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The Fifth Hour: Grocery Drama & the Brittle Brow · The Ben Maller Show

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Kutbooms.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: of the old republic, a sol fashion of fairness. He
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow to Clearinghouse of
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  Speaker 2: hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth Hour
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  Speaker 2: with Ben Maller starts right now in the air everywhere.
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  Speaker 1: The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben Mahler and Danny g Radio.
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  Speaker 1: I Happy Saturday to you, the seventeenth day of January,
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: and it is odd like Donkey Kong. There is still
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  Speaker 1: time if you're listening early today to catch Benny Versus
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: the Penny the Saturday edition before kickoff from the Mile
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: High City the Broncos and the Buffalo Bills later today
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: and then tonight in Seattle the Seahawks and the forty
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: nine Ers. We have the Saturday episode of Benny Versus
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: the Penny for both those games on YouTube Benny Vspenny.
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: And if you miss that because you listen to this
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: podcast later, then you can go back and watch the
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: Sunday edition of Benny Versus the Penny for the games
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: involving the Rims and the Chicago Bears, and the Patriots
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: and the Texans. On this podcast today we have the
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: courtesy catastrophe, modern medical marvel, and some other things as
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: well mixed in, but we're gonna start with this. So
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: the price of a polite nod, it's really what this
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: is the price of a polite nod. So let me
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: take you behind the microphone for a minute, as we
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: like to do on the Saturday podcast here in behind
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: the scenes the life of Malor into the day to
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: day the Malar underground, if you will need some notes,
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: as I live my life as a pack mule out
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: in the north Woods. So when you're married, and I
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: say this with the utmost terrified respect of someone that
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: knows where my bread is buttered, you take on certain roles.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: Think of this like the I think about like the
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: division of labor. It's like a maritime strategy to keep
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: the mallard dinghy from hitting an iceberg. So my role
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: in this, I'm like a Swiss army knife of this operation.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: I get the large blade, you get the little small blade,
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: the tweezers, the toothpick of course, really big corkscrew, really
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: big corkscrew, a jack of all trades, a master of none,
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  Speaker 1: which is really a polite way of saying, I'm the
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: guy who gets to shred the cheese. I'm the tree shredder.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: That's one of my jobs. And you've heard the line
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker. Well I'm the baker,
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  Speaker 1: the cook, the dishwasher, and the primary grocery shopper. So
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: I get to cook as a line cook, and then
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: I get to also buy my own groceries. So I'm
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: not complaining. By the way, this is not a complaint.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: Of course, you would argue that I'm always complaining. You
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: might on the radio show. So all I do is
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: I did this marginal overnight talk show, and I am
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: somewhat busy during the week and preparing monologues. You have
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: to entertain people like blind Scott and hollering James and
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: Jed who fled and whatnot. So I have a schedule.
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: I have a schedule, somewhat loose schedule during the day.
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: So the other other day I head over to the
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: sticker shock superstores I like to call it, because every
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: time I go in there, the prices go up, up
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  Speaker 1: and away. And now I have a short I do
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  Speaker 1: not really a list. A big board, you know Terry
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: in England, I do not do list. So it's a
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: big board. It's Benny's big board. I needed three things
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: on my big board. Three that's it. Quick trip, ground, beef, bell, pepper,
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  Speaker 1: and onion. That was what I needed to get. This
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: is a surgical strike. When I say surgical, like a
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: ninja rat tat tat in and out, commando style. Unfortunately,
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  Speaker 1: the universe decided that yours truly needed a refresher course
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: on the old adage no good deed goes unpunished. So
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  Speaker 1: I'm gonna give you the internal dialogue that was going
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  Speaker 1: on in my head as I was making this quick
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  Speaker 1: quick trip to the store to get a few items.
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  Speaker 1: So I'm navigating the obstacle course the local five and dime,
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  Speaker 1: heading to the finish line, and when I cross paths
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  Speaker 1: with this older gentleman, Now I'm getting old. I guess
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  Speaker 1: this guy was much older than I was, and we
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  Speaker 1: were converging and it was gonna be a bottleneck situation
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  Speaker 1: or going to the same location to the checkout counter. Now,
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  Speaker 1: I was raised right by Mama Malar at least I
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  Speaker 1: believe I was raised. Right, you'll have to be the
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  Speaker 1: judge of that. But Mama Mallard taught me, and I
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  Speaker 1: have muscle memory, and my brain said, all right, listen,
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: respect your elders, Benjamin, come on, respect your elders. Give
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: him the right away. Now, I did play peekaboo, I did.
