Latest / Off the Clock, On the Rocks with Abby and Kate / Off the Clock, On the Rocks Episode 1

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Off the Clock, On the Rocks Episode 1 · Off the Clock, On the Rocks with Abby and Kate

• 0:00
  unknown: You're nervous.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_01: No, I just have to get into my right frame of mind.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to Off the Clock on the Rocks with Abby and Kate.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_01: What's on the rocks for us tonight?
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: We have a beautiful Cosmo, and you're drinking a margarita.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: Margarita salt rim.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_01: She's a fancy chamoy and tahheen rim.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_01: So if you're out there listening, cheers.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_01: Cheers to you.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_01: Grab a Bevy.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_01: Let's start episode one.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_01: How did we meet each other and become friends?
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_01: Well, we worked together.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: I met Abby because she was assigned to work for me, and she introduced herself in a very interesting way to me.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: Her first statement to me was My name is Abby, and I'm a Mexican.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: I do want to share that we live in New Mexico.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's a probably a good fair thing.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: So, yes, it it Mexican, New Mexican, um, two beautiful cultures, but also very different.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: So that's why I was very explicit.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: But it's also something that she will never forget.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_01: I will never forget it.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: I'm also New Mexican because I was born here.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: So I get it, but I didn't.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I appreciate your ethnicity and your background, and it's wonderful.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: I just didn't really care for that to be the first thing she ever said to me, but that's how our relationship started, and that's where this all began.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: And we worked together for maybe a year and some, and I have a very strict policy of don't fraternize with people that work for you because you never know, you know, and I'm sure we can get to some of that stuff, some great work advice.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_01: However, you never really know, and you won't be able to maybe hold them accountable, be as serious with them, help them as much if you're friendly with them.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: So I just choose not to do that.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: But I really liked her a lot, and so I was really hoping she would get promoted, and I did everything in my power to help with that.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: She did it all on her own, but I helped a little, and then she got promoted, and we got to be friends, and that's how that happened.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, from my perspective, the story's a little different.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, tell us this because um Kate is very fearless, and she's a go-getter, she's very strong-willed, and she's very outgoing.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: So you can only imagine how when you became the new boss in town, everybody was a little scared.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody was scared to work with you.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: So when I heard that I was gonna report to you, I was shaving my pants a little bit because I had just gotten promoted, so I knew which I hired you for that.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: That's true.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: She did, she did, she did hire me.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I was a little scared to see how the dynamic was gonna work.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but obviously we're here, it worked out, we're super, super close.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: I think there's a lot of things that we share um with each other, and that's some of the things that you guys are gonna learn about um where that friendship or that work relationship took off to.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes, and that's funny that you say I'm fearless, but also terrifying to everybody.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_01: So that's fun.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_01: It's not the first time I've ever heard that.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: I've heard intimidating, I've heard aggressive, I've heard direct.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_01: But really, what it is is I'm gonna be honest with you, and everything good comes from being honest, and I do it with love and your best intention at heart.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: But I will say I do have high expectations.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: I want people to deliver, and so I'm sure that there was a perception of me.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: I also didn't know what I was like, I didn't know that team when they hired me in.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: So they hired me for my experience, not my knowledge.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: So I kind of had to learn all that from you guys too.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, but it works out, it did work out, and then she got promoted, and then we both got laid off work, yeah, and now we're here the same day, so now we're here, and that's how we started this, and why, or how we became friends.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: Why did we decide to do a podcast?
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_01: Unsure, to be honest.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: I we have both dabbled in the social side, she's much more knowledgeable and aggressive on that side.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: I do it because she makes me do it, and it's probably a good thing, establishes my credibility, but I wouldn't do it if she didn't make me do it, and so this kind of evolved from that, I would say kind of.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: I think so.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: I think the other thing that I have um that I've learned, and maybe this is something that I didn't grow up with, is that I always looked up to people who had something that I wanted to strive for, and I think one of the things that you did very well was um you have a strong leadership, and not just in work, you demonstrate that in different parts of your life.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: So I think the one thing that um, or one of the reasons why we made this or we want to put this out there is because there's a lot of lessons that we've learned um individually, even together when we work together outside of work.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um, there's a lot of things that I feel other people out there, female moms, you know, whatever, in whatever way you can relate to us, um, can be able to kind of understand or maybe get a different perspective because life is hard.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's hard for all of us.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um, just because we're sitting here doesn't mean that we haven't had hardships.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes it's nice to hear what other people are going through.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: So if we can be that to you um and share what we've learned so far in life, um that that's something that we'll do.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: The other thing, and fun fact, is that there is an age gap here.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um while we may look 10 years younger, yes, just yeah, while we may look super young, I think it's important to call that out because you bring such a different perspective, I bring a different perspective, but somehow it all works.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_01: It does work, and I'm I was lying, I'm 10 years older than her, but that it does work.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I think it uh the other component I think that really brought us closer together was the ability to share our faith with each other.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_01: And the I was very impressed by Abby not having any uh trepidation to do so in a workplace, which is always something that you kind of walk a fine line on, and especially in in our previous workplace, it was just not common, and so having somebody that that was very present in their life and they were willing to share that with me was very um, I was very I respect that a lot.