Latest / Pursuit of Sassiness / How “Broken D**ks” Healed Her Trauma With Her Father - Seriously!

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How “Broken D**ks” Healed Her Trauma With Her Father - Seriously! · Pursuit of Sassiness

• 0:14
  Speaker 1: Hey, guys, welcome back to I Do Part two. It
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: is your celebrity mentor Cheryl Burke, and today I have
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: a wild story to unpack with my guests. Somehow, I
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: don't know how, but she went from acting to working
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: with men who have a rectile dysfunction two writing a memoir,
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: A lot to unpack, to say the least, her memoir
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: You Don't Know Dick, is out June thirtieth.
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: Please welcome Christina Den to the pod.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: Okay, so we obviously have a lot to talk about.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: I mean talk about like a hook, right when it
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: comes to your book, it's a hook in itself.
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: So you were an actress first.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: Right, and now you have written a book and you've
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: gotten into screenwriting as well. But you basically started working
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: with men who had a rectile dysfunction.
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: How did that happen? And how did you just fall
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: into place? There?
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: Not naturally not a natural segue, right, It's like, how
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: would you go from this to this? So, as many
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: people probably know actors, you know, we have to have
• 1:16
  Speaker 3: a lot of day jobs, right to get by between gigs.
• 1:19
  Speaker 3: And my friends were opening a wellness center in la
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: and asked me if I would help them be the
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: office manager, and I said absolutely, and we were doing
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: ivy nutrition, cryotherapy, you know, all the things that La
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: wellness centers offer. But the problem is is that there's
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: so many of them here. They're so competitive. It's like
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: there's one in every strip mall, and so they're like,
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: how are we going to make money and survive? So
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: the owner, the mail owner of this couple, here's this
• 1:44
  Speaker 3: Joe Rogan podcast talking about this service for reptil a
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: dysfunction and it's non invasive and so you know, you
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: don't necessarily have to be a licensed medical professional to
• 1:54
  Speaker 3: do it, and it was his solution to saving the clinic.
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: And so he approached me as I'm like holding towels
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: for the cryod therapy machine day, and I was like,
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: I'm sorry, Like my comedian brain was like did you
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: just say that? Like we're going to be dick fixers?
• 2:07
  Speaker 3: Like I don't know how to process this right, Like
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: it was so at the time so hilarious to me
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: to either the idea that this existed. And so next
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: thing I know, it's like I'm on a plane to Tucson,
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: Arizona to get certified. And the only reason I said yes,
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: is because fascination. I needed more money. They were going
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: to pay me more, and you know, I was like
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: I can handle something like this. I'm mature enough, right,
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: And so you know, little did I know there's an
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: entire industry out there that is, you know, doctors are
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: paying their mortgages for solutions for retail dysfunction. And so
• 2:40
  Speaker 3: this was innovative, groundbreaking way to go without having to
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: do pills and injections and all these other things guys
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: have been doing for years.
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: Right, what did that entail? Like this sort of certification
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: of Yes, it was like this day.
• 2:55
  Speaker 3: Long seminar Intoucson where we're staring at cross actions of
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: male anatomy blown up on this projector. And of course
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: I'm like giggling and I'm looking around. I'm like, oh,
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: they take it very seriously. I'm the only like immature
• 3:08
  Speaker 3: person here that's not a medical professional, right, And I
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: you know, I studied theology in college, so it wasn't
• 3:14
  Speaker 3: completely foreign to me, but it was still just like
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: this is wild. And then we had to practice on
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: two different volunteers. So we had to use this device
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: that looks like a gun. It's like a space ship,
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: like a futuristic looking gun and put it onto the
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: men's you know part, and it was like all around,
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: all around, underneath, everywhere. So this wasn't just you know,
• 3:36
  Speaker 3: the member, it was it was so foreign to me,
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: Like I just kept feeling like I was watching myself
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: have this out of body experience. And so after that
• 3:46
  Speaker 3: we were technically certified and came back to LA and
• 3:50
  Speaker 3: two weeks later I had my first client.
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: Oh my goodness.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: Okay, so what do you think, I guess is the
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: most shocking thing that you can think of that women
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: would find surprising about men and their penises?
