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Jordan Peterson - One rule that can fix your life motivational speech · Motivate Me; Inspirational Speeches

• 0:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was ill recently, and when I started to recover, I couldn't really button my shirts.
• 0:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: I had to learn to do that again.
• 0:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: I did, I had forgotten how to put my hands on keyboard.
• 0:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't know where to put my hands.
• 0:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: I had to learn to type again.
• 0:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now, I hadn't lost all the knowledge and it came back quite quickly, and the reason I'm saying that is because one of the impediments to people who've really taken a blow in their life is that
• 0:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: things have fallen apart around them so badly that where they have to start is humiliating even to consider.
• 0:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: The rule that's pretty straightforward rule when you want to get back on your feet and the rule is you have to make the tasks small enough so that you'll do it.
• 0:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: No matter how small that is, I've worked with people.
• 0:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, one of the things I've become well known for, is my advice to start by cleaning up your room, but I had plenty of clients who couldn't.
• 0:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: They couldn't go home and clean up the room.
• 0:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: They hadn't cleaned up the room for like 20 years.
• 0:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: For all sorts of reasons, maybe because every time they did, try to do anything positive in their family.
• 1:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: No matter what it was, they were immediately punished and undermined.
• 1:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so, if they even went home and dared to start cleaning up the room, they'd face resistance within the family that was just a manifestation of the 50,000 times they'd been discouraged in the past.
• 1:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: But also a move that would upset the insanity that characterized the pattern of familial interactions.
• 1:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: So actually, if they even made a move to clean up their room,
• 1:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: What they were doing simultaneously was confronting the dragon in the family that had made every single person in that household insane for like five generations, right?
• 1:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: So it looks simple.
• 1:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's not bloody simple and so in a situation like that you cut it down so that maybe the first thing they do is clean up like Maybe they look inside one drawer and see the mess that's there and just look at it for a minute and think about how they might reorganize it if they were going to
• 2:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: when people are very down and out and they decide to make a move forward in some ways they're facing the whole panoply of problems that confront them in the guise of that single problem, right?
• 2:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's all lurking behind it, right?
• 2:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's like
• 2:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, they see the tip of a reptile's tail outside a gigantic closet, let's say, and they look and they think, well, that's just the tip of a tail.
• 2:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: What harm can it do me, but it's connected to the whole damn beast?
• 2:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: And the advantage to that is that if you make that first step forward, you're actually advancing in the form of, in the face of all that opposition.
• 2:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: The disadvantage is that,
• 2:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: The first task seems so small that you literally have to be on your knees to be humble enough to lower yourself to take that first step.
• 2:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, God is that all I can do, I'm so useless.
• 2:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: You might even be more useless than that because you might fail out it.
• 2:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: I had lots of clients who would come back, you know, we'd make a deal that they would do something simple.
• 3:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: I remember one client, such a comical story in a terrible dark way.
• 3:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, he was an overgrown infant and he was 30.
• 3:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: He was still living at home in his messy, you know, high school room under the thumb of his mother conveniently for him because then he never had to do anything and he had Managed to entice some girl into sleeping with him and she got pregnant and now he's gonna have a son and he had enough sense
• 3:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: to come to me and say, you know, I'm kind of a wasteroil and I've mucked up my life, but maybe I'd like not to destroy this kid.
• 3:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: So is there something I could do to put myself together?
• 3:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: So, you know, we talked that through.
• 3:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: We negotiated, which is what you do with a client, if you're sensible.
• 3:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, you lay out the problem first, okay?
• 3:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: What the hell's wrong with you?
• 3:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: Do you think?
• 3:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: You have to listen and listen and listen.
• 3:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: While the person unfolds everything that might be wrong, they put all their cards on the table.
• 3:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: and then you sort through them and you think, well, some of that, if they'll figure this out themselves, some of that's not really the central issue.
• 4:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so you manage, they lay all the cards on the table and then you kind of get rid of 90% of them.
• 4:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's a synth and a synth.
• 4:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah, it's, it's, it's, it doesn't really bother me now that I've talked about it.
• 4:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: That doesn't seem key.
• 4:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think I'm really done with that.
• 4:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: That is interesting.
• 4:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: But they'll still have to lay it all out.
• 4:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: and then you focus on the problem and then the next thing you think is asked them is something this is great general problem solving strategy is okay if this could be better as far as your concern what would better look like and then they have to lay their cards on the table about thought so you do the same thing and now you have the diagnosis that's the problem statement and now you have a hypothetical cure let's say
• 4:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: And now you need a strategy, right?
• 4:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: That would be the steps in between the problem and the final destination.
• 4:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then you break down the steps until you find a step that the person will take.
• 4:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: And you have to do that experimentally.
• 4:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: So the first step for him was to vacuum the carpet it is in his room.
• 5:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so this is literally what he did.
• 5:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: He brought the vacuum.
• 5:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: It was a stand up vacuum.
• 5:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: He brought that into his room, but he only got it to the threshold.
• 5:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then he left it 45 degrees across the door, late leaning, and he walked over it for a whole week.
• 5:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so then he had to come back and tell me, you know, and he was embarrassed.
• 5:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: He said, you know, I got the vacuum cleaner just to the doorway and I left it there and then instead of bringing it into my bedroom, I just, you know, I put an obstacle in my own path and stepped over it for a whole week.
• 5:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's a very humiliating thing because he knew that his life was on the lot, and he knew that his son's life was on the lot, and he knew that he was one useless bastard for not being able to bring that vacuum cleaner into the room, you know, but the proper interpretation of that in part is, well you got the bloody thing out of the closet, didn't you know?
• 5:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: So what we did was renegotiate this called technically, this is called collaborative empiricism, it's a behavioral.
• 6:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: approach for clinicians and that collaboration is, well, as I said, what's the problem?
• 6:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Diagnosis, what's the potential solution?
• 6:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: The person has to be on board with all this, right?
• 6:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, they have to be the people who decide that's the problem.
• 6:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can't enforce that on them.
• 6:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: They have to discover it for themselves, and the same with the solution, and the same with the strategies.
• 6:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's like, I don't know what's right for you.
• 6:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: All listen, we can jointly explore what might be the right vision for you, and then we can break that down into a strategy, but you, you have to be on board with the strategy.
• 6:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: You have to feel that this is right for you.
• 6:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's absolutely 100% crucial that it's voluntary.
• 6:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: then we'll say okay well maybe this is a solution why didn't you go implement it come back next week after having attempted this let's see how it went you know and sometimes people come back and say well you know that went great and it started me and I did three other things and you know what we seem to be on the right track and sometimes they come back and say nope I didn't work at all like with the vacuum cleaner
• 7:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so then you have to think what you do in that situation is make the task smaller.
• 7:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you make the task small enough, I've never seen anyone not be able to progress if they made the task small enough.
• 7:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: But you know that can be pretty humiliating.