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Can Narcissists TURN OFF Their Emotions · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  So can narcissists really turn off their feelings?
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  Can they really disconnect their emotions?
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  Can they just flip it off like a light switch at the end of the
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  relationship or during the relationship at all?
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  That's what we're talking about today, y'all.
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist and welcome to
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  another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back y'all.
• 0:40
  Yes, we're shooting vlog style today.
• 0:44
  I'm walking around, I'm in Virginia Beach for a wedding and
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  I'm not in my studio, so I'm still going to shoot.
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  I'm still on the road shooting videos, bringing y'all the
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  content, all the other good stuff.
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  But yes, can a narcissist or toxic person or whoever, can
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  they just flip their feelings off like a light switch?
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  And like, yeah, I know people are going to say yes.
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  I already, yeah, I already know that a lot of people are going
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  to just be like, well, yes, Lee, that's kind of the root of
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  narcissism. That's the root of a
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  narcissistic person, the ability to just damn near flip their
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  feelings off at A at, at, at a moment's notice.
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  They get, they get so cold and calculated and they're so
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  hurtful at the end of the relationship.
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  So yes, absolutely they turn their feelings off.
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  It can be, it can look that way, right?
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  And let me say this, there are some narcissistic, psychopathic,
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  sociopathic people who absolutely can turn them off,
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  right? But for your regular, and I say
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  regular like it's a like a, it's a soda, right?
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  For your regular, run-of-the-mill narcissist like
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  myself, I can't just turn my feelings off.
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  Now I can pretend to, I can pretend to turn my feelings off
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  because they gives me a, a position of power, right?
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  They gives me a position of being strong.
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  They gives me the position of being cold and calculated and
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  being done. They gives me a position of
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  being, being or looking like I'm in some type of control, right?
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  That's the mentality that a lot of narcissistic people have
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  right there. They just want to look like they
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  turn their emotions off. They want to look like they're
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  super cold and calculated. They want it to look that way
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  and that's what happens. That's literally what happens.
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  So for me at the end of a relationship, right, in
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  relationships that I've had come to an end, and the crazy thing
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  about it is y'all, I've, it's going to sound crazy, but I've
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  never broken up with anybody in my life.
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  In all the relationships I had, I've never broken up with
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  anybody. I do, I take like the cowards
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  way out, right? I would take the cowards way
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  out, which I refer to and a lot of people refer to as the
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  reverse discard. I would disconnect from the
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  person and make them break up with me so that way I could
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  always play the victim in my next relationship.
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  I could just say, hey, I got broke, hey, I got broken up with
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  and I wouldn't be lying with a am I lying?
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  Did you not? Did you not break up with me?
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  Did the relationship not end because you decided to leave?
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  Now, of course, I've left out a lot of context in that
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  situation, right? I've left out the fact that I
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  was treating you horribly. I left out the fact that things
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  were not going as well in the relationship.
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  I left out a lot of different things in that space.
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  I'm going to sit down right here.
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  Yeah, I left out a lot of different things in that
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  relationship, down there in that, in that, with that thought
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  process, Right. So, yes, you, yes, you did break
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  out with me. But why?
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  Why did you break up with me? Because that's the important
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  part right there. That's the part that I leave
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  out, right? Because it allows me to play the
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  victim. It allows me to get some type of
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  sympathy or empathy from people. It really does.
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  It's one of those things that consistently happens in toxic
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  relationship dynamics with narcissistic people who like to
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  play the victim, IE myself. I'm one of those narcissists
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  that enjoys playing the victim, right?
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  Or I did. I'm not so much so anymore
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  because I've been in therapy for eight years, but I've never
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  turned my feelings off. I would distract myself and try
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  to disconnect from people that way.
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  I would distract myself by throwing myself into my work or
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  trying to find new supply, trying to secure new supply.
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  Because I tell people when a narcissist or a toxic person or
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  whoever, when they are detaching from you, they're typically
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  trying to attach to someone else, right?
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  When they're detaching from you, they're trying to attach to
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  someone else. So that's part of the process
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  that can happen to a lot of people as well.
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  So if you're dealing with a narcissist, this is probably
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  going to happen to you or that you're going to run into this a
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  lot where they do this type of stuff right here.
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  They consistently, continuously do this type of stuff where they
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  somehow find a way to play the victim.
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  And like I said at the end, it makes it seem like narcissists
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  are super cold and super calculated because if that's
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  what they feel like like that they, they, they, they would
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  cuss me out. They, I was looking at, I was
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  looking at looking at them in their face and they, and I was
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  boohoo crying and they still didn't shed a tear.
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  They didn't blink. They went to sleep, they got
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  angry. They did this, they did that,
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  right? And that type of stuff does
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  happen. They can get angry, they can
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  start to do that type of stuff and they can also try to find a
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  new supply, right? And this is how I know that a
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  lot of narcissists don't turn their emotions off.
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  They try to distract themselves, right?
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  They try to do, they try to do have, they try to have
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  distractions from what is actually happened or what is
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  actually going on in the relationship when they are
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  trying to find a new supply or they're cheating on you and
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  they're throwing themselves into a new relationship.
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  They're trying to distract themselves from the feelings of
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  the old relationship when they're love bombing someone
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  else, when they're going above and beyond for the next person
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  and doing exactly what they didn't want doing exactly for
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  the next person, what they didn't do for you.
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  That type of stuff right there can drive that type of stuff
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  right there can drive a person crazy, especially if you are the
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  one that's dealing with that person.
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  You're like, damn, Lee, that's true.
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  Because I try to get this person in my all, I try to love them.
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  I try to care for them. And you know what, you know, I
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  got in return? Nothing.