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_01: So that was another part of like what brought us together and part of what we'll have conversations about as well.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: So, but yes, we would love to inspire you and hopefully rip make you realize you're not alone with whatever it is that you're going through because uh while it may look pretty and shiny, it's gone through hell and back to get here.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_01: So on both aspects.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: So yes, and who we are on the clock, um when I'm well, we both got laid off, and we were we were managers for a big telecom company, so we worked uh with large teams and whatever it is that you're driving performance about.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_01: We drove performance, we managed people, we developed their skill set.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: That was the the big root cause of that, and um, and it was great, and we both loved it.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_01: There's challenges, some days were much better than other days.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but when we got both got laid off, we had um, I think a shared crisis moment in which we had to decide what is it that we're gonna do with the rest of our lives and what are we gonna do as grown-ups.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's a weird thing to be facing at the age that I'm at for sure, like at 40, reinventing your life.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_01: You know, that's very scary.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_01: But going through it with you is nice.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I think when I started 14 years ago with this company, I've been a I was a manager for the majority of that time and very comfortable with the security of that company, the stock options, the insurance, the culture, the responsibility, the nine to five, the reliability of all of that.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: I was very comfortable in that environment.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_01: And then when that well, I mean, you found out first, you called me and told me what was gonna happen.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_01: So I kind of got a warning.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe I shouldn't have said that.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, it's done.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: That day's done, we're good.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_01: But anyway, she told me ahead of time, so I kind of had a warning, but at the same point, it was not what either of us were.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: Anticipated.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, not ready.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_01: We had thought that everybody else was possibly impacted, not us.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: But I think one thing that's very um that stands out to me a lot is that while we may be very driven and we may be very um ambitious women, because we really are in in our work and personal life, how we see things is very different.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I think what we made of our layoff, some of the conversations that we had, um completely puts us in very different paths, but yeah, it ends up working, right?
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: And and I'll share a little bit about me.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: This job that I had was my first ever job that was a full-time job, and I saw very limited opportunities there until I moved into leadership, never knowing that I think it was something that comes to me very naturally.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: And when I had her under um, you know, mentoring me, supporting me, and coaching me, that's really when a lot of things started taking off.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: So if there's one thing that I know about Kate, and even my family has noticed, is that you have helped shape me into somebody who's more intellectual, who's more well prepared, who does all these things.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I I really look up to Kate and I love you.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: I love her as um as an immigrant, because that's something that's you know very close to my background.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: I was chasing the corporate ladder.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: I was sacrificing my family to be able to get that promotion.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: I was putting work before myself, even so the layoff um felt very surreal for me.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I had about the first couple weeks where I was very fearful had I made the right decision to step away from this company that had a lot of great benefits, like Kate mentioned.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: So um I was pretty much kind of still yes, tied into that.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: My mentality hadn't changed, um, where she's completely different.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: So tell us what with that first couple days.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_01: Well, and I and I think you mentioned something that's worth saying too, is that we both got an opportunity and a choice to decide.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_01: We could take a demotion, take less money each year, and and do a slightly different job.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_01: Um, in my opinion, it was more responsibility and less pay.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_01: Less pay.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but really what it gave me the opportunity to do was to bet on myself.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember I I I called my man up and he was like, When are you ever gonna get this opportunity again to bet on yourself?
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_01: And I I was very inspired by that because he was he was behind me.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_01: My friends were behind me, my parents came along, you know, but they were the people that were right there with me were so encouraging of like take the leap.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_01: And we had this, what I always like to call my golden parachute, and they paid us.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_01: So I had this environment in this time frame where Abby's having these panic moments about like, no offense, but there are these moments of panic about like what am I doing?
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_01: My panic moments were a little different because I was focused on okay, I'm gonna start my own business, I'm gonna take all the things I loved about the last 14 years at this company and I'm gonna turn it into a business, but just pick the stuff that I really want to do.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_01: But that's also very terrifying.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_01: So she had in the moments that she had panic, I was very calm and I was able to talk her through it.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_01: And then the moment I had panic and I was like, what am I doing?
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_01: She would be able to call, you know, talk me through that.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_01: And we both ended up in completely different places where she's in a great spot with this great new, very reliable corporate but high-up job.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_01: She did really well.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then I'm running my own business and and doing a bunch of different little things to make you know my income, which I'm very happy about because I don't have to do a nine to five.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_01: And that was one of the things that I was really excited about getting out of that company for is being present for my family, having more freedom and flexibility, and I and I got that, but we definitely took two different routes to get to that.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_01: And mo different moments of panic and terrifying moments because it was scary all the way through.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes, it was.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: It still is sometimes.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I mean and we just call each other up.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes, it was uh very terrifying, and it yeah, and it still tends to be, but I think it's the right thing, and I think the other part of of this whole thing that got us there was the faith that we had and the the support in our own faith journey and trusting in our God and our higher power to take care of what it is that we needed, and I think this was a perfect trust trust-proving situation because there was no other option, we had to give it all over, you know?
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, no, absolutely support each other through that part, yeah.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: And it was very overwhelming at times, but here we are.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: I I think um what has it been?
