Latest / The Breakfast Club / INTERVIEW: Tim Ross Talks ‘The Missing Peace,’ Being Sexually Assaulted, Healing, Faith Vs. Fear + More

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INTERVIEW: Tim Ross Talks ‘The Missing Peace,’ Being Sexually Assaulted, Healing, Faith Vs. Fear + More · The Breakfast Club

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Every day a week ago, clicks.
• 0:03
  Speaker 2: Up the Breakfast Club. You're gonna finish for y'all.
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Done morning.
• 0:07
  Speaker 3: Everybody is DJ Envy, Jess, Hilarious, Charlamagne, the gud We
• 0:11
  Speaker 3: are the Breakfast Club, Lawl the Roses here as well.
• 0:13
  Speaker 3: We got a special guest in the building. Yes, indeed,
• 0:16
  Speaker 3: brother Tim Ross. He has a new book that's out
• 0:18
  Speaker 3: right now, The Missing Piece, Good morning.
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: Good morning, not just the missing Piece.
• 0:22
  Speaker 4: I love the subtitle how to be Held Together when
• 0:24
  Speaker 4: You're Falling Apart. I think great conversation to have during
• 0:27
  Speaker 4: this mental health away in this month.
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, man, absolutely, I'm so grateful to be here with y'all.
• 0:32
  Speaker 5: Thank you so much. How are you feeling? First and foremost?
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: I feel good? Man, good, Yeah, I'm good.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: Do you feel peace this morning?
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: Much peace?
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: Okay?
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm chilling.
• 0:39
  Speaker 4: What's the biggest lie people will leave about having peace
• 0:42
  Speaker 4: that's actually keeping them stuck? The biggest lie about having
• 0:46
  Speaker 4: piece that's actually keeping them stuck. Probably that money is
• 0:51
  Speaker 4: gonna get you peace, or marriage is gonna get you peace,
• 0:56
  Speaker 4: or the right zip code is gonna get you peace,
• 0:58
  Speaker 4: or promotion is gonna get you.
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: Peace, or a platform is gonna get you peace. All
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: of those are temporary. It'll give you a good dopamine
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: hit and make you feel secure, but it's not gonna last.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: Peace has to be something that is cultivated and settled
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: in from the inside out, not from the outside in.
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: When you talk about holding yourself together, right, is it
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: okay to fall apart though?
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: Oh? For sure?
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: Is it okay to let things get to your lowest
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: And I always say when you get that load, you're
• 1:29
  Speaker 3: sitting it for a little bit.
• 1:32
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: So there's a misconception that if you have peace that
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: means you have the absence of turbulence, you have the
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: absence of struggle. I contend that you can have peace
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: and be angry. You can have peace and be sad.
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: You can have peace and be at the lowest state
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: of grief. I lost my father two years ago, and
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: thank you, I appreciate it. And that was my hero, Okay,
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: Charles Edward Ross is like my hero hero, and so
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: was I was grieving, but still peaceful. I missed him,
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: his absence. It was looming at the time, but I
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: wasn't in despair because I had peace on the inside.
• 2:19
  Speaker 6: What I was watching you preach on Sundays He's the Greatness.
• 2:22
  Speaker 6: And you talked about the Book of Philippians and how
• 2:24
  Speaker 6: those letters were written from prison, right, So it's like
• 2:27
  Speaker 6: in the midst of the chaos, right, what has been
• 2:30
  Speaker 6: something for you that has felt like you know that
• 2:32
  Speaker 6: that prison, but like you've had to reteach yourself how
• 2:35
  Speaker 6: to find that piece to write those letters in the
• 2:38
  Speaker 6: midst of it.
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah. So when I've had a lot of loss in
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: my life. So I've had a lot of people die
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: that I've loved. My brother Myles, was killed in a
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: car accident in September seventeenth of two thousand and four.
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: That was probably the deepest, darkest despair. That's why I
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: had to give to old girl that yeah, Shanta d Yeah,
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: silence a shame because I've been at that point. The
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: four months that I was depressed after Myles's death was
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: like the darkest season I had ever been in. You
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: was young twenty then, yeah, yeah, I was. I was
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: late twenties. Actually I was about I was twenty nine.
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: He would have turned twenty eight in November. So I
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: had my dad's revolver and I was like, I can't,
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: I don't want to go on. It's not that I
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: didn't believe I can go on. I didn't want to
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: without him. We were seventeen months apart. That's like my
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: best friend. And after I came out of that, I
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: was like, oh, I almost believed I almost believed a
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: lie and did something permanent based on a feeling that
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: was temporary. And when you can navigate out of that,
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: you realize, Okay, I can't go back to that again. Yeah.
• 3:48
  Speaker 6: I was just going to ask, but emotion doesn't stop, right,
• 3:51
  Speaker 6: So in real time you still are getting to that
• 3:53
  Speaker 6: place where your emotion is clouding was actually happening.
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 3:57
  Speaker 6: What's the talk through then, where you're not getting back
• 3:59
  Speaker 6: to that place of like letting it all kind of
• 4:01
  Speaker 6: take everything away?
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, So I think the talk through has to be
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: first of all, you can't talk by yourself. You can't
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: talk in the silo, something that I write about in
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: the book. You have to break the silence. Whatever, whatever
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: you can't put into words is going to choke you.
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: Silence isn't golden. Silence is not golden after all. So
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: one of the synthesis that I've come out of this
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: in the twenty eight years that I've been in therapy
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: is whatever doesn't come up and out of your mouth
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: through words, will come up and out of your body
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: through actions, and what you can't actually speak out, you
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: will act out. That's why I talk so much, man,
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: to be honest, you think that's the reason. I think.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: That's what I gotta say it. Yeah, No, I always
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: been that.
