:38
understanding
34:39
that
34:40
what
34:41
men
34:41
were
34:41
programmed
34:42
to
34:42
do
34:43
was
34:43
not
34:43
to
34:44
become
34:44
human
34:45
beings,
34:45
but
34:46
to
34:46
get
34:46
higher
34:47
and
34:47
higher
34:47
on
34:48
the
34:48
human
34:49
doing
34:49
ladder.
34:50
And
34:51
the
34:51
higher
34:51
they
34:51
got
34:52
on
34:52
the
34:52
human
34:52
doing
34:53
ladder,
34:54
the
34:54
less
34:54
time
34:54
they
34:55
had
34:55
for
34:55
their
34:55
children,
34:55
the
34:56
less
34:56
time
34:56
they
34:56
had
34:56
for
34:57
themselves,
34:57
the
34:57
less
34:58
fulfillment
34:58
they
34:58
were
34:58
and
34:59
oriented.
34:59
And
35:00
so
35:00
they
35:00
basically
35:01
committed
35:02
suicide
35:03
as
35:03
a
35:03
human
35:04
being
35:05
in
35:06
exchange
35:06
for
35:06
being
35:07
a
35:07
human
35:08
doing.
35:09
And
35:09
so
35:09
I
35:09
began
35:09
to
35:10
piece
35:10
these
35:10
pieces
35:11
together
35:11
and
35:11
talk
35:12
about
35:12
them
35:12
in
35:12
the
35:12
Myth
35:12
of
35:13
Male
35:13
Power.
35:14
And
35:14
that,
35:14
of
35:14
course,
35:15
brought
35:15
me
35:15
considerable
35:16
wrath.
35:18
And
35:18
so
35:19
those
35:19
were
35:19
some
35:19
of
35:19
the
35:19
stepping
35:20
stones
35:20
to
35:21
a
35:22
book
35:22
called
35:22
Father
35:22
and
35:22
Child
35:23
Reunion
35:23
and
35:23
a
35:23
book
35:24
called
35:24
the
35:24
Boy
35:24
Crisis.
35:25
And
35:25
then
35:25
in
35:26
between
35:26
there,
35:27
I
35:27
began
35:27
to
35:27
be
35:28
worried
35:28
about
35:28
the
35:29
issue
35:29
of
35:29
equal
35:30
pay
35:30
for
35:30
equal
35:30
work.
35:31
So
35:31
I
35:31
started.
35:32
I
35:32
did
35:32
about
35:32
seven,
35:33
eight
35:33
years
35:33
of
35:34
research
35:34
on
35:35
exactly
35:35
what
35:36
were
35:36
the
35:36
different
35:36
types
35:37
of
35:37
choices
35:37
that
35:38
men
35:38
and
35:38
women
35:39
make
35:39
in
35:39
the
35:40
workplace,
35:40
and
35:40
to
35:41
the
35:41
fact
35:41
that
35:41
the.
35:42
That
35:42
there
35:42
were
35:42
25
35:43
different
35:43
choices
35:44
that
35:44
men
35:44
and
35:44
women
35:45
make.
35:45
And
35:46
each
35:46
of
35:46
those
35:46
choices
35:47
led
35:47
to
35:48
men
35:48
making
35:48
more
35:49
money
35:49
at
35:49
work
35:50
and
35:50
women
35:50
having
35:51
better
35:51
lives.
35:52
And
35:52
that,
35:52
if
35:53
anything,
35:53
men
35:53
should
35:54
be
35:54
learning
35:54
from
35:54
women.
35:55
And
35:55
so
35:55
those
35:56
were
35:56
some
35:56
of
35:56
the
35:57
stepping
35:57
stones
35:58
to
35:58
the
35:58
boy
35:58
crisis
35:59
when
35:59
I
35:59
began
35:59
to
36:00
articulate.
36:01
And
36:01
part
36:01
of
36:01
the
36:02
I
36:02
mentioned
36:03
earlier
36:03
is
36:03
it
36:03
meta
36:04
narrative
36:04
that
36:04
came
36:04
out
36:05
of
36:05
feminism,
36:06
which
36:06
I
36:06
don't
36:06
think
36:06
was
36:07
planned
36:07
on,
36:07
but
36:08
it
36:08
just
36:08
happened
36:08
that
36:09
man
36:10
negative,
36:11
bad,
36:12
Feminine
36:13
women
36:13
good.
36:14
Yeah.
36:14
And
36:15
just
36:15
like
36:16
we're
36:16
talking
36:16
about
36:16
the
36:16
parents,
36:17
you
36:17
know,
36:17
my
36:18
wife
36:18
had,
36:19
may
36:19
she
36:19
rest
36:19
in
36:20
peace,
36:20
her
36:20
mother
36:20
that
36:20
was
36:21
not
36:21
a
36:21
really
36:21
great
36:21
mother,
36:22
you
36:22
know,
36:22
and
36:23
she
36:23
was
36:23
very
36:24
narcissistic
36:24
and
36:25
downright
36:26
emotionally
36:27
neglectful
36:27
or
36:28
abusive.
36:28
And
36:29
I
36:29
grew
36:29
up
36:29
with
36:30
something
36:30
different.
36:31
So
36:31
Each,
36:32
you
36:32
know,
36:32
as
36:33
MLK
36:33
said,
36:34
maybe
36:34
I
36:34
paraphrased,
36:35
but
36:35
I.
36:35
He
36:35
says,
36:36
I
36:36
dream
36:36
of
36:36
the
36:36
day
36:36
when
36:36
my
36:37
grandchildren
36:38
won't
36:38
be
36:38
judged
36:38
by
36:38
the
36:38
color
36:39
of
36:39
their
36:39
skin,
36:40
but
36:40
by
36:41
the
36:41
quality
36:42
of
36:42
their
36:42
character.
36:43
And
36:43
it's
36:44
the
36:44
same
36:44
thing
36:44
for
36:44
men
36:44
and
36:45
women.
36:45
Just
36:45
because
36:45
you're
36:45
a
36:46
woman
36:46
doesn't
36:46
mean
36:46
you're
36:46
all
36:47
feminine
36:47
and
36:47
sensitive
36:48
and
36:48
good
36:49
and
36:49
caring
36:49
and
36:50
all
36:50
of
36:50
this
36:50
stuff.
36:50
And
36:50
if
36:51
you're
36:51
a
36:51
man
36:51
doesn't
36:51
mean
36:51
you're
36:52
brave
36:52
and
36:52
honest
36:52
and
36:52
respectful
36:53
or
36:53
whatever
36:53
we're
36:54
supposed
36:54
to
36:54
be.
36:54
It
36:55
just
36:55
depends
36:56
on
36:56
the
36:56
individual,
36:56
and
36:57
we
36:57
have
36:57
to
36:57
judge
36:58
each
36:58
individual.
36:59
And
36:59
mlk,
37:00
you
37:01
know,
37:01
Martin
37:01
Luther
37:02
King,
37:02
we
37:02
need
37:03
him
37:03
more
37:03
now
37:03
than
37:04
we
37:04
ever
37:04
did
37:04
before.
37:05
I
37:05
mean,
37:05
it's
37:05
just
37:06
like,
37:07
how
37:08
did
37:08
we
37:08
miss
37:08
that?
37:09
Yes.
37:09
Yes,
37:10
indeed.
37:10
There
37:10
are
37:11
many
37:11
people
37:11
who
37:11
say
37:12
that
37:12
if
37:12
Martin
37:12
Luther
37:13
King
37:13
were
37:13
alive
37:13
today,
37:14
he
37:15
would
37:15
be
37:15
talking
37:15
about
37:15
the
37:16
importance
37:16
of
37:16
the
37:16
family.
37:17
He
37:17
would
37:17
see
37:17
the
37:18
degree
37:19
to
37:19
which,
37:19
when
37:20
children
37:20
do
37:21
not
37:21
have
37:22
fathers
37:22
in
37:22
their
37:23
lives,
37:23
they
37:24
are
37:24
likely
37:24
to
37:25
have
37:25
challenges
37:26
in
37:26
more
37:26
than
37:27
55
37:28
different
37:29
areas.
37:29
This
37:30
is
37:30
true
37:30
of
37:30
both
37:30
boys
37:31
and
37:31
girls,
37:32
but
37:32
it
37:32
is
37:32
more
37:33
true
37:33
of
37:33
boys.
37:33
And
37:34
so
37:34
in
37:35
the
37:35
boy
37:35
crisis.
37:36
Back
37:36
to
37:37
your
37:37
question
37:38
before,
37:38
Roger.
37:39
In
37:39
the
37:39
boy
37:39
crisis,
37:40
I
37:40
articulated
37:41
the
37:41
data
37:42
for
37:42
all
37:43
55
37:43
of
37:43
these
37:44
areas.
37:45
And
37:45
in
37:45
the
37:45
appendix
37:46
of
37:46
the
37:46
boy
37:46
crisis,
37:47
I
37:47
just
37:47
list
37:47
them.
37:48
Boom,
37:48
boom,
37:48
boom.
37:49
And
37:49
so,
37:49
for
37:49
example,
37:50
when
37:51
boys
37:51
and
37:51
girls
37:51
are
37:52
nine
37:52
years
37:52
of
37:52
age,
37:53
they
37:53
rarely
37:53
commit
37:54
suicide,
37:54
and
37:54
they
37:54
commit
37:55
suicide
37:55
when
37:55
they
37:55
do
37:55
about
37:56
equally.
37:57
Between
37:58
the
37:58
ages
37:58
of
37:58
10
37:58
and
37:59
14,
37:59
boys
38:00
are
38:00
twice
38:00
as
38:01
likely
38:01
as
38:01
girls
38:01
to
38:02
commit
38:02
suicide.
38:03
Between
38:03
the
38:03
ages
38:04
of
38:04
15
38:04
and
38:04
19,
38:05
four
38:06
times
38:06
as
38:06
likely.
38:07
Between
38:07
the
38:07
ages
38:08
of
38:08
20
38:08
and
38:08
25,
38:09
five
38:10
times
38:10
as
38:10
likely.
38:11
And
38:12
so
38:12
the.
38:13
So
38:13
when
38:14
we
38:14
look
38:14
at
38:14
this,
38:14
we
38:15
see
38:15
how
38:15
challenging
38:17
adolescence
38:18
especially
38:18
is
38:19
for
38:19
boys,
38:20
and
38:20
we
38:20
realize
38:21
we,
38:21
you
38:21
know,
38:21
we
38:21
need
38:22
to
38:22
ask
38:22
the
38:22
questions
38:23
like,
38:23
you
38:23
know,
38:23
what
38:23
do
38:23
we
38:23
do
38:24
about
38:24
that?
38:24
How
38:24
can
38:25
we
38:25
change
38:26
this
38:26
when
38:27
men
38:27
and
38:28
women
38:28
are
38:28
85,
38:29
men
38:30
who
38:30
are
38:30
85
38:31
and
38:31
older
38:31
versus
38:31
women
38:32
who
38:32
are
38:32
85
38:32
and
38:32
older.
38:33
Men
38:33
who
38:34
are
38:34
85
38:34
and
38:34
older
38:35
are
38:35
1,750%
38:39
as
38:39
likely
38:39
to
38:40
commit
38:40
suicide
38:41
as
38:42
women
38:42
that
38:42
same
38:43
age
38:43
are.
38:44
And
38:44
so,
38:44
and
38:45
when
38:45
I
38:45
mentioned
38:46
this,
38:46
when
38:46
somebody
38:47
else
38:47
mentioned
38:48
this
38:48
actually
38:48
on
38:49
a
38:49
TikTok
38:50
post,
38:51
the
38:51
response
38:52
of
38:52
one
38:52
person
38:53
on
38:53
the
38:53
TikTok
38:54
post
38:54
was,
38:55
men's
38:55
rates
38:56
of
38:56
suicide
38:56
should
38:57
be
38:57
higher.
38:58
That
38:58
was
38:59
sad,
38:59
but
39:00
was
39:00
much
39:01
sadder,
39:02
was
39:02
there
39:02
were
39:02
7,000
39:04
likes
39:05
people
39:06
putting
39:06
hearts
39:07
next
39:07
to
39:07
that
39:07
comment
39:08
that
39:08
men's
39:09
rates
39:09
of
39:09
suicide
39:10
should
39:10
be
39:11
higher.
39:11
And
39:12
that,
39:12
John,
39:12
is
39:13
sort
39:13
of
39:13
the
39:13
evolution
39:15
of
39:15
an
39:15
attitude
39:16
that
39:16
has
39:17
evolved
39:18
in
39:18
the
39:18
past
39:19
decades.
39:20
That
39:20
we
39:21
have
39:21
a
39:21
situation
39:22
of
39:22
women
39:22
good,
39:23
men
39:23
bad,
39:24
and
39:24
men
39:24
so
39:25
bad
39:25
that
39:26
it's
39:26
actually.
39:27
So
39:27
it
39:27
would
39:28
be
39:28
wonderful
39:28
if
39:28
the
39:29
rates
39:29
of
39:29
suicides
39:30
on
39:30
the
39:30
part
39:30
of
39:30
men
39:31
would
39:31
be
39:31
higher.
39:32
There
39:32
can
39:32
be,
39:32
in
39:32
my
39:33
opinion,
39:33
nothing
39:33
that
39:34
hurts
39:34
my
39:34
heart
39:34
more
39:35
than
39:35
that.
39:36
Yeah,
39:36
that's
39:37
a
39:37
tragic
39:37
figure.
39:38
Yes,
39:38
I'm
39:39
a
39:39
little
39:39
bit
39:39
stopped
39:40
by
39:40
that.
39:41
It's
39:41
so
39:42
painful.
39:44
We
39:44
demonize
39:45
any.
39:45
Anyone.
39:46
Yeah,
39:47
any.
39:47
Any
39:48
group
39:48
at
39:48
all.
39:48
Stereotype.
39:49
Any
39:49
group
39:50
with
39:51
that
39:51
amount
39:51
of
39:51
negativity.
39:52
I'm
39:52
sorry,
39:53
Roger.
39:53
I
39:53
was
39:53
realizing
39:54
I
39:54
was
39:54
going
39:54
somewhere
39:55
with
39:55
that
39:55
that
39:55
I
39:55
didn't
39:56
complete
39:56
the
39:56
circle
39:56
on.
39:57
Yeah,
39:57
please.
39:58
The
39:58
single
39:59
biggest
40:00
predictor
40:01
of
40:02
males
40:02
committing
40:03
suicide
40:04
is
40:05
a
40:05
lack
40:05
of
40:05
father
40:06
involvement
40:06
after
40:07
divorce.
40:09
And
40:09
so
40:09
as
40:09
I
40:10
began
40:10
to
40:10
see
40:11
that,
40:11
that
40:12
and
40:12
54
40:13
other
40:13
high
40:14
correlations
40:15
slash
40:16
causality,
40:16
depending
40:17
on
40:17
what
40:17
types
40:18
of
40:18
numbers
40:18
were
40:18
involved
40:19
and
40:19
that
40:19
the
40:19
importance
40:20
of
40:20
fathers
40:21
on
40:21
so
40:21
many
40:22
levels.
40:22
I'll
40:22
give
40:22
you
40:23
another
40:23
example
40:23
of
40:23
this.
40:24
At
40:24
nine
40:25
and
40:25
a
40:25
half
40:25
years
40:25
of
40:25
age,
40:26
the
40:26
length
40:26
of
40:27
our
40:27
telomeres,
40:27
there's
40:28
just
40:28
a
40:28
part
40:28
of
40:29
each
40:29
cell
40:29
as
40:29
it
40:29
has
40:30
telomeres.
40:30
And
40:31
the
40:31
length
40:31
of
40:31
our
40:31
telomeres
40:32
predicts
40:33
our
40:33
life
40:33
expectancy
40:34
more
40:35
accurately
40:35
than
40:35
almost
40:36
any
40:36
other
40:36
single
40:36
thing.
40:37
So
40:37
boys
40:37
and
40:38
girls
40:38
that
40:38
have
40:38
father
40:39
involvement
40:39
at
40:40
the
40:40
age
40:40
of
40:40
nine
40:41
and
40:41
a
40:41
half
40:41
are
40:41
14
40:43
more
40:43
likely
40:43
to
40:44
have
40:44
longer
40:45
telomeres.
40:46
Other
40:46
factors
40:47
being
40:47
controlled
40:48
for,
40:48
like
40:48
socioeconomic
40:49
factors.
40:49
However,
40:50
boys
40:51
who
40:51
have
40:52
father
40:52
involvements
40:53
telomeres
40:54
are
40:54
40%
40:56
likely
40:56
to
40:56
be
40:56
even
40:57
longer
40:57
than
40:57
girls
40:58
if
40:58
they
40:58
have
40:58
father
40:58
involvement.
40:59
Or
40:59
I
40:59
think
41:00
the
41:00
actual
41:00
the
41:00
data
41:00
is
41:01
the
41:01
other
41:01
way
41:01
around,
41:01
that
41:01
if
41:02
they
41:02
don't
41:02
have
41:02
father
41:03
involvement
41:03
40%
41:04
shorter.
41:05
So
41:05
it
41:05
gives
41:05
you
41:05
a
41:05
sense
41:06
of
41:06
how
41:07
important
41:07
father
41:08
involvement
41:08
is
41:09
even
41:09
at
41:10
creating
41:10
a
41:10
type
41:10
of
41:11
internal
41:11
health
41:12
and
41:12
external
41:12
health
41:13
that
41:13
allows
41:13
our
41:14
telomeres
41:14
at
41:15
is
41:15
our
41:15
predictors
41:15
of
41:16
our
41:16
life
41:16
expectancy
41:17
to
41:17
be
41:17
either
41:17
longer
41:18
with
41:18
father
41:18
involvement
41:19
or
41:19
shorter
41:20
without.
41:20
How
41:21
it
41:21
affects
41:21
both
41:21
girls
41:22
and
41:22
boys,
41:23
but
41:23
how
41:23
it
41:23
affects
41:24
boys
41:24
more
41:25
so
41:25
disproportionately
41:26
to
41:26
girls.
41:27
Well,
41:27
the
41:27
absence
41:28
of
41:28
a
41:29
father
41:29
reaches
41:30
down
41:30
into
41:30
the
41:30
biology
41:31
in
41:31
very
41:32
profound
41:32
way,
41:33
very
41:33
profound
41:33
and
41:34
enduring
41:35
ways,
41:35
obviously
41:36
lifelong
41:37
ways.
41:37
And
41:37
you
41:38
also
41:38
mapped,
41:39
as
41:39
you
41:39
said,
41:40
over
41:40
50
41:41
different
41:42
areas
41:43
in
41:43
which
41:43
the
41:44
dad
41:44
deprivation
41:45
impacts
41:46
children
41:47
and
41:47
particularly
41:48
boys.
41:48
Could
41:49
you
41:49
lay
41:49
out
41:50
some
41:50
of
41:50
the.
41:51
Some
41:51
of
41:51
the
41:51
psychological
41:52
and
41:52
social
41:53
and
41:53
relational
41:54
impacts
41:55
of
41:55
not
41:55
having
41:55
a
41:56
father
41:56
around?
41:57
Yes,
41:57
yes.
41:57
Oftentimes
41:58
after
41:58
divorce,
41:59
the
41:59
divorce
42:00
leads
42:00
to
42:01
the
42:01
mother
42:01
and
42:02
father
42:02
separating.
42:03
And
42:04
there's
42:04
often
42:05
one
42:05
or
42:05
more
42:05
of
42:06
these
42:06
four
42:06
must
42:07
dos.
42:07
I
42:08
want
42:08
to
42:08
be
42:08
start
42:09
out
42:09
even
42:09
being
42:09
constructive
42:10
here
42:10
and
42:10
skip
42:11
right
42:11
to
42:12
what
42:12
to
42:13
do.
42:13
What
42:13
are
42:14
the
42:14
four
42:14
must
42:14
dos
42:15
after
42:15
Divorce
42:16
that
42:17
will
42:17
minimize
42:18
the
42:18
lack
42:18
of
42:18
trauma
42:19
for
42:19
your
42:19
children,
42:19
both
42:20
girls
42:20
and
42:20
boys.
42:21
Yeah,
42:21
please.
42:22
And
42:22
the
42:22
first
42:23
is
42:23
equal
42:23
amount
42:24
of
42:24
time
42:24
with
42:24
mother
42:25
and
42:25
father,
42:26
biological
42:26
mom
42:26
and
42:27
dad.
42:27
And
42:27
unfortunately,
42:28
it's
42:28
the
42:28
biological
42:29
mom
42:29
and
42:29
dad
42:30
that
42:30
is
42:31
the
42:31
substitute.
42:32
A
42:32
role
42:32
model
42:32
of
42:32
stepfather
42:33
is
42:34
not
42:34
as
42:34
effective.
42:35
Number
42:35
two
42:36
is
42:36
that
42:36
the
42:36
mom
42:37
and
42:37
dad,
42:37
the
42:37
biological
42:38
mom
42:38
and
42:38
dad
42:39
live
42:39
within
42:39
about
42:40
20
42:40
minutes
42:40
drive
42:41
time
42:41
from
42:41
each
42:41
other
42:42
so
42:42
that
42:42
the
42:42
children
42:43
don't
42:43
feel
42:43
that
42:43
they
42:44
angry
42:44
at
42:44
the
42:45
parent
42:45
that
42:45
they
42:45
have
42:45
to
42:45
go
42:46
a
42:46
long
42:46
distance
42:47
to
42:47
because
42:47
they.
42:47
They
42:48
lose
42:48
their
42:48
soccer
42:49
practice
42:49
or
42:49
they
42:49
can't
42:50
attend
42:50
their
42:50
best
42:51
friend's
42:51
birthday
42:51
party.
42:52
Number
42:52
three
42:53
is
42:53
that
42:53
the
42:53
children
42:54
are
42:54
not
42:54
able
42:55
to
42:55
detect
42:56
any
42:56
badmouthing
42:57
from
42:57
mom
42:57
to
42:58
dad
42:58
or
42:58
dad
42:58
to
42:58
mom.
42:59
And
42:59
bad
43:00
mouthing,
43:00
I
43:01
define
43:01
more
43:01
broadly
43:02
as
43:02
tones
43:03
of
43:03
voice
43:03
that.
43:04
So
43:04
let's
43:04
say
43:04
you
43:05
said,
43:05
I
43:05
have
43:05
a
43:05
great
43:05
time
43:06
at
43:06
mom's
43:07
night.
43:07
And
43:07
dad
43:08
goes,
43:08
and
43:08
dad
43:09
just
43:09
changes
43:09
the
43:10
subject,
43:10
looks,
43:10
you
43:10
know,
43:11
has
43:11
a
43:11
stern
43:11
face,
43:11
changes
43:12
the
43:12
subject
43:12
and
43:13
says,
43:13
you
43:13
know,
43:13
how
43:14
about
43:14
your
43:14
homework?
43:14
That
43:15
type
43:15
of
43:15
thing.
43:15
And
43:16
so
43:16
where
43:16
we're
43:17
giving
43:17
signals
43:18
to
43:18
our
43:18
children
43:19
that
43:19
talking
43:20
positively
43:20
about
43:21
the
43:21
other
43:21
parent
43:22
will
43:22
not
43:22
buy
43:22
them
43:23
any
43:23
attention,
43:23
any
43:24
approval,
43:24
but
43:25
just
43:25
switch
43:25
the
43:25
topic
43:26
to
43:26
some
43:26
burden.
43:27
And
43:27
so
43:27
that's
43:27
a
43:28
broader
43:28
definition
43:29
of
43:29
badmouthing
43:29
than
43:30
most
43:30
people.
43:30
But
43:31
children
43:31
respond
43:32
to
43:32
those
43:32
cues.
43:33
And
43:34
number
43:34
four,
43:35
that
43:35
the
43:35
parents
43:36
attend
43:37
couples
43:37
communication
43:38
counseling
43:38
or
43:39
some
43:39
type
43:39
of
43:39
couples
43:40
work
43:40
together,
43:41
mostly
43:41
counseling
43:42
at
43:42
least
43:43
once
43:43
every
43:43
three
43:43
or
43:44
four
43:44
weeks,
43:45
not
43:45
just
43:45
during
43:46
emergencies,
43:46
when
43:46
it
43:47
happens
43:47
only
43:47
during
43:47
emergencies.
43:48
Usually
43:49
during
43:49
an
43:50
emergency,
43:51
mother
43:51
and
43:51
father
43:51
are
43:52
arguing
43:52
for
43:52
their
43:53
perspective
43:54
rather
43:54
than
43:54
listening
43:55
to
43:55
each
43:55
other's
43:55
perspective.
43:56
The
43:56
process
43:56
that
43:57
really
43:57
helps
43:57
is
43:57
the
43:57
listening
43:58
process.
43:59
So
43:59
when
43:59
those
43:59
four
44:00
things
44:00
happen,
44:01
then
44:02
children
44:02
do
44:03
almost
44:03
as
44:03
well
44:03
as
44:03
they
44:04
would
44:04
do
44:04
in
44:04
an
44:04
intact
44:05
family
44:05
without
44:06
there
44:06
being
44:06
a
44:06
divorce.
44:07
But
44:07
back
44:08
to
44:08
your
44:08
question
44:08
before
44:09
about
44:09
to
44:09
give
44:09
you
44:10
another
44:10
example
44:10
or
44:11
two
44:11
about
44:11
what
44:12
happens
44:12
when
44:12
there's
44:13
a
44:13
lack
44:13
of
44:13
father
44:13
involvement.
44:14
When
44:14
there's
44:15
a
44:15
lack
44:15
of
44:15
father
44:15
involvement,
44:16
the
44:16
particularly
44:17
the
44:17
boy
44:18
basically
44:19
starts
44:19
feeling
44:20
like
44:20
he
44:20
doesn't
44:21
have
44:21
one
44:22
of
44:22
the
44:22
gifts
44:22
that
44:22
fathers
44:23
give.
44:23
One
44:24
of
44:24
those
44:24
gifts,
44:24
for
44:24
example,
44:25
is
44:25
roughhousing.
44:26
And
44:26
so
44:27
one
44:27
would
44:27
say,
44:27
well,
44:27
what's
44:27
the
44:28
big
44:28
gift
44:28
of
44:28
roughhousing?
44:29
And
44:29
what
44:29
we
44:29
know
44:30
now
44:30
is
44:31
that
44:31
roughhousing
44:32
with
44:33
your
44:33
children
44:34
actually
44:35
increases.
44:36
And
44:37
this
44:37
is
44:37
so
44:37
counterintuitive
44:38
empathy.
44:40
And
44:41
so
44:41
it's
44:41
so
44:42
counterintuitive
44:42
to
44:43
think
44:43
of
44:43
roughhousing.
44:44
Increasing
44:44
empathy
44:45
and
44:46
roughhousing
44:47
also
44:47
done
44:47
well,
44:48
increases
44:49
postponed
44:50
gratification.
44:50
So
44:51
I'll
44:51
give
44:51
an
44:51
example
44:52
of
44:52
this.
44:52
So
44:53
let's
44:53
say
44:53
dad
44:54
is.
44:54
Here's
44:55
what
44:55
happens
44:55
in
44:55
Many
44:56
cases
44:56
in
44:56
a
44:56
family,
44:57
let's
44:57
say
44:57
you
44:57
have
44:57
three
44:58
children.
44:58
And
44:58
dad
44:58
says,
44:59
okay,
44:59
you
44:59
know,
44:59
pops
45:00
the
45:00
three
45:00
little
45:00
kids
45:00
on
45:01
the
45:01
couch
45:01
and
45:01
says,
45:02
okay,
45:02
the
45:02
job
45:02
here
45:03
is
45:03
for
45:03
the
45:03
three
45:04
of
45:04
you
45:04
to
45:04
jump
45:04
on
45:04
my
45:04
back
45:05
and
45:05
try
45:05
to
45:05
pin
45:05
me
45:06
down
45:06
before
45:06
I
45:06
pin
45:06
the
45:07
three
45:07
of
45:07
you
45:07
down,
45:07
okay?
45:08
And
45:08
the
45:08
kids
45:08
go,
45:08
yeah,
45:09
dad,
45:09
we'll
45:09
do
45:10
it
45:10
right.
45:10
That's
45:10
fantastic.
45:11
And
45:11
Mom's
45:12
looking
45:12
on
45:12
and
45:12
going
45:13
like,
45:13
oh,
45:13
God,
45:13
I
45:13
feel
45:14
like
45:14
I
45:14
have
45:14
just
45:14
one
45:14
more
45:14
child
45:15
to
45:15
monitor
45:15
here.
45:15
And
45:16
see,
45:16
she's
45:16
really
45:17
worried
45:17
and
45:17
she's
45:17
feeling.
45:17
But
45:18
she
45:18
doesn't
45:18
want
45:18
to
45:18
interfere
45:19
because
45:19
she
45:19
sees
45:19
the
45:19
children
45:20
are
45:20
really
45:20
excited.
45:21
And
45:21
so
45:22
she's
45:22
sort
45:23
of.
45:23
Tries
45:23
to
45:23
restrain
45:24
herself,
45:24
but
45:24
she's
45:24
feeling
45:25
like
45:25
she's
45:25
quite
45:26
sure
45:26
that
45:26
sooner
45:26
or
45:27
later
45:27
somebody's
45:27
going
45:27
to
45:27
get
45:27
hurt.
45:28
She's
45:28
only
45:28
about
45:28
90,
45:29
99%
45:29
likely
45:29
to
45:30
be
45:30
right.
45:30
And
45:30
so.
45:31
So
45:31
then
45:31
the
45:32
children
45:32
hop
45:32
on
45:32
their
45:33
back
45:33
and
45:33
they
45:33
try
45:34
to
45:34
pin
45:34
the
45:34
other
45:35
children
45:35
down.
45:35
And
45:36
sure
45:36
enough,
45:36
somebody
45:37
sticks
45:37
his
45:37
or
45:38
her
45:38
elbow
45:38
in
45:39
the
45:39
other.
45:39
In
45:39
the
45:39
sibling's
45:40
eye
45:40
or
45:41
something
45:41
like
45:41
that.
45:41
And
45:42
somebody
45:42
gets
45:42
hurt.
45:43
And
45:43
then
45:43
mom
45:43
is
45:44
really
45:44
going,
45:44
oh,
45:44
my
45:44
God,
45:45
I
45:45
wish
45:45
I
45:45
had,
45:45
you
45:45
know,
45:46
I'd
45:46
stopped
45:47
this
45:47
process
45:47
from
45:48
happening.
45:48
I
45:48
knew
45:48
it.
45:49
I
45:49
should
45:49
have
45:49
paid
45:50
attention
45:50
to
45:50
my
45:50
intuition.
45:51
And
45:51
now
45:51
somebody
45:52
got
45:52
hurt,
45:52
and
45:52
it's
45:53
really
45:53
my
45:53
fault.
45:54
But
45:54
now
45:54
maybe
45:55
the
45:55
dad
45:55
will
45:55
see
45:56
that
45:56
this,
45:56
you
45:56
know,
45:57
that
45:57
somebody
45:57
got
45:57
hurt
45:57
and
45:58
will
45:58
stop
45:58
the
45:58
roughhousing.
45:59
But
45:59
what
45:59
does
45:59
dad
46:00
do?
46:00
Dad
46:00
says,
46:01
you
46:01
know,
46:02
sweetie,
46:02
if
46:02
you
46:03
do
46:03
that
46:03
again,
46:03
the
46:04
way
46:04
you
46:04
put
46:04
your
46:04
elbow
46:05
in
46:05
your
46:05
sister's
46:06
eye
46:06
like
46:06
that,
46:06
it'll
46:07
be
46:07
the
46:07
end
46:07
of
46:07
the
46:07
roughhousing.
46:08
And
46:09
so
46:09
mom
46:09
goes,
46:10
well,
46:10
I'm
46:11
sure
46:11
the
46:11
kids
46:11
aren't
46:12
really
46:12
going
46:12
to
46:12
get
46:12
this,
46:12
but
46:13
all
46:13
right,
46:14
at
46:14
least
46:14
he's
46:14
halfway
46:14
there.
46:15
And
46:15
so
46:16
the
46:16
dad
46:16
starts
46:16
the
46:17
roughhousing
46:17
again.
46:18
And
46:18
this
46:19
time,
46:19
somebody.
46:20
The
46:20
kids
46:20
promise
46:21
they'll
46:21
be
46:21
much
46:21
better,
46:22
but
46:22
they
46:22
aren't.
46:22
They
46:23
get
46:23
caught
46:23
up
46:23
in
46:23
the
46:23
roughhousing
46:24
and
46:24
somebody
46:24
else
46:25
gets
46:25
hurt
46:25
again.
46:26
And
46:26
so
46:27
the
46:27
dad
46:27
now
46:27
stops
46:28
the
46:28
roughhousing
46:28
and
46:29
says,
46:29
okay,
46:30
there's
46:30
gonna
46:30
be
46:30
no
46:31
more
46:31
roughhousing
46:31
until
46:31
maybe
46:32
later
46:32
in
46:32
the
46:32
week.
46:32
And
46:33
if
46:33
you
46:33
do
46:33
everything
46:33
right,
46:34
like
46:34
your
46:34
homework,
46:34
et
46:35
cetera,
46:35
maybe
46:36
we'll
46:36
pick
46:36
this
46:36
up
46:36
again,
46:37
or
46:37
maybe
46:37
not.
46:38
And
46:38
the
46:38
kids
46:38
go,
46:39
oh.
46:40
And
46:40
Mom's
46:41
going,
46:41
wait
46:41
a
46:41
minute.
46:42
Twice
46:42
in
46:43
a
46:43
row
46:43
somebody
46:44
got
46:44
hurt,
46:44
and
46:44
you
46:45
don't
46:45
get
46:45
the
46:45
point.
46:45
And
46:46
you're
46:46
promising
46:46
them
46:47
that
46:47
maybe
46:47
they'll
46:47
do
46:48
it
46:48
again.
46:49
And
46:49
so
46:49
what's
46:50
happening
46:50
here?
46:50
So
46:51
the
46:51
next
46:51
time
46:51
around,
46:52
the
46:52
roughhousing
46:53
happens,
46:54
dad
46:54
says,
46:55
you
46:55
know,
46:55
be
46:55
careful
46:55
about
46:56
not
46:56
hurting
46:56
your
46:56
brother
46:56
or
46:57
your
46:57
sister
46:58
and
46:58
the
46:59
the
46:59
brother
46:59
and
46:59
the
47:00
sister
47:01
this
47:01
time.
47:01
They
47:02
know
47:03
that
47:03
if
47:03
they
47:04
don't
47:04
pay
47:04
attention
47:05
to
47:05
their
47:05
sister
47:06
or
47:06
brother's
47:07
needs,
47:07
fears
47:08
and
47:08
feelings,
47:09
that
47:10
they're
47:10
going
47:10
to
47:10
lose
47:11
their
47:11
treat.
47:12
Roughhousing.
47:13
It's
47:13
like
47:14
a
47:14
dog
47:14
that
47:14
knows
47:15
the
47:15
puppy
47:16
dog.
47:16
If
47:16
you
47:16
do
47:16
it
47:17
this
47:17
way,
47:17
you'll
47:17
get
47:17
the
47:18
treat.
47:18
If
47:18
you
47:18
don't,
47:19
you
47:19
won't.
47:20
So
47:20
what's
47:20
really
47:20
happening
47:21
here
47:21
is
47:21
two
47:22
things.
47:22
Let's
47:22
look
47:22
at
47:22
the
47:23
empathy
47:23
factor
47:24
and
47:24
the
47:24
postponed
47:24
gratification
47:25
factor.
47:26
The
47:26
empathy
47:27
factor.
47:27
The
47:28
children
47:28
are
47:28
learning
47:29
that
47:29
if
47:30
they
47:30
don't
47:30
pay
47:31
attention
47:31
to
47:31
their
47:32
brothers
47:32
and
47:32
sisters
47:33
needs
47:33
and
47:34
feelings,
47:35
they're
47:35
going
47:35
to
47:36
lose
47:36
what
47:36
they
47:37
want.
47:38
They're
47:38
learning
47:39
the
47:39
beginning
47:40
of
47:40
postponed
47:41
gratification.
