Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #29: How to Protect Your Child Against ‘Sexting’ and What to Do if it Happens

Transcript

#29: How to Protect Your Child Against ‘Sexting’ and What to Do if it Happens · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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  Speaker 1: This is a Happy Family podcast with doctor Justin Kelsenriel Lukinsuzi,
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  Speaker 1: and this is the podcast for time poor parents who
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  Speaker 1: just want answers Now, Justin.
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  Speaker 2: It's great to chat to you, and we thank you
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  Speaker 2: so much for your time today, and we thank you
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  Speaker 2: in advance for sharing a story that's all too personal
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  Speaker 2: for you. When you received an unexpected phone call from
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  Speaker 2: your daughter when you were away. Would you like to
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  Speaker 2: share the story with us?
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  Speaker 3: I will, but before I do that, first of all,
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  Speaker 3: there are some mature themes. Secondly, I'm not going to
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  Speaker 3: state anything about which of my children are whereabouts or
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  Speaker 3: how it happened, except to say that I have six daughters,
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  Speaker 3: so it could have been any of them. Yep. But
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  Speaker 3: there was an incident while I was away a certain
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  Speaker 3: period of time ago where I received a phone call
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  Speaker 3: from my daughter. She was clearly distressed. That day, I'd
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  Speaker 3: been talking to eight hundred kids in Melbourne about making safe,
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  Speaker 3: healthy decisions in the use of their mobile devices, specifically
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  Speaker 3: regarding pornography and sexting. And so I'm coming off the
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  Speaker 3: back of this long day talking about these heavy topics
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  Speaker 3: with all of these kids, and my daughter rings me
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  Speaker 3: and she says dad. You know that friend. He lives
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  Speaker 3: a long way away from us. We've been friends for years.
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  Speaker 3: I've just had an exchange with him via text message
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  Speaker 3: and he's asked me to send nude images of myself
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  Speaker 3: to him. I said straight away, well, I'm so glad
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  Speaker 3: you called me. Thank you for calling me. Tell me
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  Speaker 3: a bit more. It ends up that she hadn't sent anything,
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  Speaker 3: which was wonderful. She called me, which was great, and
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  Speaker 3: we were able to have a really important conversation. Now
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  Speaker 3: we've had many of these conversations before, but we were
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  Speaker 3: able to continue that conversation, make sure she was safe,
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  Speaker 3: and then deal with the matter appropriately. It was a
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  Speaker 3: pretty big shock for me. But you know, the hardest
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  Speaker 3: thing for me, and the thing that really hit home,
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  Speaker 3: Luke and Susy, was I heard my saying these words
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  Speaker 3: to my daughter. You know, next time this happens, it's
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  Speaker 3: really important that And I stopped myself at that point
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  Speaker 3: and I thought, no, no, no, no, this should never
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  Speaker 3: have happened in the first place. What am I saying
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  Speaker 3: next time? But we've got to we've got to, I guess,
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  Speaker 3: be prepared as parents for the fact that we live
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  Speaker 3: in a world now where young adolescents, but both males
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  Speaker 3: and females, although it is predominantly the boys that are
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  Speaker 3: asking soliciting lude and inappropriate and explicit images from the
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  Speaker 3: kids they go to school with, the kids that grew
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  Speaker 3: up next door with. You know, they're lifelong friends in
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  Speaker 3: some cases, and we need to know how to deal
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  Speaker 3: with it as parents, not as the ambulance at the bottom,
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  Speaker 3: although sometimes we've got to have that as well, but
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  Speaker 3: as the fence at the top of that metaphorical cliff.
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  Speaker 2: We're going to talk about some of the things that
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  Speaker 2: we can do as parents about this massive, massive time
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  Speaker 2: topic more with doctor Justin Coilson next.
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  Speaker 4: Parenting is the most important thing we will ever do,
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  Speaker 4: so it's important that we get it right. But with
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  Speaker 4: so much pressure, demands and advice, it's hard to know
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  Speaker 4: what our children really need. Using the very best scientific
• 3:14
  Speaker 4: research and then turning it into an easy to read
• 3:16
  Speaker 4: book and cd what your Child Needs from You helps
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  Speaker 4: you connect with, understand, and teach your children in meaningful ways.
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  Speaker 4: What your Child Needs from You by Doctor Justin Coulson
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  Speaker 4: is the parenting book that offers the solutions to make
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  Speaker 4: you a better parent and help your family to be Happier,
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  Speaker 4: available in paperback or CD at Happy Families dot com
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  Speaker 4: dot Au.
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  Speaker 1: It's a Happy Families podcast with doctor Justin Coulson, where
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  Speaker 1: Luke and Suzi.
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  Speaker 2: We're chatting to doctor Justin Coulson today on the back
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  Speaker 2: of an experience he had with one of his daughters,
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  Speaker 2: who received a text message from a male friend of
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  Speaker 2: hers asking for inappropriate photos of her so be sent
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  Speaker 2: to him.
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  Speaker 5: So adult concepts here, we're just putting that warning out
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  Speaker 5: if you've just joined us, that we're talking about something
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  Speaker 5: that's pretty big as a dad getting this phone call
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  Speaker 5: to say that this has been happening. Yeah, I can imagine, Justin,
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  Speaker 5: it was equally that you were pleased that you got
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  Speaker 5: the phone call, as you are probably horrified that your
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  Speaker 5: dough had to face this situation, but you're glad that
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  Speaker 5: when she did, she was able to reach out to you.