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: I got to say yeah, yeah, I don't like talking
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: behind people back.
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: I got to say it to the person.
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure. So I got sexually abused when I
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: was eight. But did you at eight eight years old? Wow? Bro? Yeah?
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: So it was an older teen each boy that lives
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: across the street and wasn't the boy was an older
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: woman understood it doesn't don't. Yeah, you just wanted to
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: you just you just want to record.
• 5:13
  Speaker 5: That one.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: So he was so clear already bond.
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: He was like, he was like.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: But I have other genders. You're right, I wanted to
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: be and she was older.
• 5:27
  Speaker 5: I hate this guy.
• 5:28
  Speaker 3: Damn sorry because he because it was a bond at person.
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: Ye that I wanted to make the record clear, that's all.
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: I had nothing to do with nothing, But but for
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: who who did you make the record clear? For it?
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: For the people that's gonna cut it, That's all. Okay,
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: so that's all you gonna leave me out here. We
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: both had some ambiguity into until you wanted to.
• 5:51
  Speaker 5: Go your own way, but.
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: He was he didn't even so he's like the gender
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: to it. I didn't think the gender man way.
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: You know what, because it's a part of my whole
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: story and it is it is something that so many
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: men go through that I don't want to leave it
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: out to identify with the men who will never speak
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: up on this and it's killing them. Okay, so that
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: happened to me at eight, but I didn't share it
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: with my parents until I was nineteen.
• 6:27
  Speaker 5: Why not?
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: Do you know? At the time, in my mind envy,
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: I knew my dad would have killed him and my
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: brother would have buried the body. Wow, that's rue. And
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: I was eight. So I look at eight year olds
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: and I'd be like, how was I thinking that at eight?
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: But I was so afraid of blowing up my life,
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: and I was projecting the actions of adults, and so
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: I was actually protecting my abuser and protecting my family
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: at the same time.
• 7:02
  Speaker 5: Was your dad mad at you when you finally told him?
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: No?
• 7:04
  Speaker 5: Really?
• 7:05
  Speaker 6: No?
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: Actually, so here's the story. My mom actually caught me
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: watching porn at nineteen two o'clock in the morning, and
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: being the woman that she is, she went straight to
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: her room, hit her knees and started praying. So, I'm embarrassed,
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: and this is nineties porn dog like, this is VHS
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: in a VCR. Right, this ain't flip up on the
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: on the on the screen. You know what I'm saying.
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: You can I'm looking at and stop exactly right. So
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: I go on my I go on my mom's room
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: and I tell her. I said, hey, Mom, I don't
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: want you to think I'm nasty. I don't want you
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: to think I'm a pervert. But I got abused when.
• 7:44
  Speaker 5: I was eight.
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: So so the eight year old was in a nineteen
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: year old body and finally got to tell mommy where
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: it hurt. The The profound thing about that moment is
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: my mom contained me, held space for me, woke my
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: younger brother up, who was abused by the same dude, damn.
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: And then my dad, who was working at the post
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: office at night he had to come home. So that
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: in this one night what should have been like hella
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: embarrassing and like full of shame, healing sound healing dude
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: I woke up the next morning and I felt like
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: a two thousand pound slab of concrete came off my chest.
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: And he said, your brother too, My brother got abused
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: by this both of your brother.
• 8:20
  Speaker 5: Did y'all know? Did y'all ever talk about it?
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: So I found out. I found out he got abused
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: by bro when I was fifteen. He went to jail
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: on an unrelated chart. So when he came out, we
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: were gonna kill him, and like we in assassins. You
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: know what I'm saying, This is like teenagers, like let's
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: just kill the nigga that you know did us dirty,
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: because I think I was more hurt when I found
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: that it happened to him than it happened to me. So
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: like we just got the GENSU knives out the drawer
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: and they had like a welcome home party for him,
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: and we were like come out into the street. And
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: I've said this once before, and I had some dudes
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: I think that I was like out of my mind,
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: but I couldn't start sticking him until like I knew
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: he knew why he was getting stuck, you know what
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: I mean, Like I didn't I had to look him
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: in the eye, like you know what you did, right,
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: And I couldn't see it in his eyes now, whether
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: it was real there or not, I wouldn't be sitting
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: with you all right now because I've been doing time
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: and probably would have never left. L A want him
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: to know why this is Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: what I'm saying. If I just start carving you up
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: and you just like I don't understand, you know what
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: I mean? Like I had enough decency to be like,
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: you need to know what you're doing, but I didn't.
• 9:34
  Speaker 5: Just do it.
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: Oh no, dude. You know how it stopped. My older
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: brother found him with the next door neighbor. Wow, and
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: my fears at eight were confirmed because my older brother
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: almost killed him. So I'm like, if this is the
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: way you reacting over the neighbor, you wouldn't be here
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: right now if you knew what happened to me. So
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: that level of silence with a whole neighborhood or boys,
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: when I came out of that at nineteen, I was like,
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: I'm never going to have a secret again as long.
• 10:06
  Speaker 5: As I'll there.
• 10:07
  Speaker 4: I always say that the black community we do ourselves
• 10:11
  Speaker 4: no favor by keeping secrets, not at all, especially especially
• 10:14
  Speaker 4: black family. Absolutely, and a lot of stuff that we
• 10:16
  Speaker 4: call generational curses are really generational secrets.
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: Could have been broken absolutely up. Yeah, for sure.
