Latest / The Living Freed Podcast / Caitlin Phillips part 1: singleness, purity culture, am I okay?
Transcript
- WEBVTT 00:00:20.050 --> 00:00:23.829 Happy Thursday and welcome back to another episode 00:00:23.829 --> 00:00:27.250 of the Living Freed Podcast, everyone. I am just 00:00:27.250 --> 00:00:30.210 so glad that you've decided to listen to me talk. 00:00:30.839 --> 00:00:35.539 For whatever unknown reason, once again, y 'all, 00:00:35.539 --> 00:00:42.259 this week I am tired, like dog tired. Physically, 00:00:42.439 --> 00:00:47.219 mentally, emotionally, I'm exhausted. It's been 00:00:47.219 --> 00:00:52.420 a rough week in the salon. It's been a rough 00:00:52.420 --> 00:00:57.039 week in my personal life telling clients I'm 00:00:57.039 --> 00:01:00.760 leaving because we do build relationships. Um, 00:01:00.760 --> 00:01:04.700 in fact, I've also so rightfully have been in 00:01:04.700 --> 00:01:07.420 the book of Psalms. And when I tell you Psalms 00:01:07.420 --> 00:01:11.480 had me sobbing this morning, like sitting in 00:01:11.480 --> 00:01:15.319 my bed reading Psalm, I want to say like 35 or 00:01:15.319 --> 00:01:17.140 something, you know, it's by David. He's going 00:01:17.140 --> 00:01:19.840 through a hard time because when is he not? And 00:01:19.840 --> 00:01:23.719 when my heart just felt for what he was writing, 00:01:23.939 --> 00:01:26.859 I just, I'm not even the biggest David fan, low 00:01:26.859 --> 00:01:30.019 key y 'all. I'm just really not. I know, hot 00:01:30.019 --> 00:01:33.859 take. But I will say he had a way with words. 00:01:33.920 --> 00:01:38.719 And with what he was writing, I just was crying. 00:01:39.500 --> 00:01:42.400 Now, granted, my period is supposed to start 00:01:42.400 --> 00:01:46.239 any day now. So that's probably 90 % of why. 00:01:47.260 --> 00:01:51.159 But I was sobbing. Like I had to keep tears from 00:01:51.159 --> 00:01:54.099 like running onto the pages of my Bible. Because 00:01:54.099 --> 00:01:57.239 what he was saying, I just, it's not even that. 00:01:57.469 --> 00:01:59.430 I could relate, even though I'm sure there have 00:01:59.430 --> 00:02:01.090 definitely been moments I could relate. It's 00:02:01.090 --> 00:02:05.189 just the empath side of me just felt what he 00:02:05.189 --> 00:02:08.969 was saying to such a deep portion. And then I 00:02:08.969 --> 00:02:11.409 thought, wow, I really need to work on my emotional 00:02:11.409 --> 00:02:14.250 boundaries with people I've never met before 00:02:14.250 --> 00:02:17.129 and what they're writing. Yeah. I don't know 00:02:17.129 --> 00:02:19.310 why I can't talk all of a sudden, but it's kind 00:02:19.310 --> 00:02:20.909 of like reading someone's journal. And I'm just 00:02:20.909 --> 00:02:22.789 like, in my head, I was picturing someone like 00:02:22.789 --> 00:02:25.469 writing this in their journal and just feeling 00:02:25.469 --> 00:02:28.270 the very depths of it. And my heart just broke 00:02:28.270 --> 00:02:31.669 for him. But yet once again, I still kind of 00:02:31.669 --> 00:02:33.469 got what he was saying. Like I could relate to 00:02:33.469 --> 00:02:37.169 it on some level. And I just was like crying 00:02:37.169 --> 00:02:42.500 and it was kind of embarrassing. Um, okay. Anyways, 00:02:42.699 --> 00:02:45.460 this week is Serena's birthday. Everyone tell 00:02:45.460 --> 00:02:49.199 her happy 30th. So exciting. I leave tomorrow. 00:02:49.639 --> 00:02:54.879 I am going to my mom's house on Wednesday, which 00:02:54.879 --> 00:02:57.500 is tomorrow. This is an early pre -recording 00:02:57.500 --> 00:03:00.919 and I will tell you why soon. Um, spending the 00:03:00.919 --> 00:03:03.639 afternoon with my sister and her babies and while 00:03:03.639 --> 00:03:07.500 her family and my mother. And then I'm flying 00:03:07.500 --> 00:03:11.800 out Thursday afternoon to see my bestie and spend 00:03:11.800 --> 00:03:14.259 Thursday through Sunday with her and just celebrate 00:03:14.259 --> 00:03:16.800 this sweet life that God has given her for the 00:03:16.800 --> 00:03:19.740 30 years she has been on this earth. Wow. You 00:03:19.740 --> 00:03:21.439 know what's crazy? That's like when Jesus started 00:03:21.439 --> 00:03:26.120 his testimony or his ministry, not testimony. 00:03:27.840 --> 00:03:31.360 I don't think I, no, could not be me. That is 00:03:31.360 --> 00:03:35.419 like not my strong suit. at all like 30 that's 00:03:35.419 --> 00:03:39.000 like the time frame no also 30 is like when that 00:03:39.000 --> 00:03:40.740 show friends they were all kind of in their late 00:03:40.740 --> 00:03:43.080 20s early 30s when that show started filming 00:03:43.080 --> 00:03:44.599 and that's what it was focused around so like 00:03:44.599 --> 00:03:47.400 life doesn't really even start till you're in 00:03:47.400 --> 00:03:49.939 your 30s enjoy your 20s enjoy the peace of your 00:03:49.939 --> 00:03:53.099 20s but like life doesn't really you don't you're 00:03:53.099 --> 00:03:56.139 not in a rush there's no finish line to end for 00:03:56.139 --> 00:03:57.699 and I will say that is something Serena has done 00:03:57.699 --> 00:04:01.990 really well is she has taken her time with each 00:04:01.990 --> 00:04:07.310 stage of life she's been in. And in my experience 00:04:07.310 --> 00:04:09.569 of her experience, she has done a good job enjoying 00:04:09.569 --> 00:04:13.009 each one and not rushing anything. Not rushing 00:04:13.009 --> 00:04:15.210 through relationships, not rushing into marriage, 00:04:15.270 --> 00:04:17.569 not rushing to the next job. She's done a good 00:04:17.569 --> 00:04:23.050 job of just enjoying each stage or season of 00:04:23.050 --> 00:04:26.810 life that she's in well. She's done a really 00:04:26.810 --> 00:04:30.040 good job enjoying it well. Yeah, so I'm leaving 00:04:30.040 --> 00:04:32.220 for her birthday. I'm spending time with the 00:04:32.220 --> 00:04:37.120 fam. Okay. I, though, once again, I'm tired. 00:04:37.240 --> 00:04:40.060 I have not been feeling well. Last night, I had 00:04:40.060 --> 00:04:42.300 a migraine. I was nauseous, full body chills. 00:04:43.019 --> 00:04:45.519 Woke up feeling 100 % fine. Once again, think 00:04:45.519 --> 00:04:47.959 it's because of my period. Also, the migraine 00:04:47.959 --> 00:04:50.920 is I've drank so much coffee. Y 'all know that 00:04:50.920 --> 00:04:53.639 I do my best to not be drinking a lot of coffee, 00:04:53.699 --> 00:04:57.519 and then I'm back on my grind. um this girl through 00:04:57.519 --> 00:04:59.939 Instagram her name's Abby she reached out to 00:04:59.939 --> 00:05:04.519 me we ended up getting coffee and I'd never met 00:05:04.519 --> 00:05:08.240 her before had the best time the best conversation 00:05:08.240 --> 00:05:11.399 like ever I'm seeing her again tomorrow cannot 00:05:11.399 --> 00:05:13.959 wait for this new friend I have I told her I 00:05:13.959 --> 00:05:15.560 was like girl you have to come visit me in Florida 00:05:15.560 --> 00:05:18.480 you have to because what are the odds I would 00:05:18.480 --> 00:05:20.259 meet somebody like this that I would want to 00:05:20.259 --> 00:05:23.480 be besties with and right as I meet them I'm 00:05:23.480 --> 00:05:27.389 moving I'm moving It's such a bummer. But I'm 00:05:27.389 --> 00:05:29.829 hoping she joins the Bible study we have