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The Fifth Hour: Cloak-and-Dagger Maller Intervention · The Ben Maller Show

0:00
Speaker 1: Kabooms.
0:02
Speaker 2: If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
0:05
Speaker 2: a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
0:09
Speaker 2: of the old republic, a sol fashion of fairness. He
0:12
Speaker 2: treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the
0:15
Speaker 2: rich pill poppers in the penthouse.
0:18
Speaker 1: Wow.
0:18
Speaker 2: The Clearinghouse of Hot takes break free for something special.
0:22
Speaker 2: The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts right now.
0:28
Speaker 3: In the air everywhere, The Fifth Hour with me, Ben Mallor,
0:34
Speaker 3: as we hang out together on this Saturday, the sixteenth
0:39
Speaker 3: day of May.
0:41
Speaker 1: The Mallard travelogue continues. Not much to talk about. We
0:48
Speaker 1: had a couple of NBA games on Friday night and
0:51
Speaker 1: a real doozy. What a way to go out putting
0:55
Speaker 1: up a fight. The Minnesota Timberwoles boy chance to force
1:03
Speaker 1: a Game seven in the NBA playoff series there at
1:09
Speaker 1: Target Center, and the Minnesota basketball team fell behind by
1:14
Speaker 1: as many as thirty seven. They didn't trim the lead
1:17
Speaker 1: down to thirty as San Antonio mollywopped the Minnesota basketball team.
1:25
Speaker 1: Good afternoon, good evening, and good night. The Timberwolves never
1:30
Speaker 1: led in that game, not a second at home, and
1:35
Speaker 1: they go down last night as it wasn't all though
1:40
Speaker 1: Wemby show it was a castle in the sky as
1:45
Speaker 1: a Stefan castle there with thirty two points to lead
1:49
Speaker 1: the way, everyone shooting lights out for the Spurs, So
1:53
Speaker 1: they move on to play Oklahoma City in a matchup
1:58
Speaker 1: it's being marketed as an matchup. From a pure basketball standpoint,
2:03
Speaker 1: it is an epic matchup. From a media market standpoint,
2:07
Speaker 1: it is not an epic matchup. And then you had
2:11
Speaker 1: the Cleveland Cavaliers, an opportunity for the Cavs at home
2:16
Speaker 1: to close it out, wrap things up, take on the
2:20
Speaker 1: Knicks in the Eastern Conference Finals, and of course Cleveland
2:24
Speaker 1: completely malfunctioned in this game, and they did it in
2:29
Speaker 1: many ways. In the second half. At halftime it was
2:31
Speaker 1: a three point game, the Pistons leading fifty four to
2:36
Speaker 1: fifty one, and in the second half at home, a
2:40
Speaker 1: chance to rubber stamp your ticket go to the next round.
2:44
Speaker 1: You got the full experience. James Harden and Donovan Mitchell
2:49
Speaker 1: combined to shoot five of eighteen in the second half,
2:53
Speaker 1: and James Harden had a bunch of turnovers as he
2:55
Speaker 1: always does. And the Cavaliers and the Pistons will have
2:59
Speaker 1: a Game seven, the winner gets a date into the
3:04
Speaker 1: Final Four. The Cavaliers did not lead in the second
3:08
Speaker 1: half of that game. They only briefly led early on
3:12
Speaker 1: in the game. That was it. So that's the NBA.
3:16
Speaker 1: Enough of that, you didn't tune into this podcast for that.
3:18
Speaker 1: We get back to the meat and potatoes on this Saturday.
3:23
Speaker 1: We billboard this as the Intervention disguise as a pastry
3:28
Speaker 1: meet up, the Raccoon Operating heavy Machinery, and more. But
3:33
Speaker 1: we begin with this as we continue our in depth
3:37
Speaker 1: team coverage of what was a magically delicious trip to
3:42
Speaker 1: the Commonwealth and beyond. So there are certain streets if
3:44
Speaker 1: you've not spent a lot of time in Boston, there
3:46
Speaker 1: are certain streets on the North End of Boston that
3:49
Speaker 1: feel less like roads and more like old secrets, Like
3:54
Speaker 1: you got dropped out of a time machine and you're
3:59
Speaker 1: in this place that goes way way, way way back. Now,
4:02
Speaker 1: I've not been to the truly historic sites of the world,
4:07
Speaker 1: the pyramids in Egypt, or spots around the Middle East
4:11
Speaker 1: and in Europe that are just ridiculously old. I've not
4:14
Speaker 1: been there. So for me, this is as close as
4:17
Speaker 1: I've been to anything like this. The north end of Boston.
4:19
Speaker 1: The brick building kind of lean inward a little bit,
4:22
Speaker 1: feels like it's either the back lot at Universal Studios, Hollywood,
4:28
Speaker 1: or you're somehow far far away from reality. So the
4:33
Speaker 1: buildings are leading in. The alleyways are very narrow, built
4:38
Speaker 1: for horses. The cobblestone shines under the street lights like
4:42
Speaker 1: wet teeth, and even the air feels just a little
4:46
Speaker 1: different there, certainly after midnight, little salty cold. It's got
4:53
Speaker 1: traces of garlic, and there's rain, water and bad decisions
4:58
Speaker 1: and all that. This part of our story begins on
5:04
Speaker 1: one of those streets. My wife and I had just
5:08
Speaker 1: returned from Maine, as you know from previous episodes of
5:13
Speaker 1: this podcast, namely yesterday. So we'd returned from Maine after
5:17
Speaker 1: a long day of driving down nine to ninety five
5:21
Speaker 1: surviving New England traffic circles enough lighthouse tourism to qualify
5:27
Speaker 1: for honorary fisherman status. So we had one mission when
5:33
Speaker 1: we got back to Boston. That mission palm Chicken palm, simple, noble, achievable, right,
5:41
Speaker 1: except every spot we wanted to go to was closed
5:46
Speaker 1: rejected by the gods of Italian cuisine. So we drifted
5:51
Speaker 1: instead into Bova's Bakery. It's always been a staple when
5:54
Speaker 1: I come to Boston. I always loved the North End.