• 10:22
  Speaker 5: Let me ask you a question.
• 10:23
  Speaker 3: And this is not to dive to deep in it,
• 10:25
  Speaker 3: but I always like to hear these stories so other
• 10:27
  Speaker 3: parents could see what's going on.
• 10:29
  Speaker 5: I got, you know, a younger son, So what happened?
• 10:33
  Speaker 5: What was it?
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: Was he a lot older? Was he an older man?
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: And writing into his house? Was he your same age?
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: Like?
• 10:38
  Speaker 5: What happened to?
• 10:39
  Speaker 3: These are the things you know, because when my son
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: says I want to go on a play date, I'm
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: always like, nah, I have him come here, you know
• 10:44
  Speaker 3: what I mean. My daughter says I want to do something,
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: now I have n't come here. I'm just always nervous.
• 10:48
  Speaker 5: So what was it without? You know, I don't want
• 10:50
  Speaker 5: to be.
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: Too no, no, I'm open about all this kind of stuff. So,
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: so first of all, the dad you are is who
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: Charles Edward Ross was? Everything was at our house. Russell
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: Mania was at our house. Everybody had to spend a
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: night at our house. We didn't get to go nowhere. Right,
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: But a predator is a predator for a reason, right,
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: A predator praise once you let your guard down. Right.
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: So this is a neighbor from across the street. I'm eight,
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: he got to be seventeen or so, and he had
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: a fine girlfriend, right, And this is one of those
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: things when you're a little boy. There's nothing sexualized at
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: eight years old. But you look at his girlfriend and
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: she's really pretty, and you're like, oh, that's a pretty girl.
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: And then so this stuff starts happening to you and
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: you like, why.
• 11:35
  Speaker 5: Are you over here with me?
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: Like I don't know what boys and girls do, but
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: I don't think this should be happening. Where's she at?
• 11:42
  Speaker 5: Like, you know what I mean?
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: So it was when you're sexualized at a young age,
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: there's nothing but confusion. You can relate to that, like
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: the confusion of like this part of me is awakened,
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: but I'm still playing with he men, you know what
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: I mean. I'm still playing with g I Joe.
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: And it's a part of you that knows it's wrong,
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: but it feels good, right right, right, right?
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: So and then again the layers of because people always like, well,
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: I wouldn't let it happen to me. Well, you think
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: you wouldn't let it happen to you. We all have
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: this benefit of hindsight on the ouse looking from the
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: outside end, but from the inside out. I understand why
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: so many victims of sexual abuse, so many victims of
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: who have been abused through corersion and manipulation, why it
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: takes them so long to tell their story because people
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: don't believe them. And then when they do share their story,
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: it's why did you wait so long? And I'll be
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: on the other side, like, if you don't shut the
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: faith up, you know what I'm saying, Because like, it
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: was eleven years for me, and it took getting caught too,
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: got caught watching porn. Porn was never the root of
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: my issue with the fruit. I was using it to
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: numb the pain of my trauma. So like, if that
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: would have never happened and then I couldn't put it
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: into words, I wouldn't be as free as I am
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: now and this book would not have been written. What
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: did it that would make you question your sexuality anyway? Ever? Bro?
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: Because and there's levels to this. I've been in therapy
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: for the thirty years. I've been a believer in Jesus.
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: I've been in therapy for twenty eight so I'm so
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: great for that mental health in the mental health space
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: now is what it is. But I was doing it
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: before it was in vogue at all, right, because I
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: just wanted to get to the bottom of some things.
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: I never questioned my sexuality, and that's because my parents
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: had such a dope marriage that I just wanted what
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: my dad had. I wanted what my dad had with
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: my mom, and so there was never a question in
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: my sexuality where I was like, do I like guys
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: or do I like girls? To your point where my
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: dad found out, my dad was crushed. We had already
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: moved seventy miles away from that neighborhood, so it wasn't
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: like broke, make a bee line across the street and
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: handle business. He was just devastated, as my mom was right,
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: and they're they're questioning, like, what do we do wrong?
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: What happened?
• 14:17
  Speaker 5: How do we missed this? How we didn't see yeah?
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And I had to continue to reassure them. A
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: predator is a predator for a reason. That's like asking yourself,
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: how did I get malled by a lion? Well, you
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: didn't try. They're predators, right. So but our family bonded
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: and got closer from that, and it just allowed us
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: to heal what happened to do you know, I have
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: no idea. I don't know if he's dead or alive.
• 14:45
  Speaker 5: You never wanted to years later say you know what,
• 14:47
  Speaker 5: let me process this and.
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: Here's the thing about he arrested or no, no, here's
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: the thing about that that would have been done? What
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: was your mind from that would have been and dope,
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: I think that would have I think that would have
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: happened with the last person that got abused before my
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: brother found him, because that particular person, his grandfather was
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: retired law enforcement. So I don't know exactly if something
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: happened with that. I've actually reconnected with that dude years
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: later on Facebook and he was actually like moved to
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: tears that I was sharing the story, which also is
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: part of his story. But one thing that I found
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: out envy is that you don't actually need to see
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: your abuser face justice for you to heal, Like you
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: don't need something to happen to them for you to
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: fy enclosure for you to heal to move on. And
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: a lot of people think, if I get an apology
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: from this person, if this person is prosecuted to the
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: fullest extent of the law, then I will feel justified.
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: But you actually suspend your healing waiting for something to
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: happen to them when you can be doing this work yourself.
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: Now, I wasn't necessarily thinking about your healing other people.