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: I looked at this.
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  Speaker 3: Dude's basket and he had leafy greens, and I was like, oh, dude,
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  Speaker 3: there might have been some kaling there, some spinach.
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  Speaker 1: It was a light load. There wasn't much there. So
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  Speaker 1: I figured, listen, how much damage can this old guy
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  Speaker 1: do with a salad bowl in his little handbasket thing
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  Speaker 1: he's got. So I gave him the knod. I gave
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  Speaker 1: this guy the nod. And then I realized shortly after
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  Speaker 1: the price of that nod, right, the price of that nod.
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  Speaker 1: It was a gesture for him to go ahead, now, listen,
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  Speaker 1: I'm not sitting here taking a bow. I'm not a
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  Speaker 1: prince among men. It was the right thing to do,
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: and at this moment, right in front of me, to
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  Speaker 1: my dismay, the metamorphosis took place. And immediately this guy,
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  Speaker 1: now he was not moving fast anyway, but the grandpad
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: juice kicked in the grandpad Juice kicked in. This guy
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  Speaker 1: didn't just slow down. Let me tell you, he went
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  Speaker 1: into a medically induced comb I thought that he was
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: a koala in a eucalyptus tree as well. He starts
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  Speaker 1: that old guy wattle. Do we know when that starts?
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  Speaker 1: Do I have that to look forward to? If I
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  Speaker 1: live long enough, I'll get the old guy wattle. Back
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  Speaker 1: in the day, when I was around the Dodgers a lot,
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  Speaker 1: there a guy named Tommy Lasorda, and Tommy he had
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: both his knees replaced and his hips replaced, and it
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  Speaker 1: was like a terminator, and he had the old guy wattle.
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  Speaker 1: You know what I'm talking about, that rhythmic side decide
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  Speaker 1: shuffle that It's like you're walking through waist deep molasses.
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  Speaker 1: And suddenly my three item quick trip to the grocery
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  Speaker 1: store is looking like a bumpy bumpy bumpy ride. And
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  Speaker 1: then I went through these seven stages of grocery grief,
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  Speaker 1: as I call it. I had full regret. And so
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  Speaker 1: I I get to the checkout stand. He's in front
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  Speaker 1: of me, this guy, and everything disintegrates. Number one, we
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  Speaker 1: had the audio malfunction. So this poor Chap's hearing aid
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  Speaker 1: decided to go on vacation, and the cashier, this woman,
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  Speaker 1: she's shouting the price like five times. She rang everything
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  Speaker 1: up and she had to shout the price five times.
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  Speaker 1: I could have shouted it from the parking lot. And
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  Speaker 1: so then the second thing was the wallet Safari. So
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  Speaker 1: this fine gentleman starts looking for his wallet. Now generally speaking,
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  Speaker 1: there's only two places the wallet could be the right
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  Speaker 1: pocket or the left pocket. He's patting himself down like
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: he's at TSA. He's getting frisked at the airport, so
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  Speaker 1: this is not good. Finally, he slowly finds the wallet.
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  Speaker 1: And really that's the third part of this the seven
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  Speaker 1: stages of grocery grief. Because you had the slow motion
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  Speaker 1: REPLA thought. I was watching one of the NFL games
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  Speaker 1: and we went to a booth review, but not an
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  Speaker 1: expedite at booth review. So finally he finds the wallet.
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  Speaker 1: He opens it up and again, as I was watching
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  Speaker 1: an NFL replay under the hood and it was at
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  Speaker 1: one one hundred speed, I'm waiting for the referee to
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  Speaker 1: come out and overturn the call. I'm waiting for the referee.
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  Speaker 1: I was like, maybe I should call JT. The wingman.
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  Speaker 1: He can come and pick this guy up and give
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  Speaker 1: him a ride somewhere because this is not going well. Now.
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  Speaker 1: The fourth part of this the cash factor. So this
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  Speaker 1: gentleman in twenty twenty six decided to pay with cash.
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  Speaker 1: Of course he does.
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  Speaker 3: Credit cards are the devil's plastic, right, why would you
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  Speaker 3: do that? So he decided to pay with the cause,
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  Speaker 3: which normally would not be a problem.
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  Speaker 1: Normally wouldn't have to be a problem because it's okay,
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  Speaker 1: you can pay with cash if you're quick, right, chat that.