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: You know, I think listen, I was. I was one
• 4:05
  Speaker 3: of these women that went into this again thinking this
• 4:07
  Speaker 3: was a joke. It was like, of course, old dudes
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: just want to like keep their penises hard forever, like
• 4:11
  Speaker 3: this is I was in the school of thought of
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: like ewgross, like of course they're pervs, right, like this
• 4:16
  Speaker 3: is where meat for sure. The fact that I was
• 4:21
  Speaker 3: then like a few months in after I kind of
• 4:22
  Speaker 3: got over the silliness of it, I started fosnessing something
• 4:26
  Speaker 3: that I didn't even know men were capable of, which
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: was deep, deep levels of shame. Oh, like so much
• 4:33
  Speaker 3: shame when it comes to this part of their body
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: not working. And that could be because it's how they
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: define their manhood, right, it's this of what makes them
• 4:41
  Speaker 3: a man. And if they're not able to perform, well
• 4:44
  Speaker 3: then what are they?
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: And so, my gosh, this was this most insane kind
• 4:50
  Speaker 3: of almost like spiritual classroom into the male vulnerability like
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: crisis of I have all these feelings, I have nowhere
• 4:57
  Speaker 3: for them to go because society doesn't let me express
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: them safe, safely and welcomely. Right, I was so my
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: brain was so scrambled and transformed after that. So I think,
• 5:08
  Speaker 3: like women, I can't imagine I'm much different than most
• 5:11
  Speaker 3: women where when you have I had a front row
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: seat to male shame and I didn't have that possible,
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: I think. So there's so much in my book that
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: I'm trying to sort of cover about this, to to
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: sort of open the conversation, to to shed light on
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: this very normal yet super you know, taboo topic that
• 5:33
  Speaker 3: of sexual dysfunction.
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: Right, yeah, so yeah, for real, for real, Well, why
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: do you think men in general connect their manhood to
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: their penises, because we don't do that with our vaginas.
• 5:46
  Speaker 3: No, we don't we definitely don't. I think, oh my gosh,
• 5:49
  Speaker 3: I feel like it's like so much of it is.
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: It could be a combination of physiological drive, societal expectations.
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: They think women have on them.
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: They think, yeah, that they're cold.
• 6:01
  Speaker 3: This is what makes you a man, right, right, Like
• 6:03
  Speaker 3: the better more money, right, Like it's like they define
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: they have these like checkboxes of what make them a man,
• 6:11
  Speaker 3: and this is such a huge part of that. And
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: when it's broken, it's like it it doesn't matter how
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: much money you have, right, I saw listen, I saw
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: men from the ages of eighteen to eighty. I saw
• 6:23
  Speaker 3: eighteen motorcycle accident. Right, there's all these things we don't realize, like, oh,
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: it can break, Like I.
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: Didn't know, Oh it can break.
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: I didn't know it could break. It can break for
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: physical injury, sex accidents. There's so many things that cause
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: like scar tissue build up and then it goes crooked.
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: Like there's so many different things that deform and make
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: the thing not function properly.
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a muscle, right, Like, I guess it's the
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: same thing, and they call it.
• 6:50
  Speaker 3: I guess they call it an organ, but it feels
• 6:53
  Speaker 3: down more like it. Yeah, there's muscles that are around
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: the area that help. But it's yeah, so I was
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: just the insight. I was like, man, they I have
• 7:03
  Speaker 3: this line in the book where I'm like, man, do
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: men go to more extreme links to save their dicks
• 7:06
  Speaker 3: than we do to save our faces? Like you know
• 7:08
  Speaker 3: what I mean? Because I'm like, maybe, like maybe it's.
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: There skincare for their.
• 7:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah, there's like so there's botox. Now there's like all
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: kinds of testicles like I've heard. We didn't do that,
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: but I heard all these things. We actually also offered
• 7:25
  Speaker 3: pea shots, which is PRP and we know what Vieyes, right,
• 7:30
  Speaker 3: So spinning your blood, getting the platelets, all the beautiful
• 7:34
  Speaker 3: plasma that helps heal, and you stick it in.
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: There, it means your penis age backwards.
