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Mother's Day Special: My Mom, Mary · She’s Smart

0:02
Hey, everybody. Welcome to She
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Smart, the podcast where we celebrate brilliant, bold, and badass women.
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I'm your host, Maria Robotham.
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Today's guest, well, she just happens to be the original smart woman in my life, my mom.
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In this special Mother's Day episode, I sat down with my mother,
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Mary, who raised two daughters, taught middle school for 30 years,
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and has been married to my dad for 50.
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We talk about what it was like becoming a mom at 22, her hilarious and heartfelt
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career in teaching, and the loving
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chaos of raising kids in a big Spanish-Irish-Italian family in California.
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She also tells the story, yes,
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you've all been asking for it, the one about the serial killer hiding in her
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basement, and shares memories of margarita-fueled pool parties,
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life lessons, and what's next now that she's retired.
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It might involve quilts and an Etsy shop.
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This one's filled with love, laughter, and a whole lot of family truth bombs.
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Happy Mother's Day to all the incredible moms out there.
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My friends, my wives, my family, the amazing women raising kids,
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the women supporting each other, and the moms who helped shape me into who I am.
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To the wives, the grandmas, the bonus moms, and the mother figures.
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We see you, we love you, and we're better because of you.
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So get cozy as we connect, learn, and laugh together on She's Smart. We'll be right back.
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Music.
1:48
Hi mama welcome to she's smart thank you thank you for being on the podcast
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for the special Mother's Day edition.
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Since you are the mama, the OG mama, what are you doing today?
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Do you have an appointment? Are you done?
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I'm done with appointments. I have a couple of errands to run,
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but that's about it. What are your errands today?
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Shopping. Nice. Lick that one off the grass, guys.
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Stopping by. I have to stop by Sandy's. Yeah. And I have a couple of things to return.
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I'm probably going to go to the Apple store too.
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Are you going to get your Apple watch today? I get a new Apple watch.
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Are you actually going to wear it this time? Definitely.
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Okay. We're going to check out that one. Okay. We're going to check out that
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one. What are you guys doing for Mother's Day?
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We are going to be with Christina, Noah, and the kids. Uh-huh.
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And we're going to go out to dinner. But I'm leaving it up to them.
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I heard sister wants Mexican.
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She wants Mexican food. Oh, yeah. I'm sure.
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And his family likes a good margarita.
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No kidding. Don't take us from the margaritas. Can we talk about margaritas
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for a second? Let's talk about margaritas.
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So when we were kids, we grew up swimming. Yes. Our swim team was Meadow.
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Hello, Meadow peeps. And at the end of every year, we would have a giant swim meet called the OMPA.
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It was all these rec teams from the two towns of Arenda and Moraga compete against each other.
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And after that, you'd have a party.
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Oh, definitely. And the parties in Meadow were notoriously big.
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Now, can we talk about why? Why were they notoriously big and crazy?
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Well, because Mary, my mom, would help plan them with Cheryl.
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And Cynthia. And there were always margaritas involved.
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And one year, Ted, our friend, Cheryl's husband, was making the margaritas.
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The tequila was gone, but there was still margarita mix left.
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Oh, those are the days. At that particular party, all of the parents jumped
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in the pool with their clothes on.
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Or were thrown in. One dad was playing the guitar on the diving board at some
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point. Yes. Just like jamming on the diving board.
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And then my father decided that he couldn't get his clothing wet.
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As a very proud Italian man, you don't get the clothes wet. So he stripped down
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to his nude bikini briefs.
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They were nude briefs, Maria. They were underwear. They're tiny.
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And he walked out of the pool house.
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And one mom shielded the children's eyes.
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And he puts his hands up in the air. I'm putting my hands up in the air and
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he's going, Nobody's going to throw me in. Nobody throws me in. I'm a man.
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And then proceeded to jump in the pool himself in his nude briefs.
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Yes, because everyone ran. Everyone ran.
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When he came in. Every parent was enjoying margaritas that night.
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I don't think the parties are like that anymore, Mama.
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Do you think? No, I think that after us, they probably banned it all. Yeah.
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The fun got banned. Do you remember the party where they hired the band?
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I mean, was it that one? Or was it, there might have been another one.
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It was so wild and crazy that the band packed up to leave because they're terrified
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they're going to be thrown into the pool with everybody else.
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I think that was the same party. I think that was the same.
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And everybody, and they were running as fast as they could. I would also like
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to say we were all safe. The children were safe.
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So anyone who's listening, everyone was safe. if everyone was fine.
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And everyone watched, everybody watched out for each other's,
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they didn't just watch out for their own kids. They were watching out for every kid.
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Yeah. Yeah. And we, that was just a family type of a place. It was really fun.
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It was the best team to grow up with.
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Yes. Best team to grow up with. So you grew up in California.
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Let's talk about this. So what was it like growing up in California for you.
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And you are one of five children in a Spanish-Irish Catholic household.
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There's some Scottish in there. Yeah, we can't forget the Scottish.
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There's a little bit of Scottish in there.
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Only there's a little bit of French in there. Oh, well, that's—well,
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because we are Spanish-Basque, so that would make sense. That's right. Makes sense.
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We have to give props to Mommy. What's that show that you and Christina loved
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watching where she would go back in time, the Scottish one?
