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The Courage to Walk Away From a Relationship That No Longer Meets Your Needs · The Hypnotist

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  Welcome to The Hypnotist, the show that gives you inside
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  access to cutting edge hypnosis with real clients facing
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  genuine. Issues.
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  Brought to you by The Hypnotherapist, demanded by
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  celebrities CE OS and even royalty Adam Cox, these
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  recordings took place live from Evans Clinic in London's world
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  famous Harley Street. So get yourself comfortable and
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  enjoy today's episode of The Hypnotist.
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  Hi, it's Adam here and you're about to listen to a
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  relationship hypnosis session about ending a relationship.
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  Now, most therapists. Most.
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  Coaches would focus. Very much on improving and
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  mending a relationship, and I would agree with that.
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  If you're in a relationship and it's not quite living up to your
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  standards, your needs aren't being met.
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  It's a much better use of time and resources to try and improve
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  the relationship so that you keep the relationship but you
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  have a good relationship. But if you can't do that, and it
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  may not be viable, communication may have broken down, then it
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  does make sense to end that relationship.
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  But there's two key things that can get in the way of ending a
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  relationship. One is the sunk cost fallacy
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  that if you've been in a relationship for a number of
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  years, then it feels like, well, because you're familiar with it,
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  it would be a shame to walk away from something that you've put
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  so much time, energy and emotion in.
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  And that can make sense if you can improve the relationship,
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  but if you can't then it's almost like a gambler chasing
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  their losses to try and get more money just to pay back what
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  they've already lost. So that sunk cost fallacy is
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  very dangerous in long relationships.
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  And the best question to ask if you are in danger of a sunk
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  cost? Fallacy is.
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  If I wasn't already in this relationship and I had just
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  joined the relationship in its current form, would I want this
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  relationship? Would I enjoy this relationship?
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  Would I find this relationship valuable?
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  And if the answer is no. Then it tells you that it is.
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  Below your minimum standard for this relationship to be
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  desirable for you. So that's the sun cost fallacy.
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  The second is conflict. A lot of people do not like
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  conflict, and they believe that a breakup would lead to conflict
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  or some other fallout. It might be that there are
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  financial consequences of ending a relationship or an impact on
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  shared children, for example. And I'm not saying that those
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  things don't matter. What this hypnosis session does
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  is helps to give clarity of factoring in every single
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  variable. The length of the relationship,
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  the dynamics with the individual, the past, the
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  possible future, and any possible fallout is baked into
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  three different scenarios. Keeping the relationship exactly
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  as it is, no improvements, and imagining what that would lead
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  to. Having a relationship that can
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  be mended can be improved to the level that you're actually happy
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  with. And then the third element of
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  clarity in this hypnosis session is exploring a relationship.
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  Where you. End the relationship and you
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  move forward on your own. Now, this is not about
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  encouraging you to end a relationship.
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  It's about aiming to give you a sense of clarity based on your
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  subjective evaluation of those three different futures.
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  And if you believe it's the right thing to do, than to feel
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  like it's unlocking a certain level of courage so that you can
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  do the difficult thing if you believe it's the right thing to
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  do. So if you can resonate with
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  this, you might get some value. Now, the original client was in
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  a long relationship. They used to travel a lot.
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  They had, let's say, got to a point where the original things
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  that attracted them to the relationship really just weren't
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  there anymore, and they wanted to consider either getting that
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  relationship back to where it would be valuable or imagining
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  the future where they had their own cottage and were doing their
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  own things on their own time. It's unlikely that's going to be
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  your specific experience. So when you hear anything that
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  doesn't quite fit your reality, ignore those suggestions and
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  replace it with whatever is relevant for you, so that even
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  though this session that was created for someone else can
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  still be valuable and useful for you.
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  For now though, find a quiet, comfortable place where you're
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  not going to be distracted or disturbed.
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  Relax and enjoy the session. Take a deep breath in and as you
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  breathe in, breathe in that feeling of tranquility,
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  serenity, relaxation. And as you exhale, allow
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  yourself to release any frustrations, any anger, or any
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  tension. Just give permission to release
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  and feel like it's leaving your body on that outward breath.
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  A wise man once said that holding on to anger or
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  resentment is like drinking poison and secretly hoping that
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  the other person gets sick. And I want you to get a feeling
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  that any anger, any resentment, any frustrations are not for you
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  to hold onto. And when you release them, you
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  empower yourself to think cleanly, clearly, to assess what
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  is now necessary for you to continue life as it is.
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  As you breathe in, imagine breathing in a wonderful feeling
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  of clarity. Not motivation, but clarity.
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  Because when you see things for what they actually are,
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  decisions become easier. I want you to think of the last
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  time that you rolled a pair of dice.