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: Seven, eight months?
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: Almost eight, eight months, right?
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: Since we've been out of that environment, and I think both of us can confidently say that we made the right choice.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: Are we fearful?
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: Are we still having and I wouldn't say challenges, but I think we're we're learning new things in life.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: We're in a different chapter, we've turned the page, um, and we're each very happy with our decision.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: So I think when we walk away from it, now looking back and everything that we went through, um, I think we were down the right path.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_01: Totally.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I feel like the the company did right by us.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_01: So the the best thing I can say is they took great care of us from top to bottom.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_01: Every question that we had was answered.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_01: The pay was very good in giving us a chance to find what we wanted to do next.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't think that happens in every situation like this.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_01: So, just from a gratitude standpoint, I was so thankful for that golden parachute because it gave me a chance to bet on myself where I wouldn't have done it had I not had that.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_01: I wouldn't have taken that leap, right?
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_01: And now my main focus is coaching individuals and working with businesses to help them support uh or thrive and support them through growth opportunities, leadership development, whatever it is.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_01: Bring me your problem, I will help you solve it.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I am very much enjoying doing that every day.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_01: Every day is different, it's always chaos, and that's I love it.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: And now that you mentioned that, I think it's it's really funny that that's what you're doing because that's what I do, but with significant more security, and then less risky, less risky, and I want to call that out because I feel like that was our push and pull the whole time.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I am somebody who I want to take a safe step, and I think um that has also been a journey that I have tried to overcome with my faith, right?
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's how do we let go and let God?
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I think Kate, again, I mentioned at the very beginning, she's very fearless, but she's also human, so there are times where that fear is.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: I don't feel fearless.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, she may seem fearless on the outside, but there are those times of fear that I hadn't known before because she was my leader and she did such a great job at um keeping that maybe with her peers or or with others, and I and I couldn't tell.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: So I think getting to know that side of you was very eye-opening.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I too, the passion and and the reason why I selected the career that I'm in right now is because I like to coach and develop and help people, and that was the thing that connected us at work.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: That was the one thing that we both did fluidly.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: It came to us, we were excited, and I think we just added significantly more vol uh more value to the projects that we would do together at work.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I think like having somebody that has not, I don't think we always have the most similar mindset on how we approach it, but having somebody that like cares at that level to run ideas by is so important because it's like, well, how am I gonna do this?
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_01: Like, like, because the every problem and every issue and every employee situation is always gonna be different, and leadership is always gonna change, and you have to be able to pivot.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_01: And if you don't have somebody that you can like run to to be like, ooh, is this gonna be a good idea?
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I think it's it's even more challenging.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_01: So I liked that too.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_01: We've been able to do that, and we continue doing that as we have proceeded through this layoff together, you know?
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: So let's dive a little bit into that.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: I would like to know, and and I think people would really kind of understand our dynamic um because I think part of the way you handle yourself and you do things is very much related not to work.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: And how maybe you grew up, or maybe some of the things I think stand out to you.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: What would you say has influenced you to be the person that you needed to be to be successful?
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_01: Ooh, I've always been an ad like an achiever.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_01: Like I have to prove myself worth to myself through achievement, and I think that could come from I grew up in a ha family of alcoholics, so I I always was trying to be enough, you know, and I don't think that they would ever hold me to that, but that's how I felt growing up that way.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_01: So always was about like how do I achieve the next thing, get the degrees, get the certifications, get the job, climb the ladder.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_01: You mentioned that too.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I always thought I wanted that, I wanted to climb as far as I could go.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_01: And if people asked me like, what's your end goal?
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, How far can I go?
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_01: Like, how far up there can I go?
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_01: I never had an end goal, I just wanted to reach the next whatever goal I set for myself, but never really celebrated achieving the ones because there was always a new goalpost.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_01: So I always was doing that to the point of multiple degrees, to the point where my mom said, Stop going to school.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_01: You need to stop doing that.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and that was another way I validated myself.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_01: So I think a lot of it has been that.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_01: So coming to terms with not having a I guess solidified job with a title that I could rely on as like a this is who I am, having to come to terms with who I really am outside of all of that has been an interesting part of that too, because my worth and my value and who I am is all still present there.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's independent, it is God given.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_01: It's independent of who my parents are, what they think about it, what my job title is, like any of that.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_01: And so that has also been one of those things that I I always try to stay very true to myself and who what it is that I know is the right thing to do.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_01: I'm very honest and I always want to make sure that I can um truly demonstrate the love that God has shown me in the interactions I have with everybody every day.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_01: And that's my number one goal all the time is like, can I demonstrate that love that He has shown me?
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_01: Because I have been very blessed.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_01: Not perfect, but I'm at a point where I I truly do feel the value and my own worth is independent of all of that.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_01: And that was a journey, but also one that I think you helped me a lot with because it was, you know, when I felt those moments of doubt or like I was down or I didn't know like what am I doing with my life, like that support was right there where you're like, you know, you can do this, and here's the things that I see, and I think those things are so helpful because then you're able to get through it without just your limited perspective in those times of stress.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_01: So long-winded answer, but that's what I would say it would be the most fundamental thing is like my need to achieve and then coming to terms with it that I don't really need to achieve, you know?