5:56
Speaker 1: I love the Italian food. I love Bova's Bakery. So
6:00
Speaker 1: that is where tired people and creatures of the night
6:04
Speaker 1: and a lot of drunk college students gather under the
6:08
Speaker 1: fluorescent lights to make very questionable dessert decisions. Now they
6:12
Speaker 1: also have salty food. They have different regular food dishes
6:18
Speaker 1: you can get, but it's a baker, it's a big
6:20
Speaker 1: So you haven't truly lived until you've starved yourself and
6:26
Speaker 1: it's late at night. You're dying to eat, and you're
6:30
Speaker 1: kind of hanging out there, and you're staring into the
6:32
Speaker 1: bakery case at eleven thirty, and you've convinced yourself that
6:37
Speaker 1: a cream puff is a practical thing to eat at
6:40
Speaker 1: this time. So there we stood outside Bova's with pastry
6:46
Speaker 1: boxes in hand. The North End. It's really quiet, considering
6:51
Speaker 1: you know this is a bustling part of town, or
6:55
Speaker 1: whether it wasn't that bad, and anyway, this is when
6:59
Speaker 1: I made the mistake. I shouldn't have done it. I'd
7:02
Speaker 1: like to confess to you right now. I wish I
7:04
Speaker 1: hadn't done it. I did it. It's done. I can't
7:07
Speaker 1: take it back. So I'm standing there and I clicked
7:10
Speaker 1: open the what you might call it on my phone,
7:14
Speaker 1: and it's got the little like the camera like, it's
7:18
Speaker 1: orange purple. It's the Instagram thing. I clicked open Instagram
7:23
Speaker 1: and immediately, boom, boom goes the dynamite. I'm getting hit
7:28
Speaker 1: up with messages everywhere from blind Scott Ah. Blind Scott
7:32
Speaker 1: doesn't do one message, Blind Scott doesn't do two messages.
7:36
Speaker 1: Blind Scott believes in carpet bombing your messenger device. Now,
7:42
Speaker 1: if you're unfamiliar with blind Scott, and I don't know
7:45
Speaker 1: how you could be unfamiliar with blind Scott, imagine a
7:48
Speaker 1: combination of a sports talk radio caller, a wandering philosopher,
7:54
Speaker 1: and a smoke detector with a very low battery. You
7:58
Speaker 1: know that, sup chirp chirp, Yeah, that thing. You never
8:05
Speaker 1: quite know when he's going to go off, but eventually
8:10
Speaker 1: blind Scott will go off. And lately blind Scott has
8:14
Speaker 1: gone sideways a myriad of threats, some of them very angry,
8:22
Speaker 1: deep dark stuff enough for people, and you know who
8:26
Speaker 1: you are, reached out to me. You were genuinely concerned
8:29
Speaker 1: about my well being and having to deal with blind Scott.
8:35
Speaker 1: And it was to the point where you start wondering
8:39
Speaker 1: if someone's driving with two wheels off the road, if
8:44
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Now, normally the grown up move,
8:49
Speaker 1: the smart move, would have been just to ignore these
8:52
Speaker 1: messages on Instagram and focus in on the beautiful people
8:57
Speaker 1: who are on there to make money by shaking what
9:00
Speaker 1: their mamas gave them instead, against every survivable instinct. I
9:07
Speaker 1: possess every survival instinct that I've been taught when I
9:10
Speaker 1: was a cub Scout and a boy scout. I responded, ah, yes,
9:15
Speaker 1: another tremendous idea, said the dry little voice that appears
9:19
Speaker 1: whenever I ignore common sense on purpose. So I responded,
9:23
Speaker 1: I told Scott, Hey, we are outside Bova's. If he
9:28
Speaker 1: wanted to stop by quickly, within seconds, right now, question mark.
9:35
Speaker 1: So the speed of the response was rather unset, like
9:39
Speaker 1: he'd been hiding behind a trash barrel somewhere on the
9:44
Speaker 1: side of Bova's, refreshing the app waiting for me to
9:47
Speaker 1: walk in, And of course I did. I wrote back.
9:50
Speaker 1: I said, yes, I wrote back, but we're leaving soon.
9:54
Speaker 1: I was like eyes make this happen. That's it out.
9:57
Speaker 1: So then I got silence, and we recorded a quick
10:02
Speaker 1: little hype video for the Malad militia. Excited about being
10:06
Speaker 1: in Boston, wrapped up the pastries and put them in
10:10
Speaker 1: the bag, prepared to head back to the hotel. However,
10:15
Speaker 1: now there was this strange feeling hanging in the air,
10:20
Speaker 1: like we'd accidentally scheduled a global summit meeting nobody fully
10:28
Speaker 1: wanted and nobody fully understood. It's the cloak and dagger
10:32
Speaker 1: part of the story. And so here I am standing there,
10:36
Speaker 1: waiting in the North End at night, and when you're
10:41
Speaker 1: on that part of Boston, the North End, it just
10:47
Speaker 1: does things to your imagination, or at least it did
10:51
Speaker 1: to me. It could have been whatever I was eating
10:53
Speaker 1: or drinking at the time. The streets feel older than
10:56
Speaker 1: America itself because they are older than America itself. Somewhere nearby,
11:03
Speaker 1: Paul Revere once rowed through, warning the British were coming.
11:07
Speaker 1: The British were coming. Though personally I think history under
11:12
Speaker 1: sold Israel Bissel, the other writer who covered something like
11:19
Speaker 1: three hundred miles that night and got absolutely no poetry
11:25
Speaker 1: written about him. And this is one of those things
11:27
Speaker 1: in life, and it's a lot clearer now because of
11:31
Speaker 1: social media. Even back in the seventeen hundreds. Even back
11:36
Speaker 1: in the seventeen hundreds, you had the haves and the
11:39
Speaker 1: have nots. And I look at it like the Willis
11:42
Speaker 1: Reid game. The Willis Reid game where he played on
11:46
Speaker 1: a broken leg is called the Willis Reed game. Willis Reid,
11:48
Speaker 1: I think, scored one or two baskets, played a couple
11:52
Speaker 1: of minutes in the first quarter, and that was it.