• 16:06
  Speaker 3: It was abusing so many different people. It was like
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: stopping that. Like we always say these stories and be like,
• 16:11
  Speaker 3: if that one person would have said something, maybe would
• 16:13
  Speaker 3: have stopped twenty.
• 16:14
  Speaker 5: Other people forgetting right. Sure, for sure, I always think
• 16:17
  Speaker 5: about that.
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, So I hope that the last person that
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: happened to the fact that their grandfather was in law enforcement.
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: I hope that led to that, But I wasn't around
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: for that.
• 16:29
  Speaker 4: You know, a lot of people perform peace instead of
• 16:34
  Speaker 4: living it right, And how do you know when you're
• 16:37
  Speaker 4: when you're I guess, faking your healing.
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: Mmm. I think I think you can spot the fakers
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: when they retell their story but they actually start reliving it.
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: Like like there's so many people that like we live
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: in a space right now where like everybody wants to
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: be vulnerable, right, everybody wants to you know what I
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: can share and I'm transparent, But then they start talking
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: about it and then in the middle of talking about it,
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: they're actually reliving it. And it's like, I don't think
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: you're talking about a wound that's healed. I think you're
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: actually still bleeding from this wound and you're in ICU
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: and you should probably turn off the mic. Right we're
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: not actually swapping stories right now, and I'm sharing stuff
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: if I was breaking down like many, I'm glad you
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: brought that up, Doug. My body is starting to tell
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: all of y'all. He ain't over this. He trying to
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: talk about it, but he ain't actually over this. And
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: our bodies when we don't tell, when our words don't
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: match our bodies experience. Our bodies tell your skin to
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: break out, your hair to fall out, your teeth to
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: fall out, You'll start getting ulcers. You break out in
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: the wrap like your body is like stop capping. Your
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: body wants you to tell the truth, and when you
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: do tell the truth, your nervous system regulates. This is
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: why light detectors are even though they can't be unless
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: you're a psychopath. A light detector can detect the liar
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: because the mouth and the body must live in harmony,
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: and when it's not, the body starts giving even micro
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: signals that this person is lying.
• 18:19
  Speaker 6: When you When I hear you talk about that, it
• 18:21
  Speaker 6: makes me wonder, like, is peace ever really a destination
• 18:26
  Speaker 6: or is it something that like it's like you gradually
• 18:29
  Speaker 6: get to parts of peace. I don't know if I'm
• 18:31
  Speaker 6: making sense right, because you think you're someone's at peace,
• 18:35
  Speaker 6: and then it's like, no, they're probably not, but they
• 18:38
  Speaker 6: feel like they are because they feel better about it
• 18:40
  Speaker 6: than they did the.
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: Day before, the month before. Like that's good.
• 18:43
  Speaker 6: So how do you know what the destination of piece is?
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah? So so I'm glad you said that because it
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: brought up a picture. So let's just say you bought
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: one hundred acres of land, okay, and you put your
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: house on one acre of it, right, and you're like, oh,
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: this is good. Right, I cultivated this, I built a
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: house on this, I got a little garden out here.
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: But you got ninety nine other acres. It's just undeveloped.
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: At some point you need to expand to two. You
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: are all the land is yours, but now it all
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: has to be cultivated and that takes work. And so
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: peace is something that you already have and you can
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: already partake of. But the development of it could be
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: a lifelong journey.
• 19:27
  Speaker 4: And peace is also a destination that you you know,
• 19:30
  Speaker 4: you're kind of in and out of. Yeah, like yeah,
• 19:31
  Speaker 4: I like how you talk about in the book about
• 19:33
  Speaker 4: how to keep your emotions? Yeah, regulated how to People
• 19:36
  Speaker 4: don't know how to do that?
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: Right for sure? I have learned this, especially coming from
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: the environment I came out of in Inglewood. There there
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: there is a discipline. You have to choose peace, right
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: like there, I've seen y'all in here with some people
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: that you know, y'all have had to choose peace. Not
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: You're not just choosing to keep your job. You're not
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: just choosing you know what I'm saying not to go
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: viral for popping off. You're choosing peace because you know
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: the alternative is what? Right? You talked about that donkey
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: of the day, dude, Like why did you over a tip?
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: Over a tip?
• 20:16
  Speaker 4: This is this is how you want to crash run
• 20:18
  Speaker 4: them over with a cogit get a tip?
• 20:20
  Speaker 5: Right?
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: So so, so piece is a choice, and I choose
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: not your trade in my eternal piece for a temporary
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: version that's going to bring me back to a disregulated state.
• 20:32
  Speaker 4: Anyway, How do you regulate your emotions while still honoring them,
• 20:35
  Speaker 4: because you still gotta feel your feels as you think
• 20:37
  Speaker 4: for sure.
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah so, but but our feelings, Charlemagne, our feelings are
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: nothing more than informants. They're little snitches. They just come
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: to tell us what's going on right now. They come
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: to give us information. But we still get to choose
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: what we do with that information, right. I just I
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: just celebrated my twenty seventh wedding anniversary with Juliet, right,
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: thank you, we got married May first. I still see
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: other attract the women, right. My attraction is not a sin.