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: It's like let's reverse. Yeah, let's keep it, keep it
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: nice and does it work caculation? It does. Now, granted
• 7:47
  Speaker 3: I'm not again, I'm not a medical professional. If you
• 7:49
  Speaker 3: are somebody who has you know, diabetes, high cholesterol, things
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: that are already compromising calculation, it's going to be a
• 7:56
  Speaker 3: more difficult road. But yes, it was. It wasn't like
• 7:59
  Speaker 3: a permanent thing, but it was something that you. It's
• 8:02
  Speaker 3: like a preventative thing. It can help, like.
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: For us, like for PRP when we do PUP.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: That's why you do it. You want to do it
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: the not the younger younger, but like you know, you
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: want to do it as a preventative thing, not.
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: Just not going to work.
• 8:14
  Speaker 3: Delay the night, right, yeah, not take it away, but
• 8:17
  Speaker 3: delay the indevitable.
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: So when these men walk into the room and they
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: see you're beautiful, you know obviously. And I remember my
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: stepdad saying this to me recently. I think he got
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: he had to.
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: Get checked right, it was like a physical or whatever,
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: and he was like.
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: This woman was just so beautiful, this nurse and like
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: she had to like feel my balls basically, and like
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: how do they do at first? Do they become defensive
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: or are they just right away vulnerable?
• 8:53
  Speaker 3: All of it? Honestly, I saw it all. I definitely
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: there were men that blatantly looked at me and said, no,
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: you're not treating me, like before their pants are off,
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: obviously they were.
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: Like I get it, I get it.
• 9:05
  Speaker 3: And but owners are like, look like this is La.
• 9:07
  Speaker 3: She's our old like she's our technician. And so after
• 9:11
  Speaker 3: they kind of got over themselves you know, I definitely
• 9:13
  Speaker 3: got the peacock and you're like, oh, what is your
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: boyfriend think of?
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: There?
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: Was your husband like just trying.
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: To Are they trying to hit on you when you're
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: trying to do this?
• 9:19
  Speaker 3: On this I honestly had only one guy out of
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: I think almost four hundred guys. I treated one guy
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: be weird with me and like kind of pervert, No,
• 9:28
  Speaker 3: tell me what a good job I was doing. And
• 9:30
  Speaker 3: I was like he was not welcome back. But honestly,
• 9:32
  Speaker 3: they're they're in such a vulnerable position, right, and they're
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: coming in like, Hi, my manhoods that compromise and it
• 9:38
  Speaker 3: can you help me? They don't have it in them
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: to like then also hit on Like there's no way
• 9:44
  Speaker 3: that was happening, right, Thank God for me.
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: But yeah, so why do you do you think that
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: like a lot of these men, you know, there's this whole,
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: like you said earlier, with the size of their penis
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: and all of that.
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: Why is that? So? Why does that define a man
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: and a man's hood? I guess so much.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: Because like I honestly don't think every woman cares about
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: the size, Like I really don't know.
• 10:07
  Speaker 3: No, And you know, it's something that's interesting that I've
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: been like, you know, I resource this a while back.
• 10:11
  Speaker 3: But like women, we all have different sizes too. Inside
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: you you are different shapes, different sizes, different.
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: As Absolutely you can only fit in so much, if
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: you know what I mean.
• 10:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah, there's not like a universal vagina that men are
• 10:23
  Speaker 3: all trying to like live up too, you know. So
• 10:26
  Speaker 3: there's not a universal dick side color anything, right, And
• 10:29
  Speaker 3: I I did not have a clue how much variety
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: there was until of course I was witnessing it. But
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: it was just yeah, it makes me really sad that
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: there's still that same thing out there in society that's
• 10:41
  Speaker 3: like all bigger, but you know, and it's like, man,
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: can we just like drop that already? Like it's actually
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: I wanted other women.
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: I don't think the bigger the better, no doubt that.
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: No, I think sometimes too big is not great at all.
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: Well, now you want this to be an enjoyable experience.
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: Racing for impact the whole time? Yes, yeah, like not
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: doing like a prayer, like God, it's not meant for me,
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: like this is not We're not made for each other. Sorry,
• 11:06
  Speaker 3: this is not gonna work.
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, God, Yeah, that's just so what do you
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: like when you win. They pulled their pants down and
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: they show you their penis, like is it there?
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: You see right away there's a sense of shame.
