Latest / Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler / Jersey Girls with Debbie Gibson

Transcript

Jersey Girls with Debbie Gibson · Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hi, Hi, Chelsea, Hi, how are you.
• 0:03
  Speaker 2: I'm great.
• 0:04
  Speaker 3: You just got back from New York. I was at
• 0:05
  Speaker 3: the US Open. I had to go to the women's finals.
• 0:07
  Speaker 3: It was mandatory.
• 0:08
  Speaker 4: I had to see that final match between Amasamova and Sabalanca.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: Okay, So what do you like about being there? Is
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: it the sports? Is it the sort of CNB scene.
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: It seems like a very sort of like celebria event.
• 0:20
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it is more celebri here in at the US
• 0:23
  Speaker 4: Open than it is at like the other Grand Slams.
• 0:26
  Speaker 4: I think there's always celebs, but at this one is
• 0:29
  Speaker 4: definitely like a New York thing. So I've never been
• 0:31
  Speaker 4: in the Australian Open. I've never been in the French Open.
• 0:33
  Speaker 4: I go to Wimbledon every year for a few matches
• 0:36
  Speaker 4: whenever I could get there the beginning or the end.
• 0:38
  Speaker 4: Obviously it's better to get there to the end because
• 0:40
  Speaker 4: it becomes more competitive.
• 0:41
  Speaker 3: But the US Open just has the most fun vibe really.
• 0:45
  Speaker 4: First of all, it's like it's so fun because I
• 0:48
  Speaker 4: know a lot of tennis people, so I whoever I
• 0:50
  Speaker 4: get invites me, Like, you could go as a you
• 0:52
  Speaker 4: could buy your own ticket, or you could go as
• 0:54
  Speaker 4: a guest to like one of the brands there or
• 0:56
  Speaker 4: like I went and sat in the president's box for
• 0:58
  Speaker 4: this match since I was invited by somebody there.
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: And then it's just like a fun vibe. Hey, they're drinking.
• 1:06
  Speaker 4: They have Honeyducees, Like every Open has their signature drink.
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: Like Wimbledon, it's pims Cups, which.
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: Are so fun.
• 1:12
  Speaker 4: And Wimbledon is very very convivial and beautiful, but a
• 1:16
  Speaker 4: little stiffer, you know, you've got to be a little bit,
• 1:19
  Speaker 4: a little bit more proper.
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: I mean I'm not, but that's what they're expecting.
• 1:23
  Speaker 4: And then US Open is just kind of like more
• 1:25
  Speaker 4: loosey goosey, Like it's just a really relaxed vibe.
• 1:28
  Speaker 3: It's a fun day out.
• 1:30
  Speaker 4: I went with two of my friends, Naomi and Serena
• 1:32
  Speaker 4: this time. I mean I've been I went with Hannah
• 1:34
  Speaker 4: Berner one of the matches. I went with Juliana marghy
• 1:37
  Speaker 4: Le's to one of the matches. But then I was
• 1:39
  Speaker 4: I was like, okay, you know what, I have to
• 1:41
  Speaker 4: go back for the finals. So I flew in for
• 1:42
  Speaker 4: the literally the day to go watch the finals in person.
• 1:45
  Speaker 4: But it's just the atmosphere, the atmosphere is just bubbling,
• 1:49
  Speaker 4: and I love that vibe. I'm a day person. I
• 1:51
  Speaker 4: love that like day atmosphere. And then yeah, and then
• 1:56
  Speaker 4: you're home at a reasonable hour and yeah, I don't know.
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you're ever gonna catch me at a sports match
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: of any kind. It's it's something that has a fun crowd,
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: you know, Like I'm not there, I don't know who's playing,
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: I don't know who's winning. But like I in high
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: school spent some time in Mexico and we would go
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: to the baseball games there and they would like light
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: rolls of paper towels on fire and like throw them
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: down the stands. Like it was a very crazy, fun environment.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: So like, I'm not there to check out the sports,
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: but like I love it.
• 2:25
  Speaker 4: You can see see I neglect you just to mention
• 2:27
  Speaker 4: any of the tennis. But what I do love about
• 2:30
  Speaker 4: the tennis is that it's a level of excellence. You know,
• 2:32
  Speaker 4: like if you watch the bands, it's the same guys
• 2:35
  Speaker 4: that get past that knock everybody out of the way.
