Latest / Deeply Well with Devi Brown / Unlimiting Yourself with Denise Hamilton

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Unlimiting Yourself with Denise Hamilton · Deeply Well with Devi Brown

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Mm from grandmothers who whispered in their baby girl in
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: two fathers on dimly lit street corners, instructing young soldiers
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: to always keep their eyes open. You be queen, you
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: were fired. You will pass through centuries on the hands
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: of your daughters. They called you wisdom. Proverbs on the
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: backs of diamond eyed school children who growing into hymnals
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  Speaker 1: recited by amethyst holding urban philosophers who recited neighborhood commandments
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  Speaker 1: out of the windows of restored Alchemedo chariots to keep
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: the warmth of their blood, be wise, be smart, being black,
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  Speaker 1: Opal Brown courts bloodstone and prayer. Be every form of
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: jim se King told, scribe, scribe, told son, son, told wife,
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: wife told her daughter, and daughter told the ant. This
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: is at the ancestors told me that you would come
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  Speaker 1: to give wisdom. Thousands. They said you would come. Hey,
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: welcome back to another episode of the Dropping Gym's podcast.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: I'm your host, Debbie Brown. We are on episode fourteen.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, I say that every time, right, but
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: it's still kind of blows me away, because keep in
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: mind when I launched, it took me four years um
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  Speaker 1: to finally commit to doing this podcast. After I initially
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  Speaker 1: bought the equipment, had the vision, even had the name,
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: and I just sat on it. And so now that
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: I am like in the throes of it, and I'm
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  Speaker 1: reading all of the beautiful reviews that you guys take
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  Speaker 1: your very very personal, valuable time to write me and
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  Speaker 1: rate and all that. Um, yeah, I'm kind of like, hey,
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  Speaker 1: fourteen episodes, let's go. I'm right, So today's show. Um,
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  Speaker 1: one of my girlfriends, one of my dearest friends from
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  Speaker 1: my time in Houston. She and I bill this beautiful
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: bond in Houston, and we were both kind of beginning
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  Speaker 1: to build businesses at the same time and kind of
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  Speaker 1: getting out of previous career trajectories at the same time.
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  Speaker 1: And she was in town here I'm based in l
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  Speaker 1: A for the weekend for this big summit that's happening.
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  Speaker 1: And so initially the plan was she landed at the
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  Speaker 1: crack of dawn and I was like, girl, just get
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  Speaker 1: in the ober, comes straight to my house. I'll have
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  Speaker 1: some coffee for you, we'll have breakfast. Quest will be chilling. Um.
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  Speaker 1: And then we sat down and you know, we're we're
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: sipping our coffee, eating our eggs, and we start talking
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, what are we doing? This conversation needs microphones,
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: stat So that is what we are doing. And I'm
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  Speaker 1: so excited to share her with you because she is
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  Speaker 1: just such a dynamic, multitalented, multidimensional true boss. So my
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  Speaker 1: special guest today is my dear friend Denise Hamilton's who
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  Speaker 1: is the CEO of Watch, her work which is a
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  Speaker 1: learning platform for women to access tangible tools for career building.
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  Speaker 1: So right now on the website, she has over seven
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  Speaker 1: thousand videos of content of interviews with women who are
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  Speaker 1: excelling in a multitude of fields, being everything from engineering
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  Speaker 1: to entertainment to tech to education. So many different perspectives
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  Speaker 1: and different success stories of women of all shape, sizes, colors, ages.
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  Speaker 1: Content is available online and offline. She does some amazing
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  Speaker 1: workshopping events, does a lot of corporate consulting, and just
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  Speaker 1: this calendar year alone, and we are in right now November,
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  Speaker 1: the beginning of November, so not even a full calendar year.
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  Speaker 1: She has spoken in front of over a hundred and
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  Speaker 1: twenty five thousand people. Yeah, and I'm not just talking
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  Speaker 1: about on the Graham. I'm not saying she has that
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  Speaker 1: many followers. And so she's just tweeting and oh that's
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  Speaker 1: my audience, like no physical bodies filling seats. So without
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  Speaker 1: further do, welcome to my dearest one, Denise Hamilton's hey girl,
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  Speaker 1: Hey girl, I'm so happy you're here. I'm over the
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  Speaker 1: moon to be here. You are one of my favorite
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  Speaker 1: people to converse with in real life. Um you always
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  Speaker 1: have just such incredible perspective and jes your your depth
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  Speaker 1: of knowledge on so many subjects. It is so rare
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  Speaker 1: that I'm always like, oh, so let me say this
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  Speaker 1: to Let's take a second. Everybody, stop what you're doing
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  Speaker 1: and get a pen. I promise you get a pen,
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: get a pad of paper nearby, because there's gonna be
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  Speaker 1: a lot of quotables. So we'll take a second. One, two,
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  Speaker 1: got it all right? So you know, Denise, there's so
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  Speaker 1: many There's truly so many directions I could take this conversation,
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  Speaker 1: but I would really like to start off with you
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  Speaker 1: by you sharing with me and the audience. What is
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  Speaker 1: watch her work? My favorite topic? So um I started
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  Speaker 1: watch your work to solve the problem. Um I had
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  Speaker 1: been an executive for over twenty five years, the only
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  Speaker 1: African American, the only woman, and so many different situations,
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  Speaker 1: and I became kind of a lightning rod from men tees.
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  Speaker 1: Everybody wanted to pick your brain? Can I take you
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  Speaker 1: to lunch? And I could add coffee eleven times a day? Right,
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  Speaker 1: because people have a need, right, there's a hunger for information.
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  Speaker 1: They want to know how to do things the right way.
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  Speaker 1: What what They don't want to zig when instead of
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: zagging right, Like, they don't want to step in the
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  Speaker 1: same puddles I've already stepped in, And um, it was
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: it was hard. Um, it was really hard. And I
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: started talking with my peers and they were having the
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: same problem. They didn't see their own kids and they
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  Speaker 1: just didn't have time. I was like, how do we
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  Speaker 1: get to be in charge of equality? We're struggling ourselves.
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  Speaker 1: So it occurred to me, Let's film this. Let's scale this.
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  Speaker 1: People are asking essentially the same questions. Let's film the
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  Speaker 1: content and organize it in such a way that they
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  Speaker 1: could access it when they need. What are some of
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  Speaker 1: the biggest questions I guess women are having in the
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  Speaker 1: workspace right now? Um, how do I get hurt in
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  Speaker 1: a meeting? How do I deal with um unequal power
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  Speaker 1: on a team? Um, how do I tell my boss
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  Speaker 1: I'm pregnant. How do I ask for a raise? How
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  Speaker 1: do I handle if they tell me no? Because we
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: don't talk about that a lot. What do you do?
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  Speaker 1: I know what to do with my boss hits on me?
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  Speaker 1: What do I do if a client hits on me? Yeah?
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  Speaker 1: God and so. And what I really love about your
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  Speaker 1: platform specifically is the women who are offering a lot
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  Speaker 1: of this wisdom are from all walks of life. So
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  Speaker 1: these are veterans, right, or they are mid level or
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  Speaker 1: new right navigating more of a millennial work landscape. But
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  Speaker 1: it's women of all shapes, sizes, colors, and professions. Like
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  Speaker 1: you could be getting advice from an engineer, from someone
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  Speaker 1: in entertainment from someone you know it, maybe in veterinary medicine,
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  Speaker 1: all kinds of things, all of the things. And I think,
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  Speaker 1: what I think is so incredible about that and so
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  Speaker 1: important is we So you get a lot of good
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  Speaker 1: information on Instagram, right, But we have to stop letting
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: random Instagram memes and quotes be the guiding post for
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  Speaker 1: our lives because most of the people that write these
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  Speaker 1: things do not have real experience in the things that
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: they're sharing, but they know that these things are popular,
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  Speaker 1: so a lot of the advice is not good for you,
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  Speaker 1: especially when it comes to work. There is a lot
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  Speaker 1: of toxic advice that will keep you from being able
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  Speaker 1: to make good money and grow the way that you
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  Speaker 1: need to, especially because a lot of the people offering
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  Speaker 1: some of this stuff are not people that have real
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  Speaker 1: work life experience. They either are just great at motivating
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: people naturally um or they just have freelancer online experience,
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  Speaker 1: but their understanding of truly excelling in the workspace is
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  Speaker 1: not there. Why because people that are really excelling in
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  Speaker 1: these workspaces do not have the time to create content
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  Speaker 1: for you online that is real and useful. Absolutely. I
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: mean that's why we turned on the camera, right, because, um,
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  Speaker 1: you have theoretically what you think would work in that situation.