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  Speaker 1: So then the guy the fifth part of this is
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  Speaker 1: the change futs around. So the cash here gives him
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  Speaker 1: his change. There's some coins or whatever. Now most people
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  Speaker 1: would just take that change and put it in their
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  Speaker 1: pocket and move on, but not my old friend. No, no, no,
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  Speaker 1: this gentleman, he had to methodically categorize every dime, every penny.
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  Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh, so that was that was a pain.
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  Speaker 1: And then the sixth thing was the logjam. So behind me,
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  Speaker 1: and remember we got to the checkout stand. It was
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  Speaker 1: just two of us. So this guy's taking so long
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  Speaker 1: behind us. The line is growing. It's like a small mob.
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  Speaker 1: It was the only checkout stand open. People are looking
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  Speaker 1: at me like I'm the one holding things up. I'm like, dude,
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  Speaker 1: just leave me alone, all right. Then it gets even better,
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  Speaker 1: because then we have bagging. That's another ordeal. The cosmos
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  Speaker 1: flips another page in its stone bound Sokka while this
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  Speaker 1: gentleman tries to put the stuff in the bag the
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  Speaker 1: seventh part. By the time the cashier starts scanning my item,
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  Speaker 1: now keep in mind the guy's still standing there. I'm
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  Speaker 1: a vibrating fireball. I quickly tap tap tap the credit
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  Speaker 1: card little reader box thing. I hit it. Sorry, i
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  Speaker 1: think I've broken the little plastic and I'm ready to bowl. However, again,
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  Speaker 1: my friend, this older guy, the old geezer guy, is
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  Speaker 1: still there, hovering over his kale, the leafy greens at
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  Speaker 1: his snail's gallop. And I couldn't take anywhere. I went
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  Speaker 1: Popeye the sailor man. That's all I can stand, and
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  Speaker 1: I can't stands no more. So I tossed them aside.
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: And I didn't toss them aside. I channeled the Minister
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: of Defense, Reggie White. I went full Reggie White. I
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: used the hump move. You remember the hump move when
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: he was playing for the Green Bay Packers and the
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: Eagles back in the day. If you're old Reggie White,
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: great defensive player, It's a quick, powerful lateral shift, and
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  Speaker 1: I was able to circumvent kind of a mix of
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  Speaker 1: the swim move, and I exited the the store before
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: I lost with left of my mind. Now, Keemon, I
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: am somewhat of a nice guy. I'm not mister a
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: nice guy who used to contribute to show. I know
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  Speaker 1: what happened to him for now at this moment, I
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: learned a life lesson. Again. If I am in the
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  Speaker 1: same situation I see a nice guy, a older guy
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  Speaker 1: with leafy greens and a hearing aid, or an older
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  Speaker 1: woman in the same situation, I'm taking the hit. I'm
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: cutting the person off. I'm sorry, Grandpa or grandma the baboushka.
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  Speaker 1: I got cheese to shred, I got things to do.
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  Speaker 1: I'm out.
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  Speaker 3: I am out, skis see you later, Bye bye.
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: That's how that's going now, turning the page. I planned
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: on talking about this on the previous edition of The
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: Fifth Hour, and then I got carried away on some
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: other stuff, so I didn't get to it. It's truly
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: one of my favorite stories of the week, and I
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: didn't have time to get to it on the radio show.
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: And the reason I did not have time to get
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: to it on the radio show is because something always
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: seemed to pop up in the NFL or Major League Baseball.
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: And just like yesterday on the podcast, we talked about
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: the college basketball scandal, the point shaving scan. Reason we
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: talked about that is because the Tucker's signing with the
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: Dodgers happened kind of late. The show was mostly put
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: to bed by then, and so we had to we
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: had to edit some stuff out and chop some things
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: away and all that, and so we did that and
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: then that was that, and so we didn't have time
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: to get to this particular story. It is amazing, though,
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  Speaker 1: it is absolutely amazing. It's a basketball story, but it's
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: not really a basketball story. It's more of a medical story.
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: You feel me on that. It is more of a
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: medical story than it is a story. Worry about basketball,
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: all right, So when I say modern medical marvel, that
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: is not a compliment, that is a diagnosis. It's doctor Mahlor.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: Doctor Mahlor is in the building, in the building here,
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: and so that's what we're gonna call this because at
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: this point, Anthony Davis is not a basketball player. We're
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: talking about AD. He is a roaming anatomy lesson with
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: multiple max contracts, multiple max contracts. He just just an
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: amazing accomplishment the amount of money that he's being able
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: to make. So the phrase day to day has shadowed
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: this man for so long it ought to be stitched
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: onto the back of his jerseys like an advertising patch.
