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I Didn't Ask For Any Of This | The Eye Believe Podcast · The Eye Believe Podcast

0:03
hey everyone welcome back to the
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Eye Believe Podcast
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we have an incredible guest today
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we have Allan Finnegan welcome Allan
0:10
hello from the UK
0:12
Allan for listeners who are just meeting you
0:14
how would you describe who you are
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um it's
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it's very difficult haha um
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i'm a baptist minister
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that ended up sort of stumbling into stand up comedy
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ended up on britain's got talent with you
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you have the americans got talent
0:34
and then got a cancer diagnosis
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that kind of floored all that
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i'm a family man i've got two
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two kids two grown up kids and one grandson now
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and two daughters married
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but yeah
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yeah it's difficult to understand who i am
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to be honest i don't know who i am myself sometimes
0:53
well being a comedian and a reverend
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that is quite a unique combination
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how did those two paths come together in your life
1:01
yeah it is
1:02
and i and i again
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i didn't it wasn't a planned thing that i done
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i ended up becoming a baptist minister
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almost by mistake
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almost by being the last person available kind of thing
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and then i ended up because of that
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i ended up having to go to theological college
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to learn how to be a minister of a church
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cause i worked on building sites before that
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and just construction you'd call it
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and so i had i've been in a church
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i've been in the same church now for forty two years
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so
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and i've been the minister for twenty of those lately
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but um i had to go and learn be
1:38
get properly qualified shall we say
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and so i i was in what what
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what i would call a preaching class
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learning to preach class it's called homiletics
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to give it its proper name
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and then they said that preaching
1:56
as a mode of communication
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was finished no one listens to it anymore
2:00
it's over that might be just in england
2:02
by the way and
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but eh
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and i could cause
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one person with one microphone was a cultural oddity
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they were saying it doesn't sort to happen anymore
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and i had literally been to see a comedian over here
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called peter kay who's huge in the uk
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don't know whether you know him over over there
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but um
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with eleven thousand people after an hour and a half
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shouting for more and
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and he was literally one person with one microphone
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so i totally disagreed with the lecturer at the time
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and that then led to conversation
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and i ended up being given a learning objective
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you get these every year
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something that you're supposed to do
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instead of just your academic course and
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and my learning objective
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was to go on a stand up comedy course
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and learn how to do stand up comedy and wow
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and can compare and contrast preaching and comedy there
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to see what the crossovers were and the
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and the differences and so i did that
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and at the end of that course
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it's only a six week course
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i had to um
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perform in a proper comedy club
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which was at the time
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very terrifying and out of my comfort zone so
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and i had no intentions of doing comedy after that
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i was just gonna write this little essay that
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i had to write about it and
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but someone booked me to do a gig
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only a small like
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little teeny gig like ten people there
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you know it wasn't
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this is no grander story and
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and then it it just sort of carried on
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some lad i knew he
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he sort of just um
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started booking me and him on gigs
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and i was like i'm not
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i'm not doing this and he
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but he was just like nah
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come on let's do it
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and so i ended up yeah
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that just ends up sort of carrying on doing it
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and that's how i that's how i got into it originally
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yeah when did you realize that you were funny
4:00
did you always know you were funny
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or did you kind of discover it along the way
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it's hard to know
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cause you can be funny with your mates