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  Speaker 1: I want to talk to people who actually have executed,
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  Speaker 1: who did this strategy and succeeded, or who did this
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  Speaker 1: strategy and failed, and maybe tell you, hey, hey, don't
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  Speaker 1: do this, don't step in that landline. Right. We want
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  Speaker 1: to glean experience from people that are experienced, and there's
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  Speaker 1: so much information. Everybody is a coach these days. Oh man,
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  Speaker 1: this is like a little bit I've been trying to
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  Speaker 1: find the way that I want to word this right
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  Speaker 1: because I want to honor everybody's path and I don't
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  Speaker 1: like currently in my life right now, I don't exist
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  Speaker 1: in a space of having a lot of judgment or
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  Speaker 1: harsh criticisms for people. I don't like talking about people
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  Speaker 1: at all, like at all, I don't like discussing people.
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  Speaker 1: But there is a space right now where because the
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  Speaker 1: landscape is so open up, opened up, which is phenomenal, right,
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  Speaker 1: Like there's so many different ways each of us can
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  Speaker 1: make money nowadays that have never existed before, Like thousands
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  Speaker 1: of careers that never existed before have popped up in
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  Speaker 1: the last couple of years. Um. But in that same space,
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  Speaker 1: there is a lot of people who have amassed social
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  Speaker 1: media followings that are giving advice that they don't really
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  Speaker 1: know works right, Like they're saying the right motivating things
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  Speaker 1: like you gotta you gotta walk in and know you're
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  Speaker 1: worth girl, or you gotta you gotta ask for what
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  Speaker 1: you're worth, You've gotta demand what you're worth. And the
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  Speaker 1: cold heart truth is right because all of these are
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  Speaker 1: are generalizations. Cold heart truth is you also have to
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  Speaker 1: factor in the temperament and the personality type of the
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  Speaker 1: people that you work with and the people that you're
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  Speaker 1: talking to, what their level of skill is and influences
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  Speaker 1: how they got to where they got right, what the
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  Speaker 1: structure the corporate culture is. But also if we could
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  Speaker 1: be honest and real right now, the majority of the
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  Speaker 1: people taking these Instagram memes and walking in these rooms
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  Speaker 1: with this as their motivator have not earned that seat. Right.
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  Speaker 1: So you're just saying I'm unhappy. I'm not feeling enough
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  Speaker 1: fulfilled here. Oh ship, I need more money because I
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  Speaker 1: got bills. Let people say what I'm worth and you
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  Speaker 1: don't even know if that's what you're worth. It's really toxic. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: it's a crisis. And I don't use that word lightly.
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  Speaker 1: When I speak at event and maybe there's two thousand women,
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  Speaker 1: I'll have a hundred young women waiting to talk to
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  Speaker 1: me after I speak because they're lost. Um hashtagg you
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  Speaker 1: go girl, right, I love it. It's it's all the
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: positive encouragement is great, but what we don't have is
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  Speaker 1: the layers down. We need more depth. We're super wide
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: right now, but we need more up. And that's really
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  Speaker 1: why I tried to gather people from all walks of life,
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  Speaker 1: all expertise, all backgrounds, because you need to hear somebody
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  Speaker 1: who's really like you, but you also need to hear
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  Speaker 1: somebody that's totally different from me. Give you a perspective
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  Speaker 1: of how to approach a problem, because you know something
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  Speaker 1: that you said off Mike that we were talking about earlier,
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  Speaker 1: was there. There's also so many variables that are factored
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  Speaker 1: into everything, you know, especially based on how you look.
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  Speaker 1: You treated different, right, like are you a very attractive person?
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  Speaker 1: You're gonna be treated different at work? Are you an extrovert?
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: Are you an introverting you? Fin? Are you? Are you petite?
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  Speaker 1: How hard is it to be heard in a meeting
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: when you're five feet tall? That's a person. They have
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: a whole different set of experiences than you and I have. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: as we are. So how could you possibly get all
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: of your advice from Chryl Samberg? Yeah, you know, like
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: there's so many of yeas so when also and it's
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  Speaker 1: like much love to Ryl Samberg because she is bomb
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  Speaker 1: in many ways, but it's like, well, but how useful
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  Speaker 1: is that for my black ass? You know what I mean?
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  Speaker 1: Because it's also it's different, right, like what she is
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  Speaker 1: saying is amazing, but it's also you are a middle
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  Speaker 1: aged white woman who lives in Silicon Valley, and if
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  Speaker 1: I'm working at maybe perhaps like like a minority owned
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  Speaker 1: startup in Oregon or like, it's just different. It's just different,
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  Speaker 1: and we do have to wait in We don't need
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  Speaker 1: to silence her voice. Yeah, no, not at all. There's
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  Speaker 1: a whole spectrum of experiences and I want to hear
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: from everybody of how they've handled different things and different challenges.
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  Speaker 1: And um, we don't really have a place for that.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: Um we are you know, there's definitely this concept of
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: wanting milk instead of meat, and what I try to
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: give people is meat. Um. We we've moved past the
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  Speaker 1: basic level. Let's talk about the real things you need
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  Speaker 1: to do to really succeed. Yeah, because you know what,
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: like motivation without self awareness is useless, dangerous, it's dangerous.
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: You're gonna play yourself over and over again. One of
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: the most powerful things people respond to when I say
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: in my presentations is we have to stay coachable. Right.
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  Speaker 1: We have gotten so empowered that we're not coachable anymore.
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  Speaker 1: Nobody could tell you anything, right, and so um at
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: a friend who worked at a university and he got
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: an administrative position very young. It's he's a black guy.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: It's him and seventy white guys. Amazing. He's twenty eight
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: years old, really outstanding. He was insecure about his youth,
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: so he decided he was going to grow a beard. Right,
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: the beard was busted, scraggy. It was terrible. It was
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: just awful. And an African American employee at the at
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  Speaker 1: the college took him to the side and said, bro,
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: it's not working. So my friend is telling me this story.
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  Speaker 1: And I said, could a white guy have told you that?
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: M would you have received that If a white guy
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: had pulled you to the side and told you that,
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: and he said no, I probably would have been offended.
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  Speaker 1: I would ascribed a whole bunch of other stuff to it.
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  Speaker 1: And y'all, that's dangerous. If people who are in positions
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  Speaker 1: of power can't share that power with us, can't help
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: us if we're off track, can't give us feedback to
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: help us grow. You're not going to be promoted. You're
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: gonna work and work and move from job to job,
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: but never excel. And you won't even know why because
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: no one feels empowered to tell you the truth. Can
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: I tell you that when you get upset, you crack
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: your neck? Can I tell you that you're too loud?
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: Can I tell you that, um, you're getting a reputation
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: in office for a spreading gossip? Can I Can I
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: really tell you the things that are stopping you. You
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: can fix all of those things. All of those things
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: are fixable. They're not fixable if you don't know. So,
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: if you're not, if you're not open, nobody's gonna tell you.
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: Because I hate to break it to you, nobody's ending
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: up in hr for you. I'm not. I'm not gonna
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: do it. Nobody's gonna risk their position, their authority. They're
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: not gonna be in mess for you. So if I think, hey, Debbie,
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: I see a lot of potential in her. I think
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: she can really go far. She's really got to work
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: on these three things. But if I tell you those
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: three things, I think that's gonna blow back on me.
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: I'm never gonna tell you those two things. So literally,
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: I tell people in my UM seminars and in my sessions,
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: if you have a sponsor, a mentor, and employer, a boss,
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: somebody who has been sowing into you, and you have
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: a good relationship with called them to day and say
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: it has occurred to me that maybe I have not
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: presented myself to you as being fully open to hearing
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: any feedback that you have, and I want to let
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: you know right now that this is a safe space.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: I want to hear everything that you have to say.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: If it's gonna make me better, I want to receive it.
