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Carmen Talk - Another Reason Why Women Stay Single · All About The Joy

• 0:00
  Carmen Lezeth: Hey everyone who do.
• 0:02
  Carmen Lezeth: I have a good subject to talk about today.
• 0:04
  Carmen Lezeth: First, let me say welcome to All About the Joy.
• 0:07
  Carmen Lezeth: I'm Carmen Lezeth your host and here is my little Carmen Talk this week.
• 0:12
  Carmen Lezeth: Let me just first tell you what propelled this topic.
• 0:16
  Carmen Lezeth: On TikTok, there have been various videos, primarily from men, talking about why women of a certain age and financial status prefer to be single.
• 0:24
  Carmen Lezeth: I'm sure a lot of you have already seen them if you're on TikTok, and some of them are so funny and so on point.
• 0:31
  Carmen Lezeth: And although I think they're on the right track, I'm not sure it's fully what's happening at this moment in time.
• 0:39
  Carmen Lezeth: So for those of you who are not on TikTok and have not seen them, let me just tell you that the theme of the videos goes something like this Women who are single don't need a man anymore because they can pay their own bills, they can take care of themselves and are not going to be bothered with a man who creates more drama than and here's the important part the peace they find themselves in being single.
• 1:01
  Carmen Lezeth: And that's the gist of most of the videos and it's primarily men talking about it, and it's kind of actually pretty interesting because I think for the most part, it's true, and for myself and in my experience with some of my other single friends, I'd have to say that there is this truth to not wanting to disrupt the kind of joy we have in our lives on a regular basis with nonsense right.
• 1:31
  Carmen Lezeth: But as I sat here this morning kind of really thinking about this, I started realizing that there's another part of this that's really significant that I think will kind of clarify some of it.
• 1:43
  Carmen Lezeth: So if we look in the past, I think the problem has always been that women were told that they needed a man in order to have like A, b, c and D right, in order to have money to put food on the table, to have children, to raise a family, to have a home, and the opportunities were also unavailable to think otherwise.
• 2:05
  Carmen Lezeth: But see, that was never loved to begin with, and I know I'm generalizing, but that was never loved to begin with.
• 2:12
  Carmen Lezeth: That was needing someone to provide for you.
• 2:14
  Carmen Lezeth: So maybe men were providing and thinking that was also love, and maybe women were involved in thinking this too was love.
• 2:22
  Carmen Lezeth: But actually this was more like a cohabitation agreement of some sort, which is why most of those marriages never worked out or if they did.
• 2:31
  Carmen Lezeth: They were abusive, pained and not real love.
• 2:35
  Carmen Lezeth: Nowadays things are different and when it comes to needing a man, the needs from my point of view are so I'm going to say the word different again From what I watched growing up.
• 2:46
  Carmen Lezeth: And just like on a side note, I want to throw this out there as well.
• 2:50
  Carmen Lezeth: I love how older people will say they'll say it to me see, you waited too long and now you're so set in your ways you'll never be able to invite someone to share your life.
• 2:59
  Carmen Lezeth: Look it For the record.
• 3:03
  Carmen Lezeth: I don't believe any of that is true.
• 3:04
  Carmen Lezeth: I have seen people who are older who find real love, especially after someone passes away or whatever.
• 3:12
  Carmen Lezeth: And love is love.
• 3:14
  Carmen Lezeth: People, it doesn't matter when you find it.
• 3:16
  Carmen Lezeth: When you find it, that's when you're supposed to find it.
• 3:18
  Carmen Lezeth: So don't feed into these old cliches.
• 3:21
  Carmen Lezeth: It's kind of something I want people to stop doing.
• 3:24
  Carmen Lezeth: There are so many things that we are used to hearing over and over again that we've decided that they are true.
• 3:30
  Carmen Lezeth: And I'm telling you, I know a few people who are ecstatically in love and I'm so happy for them.
• 3:38
  Carmen Lezeth: And they are older and like the great fictional mathematician Dr Ian Malcolm, he once said, life finds a way.
• 3:47
  Carmen Lezeth: I also believe that love finds a way too.
• 3:52
  Carmen Lezeth: So, in all seriousness, I think love has a better shot now than ever before.
• 3:59
  Carmen Lezeth: Not that I'm confused by what I personally need in a man, but I am truly open to love.
• 4:05
  Carmen Lezeth: I don't need a man To buy me a house or to help me with my career, to put food on the table.
• 4:11
  Carmen Lezeth: Those are all like the basics, right.
• 4:13
  Carmen Lezeth: I want a man who can share his dreams and hopes, and I'd like, I'd love to be able to learn something from someone else.
• 4:20
  Carmen Lezeth: Like, if you are going to share that intimate part of yourself with another person, that person has to be able to level up to a different place that I don't already have.
• 4:31
  Carmen Lezeth: I want someone who can teach me something.
• 4:33
  Carmen Lezeth: I want somebody who is interesting, who can create adventures, who can help you know me, fulfill my other dreams you know that nobody knows about that I don't think are attainable, and I want to be able to do that for him to.
• 4:48
  Carmen Lezeth: I want an intellectual equal.
• 4:49
  Carmen Lezeth: I want a really good friend, a person who I can fight with, who I can disagree with and still come up laughing on the other side of it all.
• 4:58
  Carmen Lezeth: Right, I want a man that already has the basics, because I already have the basics.
• 5:03
  Carmen Lezeth: So anything we build from this point forward is our life.
• 5:08
  Carmen Lezeth: You know what I mean, and I think that's why I prefer to stay single.
• 5:12
  Carmen Lezeth: I have not met that friend yet.
• 5:14
  Carmen Lezeth: The guy who isn't trying to provide something that I don't need.