here 00:05:29.829 --> 00:05:32.189 in Wilmington. And at least I'll get to cross 00:05:32.189 --> 00:05:33.949 paths with her in the future. And again, I told 00:05:33.949 --> 00:05:37.189 her, come down to Florida. And then we did low 00:05:37.189 --> 00:05:39.730 -key start to plan a trip to Italy. So you guys 00:05:39.730 --> 00:05:44.149 might see some Italy pictures next summer. Fingers 00:05:44.149 --> 00:05:46.529 crossed. I would love that. But yeah, anyways, 00:05:46.689 --> 00:05:48.589 I have not been feeling great. I'm feeling better 00:05:48.589 --> 00:05:53.529 today. But then I did the unthinkable. I did 00:05:53.529 --> 00:05:56.069 not really eat enough at work. So then I went 00:05:56.069 --> 00:05:59.089 to sushi after work with some girls from work. 00:05:59.189 --> 00:06:02.769 And when I tell you, I have been so good about 00:06:02.769 --> 00:06:05.610 not overeating. I'm not a big overeater in the 00:06:05.610 --> 00:06:09.889 first place, but I was starving, starving. So 00:06:09.889 --> 00:06:13.009 I got an appetizer as one would, you know, when 00:06:13.009 --> 00:06:16.670 you're starving. And then I ordered my sushi 00:06:16.670 --> 00:06:18.850 and the girl was like, do you want a side of 00:06:18.850 --> 00:06:22.370 soup? And I was like, miso soup? yes are you 00:06:22.370 --> 00:06:25.910 kidding me it's just broth that's all it is sometimes 00:06:25.910 --> 00:06:28.449 tofu very rarely is there any tofu in there to 00:06:28.449 --> 00:06:31.290 be eating and so then they brought me my miso 00:06:31.290 --> 00:06:33.829 soup and I ate that and it was amazing and then 00:06:33.829 --> 00:06:36.910 I had ordered two rolls because they said the 00:06:36.910 --> 00:06:40.149 rolls came in either four to six bites now I 00:06:40.149 --> 00:06:43.350 did not finish both rolls I left four pieces 00:06:43.350 --> 00:06:45.290 on one and two pieces on the other so basically 00:06:45.290 --> 00:06:49.230 I left one whole roll But still, that was a lot 00:06:49.230 --> 00:06:52.550 of food. And now my tummy really hurts. My tummy 00:06:52.550 --> 00:06:54.930 hurts super bad. And it's like one of those feelings 00:06:54.930 --> 00:06:58.009 of like you overate seafood. And I feel like 00:06:58.009 --> 00:07:00.129 that's a different feeling. You know, like overeating 00:07:00.129 --> 00:07:02.709 shrimp or anything. It's just like a different 00:07:02.709 --> 00:07:05.629 type of gross. I'm feeling a different type of 00:07:05.629 --> 00:07:10.709 gross. Sorry, that's TMI. So sorry. Yeah. Okay, 00:07:10.790 --> 00:07:12.769 let's talk about what's in so I can end this 00:07:12.769 --> 00:07:16.740 gross conversation. What is in? Journaling is 00:07:16.740 --> 00:07:20.420 back in. Are you ready? We are getting on Pinterest. 00:07:20.720 --> 00:07:22.839 We are looking up journaling prompts. We are 00:07:22.839 --> 00:07:25.439 working on our self -awareness. We are working 00:07:25.439 --> 00:07:30.220 on self -growth. We are growing. We are growing 00:07:30.220 --> 00:07:32.540 emotionally. We are growing more in depth with 00:07:32.540 --> 00:07:34.300 ourselves. We're getting to know ourselves better. 00:07:34.680 --> 00:07:38.860 We are loving it. So journaling back in. What 00:07:38.860 --> 00:07:41.959 is out? Saying goodbye to clients. I'm sick and 00:07:41.959 --> 00:07:43.420 tired of saying goodbye to clients. I'm gonna 00:07:43.420 --> 00:07:45.399 have to keep saying goodbye to clients. I'm crying 00:07:45.399 --> 00:07:48.899 every day at work. I love my clients except for 00:07:48.899 --> 00:07:51.399 one this morning. She's usually super mean and 00:07:51.399 --> 00:07:53.220 she could I could tell that she could just tell 00:07:53.220 --> 00:07:55.160 something was up. Well actually she was really 00:07:55.160 --> 00:07:57.040 really mean to me last time she was in and I 00:07:57.040 --> 00:07:59.680 put her in her place. So today she was super 00:07:59.680 --> 00:08:01.579 sweet and really pleasant and I just thought 00:08:01.579 --> 00:08:04.600 who are you? And then I thought, she just wants 00:08:04.600 --> 00:08:07.139 to be loved. She just wants to be seen. She just 00:08:07.139 --> 00:08:09.560 wants to be heard. She just wants to be loved. 00:08:11.879 --> 00:08:14.000 This poor old lady who's from up north who's 00:08:14.000 --> 00:08:16.660 kind of cranky, she just wants to be loved. And 00:08:16.660 --> 00:08:19.259 that's where they wrote me in every single time. 00:08:20.120 --> 00:08:22.379 So anyway, saying goodbye to clients is hard. 00:08:22.500 --> 00:08:24.779 I'm tired of it. I'm sick and tired of it. I 00:08:24.779 --> 00:08:26.959 don't want to do it anymore. But I'm going to 00:08:26.959 --> 00:08:30.339 keep doing it until Saturday, August 1st. And 00:08:30.339 --> 00:08:32.940 then I don't have to do it again. Yeah. Fingers 00:08:32.940 --> 00:08:38.639 crossed. Okay. This episode, y 'all, I'm giving 00:08:38.639 --> 00:08:42.679 you a throwback. I know. Crazy. This episode 00:08:42.679 --> 00:08:45.659 has not been released. It was recorded last year 00:08:45.659 --> 00:08:50.259 with the one and only Caitlin Phillips. And wow, 00:08:50.320 --> 00:08:53.879 I'm using a lot of filler words. Sorry. In her 00:08:53.879 --> 00:08:56.860 last episode I published with her, we were having 00:08:56.860 --> 00:09:00.039 mic issues and surprise, we were still having 00:09:00.039 --> 00:09:03.779 mic issues. I'm doing my best to adjust the sound 00:09:03.779 --> 00:09:07.100 quality. Just bear with me. The mic quality isn't 00:09:07.100 --> 00:09:09.539 great. Also, Caitlin had never spoken into a 00:09:09.539 --> 00:09:13.120 mic and she just for the love and grace that 00:09:13.120 --> 00:09:15.700 God gave her could not keep that mic next to 00:09:15.700 --> 00:09:17.500 her mouth no matter how many times I told her 00:09:17.500 --> 00:09:20.820 to. So have grace with me. Have grace with this 00:09:20.820 --> 00:09:23.539 episode because there are some really good nuggets 00:09:23.539 --> 00:09:27.480 of knowledge and wisdom that comes from her life 00:09:27.480 --> 00:09:30.639 and just experience of being single. So just 00:09:30.639 --> 00:09:34.240 have some grace with her and her lack of speaking 00:09:34.240 --> 00:09:36.279 into the mic because I don't want you to miss 00:09:36.279 --> 00:09:38.840 out on some really cool, profound things she 00:09:38.840 --> 00:09:41.600 had to say that even re -listening to it this 00:09:41.600 --> 00:09:45.500 time kind of, it just hit a spot where I needed 00:09:45.500 --> 00:09:48.850 that reminder. So yeah, I hope you enjoyed this 00:09:48.850 --> 00:09:51.230 episode and let's tune in and listen to what 00:09:51.230 --> 00:09:53.870 Caitlin Phillips has to share about being single 00:09:53.870 --> 00:10:02.110 in your 30s. Okay, so we have Caitlin here. She's 00:10:02.110 --> 00:10:04.529 already told us that she's 33 and single and 00:10:04.529 --> 00:10:07.830 we were just talking about, honestly, so you 00:10:07.830 --> 00:10:10.029 have the revelation to like be praying anger 00:10:10.029 --> 00:10:13.350 out of your future husband if he has it. Yeah, 00:10:13.470 --> 00:10:15.149 through the conversation with my dad. Yeah, through 00:10:15.149 --> 00:10:17.549 the conversation with your dad. What does being 00:10:17.549 --> 00:10:19.970 33 and single look like for you as a Christian? 