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: Whenever I tell him that, the next day I'll get
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: seventy emails because they're like, oh my god, it worked.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: He gave me so much information. She told me some
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: stuff I had never heard before, and now I feel
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: like I can fix it. Right. We have to be
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: open to growth, and we can't break down along racial lines,
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: sexual lines. We've we've got to be open to hear
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: even if it doesn't sound good. And I got to
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: tell you it's hard in the hashtag you go girl
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: era to hear stuff that doesn't sound good because I
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: think to the way that things are spun and it's
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: everything is put under this empowerment bubble. But a lot
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: of people that are preaching this empowerment talk or listening
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: to it are not also doing the self work necessary
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: to embody what true authentic self empowerment is you know,
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: like being empowered is just it's not going in an
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: office and being a brat, you know, like it's not
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: going in the office and demanding your way. It's knowing
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: exactly who you are for real, being open to feedback, um,
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: and just really having having some tact and having more
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: of a sense of yourself and and not taking things personally.
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: I see too many people taking everything so personally in
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: the workspace, or they expect for their work to bring
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: them all the joy that they're supposed to have in life. Yeah,
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: you're supposed to have a life. Work is part of
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: your Yeah, well, because so many people too. It's like
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  Speaker 1: when you don't know who you are, because that's also
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: a process, especially to heading on what age you are.
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: You know, we none of us come to this earth
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  Speaker 1: with it all together. Um. As you're starting to navigate
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: who you are, what you stand for, what your identity is,
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: the easiest way to do that is to attach it
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: to your titles, to attach it to what you do
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: for a living. So then you're teaching yourself that your
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: only value exists within that box. So then when things
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: aren't going your way within that box, you were having crisis,
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: like you were really suffering inside, or you're taking things
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: really personal, or your confidence is getting completely shattered. And
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: I'll add to that, Entrepreneurship is great. I'm an entrepreneur,
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: you're an entrepreneur. Entrepreneurship is awesome, but it's not for everyone,
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: and we shame people because they're just you're oh, you're
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: just in a corporate job. My god, if everybody leaves corporate,
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: we won't have any black CEOs, we won't have any
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: female CFOs, we won't like somebody's got to stay in corporate.
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: We need people in every sector. But we are shaming
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: people because they don't have side hustle, because they don't
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: have a podcast, because they didn't write. I mean, yeah,
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: I talk. I literally what you just said. I talk
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: about all the time, like on this show, and when
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: I do speaking, it's like, it sickens me how much
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: comparative shaming is happening, and how there is this false
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: narrative now that if if, if your life isn't done
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: in a really grandiose way or in a way that
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: elicits other people's jealousy or comparison on social media, then
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: you don't matter or you're not doing anything important and
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: that is bull shit. That is ridiculous. Um. I mean
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: I think that we just have a skewed sense of
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: what success. Yeah right, what does success look like? And
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: through my work, what I've tried to do is give
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: people to help them be grounded and give them a
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: sense of like you're starting here and where you're starting
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: is Okay. If I a rose bush and the first
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: leaves pop up, I don't yell at it because it's
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: not doesn't have roses on you. Yeah, it's not a
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: long steam bouquet. Ye. Yeah. And when it grows further
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: and it's just a bud um, I don't yell at
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: it because it bloom hasn't bloomed yet. Like we have
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: to let people be at the season that they are
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: right and honor those seasons. And everybody wants to be cooked.
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: And because the tools are so so cheap, now everybody
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: can get a logo and get a website and get
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: this because it's everybody can buy a course about something.
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: It's like we have a whole it feels like a
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: whole generation of people that are not cooked. Yeah, they're
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: not fully they're not fully cooked. Yeah, or the or
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: their microwave cooks, so the quality of food is lower. Yeah,
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: it's it's not the same as an oven cook So
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: how do you cultivate that that depth and get real? Right?
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: And for me, the journey I've been on is unlearning
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: is unlearning? So how much take? How do you? Um?
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: But one of my favorite movies is Jurassic Park, And
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: that is not what I expected you to say. That
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: is very random. So really the first one, the first one, um,
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: And there's a there's a line where he says, you know,
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: the velociraptors are testing defenses and they remember they're testing
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: for weaknesses. Um. And in a way, that's what we
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: all need to be doing. We need to be testing
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: all of these beliefs, all of these assumptions, all of
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: these things that we think are truisms, are they true? Right? Right?
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: I would love to sit here for a second, um
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: and share some of my process, right because I think
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: something you just said is something I think often. Um.
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: This desire to not be seen at as at a
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: starting point is really going to hinder the lives of
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: so many young women, you know, and I get it.
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: The risks are higher and the wrapping has changed, Like
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: we're sharing ourselves in a way that we never have
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: before on social in real time, you know. And so
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: with that comes this sense that you don't ever want
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: anyone to think that you're anything less than amazing and
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: great and pop in. Right, But like when you dig
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: inside deep in yourself, there is this not just peace,
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: but there is just this sturdiness, this knowing nous, right, Like,
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: I know I'm great, I'm amazing, but I don't have
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: to tell everybody that, right because me knowing it is
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: more than enough. And also I'm not moved by anyone's
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: praise or criticism. Actually don't like when I'm places and
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: people try to lesson themselves when they're with me, or
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: when they try to pander to me too much about
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: oh you're this and you're that amazing. If you do
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: feel connected to me of anything you've ever heard me
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: say or do, I recognize it, and I am grateful
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: and I'm grateful for you sharing it with me. But
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: also the only reason you think I'm so great is
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: because you see some of yourself in me, which means
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: you're great, which means that if you tap into that,
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: you are everything already that you think I am. You know,
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: so I I try to live in exist in a
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: space where I am not moved by the criticism or
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: by the praise. I am only moved by the dial
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: of my own soul and my own spirit and the
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: areas in which I know I'm being called to stretch,
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: or the areas I'm being called to share or to
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: be even more still you know. Um. But I think
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: that that comparative place with social media, just with the
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: amount of content and information that is going on, also
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: with the amoun of new jobs there are. In the
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: comparison there, it's really really difficult for most people to
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: be in the present and to value, love and celebrate
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: themselves for the position you're in. When I started in Turning,
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: I was so proud to tell people I was an intern.
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: I would say it from the top of my lung. Yeah,
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: in turn at the radio station. To me, that was popping.
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: If you meet a radio intern now, the first thing
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: they're going to try to do is take away that label.
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: And because they don't want people to judge where they're
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: at or not think they're super important overnight, which doesn't
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: happen for anyone. I worked in media for over ten years,
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: close to fifteen years that's why I have the access
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: that I have, That's why I have the relationships I have.
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: So if you're in year one or two and you're
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: comparing yourself to that, that would be an insane amount
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: of suffering. You're causing yourself for no reason. You'll get
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: there if you're supposed to be. We're at different places,
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: you know. But so I think that that really, that
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: part is really tough for people. And it's like that's
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: also what keeps their pride levels so high that they
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: can't actually grow and what they're doing or in their career.
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: Absolutely and use the right word suffering. Um, and I
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: see it. I see it firsthand. They won't start. Think
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: of that. Think if we have of young women who
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: won't start. They have a dream, they have a fire,
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: they have a zeal for something, but they're afraid to
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: start because if it can't start at a then I'm
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: not going to start. I can't put the CEO in
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: my bio the second I think of the idea for
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: the business, then no. And it's so toxic because it
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: cost us because if if you know, like I understand,
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: if I want to play the piano, I've got to start,
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: and I've got to practice, and I'm gonna get better
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: and better and better, and it's gonna take practice every day.
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: And I'm I'm not going to be a concert pianist overnight. Right,
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: every thing is like that. We understand, but everything is
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: like that. But we've created this space where people feel
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: just perpetually inadequate. And I know if it's sustainable we
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: go from here. It's not. But yeah, and and and
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: I think that kind of ties into two. Like when
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: we were talking about this nine to five shaming that happens, like,
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: let's be clear, if the entire world were made up
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: of entrepreneurs, this society is not sustainable, especially like think
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: about right now, Like if you have your business and
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: you need to scale your business, you need to be
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: able to hire employees. But according to your theory, if
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: someone has a nine to five and is an entrepreneur
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: and their own boss, then their life sucks. So who's
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: going to be your employees? You know, it's just But
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: also outside of that, it's like when you when you're
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: growing as yourself and you understand that you are valuable
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: merely because you exist and that's enough, then you won't
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: feel the need to try to elevate yourself above other people,
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: and you also won't all the need to recoil if
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: you don't think you're perceived as good as someone else. Um. Yeah,
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: I think from for me when I think about kind
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: of the mythology of our culture. Every we are a
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: series of myths, right, That's what we are. Um. And
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: we're at a stage in history where we've got to
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: test every single myth is it true? Every single one,
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: every single one of us has to test is it true.