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and in a crowd of people
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and i'm actually really introvert
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i'm really shy
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but i think i mask that by being loudish at times
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when i have to be i don't
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i'm not sure um
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but i'd rather
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just sit in the corner and not speak to anyone
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that's my default position and
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but i was funny ish
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but it's different being funny ish and being a comedian
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if you get what i mean yeah
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it was always funny ish and
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but because it's part of who i am
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it was probably a defense mechanism at times
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when you're working on building sites
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it can get quite volatile sometimes
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and so you need to diffuse things at times
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so i probably use comedy in them type of ways
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a little bit or humour
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shall we say and so i
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i never really i didn't think i was dead funny
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like a comedian funny but i knew i could tell a tale
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if you get what i mean and have a laugh with me mates
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but i never i never
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ever translated that into going on the comedy circuit
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and ended up on britain's got talent
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and things like that yeah
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so yeah
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and what was britain's got talent like
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what was it like to be on a tv show like that
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it was it was
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it was a weird time in my life
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it was um
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we played the london palladium
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which is an iconic like
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theatre over here
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but i was invited on to the show by the judges
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and i went down to london and it was
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it was surreal i didn't apply
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i wouldn't i would have never have applied
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cause i'm not i don't
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have that much confidence in myself
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to have done something like that and
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and i went down and the audition
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it's a long long day
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the first audition day
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you're only on stage for ten minutes
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but i was there for fourteen hours
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so it's a long time and all sorts going on and then
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and it was the most terrifying thing i've ever done
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and the most exciting thing i've ever done
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all at the same time because i was on the london palladium
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with four thousand people
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i forgot all the words i was gonna say
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when i walked out on stage
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the producers just said to me
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just smile and wave you'll be alright
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i was like right
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yeah
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and and it
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it's it
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it's obviously an iconic kind of program in england and
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and and all i didn't wanna do was get buzzed off
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i just didn't wanna make a show of myself
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because the buzzers are incredibly loud
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it doesn't come across on television how loud they are
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they're incredibly loud
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and the person before me had been buzzed off
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they were running behind so they said to me yeah
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let's just go straight on
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i was like oh thanks
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now the audience is all like
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not in the mood
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yeah so it was
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it was terrifying but it was really exciting and and
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and something i look back on that audition with
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that was good i've got that
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no one can take that from me
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i've done it kind of thing
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the semi final was i got through to the semis but um
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it was covid covid had kicked in
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i i did the audition in it february
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and then we were in lockdowns after that
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and the semi final was in the september
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and i had to do it to it absolutely empty room
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so i have to do comedy to an empty room
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and i just couldn't do it
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i just couldn't do it it was hard
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it was terrible feed off the crowd
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yeah and they
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they they had like a big
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massive screen of people's faces in
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but it was silent 'cause there was a seven second delay
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so if i had said something and they laughed
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it'd be seven seconds later
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so they couldn't put they couldn't pump that in
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and there was only four judges sitting there