• 2:37
  Speaker 4: It's the same three guys. It's Djokovic, it's Yannick Cinner,
• 2:40
  Speaker 4: and it's Alkoraz. They knock everybody out of their way,
• 2:43
  Speaker 4: so they are playing at such a high level. So
• 2:45
  Speaker 4: and with the girls, they're less Arena Sabalanka is very consistent,
• 2:49
  Speaker 4: she's always in the finals, but the girls are less consistent.
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: Like there are great but.
• 2:53
  Speaker 4: There are just like our pop stars right now are
• 2:57
  Speaker 4: There's such a plethora of them, from Charlie Xca to
• 3:00
  Speaker 4: Chapel Roan to Tailor to I mean, you know, Taylor's
• 3:03
  Speaker 4: been around forever, but like all of these people, Gracie Abrams,
• 3:06
  Speaker 4: you know, that are bubbling up. It's kind of like
• 3:08
  Speaker 4: analogous to tennis because there's so many young great players
• 3:12
  Speaker 4: that have the potential to be incredible, and they're all
• 3:15
  Speaker 4: gutting there by you know, failure failure, Like you know,
• 3:18
  Speaker 4: they play, they play, they play, then they get knocked out,
• 3:20
  Speaker 4: and then they learn how to get better and they
• 3:22
  Speaker 4: fix their serve or they fix whatever, or they hire
• 3:24
  Speaker 4: a new coach and they become more consistent.
• 3:27
  Speaker 3: So it's kind of really nice. I prefer women's sports.
• 3:29
  Speaker 4: I prefer to watch women's sports, so I just love
• 3:32
  Speaker 4: that level of competitiveness because I don't have that kind
• 3:37
  Speaker 4: of discipline, and it's really cool to watch.
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: We have a very sweet guest today.
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: Okay, oh yes, yes, she's a sweetie pie. She is
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: a pop star.
• 3:46
  Speaker 4: She's a performer, songwriter and now published author of her
• 3:49
  Speaker 4: brand new memoir Eternally Electric. Please welcome Debbie Gibson. Okay,
• 3:54
  Speaker 4: here we are. We are very special guests. Miss miss
• 3:59
  Speaker 4: that's what theyways called me. Miss Debbie Gibson is today
• 4:03
  Speaker 4: in the studio. Thank you for coming in studio.
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: So, by the way, I always want to do things
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: in studio and it's always being like forced upon us
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: to do.
• 4:12
  Speaker 4: What we can do is zoom, but no themselves.
• 4:16
  Speaker 3: We've done zoom ourselves.
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: I love like a good old fashioned La press drip.
• 4:22
  Speaker 3: You know what, you know what a zoom is good for?
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: Spanish lessons. That's what zooms are good for. You know
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: that doesn't need to be face to face. How are you?
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: I'm good? Yes, I was just saying it's weird because
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: when I was on your E show, I feel like
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: I wore a version like the twenty years ago version
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: of the outfit I have on today. It involved like
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: low slung pants and I feel like.
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: I wore a Fedora.
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: We think it was pain.
• 4:45
  Speaker 4: You always have this hat on, which is the don't
• 4:47
  Speaker 4: always today's just like the roots.
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: You don't I need a toner, Okay, So I put
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: on them what.
• 4:52
  Speaker 4: You should have told us, I would have brought one in.
• 4:54
  Speaker 4: I'm sure I have one at my house, even though
• 4:56
  Speaker 4: I don't have a.
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: Hat, because you're the same. Because for for us girls
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: who want to stay blonde but are gray and want
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: to do the dark root and then do the blonde,
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: it just never comes out the same way twice, and
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: it's a whole.
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: And I hate when my hair gets brassy. I hate that.
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: That's what's happening, right, Okay, Okay, had is just copy that.
• 5:17
  Speaker 4: We're here to celebrate the publication of your very first book,
• 5:21
  Speaker 4: which is called Eternally Electric, which is out now, and
• 5:26
  Speaker 4: it takes you through your childhood, which I didn't know
• 5:30
  Speaker 4: you were one of four girls. What an advantage that
• 5:33
  Speaker 4: is in life, don't you think?
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: I mean? I loved I love it. And my late
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: mom everyone always said, oh, don't you wish you had boys?
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: And she was like, no, why would.
• 5:42
  Speaker 4: You write, well, once you have one sex and you
• 5:44
  Speaker 4: don't wish for the other sex.
