Latest / The Spiritual Shitshow Podcast / Saying Goodbye To A Beloved Dog With Presence And Grace

Transcript

Saying Goodbye To A Beloved Dog With Presence And Grace · The Spiritual Shitshow Podcast

• 0:01
  Hello, and welcome back to the Spiritual Shit Show.
• 0:03
  My name is Julie Nguyen.
• 0:04
  Thank you for being a part of my little space here in podcast land.
• 0:10
  And I have found in my own story, journey, life, how touched I am when I have the honor of listening to other people's stories.
• 0:22
  I think sometimes we see the Instagram version or TikTok version of people's lives, and we can get lost in how tender and sacred and deep, and what an honor it is to listen to how people are actually experiencing life.
• 0:40
  I think I said this in a previous podcast, but in Energy Club on Monday nights, there's the plug.
• 0:47
  the guides were saying that you can jump on the trampoline by yourself, or you can call your friends to jump with you and ask them to jump you a little higher.
• 0:57
  And I loved that because it's a beautiful reminder that we need each other.
• 1:01
  We need each other through the good times and the bad times.
• 1:05
  And with that being said, here's a trigger warning.
• 1:08
  This is not an up- uplifting podcast because I'm recording this podcast in real time while my little sweet dog, Jack, is making what feels like his worldly transition.
• 1:21
  I'm sitting here in my living room.
• 1:23
  He's sitting comfortably in his bed.
• 1:25
  I've been playing him sound bowls, and I've been holding him.
• 1:29
  The window's open on this May snowy day here in Colorado.
• 1:36
  And I felt like it was appropriate for me to record one final podcast with him.
• 1:44
  And unfortunately, this is the time where I may miss listening to his tap dancing feet in the background.
• 1:51
  All of it feels strangely sacred, and I'm brought into a real deep sense of gratitude because it all feels sacred.
• 2:00
  Life is sacred.
• 2:01
  Our journey is sacred.
• 2:02
  Our stories are sacred.
• 2:04
  The gifts that we get to experience and have from the universe, all sacred.
• 2:10
  When I got my dog, Jack, I was 30, and I moved out into an apartment, first time living by myself.
• 2:20
  And I was like,"Well, I wanna practice what it's gonna be like when I eventually have my own family, so I wanna ha- I wanna be responsible for something." So I went to...
• 2:30
  Don't-- No shade.
• 2:31
  Do not shame me for this.
• 2:33
  At the time, this is what you did.
• 2:36
  but I went to the little puppy store, and I had my niece with me, and I wanted this one dog.
• 2:43
  And then she was like,"What about this one?" And I came over to this little dog, and I was like And my heart just felt like, that's it.
• 2:51
  And I was like,"Oh my gosh, yes, this is him." So I was like,"Well, okay, this is him.
• 2:56
  What do we name him?" And my niece was like,"Jack." I was like,"Okay, Jack it is." And that has been the story of Julie and Jack.
• 3:05
  And it feels really precious'cause he's been with me from that moment of me saying I need to be responsible for something, and maybe it's time for me to have a dog, till now.
• 3:15
  My daughter just, had her 13th birthday, so she's entering a new era of her teenage years.
• 3:22
  Things have really shifted.
• 3:23
  If you've been listening to the podcast long enough in Spiritual Shitshow, like, I started it when I was really in the depths of, like, the pain and the confusion and needing to create something from the pain, and then highlighting all of these awarenesses and aha moments.
• 3:40
  And now it feels like I can finally say I am in a new space.
• 3:44
  And so here we are, this sweet little pup.
• 3:49
  Or now he's an old man who's been with me through so much of my life.
• 3:54
  And I think there's something really profound about allowing ourselves to witness endings while they are happening, instead of trying to outrun them, fix them, or numb ourselves through them.
• 4:11
  Certain things have to end for new beginnings to take shape, and that's really hard.
• 4:17
  That's really hard to sit in.
• 4:20
  I also noticed while creating this script for the podcast that Jack is almost 17 years old.
• 4:28
  He would turn 17 next month, so he's about one month shy.
• 4:33
  And then I had this crazy realization that my dance studio, me ending my relationship or my experience with my dance studio, was also one month shy of 17 years.
• 4:47
  Endings and beginnings.
• 4:50
  And maybe there are certain chapters of our lives that carry certain energetic cycles to them, almost like seasons of becoming.