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  I didn't get anything from them. What happened was this person,
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  they they, they, they lied to me, they manipulated me, they
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  cheated on me, they beat me up, whatever the case may be, right.
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  So that's a telltale sign to me that the narcissistic person or
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  whatever has turned cannot turn their feelings off.
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  They can turn it down or they can pretend that their feelings
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  are off because they want to hurt you as much as possible.
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  So sometimes when it, when they're pretending to turn their
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  feelings off, they're trying to inflict as much pain on you as
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  possible. Like they feel like you've done
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  something wrong to them. So they want to hurt you.
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  They feel like you've wronged them or you've done them wrong
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  in some way, shape or form. So they feel like they need to
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  bring you some type of pain. They feel like they break, need
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  to make you suffer in some type of way.
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  They feel like they they they need to go above and beyond the
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  Call of Duty to try and hurt you.
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  Which to you could it, it does hurt.
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  Like we leave. Damn, it did hurt.
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  Yeah, it did. They want to inflict pain upon
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  you. So they pretend to turn their
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  emotions off. They pretend to not hurt.
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  They pretend to not give a damn. They pretend to, to just to, to,
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  to not care what they said or to mean what they said or try to
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  destroy you. They pretend it's all a facade.
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  Yeah. So many people talk about
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  narcissists like we are these impermeable.
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  Impermeable. Just like undestructible,
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  indestructible beings. No, we're, Yeah.
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  If you ever, have you ever criticized A narcissist and they
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  got angry as hell or they saw them, they were crying and
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  bitching and moaning to you. Yeah.
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  Because they have feelings. They have feelings.
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  They just don't know how to express them.
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  I have feelings. I've struggled to learn how to
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  express my feelings for a very, very long time.
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  And again, it took me 8 years of therapy to get to this point
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  where I'm at right now. But also 20 years, y'all 20
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  years of personal development. 20 years of personal
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  development. I've been working to myself for
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  20 years. I know I might not look.
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  I know I might not look it, but this is 20 years of growth and
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  development plus eight years of therapy to get to this point of
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  being able to express my emotions in a in an effective
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  way, a more effective way. It's not the most effective way,
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  right? It's a more effective way.
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  So yeah, I do have feelings. I've always had feelings.
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  The narcissistic person that you've dealt with probably did
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  have feelings, but they were trying to distract themselves by
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  throwing themselves into a hobby, throwing themselves into
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  the new supply, throwing themselves into whatever they
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  can to get past what the the feelings that they have going
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  on. So no, no, I don't believe that
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  most narcissists can cut their feelings off like that.
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  But on the other side of things, like I said earlier, there are
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  absolutely some narcissistic people.
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  They absolutely can turn their feelings.
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  Those are the the more sociopathic ones, right?
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  The more psycho, the more psychopathic ones, right?
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  Those are the ones who are cold, scheming, calculated people.
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  They're they, they, they're only out to truly serve themselves
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  and become wrecking balls to society and wrecking balls to
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  the person that are closest to them, wrecking balls to the
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  person that they tricked into being with them, wrecking balls
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  to their entire family dynamic. These people live for chaos.
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  They live to be like chaos brings them peace.
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  They feel the most peace in a chaotic situation.
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  They feel the most peace. It like I said, they feel the
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  most peace and chaos in in these scenarios, in these situations
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  right here, right. And that happens so much.
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  It really, really does. So something that you have to
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  consider as a person that's dealing with the narcissist to
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  yeah, they are. They can be cold and calculated,
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  but some of them do have feelings, right?
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  They're just trying to act like they don't.
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  I promise you. Like yeah, anger is a feeling.
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  Well, believe my only got angry. Anger is a feeling, but anger is
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  an emotion anger. But you, you see, you typically
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  see people refer to anger as a secondary emotion.
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  Like anger is the cover up emotion.
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  Anger is like the, the, the hoodie, you know, saying you
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  anger is the hoodie of emotions is covering up something else.
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  It's covering up a soft inner shell.
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  Anger is covering up the shame. Anger is covering up the the
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  embarrassment. Anger is kept covering up the
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  regret. Anger is trying to cover up the
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  criticism. Anger is trying to cover up the
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  the insecurities. So anger becomes a hoodie.
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  Yeah, I know. I've been making stuff up
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  though. Yeah, anger literally becomes a
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  hoodie for narcissistic people to wear, right?
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  Nobody can get angry. The only damn near damn near the
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  only emotion that narcissist expressed effectively is anger.
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  Is this. I know people like well leave
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  that narcissistic rage or some of y'all would say mine never
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  got mine never got outwardly madly.
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  Mine was just more subtle with a mine would give me the silent
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  treatment. Y'all, the silent treatment is
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  rage. The silent treatment is anger.
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  The silent treatment is to me. I thought that's why you, you
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  might hear me refer to it as silent rage, right?
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  The silent treatment is narcissistic rage.
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  Just remove the sound, right? Remove the sound.
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  Go watch your old movie where the characters are losing their
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  damn minds, right? Where the character is literally
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  losing their minds, throwing some stuff around, screaming and
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  yelling. Turn the volume down.
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  Turn the volume down on an old movie or old video or old
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  recording of your narcissistic ex.
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  Turn it down. It's in silent, right?
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  But it's still rage. You still see the rage in other
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  ways. You can see the rage in their
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  face, in their eyes. The solid treatment is just
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  solid rage. They're still angry as hell at
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  you. They're just refusing to talk
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  and communicate. Like a kid, right?
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  Like a petulant child, like a like a baby.
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  Even so, I don't think narcissists can just turn their
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  feelings off, y'all. I really don't think that that's
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  possible. That's not how to mind if a lot
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  of narcissistic people work, right?
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