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: I'll give you a couple of examples. Um. Rapunzel, do
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: you remember Rapunzel, super ridiculously long hair, stuck in the tower,
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: trapped quote unquote trapped. She helped her mother get in
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: and out of the tower for years, help the prince
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: get in and out of the tower. Girl, it was
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: your hair. Why didn't you help yourself get out of
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: the tower? Like, why didn't you use your giftedness, your abilities,
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: your uniqueness to help yourself? Right? So here's a subtle
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: little message of use your gifts to help other people,
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: not to help yourself. A little mermaid, you can have
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: the man of your dreams. Oh you have to do
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: is give up your voice. I mean, really, we play
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: that far our children. Beauty and the Beast, Oh god,
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: I know, I know it. Beauty and the Beast, my
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: favorite dis the movie of all time. Remember how the
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: movie starts, Bell is in the dungeon. The Beast put
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: her father in the cold dungeon. Bell comes in and
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: sacrifices herself to be his prisoner. So right, yeah, I mean,
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: do I have the story? And then she wins him
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: over right? I mean it's like Stockholm syndrome. He yells
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: at her, he terrorizes her. She even runs out in
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: the night in the night one of the in the
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: movie because he scares her so badly. But does the
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: message you true love will make a beast a prince
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: and you should tolerate all of this bad behavior until
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: he transforms. No, no, and he only transforms if you
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: love him. If you love him. Oh girl, that's some
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: toxic mess. And we really literally play that. We've all
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: been raised on that, And I always want to tell people, like,
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: we're at a point where so many of us have
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: embodied that archetype of without even realizing, without realizing, we're
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: co creating a new reality. And some of this stuff
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: it just has to go. It just has to go.
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: We have to look at it objectively, even if we
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: love it. It's like vix vapor rub. They have been
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: seven thousand reports that tell you it does not work.
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: It isn't how many houses in America because people still
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: believe you gotta cold put some vix on your chest.
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: It doesn't work. But we love to hold onto and
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: grasp our mythology. So my favorite myth that is giving
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: me life right now is the college cheating scandal. It's
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: giving me life. It's giving me life in my soul
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: because one of the biggest myths in the world is
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: if you go to the Ivy League, you're better. They're
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: just better. Well, if of the school is legacy kids
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: who just got in because their parents went there, how
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: could it possibly be better. It's like, it's not possible
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: for it to be better, right, But we we sustained
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: those stories and those myths, and so now here we
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: have this child college cheating scandal and it's cracking it
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: wide open and we get to see, wait, maybe this
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: isn't true. Maybe that young lady who um stepped over drugs,
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: dodged um gangs, ended up graduating top of her class,
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: but she went to University of Houston instead of Harvard.
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: Maybe she's valuable too, Maybe she doesn't have great internships
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: or great correctra extracurricular activities because she was working two
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: jobs to pay for her younger siblings. You mean you
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: can't use her in your company because she didn't go
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: to Brown, because she didn't go to Princeton. Of course
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: you can. So we're seeing what I think of as
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: a great unlearning, a great cracking open of peeling the layers. Yeah,
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: and just throwing away stuff that doesn't serve us. And
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: one that I'm I'm personally struggling with as a black woman.
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: You have to be twice as good. You have to
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: jump twice as high, you have to be twice as
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: Wait a minute, I'm enough. I don't even have to
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: be twice of anything. What if I'm just enough? Just
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: as I am. You take me or you leave me,
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: but I am enough. Think of the message, and I
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: get the intention of pushing you to strive and to
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: work harder and to understand limitations. But I don't want
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: to teach my daughter limitations. I don't want to tell
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: her that she's not enough just being herself. Right. So,
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: so my biggest challenge to people is to test your beliefs,
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: think about what you think about, think about what you consume,
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: feed yourself correctly. That's why I love the work that
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: you do, because what you feed is what grows what
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: you put into your psyche. I always say you have
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: to protect your magic, right, and we don't protect our magic.
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: We take all kinds of nonsense into our spirit. And
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: they were surprised that we get nonsense out of it.
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: And must be clear to like what magic is, right
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: because a lot of people think that magic is that
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: they're attractive, or that you know they have the latest
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: this or the latest that, or their popular magic is
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: self awareness. So magic is being so deeply in acceptance
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: of yourself that you are unmovable, or as I like
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: to say, you are unfatable, because no matter what is
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: happening around you, you accept yourself and you're honest with
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: yourself about who you are, and you're being of service
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: on your terms. Like that to me is magic, you
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: know absolutely, Because I think that we've gotten to a
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: space where we have a short list of what's great.
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: M So many things are great. Oh that's good. So
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: many things are great. There's so many gifts that we
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: overlook or we squander, you know, and I call it
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: the Michael Jordan's principle. Right, the person that can dance
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: wants to be able to sing the purple, that person
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: that can see wants to be able to write the
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: person we naturally covet other people's gifts. When you are
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: in the fullness of yourself, you are crystal clear what
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: your gifts are and what you bring to the world.
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: Michael Jordan, the greatest basketball player in the world, wants
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: to play baseball. That's just how we are as human nature.
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: We want to push into something else. But if you
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: learn how to find your gift and you own it
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: and you share it unapologetically, unrestrictedly, just you're clear about
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: what your magic is, who can stop you? Who can
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: stop you? You know? Um, that's so beautiful. Like Martha
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: Stewart is very interesting to me. Randomly. Martha Stewart got
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: famous for organizing plates and having chickens and pick and
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: paint colors. Stuff that was nothing. Really, people discarded it
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: as nothing housework. Housework is nothing. She made a multi
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: billion dollar industry off of plates and cupcakes. It recipes
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: things that people thought of as nothing. Right, and so
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: if you just work in your giftedness. I don't even
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: know what. I don't even know where you can end up,
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: especially now where there's people on YouTube that are doing
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: some small, tiny, little niche of something, but everybody in
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: the world that cares about that little niche of something,
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: watches them, has found them. Yeah, and you know what
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: I love about that? I think that also speaks to
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: if your intention is only to elevate yourself above other
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: people to serve your ego, or if your intention is
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: only right to be like really popular or really I
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: guess I keep coming back to, like this idea of
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: you want to be compared or you want to be
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: better than this, then that that is not what's standing
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: in your purposes. That is not how you're really going
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: to have what you just described, you know, like being
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: in the fullness and the full authenticity of who you are.
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: Like that's true success. If I have to wear a
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: mask to do it, I don't want it. It's funny.
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: I my stylist M one of my girlfriends that helps
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: me put together outfits now that I've been doing a
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: lot more speaking and a lot more on camera stuff,
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: because if you leave me to my own devices, I
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: am in a wife beater with some crystal necklaces and
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: my Zara sweatpants and probably some fire Nikes. That's my
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: day to day, right, But so she's been helping me
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: plug together pieces. I'm someone that does not wear the
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: clothes in their closets. I buy all the cute stuff,
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: and then when it's time to get dressed, I'm like, no,
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: let me just put on my cute little tea and
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: tuck it into my jeans. Um. So, anyway, long story
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: short is um. She she's phenomenal what she does. She
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: has an artistic eye. But when she dresses me sometimes
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: she pulls clothes for me that just really don't feel
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: like me, or like it'll be like a six inch
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: heeld right or you know, and she'll be like, but
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: dev like pain is beauty, like commit to the moment,
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: you know. And a lot of people are down with that.