• 5:00
  17 years or almost 17 years, a cycle of building, learning, loving, growing, holding, and then eventually releasing.
• 5:13
  And I don't know fully what it all means yet, but I'm paying attention to it, and I'm super grateful for this very quiet house that I am sitting in now, me recording this for you, looking at my sweet puppy.
• 5:31
  And I think that's part of the awakening journey, too, to become curious about our patterns and the symbols that are very present in our lives.
• 5:44
  I'm grateful that I have this awareness for this ending because my first ending, my first 17-year cycle was fucking devastating, hard.
• 5:54
  And what I'm realizing is that endings are hard and beautiful endings can hurt.
• 6:03
  Aligned endings can bring grief, and I think sometimes we judge ourselves for that.
• 6:09
  We think that if something is spiritual or meant to happen that it shouldn't feel painful.
• 6:15
  But love and grief often sit in the same room together.
• 6:20
  That's what makes being human so sacred.
• 6:24
  Again, you might have heard Jack in the background of voice memos or podcasts.
• 6:30
  His little tap dancing paws have been in so many of the recordings'cause he honestly follows me around the house, sometimes so annoying.
• 6:39
  And I caught myself thinking,"One day those sounds won't be there anymore, and today might be that day." I'm emotional not just because I'll miss him, but because it reminds me of how often we fail to fully notice life and appreciate life while it's happening.
• 6:59
  I think we appreciate it later, or we grieve when we're losing it because maybe we didn't find enough gratitude in the present moment when life was happening for us.
• 7:12
  We think there will be more time.
• 7:14
  We think the sacred moments are the big moments, but life is literally happening now.
• 7:22
  And I think this is where gratitude becomes something much deeper than just saying,"I'm grateful.
• 7:27
  I'm grateful for you.
• 7:28
  I'm grateful for this." I think gratitude is the ability to truly see and feel and be present, to notice the miracle while it's still here.
• 7:42
  Sitting in a state of gratitude for literally the morning coffee, the sunlight through the window, the friend texting you, the sound of your child laughing, those familiar tip tappy paws on the floor, The ordinary Tuesday afternoon that someday you would give anything to experience one more time.
• 8:07
  I think gratitude is presence.
• 8:09
  And honestly, for a long time, I was so consumed with my own healing, healing the past, learning about forgiveness, swimming in my own pain, that I was not living in the present moment.
• 8:25
  I've spent years healing trauma, understanding my nervous system, working through grief, trying to regulate, trying to understand why things happened the way they happened, trying to regain and fix and heal my ego to become something.
• 8:38
  And I do honor that work deeply.
• 8:42
  I am grateful that I've had the courage to deep dive into myself and to touch these pain points that are hard to touch and hard to revisit.
• 8:51
  And I genuinely think the reason that I can sit here now with softness instead of complete panic is because of the work that I have done for myself.
• 9:07
  And there was a version of me that would have completely spiraled through a transition like this, and I would have already been drinking those bottles of wine.
• 9:15
  You hear me?
• 9:16
  And now, there's sadness here.
• 9:20
  Of course, there's grief, and there's also a sacred peace.
• 9:27
  As I breathe into that, there's a sacredness that's happening here.
• 9:32
  And even to the end, my little Bubby's teaching me something.
• 9:37
  Gratitude and time.
• 9:39
  And healing maybe is...
• 9:42
  That's what this is for, to not become emotionless, not become endlessly positive.
• 9:50
  If you've heard my podcast before, that's so annoying too.
• 9:54
  And not bypassing the pain, you know, not saying it's okay or he's old or it happens, but becoming available for life.
• 10:08
  Right now, I'm allowing myself to become available for life.
• 10:14
  Available to actually experience it, to be here with it.
• 10:21
  I think on this journey, many of us wonder what enlightenment is.
• 10:30
  I, of course, have The saving grace of being able to connect to the guides.
• 10:38
  But even the guides tell me,"We are just your guides.
• 10:41
  You are the authority, and everybody has a guidance system, and we're here not to give your power away to us, but so you can remember that you are the co-creator of your life, that you are the authority." And the authority is the courage to be alive, to authentically experience being alive, to really be here for our lives and not get caught up in the bullshit of what we need to create and do and experience and money and blah, blah, blah.