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_01: Which is great.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_01: Wasted my time for 40 years, but not really.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_00: I learned a lot, I've had a lot of fun, but now you're here and and you've you're in a new chapter, right?
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_00: You're writing your book.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_00: I think for myself, um, I very odd, but very similar to Kate.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: Um, again, I I come from an immigrant household, so I think really having a title and and working hard for something is instilled in in how we are every day.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: I remember my dad used to always tell us, you know, um, your work speaks for itself.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I think my my work ethic is very strong to the point where I was letting myself go and I was really prioritizing work, um, which I'm also appreciative for because I've been able to build um a really good career out of it, right?
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_00: And now I'm in a place where I've prioritized balance, I've prioritized my family.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_00: So I have a job that respects those boundaries.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'm more aware of those things, so I think I can really make sure that um I'm doing all the things I love at work, not at the expense of my family.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I think through this chapter and through this layoff, I've really come to understand that work is just as much a resource, a resource, and a tool to create the life that we want.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's not an it's not the end game, it is the method to your end game.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yeah, and I think so many people wrap themselves up in like, what is my title or what is my role, or what is this this thing that I do?
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_01: And like one thing that always bugs me when I go to my kids' school is like one of the first things parents ask you is like, what do you do?
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, who cares?
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_01: You know, no offense to all you that have really cool big people jobs, but like, God, who cares?
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_01: Outside of having to personally market yourself because that's what you do, and now I'm selling myself, so I should do that.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I just want to know like who you are as a person.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I don't I don't care about that.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I always thought that was kind of weird because I put so much of my own value on it, but I didn't necessarily value anybody else on that.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_01: I don't really care what my friends did, and a lot of them I didn't know unless you know I worked with them.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_01: There's a lot of my friends still who I'm like, I don't really know what you do all day, but that's okay because I care about other stuff.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_01: So for this next part, we're gonna do rapid fire questions so you can get to know us better.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_01: Are you ready?
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_01: We're ready.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_01: All right, first question: Who is more likely to say I'm fine when they're absolutely not fine?
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_01: That's you.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_01: No doubt.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_01: I don't even have to think about that one.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_01: Because I am fine, we'll figure it out.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_01: I'm fine.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_01: Will I crash out?
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_01: Of course.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_01: I'm fine.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_01: And also it depends on who asks you if you're fine.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, that's fine.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_01: Because if it's like if I asked you and we were in a private place, you would let it all out.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_01: But if someone you didn't know asked you or like more of an acquaintance, you'd be like, Yeah, I'm totally.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: Fine, and then you'd stuff it all inside until you got to a safe space.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_01: Who would you rather have defend you in an argument?
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_01: Kate.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_01: Really?
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_01: You would want me to defend you?
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_01: Why?
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: I think you use big words.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_01: It sounds so I think my vocabulary is poor.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_00: And she would come up with these like random perspectives that you don't think about.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_00: So she would definitely find a way to win that argument, even if she knows she's gonna lose.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_00: She'll find a way.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, well, I especially if I care about the topic.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_01: And if it's about a person, stand out of my way.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_01: I'll tear you apart.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_01: That's you.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_01: I'm all for it.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I feel like that was a great answer.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_01: I don't even want to follow it up.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, trust God's timing or ask him for a status update.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_01: Mmm, I'm gonna trust his his timing.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_01: She does.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_01: I don't.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_01: She if she gets uncomfortable, you end up just like forcing it into something else.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_00: I question him and then I try to push my own way, and then he steers me back, and then I'm like, oh, you were right, and you know.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, she also doesn't like to admit sometimes that I'm right when I'm trying to like get her to sit down.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's not true.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_01: To it takes a while.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_01: You'll get there.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_01: Who's more likely to ask God for a sign and then question the sign?
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_01: I am also you.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_01: Also you.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yep, that's right.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_01: Give me a sign.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_01: He didn't mean that.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_01: Everything's going down for me.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_01: Reassurance.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_01: I need I need this very secure job, even though I hate it.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_00: And he will give me all the green lights, and I still will ask for what's the speed limit?
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_00: How fast can I go through this green light?
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_01: She just wants to be done with whatever the the work is.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_01: Like there was that quote from the movie.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh, hang on.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_01: Juliet, some Juliet, I don't remember.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_01: Brome and Juliet?
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_01: No, it was it was Amanda Seifrid, and that's probably not how you say her name.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_00: Fun fact I don't know a lot of movies.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_00: No, she doesn't.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_00: So that was our thing at work.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I'm always relating everything to a movie.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, there's this movie that happened, and she's like, I've never seen that.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_01: But I would agree on camera and then just chat peeing on the side.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_01: She's like, I'm gonna figure out what that is.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god, could I eye roll even more?
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway, in there, this old lady said the guy said, Oh, wouldn't it be nice if you could just skip the messy bits?