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and it was just it was terrible
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it but it was really hard
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but they made it look ok on the telly
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so if you ever come across the clip
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if you come across the clip
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it looks ok but it wasn't
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it was absolutely awful
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to the point that when they rang me and said
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you didn't get through to the final at all thank you
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oh that's funny
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well i'm glad they were able to make it look okay
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when it aired at least
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yeah they put laughter in
8:13
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8:31
so Allan when were you diagnosed with ocular melanoma
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it was not long after the britain's got talent thing
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it's so britain's got talent aired in the september
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and in the december
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i was actually doing a flagging job for me mate
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i was laying paving stones
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shall we say and for one of my mates
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cause i i used to be a builder
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so i was doing that for one of my friends
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and i noticed my eye was a
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it's like going darker slightly in my left eye
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and there was a flickering in it and it
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and every now and again
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like a white light or something
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that you'd end up turning
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thinking there was something in your vision
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and there was never anything there
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and i put it in the december
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i had a i already had an eye appointment booked
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for a diabetes check
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and i thought i'll just mention it when i'm there
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so in december of twenty
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twenty twenty
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and just before christmas i went along
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ha it's probably early december actually
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cause took a couple of weeks to get to the ocular oncologist
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i went along and and i had the eye test and they
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they didn't find nothing and i kept saying to them
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there's something wrong with my eye
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and then eventually one of the
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cause they weren't
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it was all lockdown stuff
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and you couldn't really see the doctors and stuff like
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but one of them eventually came to see me
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took a few pictures
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but they started looking at me other eye and
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and i was like no
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it's not it's not that eye
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it's the other eye they were looking in my right eye
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and then they sat me down
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they said we found something in your right eye
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we found a freckle and i'm like
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freckle what's a freckle
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yeah who cares
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you know yeah
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who cares yeah
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i'm not bothered like
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freckle on your skin yeah yeah yeah
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and i'm a bit concerned about it
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he said so they sent me to the the
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the hospital a couple of weeks later
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and again they're looking in the wrong eye
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they're looking in me right eye
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and it's me left eye that's giving me the problems
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and eventually i said it
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but they found something in the right eye
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as i said a freckle
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eventually
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i said to one of the people who was just looking
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i said to him it's me
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it's me left eye you know
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there's something in there
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and he looked he said
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i'll have a look while you're here
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and he and he looked
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and he he had a colleague with him that
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he seemed to be just like
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i don't know training up or something
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and he said hey
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this is classic tumor in the eye
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and then he realised i was sat there
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ha ha and so he said to me
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oh sorry
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do you wanna go out a minute
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and they must have discussed the pictures
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must have discussed the pictures
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and then he come back and
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and i went to see the main consultant at that point
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and with with nurses and stuff
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so i knew it wasn't good and i was on my own
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cause of lockdown and things like that
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i knew it wasn't good and he said yeah
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we found a tumor in your eye
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in your left eye
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but we've also found another one in your right eye and