47:43
Postponed
47:44
gratification
47:44
is
47:45
the
47:45
single
47:45
biggest
47:46
predictor
47:47
of
47:47
success
47:47
or
47:48
failure
47:48
in
47:48
life.
47:50
And
47:50
so
47:51
without
47:51
postponed
47:52
gratification,
47:53
when
47:53
they're
47:53
asked
47:53
to
47:53
do
47:54
homework,
47:54
they
47:55
do
47:56
video
47:56
games
47:56
instead
47:57
or
47:57
talk
47:57
to
47:58
a
47:58
friend
47:58
on
47:58
the
47:58
phone
47:58
instead,
47:59
rather
47:59
than
48:00
postponing
48:01
their
48:01
gratification,
48:02
getting
48:02
the
48:02
homework
48:03
done
48:03
and
48:04
then
48:04
calling
48:04
their
48:04
friend
48:05
after
48:05
they've
48:05
gotten
48:06
the
48:06
homework
48:06
done.
48:07
So
48:08
what
48:08
they're
48:08
also
48:08
learning
48:09
is
48:10
that
48:10
they
48:11
are
48:11
rewarded
48:12
for
48:12
having
48:13
an
48:13
understanding
48:14
of
48:15
the
48:15
way
48:15
somebody
48:16
else
48:16
might
48:16
feel
48:16
hurt.
48:17
So
48:17
they're
48:18
learning
48:18
empathy
48:19
and
48:20
learning
48:20
postponed
48:21
gratification.
48:22
But
48:22
I've
48:23
never
48:23
heard
48:23
a
48:24
father.
48:24
I
48:25
don't
48:25
blame
48:25
the
48:25
mothers
48:26
for
48:26
not
48:26
knowing
48:26
this
48:27
because
48:27
I've
48:27
never
48:27
heard
48:28
a
48:28
father
48:29
say,
48:29
all
48:30
this
48:30
is
48:30
in
48:30
the
48:30
boy
48:30
crisis
48:31
book.
48:31
But
48:31
I've
48:32
never
48:32
heard
48:32
a
48:32
father
48:32
say,
48:32
well,
48:33
I
48:33
read
48:33
in
48:33
the
48:33
boy
48:33
crisis
48:34
book,
48:34
you
48:34
know,
48:34
the
48:35
roughhousing
48:35
with
48:36
kids
48:36
leads
48:36
to
48:37
empathy
48:37
and
48:38
postponed
48:38
gratification.
48:39
And
48:39
we
48:40
can't
48:40
expect
48:40
women
48:40
to
48:41
hear
48:41
what
48:41
men
48:41
don't
48:41
say.
48:42
So
48:42
we
48:42
need
48:43
men
48:43
to
48:43
start
48:43
doing
48:44
their
48:44
homework
48:45
about
48:46
what
48:46
are
48:46
some
48:46
of
48:47
the
48:47
seven
48:48
major
48:49
contributions
48:50
that
48:50
fathers
48:51
make
48:51
that
48:51
are
48:51
different
48:52
from
48:52
what
48:52
moms
48:53
make
48:53
that
48:53
lead
48:54
to
48:54
children
48:54
doing
48:55
so
48:55
much
48:55
better
48:56
when
48:56
they
48:56
have
48:57
both
48:57
dads
48:58
and
48:58
moms
48:58
in
48:59
their
48:59
life,
48:59
either
49:00
in
49:00
the
49:00
form
49:00
of
49:00
an
49:01
intact
49:01
family
49:02
or
49:02
in
49:02
the
49:02
form
49:03
of
49:03
not
49:03
having
49:03
the
49:04
four
49:04
must
49:04
dos.
49:05
Having
49:05
the
49:05
four
49:06
must
49:06
dos
49:06
that
49:06
I
49:06
talked
49:07
about
49:07
after
49:07
divorce,
49:08
I'd
49:08
like
49:08
to.
49:08
Say
49:09
I
49:09
thought
49:09
about
49:09
this
49:10
stuff.
49:10
This
49:10
is
49:10
really
49:10
just
49:12
really
49:12
good
49:12
for
49:12
me
49:12
to
49:12
be
49:12
here.
49:13
But
49:14
I
49:14
heard
49:14
one
49:14
time,
49:15
or
49:15
I
49:15
thought
49:15
it
49:15
up
49:15
or
49:16
something,
49:16
but
49:16
when
49:16
it
49:17
comes
49:17
to
49:17
mother
49:18
love
49:18
and
49:18
father
49:19
love,
49:19
then
49:19
mother
49:20
love,
49:20
I
49:20
love
49:20
you
49:21
unconditionally
49:21
because
49:22
you're
49:22
my
49:22
precious
49:22
child,
49:23
my
49:23
precious
49:23
baby
49:23
and
49:24
the
49:24
father,
49:24
I
49:25
love
49:25
you.
49:25
If
49:25
you
49:25
do
49:25
the
49:26
right
49:26
thing.
49:27
And
49:27
we
49:28
need
49:28
both
49:28
of
49:28
those
49:29
things
49:29
inside
49:29
us,
49:29
we
49:30
need
49:30
unconditional
49:30
love
49:31
for
49:31
ourselves,
49:31
but
49:31
we
49:32
also
49:32
need
49:32
that
49:32
part
49:32
that,
49:33
you
49:33
know,
49:33
we
49:34
got
49:34
to
49:34
show
49:34
up
49:34
in
49:34
life
49:35
and
49:35
do
49:35
the
49:35
right
49:35
thing
49:36
or,
49:36
you
49:37
know,
49:37
that
49:37
ain't
49:37
good.
49:38
So.
49:38
And
49:38
you
49:38
put
49:39
that
49:39
together,
49:39
you
49:39
get
49:39
a
49:40
whole
49:40
human
49:40
being.
49:40
But
49:40
if
49:40
you
49:41
have
49:41
just
49:41
the
49:41
one,
49:42
it's
49:42
very
49:43
hurtful,
49:43
or
49:44
just
49:44
the
49:44
other
49:44
becomes
49:45
very
49:45
narcissistic.
49:46
So,
49:47
you
49:47
know,
49:48
it's.
49:48
We're
49:49
both
49:49
needed.
49:50
First
49:50
of
49:50
all,
49:50
overall,
49:51
I
49:51
totally
49:51
agree.
49:52
One
49:53
way
49:53
I
49:53
would
49:53
reframe
49:54
that,
49:54
though,
49:54
is
49:54
that
49:55
the
49:55
father's
49:56
version
49:56
of
49:56
unconditional
49:57
love
49:58
is
49:59
to
49:59
make.
50:00
Create
50:01
conditions
50:01
that
50:02
will
50:02
make
50:02
you
50:03
be
50:03
more
50:04
successful
50:04
in
50:04
life,
50:05
have
50:05
that
50:05
postponed
50:06
gratification,
50:06
and
50:07
have
50:07
that
50:07
empathy.
50:08
So
50:08
it's
50:09
still
50:09
unconditional
50:10
love,
50:11
but
50:11
incorporated
50:12
in
50:12
that
50:12
unconditional
50:13
love
50:13
is
50:14
teaching
50:14
you
50:15
conditions
50:15
that
50:16
will
50:16
make
50:16
you
50:17
more
50:17
lovable
50:18
to
50:18
everybody
50:18
else
50:19
aside
50:19
from
50:19
us
50:20
that
50:20
will
50:20
make
50:20
you
50:21
more
50:21
successful
50:21
in
50:21
the
50:22
world.
50:22
And
50:22
so
50:23
it's
50:23
a
50:23
different
50:23
type
50:23
of
50:24
set
50:24
of
50:24
conditions,
50:25
if
50:25
you
50:25
will,
50:26
or
50:26
it's
50:26
a
50:26
conditions
50:27
for
50:27
a
50:27
purpose
50:28
that's
50:28
still
50:28
within
50:29
the
50:29
framework
50:29
of
50:30
love.
50:30
Got
50:30
it.
50:31
Well
50:31
said.
50:31
Warren,
50:32
you
50:32
said
50:32
there
50:32
were
50:33
seven
50:33
contributions
50:34
that
50:35
fathers
50:35
make,
50:36
and
50:36
you've
50:36
listed
50:37
some
50:37
of
50:37
them.
50:37
Would
50:38
you
50:38
just.
50:38
Would
50:38
you
50:38
like
50:38
to
50:39
round
50:39
that
50:39
out
50:39
for
50:40
us?
50:40
Sure.
50:40
I'll
50:40
give
50:41
another
50:41
example.
50:41
Teasing
50:42
is
50:42
another
50:42
good
50:42
example
50:43
that
50:43
creates
50:43
a
50:43
lot
50:43
of
50:44
understandings
50:44
between
50:45
dads
50:45
and
50:45
moms.
50:46
So
50:46
a
50:46
dad
50:47
will
50:47
oftentimes
50:47
say
50:48
something
50:48
like,
50:48
oh,
50:49
let's
50:49
say
50:50
dessert
50:50
is
50:50
being
50:51
sort
50:51
of
50:51
dished
50:52
out.
50:52
And
50:52
so
50:53
one
50:53
of
50:53
the
50:53
kids
50:54
is
50:54
assigned
50:54
to
50:54
dish
50:55
out
50:55
dessert.
50:56
And
50:56
let's
50:57
say
50:58
they.
50:58
It's
50:58
cherries.
50:59
And
51:00
the
51:00
boy
51:01
looks
51:01
at
51:01
all
51:01
the
51:01
cherries
51:02
and
51:02
gives
51:02
all
51:02
the
51:02
best
51:02
cherries
51:03
to
51:03
himself
51:04
and
51:04
gives
51:05
a
51:05
few
51:05
other,
51:06
you
51:06
know,
51:06
sort
51:06
of
51:06
mediocre
51:07
cherries
51:07
to
51:07
his
51:07
sister
51:08
and
51:09
to
51:09
the
51:09
rest
51:09
of
51:09
the
51:09
family.
51:10
And
51:10
so
51:11
dad
51:11
might
51:11
say
51:11
something
51:12
like,
51:12
well,
51:12
you're
51:13
really
51:13
generous
51:14
with
51:14
the
51:14
cherries
51:15
for
51:15
yourself,
51:15
aren't
51:16
you,
51:16
sweetie?
51:16
How
51:17
about
51:17
we
51:17
take
51:17
these
51:18
cherries
51:18
from
51:19
you
51:19
that
51:20
you
51:20
gave
51:20
yourself?
51:21
You
51:21
know,
51:21
do
51:21
you
51:21
think
51:21
you
51:22
were
51:22
fair
51:22
to
51:22
your
51:22
sister
51:23
and
51:23
brother?
51:23
Oh,
51:24
yeah,
51:24
Dad,
51:24
I
51:24
was
51:24
fair.
51:24
Okay,
51:25
let's
51:25
just
51:25
change
51:25
the
51:25
cherries
51:26
around.
51:27
Well,
51:27
we'll
51:27
give
51:27
the
51:27
cherries
51:28
that
51:28
you
51:28
gave
51:28
to
51:28
your
51:28
sister
51:29
to
51:29
you,
51:29
and
51:29
vice
51:29
versa.
51:30
And
51:30
now
51:31
the
51:31
kid
51:31
is
51:31
feeling
51:32
all
51:32
right.
51:32
I've
51:32
sort
51:32
of
51:33
been
51:33
caught
51:33
here.
51:34
So
51:34
the
51:34
dad
51:35
might
51:35
make
51:35
up
51:35
some
51:35
little
51:36
tease
51:36
like,
51:36
no,
51:37
we
51:37
want
51:37
you
51:37
to
51:37
be,
51:37
you
51:38
know,
51:38
cherry
51:38
fair
51:39
or
51:39
some
51:39
other
51:39
stupid
51:40
pun,
51:40
and
51:41
the
51:41
kid
51:41
will,
51:41
you
51:41
know,
51:42
go,
51:43
you
51:43
know,
51:43
and
51:43
so
51:43
on.
51:43
And
51:44
so.
51:44
And
51:44
then
51:45
maybe
51:45
the
51:45
dad
51:46
might
51:46
make
51:46
some
51:46
little
51:47
comment,
51:47
a
51:47
teasing
51:48
comment.
51:48
To
51:48
the
51:48
boy
51:49
and,
51:49
or
51:49
the
51:50
girl.
51:50
And
51:50
the,
51:50
and
51:50
the
51:51
girl
51:51
or
51:51
boy
51:51
might
51:51
sort
51:52
of
51:52
cry
51:53
and
51:53
the
51:53
mom
51:54
will
51:54
say,
51:54
that
51:54
was
51:55
really
51:55
insensitive,
51:56
that
51:56
you
51:56
should,
51:56
you
51:56
know,
51:57
you
51:57
should
51:57
tease
51:57
like
51:58
that.
51:58
And
51:58
you
51:58
look,
51:58
you
51:58
made
51:59
Johnny
51:59
or
51:59
Jane
51:59
cry.
52:00
But
52:00
the
52:01
dad's
52:01
purpose
52:01
in
52:02
doing
52:02
that
52:02
is
52:03
rather
52:03
than
52:03
criticizing
52:04
the
52:04
child
52:04
directly,
52:05
the
52:05
child
52:06
is
52:06
being
52:06
teased
52:07
to
52:07
sort
52:07
of
52:07
like,
52:08
see
52:08
if
52:08
you
52:08
can
52:09
take
52:10
this
52:10
combination
52:10
of
52:11
humor.
52:11
Basically,
52:12
the
52:12
teasing
52:13
is
52:13
like
52:13
a
52:14
fruit
52:14
smoothie
52:15
and
52:16
with
52:16
lots
52:16
of
52:17
good
52:17
minerals
52:18
in
52:18
the
52:18
fruit
52:18
smoothly,
52:19
but
52:20
also
52:20
some
52:21
bitter
52:21
wheatgrass,
52:22
let's
52:22
say,
52:22
in
52:22
the
52:23
fruit
52:23
smoothie.
52:23
And
52:24
so
52:24
in
52:24
order
52:24
for
52:24
the
52:24
wheatgrass
52:25
to
52:25
go
52:25
down
52:26
well,
52:26
that
52:27
is
52:27
the
52:27
criticism
52:28
to
52:28
go
52:28
down
52:28
well,
52:28
the
52:29
child
52:29
gets
52:29
the
52:29
teasing
52:30
or
52:30
the
52:30
fruit
52:30
smoothie,
52:31
which
52:31
helps
52:31
the
52:32
criticism
52:32
go
52:32
down
52:33
more
52:33
easily.
52:34
And
52:34
so,
52:35
well,
52:35
the
52:35
child.
52:36
And
52:36
the
52:36
child
52:36
might
52:37
cry,
52:37
but
52:38
the
52:38
child
52:38
sort
52:38
of
52:38
gets
52:39
the
52:39
lesson
52:39
in
52:40
addition
52:40
to
52:40
the
52:41
tears.
52:42
And
52:42
so
52:43
if
52:43
a
52:43
mom
52:43
is
52:44
sort
52:44
of
52:44
like
52:45
eventually
52:45
really
52:45
open
52:46
minded
52:46
and
52:46
sort
52:47
of
52:47
talking
52:47
with
52:47
the
52:47
dad
52:47
about
52:48
why
52:48
do
52:48
you
52:48
do
52:48
that?
52:49
And
52:49
dad
52:49
explains,
52:50
and
52:50
the
52:50
dad
52:51
is
52:51
smart
52:51
enough
52:51
to,
52:52
and
52:52
knows
52:52
what
52:52
enough
52:53
what
52:53
the
52:53
natural
52:54
propensity
52:54
for
52:54
a
52:54
dad
52:55
to
52:55
tease
52:55
is.
52:56
And
52:56
it
52:56
explains
52:56
it
52:57
well
52:57
to
52:57
mom
52:58
that
52:58
this
52:58
will
52:58
really
52:59
help
52:59
the
52:59
child,
52:59
you
53:00
know,
53:00
handle
53:00
the
53:00
criticism
53:01
more
53:01
effectively
53:01
and
53:02
be
53:02
playful.
53:03
So
53:03
I've,
53:04
I've
53:04
had
53:04
moms
53:04
in
53:04
my
53:05
workshops
53:05
do
53:05
this
53:06
and
53:06
say,
53:07
well,
53:07
I
53:07
tried
53:08
this,
53:09
but
53:09
one
53:09
of
53:10
the
53:10
problems
53:11
was
53:11
that
53:12
when
53:12
I
53:12
tease,
53:13
the
53:14
child,
53:14
rather
53:14
than
53:14
laughing
53:15
and
53:15
playing
53:16
with
53:16
me,
53:17
started
53:17
crying.
53:18
And
53:18
I'd
53:19
have
53:19
to
53:19
explain
53:19
that
53:20
from
53:21
you,
53:21
Mom.
53:22
Teasing
53:22
feels
53:23
like
53:23
criticism
53:25
because
53:25
the
53:25
child's
53:26
not
53:26
expecting
53:27
the
53:27
teasing
53:28
style,
53:29
the
53:29
teasing
53:29
language
53:30
to
53:30
come
53:30
from
53:31
you.
53:31
And
53:32
when
53:32
it
53:32
does,
53:32
expect
53:33
so
53:33
you
53:34
have
53:34
to
53:34
first
53:34
get
53:35
the
53:35
child
53:35
to
53:35
understand
53:36
that
53:37
I'm
53:37
going
53:37
to
53:37
do
53:37
some,
53:37
I'm
53:37
going
53:38
to
53:38
tease
53:38
like
53:38
dad
53:38
does.
53:39
You
53:39
like
53:39
the
53:39
way
53:39
dad
53:40
sees.
53:40
You
53:41
have
53:41
to
53:41
let
53:41
your
53:42
child
53:42
know
53:43
that
53:43
you
53:43
are
53:44
using
53:44
a
53:44
different
53:44
language
53:45
with
53:46
different
53:46
intent.
53:47
And
53:47
so
53:47
the
53:48
child
53:48
doesn't
53:48
take
53:48
the
53:49
teasing
53:49
from
53:50
you
53:50
as
53:50
being
53:51
criticism,
53:51
whereas
53:52
it
53:52
took
53:52
the
53:52
teasing
53:53
from
53:53
dad
53:54
as
53:54
having
53:54
fun
53:55
with
53:55
you.
53:56
That's
53:56
another
53:56
example
53:57
of
53:57
one
53:57
of
53:57
the
53:58
differences
53:58
between
53:58
moms
53:59
and
53:59
dads
53:59
and
54:00
why
54:00
communication
54:01
is
54:02
so
54:02
important.
54:03
As
54:03
you
54:03
know,
54:04
when
54:04
I
54:04
did
54:04
the.
54:05
For
54:05
the
54:05
last
54:05
30
54:06
years,
54:06
Roger,
54:06
I've
54:06
been
54:07
doing
54:07
the
54:08
role
54:08
mate
54:08
to
54:08
soulmate
54:09
workshops.
54:10
I
54:10
know
54:10
you
54:10
held
54:10
that
54:11
book
54:11
up
54:11
before.
54:12
And
54:12
the
54:12
role
54:13
mate
54:13
to
54:13
soulmate
54:13
workshops
54:15
that
54:15
those
54:16
started
54:16
30
54:17
years
54:17
ago
54:18
when
54:18
I
54:18
started
54:19
seeing
54:19
that
54:20
every
54:20
John
54:21
Gottman
54:21
and
54:21
other
54:22
very
54:22
good
54:23
counselors
54:24
on
54:24
for
54:25
couples
54:25
said
54:25
one
54:26
problem
54:26
that
54:26
they
54:26
noticed
54:27
was
54:28
that
54:28
all
54:28
of
54:29
us
54:29
counselors
54:30
for
54:30
Couples
54:31
would
54:31
say,
54:32
it's
54:32
so
54:32
important
54:33
to
54:33
be
54:34
able
54:34
to
54:34
handle
54:35
personal
54:35
criticism
54:36
without
54:36
becoming
54:36
defensive.
54:38
Virtually
54:38
everybody
54:39
in
54:39
the
54:39
workshop
54:40
would
54:40
agree.
54:41
But
54:41
then
54:41
when
54:41
people
54:42
got
54:42
home,
54:43
as
54:43
soon
54:43
as
54:44
the
54:44
first
54:44
criticism
54:45
appeared,
54:45
that
54:45
wisdom
54:46
disappeared.
54:46
And
54:47
so
54:47
that
54:47
intrigued
54:48
me.
54:48
And
54:49
I
54:49
said,
54:49
I
54:50
wonder
54:50
why
54:50
that's
54:51
the
54:51
case.
54:52
Why
54:52
is
54:53
criticism
54:54
so
54:54
hard
54:54
to
54:55
handle?
54:55
And
54:56
I
54:56
realized
54:56
that,
54:56
historically
54:57
speaking,
54:57
if
54:58
we
54:58
were
54:58
criticized,
54:59
it
54:59
was
54:59
a
54:59
potential
55:00
enemy.
55:01
So
55:01
it
55:01
was
55:01
functional
55:02
to
55:03
be
55:03
defensive,
55:04
to
55:04
build
55:04
up
55:04
your
55:04
defenses
55:05
in
55:05
order
55:05
not
55:06
to
55:06
be
55:06
killed
55:06
by
55:06
the
55:06
enemy,
55:07
or
55:07
alternatively,
55:08
to
55:08
kill
55:08
the
55:08
enemy
55:08
before
55:09
the
55:09
enemy
55:09
killed
55:09
us.
55:10
But
55:10
that
55:11
was
55:11
functional
55:11
for
55:12
survival.
55:13
But
55:13
it's
55:13
just
55:13
totally
55:14
dysfunctional
55:15
for
55:15
love.
55:16
So
55:16
I
55:16
had
55:17
in
55:17
my
55:17
hands
55:18
could
55:18
I
55:19
create
55:20
what
55:20
was
55:20
really
55:21
amounted
55:22
to
55:22
an
55:22
evolutionary
55:23
shift,
55:24
meaning
55:24
that
55:25
somebody
55:25
from
55:26
their
55:26
partner,
55:26
their
55:27
loved
55:27
one,
55:27
could
55:28
handle
55:28
personal
55:29
criticism
55:30
without
55:30
becoming
55:31
defensive.
55:31
Was
55:32
that
55:32
possible?
55:32
And
55:33
so
55:33
for
55:34
years,
55:34
I
55:34
worked
55:34
on
55:35
that,
55:35
and
55:36
I
55:36
found
55:36
that
55:36
I
55:36
created
55:37
something
55:37
that
55:38
did
55:38
allow
55:39
that
55:39
to
55:39
happen.
55:40
And
55:40
it
55:40
was
55:41
called
55:41
a
55:41
caring
55:41
and
55:42
sharing
55:42
practice.
55:43
So
55:44
before
55:44
I
55:45
did
55:45
the
55:45
caring
55:46
and
55:46
sharing
55:46
practice,
55:47
before
55:47
somebody
55:48
heard
55:48
the
55:48
criticism
55:49
of
55:49
their
55:49
partner,
55:49
they
55:50
would
55:50
meditate
55:51
with
55:51
six
55:52
meditations
55:53
that
55:53
led
55:54
them
55:54
to
55:55
be
55:55
able
55:55
to
55:55
accept
55:56
criticism
55:57
and
55:57
associate
55:58
it
55:58
not
55:59
with
55:59
a
55:59
need
56:00
to
56:00
be
56:00
defensive,
56:01
but
56:01
with
56:02
an
56:02
opportunity
56:03
to
56:03
be
56:03
more
56:03
deeply
56:04
loved.
56:05
So
56:05
one
56:05
of
56:05
those
56:06
meditations,
56:06
for
56:06
example,
56:07
was
56:07
to
56:07
say,
56:08
was
56:08
what
56:08
I
56:08
call
56:09
the
56:09
love
56:09
guarantee.
56:10
And
56:10
so
56:11
before
56:11
I
56:11
hear
56:11
a
56:12
criticism
56:12
from
56:12
Liz,
56:13
my
56:13
wife,
56:13
when
56:14
she
56:14
has
56:14
something
56:14
she
56:14
wants
56:15
to
56:15
say
56:15
to
56:15
me,
56:15
well,
56:15
set
56:16
aside
56:16
this
56:16
caring
56:16
and
56:17
sharing
56:17
time.
56:18
And
56:18
she'll.
56:19
Before
56:19
she
56:20
expresses
56:20
her
56:20
concern
56:21
or
56:21
what
56:22
I
56:22
would
56:22
think
56:22
of
56:22
as
56:22
her
56:23
criticism,
56:24
I
56:24
go
56:24
through
56:25
these
56:25
six
56:25
meditations.
56:26
And
56:26
one
56:26
of
56:26
these
56:27
meditations
56:27
would
56:27
be
56:28
the
56:28
more
56:29
I
56:29
provide
56:29
a
56:30
secure
56:30
environment
56:31
for
56:31
you
56:32
to
56:32
say
56:32
whatever
56:32
you
56:33
want
56:33
to
56:33
say
56:34
in
56:34
whatever
56:34
tone
56:35
of
56:35
voice
56:35
you
56:35
wish
56:36
to
56:36
say
56:36
it.
56:37
The
56:37
more
56:37
your
56:37
tone
56:38
of
56:38
voice
56:38
is
56:38
angry,
56:39
and
56:39
the
56:39
more
56:40
you're
56:40
saying
56:40
something
56:41
that
56:41
I
56:41
completely
56:41
disagree
56:42
with,
56:43
if
56:43
nevertheless,
56:44
I'm
56:45
here
56:45
for
56:45
you
56:45
to
56:45
be
56:46
able
56:46
to
56:46
articulate
56:47
that
56:47
and
56:47
say
56:47
that.
56:48
And
56:48
then
56:48
I
56:48
let
56:49
you
56:49
know
56:49
what
56:49
I
56:49
heard,
56:50
and
56:50
I
56:50
make
56:50
sure
56:51
that
56:51
I
56:51
don't.
56:51
I
56:51
haven't
56:52
distorted
56:52
anything.
56:53
And
56:53
I
56:53
ask
56:53
you
56:54
if
56:54
you've
56:54
missed
56:54
anything,
56:55
and
56:55
ask
56:55
you
56:55
if
56:55
you
56:55
want
56:55
to
56:56
add
56:56
anything
56:56
more
56:57
when
56:57
I
56:57
do
56:58
that
56:58
for
56:58
you.
56:58
And
56:58
you
56:59
can
56:59
say
56:59
whatever
56:59
you
57:00
want
57:00
without
57:00
worrying
57:01
about
57:01
being
57:01
interrupted,
57:02
you
57:03
will
57:03
feel
57:03
more
57:03
safe
57:04
with
57:04
me.
57:05
And
57:05
if
57:05
you
57:05
feel
57:05
more
57:06
safe
57:06
with
57:06
me,
57:06
you'll
57:06
feel
57:07
more
57:07
loved
57:07
by
57:07
me.
57:08
And
57:08
if
57:08
you
57:08
feel
57:09
more
57:09
loved
57:09
by
57:09
me,
57:10
you'll
57:10
feel
57:10
more
57:10
love
57:10
for
57:11
me.
57:12
And
57:12
so
57:12
that's
57:12
just
57:13
one
57:13
of
57:13
six
57:14
meditations
57:14
that
57:15
I
57:15
go
57:15
through.
57:16
And
57:16
I
57:16
say
57:16
Those
57:17
meditations
57:17
out
57:18
loud.
57:19
So
57:19
Liz
57:19
can
57:20
see
57:21
that
57:21
I'm
57:21
preparing
57:22
myself
57:23
to
57:23
feel
57:24
completely
57:24
able
57:25
to
57:25
handle.
57:26
Not
57:26
only
57:27
handle
57:27
anything,
57:28
she
57:28
says,
57:28
but
57:29
the
57:29
angrier
57:30
she
57:30
is
57:31
and
57:31
the
57:31
more
57:31
distorted
57:32
the
57:32
story
57:33
is.
57:34
If
57:34
I'm
57:34
still
57:34
there
57:34
with
57:35
her,
57:35
the
57:36
more
57:36
love
57:37
I
57:37
will
57:37
feel
57:37
at
57:37
the
57:38
end
57:38
for
57:38
being
57:38
there
57:39
for
57:39
her.
57:40
And
57:40
so
57:40
that's
57:41
an
57:41
example
57:41
of
57:42
what
57:42
every
57:43
couple
57:43
needs
57:44
to
57:44
be
57:44
able
57:45
to
57:45
do
57:46
in
57:46
order
57:46
to
57:47
be
57:47
able
57:47
to
57:47
hear
57:49
what
57:49
the
57:49
value
57:49
of
57:50
the
57:50
teasing
57:50
is,
57:51
what
57:51
the
57:51
value
57:51
of
57:52
the
57:52
roughhousing
57:52
is,
57:53
when.
57:53
And
57:54
the
57:54
mother's
57:54
perspective
57:55
as
57:55
to
57:55
when
57:55
the
57:56
teasing
57:56
has
57:56
gone
57:57
too
57:57
far
57:57
or
57:58
when
57:58
the
57:58
roughhousing
57:59
has
57:59
gone
57:59
too
57:59
far.
58:00
And
58:00
so,
58:01
and
58:01
as
58:01
a
58:02
result
58:02
of
58:02
this
58:03
type,
58:03
the
58:04
most
58:04
important
58:05
single
58:05
thing
58:05
to
58:06
prevent
58:06
the
58:06
boy
58:07
crisis
58:08
is
58:08
really
58:09
not
58:09
father
58:09
involvement.
58:10
That's
58:11
the
58:11
second
58:11
most
58:11
important
58:12
thing.
58:13
The
58:13
most
58:13
important
58:14
thing
58:14
to
58:14
prevent
58:14
the
58:15
boy
58:15
crisis
58:16
is
58:16
people,
58:17
couples
58:17
knowing
58:18
how
58:18
to
58:18
communicate
58:19
so
58:19
effectively
58:21
that
58:21
they
58:21
are
58:21
constantly
58:22
deepening
58:23
their
58:23
love.
58:24
So
58:24
there
58:24
are
58:24
many
58:25
fewer
58:25
divorces,
58:26
because
58:26
it's
58:26
the
58:27
divorces
58:27
and
58:28
the
58:28
bad
58:28
communication
58:29
that
58:30
leads
58:30
to
58:30
the
58:30
divorces,
58:31
that
58:31
leads
58:31
to
58:32
the
58:32
lack
58:32
of
58:32
father
58:32
involvement
58:33
that
58:33
leads
58:34
to
58:34
the
58:34
boy
58:34
crisis.
58:35
So
58:35
let's
58:36
prevent
58:36
the
58:37
boy
58:37
crisis
58:38
at
58:38
its
58:38
root
58:39
cause
58:39
level.
58:40
Having
58:40
stronger
58:41
families
58:41
with
58:41
better
58:42
communication
58:42
and
58:43
the
58:43
children
58:44
experiencing
58:44
role
58:45
models
58:46
of
58:46
good
58:46
communication
58:47
on
58:47
the
58:47
part
58:47
of
58:47
their
58:48
parents
58:48
that
58:49
they
58:49
can
58:49
then
58:49
take
58:50
to
58:50
their
58:50
peers
58:50
and
58:50
their
58:51
children
58:51
and
58:51
their
58:51
loved
58:52
ones.
58:53
One
58:53
of
58:53
the
58:54
things
58:54
I
58:54
did
58:54
when
58:54
I
58:54
was
58:55
living
58:55
in
58:55
the
58:55
Bay
58:55
Area,
58:56
I
58:56
became
58:56
a
58:57
counselor
58:57
at
58:58
a
58:58
detention
58:59
center
58:59
for
59:00
young
59:00
men,
59:00
basically
59:00
a
59:01
jail
59:01
for
59:01
teenagers.
59:02
And
59:03
one
59:03
of
59:03
my
59:03
jobs
59:04
was
59:04
talking
59:05
to
59:06
young
59:06
men
59:06
who
59:07
were
59:07
gang
59:07
affiliated
59:08
before
59:08
they
59:08
were
59:09
getting
59:09
ready
59:09
to
59:09
be
59:09
released
59:10
and
59:10
seeing
59:11
if
59:11
we
59:11
could
59:11
make
59:12
some
59:12
progress
59:12
on
59:13
helping
59:13
to
59:14
get
59:14
back
59:14
into
59:14
the
59:14
world
59:15
without
59:15
going
59:15
back
59:15
in
59:15
the
59:16
gang.
59:16
And
59:16
it's
59:16
really
59:17
hard,
59:17
all
59:17
kinds
59:18
of
59:18
pressure
59:18
not
59:18
to
59:19
leave.
59:19
And
59:19
the
59:20
gang
59:20
affiliated
59:21
kids
59:21
that
59:21
I
59:21
worked
59:21
with
59:21
were
59:22
all
59:22
Hispanic,
59:23
actually,
59:23
they
59:24
were
59:24
Sudanos
59:24
and
59:25
Nortenios.
59:25
And
59:25
the
59:25
Sudanos
59:26
hated
59:26
the
59:26
nortenos
59:27
because
59:27
the
59:27
sudanos
59:28
had
59:28
recently
59:29
arrived
59:29
in
59:29
the
59:29
United
59:29
States
59:30
and
59:30
Norteno's
59:30
had
59:30
been
59:30
there
59:31
for
59:31
a
59:31
while.
59:31
So
59:31
they
59:31
just
59:31
went
59:32
at
59:32
each
59:32
other.
59:32
But
59:32
one
59:33
of
59:33
the
59:33
things
59:33
I
59:33
noticed
59:34
in
59:34
these
59:34
young
59:35
gangsters,
59:35
if
59:36
you
59:36
will,
59:36
is
59:37
that
59:37
they
59:37
all
59:37
came
59:38
from
59:38
broken
59:38
families.
59:39
You
59:39
know,
59:39
they
59:39
didn't
59:40
have
59:40
a
59:40
father
59:40
figure.
59:41
And
59:41
I
59:42
think
59:42
that
59:42
they
59:43
were
59:43
drawn
59:44
into
59:44
gangs
59:45
largely
59:46
because
59:46
they
59:46
wanted
59:47
that
59:47
masculine
59:48
connection
59:49
and
59:49
they
59:49
were
59:49
initiated.
59:50
You
59:50
know,
59:50
you
59:50
get
59:50
through
59:51
all
59:51
this
59:51
stuff,
59:51
then
59:51
you're
59:52
part
59:52
and
59:52
you
59:52
belong
59:52
to
59:53
this
59:53
masculine
59:54
thing.
59:54
And
59:54
I
59:55
think
59:55
that's
59:55
a
59:55
big
59:55
draw.
59:56
Yes.
59:57
And
59:57
I
59:57
know
59:58
you've
59:58
started
59:58
hundreds
59:59
of
59:59
Men's
1:00:00
groups.
1:00:00
And
1:00:01
I
1:00:02
was
1:00:02
around
1:00:02
it
1:00:02
when
1:00:02
I
1:00:03
was
1:00:03
in
1:00:03
the
1:00:03
Bay
1:00:03
Area.
1:00:03
I
1:00:04
didn't
1:00:04
think
1:00:04
I
1:00:04
needed
1:00:04
it.
1:00:05
But
1:00:05
as
1:00:06
I
1:00:06
grew
1:00:06
older,
1:00:06
I
1:00:07
saw
1:00:07
how
1:00:07
unwise
1:00:08
that
1:00:08
was
1:00:08
and
1:00:08
how
1:00:08
necessary
1:00:09
it
1:00:10
is
1:00:10
for
1:00:10
men
1:00:11
to
1:00:11
have
1:00:11
contact
1:00:12
with
1:00:12
men
1:00:12
in
1:00:12
order
1:00:13
to
1:00:13
be
1:00:13
initiated
1:00:14
into
1:00:14
something
1:00:15
that
1:00:15
we
1:00:15
would
1:00:15
call
1:00:16
positive
1:00:16
masculinity
1:00:17
or
1:00:17
being
1:00:18
a
1:00:18
good
1:00:18
man.
1:00:18
Yes,
1:00:19
we
1:00:19
need
1:00:19
each
1:00:20
other,
1:00:20
we
1:00:20
need
1:00:20
fathers,
1:00:21
we
1:00:21
need
1:00:21
other
1:00:21
men.
1:00:22
You're
1:00:22
absolutely
1:00:22
right.