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: She's just love my girls.
• 5:46
  Speaker 4: But it's also like saying to someone like who has children,
• 5:49
  Speaker 4: like don't you wish you didn't have children?
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: Like right in your life?
• 5:53
  Speaker 4: You're not going to be like, yeah, actually I wish
• 5:54
  Speaker 4: I could readnag on that and not have any.
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: Children, which, by the way, is also a thing with
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: because you don't have children, right right, And I don't
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: have children, right, you have children, and I'm always like, similarly,
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: the fictitious hypothetical children that I don't know, No, I
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: don't miss them, right.
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: Right, exactly right, like I don't. Nobody's living.
• 6:13
  Speaker 4: I mean, well, maybe certain women may be like feeling
• 6:16
  Speaker 4: regretful or rueful that they didn't have the child that
• 6:18
  Speaker 4: they want.
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: Oh, well that's a big boy, he's yeah, he's you know,
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: the freedom in my life is not wasted on me,
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: and I know I feel like I feel I.
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: Feel very free in life. So I'm glad to hear that.
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: And there you go. But talk to me about your.
• 6:34
  Speaker 4: Sisters, because we have a lot of sisters. I love sisters.
• 6:37
  Speaker 4: I'm one of three girls in my family, so yeah,
• 6:40
  Speaker 4: we have three boys and three girls, so I have
• 6:43
  Speaker 4: both worlds to choose to have experience from. But I
• 6:46
  Speaker 4: always find families like that, you know, that are only girls,
• 6:50
  Speaker 4: and especially when there's three or more. I always am
• 6:53
  Speaker 4: like very attracted to that dynamic.
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: I love it. And we're all radically different, yes, but
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: we all connect in some way. Uh huh so, and
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: what's the like age game? So my oldest sister, Karen's
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: turning sixty very very soon, which is weird to say
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: because she's just so like cute and little and fun
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: and feisty. And she just joined a sailing club, which
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: is my favorite thing.
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: That's funny.
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: Ar and her husband moved back. They're like one of
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: the most happily married couples. I know, my sister Karen
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: and my brother in law Jeff, which you don't hear
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: about often anymore, but they've been married for well over
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: thirty years. And then Michelle is fifty seven. I'm turning
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: fifty five, and then or she's so fifty eight, fifty five,
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: fifty one. We go like two years, three years, four years,
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: so there's like a nine year span.
• 7:45
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and are you guys do you guys see each
• 7:47
  Speaker 4: other pretty regularly or well?
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: Now the three of them are New York, New Jersey,
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: so it's great because when I get there, I can
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: see everybody.
• 7:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah, how do you like living in Vegas.
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: They're gonna say, how do you like living in your
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: Kia sport?
• 7:58
  Speaker 3: Yea, well that was ask quest.
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: I do have an RV. That's another story. I love
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: living in Vegas. I'm always telling people how great it
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: is to live in Vegas.
• 8:05
  Speaker 4: Really tell me, because I have a trouble going to Vegas.
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: But you probably never leave. Do you ever leave the strip?
• 8:11
  Speaker 4: Well, I had a boyfriend who had a house in Vegas,
• 8:12
  Speaker 4: So then I spent some time in Vegas, which was
• 8:15
  Speaker 4: even more convincing that I shouldn't spend any long period day.
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: And I can say this because my ex boyfriend and
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: I are friends now. But see, I did Vegas his
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: way in a house with him, and I was a
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: little like hmmm. And then when I moved into my
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: own house and started doing it my way. I can't
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: explain it, but I just now I love it. Oh
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: I've been there fifteen years.
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: Oh wow?
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I mean, and I live you know, I
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: love living. First of all, there's anyone who complains about
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: rush hour traffic in Vegas. I'm like, no, it all
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: moves within ten minutes. Whenever I land there on a plane.
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: I'm just like, oh, I can breathe. It's just it
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: just feels open, expansive. There's mountains. The hot weather is
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: the worst thing about it, but it's not that bad.
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: Every place has something. But I live not far from Hiking,
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: I live near Target. I'm twenty minutes from fake Paris.
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: I like to say, like, you can have all that
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: if you want it, you know, but and you go
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: out in Vegas, I don't a lot, like I just
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: have my handful of friends and there could be dinners
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: or a show. U huh, like I've seen I'm sure
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: you're friends with carrat Top Scott, I've seen him twice.