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_01: And she says, Life is the messy bits.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_01: And I like that part.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I do want to skip them.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_01: I know you do want to skip them.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_01: Next question: go to bed angry or stay up till it's resolved.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_01: Ooh.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_01: Ooh, I say stay up till it's resolved because I don't like going to sleep with like something like hanging over.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_01: I really don't like it, but depends, I guess, on the topic.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes you might have to.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_00: I used to be that way, and then well, Josh is very much 48 hours rule to like let the emotions and and which I dislike in the moment, but I appreciate sure long term.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I heard one time was this this the this couple had these notebooks they kept in their bedside table, and when they were mad at the other one about something, they would write it in the notebook.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_01: And if in the morning they were still upset about it, they would bring it up.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_00: That well, he does that, but with his brain, he just keeps it all up here.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_00: We've been together for like 13 years.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_00: Not once has he brought anything up.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's exactly how the notebook was, is once they let it out in the notebook, they never brought it up.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_01: But when they passed away, their daughter found it, and it was each one had just these all these crazy complaints about their spouse and their but they never told them because it wasn't worth it.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_01: Which I love that.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_01: I just I I think you're right.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_01: I think in previous relationships I would have been like a let's handle this now because of the pressure of it.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_01: But I also think there's a benefit to like, am I really mad about this?
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_01: Or am I just like emotional or hormonal or overthinking?
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_01: All of the above, usually.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes, yeah.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_01: Can you be friends with an ex?
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_01: Fuck no.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_01: Ugh.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_01: Hard no.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_01: Hard pass.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_00: All of them.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_00: Post them.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_00: They're gone for a reason.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely not.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_00: Even friendships, you know, just keep it pushing.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm very big on some people are there for a season in your life and you just keep it pushing.
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_01: She is big on that.
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_01: And she sent me this video one time that says, God will prune your life when you're getting close to um a big growth moment.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_01: He needs to prune what's what's around you so that there's space for you to grow.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_01: And I've seen that happen in my life.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_01: And the whole thing was don't fight it, just let it happen.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I feel like it did, you know, and it was like all for the right reasons, and the you get better things from that.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_01: So I love that.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_01: And I totally agree with you.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_01: And ew, they were next for a reason.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_01: Gross, gross, gross, gross, gross.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_01: I was married long ago when I was young, young, and once I divorced him, I've never seen him again.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_01: Ever, ever.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_01: My two of my friends have seen him.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_01: It's like he disappeared.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_01: It's the best.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_00: That's so interesting.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_01: It's so weird.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_01: And this is the smallest town I've ever seen.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_01: I was about to say, because you run into anyone and everyone.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_01: I've never seen him.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_01: Not once.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I think it's the best.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_01: I know he's not dead, so that's good.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_01: I guess.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_01: Well, for who?
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_01: Just kidding.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_01: Hopefully him.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_01: Hopefully him.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_01: Strict parent or soft parent.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_01: I if you would ask my daughter, she would say I'm the strict.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_01: Me too.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_01: She ranked all of her friends' parents.
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_01: She said you're the funnest, but you're also the one with the rules.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_01: Oh wow.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_00: I I don't know.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_00: I don't um I don't think I see you as a strict parent.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_00: She thought I was.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I'm definitely more strict.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um, Josh, my husband, is the fun one, but he can also be the very assertive one, which will throw the kids off because he's not like that.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_00: So whenever he does say something, they listen to him.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_01: Isn't that a pain in the butt when they listen to somebody else more than you?
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because like I talk you through it, we calm down.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I'm emotionally mature enough to handle your situation and calm you down, but no, um, I'm not currently married, but my man is stricter than I am, which I actually really appreciate because he does all the well, not I think it's 50-50, but he does all the like homework needs to be done, and you have chores and blah blah blah.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_01: And I do all of the cleanup after yourself stuff.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_01: So I think it's like a bulker, yeah.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_01: But it's probably he's probably a little more strict than I am.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_01: What's one thing your parents did now that you completely understand?
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god, I have the best answer.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_01: In the summer, I'd always want to sit on my dad's lap and he'd go, Ugh, get off.
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_01: You're too hot all the time.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_01: Ugh, I can't, it's too hot.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_01: And now I'm like, ugh, stop touching me.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want kids crawling on me.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_01: Like, unless it's a baby and it can't go anywhere.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_01: But if you're like a and I'm hot, please don't touch me.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_01: Ugh.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I guess.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_00: What is this?
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_01: What was the question?
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_01: I got so excited.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_01: What's one thing your parents did now that parents did then that you now completely understand?
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_00: But I see I don't do that for my kids.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_01: No, but you understand it.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_00: Oh I guess.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_00: Something that I understand from my parents.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I think one of the things that I while it's a little bit of like the reason why I am who I am, and also some of the trauma I have, is that they really pushed me to pursue um higher education, go to college, get a degree.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I used to remember my dad always telling me, um, you may not be the best candidate, but you may be the more um what is it called?
