Latest / Play Therapy Parenting: Real Parenting Questions Answered by a Child Therapist / S3E16 - Parent Companion for Play Therapy: "Snowball Effect" and the Power of Momentum in Child-Centered Play Therapy

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S3E16 - Parent Companion for Play Therapy: "Snowball Effect" and the Power of Momentum in Child-Centered Play Therapy · Play Therapy Parenting: Real Parenting Questions Answered by a Child Therapist

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  You're listening to the Play Therapy Parenting Podcast
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  with Dr. Brenna Hicks.
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  Hi,
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  I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks,
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  The Kid Counselor.
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  This is the Play Therapy Parenting Podcast where I give you insight,
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  awareness,
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  and enlightenment about your parenting
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  and your relationship with your kids.
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  In today's episode,
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  I am talking about the concept of
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  snowball momentum.
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  And that means nothing really until I explain it.
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  So,
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  what my goal is for this episode is for us
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  to be able to understand the power of child-centered play therapy
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  and the power of change and how that unfolds
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  in children.
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  It is different than it is for adults.
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  So,
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  we can't let adulthood bias kick in.
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  Where we forget what it's like to be a child
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  and we forget how kids process the world.
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  And as kids become better versions of themselves,
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  one change leads to another.
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  And one of the analogies that I use is
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  the snowball rolling down the hill.
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  So,
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  that's what I mean by snowball momentum.
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  Let's dive in together.
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  I think when we are
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  understanding change,
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  and when we're understanding therapeutic gains and outcomes.
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  It's easy to say,
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  well,
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  this has gotten better,
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  and this has gotten better,
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  and this has gotten better,
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  and those are true.
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  Every isolated scenario,
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  there's evidence that things have changed in a positive way.
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  But what we often talk about early on when we're kind
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  of trying to paint the picture of the therapeutic process,
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  and this is true even if your child is not in therapy,
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  as your child grows and develops and matures and changes,
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  one change will naturally lead to another change.
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  So there is this
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  same analogy
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  that's applicable across
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  whether your child's in therapy or not.
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  And this is true for us as well.
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  When we change one thing,
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  we naturally end up changing other things.
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  It's just the nature of when
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  new normal kicks in.
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  So,
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  when you think about
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  a child
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  working on their things that they need to address
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  in therapy,
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  so let's say the child needs to work on power and control,
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  the child needs to work through aggression,
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  the child needs to work on self-esteem,
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  and the child needs to work on anxiety.
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  OK.
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  So,
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  not,
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  not every child's going to work through that many themes,
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  but I,
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  I want to use this as an illustration.
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  So,
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  you have these 4 things that the child will likely tackle.
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  We obviously can't predict in what order.
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  We can't anticipate exactly what that will look like.
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  But when we meet with parents,
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  we typically
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  get a sense of what the child is struggling with.
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  And therefore we can anticipate
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  what will likely come up in sessions.
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  So if those are the 4 that we predict,
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  here's what I mean by snowball momentum.
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  If the first theme that emerges in session.
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  Is power and control.
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  So for several weeks,
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  maybe 5, 6, 8 weeks,
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  we see power and control play.
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  What will naturally happen is the child will realize
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  it's unhealthy to have all the power and control.
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  It's unhealthy to have none of the power and control.
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  Balanced center is where I need and want to be.
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  So what will start out as dictatorial power and control.
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  There will be a complete role reversal where all of a sudden the child gives up all
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  of the power and control to the therapist
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  or to the circumstance or to the characters.
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  Somehow in their play,
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  they make themselves vulnerable and powerless.
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  And then they find where they can converge,
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  where I have power sometimes,
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  but not all the time.
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  So that would be one illustration of how power and control might get played out.
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  Well,
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  then,
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  the child is also working on self-esteem.
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  So at a later point,
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  as the child starts to build confidence and competence
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  and self-trust and self-acceptance and all of this stuff,
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  OK,
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  so self-esteem is now being built and elevated.
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  Then we have anxiety.
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  Child needs to reduce levels of anxiety.
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  So there's going to be fear facing play,
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  and there's going to be
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  the child that purposefully desensitizes him or herself
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  to something that was once overwhelming or scary for them.
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  So this is just illustrations of how this might happen in the playroom,
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  but here's where the snowball
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  momentum kicks in.
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  So as the child learned,
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  I don't always have to have power and control.
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  They naturally start to feel better about themselves.
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  They're also doing self-esteem work,
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  which makes them feel better about themselves,
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  which means that they don't need to have as much power and control.
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  And as their anxiety decreases.
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  They start to feel better about themselves.
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  And as their power and control needs decrease,
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  they have less anxiety,
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  because anxiety and control go very closely together.
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  The more anxious you are,
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  the more you want control.
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  The less anxious you are,
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  the more you're OK with not having as much control.
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  And so as you can see,
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  one will naturally
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  roll right into the next.
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  So if you think about a snowball at the top of a mountain,
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  it's real small when it begins.
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  So the first thing that the child tackles is power and control,
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  for example.
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  Well,
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  as that snowball starts to roll down the mountain.