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: So so here let me show you. Like, okay, so
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: picture a treatment table right, like a doctor's office with
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: the medical like the gross paper.
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: Yes, yes, of course it's horrible.
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: And I let them undress obviously without me in the room. Right,
• 11:32
  Speaker 3: I was like, get ready, put this little medical drape over.
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: You have some like dignity for yourself. So they're staring
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: up at the sky at these horrible you know, the
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: fluorescent lighting of a medical office. I try to lower
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: the lights. I try to make it all spot lighting horrible. Yeah,
• 11:45
  Speaker 3: I try to like make it. I put like Serenes
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: Bob music on and like had like diffusers, it's nice.
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: I was trying to make them feel safe and comfortable
• 11:52
  Speaker 3: because I knew this is horrible. And so then it's like,
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: you know, the big reveal of Okay, now I have
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: to pull down the drape. And so if they're just
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: like literally like steering up the sky like like most
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: of them were just immediately like embarrassed, quiet, internal, uh defensive,
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: you know, because now it's like and also I'm seeing
• 12:11
  Speaker 3: it placid. I'm not seeing what the potential is right right,
• 12:17
  Speaker 3: you know, And and so there, and of course there
• 12:19
  Speaker 3: were guys some of them did get hard right away,
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: which was that I was like, that happened, and I
• 12:26
  Speaker 3: was like, hey, we did it, you know.
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: No, You're like, hey, go get go sort yourself out. Coming.
• 12:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you get a refund. Yeah. But they were numb also,
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: like you know how like I get like I've had
• 12:37
  Speaker 3: like yes on my face for injections, right, so you
• 12:40
  Speaker 3: mean like actually numb. They we would put numbing cream
• 12:43
  Speaker 3: on they, like, we would have them apply it an
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: hour before the treatment. Nowadays they might be a little different,
• 12:47
  Speaker 3: but that would help desensitize the impact of this machine
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: because it was very aggressive. Yeah, sounds like a jackhammer, okay,
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: doing construction.
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: Like how many sessions do they go through? I'm sure
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: it's personal.
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: That's like the protocol calls for six over six weeks,
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: So either they would do three weeks and then we'd
• 13:08
  Speaker 3: like give them two months off to kind of have
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: everything start working in the body, and then three more
• 13:12
  Speaker 3: sessions later they'd come back.
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: So it was does it work? Yeah, every time?
• 13:18
  Speaker 3: Most of the guys, I saw saw improvement. Absolutely. Now,
• 13:22
  Speaker 3: it's not making it bigger. Let's be clear about that,
• 13:24
  Speaker 3: because a lot of how I'm gonna come and there
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: were guys coming to me like I don't have interactile
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: dysfunction problem, but I just want to see if it
• 13:30
  Speaker 3: can get bigger. Oh come on, Well it's like think
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: about like when you do a bicep, curl your muscle
• 13:35
  Speaker 3: like e gorges with more blood. That's all that's happening
• 13:38
  Speaker 3: with something. Right. It's not gonna make it bigger, but
• 13:41
  Speaker 3: it will make it feel and look fuller. So there
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: was that bit of confidence.
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: That was interesting.
• 13:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah okay or blood flow right.
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: So yeah, so basically this is the equivalent of us
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: going to get botox.
• 13:53
  Speaker 3: It's a lot in the same way. Yeah, like we're
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: trying to do laser we're trying to like anything plump
• 13:58
  Speaker 3: and you make this they want.
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: Like we go like what every few months? Like same
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: things for them, right, Yeah.
• 14:04
  Speaker 3: So what they would say back then, I was when
• 14:06
  Speaker 3: I was trained, it was like eighteen It would last
• 14:08
  Speaker 3: like eighteen months before they'd have to feel like, oh
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: maybe I need to do it again. But I would
• 14:12
  Speaker 3: send them with homework us homework penis pump.
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: Oh does that work?
• 14:17
  Speaker 3: Yes? So we like what part of protocol was is
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: that they had to use this during their treatment for me.
• 14:23
  Speaker 3: With me for six weeks they used it twice a
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: day for ten minutes each.
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: It's a day.