• 5:17
  Carmen Lezeth: Or, worse, the guy who's trying to fix me when I've already perfected who I am.
• 5:24
  Carmen Lezeth: I am grown, you know, I am a grown woman.
• 5:27
  Carmen Lezeth: And here's the thing you can't fix other people.
• 5:30
  Carmen Lezeth: Have we not learned that by this age there is nothing somebody else can do to fix somebody else?
• 5:36
  Carmen Lezeth: And I know that people like to believe that men want to fix things.
• 5:41
  Carmen Lezeth: You know what?
• 5:41
  Carmen Lezeth: You can't fix other people.
• 5:43
  Carmen Lezeth: So that whole Mars and Venus book thing, although I think there are some interesting parts to that book, I forget what the name of that book is, but I think it's Mars, venus.
• 5:53
  Carmen Lezeth: I don't know.
• 5:54
  Carmen Lezeth: I'll put it in the show notes, but my point is these cliche ism, these things we've been taught are crumbling because it's it's a different time period.
• 6:04
  Carmen Lezeth: Things have changed, so we have to change our thinking as well.
• 6:07
  Carmen Lezeth: I think that the real divide between men and women, it's not understanding what each actually wants.
• 6:16
  Carmen Lezeth: But we're all still in this archaic thinking that men are going to come in and provide and women are going to receive and then therefore be submissive and helpful to the man, like whatever the right words are for that.
• 6:33
  Carmen Lezeth: That's such archaic thinking.
• 6:37
  Carmen Lezeth: It's a different time period now.
• 6:39
  Carmen Lezeth: And here's the thing when I look at my circle of friends and those that have been happily married or happily together because one of my friends is not officially married, it's you know, they've been together for 30 years.
• 6:52
  Carmen Lezeth: But when I think of the two couples who I kind of you know, put up on the altar of like perfect relationships, like what I aspire to, what I realize is that and they've been, like one of them's been, I guess they both been together since high school, their real friends, their intellectual equals.
• 7:09
  Carmen Lezeth: There's no dominance over the other, there's no control.
• 7:14
  Carmen Lezeth: Whether intentional or not, no one has more money or more strength than the other.
• 7:20
  Carmen Lezeth: There's this Really kind of ebb and flow to their relationship.
• 7:24
  Carmen Lezeth: It doesn't mean it's perfect, it means it's a real friendship and relationship and I would bet everything I own In this moment in time that they will be together forever.
• 7:35
  Carmen Lezeth: I have no question about their relationship at all, and even though I've seen them in really terrible moments, you know, especially when one of their kids has made a mistake or there's been a problem or whatever it is I know that they will always be together until one of them passes away.
• 7:52
  Carmen Lezeth: You know like there's.
• 7:53
  Carmen Lezeth: It's such a beautiful love story anyways.
• 7:59
  Carmen Lezeth: I could talk about this all day, but I'm not going to bore you.
• 8:01
  Carmen Lezeth: What I will say is this In my opinion, part of the problem with the dating scene right now and the things that I hear from people is that the game has changed, and I hate to call it a game, but I'm just saying the dating situation has changed.
• 8:18
  Carmen Lezeth: Women still want a man in their life.
• 8:20
  Carmen Lezeth: We're all human beings.
• 8:23
  Carmen Lezeth: We all still want that connection, that intimacy, that ability to be with another person.
• 8:29
  Carmen Lezeth: We're human beings, but what I'll just speak for myself on this point what I need in a man and in any relationship, it's changed from what people think and what I used to think I wanted in a man.
• 8:41
  Carmen Lezeth: I'm just saying it, and until I find that or until that finds me, I'm just not interested in kind of the drama of it all.
• 8:52
  Carmen Lezeth: Right, there is something to go back to that part where I talked about in the beginning, that those TikToks were about.
• 8:59
  Carmen Lezeth: I don't want anyone to mess with the piece that I have found myself in being single.
• 9:06
  Carmen Lezeth: You're either going to add to my life or you're not going to be a part of it, and that's really in any relationship that I find myself in, whether it's just friendships or new friends or women or whatever it is Unless you're going to provide value or something more to my life, I don't want you in it.
• 9:26
  Carmen Lezeth: So a man who's going to share that intimate part of me, that romantic part of me, has to be able to add to my life, not take away from it, and I would hope it would have to be the same for him.
• 9:41
  Carmen Lezeth: I don't know why any man that I would be attracted to would want to think they have to fix me.
• 9:50
  Carmen Lezeth: Taking care of each other is a whole different ball game, but the men that I have met in the past have always wanted to show me how much better my life would be if I did ABC and D.
• 10:05
  Carmen Lezeth: That's why it's never worked out, and I didn't even know that before.
• 10:10
  Carmen Lezeth: It's just not what I needed.
• 10:12
  Carmen Lezeth: So, anyways, until next time, remember it's all about the joy.
• 10:17
  Carmen Lezeth: Thank you so much for stopping by.
• 10:18
  Carmen Lezeth: I appreciate you.
• 10:19
  Carmen Lezeth: Please visit us on Thursday nights, 6 pm Pacific, on our live stream.
• 10:24
  Carmen Lezeth: You can find us everywhere.
• 10:27
  Carmen Lezeth: It's all in the show notes, but you can go to All About the Joy to find the links and the contact page.
• 10:32
  Carmen Lezeth: And, yeah, we'll be back soon.
• 10:34
  Carmen Lezeth: Have a great one and yes, I will continue to say happy New Year.
• 10:38
  Carmen Lezeth: Bye, thanks for stopping by.
• 10:42
  Carmen Lezeth: All About the Joy.
• 10:43
  Carmen Lezeth: Be better and stay beautiful folks.
• 10:45
  Carmen Lezeth: Have a sweet day.