00:10:20.049 --> 00:10:22.070 In the South, I feel like specifically is really 00:10:22.070 --> 00:10:25.289 important. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Context is important. 00:10:25.509 --> 00:10:29.669 Yeah, because for me, let me say this. I am the 00:10:29.669 --> 00:10:32.490 kindest, like, way possible. I really enjoy being 00:10:32.490 --> 00:10:35.909 single because I have a lot of freedom. And I'm 00:10:35.909 --> 00:10:37.690 really big on now that I understand, like, oh, 00:10:37.690 --> 00:10:39.590 enjoy your, like, people used to be like, enjoy 00:10:39.590 --> 00:10:41.889 your season of singleness. And I'd be like, shut 00:10:41.889 --> 00:10:45.000 up. Get out of my face. But now I'm that person 00:10:45.000 --> 00:10:46.419 because there's always married people saying 00:10:46.419 --> 00:10:47.899 it. But now I'm that single girl. And I'm like, 00:10:47.940 --> 00:10:50.320 no, y 'all don't understand. Like if you're actually 00:10:50.320 --> 00:10:53.759 going to be single, enjoy it because it is so 00:10:53.759 --> 00:10:56.519 good. That being said, I would love to marry 00:10:56.519 --> 00:10:59.480 and have children. Yeah. But I really do love 00:10:59.480 --> 00:11:01.460 the season. So what does your season look like? 00:11:01.480 --> 00:11:03.740 Yeah. I think it's the same with any other desire 00:11:03.740 --> 00:11:05.419 you may have. You're like, do you want to run 00:11:05.419 --> 00:11:06.980 a business? Do you want to do all these things? 00:11:07.039 --> 00:11:08.480 There's all these steps that have to happen, 00:11:08.519 --> 00:11:10.820 but you still have to live your life. You know? 00:11:12.720 --> 00:11:15.019 on the journey to you know you always hear the 00:11:15.019 --> 00:11:16.820 expression like it's a journey it's a journey 00:11:16.820 --> 00:11:19.960 but it really is yeah it's not like life really 00:11:19.960 --> 00:11:25.120 is like a um there's not one singular destination 00:11:25.120 --> 00:11:28.899 you know I think especially in the south and 00:11:28.899 --> 00:11:30.659 I have an interesting background in all this 00:11:30.659 --> 00:11:33.580 just because I wasn't necessarily raised in like 00:11:33.580 --> 00:11:35.919 purity culture and I wasn't necessarily raised 00:11:35.919 --> 00:11:42.129 um I wasn't necessarily raised In the sense of, 00:11:42.149 --> 00:11:49.090 like, this pressure of, you know. Well, that's 00:11:49.090 --> 00:11:50.330 not necessarily true. Saving yourself for marriage. 00:11:50.570 --> 00:11:57.629 Oh, well, that, but also, like, praying for your 00:11:57.629 --> 00:11:59.409 husband or asking for your husband. You know, 00:11:59.429 --> 00:12:02.409 that was so foreign to me until I was a little 00:12:02.409 --> 00:12:06.210 bit older. And I feel like for especially Christian 00:12:06.210 --> 00:12:10.350 women, there's this huge emphasis on singleness. 00:12:10.970 --> 00:12:14.210 in marriage like you're incomplete until you're 00:12:14.210 --> 00:12:18.190 married and your or your life doesn't start until 00:12:18.190 --> 00:12:20.549 you're married and that could not be further 00:12:20.549 --> 00:12:22.830 you're not useful until you're married or you're 00:12:22.830 --> 00:12:27.090 not you oh girl or you're not useful until you're 00:12:27.090 --> 00:12:29.909 married and that forbid you'd be over 25 and 00:12:29.909 --> 00:12:31.690 single because then you're after everybody's 00:12:31.690 --> 00:12:36.730 man Oh, oh, we could go into this. We could go 00:12:36.730 --> 00:12:38.929 into this. I do not want your husband. Yeah. 00:12:39.049 --> 00:12:40.850 If I could have your husband, then I definitely 00:12:40.850 --> 00:12:42.470 don't want him because he's yours, babe. That's 00:12:42.470 --> 00:12:47.549 real. That's real. Yeah. And I do think there's 00:12:47.549 --> 00:12:49.629 like a respect thing. Like I have great married 00:12:49.629 --> 00:12:52.929 friends and as their single friends, like if 00:12:52.929 --> 00:12:55.009 I have to ask their husband something, I have 00:12:55.009 --> 00:12:58.250 to ask him a question. Then the wife is tagged 00:12:58.250 --> 00:13:00.330 along in the text thread, you know, and that's 00:13:00.330 --> 00:13:03.429 just like a upholding. Yes, absolutely. Two becoming 00:13:03.429 --> 00:13:07.990 one. There is an honor and a respect there. So 00:13:07.990 --> 00:13:14.029 it's like this, I just think, you know, this 00:13:14.029 --> 00:13:16.889 healthy, I think that's just in keeping healthy 00:13:16.889 --> 00:13:19.889 boundaries. I think in the sense of like, even 00:13:19.889 --> 00:13:22.110 if you are over 25 or like, you know, all this 00:13:22.110 --> 00:13:26.789 stuff. Really just in general, though. But I 00:13:26.789 --> 00:13:28.509 think that's just the world of women, too. There's 00:13:28.509 --> 00:13:32.129 this comparison and perfectionism game that if 00:13:32.129 --> 00:13:35.309 you're not free in Christ, you may be partaking 00:13:35.309 --> 00:13:38.289 in that game. Oh, yes. You know? A hundred percent. 00:13:38.350 --> 00:13:40.190 And you're looking at everybody else getting 00:13:40.190 --> 00:13:42.370 married or having kids or even just having a 00:13:42.370 --> 00:13:44.350 boyfriend and you're like, oh, where am I in 00:13:44.350 --> 00:13:47.850 the competition? Where am I in this game? And 00:13:47.850 --> 00:13:49.929 where am I not landing? I feel like, too, there's 00:13:49.929 --> 00:13:53.559 a big question of like, am I behind? oh yeah 00:13:53.559 --> 00:13:56.320 like what i feel left behind you know and i feel 00:13:56.320 --> 00:13:58.480 like that conversation has come up for me and 00:13:58.480 --> 00:14:04.000 for others too not so much now yeah um yeah what's 00:14:04.000 --> 00:14:08.360 your question honestly looking back i don't even 00:14:08.360 --> 00:14:10.299 know oh what is it like just being single 33 00:14:10.299 --> 00:14:13.419 christian in the south you know single 33 in 00:14:13.419 --> 00:14:16.820 the church christian in the south in the church 00:14:16.820 --> 00:14:19.639 waiting for marriage waiting for marriage that 00:14:19.639 --> 00:14:23.379 is hard Honestly, I feel like this is the biggest 00:14:23.379 --> 00:14:25.340 joke being played on me because I'm watching 00:14:25.340 --> 00:14:27.120 everybody else, not physically watching, but 00:14:27.120 --> 00:14:29.200 all of them are having sex. Like so many Christians 00:14:29.200 --> 00:14:31.460 are having sex outside of marriage. And I'm like, 00:14:31.500 --> 00:14:34.320 cool, it's just me. The joke is on me. Like I'm 00:14:34.320 --> 00:14:37.139 over here waiting, but this is great. And that's 00:14:37.139 --> 00:14:40.639 okay. I mean, I feel like you're honoring God's 00:14:40.639 --> 00:14:43.019 word and you're honoring truth and doing that. 00:14:43.120 --> 00:14:45.059 Yeah. And the conviction he's given me. And the 00:14:45.059 --> 00:14:47.600 conviction he's given you. That's important because. 