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  There was different combinations, lots of different
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  numbers were possible, one to six on each die, and yet there
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  was nothing you needed to do. You could simply observe what
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  happened. And in the same way that there
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  is possibilities and probabilities on the roll of a
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  dice, I want you to get a sense that there are possibilities and
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  probabilities in a relationship. And as you breathe in and
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  breathe out, I want you to connect.
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  Connect to the feeling you had when things were well, when
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  there were that feeling of connection and love and respect
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  and consideration. Not through the lens of
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  nostalgia, no need to reminisce, but to prove to yourself that
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  there was a time where this relationship didn't just meet
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  your needs, it exceeded them. And therefore, for a period of
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  time, this relationship worked for you and worked for your
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  partner. And I want you to get a sense
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  that sometimes things change subtly, in the same way that
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  it's difficult to see a tree grow if you see that tree every
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  day, but if you only see the tree once or twice a year, you
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  notice the changes. I want you to become aware of
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  that law of familiarity when you see someone every day.
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  Subtle shifts happen gradually over time, in the same way that
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  if you put a frog in a saucepan in cold water and slowly heat
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  the temperature, the frog doesn't know the temperature's
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  changing. It doesn't attempt to leave the
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  water even when it's boiling, even if it's the end of that
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  frog. And that's the danger of slow,
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  incremental, subtle shifts that make something gradually worse.
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  So as you breathe in and breathe out, I want you to imagine
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  condensing 25 years into what feels like 25 memories.
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  What's the most intense or profound memory in that first
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  year that you were together? What emotions come up when you
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  think of that memory? And then think of two or three
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  years later. Maybe it was adventure and
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  travel, new experiences and connection.
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  And then think of another two or three years, so five or six
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  years after you first met and what memory comes up then?
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  And as you think in those three-year increments, you get
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  to see a pattern forming. And for some that would get
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  stronger, more connection. But for others it might feel
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  like it's getting colder or more distant, less empathy, less
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  interactions. And then imagine the last three
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  or four years and ask yourself the question.
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  But if the last three or four years were the first three or
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  four years, would it have even lasted 3 or 4 years?
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  As you breathe in and breathe out, I want you to imagine what
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  it would feel like to imagine a cinema with three screens.
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  How unusual would that be? A cinema with three different
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  screens and maybe they curve around you or maybe the cinema
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  is just very big and they are side by side by side.
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  As we explore three different futures, I want you to imagine
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  on the screen all the way on the left, this this is a future when
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  nothing changes. And some people believe that
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  anything you don't change, you choose.
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  That's why things continuing become a choice.
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  And I want you to imagine the next 5 or 10 years if things
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  remain on the same trajectory. What level of connection is
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  there? How much laughter,
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  conversations? How much interest or value?
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  I want you to see the good, the bad, and the ugly.
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  No elaborations, no embellishments.
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  See it for what your unconscious believes.
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  It would be 5 or 10 more years of the trajectory you're
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  currently on. I would imagine seeing it like
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  you're seeing a movie on a screen.
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  You're not in your own body, you're just witnessing.
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  Because sometimes in the same way that when you see a friend
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  or a family member making choices in their life, it seems
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  obvious what to do. But it's harder when you're
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  living it. So as you imagine seeing
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  yourself like an actor on a screen, what would you be
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  shouting at the screen, hoping that character does?
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  Just allow that movie to continue to the natural end of
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  that movie, even if it's beyond 10 years.
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  What is the end of that story? And then imagine looking at the
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  middle screen, and I want you to imagine just like the phoenix
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  from the flames, I want you to imagine that in the middle
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  screen something happens to reignite whatever you need in
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  the relationship to want to remain in that relationship.
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  And it doesn't have to be passion and excitement or love
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  and intimacy. I want you to see in that middle
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  screen your needs are being met. Not wishes, not fantasies, not
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  likes and wants. But what you?
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  Absolutely need in that relationship for you to want to
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  stay. And maybe you're seeing smiles,
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  interactions, thoughtfulness, consideration.
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  Maybe you're seeing effort being made, questions being asked.
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  Maybe you're seeing certain things that you've been hoping
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  for, but in this middle screen, they're actually happening.
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  And as you observe, notice what you feel.
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  And if it feels like that's the kind of relationship you would
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  want, then the middle screen is doing what the middle screen is
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  meant to do. But if you're still not
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  satisfied with what's happening in that middle screen, change it
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  so you absolutely are. Because this this middle screen
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  now becomes a criteria. And if this criteria can be met,
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  then it makes sense to stay in this relationship.