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well the one in your right eye is ok for now
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it's only got two of the six markers
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that they were looking for
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or something and
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but the one in your right and left eye
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we really need to do something with it
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and so i was booked in just before
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i was booked in just before christmas to go and get um
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plaque therapy is it
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i don't know what it's called
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where they put a radioactive disc
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in the back of your eye but my
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my daughter was getting married on boxing day and
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and obviously i said no
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i'm i've got to go to my daughter's wedding
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so they give me an extra few days to
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to do the wedding and then go in and get the
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the therapy and they're just monitoring the right eye
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i guess still i don't know
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but i had the i had the operation then
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that worked as far as i know
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it was it was very successful
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but i i decided to get the biopsy
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i wanted to know which gene i had
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and i don't know
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i don't know the name of the genes or whatever
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but i wanted to know which one i had
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and unfortunately cause i was thinking
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it's just your eye you know right
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it's only an eye i've never heard of eye cancer
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i've never heard of you know
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freckles in your eye or anything like that
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it's only an eye it can't be that bad
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your eyes only little so the tumor is little it
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so yeah
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just pull it out i mean
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the worst case your eyes
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you're gonna lose an eye aren't you
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and he's already said to me
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i can save your eye so i thought
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but then yeah
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when you get hit with the stats of a
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when it metastasizes i can't say that word
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ha ha and yeah
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when it when you get hit with the stats of what
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the brutal facts of the stats
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it sort of becomes a little bit serious
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but obviously it hadn't metastasized at that point
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and it did two years later eh
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so so twenty
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twenty two around the christmas time again almost yeah
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to the day kind of thing
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seems to always happens on my daughter's birthday
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my daughter's birthday
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in and around my daughter's birthday
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she's the seventh of december
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and it i got told on the seventh of december twice now
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that bad news you know
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and we're two years apart
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and so yeah
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and
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yeah that's when
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that's when i was first diagnosed
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and the treatments etcetera
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yeah mmm
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that that's a lot
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that is for sure a heavy thing
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especially at the holidays
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my mom was diagnosed on my birthday
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which is december twenty first
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so we have a little bit of a parallel there
13:57
um yeah
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with the christmas time and stuff
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and it it definitely adds a layer of complication
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um for sure
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it's never it's never good
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but it just is a little bit more yeah
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so as a reverend
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how did faith shape the way you process this experience
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at first it was i was okay
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i'm kind of a pragmaticky type of person anyway
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and i was ok because it's only an eye
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all that kind of stuff i was
14:24
i was actually not too bad
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and i get i guess it
14:30
it shaped differently when i got the terminal diagnosis
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and two years later that kind of
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it almost pulls the rug from under you
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even as a reverend if you get what i mean
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yes
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and it's not you're not immune to them
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feelings and facts because
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i mean i guess
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built into faith is that god is good
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and god is gonna kind of looks after us
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and has got our best in a heart and all that
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but that's not not true
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however
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bad things still happen to people
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do you get what i mean and yes and
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but no one's ever expecting it to be them in some ways
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and and