1:00:23
The
1:00:23
data
1:00:23
is
1:00:24
overwhelming
1:00:25
on
1:00:25
this
1:00:25
issue.
1:00:26
Whenever
1:00:26
you
1:00:27
look
1:00:27
at
1:00:27
gangs,
1:00:28
you
1:00:28
find
1:00:29
children
1:00:29
who
1:00:30
have
1:00:30
been
1:00:30
dad
1:00:30
deprived.
1:00:31
And
1:00:32
so
1:00:32
the
1:00:32
process
1:00:33
is
1:00:33
why
1:00:34
saw
1:00:35
this
1:00:35
via
1:00:36
the
1:00:36
data
1:00:37
and
1:00:38
let's
1:00:38
look
1:00:38
at
1:00:39
the
1:00:39
reason
1:00:39
for
1:00:39
it
1:00:39
and
1:00:39
then
1:00:39
I'll
1:00:40
give
1:00:40
you
1:00:40
my
1:00:40
personal
1:00:41
experience
1:00:41
about
1:00:41
that.
1:00:42
I'll
1:00:42
give
1:00:42
the
1:00:42
personal
1:00:42
experience
1:00:43
first
1:00:43
here.
1:00:44
I
1:00:44
ran
1:00:44
for
1:00:44
governor
1:00:45
of
1:00:45
California
1:00:45
some
1:00:46
years
1:00:46
ago,
1:00:46
2003,
1:00:47
against
1:00:47
Schwarzenegger.
1:00:48
And
1:00:48
so
1:00:49
one
1:00:49
of
1:00:49
the
1:00:49
things
1:00:49
I
1:00:49
did
1:00:50
was
1:00:50
to
1:00:51
speak
1:00:51
to
1:00:51
prison
1:00:51
populations.
1:00:52
And
1:00:53
in
1:00:53
prison
1:00:53
populations,
1:00:54
I
1:00:54
would
1:00:54
talk
1:00:54
with
1:00:55
them.
1:00:55
I
1:00:55
would
1:00:55
ask
1:00:56
them,
1:00:56
you
1:00:56
know,
1:00:57
about
1:00:57
93%
1:00:58
of
1:00:58
prisoners
1:00:59
are
1:00:59
males.
1:01:00
And
1:01:00
the
1:01:00
prison
1:01:00
population,
1:01:01
there's
1:01:02
been
1:01:03
many,
1:01:03
many
1:01:03
new
1:01:03
prisons
1:01:04
in
1:01:04
California,
1:01:05
built
1:01:05
only
1:01:06
one
1:01:06
new
1:01:06
university
1:01:07
since
1:01:07
the
1:01:07
1970s.
1:01:08
And
1:01:08
so
1:01:09
I
1:01:09
would
1:01:09
look
1:01:10
at
1:01:10
the
1:01:10
prisoners
1:01:10
and
1:01:10
I'd
1:01:11
say,
1:01:11
here's
1:01:11
the
1:01:11
importance
1:01:12
of
1:01:12
fathers.
1:01:12
And
1:01:13
I'd
1:01:13
give
1:01:13
the
1:01:14
example
1:01:14
about
1:01:15
how
1:01:15
many
1:01:15
problems
1:01:16
were
1:01:16
solved
1:01:17
that
1:01:17
children
1:01:17
didn't
1:01:18
have
1:01:18
by
1:01:18
the.
1:01:19
When
1:01:19
they
1:01:19
had
1:01:20
father
1:01:20
involvement.
1:01:20
And
1:01:21
then
1:01:21
I
1:01:21
would
1:01:21
ask
1:01:21
the
1:01:21
prisoners,
1:01:22
would
1:01:22
you
1:01:23
raise
1:01:23
your
1:01:23
hand
1:01:23
if
1:01:24
your
1:01:24
dad
1:01:24
was
1:01:24
involved
1:01:25
with
1:01:25
you
1:01:25
a
1:01:25
lot
1:01:26
when
1:01:26
you
1:01:26
were
1:01:26
growing
1:01:26
up
1:01:26
in
1:01:27
a
1:01:27
positive
1:01:27
way?
1:01:28
And
1:01:28
I
1:01:29
didn't
1:01:29
even
1:01:30
say
1:01:30
in
1:01:30
a
1:01:30
positive
1:01:31
way
1:01:31
if
1:01:31
your
1:01:31
dad
1:01:31
was
1:01:31
involved
1:01:32
with
1:01:32
you
1:01:32
a
1:01:32
lot
1:01:32
as
1:01:32
you
1:01:33
were
1:01:33
growing
1:01:33
up.
1:01:33
And
1:01:34
about
1:01:34
8
1:01:35
to
1:01:35
10%,
1:01:36
15%,
1:01:37
some
1:01:38
prisons
1:01:38
raised
1:01:39
their
1:01:39
hand
1:01:39
that
1:01:39
their
1:01:39
dad
1:01:40
was
1:01:40
involved.
1:01:40
All
1:01:41
the
1:01:41
rest,
1:01:41
85%,
1:01:42
90
1:01:43
to
1:01:44
95%,
1:01:44
depending
1:01:45
on
1:01:45
the
1:01:45
prison.
1:01:46
And,
1:01:46
you
1:01:46
know,
1:01:46
maybe
1:01:47
assume
1:01:47
that
1:01:48
a
1:01:48
few
1:01:48
people
1:01:48
weren't
1:01:49
paying
1:01:49
attention.
1:01:49
So
1:01:49
give
1:01:50
it
1:01:50
a
1:01:50
few
1:01:50
more
1:01:50
percentages
1:01:51
than
1:01:51
that.
1:01:51
But
1:01:52
we
1:01:52
were
1:01:52
basically
1:01:53
talking
1:01:53
about
1:01:54
a
1:01:54
dad
1:01:55
deprived
1:01:56
population.
1:01:57
And
1:01:57
when
1:01:57
you
1:01:57
look
1:01:58
at
1:01:58
the
1:01:58
data
1:01:59
from
1:01:59
people
1:01:59
who
1:02:00
are
1:02:00
dad
1:02:00
deprived,
1:02:01
they
1:02:01
are
1:02:02
far
1:02:02
more
1:02:02
likely
1:02:03
to
1:02:03
go,
1:02:04
especially
1:02:05
if
1:02:05
they
1:02:05
go
1:02:05
from
1:02:06
a
1:02:06
dad
1:02:06
deprived
1:02:06
family
1:02:07
to
1:02:08
a
1:02:08
male
1:02:09
teacher
1:02:09
deprived
1:02:10
elementary
1:02:11
school.
1:02:11
You're
1:02:11
having
1:02:12
the
1:02:12
children
1:02:13
be
1:02:13
set
1:02:14
up
1:02:14
for
1:02:15
a
1:02:15
vacuum
1:02:16
of
1:02:16
positive
1:02:17
male
1:02:18
involvement
1:02:18
from
1:02:19
somebody
1:02:19
that
1:02:19
loves
1:02:19
them
1:02:20
and
1:02:20
cares.
1:02:21
And
1:02:21
so
1:02:21
they
1:02:21
are
1:02:22
very
1:02:22
vulnerable
1:02:23
to
1:02:23
being
1:02:23
called
1:02:24
upon
1:02:24
by
1:02:24
a
1:02:25
gang
1:02:25
and
1:02:26
say,
1:02:26
hey,
1:02:26
we
1:02:27
can
1:02:27
give
1:02:27
you
1:02:27
a
1:02:27
family,
1:02:28
we
1:02:28
can
1:02:28
give
1:02:29
you
1:02:29
respect.
1:02:30
You
1:02:30
just
1:02:30
take,
1:02:30
you
1:02:31
may
1:02:31
prove
1:02:31
though,
1:02:31
that
1:02:32
you're.
1:02:32
That
1:02:32
you,
1:02:32
you
1:02:33
can
1:02:33
earn
1:02:33
this
1:02:33
by,
1:02:34
you
1:02:34
know,
1:02:35
going
1:02:35
over
1:02:35
and
1:02:35
beating
1:02:36
up
1:02:36
Joe
1:02:36
from
1:02:36
the
1:02:37
other
1:02:37
group.
1:02:37
And
1:02:38
you
1:02:38
know,
1:02:38
taking
1:02:38
a
1:02:38
beating
1:02:39
yourself,
1:02:39
that
1:02:39
will
1:02:40
show
1:02:40
us
1:02:40
that
1:02:40
you're
1:02:40
really
1:02:41
a
1:02:41
member
1:02:41
of
1:02:41
this
1:02:41
gang.
1:02:42
And
1:02:42
so
1:02:42
you
1:02:43
have
1:02:43
different
1:02:43
types
1:02:44
of
1:02:44
negative,
1:02:45
destructive
1:02:46
initiatives
1:02:47
that
1:02:47
bond
1:02:47
those
1:02:48
men.
1:02:49
Those
1:02:49
males
1:02:49
do
1:02:50
that,
1:02:50
quote,
1:02:50
family,
1:02:51
and
1:02:51
then
1:02:51
once
1:02:51
they're
1:02:52
bonded
1:02:52
to
1:02:52
that
1:02:52
family,
1:02:53
that's
1:02:53
extremely
1:02:54
difficult
1:02:55
to
1:02:55
extricate
1:02:55
yourself
1:02:56
from
1:02:56
that.
1:02:56
Very
1:02:56
hard.
1:02:57
So
1:02:57
that's
1:02:58
one
1:02:58
example
1:02:59
of
1:02:59
that.
1:02:59
Another
1:03:00
example
1:03:00
of
1:03:00
that
1:03:00
is
1:03:01
Hitler
1:03:01
Youth.
1:03:02
When
1:03:02
Hitler
1:03:03
Youth
1:03:03
were
1:03:04
looking
1:03:04
for
1:03:04
recruits,
1:03:05
what
1:03:06
they
1:03:06
specifically
1:03:07
looked
1:03:07
for
1:03:08
were
1:03:08
dad
1:03:09
deprived
1:03:10
boys.
1:03:11
Because
1:03:11
they
1:03:12
knew
1:03:12
that
1:03:12
those
1:03:13
boys
1:03:13
needed
1:03:14
some
1:03:14
sense
1:03:14
of
1:03:14
purpose,
1:03:16
needed
1:03:16
some
1:03:16
sense
1:03:16
of
1:03:17
mission,
1:03:18
needed
1:03:18
some
1:03:18
way
1:03:18
of
1:03:19
proving
1:03:19
themselves
1:03:20
of
1:03:20
having
1:03:20
a
1:03:21
bonding
1:03:22
experience.
1:03:22
So
1:03:23
they
1:03:23
sought
1:03:23
those
1:03:24
boys
1:03:24
out
1:03:26
because
1:03:26
they
1:03:27
were
1:03:27
the
1:03:28
candidates
1:03:28
for
1:03:28
Hitler
1:03:29
Youth.
1:03:30
Take
1:03:30
a
1:03:30
different
1:03:30
example.
1:03:31
If
1:03:31
you
1:03:32
watch
1:03:32
the
1:03:32
movie
1:03:32
Spotlight
1:03:34
that
1:03:34
dealt
1:03:34
with
1:03:34
a
1:03:34
great
1:03:35
deal
1:03:35
of
1:03:35
the
1:03:36
molestation
1:03:36
on
1:03:37
the
1:03:37
part
1:03:37
of
1:03:37
priests
1:03:37
of
1:03:38
young
1:03:38
boys,
1:03:39
you'll
1:03:39
hear
1:03:40
one
1:03:40
of
1:03:40
the
1:03:40
priests
1:03:40
saying,
1:03:41
we
1:03:41
kept
1:03:42
an
1:03:42
eye
1:03:42
out
1:03:42
for
1:03:43
boys
1:03:43
that
1:03:43
did
1:03:44
not
1:03:44
have
1:03:44
fathers
1:03:46
because
1:03:46
we
1:03:46
knew
1:03:47
that
1:03:47
they
1:03:47
would
1:03:47
need
1:03:47
us.
1:03:48
They
1:03:48
knew,
1:03:48
we
1:03:49
knew
1:03:49
that
1:03:49
they
1:03:49
would
1:03:50
be.
1:03:50
They
1:03:51
would
1:03:51
want
1:03:51
the
1:03:51
touch,
1:03:52
they
1:03:52
would
1:03:52
want
1:03:52
the
1:03:52
love,
1:03:53
they
1:03:53
would
1:03:53
want
1:03:53
the
1:03:53
bonding.
1:03:54
And
1:03:54
they
1:03:54
would
1:03:55
be
1:03:55
afraid
1:03:55
to
1:03:55
say
1:03:56
what
1:03:56
they
1:03:56
needed.
1:03:56
And
1:03:56
they
1:03:57
wanted
1:03:57
because
1:03:57
they
1:03:57
wanted
1:03:58
that
1:03:58
more
1:03:59
than
1:03:59
anything
1:03:59
else.
1:04:00
So
1:04:00
we
1:04:00
could
1:04:00
take
1:04:01
advantage
1:04:01
of
1:04:01
that
1:04:02
and
1:04:02
do
1:04:02
that
1:04:02
molestation.
1:04:03
These
1:04:04
are
1:04:04
all
1:04:04
three
1:04:04
examples
1:04:05
of
1:04:05
the
1:04:05
enormous
1:04:07
vulnerability
1:04:08
of
1:04:08
girls
1:04:09
and
1:04:09
boys.
1:04:09
But
1:04:10
boys
1:04:10
especially
1:04:11
because
1:04:12
girls
1:04:12
at
1:04:13
least
1:04:13
growing
1:04:13
up
1:04:13
with
1:04:14
single
1:04:14
moms,
1:04:15
have
1:04:15
a
1:04:15
single
1:04:16
mom,
1:04:17
same
1:04:17
sex
1:04:18
role
1:04:18
model.
1:04:19
So
1:04:19
when
1:04:19
blood
1:04:20
begins
1:04:20
to
1:04:21
appear
1:04:21
and
1:04:21
they're
1:04:21
shocked
1:04:22
and
1:04:22
they
1:04:22
can
1:04:22
talk
1:04:22
to
1:04:23
their
1:04:23
mom
1:04:23
about,
1:04:23
you
1:04:24
know,
1:04:24
sweetie,
1:04:25
that's
1:04:25
your
1:04:25
period.
1:04:26
And
1:04:26
that's
1:04:26
okay,
1:04:26
I
1:04:27
had
1:04:27
a
1:04:27
period
1:04:27
too.
1:04:28
But
1:04:28
the
1:04:28
boy
1:04:29
that's
1:04:29
beginning
1:04:29
to
1:04:29
think
1:04:30
have,
1:04:30
you
1:04:30
know,
1:04:30
feelings
1:04:31
about
1:04:31
girls
1:04:31
and
1:04:32
is
1:04:32
being,
1:04:32
doing
1:04:32
something
1:04:33
about
1:04:33
that,
1:04:34
like
1:04:34
masturbating.
1:04:35
It
1:04:35
doesn't
1:04:35
feel
1:04:36
comfortable
1:04:36
going
1:04:36
to
1:04:36
mom
1:04:37
and
1:04:37
saying,
1:04:37
you
1:04:37
know,
1:04:38
I'm
1:04:38
feeling
1:04:39
like
1:04:39
I
1:04:39
want
1:04:39
to
1:04:39
have
1:04:39
sex
1:04:39
with
1:04:40
almost
1:04:40
every
1:04:40
girl
1:04:40
in
1:04:41
my
1:04:41
class.
1:04:43
That's
1:04:43
just
1:04:43
not
1:04:43
a
1:04:43
conversation
1:04:44
that
1:04:44
most
1:04:44
early
1:04:45
teenage
1:04:45
boys
1:04:45
or
1:04:46
boys
1:04:46
of
1:04:46
any
1:04:46
age
1:04:47
are
1:04:47
desirous
1:04:48
of
1:04:48
having
1:04:48
with
1:04:48
their
1:04:48
moms.
1:04:49
And
1:04:49
that's
1:04:49
just
1:04:50
one
1:04:50
example
1:04:50
of
1:04:50
a
1:04:51
hundred.
1:04:51
But
1:04:51
you
1:04:52
know,
1:04:52
the
1:04:52
things
1:04:52
like
1:04:52
risk
1:04:53
taking
1:04:53
and
1:04:53
the,
1:04:54
and
1:04:54
the
1:04:54
willingness
1:04:55
to,
1:04:55
that
1:04:56
dads
1:04:56
have
1:04:56
that
1:04:56
postponed
1:04:57
gratification
1:04:58
to
1:04:58
allow
1:04:59
for
1:04:59
failure
1:05:00
and
1:05:00
to
1:05:00
encourage
1:05:01
risk
1:05:01
taking,
1:05:01
those
1:05:02
are
1:05:02
things
1:05:02
that
1:05:03
boys
1:05:03
without
1:05:04
fathers
1:05:04
don't
1:05:05
learn.
1:05:05
But
1:05:05
the
1:05:06
main
1:05:06
thing
1:05:06
they
1:05:06
don't
1:05:07
learn
1:05:07
is
1:05:07
that
1:05:08
it's
1:05:08
just
1:05:08
I
1:05:09
don't
1:05:09
feel
1:05:09
love.
1:05:10
And
1:05:10
the
1:05:11
love.
1:05:11
I'd
1:05:11
say
1:05:11
the
1:05:12
biggest
1:05:12
crime,
1:05:13
perhaps
1:05:13
the
1:05:13
worst
1:05:13
thing
1:05:14
you
1:05:14
can
1:05:14
do
1:05:14
for
1:05:14
a
1:05:14
boy
1:05:15
or
1:05:15
a
1:05:15
girl
1:05:16
is
1:05:16
after
1:05:17
a
1:05:17
divorce
1:05:18
for
1:05:18
a
1:05:18
mom
1:05:18
to
1:05:18
say
1:05:19
some
1:05:19
version
1:05:19
of,
1:05:20
I'm
1:05:20
not
1:05:20
with
1:05:20
your
1:05:21
dad
1:05:21
anymore
1:05:21
because
1:05:22
he's
1:05:22
irresponsible,
1:05:23
he's
1:05:23
a
1:05:23
liar,
1:05:23
he's
1:05:23
a
1:05:24
narcissist.
1:05:24
And
1:05:25
so
1:05:25
that
1:05:25
what
1:05:25
to
1:05:26
understand
1:05:26
what
1:05:26
the
1:05:27
damage
1:05:27
of
1:05:27
that
1:05:27
is,
1:05:28
is
1:05:28
the
1:05:28
boy
1:05:29
looks
1:05:29
in
1:05:29
the
1:05:29
mirror
1:05:30
and
1:05:30
he
1:05:31
sees
1:05:31
that
1:05:31
his
1:05:31
nose
1:05:32
or
1:05:32
his
1:05:32
hair
1:05:33
or
1:05:33
his
1:05:33
eyes
1:05:34
are
1:05:34
a
1:05:34
lot
1:05:34
like
1:05:35
his
1:05:35
dad's
1:05:35
eyes.
1:05:36
And
1:05:36
he's
1:05:36
being
1:05:36
told
1:05:37
that
1:05:37
the
1:05:37
dad
1:05:38
is
1:05:38
a
1:05:39
narcissist
1:05:39
or
1:05:40
irresponsible
1:05:41
or
1:05:41
a
1:05:41
liar
1:05:42
when
1:05:42
he
1:05:42
feels
1:05:42
that
1:05:43
half
1:05:43
of
1:05:43
his
1:05:43
genes
1:05:44
are
1:05:44
his
1:05:45
dad's
1:05:45
genes
1:05:45
and
1:05:46
his
1:05:46
dad's
1:05:46
genes
1:05:46
are
1:05:47
those
1:05:47
of
1:05:47
a
1:05:47
liar,
1:05:48
that's
1:05:48
irresponsible
1:05:49
and
1:05:49
a
1:05:49
narcissist.
1:05:50
That's
1:05:51
child
1:05:51
abuse.
1:05:52
That
1:05:53
that
1:05:53
boy
1:05:53
is
1:05:53
absorbing
1:05:54
it
1:05:54
as
1:05:54
a
1:05:54
form
1:05:54
of
1:05:55
child
1:05:55
abuse.
1:05:56
And
1:05:56
I
1:05:56
know
1:05:56
that
1:05:56
many
1:05:57
people
1:05:57
don't.
1:05:57
They're
1:05:58
just
1:05:58
venting
1:05:59
about
1:05:59
the
1:05:59
anger
1:06:00
they
1:06:00
have
1:06:00
to
1:06:01
their
1:06:01
divorced
1:06:02
spouse.
1:06:02
But
1:06:03
be
1:06:03
aware
1:06:03
that
1:06:04
that
1:06:04
anger
1:06:05
has
1:06:05
a
1:06:05
deep
1:06:05
impact
1:06:06
when
1:06:06
that
1:06:07
person
1:06:07
doesn't
1:06:08
feel
1:06:08
he
1:06:08
can
1:06:08
talk
1:06:09
about
1:06:09
what's
1:06:10
wrong
1:06:10
with
1:06:10
his
1:06:10
dad
1:06:11
that
1:06:11
therefore
1:06:12
may
1:06:12
be
1:06:12
wrong
1:06:12
with
1:06:13
him,
1:06:13
he
1:06:13
can't
1:06:14
process
1:06:14
it
1:06:14
with
1:06:15
his
1:06:15
mother
1:06:15
because
1:06:16
if
1:06:16
he
1:06:16
processes
1:06:17
it
1:06:17
with
1:06:17
his
1:06:17
mother,
1:06:18
he
1:06:18
loses
1:06:19
the
1:06:19
approval
1:06:19
of
1:06:19
the
1:06:20
mother.
1:06:20
And
1:06:20
if
1:06:20
he
1:06:21
processes
1:06:21
it
1:06:21
with
1:06:21
the
1:06:22
father,
1:06:22
he
1:06:22
talks
1:06:22
about
1:06:22
it
1:06:23
with
1:06:23
the
1:06:23
father,
1:06:24
that
1:06:24
will
1:06:24
set
1:06:24
up
1:06:25
an
1:06:25
argument
1:06:25
between
1:06:26
mom
1:06:26
and
1:06:26
dad
1:06:27
that
1:06:27
will
1:06:27
make
1:06:27
him
1:06:27
even
1:06:28
more
1:06:28
insecure.
1:06:29
So
1:06:29
the
1:06:30
badmouthing
1:06:30
issue
1:06:31
is
1:06:31
really
1:06:31
crucial
1:06:32
in
1:06:32
that
1:06:32
context.
1:06:34
And,
1:06:35
Warren,
1:06:35
maybe
1:06:36
speak
1:06:36
to
1:06:36
us
1:06:36
of
1:06:36
your
1:06:37
experience
1:06:37
of
1:06:37
starting
1:06:38
men's
1:06:38
groups
1:06:39
and
1:06:39
women's
1:06:39
groups.
1:06:40
I
1:06:40
think
1:06:41
I'm
1:06:41
assuming
1:06:41
you
1:06:41
did
1:06:42
this
1:06:42
as
1:06:42
an
1:06:42
antidote
1:06:43
to
1:06:44
some
1:06:44
of
1:06:44
the
1:06:44
problems
1:06:44
that
1:06:44
we're
1:06:45
talking
1:06:45
about.
1:06:45
And
1:06:46
anyway,
1:06:47
tell
1:06:47
us
1:06:47
about
1:06:48
that
1:06:48
and
1:06:48
why
1:06:49
you
1:06:49
started
1:06:49
doing
1:06:49
that
1:06:50
and
1:06:50
what
1:06:50
you
1:06:50
found
1:06:51
in
1:06:51
starting
1:06:51
and
1:06:52
leading
1:06:52
these
1:06:52
groups.
1:06:53
Well,
1:06:53
I
1:06:54
started
1:06:54
that
1:06:54
process
1:06:54
from
1:06:55
beginning
1:06:56
at
1:06:56
the
1:06:56
encouragement
1:06:56
of
1:06:57
the
1:06:57
National
1:06:57
Organization
1:06:57
for
1:06:58
Women
1:06:58
in
1:06:58
New
1:06:58
York
1:06:58
City,
1:06:59
who
1:06:59
said,
1:06:59
you
1:06:59
know,
1:07:00
we're
1:07:00
going
1:07:00
to
1:07:00
kick
1:07:00
men
1:07:00
out
1:07:00
if,
1:07:01
you
1:07:01
know,
1:07:01
if
1:07:01
men
1:07:02
don't
1:07:02
have
1:07:02
a
1:07:02
men's
1:07:03
group
1:07:03
at
1:07:04
the
1:07:04
same
1:07:04
time
1:07:04
that
1:07:04
women
1:07:05
have
1:07:05
the
1:07:05
women's
1:07:05
group.
1:07:05
So
1:07:06
we
1:07:06
can
1:07:06
not
1:07:06
have
1:07:06
the
1:07:07
men
1:07:07
interfere
1:07:07
with
1:07:07
the
1:07:07
women's
1:07:08
groups.
1:07:09
And
1:07:09
that's
1:07:09
where
1:07:10
I
1:07:10
began
1:07:10
to
1:07:10
see
1:07:10
how
1:07:11
useful
1:07:12
it
1:07:12
was
1:07:12
to
1:07:13
have
1:07:13
that.
1:07:14
However,
1:07:14
I
1:07:15
also
1:07:15
saw
1:07:15
that
1:07:15
it
1:07:16
was
1:07:16
really
1:07:16
that
1:07:17
when
1:07:17
the
1:07:17
women's
1:07:17
groups,
1:07:18
like
1:07:18
when
1:07:18
the
1:07:19
feminist
1:07:19
groups
1:07:19
met
1:07:20
for
1:07:20
a
1:07:20
long
1:07:20
time
1:07:22
and
1:07:22
or
1:07:22
the
1:07:22
men's
1:07:23
groups
1:07:23
met
1:07:23
for
1:07:24
a
1:07:24
long
1:07:24
time
1:07:25
without
1:07:25
hearing
1:07:26
from
1:07:26
the
1:07:26
other,
1:07:27
both
1:07:27
the
1:07:28
men's
1:07:28
groups
1:07:28
and
1:07:28
the
1:07:29
women's
1:07:29
groups
1:07:29
began
1:07:30
to
1:07:30
feel
1:07:30
like
1:07:30
they
1:07:30
were
1:07:31
sort
1:07:31
of
1:07:32
that
1:07:32
the
1:07:32
other
1:07:32
one
1:07:32
was
1:07:33
part
1:07:33
of
1:07:33
the
1:07:33
problem
1:07:33
and
1:07:33
they
1:07:34
were
1:07:34
the
1:07:34
solution.
1:07:35
So
1:07:35
what
1:07:36
I
1:07:36
Did
1:07:36
is
1:07:36
every.
1:07:36
I
1:07:37
was
1:07:37
speaking
1:07:37
around
1:07:37
at
1:07:38
about
1:07:38
50
1:07:38
universities
1:07:39
each
1:07:39
year.
1:07:40
And
1:07:40
as
1:07:41
I
1:07:41
did
1:07:41
this,
1:07:41
in
1:07:42
order
1:07:42
to
1:07:42
understand
1:07:42
the
1:07:43
next
1:07:43
thing
1:07:43
I'm
1:07:43
going
1:07:43
to
1:07:43
say,
1:07:43
you,
1:07:44
you
1:07:44
have
1:07:44
to
1:07:44
know
1:07:45
what
1:07:45
a
1:07:45
pen
1:07:46
and
1:07:46
a
1:07:46
piece
1:07:46
of
1:07:46
paper
1:07:47
is.
1:07:47
In
1:07:48
my
1:07:48
day,
1:07:48
we
1:07:49
had
1:07:49
pens
1:07:49
and
1:07:50
pads.
1:07:50
As
1:07:51
we
1:07:51
passed.
1:07:57
This
1:07:58
is
1:07:58
before
1:07:58
the
1:07:58
iPad,
1:07:59
there
1:08:00
was
1:08:00
a
1:08:00
yellow
1:08:00
pad.
1:08:01
We
1:08:01
would
1:08:02
pass
1:08:02
around
1:08:02
these
1:08:02
yellow
1:08:03
line
1:08:03
pads,
1:08:03
and
1:08:04
every
1:08:05
man
1:08:05
and
1:08:05
woman
1:08:06
in
1:08:06
the
1:08:06
room
1:08:07
who
1:08:07
wanted
1:08:08
to
1:08:08
be
1:08:08
part
1:08:08
of
1:08:08
a
1:08:08
men's
1:08:09
group
1:08:09
or
1:08:09
a
1:08:09
woman's
1:08:09
group
1:08:10
would
1:08:10
sign
1:08:10
up
1:08:11
and
1:08:11
give
1:08:11
their
1:08:11
information.
1:08:12
And
1:08:12
then
1:08:13
afterwards,
1:08:13
I
1:08:14
would
1:08:14
come
1:08:14
up.
1:08:14
They
1:08:15
would
1:08:15
come
1:08:15
up
1:08:15
on
1:08:15
stage,
1:08:16
and
1:08:16
those
1:08:17
people,
1:08:17
I
1:08:17
would
1:08:17
train
1:08:17
them
1:08:18
as
1:08:18
to
1:08:18
how
1:08:18
to
1:08:18
effectively
1:08:19
run
1:08:19
a
1:08:19
men's
1:08:20
group
1:08:20
and
1:08:20
a
1:08:20
women's
1:08:20
group.
1:08:21
But
1:08:21
one
1:08:21
of
1:08:21
the
1:08:22
suggestions,
1:08:22
almost
1:08:23
conditions
1:08:23
that
1:08:24
I
1:08:24
had
1:08:24
is
1:08:25
that
1:08:25
men
1:08:26
meet
1:08:26
with
1:08:26
men
1:08:27
and
1:08:27
women
1:08:27
meet
1:08:27
with
1:08:28
women
1:08:28
separately
1:08:29
for
1:08:29
three
1:08:29
months,
1:08:30
and
1:08:30
then
1:08:30
you
1:08:31
meet
1:08:31
alternately
1:08:32
together
1:08:32
and
1:08:32
separately
1:08:33
after
1:08:33
that.
1:08:34
So
1:08:34
the
1:08:34
three
1:08:35
months
1:08:35
of
1:08:35
meeting
1:08:35
separately
1:08:36
allowed
1:08:36
you
1:08:36
to
1:08:37
create
1:08:37
a
1:08:37
feeling
1:08:37
of
1:08:38
comfort
1:08:38
and
1:08:38
a
1:08:38
bond
1:08:39
with
1:08:39
the
1:08:39
other,
1:08:39
the
1:08:39
same
1:08:40
sex.
1:08:41
But
1:08:41
so
1:08:42
you
1:08:42
don't
1:08:42
get
1:08:42
into
1:08:42
the
1:08:42
belief,
1:08:43
like
1:08:43
many
1:08:43
feminists
1:08:44
have,
1:08:45
of
1:08:45
thinking
1:08:45
that
1:08:46
we're
1:08:46
right
1:08:46
and
1:08:46
the
1:08:47
other
1:08:47
one
1:08:47
sex
1:08:47
is
1:08:48
wrong,
1:08:48
you
1:08:49
hear
1:08:49
from
1:08:49
the
1:08:49
other
1:08:50
sex
1:08:50
after
1:08:51
those
1:08:51
three
1:08:51
months,
1:08:51
every
1:08:52
other
1:08:52
week
1:08:52
you
1:08:52
meet
1:08:53
with
1:08:53
the
1:08:53
other
1:08:53
sex.
1:08:54
And
1:08:54
so
1:08:54
you
1:08:55
hear
1:08:55
their
1:08:55
perspectives,
1:08:56
and
1:08:56
you
1:08:56
go
1:08:56
back
1:08:57
and
1:08:57
process
1:08:57
that.
1:08:57
Oh,
1:08:58
Jim,
1:08:58
you
1:08:59
had
1:08:59
all
1:08:59
these
1:08:59
negative
1:08:59
things
1:09:00
to
1:09:00
say
1:09:00
about
1:09:00
your
1:09:00
wife,
1:09:01
but
1:09:01
when
1:09:01
I
1:09:01
met
1:09:02
your
1:09:02
wife,
1:09:02
she
1:09:02
seemed
1:09:02
lovely,
1:09:03
and
1:09:03
she
1:09:03
seemed
1:09:03
very
1:09:04
much
1:09:04
different
1:09:04
from
1:09:04
what
1:09:05
you
1:09:05
described
1:09:05
her.
1:09:05
Tell
1:09:06
us
1:09:06
more
1:09:06
about
1:09:06
that.
1:09:07
And
1:09:07
so
1:09:08
that
1:09:08
really
1:09:08
grew
1:09:09
the
1:09:09
men
1:09:10
and
1:09:10
grew
1:09:10
the
1:09:10
women
1:09:11
in
1:09:11
a
1:09:11
way
1:09:11
that
1:09:12
was
1:09:12
much
1:09:12
more
1:09:13
productive
1:09:13
than
1:09:13
just
1:09:14
having
1:09:14
the
1:09:14
men's
1:09:14
groups
1:09:15
or
1:09:15
just
1:09:15
having
1:09:15
the
1:09:15
women's
1:09:16
groups.
1:09:17
Warren,
1:09:17
in
1:09:18
preparing
1:09:18
for
1:09:18
this
1:09:19
conversation
1:09:19
today,
1:09:20
I
1:09:21
did.
1:09:21
I
1:09:22
watched
1:09:22
a
1:09:22
lot
1:09:22
of
1:09:22
you
1:09:23
on
1:09:23
YouTube
1:09:24
and
1:09:24
everybody
1:09:24
should.
1:09:25
He
1:09:25
has
1:09:25
a
1:09:25
great
1:09:25
presence
1:09:26
on
1:09:26
YouTube.
1:09:26
And
1:09:27
you
1:09:27
gave
1:09:27
a
1:09:28
TEDx
1:09:28
talk,
1:09:28
which
1:09:29
you
1:09:29
did
1:09:29
spectacularly,
1:09:30
by
1:09:30
the
1:09:30
way.
1:09:31
It's
1:09:31
not
1:09:31
easy
1:09:31
to
1:09:32
stand
1:09:32
up
1:09:32
there
1:09:32
and
1:09:33
present
1:09:33
like
1:09:34
you
1:09:34
did.
1:09:34
But
1:09:34
there
1:09:34
was
1:09:34
one
1:09:35
story
1:09:35
that
1:09:35
you
1:09:35
told
1:09:36
in
1:09:36
there
1:09:37
that
1:09:37
I
1:09:37
will
1:09:37
take
1:09:37
with
1:09:37
me
1:09:38
to
1:09:38
the
1:09:38
grave.
1:09:38
I'm
1:09:38
sure
1:09:39
that
1:09:39
was
1:09:39
very
1:09:39
powerful
1:09:40
and
1:09:40
very
1:09:40
moving.
1:09:40
I
1:09:41
was
1:09:41
wondering
1:09:41
if
1:09:41
you
1:09:41
could.
1:09:42
You
1:09:42
could
1:09:42
share
1:09:43
it
1:09:43
with
1:09:43
us.
1:09:44
Sure.
1:09:45
First
1:09:45
of
1:09:45
all,
1:09:45
credit
1:09:45
to
1:09:46
my
1:09:46
wife
1:09:46
for
1:09:46
encouraging
1:09:47
me
1:09:47
to
1:09:47
share
1:09:47
this
1:09:48
in
1:09:48
public.
1:09:48
I
1:09:48
had
1:09:48
only
1:09:49
always
1:09:49
kept
1:09:49
this
1:09:49
private
1:09:50
before,
1:09:50
but
1:09:51
during
1:09:51
the
1:09:51
TEDx
1:09:52
talk,
1:09:52
I
1:09:52
talked
1:09:52
about
1:09:53
how
1:09:53
I
1:09:53
was
1:09:53
at
1:09:54
a
1:09:54
Ms.
1:09:54
Magazine
1:09:55
party
1:09:55
that
1:09:55
was
1:09:55
a
1:09:55
Ms.
1:09:56
Magazine
1:09:56
was
1:09:56
the
1:09:57
major
1:09:57
feminist
1:09:57
publication
1:09:58
at
1:09:58
that
1:09:58
time
1:09:59
that
1:09:59
I
1:09:59
wrote
1:09:59
for.
