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THE DISCLAIMER: Birthday Boy Jizz · The Hauraki Big Show

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: For all you mad bastards loving the Big Show Podcast,
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: get up even closer on Instagram, YouTube and TikTok or
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Raw Dog It, four to seven every weekday on Radio
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: Hodak here.
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: Good afternoon, gentlemen.
• 0:19
  Speaker 3: Hello. Good weekend. Happy birthday, Chase.
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: Thanks, mate. Appreciate it.
• 0:25
  Speaker 3: Talk us through your... Yes, thank you, Keezy. Thank you.
• 0:28
  Speaker 3: Wanted to know. Needed to know.
• 0:29
  Speaker 4: Yes, good. Good.
• 0:31
  Speaker 3: This morning, talk us through it, mate.
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: I began the day....
• 0:36
  Speaker 4: LAUGHTER There's an arrest outside the window.
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: I've got to be honest with you. I've been a
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: little bit thrown by daylight savings.
• 0:47
  Speaker 3: You're on poop today. Oh, so your birthday's actually tomorrow.
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, no, look, to be honest with you, fellas,
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: very normal day. I woke up at about six. Years.
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: Which is?
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: Which would have been three.
• 1:01
  Speaker 5: Yes.
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: And my wife rolled over and we made, no.
• 1:08
  Speaker 4: Ripped ass.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: Ripped ass. I was like, oh, God, Monday.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: Monday.
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: What?
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: A week till you're on holiday, Jason.
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: No, she said, happy birthday, darling. And I said, thanks, darling.
• 1:22
  Speaker 3: And then what did she say?
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: And then she said, I'll go and do the coffee.
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: Oh, that's nice of her.
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: Well, the thing was, I prepped it the night before
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: for you. Nice.
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: Oh, so she wouldn't bugger about it. So did you
• 1:32
  Speaker 3: quickly go out there and chuck it in the rubbish?
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: Well, I was prepping it the night before, and she said, hey,
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: what are you doing? And I said, I'm just prepping
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: the coffee for tomorrow morning. And she said, it's your
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: birthday tomorrow. It's for me to do that. Yeah. And
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: I said, darling, you just rest up. You rest up,
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: my love.
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  Speaker 3: God, you're a bad man.
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: I totally am.
• 1:51
  Speaker 5: But what you meant by that was I don't want
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  Speaker 5: my birthday getting off to a bad start.
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so I need my coffee immediately.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: Not weak.
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: It's not good, actually. I've got to get out of
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: that habit of waking up and having coffee.
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: Well, you've got to wait an hour. Have water.
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: I know, but fuck that.
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: That's what they say, but what's the story with it?
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: I don't know. Because they say it, and I know
• 2:07
  Speaker 3: they say it, and I've heard it said, but I
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: don't know why. So I'm going to explain it, and
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: you're going to Google it anyway.
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I am.
• 2:13
  Speaker 5: Basically, what it does is when you're waking up, your
• 2:15
  Speaker 5: body naturally releases these things that wakes your body up.
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: Jizz. Let's call it jizz. It naturally releases jizz within you.
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: I usually release that while I'm sleeping.
• 2:24
  Speaker 5: But coffee does the same thing, and so it stops
• 2:28
  Speaker 5: your body's ability to do it itself.
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  Speaker 2: Naturally. Naturally.
• 2:32
  Speaker 5: So if you wake up, give it an hour, have water,
• 2:34
  Speaker 5: release heaps of it naturally, and then have a coffee, boom.
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, I like that theory.
• 2:39
  Speaker 4: It makes sense because I'm at my best in the
• 2:42
  Speaker 4: morning anyway, and the idea is that you should.
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: Have a coffee, give yourself a bit of a pep.
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 2:46
  Speaker 3: But I'm brand new in the morning. It's just habit.
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: Why don't you have decaf? I shouldn't have any of that.
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: But obviously you like coffee. I like coffee.
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: What I do know as a scientific fact is that
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: everyone wakes up dehydrated. So I do know actually the
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: theory of you should drink water first thing.
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: I do, do, do, do.
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I try to do that. I try to do that.
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: You're known for not doing that. Because I've seen your
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: wheeze after the night. It's like someone's dropped a Barocca
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: in the toilet.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's pungent, isn't it? It is. Are you filming this, Pugs? So, yeah,
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: and then we chatted and stuff.
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: What do you get for the man who deserves nothing?
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: Exactly.
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  Speaker 4: Exactly.
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  Speaker 2: Anything? Well, my wife had to go to work, you see.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: Oh, wow.
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: And so she said, oh, by the way, darling, I
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: have got you a present. And I said, look, my love.
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: Don't be bothering with that at my age.
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  Speaker 4: Now, because, of course, better than a present, Keezy, because
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  Speaker 4: you don't want anything at our age, do you?