• 11:16
  I don't want us to get caught up in fixing ourselves and thinking that we'll be happy when, life will get better when.
• 11:25
  Because honestly, life is happening now.
• 11:30
  The present moment is a portal.
• 11:34
  It's the only place your future is ever created from.
• 11:39
  This moment, this breath, this room, this conversation.
• 11:44
  I am finding deep gratitude that Jack has been with me through so many versions of myself.
• 11:50
  And I think that's why I cry and get so emotional because wow, he's been with me when I was living by myself for the first time and finding out who I was, how I wanted to decorate my apartment.
• 12:05
  He's been with me as I moved into a house.
• 12:08
  He's been with me having a child and motherhood and marriage and heartbreak and transformation and healing and identity shifts and travels and endings and beginnings.
• 12:24
  He has been this little quiet companion through almost an entire era of my life, and what a gift that is.
• 12:35
  While I was sitting with him today too, I was like,"I am so sorry, buddy.
• 12:38
  I am so sorry all those times that you really pissed me off for pissing all over my carpet and throwing up everywhere.
• 12:47
  I am sorry that you drive me crazy, that you literally follow me around from room to room to room, and I am sorry that I got angry with you every time I tried to create a podcast and you decide to, like, lick your balls or throw up or tip-tap around the room as you're trying to make yourself comfortable." I did say that, lick his balls.
• 13:07
  If you go back and listen to some voice memos, that is what you hear, his slurping.
• 13:11
  And that's life I think in this moment I'm learning how to embrace and laugh and hold and experience and drop into deep gratitude for all of it.
• 13:20
  He's reminding me now that healing does mean fixing the past, but we do it so we can finally deserve and be in the present.
• 13:34
  To know how to arrive in life, in what is happening now, because one day the tippity-tap of paws disappear, the house changes, the body changes, the kids grow up, the chapter closes, and we realize life was never asking us to grip tighter.
• 13:59
  It was asking us to notice, to embrace, to see it all as an incredible fucking gift.
• 14:09
  I truly do feel that if we can pause long enough in our days to slow down, to take stock in your life, we will notice that the universe is always giving us gifts.
• 14:23
  It's that synchronistic moment.
• 14:25
  It's that dog that can be an energetic anchor for your life and a really long chapter of your life and your becoming and your being and your joy.
• 14:34
  It can be the house that you are in right now.
• 14:37
  It can be the job opportunity.
• 14:39
  It could be that laughter with a beautiful friend.
• 14:42
  It can be a new friend.
• 14:45
  But gratitude is deeper than just,"I'm grateful for." Gratitude is what allows you to be like,"Damn, that univer-" Like, God, the universe, source, creator, literally, it is gifting me things all day, every day.
• 15:04
  You are not alone.
• 15:06
  We are not alone.
• 15:08
  And when I was writing the script out for this podcast, I was like,"You know, what a beautiful reframe this is, that here I am trying to create life, trying to create and do and become," and the real laughter of the universe is like,"No, you...""You are a gift to us.
• 15:28
  We are showering you with love.
• 15:32
  We are showering you with love.
• 15:36
  You are our golden child.
• 15:40
  Let us gift you." And shower you with all that we can gift you and shower you with.
• 15:49
  You just have to know that you're worthy.
• 15:52
  You just have to know who we are.
• 15:54
  You're not here to work alone.
• 15:58
  You are really here because you're a child of God.
• 16:01
  That life is a gift, and you are a gift to the world.
• 16:08
  Life is not waiting somewhere else.
• 16:11
  It is here.
• 16:12
  The greatest awakening, the enlightenment you're seeking is just here right now.
• 16:21
  You just have to fully receive life.
• 16:23
  And I'll close this out in tribute to my little dog, Jack.
• 16:28
  Thank you for your little tap-dancing paws.
• 16:31
  Thank you for literally staying beside me through almost 17 years of life.
• 16:36
  Thank you for being part of one of the most transformational cycles of my existence, and thank you for reminding me how sacred it is to love something while it's still here.
• 16:49
  Thank you for being here.
• 16:51
  And may you today take a moment to see how life is working for you.
• 16:58
  What are the gifts that you can just softly settle into?
• 17:03
  I am sending you so much love.
• 17:05
  Thank you for being here.
• 17:06
  Thanks for keeping it real.
• 17:07
  Till next time.