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The ONE Boundary That Makes Him Chase You After a Fight · Mindful Success Path

• 0:32
  If you've been married or in a long-term relationship long enough, then you've probably experienced the following scenario.
• 0:39
  Let's say you and your spouse get into a disagreement and your husband or your partner.
• 0:45
  Withdraws.
• 0:46
  He goes silent, and then in 10 minutes he's like totally over it and may even want some intimacy with you.
• 0:52
  Meanwhile, you're still replaying the whole thing in your head.
• 0:55
  You still don't understand whether or not you got closure.
• 0:57
  You still wanna talk everything out, and you're kind of annoyed that he has moved on so quickly.
• 1:03
  Like I said, if you've been in relationships long enough, you've probably had this experience.
• 1:09
  Now, what if I told you that this very common experience in relationships simply has to do.
• 1:15
  With us not understanding how our nervous systems work, because a man's nervous system is completely different than a woman's nervous system.
• 1:22
  I know that in modern day they try and tell you men and women are the same, but no, we're not.
• 1:27
  And this is one of the areas in which this comes up.
• 1:30
  And what if I told you that if you understood.
• 1:33
  How your nervous system as a woman works and how a man's nervous system works, that you could not just get to conflict resolution a lot more easily, but you can also create a lot of spiciness and attraction in the relationship once you understand how our nervous systems are responding to each other.
• 1:52
  What to do about it in this video, I'm gonna be breaking it all down.
• 1:57
  Hi, my name is Amanda.
• 1:58
  Welcome to this channel where we talk about how to manifest what you want in life with all the extra stress, chaos, and drama that most people are accustomed to.
• 2:05
  Lately we've been talking a lot about regulating nervous systems, especially when it comes to relationship dynamics.
• 2:11
  We've also been talking a lot about feminine energy and masculine energy.
• 2:15
  This is based on my 15 years of experience coaching women in different areas of their lives and transforming my own life.
• 2:22
  Once I understood how to regulate my nervous system and live more from a place of feminine energy, I went from perpetually single hyper independent, constantly hustling, blowing out my hormones for 15 years.
• 2:34
  To manifesting a provider protector, healthy man in four months, making some of my dreams of living abroad come true.
• 2:41
  Creating ways of making money that are more feminine and joyous and with ease as opposed to constant hustle and grind, and, yes.
• 2:50
  Even regulating my hormones for the first time in 15 years.
• 2:55
  So if that's something that you are interested in, make sure to subscribe and hit the notification bell so you don't miss a single video that we have coming out on this channel.
• 3:04
  And if you like the content as you're listening to it, make sure to give it a thumbs up because it helps us get it in.
• 3:08
  Front of more people.
• 3:10
  For those of you who wanna go deeper when it comes to feminine energy and how to apply it to different areas of your life, including relationships, money, and your health, make sure to download our free, enhance Your Feminine Energy Guide below.
• 3:24
  Okay, let's get into it.
• 3:25
  Let's get into this.
• 3:26
  The reason why I'm giggling and laughing is because, of course I've experienced this and most of my girlfriends have experienced this, and many of my clients have experienced this.
• 3:37
  It's very common.
• 3:39
  It's a very, men are from Mars, women are from Venus.
• 3:42
  Moment.
• 3:43
  So, and because I now understand how my nervous system is totally different from my husband's nervous system and how we respond, uh, to each other and to conflict, and how our nervous systems respond after a disagreement, then I can chuckle because I'm like, okay, yeah, duh.
• 3:59
  So let's get into it.
• 4:01
  The biology of all of this, because this isn't just woo woo.
• 4:05
  This isn't just metaphysical, it's also biological.
• 4:08
  So let's start with the man's nervous system.
• 4:11
  Why on earth do they get over things so quickly?
• 4:15
  Or why do they feel the need to withdraw and go into their man cave?
• 4:21
  So when a man.
• 4:22
  Uh, experiences, disagreement or conflict, a man is more likely to go into fight or flight response over a woman.
• 4:31
  So men typically will experience this in more of a pronounced way, and that means there's like a surge of cortisol and adrenaline that happens.
• 4:42
  The other thing that happens with men is that they immediately go into Mr.