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  Speaker 3: You don't want anything at all.
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  Speaker 4: No, no. But what you do like is the idea
• 3:59
  Speaker 4: that they forget to get you something. You think, oh, man,
• 4:02
  Speaker 4: I could hold it over them forever. That means you're
• 4:05
  Speaker 4: winning the marriage, Keezy.
• 4:06
  Speaker 3: You heard about that, man? Yeah, because I didn't know
• 4:08
  Speaker 3: this until I met you guys that marriage is a comp.
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: It's a competition to be won, not to be enjoyed
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: by both parties.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, okay.
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: To be enjoyed by one party at a time. And
• 4:16
  Speaker 3: if you're not enjoying it, you are the sucker. You're
• 4:18
  Speaker 3: the sucker. So you need to change.
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: You're a sucker.
• 4:21
  Speaker 3: You sucker. Sucker. The Hauraki Big Show.
• 4:25
  Speaker 4: Weekdays from 4 on Radio Hauraki. Now that's good listening.
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: And it's live.
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: What are you listening to there?
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: Oh, me?
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: Oh, sorry. I was listening to the Radio Hauraki Big Show.
• 4:40
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: Four to seven weekdays.
• 4:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's quite specific. And iHeartRadio.
• 4:47
  Speaker 4: What? Cheers.
• 4:50
  Speaker 3: The Hauraki Big Show Podcast. Well, that's good, man.
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: And I just had a very chill morning.
• 4:55
  Speaker 3: I'd get you jewellery.
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: Would you?
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  Speaker 3: I'd get you jewellery. A pocket watch.
• 5:01
  Speaker 4: Not a pocket watch. And I'd get your ears pierced again.
• 5:05
  Speaker 4: Just one of your ears.
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, nice.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: I like it.
• 5:08
  Speaker 3: I reckon you used to have your ears pierced, did you?
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: One of them?
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, I had one of them. Have I not told
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: you the story?
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  Speaker 4: It had a feather.
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: It had a feather. I had a feather.
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  Speaker 3: Fuck, that's embarrassing. How old were you, 23?
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, something like that. Very embarrassing, Keezy, in hindsight. No,
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: they're kind of cool, though.
• 5:26
  Speaker 3: But the feather of what?
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: I tell you, I can't even remember.
• 5:29
  Speaker 3: A fairly massive feather, you know?
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: A seagull. A very strange thing happened last night, and I...
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: I said to my wife, because there's an auction going on,
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: I went, oh, thank fuck, I've been outbid on this.
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: Oh, my God.
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: And she said, why? What did you bid on? And
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  Speaker 2: I said, I'm not showing you because it'll just make
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: you angry. And she said, oh, I don't care.
• 5:49
  Speaker 3: Oh, was it the knives?
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: No, it wasn't. I did bid on some more knives,
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: but I just, I called it a day at like
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  Speaker 2: 50 bucks.
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: I went, no, no.
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: What was it? They're like, Jip. Handmade Japanese kitchen knives.
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  Speaker 2: They're beautiful.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah. He already owns 900 knives.
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  Speaker 2: But what I bid on, and I was relieved to
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  Speaker 2: be out, and to be totally fair here, I was
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  Speaker 2: always going to be outbid on it.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: It's a camp for chest. You know those big wooden chests?
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: How do you spell that?
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  Speaker 2: C-A-M-P-H-O-R, I think. And it's made out of a camphor tree.
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  Speaker 3: Oh, my God. My parents have one of those.
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  Speaker 4: Do you want one?
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  Speaker 2: But the thing is about them, this is interesting. It
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: was a historical fact that I learned. What?
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  Speaker 3: My parents have that exact one there, and it's fuck ugly.
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  Speaker 2: And it's carved?
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  Speaker 4: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah. But anyway, well, did you know this, Keezy?
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  Speaker 2: They were actually quite sought after, but the wood repels insects.
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  Speaker 3: Yes.
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  Speaker 2: Your termites, all that sort of stuff. So back in
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  Speaker 2: the day, people used to pack all their treasures in
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  Speaker 2: there because it would– to protect them from any kind
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  Speaker 2: of infestation.
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  Speaker 5: I like that chest now because my mum and dad
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  Speaker 5: have it in their bedroom and I've always just never
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  Speaker 5: thought about it.
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  Speaker 1: Yes.
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  Speaker 3: But now that I'm looking at it, it's actually quite
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  Speaker 3: a striking piece of furniture.
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  Speaker 2: Yes, and this was.
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: A second ago you were looking at it, you said
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  Speaker 3: it was fuck ugly. Oh, it is fuck ugly.
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: Well, I'll show you the one I'm getting.
• 7:16
  Speaker 3: But in the right setting.
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: And here's the thing, fellas.
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: Could be quite cool.
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: Here's the thing, right?