1:10:00
And
1:10:00
somebody
1:10:01
came
1:10:01
up
1:10:01
to
1:10:01
me
1:10:01
and
1:10:02
said,
1:10:02
you,
1:10:02
Warren
1:10:02
Farrell?
1:10:03
And
1:10:03
I
1:10:04
go,
1:10:04
yes.
1:10:04
And
1:10:04
he
1:10:04
goes,
1:10:05
Well,
1:10:05
I
1:10:06
really
1:10:06
just
1:10:06
want
1:10:06
to
1:10:06
thank
1:10:07
you.
1:10:07
Your
1:10:07
group
1:10:08
changed
1:10:08
my
1:10:08
life.
1:10:09
I
1:10:09
joined
1:10:09
one
1:10:10
of
1:10:10
the
1:10:10
men's
1:10:10
groups
1:10:10
that
1:10:10
you
1:10:11
formed,
1:10:11
and
1:10:11
it
1:10:11
sort
1:10:12
of
1:10:12
had
1:10:12
a
1:10:12
huge
1:10:12
impact
1:10:13
on
1:10:13
me.
1:10:13
And
1:10:14
I
1:10:14
said,
1:10:14
oh,
1:10:14
that's
1:10:14
really
1:10:14
nice.
1:10:15
And
1:10:15
I
1:10:15
said,
1:10:15
how
1:10:15
so?
1:10:16
And
1:10:16
he
1:10:16
said,
1:10:17
well,
1:10:17
the.
1:10:18
I
1:10:18
am
1:10:19
now
1:10:19
doing
1:10:20
something
1:10:20
that
1:10:21
I
1:10:21
never
1:10:21
thought
1:10:21
I
1:10:21
would
1:10:22
do
1:10:22
before,
1:10:22
and
1:10:23
that
1:10:23
is
1:10:23
taking
1:10:23
care
1:10:24
of
1:10:24
my
1:10:24
child
1:10:25
full
1:10:25
time.
1:10:26
And
1:10:26
I
1:10:26
said,
1:10:27
so
1:10:27
I'd
1:10:27
love
1:10:27
to
1:10:27
share
1:10:28
that
1:10:28
with
1:10:28
you.
1:10:28
And
1:10:28
I
1:10:29
said,
1:10:29
sure,
1:10:29
yes.
1:10:29
So
1:10:30
I
1:10:30
sit
1:10:30
down
1:10:31
with
1:10:31
him,
1:10:31
we're
1:10:31
talking.
1:10:32
And
1:10:32
I
1:10:33
said.
1:10:33
And
1:10:33
he
1:10:33
said,
1:10:34
I
1:10:34
joined
1:10:34
this
1:10:35
men's
1:10:35
group
1:10:35
that
1:10:35
you
1:10:35
formed,
1:10:36
but.
1:10:36
And
1:10:36
you
1:10:36
sort
1:10:37
of
1:10:37
trained
1:10:37
them
1:10:37
as
1:10:37
to
1:10:38
what
1:10:38
would
1:10:38
make
1:10:38
it
1:10:39
effective
1:10:39
men's
1:10:39
group.
1:10:39
But
1:10:40
then
1:10:40
I
1:10:40
heard
1:10:41
that
1:10:41
you're
1:10:41
sort
1:10:41
of
1:10:41
like
1:10:41
a
1:10:41
lone
1:10:42
ranger
1:10:42
type.
1:10:42
You
1:10:43
just
1:10:43
hop
1:10:43
from
1:10:43
one
1:10:43
men
1:10:44
place
1:10:44
to
1:10:44
another
1:10:44
and
1:10:45
form
1:10:45
different
1:10:45
men's
1:10:45
groups.
1:10:46
So
1:10:46
I
1:10:47
never
1:10:47
got
1:10:47
to
1:10:47
meet
1:10:47
you.
1:10:48
But
1:10:48
during
1:10:48
that
1:10:49
time,
1:10:49
the
1:10:50
men's
1:10:50
group,
1:10:50
you
1:10:51
asked
1:10:51
them
1:10:51
to
1:10:51
go
1:10:52
around
1:10:52
the
1:10:52
group
1:10:52
and
1:10:52
answer
1:10:53
a
1:10:53
question
1:10:53
like,
1:10:54
what's
1:10:54
the
1:10:54
biggest
1:10:54
hole
1:10:55
in
1:10:55
your
1:10:55
heart?
1:10:56
And
1:10:56
so
1:10:56
I
1:10:56
sort
1:10:56
of,
1:10:57
like,
1:10:57
rolled
1:10:57
my
1:10:57
eyes.
1:10:57
And
1:10:58
I
1:10:58
said,
1:10:58
well,
1:10:58
the
1:10:58
biggest
1:10:59
hole
1:10:59
in
1:10:59
my
1:10:59
heart
1:10:59
was
1:11:00
the
1:11:00
fact
1:11:00
that
1:11:00
I
1:11:01
got.
1:11:01
I
1:11:01
was
1:11:02
so
1:11:02
occupied
1:11:02
with
1:11:03
my
1:11:03
business
1:11:03
that
1:11:03
I
1:11:04
got
1:11:04
a.
1:11:04
That
1:11:05
I
1:11:05
didn't
1:11:05
pay
1:11:05
much
1:11:05
attention
1:11:06
to
1:11:06
my
1:11:06
wife
1:11:06
or
1:11:07
my
1:11:07
son
1:11:08
and
1:11:08
ended
1:11:09
up
1:11:09
getting
1:11:09
a
1:11:09
divorce.
1:11:10
And
1:11:11
now
1:11:11
I've
1:11:11
remarried
1:11:12
and
1:11:13
my
1:11:13
wife
1:11:13
is
1:11:13
pregnant,
1:11:14
and
1:11:14
we
1:11:14
just
1:11:15
learned
1:11:15
that
1:11:15
it
1:11:15
was
1:11:15
a
1:11:16
son.
1:11:16
I
1:11:16
said
1:11:17
to
1:11:17
the
1:11:17
group
1:11:18
that
1:11:18
we
1:11:18
were
1:11:18
about
1:11:19
to
1:11:19
have.
1:11:20
And
1:11:20
so
1:11:20
the
1:11:21
group
1:11:21
then
1:11:21
asked
1:11:22
me
1:11:22
another
1:11:22
Warren
1:11:23
Farrell
1:11:23
question,
1:11:24
which
1:11:24
was,
1:11:24
well,
1:11:24
what
1:11:25
if
1:11:25
you
1:11:25
could
1:11:25
do
1:11:25
anything
1:11:26
you
1:11:26
wanted?
1:11:27
What
1:11:27
would
1:11:27
be
1:11:27
your
1:11:27
fantasy
1:11:28
about
1:11:28
what
1:11:29
you'd
1:11:29
like
1:11:29
to
1:11:29
do?
1:11:30
And
1:11:30
he
1:11:30
said,
1:11:31
so
1:11:31
I
1:11:31
gave
1:11:32
in.
1:11:32
And
1:11:32
I
1:11:32
answered
1:11:33
that,
1:11:33
you
1:11:33
know,
1:11:33
all
1:11:33
right,
1:11:34
what
1:11:34
I'd
1:11:34
really
1:11:34
love
1:11:34
to
1:11:34
do
1:11:34
if
1:11:35
I
1:11:35
could
1:11:35
do
1:11:35
anything
1:11:35
I
1:11:35
want
1:11:36
was
1:11:36
to
1:11:36
take
1:11:36
maybe
1:11:36
five
1:11:37
years
1:11:37
off
1:11:37
my
1:11:37
work.
1:11:38
And
1:11:39
so
1:11:39
I
1:11:39
didn't
1:11:39
repeat
1:11:40
the
1:11:40
old
1:11:40
pattern
1:11:40
of
1:11:41
being
1:11:41
too
1:11:41
busy
1:11:41
with
1:11:42
my
1:11:42
work
1:11:42
and
1:11:43
just
1:11:43
raised
1:11:44
my
1:11:44
son
1:11:44
or
1:11:45
full
1:11:45
time
1:11:45
for
1:11:45
those
1:11:46
five
1:11:46
years.
1:11:47
And
1:11:47
so
1:11:47
the
1:11:47
group
1:11:48
didn't
1:11:48
let
1:11:48
that
1:11:48
go
1:11:49
and
1:11:49
pursued
1:11:50
and
1:11:50
said,
1:11:50
well,
1:11:51
have
1:11:51
you
1:11:51
checked
1:11:51
that
1:11:51
out
1:11:52
with
1:11:52
your
1:11:52
wife?
1:11:53
And
1:11:53
he
1:11:53
said,
1:11:54
no,
1:11:54
it's
1:11:55
a
1:11:55
stupid
1:11:55
idea,
1:11:56
but
1:11:56
it's
1:11:56
a
1:11:56
fantasy.
1:11:57
And
1:11:57
so
1:11:58
the
1:11:58
group
1:11:58
said,
1:11:58
well,
1:11:59
maybe
1:11:59
it's
1:11:59
a
1:12:00
stupid
1:12:00
idea,
1:12:00
maybe
1:12:00
it
1:12:01
isn't,
1:12:01
but
1:12:01
maybe
1:12:01
the
1:12:02
first
1:12:02
step
1:12:02
is
1:12:02
to
1:12:03
at
1:12:03
least
1:12:03
check
1:12:03
with
1:12:03
your
1:12:03
wife
1:12:04
and
1:12:04
see
1:12:04
if
1:12:04
she
1:12:05
would
1:12:05
be
1:12:05
okay
1:12:05
with
1:12:05
you
1:12:05
doing
1:12:06
that.
1:12:06
And
1:12:07
so
1:12:07
I
1:12:07
rolled
1:12:07
my
1:12:07
eyes
1:12:08
and
1:12:08
said,
1:12:08
okay,
1:12:09
I
1:12:09
want,
1:12:09
you
1:12:09
know,
1:12:09
I'll
1:12:09
check
1:12:10
with
1:12:10
my
1:12:10
wife
1:12:10
before
1:12:11
the
1:12:11
next
1:12:11
meeting.
1:12:12
And
1:12:12
at
1:12:12
the
1:12:13
next
1:12:13
meeting,
1:12:13
the
1:12:13
group
1:12:13
Said,
1:12:14
what
1:12:14
happened?
1:12:14
And
1:12:15
he
1:12:15
said,
1:12:16
my.
1:12:16
He
1:12:16
told
1:12:16
me
1:12:17
that,
1:12:17
you
1:12:17
know,
1:12:17
my
1:12:17
wife
1:12:18
said,
1:12:18
fine,
1:12:18
John.
1:12:19
You
1:12:19
know,
1:12:19
do
1:12:19
as
1:12:20
you
1:12:20
wish
1:12:20
to
1:12:20
do.
1:12:21
You've
1:12:21
earned
1:12:21
your
1:12:21
right
1:12:22
to
1:12:22
do
1:12:22
that.
1:12:23
And
1:12:23
so.
1:12:24
And
1:12:24
so
1:12:24
the
1:12:24
group
1:12:24
said,
1:12:25
so
1:12:25
you're
1:12:25
going
1:12:25
to
1:12:25
do
1:12:25
that?
1:12:25
He
1:12:26
goes,
1:12:26
no,
1:12:27
that
1:12:27
was
1:12:27
just
1:12:27
following
1:12:28
your
1:12:28
direction
1:12:29
to
1:12:29
ask
1:12:29
my
1:12:29
wife.
1:12:30
He
1:12:30
said,
1:12:30
I
1:12:30
have
1:12:31
all
1:12:31
these
1:12:31
legal
1:12:31
contracts.
1:12:32
I'll
1:12:32
be
1:12:32
sued
1:12:33
up
1:12:33
the
1:12:33
yin
1:12:33
yang.
1:12:33
You
1:12:34
know,
1:12:34
I
1:12:34
have
1:12:34
a
1:12:34
full
1:12:35
base
1:12:35
of
1:12:36
support
1:12:36
that
1:12:36
I've,
1:12:37
you
1:12:37
know,
1:12:37
developed
1:12:37
over
1:12:38
years.
1:12:38
I
1:12:38
just
1:12:38
can't
1:12:39
give
1:12:39
all
1:12:39
that
1:12:39
up.
1:12:40
And
1:12:41
so
1:12:41
the
1:12:41
group
1:12:42
asked
1:12:42
me
1:12:42
a
1:12:42
question,
1:12:42
Warren,
1:12:43
and
1:12:43
they
1:12:43
said,
1:12:44
john,
1:12:44
do
1:12:45
you
1:12:45
own
1:12:46
your
1:12:46
business
1:12:47
or
1:12:48
does
1:12:48
your
1:12:48
business
1:12:49
own
1:12:50
you?
1:12:51
And
1:12:51
he
1:12:52
said,
1:12:52
that
1:12:52
got
1:12:52
to
1:12:53
me.
1:12:54
So
1:12:54
I
1:12:54
realized
1:12:54
I've
1:12:55
been
1:12:55
working
1:12:55
so
1:12:56
hard
1:12:56
for
1:12:56
so
1:12:57
many
1:12:57
years
1:12:58
and
1:12:58
doing
1:12:58
really
1:12:58
well,
1:13:00
but
1:13:00
really,
1:13:01
I'm
1:13:01
not
1:13:03
owning
1:13:03
the
1:13:04
business.
1:13:04
I
1:13:04
maybe
1:13:05
can
1:13:05
do
1:13:06
more
1:13:06
of
1:13:06
what
1:13:06
I
1:13:06
wanted
1:13:07
to
1:13:07
do.
1:13:08
So
1:13:09
I
1:13:09
began
1:13:09
to
1:13:09
hear
1:13:09
what
1:13:10
the
1:13:10
group
1:13:10
was
1:13:10
saying.
1:13:11
I
1:13:11
started
1:13:11
looking
1:13:12
into
1:13:12
this,
1:13:13
and
1:13:13
that
1:13:14
led
1:13:14
to
1:13:15
my
1:13:16
actually
1:13:17
being
1:13:18
making
1:13:18
a
1:13:18
decision,
1:13:19
despite
1:13:20
some
1:13:20
lawsuits,
1:13:20
et
1:13:21
cetera,
1:13:22
to
1:13:22
take
1:13:22
care
1:13:23
of
1:13:23
my
1:13:23
son
1:13:23
full
1:13:24
time.
1:13:25
I
1:13:25
said,
1:13:25
oh,
1:13:25
my
1:13:26
God,
1:13:26
that's
1:13:26
fantastic.
1:13:27
How
1:13:28
do
1:13:28
you,
1:13:28
you
1:13:28
know,
1:13:29
how
1:13:29
was
1:13:29
that
1:13:29
turning
1:13:29
out?
1:13:30
And
1:13:30
was
1:13:30
it
1:13:31
a
1:13:31
good
1:13:31
decision?
1:13:31
I
1:13:32
said,
1:13:32
how
1:13:32
old
1:13:32
is
1:13:32
your
1:13:32
son
1:13:32
now?
1:13:33
And
1:13:33
he
1:13:33
said,
1:13:33
it's,
1:13:33
oh,
1:13:33
he's
1:13:34
almost
1:13:34
two.
1:13:35
And
1:13:35
so
1:13:36
what
1:13:36
do
1:13:37
you
1:13:37
feel?
1:13:37
Was.
1:13:38
Was
1:13:38
this
1:13:38
a
1:13:38
good
1:13:38
decision?
1:13:39
He
1:13:39
said,
1:13:39
no,
1:13:40
Warren,
1:13:40
it
1:13:40
wasn't
1:13:41
a
1:13:41
good
1:13:41
decision.
1:13:42
It
1:13:42
was
1:13:42
by
1:13:43
far
1:13:43
the
1:13:43
best
1:13:43
decision
1:13:44
of
1:13:44
my
1:13:44
life.
1:13:45
He
1:13:45
said,
1:13:46
I
1:13:46
always
1:13:46
thought
1:13:47
about
1:13:47
love
1:13:47
and,
1:13:48
you
1:13:48
know,
1:13:48
sort
1:13:48
of
1:13:49
mentioned
1:13:49
love,
1:13:50
but
1:13:50
I
1:13:50
never
1:13:51
had
1:13:51
a
1:13:51
clue
1:13:51
as
1:13:52
to
1:13:52
what
1:13:52
love
1:13:52
was
1:13:53
until,
1:13:53
you
1:13:54
know,
1:13:54
every
1:13:55
bite
1:13:55
that
1:13:55
my
1:13:56
son
1:13:56
took
1:13:56
or
1:13:57
every
1:13:57
time
1:13:58
he
1:13:58
needed
1:13:58
to
1:13:59
have
1:13:59
a
1:13:59
jacket
1:13:59
put
1:13:59
on,
1:13:59
I
1:14:00
would
1:14:00
help
1:14:00
him
1:14:00
put
1:14:00
on
1:14:00
the
1:14:01
jacket.
1:14:01
He
1:14:02
said,
1:14:02
everything
1:14:02
I
1:14:03
did
1:14:03
that
1:14:04
was
1:14:04
love.
1:14:04
It
1:14:04
was,
1:14:05
you
1:14:05
know,
1:14:05
it
1:14:05
was
1:14:05
focused
1:14:06
on
1:14:06
him,
1:14:07
not
1:14:07
on
1:14:07
me,
1:14:07
me,
1:14:08
me.
1:14:09
And
1:14:09
so
1:14:09
I
1:14:09
was
1:14:10
really.
1:14:10
So
1:14:11
this
1:14:11
was
1:14:11
definitely
1:14:11
the
1:14:12
best
1:14:12
decision
1:14:12
of
1:14:12
my
1:14:12
life.
1:14:13
And
1:14:14
at
1:14:14
this
1:14:14
time,
1:14:14
it
1:14:15
was,
1:14:15
I
1:14:15
think,
1:14:15
1970,
1:14:16
early
1:14:17
70s,
1:14:17
and
1:14:17
I
1:14:17
had
1:14:17
just
1:14:17
come
1:14:18
back
1:14:18
from
1:14:18
my
1:14:18
first
1:14:18
book
1:14:18
tour
1:14:19
and
1:14:19
been
1:14:19
doing
1:14:20
a
1:14:20
lot
1:14:20
of
1:14:20
TV
1:14:20
shows,
1:14:21
and
1:14:21
somebody
1:14:21
came
1:14:21
up
1:14:21
to
1:14:21
our
1:14:22
table
1:14:22
and
1:14:22
said,
1:14:22
can
1:14:23
I
1:14:23
have
1:14:23
your
1:14:23
autograph?
1:14:24
And
1:14:24
I
1:14:25
said,
1:14:25
oh,
1:14:26
yes,
1:14:26
Excuse
1:14:27
me,
1:14:27
John,
1:14:27
just
1:14:28
a
1:14:28
second.
1:14:28
And
1:14:28
I
1:14:28
reached
1:14:28
up
1:14:29
to
1:14:29
get
1:14:29
his.
1:14:29
To
1:14:29
take
1:14:29
the
1:14:30
piece
1:14:30
of
1:14:30
paper
1:14:30
and
1:14:30
pen
1:14:30
that
1:14:31
he
1:14:31
had
1:14:31
in
1:14:31
his
1:14:31
hand.
1:14:32
And
1:14:32
he
1:14:32
looked
1:14:33
really
1:14:33
embarrassed
1:14:34
and
1:14:34
was
1:14:35
like,
1:14:36
what's
1:14:36
happening
1:14:36
here
1:14:36
is,
1:14:37
am
1:14:37
I
1:14:37
doing
1:14:37
something
1:14:37
wrong?
1:14:38
And
1:14:38
he
1:14:38
goes,
1:14:38
no,
1:14:39
no,
1:14:39
no,
1:14:39
you're
1:14:39
not
1:14:39
doing
1:14:39
anything
1:14:40
wrong.
1:14:40
Yes,
1:14:40
I'd
1:14:40
like
1:14:40
your
1:14:40
autograph,
1:14:41
but
1:14:41
could
1:14:42
I
1:14:42
have
1:14:42
his
1:14:42
autograph
1:14:43
first?
1:14:43
And
1:14:43
Then
1:14:43
maybe
1:14:44
your
1:14:44
autograph
1:14:44
afterwards.
1:14:45
And
1:14:46
the.
1:14:47
And
1:14:47
I
1:14:47
said,
1:14:47
of
1:14:48
course,
1:14:48
yes.
1:14:48
And
1:14:49
so
1:14:49
he
1:14:49
puts.
1:14:50
You
1:14:50
know,
1:14:50
he
1:14:50
really
1:14:50
quickly
1:14:51
signs
1:14:51
his
1:14:51
name
1:14:51
and
1:14:52
hands
1:14:52
the
1:14:52
piece
1:14:52
of
1:14:52
paper
1:14:53
to
1:14:53
the
1:14:53
guy.
1:14:53
And
1:14:54
the
1:14:54
quickness
1:14:54
with
1:14:54
which
1:14:55
he
1:14:55
signed
1:14:55
his
1:14:55
name
1:14:55
and
1:14:56
gave
1:14:56
it
1:14:56
to
1:14:56
him
1:14:57
made
1:14:57
me
1:14:57
realize
1:14:57
that
1:14:58
he
1:14:58
must
1:14:58
be
1:14:59
well
1:14:59
known
1:14:59
enough
1:15:00
to
1:15:00
just
1:15:00
have
1:15:01
that
1:15:01
be
1:15:01
a
1:15:01
natural
1:15:02
type
1:15:02
of
1:15:02
thing.
1:15:03
I
1:15:03
said
1:15:03
that
1:15:03
to
1:15:04
him.
1:15:04
I
1:15:04
said,
1:15:04
you
1:15:04
signed
1:15:05
a
1:15:05
name
1:15:05
awfully
1:15:06
quickly.
1:15:06
You
1:15:06
must
1:15:06
be
1:15:07
well
1:15:07
known.
1:15:07
And
1:15:08
he
1:15:08
goes,
1:15:08
let's
1:15:09
just
1:15:09
keep
1:15:09
it
1:15:10
the
1:15:10
way
1:15:10
it
1:15:10
was.
1:15:11
I
1:15:11
said,
1:15:11
well,
1:15:11
okay.
1:15:12
But
1:15:12
then
1:15:12
after
1:15:12
a
1:15:13
little
1:15:13
while,
1:15:13
I
1:15:13
said,
1:15:13
but
1:15:13
do
1:15:14
tell
1:15:14
me.
1:15:14
We
1:15:14
were
1:15:15
talking
1:15:15
for
1:15:15
another
1:15:15
hour
1:15:16
or
1:15:16
so.
1:15:16
I
1:15:17
said,
1:15:17
do
1:15:17
tell
1:15:17
me
1:15:17
what
1:15:18
your
1:15:18
last
1:15:18
name
1:15:18
is.
1:15:19
And
1:15:19
he
1:15:19
goes,
1:15:20
okay,
1:15:21
it's
1:15:21
Lennon.
1:15:22
John
1:15:22
Lennon.
1:15:23
And
1:15:23
so
1:15:24
I
1:15:24
go,
1:15:24
oh.
1:15:25
And
1:15:25
now,
1:15:26
mind
1:15:26
you,
1:15:26
I'm
1:15:26
feeling,
1:15:27
like,
1:15:27
really
1:15:28
good
1:15:28
about
1:15:28
this.
1:15:28
I
1:15:29
said,
1:15:30
oh,
1:15:30
aren't
1:15:31
you?
1:15:31
Don't
1:15:31
you
1:15:32
sing
1:15:32
with
1:15:32
a
1:15:32
group?
1:15:35
He
1:15:35
goes,
1:15:36
yes.
1:15:36
I
1:15:36
said,
1:15:37
what's
1:15:37
the
1:15:37
name
1:15:37
of
1:15:38
the
1:15:38
group
1:15:38
again?
1:15:39
And
1:15:39
he
1:15:39
goes,
1:15:39
the
1:15:40
Beatles.
1:15:40
At
1:15:41
which
1:15:41
point
1:15:41
my
1:15:42
level
1:15:42
of
1:15:42
ignorance,
1:15:44
I
1:15:44
wasn't
1:15:45
below
1:15:45
that,
1:15:45
I
1:15:45
realized.
1:15:46
But
1:15:47
I
1:15:47
hadn't
1:15:47
had
1:15:47
a
1:15:47
TV
1:15:48
or.
1:15:48
I
1:15:48
very
1:15:49
rarely
1:15:49
watched
1:15:49
TV
1:15:50
for
1:15:50
years,
1:15:51
and
1:15:51
I
1:15:51
was
1:15:51
so
1:15:51
busy
1:15:52
working
1:15:52
on
1:15:53
my
1:15:53
own
1:15:53
stuff.
1:15:54
And
1:15:54
so
1:15:54
I
1:15:54
had
1:15:55
just
1:15:55
barely
1:15:55
knew
1:15:56
that
1:15:56
John
1:15:56
Lennon
1:15:57
was
1:15:57
a
1:15:57
member
1:15:57
of
1:15:57
the
1:15:57
Beatles.
1:15:59
And
1:15:59
so
1:15:59
that
1:16:00
was
1:16:00
a
1:16:00
pretty
1:16:00
stunning
1:16:01
experience.
1:16:02
But
1:16:02
it
1:16:02
was
1:16:02
also
1:16:03
a
1:16:04
very
1:16:04
informative
1:16:05
experience
1:16:05
about
1:16:06
all
1:16:07
the
1:16:07
things
1:16:07
that
1:16:07
John
1:16:08
had
1:16:08
to
1:16:08
do.
1:16:09
And
1:16:09
he
1:16:09
talked
1:16:09
to
1:16:10
me
1:16:10
later
1:16:10
about
1:16:10
that.
1:16:11
He
1:16:11
said,
1:16:11
you
1:16:11
know,
1:16:12
I
1:16:12
was
1:16:12
sued
1:16:12
left
1:16:13
and
1:16:13
right.
1:16:13
And
1:16:14
so
1:16:14
this
1:16:14
was
1:16:14
not
1:16:15
an
1:16:15
easy
1:16:15
process.
1:16:16
I
1:16:16
also
1:16:16
had
1:16:16
to
1:16:17
deal
1:16:17
with
1:16:17
my
1:16:18
attach.
1:16:18
Not
1:16:18
just
1:16:19
my
1:16:19
fan
1:16:19
base's
1:16:20
attachment
1:16:20
to
1:16:20
me,
1:16:21
but
1:16:21
my
1:16:22
attachment
1:16:22
to
1:16:22
my
1:16:23
fan
1:16:23
base.
1:16:24
And
1:16:24
so
1:16:24
my
1:16:24
need
1:16:25
for
1:16:25
that
1:16:25
type
1:16:25
of
1:16:25
approval
1:16:26
and
1:16:27
recognition
1:16:27
and
1:16:27
admiration.
1:16:29
And
1:16:29
so
1:16:30
all
1:16:30
of
1:16:30
that
1:16:30
was
1:16:31
stuff
1:16:31
I
1:16:31
had
1:16:31
to
1:16:32
go
1:16:32
through.
1:16:32
And
1:16:32
so
1:16:33
in
1:16:34
the
1:16:34
Role
1:16:34
Mate
1:16:34
to
1:16:35
Soulmate
1:16:35
book,
1:16:35
I
1:16:35
talk
1:16:36
about
1:16:36
that
1:16:37
and
1:16:37
all
1:16:37
the
1:16:38
unconscious
1:16:39
things
1:16:40
that
1:16:40
I
1:16:41
think
1:16:41
John
1:16:41
went
1:16:41
through,
1:16:42
some
1:16:42
of
1:16:42
which
1:16:42
he
1:16:42
told
1:16:43
me,
1:16:43
some
1:16:43
of
1:16:43
which
1:16:43
I
1:16:43
projected
1:16:44
afterwards,
1:16:45
that
1:16:45
he
1:16:45
had
1:16:45
to.
1:16:46
To
1:16:46
make
1:16:46
that
1:16:46
type
1:16:46
of
1:16:47
decision,
1:16:47
to
1:16:47
put
1:16:48
his
1:16:48
son
1:16:49
Sean
1:16:50
before
1:16:50
his
1:16:50
career.
1:16:51
And
1:16:52
to
1:16:52
add
1:16:52
on
1:16:52
that,
1:16:52
I've
1:16:53
seen
1:16:53
a
1:16:53
couple
1:16:54
of
1:16:54
conversations
1:16:55
on
1:16:55
YouTube
1:16:55
between
1:16:56
Julian,
1:16:57
John's
1:16:57
first
1:16:58
son
1:16:58
that
1:16:58
he
1:16:59
neglected,
1:16:59
and
1:17:00
Sean,
1:17:00
the
1:17:01
one
1:17:01
that
1:17:01
he
1:17:01
took
1:17:02
the
1:17:02
time
1:17:02
off
1:17:02
to
1:17:02
raise.
1:17:03
And
1:17:04
they
1:17:05
really
1:17:05
love
1:17:05
each
1:17:05
other.
1:17:06
There's
1:17:06
this
1:17:06
strong
1:17:07
brotherly
1:17:07
bond,
1:17:08
and
1:17:08
there
1:17:08
was
1:17:08
no
1:17:08
resentment
1:17:09
or
1:17:09
any
1:17:09
of
1:17:09
that.
1:17:10
They're
1:17:10
just
1:17:10
very
1:17:10
close,
1:17:11
and
1:17:11
there's
1:17:11
a
1:17:12
lot
1:17:12
of
1:17:12
love
1:17:12
there.
1:17:12
So
1:17:13
there
1:17:13
is
1:17:13
a
1:17:14
lot
1:17:14
of
1:17:14
love
1:17:14
between
1:17:14
them
1:17:15
now.
1:17:15
But
1:17:15
there
1:17:15
was
1:17:16
a
1:17:16
real
1:17:17
period
1:17:17
of
1:17:17
time
1:17:17
when,
1:17:18
unfortunately,
1:17:19
one
1:17:19
of
1:17:19
the
1:17:19
Julian
1:17:20
would
1:17:20
often
1:17:21
try
1:17:21
to
1:17:21
call
1:17:21
John
1:17:22
when
1:17:22
he
1:17:22
was
1:17:22
living
1:17:23
with
1:17:23
Yoko,
1:17:23
and
1:17:23
Yoko
1:17:24
would
1:17:24
not
1:17:24
pass
1:17:24
the
1:17:24
phone
1:17:25
messages
1:17:25
on
1:17:25
to
1:17:26
John.
1:17:27
And
1:17:27
there
1:17:27
was
1:17:27
a
1:17:28
lot
1:17:28
of
1:17:28
feeling
1:17:29
on
1:17:29
Julian's
1:17:30
part
1:17:30
that
1:17:30
he
1:17:31
was
1:17:31
neglected,
1:17:32
and
1:17:32
he
1:17:32
felt
1:17:33
really
1:17:33
hurt
1:17:34
and
1:17:34
damaged
1:17:34
by
1:17:35
that
1:17:35
as
1:17:35
well.
1:17:36
Yeah,
1:17:36
he
1:17:36
was
1:17:36
neglected
1:17:37
for
1:17:37
sure.
1:17:37
That
1:17:38
really
1:17:38
happened.
1:17:38
Yeah.
1:17:39
And
1:17:39
so
1:17:39
there's.
1:17:40
But
1:17:40
one
1:17:41
of
1:17:41
the
1:17:41
things
1:17:41
that
1:17:41
gave
1:17:41
me
1:17:42
even
1:17:42
more
1:17:42
empathy,
1:17:43
though,
1:17:43
for
1:17:43
John
1:17:44
was
1:17:44
the
1:17:44
fact
1:17:45
that
1:17:45
like
1:17:46
many
1:17:46
times
1:17:47
when
1:17:47
there
1:17:48
this
1:17:48
type
1:17:48
of
1:17:48
neglect
1:17:49
of
1:17:49
the
1:17:49
child
1:17:49
happens,
1:17:50
John's
1:17:51
father
1:17:51
was
1:17:52
also.
1:17:53
John
1:17:53
did
1:17:53
not
1:17:54
have
1:17:54
a
1:17:54
father
1:17:54
that
1:17:54
was
1:17:55
involved,
1:17:55
and
1:17:56
John's
1:17:56
father
1:17:57
did
1:17:57
not
1:17:57
have
1:17:57
a
1:17:57
father
1:17:58
that
1:17:58
was
1:17:58
involved,
1:17:59
and
1:17:59
John's
1:18:00
father's
1:18:00
father
1:18:00
did
1:18:01
not
1:18:01
have
1:18:01
a
1:18:02
father
1:18:02
that
1:18:02
was
1:18:02
involved.
1:18:03
And
1:18:03
so
1:18:03
one
1:18:03
of
1:18:04
the
1:18:04
things
1:18:04
that
1:18:04
I've
1:18:04
learned
1:18:04
from
1:18:05
this
1:18:05
experience
1:18:06
is
1:18:06
how
1:18:07
intergenerational
1:18:08
this
1:18:08
type
1:18:09
of
1:18:09
thing
1:18:09
is.
1:18:10
And
1:18:10
we
1:18:10
see
1:18:11
this
1:18:11
so
1:18:12
powerfully
1:18:12
now
1:18:12
because
1:18:13
years
1:18:14
ago,
1:18:14
1965,
1:18:16
there
1:18:16
was
1:18:16
a
1:18:16
Moynihan
1:18:17
report
1:18:17
that
1:18:17
came
1:18:18
out,
1:18:18
and
1:18:19
the
1:18:19
Moynihan
1:18:19
Report,
1:18:20
Daniel
1:18:20
Moynihan
1:18:21
was
1:18:22
at.
1:18:22
He
1:18:22
was
1:18:23
a
1:18:23
labor
1:18:24
secretary
1:18:25
for
1:18:25
both
1:18:26
Republican
1:18:27
and
1:18:27
Democratic
1:18:28
presidents.
1:18:29
And
1:18:29
he
1:18:29
was
1:18:29
asked
1:18:29
to
1:18:29
do
1:18:30
a
1:18:30
study
1:18:30
of
1:18:30
why
1:18:30
there
1:18:31
was
1:18:31
so
1:18:31
much
1:18:31
inner
1:18:31
city
1:18:32
violence.
1:18:33
And
1:18:33
people
1:18:33
were
1:18:33
afraid
1:18:34
that
1:18:34
the
1:18:34
study
1:18:34
was
1:18:35
going
1:18:35
to
1:18:35
result
1:18:35
in
1:18:36
him
1:18:36
blaming
1:18:37
black
1:18:37
people
1:18:37
for
1:18:37
inner
1:18:38
city
1:18:38
violence.
1:18:39
But
1:18:39
what
1:18:39
his
1:18:40
study
1:18:40
came
1:18:40
up
1:18:40
with
1:18:41
was
1:18:41
that
1:18:42
the
1:18:42
inner
1:18:42
city
1:18:42
violence
1:18:43
was
1:18:43
not
1:18:44
about
1:18:44
black
1:18:45
people
1:18:45
per
1:18:45
se,
1:18:46
but
1:18:46
it
1:18:46
was
1:18:47
emanated
1:18:47
from
1:18:48
the
1:18:48
25%
1:18:50
of
1:18:50
black
1:18:50
children
1:18:51
who
1:18:51
grew
1:18:51
up
1:18:52
with
1:18:52
dad
1:18:53
deprived.
1:18:54
And
1:18:54
this
1:18:55
was
1:18:55
the
1:18:55
first
1:18:55
huge
1:18:56
hint
1:18:57
as
1:18:57
to
1:18:57
the
1:18:57
power
1:18:58
of
1:18:58
dad
1:18:58
deprivation.
1:18:59
Notice
1:19:00
that
1:19:00
my
1:19:00
figure
1:19:00
there
1:19:01
was
1:19:01
25%
1:19:02
at
1:19:03
that
1:19:03
time
1:19:03
in
1:19:03
1965.
1:19:05
In
1:19:05
1965,
1:19:06
only
1:19:07
3.2%
1:19:08
of
1:19:09
Caucasian
1:19:10
children
1:19:10
grew
1:19:10
up
1:19:11
dad
1:19:11
deprived.
1:19:12
Today,
1:19:14
more
1:19:14
than
1:19:14
30%
1:19:15
of
1:19:15
Caucasian
1:19:16
children
1:19:17
grow
1:19:17
up
1:19:17
dad
1:19:18
deprived,
1:19:19
and
1:19:20
more
1:19:20
than
1:19:20
70%
1:19:22
of
1:19:22
African
1:19:22
American
1:19:23
children
1:19:24
grow
1:19:24
up
1:19:24
dad
1:19:25
deprived.