11:54
Speaker 1: It was the Walt Clyde Fraser game. Nobody calls it
11:57
Speaker 1: that Walt Clyde Fraser is the reason the Knicks the
12:00
Speaker 1: Lakers that day. He was the star of the show.
12:03
Speaker 1: He just doesn't get the credit. And much like Israel
12:06
Speaker 1: Bissel does not get the credit, Paul Revere got the
12:09
Speaker 1: credit and the reason. And this is just a great
12:13
Speaker 1: metaphor for life. The reason is because the name Israel
12:17
Speaker 1: Bissel did not work for Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, the famous
12:23
Speaker 1: poet laureate who wrote the poet about the Paul Revere,
12:28
Speaker 1: and that the name works. It's a much better name,
12:31
Speaker 1: Paul Revere. It flows off the tongue than Israel Bissel.
12:34
Speaker 1: And so that's a tough break. That's seventeen seventy five
12:38
Speaker 1: branding Israel Bissel learning the lesson. You gotta have the
12:42
Speaker 1: right branding or it's not going to work. Anyway. Back
12:45
Speaker 1: to the story, So we're standing there under a dim
12:47
Speaker 1: street light and I hear something and at first it
12:52
Speaker 1: sounded like some metal scraping the stone. Then I heard
12:55
Speaker 1: a thud, and then another and out of the darkness.
13:00
Speaker 1: Now you gotta imagine here. It's after midnight, it's dimly lit,
13:04
Speaker 1: it's a little damp, it had rained a few hours earlier,
13:08
Speaker 1: and way down the cobblestone street appeared this shadowy figure.
13:13
Speaker 1: It wasn't walking straight. It looked to be the silhouette
13:16
Speaker 1: of a human, and it was swaying. It was limping
13:20
Speaker 1: a little bit and stopping every few steps. And I'm
13:24
Speaker 1: looking off into this and I'm like, oh boy, what
13:27
Speaker 1: do we got here? You know? My wife looked at me,
13:29
Speaker 1: I looked back at her, and neither of us spoke.
13:32
Speaker 1: We just kind of nodded. The figure moved a little closer,
13:37
Speaker 1: a little closer you could kind of see a little
13:40
Speaker 1: bit under the weak yellow glow of those street lights,
13:44
Speaker 1: and suddenly I could make out what appeared to be
13:47
Speaker 1: a cane, not a candy cane, an actual cane. Then
13:53
Speaker 1: the limp became more dramatic, too dramatic. That is when
13:58
Speaker 1: I realized what was happening in front of my eyes,
14:03
Speaker 1: on a pretty empty part of the street, right across
14:07
Speaker 1: from Povia's Bakery. Blind Scott was attempting the notorious Willy
14:14
Speaker 1: Wonka entrance. Not the creepy remake. I'm talking about the
14:17
Speaker 1: og Gene Wilder version, the famous fake limp before the
14:22
Speaker 1: surprise Somersault. Only this was not exactly Broadway quality. This
14:28
Speaker 1: was not Tinseltown quality. At one point, blind Scott's cane
14:33
Speaker 1: became jammed between a couple of things on the street
14:38
Speaker 1: I don't know if it was a pothole or a
14:39
Speaker 1: couple of cobblestone, and nearly launched him headfirst into the
14:44
Speaker 1: colonial infrastructure. His body tilted dangerously forward, like a refrigerator
14:51
Speaker 1: falling downstairs, and for a split second, I honestly thought
14:56
Speaker 1: I was about to witness a full wipeout directly in
15:00
Speaker 1: front of the Paul Revere House gift shop, or at
15:04
Speaker 1: least close enough. Plausibly, somehow, some way, impossibly well blind
15:12
Speaker 1: Scott regained balance much like Gene Wilder, barely A passing
15:18
Speaker 1: couple froze and watched the whole thing unfold like the
15:23
Speaker 1: way tourists are supposed to watch these things, stumbling like
15:27
Speaker 1: they stumbled onto some kind of weird outdoor theater show.
15:32
Speaker 1: So blind Scott finally reached us. He was a little
15:36
Speaker 1: out of breath, looking both exhausted and very proud of himself,
15:41
Speaker 1: like a man who had just crossed enemy lines, carrying
15:44
Speaker 1: a secret government document and half a canoli. And that's
15:50
Speaker 1: when things got serious right around here, because this wasn't
15:54
Speaker 1: really a social visit. There were ulterior motives. This was
16:00
Speaker 1: an intervention disguise is a pastry meet up, if you will.
16:05
Speaker 1: Blind Scott, as we had talked about, had spent many,
16:08
Speaker 1: many months spiraling online, spiraling online, threatening to docks me,
16:16
Speaker 1: saying insane things, insane to the membrane about murder, and
16:23
Speaker 1: going into very dark territory that stopped being funny a
16:27
Speaker 1: long long time ago. So right there on this quiet
16:32
Speaker 1: Boston side street, surrounded by old brick buildings in cream
16:38
Speaker 1: puff boxes, we had a cloak and dagger conversation, a
16:45
Speaker 1: real one heart to heart man demand. I told Scott calmly,
16:51
Speaker 1: I was firm. I said enough is enough. I said,
16:55
Speaker 1: knock it off, just be nice. This is not healthy
16:59
Speaker 1: is It's not who you are. I gave blind Scott
17:03
Speaker 1: an extra large helping of tough love. And the thing
17:08
Speaker 1: that really surprised me is that blind Scott listened. He
17:14
Speaker 1: actually listened. He did, although midway through this conversation he
17:19
Speaker 1: wandered into the street and nearly got hit by a
17:21
Speaker 1: car and killed, which honestly felt on brand enough that
17:25
Speaker 1: nobody even reacted immediately other than me. Then came the
17:31
Speaker 1: plot twist that I did not have on my bingo card.