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: That's not a boundary to cross. My wife aint gonna
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: be mad because I think another girl is pretty. My
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: reaction to that attraction can get me in trouble. I
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: have a choice in that. If you get bricked up,
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: that's biological. If I get bricked up, well yeah that
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: is biological. Okay, So my penis got hard and what No,
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: that's just biology. Right then you could be stimulated by
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: something if you flicking channels. You know what I'm saying, niggas,
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: Niggas got hard looking at animal kingdoms sometimes, you know
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: what I'm saying. So that I didn't say me I
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: generalize I've gotten hard. Well, they're on their own. I
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: didn't say I did, right, So so all I'm saying
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: is biology says that that attraction is not a sin, right,
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: our reactions to our attractions can be that sin. So
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: in anything, if I'm feeling anger, Bible says you can
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: be angry but not sin right, So you can. Our
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: emotions come to inform us of what we're feeling, but
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: we still have a choice if we're going to trade
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: our peace for an emotion that could take us out
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: of the will of God.
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: That's so good.
• 22:23
  Speaker 6: I keep hearing this message over and over again, and I.
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: Think I need to hear it, Okay.
• 22:27
  Speaker 4: And the reason that's so good is because whenever, like
• 22:30
  Speaker 4: you know, you have an emotional outburst, whatever it may be,
• 22:33
  Speaker 4: whether it's happiness, whether it's anger, whatever it is, shall
• 22:36
  Speaker 4: always just sit with it afterwards and be like, Okay,
• 22:38
  Speaker 4: what was that?
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: What was the root cause of why I react? Yeah?
• 22:43
  Speaker 5: That way?
• 22:44
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and you'd be surprised, like what some of the
• 22:45
  Speaker 4: root causes are. Like sometimes anger can be loved.
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: Oh absolutely, you can love somebody so much that you
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: angry about it, right, right, depending on what they do
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: to you. And again the feeling comes to give you
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: the information, but what you do with that information is
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: going to dictate if you keep your peace or mine.
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: But I'm curious what you're feeling, why you keep here.
• 23:05
  Speaker 6: Pastor Sarah was at church as He's a greatness. She
• 23:08
  Speaker 6: talked about anger and women in grief, but separately, and
• 23:12
  Speaker 6: she talked about it's okay to be angry, and a
• 23:15
  Speaker 6: lot of times as women, you try not to be,
• 23:17
  Speaker 6: or if you are, you're so angry that you don't
• 23:19
  Speaker 6: think through the anger. But if you think through it,
• 23:22
  Speaker 6: you sit and you figure out, like why you're angry,
• 23:24
  Speaker 6: you take accountability in the anger, and then you repoint
• 23:26
  Speaker 6: it and you focus it. It's powerful because a woman
• 23:29
  Speaker 6: on the mission is a woman on the mission, you
• 23:30
  Speaker 6: know what I mean, especially a Black woman. And then
• 23:33
  Speaker 6: you're talking about the emotional and she talked about managing
• 23:36
  Speaker 6: your emotion and you're talking about basically like an emotional
• 23:39
  Speaker 6: discipline of sorts.
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: That's right.
• 23:40
  Speaker 6: And when you said tip, I'm thinking about like in news,
• 23:42
  Speaker 6: you get tips and it just leads you somewhere, but
• 23:44
  Speaker 6: that's not what you hang on to.
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: It might be right, it might be wrong.
• 23:47
  Speaker 6: And I think One of the things that I'm realizing
• 23:49
  Speaker 6: in world time, as I'm learning to take accountability, is
• 23:52
  Speaker 6: that sometimes my emotion leads my final end all be
• 23:56
  Speaker 6: all of my thought, and I'm so deep into the
• 23:58
  Speaker 6: thought that like, none of that clarity happens. So this
• 24:02
  Speaker 6: is the second time that I've heard it, like very
• 24:05
  Speaker 6: clearly of like here's what, here's here's the plan. You
• 24:08
  Speaker 6: gotta listen, you gotta or moving forward ain't gonna happen.
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I was watching Godfather three on the way here.
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: I just like had to watch that trilogy because I
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: had just finished the Sopranos, so I was like, I
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: gotta go back to the og. So I'm watching Godfather three.
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: Michael Coleone is dealing with a person that they ultimately
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: need to get rid of. But it was profound what
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: he said. He was like, Yo, you're allowing your anger
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: to dictate what you're going to do to this person
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: instead of understanding this person's nature. This is their nature,
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: this is who they are. They are not going to change.
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: And if I allow my emotions to be dictated by
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: their nature, I am a slave to them. Every time
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: I'm in their circumference, every time I get in their presence.
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: You gonna own me because oh, Charlemagne is like this,
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: and time charlote man' get like this, then I get
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: like that and you control me. Though anytime I come
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: into your environment, you control me. I'm not gonna let
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: that happen. I come in with peace. My piece is internal,
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: the chaos is external. I have to choose to trade
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: my internal peace for the external chaos. And you gotta
• 25:20
  Speaker 2: slow your body down. It doesn't mean my heart race.
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: My heart beat donge and go up. My blood pressure
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: don't go up. I can feel my ears burning. But
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: on the inside, I'm like, I'm not giving up this
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: piece for y'all. M y'all can have all of that storm.
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: It ain't coming in here.
• 25:34
  Speaker 6: What about what about being able to do that in
• 25:37
  Speaker 6: certain situations but not being able to do it in
• 25:39
  Speaker 6: other situations, Like if you've mastered piece over here on
• 25:41
  Speaker 6: the left, but on the right. It's just not like
• 25:44
  Speaker 6: there's no one central peace mass like a board.
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: We have the ability to leave. Right when Jesus would
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: be crowned king, he slipped away. When he would be stoned,
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: before he would be crucial, he slipped away. He didn't
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: stay in every situation. Some situations. He stood there and
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: was like, I can take all of this other situations.
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: He was like, yeah, nah, fam my, Mom, you know
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: what I'm saying. So we have the ability to leave.