• 4:46
  Fix it mode, which is also one of the things that.
• 4:49
  Pisses women off because women are not always trying to be in Mr.
• 4:54
  Fix it mode.
• 4:55
  Uh, sometimes women just want to talk it out and I'll get to women in a second.
• 5:00
  The other thing that happens is that a man's nervous system will return to baseline a lot faster than a woman's nervous system.
• 5:09
  So he will get calmer into a pre conflict baseline.
• 5:14
  Pretty fast.
• 5:15
  That's why they tend to get over the arguments very quickly, whereas women are seen as holding grudges.
• 5:21
  She's not.
• 5:21
  I'm going to explain that in a second.
• 5:23
  For the men who are watching it, as I mentioned, men will go into problem solving mode.
• 5:28
  They will go into Mr.
• 5:29
  Fix it mode, and a lot of times that leads to withdrawal or taking a step back or going into the man cave to go solve the problem because healthy men are not going to dump all their feelings.
• 5:41
  On their woman, they're just gonna go handle their stuff.
• 5:44
  I equate this, and I've said this in other videos, I equate it to the hermit, uh, card in tarot where you see the hermit at the top of the mountain by himself in the cold, with the lantern, looking at the star in solitude, trying to figure stuff out.
• 5:58
  That's basically what men do, and that is a part of how they self-regulate.
• 6:04
  And the other thing that happens is that it, when men go into conflict, it lights up a different part of their brain.
• 6:10
  So scans have shown that they have a lot more activity in the prefrontal cortex of their brain during stress, and then that's associated with more cognitive function or more goal-oriented function, or more action oriented function.
• 6:26
  AKA.
• 6:27
  Becoming Mr.
• 6:28
  Fix it.
• 6:30
  So that is important for us women to understand, and it's important for us women to understand this because our nervous systems are completely different.
• 6:40
  So now let me go into how a woman's nervous system responds completely differently and what we can actually do about this, because like when, if you're in a long-term relationship, long enough, this is going to happen.
• 6:52
  I say this very often on the channel, life is going to life.
• 6:56
  Life is stressful enough as it is without us adding a bunch of chaos to it.
• 7:00
  And one of the reasons I talk about nervous system regulation so much is because it allows us to avoid chaos.
• 7:07
  So then female nervous system response.
• 7:10
  Shock and surprise is totally different from a man's.
• 7:14
  So whereas a man goes into fight or flight, a woman goes into tend and befriend.
• 7:20
  So a man will go into Mr.
• 7:22
  Fix it mode, or he'll withdraw, or he'll try and go fix the problem.
• 7:25
  Whereas a woman's nervous system wants to create connection, she wants to talk.
• 7:30
  Through it.
• 7:31
  She wants to talk it out.
• 7:33
  The other thing that happens with a woman's nervous system is that she has a prolonged emotional activation.
• 7:40
  So the female nervous system, yes, us.
• 7:43
  We can remain in an agitated state a lot longer than a man.
• 7:48
  So this is where the whole holding a grudge thing comes.
• 7:51
  It just takes us longer to get to baseline.
• 7:54
  And part of the reason why it takes us longer to get to baseline is because shock and surprise.
• 8:00
  We have a different part of our brain that activates when we are in conflict.
• 8:06
  So what happens when we go into tend and befriend that has a lot more to do with the limbic or.
• 8:14
  Umra regions of the brain, which is that whole connecting it is the whole wanting the oxytocin.
• 8:21
  It is wanting more of the endorphins.
• 8:23
  Now remember, a man's nervous system goes straight into adrenaline, but a woman's nervous system wants to create endorphins and oxytocin through connection when she is.
• 8:34
  In conflict.
• 8:35
  So because of this, it does actually take us longer to get back to, uh, an emotional baseline in our nervous systems, which is why it can feel that things are lingering for us a lot more.
• 8:47
  And again, this just creates so much confusion among men and women and a lot of frustration and conflict.
• 8:54
  But once you understand it.
• 8:56
  Then you know, you know what to do and you can even kind of laugh about it a little bit like I am now.
• 9:01
  And the reality is that no gender is better than the other.
• 9:05
  No way of handling conflict is better than the other.