17:35
Speaker 1: I thought of how bad this could have gone. I thought, well,
17:37
Speaker 1: Scott might bring a weapon, and as well, at least
17:39
Speaker 1: he can't see where he's shooting. And I thought, well,
17:41
Speaker 1: that'd be good. I'd be okay most likely, But I
17:44
Speaker 1: can't guarantee the safety of the people around me and
17:46
Speaker 1: my wife, and that scared me a little bit. But
17:49
Speaker 1: blind Scott listened to what I had to say. He apologized,
17:52
Speaker 1: and it wasn't like a joking apology. It was not
17:55
Speaker 1: a half hearted apology. It was just a genuine, if
17:59
Speaker 1: the apology, and he said he had been struggling with
18:04
Speaker 1: some of his demons, which was rather obvious, you didn't
18:07
Speaker 1: need say it. Said he had been off his meds,
18:10
Speaker 1: and that he knew that he had crossed the line
18:14
Speaker 1: and he was just trying to get attention, and a
18:16
Speaker 1: lot of stuff like that, And we had a very
18:19
Speaker 1: good conversation. We tried to encourage blind Scott to get
18:23
Speaker 1: the help that he needs. The state of Massachusetts would
18:25
Speaker 1: be more than happy to help blind Scott, and you know,
18:30
Speaker 1: he was like, well, I don't really like to go
18:32
Speaker 1: out and get the help I need and all that stuff. Anyway,
18:34
Speaker 1: this is suddenly this whole bizarre scene, the midnight mallord
18:38
Speaker 1: meeting that was not planned, the shadow in the street,
18:42
Speaker 1: the pastry diplomacy. It stopped feeling ridiculous for a moment.
18:47
Speaker 1: It just felt human. It just felt human. And then
18:51
Speaker 1: Scott shuffled back into the Boston Knight, disappearing down the
18:56
Speaker 1: cobblestone the same way he arrived, like a mystery no
19:00
Speaker 1: nobody could fully explain. And we would see Scott again
19:04
Speaker 1: the following day. And we now move ahead in our
19:08
Speaker 1: broadcast and get back to our Malar mini series on
19:12
Speaker 1: our regularly scheduled adventures in and around the Commonwealth and beyond.
19:19
Speaker 1: So the Worcester part of the trip we talked about
19:21
Speaker 1: Boston on the Friday Pod. The Worcester part of the
19:24
Speaker 1: trip was supposed to begin with me throwing out the
19:27
Speaker 1: first pitch at Polar Park. That was the plan, the
19:31
Speaker 1: best laid plans of mice men and middle aged gas bags.
19:36
Speaker 1: So plans are adorable. Plans are what you make before
19:41
Speaker 1: New England weather laughs in your face and dumps a
19:45
Speaker 1: swimming pool on your rental car. So instead of bounding
19:50
Speaker 1: out of bed on Saturday like Rocky Boalboa, charging up
19:55
Speaker 1: the steps ready to throw some haymakers, I became a
19:59
Speaker 1: hostile negotiator with my hotel pillow. I was very tired
20:03
Speaker 1: from the event on Friday and the travel and not
20:06
Speaker 1: getting much sleep at all. And I don't normally get
20:09
Speaker 1: a lot of sleep, but usually one day a week
20:11
Speaker 1: I'll get a firm asleep, And so I'm flipping the
20:14
Speaker 1: pillow and I'm repositioning my body in bed, and I'm
20:18
Speaker 1: checking my phone. Said, well, maybe the radar was wrong
20:21
Speaker 1: and the game won't get rained out, and all that well,
20:23
Speaker 1: kept raining more rain, biblical rain, rain, that makes you
20:27
Speaker 1: wonder if a guy named Noah is somewhere warming up,
20:32
Speaker 1: building out an arc of Dunkin donut boxes and some
20:36
Speaker 1: old Red Sox programs, and is hurting up Lucky the
20:40
Speaker 1: Leprechaun and Wally the Green Monster and getting everyone together,
20:44
Speaker 1: pat Patriot and all that. And I was, I was
20:48
Speaker 1: worn out. Listen, it happens. The kind of tired your
20:52
Speaker 1: socks feel heavy, the kind of tired you're near your knees.
20:57
Speaker 1: They just kind of file a bit of a grievance
21:00
Speaker 1: with the rest of you. And so we just said,
21:03
Speaker 1: you know what, we'd stayed late after the Mighty Squirrel
21:06
Speaker 1: gathering because my wife, after the event, she said, well,
21:10
Speaker 1: I want to go out and get some food. And
21:11
Speaker 1: since I was somebody who'd nobly refused to eat at
21:15
Speaker 1: the tap room, there not my eating window. I do
21:20
Speaker 1: this fugesy fasting thing, and on vacation rare and appropriate.
21:25
Speaker 1: You can eat a little later, eat fast a little less,
21:28
Speaker 1: live your life, enjoy your life. And so we wandered
21:32
Speaker 1: off into the Boston Seaport looking for a late night meal,
21:37
Speaker 1: and much like we found the other night on the
21:39
Speaker 1: North End, not a lot there. The seaport is fascinating,
21:43
Speaker 1: though it's better during the day. It's Boston's version of
21:46
Speaker 1: a glow up story. Used to be shipping docks, rough trade,
21:52
Speaker 1: maritime hustle. Now it's art galleries, luxury skyscrapers, condo buildings,
22:02
Speaker 1: influencers wandering around pretending they just discovered espresso, martinis and
22:07
Speaker 1: all that, and the old shipping area reinvented into a
22:12
Speaker 1: mix of tourism and also, of course a great spot
22:16
Speaker 1: for a middle aged radio host to convince themselves that
22:20
Speaker 1: they are buying something that counts as fitness by these
22:27
Speaker 1: different stores. They a lot of fitness athletics stores and
22:32
Speaker 1: things like that. So at one point I read this
22:35
Speaker 1: the other day, at one point in twenty sixteen, they
22:38
Speaker 1: discovered an actual shipwreck, like a real shipwreck, buried underground there.
22:44
Speaker 1: Imagine that a bunch of construction Jabbroni's are out there working.