1:19:26
So
1:19:26
you
1:19:26
get
1:19:27
a
1:19:27
sense
1:19:27
that
1:19:27
the.
1:19:28
Today,
1:19:28
even
1:19:29
among
1:19:29
Caucasian
1:19:30
boys,
1:19:31
there
1:19:31
is
1:19:32
a
1:19:32
dad
1:19:32
deprivation
1:19:33
level
1:19:34
that
1:19:34
exceeded
1:19:35
that
1:19:35
of
1:19:35
the
1:19:35
dad
1:19:36
deprivation
1:19:36
level
1:19:37
during
1:19:37
the
1:19:37
Moynihan
1:19:38
Report
1:19:39
in
1:19:39
1965.
1:19:40
And
1:19:41
so
1:19:41
we
1:19:41
see
1:19:41
one
1:19:42
of
1:19:42
the
1:19:42
reasons
1:19:42
why
1:19:42
we're
1:19:43
having
1:19:43
this
1:19:43
enormous
1:19:44
problem
1:19:45
with
1:19:45
our
1:19:45
boys
1:19:46
who,
1:19:46
when
1:19:46
they
1:19:47
are
1:19:47
dad
1:19:47
deprived,
1:19:48
are
1:19:48
far
1:19:49
more
1:19:49
likely
1:19:49
to
1:19:50
not
1:19:50
do
1:19:50
well
1:19:50
in
1:19:51
school,
1:19:51
to
1:19:51
not
1:19:52
have
1:19:52
that
1:19:52
postponed
1:19:53
gratification.
1:19:54
They're
1:19:54
far
1:19:55
less
1:19:55
likely
1:19:55
to
1:19:55
have
1:19:56
good
1:19:56
emotional
1:19:57
intelligence,
1:19:58
like
1:19:58
the
1:19:58
empathy
1:19:59
we
1:19:59
talked
1:19:59
about
1:19:59
coming
1:20:00
emanating
1:20:00
from
1:20:00
the
1:20:00
roughhousing.
1:20:02
And
1:20:02
so
1:20:02
these
1:20:03
are
1:20:03
things
1:20:03
that
1:20:03
lead
1:20:04
to
1:20:04
are
1:20:05
boys
1:20:05
who
1:20:05
are
1:20:06
dad
1:20:06
deprived
1:20:06
being
1:20:06
far
1:20:07
more
1:20:07
likely
1:20:07
to
1:20:07
drop
1:20:08
out
1:20:08
of
1:20:08
high
1:20:08
school?
1:20:09
When
1:20:09
you
1:20:09
drop
1:20:10
out
1:20:10
of
1:20:10
high
1:20:10
school,
1:20:11
the
1:20:11
chances
1:20:11
of
1:20:11
your
1:20:12
being
1:20:12
unemployed
1:20:12
in
1:20:13
your
1:20:13
early
1:20:13
20s
1:20:13
are
1:20:14
more
1:20:14
than
1:20:14
20%.
1:20:15
When
1:20:16
you're
1:20:16
unemployed
1:20:16
in
1:20:16
your
1:20:17
early
1:20:17
20s
1:20:17
and
1:20:17
you're
1:20:18
living
1:20:18
in
1:20:18
your
1:20:18
parents
1:20:19
basement,
1:20:19
you're
1:20:20
not
1:20:20
that
1:20:20
attractive
1:20:21
to
1:20:21
women.
1:20:21
Women
1:20:22
don't
1:20:22
look
1:20:22
for
1:20:22
future
1:20:23
fathers
1:20:24
by
1:20:24
searching
1:20:25
their
1:20:25
friends
1:20:25
basements
1:20:26
and
1:20:27
or
1:20:27
searching
1:20:27
through
1:20:28
unemployment
1:20:28
lines.
1:20:29
So
1:20:29
they're
1:20:29
looking
1:20:29
for
1:20:30
men
1:20:30
who
1:20:30
are
1:20:31
gainfully
1:20:31
employed,
1:20:32
productive
1:20:32
and
1:20:32
that
1:20:32
have
1:20:33
postponed
1:20:33
gratification.
1:20:35
So
1:20:35
the
1:20:35
ripple
1:20:35
effect
1:20:36
of
1:20:36
not
1:20:36
having
1:20:37
dad
1:20:37
deprivation
1:20:38
is
1:20:38
often
1:20:38
not
1:20:39
having
1:20:39
a
1:20:39
lot
1:20:39
of
1:20:39
love
1:20:40
and
1:20:41
not
1:20:41
feeling
1:20:41
proud
1:20:42
of
1:20:42
yourself,
1:20:43
not
1:20:43
feeling
1:20:44
your
1:20:44
parents
1:20:44
are
1:20:44
proud
1:20:45
of
1:20:45
you
1:20:45
and
1:20:46
so
1:20:46
not
1:20:46
feeling
1:20:47
that
1:20:47
women
1:20:47
are
1:20:47
rejecting
1:20:48
you,
1:20:49
feeling
1:20:49
angry,
1:20:50
hurt,
1:20:51
neglected.
1:20:52
These
1:20:53
are
1:20:53
some
1:20:53
of
1:20:53
the
1:20:53
things.
1:20:54
And
1:20:54
then,
1:20:54
you
1:20:55
know,
1:20:55
sometimes
1:20:55
if
1:20:56
this
1:20:56
happens
1:20:56
at
1:20:57
school,
1:20:57
almost
1:20:58
all
1:20:58
of
1:20:58
your
1:20:59
school
1:20:59
shooters
1:20:59
are
1:21:00
not
1:21:00
only
1:21:00
male
1:21:01
but
1:21:01
dad
1:21:02
deprived
1:21:02
males.
1:21:03
These
1:21:04
are
1:21:04
some
1:21:04
of
1:21:04
the
1:21:04
ramifications
1:21:05
of
1:21:06
dad
1:21:06
deprivation.
1:21:08
Lauren,
1:21:09
you're
1:21:09
just
1:21:09
painting
1:21:10
a
1:21:10
picture
1:21:12
of
1:21:12
such
1:21:12
a
1:21:12
vast
1:21:13
scope
1:21:13
here
1:21:14
that
1:21:14
I
1:21:15
just
1:21:15
want
1:21:15
to
1:21:16
take
1:21:16
a
1:21:16
moment
1:21:17
just
1:21:17
to
1:21:18
highlight
1:21:18
what
1:21:19
you're
1:21:19
saying,
1:21:19
because
1:21:20
you're
1:21:20
saying
1:21:20
that
1:21:21
now
1:21:21
we
1:21:21
have
1:21:22
an
1:21:23
enormous
1:21:23
percentage
1:21:24
of
1:21:24
the
1:21:25
children
1:21:26
growing
1:21:26
up
1:21:27
with
1:21:28
multiple
1:21:28
ramifications
1:21:29
from
1:21:31
being
1:21:31
dad
1:21:31
deprived
1:21:33
and
1:21:33
pointing
1:21:34
to
1:21:34
the
1:21:35
fact
1:21:35
that
1:21:36
the
1:21:36
effects
1:21:36
can
1:21:37
ripple
1:21:37
through
1:21:37
generations.
1:21:39
And
1:21:40
I'm
1:21:40
thinking
1:21:41
the
1:21:41
line
1:21:41
of
1:21:41
Jesus,
1:21:42
the
1:21:42
sins
1:21:42
of
1:21:42
the
1:21:43
parents
1:21:43
would
1:21:43
have
1:21:44
visited
1:21:44
on
1:21:44
the
1:21:45
children
1:21:45
of
1:21:45
the
1:21:45
seventh
1:21:45
generation
1:21:46
or
1:21:46
something.
1:21:46
It's
1:21:47
like
1:21:47
you're
1:21:47
giving
1:21:47
an
1:21:48
example
1:21:48
of
1:21:49
one
1:21:49
way
1:21:49
that
1:21:49
can
1:21:50
work.
1:21:50
I
1:21:51
mean
1:21:51
the
1:21:51
implications
1:21:52
of
1:21:52
what
1:21:53
you're
1:21:53
saying
1:21:53
are
1:21:53
just
1:21:54
extraordinary.
1:21:54
And
1:21:55
thank
1:21:55
you
1:21:55
for
1:21:56
bringing
1:21:56
attention
1:21:56
to
1:21:57
this.
1:21:57
And
1:21:57
you
1:21:57
mentioned
1:21:58
that
1:21:59
one
1:21:59
of
1:21:59
the
1:21:59
effects,
1:22:00
one
1:22:01
of
1:22:01
I
1:22:01
think
1:22:01
you,
1:22:02
as
1:22:03
I
1:22:03
recall
1:22:03
you've
1:22:03
mapped
1:22:04
over
1:22:05
50
1:22:05
effects
1:22:05
of
1:22:06
dad
1:22:06
deprivation.
1:22:07
One
1:22:07
of
1:22:07
them
1:22:08
is
1:22:09
a
1:22:09
lack
1:22:09
of
1:22:09
success
1:22:10
in
1:22:10
schooling.
1:22:11
And
1:22:11
that
1:22:12
brings
1:22:12
us
1:22:12
to
1:22:12
another
1:22:12
topic
1:22:13
that
1:22:13
you've
1:22:13
written
1:22:14
in
1:22:14
a
1:22:14
very
1:22:15
important
1:22:15
way
1:22:16
about
1:22:16
is
1:22:16
the
1:22:17
gender
1:22:18
differences
1:22:19
in
1:22:19
income.
1:22:20
And
1:22:20
your
1:22:20
book
1:22:21
why
1:22:21
and
1:22:21
Men
1:22:22
Earn
1:22:22
More
1:22:22
and
1:22:23
what
1:22:23
Women
1:22:23
can
1:22:23
do
1:22:23
about
1:22:24
this
1:22:25
really
1:22:25
lays
1:22:25
out
1:22:26
the
1:22:26
data.
1:22:26
And
1:22:26
I
1:22:26
just
1:22:26
want
1:22:27
to
1:22:27
stop
1:22:27
and
1:22:27
say
1:22:27
that
1:22:28
I
1:22:28
really
1:22:29
appreciate
1:22:30
the
1:22:30
way
1:22:31
you
1:22:31
have
1:22:31
followed
1:22:33
both
1:22:33
your
1:22:34
heart
1:22:34
as
1:22:35
to
1:22:35
what
1:22:35
really
1:22:35
needs
1:22:36
attention
1:22:36
and
1:22:37
the
1:22:37
data.
1:22:38
And
1:22:39
you've
1:22:40
really
1:22:41
looked
1:22:42
at
1:22:42
data
1:22:42
on
1:22:43
social
1:22:44
well
1:22:44
being,
1:22:44
men's
1:22:45
wellbeing,
1:22:45
women's
1:22:46
wellbeing,
1:22:47
the
1:22:47
factors
1:22:47
that
1:22:48
affect
1:22:48
that.
1:22:48
You've
1:22:49
really
1:22:49
followed
1:22:50
that
1:22:50
and
1:22:51
you've
1:22:51
really
1:22:51
followed
1:22:52
your
1:22:52
heart
1:22:52
and
1:22:52
brought
1:22:52
them
1:22:53
together
1:22:53
and
1:22:53
been
1:22:54
very
1:22:54
touched
1:22:54
by
1:22:54
our
1:22:55
conversation.
1:22:55
There's
1:22:55
so
1:22:55
much
1:22:56
hard
1:22:57
in
1:22:57
what
1:22:57
you're
1:22:57
saying,
1:22:58
but
1:22:58
also
1:22:58
grounded
1:22:59
in
1:22:59
real
1:22:59
data.
1:23:00
And
1:23:01
so
1:23:01
you
1:23:01
bring
1:23:01
to
1:23:02
this
1:23:02
question
1:23:02
of
1:23:04
differential
1:23:05
income
1:23:05
in
1:23:05
men
1:23:06
and
1:23:06
women
1:23:08
an
1:23:08
amount
1:23:09
of
1:23:09
information
1:23:10
plus
1:23:11
a
1:23:12
precision
1:23:12
and
1:23:13
granularity,
1:23:13
which
1:23:14
is
1:23:14
unusual.
1:23:14
I
1:23:14
mean,
1:23:15
how
1:23:15
many
1:23:15
times
1:23:16
have
1:23:16
we
1:23:16
heard
1:23:16
the
1:23:17
lament
1:23:18
or
1:23:18
the
1:23:18
accusation
1:23:19
that
1:23:19
women
1:23:20
only
1:23:20
earn
1:23:20
81
1:23:21
cents
1:23:21
for
1:23:21
every
1:23:22
dollar
1:23:22
a
1:23:23
man
1:23:23
earns.
1:23:24
It's
1:23:24
like
1:23:25
the
1:23:25
implicit
1:23:25
assumption
1:23:26
is
1:23:26
it's
1:23:26
due
1:23:26
to
1:23:26
discrimination
1:23:27
of
1:23:27
some
1:23:27
kind.
1:23:28
And
1:23:29
let's
1:23:29
just
1:23:30
begin
1:23:30
by
1:23:30
acknowledging
1:23:31
that
1:23:31
historically,
1:23:32
there's
1:23:33
been
1:23:33
an
1:23:33
awful
1:23:33
lot
1:23:34
of
1:23:35
discrimination
1:23:36
against
1:23:36
women,
1:23:36
particularly
1:23:37
economic
1:23:38
and
1:23:38
around
1:23:38
the
1:23:39
world
1:23:39
still.
1:23:39
Now
1:23:40
there's.
1:23:40
We
1:23:41
think
1:23:41
of
1:23:41
Afghanistan,
1:23:42
Saudi
1:23:42
Arabia.
1:23:43
There's
1:23:43
horrendous
1:23:44
discrimination.
1:23:44
But
1:23:45
you
1:23:46
bring
1:23:46
to
1:23:46
this
1:23:48
assumption
1:23:48
that
1:23:49
the
1:23:49
difference
1:23:50
in
1:23:50
men's
1:23:50
and
1:23:50
women's
1:23:51
income
1:23:51
in
1:23:51
this
1:23:51
country
1:23:52
is
1:23:53
just
1:23:53
due
1:23:53
to
1:23:53
discrimination.
1:23:54
What
1:23:55
you
1:23:55
follow
1:23:56
through
1:23:56
from
1:23:56
the
1:23:56
data
1:23:57
is
1:23:57
you
1:23:57
point
1:23:57
that
1:23:58
there
1:23:58
are
1:23:58
actually
1:23:58
a
1:23:59
lot
1:23:59
of
1:23:59
factors
1:24:00
involved,
1:24:01
and
1:24:01
a
1:24:01
lot
1:24:01
of
1:24:01
them
1:24:01
are
1:24:01
lifestyle
1:24:02
choices.
1:24:03
So
1:24:03
I'll
1:24:04
throw
1:24:04
that
1:24:04
out
1:24:04
as
1:24:04
the
1:24:05
beginning,
1:24:05
and
1:24:05
we
1:24:05
can
1:24:05
get
1:24:05
more
1:24:06
granular
1:24:07
and
1:24:07
precise,
1:24:07
but
1:24:08
take
1:24:08
that
1:24:08
where
1:24:09
you'd
1:24:09
like.
1:24:10
Yes.
1:24:10
You
1:24:10
know,
1:24:10
I
1:24:11
started
1:24:11
thinking
1:24:11
about
1:24:11
this,
1:24:12
first
1:24:12
of
1:24:12
all,
1:24:13
my
1:24:13
anger
1:24:14
that,
1:24:14
you
1:24:14
know,
1:24:14
one
1:24:14
of
1:24:15
the
1:24:15
early
1:24:15
demonstrations
1:24:16
I
1:24:16
did
1:24:17
was
1:24:17
for
1:24:17
the
1:24:17
women's
1:24:17
strike
1:24:18
for
1:24:18
equality
1:24:18
for
1:24:19
and
1:24:20
was
1:24:20
opposing
1:24:21
this
1:24:21
unequal
1:24:22
pay.
1:24:23
And
1:24:23
then
1:24:23
I
1:24:23
asked
1:24:24
myself
1:24:24
one
1:24:24
day
1:24:24
the
1:24:25
question,
1:24:25
if
1:24:26
men
1:24:26
are
1:24:27
paid
1:24:27
more
1:24:28
for
1:24:29
the
1:24:29
same
1:24:29
work
1:24:30
as
1:24:30
women
1:24:30
are,
1:24:32
why
1:24:32
would
1:24:32
any
1:24:33
company
1:24:34
hire
1:24:35
men
1:24:36
for
1:24:37
whom
1:24:37
they
1:24:37
have
1:24:37
to
1:24:37
pay
1:24:38
more
1:24:39
than
1:24:39
hiring
1:24:40
women?
1:24:41
And
1:24:41
if
1:24:41
they
1:24:41
did
1:24:42
do
1:24:42
that,
1:24:43
wouldn't
1:24:44
they
1:24:44
soon
1:24:45
go
1:24:45
out
1:24:45
of
1:24:45
business
1:24:46
in
1:24:46
relation
1:24:47
to
1:24:47
somebody
1:24:47
who
1:24:48
was
1:24:48
wise
1:24:48
enough
1:24:48
to
1:24:48
hire
1:24:49
women
1:24:49
for
1:24:50
76
1:24:51
cents
1:24:51
as
1:24:52
opposed
1:24:52
to
1:24:52
hiring
1:24:53
men
1:24:53
for
1:24:54
a
1:24:54
dollar?
1:24:55
And
1:24:55
so
1:24:55
there
1:24:56
was
1:24:56
something
1:24:56
about
1:24:56
capitalism
1:24:57
that
1:24:57
built
1:24:58
into
1:24:58
capitalism
1:24:59
where
1:24:59
there
1:24:59
was
1:24:59
a
1:25:00
punishment
1:25:00
for
1:25:00
being
1:25:01
stupid
1:25:01
enough
1:25:02
to
1:25:02
have
1:25:02
to
1:25:02
pay
1:25:03
more
1:25:03
for
1:25:03
the
1:25:03
same
1:25:04
work.
1:25:04
And
1:25:04
we
1:25:05
certainly.
1:25:06
And
1:25:06
so
1:25:06
that
1:25:06
sort
1:25:07
of
1:25:07
got
1:25:07
me
1:25:07
buzzing.
1:25:08
One
1:25:09
of
1:25:09
the
1:25:09
things
1:25:09
I
1:25:09
discovered
1:25:10
was
1:25:10
that
1:25:10
there
1:25:10
was
1:25:11
25
1:25:12
different
1:25:12
choices
1:25:13
that
1:25:13
men
1:25:14
and
1:25:14
women
1:25:14
make
1:25:15
in
1:25:15
terms
1:25:15
of
1:25:16
both
1:25:16
their
1:25:16
values
1:25:17
and
1:25:17
their
1:25:17
lifestyle
1:25:18
and
1:25:18
their
1:25:18
desire
1:25:18
for
1:25:19
fulfillment
1:25:19
versus
1:25:20
their
1:25:20
desire
1:25:20
for
1:25:20
money.
1:25:21
That
1:25:22
when
1:25:22
the
1:25:22
Rochester
1:25:23
Institute
1:25:23
of
1:25:24
Technology
1:25:24
interviewed
1:25:25
women
1:25:25
who
1:25:25
owned
1:25:26
their
1:25:26
own
1:25:26
business
1:25:27
and
1:25:27
men
1:25:27
who
1:25:28
own
1:25:28
their
1:25:28
own
1:25:28
business,
1:25:29
they
1:25:29
found
1:25:30
that
1:25:30
women
1:25:30
who
1:25:30
own
1:25:30
their
1:25:31
own
1:25:31
business
1:25:31
only
1:25:32
earned
1:25:32
49
1:25:33
cents
1:25:33
for
1:25:33
each
1:25:34
dollar
1:25:34
that
1:25:34
the
1:25:34
men
1:25:35
earn.
1:25:35
And
1:25:36
so
1:25:36
when
1:25:36
they
1:25:36
looked
1:25:36
more
1:25:37
carefully
1:25:37
and
1:25:37
they
1:25:37
said,
1:25:38
what
1:25:38
is
1:25:38
your
1:25:38
value
1:25:39
in
1:25:39
earning
1:25:40
your
1:25:40
own
1:25:40
business?
1:25:41
They
1:25:41
found
1:25:42
that
1:25:42
women
1:25:42
valued
1:25:43
fulfillment.
1:25:44
They
1:25:44
valued
1:25:45
safety,
1:25:46
they
1:25:46
valued
1:25:47
being
1:25:47
close
1:25:47
to
1:25:48
home,
1:25:48
having
1:25:49
shorter
1:25:49
commutes,
1:25:50
they
1:25:50
valued
1:25:50
flexibility,
1:25:52
and
1:25:52
they
1:25:52
wanted
1:25:52
to
1:25:53
work
1:25:53
25
1:25:53
to
1:25:53
35
1:25:54
hours
1:25:54
a
1:25:54
week
1:25:55
versus
1:25:55
45
1:25:56
to
1:25:56
50
1:25:56
hours
1:25:56
a
1:25:56
week.
1:25:57
And
1:25:58
so
1:25:58
that
1:25:58
women
1:25:59
made
1:26:00
the
1:26:00
choice
1:26:00
to
1:26:01
have
1:26:01
different
1:26:02
values,
1:26:02
like
1:26:03
working
1:26:03
fewer
1:26:04
hours
1:26:04
per
1:26:04
week.
1:26:05
So
1:26:05
then
1:26:05
I
1:26:05
started
1:26:06
looking
1:26:06
into,
1:26:06
well,
1:26:07
what's
1:26:07
the
1:26:07
amount
1:26:08
of
1:26:08
difference
1:26:08
of
1:26:09
somebody
1:26:09
working
1:26:10
35
1:26:10
hours
1:26:11
a
1:26:11
week
1:26:11
versus
1:26:11
45
1:26:12
hours
1:26:12
a
1:26:12
week?
1:26:13
So
1:26:13
I
1:26:14
found
1:26:14
that
1:26:14
somebody
1:26:15
working
1:26:15
35
1:26:16
hours
1:26:16
a
1:26:16
week
1:26:17
actually
1:26:17
earns
1:26:18
on
1:26:18
average
1:26:19
only
1:26:19
half
1:26:20
of
1:26:20
what
1:26:21
somebody
1:26:21
working
1:26:22
45
1:26:22
hours
1:26:23
a
1:26:23
week
1:26:23
earns.
1:26:24
So
1:26:24
it's
1:26:25
only
1:26:25
10
1:26:25
hours
1:26:25
a
1:26:25
week
1:26:26
more,
1:26:26
but
1:26:27
they
1:26:27
earn
1:26:27
twice
1:26:28
as
1:26:28
much
1:26:28
for
1:26:28
that
1:26:28
extra
1:26:29
10
1:26:29
hours.
1:26:30
And
1:26:30
so
1:26:30
I
1:26:30
started
1:26:31
looking
1:26:31
at
1:26:31
a
1:26:31
lot
1:26:31
of,
1:26:32
you
1:26:32
know,
1:26:32
factors
1:26:33
like
1:26:33
this
1:26:34
and
1:26:34
realizing
1:26:35
that
1:26:35
the
1:26:36
pay
1:26:36
gap
1:26:37
between
1:26:38
men
1:26:38
and
1:26:39
women
1:26:39
who
1:26:39
have
1:26:40
had
1:26:40
never
1:26:40
been
1:26:40
married
1:26:41
and
1:26:42
never
1:26:42
had
1:26:43
children,
1:26:44
that
1:26:44
the
1:26:44
pay
1:26:45
gap
1:26:45
of
1:26:46
women
1:26:46
who
1:26:46
have
1:26:46
never
1:26:46
been
1:26:47
married
1:26:47
and
1:26:47
never
1:26:47
had
1:26:47
children
1:26:48
versus
1:26:48
men
1:26:48
who
1:26:48
have
1:26:49
never
1:26:49
been
1:26:49
married
1:26:49
and
1:26:49
never
1:26:50
had
1:26:50
children
1:26:51
was
1:26:51
actually
1:26:51
reversed.
1:26:53
Women
1:26:53
who
1:26:53
had
1:26:53
never
1:26:54
been
1:26:54
married
1:26:54
and
1:26:55
never
1:26:55
had
1:26:55
children
1:26:56
have
1:26:57
out
1:26:57
earned
1:26:58
men
1:26:58
who
1:26:58
have
1:26:58
never
1:26:59
been
1:26:59
married
1:26:59
and
1:26:59
never
1:27:00
had
1:27:00
children
1:27:00
since
1:27:01
the
1:27:01
1970s.
1:27:02
I
1:27:03
can
1:27:03
believe
1:27:03
that.
1:27:04
And
1:27:04
so,
1:27:04
and
1:27:05
the
1:27:05
reason
1:27:05
for
1:27:05
that
1:27:06
is
1:27:06
that
1:27:06
women
1:27:06
who
1:27:06
have
1:27:07
never
1:27:07
been
1:27:07
married
1:27:07
and
1:27:07
never
1:27:08
had
1:27:08
children
1:27:08
were
1:27:08
very
1:27:08
career
1:27:09
focused
1:27:09
to
1:27:09
a
1:27:10
much
1:27:10
greater
1:27:10
degree.
1:27:11
And
1:27:11
men
1:27:11
who
1:27:12
have
1:27:12
never
1:27:12
been
1:27:12
married
1:27:12
and
1:27:12
never
1:27:13
have
1:27:13
children
1:27:13
were
1:27:13
much
1:27:13
more
1:27:14
fulfillment
1:27:15
focused.
1:27:15
And
1:27:16
they
1:27:16
wanted
1:27:16
to
1:27:16
do
1:27:16
what
1:27:17
they
1:27:17
wanted
1:27:17
to
1:27:17
do
1:27:17
to
1:27:17
a
1:27:18
great
1:27:18
degree.
1:27:18
They
1:27:18
didn't
1:27:18
have
1:27:19
to
1:27:19
worry
1:27:19
about
1:27:19
supporting
1:27:19
a
1:27:20
family.
1:27:20
Now
1:27:21
notice
1:27:21
this
1:27:21
has
1:27:21
never
1:27:22
been
1:27:22
married
1:27:22
and
1:27:23
never
1:27:23
had
1:27:23
children.
1:27:24
So
1:27:25
it
1:27:25
was
1:27:25
really
1:27:25
like,
1:27:26
and
1:27:26
this
1:27:26
was
1:27:26
true
1:27:27
since
1:27:27
the
1:27:27
1970s,
1:27:28
whereas
1:27:29
even,
1:27:30
you
1:27:30
know,
1:27:30
certainly
1:27:30
in
1:27:31
the
1:27:31
70s
1:27:31
and
1:27:31
80s
1:27:32
and
1:27:32
90s,
1:27:32
I
1:27:32
was
1:27:33
talking
1:27:33
about
1:27:33
men
1:27:34
being
1:27:34
men,
1:27:35
discriminating
1:27:35
against
1:27:35
women
1:27:36
by
1:27:36
not
1:27:36
allowing
1:27:37
them
1:27:37
to
1:27:37
have
1:27:37
equal
1:27:37
pay.
1:27:38
So
1:27:38
this
1:27:39
set
1:27:39
me
1:27:39
off
1:27:39
in
1:27:40
the
1:27:40
book
1:27:40
to
1:27:40
do
1:27:41
the
1:27:41
research
1:27:41
for
1:27:42
the
1:27:42
book
1:27:42
why
1:27:43
Men
1:27:43
Earn
1:27:43
More
1:27:43
and
1:27:44
what
1:27:44
Women
1:27:44
Can
1:27:44
Do
1:27:45
about
1:27:45
it
1:27:45
and
1:27:45
looking
1:27:45
at
1:27:46
the
1:27:46
25
1:27:47
things
1:27:47
that
1:27:48
women
1:27:48
can
1:27:48
do
1:27:49
to
1:27:49
earn
1:27:50
more
1:27:50
than
1:27:51
men
1:27:51
do
1:27:51
if
1:27:52
they
1:27:52
want
1:27:52
to.
1:27:53
But
1:27:53
I
1:27:53
also
1:27:54
found
1:27:54
that
1:27:54
people
1:27:55
who
1:27:55
did
1:27:55
these
1:27:56
more
1:27:56
fulfilling
1:27:57
jobs
1:27:57
that
1:27:57
were
1:27:58
safer,
1:27:58
that
1:27:59
weren't,
1:27:59
you
1:27:59
know,
1:27:59
doing
1:28:00
construction
1:28:00
work
1:28:01
and
1:28:01
risking
1:28:01
their
1:28:02
life
1:28:02
on
1:28:02
ladders
1:28:03
or
1:28:03
logging
1:28:04
or
1:28:04
doing
1:28:04
cross
1:28:04
country
1:28:05
trucking,
1:28:06
all
1:28:06
of
1:28:06
which
1:28:06
are
1:28:06
among
1:28:06
the
1:28:07
three
1:28:07
most
1:28:07
hazardous
1:28:08
jobs
1:28:08
that
1:28:09
these
1:28:09
people
1:28:09
who
1:28:10
did
1:28:10
the
1:28:10
more
1:28:10
fulfilling
1:28:11
jobs
1:28:11
were
1:28:11
more
1:28:11
fulfilled
1:28:12
and
1:28:12
more
1:28:12
happy.
1:28:13
And
1:28:13
so
1:28:14
it
1:28:14
was
1:28:14
actually
1:28:15
I
1:28:15
said
1:28:15
at
1:28:16
the
1:28:16
end
1:28:16
of
1:28:16
the
1:28:16
why
1:28:16
Men
1:28:17
Earn
1:28:17
More
1:28:17
book
1:28:17
basically
1:28:18
that
1:28:19
really
1:28:19
what
1:28:19
needs
1:28:19
to
1:28:20
happen
1:28:20
here
1:28:20
is
1:28:21
that
1:28:21
men
1:28:21
need
1:28:22
to
1:28:22
learn
1:28:22
from
1:28:22
women.
1:28:23
Because
1:28:23
what
1:28:23
we
1:28:23
all
1:28:24
want
1:28:24
is
1:28:24
a
1:28:24
happier
1:28:25
life
1:28:25
and
1:28:26
women
1:28:26
and
1:28:26
a
1:28:27
more
1:28:27
fulfilling
1:28:27
life
1:28:28
and
1:28:28
a
1:28:28
safer
1:28:29
life.
1:28:29
And
1:28:30
so
1:28:30
if
1:28:30
we
1:28:30
were
1:28:30
want
1:28:31
to
1:28:31
have
1:28:31
that
1:28:31
type
1:28:31
of
1:28:31
life,
1:28:32
we
1:28:32
need
1:28:32
to
1:28:33
look
1:28:33
at
1:28:33
the
1:28:33
25
1:28:34
choices
1:28:34
that
1:28:34
women
1:28:35
make
1:28:36
that
1:28:36
on
1:28:36
average
1:28:37
make
1:28:37
less
1:28:38
money,
1:28:38
but
1:28:38
they
1:28:39
make
1:28:39
less
1:28:39
money
1:28:40
under
1:28:40
a
1:28:41
specific
1:28:41
circumstance.
1:28:43
It's
1:28:43
not
1:28:43
men
1:28:44
that
1:28:44
earn
1:28:44
more
1:28:44
than
1:28:45
women,
1:28:46
it
1:28:46
is
1:28:46
fathers
1:28:47
that
1:28:47
earn
1:28:48
more
1:28:48
than
1:28:49
mothers.
1:28:50
Because
1:28:50
statistically
1:28:51
when
1:28:52
men
1:28:52
and
1:28:52
women
1:28:53
become
1:28:53
fathers
1:28:54
and
1:28:54
mothers,
1:28:55
the
1:28:55
woman
1:28:56
is
1:28:56
more
1:28:56
likely
1:28:56
to
1:28:57
cut
1:28:57
back
1:28:57
at
1:28:58
her
1:28:58
work
1:28:58
in
1:28:58
the
1:28:58
workplace
1:28:59
or
1:29:00
stop
1:29:01
the
1:29:01
Work
1:29:01
at
1:29:01
the
1:29:02
workplace.
1:29:02
And
1:29:03
men
1:29:03
are
1:29:03
more
1:29:03
likely
1:29:04
to
1:29:04
do
1:29:04
what
1:29:04
I
1:29:04
mentioned
1:29:05
with
1:29:05
the
1:29:06
man
1:29:06
in
1:29:06
my
1:29:06
men's
1:29:07
group
1:29:07
who
1:29:07
was
1:29:08
an
1:29:08
elementary
1:29:08
school
1:29:08
teacher.
1:29:09
And
1:29:09
as
1:29:09
soon
1:29:09
as
1:29:09
they
1:29:10
had
1:29:10
children,
1:29:10
he
1:29:11
quit
1:29:11
being
1:29:11
an
1:29:11
elementary
1:29:12
school
1:29:12
teacher
1:29:12
and
1:29:13
he
1:29:13
took
1:29:13
a
1:29:13
job.
1:29:13
He
1:29:14
hated
1:29:14
being
1:29:15
a
1:29:15
principal
1:29:15
of
1:29:15
a
1:29:16
school,
1:29:16
but
1:29:16
it
1:29:17
paid
1:29:17
more.
1:29:18
And
1:29:18
therefore
1:29:18
he
1:29:19
did
1:29:19
what
1:29:19
he
1:29:19
felt
1:29:19
he
1:29:20
needed
1:29:20
to
1:29:20
do
1:29:20
to
1:29:21
give
1:29:21
his
1:29:21
children
1:29:21
opportunities
1:29:22
that
1:29:23
he
1:29:23
wouldn't
1:29:23
have
1:29:24
for
1:29:24
himself.
1:29:25
I
1:29:25
learned
1:29:25
this
1:29:26
early
1:29:26
on
1:29:27
in
1:29:27
an
1:29:27
experience
1:29:28
with
1:29:28
Gloria
1:29:29
Steinem.
1:29:29
She
1:29:30
and
1:29:30
I
1:29:30
were
1:29:30
going
1:29:30
to
1:29:31
a
1:29:31
show
1:29:31
that
1:29:31
Alan
1:29:32
Alda
1:29:32
was
1:29:32
hosting
1:29:33
in
1:29:33
New
1:29:33
York,
1:29:34
and
1:29:34
we
1:29:34
were
1:29:34
riding
1:29:35
in
1:29:35
the
1:29:35
taxi
1:29:35
cab,
1:29:36
and
1:29:36
the
1:29:36
taxicab
1:29:37
driver
1:29:39
recognized
1:29:39
Gloria
1:29:40
Steinem,
1:29:41
and
1:29:41
he
1:29:41
heard
1:29:42
us
1:29:42
talking
1:29:42
about
1:29:43
power
1:29:43
and
1:29:43
pay
1:29:43
and
1:29:44
stuff
1:29:44
like
1:29:44
that.
1:29:45
And
1:29:45
he
1:29:45
said,
1:29:46
you
1:29:46
Gloria
1:29:46
Steinem?
1:29:47
And.
1:29:47
And
1:29:47
she
1:29:47
goes,
1:29:48
yes,
1:29:48
and
1:29:48
very
1:29:49
politely,
1:29:49
she's
1:29:50
a
1:29:50
lovely
1:29:50
woman.
1:29:51
And
1:29:51
he
1:29:51
goes,
1:29:52
yeah,
1:29:52
you're
1:29:53
talking
1:29:53
about
1:29:53
all
1:29:53
this
1:29:53
pay
1:29:54
stuff,
1:29:54
and
1:29:54
men
1:29:54
earn
1:29:55
more
1:29:55
than
1:29:55
women.
1:29:55
He
1:29:56
says,
1:29:56
do
1:29:56
you.
1:29:57
How
1:29:57
many
1:29:57
hours
1:29:58
a
1:29:58
week
1:29:58
do
1:29:58
you
1:29:58
think
1:29:58
I
1:29:59
drive
1:29:59
a
1:29:59
cab?
1:30:00
And
1:30:01
Gloria
1:30:01
and
1:30:01
I
1:30:01
go,
1:30:02
we
1:30:02
don't
1:30:02
know,
1:30:02
maybe
1:30:03
40.