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_01: Better on paper, prepared, ready, mature.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_00: Potentially.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know, but he would be like papelito habla.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_00: So if you know what I'm talking about, is that your degree can open doors that maybe your experience won't open alone.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um which I'm really thankful for.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_01: It'll it'll audit.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, even like on a resume where you put it into those systems and the s and the computer goes through it, it does help you.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I think if anything, because I know people are steering away from like education as a a lot of people are going into trades, which is great, we need trades, but at the same point, the thing that as a person that hires people or looks at resumes, that education does, that experience does it, is it shows your stamina and ability to complete something.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_01: That sounds like a weird thing to say, but if you're willing and able to complete a degree, it does show a level of commitment and dedication and hard work that because it doesn't come easy.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_01: Getting degrees doesn't come easy.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_01: So I think there is a component of that that no matter what, it's like, oh, they have a degree, who cares what's what it's in.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_01: It's there's one, you know.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_01: So I agree with you on that.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_01: Um, okay.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_01: Great boss with mediocre pay or terrible boss with great pay.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_01: Oof, neither.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_01: I wouldn't pick either of those.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_01: I'd be my own boss and I'd say middle finger to you all.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_01: But I will say I've had some really, really shitty bosses that have taught me what never to do.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_01: So shoutouts to you.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_01: One of them commented on my Facebook recently and like tried to like, ooh, great for you.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_01: I always knew you'd do so well.
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_01: No, you didn't.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_01: You said I should be an administrative assistant.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_01: No shaded admins.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_01: That that's a hard ass job.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_01: But he was trying to talk me down.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_01: Now.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_01: Um, let's see.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_01: I good boss, bad pay, bad boss, good pay.
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_01: I think I've always been a good boss with shitty pay.
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_00: No, not you.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, no.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_01: Would you want to have a job with shitty pay and a good boss?
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_01: Or a bad boss and really good pay?
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_01: Would you rather?
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_01: Not who are you?
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_01: Oh.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, you got paid the lease.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_01: I always gave her the best raises, though.
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_01: No offense, but I always did.
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_01: You're welcome.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_01: Um, what was the question again?
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_01: Would you rather have a shitty boss and be paid really well?
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_01: Or have a great boss and be paid not very well?
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_00: Ooh, I'll be very honest with you.
• 32:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I hope so.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_00: Aw, this is gonna sound a little like weird, but I am a glutton for knowledge.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_00: So I would much rather have a really great boss that essentially is gonna give me really good skills and maybe things that I don't know for a shitty pay, and then I could potentially promote.
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_00: Love that.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_01: Tell that to you a month and a half ago, working that dumb job with all the the pay and you make it.
• 32:45
  SPEAKER_00: The boss was really not.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_01: The pay was okay.
• 32:47
  SPEAKER_01: I the pay was okay.
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but anyway, I think that the opportunity for advancement is important and being able to develop people, which is great.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, work-life balance, real or a myth.
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_01: Ooh, I think it's real.
• 33:00
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's fake.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_00: I think shut up.
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_00: Balance in any aspect of your life will always be fake.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I only say this because while I have a better job that respects my boundaries, there are some still some things that I will always have to sacrifice.
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_00: Same thing with marriage, it's never 50-50, right?
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_00: You don't always show up a hundred percent.
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_00: There's always you always gotta give something.
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_00: I would see that.
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_00: Even when you choose, like when you chose to be your own boss, it's at the expense of other things, but you're okay with that.
• 33:33
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I have to be.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_01: Well, yeah, yeah.
• 33:35
  SPEAKER_01: No, you're totally right.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_01: I could see that, and I also feel like now that everything's on my own schedule, and also I have these other things I'm working with where I have to get certain amount of hours done and certain projects done in certain time frames, and so it's like always kind of a handoff of okay, the kids are in bed, you know, I have an hour to work on whatever this is, and I find that time.
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_01: Whereas before I was nine to five, and nine to really like four or fifteen, really.
• 34:03
  SPEAKER_01: Nine thirty to four fifteen, probably.
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_01: Oops, but that's probably fair.
• 34:09
  SPEAKER_01: And I I put in as much as I could do in that time frame, but I also was exhausted.
• 34:14
  SPEAKER_01: I went home tired, I didn't have time or energy to engage with my family or be with my daughter, and I missed every one of her school things or her birthday thing, not her birthday thing, but her birthday at school thing.
• 34:25
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I think that was so maybe it is a myth and it's just about like what are you willing to sacrifice?
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_01: That's a whole episode on its own.
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_01: Come back to that.
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_01: Comment if you feel like any of these you have answers to because we'd be interested.
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_01: Be liked or respected.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_01: Would you rather be liked or respected?
• 34:41
  SPEAKER_01: I think I want to be respected.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_01: Me too.
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_01: I don't care if you like me.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_01: I really don't.
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_01: Which is why I think I had the perception at work that I did where people were like, um, she's a hard ass, has high expectations, and blah blah blah.
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_01: It's because I don't care if you like me.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_01: I'm there for a job.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_00: I do remember one time she told me, or she told I maybe it was in a meeting setting.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_00: She was like, I don't care if you guys like me.
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_00: I still go home and I don't think about.
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, okay, what a what a weird thing to say as a boss to your, you know, to your employees, but we're here.
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_01: It's true.
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_01: I've said that to almost every team I've ever run.
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_01: And it's true because I would love it if we were able to like each other.