00:14:48.779 --> 00:14:52.019 you know sex is blinding it's such a beautiful 00:14:52.019 --> 00:14:55.720 gift it's such a beautiful gift that the lord 00:14:55.720 --> 00:14:58.740 has given and there's purpose for it there's 00:14:58.740 --> 00:15:01.659 you know you know but in dating you need to see 00:15:01.659 --> 00:15:06.080 this other person with such clear eyes sex blinds 00:15:06.080 --> 00:15:09.600 that oh 100 100 and it's this it's also this 00:15:09.600 --> 00:15:12.740 like expression of a my old pastor said this 00:15:12.740 --> 00:15:15.179 he was like it's not that sex is bad he said 00:15:15.179 --> 00:15:18.309 sex is good yeah so the lord designed it He said, 00:15:18.389 --> 00:15:21.289 but with your body, you are making the covenant 00:15:21.289 --> 00:15:23.409 that you have not proclaimed with your mouth 00:15:23.409 --> 00:15:26.690 yet. And he said, that's what's so detrimental. 00:15:27.049 --> 00:15:29.210 Oh, I just got chills. You know, and it's like, 00:15:29.289 --> 00:15:31.750 yeah, you know, and also I feel like the enemy. 00:15:31.850 --> 00:15:33.570 I had a wonderful conversation with one of my 00:15:33.570 --> 00:15:36.429 friends who is married and it has stuck with 00:15:36.429 --> 00:15:39.629 me ever since she has said it to me. And I say 00:15:39.629 --> 00:15:41.769 it all the time now, you know, to singles, to 00:15:41.769 --> 00:15:45.250 married women, all alike, the battlefield of 00:15:45.250 --> 00:15:47.759 the enemy when you're dating. Is your priority. 00:15:47.960 --> 00:15:51.179 Yeah. Like if you're trying to abstain. The enemy 00:15:51.179 --> 00:15:53.519 is coming after that. Oh 100%. It's hard. Yes. 00:15:53.820 --> 00:15:57.840 The battle when you're married. Like the battleground 00:15:57.840 --> 00:16:01.299 doesn't change. No. Just the. The. Dynamics. 00:16:01.399 --> 00:16:03.679 The dynamics change. When you're married. And 00:16:03.679 --> 00:16:05.639 she said this. She goes. When you're married. 00:16:05.700 --> 00:16:09.320 The battleground changes. To your intimacy. I've 00:16:09.320 --> 00:16:12.200 heard that. You know. And so. And I was like. 00:16:12.320 --> 00:16:16.100 Man. That's such good. That's a good word right 00:16:16.100 --> 00:16:19.059 there. Yeah. And I feel like, you know, it's 00:16:19.059 --> 00:16:21.220 like the battle doesn't stop. The enemy isn't 00:16:21.220 --> 00:16:23.659 going to like, oh, you're single and dating. 00:16:24.299 --> 00:16:26.080 He's going to go after this so that it might 00:16:26.080 --> 00:16:28.600 maybe hinder your marriage. Oh, you're married. 00:16:28.700 --> 00:16:30.419 All right. He's going to go after this so that 00:16:30.419 --> 00:16:34.600 it may. Yes. You know. He's kind of boring in 00:16:34.600 --> 00:16:37.200 that way. Yeah. He's only got so many plays. 00:16:37.340 --> 00:16:40.179 He's only got so many plays. I did a whole episode 00:16:40.179 --> 00:16:42.519 on spiritual warfare, and my mom called me. She's 00:16:42.519 --> 00:16:44.659 like, you basically just roasted Satan the whole 00:16:44.659 --> 00:16:46.820 time. She's like, you don't have any fear of 00:16:46.820 --> 00:16:48.120 the devil. And I was like, no, I really don't. 00:16:48.259 --> 00:16:50.139 Nor should you. No, and that's what she said. 00:16:50.220 --> 00:16:51.720 She was like, you don't need to. I was like, 00:16:51.779 --> 00:16:54.940 he's so boring. He's the created. Yeah. He is 00:16:54.940 --> 00:16:57.460 not the creator. Exactly. I can't even steal 00:16:57.460 --> 00:16:59.679 that from myself. There was an older wise black 00:16:59.679 --> 00:17:02.039 woman online that I learned that from, okay? 00:17:02.100 --> 00:17:05.339 And I said, hmm. She said, why would I feel decreed 00:17:05.339 --> 00:17:09.339 to instead of decreed to? I said, yes, queen. 00:17:09.660 --> 00:17:13.200 But yeah, he is so boring. Yeah. Okay, so yeah, 00:17:13.299 --> 00:17:19.339 being 33, being single, being from the South. 00:17:19.900 --> 00:17:23.059 And we keep saying from the South, fam, in case 00:17:23.059 --> 00:17:25.319 anyone's not from the South. People get married 00:17:25.319 --> 00:17:27.700 real young down here, okay? Yeah, if you're not 00:17:27.700 --> 00:17:30.170 married by the time you're 28, you're... Not 00:17:30.170 --> 00:17:32.289 even 28. Not even 28. Girl, when I thought you 00:17:32.289 --> 00:17:34.329 had people who were getting married at 19. I 00:17:34.329 --> 00:17:36.190 mean, when you met me, I was getting married. 00:17:36.890 --> 00:17:40.210 Right. Like, let's be so real. Yeah. Anything 00:17:40.210 --> 00:17:42.910 over 21, they're like, are you thinking about 00:17:42.910 --> 00:17:45.109 marriage at all? I know. They're so concerned. 00:17:45.130 --> 00:17:46.190 Have you planned on how you're going to be an 00:17:46.190 --> 00:17:47.849 old maid and how you're going to survive? Are 00:17:47.849 --> 00:17:49.450 you going to live off your dad's income? What's 00:17:49.450 --> 00:17:51.009 the plan? Actually, kind of crazy. Because the 00:17:51.009 --> 00:17:53.109 older and older you get, the more you know yourself. 00:17:54.630 --> 00:17:57.710 And there is such a freedom in the weight. And 00:17:57.710 --> 00:18:04.109 so. I would say life in this season, well, really 00:18:04.109 --> 00:18:07.990 in singleness, it is like you're walking with 00:18:07.990 --> 00:18:11.829 this tension. There's so much joy in this season 00:18:11.829 --> 00:18:15.750 of life. Yes. There's so much freedom in this 00:18:15.750 --> 00:18:18.670 season of life that I'm so grateful for. And 00:18:18.670 --> 00:18:23.829 there is a longing. It's not that I don't want 00:18:23.829 --> 00:18:25.809 to be married. It's not that I don't want children. 00:18:26.250 --> 00:18:27.890 Honestly, I'm more concerned about my children 00:18:27.890 --> 00:18:30.619 than I am. you know, a husband. Yeah. At this 00:18:30.619 --> 00:18:32.599 point, I'm like, sometimes I'm like, can I just 00:18:32.599 --> 00:18:34.079 have the kids? I'm like, God, am I going to be 00:18:34.079 --> 00:18:35.619 good? Well, I had a family that raised your eggs. 00:18:35.740 --> 00:18:38.039 And I was like, am I there? Do we need, what? 00:18:38.319 --> 00:18:40.380 Okay. Have you heard that the uterus actually 00:18:40.380 --> 00:18:45.339 doesn't age? Okay. It's not women. The problem 00:18:45.339 --> 00:18:47.519 is not women. I was like, you know, that's a 00:18:47.519 --> 00:18:49.740 comfort. That's on God. And there was a study 00:18:49.740 --> 00:18:52.519 too, that women who have children older. live 00:18:52.519 --> 00:18:54.839 longer. I, I read that stuff. And I said it word. 00:18:55.059 --> 00:18:57.539 Yeah. Word. Yes. I said, give it to me, Jesus. 