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: These these MMA fighters when you're talking to them and
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: they're talking about their training or whatever, they're like, Okay, Well,
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: what if you go to a bar and some dude's
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: drunk and he wants to fight you. He was like,
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: I just back up, But what if he keeps advances
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: of you? I just keep backing up. Well what if
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: he pushes up on you? I leave the restaurant. Why
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna loot? If I engage, I'm gonna kill him
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: and I'm gonna go to jail. I fight for a living.
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: His liquid courage got him in my face, but I'm trained.
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: So this man is going to be in critical condition
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: or he's gonna be dead. So I have to make
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: the choice to remove myself from the situation. I think
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: a lot of people who talk about keeping their peace
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: also stay in situations where their piece is compromised. Every
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: situation is not gonna be conducive to your peace being maintained,
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: So you got to move yourself out of the situation,
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: and it takes humility to do that.
• 27:06
  Speaker 4: How much of people's lack of peace is trauma and
• 27:09
  Speaker 4: how much is just avoidance of truth?
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: Oh, in twenty twenty six, I can't get percentages to
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: it because I don't want to dismiss anybody's trauma. And
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: somebody's trauma can be can be kind of balled up
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: in them not being willing to hear the truth. But
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: Charlamagne bro we live in a time right now that
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: if you tell somebody the truth, they because mental health
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: has turned into three minute TikTok soundbites. You tell somebody
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: the truth and they just gonna throw what they heard
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: as they screw through TikTok. You're a narcissist.
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: You just gasling me.
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: I'm trigger and you're like, you don't even know what
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: these terms mean. I just told you your breath. Think
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: you need a tongue scraper.
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: That's just the truth.
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: That white film on your tongue is not coming off
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: because you brush your teeth. You need an instrument that
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: just scrapes your tongue. Dog, there's a film based on
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: the fish and the cereal you had last night. I
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: don't know why you had a piece of fish and
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: then a bowl of cereal. But that doesn't lead to
• 28:25
  Speaker 2: good morning breath. Right, But we can't tell nobody that
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: now without it being you disrupted my piece. I'm just
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: trying to help you out right, And so truth, truth
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: is objective. If it's the truth, right, it's gonna be
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: the same every single time. But we have fragilized an
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: entire country to the point that we can't have discourse
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: based on the truth.
• 28:52
  Speaker 6: Man, what's a horizontal confession?
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: The confession that gets you healed? So, as a believer
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: in Jesus, you know horror. Vertical confession is I confess
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: whatever to the Lord, right, God, I'm going through this.
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: I'm going through that. Whatever horizontal confession is. I'm gonna
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: tell Envy something that I ain't tell nobody else. I've
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: told God for five years. I ain't told Envy. Right.
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: The moment I tell you, I get healed in a
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: way that I don't get healed with God. And I
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: know it's gonna mess some Christians up because all I
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: need is Jesus. I'm in my prayer room. All I
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: gotta do is pray. Oh my bad.
• 29:32
  Speaker 4: That's the Christians should have told me first.
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: So so we share stuff, right, we pray, we do
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: all this kind of stuff. But then I'm gonna share
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: something with envy that i haven't shared, and Something's gonna
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: happen in my nervous system that I'm not even aware
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: of at the moment. Because healing comes when I'm face
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: to face with another human being and I'm saying, hey,
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: I'm scared right now, bro, you know what, my business
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: is experiencing some low points. I'm might have to lay
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: some employees off, and I'm actually terrified, and I ain't
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: shared it with nobody. I'm scared. Dog that right there.
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: Your body's like, we can calm down there. You're not
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: trying to pin that up. You're not trying to thub through.
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: You're not trying to And so horizontal confession heals us
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: in a way that vertical confession doesn't, because vertical confession
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: will get you forgiven, it would get you cleansed, but
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: horizontal confression will get you healed. I like that.
• 30:30
  Speaker 4: And the reason I like that is because you know,
• 30:32
  Speaker 4: of course I love God. All praisers do God all
• 30:35
  Speaker 4: the time, but human connection.
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: Is just as important. It is like God put us
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: all here for a reason. Together.
• 30:44
  Speaker 4: Yeah, we're not supposed to be isolated from one another.
• 30:47
  Speaker 4: We are supposed to have human connection, share those emotions,
• 30:50
  Speaker 4: share those things where you know, going through others.
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: And I don't think that's trauma dumping either.
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: No, it's not. Genesis chapter number two, add A nine
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: is the one who says it's not good for man
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: to be alone. He creates Adam, and he says it's
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: not good for man to be alone. The presumption is
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: that means marriage. The macro of that is that means relationship.
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: There are no lone wolves. Lone wolves die right, you
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: look good, Right, I'm out here by myself. You're gonna
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: die by yourself. None of us were supposed to live
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: life alone. And so community, common unity is incredibly important
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: and true healing only is sustained in community. It is
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: not an isolation.
• 31:36
  Speaker 6: And you talk about that a lot in your book.
• 31:38
  Speaker 6: When you talk about accountability and accountability not being parole,
• 31:42
  Speaker 6: but having people that keep you accountable, that's trust.