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: I don't know. I just think all comedians know each other, right, right.
• 9:24
  Speaker 3: I don't know. I mean, I'm sure I've met him,
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: but I'm not. I don't know him at all.
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: But I love like, I just love that about my
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: life in Vegas. I could text Donnie Osmond or Carrot
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: Top and go, Okay, come to your show tonight, yeah,
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: and I'll be treated great and right hang out like
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: that's my going on.
• 9:40
  Speaker 3: That's it.
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: I did an we'll call it a mini residency, an
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: eighth show run with Joey McIntyre a couple of years ago.
• 9:46
  Speaker 4: The Venetia Joey wrote the opening forward for your book,
• 9:48
  Speaker 4: did Yeah, which was really sweet.
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: Thank you. Yeah, I love him so much, so I'm yesterday.
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: Oh cute. Yeah, Yea's a sweetheart.
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: I love him.
• 9:57
  Speaker 4: I want to talk about your like panic. I like
• 10:00
  Speaker 4: what you talk about in the book a lot. I
• 10:01
  Speaker 4: think a lot of our listeners can relate to that
• 10:04
  Speaker 4: not and maybe in the terms that you experienced it
• 10:07
  Speaker 4: because you were just starting a career at such a
• 10:09
  Speaker 4: young age and like blowing up. I know my bedroom
• 10:12
  Speaker 4: was lined with posters of Debbi Gils.
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: I was obsessed, obsessed with you.
• 10:19
  Speaker 4: Thank you, and to hear you talk about those years
• 10:22
  Speaker 4: in the book, like about how crazy it was and
• 10:25
  Speaker 4: how your mom was a great mamager, you know, pretty
• 10:29
  Speaker 4: much kind of the first momager.
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, especially in music, you know, because like Brookshields had
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: her mom who was a manager agent type person, and
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: but yeah, in music, and to be the momager of
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: a young pop singer, songwriter, it's the whole thing. It's
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: a very specific thing.
• 10:46
  Speaker 4: Especially now because the landscape is so different. Like you know,
• 10:49
  Speaker 4: when you were coming up, it was like you and Tiffany,
• 10:51
  Speaker 4: those are the only two young girls that were out singing,
• 10:55
  Speaker 4: and now there's like this array of you know, from
• 10:57
  Speaker 4: Taylor Swift to Chaplerome to Charlie XX to you know,
• 11:02
  Speaker 4: Gracie Abrams.
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: Like there's so many young people coming up right.
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: Now, right, it's just its own lane now. But there
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: was no lane at the time, right, And people forget
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: there was no lane. And it had been a good
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: decade since Carol King and even like I think about
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: Linda Ronstadt and her theater crossover that had been a minute,
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: Like I was kind of I was at the forefront
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: of my generation doing it, and so the machine wasn't
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: ready for it, didn't know how to do it.
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: Well, if you were writing all your own music, which
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: nobody else was, you know, your age was doing that
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: at the.
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: Time, Yes, and then the men in suits had nothing
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: to do. Right. That's by the way, every day I
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: think of a line like, that's a line I wish
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: was in the book. It's not. It's just here on
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: your podcast. But like every day I wake up and
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: I'm like, why didn't I phrase it that way? It's
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: so great, it's like encapsulates. I probably could have saved
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: a whole paragraph by writing that sentence. But that's what
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: it is. The men in suits were used to repairing
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: this young girl who just stands on a stage and
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: sayings with than older male to write her songs because
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: older men really know what young girls in high school
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: are thinking and want to hear musically, right, it didn't
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: make any sense to us. And so my mom was literally,
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: my daughter knows how. I always channel her whenever I
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: like read excerpts from the book or do that, like
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: it's so visceral for me, because I was there, and
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: she really truly was like, she knows what this song
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: should sound like. And the producing to me was never
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: a mystery. It's I know in my head what I
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: want to come out of the speakers. Like when I
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: watch the Wham documentary, I didn't realize I think it
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: was our Reef Martin originally produced Careless Whisper, and George
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: Michael was like, you're making it too complicated. It's simpler,
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: and then he produced himself because I think ballads almost
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: produce themselves. So I was like, no, no, this song,
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: I don't need a co producer. I don't need a producer,
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: And they were kind of like what and I say
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: it in the book, but like the mumm, the suit
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: shoulders going up and down. I can picture it, but
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: it was kind of nervousness. It was like what do
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: we what do we do with this? We don't this
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: is new landscape. But that ended up being my first
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: number one, you know what the songs that wrote yeah,
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: the two. It was my first and my second number one,
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: and it put me in the Guinness Book of World Records.