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Outlander? Oh, Outlander. Outlander. Yeah. There was a fight.
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And we all looked up the history and found out that the Gordons,
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which is my grandfather's last name, my mom's name, was the Gordon clan.
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There was actually a castle that the clan had that the queen took.
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She went around taking everyone's castles. No, I didn't know that part.
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We looked it up. We Wikipedia-ed it.
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Did you? Did you do it? No, Mary, you did it, Mama. You did it.
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It wasn't in one of those parties, right?
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Things like last month.
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I'm telling you, you know where
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I get it from. All right. So tell us about growing up in California. act?
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Well, my sister was the oldest and she's 11 years older than me.
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And then my brother, Bill, was three years younger than her or four years.
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And then Terry and then Neil and I, twins.
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Neil was born six minutes before me. And he, to this day, reminds me that he is the older one.
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So when we had birthday parties, Neil would insist that he got to go first because he was older than I was.
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But my parents, they didn't go along with that.
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But let's tell the people how, you know, he might have been the older one,
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but you definitely got him in plenty of trouble.
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Well, I was terrible. You were terrible.
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That my Uncle Neil cannot see at night, and he loses his depth perception.
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And this is a trait that I have taken from the family. Thank you.
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I lose my depth perception at night.
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And can you tell everyone the story of riding bicycles at night with Uncle Neil, please?
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Well, he had poor vision in the first place.
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He would kind of hang on to me, you know, if it were going into a movie theater.
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One night, we were riding our tricycles.
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We had a big neighborhood of kids. there was this house that had,
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garage. And then the steps went down to the house. A lot of the houses were like that.
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And he was following my reflector on the back of the tricycle.
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And I was speeding along. I quickly turned into their driveway really fast.
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And Nia didn't catch that. I mean, it was dark.
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And I turned so fast that the reflector was out of sight now.
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Instead of going to the driveway, he went a few steps further and went down
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the stairs of the house and crashed right through the front door of their house.
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Neil had a concussion. I can still remember my Irish grandmother holding him.
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In those days, you tried to keep them awake.
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It's changed if you have a concussion. And so she was holding him.
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And as she's holding him, I'm walking by with an ice cream cone and Neil couldn't have anything.
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And he was sitting there just staring at the ice cream cone and I'm licking
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the ice cream cone in front of him.
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And my grandmother, oh, did I get the stink eye from her.
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And she just gave me that look.
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That was terrible.
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That was like when I was a child and being the youngest.
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But I really had to fight because I had three brothers.
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And there was no such thing as treating the girl differently.
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Everybody was into sports and they were really active,
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I had to kind of fight for it. You're scrappy. Oh, yeah.
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I didn't lick that off the grass, guys. No, not at all. The theme of this is
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how many traits did my sister and I get from this family?
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Here's the funny thing. Your grandmother, she looked at Christina when she was
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born, and she says, no, this one's not Mary. This one's not going to be like Mary.
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And then you came along.
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And my mother was holding you and she said, this is the one that's going to be like Mary.
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And she turned to me and she said, good luck.
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And she laughed. She was so happy that you were going to be like that.
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And then she passed away four months later. She passed away.
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You were three months old when she said that.
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And she passed away a couple of weeks later.
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What was that like? You were so young. You were so young. You got married when you were 20.
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And Daddy took you to Vegas when you were 21. Yeah. Unbelievable.
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Yeah. And then you had Christina when you were 22. Okay. So here's the story.
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So everybody, I was on birth control.
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So everybody was saying, well, you know, if you're on birth control,
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it's going to take a long time for you to get pregnant.
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And I thought, oh, my gosh. They said, it took this person a year,
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it took this person, this is what I was hearing.
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So I stopped the birth control. As soon as I stopped, I got pregnant.
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Yeah. And I thought, wait a minute, I thought it was going to take about,
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you know, six months, eight months, a year. But it was fine.
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Christina was born in 76, and I was married in 75.
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A year later, I had Christina. Damn birth control people. They didn't know what
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they were talking about.
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They didn't know what they were talking about. But she, and so I had Christina and I was young and.
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You were, you were so young. I think I was 23.
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23. You were 23 years old. Years old. And then your mom passes away.
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My mom passed away. That was really hard because we were so close.
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Yeah. I would take Christina in to see her and we'd sit and have tea and I'd polish her nails.
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I had a very close relationship with my mother.
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Yeah. Very much so. And my dad adored the ground she walked on.
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He loved my mother so much. My mom, when dinner was over, would go sit on my
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dad's knee, put her arm around him.
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And they'd snuggle up and whisper.
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I saw that growing up. I saw how much they were in love.
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So her dying day, they were so much in love.
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My dad would do anything to make my mother happy.
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That's the way he was with her. And if she saw something and she'd say,
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oh, that's really pretty, next day, then I would arrive.
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But we grew up in that household. It was like that.
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And my grandmother lived with us, my mother's mother. And that was a little bit difficult.
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Oh, gosh. My sister, Sheila, had a different experience with that because she's
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11 years older than me. So she had a different take on it than I did.
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I didn't have the same experiences that she had had with my grandmother living there.
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But I always feel my grandmother to be very loving and feisty.
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But I'm sure Auntie Sheila was also rebelling and wanted her own independence
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and probably couldn't have a ton of that.