22:50
Speaker 1: They're digging in. Suddenly they find a boat, and not
22:55
Speaker 1: just any boat, a boat from the eighteen hundreds underneath
22:58
Speaker 1: modern Boston. And this was about a decade ago, which
23:03
Speaker 1: is also roughly how I feel every few weeks when
23:06
Speaker 1: I stand up too quickly, I feel like I have unearthed,
23:10
Speaker 1: a relic from the past. I'm like, how did that
23:13
Speaker 1: get there? And oh, my back, my neck, my back
23:17
Speaker 1: and my neck and the whole thing. But yeah, I
23:20
Speaker 1: guess you can say a couple times a month, I
23:22
Speaker 1: am an ancient wreck beneath civilization. So we ended up
23:28
Speaker 1: at this place called Stubbies. I'd never been to Stubbies,
23:30
Speaker 1: didn't know much about Stubbies. Tremendous steak and cheese sandwich.
23:33
Speaker 1: It's possible I was just hungry, but I really enjoyed
23:35
Speaker 1: the meal. Tremendous, greasy in all the right ways, heavy
23:40
Speaker 1: in the right way. It sat in my stomach like
23:43
Speaker 1: a weighted blanket, which encourages sleep. Then came the long
23:48
Speaker 1: zombie walk back to the hotel through the drizzle of
23:53
Speaker 1: the seaport while my body quietly threatened litigation against me.
23:58
Speaker 1: So now it's very very early on Saturday morning and
24:04
Speaker 1: we're there. We get to the hotel and we were
24:06
Speaker 1: greeted shortly after by thunder wind, sideways rain, just the
24:14
Speaker 1: general mood of a Viking funeral. Felt like you were
24:17
Speaker 1: at a Viking funeral, not a Minnesota Viking funeral. Because
24:20
Speaker 1: we were in Boston and so we slept and deeply aggressively,
24:25
Speaker 1: the kind of sleep where you wake up confused about geography,
24:30
Speaker 1: unsure what year it is, wondering if your room key
24:35
Speaker 1: is still going to work or if society had collapsed,
24:39
Speaker 1: and you slept right through it. So finally, sometime later
24:44
Speaker 1: in the afternoon we rose from hibernation mode. That's what
24:48
Speaker 1: you do. And there is a very specific sound that
24:54
Speaker 1: people around my age make when they wake up soar
24:57
Speaker 1: in a hotel bed. It's notuage, it's not even communication.
25:01
Speaker 1: It's just noises. It's a grunt, it's a groan, it's
25:05
Speaker 1: bones auditioning for the percussion section of the band. I
25:12
Speaker 1: made that sound. Then came what is the mandatory, mandatory
25:18
Speaker 1: and ceremonial full body stretch, which in my case looked
25:22
Speaker 1: less like stretching and more like an inflatable tube man
25:26
Speaker 1: outside a tire shop trying to survive high winds. And
25:30
Speaker 1: so we tossed some clothes on, and then it was
25:36
Speaker 1: time to go to the lobby to get the rental
25:40
Speaker 1: car and head off to Wooster. And so we got
25:44
Speaker 1: the gang together and we said, we're gonna go out
25:48
Speaker 1: the worst, the big, the big event is taking place,
25:51
Speaker 1: and so we got Coop his wife, Lorena my wife,
25:56
Speaker 1: and away we went. Now I'd never been to Worcester
26:00
Speaker 1: before I knew about it. Of course, I'd heard about Worcester.
26:03
Speaker 1: My grandfather used to tell me stories about the Worcester
26:06
Speaker 1: Springfield area, an area that he lived a lot of
26:10
Speaker 1: his youth in As a kid. Growing up, my Yiddish
26:13
Speaker 1: loving Bobo treated Central Massachusetts like it was a mythical homeland.
26:19
Speaker 1: And to me, Worcester was not just a city. It
26:23
Speaker 1: was a concept, a spiritual location, a place where men
26:28
Speaker 1: wore jackets in July complained professionally. They call it the
26:33
Speaker 1: Heart of the Commonwealth. That's what the slogan is, and
26:37
Speaker 1: it sounds less like a slogan, more like a prescription medication,
26:40
Speaker 1: Heart of the Commonwealth. Ask your doctor if Worcester is
26:44
Speaker 1: right for you. But the city has legitimate history, and
26:49
Speaker 1: I love history. Revolutionary War supply depot Worcester. First public
26:54
Speaker 1: reading of the Declaration of Independence that seems like a
26:57
Speaker 1: big deal in Massachusetts happened in Worcester. Birthplace of the
27:03
Speaker 1: mass produced Valentine's Day card in Worcester. First public park
27:09
Speaker 1: in America was not in Boston or New York or Philadelphia.
27:13
Speaker 1: It was in Worcester, the second largest city in New England.
27:17
Speaker 1: Put that in your pipe and smoke it. And yet
27:20
Speaker 1: if you tell people in Boston you're driving out to Worcester,
27:23
Speaker 1: they react like you announced you're joining a traveling in
27:27
Speaker 1: a circus. And of course we were. We do it
27:30
Speaker 1: overnight radio. So we headed down the mass Pike in
27:34
Speaker 1: the rain. And when I say we, as I said
27:37
Speaker 1: to me, the wife Coop his wife and Lorena slow
27:41
Speaker 1: and study and I didn't get a speeding ticket, no accident,
27:46
Speaker 1: which for a Los Angeles driver operating in New England
27:49
Speaker 1: weather is basically worthy of a championship parade or at
27:54
Speaker 1: least a medal. At least a medal. And when you
27:57
Speaker 1: drive down the mass Pike from Boston out to Worcester,
28:00
Speaker 1: you pass all of these landmarks. Finnway's Green Monster, the
28:06
Speaker 1: Celtics practice facility, the r Box Center, the Warrior Ice Arena,
28:11
Speaker 1: the home of the Boston Bruins practice facility, the New
28:15
Speaker 1: Balance headquarters. It's a sports tourism buffet every few miles,
28:21
Speaker 1: every few miles, another reminder that New England people take
28:25
Speaker 1: sports just a little more seriously than the rest of us,
28:29
Speaker 1: and certainly more seriously than vitamins. They loved the sports
28:33
Speaker 1: more than the vitamins. So we got out to bold
28:36
Speaker 1: Lands a little late, paid for parking because apparently Massachusetts
28:40
Speaker 1: believes that parking spots should cost the same as beachfront property.