00:18:57.579 --> 00:19:01.339 Yes. So, um, so that was a great encouragement, 00:19:01.359 --> 00:19:05.480 but yeah, I think, I think contentment does come 00:19:05.480 --> 00:19:08.980 the longer you wait. I, I am, and I could not 00:19:08.980 --> 00:19:11.579 say this in my twenties. I could not say this 00:19:11.579 --> 00:19:13.799 when I was 25 years old. I didn't know what contentment 00:19:13.799 --> 00:19:17.319 was like. oh yeah i i will i will fully say like 00:19:17.319 --> 00:19:19.980 it was a battle i was wrestling i was like is 00:19:19.980 --> 00:19:22.279 anyone gonna you know i was watching you wrestle 00:19:22.279 --> 00:19:25.079 girl like when we lived together i really was 00:19:25.079 --> 00:19:27.140 in the midst of what was the midst of heartbreak 00:19:27.140 --> 00:19:30.920 honestly like my world had just gotten completely 00:19:30.920 --> 00:19:36.140 blown apart yes um so the audience i fell in 00:19:36.140 --> 00:19:41.500 love with an individual who um There were two 00:19:41.500 --> 00:19:43.539 other women in the mix up. There were, I mean, 00:19:43.539 --> 00:19:45.339 there was just, there were a lot of lies. I'd 00:19:45.339 --> 00:19:47.220 been praying that God would reveal what was in 00:19:47.220 --> 00:19:50.000 the dark and he certainly did. And it was very, 00:19:50.140 --> 00:19:54.559 very, very painful. And it was just a huge identity 00:19:54.559 --> 00:19:58.720 shock. And yeah, I was definitely grieving and 00:19:58.720 --> 00:20:03.829 healing and mourning a lot. And it was someone 00:20:03.829 --> 00:20:05.630 in the military. And I just feel like with military 00:20:05.630 --> 00:20:09.250 relationships too, it's very intense. Like the 00:20:09.250 --> 00:20:11.269 conversations you have with that individual are 00:20:11.269 --> 00:20:13.630 very intense. It's like, okay, if I die, da, 00:20:13.710 --> 00:20:15.789 da, da, da, da. Or if I, you know, it's just 00:20:15.789 --> 00:20:18.910 like the, it's just like hype. I don't know. 00:20:19.029 --> 00:20:20.710 It's kind of crazy. And it wasn't just that. 00:20:20.769 --> 00:20:23.509 It's like you moved to North Carolina and he 00:20:23.509 --> 00:20:26.069 was in North Carolina. It was just like the most 00:20:26.069 --> 00:20:28.410 random connections kept happening. And I barely 00:20:28.410 --> 00:20:30.910 knew you. We were like, we were friends. But 00:20:30.910 --> 00:20:32.170 there was a lot happening. And I was just like, 00:20:32.250 --> 00:20:34.210 oh, wow, this girl's really going through it. 00:20:34.269 --> 00:20:38.430 Yeah. It was an intense time. And I even was, 00:20:38.430 --> 00:20:42.029 like, dating. And this was, like, two years after 00:20:42.029 --> 00:20:44.809 the fact. And I was like, oh, I am not ready. 00:20:45.269 --> 00:20:48.410 Yeah. Like, and I was sitting across. I mean, 00:20:48.450 --> 00:20:49.970 there were some guys I went on dates with who 00:20:49.970 --> 00:20:53.150 were great guys. Yeah. Truly great guys. And 00:20:53.150 --> 00:20:56.349 I was like, on paper, you are great. But I literally 00:20:56.349 --> 00:20:59.740 was like, I am not emotionally ready. to give 00:20:59.740 --> 00:21:03.440 myself in that way. And I recognized that really 00:21:03.440 --> 00:21:05.380 early on in dates. And I was like, I'm not ready. 00:21:05.740 --> 00:21:08.299 And I knew that God was still working in me. 00:21:08.619 --> 00:21:10.859 So it's not even that I was like planning to 00:21:10.859 --> 00:21:13.680 be single as long as I was, but the way things 00:21:13.680 --> 00:21:15.700 kind of lined up, it's just how it happened. 00:21:15.779 --> 00:21:18.680 Yeah. You know, and I attempted to go on dates 00:21:18.680 --> 00:21:21.539 in that time. And I was like, yeah, I have nothing 00:21:21.539 --> 00:21:23.859 to give right now. Yes. You know, and I think. 00:21:24.620 --> 00:21:27.299 I'm thankful that the Lord gave me that, you 00:21:27.299 --> 00:21:29.259 know, self -awareness. Like, I was like, no, 00:21:29.380 --> 00:21:31.059 if I entered a relationship right now, it would 00:21:31.059 --> 00:21:33.420 just be really, like, it would not be healthy 00:21:33.420 --> 00:21:36.279 or good for that individual that I was talking 00:21:36.279 --> 00:21:38.559 to or good for me. Like, I wouldn't be able to 00:21:38.559 --> 00:21:40.839 give up myself in that way. When would you say 00:21:40.839 --> 00:21:46.359 contentment entered the room with you? I don't 00:21:46.359 --> 00:21:47.940 know if contentment really enters the room. I 00:21:47.940 --> 00:21:49.200 think it's something you have to grab by the 00:21:49.200 --> 00:21:53.039 hand and kind of befriend. Okay. And if you're 00:21:53.039 --> 00:21:55.880 going to, like, suggest maybe a girl in her early 00:21:55.880 --> 00:21:59.119 20s who is struggling with the idea of being 00:21:59.119 --> 00:22:02.240 single or being content in it. What? Not obvious. 00:22:02.279 --> 00:22:04.259 It's a lot harder to grab it by the hand at that 00:22:04.259 --> 00:22:06.380 age because that's all you're focused on. Well, 00:22:06.480 --> 00:22:08.099 and I think it's your surroundings, too. Like, 00:22:08.140 --> 00:22:10.039 when you're in college, you have people just, 00:22:10.200 --> 00:22:15.000 you are surrounded every day by social interactions 00:22:15.000 --> 00:22:19.099 and, you know. things that are so set up in a 00:22:19.099 --> 00:22:21.380 way where it's like it is easy to enter into 00:22:21.380 --> 00:22:23.200 a relationship. It is easy to have a ring by 00:22:23.200 --> 00:22:25.940 spring and get married at this certain age, especially 00:22:25.940 --> 00:22:27.759 when so many of your peers around you are doing 00:22:27.759 --> 00:22:32.460 that. And I think, you know, that can cause discontentment 00:22:32.460 --> 00:22:34.680 because you're looking at your peers or you're 00:22:34.680 --> 00:22:36.019 looking at these people and you're like, oh, 00:22:36.079 --> 00:22:38.900 they dated throughout college and they got married 00:22:38.900 --> 00:22:41.019 and they're 25 and they're pregnant and that's 00:22:41.019 --> 00:22:44.180 so sweet. But that's not always reality. Or they 00:22:44.180 --> 00:22:46.940 dated for like four months. Okay. And then you 00:22:46.940 --> 00:22:48.880 sit there and you're like, wow. Well, at 20, 00:22:49.059 --> 00:22:51.359 you're like, wow. Imagine you meet your husband 00:22:51.359 --> 00:22:53.039 and you're getting married four months later, 00:22:53.180 --> 00:22:55.299 you know, and you're like, wow. Right. That's 00:22:55.299 --> 00:22:57.480 kind of terrifying. I don't know if I would ever 00:22:57.480 --> 00:23:00.019 recommend for a 20 -year -old to get married 00:23:00.019 --> 00:23:03.220 after four months. No. But it happens, especially 00:23:03.220 --> 00:23:05.960 here. well yeah especially like y 'all circle 00:23:05.960 --> 00:23:08.680 yeah because even even me like I'm from the south 00:23:08.680 --> 00:23:10.740 but I think being from the city it still is a 00:23:10.740 --> 00:23:12.519 little bit different like I knew people who got 00:23:12.519 --> 00:23:15.779 married young but I feel like for you yeah and 00:23:15.779 --> 00:23:18.019 like where you were the amount of people that 00:23:18.019 --> 00:23:19.500 you were like oh yeah they're engaged I was like 00:23:19.500 --> 00:23:23.619 excuse me how old are they yeah I was like yeah 00:23:23.619 --> 00:23:26.279 I know they're children and I was like no this 00:23:26.279 --> 00:23:30.539 is my normal yeah and I was like um you don't 00:23:30.539 --> 00:23:33.759 know yourself No. And I know that now. Yes. Now. 00:23:33.819 --> 00:23:38.000 Yes. And I'm like, wow. It's wow. Wow. Wow. Yeah. 00:23:38.079 --> 00:23:41.779 I look back on my exes and not in like hate or 00:23:41.779 --> 00:23:43.500 anything like that. There's nothing but like, 00:23:43.519 --> 00:23:47.519 you know, we honor those seasons. I look back 00:23:47.519 --> 00:23:49.759 at my exes and I'm like, thank you, God. Yeah. 00:23:49.920 --> 00:23:52.119 Like, thank you, God, that I didn't marry any 00:23:52.119 --> 00:23:54.660 of them, that the Lord had, you know, the hindsight 00:23:54.660 --> 00:23:57.400 and there were three of them that I was like, 00:23:57.440 --> 00:24:00.170 