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Right. But I think in her eyes, because she was the oldest, there was more responsibility
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for her because she was the oldest. Yeah. She's also badass.
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So let's just, as much as your family fights and loves like every big family,
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there's always been so much love. You can see it with all of you.
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Auntie Sheila's just a badass. I've talked about her on the podcast.
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We all want to grow up and be.
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It's funny because you talk about how your mom used to sit on your dad's lap
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and you did that with daddy.
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Christina and I growing up seeing that really resonates with you.
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Makes it not just okay, but it's, you want that affection. You want to be able
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to show that you love someone, you care for them.
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And seeing that in our family where it was okay to show affection.
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I mean, all of my friends used to come over and want to see daddy,
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my guy friends. They would literally come over and be like, where's Aldo?
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And try to hang out with him in the back room.
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And when we were kids growing up, my friends used to leave their classrooms
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and say they were going to help Mrs.
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Riso and really just go hang out with you in your classroom.
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I mentioned in the beginning that you were a teacher for 30 years,
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so everyone listening knows that.
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But there's something to say about that affection and the love that you both
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have and exude to other people that really has become who Christina and I are.
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I sit on Ben's lap. Christina sits on Noah's lap. We're not afraid of it because
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we saw so much of that. It made it okay.
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It's almost like people don't know what to do with us because we'll run in and hug you.
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What you guys portrayed made it okay for us to do that. And I think that that's
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something really important that as our kids see it, they know it's okay.
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You know, they see me give Ben hugs and kisses and they roll their eyes and
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they're like, oh my God, you're getting so good.
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And I'm like, guys, you'll be lucky someday when your wife wants to hug and
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kiss you in front of people.
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So it's a good thing. It's a good thing. But we did see that.
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And it was the same with daddy's family.
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That's one thing that you can never question in our family, the amount of love given.
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Right. There has been so much love. And there was never a question.
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You might not have agreed.
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And you might not have liked certain life decisions that my sister and I might have made.
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But it all came from love at the end of the day when you guys were like, I don't agree with this.
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I love you, support you, but don't agree. But it always came from that.
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And I think that that was something that was so important to us as kids and
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in our adult lives, how we live is how it was shown to us. And yeah,
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there was fighting and there was people getting mad at each other and doors slamming.
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But at the end of the day, it was always love. You and Daddy have been married for 50 years.
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That's fear. That's insane.
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So how have you been married for 50 years? Give us some tips.
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I think that laughter is really important.
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We laugh a lot. That's true. As you know, your dad says things that we could
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be horrified by, but everybody else thinks it's hilarious.
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But I think that the fact that there's respect there, you know,
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we may disagree about things quite often. We also respect their opinions,
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and he respects mine. I respect his.
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I may not agree with it, but we're honest enough to tell people.
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We tell each other where we really feel.
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Yeah. So, and as you very well know, there's no holding back.
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And I think that, and you grew up seeing that. Yes.
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What was your take on it? Mommy wasn't going to let daddy decide for her. That's what my take was.
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And that was very empowering. I will never forget the pieces of advice you gave
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me. Never get married too young. Always have your own money.
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And I can see how that would be something that resonated with you because you
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were married so young. You went to college.
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This is the most amazing thing. So mommy went and had babies,
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got married, was the youngest of the five kids, had kids, and hadn't gone to college yet.
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You had junior college, right? Right. Yeah. Right.
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Because my parents, at this point, didn't have the money as much as they did with the older kids.
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By the time I came along, by the time, it was my turn.
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Yeah. Well, kids are expensive and there are five of you. Not a problem.
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I'll just go to junior college.
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So you went to college when I was in fifth grade and you made a conscious decision about that.
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But I remember you saying that you weren't going to go because you didn't want
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us coming home to an empty house. That was so important to you.
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And not realizing how important that is and how Christina and I live our lives.
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We're very fortunate that both of us are able to be home when our kids get home.
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I know a lot of parents who can. They're doing everything they can.
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The reason that I felt so strongly about it was because my parents both worked.
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And I came home to an empty house.
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My brother, Neil, and I came home to an empty house.
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But when my grandmother was around, I'd come home to her being there.
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And when she passed away, then it was different.
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Then you went to school and you were a student teacher when I was in fourth or fifth grade.
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And you would be there like at a different classroom, not in my classroom. Mrs. Crisp.
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Weren't you a student teacher for Mrs. Crisp? Her third grade class.
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Her third grade class. And then...
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When I went to middle school, you were substituting at that point,
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right? Or you were just finishing your degree. I remember going to see you graduate.
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I remember going to graduation.
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Well, I got my teaching credential immediately after that.
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I finished college, and then the following year, I had a year of the education
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program there at St. Louis College.
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And then you became a substitute teacher at the middle school.
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Right. And there's always the best story I tell my kids is the day you threw me out of class.
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Oh, yeah. Because I was talking so much. It wasn't once, Maria.
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And your reaction was the best, though. I told you enough because you talked in class all the time.
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You're talking, talking, talking. And you were talking to a bunch of the boys.
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And I was trying to start class. And you just kept talking. and I finally said, Maria, get out.
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And the whole class burst into laughter, and I kicked you out.
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Boys love hearing that one.