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: And then I became the youngest and the second youngest
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: wow within a year, which is nuts but also shouldn't
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: be nuts.
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, And your mom really advocated for you and
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: was sort of like a bulldog amongst all these like
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: men in suits, as you say, but it seems like
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: she was very ahead of her time when it came
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: to your panic attacks and that sort of thing of
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: understanding when you needed to take a step back and
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: not just like pushing you.
• 13:36
  Speaker 4: Can you yes, yes, and talk about when that started,
• 13:40
  Speaker 4: like when did your panics attack start? And now obviously
• 13:43
  Speaker 4: we know what brought them on, but you talk about it.
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And you know you had started to say a
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: minute ago, like it's different for a lot of people
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: in your audience, maybe because but I think like anxiety
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: is anxiety. Anybody who's ever experienced My heart's getting speedy
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: and the walls are closing in and I don't know
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: where my next Brett is coming from, and is this
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: a heart attack or an anxiety attack or like what's happening?
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: And back then that wasn't on the tip of everyone's tongue.
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: And if you were a young girl in show business,
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: you were most definitely whining if anything was, you know, stressful. Right, Yeah,
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: so that was that And by the way, that's what
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: causes further panic attacks. It's like going, no, I'm good
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: and finding instead of being like, this is weird, like
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: you weren't allowed to say so. I talk about it
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: in the book when I had this dinner. Now, you know,
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: we're always schmoozing in show business and we're still doing it,
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: and that's part of what you do. But it's weird
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: when you're a teenage girl and it's like, oh, you
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: will have a dinner with this First of all, I
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: didn't want to have dinners.
• 14:47
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and why does anyone want to have dinner with
• 14:49
  Speaker 4: a teenage girl? Exactly what kind of stimuli are you
• 14:55
  Speaker 4: going to get from that?
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: Exactly? It is that like you're the artist and you're
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: the comman and the label is delivering that the and
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: you know, my mom was there, but it was still
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: like she and I didn't go to dinners, like somebody
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: in the family cooked or somebody brought brought McDonald's home,
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: or like we're in the suburbs of Long Island, like
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: we're not doing dinners. So I was sitting there and
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: I had the inner model, like I can remember the
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: inner dialogue, you know, and I was really uncomfortable and
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: like what am I talking to about this guy about?
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: And I have a show in two hours and I
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: want to be like napping and warming up, and like
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: this is so weird, and this is we have to
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: do to get a record played, Like this is so weird.
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: And I just was like, oh my god, I have
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: to get up from the table. And by the way,
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: I couldn't sit in a restaurant at a table, not
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: only just because of the sense memory of it, but
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: I just couldn't sit still for like three years. I
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: mean it was really intill.
• 15:45
  Speaker 4: In the book you talk about like being like with
• 15:47
  Speaker 4: your family and having dinner and having to get up
• 15:49
  Speaker 4: and walk away from the table. And at that point,
• 15:52
  Speaker 4: like the feelings of oh god, my family's going to
• 15:54
  Speaker 4: think I'm a diva, that this is all because I've
• 15:57
  Speaker 4: become famous and I've you know, I'm hitting it right now.
• 16:01
  Speaker 4: But your mom totally understood that you actually, like had
• 16:03
  Speaker 4: such anxiety that you could because.
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: It was disruptive. And I was never one to want
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: negative attention. So if anything, like all I wanted was
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: to blend. I wanted to be one of my sisters
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: at that point. And by the way, I'm going to
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: circle back around to this, but what you were saying
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: about my sisters and my mom, she empowered all of us,
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: like it just was it was it was she was
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: ahead of her time because it wasn't even like waving
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: the flag for it was just like, well, of course
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: you can't do anything, oh right, you're a girl or whatever,
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: but of course, like, let's just just do what you do.
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: And it was all you know, who wanted a college
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: path and who wanted to show this path and who
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: wanted a fashion designer path, and everybody had a different path.
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: So I love love that about her. We just our
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: visions were kind of far fetched and seemingly unattainable, and
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: they happened, and it.
