Latest / Spacious Success / 03 | Why Women Can’t Do Life Alone: The Biological Power of Connection

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03 | Why Women Can’t Do Life Alone: The Biological Power of Connection · Spacious Success

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  Hi, it's Christy and welcome back to Spacious Success.
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  Today we're talking about something that you already feel, you intuitively feel it, but
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  maybe you don't just know it in your bones.
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  And that is female friendships aren't just nice to have.
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  They're actually lifelines, chats, coffee dates, voice notes, memes that make you cry
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  laugh, wet your pads, these aren't just indulgences, they're biological necessities.
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  And by the end of this episode, you'll understand why connection, human connection is one
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  of the most potent antidotes to stress and overwhelm and how to protect and prioritise it
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  even when your life feels too full.
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  So pause this episode and send it to a friend, the friend that needs to hear this.
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  Hi, I'm Dr. Christy Goodwin, a neuroperformance scientist, speaker and executive coach who
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  learned the hard way the chasing success can come at a cost.
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  After burnout landed me in hospital, I made it my mission to help ambitious women who
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  are done trading their health and happiness for high performance.
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  On spacious success, I share science-backed strategies and real stories to help you flourish
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  as a female at work and beyond so you can stop paying the success tax.
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  A couple of months ago, I had one of those days, you know the kind, the kind where your
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  to-do list is endless, the house looks like it's been rated and every single device in
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  the house was pinging at me simultaneously.
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  I'm still trying to decide if the washing machine's irritating sound to signal the end
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  of the cycle or my teen snapchat blowing up with pins is more irritating, I undecided
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  it as yet.
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  By mid afternoon, I was ready to snap and then my phone burst.
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  It was a photo and a 22nd voice note from a girlfriend, a quick photo of her mismatching
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  shoes that she just discovered at 217 p.m. that day.
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  After a chaotic morning at home with her kids, I laughed out aloud at just like that.
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  My nervous system shifted.
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  Ah, I could feel it, my shoulders dropped.
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  I exhaled, nothing in my external world changed.
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  The deadlines were still there, the noise, the chaos, the mess, they were all still there,
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  and that damn washing machine, well it was still singing at me because I hadn't unloaded
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  it.
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  But inside, I felt lighter and that's the power of connection.
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  It's not gossip, it's not frivolous, it's baked into our biology especially as females.
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  Here's what we know, loneliness amplifies stress, female friendships buffer it.
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  The UCLA-10 number friend research found that when women connect, when we connect during
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  our stressful moments, our cortisol levels drop significantly.
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  You see, oxytocin, which is the bonding hormone, the social bonding hormone, released when
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  we connect with other people, especially females, it interacts with estrogen to create calm
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  and soothe our nervous system.
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  This is why talking at our laughing or venting will literally change your physiology and
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  your psychology.
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  Your breath will steady.
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  Your blood pressure will drop and I can track this with my wearable device.
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  Your brain waves will shift, you should get out of the beta-bizzy brain state.
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  Your hormones are rebalanced and the long-term impact is just as profound.
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  A monosh university study that followed 1,500 women aged 70 years and above found that
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  those with three or more close friends were 30% less likely to die from heart disease.
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  But here's the problem, despite the benefits, today ambitious women are feeling more isolated
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  than ever.
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  A 2024 Women's Health Survey found that 76% of women said that their friends are crucial
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  for their well-being.
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  Yet modern life leaves them little time to actually nurture those connections.
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  A Sydney University study also revealed that extended periods of loneliness, triple,
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  yes, triple, a woman's risk of dying early.
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  Premature or death because we are lonely.
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  2023 Research also found that 53% of women in the workplace report experiencing loneliness
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  because of their job and it only gets worse the more senior they become.
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  Nelly 70% of senior women and executives said that their feelings of loneliness increased
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  as their careers progressed.
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  Think about that.
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  The higher women climb, the more ambitious we become, the lonelier we often feel.
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  And I see this with the women that I coach.
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  It's not because we're failing, it's because we're fighting our biology in a system that
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  keeps us often feeling isolated, always on and ironically disconnected from the very
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  thing that protects us most, our female friends and colleagues.
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  What can you do?
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  How do we buffer ourselves against the stress storm with connection?
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  Here are four really simple strategies that I've applied to my life and I share with my
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  clients.
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  Read Frame Friendship as Health, Not an Indulgence.
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  Coffee with a girlfriend is just important for your health as going to the gym or seeing
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  your GP, schedule it, protect it, treat it like medicine because it is.
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  Don't underestimate the water cooler chat with a colleague in the office or the banter
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  in the kitchen.
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  Number two, your micro-connections count.
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  Don't wait for the big moments, the weekend away, although book those in too, the girl's
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  weekend away is never about investment.
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  Send the meme, record the two-minute voice notice you walk to school, share the little things.
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  These tiny moments of connection still trigger oxytocin and calm your nervous system down.
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  Number three, invest in your inner circle.
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  The Monash University study showed us the power that comes from close friends.
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  Not dozens of online service level acquaintances choose two to three people that you can be messy,
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  honest, vulnerable, real with.
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  When my husband was diagnosed with cancer late last year, I'll admit my inner and my extended
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  circles were my lifeline.
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  Number four, be one of the three.
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  Don't just find your three, be someone else's three.
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  Check in, send a message, show up, drop around a meal when they're sick.
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  Buy them flowers, send them the funny menopause meme because we're all buffering each other.
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  So here's your reframe.
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  Female friendships aren't optional.
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  They're not a luxury and they're not something you should be deferring until you've got
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  enough time.
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  They are literally survival.
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  That late night rant, the school gate laugh, the kitchen table cry, that's not gossip.
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  That's chemistry.
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  It's your body healing through connection.
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  It's regulating your stress.
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  And in a world that tells women to suck it up and to keep pushing, the sciences do the opposite.
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  Keep connecting, keep laughing, keep showing up.
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  Keep choosing each other because behind every strong accomplished ambitious woman is usually
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  another woman or a network of women making sure that she doesn't feel alone.
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  I'm Dr. Christy Goodland, a neuroperformance scientist, speaker, author, executive coach
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  and a mum.
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  Thank you for listening to Spacious Success.
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  If this episode resonated, please subscribe and you'll never miss an episode.
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  And if you'd like, I'd love for you to share it with your girlfriends, your colleagues,
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  your mum, your aunt because it might just save their stress levels and maybe even their
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  lives.
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  Until next time, bye for now.