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I joke with them that I'm going to become a substitute teacher for their classes
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because you did it. I was like, I can sub.
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They need subs in our schools. What if I just jumped in?
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So you became a teacher, and you were a teacher for 30 years in middle school.
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Yes. How does one do that for 30 years in middle school? I loved it.
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I loved every minute of it. What did you love about it? I just loved interacting with the kids.
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I loved teaching. I loved the subjects. I started out teaching sixth grade.
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Yes, you took over for Dr. Loggins' class. Dr. Loggins died in that fire in
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the Oakland Berkeley Hills.
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I was supposed to sup for him.
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And on a Friday, he saw me. I was supping for somebody else. at the time.
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He saw me in the parking lot and said, don't forget, Mary, you're taking care of my kids on Monday.
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I said, I know, Phil. I'll be there. Then the fire hit and I got a phone call
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from the principal telling me that he was missing.
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Could I please make sure I get there? I said, of course.
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This man was so loved. He was teaching. He taught science and he taught language arts.
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He had snakes in his, right? He had like animals in his classroom.
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He had a boa constrictor named Honey Buns, who's caged.
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He had a cage filled with rats and a cage filled with mice.
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He had an iguana that the kids would put on their head when they were working.
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The boa constrictor,
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was just incredible. The kids used to hold it, and he taught them how to feed them.
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He taught them how to hold it. He loved nature.
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I started subbing, and it ended up extending because they finally found out that he died. He died.
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He was the last one. He and his wife were the last ones to get out.
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The neighbor, he stopped to help the neighbor, told his wife to go ahead,
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and he's right behind her. She was overcome.
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That fire was crazy, though. That fire jumped the freeway.
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It did. And we were starting to pack up because we were afraid it was going to hit Orinda.
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Yeah, because it was on the back of the mountain, back of the hills. And they contained it.
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But then they contained it. That was really terrible. Did they ask you to be
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a long-term sub? How did that work?
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Well, yes, they asked me to stay on to sub. And I said, of course.
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Our community of parents were very involved in the education of their kids.
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And in fact, the school was filled with parents working at the school for the
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lunchtime and all that stuff, for volunteering to do things.
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So you would see parents everywhere on that campus. I knew many of these people.
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But on the, there's one day when there was going to be a big meeting with the
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parents because everyone wondering about their students in the science class
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and what was going to happen.
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They just wanted to update about what's happening. So,
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I was asked by the principal if I could come in and introduce myself.
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So I said, sure. And remember, they had the mini gym.
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There were different rooms that were partitioned off, remember?
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When I was called to come in, the school psychologist saw me and she said,
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so Mary, you're going to speak today at this?
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And I said, well, I'm going to introduce myself.
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She says, I don't think you're just going to introduce yourself.
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And I walked in, and the place was standing room only. It was everybody.
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Everybody was there. All these parents were there. Sheen Leifert was the principal.
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Yes. Oh, here she is now. Mary, come on up here.
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And I walked up, and she said, go ahead and just tell them everything that you're
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doing and what your plans are.
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You're like, I'm going to make all this up as I go.
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And the place was just. and I had
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no idea I thought I was just gonna say hi I'm Mary Reese I stood
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there and I looked at all these anxious faces I
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don't know what happened I just became so calm I
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wasn't nervous at all I was just so calm and I started explaining everything
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I told them the whole curriculum I told them everything we do every day I just
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went on and then I said are there any questions On top of that,
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I don't know what happened to me, but people were raising their hands and I
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was answering questions.
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And finally, I said, I'll take one more question and I've got to get back to my students.
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And I took a question and they were all smiling. And I left and I'm back to my class.
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About half an hour later, a vice principal comes running into my classroom. And she said, Mary.
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And I said, yes. And she said, the superintendent wants to know if you'd like
25:55
a job working permanently in Orinda. And I said, okay.
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And I said, but not full time because I still have my own children.
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I want to be there for them.
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And she said, okay, I'll be right back. She went back and then she goes back
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again and she says, he wants to know if you'd like to teach in the morning or the afternoon.
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And they will find another person to take the others. And I said,
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I'll teach in the morning.
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And I said, but I'm not teaching science. Nice.
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I'll teach language arts. I'm not teaching science.
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Why would anyone in their right mind follow this PhD in science?
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Are you kidding me? That's not my strength. With that, she goes running back
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and she comes back again.
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She says, okay, do you want to know if you can come over after school and sign the papers?
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And I said, okay.
26:47
So after school I went to meet with him and we talked for about an hour,
26:53
talked about literature, talked about writing talked about all these things
26:57
and he pulls out a paper, it's already set up,
27:02
for me to sign. He says, welcome to OUSD. When I walked out,
27:06
everybody was smiling and excited.
27:08
And then I said, what happened to my interview?
27:12
One of the women, I can't remember who she was. Oh, his assistant.
27:16
She said, your interview was today when you stood up and talked to everybody.
27:23
And I said, he was in that meeting, she said.
27:27
And she said, and so was every school board member. No.
27:32
And I said, I'm so glad I didn't know any of that. I don't think I would have
27:36
been so calm as I was, but that was it.
27:39
That's how I got the job. That was quite an interview with that.
27:41
No kidding. I didn't know that story.
27:44
So everybody was there and they talked to the superintendent.