oh. I'm going to marry this one. Oh, love him 00:24:00.170 --> 00:24:03.670 so much. There always is. You know, truly. And 00:24:03.670 --> 00:24:08.349 now as an adult and now as, you know, I am many 00:24:08.349 --> 00:24:10.730 years removed. I'm like, oh, thank God. Like, 00:24:10.750 --> 00:24:12.930 thank God I didn't marry this person. Thank God 00:24:12.930 --> 00:24:15.509 that, you know, and not in a bad way. Not, that's 00:24:15.509 --> 00:24:18.349 not like a hard one. Yeah. It's more so like, 00:24:18.390 --> 00:24:22.089 I know who I am. Whereas when I was. you know 00:24:22.089 --> 00:24:24.029 back then there was one guy I dated you know 00:24:24.029 --> 00:24:25.950 who's like thinking about being a pastor and 00:24:25.950 --> 00:24:28.309 I was like envisioning myself as a pastor's wife 00:24:28.309 --> 00:24:31.289 today I kind of laugh at that I'm like I don't 00:24:31.289 --> 00:24:35.609 know if I could do that first of all um you know 00:24:35.609 --> 00:24:37.890 but it's like I think for young women especially 00:24:37.890 --> 00:24:41.269 in their 20s kind of back to your question women 00:24:41.269 --> 00:24:45.730 definitely fall into the trap of like um they're 00:24:45.730 --> 00:24:47.849 living in the future they're living in this like 00:24:47.849 --> 00:24:52.299 la la land you know reality that they've kind 00:24:52.299 --> 00:24:54.420 of conformed in their head like this is what's 00:24:54.420 --> 00:24:57.799 going to happen and I'm going to have two kids 00:24:57.799 --> 00:25:02.400 in a house by 25 years old and this is how my 00:25:02.400 --> 00:25:05.480 life is going to go yeah and the reality is life 00:25:05.480 --> 00:25:11.019 does not go like that and so I think truly you 00:25:11.019 --> 00:25:14.359 know when we met I was grieving and in such a 00:25:14.359 --> 00:25:17.259 stage it wasn't even necessarily that I wasn't 00:25:17.259 --> 00:25:21.150 content I don't think I even had space or capacity 00:25:21.150 --> 00:25:23.809 to acknowledge where I was even at because I 00:25:23.809 --> 00:25:26.089 was just in survival mode. Yeah, you really were. 00:25:26.190 --> 00:25:28.789 I really was. And I was like, man. And I remember 00:25:28.789 --> 00:25:30.690 one of our roommates came out of our room one 00:25:30.690 --> 00:25:32.670 time and she goes, you just seem really sad. 00:25:32.849 --> 00:25:35.029 And I kind of looked at her and I said, I am 00:25:35.029 --> 00:25:37.369 sad. But it's the first time in my life that 00:25:37.369 --> 00:25:39.670 I'm not running away from that sadness. I'm actually 00:25:39.670 --> 00:25:41.990 like allowing myself to feel it, which is so 00:25:41.990 --> 00:25:44.890 powerful. And so I think that was the start of 00:25:44.890 --> 00:25:48.480 healing for me. Lord just. I mean, he used that 00:25:48.480 --> 00:25:51.140 relationship and it just split me wide open. 00:25:51.220 --> 00:25:57.799 And I was like, ooh, okay. And here's the beauty 00:25:57.799 --> 00:26:02.759 of the Lord, y 'all. He is so gentle with our 00:26:02.759 --> 00:26:06.339 frames. And he is so gentle with our hearts. 00:26:06.380 --> 00:26:10.200 And he is so gentle with our healing. He peels 00:26:10.200 --> 00:26:12.980 it back piece by piece. Yeah, he does. So it 00:26:12.980 --> 00:26:16.539 may take time. And that's okay. But can you sit 00:26:16.539 --> 00:26:18.980 there and let it take time? Yeah. And I think 00:26:18.980 --> 00:26:20.319 that's what's important. And I think that's where 00:26:20.319 --> 00:26:22.480 growth happens. There was this passage I came 00:26:22.480 --> 00:26:24.960 across. It was actually in Job. And it says, 00:26:24.980 --> 00:26:27.380 agree with God and it will go well with your 00:26:27.380 --> 00:26:31.339 soul. And I call on that verse a lot. Agree with 00:26:31.339 --> 00:26:34.799 God and it will go well with your soul. And how 00:26:34.799 --> 00:26:39.559 often are we just wrestling with our, oh, this 00:26:39.559 --> 00:26:42.299 is where I'm at in life. Oh, this is not what 00:26:42.299 --> 00:26:46.160 I envisioned. Versus like. Man, okay. This is 00:26:46.160 --> 00:26:48.319 where I'm at in life. God, what do you have for 00:26:48.319 --> 00:26:51.220 me here? Kelsey Ballerini just dropped a new 00:26:51.220 --> 00:26:54.059 album, and she has this one song, and it's basically 00:26:54.059 --> 00:26:57.079 talking about taking a different path from everybody 00:26:57.079 --> 00:26:58.920 else her age. And she's like, oh, I'm at the 00:26:58.920 --> 00:27:00.880 park, and I see this mom pull up with her husband, 00:27:00.960 --> 00:27:03.180 and the dad has a blanket, the mom has a baby, 00:27:03.220 --> 00:27:04.599 and they're having a picnic. And she's like, 00:27:04.619 --> 00:27:07.099 I look at her, and I'm thinking, I should be 00:27:07.099 --> 00:27:09.740 a mom with my kids right now. And is she looking 00:27:09.740 --> 00:27:13.990 at me envying my freedom? Yeah. And she's like, 00:27:14.029 --> 00:27:15.710 because Rolling Stone says I'm on the right path. 00:27:15.869 --> 00:27:18.730 And I just sat there and I was like, wow. Like 00:27:18.730 --> 00:27:21.109 that, those lyrics hit me because I do look at 00:27:21.109 --> 00:27:22.309 the moms at church. I'm like, wow, that would 00:27:22.309 --> 00:27:25.190 be so fun. Like show up to church with my kiddos 00:27:25.190 --> 00:27:27.349 and my husband and drop them off at Sunday school. 00:27:27.410 --> 00:27:29.029 And I go into the service and we get them and 00:27:29.029 --> 00:27:31.089 we get lunch after. But then I'm like, do these 00:27:31.089 --> 00:27:32.769 moms look at me and be like, wow, I wish I was 00:27:32.769 --> 00:27:34.650 sitting with my girlfriend getting coffee after 00:27:34.650 --> 00:27:36.829 giggling, talking about the sermon and going 00:27:36.829 --> 00:27:38.450 home. And I make homemade pasta every Sunday 00:27:38.450 --> 00:27:40.009 night, like making homemade pasta with the girls 00:27:40.009 --> 00:27:42.400 and doing another Bible study. Right. And that's 00:27:42.400 --> 00:27:44.420 still important. And I think, you know, you have 00:27:44.420 --> 00:27:46.339 the Old Testament command where it's like, you 00:27:46.339 --> 00:27:49.779 know, go ye therefore and multiply. You know, 00:27:49.779 --> 00:27:51.319 but then in the New Testament, it's like, go 00:27:51.319 --> 00:27:53.740 ye therefore and make disciples. Yeah. You know, 00:27:53.740 --> 00:27:57.180 and so ladies, this is, we are co -heirs. Your 00:27:57.180 --> 00:27:59.980 life is now. Yes, it is. It's not when you get 00:27:59.980 --> 00:28:01.859 married. It's not when you have children. Like, 00:28:01.920 --> 00:28:04.039 go ye therefore and make disciples. That is a 00:28:04.039 --> 00:28:08.700 command. And so lovingly, I would exhort women 00:28:08.700 --> 00:28:11.279 everywhere and young women everywhere. Like your 00:28:11.279 --> 00:28:13.319 life isn't going to start when you get married. 00:28:13.440 --> 00:28:16.279 No. Your life is right now. And I would argue 00:28:16.279 --> 00:28:19.319 that the habits that you create now. Yes. In 00:28:19.319 --> 00:28:22.619 your singleness will make or break your marriage. 