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but so it definitely um
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it definitely pulled the rug a little bit out
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i've thought about this a lot
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and i wrote a book but but i
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i really went into thinking about faith and all that
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and what it means
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cause i've been trying to follow god for like
15:26
forty odd years you know what i mean
15:28
so and
15:29
i came to the conclusion
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that i couldn't say there wasn't a god
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and and
15:36
and that was a problem in some way
15:39
'cause if a creator wasn't a god
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and it was all just random chance
15:43
and then you know
15:44
atoms and whatever genes whatever
15:46
it doesn't really matter but if there's a god
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that adds an extra layer of a complexity into it
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and i could not bring myself
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and i've got to be honest
15:56
there was times when i wanted to bring myself to say it
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but i could not bring myself with
16:02
after forty years
16:03
of trying to do this thing called faith
16:05
to say that there was no god
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which then
16:08
i then had to re rethink my faith through a little bit
16:13
with that in mind so there is a god
16:15
this has happened what does that now mean
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and how does that mean how i sort of react and engage
16:23
and whatever the words are
16:25
with god and and faith in general
16:27
and so it definitely reshaped my faith
16:30
it didn't destroy it it had the potential to
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but it didn't because of that one problem
16:36
that i couldn't say there wasn't a god
16:38
ha ha ha
16:39
yeah ha ha
16:40
sounds weird doesn't it
16:42
does sound weird but i actually
16:44
i think that makes a lot of sense
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and i think you know
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so most people watching this
16:48
are gonna be ocular melanoma patients
16:49
and their families yeah yeah
16:50
what do you say to them about faith and hope
16:54
well what it made
16:55
what it made me realize is
16:58
god is bigger than my little view of him
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that's what it made me realize and
17:04
and my very sort of
17:07
possibly narrow view of what that meant
17:11
it was just it was blown away during this time and
17:14
and the outpouring of love and support i got
17:20
from everywhere was incredible
17:23
and i just think god is bigger than i
17:28
i initially thought and there's something real in the
17:32
um
17:38
there's something real in in
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in what in his presence and and and
17:43
and his care and love for you
17:44
that is deeper than i would have acknowledged
17:48
i wasn't i'm sounding like i was a bit of a
17:51
like an ooh everything's amazing
17:54
and i wasn't that way i wasn't
17:56
i wasn't you know
17:57
like shiny happy people
17:59
you know holding hands
18:01
i wasn't that way but this has given me a deeper depth
18:04
knowing that so
18:06
for instance i would
18:07
i've read loads of the bible
18:08
i've been you know
18:09
forty years reading the bible kind of thing and
18:12
but i noticed
18:14
my focus was going on the kind of passages
18:16
that were to do with grief
18:18
or the passages that were to do with
18:19
jesus actually dying on the cross and
18:21
and things like
18:22
but i was reading them slightly differently
18:24
i was viewing them differently and
18:26
and it it gave
18:28
it's really hard to say but it gave me i
18:30
i started feeling them more
18:32
and so for people who who
18:35
i've got a sign behind me which you
18:37
can't see
18:38
which says
18:39
today is a gift and
18:41
and when it's a good day it is a gift
18:43
you know what i mean when you
18:44
when you're sick and and and
18:45
and you're not feeling great
18:47
it doesn't feel like a gift
18:48
but the the gift days are really good
18:50
i think to hold on to them
18:52
and
18:53
i think there's a god there that actually does love us
18:56
all of us whether we acknowledge that or not
18:58
in a deeper way than i would have said
19:00
i previously understood so for me
19:04
no one's without hope and i'm
19:06
i've literally just been told
19:07
i'm take i'm
19:08
i'm i'm gonna die in the next two months
19:11
and so on one level
19:12
i am now firmly just in the hands of that god
19:17
and i'm
19:19
and i'm okay with that i'm okay with that either way
19:22
whether that's I die and i'm fully expecting that
19:25
ha ha ha i'm not
19:26
i'm not naive or something miraculous happens
19:30
which i've heard about in other places
19:32
but hasn't happened to me yet
19:33
if you get what i'm saying
19:34
and so i'm i'm fully okay with both outcomes
19:37
i am i'm i'm
19:39
i'm i'm
19:41
i'm weirdly peaceful about it and
19:45
and i don't i almost don't know why
19:48
i've heard people talk about a peace
19:50
that passes all understanding
19:51
when they're talking about faith
19:52
and i've always wondered what do they mean cause
19:56
cause i've never experienced that and
19:59
but this feels a little bit like that
20:01
i'm not saying it is i don't
20:02
i don't know what it is
20:05
i feel like i should be more upset about it
20:08
but i'm actually
20:09
i'm actually really ok with the fact that
20:13
i probably won't be here in two months time
20:16
you know i'm i'm
20:18
i'm actually okay and i'm actually still in hope
20:21
and so for people who maybe they don't believe in god
20:24
there's probably loads loads of people
20:25
and actually when you get this type of diagnosis
20:28
and it would really shake it
20:30
but i i just
20:31
i just don't think they're without hope
20:33
i love that
20:34
i think that's such an amazing way to look at it
20:37
and i'm so glad you're here to share this with us
20:39
cause this is really something that
20:41
i think most people wanna hear
20:44
yeah yeah
20:46
but well we
20:47
we all need hope don't we
20:49
yes you know we
20:50
we all we
20:51
everyone in any not
20:52
not just
20:53
not just that what we're battling and stuff and
20:55
but we all everyone needs hope
20:58
there's no hope you know
20:59
you can't really it's probably hard to function
21:03
there was something built into the biblical system in
21:06
in the old testament
21:08
and it was called a year of jubilee
21:09
i wasn't gonna say this this has just come to me now
21:12
and it was called a year of jubilee
21:14
so i think it was every fifty years
21:17
what they were supposed to do
21:19
that the israelites were supposed to cancel all debts
21:24
and restart everything and if they did
21:26
if people had sold their land
21:28
or cause they got into bother or trouble
21:30
they would everything was restored
21:32
it was like a factory reset for
21:34
you know for your iphone
21:35
you know what i mean yeah
21:36
everything every fifty years
21:39
that was supposed to happen so
21:41
and the the thinking behind it was that
21:45
because it was every fifty years
21:47
in your lifetime you had a chance of being free again
21:52
wow and that's hope
21:54
so it was built in god gave them rules
21:57
i'm not actually sure they ever did it
21:59
which is just shows you but
22:01
but the concept there that god was
22:04
god was setting into their calendar
22:06
every seven years they had it
22:07
they had a like a
22:08
a break from harvest and fields to make them so
22:12
so it's a bit bigger concept
22:13
i'm not explaining it very well
22:15
but supposedly
22:16
every fifty years was this year of jubilee where
22:19
where everyone was free again
22:22
and when jesus came and started talking
22:24
when they asked him he stood
22:26
he says he sat and got the scroll of isaiah
22:29
he actually read the passage