• 14:27
  Speaker 3: And now I'm like all of my friends everyone in
• 14:29
  Speaker 3: my life. I'm like, if you're over forty, you need
• 14:31
  Speaker 3: a penis pump and you should be using it twice
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: a week. It's like cardio for your dick. That's how
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: you have to think of it, because yeah, I guess,
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: so that's flow and kind of clearing the debris, right,
• 14:39
  Speaker 3: because the blood vessels and the penis are so much
• 14:41
  Speaker 3: smaller than anywhere else, and they're farther away from the heart,
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: so they claw with clack first, and it's like a
• 14:48
  Speaker 3: warning sign for guys. If that starts happening. Usually with
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: three to five years, you're looking at heart problems. So
• 14:54
  Speaker 3: it's like I would say, like it's your check engine light, right, It's.
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: Like, yeah, you get gotta get it circulation.
• 15:01
  Speaker 3: Through penis boot Camp. I called this penis boot camp
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: because I used to be a personal trainer. I don't know.
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: I was like, look, we're going to clean up our lifestyle.
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: We're gonna start eating healthy, we're gonna start working now,
• 15:09
  Speaker 3: we're going to use this pump like and we're gonna
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: get our penis back. You know.
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: Oh my, it was fascinating. Let's transition a little bit.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: What did you learn about yourself working there?
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: Okay, So the biggest transformation that happened for me was
• 15:33
  Speaker 3: finding safety with men like I had. I was given
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: this blueprint for men by my father that was he
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: was an alcoholic, he was verbally abusive, he was absent, right,
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: So I got this in. You know, men were to
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: me that that's what they were. They weren't around, they
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: weren't to be trusted, and I would go seeking those relationships,
• 15:50
  Speaker 3: right and anytime I found a safe man, I was like, hmm,
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: you're boring. I don't trust any of this, right, so
• 15:56
  Speaker 3: totally run away to the next thing. And and so
• 15:59
  Speaker 3: what and is I didn't realize that men again were
• 16:03
  Speaker 3: capable of this level of emotion, capable of the shame,
• 16:06
  Speaker 3: and it helped me disarm myself towards them and see
• 16:10
  Speaker 3: them as human and say, wait a second, they're just
• 16:12
  Speaker 3: like us. They just can't show it. Why is no
• 16:15
  Speaker 3: one talking about this and so being able to be
• 16:18
  Speaker 3: let into their personal stories of grief. Maybe they had
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: lost their wife two years ago, how to get back
• 16:24
  Speaker 3: out there. They feel guilty, like they're cheating on her. Still,
• 16:27
  Speaker 3: maybe their wife thinks they're cheating on them because their
• 16:29
  Speaker 3: penis doesn't work right. Like, there's so many stories I
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: kept collecting. Oh yeah, and I started seeing this pattern,
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: and I was like, whoa. They are dealing with so
• 16:37
  Speaker 3: much and they're just looking for permission to be able
• 16:39
  Speaker 3: to talk about it. And I'm like, well, I have
• 16:41
  Speaker 3: your broken dick in my hand. I think this is
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: a good space, right. Like it was like I was
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: their therapist and it was helping me learn and trust
• 16:48
  Speaker 3: them right And ultimately, most importantly, my father died right
• 16:52
  Speaker 3: before I started the job, so I got certain he
• 16:55
  Speaker 3: passed away, and then I came back and had my
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: first client, and you know, he had cancer. We knew
• 16:59
  Speaker 3: it was, but losing somebody that you have such a
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: complicated relationship can kind of mess with you, right because
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: you feel the sense of almost relief, and I didn't
• 17:08
  Speaker 3: know when to deal with that. I was like, oh
• 17:09
  Speaker 3: my gosh, Okay, he can never hurt me again. I
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: can never say anything again. But now it's never going
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: to get better. So what does it mean? And so
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: this job actually almost like saved me from just spouse
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: about that because I had such I had. I was
• 17:21
  Speaker 3: like focusing on helping other people, helping men, and they
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: were teaching me so much about my dad that I
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: did not understand. Wow, it was like I was seeing
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: him in their behavior, and I was like, oh, maybe
• 17:34
  Speaker 3: he had all this pain that he didn't know how
• 17:35
  Speaker 3: to deal with. Maybe he was trying to hide in
• 17:38
  Speaker 3: his ways of and it just it absolutely transformed, and
• 17:42
  Speaker 3: I was able to make peace with him after he
• 17:43
  Speaker 3: died and forgive him.