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_01: I think that would be great and it'd be easier, but I will not sacrifice what it is that I need to accomplish for myself and for you, and for you, because I think that's a big piece, is that I don't just see what I need, I see what you need, and I'm gonna help you get there.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_01: And some of those roads are very, very hard.
• 35:35
  SPEAKER_01: Like she would describe this as, and I think you told this to somebody, she will push you to your absolute limit till right before you break, but she knows you can get there.
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, and so I will do that, but then you'll accomplish things that you'll never you would never have done if I didn't push you as hard as I did.
• 35:52
  SPEAKER_01: So I don't remember what the question was, but yes, I feel that way.
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, all right, and I think it was when you gave me feedback, so it makes sense.
• 36:00
  SPEAKER_00: Be like to respond to pushback.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, you just you wanted to negotiate, which there's a whole method of feedback.
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_01: I actually have it if you want to talk about it later.
• 36:12
  SPEAKER_01: I've got my own whole method for that.
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, would you rather know everyone's opinion of you or never know anyone's?
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_01: Never know anyone's.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_01: I think so too.
• 36:22
  SPEAKER_01: That's too much noise.
• 36:23
  SPEAKER_01: It's yeah, overwhelming.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_01: And what am I gonna do with that information?
• 36:26
  SPEAKER_01: Like obsess on it?
• 36:28
  SPEAKER_01: Ugh.
• 36:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think I would.
• 36:29
  SPEAKER_00: I would too, and I don't want to know.
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_01: What is an instant red flag or turnoff for you?
• 36:36
  SPEAKER_01: And it could be about anything, but like if I was to say red flags, oh gosh, what would it be?
• 36:44
  SPEAKER_01: People who are just rude to other people for no reason.
• 36:47
  SPEAKER_01: I really don't like that.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think mine's gonna be a little bit weird.
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_00: Do it.
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_00: I do vibe checks.
• 36:55
  SPEAKER_00: I she knows this very well.
• 36:57
  SPEAKER_00: I will meet somebody.
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_00: We may not even have like a full-on conversation.
• 37:01
  SPEAKER_00: If I vibe with you, I'll be friendly.
• 37:05
  SPEAKER_00: If I don't, I will retrieve.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but she'll you'll still be like pleasant.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_01: But I think that's a red flag.
• 37:11
  SPEAKER_00: But you don't like give yes, you don't give away your if your vibe is off, that's a red flag.
• 37:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I won't talk to you.
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, don't even don't waste your time investing further.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that makes sense.
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_01: Um, okay, I feel like I need a better one now than just that, but I don't know.
• 37:29
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a very trusting person, so I think up front I trust everyone.
• 37:32
  SPEAKER_01: She does.
• 37:33
  SPEAKER_01: And then once you burn me, I'm like, fuck you forever.
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_01: And I'll still give you a chance.
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_01: I'll give you one more chance.
• 37:38
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe two even.
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_01: And then I get to this limit where I'm just like, nope, fed up, and then you're out of my life forever.
• 37:45
  SPEAKER_01: And that's just how it is.
• 37:47
  SPEAKER_01: What's worse, lying or intentionally leaving something out?
• 37:52
  SPEAKER_01: What's worse?
• 37:53
  SPEAKER_01: Lying or intentionally?
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_01: Oh it's like you tell okay, so it's like intentionally truth.
• 37:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you're like, I'm gonna tell you like the majority, and then I'm gonna leave out this one piece.
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_01: Like, like, for example, I go to get groceries and then I secretly eat my favorite thing in the car without you.
• 38:13
  SPEAKER_01: That's too innocent.
• 38:14
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just using it as an example.
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_00: No, but we have to like here's what I'm thinking, right?
• 38:18
  SPEAKER_00: Immediately.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_00: Go ahead.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_00: Say, okay, say my husband goes out and he does something that may be like questionable.
• 38:28
  SPEAKER_00: Questionable.
• 38:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like a flirty thing?
• 38:30
  SPEAKER_00: I guess.
• 38:30
  SPEAKER_00: You know, something that we talked about and it's not like it doesn't respect our marriage.
• 38:35
  SPEAKER_00: And he intentionally leaves things out to not worry me, or he lies about it.
• 38:41
  SPEAKER_01: Like which ones were lies the whole about the whole thing.
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 38:45
  SPEAKER_00: But then the other one you're putting more effort to paint it as a good picture.
• 38:50
  SPEAKER_01: I fucking hate lies.
• 38:51
  SPEAKER_01: Because no, I can never who can keep up with it.
• 38:54
  SPEAKER_01: First off, it is so much easier to tell the truth, and it feels better on my soul to tell the truth.
• 38:58
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't just saying that, I just really don't like lies.
• 39:02
  SPEAKER_01: Like, at all.
• 39:03
  SPEAKER_01: Tell me the truth.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_01: Tell me I have something green in my teeth.
• 39:06
  SPEAKER_01: I can fucking handle it.
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_01: I have thick skin.
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_01: However, you lie to me.
• 39:10
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I try.
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_01: I have thin skin.
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_01: I just like have a really um what would you armor?
• 39:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, maybe that's it.
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I cry secretly and by myself in the bathroom when the shallow when she wants.