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: Not Davis, not AD, just day to day, day to day.
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: And Charles Barkley, I believe, gave him the nickname street Clothes,
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: which is not trash talking. It is not trash talking.
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: That is branding. Okay, that is absolute branding is what
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: that is. It's so appropriate. So buckle up, buccaroo. Because
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: the Internet did what the Internet does best. It got
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: really really bored and started doing some math. Not malor math,
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: their math. It started counting. And the results sound for gayzy.
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: They sound ridiculous. It sounds fake, It sounds made up.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: Is it true? Across his long NBA career, Anthony Davis
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: has suffered how many injured You want to take a guess,
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: did you see this? You did not see this? Okay, good,
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: so take a guess. I didn't even know who Anthony
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: Davis is. I'm just listening because I need something going
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: on the background. Okay, take a breath, all right. So
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: again the question is how many injuries? This is the
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: most injury prone player in basketball Anthony Davis in his career.
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: And let me let me go and let me see
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: when did he start playing? Let me see this. So
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: Anthony Davis, remember but Kentucky back in the day. He
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: started his NBA career as the number one overall pick
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: in the NBA draft the unibrow. That was the twenty
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: twelve NBA Draft. So it's been almost fourteen years. Almost
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: fourteen years, Anthony Davis has suffered, according to Internet Sluice two,
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: one hundred and ninety six injuries. He has had injuries
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: that have spanned fifty one unique body parts fifty one.
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: That is not an injury history, that is a medical syllabus.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: As he came into the NBA with the New Orleans Hornets,
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: they changed their name to the Pelicans. Then he was
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: given to the Lakers, who then gave him to Dallas.
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: He is currently Anthony Davis thirty two years old. He
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: turns thirty three in March. So we have a little
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: bit of time before that, and I wanted to highlight
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: this story because it is a humdinger. It is. They
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: don't even call him Anthony Davis anymore. No, no, no,
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: he's like the freak of nature or something like that.
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: It is wild, absolutely wild, what this guy has had
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: so the inventory on this and I'll give you I
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: don't know I have time to give you everything. It's
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: only a half an hour podcast. My god, imagine, if
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: you will, a doctor flipping through charts like he's shuffling
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: a deck of cards. He's had fifty five foot injuries,
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: fifty five twenty four ankle injuries, twenty achilles injuries, twenty
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: back injuries, the abductor, the knee, the calf, the shoulder,
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: the thumb, the wrist, the growing, the yel, the eye,
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: the finger, the rib, the glute. I mean, my god,
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: both sides, by the way, both sides of his tuckas
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: he's injured his tuckas his badonka donk. He's missed games
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: with random illnesses. I mean, I can't even some of
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: these things, I don't even know what they are. I
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: believe I have them, I don't know what they are.
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: So this thing, it's like a medical textbook. It's not
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: one weak areas. It's not like, well, I just got
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: a bad knee or my back, or it's all my
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: ache and back, my knee, my back, my back, my knee. No, no, no,
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: it's everything everywhere, all at once. And Anthony Davis is
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: a human version of a Jenga tower where every block
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: is loose, and you touch him, something slices that you
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: breathe on him wrong, and all of a sudden he
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: needs to go to the medical room for evaluation. He
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: has strained things again, people most people don't even know
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: could be strained. And at this point, if Anthony Davis
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: sneezes too hard, someone yells time out, time out, time out.
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: The trainers come sprinting out like their airport firefighters to
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: try to take care of Anthony Davis. You gotta take
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: care of this guy, you gotta you gotta take care
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: of him. And uh, I mean, was it a baseball
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: was it Sammy Sosa? There have been a few baseball
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: players over.
• 18:21
  Speaker 3: The years that have been injured by sneezing, which is
• 18:23
  Speaker 3: always so embarrassing.
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: So embarrassing. Anyway, here's the thing. All of these Anthony
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: Davis basketball injuries sound exaggerated until you see, until you
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: see everything waied out and it just keeps going and
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: going and going and going like the Energizer bunny. Uh
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: And it's just insane. It's not a career resumes, it's
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: a web md commercial and it's got a sneaker deal.