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: Oh that's beautiful.
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: Maybe I need to do this job because I have
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: almost an identical story like yours, you know, like, yeah,
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: I hear you, I feel you, and.
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: That's really beautiful.
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: That is probably yeah, because I can relate to put
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: it that way.
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: Are you married or single?
• 18:02
  Speaker 3: I am? Now? I am?
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: Now you're married?
• 18:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: Congratulations recently?
• 18:07
  Speaker 3: Yes?
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: Was it one of your clients?
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: Just kidding?
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: No, god right, no, couldn't be farther from that, but no,
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: it's but man, listen, it transformed my relationships with men
• 18:17
  Speaker 3: like I got out of a relationship I was in
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: at the time, in the job, and it was, yeah,
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: like it, I could never I can't. Well now from
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: now on, I can't really look at men the same.
• 18:26
  Speaker 3: I see. I have such a soft spot in my
• 18:28
  Speaker 3: heart for them. I'm passionate what they're hiding. I see
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: what they're avoiding, and I'm just like, Oh, we're going
• 18:34
  Speaker 3: to get there. That's one of the reasons I felt
• 18:36
  Speaker 3: this conviction to tell my story.
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so let's talk about it then. So what was
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: the process like writing the book?
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: Oh my goodness, Okay, So this job actually happened about
• 18:46
  Speaker 3: eight years ago. So I was in COVID. I ended
• 18:50
  Speaker 3: up writing a pilot because I'm a screenwriter first, and
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: I saw this world on TV. That's how I storytell
• 18:57
  Speaker 3: and so you know, COVID was happening, okay, and then
• 19:00
  Speaker 3: we started taking it out. The strikes happened, and then
• 19:03
  Speaker 3: the fires and all these things, and I was like,
• 19:05
  Speaker 3: you know what, what if I just wrote a book
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: and I told my whole story. And I got the
• 19:09
  Speaker 3: idea a few years ago during the strikes, and I'd
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: never written a book. I didn't know how to do that.
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: I was like, is this just like read writing my
• 19:15
  Speaker 3: diary and like putting it out in the world. How
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: do I do this? And so I ended up pitching
• 19:21
  Speaker 3: the publishing company Storyteller Publishing last year, and I said, listen,
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: I have this incredible idea. It's one of those things
• 19:27
  Speaker 3: that's never been able to leave me alone. And I
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: always like, I always sort of use that as my
• 19:33
  Speaker 3: my barometer. It's like, if I have a story that
• 19:35
  Speaker 3: I cannot get out of my head, that's the one
• 19:37
  Speaker 3: I have to tell. And this one is like very,
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: very unique and it's a real story. So I'm like,
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: no one else has the story. There's no way, right,
• 19:45
  Speaker 3: So one story I have nobody else can tell. So yeah,
• 19:48
  Speaker 3: So we talked about what that would look like and
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: last year I started kind of outlining writing got notes.
• 19:55
  Speaker 3: We did it, you know, over six months, back and forth,
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: and the book was done and so here we are.
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: You didn't have a gross writer. You did everything else,
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: so I did.
• 20:03
  Speaker 3: I had to do it myself.
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: I had to wow, wow, wow.
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: Okay, So I think like the next question I have
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: would be like, what was the scariest part of writing
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: that book?
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: Like, because you're really you're.
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: Also being very vulnerable, and also did you have to
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: get permission from them?
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: Like how does this work?
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: No, I changed everybody's names and I didn't anything that
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: would be identifying enough, right of course anybody. I was
• 20:29
  Speaker 3: very conscientious of that. And yeah, the scariest part I
• 20:32
  Speaker 3: would say is I always say like I was like
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: Diane Keaton in that movie Something's Got to Give, Like.
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: I love that movie, She's just like.