22:31
about the year of jubilee out
22:33
that was his first sort of public pronouncement
22:36
that he he was
22:38
he was coming to bring jubilee freedom
22:40
and so um
22:42
i think in god's heart
22:44
there's something of a freedom that he wants for us
22:48
his children i'm sorry to get all kind of
22:51
theological and religious on you
22:53
i didn't i wasn't gonna go there
22:54
but that's okay we we
22:57
we explore all faiths on this podcast
22:58
because we want everyone to feel welcome
23:00
and to feel hope and you know
23:03
when you are navigating a cancer diagnosis
23:06
faith can help it can definitely help
23:09
so i mean
23:10
hope is huge and i
23:11
i love your message
23:12
and i love everything that you're saying
23:13
and you're right a hundred percent
23:15
without hope what's the point of any of it
23:18
from day one from newborn baby
23:19
what's the point of life if there's no hope
23:21
yeah yeah
23:23
yeah definitely
23:55
well let's switch gears a little bit
23:57
let's talk a little bit about ocular melanoma
24:00
it's not something most people know about
24:02
what do you wish the world would understand about it
24:04
probably how serious it is about ocular melanoma
24:08
because i'm sure most people
24:10
when they're told something of it
24:12
just go hmm ok
24:15
like i did i'm sure
24:17
i mean the word cancer and
24:18
and tumor and things like that do sort of trigger eh
24:22
reactions in people
24:24
but i actually think um
24:26
there's not an awareness of how actually deadly it is
24:30
um right
24:31
and and and
24:32
and i would actually say that that probably leads to
24:36
particularly in england i would imagine
24:39
lack of funding for research
24:43
there's cause there's kind of
24:46
i was told there was just no options
24:48
i went in
24:49
i was told to see the oncologist and he just said hey
24:52
there's two treatments available
24:54
but unfortunately they're not available on the nhs
24:57
you so you can't have them
24:58
ha ha ha
24:59
i was like oh great
25:00
thanks for that ha ha ha
25:01
that that
25:01
that brilliant well done
25:03
and the only thing i then could do was um
25:06
fundraise for it is it Delcath
25:08
is it Delcath is it
25:09
it's like a chemo saturation
25:11
yeah and thing
25:13
and the only thing i could do was fundraise for that
25:16
and and
25:17
and you know
25:17
they need i needed to raise two hundred thousand pounds
25:21
for four treatments and it's like
25:24
you know that's
25:26
that's kind of impossible
25:29
and i managed to raise enough for three treatments
25:32
which was kind of impossible as well and
25:35
but due to the generosity of friends
25:38
family people and anyone
25:40
loads of people it just went
25:41
it went a bit crazy for a while the um
25:44
donation to my gofundme pot and
25:47
and that but then
25:49
three treatments that i had with the chemo saturation
25:52
they kept me alive for an extra year
25:53
relatively healthy you know
25:55
i was actually
25:55
slightly in a better place than i was the year before
25:58
wow but i've since had a Kimmtrak
26:02
is it Tebby i don't know what you would call it
26:05
and yeah
26:06
that's what we call it and it didn't work at all
26:10
and then i went on a trial drug recently
26:12
don't know what it was called
26:13
OCULE-01 or something
26:16
and that hasn't worked neither so and i was told
26:21
just over a week ago that i was um
26:23
i had two to three months to live
26:25
so yeah
26:26
yeah but i wish
26:28
i wish people knew how serious it was
26:29
so that it could attract more funding
26:32
it would literally attract more funding and research
26:35
cause it feels like there isn't enough in that field
26:38
because it's such a rare cancer
26:41
that people don't really understand
26:42
yes and we have the same thing here in the states
26:45
it's very rare people don't know what it is
26:47
it doesn't get much funding
26:49
and then you know
26:50
do you also feel like people look at you and say
26:52
well you look fine
26:53
like what's wrong with you
26:55
absolutely
26:57
i felt like a fraud you don't look like you have cancer
26:59
i felt like a fraud when when it
27:02
for the first couple of years
27:03
it's only like literally
27:05
i'm looking at myself in this and it's like wow
27:07
i've lost weight and
27:10
but i felt like a fraud
27:12
i was going into like places i'm
27:14
i'm looking at people who are proper sick
27:15
you know what i mean and
27:16
and they might be getting treated to be well
27:19
but i i'm like i'm
27:21
i just felt a fraud and even doing the fundraising
27:24
we put lots of events on to
27:26
to raise money which i appeared at
27:28
and i done a little bit of a comedy gigger
27:30
he must have been looking at me saying he's
27:32
he's messing it he's messing
27:34
there's nothing wrong with him
27:35
he's just doing this to get the money
27:37
you know what i mean so i did
27:39
i felt like a fraud cause you are quite healthy
27:41
aren't you until
27:43
until now i guess
27:44
i've been quite healthy
27:45
until the last couple of months
27:46
and yeah
27:48
the treatment can make you feel sick
27:50
the Kimmtrak made or Tebby made me feel sick that
27:53
that made me feels quite sick quite a lot and
27:56
but um other than that you
27:59
you stand you know what i mean
28:01
you're good and your life is alright
28:05
yeah you know
28:06
you can do stuff you can go on holidays
28:09
i spend time with family friends
28:10
doing some holidays while i still could
28:12
i can't now i can't do any of them things anymore
28:15
so i'm i'm really glad i did it when i
28:18
when i could if you get what i mean
28:19
and so i prioritized that went on about
28:21
five holidays in a year never done that and and
28:24
and so yeah
28:27
i think that's amazing so you went on five holidays
28:30
which for US people vacations in a year
28:33
where did you go i went to all different sort of beach
28:38
resort holidays and sat in the sun
28:41
took the family
28:43
eh they came along on a couple of them
28:45
the main all the family went with friends on one
28:48
and we done some eh
28:50
short breaks in little cottages in england as well
28:54
and by the sea i love the sea
28:56
i absolutely love the sea
28:59
and so yeah
29:00
i went we knew people from previous holidays
29:03
that lived in different countries
29:04
so we went and seen them just to say bye really
29:08
i suppose
29:10
and so it was a
29:13
it's been i've had a good year and a half
29:16
even though i've been terminal
29:18
i've had a good year and a half when i've been able to
29:20
um
29:22
do a lot of good stuff that i wanted to do
29:25
kind of bucket list stuff
29:26
i haven't got a very big bucket
29:28
but you know
29:29
and i eh
29:31
i i was able to do stuff
29:33
and build memories with the family
29:34
and all that kind of stuff
29:36
and so in one weird way the last two years
29:41
have probably been the best two years of my life
29:45
i think that's an amazing message for other patients
29:48
with not only ocular melanoma
29:50
but other terminal illnesses as well
29:53
i mean to
29:54
to really live
29:57
a lot of people don't ever do that in their life
30:00
and i think that's amazing
30:02
what a what an incredible experience
30:04
it made my live in the moment more
30:07
we're always talking about it
30:08
and you know my
30:09
five year plan ended up a funeral plan instead
30:12
so we're always thinking about the future
30:14
thinking about the future
30:15
planning for the future planning for the future
30:17
i suddenly with this diagnosis
30:19
i couldn't plan more than a couple of months
30:22
and now i can't plan more than a couple of weeks
30:24
do you get what i mean
30:25
and so it made me live in the moment
30:28
and actually appreciate the moment
30:30
i remember walking back not long after
30:34
and being told i was terminal
30:35
i remember walking down our street and it was raining
30:40
and i felt the rain on my face
30:41
and it was amazing
30:44
it was just
30:45
it was just amazing you know what i mean
30:48
simple simple things
30:49
but i was in the moment rather than thinking about oh
30:52
we got this next year and
30:53
and we'll have that thing and there's a
30:55
this coming up and no
30:57
i had to i had to live in the now and the today
31:00
which is really
31:02
it's actually really good
31:04
and because i had an insurance policy
31:06
my mortgage was paid off so