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  Speaker 3: Well, I would rather she never had the situation. But
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  Speaker 3: you know what the worst thing is. Look, it's almost
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  Speaker 3: inevitable now if you have children, they're going to be
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  Speaker 3: exposed to this kind of thing. And I've heard from
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  Speaker 3: parents of children as young as nine and ten who
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  Speaker 3: have people who are being explicit and inappropriate with their
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  Speaker 3: children from making those kinds of requests from such a
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  Speaker 3: young age. There's a few things that we need to
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  Speaker 3: go over here. First of all, let me state something
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  Speaker 3: that I've said again and again and again. Our children
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  Speaker 3: do not need smart phones. They need smart parents, and
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  Speaker 3: smart parents give their kids dumb phones. We've got to
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  Speaker 3: monitor what technology our children are using, where they're using it,
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  Speaker 3: and how they're using it. Now, daughter, when she received
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  Speaker 3: this request, was in a public place with family and friends,
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  Speaker 3: and yet it still came through. Now, she would never
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  Speaker 3: have acted on it, which I'm so grateful for, But
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  Speaker 3: the fact is, had she been in a bedroom, had
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  Speaker 3: it been late at night, had she been feeling a
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  Speaker 3: little bit low, those are all risk factors that increase
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  Speaker 3: the likelihood that a child may send something that could
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  Speaker 3: come back to haunt them. Another thing that my daughter did,
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  Speaker 3: which was excellent, was number one, she kept the evidence,
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  Speaker 3: and number two she told someone. Research tells us that
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  Speaker 3: the two biggest mistakes our kids are making is that
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  Speaker 3: they're deleting it and they're telling no one. In fact,
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  Speaker 3: once I dealt with the situation, I discovered that that
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  Speaker 3: same boy had made similar requests from at least two
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  Speaker 3: or perhaps more other girls. In other words, if our
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  Speaker 3: kids don't tell us, somebody else is going to be
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  Speaker 3: harmed as well as almost certain, so they need to
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  Speaker 3: keep the evidence and they need to tell us number three.
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  Speaker 3: At that point, we've got to make sure we don't
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  Speaker 3: do our nana. We can't go off our block. What
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  Speaker 3: we've got to do is stay calm, make sure our
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  Speaker 3: daughter is okay, or our son if it's a boy,
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  Speaker 3: and then we need to work out the best thing
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  Speaker 3: to do. If we know the family, we might choose
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  Speaker 3: in some circumstances to give them a call and say,
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  Speaker 3: I don't know how to tell you this, but my
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  Speaker 3: daughter has just received these messages from your son. Most
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  Speaker 3: parents are good parents and they will be devastated to
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  Speaker 3: hear it, and they will want to act immediately to
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  Speaker 3: remedy the situation. If we don't feel that we can
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  Speaker 3: do that, though, we need to go to the police.
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  Speaker 3: Sexual harassment, production of child pornography if it's gone that far.
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  Speaker 3: These things are illegal and kids need to learn now.
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  Speaker 3: Hopefully the kids, unless they've been doing something really serious
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  Speaker 3: way be charged. They'll just learn their lesson. I know
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  Speaker 3: if I got if me as a fourteen fifteen sixteen
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  Speaker 3: year old kid today, I don't know if I would
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  Speaker 3: have survived like I did back at the in the nineties.
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  Speaker 3: It's a very different world, and it's a lot of
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  Speaker 3: pressure on our kids to get it right and heavy
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  Speaker 3: penalties if they get it wrong. But the point is
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  Speaker 3: we need to go to the police now. Every now
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  Speaker 3: and again I hear stories from Paris who say I've
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  Speaker 3: been to the police and the police just said something
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  Speaker 3: like I wish that happened to me. Some police aren't supportive.
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  Speaker 3: Most are brilliant, but every now and again you come
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  Speaker 3: across one that's not. If that's the case, the federal
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  Speaker 3: government has a website about the safety. It's called the
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  Speaker 3: Children the Office of the Children's e Safety Commissioner. They
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  Speaker 3: have all of the help that you need and they
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  Speaker 3: will pursue it, and they will make sure that this
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  Speaker 3: never happens again to you or to your child, and
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  Speaker 3: that that offender doesn't do it either.
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  Speaker 5: Doctor Justin Pilson a big topic, but a very important
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  Speaker 5: one whose parents. For us to not put our head
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  Speaker 5: in the sand over, for us to actually have our
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  Speaker 5: eyes open, head up and address what needs to be
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  Speaker 5: done now to prepare ourselves for a time when our
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  Speaker 5: kids are going to need to reach out to us.
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  Speaker 5: Thank you so much for your time today, all right.
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  Speaker 3: Thanks.
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  Speaker 2: Thanks for more info in all of Justin's books, podcasts,
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  Speaker 2: and programs. You can jump online to Happy Families dot
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  Speaker 2: com today you and to find out how to have
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: Justin speak at your school, or you can come along
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  Speaker 2: to your organization as well. Go to Justin Coulson dot com.