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: That's cool. I have flat feet. I don't like wearing
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: heels at all, like that are like over four inches
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: at most, right. But I especially know myself and the
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: work that I'm doing right now at this moment in
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: my life requires that I show up as such a full,
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: authentic version of myself in all moments. So if I
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: wear those six inch stiletto heels and this outfit that
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: feels uncomfortable but looks killer in a picture for my
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: from my grid for my Instagram, I can't be who
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: I really am, right because I'm gonna be on that
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: stage talking to people about real soul lessons, about states
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: of higher consciousness, about the depths of myself with an
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: openness and and authenticity that can allow them the freedom
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: to be themselves. If for one second I am trying
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: to speed through it because as my feet hurt or
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: I'm uncomfortable or I can't move my body the way
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: that I am, that I am limiting my purpose. So
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: I know myself that well you know what I mean.
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: So it's like me and her will kind of go
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: at it sometimes and I'm like, I need you to understand.
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: I get it, and I love what you're able to
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: create for yourself and for other people that can own
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: that space. But I also really know me, and I
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: would rather be cute, becomfortable first. I have to feel
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: like me to do the work that I'm doing in
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: this moment in my life, you know, or in this
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: time when it's more important to look good than to
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: be good. Yeah, well, let's let's sit here, let's talk
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: about this. I love social media, it's awesome, but it
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: has become a cage. Masterpieces take time to create. Michael
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: Angelo didn't do the Sustaine Chapel on television. I'm sure
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: you had to make a lot of corrections, you had
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: to fix a lot of stuff. This is the first
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: time in history where the creative process happens in real time. Yeah,
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: I worry how many Sistine Chapels are we going to get? Yeah? Yeah?
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: And it really brings up so much self sabotage because
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: of the pace of life in this moment, right, because
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: you know, typically it's like when you think of this journey,
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: we all have unpacking to do. Um, we all have
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: trauma to work through. Some people's trauma is more severe
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: than others, right, Some people's resilience is a little less
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: than other people's, so their process is different. Um. But
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: typically you're able to move at a certain pace where
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: life unfolds for you in such a way that you're
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: learning and more bite sized pieces, and you're you're putting
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: yourself together in a way that maybe a little bit
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: more comfortable. And right now, we really are in the
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: Age of awakening, Like the frequency we're all operating on
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: is happening so fast in every aspect, not just with
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: this comparable Instagram world, or with career or with you know,
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: how you're curating yourself, but really the lessons and the
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: access we're of information that we're able to have to
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: like soul lessons and healing lessons, is coming so fast
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: that the work is happening fast, which means your level
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: of discomfort and sometimes suffering is a lot deeper, you know.
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: And so when you are rushing through life and all
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: the other aspects and all the other facets, you were
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: going to face more inner turmoil then you might have
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: if you slow down, especially if what you're consuming is
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: all milk, it's all basic, it's all surface surface, Yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: you have to challenge yourself and seek out depth. And
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: that's hard. Admittedly, that's hard. In our culture. It's so hard,
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: and you know it's it's too It's just I don't know,
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: I think so much of it really comes back to
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: some themes we've already hit on, which is just focus
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: on accepting yourself first, right, like a prayer that I
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: share my meditations and I know I've said it on
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: this show before, but if you really ask yourself every
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: single day, for thirty days throughout the day, you got
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: still and you said, God, please show me the truth
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: of who I am, your life would be radically changed.
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: When you look up in a month, your life would
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: be radically changed to some people. You would change, You
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: would change some major elements of your life. You would
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: transform yourself. You would come into acceptance with yourself because
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: the truth of who you are is that you possess
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: both light and dark. The truth of who you are
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: is that, yeah, you're a really good person, you know,
• 41:50
  Speaker 1: on a soul level that's worthy of love and compassion.
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: But also you probably got your ship with you and
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: you've also probably been damaging in some aspects of your life. Right,
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: But you're both, and you're still worth be and you're
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: still enough, and you're still worth giving love to, you know.
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: But we have to stand in the fullness of both
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: those sides. None of us are perfect. If you're looking
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: at me and my story and you're thinking I'm perfect,
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: I will be the first to tell you I'm not.
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: I face many challenges, I've gotten it wrong a lot
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: of times, but at this moment in my life. Something
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: I'm committed to is giving my best effort to myself
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: in the world, whatever that looks like, from each day,
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: and loving myself that I mean, I am in full
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: acceptance of all the facets of who I am, you know,
• 42:37
  Speaker 1: And that's the only way to be None of us
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: will ever be perfect because we were brought to this
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: earth as souls to experience humanity. The human condition is flawed,
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: and I think it's really important who we emulate. Yeah,
• 42:53
  Speaker 1: follow who we you know, That's that's what social media is, Right,
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: it's follow culture. Who do you follow? Who are you
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: listening to? Right? You can sit and listen to the
• 43:05
  Speaker 1: You have access now to the deepest philosophers, the most
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: amazing minds, the most incredible spiritual leaders. You can just
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: get on YouTube. But is that what we watch? Yeah,
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: you're watching these quick little potentially you know, quick little
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: like motivating videos from someone whose story you don't know,
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: that doesn't necessarily have experience on what they're talking about.
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: I came in this environment to win. What does it
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: take to do that? And why is my ego so
• 43:35
  Speaker 1: fragile that what somebody who doesn't have anything to do
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: no bearing on my success or failure. He says something,
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: and I'm off to the races. I work very hard
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: to never allow anyone to weaponize my responses. I have
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: to keep my cool. I fight fire with water. I
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: try to stay so lazy or focus on what I'm
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: trying to accomplish. And if you're aligned with that and
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: you want to get down with that, great and if
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: you don't, thank you so much, just stay over there.
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: I do not feel like I have to fight every
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: battle and convert every soul. I have been in some
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: of the most hostile work environments. I've been the only
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: black person, the only woman, the first black person, the
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: first woman, so many times, and people underestimate you. Okay,
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: that's that's part for the Cords, that's the gig, that's
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: the game. I know that when I'm walking into that situation.
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: If I wanted to be an all female environment, I
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: would work in a hair salon. That's not what I chose.
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: I chose. It's kind of like you're climbing um Everest
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: and you don't bring a coat, like it's a harsh environment.
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: Pack your coat here, complaining about the climb, and it's
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: like you know where you were going you knew where
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: you were going. And that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: It doesn't mean it doesn't matter. It doesn't mean it's
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: not wrong. It means it doesn't matter. You have a goal,
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: focus on their goal and reach it, and don't let
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: people who don't matter pull you off. Course. The little
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: battles and the little engagements I see people get into,
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: I'm just like, why why Yeah, like what what does
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: it really serve your ego? I told him, he's not
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: gonna talk to me like that. Okay, Okay, now you're
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: angry black woman in office and not even that, like
• 45:29
  Speaker 1: but so so so what more like that? Because especially
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: if you because I think people's desire sometimes when they
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: when they get into it with other people on a
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: soul level, it's really a desire for them to change
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: the way they're being treated or changed the way that
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: someone is treating them or living their lives. Right, telling
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: someone off, there might be a ten percent window there. Listen,
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: I have my stories in my past, but it is
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: nothing is going to change that person. So there there
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: are other ways that you can pivot um if you
• 46:04
  Speaker 1: want to see real change, but it has to be
• 46:06
  Speaker 1: led by your soul by compassion and not by ego.
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: Absolutely change only happens without ego. Real lasting change and
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: energy is finite. Yeah, it's finite. I don't have the
• 46:20
  Speaker 1: energy to raise all of these people in this environment
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: who may not think I'm worthy of being here, right,
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: I don't have to prove to you that I am.
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: Gonna know I am. It's gonna take every drop of
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: my energy to accomplish my goals. I don't have it
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: to give you, and we just give it away. Fight
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: fights that don't have to be fought. There are real fights.
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: There are places where you need to stand up, there
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: are places where you need to and you have to
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: build your currency first, because are you trying to win?