28:45
Speaker 1: I took a couple of photos outside to hype things
28:47
Speaker 1: up on social media, and then we headed in. We
28:50
Speaker 1: made our trip in and immediately, immediately the place was jumping'
28:58
Speaker 1: it was buzzing'. Bowllands had the perfect Irish pub energy.
29:04
Speaker 1: Could tell why Mike the Leprechaun had picked this place. Loud,
29:08
Speaker 1: it was welcoming, It was busy, yet not totally chaotic.
29:13
Speaker 1: You had live music with a house band echoing throughout
29:17
Speaker 1: the building. The pints were flowing, people talking over each other.
29:23
Speaker 1: It was a lot going on in a lot of
29:26
Speaker 1: those thick New England accents where every sentence sounded like
29:29
Speaker 1: both compliment and a threat at the same time. How
29:33
Speaker 1: can you make that sound like a compliment and a
29:35
Speaker 1: threat at the same time. How does one do that?
29:37
Speaker 1: I don't know, asked the guy over there. And our
29:40
Speaker 1: setup was in the back, so we went to the
29:43
Speaker 1: back and there were signs welcoming us, they had the
29:46
Speaker 1: malard themed food spread. Mike the Leprecaun's kids had done
29:50
Speaker 1: a great job decorating. Even though they hate the show,
29:52
Speaker 1: we thank them for their generosity to help us out.
29:55
Speaker 1: So we had malard themed food spread out like a
29:58
Speaker 1: Bizarro radio host roast banquet. It was simultaneously flattering and
30:06
Speaker 1: also slightly concerning. Anytime someone names food after you, there's
30:11
Speaker 1: a risk involved. There's absolutely risk involved. And I had
30:15
Speaker 1: been getting cancelation emails all day. That was another thing.
30:18
Speaker 1: As we walked in, I was like, oh boy, oh man.
30:22
Speaker 1: I the messages. The theme was Hey, why wanted to go?
30:26
Speaker 1: But my wife said no, and I I gotta you know,
30:29
Speaker 1: I gotta listen to her, and I I gotta save
30:31
Speaker 1: that for for football. And it's not football. Kid got sick.
30:36
Speaker 1: Kid had a soccer tournament or a softball tournament. You know,
30:39
Speaker 1: two states over dog ate something. I'm not sure what.
30:42
Speaker 1: We've got a monitor of the dog. My aunt fell down.
30:45
Speaker 1: I don't know how bad it is. We might have
30:47
Speaker 1: to take her to the emergency room. Three words too
30:50
Speaker 1: much rain. Okay, got that t m R. Too much rain.
30:54
Speaker 1: The aliens have landed. Therefore, I can't go meet you. Okay,
30:58
Speaker 1: sounds good. Everybody you had a discuse everybody, So naturally
31:03
Speaker 1: I started getting that kind of flop sweat thing going on,
31:10
Speaker 1: spiraling down my forehead. That's what I do. I catastrophize professionally.
31:19
Speaker 1: I'm basically the Mozart of irritation and irrational irritation and concern.
31:26
Speaker 1: And even though I'm now looking at what appears to
31:29
Speaker 1: be a very lively building, what if nobody comes, what
31:32
Speaker 1: if it's awkward, what if Mike the Leprechaun stage is
31:36
Speaker 1: a coup. However, these are hardy New England people. You
31:41
Speaker 1: travel twenty five hundred miles and they will show up
31:45
Speaker 1: and they will show out. And I'm happy to report
31:48
Speaker 1: that Wooster absolutely showed up and absolutely showed out. They
31:52
Speaker 1: rolled out the Wu Socks carpet for me. The room
31:57
Speaker 1: became this incredible stew of humanity, all shapes and sizes,
32:02
Speaker 1: all ages, young, old, in the middle, loud extroverts, introverts,
32:09
Speaker 1: the quiet, the stylish, the disheveled. Everyone right there, Attractive
32:14
Speaker 1: people mixed with people like me who looked like we
32:17
Speaker 1: were assembled from spare parts behind a pep boys, And
32:22
Speaker 1: it felt like somebody emptied an entire sports radio message
32:27
Speaker 1: board if they still have those things into one room
32:31
Speaker 1: and added beer. And then Mike the Leprechaun he decided,
32:36
Speaker 1: you know, I'm gonna hijack the thing because I'm Mike
32:38
Speaker 1: the Leprecaun. He did, of course, he did. What a character,
32:41
Speaker 1: this guys, what a character. So at some point Mike
32:44
Speaker 1: literally booted the Irish Band off stage. It would appear
32:48
Speaker 1: this is what I'm being told, so he could do
32:51
Speaker 1: what can only be described as a one man variety show.
32:56
Speaker 1: I'm talking a monologue, song, jokes, chaos. It was like,
33:04
Speaker 1: if you're old enough to remember public access television, if
33:07
Speaker 1: public access television had consumed several energy drinks and fallen
33:13
Speaker 1: into the part of YouTube where nobody watches any of
33:16
Speaker 1: those videos, yet they are all saved. That was the
33:19
Speaker 1: part the Irish Band looks stunned, like deeply concerned. Mike
33:24
Speaker 1: the Leprechaun was totally oblivious. He was obtuse to what
33:28
Speaker 1: was going on, and he was thriving. I watched some
33:32
Speaker 1: of this unfold the way that a visitor to the
33:36
Speaker 1: zoo would observe a raccoon operating heavy machinery. Equal parts fascinated, concerned,
33:45
Speaker 1: and unable to look away. And then came the Conga line,
33:50
Speaker 1: the Conga, the parade of characters. We had Ernesto from
33:54
Speaker 1: the Bay Area who returned for Night two wearing this
33:58
Speaker 1: smooth Socks jersey. Because Ernesto, he's all in and this guy,
34:03
Speaker 1: he's got to have quite the memorabilia collection. I love
34:07
Speaker 1: Ernesto's big Niner guy. He's my favorite Niner fan of today,
34:12
Speaker 1: along with Jay Scoop and a few others. But Ernesta's
34:15
Speaker 1: wonderful because he's the guy that will he'd be willing
34:18
Speaker 1: to put on the team gear for wherever he happens
34:22
Speaker 1: to be because he wants to be part of the
34:24
Speaker 1: mood of that event. And it was great to see
34:28
Speaker 1: Ernesto and his Wusox jersey. Will the p One arrived
34:32
Speaker 1: again from he was at the Boston event. Will's the
34:35
Speaker 1: guy performing good deeds for his family there, helping out
34:39
Speaker 1: like someone who's kind of like a batman of sports talk.