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  It's going to bring in some self-esteem
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  and then it's going to bring in some reduction of anxiety
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  and then it's going to bring in some reduction of aggression
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  because often aggression is a power and control grab.
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  So as I need less power and control,
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  I will naturally be less aggressive.
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  As I am less aggressive,
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  I will feel better about myself.
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  As I feel better about myself,
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  I will not be as anxious.
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  And so it's kind of like one thing begets the next,
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  and before you know it,
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  the tiny little snowball that started at the top
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  not only has gotten far bigger as it rolls down and collects more,
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  but it also moves so much more quickly.
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  So the beauty of child-centered play therapy
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  is we have phases that we've talked about in the past.
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  So,
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  we have our initiation phase,
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  child has to build relationship and rapport.
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  Then we have resistance.
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  Do I really want to do this?
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  Am I really ready to do this?
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  How do I
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  work myself up to be ready to tackle all this stuff?
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  When they get into work,
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  which is the 3rd phase,
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  which is where they spend the bulk of their time.
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  This is when
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  kids build this momentum and the snowball starts to
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  roll down the hill and get bigger and faster
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  because
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  as they work on one thing,
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  it naturally helps them work on the next,
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  and as they work on that next thing,
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  it not only helps the thing that they worked on first,
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  but it's going to help the help the thing that they're going to work on next
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  and it all starts to swirl together
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  and it becomes this really big.
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  Snowball that's rolling,
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  and when a snowball gets going real fast and real big,
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  you can't stop it.
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  So work begets work,
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  change begets change.
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  And all of a sudden we get toward the end
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  and
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  all of this stuff got addressed
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  because one amount of work began the whole process.
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  If a child starts with power and control.
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  It's easy to say,
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  well,
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  we're going to work on these isolated issues,
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  yes,
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  but they're also going to have all of them converge and make sense together.
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  And so there's a lot of power in the momentum that is gained.
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  That's why consistent
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  sessions are so important.
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  That's why making sure that the child is there
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  every single week matters because that momentum is sustained.
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  As they are consistently able to sort through their things.
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  And this is true of humans.
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  So I don't,
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  I don't want this to seem like it's
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  isolated exclusively to in the playroom.
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  As you decide
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  that you want to be more like your actual self,
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  we're all wired
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  to become better versions of ourselves.
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  That's the premise of
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  Rogers,
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  which is client-centered therapy from which CCPT comes.
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  Rogers believed that we are all wired to become better versions of ourselves.
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  The fancy word for that is self-actualization.
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  So as we are working to become a more ideal version,
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  if I say to myself,
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  I want to be more
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  punctual.
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  I'm laughing because my husband's motto in life is,
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  if you're
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  on time,
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  you're late.
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  If you're early,
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  you're on time.
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  And he and I will never agree on that front.
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  So,
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  let's say I hypothetically wanted to be more punctual.
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  That would be my ideal.
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  And depending on how far off my actual is from my ideal,
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  how punctual am I?
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  Am I 1 minute early?
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  Am I on time?
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  Am I 1 minute late?
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  Am I 10 minutes late?
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  Am I 45 minutes late?
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  Depending on how punctual I am.
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  I'm going to have to work
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  less or more
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  to make my ideal
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  more of a reality for myself.
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  Well,
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  imagine
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  what other things are wrapped up in being punctual.
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  If you are perpetually late,
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  you're typically perpetually stressed.
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  If you're perpetually stressed,
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  usually you have anxiety spikes.
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  If you have anxiety spikes,
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  you end up needing a lot of decompression time,
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  and then you start to feel guilty
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  because you haven't done anything
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  because you've been sitting around trying to
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  decompress from the stress and anxiety,
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  and then you start to beat yourself up because you're lazy.
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  So then there's some self-pity and some
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  wallowing and some self-esteem junk going on.
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  You can see how our issues
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  go together.
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  The fancy word for that is comorbidity,
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  which just means one is likely to have another
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  as a part of it.
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  So
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  when we think about this for our children in or out of therapy,
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  even for ourselves,
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  you can imagine as I become more punctual,
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  if that's my goal,
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  I will start to feel better about myself.
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  As I feel better about myself,
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  I might want to change something else in my life
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  as I'm less stressed.
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  I will likely have less anxiety.
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  As I have less anxiety,
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  I will be more productive,
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  and I will be able to do more things that I like to do because
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  I'm not needing all of this downtime as a result.
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  So the cascade is real in every area of our lives
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  and specifically
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  in therapy for children in child-centered play therapy,
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  we call it the snowball that rolls down the
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  hill and it gets bigger and it gains momentum,
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  and that's how it all works in tandem with each other.
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  That's the beauty of the model.
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  So I hope that that gives you some insight into
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  how they all kind of work with each other.
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  And
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  I would love to hear from you.
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  If you have questions or thoughts or you just want to say hello,
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  please reach out,
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  brenna@thekidcounselor.com.
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  Keep loving on your kids.
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  I love you.
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  We'll talk again soon.
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  Bye.
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  Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Parenting Podcast with Dr.
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  Brenna Hicks.
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  For more episodes and just subscribe to our newsletter,
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  please go to www.playtherapyparenting.com.