1:30:03
He
1:30:04
goes,
1:30:04
no,
1:30:04
I
1:30:04
drive
1:30:05
a
1:30:05
cab
1:30:05
70
1:30:06
hours
1:30:06
a
1:30:06
week.
1:30:06
That's
1:30:07
what
1:30:07
it
1:30:07
takes
1:30:07
for
1:30:07
me
1:30:07
to
1:30:08
make
1:30:08
enough
1:30:08
money
1:30:09
to
1:30:09
be
1:30:09
able
1:30:09
to
1:30:10
just
1:30:10
supply,
1:30:11
to
1:30:11
pay
1:30:11
the
1:30:12
rent
1:30:12
for
1:30:12
my
1:30:12
wife
1:30:13
and
1:30:14
the
1:30:14
one
1:30:14
daughter
1:30:14
we
1:30:15
have.
1:30:15
Oh.
1:30:16
We
1:30:16
go,
1:30:16
that's
1:30:16
interesting.
1:30:17
He
1:30:17
says,
1:30:18
you're
1:30:18
talking
1:30:18
about
1:30:19
all
1:30:19
this
1:30:19
power.
1:30:19
Do
1:30:20
you
1:30:20
think
1:30:20
I
1:30:20
want
1:30:20
to
1:30:20
drive
1:30:21
a
1:30:21
cab
1:30:21
70
1:30:22
hours
1:30:22
a
1:30:22
week?
1:30:23
I'm
1:30:23
driving
1:30:23
a
1:30:23
cab
1:30:24
70
1:30:24
hours
1:30:24
a
1:30:24
week
1:30:25
so
1:30:25
my
1:30:25
daughter
1:30:25
doesn't
1:30:26
have
1:30:26
to
1:30:26
drive
1:30:26
a
1:30:26
cab
1:30:27
or
1:30:27
a
1:30:27
son
1:30:28
that
1:30:28
I
1:30:28
may.
1:30:28
We
1:30:28
may
1:30:28
have.
1:30:29
Doesn't
1:30:29
have
1:30:29
to
1:30:29
drive
1:30:30
a
1:30:30
cab
1:30:30
at
1:30:31
all.
1:30:31
I
1:30:31
want
1:30:32
them
1:30:32
to
1:30:32
not
1:30:32
have
1:30:32
to
1:30:33
be
1:30:33
where
1:30:33
I
1:30:33
am.
1:30:34
And
1:30:34
it
1:30:34
was
1:30:35
such
1:30:35
a
1:30:35
really
1:30:36
good
1:30:36
example
1:30:37
of
1:30:37
how
1:30:37
here
1:30:38
we
1:30:38
were
1:30:39
in
1:30:39
all
1:30:39
this
1:30:40
theoretical
1:30:40
academic
1:30:41
land
1:30:42
talking
1:30:42
about,
1:30:42
you
1:30:43
know,
1:30:43
that
1:30:43
earning
1:30:44
more
1:30:44
money
1:30:44
is
1:30:45
about
1:30:45
male
1:30:45
power
1:30:45
and
1:30:46
male
1:30:46
privilege.
1:30:47
Whereas
1:30:47
this
1:30:47
cab
1:30:48
driver
1:30:48
knew
1:30:49
exactly
1:30:49
what
1:30:50
driving
1:30:50
a
1:30:50
cab
1:30:51
70
1:30:51
hours
1:30:51
a
1:30:51
week
1:30:51
and
1:30:52
making
1:30:52
more
1:30:52
than
1:30:52
his
1:30:53
stay
1:30:53
at
1:30:53
home
1:30:53
wife
1:30:53
was
1:30:54
making
1:30:54
was
1:30:55
really
1:30:55
about.
1:30:57
You
1:30:57
know,
1:30:57
you,
1:30:57
Warren,
1:30:59
that's.
1:31:00
Thank
1:31:00
you.
1:31:00
When
1:31:01
I
1:31:01
was
1:31:01
preparing
1:31:01
for
1:31:01
this,
1:31:02
again,
1:31:02
I
1:31:02
was
1:31:02
YouTubing
1:31:03
you
1:31:03
a
1:31:03
lot.
1:31:04
And
1:31:04
there's
1:31:04
one
1:31:04
YouTube
1:31:05
you're
1:31:05
going
1:31:06
on
1:31:06
campus
1:31:06
to
1:31:07
speak
1:31:07
at
1:31:07
a
1:31:07
university
1:31:08
in
1:31:08
Canada,
1:31:08
I
1:31:08
believe
1:31:09
it
1:31:09
was.
1:31:09
And
1:31:09
there's
1:31:10
this
1:31:10
group
1:31:10
out
1:31:10
there,
1:31:11
they're
1:31:11
all
1:31:11
shouting
1:31:12
and
1:31:12
ban
1:31:13
war.
1:31:13
And
1:31:13
ban
1:31:14
war.
1:31:14
And.
1:31:14
And
1:31:15
it
1:31:15
wasn't
1:31:15
a
1:31:15
big
1:31:16
group,
1:31:16
but
1:31:16
it
1:31:16
was
1:31:16
a
1:31:17
very
1:31:17
vocal
1:31:18
group.
1:31:18
And
1:31:18
I'm
1:31:19
assuming
1:31:19
this
1:31:19
was
1:31:19
kind
1:31:20
of
1:31:20
a
1:31:20
woke
1:31:20
crowd.
1:31:21
So
1:31:22
why
1:31:22
do
1:31:22
they
1:31:23
dislike
1:31:24
you
1:31:24
so
1:31:24
much?
1:31:24
I
1:31:25
mean,
1:31:25
specifically.
1:31:25
I
1:31:25
mean,
1:31:26
I
1:31:26
could
1:31:26
draw
1:31:26
inferences
1:31:27
from
1:31:27
what
1:31:27
you've
1:31:28
been
1:31:28
saying,
1:31:28
but
1:31:28
what
1:31:29
is
1:31:29
your
1:31:29
impression
1:31:29
and
1:31:29
why
1:31:30
these
1:31:30
people
1:31:30
really
1:31:31
don't
1:31:31
want
1:31:31
you
1:31:31
to
1:31:31
speak
1:31:32
on
1:31:32
campus?
1:31:33
Yes,
1:31:33
let's
1:31:34
see.
1:31:34
Interestingly,
1:31:35
I
1:31:35
just
1:31:35
came
1:31:35
back
1:31:35
from
1:31:36
London
1:31:36
where
1:31:37
there
1:31:37
was
1:31:37
a
1:31:37
documentary
1:31:38
made
1:31:38
on
1:31:38
my
1:31:39
life
1:31:39
that
1:31:39
opened
1:31:40
about,
1:31:40
you
1:31:41
know,
1:31:41
it's
1:31:41
called
1:31:41
the
1:31:41
Boy
1:31:42
Crisis.
1:31:42
Warren
1:31:42
Farrell
1:31:43
canceled,
1:31:44
and
1:31:44
the
1:31:44
opening
1:31:45
scene
1:31:45
in
1:31:46
this
1:31:46
was
1:31:47
me
1:31:47
being
1:31:47
canceled
1:31:48
with
1:31:48
that.
1:31:49
With
1:31:49
footage
1:31:50
from
1:31:50
that
1:31:50
demonstration
1:31:51
against
1:31:52
me.
1:31:52
And
1:31:53
so
1:31:53
what
1:31:53
happened
1:31:54
was
1:31:54
I
1:31:54
was
1:31:54
being
1:31:54
picked
1:31:55
up
1:31:55
to
1:31:55
do
1:31:55
the
1:31:55
presentation
1:31:56
at
1:31:56
the
1:31:56
University
1:31:56
of
1:31:57
Toronto,
1:31:58
and
1:31:58
instead
1:31:58
of
1:31:59
being
1:31:59
picked
1:31:59
up
1:31:59
by
1:31:59
a
1:31:59
student,
1:32:00
I'm
1:32:00
being
1:32:00
picked
1:32:01
up
1:32:01
by
1:32:01
the
1:32:01
police.
1:32:03
And
1:32:03
I'm
1:32:03
looking
1:32:03
at
1:32:03
the
1:32:03
police
1:32:04
and
1:32:04
say,
1:32:04
what's
1:32:05
this
1:32:05
about?
1:32:05
They
1:32:06
said,
1:32:06
warren,
1:32:06
there's
1:32:07
a
1:32:07
group
1:32:07
of
1:32:07
feminists
1:32:08
creating
1:32:08
a
1:32:08
body
1:32:09
block
1:32:10
so
1:32:10
they
1:32:10
won't
1:32:10
let
1:32:10
people
1:32:11
into
1:32:12
the
1:32:12
auditorium
1:32:13
where
1:32:13
you're
1:32:13
speaking.
1:32:14
And
1:32:14
so
1:32:15
I
1:32:15
said,
1:32:15
a
1:32:15
body
1:32:16
block?
1:32:16
And
1:32:16
they
1:32:16
said,
1:32:17
yes.
1:32:17
And
1:32:17
they're
1:32:18
shouting,
1:32:18
f
1:32:18
you,
1:32:19
Warren
1:32:19
Farrell.
1:32:20
And
1:32:20
so
1:32:21
I
1:32:22
said,
1:32:22
wow,
1:32:22
you
1:32:23
know,
1:32:23
that's
1:32:23
not
1:32:24
good.
1:32:24
But
1:32:25
so
1:32:25
they
1:32:25
said,
1:32:25
we're
1:32:25
picking
1:32:26
you
1:32:26
up
1:32:26
to
1:32:26
escort
1:32:27
you
1:32:27
to
1:32:27
the
1:32:27
Green
1:32:28
room
1:32:28
through
1:32:29
the
1:32:29
back
1:32:29
of
1:32:29
the
1:32:29
auditorium,
1:32:30
so
1:32:30
nobody
1:32:31
will
1:32:31
have
1:32:31
to
1:32:31
sort
1:32:32
of.
1:32:32
You
1:32:32
won't
1:32:32
have
1:32:32
to
1:32:32
deal
1:32:32
with
1:32:33
this.
1:32:33
So
1:32:34
I
1:32:34
said,
1:32:34
well,
1:32:34
I've
1:32:34
only
1:32:34
had
1:32:35
one
1:32:35
demonstration
1:32:35
happen
1:32:36
before,
1:32:36
but
1:32:37
with
1:32:37
that
1:32:37
demonstration,
1:32:38
I
1:32:39
gave
1:32:39
the
1:32:40
demonstrators
1:32:40
free
1:32:41
tickets
1:32:41
to
1:32:41
my
1:32:42
presentation,
1:32:42
which
1:32:43
is
1:32:43
at
1:32:43
Town
1:32:43
hall
1:32:43
in
1:32:44
New
1:32:44
York.
1:32:44
And
1:32:44
I
1:32:45
made
1:32:45
a
1:32:45
deal
1:32:45
with
1:32:45
them,
1:32:45
and
1:32:46
I
1:32:46
said
1:32:46
that
1:32:46
you
1:32:46
listen
1:32:47
to
1:32:47
my
1:32:47
presentation
1:32:48
and
1:32:48
afterwards,
1:32:49
without
1:32:49
interrupting
1:32:50
it.
1:32:50
And
1:32:50
then
1:32:51
afterwards,
1:32:51
I'll
1:32:52
ask
1:32:52
for
1:32:52
some
1:32:53
questions
1:32:53
from
1:32:53
the
1:32:53
audience,
1:32:54
but
1:32:54
then
1:32:54
I'll
1:32:54
come
1:32:54
to
1:32:54
you
1:32:55
and
1:32:55
you
1:32:56
can
1:32:56
ask
1:32:56
any
1:32:56
questions
1:32:57
you
1:32:57
want
1:32:57
or
1:32:57
confront
1:32:57
me
1:32:58
with
1:32:58
any
1:32:58
misinformation
1:32:59
or
1:32:59
whatever
1:32:59
you
1:32:59
want.
1:33:00
So
1:33:00
I'd
1:33:00
like
1:33:00
to
1:33:00
do
1:33:00
that
1:33:00
with
1:33:01
this
1:33:01
crowd.
1:33:02
And
1:33:02
he
1:33:02
said,
1:33:02
warren,
1:33:03
this
1:33:04
is
1:33:04
not
1:33:04
that.
1:33:05
The
1:33:05
police
1:33:05
said,
1:33:06
warren,
1:33:06
this
1:33:06
is
1:33:07
not
1:33:07
that
1:33:07
type
1:33:07
of
1:33:08
crowd.
1:33:08
They're
1:33:08
saying,
1:33:09
f
1:33:09
you,
1:33:09
Warren
1:33:10
Farrell.
1:33:10
They
1:33:10
said,
1:33:10
well,
1:33:11
I'll
1:33:11
go
1:33:11
up
1:33:11
to
1:33:11
them
1:33:11
and
1:33:11
I'll
1:33:11
say,
1:33:12
I'd
1:33:12
like
1:33:12
to
1:33:12
listen
1:33:12
to
1:33:12
you,
1:33:13
but
1:33:13
I
1:33:14
can't
1:33:14
give
1:33:15
you
1:33:15
everything
1:33:15
you
1:33:15
want
1:33:16
because
1:33:16
my
1:33:17
wife
1:33:17
and
1:33:17
I
1:33:17
are
1:33:17
in
1:33:17
a
1:33:18
monogamous
1:33:18
relationship.
1:33:19
And
1:33:19
I.
1:33:20
You
1:33:20
know,
1:33:20
I
1:33:20
know
1:33:20
you're
1:33:21
saying
1:33:21
f
1:33:21
you,
1:33:22
but
1:33:22
I
1:33:22
can't.
1:33:22
Loud.
1:33:25
How
1:33:25
did
1:33:25
that
1:33:25
go
1:33:25
over,
1:33:26
Oren?
1:33:27
The
1:33:27
police
1:33:27
said,
1:33:28
Very
1:33:28
funny,
1:33:29
Dr.
1:33:30
Farrell,
1:33:31
but.
1:33:31
But
1:33:32
this
1:33:32
group
1:33:32
is
1:33:33
not.
1:33:34
You
1:33:34
cannot
1:33:34
do
1:33:34
that
1:33:35
with
1:33:35
this
1:33:35
group.
1:33:35
They
1:33:35
are
1:33:35
really
1:33:36
dangerous.
1:33:36
He
1:33:37
said,
1:33:37
and
1:33:38
the
1:33:38
campus
1:33:38
police
1:33:39
have
1:33:39
called
1:33:39
in
1:33:39
the
1:33:40
city
1:33:40
police,
1:33:41
and
1:33:41
they're
1:33:41
really,
1:33:41
you
1:33:42
know,
1:33:42
the.
1:33:42
These
1:33:42
feminists
1:33:43
are
1:33:43
giving
1:33:43
the
1:33:44
finger
1:33:44
to
1:33:44
the
1:33:44
city
1:33:45
police,
1:33:45
and
1:33:46
they're
1:33:46
having
1:33:46
to,
1:33:46
you
1:33:46
know,
1:33:46
they're
1:33:47
probably
1:33:47
eventually
1:33:47
going
1:33:48
to
1:33:48
physically
1:33:48
Remove
1:33:49
them
1:33:49
from
1:33:49
preventing
1:33:50
people
1:33:50
from
1:33:50
going
1:33:51
in.
1:33:51
So
1:33:52
that
1:33:52
was
1:33:52
the
1:33:52
opening
1:33:53
scene
1:33:54
to
1:33:54
this
1:33:55
recent
1:33:55
documentary
1:33:56
that's
1:33:56
just
1:33:56
been
1:33:57
released
1:33:57
that
1:33:57
I
1:33:58
was
1:33:58
over
1:33:58
watching
1:33:59
in
1:33:59
London
1:34:00
a
1:34:00
few
1:34:00
days
1:34:01
ago.
1:34:01
So,
1:34:02
and
1:34:02
Warren,
1:34:03
what
1:34:03
were
1:34:03
the
1:34:03
sacred
1:34:04
cows,
1:34:04
what
1:34:04
are
1:34:04
the
1:34:05
sacred
1:34:05
cows
1:34:05
that
1:34:05
you
1:34:05
were
1:34:06
butchering
1:34:07
that
1:34:07
are
1:34:07
really
1:34:07
making
1:34:07
these
1:34:08
people
1:34:08
so
1:34:08
hostile?
1:34:09
Yes,
1:34:09
I
1:34:10
was
1:34:10
saying
1:34:10
things
1:34:10
like
1:34:11
men,
1:34:11
it's
1:34:12
not
1:34:12
about
1:34:13
men
1:34:13
earning
1:34:14
more
1:34:14
money
1:34:14
for
1:34:14
the
1:34:14
same
1:34:15
work.
1:34:15
I
1:34:15
was
1:34:15
saying
1:34:15
things
1:34:16
like,
1:34:16
you
1:34:16
know,
1:34:17
boys
1:34:17
and
1:34:17
men
1:34:17
are
1:34:18
having
1:34:18
problems.
1:34:18
So
1:34:19
the
1:34:19
advertisement
1:34:20
for
1:34:20
the
1:34:20
workshop,
1:34:21
for
1:34:21
the,
1:34:21
for
1:34:21
the
1:34:22
speech
1:34:22
I
1:34:22
was
1:34:22
doing
1:34:22
was
1:34:22
on
1:34:23
the
1:34:23
boy
1:34:23
crisis,
1:34:23
even
1:34:24
though
1:34:24
it
1:34:24
was
1:34:24
before
1:34:24
the
1:34:24
boy
1:34:25
crisis
1:34:25
came
1:34:25
out.
1:34:26
And
1:34:26
it
1:34:26
was
1:34:27
explaining
1:34:27
one
1:34:28
of
1:34:28
the
1:34:28
problems
1:34:28
that
1:34:28
boys
1:34:29
are
1:34:29
having.
1:34:29
And
1:34:29
from
1:34:30
a
1:34:30
feminist
1:34:31
perspective,
1:34:32
the
1:34:32
response
1:34:32
to
1:34:33
this
1:34:33
is
1:34:34
warrant,
1:34:35
boys
1:34:35
are
1:34:36
going
1:34:36
to
1:34:36
become
1:34:36
men.
1:34:37
Men
1:34:38
have
1:34:38
male
1:34:38
privilege
1:34:39
and
1:34:39
male
1:34:39
power.
1:34:40
And
1:34:41
don't
1:34:41
you
1:34:41
see
1:34:42
that
1:34:43
you're
1:34:43
taking
1:34:43
the
1:34:44
small
1:34:44
amount
1:34:45
of
1:34:45
resources
1:34:45
we
1:34:46
allocate
1:34:47
for
1:34:47
women
1:34:48
and
1:34:48
you're
1:34:48
wanting
1:34:49
to
1:34:49
take
1:34:49
them
1:34:49
away
1:34:49
from
1:34:50
women
1:34:50
and
1:34:51
give
1:34:51
these
1:34:51
scarce
1:34:52
resources
1:34:52
to
1:34:53
men
1:34:53
who
1:34:53
already
1:34:54
have
1:34:54
the
1:34:54
power
1:34:54
and
1:34:55
the
1:34:55
privilege.
1:34:56
And
1:34:56
so
1:34:56
that's
1:34:56
the
1:34:56
feminist
1:34:57
argument
1:34:57
against
1:34:58
me.
1:34:58
And
1:34:58
so,
1:34:59
and
1:34:59
almost
1:34:59
every
1:35:00
feminist
1:35:00
would
1:35:01
agree
1:35:01
with
1:35:01
that
1:35:01
argument
1:35:02
being
1:35:02
against
1:35:03
her.
1:35:03
In
1:35:03
fact,
1:35:04
when
1:35:04
I've
1:35:05
been
1:35:05
trying
1:35:05
to
1:35:05
form
1:35:06
a
1:35:06
White
1:35:06
House
1:35:06
Council
1:35:07
on
1:35:07
Boys
1:35:07
and
1:35:07
Men
1:35:08
and
1:35:09
we
1:35:09
did
1:35:09
a
1:35:09
proposal
1:35:10
for
1:35:10
that
1:35:10
White
1:35:10
House
1:35:11
council
1:35:12
and
1:35:12
we
1:35:12
presented
1:35:13
that
1:35:13
to
1:35:13
the
1:35:14
Boy
1:35:14
Scouts
1:35:14
of
1:35:14
America,
1:35:15
officially
1:35:16
endorsed
1:35:16
it,
1:35:16
and
1:35:17
they
1:35:17
sent
1:35:18
an
1:35:18
Eagle
1:35:18
Scout
1:35:19
and
1:35:19
a
1:35:19
group
1:35:19
of
1:35:20
Boy
1:35:20
Scouts
1:35:20
to
1:35:21
meet
1:35:21
with
1:35:21
President
1:35:21
Obama
1:35:22
for
1:35:23
the
1:35:23
state
1:35:23
of
1:35:23
the
1:35:23
nation
1:35:24
talk
1:35:24
and
1:35:25
that
1:35:25
they
1:35:25
have
1:35:25
once
1:35:25
a
1:35:26
year
1:35:26
with
1:35:26
the
1:35:26
President
1:35:26
of
1:35:26
the
1:35:27
United
1:35:27
States
1:35:27
that
1:35:27
the
1:35:27
Boy
1:35:28
Scouts
1:35:28
have.
1:35:29
And
1:35:29
just
1:35:29
before
1:35:29
the
1:35:30
talk,
1:35:30
Valerie
1:35:30
Jarrett,
1:35:31
the
1:35:31
assistant
1:35:32
to
1:35:32
President
1:35:32
Obama,
1:35:33
looked
1:35:34
over
1:35:34
all
1:35:34
the
1:35:34
budget,
1:35:35
all
1:35:35
the
1:35:35
items
1:35:36
on
1:35:36
the
1:35:36
agenda,
1:35:37
and
1:35:37
approved
1:35:38
of
1:35:38
all
1:35:38
them
1:35:38
except
1:35:39
the
1:35:39
presentation
1:35:40
to
1:35:40
the
1:35:40
President
1:35:41
about
1:35:41
the
1:35:41
White
1:35:42
House
1:35:42
Council
1:35:42
on
1:35:42
Boys
1:35:43
and
1:35:43
Men.
1:35:44
When
1:35:44
asked
1:35:44
why,
1:35:44
she
1:35:45
said
1:35:45
it's
1:35:45
not
1:35:45
the
1:35:45
time
1:35:46
of
1:35:46
the
1:35:46
place.
1:35:47
So
1:35:47
we
1:35:48
asked,
1:35:48
well,
1:35:48
what
1:35:49
is
1:35:49
the
1:35:49
time?
1:35:49
When
1:35:49
is
1:35:50
the
1:35:50
place?
1:35:50
And
1:35:50
she
1:35:50
said
1:35:51
exactly
1:35:52
what
1:35:52
I
1:35:52
just
1:35:52
mentioned,
1:35:53
that
1:35:53
we
1:35:53
women
1:35:54
have
1:35:54
only
1:35:54
these
1:35:54
small
1:35:55
amount
1:35:55
of
1:35:55
resources
1:35:56
and
1:35:56
you
1:35:56
want
1:35:57
to
1:35:57
take
1:35:57
these
1:35:57
away
1:35:57
from
1:35:58
us
1:35:58
by
1:35:58
talking
1:35:58
about
1:35:58
boys
1:35:59
and
1:35:59
men's
1:35:59
issues.
1:36:00
It's
1:36:00
not
1:36:00
the
1:36:00
time
1:36:01
and
1:36:01
the
1:36:01
place
1:36:01
for
1:36:02
as
1:36:02
long
1:36:02
as
1:36:02
I'm
1:36:02
here
1:36:03
assisting
1:36:04
President
1:36:04
Obama.
1:36:06
So
1:36:07
it
1:36:07
feels
1:36:08
being
1:36:08
held
1:36:09
as
1:36:09
a
1:36:09
zero
1:36:09
sum
1:36:10
game
1:36:10
and
1:36:11
yet
1:36:11
feels
1:36:12
like
1:36:12
your
1:36:12
life's
1:36:13
work
1:36:13
is
1:36:14
arguing
1:36:15
and
1:36:16
demonstrating
1:36:16
with
1:36:17
data
1:36:17
that
1:36:18
there's
1:36:19
benefit
1:36:19
to
1:36:20
everyone
1:36:21
when
1:36:22
both
1:36:22
men
1:36:23
and
1:36:23
women
1:36:24
can
1:36:24
flourish
1:36:25
as
1:36:25
fully
1:36:26
as
1:36:26
possible
1:36:26
and
1:36:27
it
1:36:27
provided
1:36:28
equal
1:36:29
access
1:36:29
to
1:36:30
education
1:36:30
to
1:36:31
everything
1:36:31
that
1:36:31
makes
1:36:32
for
1:36:32
a
1:36:32
full
1:36:33
and
1:36:33
flourishing
1:36:34
life.
1:36:35
Absolutely.
1:36:35
It's
1:36:36
when
1:36:36
only
1:36:36
one
1:36:37
sex
1:36:37
wins
1:36:37
both
1:36:38
Sexes
1:36:38
lose.
1:36:39
Yeah,
1:36:40
yeah.
1:36:41
And
1:36:41
you
1:36:41
see
1:36:41
this
1:36:41
in
1:36:42
colleges
1:36:42
today
1:36:43
because
1:36:43
of
1:36:44
the
1:36:44
dad
1:36:44
deprivation,
1:36:46
because
1:36:46
of
1:36:46
the
1:36:46
bad
1:36:47
communication
1:36:47
that
1:36:47
leads
1:36:48
to
1:36:48
the
1:36:48
divorces,
1:36:48
that
1:36:49
leads
1:36:49
to
1:36:49
dad
1:36:49
deprivation,
1:36:50
we
1:36:51
end
1:36:51
up
1:36:51
having
1:36:51
about
1:36:52
a
1:36:52
third
1:36:53
fewer
1:36:53
male
1:36:54
college
1:36:54
graduates
1:36:55
than
1:36:55
female
1:36:56
college
1:36:56
graduates.
1:36:57
And
1:36:57
so
1:36:58
who's
1:36:58
complaining
1:36:58
about
1:36:59
this?
1:36:59
Women
1:37:00
at
1:37:01
universities
1:37:02
are
1:37:02
saying,
1:37:02
I
1:37:02
don't
1:37:03
want
1:37:03
to
1:37:03
be
1:37:03
going
1:37:03
to
1:37:03
a
1:37:04
university
1:37:04
where
1:37:05
I
1:37:05
have
1:37:05
to
1:37:05
compete
1:37:06
with
1:37:06
all
1:37:06
these
1:37:06
other
1:37:07
women
1:37:07
for
1:37:07
a
1:37:08
small
1:37:08
number
1:37:08
of
1:37:08
men.
1:37:09
And
1:37:10
so
1:37:10
the
1:37:11
women
1:37:12
are
1:37:12
feeling
1:37:12
they're
1:37:13
becoming
1:37:13
okay
1:37:14
with
1:37:14
an
1:37:14
affirmative
1:37:15
action
1:37:15
that
1:37:16
gives
1:37:16
mental
1:37:17
opportunities
1:37:18
to
1:37:18
go
1:37:18
to
1:37:19
a
1:37:19
university
1:37:20
so
1:37:20
that
1:37:20
they
1:37:20
can
1:37:20
have
1:37:21
about
1:37:21
an
1:37:22
equal
1:37:22
number
1:37:22
of.
1:37:22
At
1:37:23
least
1:37:23
not
1:37:23
such
1:37:23
a
1:37:24
disproportionate
1:37:24
number
1:37:25
of.
1:37:25
Of
1:37:25
men
1:37:26
that
1:37:26
they
1:37:26
have
1:37:26
to
1:37:26
compete
1:37:27
against
1:37:27
a
1:37:27
lot
1:37:27
of
1:37:28
women
1:37:28
for
1:37:28
in
1:37:29
order
1:37:29
to
1:37:29
have
1:37:29
a
1:37:29
relationship,
1:37:30
in
1:37:30
order
1:37:30
to
1:37:30
have
1:37:30
a
1:37:30
family,
1:37:31
in
1:37:31
order
1:37:31
to
1:37:31
have
1:37:31
children.
1:37:32
So
1:37:33
these
1:37:33
are.
1:37:34
And
1:37:34
that's
1:37:34
just
1:37:34
an
1:37:35
example
1:37:35
of
1:37:35
how
1:37:36
when
1:37:36
one
1:37:37
sex
1:37:37
loses,
1:37:38
both
1:37:38
sexes
1:37:39
lose.
1:37:39
And
1:37:40
if
1:37:40
we
1:37:40
love
1:37:41
people,
1:37:42
we're
1:37:42
all
1:37:42
in
1:37:43
this
1:37:43
together.
1:37:44
We're
1:37:44
all
1:37:44
in
1:37:45
the
1:37:45
same
1:37:45
family
1:37:45
boat.
1:37:46
We
1:37:46
all
1:37:46
need
1:37:47
each
1:37:47
other.
1:37:48
Men
1:37:48
and
1:37:48
women
1:37:49
are
1:37:49
different.
1:37:49
And
1:37:50
those
1:37:50
differences
1:37:51
bring
1:37:51
wonderful
1:37:52
values
1:37:53
when
1:37:53
we
1:37:53
both
1:37:54
listen
1:37:54
to
1:37:54
each
1:37:54
other
1:37:55
and
1:37:55
hear
1:37:56
what
1:37:56
the
1:37:56
value
1:37:57
of
1:37:57
the
1:37:57
other
1:37:57
sexist
1:37:58
differences
1:37:58
are
1:37:59
and
1:37:59
integrate
1:38:00
the
1:38:00
best
1:38:00
of
1:38:00
them.
1:38:01
And
1:38:01
at
1:38:01
the
1:38:01
same
1:38:01
time,
1:38:02
some
1:38:02
men
1:38:03
are
1:38:03
more
1:38:03
like
1:38:03
women
1:38:03
and
1:38:04
some
1:38:04
women
1:38:04
are
1:38:04
more
1:38:04
like
1:38:05
men.
1:38:05
And
1:38:05
some
1:38:06
people,
1:38:06
as
1:38:06
they
1:38:06
get
1:38:06
older,
1:38:07
recognize
1:38:07
that
1:38:08
they
1:38:08
feel
1:38:09
like
1:38:09
they
1:38:10
really
1:38:10
were
1:38:10
born
1:38:10
in
1:38:10
the
1:38:11
wrong
1:38:11
sex,
1:38:11
and
1:38:12
they
1:38:12
should
1:38:12
have,
1:38:12
if
1:38:12
they're
1:38:13
old
1:38:13
enough,
1:38:14
the
1:38:14
opportunity
1:38:14
to
1:38:14
be
1:38:15
able
1:38:15
to
1:38:15
make
1:38:15
a
1:38:16
transition
1:38:16
if
1:38:16
they
1:38:16
wish
1:38:17
to.
1:38:17
We
1:38:17
just
1:38:18
need
1:38:18
to
1:38:18
make
1:38:18
sure
1:38:18
that
1:38:18
we
1:38:19
don't
1:38:19
allow
1:38:19
that
1:38:20
to
1:38:20
happen
1:38:20
at
1:38:20
such
1:38:20
a
1:38:21
young
1:38:21
age,
1:38:21
where
1:38:22
the
1:38:22
desire
1:38:22
might
1:38:22
be
1:38:23
for
1:38:23
attention
1:38:23
and
1:38:24
not
1:38:24
really
1:38:24
knowing
1:38:25
fully
1:38:25
who
1:38:25
oneself
1:38:26
is.
1:38:27
And
1:38:27
Warren,
1:38:27
as
1:38:28
older
1:38:28
men,
1:38:29
what
1:38:30
would
1:38:30
you
1:38:30
recommend
1:38:31
that
1:38:31
we
1:38:31
can
1:38:32
do
1:38:32
personally
1:38:33
to
1:38:33
help
1:38:34
boys,
1:38:35
to
1:38:36
help
1:38:36
young
1:38:36
men
1:38:36
or
1:38:37
people
1:38:37
that
1:38:37
are
1:38:37
in
1:38:37
the
1:38:37
process
1:38:38
coming
1:38:38
on?
1:38:39
What
1:38:39
can
1:38:39
we
1:38:40
do
1:38:40
individually
1:38:40
to
1:38:41
help
1:38:42
overcome
1:38:42
this
1:38:42
huge
1:38:43
gap
1:38:43
in
1:38:44
our
1:38:44
culture?
1:38:45
Yeah,
1:38:45
very
1:38:46
important
1:38:46
question.
1:38:47
And
1:38:47
so,
1:38:48
you
1:38:48
know,
1:38:48
if
1:38:48
we're
1:38:48
a
1:38:49
father
1:38:49
or
1:38:49
a
1:38:49
grandfather,
1:38:50
certainly
1:38:51
be
1:38:51
involved
1:38:52
with
1:38:52
your
1:38:52
grandchildren.
1:38:53
If
1:38:54
you're
1:38:54
not
1:38:54
and
1:38:55
you
1:38:55
want
1:38:55
to
1:38:55
make
1:38:55
a
1:38:56
contribution
1:38:56
and
1:38:57
you
1:38:57
have
1:38:57
orientations
1:38:58
toward
1:38:58
being
1:38:58
a
1:38:59
coach
1:38:59
or
1:39:00
a
1:39:00
minister,
1:39:00
a
1:39:01
priest,
1:39:01
a
1:39:01
rabbi,
1:39:02
these
1:39:02
are
1:39:02
wonderful
1:39:03
places
1:39:04
where
1:39:04
role
1:39:04
models
1:39:05
can
1:39:05
be
1:39:05
provided.
1:39:06
If
1:39:06
you
1:39:06
love
1:39:06
somebody
1:39:07
that
1:39:07
has
1:39:08
a
1:39:08
female
1:39:08
that
1:39:08
has
1:39:09
children
1:39:09
and
1:39:10
is
1:39:10
raising
1:39:10
them,
1:39:10
being
1:39:11
a
1:39:11
stepfather.
1:39:12
But
1:39:12
if
1:39:12
you're
1:39:12
in
1:39:13
these
1:39:13
roles,
1:39:14
like,
1:39:15
for
1:39:15
example,
1:39:15
in
1:39:15
the
1:39:16
Boy
1:39:16
Crisis
1:39:16
book,
1:39:16
I
1:39:17
have
1:39:17
a
1:39:17
significant
1:39:18
section
1:39:18
on
1:39:18
stepfathers
1:39:19
and
1:39:20
why
1:39:20
oftentimes,
1:39:21
especially
1:39:22
mothers
1:39:22
who
1:39:22
have
1:39:23
daughters,
1:39:24
do
1:39:24
not
1:39:24
allow
1:39:24
the
1:39:25
stepfathers
1:39:25
to
1:39:26
really
1:39:26
be
1:39:26
fully
1:39:27
involved
1:39:28
because
1:39:28
the
1:39:28
orientation
1:39:29
of
1:39:29
a
1:39:30
mom
1:39:30
is
1:39:30
more
1:39:30
toward
1:39:30
protecting
1:39:31
the
1:39:31
children.
1:39:32
And
1:39:32
the
1:39:32
stepfathers
1:39:33
might
1:39:33
be
1:39:33
desirous
1:39:34
of
1:39:34
creating
1:39:35
more
1:39:35
risk
1:39:35
taking
1:39:35
and
1:39:36
other
1:39:36
things
1:39:36
like
1:39:36
we
1:39:36
talked
1:39:37
about
1:39:37
before.
1:39:38
And
1:39:38
so
1:39:38
when
1:39:39
there's
1:39:39
not
1:39:39
an
1:39:39
understanding
1:39:40
of
1:39:40
what,
1:39:41
what
1:39:41
a
1:39:41
man
1:39:42
contributes
1:39:42
and
1:39:42
a
1:39:43
woman
1:39:43
contributes,
1:39:43
we
1:39:44
don't
1:39:44
make
1:39:44
full
1:39:45
use
1:39:45
of
1:39:45
the
1:39:45
value
1:39:46
of
1:39:46
that
1:39:46
stepfather.
1:39:47
The
1:39:47
other
1:39:48
things
1:39:48
we
1:39:48
can
1:39:48
get
1:39:48
involved
1:39:49
with
1:39:49
is
1:39:49
things
1:39:50
like
1:39:50
the
1:39:50
Boy
1:39:50
Scouts
1:39:51
and
1:39:51
Boys
1:39:52
Clubs
1:39:53
and
1:39:53
we
1:39:53
can
1:39:53
get
1:39:54
involved
1:39:54
with
1:39:54
things
1:39:55
like
1:39:55
the
1:39:55
Mankind
1:39:56
Project,
1:39:57
helping
1:39:57
people.