• 46:54
  Speaker 1: Are you trying to be heard? I don't want to
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: just be heard. I want to affect change. Yeah, right,
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: So what does it take to do that? And I
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: think that, Um, there's so much advice. I mean to
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: your example earlier of just you gotta go in there
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: and tell him that he's gonna give you that raise
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: because you deserve it, because you are that is not
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: You have to learn how to operate in every environment
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: and be careful who gives giving you advice about what
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: you should do and how you should do it? Yeah, yeah,
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: especially check the pedigrees, right, because not everybody should be
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: able to speak life into your world. Would you share
• 47:34
  Speaker 1: with me, especially because this episode is so career focused
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: And when I tell you, guys, I really hope you
• 47:39
  Speaker 1: take time to follow Denise because she is so powerful
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: about so many subjects. Today only because we have a
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: tight schedule, we're focusing on career, but she's a bar
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: in so many aspects. Um. But this is definitely like
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: the career episode. But so would you talk to Denise
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: a little bit too? Investing in yourself in business? Because
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: and I want to share with everybody a little bit
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: of my own entrepreneurial story. Obviously, everyone who is maybe
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: on this episode is familiar with the fact that I
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: worked for many, many years in radio and broadcasting in
• 48:15
  Speaker 1: some TV, and now I am fully a hundred percent
• 48:19
  Speaker 1: in the wellness world. I might still reach back for
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: a couple of gigs, but this is the space that
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: I'm committed to for my life's work. Um. But I
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: want to tell people I didn't just wake up and
• 48:31
  Speaker 1: say I'm gonna quit my job and yeah, let me
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: just start a business over here and it's all good. Like, Yeah,
• 48:36
  Speaker 1: I'm getting a lot of beautiful opportunities I am so
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: grateful for right now, and I'm able to still dabble
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: in in something that fulfills me, like doing this podcast
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: and using my skill set there. But I've I did
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: a lot of work to be able to stand in
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: this field and command a certain amount of money and
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: get into the rooms that I'm in and be trusted
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: by the women who trust me in doing this work.
• 48:59
  Speaker 1: You know, I have spent thousands of dollars investing in
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: myself to show up in the exact ways that I
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: need to. I'm certified in many different things. I don't
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: particularly like going to school. I don't particularly like sitting
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: in class for twelve hours a day for three days
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: in a row every month. I don't particularly like it,
• 49:26
  Speaker 1: but I'm doing it because something I've realized is do
• 49:29
  Speaker 1: I have my own story and testimony that can help people? Absolutely? Do.
• 49:34
  Speaker 1: I have a huge life full of lots of multidimensional
• 49:39
  Speaker 1: experiences and have I had a lot of success. Absolutely,
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: But if I want to help people heal, just applying
• 49:46
  Speaker 1: the ways I healed aren't going to be enough, right,
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: because that's only going to get to a certain amount
• 49:50
  Speaker 1: of people. So I also need to quit myself and
• 49:53
  Speaker 1: tighten up on the areas that I don't know by
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: heart already. So I've invested in myself over the last
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: several years of doing lots different programs, doing lots of
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: psychology training, is doing lots of spiritual work and retreats
• 50:05
  Speaker 1: and all those things grow me as a person. But
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: it also grows my ability to be of service to
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: the people I want to serve. But I didn't just
• 50:13
  Speaker 1: wake up and say listening to me because I know
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: how to curate myself for you. I'm sharing with you
• 50:21
  Speaker 1: stuff that I know works. And it's so tempting today, right, um,
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: Because the truth of the matter is, when you have
• 50:35
  Speaker 1: a goal, it's not really the difficulty of the path
• 50:39
  Speaker 1: to the goal that stops us. It's the ease of
• 50:44
  Speaker 1: the path to a lesser goal. I would say that
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: one more time. That is good. It's not the difficulty,
• 50:53
  Speaker 1: it's not the hurdles, it's not the challenges of getting
• 50:56
  Speaker 1: to the goal. It's that the alternatives are so much easier.
• 51:02
  Speaker 1: Why would I sit in class for twelve hours if
• 51:05
  Speaker 1: I mean nobody's asking me to do that. I can
• 51:08
  Speaker 1: just slap up a logo and say I got this
• 51:10
  Speaker 1: and started. You know, nobody's asking me to learn these skills.
• 51:13
  Speaker 1: They're always pushing me to develop myself and develop the
• 51:17
  Speaker 1: skill set. They'll accept me however I present myself. That's tempting, man,
• 51:24
  Speaker 1: And that's what it feels like the whole world is doing.
• 51:27
  Speaker 1: It's tempting to take your your portion and instead of
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: multiplying it, slap it on lunchbox and start selling it. Right,
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: But you have to have a commitment to continued growth,
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: even though there are such great alternatives. It's easy. So
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: I could sit on panels all day long, right, I mean,
• 51:50
  Speaker 1: I know you could do the thing. I'm invited to
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: speak all over the world. Um, but there's some stuff
• 51:57
  Speaker 1: that I want to accomplish in the world. There's something
• 52:00
  Speaker 1: someone to build and they're not as quick and it's
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: not as easy, and it's not as quite frankly, ego gratifying.
• 52:09
  Speaker 1: It's when they call you know, like, um, you know
• 52:12
  Speaker 1: I have a spot running on Lifetime TV right now.
• 52:15
  Speaker 1: It was cool when Lifetime calls me and says, hey,
• 52:18
  Speaker 1: we want you to be the coach on Project come back.
• 52:21
  Speaker 1: Well doing you now? Right? It's validating and it's cool
• 52:24
  Speaker 1: to do all these great activities. And I know you
• 52:27
  Speaker 1: do a lot of great stuff. I do a lot
• 52:28
  Speaker 1: of great stuff, but never lose sight of your goal
• 52:32
  Speaker 1: and never um, you're cheating the whole world if you
• 52:36
  Speaker 1: don't sharpen your saw, if you don't harness yourself. I mean,
• 52:43
  Speaker 1: think of athletes that shoot a million free throws just
• 52:46
  Speaker 1: even though they're great and rebounds, they're great, they what
• 52:50
  Speaker 1: am my week at? They still work on developing that
• 52:52
  Speaker 1: skill because I cheat the world out of the fullness
• 52:57
  Speaker 1: of my magic if I don't hold and sharpen and
• 53:01
  Speaker 1: harness every gift that lies in me. And that might
• 53:06
  Speaker 1: take money, it might take time, It might take um,
• 53:09
  Speaker 1: it might take um subordinating yourself going into environment where
• 53:13
  Speaker 1: you're an intern and they treat you like trash for
• 53:15
  Speaker 1: a couple of years. It may take that to learn
• 53:18
  Speaker 1: what you've got to learn to do the big thing
• 53:20
  Speaker 1: that you want to do. So it's it's you know,
• 53:25
  Speaker 1: I am so proud of you. I'm proud of you
• 53:30
  Speaker 1: because you know, it's it's hard to do stuff you
• 53:34
  Speaker 1: don't have to do. You don't have to do it.
• 53:37
  Speaker 1: Nobody's you know, nobody's like standing over when you're ten
• 53:41
  Speaker 1: years old and you know you got to go to
• 53:43
  Speaker 1: school today and you've gotta do this, You've gotta clean
• 53:45
  Speaker 1: your room. There's there's no mom now. Now it's all
• 53:49
  Speaker 1: us choosing each and every day, like how we're going
• 53:52
  Speaker 1: to operate in the world and who we're gonna be.
• 53:56
  Speaker 1: And it's easy to just stay at three when everybody
• 54:00
  Speaker 1: like three. Everybody loves your three. And I'm just watching
• 54:03
  Speaker 1: you committed to go to ten and it's beautiful to
• 54:06
  Speaker 1: thank you for saying that. I really appreciate that. Yeah,
• 54:10
  Speaker 1: I think, and for each of us, we have whatever
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: version that is. Like, it is like if I stayed
• 54:15
  Speaker 1: at a three, I would I've kind of built my
• 54:18
  Speaker 1: life celebrated at three. I would still go get invited
• 54:22
  Speaker 1: to all of the things and do this and that
• 54:25
  Speaker 1: and have a fun life if I stayed at three.
• 54:27
  Speaker 1: But I know I can exist at a ten. I
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: know I am a ten, I'm a twenty, I'm all
• 54:37
  Speaker 1: these things right, and so you know, I don't know
• 54:40
  Speaker 1: the I think for for everyone listening, what I really
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: hope you take away is if you know that you
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: have a calling on your life, if you know you're
• 54:50
  Speaker 1: called to do something. Don't just settle for entry level mediocre.