31:08
i kind of had more money than i'd ever had in my life
31:11
so i could i could go on holidays
31:13
i could afford to you get what i mean
31:15
and and so it
31:17
i would say yeah
31:18
the last two years pardon
31:20
the last few months where i've been quite ill and
31:24
cause no one wants to be ill
31:26
they they've been the best years of my life
31:30
i've got to say that it was
31:32
it's been incredible
31:37
but they've tweaked the meds and i've gone on steroids
31:39
and that that's made a massive difference
31:42
suddenly suddenly i could eat
31:44
suddenly i could eat again and without being sick
31:46
and keep stuff down keep tablet
31:49
keep medication down and so for the last two weeks
31:51
i've been i've been
31:53
it's been good again i
31:55
i wanna be alive again if you get what i mean
31:58
prior to that i was
31:59
prior to that i'm honestly
32:00
i can honestly say
32:01
i probably wanted to die quite quickly
32:04
cause it wasn't it wasn't fun
32:06
so yeah
32:06
it's all um
32:07
at this moment except for a little bit today where i
32:11
i went out last night and i did my final comedy gig
32:16
i haven't gigged for ages cause i'm not well enough
32:18
but there was i started on that comedy course
32:22
i did a gig for a fella called brandon riley
32:25
it was the first ever gig
32:26
and he asked me did i wanna do me last ever gig for him
32:31
and so i did it last night
32:32
and it proper took it out of me
32:34
i was done in
32:35
and so i'm not surprised i was sick this morning
32:38
it's my own fault kind of thing
32:40
but it was something i wanted to do again
32:41
bucket list take the bucket list off
32:44
and so i did that last night
32:46
and i've been the day before that
32:50
i recorded my own eulogy life story for my own funeral
32:57
and so it's something i wanted to do again
33:00
and so who best to tell my life story than me
33:04
rather than some other minister
33:06
that would probably know me
33:08
to be fair talk about me
33:10
so i recorded that on tuesday
33:14
was that tuesday i don't know what even
33:15
but day it is now anymore
33:17
yeah it's thursday
33:18
isn't it so yeah
33:19
and i recorded that on tuesday
33:21
so i'm taking a couple of little things off
33:23
yeah and you know
33:24
there are a lot of people who pass with no warning
33:29
they don't know it's coming
33:31
do you feel like that would be better
33:33
or do you for you
33:35
or do you feel like this is better
33:36
to be able to tie these things up and
33:39
and know it's coming what
33:40
what do you think it's a really hard one
33:43
cause it's a some when you're sick
33:45
you wanna fall asleep and not wake up
33:47
you want it to be quite sudden
33:49
when you're feeling the illness
33:50
if you get what i mean i think
33:52
and i think it in some ways that would be better for me
33:56
but not for the family but having said that
34:00
i'm gonna totally disagree with myself now
34:02
and i actually think me
34:05
being able to plan and set up for when i'm not here
34:11
has been massive for me
34:13
so i've put my finances in place and i've made
34:19
i'm doing all the jobs
34:20
getting all the jobs done around the house
34:21
that i never did
34:23
so that my wife doesn't have to deal with them
34:24
when they when the time comes
34:27
and you know
34:29
i've just i feel ok to go cause i've sorted it out
34:34
yeah and i've had time
34:35
i've had time with people as well
34:37
and i've had time to you know
34:39
see people i haven't seen for ages
34:41
a few people have started
34:42
lots of people have started visiting me in the last few
34:45
in the last week and but also going on
34:48
being able to see people who
34:50
you've been part of your life at some point
34:52
and then you sort of just drifted away
34:53
and it's been good to connect up with that so
34:56
so the longevity of it for me has been good
34:59
however sometimes when i'm not well
35:01
i wish it would end quite quickly and
35:04
but i'm sure it's
35:06
sure it's better for the family this way around
35:09
i think cause me dad
35:11
me dad died of cancer as well when he was fifty four
35:14
and so i kind of i've
35:16
i've
35:16
i've been on the other side of this journey as well
35:20
and so i think having the time is better for family and
35:26
and actually most of what i think now
35:29
is what's gonna be best for me family
35:32
in this situation what do i need to do for
35:34
to make sure they're gonna be ok
35:37
and then that makes me feel better if in a weird way
35:40
so yeah
35:42
that makes a lot of sense
35:44
okay let's talk about something really exciting
35:46
so you wrote a book tell us about your book
35:48
i've written a book it's out on amazon tomorrow
35:52
it's been on pre order
35:53
and people have read it and people seem to like it
35:56
and i'm actually quite surprised
35:57
cause i'm i'm
35:59
i'm a dyslexic builder who ended up as a minister who
36:02
eh who's probably never read a full book
36:05
ha ha ha ha ha ha
36:07
and now i've written a book and it's
36:11
it's called i didn't ask for any of this
36:14
church comedy cancer it's kind of my story
36:18
and through it all and
36:20
and it you know
36:22
and it and it
36:22
and it touches on the faith thing a lot
36:24
and how that changed and and
36:26
and developed and what it did in me that
36:29
particularly the cancer thing
36:30
but also the comedy thing
36:32
and it's a humorous book it's a funny book
36:35
it does get a bit sad near the end obviously
36:39
but yeah
36:40
that's out tomorrow on amazon
36:42
and that was a cathartic experience for me
36:45
writing that book it really was
36:47
i enjoyed doing it it was so um
36:50
so good to look back over your life um
36:52
and see the good
36:55
quite a lot of good stuff
36:57
you know some things that you're not so proud of
37:00
i guess but then it was actually
37:02
it was actually really good to look back and
37:04
put it down i wrote it to kind of leave
37:08
leave a story behind i suppose
37:10
i don't know
37:12
but i wrote it i wrote it for the numerous people
37:15
when i started on the comedy scene
37:17
you said to me i used to go to church
37:20
but i don't anymore because
37:24
and there was just like loads of them and i'm ahead
37:27
couldn't get round it at first and
37:28
but i became because i'm like kind of unique comedian
37:32
a minister of a church and a comedian
37:34
i became the face of the church to these people
37:37
so i was the one they vented that about it
37:40
you know i mean
37:41
not everyone has a cob on and some people were just like
37:43
oh i was just to stop going kind of thing
37:45
you know just borrow money
37:47
so stop going and so
37:50
but i became the the person that they talk to
37:53
and so it's actually wrote to them people
37:57
more so than a church type of crowd
38:00
i'm actually surprised it got published cause it's
38:02
it is quite funny and it's not very christian
38:08
but yeah
38:08
so that's officially out tomorrow
38:11
it's on it's available on kindle now
38:13
and it for some mad reason
38:15
it went to number one best seller on kindle
38:19
it there must have been a
38:20
like a glitch in the machine or something
38:22
and someone's bought six of my kindle versions
38:24
and no one's bought any other christian pub
38:27
any other christian
38:28
kindle version of a book in the last few days
38:31
because i've got the pictures to say
38:32
i was number one best seller on amazon
38:35
nice which is funny
38:36
yeah no
38:37
that's amazing
38:38
we'll make sure we add a link to your book
38:40
in the show notes and in the description
38:43
so everybody can check out the link
38:44
and go straight there that's amazing
38:46
writing a book is a huge accomplishment
38:48
i couldn't do anything else
38:51
as my health went worse
38:54
my options of doing stuff like
38:56
so i couldn't go on holiday anymore
38:58
i was i wasn't well enough to go on holiday
39:00
and do the things i wanted to
39:01
i couldn't do
39:02
i've always done my own jobs around the house
39:04
now i couldn't do them i had to get people into do them
39:06
i couldn't i couldn't do church anymore
39:09
i couldn't couldn't do stand up comedy anymore
39:11
i just couldn't do these things
39:12
but i could sit with my ipad and write
39:15
and i had all these stories
39:17
and things that has happened
39:18
and funny things that has gone along the way
39:20
and i also had all the feelings of the cancer