1:39:58
Organizations
1:39:58
like
1:39:59
the
1:39:59
Young
1:39:59
Men's
1:39:59
Ultimate
1:40:00
Weekend
1:40:01
or
1:40:01
Boys
1:40:01
to
1:40:02
Men
1:40:02
is
1:40:02
another
1:40:02
organization.
1:40:04
So
1:40:04
looking
1:40:04
at
1:40:04
people
1:40:05
like
1:40:05
Joe
1:40:06
Sigurdson
1:40:06
who
1:40:07
handles
1:40:07
Boys
1:40:08
to
1:40:08
Men,
1:40:08
or
1:40:08
Mark
1:40:08
Schillinger
1:40:09
who
1:40:09
handles
1:40:10
the
1:40:10
Young
1:40:10
Men's
1:40:11
Ultimate
1:40:11
Weekend,
1:40:12
looking
1:40:12
up
1:40:12
the
1:40:13
Mankind
1:40:13
Project,
1:40:14
you'll
1:40:14
see
1:40:15
the
1:40:15
brothers,
1:40:15
Big
1:40:16
Sisters,
1:40:16
Big
1:40:16
Brothers.
1:40:17
These
1:40:17
are
1:40:18
all
1:40:18
ways
1:40:18
that
1:40:18
men
1:40:19
can
1:40:19
make
1:40:20
significant
1:40:21
human
1:40:21
contributions
1:40:22
to
1:40:23
being
1:40:23
a
1:40:23
role
1:40:23
model
1:40:24
for
1:40:24
boys.
1:40:25
Expressing,
1:40:25
caring
1:40:26
for
1:40:26
boys,
1:40:26
expressing
1:40:27
and
1:40:27
really
1:40:27
be
1:40:28
helpful
1:40:28
in
1:40:28
the
1:40:28
process
1:40:29
of
1:40:29
bringing
1:40:30
up
1:40:30
a
1:40:30
generation
1:40:30
where
1:40:31
our
1:40:31
boys
1:40:32
have
1:40:32
more
1:40:32
emotional
1:40:33
intelligence,
1:40:33
more
1:40:34
sense
1:40:34
that
1:40:34
they,
1:40:35
they
1:40:35
can
1:40:35
have
1:40:35
family
1:40:36
by
1:40:36
the
1:40:37
mentor
1:40:37
that
1:40:38
they
1:40:38
have
1:40:38
rather
1:40:38
than
1:40:39
a
1:40:39
gang
1:40:39
member.
1:40:40
Beautiful.
1:40:41
And
1:40:42
role
1:40:42
models.
1:40:42
Yeah.
1:40:43
Yes,
1:40:43
good
1:40:44
role.
1:40:45
Yeah.
1:40:45
And
1:40:46
just
1:40:47
give
1:40:47
you
1:40:47
a
1:40:47
chance
1:40:47
to
1:40:48
say
1:40:48
more
1:40:48
about
1:40:49
the
1:40:49
fact
1:40:49
that,
1:40:50
yes,
1:40:51
there's
1:40:51
clearly
1:40:52
your
1:40:53
pushes
1:40:53
for
1:40:55
providing
1:40:55
a
1:40:56
mutual
1:40:56
understanding
1:40:57
between
1:40:57
the
1:40:57
sexes
1:40:59
and
1:41:00
a
1:41:00
kind
1:41:00
of
1:41:01
society
1:41:02
in
1:41:02
which
1:41:03
both
1:41:03
sexes
1:41:04
can
1:41:04
flourish.
1:41:05
And
1:41:06
yet
1:41:06
there's
1:41:07
often
1:41:07
an
1:41:07
assumption
1:41:08
that
1:41:08
if
1:41:09
we
1:41:09
give
1:41:09
optimal
1:41:10
supportive
1:41:11
environments
1:41:12
that
1:41:13
for
1:41:13
example,
1:41:14
the
1:41:14
pay
1:41:15
gap
1:41:15
will
1:41:15
disappear
1:41:16
or
1:41:16
that
1:41:16
we'll
1:41:17
have
1:41:17
50%
1:41:18
of
1:41:18
women
1:41:18
in
1:41:18
engineering
1:41:19
or.
1:41:21
And
1:41:21
here
1:41:22
we
1:41:22
have
1:41:22
Scandinavian
1:41:23
countries,
1:41:24
for
1:41:24
example,
1:41:25
which
1:41:25
are
1:41:25
the
1:41:25
most
1:41:25
equal
1:41:26
on
1:41:26
Earth,
1:41:27
where
1:41:27
the
1:41:28
gender
1:41:28
gaps
1:41:28
are
1:41:29
larger.
1:41:31
Yes,
1:41:32
yes,
1:41:32
precisely.
1:41:33
And
1:41:34
so
1:41:34
it's
1:41:34
really
1:41:34
important,
1:41:35
as
1:41:35
you
1:41:36
know,
1:41:36
John
1:41:36
Gray
1:41:36
has
1:41:37
said
1:41:37
in
1:41:37
Men
1:41:37
are
1:41:38
from
1:41:38
Mars,
1:41:38
women
1:41:38
are
1:41:38
from
1:41:39
Venus,
1:41:39
Men
1:41:40
and
1:41:40
women
1:41:40
are
1:41:40
not
1:41:41
like
1:41:41
this
1:41:41
and
1:41:41
this.
1:41:42
But
1:41:42
there's
1:41:43
two
1:41:43
bell
1:41:44
curves.
1:41:44
Some
1:41:44
men
1:41:45
are
1:41:45
more
1:41:45
like
1:41:45
women
1:41:45
and
1:41:46
some
1:41:46
women
1:41:46
are
1:41:46
more
1:41:46
like
1:41:46
men.
1:41:47
But
1:41:47
on
1:41:47
average,
1:41:48
as
1:41:48
you
1:41:49
said
1:41:49
in
1:41:49
Scandinavian
1:41:50
countries,
1:41:50
when
1:41:51
men
1:41:51
are
1:41:52
more
1:41:52
inclined
1:41:52
to
1:41:53
things
1:41:53
like
1:41:53
entering
1:41:54
into
1:41:54
construction,
1:41:55
entering
1:41:55
into
1:41:55
the,
1:41:56
into
1:41:56
science
1:41:57
and
1:41:57
engineering,
1:41:58
and
1:41:58
women
1:41:58
are
1:41:59
more
1:41:59
inclined
1:42:00
toward
1:42:00
the
1:42:00
more
1:42:00
fulfilling
1:42:01
occupations
1:42:02
and
1:42:02
the
1:42:03
health
1:42:03
occupations.
1:42:03
Now
1:42:04
this
1:42:04
doesn't
1:42:04
mean
1:42:04
we
1:42:05
can't
1:42:05
change
1:42:05
this
1:42:05
to
1:42:06
some
1:42:06
degree.
1:42:06
We
1:42:07
really
1:42:07
do
1:42:07
need
1:42:08
to
1:42:08
encourage
1:42:09
men
1:42:09
to
1:42:10
be
1:42:10
okay
1:42:10
with
1:42:10
being
1:42:11
nurses,
1:42:12
with
1:42:13
entering
1:42:13
into
1:42:13
the
1:42:14
health
1:42:14
professions,
1:42:14
both
1:42:15
because
1:42:15
that's
1:42:15
the
1:42:15
fastest
1:42:16
growing
1:42:16
industry
1:42:17
and
1:42:17
also
1:42:18
because
1:42:18
this
1:42:19
can
1:42:19
bring
1:42:19
out
1:42:19
the
1:42:20
some
1:42:20
wonderful
1:42:20
parts
1:42:21
of
1:42:22
men
1:42:22
that
1:42:22
have
1:42:22
been
1:42:23
not
1:42:23
encouraged
1:42:24
for
1:42:24
all
1:42:24
of
1:42:24
history
1:42:25
for
1:42:25
reasons
1:42:26
that
1:42:26
I
1:42:26
mentioned
1:42:26
earlier
1:42:27
on.
1:42:27
And
1:42:28
so
1:42:29
opening
1:42:30
up
1:42:30
science
1:42:31
and
1:42:31
engineering
1:42:32
to
1:42:32
women,
1:42:33
fantastic.
1:42:34
But
1:42:34
expecting
1:42:35
that
1:42:35
it's
1:42:35
going
1:42:35
to
1:42:35
be
1:42:36
that
1:42:36
we
1:42:36
are
1:42:37
Discriminating
1:42:37
if
1:42:38
it
1:42:38
isn't
1:42:38
equal
1:42:39
in
1:42:39
all
1:42:39
counts
1:42:40
is
1:42:41
a
1:42:41
much
1:42:41
more
1:42:42
challenging
1:42:42
occupation
1:42:43
where
1:42:43
it's.
1:42:44
And
1:42:45
we
1:42:45
have
1:42:45
to
1:42:45
look
1:42:45
at
1:42:45
our
1:42:45
own
1:42:46
biases.
1:42:47
Do
1:42:47
you
1:42:47
want.
1:42:47
So,
1:42:48
for
1:42:48
example,
1:42:48
years
1:42:49
ago,
1:42:49
people
1:42:49
who
1:42:50
trained
1:42:50
to
1:42:50
be
1:42:51
dental
1:42:51
hygienists
1:42:52
were
1:42:52
to
1:42:53
a
1:42:53
much
1:42:53
higher
1:42:53
percentage
1:42:54
of
1:42:54
men,
1:42:55
but
1:42:55
dentists
1:42:56
did
1:42:57
not
1:42:57
hire
1:42:58
significant
1:42:59
numbers
1:42:59
of
1:42:59
dental
1:43:00
hygienists
1:43:01
that
1:43:01
were
1:43:01
men
1:43:02
because
1:43:02
fewer
1:43:03
men
1:43:04
wanted
1:43:04
a
1:43:05
man's
1:43:06
fingers
1:43:06
in
1:43:07
their
1:43:07
mouth
1:43:07
than
1:43:08
wanted
1:43:08
a
1:43:08
woman's
1:43:09
fingers
1:43:09
in
1:43:09
their
1:43:09
mouth.
1:43:10
Fewer
1:43:11
women
1:43:11
wanted
1:43:12
men's
1:43:13
fingers
1:43:13
in
1:43:13
their
1:43:13
mouth
1:43:14
than
1:43:14
a
1:43:14
woman's
1:43:14
fingers
1:43:15
in
1:43:15
their
1:43:15
mouth.
1:43:16
So
1:43:16
dentists
1:43:17
stopped
1:43:18
hiring
1:43:19
dental
1:43:19
hygienists
1:43:20
who
1:43:20
were
1:43:21
men.
1:43:21
That
1:43:22
is,
1:43:22
they
1:43:22
overtly
1:43:23
discriminated
1:43:24
against
1:43:25
male
1:43:26
dental
1:43:26
hygienists
1:43:27
because
1:43:28
of
1:43:28
the
1:43:28
clients
1:43:29
discriminating
1:43:30
against
1:43:31
males
1:43:32
because
1:43:33
so
1:43:33
women's
1:43:34
bodies
1:43:35
and
1:43:35
women's
1:43:36
touch
1:43:37
is
1:43:37
much
1:43:37
more
1:43:38
valued
1:43:38
by
1:43:38
both
1:43:39
sexes.
1:43:39
The
1:43:40
same
1:43:40
thing
1:43:40
with
1:43:40
massage
1:43:41
therapists.
1:43:42
We
1:43:42
have
1:43:42
many
1:43:42
more
1:43:42
massage
1:43:43
therapists
1:43:43
that
1:43:44
are
1:43:44
women.
1:43:44
Men
1:43:45
have
1:43:45
and
1:43:45
many
1:43:46
usually
1:43:46
have
1:43:47
stronger
1:43:47
hands,
1:43:48
can
1:43:48
go
1:43:48
deeper.
1:43:49
Many
1:43:49
people
1:43:49
ask
1:43:50
for
1:43:50
deep
1:43:50
tissue
1:43:51
massage.
1:43:52
But
1:43:52
nevertheless,
1:43:53
there
1:43:53
are
1:43:53
a
1:43:53
much
1:43:54
smaller
1:43:54
percentage
1:43:55
of
1:43:55
male
1:43:56
massage
1:43:56
therapists
1:43:57
than
1:43:57
females
1:43:58
because
1:43:59
more
1:43:59
men
1:43:59
want
1:44:00
women
1:44:00
and
1:44:00
more
1:44:00
women
1:44:01
want
1:44:01
women.
1:44:02
Not
1:44:03
completely,
1:44:03
but
1:44:04
to
1:44:04
a
1:44:04
higher
1:44:04
percentage.
1:44:05
And
1:44:05
so
1:44:05
we
1:44:06
have
1:44:06
to
1:44:06
look
1:44:06
at
1:44:06
the
1:44:06
differences
1:44:07
as
1:44:08
well
1:44:08
as
1:44:08
the
1:44:08
similarities
1:44:09
and
1:44:09
deal
1:44:10
with
1:44:10
the
1:44:10
fact
1:44:10
that
1:44:10
we
1:44:11
have
1:44:11
evolved
1:44:12
over
1:44:12
millions
1:44:13
of
1:44:13
years
1:44:13
and
1:44:14
that
1:44:14
certain
1:44:14
traits
1:44:15
are
1:44:15
with
1:44:15
us.
1:44:16
So
1:44:16
let's
1:44:17
work
1:44:17
toward
1:44:18
a
1:44:18
type
1:44:18
of
1:44:18
equality,
1:44:19
but
1:44:20
not
1:44:20
condemn
1:44:21
a
1:44:21
society
1:44:22
that
1:44:22
hasn't
1:44:22
completely
1:44:23
reached
1:44:23
that
1:44:24
without
1:44:24
having
1:44:25
a
1:44:25
recognition
1:44:26
of
1:44:26
some
1:44:27
of
1:44:27
our
1:44:27
evolutionary
1:44:28
differences
1:44:29
as
1:44:29
well.
1:44:31
Yeah,
1:44:32
and
1:44:33
you've
1:44:33
emphasized
1:44:34
throughout,
1:44:36
again
1:44:37
that
1:44:38
providing
1:44:38
situations
1:44:39
in
1:44:39
which
1:44:40
everyone,
1:44:41
including
1:44:41
particularly
1:44:42
women,
1:44:42
have
1:44:43
a
1:44:43
freedom
1:44:43
of
1:44:43
choice
1:44:44
for
1:44:44
professions,
1:44:45
for
1:44:45
livelihood,
1:44:46
the
1:44:47
chance
1:44:47
to
1:44:48
live
1:44:49
our
1:44:49
own
1:44:49
values
1:44:50
and
1:44:52
be
1:44:52
safe
1:44:53
economically.
1:44:54
And
1:44:55
you
1:44:55
point
1:44:55
out
1:44:55
that
1:44:55
there
1:44:56
you've
1:44:56
just
1:44:56
been
1:44:57
saying
1:44:57
that,
1:44:57
yes,
1:44:58
there
1:44:58
may
1:44:58
continue
1:44:59
to
1:44:59
be
1:44:59
gender
1:45:00
differences
1:45:00
in
1:45:01
income
1:45:01
for
1:45:02
a
1:45:02
variety
1:45:03
of
1:45:03
reasons,
1:45:03
including
1:45:04
lifestyle
1:45:04
choices.
1:45:06
And
1:45:07
we
1:45:07
have
1:45:07
now
1:45:08
a
1:45:10
potentially
1:45:11
very
1:45:12
disruptive
1:45:14
political
1:45:15
process
1:45:15
that's
1:45:16
going
1:45:16
on
1:45:16
with
1:45:16
Project
1:45:17
2025,
1:45:19
which
1:45:20
very
1:45:20
clearly
1:45:21
stipulates
1:45:22
the
1:45:23
ideals
1:45:24
for
1:45:25
men
1:45:25
and
1:45:26
women's
1:45:26
roles.
1:45:27
And
1:45:27
specifically
1:45:28
is
1:45:30
aims
1:45:30
to
1:45:31
take
1:45:31
away
1:45:32
a
1:45:32
variety
1:45:33
of
1:45:34
protections
1:45:35
for
1:45:35
women,
1:45:35
such
1:45:36
as
1:45:36
making
1:45:37
it
1:45:37
harder
1:45:37
to
1:45:37
file
1:45:38
discrimination
1:45:39
suits,
1:45:40
reducing
1:45:41
funding,
1:45:42
explicitly
1:45:43
wanting
1:45:43
to
1:45:43
reduce
1:45:44
funding
1:45:44
for
1:45:44
the
1:45:44
social
1:45:45
safety
1:45:45
net
1:45:46
and
1:45:46
most
1:45:47
disastrously
1:45:48
reduce
1:45:49
funding
1:45:49
for
1:45:50
childcare.
1:45:51
So
1:45:51
it
1:45:51
seems
1:45:52
like
1:45:53
the
1:45:53
political
1:45:54
momentum
1:45:54
in
1:45:55
the
1:45:55
current
1:45:55
administration,
1:45:56
and
1:45:56
particularly
1:45:56
with
1:45:56
Project
1:45:57
2025,
1:45:58
is
1:45:58
in
1:45:59
some
1:45:59
ways
1:46:00
really
1:46:00
going
1:46:00
to
1:46:00
jeopardize
1:46:01
women's
1:46:01
economic
1:46:02
security.
1:46:03
There's
1:46:04
so
1:46:04
many
1:46:04
complexities
1:46:05
with
1:46:05
all
1:46:05
this.
1:46:06
So
1:46:06
we
1:46:07
have
1:46:07
to
1:46:07
ask
1:46:07
a
1:46:07
larger
1:46:08
question.
1:46:08
So
1:46:09
for
1:46:09
example,
1:46:09
do
1:46:09
we
1:46:10
create
1:46:10
a
1:46:10
situation
1:46:11
where
1:46:12
there's
1:46:12
equal
1:46:13
amounts
1:46:13
of
1:46:13
paternity
1:46:13
leaves
1:46:14
and
1:46:14
maternity
1:46:14
leaves?
1:46:15
Do
1:46:16
we
1:46:16
create
1:46:16
a
1:46:16
situation
1:46:17
where
1:46:17
we
1:46:18
can
1:46:18
subsidize
1:46:19
parents
1:46:20
to
1:46:20
have
1:46:20
children
1:46:21
taken
1:46:21
care
1:46:22
of
1:46:23
while
1:46:23
they
1:46:23
are
1:46:24
working?
1:46:25
So
1:46:25
that's
1:46:25
a
1:46:25
sort
1:46:26
of
1:46:26
socialist,
1:46:26
capitalist
1:46:27
question.
1:46:27
It's
1:46:27
a
1:46:28
conservative,
1:46:28
liberal
1:46:29
question.
1:46:30
So
1:46:30
there's
1:46:30
so
1:46:31
many
1:46:31
forms
1:46:31
of
1:46:32
discrimination
1:46:33
that
1:46:33
we
1:46:33
do
1:46:33
for
1:46:34
both
1:46:34
against
1:46:35
and
1:46:35
for
1:46:36
both
1:46:36
women
1:46:36
and
1:46:37
men.
1:46:37
But
1:46:38
if,
1:46:38
you
1:46:38
know,
1:46:38
if
1:46:38
we're
1:46:39
really
1:46:39
recognizing
1:46:40
that
1:46:41
the
1:46:41
children
1:46:42
need
1:46:43
both
1:46:43
parents,
1:46:44
then
1:46:45
we
1:46:46
ask
1:46:46
a
1:46:46
bigger
1:46:47
question.
1:46:47
It's
1:46:47
not
1:46:47
so
1:46:47
much
1:46:48
discrimination
1:46:48
against
1:46:49
women,
1:46:50
it's
1:46:50
really
1:46:51
where
1:46:51
do
1:46:52
we,
1:46:52
how
1:46:52
much
1:46:53
do
1:46:53
we
1:46:53
want
1:46:53
to
1:46:54
free
1:46:54
both
1:46:54
men
1:46:55
and
1:46:55
women
1:46:56
to
1:46:56
enter
1:46:57
the
1:46:57
workplace
1:46:57
with
1:46:58
it
1:46:58
being
1:46:58
less
1:46:58
of
1:46:59
a
1:46:59
sacrifice?
1:47:00
And
1:47:00
to
1:47:01
what
1:47:01
degree
1:47:01
do
1:47:01
we
1:47:02
want
1:47:02
the
1:47:02
children
1:47:03
to
1:47:03
be
1:47:03
able
1:47:03
to
1:47:04
have
1:47:04
a
1:47:04
full
1:47:04
time
1:47:04
parent
1:47:05
at
1:47:05
home
1:47:06
versus
1:47:06
in
1:47:06
a,
1:47:07
you
1:47:07
know,
1:47:07
in
1:47:07
a
1:47:07
nursery
1:47:07
school?
1:47:09
We
1:47:09
have
1:47:09
to
1:47:09
ask
1:47:09
another
1:47:10
deep
1:47:10
question
1:47:11
too,
1:47:11
which
1:47:11
is
1:47:12
that
1:47:12
we
1:47:13
aren't
1:47:13
talking
1:47:13
very
1:47:14
much
1:47:14
about
1:47:15
dads
1:47:15
being
1:47:16
home
1:47:16
full
1:47:16
time
1:47:17
with
1:47:17
the
1:47:17
children.
1:47:18
And
1:47:18
that's
1:47:18
a
1:47:18
really
1:47:19
valuable
1:47:19
conversation.
1:47:20
So
1:47:20
two
1:47:21
dimensions
1:47:21
to
1:47:21
that.
1:47:22
One
1:47:22
is
1:47:22
I
1:47:23
have
1:47:23
a
1:47:23
lot
1:47:23
of
1:47:23
women
1:47:24
come
1:47:24
to
1:47:24
me
1:47:24
and
1:47:25
say,
1:47:25
you
1:47:25
know,
1:47:25
Warren,
1:47:26
I'm
1:47:26
angry
1:47:27
that
1:47:27
men
1:47:27
can
1:47:28
be
1:47:28
habit
1:47:28
all
1:47:28
men.
1:47:29
They
1:47:29
can
1:47:29
have
1:47:29
a
1:47:29
career,
1:47:30
they
1:47:30
can
1:47:31
have
1:47:31
children
1:47:31
at
1:47:31
home,
1:47:32
they
1:47:32
can
1:47:32
be
1:47:32
married
1:47:33
women
1:47:33
can't
1:47:34
be
1:47:34
have
1:47:34
it
1:47:34
all
1:47:34
women.
1:47:35
And
1:47:35
I
1:47:35
said,
1:47:36
no,
1:47:36
that's
1:47:36
not
1:47:36
actually
1:47:37
true,
1:47:37
that
1:47:38
women
1:47:38
can
1:47:39
be
1:47:39
have
1:47:39
it
1:47:39
all
1:47:39
women.
1:47:40
But
1:47:40
in
1:47:41
order
1:47:41
to
1:47:41
be
1:47:41
have
1:47:41
it
1:47:42
all
1:47:42
women,
1:47:42
they
1:47:42
have
1:47:42
to
1:47:43
select
1:47:43
for
1:47:44
husbands,
1:47:45
husbands
1:47:45
that
1:47:45
are
1:47:46
more
1:47:46
inclined
1:47:46
to
1:47:47
be
1:47:47
nurture
1:47:47
connectors
1:47:48
rather
1:47:49
than
1:47:49
provider
1:47:49
protectors.
1:47:51
So
1:47:51
that
1:47:51
means
1:47:51
when
1:47:52
women
1:47:52
go
1:47:52
to
1:47:52
a
1:47:52
party
1:47:54
and
1:47:55
they're
1:47:55
looking
1:47:55
at
1:47:56
men
1:47:56
instead
1:47:56
of
1:47:56
looking
1:47:57
at
1:47:57
finding
1:47:57
out
1:47:57
from
1:47:58
their
1:47:58
friends,
1:47:59
who's
1:47:59
the
1:47:59
future
1:47:59
doctor,
1:48:00
who's
1:48:00
the
1:48:00
future
1:48:00
lawyer,
1:48:01
who
1:48:01
is
1:48:01
the
1:48:01
doctor,
1:48:02
who
1:48:02
is
1:48:02
the
1:48:02
lawyer,
1:48:02
who's
1:48:03
the
1:48:03
executive?
1:48:04
And
1:48:04
moving
1:48:05
toward
1:48:05
them,
1:48:06
maybe
1:48:06
looking
1:48:07
for
1:48:07
men
1:48:07
that
1:48:08
are
1:48:08
listening
1:48:08
rather
1:48:09
than
1:48:09
talking,
1:48:09
maybe
1:48:10
looking
1:48:10
for
1:48:10
men
1:48:11
who
1:48:12
are
1:48:12
nurturing
1:48:12
and
1:48:13
connecting.
1:48:14
And
1:48:14
then
1:48:14
instead
1:48:15
of
1:48:15
waiting
1:48:15
for
1:48:15
them
1:48:15
to
1:48:16
come
1:48:16
up
1:48:16
to
1:48:16
you,
1:48:16
you
1:48:17
going
1:48:17
up
1:48:17
to
1:48:17
them,
1:48:18
instead
1:48:18
of
1:48:19
them
1:48:19
asking
1:48:19
for
1:48:20
your
1:48:20
phone
1:48:20
number,
1:48:20
you
1:48:21
ask
1:48:21
for
1:48:21
theirs
1:48:22
instead
1:48:22
of
1:48:22
calling,
1:48:23
waiting
1:48:23
for
1:48:23
them
1:48:24
to
1:48:24
call
1:48:24
you,
1:48:24
you
1:48:24
call
1:48:25
them.
1:48:25
You
1:48:26
will
1:48:26
then
1:48:26
connect
1:48:27
with
1:48:27
men
1:48:27
who
1:48:27
are
1:48:28
more
1:48:28
inclined
1:48:28
to
1:48:29
be
1:48:29
nurturer
1:48:30
connectors
1:48:30
and
1:48:31
more
1:48:31
inclined
1:48:31
to
1:48:31
be
1:48:32
full
1:48:32
time
1:48:32
dads,
1:48:33
then
1:48:33
you
1:48:33
can
1:48:34
have
1:48:34
your,
1:48:34
you
1:48:35
can
1:48:35
break
1:48:35
glass
1:48:36
ceilings
1:48:36
and
1:48:36
at
1:48:37
the
1:48:37
same
1:48:37
time
1:48:38
have
1:48:38
a
1:48:38
man
1:48:39
at
1:48:39
home
1:48:40
who's
1:48:40
full
1:48:40
time
1:48:40
taking
1:48:41
care
1:48:41
of
1:48:41
the
1:48:41
children.
1:48:42
And
1:48:42
then
1:48:43
I
1:48:43
explained
1:48:43
that
1:48:43
there's
1:48:44
one
1:48:44
huge
1:48:44
caveat
1:48:45
to
1:48:45
that.
1:48:46
Those
1:48:47
marriages
1:48:48
don't
1:48:48
work
1:48:49
if
1:48:50
the
1:48:50
woman
1:48:51
doesn't
1:48:52
respect
1:48:52
the
1:48:52
man
1:48:53
who
1:48:54
doesn't
1:48:54
earn
1:48:54
money
1:48:55
and
1:48:55
doesn't
1:48:56
resp.
1:48:56
So
1:48:57
the
1:48:57
woman,
1:48:57
in
1:48:57
order
1:48:58
for
1:48:58
that
1:48:58
marriage
1:48:58
to
1:48:59
work,
1:49:00
has
1:49:00
to
1:49:00
have
1:49:00
one
1:49:01
thing
1:49:01
that
1:49:01
she
1:49:01
checks
1:49:02
herself
1:49:02
out
1:49:03
on
1:49:03
is
1:49:04
respecting
1:49:05
a
1:49:05
man
1:49:05
taking
1:49:06
care
1:49:06
of
1:49:06
children
1:49:07
as
1:49:07
much
1:49:07
as
1:49:08
she
1:49:08
would
1:49:08
expect
1:49:09
a
1:49:09
man
1:49:09
to
1:49:09
respect
1:49:10
her
1:49:10
for
1:49:10
taking
1:49:10
care
1:49:11
of
1:49:11
children.
1:49:12
That's
1:49:12
the
1:49:12
single
1:49:13
biggest
1:49:13
prevention
1:49:14
from
1:49:14
this
1:49:15
type
1:49:15
of
1:49:15
equality.
1:49:16
The
1:49:16
next
1:49:17
level
1:49:17
that
1:49:17
we
1:49:17
have
1:49:17
to
1:49:17
look
1:49:17
at
1:49:18
is
1:49:18
the
1:49:18
discrimination
1:49:19
we
1:49:19
do
1:49:20
have
1:49:20
when
1:49:20
a
1:49:20
man
1:49:20
and
1:49:21
woman
1:49:21
is
1:49:21
pregnant.
1:49:22
When
1:49:22
a
1:49:23
woman
1:49:23
is
1:49:23
pregnant
1:49:23
and
1:49:23
about
1:49:24
and
1:49:24
a
1:49:24
man
1:49:24
and
1:49:25
woman
1:49:25
are
1:49:25
about
1:49:25
to
1:49:25
have
1:49:26
children,
1:49:27
we
1:49:27
basically
1:49:27
say,
1:49:28
I
1:49:28
remember
1:49:29
many
1:49:29
discussions
1:49:30
in
1:49:30
parties
1:49:31
where
1:49:31
a
1:49:31
woman
1:49:32
says
1:49:32
she's
1:49:32
pregnant.
1:49:32
And
1:49:33
the
1:49:33
discussions
1:49:33
were
1:49:34
something
1:49:34
like
1:49:34
this,
1:49:35
do
1:49:35
you
1:49:35
want
1:49:35
to
1:49:36
work
1:49:36
full
1:49:36
time?
1:49:37
Do
1:49:37
you
1:49:37
want
1:49:37
to
1:49:38
do.
1:49:38
Be
1:49:38
full
1:49:38
time
1:49:39
with
1:49:39
the
1:49:39
children,
1:49:40
or
1:49:40
do
1:49:40
you
1:49:40
want
1:49:41
to
1:49:41
do
1:49:41
some
1:49:41
combination
1:49:42
of
1:49:42
both?
1:49:43
And
1:49:44
so
1:49:44
most.
1:49:44
And
1:49:45
so
1:49:45
that
1:49:45
would
1:49:45
be
1:49:45
the
1:49:45
discussion
1:49:46
that
1:49:46
women
1:49:46
would
1:49:46
go
1:49:47
through,
1:49:47
but
1:49:48
the
1:49:48
men,
1:49:48
the
1:49:49
assumption
1:49:49
oftentimes
1:49:50
was
1:49:50
that,
1:49:50
so
1:49:51
the
1:49:51
woman
1:49:51
has
1:49:51
three
1:49:52
choices.
1:49:52
Work
1:49:52
full
1:49:52
time,
1:49:53
children
1:49:53
full
1:49:53
time,
1:49:53
or
1:49:54
some
1:49:54
combination
1:49:54
of
1:49:54
both.
1:49:55
And
1:49:55
the
1:49:55
man
1:49:56
has
1:49:56
three
1:49:56
choices
1:49:57
also,
1:49:57
which
1:49:57
is
1:49:58
usually
1:49:58
work
1:49:58
full
1:49:59
time,
1:49:59
work
1:50:00
full
1:50:00
time,
1:50:00
or
1:50:01
work
1:50:01
full
1:50:01
time,
1:50:02
or
1:50:02
work
1:50:03
more
1:50:03
hours
1:50:03
than
1:50:04
he
1:50:04
used
1:50:04
to
1:50:04
work
1:50:04
in
1:50:04
order
1:50:05
to
1:50:05
be
1:50:05
able
1:50:05
to
1:50:05
do
1:50:05
things
1:50:06
like
1:50:06
provide
1:50:06
enough
1:50:07
money
1:50:07
for
1:50:07
the
1:50:07
children
1:50:08
when
1:50:08
the
1:50:08
mother
1:50:08
is
1:50:09
working
1:50:09
only
1:50:09
part
1:50:10
time
1:50:10
or
1:50:10
not
1:50:10
working
1:50:11
at
1:50:11
all.
1:50:11
That's
1:50:12
a
1:50:12
discussion
1:50:13
that
1:50:13
no
1:50:13
one
1:50:14
has
1:50:14
had.
1:50:14
It's
1:50:15
a
1:50:15
discussion
1:50:15
I
1:50:16
discuss
1:50:16
very
1:50:17
much
1:50:18
in
1:50:18
depth
1:50:19
in
1:50:19
the
1:50:19
Boy
1:50:19
Crisis
1:50:20
book
1:50:20
and
1:50:20
in
1:50:20
other
1:50:21
books.
1:50:22
If
1:50:22
we
1:50:22
don't
1:50:22
have
1:50:23
that
1:50:23
discussion,
1:50:24
we're
1:50:24
going
1:50:24
to
1:50:24
be
1:50:24
subject
1:50:25
to
1:50:26
not
1:50:26
really
1:50:27
giving
1:50:27
men
1:50:27
and
1:50:27
women
1:50:28
equal
1:50:29
chances.
1:50:29
So
1:50:30
we'll
1:50:30
have
1:50:30
discussions
1:50:30
about
1:50:31
discrimination
1:50:32
against
1:50:32
women
1:50:33
if
1:50:33
we
1:50:33
don't
1:50:33
provide
1:50:34
subsidies.
1:50:35
But
1:50:35
it
1:50:35
should
1:50:36
really
1:50:36
be
1:50:36
a
1:50:36
discussion
1:50:37
of
1:50:37
do
1:50:37
we
1:50:38
want
1:50:38
children
1:50:39
to
1:50:40
be
1:50:40
have
1:50:41
subsidies
1:50:41
so
1:50:42
parents
1:50:42
can
1:50:42
work?
1:50:43
What
1:50:43
are
1:50:43
the
1:50:43
benefits
1:50:44
of
1:50:44
that?
1:50:44
What
1:50:44
are
1:50:44
the
1:50:45
costs
1:50:45
of
1:50:45
that?
1:50:46
Why
1:50:46
should
1:50:46
it
1:50:46
be
1:50:46
women
1:50:47
more
1:50:47
than
1:50:47
men
1:50:48
who
1:50:48
have
1:50:48
those
1:50:48
subsidies?
1:50:49
Why
1:50:49
should
1:50:49
it
1:50:49
not
1:50:50
be
1:50:50
equally
1:50:50
both?
1:50:51
And
1:50:51
so
1:50:52
all
1:50:52
of
1:50:52
these
1:50:52
are
1:50:53
useful,
1:50:54
productive
1:50:55
discussions
1:50:55
for
1:50:55
us
1:50:56
to
1:50:56
have
1:50:56
no
1:50:57
perfect
1:50:57
answer,
1:50:58
but
1:50:58
answers
1:50:58
that
1:50:59
need
1:50:59
to
1:50:59
be
1:50:59
part
1:50:59
of
1:51:00
the
1:51:00
next
1:51:00
generation's
1:51:00
discussion.
1:51:02
Well,
1:51:02
thank
1:51:03
you
1:51:03
for
1:51:03
pointing
1:51:04
to
1:51:04
the
1:51:04
complexities
1:51:05
involved
1:51:05
here
1:51:06
and
1:51:07
all
1:51:07
these
1:51:08
factors
1:51:08
that
1:51:08
need
1:51:08
to
1:51:09
be
1:51:09
taken
1:51:09
into
1:51:09
consideration.
1:51:11
And
1:51:12
unfortunately,
1:51:12
we've
1:51:13
fallen
1:51:13
into
1:51:13
very
1:51:15
compartmentalized
1:51:16
or
1:51:16
stereotypic
1:51:17
positions
1:51:19
as
1:51:19
part
1:51:20
of
1:51:20
the
1:51:20
political
1:51:20
polarization
1:51:21
that's
1:51:22
going
1:51:22
on.
1:51:22
And
1:51:23
these
1:51:23
kind
1:51:23
of
1:51:24
deeper
1:51:24
questions
1:51:24
are
1:51:25
unfortunately
1:51:25
rarely
1:51:26
asked.