27:47
They all agreed they wanted me to take over.
27:50
Isn't that crazy? No, that's crazy. You went from sixth grade to seventh grade to eighth grade?
27:54
Yes, I taught sixth grade and I didn't teach it that long. I taught seventh grade.
28:01
And I taught that for about three years.
28:05
After that, they gave me this eighth grade position that I stayed in forever
28:08
because that was my favorite grade to teach.
28:12
What was your favorite thing to teach in eighth grade?
28:15
I love teaching literature. I love teaching the history, too,
28:19
American history and writing.
28:22
That was a big deal.
28:25
Yeah. You still correct my writing, even on my text messages.
28:29
Even on the text messages. I know I can't help myself. I'm so sorry.
28:33
I get grammar corrections when I talk to text. Now I add periods as I talk to text.
28:40
Well, you still have students that come back to see you. Yes.
28:43
They go to high school, college. they'd come back and visit before you had retired?
28:47
Oh, they used to show up my door with flowers and then come in,
28:50
sit down, and want to talk for hours.
28:53
And when I was teaching, I never got out of school early because,
28:59
or not early, but right after school ended.
29:02
I wouldn't leave there till six o'clock time, seven o'clock at night.
29:05
A lot of it was because the Miramani kids at the high school who had me,
29:11
they would run over to OIS and they'd come to my classroom and they'd want to
29:16
sit down and just talk and laugh and reminisce.
29:20
It's always about reminiscing and things happen in the class that were hilarious,
29:23
you know, and so that's what, you know, that happened quite often. Yeah. And I loved it.
29:30
And then we'd go to visit Naralani and that was loads of fun because I saw all these students.
29:39
One time we were in the faculty room at the high school, and one of the teachers were about to leave.
29:46
It was after lunch. And one of the teachers opened the door,
29:50
and she turned around, and she says, oh, my gosh. She says, be prepared, Mary. And I said, what?
29:54
And we opened the door, and the place was packed with kids waiting outside the
30:00
door who were my former students.
30:02
They all just wanted a hug. It was just, yeah, I loved those kids. Do you miss it?
30:09
You retired after COVID. You taught during COVID. Crazy-ass teaching during COVID over Zoom.
30:16
Yes. But it's also because your dad had the heart problem.
30:20
Remember, you came out to visit and nobody was going to be allowed to be in
30:24
there but me. I was terrified I wasn't going to get in to see him.
30:28
You finally, where they allowed you to come in.
30:31
Time. But you were also, he had a private room, which made it a difference.
30:36
One person at a time was allowed in that room.
30:39
Well, yeah. And it had to be the designated person. That was me. Yeah.
30:46
They weren't going to let anyone new come in, no matter what.
30:49
But they did. I remember that. You finagled that. Because you were coming back
30:53
from back east. And then you got to stay with him as long as you wanted.
30:58
Yeah, they were nice about that. They were super nice. And then basically made
31:01
your life hell for 10 days because I cleaned out the entire house. Oh, my gosh.
31:08
You picked me up and took me to walnut creek to a place to buy beds and it was
31:14
the one of these beds that they're called because he needed a bed that wrote
31:17
that moves up and down you said that's what you so yeah you said to me okay
31:22
pick one out i did we're gonna order it for daddy and i did,
31:26
and then the next day they showed up and i hate that bed to this day i hate
31:33
that bed And I gave Maria.
31:37
You needed the bed. And I also could not just sit there.
31:42
Well, he was in the hospital, and you were so beyond yourself upset.
31:47
And understandably, the only thing I know to do is to clean and organize and
31:52
keep myself physically busy.
31:54
Yes, my whole refrigerator was empty. I cleaned out the fridge.
31:57
I cleaned out the cabinets. I cleaned out your office. I cleaned out his stuff.
32:01
I cleaned out bags and bags. And Noah was like, I'm going to take you to the
32:06
dump. You cannot go by yourself.
32:08
The dump is not a place for you to go by yourself.
32:11
Well, speaking of that, Maria, you want to come back next week and do the same thing? Yeah, no.
32:18
No. That is not going to happen. I've done that twice now.
32:23
That was scary when Daddy was in the hospital. We didn't know what was going to happen. No.
32:28
As far as wanting to teach, I was supposed to, at least I would go in.
32:36
The school district was hoping that I would come in and substitute.
32:40
But it was really difficult for me to go back to the school and see my classroom
32:45
and all that because my heart was still very much there.
32:50
And so it was real, that was too difficult to do. And I had to wait.
32:55
I don't know if I'd go back now anyway and substitute still because I've been away for a while.
33:01
But I did keep in touch with my core team, eight-grade core team,
33:07
and we still text each other.
33:09
And you've been keeping busy. You've learned how to make quilts.
33:13
Oh, yes. I love quilting. Quilting and sewing.
33:18
And if anyone would like to buy some quilt fabric, we have enough to start an Etsy store.
33:26
Oh, my gosh. What's happening next for Mary Riso? We're going to sell the fabric on Etsy.
33:33
That's what you're wanting me to do, right? Yeah.
33:37
I'll fly out there and put all your Etsy fabric on Etsy for you.