39:23
and diagnosis and journey with that
39:26
and how i processed that
39:27
particularly with faith in mind
39:30
i just thought i'll write this down
39:33
started writing it down and then it
39:34
it ended up it ended up a book
39:36
yeah so um
39:38
made my i got a very
39:40
very small publisher broad place publishing
39:43
who kind of believed in me and
39:47
and a church based publisher and they believed in me
39:50
and then they said they produce
39:52
they they
39:53
they do it you know what i mean
39:54
they print it in that and
39:56
which i was quite surprised at and and it seems
40:00
when people read it they
40:02
they actually enjoy it and i'm not just me mates
40:05
so if your mates enjoy it
40:07
you're like ah
40:08
well of course you do
40:09
you know but if people who've never met you enjoy it
40:13
and and i've had lots of
40:15
a thing on social media saying
40:16
oh dead funny funny poignant
40:19
you made me cry all
40:20
all these messages coming through on social media and
40:23
and things
40:24
and some of them are of people that i don't really
40:26
i don't know them you know what i mean
40:27
yeah so that's
40:29
that's blessed me in lots of ways
40:31
in the last couple of months
40:33
it isn't actually out until tomorrow
40:35
but there was a lot of there was a
40:37
quite a few people
40:38
got it on pre order from my publisher
40:40
but tomorrow it's available on amazon
40:42
yeah
40:44
that's amazing i did
40:46
yeah i didn't ask for any of this
40:49
church comedy cancer by Allan Finnegan yeah
40:51
that's amazing i love that you took all of that
40:55
and put it together and wrote a book
40:57
and to be able to see some of the reactions right now
41:00
i mean that's gotta just feel incredible
41:03
it does it it
41:05
it's very it's very humbling
41:06
as i said to you right at the beginning
41:08
i'm quite a shy person and i'm quite an insular person
41:11
and i don't take compliments
41:13
well
41:15
because i
41:15
i don't believe them myself when they say them to me
41:18
i'm like nah
41:19
so so
41:21
to be getting quite a few people
41:23
thanking me for the book and
41:24
and thank and laughing and sending me bits
41:26
i can't believe you wrote that kind of thing and
41:29
or said that and is actually
41:31
and
41:33
yeah it
41:33
it does it does bring joy to me
41:35
it it does
41:36
it does even
41:38
even in my mad insular brain that says no Allan
41:41
it's gonna be rubbish you book
41:45
no one's gonna read it i can't wait to read it
41:47
and i'm i'm very excited
41:49
so we will link this this is gonna be an amazing book
41:52
i
41:53
i can't wait for everybody to read it and then comment
41:56
let it come back and leave a comment
41:57
let us know what you thought about the book
41:59
what else would you leave the community with
42:02
as sort of a parting message as we wrap up
42:05
i don't know i guess we're all in the same boat
42:07
aren't we in some ways
42:09
we've all got this well
42:11
a lot of us have got this ticking time clock and
42:14
but again it
42:15
i would i would probably refer back to the hope thing
42:18
that i went out on about before
42:20
and the beauty in living in the now
42:23
the beauty in living in it's a gift
42:26
i started seeing it as a gift
42:28
that i could live in the today
42:30
and not really worry about tomorrow
42:32
i mean even if
42:34
don't forget if i go out
42:35
spend all my money and get into a load of debt
42:37
i'm not paying it back ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
42:40
they're not getting a penny of me
42:42
did you get what i mean i won't do that
42:43
cause i wanna i wanna set me wife and family up ok
42:46
but i can live in the now
42:49
and that's a gift for the bible talks about i've
42:54
i've don't worry about tomorrow
42:55
only worry about today you know what i mean
42:57
and it talks about god providing us for each day
43:00
as we need it and things like that
43:01
and i've just that
43:02
there are things that i just like
43:04
oh yeah you read them and that
43:05
yeah whatever
43:06
but having the gift of actually being able to do it
43:10
and a lot of people
43:12
who are going through what we go through may
43:14
may have that gift they might not
43:15
they might still have to do stuff to
43:17
to make ends meet and stuff like that and but
43:20
and
43:20
but having the gift of being able to live in the now
43:25
i think it's been amazing for me for the last
43:27
eighteen months well
43:29
two years but the last six have been a little bit rough
43:33
so i would say if i could leave any advice
43:36
i would say take seriously the now
43:39
the present being i know
43:42
being with your kids when they've done your head in
43:44
but you now try and appreciate that a little bit more
43:47
you know and that kind of thing
43:49
really try and focus on this day
43:52
this is the day that's a gift
43:54
you know what i mean the sign behind me
43:56
and so try and live in that cause
43:59
cause when you do it's sort of freeing
44:03
i've found it and and i've lived
44:06
you know i'm fifty eight
44:07
and so
44:08
i've lived life by the clock and by the calendar
44:11
for so long that these last two
44:13
as i say these last two years
44:15
where i'm not worried about the calendar really
44:18
and it's been amazing and so live
44:22
live in the in the now if
44:24
if you can live in that now that that
44:26
and you your life will ramp up
44:29
in terms of the joy that you bring into it
44:30
yeah we've all
44:32
well some of us are like that
44:35
we've got the inevitability thing going to happen
44:37
where we go off the cliff
44:38
but in the meantime make it matter
44:42
you know make it matter
44:44
cause it's good it is good
44:46
yeah that would be my final kind of thoughts i guess
44:53
that's perfect
44:54
i think that's a great way to sum that up
44:56
and what an incredible and powerful message
44:59
so thank you Allan
45:00
so much for being here today
45:02
and for bringing us all of this wisdom and insight and
45:05
you know telling us about your book
45:07
this has been an incredible conversation
45:09
and we're very grateful for your time
45:11
yeah thank you
45:12
thank you for having me yeah yeah
45:14
thanks very much oh
45:15
it was a hundred percent our pleasure
45:17
so everybody please check out Allan
45:19
are you on social media as well
45:21
do you have any um
45:22
pages you can give us the link
45:24
i'm on facebook rev
45:26
Allan Finnegan i think it is
45:28
Rev.Allan.Finnegan
45:34
that'll probably do all the meta ones
45:37
and yeah yeah
45:39
i'm on facebook yeah
45:40
mostly i'm old
45:41
so i don't i do instagram
45:42
but i don't know what i'm doing
45:43
so yeah
45:45
it's facebook for me
45:47
okay perfect
45:48
well we will link that
45:49
we will link the book as well
45:51
so please check out Allan
45:52
please order a copy of the book
45:54
and come back and leave a comment
45:56
let us know what you think about the book
45:58
and to everyone viewing thank you so much for tuning in
46:01
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46:03
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46:05
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46:07
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46:09
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46:12
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46:15
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46:16
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46:19
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46:22
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46:23
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46:25
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46:27
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46:29
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46:31
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46:31
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46:34
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46:37
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46:40
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46:42
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46:44
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46:45
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46:46
and we will see you all next week
31:33
i'm i'm off all treatment now
31:34
but the medication i was worse