• 39:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I can take my mask off.
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_01: After I got laid off, though, a whole lot of things have happened.
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_01: Emotional things have happened.
• 39:32
  SPEAKER_01: I've heard videos and sermons and things that make me cry.
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_01: Songs.
• 39:37
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, well, who I've never cried in my life like this.
• 39:39
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know what's happening.
• 39:40
  SPEAKER_01: More to come.
• 39:41
  SPEAKER_01: But anyway, I think lying is horrible, and leaving something out is even worse because it shows intention.
• 39:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 39:48
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's worse.
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway.
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_01: I agree.
• 39:51
  SPEAKER_01: I think so.
• 39:52
  SPEAKER_01: Girls Night Out or Pajamas by 8.
• 39:55
  SPEAKER_01: Both.
• 39:56
  SPEAKER_01: Girls Night Out starts at five because I'm old.
• 40:00
  SPEAKER_01: And back in home, maybe by nine.
• 40:03
  SPEAKER_00: I think she definitely goes out more than I do.
• 40:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like you like, she likes to be go.
• 40:09
  SPEAKER_00: She likes to be like, I do like to be.
• 40:11
  SPEAKER_01: I like a nice restaurant.
• 40:13
  SPEAKER_01: I like a concert.
• 40:14
  SPEAKER_01: I like a good routine.
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I'm I'm much more I would say that.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_01: I would like a you're more outgoing activities.
• 40:21
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 40:22
  SPEAKER_01: I'm outgoing outside of the house, and then when I'm at home, I'm very introverted and I don't want to talk too much.
• 40:26
  SPEAKER_01: Which I don't know because I'm not home.
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_01: You're at home all the time.
• 40:30
  SPEAKER_01: No, not with you.
• 40:31
  SPEAKER_01: Well, you could be there, but I would probably just be doing my thing.
• 40:35
  SPEAKER_01: We're at Abby's house if this matters to you.
• 40:37
  SPEAKER_01: That's where we're at right now.
• 40:38
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 40:39
  SPEAKER_01: Um, unpack immediately after vacation or live out of the suitcase for a week.
• 40:44
  SPEAKER_00: Immediately.
• 40:45
  SPEAKER_00: Me too!
• 40:46
  SPEAKER_01: We have to immediately have to.
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_01: We get home and I'm like, open it and put all the dirties in the laundry immediately.
• 40:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_01: And then he's like, why do you have to do that?
• 40:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, I just have to.
• 40:58
  SPEAKER_01: And then in the morning, like get all your stuff out.
• 41:00
  SPEAKER_01: And you know what you're doing.
• 41:01
  SPEAKER_01: And usually you're like riding a trip up on something else, too, right?
• 41:05
  SPEAKER_01: So it's like I get in and then tomorrow I have to do this crazy thing.
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want laundry everywhere.
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_01: I don't ugh.
• 41:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 41:11
  SPEAKER_01: Or to have to go to my luggage to get all the stuff to get ready for the day out.
• 41:17
  SPEAKER_01: Like I just did that for however long I was on a trip.
• 41:19
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want to do that again.
• 41:20
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah.
• 41:21
  SPEAKER_01: Who would win an argument even when they're wrong?
• 41:24
  SPEAKER_01: You or me.
• 41:26
  SPEAKER_00: Who would win an argument?
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, this one's hard.
• 41:29
  SPEAKER_01: I think that we're both very stubborn.
• 41:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but I think I will die on a hill if I have to.
• 41:36
  SPEAKER_01: I I was gonna say you too, and I feel like it was just it would just be like, I'm I am willing if I've been convinced incorrect that I've been incorrect, and I'm okay with that, or I messed up about something, I'm okay with that.
• 41:50
  SPEAKER_01: But I'll give I will give in.
• 41:53
  SPEAKER_01: It will hurt my soul, and I will my ego will be bruised.
• 41:56
  SPEAKER_01: But I will do it.
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_01: I think there are times where you'll fight it to the end, and not necessarily with other people, but with yourself almost.
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_01: I think so.
• 42:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, like where it's like, I know that this is how it needs to be, and I'm like, I don't think so at all.
• 42:10
  SPEAKER_01: But you're really just fighting with yourself internally.
• 42:12
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 42:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, okay.
• 42:13
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 42:14
  SPEAKER_00: Alright, so this concludes our first episode of Off the Clocks.
• 42:21
  SPEAKER_00: Start over again.
• 42:22
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, start over again.
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_00: So this concludes our first episode of Off the Clock on the Rocks.
• 42:27
  SPEAKER_00: And on our next episode, something that I think will be really fitting is we're gonna talk about some trauma.
• 42:33
  SPEAKER_00: Um we're not gonna dive into it because we each have our own, but maybe a topic um of something that we have lived through and we'll talk about the pros and cons and how it's impacted us and where we're at now because it has definitely influenced us.
• 42:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, how we rose through the ashes.
• 42:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, as the phoenix.
• 42:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes, I love that.
• 42:54
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, perfect.
• 42:55
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 42:55
  SPEAKER_01: Well, what uh let's clock it out.
• 42:58
  SPEAKER_01: We're gonna clock it out.