34:43
Speaker 1: You had Bill from Boston who showed up rocking the
34:46
Speaker 1: paper boy cap. Brian from Worcester, a fellow member of
34:51
Speaker 1: the tribe. As we had a brief conversation. We're both
34:55
Speaker 1: culturally Jewish, spiritually sarcastic, and that was a hilarious conver station.
35:01
Speaker 1: One of those naturally funny people who doesn't realize he's
35:04
Speaker 1: funny and all that. So I enjoyed chatting with Brian.
35:08
Speaker 1: Christian rolled in with He had a tremendous mascot shirt
35:13
Speaker 1: on which I liked a lot. Then there was Brian
35:16
Speaker 1: and Mikayla, who showed up as the perfect couple prototype.
35:22
Speaker 1: She teaches fifth grade and she was full of energy
35:26
Speaker 1: bouncing around that everyone was having some fun. Santallo and
35:30
Speaker 1: she was very polite to everybody, were kind and he
35:33
Speaker 1: apparently has a doctor at Brian in sarcasm, which I appreciate.
35:38
Speaker 1: Wonderful people, as Brian said on social media, the silent majority,
35:44
Speaker 1: which is really what Brian is. Brian's a big fan
35:46
Speaker 1: of the show and the podcast and all that, and
35:49
Speaker 1: he's not an active contributor in terms of content. That
35:52
Speaker 1: there he was, he and his lady, and it was
35:55
Speaker 1: it was great, the silent majority. They were there. But wait,
35:59
Speaker 1: there's more. We had Chris from the Gluten Free Bakery,
36:05
Speaker 1: and I got to tell you about that. Let me
36:07
Speaker 1: tell you something. This woman deserves some kind of metal,
36:10
Speaker 1: or at least a faux golden ticket. So I believe
36:13
Speaker 1: she works at Duke's, which is a gluten free bakery.
36:16
Speaker 1: She drove an hour in the rain after she had
36:19
Speaker 1: worked a twelve hour shift baking these gluten free treats. Now,
36:26
Speaker 1: that is dedication, that is commitment. That is also behavior
36:31
Speaker 1: suggesting caffeine played a significant role in this event. But
36:34
Speaker 1: it was so sweet. She's a big fan, and she
36:37
Speaker 1: didn't have a lot of time to hang out with us.
36:38
Speaker 1: She obviously needed to go get her rest, but she
36:41
Speaker 1: made sure to come by. We took a photo, We
36:42
Speaker 1: said our hellos, and small talked a little bit and
36:46
Speaker 1: it was just just absolutely wonderful to meet Chris, and
36:50
Speaker 1: I thank you for listening. Was really sweet of you
36:52
Speaker 1: to make the effort. I mean there were people that
36:54
Speaker 1: live right down the street that didn't make the effort,
36:56
Speaker 1: So I mean the fact that you drove that far
36:59
Speaker 1: was really cool. Matt from Salem works overnight in the
37:03
Speaker 1: shipping world, moving boxes through the night like some exhausted
37:07
Speaker 1: maritime elf doing his thing, and he's a good dude there.
37:12
Speaker 1: He stopped by. We talked about Salem and the fact
37:15
Speaker 1: we had been in Salem the day prior. Danny DeVito,
37:19
Speaker 1: not the actor, not the actor though honestly at this
37:22
Speaker 1: point who knows, arrived looking sharp, fashionable. He had this
37:28
Speaker 1: all black ensemble and this nice chain on. The man
37:32
Speaker 1: travels with a posse because he's Dan and DeVito why not.
37:36
Speaker 1: Had his brother there and some other folks. Then there
37:38
Speaker 1: was Jerry from Rhode Island, our Taylor Swift. Jerry from
37:43
Speaker 1: Rhode Island, absolute rockstar. She commandeered some family members mainly
37:48
Speaker 1: her sister, to drive her through some awful weather just
37:52
Speaker 1: to attend. She brought gifts all height How sweet is that?
37:57
Speaker 1: Brought some energy, brought some positivity. Now. I had met
38:01
Speaker 1: Jerry in Los Angeles during the twenty eighteen World Series
38:05
Speaker 1: in La La Land, back before my exile because of
38:08
Speaker 1: Sho Hail Tani and Jerry was invited. She had a
38:12
Speaker 1: VIP trip out to Los Angeles for a Dodger Red
38:15
Speaker 1: Sox game and there she was, yet again smiling through
38:20
Speaker 1: the rain and the pain and all that. And she
38:23
Speaker 1: brought some nice little gifts from the Ocean State, which
38:25
Speaker 1: was very sweet of her. So that was pretty cool.
38:29
Speaker 1: This was great to see Jerry, and people seemed really
38:32
Speaker 1: excited to talk to her and meet her as well.
38:34
Speaker 1: Then there was Alf, the Alien Opiner and his wonderful wife.
38:38
Speaker 1: Alf is absolutely the word I will use is remarkable,
38:43
Speaker 1: Absolutely remarkable, because he has listened to essentially every second
38:49
Speaker 1: of audio that we've produced over multiple decades. KLAC fill In,
38:55
Speaker 1: WEEI remote Work, Fox Sports Radio, the Fifth Hour podcast,
39:01
Speaker 1: fill in shows in places like Denver, Portland and Seattle,
39:06
Speaker 1: random radio hits and obscure markets, and some not so obscure,
39:10
Speaker 1: like our weekly appearance in Kansas City. You've got interviews,
39:15
Speaker 1: mail bags, probably commercials accidentally recorded over static way back
39:21
Speaker 1: in twenty four And for Alf, it is all MLAC
39:27
Speaker 1: must listen audio content, and that is loyalty. And I'd
39:33
Speaker 1: never met Alf before. Of course, you could also argue
39:36
Speaker 1: it's either loyalty or evidence of long term some kind
39:39
Speaker 1: of long term government experiment. Who knows Alf. Alf was great.
