Latest / Faith Rehab / Rehab Reflections #1 - Heidi's Mom Goes To Church With Her

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Rehab Reflections #1 - Heidi's Mom Goes To Church With Her · Faith Rehab

• 0:07
  unknown: Okay, all right, right.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, welcome to Faith Rehab Podcast.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: And this is the microdosing that we're doing with Steve and Heidi.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Short, short, short, shorts to give a little something in between the long episodes.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_01: Good morning, Heidi.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_01: Good morning, Steve.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for letting me sleep in till 10:30.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, that's uh so critical.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: And we're, as you know, two-hour time difference.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: So it's uh 8 30 here.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: And today's a big day.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Today is the first day after Heidi's birthday.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: Heidi, how old are you now?
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I realized this morning that I am four five and you are six seven.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_01: So together we're four five.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: Six seven.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: CJ, you need to be on this.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: You need to be like 23 or 78.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know, 87, 89.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not good in math.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_01: Do you know what April?
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_01: I have to tell you what April said about CJ.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: Because you know, she's my cousin.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: Twin cousin.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_01: Who's genetically my sister because twins married sisters?
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: And she said to me that CJ lied.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: He is not BMI too high.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_01: He is BMI.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_01: He lied.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_01: That's how she put it.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_01: She's like, when I met him.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, she was expecting some big old round Pillsbury doughboy.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: He's not.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: He's not.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: He's a hunk of hunk of burning love, man.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: I guess he is.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: I haven't met him.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: Isn't that wild?
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I've never met him in person.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: That is crazy.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: You know how many people think we're doing this live?
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like all sitting in the same room?
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's fantastic.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: My friend, my friend said to me, like, so do you fly to California every time?
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Yes, yes, I do.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_01: On my private jet.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: You really, really should.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so I'm sure that's not why people tuned in, nor is that what we were hoping for.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: But yes, it was because we want it to be just us and having fun.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: And we're trying to do some shorts in between the long programs.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: I think I already mentioned that.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um, Heidi, what are we talking about today?
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I have a kind of a cool story because my mom and I went through a period of time where we were not in contact with each other because there was just a lot happening in my personal life.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_01: And we we did an episode on boundaries where we kind of touched on it a little bit, but more recently there's just been a lot of beautiful repair and reconciliation, and I wanted to share that today.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: That is so cool.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: I know you've talked before about how much you love butterflies because of the transformation that happens, and so maybe this is a butterfly moment.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_01: It totally is.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: And my mom has collected butterflies since I was little, so actually, it's it's like actual butterfly.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: Does she have like pins in them in a little box in your front room or something?
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_01: No, she just had like anything with a butterfly on it, jewelry boxes, pictures.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_01: Awesome.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_01: All right, tell us the story.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: What happened now?
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so well.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_01: I have to I sp I spent the weekend with her last weekend up in Dork County, and I asked her, what was your favorite time raising Cassie and I?
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: What a great question.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: She's like, what a great question.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_01: And she really thought about it.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_01: And she said, believe it or not, it was right after the divorce when she was working, she was working at a local deli and putting herself through college.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_01: And she quit the deli to start cleaning houses so that she could be with Cassie and I as much as possible.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_01: And she just said it was such a tender time in our life, and we didn't have very much, and it was macaroni and cheese and fish sticks, and but it wasn't tangerines and chocolate milk.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_01: No, it wasn't.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_01: That would have been like a luxury.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: That would be great.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: But I went to bed that night just thinking that was probably my favorite time of like being a kid.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: Really?
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_01: Because somehow it like whatever my mom created for us with what little she had kept us insulated from a lot of the really hard, ugly stuff that was happening all around us in the midst of the divorce.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it sounds magical, but do you remember her during that time being more tender or more just attentive?
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: Or was she always been that way?