1:51:26
Thank
1:51:27
you
1:51:27
very
1:51:27
much
1:51:27
for
1:51:27
bringing
1:51:28
them
1:51:28
out.
1:51:29
Thank
1:51:29
you
1:51:30
for
1:51:30
having
1:51:30
the
1:51:30
type
1:51:30
of
1:51:31
podcast
1:51:31
which
1:51:31
brings
1:51:32
them
1:51:32
out,
1:51:32
allows
1:51:33
it
1:51:33
to
1:51:33
be
1:51:33
brought
1:51:33
out
1:51:33
and
1:51:34
discussed
1:51:35
to
1:51:36
give.
1:51:37
We're
1:51:37
very
1:51:37
fortunate
1:51:38
to
1:51:38
have
1:51:38
a
1:51:38
percentage
1:51:39
of
1:51:39
the
1:51:39
population
1:51:39
that
1:51:40
is
1:51:41
happy
1:51:41
to
1:51:41
go
1:51:41
in
1:51:42
depth
1:51:42
and
1:51:42
therefore
1:51:42
receptive
1:51:43
to
1:51:43
the
1:51:43
type
1:51:43
of
1:51:44
work
1:51:44
that
1:51:44
you
1:51:44
and
1:51:44
John
1:51:45
are
1:51:45
doing.
1:51:46
Yeah.
1:51:46
Well,
1:51:46
thank
1:51:47
you.
1:51:47
Yeah.
1:51:48
You
1:51:48
know,
1:51:48
we
1:51:49
haven't
1:51:49
talked
1:51:49
so
1:51:49
much
1:51:50
about
1:51:50
your
1:51:50
book.
1:51:50
Role
1:51:50
Mate
1:51:51
to
1:51:51
Soulmate
1:51:52
did
1:51:52
bring
1:51:52
in
1:51:53
some
1:51:53
of
1:51:53
the
1:51:54
conflict
1:51:54
resolution
1:51:55
or
1:51:56
actually
1:51:57
how
1:51:57
to
1:51:57
skillfully
1:51:58
work
1:51:58
with
1:51:58
feedback.
1:51:59
And
1:51:59
you
1:51:59
do
1:51:59
give
1:52:00
a
1:52:00
variety
1:52:00
of
1:52:01
practices.
1:52:01
And
1:52:02
is
1:52:02
there
1:52:03
anything
1:52:03
else
1:52:03
you'd
1:52:04
like
1:52:04
to
1:52:04
say
1:52:04
about
1:52:04
that,
1:52:06
John?
1:52:06
A
1:52:07
couple
1:52:07
of
1:52:07
things.
1:52:07
One
1:52:07
is
1:52:08
that
1:52:08
there
1:52:08
the
1:52:09
subtitle
1:52:09
of
1:52:10
the
1:52:10
Role
1:52:10
Mate
1:52:10
to
1:52:11
Soulmate
1:52:11
book
1:52:11
is
1:52:12
the
1:52:12
seven
1:52:13
Secrets
1:52:13
to
1:52:13
Lifelong
1:52:14
Love.
1:52:15
And
1:52:15
so
1:52:15
one
1:52:15
of
1:52:16
those
1:52:16
secrets
1:52:16
was
1:52:17
the
1:52:17
creating
1:52:17
this
1:52:18
caring
1:52:18
and
1:52:19
sharing
1:52:19
practice
1:52:20
that
1:52:20
I
1:52:20
began
1:52:20
to
1:52:21
describe
1:52:21
before
1:52:21
that
1:52:22
has
1:52:22
the
1:52:22
six
1:52:23
meditations
1:52:23
that
1:52:24
one
1:52:24
goes
1:52:24
through
1:52:24
before
1:52:25
you
1:52:25
hear
1:52:25
your
1:52:25
partner's
1:52:26
concern.
1:52:27
And
1:52:27
so
1:52:27
that's
1:52:27
a
1:52:28
really
1:52:28
important
1:52:28
part
1:52:28
of
1:52:29
the
1:52:29
book
1:52:29
to
1:52:29
look
1:52:29
at.
1:52:30
Another
1:52:30
is
1:52:31
how
1:52:31
to
1:52:31
create
1:52:31
a
1:52:31
conflict
1:52:32
free
1:52:32
zone
1:52:34
for
1:52:34
the
1:52:34
remainder
1:52:34
of
1:52:35
the
1:52:35
week.
1:52:35
So
1:52:36
you
1:52:36
do
1:52:36
this
1:52:36
caring
1:52:37
and
1:52:37
sharing
1:52:37
time
1:52:38
for
1:52:38
a
1:52:38
couple
1:52:38
of
1:52:38
hours
1:52:39
each
1:52:40
week.
1:52:40
The
1:52:41
caring
1:52:41
and
1:52:41
sharing
1:52:42
time
1:52:42
involves
1:52:42
what
1:52:42
I
1:52:43
just
1:52:43
mentioned,
1:52:43
plus
1:52:44
the
1:52:44
ability
1:52:44
to
1:52:45
know
1:52:45
how
1:52:45
to
1:52:45
appreciate
1:52:46
each
1:52:46
other
1:52:47
at
1:52:47
multiple
1:52:47
levels
1:52:48
of
1:52:48
specificity.
1:52:49
And
1:52:50
then.
1:52:50
But
1:52:50
that
1:52:50
leaves
1:52:51
166
1:52:52
hours
1:52:52
a
1:52:52
week
1:52:53
where
1:52:53
you
1:52:53
don't
1:52:54
have
1:52:54
the
1:52:54
caring
1:52:54
and
1:52:54
sharing
1:52:55
time.
1:52:55
So
1:52:55
how
1:52:56
do
1:52:56
you
1:52:56
create
1:52:56
a
1:52:56
conflict
1:52:57
free
1:52:57
zone
1:52:58
during
1:52:58
that
1:52:58
time
1:52:59
is
1:52:59
another
1:52:59
major
1:53:00
part
1:53:00
of
1:53:00
the
1:53:00
book.
1:53:01
Another
1:53:02
important
1:53:02
part,
1:53:03
which
1:53:03
seems
1:53:03
to
1:53:04
be
1:53:04
the
1:53:04
part
1:53:04
that
1:53:04
I
1:53:04
get
1:53:04
the
1:53:04
best
1:53:05
feedback
1:53:05
to,
1:53:06
is
1:53:06
learning
1:53:07
how
1:53:07
to
1:53:07
appreciate
1:53:08
one's
1:53:08
partner
1:53:09
with
1:53:09
five
1:53:09
to
1:53:10
seven
1:53:10
levels
1:53:10
of
1:53:10
specificity.
1:53:12
So
1:53:12
not
1:53:12
just
1:53:12
saying
1:53:13
I
1:53:13
like
1:53:13
the
1:53:14
way
1:53:14
you
1:53:14
cook,
1:53:15
but
1:53:15
saying
1:53:15
I
1:53:15
really
1:53:16
like
1:53:16
the
1:53:16
way
1:53:16
you
1:53:16
made
1:53:17
that
1:53:17
chicken
1:53:17
with
1:53:17
crispy
1:53:18
skin
1:53:19
and
1:53:19
moist
1:53:20
chicken
1:53:20
and
1:53:21
the
1:53:21
way
1:53:21
you
1:53:21
kept
1:53:21
maybe
1:53:22
on
1:53:22
a
1:53:22
turkey,
1:53:22
the
1:53:23
dressing
1:53:23
moist
1:53:23
and
1:53:24
what
1:53:24
you
1:53:24
use
1:53:25
for
1:53:25
spices.
1:53:25
I
1:53:26
really
1:53:26
like
1:53:26
that.
1:53:26
Parsley,
1:53:27
sage,
1:53:27
rosemary
1:53:27
and
1:53:27
thyme
1:53:28
or
1:53:28
whatever
1:53:29
other
1:53:29
Simon
1:53:29
and
1:53:30
Garfocel
1:53:30
spice.
1:53:30
You,
1:53:31
you,
1:53:31
you
1:53:32
notice
1:53:32
that
1:53:32
your
1:53:32
wife
1:53:32
or
1:53:33
husband
1:53:33
put
1:53:33
on
1:53:33
the,
1:53:33
on
1:53:34
the
1:53:34
turkey.
1:53:34
So
1:53:35
it's
1:53:35
moving
1:53:35
into
1:53:35
multiple
1:53:36
levels
1:53:37
of
1:53:37
specificity
1:53:38
in
1:53:38
your
1:53:38
appreciation
1:53:39
for
1:53:39
your
1:53:39
partner
1:53:40
that
1:53:40
fills
1:53:41
the
1:53:41
reservoir
1:53:41
of
1:53:41
love
1:53:42
and
1:53:42
makes
1:53:43
it
1:53:43
therefore
1:53:43
worthwhile
1:53:44
for
1:53:44
you
1:53:44
to
1:53:44
go
1:53:45
through
1:53:45
much
1:53:45
more
1:53:45
challenging
1:53:46
times.
1:53:47
How
1:53:47
to
1:53:48
play
1:53:48
together
1:53:48
Couples
1:53:49
that
1:53:49
play
1:53:49
together
1:53:50
tend
1:53:50
to
1:53:50
stay
1:53:50
together.
1:53:50
And
1:53:51
many
1:53:51
couples,
1:53:52
especially
1:53:52
in,
1:53:52
you
1:53:53
know,
1:53:53
if
1:53:53
both
1:53:53
couples
1:53:53
are
1:53:54
working
1:53:54
and
1:53:54
they
1:53:54
have
1:53:54
children
1:53:55
and
1:53:55
they're
1:53:55
tired,
1:53:56
they
1:53:56
forget
1:53:56
how
1:53:57
to
1:53:57
play
1:53:57
together
1:53:57
after
1:53:57
a
1:53:58
while
1:53:58
and
1:53:58
how
1:53:59
to
1:53:59
use
1:53:59
music
1:53:59
as
1:54:00
your
1:54:00
cheapest
1:54:00
therapist.
1:54:01
So
1:54:01
there's
1:54:02
so
1:54:02
many
1:54:02
things
1:54:02
in
1:54:02
the
1:54:03
Role
1:54:03
Mate
1:54:03
to
1:54:03
Soulmate
1:54:04
book.
1:54:04
However,
1:54:04
I'm
1:54:04
going
1:54:05
to
1:54:05
do
1:54:05
something
1:54:05
I
1:54:05
think
1:54:05
you've
1:54:06
probably
1:54:06
never
1:54:06
heard
1:54:06
an
1:54:07
author
1:54:07
do
1:54:07
before.
1:54:08
I
1:54:08
am
1:54:09
not
1:54:09
going
1:54:09
to
1:54:09
Recommend
1:54:10
that
1:54:10
you
1:54:10
listen
1:54:11
to
1:54:11
the
1:54:11
book
1:54:12
on
1:54:12
Audible.
1:54:13
I
1:54:13
made
1:54:14
a
1:54:14
lot
1:54:14
of
1:54:14
time,
1:54:14
I
1:54:15
spent
1:54:15
a
1:54:15
lot
1:54:15
of
1:54:16
time
1:54:17
doing
1:54:17
it
1:54:17
on
1:54:17
Audible.
1:54:18
However,
1:54:19
this
1:54:19
is
1:54:19
not
1:54:19
the
1:54:20
type
1:54:20
of
1:54:20
book
1:54:21
that
1:54:21
you
1:54:21
can
1:54:21
easily
1:54:24
absorb,
1:54:25
integrate
1:54:26
and
1:54:26
change
1:54:27
just
1:54:27
by
1:54:27
hearing
1:54:28
it.
1:54:28
You
1:54:29
can
1:54:29
do
1:54:29
it
1:54:29
a
1:54:29
little
1:54:29
bit
1:54:30
better
1:54:30
by
1:54:30
reading
1:54:31
it
1:54:31
and.
1:54:32
But
1:54:32
I
1:54:33
worked
1:54:33
with
1:54:33
my
1:54:33
publisher
1:54:34
to
1:54:34
have
1:54:35
a
1:54:35
QR
1:54:35
code
1:54:36
in
1:54:36
the
1:54:36
book
1:54:37
for
1:54:37
an
1:54:37
online
1:54:38
virtual
1:54:39
video
1:54:40
course.
1:54:40
That's
1:54:41
an
1:54:41
eight
1:54:41
hour
1:54:42
practice
1:54:43
that's
1:54:43
similar
1:54:43
to
1:54:43
what
1:54:44
I
1:54:44
do
1:54:44
with
1:54:44
my
1:54:44
workshops
1:54:45
live
1:54:46
that
1:54:47
you
1:54:47
and
1:54:47
your
1:54:47
partner
1:54:48
can
1:54:48
use
1:54:49
to
1:54:49
actually
1:54:49
go
1:54:50
through
1:54:50
the
1:54:50
practice
1:54:51
of
1:54:51
retraining
1:54:53
your
1:54:53
brain
1:54:54
to
1:54:54
do
1:54:54
things
1:54:55
like
1:54:55
hearing
1:54:56
personal
1:54:56
criticism
1:54:57
without
1:54:57
becoming
1:54:57
defensive.
1:54:59
You
1:54:59
really
1:54:59
need
1:54:59
to
1:55:00
practice
1:55:00
this.
1:55:01
When
1:55:01
you
1:55:01
only
1:55:02
read
1:55:02
it
1:55:02
or
1:55:02
only
1:55:03
listen
1:55:03
to
1:55:03
it,
1:55:04
you
1:55:04
will
1:55:05
agree
1:55:05
with
1:55:05
it,
1:55:06
but
1:55:06
it
1:55:06
will
1:55:06
go
1:55:06
in
1:55:07
one
1:55:07
ear
1:55:07
and
1:55:07
the
1:55:08
first
1:55:08
criticism
1:55:09
will
1:55:10
go
1:55:10
out
1:55:11
the
1:55:11
other
1:55:12
side.
1:55:13
So
1:55:13
I
1:55:13
really
1:55:13
recommend
1:55:14
my
1:55:14
publisher
1:55:15
agreed
1:55:16
to
1:55:16
make
1:55:16
the
1:55:16
online
1:55:17
course
1:55:17
available
1:55:18
at
1:55:19
such
1:55:19
a
1:55:19
cheap
1:55:20
price
1:55:21
that
1:55:21
it
1:55:21
would
1:55:21
cost
1:55:22
you
1:55:22
less
1:55:22
to
1:55:23
buy
1:55:23
the
1:55:23
book
1:55:24
in
1:55:24
order
1:55:24
to
1:55:24
get
1:55:24
the
1:55:24
online
1:55:25
course
1:55:25
through
1:55:25
the
1:55:25
QR
1:55:26
code
1:55:26
than
1:55:27
to
1:55:27
just
1:55:27
get
1:55:28
it
1:55:28
directly.
1:55:29
Beautiful.
1:55:31
And
1:55:31
thank
1:55:32
you
1:55:32
very
1:55:32
much
1:55:32
because
1:55:33
it's
1:55:34
very
1:55:34
clear
1:55:35
that
1:55:35
what
1:55:35
we're
1:55:36
talking
1:55:36
about
1:55:36
here
1:55:36
in
1:55:37
relationship
1:55:37
skills
1:55:38
are
1:55:38
skills
1:55:39
that
1:55:39
really
1:55:40
require
1:55:41
deep
1:55:42
practice,
1:55:42
deliberate
1:55:43
and
1:55:44
ongoing
1:55:45
practice.
1:55:45
And
1:55:46
so
1:55:46
the
1:55:46
point
1:55:46
about,
1:55:47
yes,
1:55:47
going
1:55:47
through
1:55:48
some,
1:55:48
some
1:55:49
sort
1:55:49
of
1:55:49
training
1:55:50
is
1:55:50
really
1:55:50
appropriate.
1:55:51
Of
1:55:51
course,
1:55:52
ideally
1:55:52
it's
1:55:53
a
1:55:53
lifelong
1:55:53
training
1:55:54
in
1:55:54
which
1:55:54
we
1:55:54
train
1:55:55
each
1:55:55
other
1:55:55
in
1:55:55
the
1:55:56
in
1:55:56
relationship.
1:55:57
But
1:55:58
most
1:55:58
of
1:55:58
us
1:55:59
could
1:55:59
use
1:55:59
a
1:55:59
little
1:55:59
help.
1:56:00
So
1:56:01
yeah,
1:56:01
wouldn't
1:56:01
it
1:56:01
be
1:56:01
great
1:56:02
if
1:56:02
high
1:56:02
schools
1:56:03
had
1:56:03
courses
1:56:03
like
1:56:03
this,
1:56:04
you
1:56:04
know,
1:56:04
preparing
1:56:05
you
1:56:05
for
1:56:05
lifelong
1:56:05
relationships,
1:56:06
preparing
1:56:06
you
1:56:06
to
1:56:07
be
1:56:07
a
1:56:07
father
1:56:07
or
1:56:07
mother.
1:56:08
I'm
1:56:08
trying
1:56:08
to
1:56:09
make
1:56:09
two
1:56:09
things
1:56:10
help
1:56:10
make
1:56:10
two
1:56:10
things
1:56:11
happen.
1:56:11
I'm
1:56:11
working
1:56:12
to
1:56:12
try
1:56:13
to
1:56:13
get
1:56:13
the
1:56:14
online
1:56:14
couples
1:56:15
course
1:56:15
distributed
1:56:16
to
1:56:16
every
1:56:16
poor
1:56:17
community
1:56:17
in
1:56:17
the
1:56:18
country
1:56:18
for
1:56:19
free
1:56:19
so
1:56:19
that
1:56:21
ministers,
1:56:21
priests,
1:56:21
rabbis,
1:56:22
imams
1:56:23
can,
1:56:23
can
1:56:23
bring
1:56:24
it
1:56:24
to
1:56:24
their
1:56:24
communities,
1:56:25
have
1:56:25
it
1:56:25
be
1:56:25
in
1:56:26
libraries
1:56:26
in
1:56:26
every
1:56:27
poor
1:56:27
community,
1:56:28
have
1:56:28
it
1:56:28
be
1:56:28
with
1:56:29
PTAs
1:56:30
and
1:56:30
train
1:56:31
various
1:56:31
types
1:56:31
of
1:56:31
counselors
1:56:32
to
1:56:33
make
1:56:33
this
1:56:33
available
1:56:34
where
1:56:35
people
1:56:35
can't
1:56:35
afford
1:56:35
therapists
1:56:36
per
1:56:36
se.
1:56:37
So
1:56:38
this
1:56:38
is
1:56:39
part
1:56:39
of
1:56:39
what
1:56:39
I'm
1:56:40
working
1:56:40
on
1:56:40
now
1:56:40
to
1:56:41
try
1:56:41
to
1:56:41
make
1:56:41
this
1:56:42
happen.
1:56:42
But
1:56:43
I'm
1:56:43
also
1:56:43
working
1:56:43
on
1:56:44
the
1:56:44
Man
1:56:44
Crisis
1:56:44
book.
1:56:45
So
1:56:45
it's
1:56:45
a
1:56:46
lot
1:56:46
of,
1:56:46
lot
1:56:46
of
1:56:46
things
1:56:46
that
1:56:47
are
1:56:47
happening
1:56:48
simultaneously.
1:56:48
But
1:56:49
the,
1:56:49
the
1:56:49
best
1:56:49
thing
1:56:50
I
1:56:50
can
1:56:50
do
1:56:50
for
1:56:50
somebody
1:56:50
that's
1:56:51
listening
1:56:51
is
1:56:52
to
1:56:52
say,
1:56:52
yes,
1:56:53
get
1:56:53
the
1:56:53
Role
1:56:53
Mate
1:56:54
to
1:56:54
Soulmate
1:56:54
book,
1:56:55
but
1:56:55
really
1:56:55
focus
1:56:56
on
1:56:56
getting
1:56:57
the,
1:56:57
for
1:56:58
$95,
1:56:58
getting
1:56:59
the
1:56:59
online
1:56:59
virtual
1:57:00
course.
1:57:01
And
1:57:01
then
1:57:02
don't
1:57:02
just
1:57:02
get
1:57:03
it,
1:57:03
use
1:57:04
it
1:57:04
over
1:57:04
and
1:57:04
over
1:57:05
again
1:57:05
because
1:57:06
your
1:57:06
brain
1:57:07
really
1:57:07
needs
1:57:07
to
1:57:07
rewire
1:57:08
itself
1:57:08
to
1:57:09
be
1:57:09
able
1:57:09
to
1:57:09
do
1:57:09
things
1:57:10
like
1:57:10
handle
1:57:10
personal
1:57:10
criticism
1:57:11
without
1:57:12
becoming
1:57:12
defensive.
1:57:14
Yes,
1:57:15
that
1:57:16
is
1:57:16
a
1:57:16
major
1:57:16
skill.
1:57:18
And
1:57:19
you
1:57:19
mentioned
1:57:19
it,
1:57:19
Warren.
1:57:20
And
1:57:20
when
1:57:20
I
1:57:21
sent
1:57:21
you
1:57:21
an
1:57:21
email
1:57:21
recently,
1:57:22
I
1:57:22
got
1:57:22
back
1:57:23
an
1:57:23
automatic
1:57:23
reply
1:57:24
saying,
1:57:25
it
1:57:25
may
1:57:25
be
1:57:25
a
1:57:25
while
1:57:25
till
1:57:26
I
1:57:26
get
1:57:26
back
1:57:26
to
1:57:26
you
1:57:26
because
1:57:27
I'm
1:57:27
working
1:57:27
on
1:57:27
my
1:57:27
book,
1:57:27
the
1:57:28
Man
1:57:28
Crisis.
1:57:29
So
1:57:29
as
1:57:29
we
1:57:30
come
1:57:30
to
1:57:30
a
1:57:30
completion,
1:57:31
is
1:57:31
there
1:57:31
anything
1:57:31
you'd
1:57:31
like
1:57:32
to
1:57:32
say
1:57:32
about
1:57:33
what's
1:57:33
really
1:57:34
touching
1:57:35
you
1:57:35
now
1:57:36
as
1:57:36
you.
1:57:36
As
1:57:37
you
1:57:37
work
1:57:37
on
1:57:37
this
1:57:37
book?
1:57:39
Yeah,
1:57:39
I
1:57:39
think
1:57:40
things
1:57:40
like
1:57:40
the
1:57:40
suicide
1:57:41
figure
1:57:41
that
1:57:42
I
1:57:42
mentioned
1:57:42
before,
1:57:43
and
1:57:44
then
1:57:44
also
1:57:44
how
1:57:45
much
1:57:45
I
1:57:45
really
1:57:46
have
1:57:46
thought
1:57:46
through
1:57:46
the
1:57:47
issue
1:57:47
of
1:57:47
how,
1:57:48
you
1:57:48
know,
1:57:48
when
1:57:48
men
1:57:49
suffer,
1:57:49
how
1:57:50
women
1:57:51
suffer,
1:57:51
how
1:57:51
our
1:57:51
parents
1:57:52
suffer,
1:57:52
how
1:57:52
our
1:57:53
children
1:57:53
suffer,
1:57:53
how
1:57:54
their
1:57:54
children
1:57:54
suffer,
1:57:55
and
1:57:55
how
1:57:55
just
1:57:55
amazingly
1:57:56
interrelated
1:57:57
the
1:57:58
crisis
1:57:58
that
1:57:58
anyone
1:57:59
goes
1:58:00
through
1:58:01
impacts
1:58:01
the
1:58:01
other
1:58:01
when
1:58:02
somebody
1:58:02
commits
1:58:02
suicide,
1:58:03
how
1:58:04
everybody
1:58:04
feels
1:58:05
guilty
1:58:05
and
1:58:05
grieving
1:58:06
for
1:58:06
years,
1:58:07
and
1:58:07
yet
1:58:08
how
1:58:09
amazingly
1:58:10
important
1:58:10
it
1:58:11
is
1:58:11
to
1:58:11
recognize
1:58:12
that
1:58:12
we
1:58:12
are
1:58:13
not
1:58:13
biologically
1:58:14
prepared
1:58:15
to
1:58:15
pay
1:58:15
attention
1:58:16
to
1:58:16
the
1:58:16
needs
1:58:16
of
1:58:17
men
1:58:18
in
1:58:18
terms
1:58:18
of
1:58:18
feelings,
1:58:19
in
1:58:19
terms
1:58:19
of
1:58:20
fears,
1:58:20
and
1:58:21
men
1:58:21
are
1:58:21
not
1:58:21
biologically
1:58:22
programmed
1:58:23
to
1:58:24
articulate
1:58:24
those
1:58:25
feelings.
1:58:26
And
1:58:26
so,
1:58:26
as
1:58:26
a
1:58:26
result,
1:58:27
we
1:58:27
have
1:58:28
eight
1:58:28
federal
1:58:29
offices,
1:58:30
even
1:58:30
though
1:58:31
women
1:58:31
live
1:58:32
longer
1:58:33
in
1:58:33
14
1:58:33
out
1:58:34
of
1:58:34
15
1:58:35
causes
1:58:35
of
1:58:35
death,
1:58:36
men
1:58:36
experience
1:58:37
those
1:58:37
before
1:58:37
women
1:58:38
do.
1:58:38
And
1:58:39
yet
1:58:39
we
1:58:39
have
1:58:39
eight
1:58:40
federal
1:58:40
offices
1:58:41
of
1:58:42
Women's
1:58:42
Health
1:58:43
and
1:58:43
zero
1:58:44
federal
1:58:44
offices
1:58:45
of
1:58:45
Men's
1:58:45
Health.
1:58:46
And
1:58:46
what
1:58:47
the
1:58:47
implications
1:58:48
of
1:58:48
things
1:58:48
like
1:58:48
that
1:58:49
are
1:58:50
are
1:58:50
enormous.
1:58:51
And
1:58:51
that's
1:58:52
just
1:58:52
the
1:58:52
tip
1:58:52
of
1:58:53
the
1:58:53
iceberg
1:58:53
that
1:58:54
I
1:58:54
talk
1:58:54
about
1:58:55
in
1:58:55
the
1:58:55
boy
1:58:55
crisis.
1:58:56
And
1:58:56
we'll
1:58:56
talk
1:58:56
about
1:58:56
an
1:58:57
even
1:58:58
more
1:58:58
expanded
1:58:58
way
1:58:58
in
1:58:59
the
1:58:59
Man
1:58:59
Crisis.
1:59:01
Well,
1:59:01
Warren,
1:59:02
thank
1:59:02
you
1:59:02
so
1:59:02
much
1:59:03
for
1:59:04
all
1:59:04
you've
1:59:04
done
1:59:05
and
1:59:05
what
1:59:06
you're
1:59:06
doing.
1:59:08
You've
1:59:08
really
1:59:08
had
1:59:08
an
1:59:09
extraordinary
1:59:09
impact
1:59:10
on
1:59:10
our
1:59:10
culture
1:59:11
in
1:59:11
so
1:59:11
many
1:59:11
beneficial
1:59:12
ways.
1:59:12
And
1:59:13
you've
1:59:14
not
1:59:14
only
1:59:15
moved
1:59:15
with
1:59:16
the
1:59:16
changing
1:59:17
cultural
1:59:17
zeitgeist,
1:59:18
you've
1:59:19
actually
1:59:19
led
1:59:20
the
1:59:20
way
1:59:20
for
1:59:20
several
1:59:21
very
1:59:21
important
1:59:22
movements.
1:59:23
And
1:59:24
bless
1:59:24
you
1:59:24
for
1:59:24
your
1:59:25
work
1:59:25
with
1:59:26
the
1:59:26
feminist
1:59:27
movement
1:59:27
and
1:59:28
your
1:59:28
work
1:59:28
with
1:59:29
the
1:59:29
National
1:59:29
Organization
1:59:30
of
1:59:30
Women
1:59:31
and
1:59:31
for
1:59:32
the
1:59:32
incredible
1:59:33
contributions
1:59:34
you've
1:59:36
made
1:59:36
to
1:59:36
men
1:59:36
and
1:59:37
to
1:59:37
boys.
1:59:37
And
1:59:38
you're
1:59:38
known
1:59:38
as
1:59:39
the
1:59:39
intellectual
1:59:40
father
1:59:40
of
1:59:41
the
1:59:41
men's
1:59:41
movement
1:59:42
for
1:59:42
a
1:59:42
reason.
1:59:42
And
1:59:43
again,
1:59:43
your
1:59:44
many
1:59:44
books,
1:59:44
I
1:59:44
just
1:59:45
want
1:59:45
to
1:59:45
acknowledge,
1:59:47
we
1:59:47
can't
1:59:48
run
1:59:48
through
1:59:48
them
1:59:48
all.
1:59:49
There's
1:59:49
so
1:59:49
many.
1:59:49
But.
1:59:50
But
1:59:50
we
1:59:50
talked
1:59:51
about,
1:59:51
for
1:59:51
example,
1:59:51
the
1:59:52
myth
1:59:52
of
1:59:52
the
1:59:52
male
1:59:53
power
1:59:53
and
1:59:54
why
1:59:54
men
1:59:54
are
1:59:54
the
1:59:54
way
1:59:54
they
1:59:55
are.
1:59:55
And
1:59:56
we're
1:59:57
particularly
1:59:57
focused
1:59:58
on
1:59:58
the
1:59:58
Boy
1:59:58
crisis,
1:59:59
which
1:59:59
is
2:00:00
very
2:00:01
powerful.
2:00:01
The
2:00:02
book
2:00:02
why
2:00:02
Men
2:00:03
Earn
2:00:03
More.
2:00:04
I
2:00:04
wish
2:00:05
all
2:00:06
the
2:00:06
information
2:00:06
you
2:00:06
provide
2:00:07
there
2:00:07
were
2:00:07
better
2:00:07
known.
2:00:08
It
2:00:08
would
2:00:08
dispel
2:00:09
so
2:00:09
many
2:00:10
unfortunate
2:00:11
arguments
2:00:12
about
2:00:13
men,
2:00:14
women's
2:00:14
Pay
2:00:16
and
2:00:16
your
2:00:16
new
2:00:16
book,
2:00:17
Rolemate
2:00:17
to
2:00:17
Soulmate.
2:00:18
What
2:00:19
could
2:00:19
be
2:00:19
more
2:00:19
beautiful
2:00:20
than
2:00:21
having
2:00:21
lifelong
2:00:22
love?
2:00:22
So,
2:00:23
Warren,
2:00:23
thank
2:00:24
you
2:00:24
so
2:00:24
much.
2:00:25
A
2:00:25
deep
2:00:26
appreciation
2:00:27
for
2:00:27
you
2:00:28
and
2:00:28
again,
2:00:28
just
2:00:29
admiration
2:00:30
for
2:00:30
the
2:00:30
way
2:00:30
you've
2:00:31
followed
2:00:32
your
2:00:32
heart,
2:00:32
or
2:00:33
as
2:00:33
Joe
2:00:33
Campbell
2:00:34
said,
2:00:34
we've
2:00:34
followed
2:00:34
your
2:00:35
bliss.
2:00:36
And
2:00:36
you've
2:00:36
really
2:00:36
done
2:00:37
it
2:00:37
with
2:00:38
looking
2:00:38
into
2:00:38
the
2:00:39
information,
2:00:39
the
2:00:40
data
2:00:40
brought
2:00:40
that
2:00:41
together
2:00:42
and
2:00:42
brought
2:00:43
heartfelt,
2:00:44
compelling
2:00:44
evidence
2:00:45
for
2:00:46
what
2:00:46
we
2:00:47
as
2:00:47
men
2:00:47
and
2:00:47
women
2:00:48
and
2:00:48
society
2:00:49
need.
2:00:49
So
2:00:50
thank
2:00:50
you
2:00:50
very
2:00:51
much.
2:00:52
Thank
2:00:52
you
2:00:52
and
2:00:52
John
2:00:53
and
2:00:54
Heidi
2:00:54
for
2:00:55
creating
2:00:55
this
2:00:56
program
2:00:56
that
2:00:56
allows
2:00:57
the
2:00:57
depth
2:00:58
to
2:00:58
be
2:00:58
really
2:00:58
experienced
2:00:59
and
2:00:59
heard,
2:01:00
and
2:01:01
my
2:01:01
wife
2:01:01
for
2:01:02
creating
2:01:02
income
2:01:03
that
2:01:03
allows
2:01:03
us
2:01:03
to
2:01:04
have
2:01:04
a
2:01:04
good
2:01:04
life
2:01:05
while
2:01:05
I
2:01:05
do
2:01:05
things
2:01:05
that
2:01:06
sometimes
2:01:06
don't
2:01:06
earn
2:01:06
as
2:01:07
much
2:01:07
money
2:01:07
as
2:01:08
they
2:01:08
otherwise
2:01:08
would
2:01:08
if
2:01:09
I
2:01:09
did
2:01:09
different
2:01:09
things.
2:01:11
Thank
2:01:12
you,
2:01:12
Warren.
2:01:12
It's
2:01:12
been
2:01:12
an
2:01:13
honor
2:01:13
and
2:01:13
a
2:01:13
privilege,
2:01:13
brother.
2:01:14
Thank
2:01:14
you.
2:01:15
Thank
2:01:15
you,
2:01:15
John.
2:01:22
Thank
2:01:22
you
2:01:22
very
2:01:23
much
2:01:23
for
2:01:23
being
2:01:23
a
2:01:24
part
2:01:24
of
2:01:24
this
2:01:24
conversation.
2:01:25
We
2:01:25
hope
2:01:26
that
2:01:26
you
2:01:26
were
2:01:26
moved,
2:01:27
as
2:01:27
we
2:01:27
are
2:01:27
moved,
2:01:28
being
2:01:28
part
2:01:28
of
2:01:28
it
2:01:28
ourselves.
2:01:29
We'd
2:01:30
also
2:01:30
like
2:01:30
to
2:01:30
say
2:01:31
that
2:01:31
this
2:01:31
is
2:01:31
being
2:01:31
funded
2:01:32
by
2:01:32
Roger,
2:01:33
myself.
2:01:33
It
2:01:33
comes
2:01:33
out
2:01:34
of
2:01:34
our
2:01:34
pockets.
2:01:34
So
2:01:35
if
2:01:35
you
2:01:35
would
2:01:35
like
2:01:35
to
2:01:35
help
2:01:35
us
2:01:36
to
2:01:36
mainly
2:01:37
to
2:01:37
get
2:01:37
this
2:01:38
podcast
2:01:38
out
2:01:38
to
2:01:38
more
2:01:39
people
2:01:39
because
2:01:39
the
2:01:40
bigger
2:01:40
audience
2:01:40
have
2:01:40
which
2:01:40
is
2:01:41
steadily
2:01:41
growing,
2:01:41
but
2:01:42
the
2:01:42
more
2:01:42
people
2:01:42
we
2:01:43
can
2:01:43
reach
2:01:43
and
2:01:43
the
2:01:43
more
2:01:43
marketing
2:01:44
we
2:01:44
can
2:01:44
do,
2:01:44
the
2:01:45
more
2:01:45
positive
2:01:45
effect
2:01:46
we
2:01:46
can
2:01:46
have
2:01:46
on
2:01:46
the
2:01:47
world.
2:01:47
So
2:01:47
we've
2:01:47
done
2:01:48
that
2:01:48
a
2:01:48
couple
2:01:48
of
2:01:48
ways.
2:01:48
But
2:01:48
we'd
2:01:49
like
2:01:49
you
2:01:49
to
2:01:49
buy
2:01:50
us
2:01:50
a
2:01:50
cu
2:01:50
of
2:01:50
coffee.
2:01:50
Very
2:01:50
simple.
2:01:50
And
2:01:50
I
2:01:50
do
2:01:50
that
2:01:50
with
2:01:50
podcasts
2:01:50
that
2:01:50
I
2:01:50
support
2:01:50
and
2:01:50
I
2:01:50
find
2:01:50
it
2:01:50
very
2:01:50
satisfying.
2:01:22
Sothank
2:01:24
you
2:01:25
for
2:01:26
your
2:01:27
help,
2:01:29
thank
2:01:30
you
2:01:31
for
2:01:32
your
2:01:33
presence
2:01:34
and
2:01:35
thank
2:01:36
you
2:01:37
for
2:01:39
all
2:01:40
you
2:01:41
are
2:01:42
and
2:01:43
all
2:01:44
you
2:01:45
do.
2:01:46
We
2:01:47
love
2:01:49
you.