33:43
Yes please yeah yeah i do well yeah i'm coming for most people how many quilts
33:50
can we make how many quilts can
33:52
we make from the fabric i remember at one point you were making jewelry,
33:56
probably just a little oh just a little just a little thing there were beads
34:01
yeah had like a thing like in the 90s there was bead stores yeah you don't get
34:06
that store the name of that store It was in Walnut Creek in Broadway Plot.
34:10
Yes. And you got the tray and you line up the beads in the tray and you can
34:15
see how big the necklace was going to be.
34:17
Yeah, exactly. When Mary decides she wants to do a project, she really goes all in.
34:23
It's not like, let me make one necklace and see how I feel.
34:26
It's, oh, I have 700 ideas for a necklace and I need to get all the pieces for it.
34:31
And then I get over it. And then you get over it. And there are 700 pieces for
34:36
jewelry that could have been really cool, but, you know, she got busy and other things happened.
34:42
If we went through the house, we would find the necklace mold.
34:47
In fact, if we find it, we should give it to Aubrey because then she can start
34:50
making necklaces. Oh, yes.
34:54
She would love that. All right. So now you're retired.
34:58
And how do you keep busy now other than quilting? and you and daddy driving each other insane.
35:06
Well, there's the quilting and the sewing and then the gardening now because of Christina.
35:11
Oh yeah, sisters there all the time helping create this gorgeous garden.
35:15
This garden is just getting bigger and bigger. Yeah. And then of course there's Truckee.
35:20
Let us not forget the Puppy Australian Lord. Who is out in the backyard right now.
35:25
Who is insane. Who would want to be in here right now, but I'm not going to let him.
35:29
His energy level is just incredible.
35:32
So I play with him.
35:35
There's a dog park close by, so he'll run around there. I visit friends, go out to lunch.
35:43
The usual thing. Get you late lunches now. Yeah. And then the one thing I want
35:48
to get back into that I haven't been doing as often as I used to is reading novels.
35:54
Oh, my gosh. You used to read every night when we were kids. You would be reading.
35:59
Constant. I've kind of fallen out of that a little bit because by the time I
36:03
get to bed, it's really late.
36:05
And I just fall asleep. I'm going to start that again.
36:08
Didn't you read every Sue Grafton novel, all of those? I would read every romance
36:13
novel there was. Oh, start.
36:17
I was just like, start reading these, this series that Christina got me reading
36:22
the court of thorns and roses.
36:27
Fairies and creatures and humans. It is next level.
36:31
One of my other guests, Elaine, I interviewed her for the women's league and
36:35
we were talking about books we were reading.
36:37
I told her and she goes, Maria, you're reading the fairy porn.
36:43
I didn't realize it was called that, but. I guess it's called fairy porn.
36:48
And Christina got me into it. So we can blame her. It's fantastic. Yes.
36:51
It's the best. Then I watched the kids for Christina.
36:55
Yes, you do. In a moment, she'll say, you have to get the sign and take them
36:59
home with you and drop them off sometime tonight. I wish.
37:03
She's funny. You can move out here anytime you want. I know.
37:07
I know. You just come east. You can watch my kids.
37:11
I love being with your boys. Yeah. Well, they love having you.
37:14
They get so excited when they hear Noni and Nono are coming.
37:17
Do you remember the time that I went up to, had the kids with me, the boys?
37:22
And you were home and Ben was just going to be coming home.
37:28
And I got lost. Part of the reason I got lost is I thought, I wonder where this street goes.
37:33
The boys are in the back. I started driving and I'm looking at all the houses
37:37
and everything in the area. Then I realized, you know how I am about directions.
37:42
No, terrible. The worst at directions. The boys still joke that Noni will get lost.
37:48
Noni will get lost going right down our street, going left, and then having
37:52
to come back. Noni will get lost.
37:55
Yep. Pretty much. And they're like, Mommy, Mommy, are we going to be okay driving with Noni?
38:01
Do you think, Mommy, should you go with her? No, guys. You're on your own.
38:07
Weston's a small town. You'll hit Westport and have to turn around.
38:10
So don't worry. You'll make it back. And I got lost.
38:14
I couldn't find no way. And I said to the boys, I said, we really need to go on adventures.
38:19
And I say, this is an adventure right now. and they're
38:22
both looking at me like huh and I said you have to take risks sometimes and
38:28
you have to turn in the wrong direction to learn to turn in the right direction
38:31
again and they're all going okay noni yeah sure it's called being lost that's
38:38
what that is called being lost unfortunately it wasn't at night time,
38:42
No, forget it. You wouldn't make it back. Oh, well, that happened to me when I was dead last time.
38:46
Remember you sent me off to take Easton to a friend's house? I know how to get back.
38:51
I called you and you said, where are you? And I told you and you said,
38:54
oh my God, I was like five miles away.
38:57
It was just like insane. And then I told you to put it into the GPS and find your way back.
39:01
Yeah. So nice.
39:06
You're a nice and supportive daughter. Nice to you. Find your way back, Mary.
39:14
So everyone wants to know the story about the serial killer hiding in your basement.
39:21
I have told this story. I have told this story and I've used it as a backstory
39:26
to why I am the way I am with needing to check all the doors and windows in
39:34
my house before I go to bed and have an escape plan if anything happened.
39:39
So tell us the story about the serial killer.