• 54:56
  Speaker 1: Don't just settle for the popularized bag right for the
• 55:03
  Speaker 1: quick payday, Because life truly is a marathon. What are
• 55:07
  Speaker 1: you building? I, at least hope my desire is that
• 55:11
  Speaker 1: what I am building right now, with my head down
• 55:15
  Speaker 1: and tunnel vision being kind of quiet in some aspects,
• 55:19
  Speaker 1: is going to be what I am blessed to be
• 55:21
  Speaker 1: able to do for the rest of my life. You know,
• 55:24
  Speaker 1: take some money and invest in the process of creating
• 55:28
  Speaker 1: something proprietary that will be yours, that has a quality
• 55:32
  Speaker 1: that people can trust, and they'll come back for the
• 55:35
  Speaker 1: second sale and the third and the fourth. You know.
• 55:38
  Speaker 1: It's that oven mentality, it really is. It's if you
• 55:42
  Speaker 1: what are you building? What is your end game? You know,
• 55:45
  Speaker 1: hustle mentality. I was addicted to it for so long.
• 55:49
  Speaker 1: I live my life in the grind for so long,
• 55:52
  Speaker 1: and that you know, hashtag boss, bitch, girl boss, all
• 55:56
  Speaker 1: of the things right, I lived and breathed it. I
• 55:58
  Speaker 1: was a stress addict. But where was it really taking
• 56:02
  Speaker 1: me and what was the what was the quality of
• 56:04
  Speaker 1: my life going to be and look like and feel like?
• 56:07
  Speaker 1: So take the time, you know, starting and I know
• 56:10
  Speaker 1: you you completely stend alignment with this, with the building
• 56:14
  Speaker 1: of watch your work. It's like I had to take
• 56:17
  Speaker 1: on a lot of humility to start this new business.
• 56:19
  Speaker 1: I had to learn a lot about myself. It It
• 56:22
  Speaker 1: was not easy giving up some of the glitz and
• 56:25
  Speaker 1: glamor of working in entertainment seven and what I had
• 56:29
  Speaker 1: spent over a decade building there to start from scratch
• 56:33
  Speaker 1: in a new world that I didn't have an audience
• 56:35
  Speaker 1: in that world. You know, like if I put out
• 56:38
  Speaker 1: if I put out a YouTube video with a rapper,
• 56:40
  Speaker 1: I guarantee you it would go viral. All of my
• 56:43
  Speaker 1: content went viral, or I would instantly within the first
• 56:47
  Speaker 1: hour on said YouTube video have a hundred thousand views
• 56:51
  Speaker 1: because I'm talking to a rapper about his music. Right
• 56:54
  Speaker 1: when I first launched Karmel Bliss and I put a
• 56:57
  Speaker 1: video on YouTube meditating five views, right a year later
• 57:03
  Speaker 1: was only at a hundred because the world that I'm
• 57:06
  Speaker 1: operating in is not as accessible for people. Not everybody
• 57:11
  Speaker 1: is ready to do the work or learn the tools.
• 57:14
  Speaker 1: But I knew that walking in and signing up, and
• 57:16
  Speaker 1: that's the audience I want anyway, you know, so it's
• 57:19
  Speaker 1: like even in, don't be afraid to do the hard work.
• 57:22
  Speaker 1: Now identifize yourself, be a beginner. And that's that's the niece.
• 57:26
  Speaker 1: I love that you said that, because that's what I
• 57:28
  Speaker 1: surrender to. My ego fought it. Like the first year
• 57:32
  Speaker 1: of becoming out entrepreneur, my ego fought it, and I
• 57:34
  Speaker 1: was trying to stay one foot in this world, one
• 57:36
  Speaker 1: foot in my old life, and I couldn't be clear
• 57:40
  Speaker 1: on my vision being in that space. When I surrendered
• 57:43
  Speaker 1: to the fact that I don't have to keep up
• 57:46
  Speaker 1: any looks or appearances for anybody, I can be a beginner,
• 57:50
  Speaker 1: and it's okay because I know this is my calling.
• 57:53
  Speaker 1: And not only is it okay, it's what has to happen,
• 57:57
  Speaker 1: because you cannot be great if you don't them through
• 58:00
  Speaker 1: a journey. And then I look up three years later,
• 58:03
  Speaker 1: I have a thriving business. We're in department stores, I
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: have I'm booked out for the next year of speaking,
• 58:10
  Speaker 1: I'm traveling every week, I'm writing my second book. And
• 58:12
  Speaker 1: guess what if I didn't embrace being a beginner, I
• 58:15
  Speaker 1: would have none of this right now. I would be
• 58:17
  Speaker 1: stuck in the exact same spot suffering inside because I'm
• 58:21
  Speaker 1: trying to keep two worlds together because I'm not fully
• 58:23
  Speaker 1: committing to what my calling is. And the time, as
• 58:27
  Speaker 1: I've said before, everybody listening, the time passes anyway. So
• 58:31
  Speaker 1: I could have looked up three years later and had
• 58:33
  Speaker 1: nothing to show for it, you know absolutely. I know
• 58:36
  Speaker 1: when I started UM watch your work, there was there
• 58:39
  Speaker 1: were so many stats thrown around, like black women get
• 58:43
  Speaker 1: UM point Over the last ten years, black women have
• 58:46
  Speaker 1: gotten point o o six percent of all VC funds,
• 58:52
  Speaker 1: not even one half of one percent? Right, I can
• 58:57
  Speaker 1: decide is that gonna define me? Am I not going
• 59:01
  Speaker 1: to try this? Am I not going to put my
• 59:03
  Speaker 1: toe in this water? Or I can say you never
• 59:08
  Speaker 1: step in the same river twice, that tomorrow can be
• 59:12
  Speaker 1: better than yesterday? Can I Can I step out onto
• 59:16
  Speaker 1: a bridge that isn't yet built. Literally, That's what I'm doing.
• 59:20
  Speaker 1: I'm walking out and they're building the bridge as we
• 59:23
  Speaker 1: go along. Right. But if you if you don't approach
• 59:28
  Speaker 1: the world with the optimism that you can start small
• 59:33
  Speaker 1: and build, then what are you doing? I just don't know,
• 59:37
  Speaker 1: Like that's the only way to approach it. You have
• 59:40
  Speaker 1: to believe that it's worth investing the time to learn
• 59:43
  Speaker 1: the skills. It's worth investing the time to master the
• 59:47
  Speaker 1: information and the content. You have to believe that and
• 59:50
  Speaker 1: go into the situation and you're gonna pivot, You're gonna
• 59:53
  Speaker 1: have things you have to change, or you're gonna refine things.
• 59:56
  Speaker 1: But diamonds are made overnight. We we all want diamonds
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 1: that we don't want the pressure, and that's just not
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 1: how it happens. Trust the calling on your life and
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 1: do the work necessary to honor that calling. And I
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 1: also want to talk a little bit about people who
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 1: don't have a calling, yes, because there's a lot of
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 1: people who are really struggling. Well they haven't identified their
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 1: calling yet. Well, but calling is is misused and purpose
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 1: is misused. Right. Not every calling or purpose has to
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 1: be quantified by a career path. Absolutely, Yeah, So everybody
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 1: has a calling, Like everybody's calling is to use your
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 1: unique gifts to be of service. But for everyone it
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 1: doesn't have to or just may not translate into everybody
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 1: knowing who you are, or you having a big social
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 1: media presence, or you having you know, billions of dollars, right,
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 1: because that's not any of the things that God cares
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 1: about he called. He cares that you honor the calling
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 1: he put on your heart and whatever way you're able
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 1: and in whatever way unfolds for you without that connection
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 1: to ego about how you're being perceived or treated. Yeah. Yeah,
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 1: I just started working with a group in a in
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 1: Texas that their focus is young people nineteen who have
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 1: opted out? What does that mean? They have They're they're
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 1: living in their parents basement, they're playing video games all day.
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 1: They've checked out. They they're not looking for jobs. And
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 1: the percentage of the people that are in that situation
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 1: in the US is steadily growing. And I think it's
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 1: because of a couple of things. First, this comparison thing
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 1: that we're talking about, what is an honorable job? What's
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 1: a good job? Right? If it's not paying six figures
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 1: and I can't buy lambo, it's not a good job.
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 1: Am I willing to start at the beginning and work
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 1: my way up? Well, No, I need to be a
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 1: VP of a blah blah blah. If I can't do
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 1: it at this level, I just won't do it at all.