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Absolutely. So you know, I grew up listening to
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: a generation talk about accountability and being from the hood
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: where I'm from, it sounded like parole to me. I'm like, so,
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: I gotta check in with Charlottmaye every and tell him, hey, man,
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: I ain't looked at no booty on Instagram, and you
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: know I'm just this checklist, right. Accountability, true accountability is
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: not me checking in with you or you calling me
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: to see have you done something wrong? It's me saying,
• 32:18
  Speaker 2: you know what, every time I'm alone, I slip into
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: maladaptive behaviors that don't suit me well. Whether that's drinking
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: too much, whether that's rolling up too many blunts, whether
• 32:33
  Speaker 2: that's snorting some cocaine, looking at booty and masturbating. I
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: want to stop that. If I want to stop that,
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: then I want to hold myself accountable. I'm calling you
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: when I'm tempted, not after I've done it. Yo, dude,
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: this is a tough night tonight. I'm a caller. Her
• 32:53
  Speaker 2: y'all broke up like five times. You know she ain't
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: no good for you, but she called tonight and she
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: sent the pick. All right, Doug, Then what you're gonna do?
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: All right, I'm turning off my phone. I'm going to bed.
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: I don't know. I'm turning my location services on right,
• 33:10
  Speaker 2: like like if you see my blue dot move from
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: my house right check me like, if you people that
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: want to change do everything they can to change. People
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: that don't want to change say they want to change,
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: but lead the environment the exact same and fall into
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: the same issues over and over and over.
• 33:28
  Speaker 4: That's you a question about that relationship wise wise right?
• 33:31
  Speaker 4: Should your significant other be your accountability partner? And that's
• 33:34
  Speaker 4: what I mean I'm talking about in particular in regards
• 33:37
  Speaker 4: to affairs of lust. Right, you talking about seeing a
• 33:41
  Speaker 4: woman early like, oh man, she's pretty. H You tell
• 33:43
  Speaker 4: your wife that and be like, yo, I'm just she's pretty.
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: No, I don't. I don't tell Juliette about every beautiful
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: woman I see. If it turned into something of an
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: attraction that I felt myself, like Michael Jackson's smooth criminal
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: leaning over into right, if I if I, if I've
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: leaned that much, then I need to tell Juliet.
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 34:06
  Speaker 2: If it's somebody I see in the airport, I'm not
• 34:09
  Speaker 2: I'm not gonna see him again. I saw you, b bro,
• 34:11
  Speaker 2: like you know, yeah, yeah, if it's in if it's
• 34:15
  Speaker 2: within my space, right, the realm that I live in.
• 34:18
  Speaker 2: And because again, attraction is not planned. I don't wake
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: up in the morning like I can't wait to see
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: somebody is fine, as Juliet. No attraction is not planned.
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: It's like getting hit in the head with a brick.
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: Your reaction to your attraction, that's what's gonna be planned, right.
• 34:32
  Speaker 2: So if I see that, like, oh yo, I'm I'm
• 34:34
  Speaker 2: starting to lean for old girl and I'm gonna and
• 34:37
  Speaker 2: she's gonna be around a lot.
• 34:39
  Speaker 4: I gotta tell Juliet, sometimes all you need is the conversation.
• 34:42
  Speaker 4: The conversation snashs you back to reality, saying what you
• 34:43
  Speaker 4: can call your homeboy and your homeboil tatoes.
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: That's right.
• 34:46
  Speaker 4: Sometimes when it's that your significant other, it's the same.
• 34:49
  Speaker 2: Whatever's in silence grows and whatever's whatever's been spoken shrinks.
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: I'm telling you, I have talked to too many people
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: that have called me on the p late that night,
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: like going through I don't say nothing for twenty minutes.
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: They just after they've done, they like a nigga, you
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: are real one, dog, I feel so much better, And
• 35:11
  Speaker 2: I'm like.
• 35:11
  Speaker 5: I don't say nothing.
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: I just contained them, right. And some people don't need advice,
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: They just need a safe place to be able to vent.
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: And if we give them that safety, then they can
• 35:24
  Speaker 2: they can find the peace that they've really been looking for.
• 35:26
  Speaker 4: You know, one affirmation I always tell myself to keep
• 35:29
  Speaker 4: the peace is that faith and fear can't coexist.
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: But my body tells me that's not true.
• 35:35
  Speaker 4: Right, So, can you have faith in God and still
• 35:38
  Speaker 4: feel lost or anxious?
• 35:41
  Speaker 2: Broken?
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: Does that means something off?
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: No, bro, Faith is not the absence of fear. Faith
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: is the substance of things hope for Hebrews eleven says,
• 35:54
  Speaker 2: the substance of things hope for the evidence of things
• 35:56
  Speaker 2: not seen. It's not the absence of fear, it's the
• 35:59
  Speaker 2: it's the presence of God in the middle of all
• 36:03
  Speaker 2: of that fear. So I'm twenty three, David wrote, Yay,
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: I will fear no evil, for Thou are with me.
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: It's only his presence that anchors me when I feel
• 36:17
  Speaker 2: like my world is falling apart. So absence of your
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: presence notice, not a word, not money. Your presence will
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: make it possible for me to navigate something that's very,
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: very scary. My son, my sons were in the house.
• 36:34
  Speaker 2: We moved from a house that was like twenty one
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: hundred square feet on a zero lot to a house
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: that was three acres five thousand square feet. My boys
• 36:43
  Speaker 2: were seven and five when we moved in. House is
• 36:45
  Speaker 2: much bigger. They got a lot more room to run around,
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: and they running around the house. One day, my wife
• 36:50
  Speaker 2: is going, my mother in law's gone, I'm in the house,
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: but I'm in the master closet doing like folding clothes
• 36:57
  Speaker 2: or something. My boys are running around the house looking
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: for a parent and can't find nobody right, so they
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: are just shook, Mama, daddy. They screaming for anybody. They
• 37:08
  Speaker 2: think they're in the house by themselves, so they panic.