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  But you can inverse that too, and make a commitment to
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  yourself that if this, the criteria can't be met, then you
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  don't want it. Which brings us on to that
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  screen on the right. And I want you to see the
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  beginning of this movie, see yourself bringing the
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  relationship to an end. Maybe that's in a conversation.
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  Maybe bags are already packed, maybe it's through a long
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  handwritten letter, and maybe that conversation is in the
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  place where you live, or perhaps while travelling.
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  But I want you to see that you instigate the end.
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  Perhaps you're doing what someone else is afraid to do,
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  what someone else has been leading you towards all this
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  time. This is the version of you that
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  accepts the reality for what it is and acts accordingly.
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  No need to figure out intentions, motivations.
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  No need to hold on to a dream or a hope that things will change.
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  This screen starts with you making a decision.
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  That if it can't be. What you need it to be, then you
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  don't want it, and then see what happens after.
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  You might consider it a new chapter, a new phase.
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  But I want you to see the facial expressions of you with a new
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  level of enthusiasm, excitement. You're not daunted or sad by
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  this future, you're invigorated by it.
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  Imagine the kind of house you'd be living in, maybe a a white
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  cottage, or maybe it has that kind of Scandi features.
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  Imagine the interior and the exterior having it exactly as
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  you'd want it to be. Yours and I want you to imagine
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  the kind of furniture, the kind of location in the world.
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  And I want you to imagine life beyond just that.
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  Home, new friendships, hobbies, a social life, interactions, the
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  kind of travel you would do. See it all and as you think
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  about that future, don't just see it for the next few weeks or
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  months. See it for five to 10 years and
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  then imagine being in that large cinema, in that comfy chair and
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  imagine having the clarity to see all movies side by side.
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  Screen one is the status quo and if you're not changing, you're
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  choosing. You get what you tolerate, not
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  what you deserve. And screen one just shows you
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  tolerating but not changing. And screen 2, This is what
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  mending the relationship would be like.
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  And maybe there's a part of you that really wants this to be
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  true. But I want you to connect with
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  an idea that if you can't mend it, if your needs can't be met,
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  then no anger, no resentment, no blame, no shame, no frustration,
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  just pragmatic reality check it is what it is and see yourself
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  acting accordingly. And that would be screen three,
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  living life on your terms, thinking of your needs.
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  And I want you to get a sense of clarity that perhaps there is
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  only one of these screens that you're not willing to accept,
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  but by seeing it for what it is, that now becomes a line in the
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  sand. If it remains that way, you
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  don't want it. And maybe screen too is what
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  would need to happen, but that's also a line in the sand.
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  But if it can't get to that level, you don't want it.
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  It doesn't matter how delicious your favorite food is, If
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  someone does something to that food to make you not want it
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  anymore, even if you're hungry, you won't eat it.
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  Now I want you to get a sand. Then there is no need to run
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  away from anything. You are now running toward
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  either a relationship that meets your needs or a life no longer
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  dependent on that relationship. But either way, see yourself
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  happier because you're no longer willing to tolerate a life where
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  your needs aren't met. There is no need to accept
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  emotional bread crumbs. You have the courage to live
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  life on your terms. As you leave that cinema.
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  You leave with a sense of absolute clarity, knowing what
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  it would take to leave to stay and what life would be like
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  beyond. No regret, no resentment,
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  because when you try, even if it doesn't get to what you want it
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  to be, you know you did everything you could, and that's
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  enough to move forward without needing to run away.
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  It's time to return to the present with that clarity and
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  with the courage to have whatever conversations and
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  interactions unnecessary to allow you to make decisions
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  based on reality, not based on hope or wishful thinking.
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  So as you start to float back to the here and the now, take a
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  deep breath in through your nose and out through your nose.
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  Just wiggle your fingers and wiggle your toes.
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  Connect and calibrate into the here and the now as I now count
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  from 1:00 to 10:00 to awaken you.
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  Starting to count 123 waking up 456 more alert 7-8.
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  Open your eyes. Open your eyes 910.
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  Wide awake. Wide awake.
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  Wide awake. Thank you so much for joining me
• 26:14
  on today's episode of The Hypnotist.
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  If you've enjoyed this episode or got some value from it,
• 26:20
  please give it a five star rating and review.
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  And maybe you know someone that would also benefit from this
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  particular episode, in which case share the episode with them
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  so they can also get the benefit too.
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  And if you would like to listen to this episode where it's just
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  the hypnosis, so no intro, no outro, no explanation, just the
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  hypnosis and completely ad free, there will be a link in the
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  description where you can subscribe at a very low cost and
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  only get access to the hypnosis. So if that's of interest, please
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  check that out. Thank you again for being a
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  regular listener of The Hypnotist and I'll see you again
• 27:02
  soon for more.