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: Muscling her way through crying. It was. It was very
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: healing for me, but it was also confronting to look
• 20:47
  Speaker 3: at the ways, like the responsibility that I had in
• 20:50
  Speaker 3: a lot of the situations that I maybe previously felt
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: like a victim in or felt like I was wrong
• 20:56
  Speaker 3: or whatever, and going like, let me take a step back,
• 20:58
  Speaker 3: and yes, it's crazy to be the author and the
• 21:01
  Speaker 3: main character, but let me hold myself responsible for some
• 21:04
  Speaker 3: or accountable for things. And that was really helpful for me,
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: but also very confronting and vulnerable. And then I think, truthfully,
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: the hardest stuff was writing about my dad because I
• 21:16
  Speaker 3: go back in childhood to you know, and that was
• 21:20
  Speaker 3: that was it was. It was hard. It was hard,
• 21:22
  Speaker 3: but beautiful.
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: Did you intentionally wait for your dad to pass prior
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: to writing a book.
• 21:28
  Speaker 3: Well, he died right before I started the job, so
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: I don't story until you know he was well well gone.
• 21:36
  Speaker 3: But yeah, I mean definitely there's a safety in that, right, Like,
• 21:39
  Speaker 3: I don't think that the job would landed the same
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: way I wouldn't have had the healing journey was it?
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: Did you find the healing journey more through writing or
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: through being through working?
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: I think writing, I think reflecting it, right. I think
• 21:51
  Speaker 3: while I was in it, I was so focused on
• 21:53
  Speaker 3: what was happening to the men in front of me.
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: I didn't realize what was happening to me yet. I
• 21:57
  Speaker 3: needed some space from it to go, oh my god,
• 22:00
  Speaker 3: this completely changed me and I didn't even realize that
• 22:03
  Speaker 3: was happening.
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, were you in therapy during this time or no?
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: Well?
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: Wow wow okay, okay, yeah yeah, wow. That's that's amazing.
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: I mean, what do you think, what do you want
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: people to take away once they read your memoir?
• 22:19
  Speaker 3: I mean, that's such a good question. I feel this.
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: I feel this responsibility to share what I learned about
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: men in order to help shed light not It's not
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: a book that mocks them. It's not like we're women
• 22:32
  Speaker 3: and we're so we apologize. It's like it's like, hey,
• 22:36
  Speaker 3: you're human too, we see I see that. I hope
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: other women can see that, and I hope we can
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: bridge this gap between toxic masculinity and toxic feminity because
• 22:44
  Speaker 3: underneath it all, we're all just like hurting. We're all
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: just confused. We can find peace in the messy middle
• 22:50
  Speaker 3: if we could just all like let our guards down
• 22:52
  Speaker 3: and come together. It's a very big ask and a
• 22:55
  Speaker 3: big swing, but that's my like, you know, that would
• 22:59
  Speaker 3: be a hope that it it sheds light in this
• 23:01
  Speaker 3: new way into male vulnerability that we maybe haven't seen before.
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: I think honestly too, if you know, like I said,
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: I can relate to your story, I think it would
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: maybe for me at least have compassion towards you know,
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: just their different way of showing vulnerability, right. Like you know,
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: I used to be a performer and I used to dance,
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: and I would like whenever I get nervous or get
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: a stage fright, it's like, you know, my coach would
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: always say, we all got assholes, like literally every single
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: person sitting here, like there's no don't put anyone on
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: a pedestal, like we are all one in that sense.
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: That's it.
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: So yeah, do you have any final thoughts before we
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: wrap up?
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: This is? This is great.
• 23:37
  Speaker 3: No, I'm just listen. I'm excited to be able to
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: have this platform and just be with you guys and
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: chat about it because there there is something and it's
• 23:44
  Speaker 3: it's a bit of a humor and heartbreak. So there's
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: something for everybody on my story and I hope, I
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: hope they enjoy it.
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: Thank you for sharing your story and where can people
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: find it?
• 23:54
  Speaker 3: Anywhere? Books are sold independent bookstores, Amazon, Marts and Noble. Yeah,
• 23:58
  Speaker 3: all the spots.
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: So, and you're social media handled? Are you on all platforms?
• 24:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Christina's have been dead and it is Christina with
• 24:05
  Speaker 3: a K.
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much. That was so fun. Thank you
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: with you, Thank you honey, Thanks bye, hey bye.
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: Are you getting back into the dating scene or struggling
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: with vulnerability? Well we can help send us an email
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: or leave us a voicemail. All the info is in
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: the show notes, and don't forget to follow us on socials,
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: I do Part two and iHeartRadio podcast where falling in
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: love is the main objective.