• 16:51
  Speaker 4: Just happens that you ever, like at that age, like
• 16:54
  Speaker 4: you know, you need a guardian, you know, still like
• 16:57
  Speaker 4: whoever your mother has to go with you because you
• 17:00
  Speaker 4: can't go by yourself. Yes, it's not like going to school.
• 17:03
  Speaker 4: You're like going out into the real world. Are sleazy
• 17:05
  Speaker 4: men like you have to have a party in with you?
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: Yes. And she really became my manager by default though,
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: because she was good at business, and she was the
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: one most present and like literally unfiguratively most present. And
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: the thing I talk about in the book is I
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: also remember this so vividly. I had done the Metropolitan
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: Opera's children's chorus for three years and then I started
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: doing like leads and little operas around New York, and
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: there was this opera company that wanted me, and they
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: were like, it's five hundred dollars for the whole run. Now,
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: she she, for all I know, was making five hundred
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: dollars a week managing this doctor's office, right, Like that
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: was like seemingly a lot of money. But she was like,
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: that just doesn't feel right because you just finished singing
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: in twelve languages and like you sit sing and like
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: it's just she always knew my worth yeah, and she
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: said to the producer like, that's not you know, and
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: then they tried to hire somebody else. Well, they did
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: hire somebody else, couldn't cut it. They called me and
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: it was like, can you learn the whole opera in
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: two days for the same five hundred dollars? And she
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: was like deal, and that's you know, And so she
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: just started doing that naturally, you know, she was she
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: was cut out for that. And so yeah, but back
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: to the panic attacks my favorite subject. I'm naturally an
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: adrenaline girl, and I'm always naturally also like a little
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: fragile and fatigued. It's a recipe for that. It's like
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: you're always in fight or fly and you're always like
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: easily triggered. And that's why performing suits me. And that's
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: why I could perform at the time no problem, because
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: my energy was heightened and so all that adrenaline felt right.
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: But sitting and just kind of being connected and dropped
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: in didn't didn't feel right.
• 18:48
  Speaker 4: I see, Yeah, I think a lot of people probably
• 18:51
  Speaker 4: can relate to that.
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: Fe Yeah, and I still get social anxiety, Like people
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: see me on my Instagram and I'm outgoing, but I
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: have a hard time leaving my house. Once I'm in
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: my house, I'm a little like, oh, you know the
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: thing we see on Instagram with the Peanuts, it's two
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: people out there. It's like two people out there usually
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: for me.
• 19:09
  Speaker 3: So what is your life like now in Vegas? Like
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: what's your whole life like now?
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: You know, it's very work centric, Like the balance is
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: definitely off. I'm the person who if I don't have
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: a rock and relationship or a social life that's cohesive,
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: like I have a very small amount of friends in Vegas.
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: Like here there's always people to see in groups of
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: people and things to do. But I like that about
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: Vegas for me right now too, because the last five
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: years have been rebuilding my health and my career, and honestly,
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: I can't do it with a social life a big
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: social life at the same time. Right, So that's been
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: the focus.
• 19:42
  Speaker 4: Talk about rebuilding your career because I know you were
• 19:45
  Speaker 4: in financial trouble, right and you know, like what happened.
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: You know, I left the major label. I left Atlantic
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: at twenty one, left millions of dollars in advance money.
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: And the time it took for like that kind to
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: catch up to me and my mom that we were
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: indie like. Right at the moment I left, should have
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: been like, we can't have a Manhattan office and I
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: can't be spending this on clothes, and we can't be right,
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: we can't have five employees. So we kind of kept
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: that party going, probably too long, and we had the
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: big I call it the house that pop Music built.
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: We had it for too long. It took too long
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: to sell, and like you know, and then I was
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: moving out and moving into the city and on my own,
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: and so it just everything caught up to us. Really,
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: that's scary, it is. And then I did Playboy. And
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: when I did Playboy, everybody was predicting, Oh, you're gonna
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: make this. I always let's saying on the back end.
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: I love saying back end, and Playboy in the same
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: everybody was counting the money before it came in, which
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: often happens in showbiz, and it just all you know
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: that the dollars and cents started to not work out.
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: But what did they think you were going to make
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: money off of Playboy with?
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: Well, because you get like back end sales, but they
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: didn't put me on a cover cover across. I didn't
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: show enough.