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  Speaker 3: Might ask my parents for it.
• 7:24
  Speaker 4: Um....
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  Speaker 2: It was only $ 20 at that point. Oh, wow. And
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: they're usually like $ 500, $ 600. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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  Speaker 4: You just like getting in there and contributing, being a
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  Speaker 4: part of the auction without winning anything.
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: But how about this, fellas? How about this? I found out,
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: you'll recall I bid on that huge, enormous lamp. You
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: remember that?
• 7:46
  Speaker 4: I do.
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  Speaker 2: And I fucking loved it. And my wife was like, oh,
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: my God. You know what I found out today? What?
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: My wife was bidding against me. She was trying to
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  Speaker 2: win it.
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  Speaker 4: For you?
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: For my birthday.
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  Speaker 5: Oh, my God. So you were driving each other's bids. Wait,
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  Speaker 5: so did she overtake your bid? Was she the one
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  Speaker 5: that took it?
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: Well, none of us won it because it got ridiculously expensive.
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: but i was like what and she said well i
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: know that you loved it so that was the one
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: i was bidding on it's cool man i love it
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: we've got one in our bedroom it's not a camphor
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: but it's a asian my.
• 8:30
  Speaker 3: Parents have got this exact.
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: Chest an asian thing um but yeah.
• 8:35
  Speaker 5: You can have their one, 700. That is fucking crazy.
• 8:39
  Speaker 5: Did you check the dimensions of those knives? Because I
• 8:41
  Speaker 5: bet they were like summer dice swords.
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly. Like in a big knife block.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: No, but I'm good now with the old auctions because
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: I've gone, okay, I'm setting a price for everything that
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: I'm bidding on and that's it. I'm not going to
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: get carried away.
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: But does the price change from item to item?
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I mean, depending on what each item is.
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: So like a.
• 8:59
  Speaker 3: Camp for chest is $ 20 a limit.
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, pretty much.
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: That's what a never-buy was. You're not looking to buy then.
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: I'm looking for a bargain, fellas. That's what I'm looking for,
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: for someone to go, oh, and forget.
• 9:11
  Speaker 4: And what happens for dinner tonight then, birthday boy? You
• 9:16
  Speaker 4: get exactly anything you want, hot pot?
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: No, no. No, no, hot pot. Well, what I said
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: to my wife, look, let's not worry about going out
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: for dinner tonight because– We're going to be going out
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: all the time when we're in Aussie.
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: Oh, yes.
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: And maybe later on. Maybe during the week we might
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: pop out, just a quiet romantic meal.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: Romantic. Romantic.
• 9:38
  Speaker 3: It's like manic.
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: But I wear a Roman robe.
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: And sandals.
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: And a sword sheath.
• 9:48
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: How was golf? Sorry, Keezy, not golf. How was the
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: baby shower?
• 9:54
  Speaker 5: It was actually excellent because what happened is I played
• 9:57
  Speaker 5: golf on Friday.
• 10:00
  Speaker 3: Had the day off there, played golf. It was great.
• 10:02
  Speaker 3: Went to the pub.
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: How did you play?
• 10:03
  Speaker 3: Shit.
• 10:04
  Speaker 5: So baby shower was great because my mate down there,
• 10:08
  Speaker 5: he's got two kids. One of them is five months old,
• 10:11
  Speaker 5: little girl, and then his boy is four.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: Yep.
• 10:14
  Speaker 5: And so mum took the baby girl to the shower.
• 10:19
  Speaker 5: And me and this other fella from the family came
• 10:21
  Speaker 5: around to his place, and there were three of us fellas,
• 10:24
  Speaker 5: a heap of beers, and a four-year-old boy to entertain.
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: Yes. It was great.
• 10:29
  Speaker 5: We spent like five hours playing rugby and throwing a
• 10:32
  Speaker 5: footy and wrestling.
• 10:33
  Speaker 3: Oh, that was good.
• 10:34
  Speaker 5: And then you'd tag out and have a beer, and
• 10:35
  Speaker 5: then someone else would be like, Uncle Chris, come and play.
• 10:38
  Speaker 5: It was such good fun.
• 10:39
  Speaker 3: Did you dominate him?
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah, yeah.
• 10:41
  Speaker 3: He was crying.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, good.
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: I made him tap out a few times.
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: It's really important to get those lessons in early. Oh, yeah.
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean?
• 10:48
  Speaker 3: Any victories need to be earned.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: Hard earned.
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah, hard earned. I was going to make a joke there,
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: but I was like, actually, it's probably too far.
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you always do that, man. You always go too far.
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: Do I?
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: Are you getting discount sushi mogi? Yeah, good shit.
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: Sushi mogi.
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: Good shit.
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: Hey, listen to the big show, four to seven weekdays.
• 11:04
  Speaker 4: Bye. Bye.