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: This has to be has to be the most unbreakable
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: record in NBA history. Not points, not reb not injuries
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: like day to day injuries. I'm talking about lifetime injuries
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: is what I'm talking about. Nobody is catting because guys
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: get hurt randomly. That's what I'm trying to say.
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: But Anthony Davis, his body of work, it is the
• 19:17
  Speaker 3: Mona Lisa of injury, it really is. It's the Mona
• 19:21
  Speaker 3: Lisa of injury. Nobody is going to catch this.
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: You'd have to actively try, and even if you were trying,
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: even if you know, even if you were doing that,
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: you wouldn't be able to go there. You would you'd
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: need to slip on the banana peel during warm ups,
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: fall down a ten flight of stair thing of a jig,
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: you know, right into the team bus, then get run
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: over by the team bus and then you get up,
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: you sit down and you're tying your shoes and you
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: pull a hamstring tying your shoes, and you have to
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: do all of that in the span of a couple
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: of hours.
• 19:56
  Speaker 3: And then there's Dallas, Oh, Dallas.
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: The mav Rex, the mav Rex, And of course this
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: was a orchestrated trade. They took Anthony Davis for Luka Doncic.
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: We think there was more to that story, much more
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: to that story that will come out over time. But
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: the Mavericks have experienced the full Anthony Davis package at
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: warp speed since arriving deep in the heart of Texas.
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: Anthony Davis has suffered are you ready for this? Eighteen
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: injuries in less than a year. He's missed forty two games.
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: He's played twenty nine for the MAVs in Dallas. That
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: is not load management, That is load avoidance is what
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: is what that is the groin, the abductor flares up,
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: the CAF issue, the achilles, you name it. And the
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: grand finale, a ligament injury to his left hand, which
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: is currently going on right now, which could that's always
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: a word, could sideline Anthony Davis for ones for months.
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: At this point, the Mavericks training staff is not taping ankles,
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: they're lighting candles and saying prayers. They're bringing in clergy
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: to try to figure this out. There's a lot going
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: on so Dallas, I guess they thought they were getting
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: a grand piano. I have to go with check in
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: on the old Mavericks GM there, see what he's up to.
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: But they thought they were get this grand piano, and
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: it turns out that half the keys are missing and
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: the bench collapses if you sit too hard. So it's
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: not about toughness. This is about physics. It's about biology.
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: The thing of a jig has a glitch in it.
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: You can't fix the what you might call it. It's
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: a bit of a problem. So this is the human
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: body that is just wired differently. There's a I remember
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: talking to a coach years ago, football coach about this,
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: and that's how some guys are always in the trainer's
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: room and other guys aren't. You know, some guys have
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: they're just wired where they're tough. And I think it's
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: a combination of that and also how you were how
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: you were raised. You know, some people were raised to
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: rub some dirt on it and get back out there
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: and do your thing, and then there's other people that
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: if you have a boo boo, you better sit out
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: and rest your booboo. You've got to rest your booboo.
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: And so I think that's part of it, I really do.
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: I mean, the biology is obviously something, but how many
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: of these injuries could Anthony Davis have actually played through right,
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: like a tougher person would have been able to play?
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: And then but his issue is the do hickey just
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: doesn't really really work and his body refuses to cooperate
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: with the basketball schedule. Anthony Davis ady does not just
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: break down. He decomposes again. Is wild? I keep going
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: back to modern medical marvel. Doctors should study him. Medical
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: students ought to rotate through the injury log. It's a syllabus.
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: Week one, foot, week two, other foot week three, ankle
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: week four, achilles tweak in the final exam everything. He
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: is a real life humpty dumpty humpy dumpty and you
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: know the rhyme we all grew up with it. Let
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: me update it for the NBA. Anthony Davis sat on
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: a wall. Anthony Davis had a great fall. All the
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: NBA's doctors and all the NBA's trainers couldn't put the
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: unibrow together again. I didn't really rhyme anyway. When availability
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: is the best ability Anthony Davis, think of him like
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: the abstract art exhibit of the NBA when he plays
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: brilliant when you see it, impossible to rely on and
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: always closed for maintenance. Now we do not doubt the talent.
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: We do not doubt the talent. Regardless. The universe is
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: not injury prone anymore. No, no, no, no, he is injury certified.