• 9:09
  It's simply just different.
• 9:10
  And it's meant to be complimentary.
• 9:13
  So what can we do about this?
• 9:15
  I know I have men who watch this YouTube channel.
• 9:17
  Hey.
• 9:18
  I see you.
• 9:18
  Thanks for commenting.
• 9:20
  Uh, well now you understand how your wife's nervous system works, um, so that you don't get annoyed, uh, when she's trying to tend and befriend, because that's.
• 9:29
  How she regulates.
• 9:31
  And for the women watching this, I have this particular message for you, which is, um, now that you understand how your man's nervous system works, you no longer have to go into this flight of anxiety that happens to all of us when he starts to either withdraw or want to fix the problem.
• 9:49
  The reason why men want to fix the problem is because they wanna make your life easier, and they want to get to a resolution.
• 9:55
  The reason why they may withdraw and go into their man cave.
• 9:59
  Or ask for some space is because a lot of times that is how they find solutions to problems.
• 10:04
  Um, and I did a whole other video on the difference between like a man withdrawing when it's healthy versus unhealthy.
• 10:11
  In case any of you have any confusion.
• 10:13
  About that.
• 10:14
  But what I told the women in that video in particular is now that you understand this about men, you don't have to go into a frenzy.
• 10:21
  You don't have to be texting him.
• 10:23
  You don't have to be going into his office and interrupting him.
• 10:26
  You don't have to constantly be looking for closure because a man is going to self-regulate a lot faster than you are, and he's going to come looking for you with some sort of a resolution to the problem.
• 10:39
  A healthy man, I should say.
• 10:41
  That's what.
• 10:42
  He is going to do.
• 10:44
  So what I advise women to do is to let him go into his space.
• 10:48
  What I advise women to do is be grateful when he's trying to solve your problem because he's trying to make your life easier.
• 10:55
  That's how he sees it in his mind.
• 10:58
  Um, what I tell women to do is to not let their own anxiety.
• 11:02
  Of, you know, because it's being created by the lack of connection because we're constantly looking for connection.
• 11:08
  Um, don't let that anxiety dictate your decisions because now you understand that he's just processing and regulating.
• 11:15
  And to go back to the men who watch this for a second here, now you also understand that what you may have to do with your wife is just give her some reassurance that the connection is okay.
• 11:26
  There's nothing wrong with the connection.
• 11:28
  She didn't do anything.
• 11:29
  It's not that you don't care, and now because she watched this video, she understands that it's not that you don't care, you just regulate faster than she does, but you may need to provide a little bit more of that emotional reassurance so that she too can.
• 11:45
  Regulate, um, a lot faster.
• 11:47
  So I hope this video gave you guys a lot of clarity.
• 11:51
  This is just one of those things where it's differences between men and women that can cause a lot of confusion.
• 11:57
  But once you understand it, you can have a lot more harmony in the household and in your relationship.
• 12:02
  And like I said, you can get to conflict resolution a lot faster.
• 12:06
  And here's how you actually create the attraction.
• 12:09
  When you let a man just go off and cr into his man cave and he withdraws and cre, he creates.
• 12:14
  Space and you're not chasing him because now you understand how he works and how he processes things.
• 12:20
  You create a gap, and this is something that I talk about in the Feminine Magnetism Mastery Program, which you can find below in that gap, you create attraction.
• 12:30
  Sometimes he needs to miss you a little bit.
• 12:33
  Sometimes there needs to be a little distance and a little space.
• 12:37
  To create a little spark.
• 12:39
  So this is one of those opportunities for women where they can very naturally create that spark.
• 12:46
  Let me know in the comments if you've ever had this experience, if you've been with someone long enough, I'm sure that you have.
• 12:52
  But let me know some of your funny stories in the comments below.
• 12:55
  Let me know if this video was helpful to you.
• 12:58
  For those of you who are in relationships, many of you have been asking for more content, uh, for the women who are married, not just single.
• 13:04
  So here you are.
• 13:06
  Let me know what else you want me to cover.
• 13:08
  On these videos.
• 13:10
  Once again, if you like it, give it a thumbs up, make sure to subscribe so you don't miss another video that we have coming out on this channel, and I will catch you on the next one.