39:46
Speaker 1: Alf was great and he had the multiple T shirt
39:51
Speaker 1: fashion thing going on. I call that the Rob Parker
39:54
Speaker 1: where Rob would go on the old Spirit airlines and
39:57
Speaker 1: wear multiple shirts so he wouldn't have to bring luggage.
40:01
Speaker 1: And Alf had custom shirts featuring great Malor show moments
40:05
Speaker 1: and the famous Eddie Garcia double bird photo, which I immediately
40:09
Speaker 1: text Eddie a copy of the photo of the shirt,
40:13
Speaker 1: because some images deserve to live forever. And so we
40:17
Speaker 1: caught up with Alf and his wife and it was
40:20
Speaker 1: really really neat to see them and so happy I
40:23
Speaker 1: got to meet them. I was supposed to meet Alf
40:25
Speaker 1: a couple years back at the event we did outside Boba's,
40:28
Speaker 1: unfortunately did not work out. And then that was the
40:31
Speaker 1: tragedy with Masshole Mickey that died shortly after that in
40:35
Speaker 1: a car accident, and part of the reason we went
40:37
Speaker 1: back was for Masshole Mickey. Then but wait, there's more.
40:42
Speaker 1: We had Andre from the Commonwealth. Yes that Andre, educator, referee, podcaster,
40:47
Speaker 1: renaissance man, human dissertation. Andre talks exactly this the way
40:53
Speaker 1: someone sounds when they're preparing a ted talk about accidentally
40:57
Speaker 1: calling a sports radio show and discussing the back court
41:02
Speaker 1: of the Knickerbockers, and somehow, some somehow, someway he ends
41:07
Speaker 1: his calls at almost exactly three minutes. Every single time.
41:11
Speaker 1: You don't have to fight Andre, he makes his point,
41:15
Speaker 1: he hangs up. That's elite situational awareness. That's Hall of
41:19
Speaker 1: Fame level clock management. It's by the clock for the clock,
41:23
Speaker 1: plausibly all about the clock from Andre. Bill Belichick would
41:27
Speaker 1: approve it. And again no, Andrea's dog Willis was not
41:30
Speaker 1: in the hissy. The whole night was wonderfully absurd. Again,
41:36
Speaker 1: these things are similar and they're not similar at the
41:40
Speaker 1: same time. You understand what I'm saying here is a
41:44
Speaker 1: collection of strangers connected by one common bond overnight sports talk,
41:51
Speaker 1: inside jokes, insomnia, and the shared non sense. Nobody, nobody
41:59
Speaker 1: normally would fully understand it. Right. The daytime people they
42:02
Speaker 1: don't get us. The people that are podcast only people,
42:05
Speaker 1: they don't understand what this thing's all about. It's a
42:08
Speaker 1: communal experience. You can't get that on just a podcast.
42:12
Speaker 1: I realize I'm saying this on a podcast, but the
42:14
Speaker 1: radio show experience is unique. It's not something that can
42:19
Speaker 1: be recreated. No one stumbles onto a podcast. It just
42:25
Speaker 1: doesn't happen. You stumble on to a radio show. You
42:29
Speaker 1: can stumble on to a show and sample it. It's
42:32
Speaker 1: very difficult to do that with a podcast. In fact,
42:35
Speaker 1: I would argue it's impossible. And so the thing that
42:40
Speaker 1: these people don't understand that works during the day and
42:42
Speaker 1: all that That's the very thing that to me is
42:48
Speaker 1: why this all fits together. All the jigsaw puzzle pieces
42:52
Speaker 1: fit together. And that's what I was thinking. I was
42:55
Speaker 1: driving back at the end of the night, and time
42:58
Speaker 1: is valuable. Everybody who showed up gave up their Saturday,
43:03
Speaker 1: and it would have been easy to make an excuse,
43:05
Speaker 1: and a lot of people did. And I don't judge
43:07
Speaker 1: you for that. If you had stuff going on, I
43:09
Speaker 1: get it. Kids are much more important than an overnight
43:11
Speaker 1: radio meet and greet. Understand keeping your marriage intact much
43:15
Speaker 1: more important. I got you, I got you. I'm just
43:18
Speaker 1: saying that enough people sat through the weather, ignored all
43:23
Speaker 1: the other distractions. A lot of you drove long distances,
43:27
Speaker 1: your rearranged schedules, made excuses to spouses, found babysitters, braved
43:33
Speaker 1: parking lots designed by medieval torturers, all to hang out
43:38
Speaker 1: for a couple of minutes in this bizarre, freak show
43:42
Speaker 1: traveling circus that we call the mal Ord Militia. And somehow,
43:46
Speaker 1: against all odds, I got this. Since I might be
43:50
Speaker 1: wrong on this, but I got the sense that it
43:52
Speaker 1: was meaningful. It felt meaningful to me. It's therapeutic in
43:57
Speaker 1: many ways. It's educational, uh, these events, and and so
44:02
Speaker 1: it felt meaningful, which is dangerous for me to admit,
44:05
Speaker 1: because I would much rather just deal in sarcasm rather
44:09
Speaker 1: than sincerity. It just it just did, though, it just did.
44:14
Speaker 1: And that's a good spot. That's the sweet spot right there,
44:18
Speaker 1: and it's a it's a really good place to hit
44:20
Speaker 1: the pause button. Now, believe it or not, we will
44:22
Speaker 1: have even more on the Sunday mail bag. We'll have
44:25
Speaker 1: some bonus meet and greet. And why this turned into
44:29
Speaker 1: a three day, three day situation not just a one day,
44:34
Speaker 1: a three day situation, Oh man, I glutton for punishment.
44:40
Speaker 1: We'll get to that well the mail bag tomorrow. Have
44:42
Speaker 1: a wonderful rest of your Saturday. Here this sixteenth day
44:46
Speaker 1: of May, it is Dick and Dayton would say bye bye,
44:51
Speaker 1: bye bye bye. Felation