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: Why do they panic because they don't sense our presence.
• 37:15
  Speaker 2: So for five minutes, they running around screaming to the
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: top of they lungs. I just think they're playing. I
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: hear them screaming. I don't know they'd looking for anybody's attention.
• 37:23
  Speaker 2: So I finally go in the room. I finally come
• 37:26
  Speaker 2: out of my room and I'm like Nathan, Noah, And
• 37:29
  Speaker 2: they were like, I was like, y'all know, just knowing
• 37:39
  Speaker 2: my presence was there, the nervous systems calm down. So
• 37:43
  Speaker 2: anxiety spikes when we believe in are alone, and it
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: comes down when we know someone is present. That's crazy.
• 37:52
  Speaker 2: That was just a little little boy.
• 37:54
  Speaker 4: Whenever I have panic attacks, anybody attacks, I would say,
• 37:56
  Speaker 4: I love your hold God in this Sunday Yue Christ.
• 37:58
  Speaker 4: I love your hold God in Sunyuechrist. Love you, Oh
• 38:00
  Speaker 4: God and Son Jesus Christ. Fuck Saytan Fox, Satan Fox.
• 38:03
  Speaker 4: My mindset used to be, you know. Uh, they wanted
• 38:06
  Speaker 4: Joe's wife wanted him to curse God and die. So
• 38:09
  Speaker 4: if I cursed Satan, then I probably lived. But it
• 38:12
  Speaker 4: really was just reminding myself someone was with you.
• 38:16
  Speaker 2: That's exactly right. Yeah, even if you're not in the
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: same room, he's present, right. Yeah. You dedicate this book
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: to all the mental health professionals.
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: You said, why do you?
• 38:25
  Speaker 4: You said, Uh, you said, this book is for the
• 38:27
  Speaker 4: mental health professionals, the real ones, the ones who didn't
• 38:29
  Speaker 4: just help me survive my trauma, but gave me the
• 38:31
  Speaker 4: tools to thrive despite it.
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: Y'all do holy work, and I'm living proof of it.
• 38:35
  Speaker 4: Why do you consider the word of mental health professionals
• 38:38
  Speaker 4: to be holy work?
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: Saved my life? Bro or somebody else's. Like where I
• 38:43
  Speaker 2: came from. I told you about the time I was
• 38:45
  Speaker 2: gonna in my life, but there's been some times somebody
• 38:49
  Speaker 2: else's life was going to be ended, and mental health
• 38:55
  Speaker 2: professionals have created space for me and millions of others
• 39:00
  Speaker 2: to come and sit down and listen to the deepest,
• 39:05
  Speaker 2: darkest parts of our soul. They are patient enough with us,
• 39:11
  Speaker 2: not in one session, not in two sessions, but I'm
• 39:13
  Speaker 2: talking sessions over years getting us down to the core
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: of what it is that we're truly wrestling with. It
• 39:20
  Speaker 2: took me, I think, fifteen years to get to the
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: core roots of my trauma, which are abandonment issues and
• 39:31
  Speaker 2: anxiety attachment issues. They if it wasn't for their patients,
• 39:37
  Speaker 2: I would snap. Bro. People are out here acting out
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: crazy because they can't put their feelings into words, and
• 39:47
  Speaker 2: mental health professionals have paid a significant price to be
• 39:53
  Speaker 2: able to give us language to our feelings so that
• 39:56
  Speaker 2: we can navigate life's issues and storms and journeys.
• 40:00
  Speaker 5: Wow.
• 40:00
  Speaker 4: Yeah, man, I hope you joined us this year at
• 40:03
  Speaker 4: this year's Mental Wealth Exbo Mental Wealth ex Yeah. I
• 40:06
  Speaker 4: would love to be October. I would love to have
• 40:08
  Speaker 4: you there, man, the missing piece. If you want to
• 40:09
  Speaker 4: do anything for somebody this Mental health Awareness month, go
• 40:12
  Speaker 4: get them. Tim Ross's the missing piece.
• 40:14
  Speaker 2: Ma.
• 40:14
  Speaker 3: That's right, and we appreciate you so much for joining us,
• 40:16
  Speaker 3: to sharing your story and being a share honest man.
• 40:17
  Speaker 5: Hopefully that somebody see what you went through and know
• 40:20
  Speaker 5: that they can do it.
• 40:21
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, appreciate it all. I appreciate you to follow you
• 40:26
  Speaker 2: to Upset the Talk on TikTok, Upset the Gram on
• 40:31
  Speaker 2: Instagram and on YouTube, The Basement with Tim all.
• 40:35
  Speaker 3: Right, it's Tim Ross, It's the Breakfast Club. Good morning,
• 40:40
  Speaker 3: and before we go, if you don't mind, we always
• 40:41
  Speaker 3: end on a prayer. Can you end this on a prayer?
• 40:43
  Speaker 2: For sure? Absolutely? God, thank you so much for this team.
• 40:47
  Speaker 2: I thank you for Envy, Charlemagne, for Lauren, for Jessica.
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: I thank you for the annointing that you have placed
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: on their life. I thank you for the call of
• 40:55
  Speaker 2: God this on their life. But thank you for the
• 40:57
  Speaker 2: influence that you have given them to Steward. May it
• 41:00
  Speaker 2: continue to be used to give people a safe place
• 41:04
  Speaker 2: to find peace in Jesus' name. Amen, Amen, Hold.
• 41:10
  Speaker 4: Up every day awake, click your ass up the Breakfast Club.
• 41:14
  Speaker 2: Finish y'all dumb