39:42
I grew up in El Cerrito. It's right next to Berkeley, Albany and Berkeley, okay?
39:49
During the summer, my dad, maybe 15, 14, around there, he would give us a job
39:57
and a couple of my friends' job.
39:59
He worked for the newspaper and had some filing that needed to be done.
40:03
He brought the files in and we'd sit down and file away and get paid for that.
40:10
We only did it a couple of times during the summer, but still.
40:13
The house we lived in, my dad was building below the garage.
40:18
It was a room, and he was going to build it for one of my brothers to have their own room.
40:25
And it wasn't finished. There was a bathroom that was half finished.
40:30
There was a door with a hole for the knob.
40:35
But there was a part of the bathroom itself, a wall that wasn't.
40:39
Done yet so that went like went to the outside that
40:43
went no under the house it went deep under
40:45
the house so we're we're sitting there working and talking had the radio on
40:52
listening music and as we're sitting there i sensed something turn around and
40:59
there was a man's hand fingers going in the hole of the doorknob.
41:04
It was from the bathroom.
41:07
I jumped so fast. My friends turned and saw it and screamed.
41:12
I raced up some stairs, across the driveway, down the front stairs,
41:20
and burst into the house and said to my dad, there's a man in that room.
41:24
Well, my dad called the police, and those police showed up so fast.
41:31
And it wasn't just the El Cerrito police that came, but other police from San
41:37
Pablo and Richmond, and it was just more than you can imagine.
41:41
They're all around the house and going through our downstairs, through the backyard.
41:46
They're jumping the fences to go down to the other streets and looking everywhere.
41:53
I was in the house with my parents. And the police officer came up and said something to them.
42:00
And I saw my mother's shit just turned white. She just turned white.
42:06
And I said, what is it? They didn't want to tell me. I kept insisting.
42:11
It turned out that there was a man who had just murdered a family,
42:18
He was last seen in our area the week before.
42:23
Nobody said they saw him after that. They went under our house,
42:27
and they said, someone's been staying here. It was definitely a male.
42:32
And they said, we think this was the guy. He'd been under our house, hiding out.
42:40
That is not okay. Holy shit.
42:46
Okay. Do you think that affected how you are as a person now?
42:52
Oh, how I lock every door? Like triple check every door and turn my alarm on
42:58
in my house in Connecticut from your house in California because you have the app?
43:06
And I'll get a phone call and I'll be like, hey, I just hit your app by accident.
43:14
You don't have your alarm on. Do you want me to turn it on for you?
43:17
At one point, you said, yeah, go ahead.
43:19
Probably have, but also stop checking the app, Mary.
43:24
And when I'm visiting, I always am the one that turns on the alarm.
43:28
Yeah, because you go to bed after I do, and then you text me from downstairs in the guest room.
43:34
Can I turn the alarm on now? Are we good? Can we turn the alarm on now?
43:37
We're going to turn the alarm on now? Did we lock all the doors?
43:39
Maria, this doesn't look locked. That's locked. But this doesn't look locked. It's locked.
43:45
That's the lock. button, Mary. Oh, okay. Don't say anything scary right now because I will not say.
43:53
Anyway, that was what I would do. I worried a lot after that about the safety
43:59
of, you know, especially you guys when you're growing up.
44:02
Well, let's also tell the people that growing up in Orinda, we grew up across
44:05
the street from a schizophrenic man.
44:08
It was so sad. He would stand outside. The son of the family was schizophrenic
44:12
and he would stand outside in the rain screaming and all sorts of things happened over there.
44:22
I made a citizen's arrest on him one time.
44:25
Well, he went after Christina, screaming at Christina, and he scared her, of course.
44:34
I called the police and they said, what do you want to do? And I said,
44:38
I want to make a citizen's arrest.
44:40
And they went right over and handcuffed him and took him away.
44:42
But we didn't know the extent of, there were a lot of things we heard about
44:48
later that was pretty frightening.
44:50
And poor guy, I mean, he went after his sister.
44:56
And his sister was a prostitute.
44:59
No, she wasn't. That's what Daddy said. Daddy said that she was a prostitute.
45:03
So I grew up thinking she was a prostitute.
45:05
No, she wasn't.
45:11
Everything that man said. I did not learn about you.
45:15
I told my friends. I would tell my friends and be like, he's schizophrenic.
45:20
And the sister, she's a prostitute.
45:26
Because Daddy called her a puttana, that made her... I really thought she was
45:31
for a street. Well, at this point, you can call them sex workers.
45:34
But back then, I think until just now, I really thought that she was. I guess she's not.
45:43
Yeah. Thanks, Aldo. You should have learned.
45:46
She used to walk up the street. We lived in Orinda. Our house is right down
45:52
the street from downtown.
45:54
When we were kids, we could walk to the movies, the drugstore,
45:58
like whatever we needed.
45:59
Now there's a Pete's Coffee. I walk down every morning when I'm visiting and get my Pete's Coffee.
46:03
It's also walking distance to the Arenda BART station.
46:07
BART was Bay Area Rapid Transit. When I was at design school in San Francisco,
46:10
I lived at home and I would take BART almost every day into the city and go
46:16
to school and come back. Everybody took me to San Francisco.
46:19
You could easily just, you jumped right on Bart.