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: He is. At this point, Anthony Davis should be sponsored
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: by ice packs, pharmacy, great ibuprofen, MRIs and the words
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: day to day whispered softly into the night. All right. Now,
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: I was thinking, since I've seen these commercials for dose Eqes,
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: the beer with the most interesting man in the world,
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: I guess they brought that back. I've seen it watching
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: my sports Hunt at night, and so I don't know
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: a lot about it. I love those commercials back in
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: the day. So I thought, since this is a podcast
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: and we can have some fun, and not that we
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: don't have fun on the radio, I thought we kind
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: of futz around a little bit with this, and I
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: was inspired by watching those commercials for the beer and
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: then Anthony Davis, and I said, let's bring these two
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: worlds together. So I want to workshop this and see
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: if I can can give you a Anthony Davis voiced over.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: I'll be the big voice guy. I'll be the big
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: voice guy for Anthony Davis, a very deep, dramatic, serious,
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: something that doesn't need to be serious here because we're
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: talking about sports. What do you do? It's sports, dummy?
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: What's wrong with you? All right? So here we go again.
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: This is the Anthony Davis. If you were making a
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: dose ECAs commercial for Anthony Davis of the Dallas Mavericks,
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: here's how it would go. Go everyone quiet on set.
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: We'll take it from the top three, two and one.
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: He's not the healthiest man in the world, but when
• 25:40
  Speaker 3: injuries happen, they happened to him. Anthony Davis has suffered
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: two hundred and ninety six injuries spanning fifty one body parts,
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: including some doctors didn't even know existed. His medical chart
• 25:57
  Speaker 3: has its own table of contents. MRIs line up to
• 26:02
  Speaker 3: meet him, X ray machines, pre stretch when he falls down,
• 26:08
  Speaker 3: the arena gasps, and the trainer's sprint. His unibrow is
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: in facial hair.
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: It's a warning label.
• 26:19
  Speaker 3: He wants day to aid so hard. The calendar filled
• 26:25
  Speaker 3: a restraining order. I think I meant to say, file
• 26:29
  Speaker 3: the restraining order.
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: Teammates stretch before warmups. He stretches the definition of questionable.
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: He can dominate a game for three quarters and dominate
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: the injury report in the fourth.
• 26:43
  Speaker 3: He is the most injured man in the world.
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: Stay injured, my friends. All right, screwed that up. But
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: you got the gist of it, right, You got the
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: gist of it. Yeah, okay, all right, there you go.
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: Why not? All right? Oh man? All right, well very good.
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: I did see there were a bunch of baseball signings yesterday,
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: and I was debating whether to do a malad monologue
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: about that. And I don't know, do I want to
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: do a deep dive on Boba Schett going to the Mets.
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: I do like that. The Mets snuck in there because
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: they didn't get Kyle Tucker, so they had to get somebody.
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: So they just threw a bunch of money at Boba Schett.
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: And then j t Ria Muto, who's supposed to leave
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: the Phillies. He agreed to a deal with the Phillies,
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: so I love all that stuff. Well, I think it's
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: hilarious the amount of money that's going around in Major
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: League Baseball every off season, and it doesn't matter. It's
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: just wild. And I got a bunch of angry emails
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: from people were like, oh, you know it always is.
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: I like your show, but as we know, the word
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: butt means everything you say before the word butt is
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: bull crap, and so getting messages I did not like
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: your rant about the Dodgers. You're a fanboy, you know
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: that whole thing. Well, no, I mean I'm not. I
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: like the Dodgers. I do. I wouldn't classic myself as
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: a fanboy. There are Dodger people still upset with me
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: that I absolutely slayed. I took a guillotine to Clayton
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: Kershaw and some of the Dodger nation. They are not happy,
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: not happy. And you know, let's say, by the way,
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: the Dodgers, there's a chance they still trade ti Oscar Hernandez.
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: I don't want to get too much into baseball here
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: at this point in the podcast, but they're not done
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: shifting things around, and they like to have they like
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: to have options. I know Andrew Freeman in some spots
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: they have a lot of one hundred million dollars play
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: eight hundred million dollar plus players, so there's not many
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: too many players or too many spots left where they
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: can rotate utility guys. Anyway, we'll get out on that.
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: Have a wonderful day today, Enjoy the NFL Playoffs. Two
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: games today, two tomorrow. Don't forget Benny Versus the Penny,
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: Benny Vspenny on YouTube. You can enjoy that. And whatever
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: you do is have a wonderful, wonderful day and we'll
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: chat with you tomorrow. Viopulation