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: And it just was uh she was hiding you from the the pains of the world.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: It it I I wouldn't call my mom tender.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_01: She wasn't more tender.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: Shout out to mom.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: She's gonna be like, believe me, we know this one needed some discipline.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_01: She's gonna say I my mom was more fun and more present at that time.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, she just included us in everything.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_01: Like if she was studying for a test in college, she was studying with us, and and she would take us with her to class, and she would take us with to clean the houses.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: Really, she was using us as child labor.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: You are the reason there are child labor laws.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: But she she so I started going to a new church.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: But hold on, let me say sure.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: One of the things that I know for sure, and I've learned this the hard way being a therapist for so many long for so many years, and mostly with children, is that children's currency is time and attention.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like if you want to invest in a kid, there's really only two ways time and attention.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: Disneyland's fun, new shoes are fine, but time and attention.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: So your mom giving you all of her time and all of her attention attention is the best currency there is for a kid.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_01: Which I think is so important to any person who is going through a divorce and feels like they lack in resources or capacity to create something magical for your kid.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: Because my mom did that, and it makes me emotional thinking about it because what she did is she created safety without probably realizing that that's what she was doing.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: Good job, mom.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_01: Good job, mom.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: All right, you started.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: I interrupted you.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: You said you guys went to church this week.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so I found a new church that I'm I'm really excited to be a part of.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I feel like so much of healing has happened for me through this podcast, and you've helped me make the distinction between like the church and who God is and how He shows up.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_01: And I found this amazing, you know, I'm used to going to bigger churches, it's a smaller church, but so much inclusive language around community, marginalized groups, it's very affirming.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_01: And my mom, and she's not here to say this, but I could tell she was a little bit nervous for me.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what does that all mean that my daughter is going to this church?
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_01: And she sent me a text message a few weeks ago that said, I've just had to come to terms with that.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_01: I just trust that the Holy Spirit is going to be wherever you're going to church.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: All right, mom.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I her way of saying, like, no matter what dumb choice you make, God will be there.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like that's exactly what she was saying.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: And so she said to me when we were together last weekend, I want to go to your church.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, really?
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: And she said, Yes.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_01: And so this is gonna make me cry again.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_01: My mom came to church with me on Sunday, and it's the first time that I've stood and worshipped with my mom in probably seven years.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_01: And when we did the sign of the peace, because it's a Lutheran church, and so you know, you you turn around and you say, Peace be with you to your neighbor.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_01: After we had greeted all of our neighbors, my mom looked at me and she hugged me, which is like very significant, and she said, and peace be with you, Hyde.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, what a great moment.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_01: And it was so special and meaningful to me.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_01: And when we got into the car, my mom said, Heidi, I have to apologize to you because I really thought that you had gone off the deep end and were going to some wacko church.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_01: She's like, I was like praying on my way in, like, I don't know what to expect.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_01: And she's like, it was wonderful.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_01: She's like, the worship was wonderful, the message was wonderful, and I'm so proud of you and happy for you.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_01: And like it just meant so much to me.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I started crying to my mom in the car, and I said, I was so nervous you weren't gonna like it that I felt like I was setting myself up for disappointing you.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'm 45 years old, and I'm still worried about disappointing my mom.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_01: And I think what I love most about this entire experience is that there are some moments we have in our life that can only be explained by the mystery of how God works in and through us.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_01: It was nothing that I, it wasn't a book that I read, it wasn't a book that my mom read.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_01: She was doing what she did for us when we were small, like showing up, being present, and in that was the gift of real a real feeling of like um repair.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: Heidi, thank you so much for sharing that story.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I can only imagine what that felt like.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: Do you have like any thoughts on just or a way to describe what that felt like?
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_01: I I felt accepted by my mom.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_01: I think that for the last few years I've been worried that she hasn't been pleased with my life choices and how my life has turned out, and I felt like she was proud of me when we walked out of that church, like that that I'm okay and that I was always okay even with the distance between her and I and what my life situation looks like.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: That is so great.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for sharing that.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I love that moment in my mind of your mom just hugging you and holding you and saying peace.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: And in a lot of ways, that hug was was giving you peace.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: And friends, we're this is meant to be a short episode, so we're gonna sign off.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: But I I just want to end with saying that we have to kind of hang in there with whatever God is calling us to.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, in at Faith Rehab podcast, we talk a lot about church hurt, but there's so much redemption that comes in following God and the nudges of the Holy Spirit and stuff we can't explain.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes these moments come and we just are so happy to be able to share them with you.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: And we thank you for listening and keep listening because we have other shorts coming up soon.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: See you next time.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_01: Be blessed.