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 1: And then there's a I think that and I'm seeing
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 1: it a lot in the young women that wait to
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 1: talk to me after I speak. Uh, they're kind of
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 1: lost where they They really don't know what they want
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 1: to do because they get so many images. It's so
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 1: much pressure that they don't really And what I challenged
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 1: them to do is to quiet themselves. Turned down the noise.
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 1: Here your own voice. Two of the people we think
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 1: of of of greatest scientists of our time, Einstein and
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 1: Srisie Newton. Einstein theory of relativity, Srisie Newton gravity. Both
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 1: of them did it in chill time. Hm Einstein was
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 1: under employed, he was a patent clerk. He was way underemployed.
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 1: He did all of his theories and letters to his
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 1: friends and his free time. Sir Isaac Newton was sequestered
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 1: because of the plague, so he was bored. Oh let
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 1: me do this theory of gravity. When was the last
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 1: time you were bored? When was the last time things
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 1: were quiet so that you could hear the voice of
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 1: of what is supposed to happen in your life and
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 1: what's next. We have a portion of our young people, specifically,
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 1: that are so deluged with other people's senses of who
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 1: they're supposed to be that they can't find themselves. So
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 1: the challenge that. And the encouragement I would give to
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 1: that group that might be listening right now is turn
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 1: it off, turn it down, step away, put it down,
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 1: find some quiet, find some softer voices. Right there are
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 1: voices that get Let let somebody run. She rack is crazy,
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 1: do something everybody knows about it, right, But find some
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 1: softer voices that aren't as loud. But feed your spirit,
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 1: and feed you deeply. Because we can't afford to waste genius,
• 1:04:16
  Speaker 1: we can't afford to squander a generation. And I don't
• 1:04:20
  Speaker 1: want anybody to feel lost. I don't think there's a
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 1: worse feeling than really not having any idea what your
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 1: next step is because you don't feel passionate about anything,
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 1: because society around you demeans what you feel passionate about,
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 1: or what you care about, or what you like. It's
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 1: not cool to tell your friends that you want to
• 1:04:40
  Speaker 1: be an accountant. Nobody right, Nobody wants to say that
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 1: I really like numbers. I'm good numbers. That's corny. You
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 1: should be you know what I'm saying. Like, you have
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 1: to quiet that noise. You have to silence it and
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 1: stop stop over filling your time, over booking yourself and
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 1: stop over stimulating your consuming. Stop And it's hard. That's so.
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 1: It's easy to say that it is so. It takes work.
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 1: It takes work. But I believe that you have to
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 1: build new neural pathways. You have to shift things. You
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 1: have to do things that are new and fresh, and
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 1: turn things off and turn some things on, you know,
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 1: and shake it up, because, um, there's a lot of
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 1: people who didn't get their purpose until they were forty
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 1: fifty six, seventy. They didn't find it. It's the quest. Yeah,
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 1: it's not. It's not a race. It's not a race.
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 1: It's not and you should enjoy it. You should be
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 1: exploring things. That's how you're gonna find it. It's not
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 1: coming to your house. Yeah, that's how you're gonna find it.
• 1:05:45
  Speaker 1: You have to kick the tires on other experiences. You
• 1:05:48
  Speaker 1: have to talk to different people, you have to go
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 1: different places. That's how you're gonna find a purpose. Caring
• 1:05:53
  Speaker 1: what people think. You have to stop caring what people think,
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 1: the praise and the criticism. You have to find that
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 1: authentic voice inside that leads you and that lets you
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 1: know you're in the right place and that you matter.
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 1: And I hate to break it to you. Sometimes those
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 1: people are the people that love you the most. There's
• 1:06:15
  Speaker 1: no greater there's no smaller cage in the cage of
• 1:06:20
  Speaker 1: the people that love you. Yeah right, no smaller cage homeostasis.
• 1:06:26
  Speaker 1: They are trying to keep a normal and it's like,
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 1: I'm not. I don't want to be normal. I want
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 1: to be abnormal. I want to be extraordinary. And sometimes
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 1: the people that love you, you know, because in in
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 1: the they want to protect you, they want to keep
• 1:06:39
  Speaker 1: you safe. But you're not built to be safe. You're
• 1:06:44
  Speaker 1: built to do incredible, amazing, unbelievable things if you let yourself.
• 1:06:51
  Speaker 1: I my heart hurts that I have to wrap the
• 1:06:54
  Speaker 1: show up. But part of being a working new mom Um,
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 1: I got a few quest dinner right now, So it
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 1: just is um, Denise, I absolutely adore you. I we
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 1: didn't get the chance to unpack this on the show,
• 1:07:11
  Speaker 1: but Denise and I originally met because we were both
• 1:07:15
  Speaker 1: brought on to speak on a panel many years ago
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 1: that was put together by the Route and by Toyota,
• 1:07:21
  Speaker 1: and we met on that panel and we were both
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 1: really into what each other had to say, and at
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 1: the end of the panel, both of us were cornered
• 1:07:30
  Speaker 1: in opposite corners of the room with lines that went outside. Um,
• 1:07:36
  Speaker 1: you know, if people just trying to deepen their understanding
• 1:07:38
  Speaker 1: of some of the things that we said. And so
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 1: she and I connected, We exchanged numbers, then we started hanging,
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 1: we started bouncing ideas off each other, we started co
• 1:07:47
  Speaker 1: working together. You know. Um, we were very much organically
• 1:07:51
  Speaker 1: brought together and then grew our friendship. And I just
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 1: you're a treasure. I just adore you. I stand for
• 1:07:57
  Speaker 1: all the things that you do. You guys have to
• 1:08:01
  Speaker 1: go on the Instagram, watch her work at watch her
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 1: work TV and at official dam and watch her work
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 1: dot com. Um has some really phenomenal content. And I'm
• 1:08:12
  Speaker 1: really I really really want to stress this to you.
• 1:08:15
  Speaker 1: It's not just the kind of site that permeates the
• 1:08:19
  Speaker 1: market right now of like career motivation and and hashtag
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 1: boss babe and you know all of those things. Like
• 1:08:26
  Speaker 1: the site is very, very intensive, and it has so
• 1:08:30
  Speaker 1: many different categories for all types of things you could
• 1:08:34
  Speaker 1: be running into in the workplace, and the content is
• 1:08:37
  Speaker 1: just absolutely invaluable. It's over seven thousand videos, that's thousands
• 1:08:43
  Speaker 1: of women of all walks of life from obscure careers
• 1:08:48
  Speaker 1: to mainstream careers sharing their hard earned wisdom um that
• 1:08:53
  Speaker 1: you can really pull from. So definitely, like, if you're
• 1:08:56
  Speaker 1: looking to expand in any capacity, in any career field
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 1: that you're in, look for areas that you can invest
• 1:09:03
  Speaker 1: in yourself free and monetarily. Look for the real meat
• 1:09:08
  Speaker 1: and don't just sit in the surface level stuff. It
• 1:09:11
  Speaker 1: will not take you where you really want to go,
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 1: and it will not take you to a lifestyle that
• 1:09:17
  Speaker 1: is sustainable for the rest of your life. So I
• 1:09:20
  Speaker 1: I love you, Denise, Thank you so much for coming
• 1:09:22
  Speaker 1: on the show girl. I loved every minute of it.
• 1:09:26
  Speaker 1: Catch you guys next time. Peace, big thank you for
• 1:09:30
  Speaker 1: listening to this episode of the Dropping Gyms podcast. This
• 1:09:33
  Speaker 1: show is executive produced by Adrian Scott and me Debbie Brown.
• 1:09:38
  Speaker 1: Our theme music was created by producer Day one and
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 1: the poem that you heard at the beginning of the show,
• 1:09:42
  Speaker 1: well that was created especially for us by award winning
• 1:09:45
  Speaker 1: poet and I'mbieca for If you have a quick moment
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 1: right now, please hit subscribe on the show and if
• 1:09:51
  Speaker 1: you like what you heard, take it a step further
• 1:09:53
  Speaker 1: and give us a five star rating. Until next time
• 1:09:56
  Speaker 1: you connect with me on I G at Debbie Brown
• 1:09:58
  Speaker 1: or my website debbie brown dot com. Be blessed, M.