00:28:23.059 --> 00:28:25.599 Well, it goes back to he who is faithful with 00:28:25.599 --> 00:28:27.759 little will be faithful with much. Yes. If you're 00:28:27.759 --> 00:28:29.099 being faithful with the little things while you're 00:28:29.099 --> 00:28:31.759 single, how much more will you be faithful during 00:28:31.759 --> 00:28:34.759 the hard times of marriage? especially when it 00:28:34.759 --> 00:28:36.980 comes to your relationship with God. Are you 00:28:36.980 --> 00:28:38.900 going to put God on the back burner, or are you 00:28:38.900 --> 00:28:40.279 going to put him at the center of your marriage, 00:28:40.420 --> 00:28:42.180 you know? And I'd like to rephrase that, too, 00:28:42.200 --> 00:28:43.700 because you said it'll make or break your marriage. 00:28:44.299 --> 00:28:47.579 I should say, in your marriage, it will be brought 00:28:47.579 --> 00:28:51.000 to light. Yeah. Because if your marriage is covered 00:28:51.000 --> 00:28:53.240 by the blood of Jesus, then God will use it for 00:28:53.240 --> 00:28:55.440 good. Yeah. But it just may be really painful. 00:28:55.819 --> 00:28:59.240 Yeah. It probably will be. I would encourage 00:28:59.240 --> 00:29:03.400 women and men. men who may be listening to this 00:29:03.400 --> 00:29:07.660 podcast, focus on doing things that will sharpen 00:29:07.660 --> 00:29:11.559 your character. Yes. In your singleness. Focus 00:29:11.559 --> 00:29:13.740 on, I think this is, this is probably a better 00:29:13.740 --> 00:29:17.059 conversation in what, in versus like contentment 00:29:17.059 --> 00:29:19.079 and like how to be content. But I just, I would 00:29:19.079 --> 00:29:21.920 argue, do things that will sharpen your character. 00:29:22.160 --> 00:29:25.339 Yeah. So I like was a waitress and then I was 00:29:25.339 --> 00:29:27.579 like really praying about going to go work at 00:29:27.579 --> 00:29:30.359 a summer camp. And I was like, God, should I 00:29:30.359 --> 00:29:32.900 do this? God, should I do this? And the reality 00:29:32.900 --> 00:29:35.980 is, is it was a summer camp that was, you know, 00:29:35.980 --> 00:29:38.720 teaching kids about Jesus. Like, it's not a bad 00:29:38.720 --> 00:29:41.299 decision. Just go. Yeah, just go. You know, and 00:29:41.299 --> 00:29:43.880 I think sometimes we forget that we can actually 00:29:43.880 --> 00:29:46.359 step into the authority, you know, as sons and 00:29:46.359 --> 00:29:48.220 daughters of God and be like, no, yeah, I'm going 00:29:48.220 --> 00:29:51.059 to take the gospel to this summer camp. Yeah. 00:29:52.200 --> 00:29:56.789 Abba, like, lead me, you know, like. lead it 00:29:56.789 --> 00:29:59.670 and um so I went and worked at the summer camp 00:29:59.670 --> 00:30:03.730 you know and I didn't have to do that in my 20s 00:30:03.730 --> 00:30:06.230 at all I could have like continued working as 00:30:06.230 --> 00:30:09.829 a waitress you know but it sharpened me it sharpened 00:30:09.829 --> 00:30:14.950 me it humbled me it corrected me it I was like 00:30:14.950 --> 00:30:18.950 no God will agree with things if you're following 00:30:18.950 --> 00:30:21.230 your passions if you're surrendered to the Lord 00:30:21.230 --> 00:30:24.269 I should argue and you're God has given you passions 00:30:24.269 --> 00:30:27.470 and desires. Yes. You know? It's like, oh, I'm 00:30:27.470 --> 00:30:30.849 really good at art. Okay, baby. Go use your art 00:30:30.849 --> 00:30:34.549 to honor and glorify the Lord. No, that does 00:30:34.549 --> 00:30:40.230 not mean you have to draw or create the lion 00:30:40.230 --> 00:30:42.170 and the lamb. The lion and the lamb pictures. 00:30:42.349 --> 00:30:44.490 I mean, we love them. We appreciate them. But 00:30:44.490 --> 00:30:48.109 it's like you can just do what you're passionate 00:30:48.109 --> 00:30:50.400 about, but do it well. and submit it to the Lord. 00:30:50.500 --> 00:30:52.500 Yeah. Like, Lord, these are my hands. You know, 00:30:52.539 --> 00:30:54.900 me and Hannah are both hairstylists. Like, you 00:30:54.900 --> 00:30:57.220 know, and one of my repeat prayers is like, Lord, 00:30:57.279 --> 00:30:59.660 bless the work of my hands today. Yeah. You know, 00:30:59.660 --> 00:31:03.680 bless the heads that I touch today. Like, I lift 00:31:03.680 --> 00:31:05.599 up these conversations that I'm going to have 00:31:05.599 --> 00:31:08.619 with you today. Like, I pray that your love is 00:31:08.619 --> 00:31:11.119 felt and permeated in this atmosphere, in this 00:31:11.119 --> 00:31:13.839 room right now. I make a very similar prayer 00:31:13.839 --> 00:31:15.799 every day. Yeah, and it's just a simple, like, 00:31:15.819 --> 00:31:18.579 you know, three -line prayer. And how often? 00:31:19.099 --> 00:31:20.900 Like, there's clients that weren't Christians 00:31:20.900 --> 00:31:22.740 or, like, haven't been Christians in a while. 00:31:23.380 --> 00:31:25.339 I'll tell people, like, my brother and his accident. 00:31:25.500 --> 00:31:26.819 I'll tell people, like, oh, yeah, he had this 00:31:26.819 --> 00:31:28.440 terrible accident, should have died, did die 00:31:28.440 --> 00:31:30.839 actually twice. I'm like, how are you dealing 00:31:30.839 --> 00:31:32.690 with that? I'm like, oh. you might not know this 00:31:32.690 --> 00:31:35.009 about me. I love Jesus and I have faith and he 00:31:35.009 --> 00:31:36.750 gives me a lot of peace. And then a few weeks 00:31:36.750 --> 00:31:38.309 later, they come back for their root touch up 00:31:38.309 --> 00:31:40.710 because that's what they do. And they're like, 00:31:40.750 --> 00:31:42.349 oh, well, I actually started going to church 00:31:42.349 --> 00:31:43.710 together with my husband and my kids. And I'm 00:31:43.710 --> 00:31:46.049 like, wow, that's amazing. And it just shows 00:31:46.049 --> 00:31:48.869 up in little ways. And is that my work? Yes. 00:31:49.170 --> 00:31:51.349 But it's just a natural conversation happening. 00:31:51.630 --> 00:31:53.630 It's not being shoved down anyone's throat. He's 00:31:53.630 --> 00:31:57.069 just using my hands and my heart. I feel like 00:31:57.069 --> 00:31:59.670 contentment comes in singleness when you are 00:31:59.670 --> 00:32:04.049 pursuing mission. Yeah. Oh, say it again. Contentment 00:32:04.049 --> 00:32:07.210 comes in singleness when you are pursuing mission. 00:32:07.390 --> 00:32:11.910 Yes. For the kingdom of God. So if you're discontent, 00:32:11.910 --> 00:32:14.769 I would argue your eyes are probably a little 00:32:14.769 --> 00:32:17.930 aimless. Yes. And you're not, you're not fixing 00:32:17.930 --> 00:32:21.630 them on the king. So, and that is not to say 00:32:21.630 --> 00:32:23.650 that there is not. It's between discontentment 00:32:23.650 --> 00:32:26.250 and longing. They go hand in, they can go hand 00:32:26.250 --> 00:32:28.410 in hand. They can go hand in hand. But I would 00:32:28.410 --> 00:32:30.910 argue like. I am content in this season, but 00:32:30.910 --> 00:32:33.930 I still have longing. Yes. You know? For the 00:32:33.930 --> 00:32:36.869 most part, I'm fine. But when those moments come, 00:32:37.089 --> 00:32:39.150 I used to be like, oh, just don't think about 00:32:39.150 --> 00:32:41.569 it. Don't think about it. Yeah, no. Think about 00:32:41.569 --> 00:32:44.349 it. It's okay. If it's coming to mind, as it 00:32:44.349 --> 00:32:47.869 comes to mind, again, like Job, surrender it 00:32:47.869 --> 00:32:51.910 to Jesus. Like, be like, okay, God, I'm thinking 00:32:51.910 --> 