46:22
She would go to Bart, and when she would walk up the street,
46:25
she would be in a very short dress and a fur coat.
46:30
That's true. All white. I see the whole visual. That also led me to believe
46:36
that she was a very high-end prostitute.
46:39
Because she wore fur. I was like, this girl's making money. She's doing fine.
46:48
Now we're going to ask you some questions. Are you ready?
46:52
I don't know. We'll find out. If your grandkids were listening,
46:55
what's one piece of advice you would give them? Oh, gosh.
46:59
I think the most important thing is to not be afraid to be themselves. Mm-hmm.
47:06
I think that's the most important thing. It's nothing that you wouldn't say
47:11
or Christina wouldn't say to your own kids.
47:13
And then the importance of being kind to others and being respectful of others.
47:18
I guess it's just follow your path.
47:21
You choose for yourself, you know? I like that. That's good,
47:26
Mama. I'm going to have the kids listen to this.
47:28
And don't forget Noni at any cost.
47:34
And that's a wrap, guys. There she is. I have other questions.
47:38
We call Noni all the time. Call Noni.
47:40
Everyone's got Noni in their device to talk to her.
47:45
Is there something on your bucket list?
47:49
Well, there's one thing on my bucket list. I want to go to Ireland.
47:52
I've never been there. That's on my bucket list. Mine too. Is it? Yeah.
47:58
We'll go together. Really? Yes. We'll go together. Because your dad doesn't want to go to Ireland.
48:03
I can't. So we'll go. So just my family being around me and seeing you guys
48:09
and being with the kids. That's it.
48:13
Otherwise, that was the only thing that's really on my bucket list.
48:16
I like that. I want to go to Ireland. It's been on my list for a long time.
48:19
We'll go together. You're closer.
48:21
Well, that's why you fly here first. And then we fly there. And we both go.
48:26
Is there something that you've changed your mind about recently?
48:29
That I've changed my mind about recently?
48:31
No. No, I can't think of anything I've changed my mind about recently.
48:35
What have you changed your mind about recently?
48:39
I changed my mind about recently. I think I've changed my mind recently about
48:43
how I interact with Easton.
48:47
Oh, okay.
48:49
Because he's different. He's a different person than I am. And so a lot of things
48:53
I don't understand because his personality is different from mine.
48:56
And same in the same ways as he grows up.
49:00
But I'm just learning that he's going to have his own path in life as long as
49:03
I guide him in the right direction and give him the guardrails that he's going
49:07
to figure it out and he's going to become who he's supposed to be.
49:10
And I think I've changed my mind about that. I felt like I was trying to push
49:14
him in different ways because it's what I know. He's going to figure it out.
49:19
And I've also really enjoy him at this age.
49:22
I really enjoy being his mom at this age. I like now, as he's turning 13, that he gets my jokes.
49:29
I have an inappropriate mind that I learned from you and daddy.
49:34
And I say inappropriate things and he gets it now.
49:40
It's funny when someone else says something inappropriate or that there's a double entendre.
49:44
And he looks at me and he's like, mom, we have our little inside joke.
49:49
And Grayson really wants to understand what that's what she said is all about.
49:54
And he's trying to use it. But he is so innocent and really has no idea what
50:00
the real meaning of that's what she said is.
50:02
So he's trying to use it in ways that's like
50:05
what his teacher would say and be like that's what she said i'm like
50:08
no that's not how we use it my students
50:11
used to use that with with me what they
50:14
would say she said or i'd say it no whole class would just burst into laughter
50:17
today so dawn asked me to host the trivia night for the high school boosters
50:23
and it's the second year i've done it it's my absolute favorite night i love
50:27
it she creates this entire trivia night with these incredible questions that I could not answer,
50:32
but I get to be the one up on stage and asking the questions.
50:36
And one of the questions said something like, you have to make sure you stick it out and not in.
50:44
And then out of nowhere, I'm like, well, that's what she said.
50:48
And it's a crowd of people, half of which I don't know.
50:53
And I fall over and I'm like, I just, I,
50:56
that's right, guys i said it you're welcome i'll be here all night it was amazing
51:01
and then mommy this was fantastic well this is fun sweetie this is such fun
51:08
i like having you on here you should come back,
51:11
we have a topic of discussion not politics put your dad on this he might be
51:16
the only male allowed on the smartwatch well that's true you can but maybe you may maybe not too,
51:26
maybe no filter no he has no filter but that would be the most fun is he there
51:32
does he want to say hi aldo do you want to say hi on maria's podcast hi maria's podcast.
51:41
That's it hi dad oh that's it guys the only male you will ever hear on the she's
51:47
smart podcast is my dad saying hi mommy this is the best i love you very very
51:52
much happy mother's day Thank you,
51:54
darling. We love you so much. Thank you for being my mom.
51:57
It's crazy. As crazy as we all are and as crazy as I make you.
52:02
Well, crazy likes crazy. It's true. Crazy attracts crazy, Mary. It's true.
52:09
All right, mom. I love you very, very much. I love you too, honey.
52:13
I'll talk to you guys later. I'll talk to you later. Okay. Bye, sweetie. Bye.
52:18
Thank you so much for joining me today on She's Smart. New episodes drop every Thursday.
52:23
Don't forget to subscribe and share. Stay cozy.