00:32:55.069 about, like I'm longing for my husband right 00:32:55.069 --> 00:32:58.130 now. Yeah. So. I'm just going to stop and surrender 00:32:58.130 --> 00:32:59.930 my husband to you right now. And we're going 00:32:59.930 --> 00:33:02.829 to pray for him, you know, and I'm going to pray 00:33:02.829 --> 00:33:04.789 for my future babies and I'm going to pray for 00:33:04.789 --> 00:33:07.809 my future home. And what does this look like? 00:33:08.450 --> 00:33:12.630 And so I have learned to not bottle down my emotions 00:33:12.630 --> 00:33:15.470 when the longing comes, but to be like, okay, 00:33:15.529 --> 00:33:20.170 let's press into this right now. And I feel like 00:33:20.170 --> 00:33:23.369 honestly, freedom with the Lord has come from. 00:33:25.400 --> 00:33:28.000 in this season for me has come from just like 00:33:28.000 --> 00:33:31.619 pressing in to when the moment arises, you know, 00:33:31.619 --> 00:33:33.980 and whatever I'm thinking about, you know, I, 00:33:34.039 --> 00:33:36.660 I started a business this past year, you know, 00:33:36.660 --> 00:33:38.759 so my mind has been really busy with all of that, 00:33:38.799 --> 00:33:40.279 but it's like every now and then again, it's 00:33:40.279 --> 00:33:43.500 like, okay, you know, even, you know, when I 00:33:43.500 --> 00:33:44.720 had a family member who was like, are you going 00:33:44.720 --> 00:33:46.039 to freeze your eggs? And I was like, no, I think 00:33:46.039 --> 00:33:49.319 we're going to trust God with the eggs. I think 00:33:49.319 --> 00:33:52.680 it's going to be okay. You know? Um, but I did 00:33:52.680 --> 00:33:54.980 have a baby at 90. Right. I did have a moment 00:33:54.980 --> 00:33:57.019 of panic where I was like, oh my gosh, do I need 00:33:57.019 --> 00:33:59.460 to do this? So I'm, I'm not saying immune. Yeah. 00:33:59.500 --> 00:34:01.039 There are definitely moments where I'm like, 00:34:01.079 --> 00:34:03.720 you know, in the anxieties riding and I'm like, 00:34:03.740 --> 00:34:05.420 am I going to have children? Yeah. You know, 00:34:05.420 --> 00:34:07.759 is this going to be a thing? And, and this is 00:34:07.759 --> 00:34:09.420 something I think the Lord has oddly done in 00:34:09.420 --> 00:34:11.099 my life, but it's like, you know, in my twenties, 00:34:11.159 --> 00:34:13.739 I went in four to six. Now I'm like, maybe two. 00:34:14.099 --> 00:34:16.539 Yeah. Yeah. Two is good. Two is a great number. 00:34:16.659 --> 00:34:18.320 Two seems like a really nice number. Two seems 00:34:18.320 --> 00:34:20.420 like a really nice number, but I've also said, 00:34:20.440 --> 00:34:24.369 I'm like. even if I physically end up being where 00:34:24.369 --> 00:34:25.809 it's like really tough for me to have children, 00:34:25.869 --> 00:34:27.889 I'm like there, there is adoption and adoption 00:34:27.889 --> 00:34:30.650 is beautiful. Yes. And I don't think I would 00:34:30.650 --> 00:34:33.269 shy away from that either. I definitely want 00:34:33.269 --> 00:34:38.170 to adopt. Yes. So. you know it's like okay like 00:34:38.170 --> 00:34:40.210 i i just think and the lord has really like settled 00:34:40.210 --> 00:34:43.110 that in my spirit and in my heart and my one 00:34:43.110 --> 00:34:44.909 friend from college was like i never thought 00:34:44.909 --> 00:34:46.289 those words were gonna come out of your mouth 00:34:46.289 --> 00:34:48.710 oh my god i'm shocked because i always said i 00:34:48.710 --> 00:34:51.750 wanted four to six yeah oh i remember i think 00:34:51.750 --> 00:34:54.449 i could have two she's like who are you yeah 00:34:54.449 --> 00:34:57.170 but that's what i mean by like you change so 00:34:57.170 --> 00:35:00.550 much over time yes i was in my 20s versus who 00:35:00.550 --> 00:35:06.559 i am today it's so different and I would say, 00:35:06.559 --> 00:35:09.320 you know, just being in the season, I do have 00:35:09.320 --> 00:35:11.440 many friends getting married again. It's like 00:35:11.440 --> 00:35:13.980 another round because I am from, you know, the 00:35:13.980 --> 00:35:15.639 South. I had a lot of friends get married in 00:35:15.639 --> 00:35:18.159 my early 20s. And now I'm having a lot of friends 00:35:18.159 --> 00:35:19.739 get married again. And I think that just comes 00:35:19.739 --> 00:35:22.000 from being involved in the church. Like Christians 00:35:22.000 --> 00:35:25.480 get married. So we do. It's what they, you know, 00:35:25.480 --> 00:35:29.000 it's not a bad thing. It has been a very joyful, 00:35:29.059 --> 00:35:36.130 you know, season. I think in embracing my emotions 00:35:36.130 --> 00:35:39.849 as they come, this has also helped when I'm rejoicing 00:35:39.849 --> 00:35:45.309 and I'm sad at the same time. So contentment 00:35:45.309 --> 00:35:50.250 is not without your emotions. I'm still content 00:35:50.250 --> 00:35:55.250 in this season, even though sadness is present 00:35:55.250 --> 00:35:57.929 or joy is present. They may be present at the 00:35:57.929 --> 00:36:00.789 same time. It doesn't mean I'm not content in 00:36:00.789 --> 00:36:02.929 that moment. It just means that that's what's 00:36:02.929 --> 00:36:05.150 popping up for me at that moment. And I can just 00:36:05.150 --> 00:36:09.230 entrust it and surrender it to the Lord. Okay, 00:36:09.329 --> 00:36:13.349 okay, okay. I hope that you enjoyed that and 00:36:13.349 --> 00:36:16.070 got as many little golden nuggets out of it as 00:36:16.070 --> 00:36:20.269 I did. If you loved it, that is only part one. 00:36:20.349 --> 00:36:24.090 I know, crazy. We will be getting a part two 00:36:24.090 --> 00:36:26.469 coming out next week where you can hear the rest 00:36:26.469 --> 00:36:29.949 of Caitlin's story. our random rambles, and whatever 00:36:29.949 --> 00:36:33.130 tantrums, tantrums, tantrums, I don't know, whatever 00:36:33.130 --> 00:36:36.690 that word is, that will be going down in those 00:36:36.690 --> 00:36:39.369 conversations. And as you've noticed, the ADHD 00:36:39.369 --> 00:36:42.869 is real. When we talk, we get sidetracked, but 00:36:42.869 --> 00:36:46.980 somehow still on topic. So I hope that you do 00:36:46.980 --> 00:36:49.139 tune in to listen to that. I just want to thank 00:36:49.139 --> 00:36:52.360 you so much for listening today. I really appreciate 00:36:52.360 --> 00:36:54.320 having you guys tune in for the Living Free podcast. 00:36:55.059 --> 00:36:57.300 If you want to get connected, you can find me 00:36:57.300 --> 00:37:00.860 on Instagram at HannahLizD or you can email me 00:37:00.860 --> 00:37:04.860 at livingfreepod at gmail .com. If you're loving 00:37:04.860 --> 00:37:07.260 the podcast, which I hope you are, please go 00:37:07.260 --> 00:37:09.340 ahead and hit that subscribe button and leave 00:37:09.340 --> 00:37:12.219 me a review. If you're hating it, just email 00:37:12.219 --> 00:37:14.400 me. We can keep it private. You know, who needs 00:37:14.400 --> 00:37:17.190 to know? No, just you and me and maybe the Lord. 00:37:17.230 --> 00:37:19.610 You should bring that up with him. Again, guys, 00:37:19.670 --> 00:37:21.710 thank you so much for tuning in to listen to 00:37:21.710 --> 00:37:24.010 the Living Free Podcast. I hope you tune in to 00:37:24.010 --> 00:37:27.150 listen to part two with Caitlin next week. Bye, 00:37:27.269 --> 00:37:46.480 y 'all. Thank you.