• 21:05
  Speaker 4: And so it wasn't as big of a like a
• 21:09
  Speaker 4: presence I see as I didn't realize you get back
• 21:11
  Speaker 4: and when you pose for Playboy, yes, really that's actually
• 21:14
  Speaker 4: like the bigger you get like a yeah, you get
• 21:16
  Speaker 4: a nice payday, but then no, that's the big right,
• 21:20
  Speaker 4: or at least they tell you.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: You're gonna get the back end.
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: And I had never had a mortgage in my life,
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: and my business managers at the time were like, yeah,
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: So I didn't enjoy that. I was running to keep up.
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: And in showbiz, you know, you know, it's like as
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: much or more mostly about what you say no to
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: because the minute you start taking those gigs, it's such
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: a slippery slope. And so and that was a time
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: of reality. It was a time of like five grand
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: to go pretend you're shopping for this house and this
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: or this huge apartment that you were And so I
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: started doing those things and that just started to feel
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: really bad. Oh yeah, and my health was suffering. I
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: couldn't work as much. So I got lined listen either
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: gotline disease or I had it for ages, and it
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: came out and took me over. When my life was
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: in disharmony, and my mom was you know, you either
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: in this business change with the times or you age out.
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: And she had her old school mentality, and there was
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: that whole one hundred percent and nothing's nothing mom, Like
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: it's a different time, like you have to there was
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: this I felt things changing.
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: The music industry right, and that changes.
• 22:31
  Speaker 4: You know.
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: I always say this to my manager now, Heather, who
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: actually worked for and she's like solely responsible for the
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: rebuild that if my mom was around right now and
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: we're like quick, who's like, what's her at? And we
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: got the credit wrong on this and we're tagging and
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: did you invite to collab? And did we? Oh god wait,
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: I got to delete and start again because the timing,
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: my mom would have been in a constant state of
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: fight or flight, even if she had an assistant doing
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: things for her. You know, she just was of a
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: different time and she was a you wrote the song,
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: we're protecting now you're I'm giving away somebody created the
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: riff and the intro, and we're giving them a piece
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: of the writing. And like nobody's reading the credits anyway,
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: and who care, Like, just get the song out. But
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: she wasn't of that, you know. I remember a big
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: fight we had. It's funny now to me, and this
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: was like just such a poignant moment in things are transitioning.
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: For a while, had like a little red piano, little
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: baby gram that would show up on stages for the
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: you know, and it was like I was doing a
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: club in West Hollywood and it was like, I got
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: you that piano, and then I hear directly from the
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: booking agent because people feel they could come to me,
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: like your mom raked us over the calls about this piano,
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: and I was like, Mom, We're not making a piano
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: at a club in West Hollywood. It's like better to
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: have a keyboard and it's going direct and we don't
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: need the visual of that anymore. But she was trying.
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: You know, it had to be hard for her because
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: she was there for Madison Square. She got me onto
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: that stage at Madison Square Garden, and she fought for
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: all those things and she didn't want to let those
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: things go. Mmmm, you know, and that makes me emotional
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: to think about and talk about. So, you know, and
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: nobody gives anybody grace in this business. So it was credit,
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: you know, or credit or credit and you know to
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: think that, So then I talk about this in the
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: book too. She's I see her from agents that your
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: mom wrote a big, long emotional email again, and I'm like,
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: because she can't be neutral about the fact that y'all
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: have me as a name on the on a list
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: when she knows what I do. She knows what I do,
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: and I've always done more than people know I can do. Right,
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: So it's like I write and I create. I'm always like,
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: somebody hang a shingle for me. I have a lot
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: of incredible ideas, relevant ideas, but you know, there's a
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: way to go about making, you know, facilitating that. And
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: she she banged her fists on the table because that's
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: what she knew well.
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: And one thing I gathered from your book was I
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: think this is very interesting, is having a parent who
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: has such a strong personality like that. You know, you
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: speak very glowingly of your mother, but then also talk
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: about some of the difficult things you went through, like
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: you're talking about right now. And I think right now especially,
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: there's a big movement of my parents were either perfect
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: and amazing or we're dotte and I'm cutting them off
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: or whatever. But I think people can be people are complicated,
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: especially parent relationships like they can be both.
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: One thousand percent, like I even taught listen. I spoke
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: to Betty Buckley for like three days before I wrote
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: the chapter about her, because nobody wants Betty Buckley to
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: wake up and be surprised about what you wrote about
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: her in her book. And I love her, but she's
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: a complicated woman. And she and I talked about like
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: she was like, deb the whole thing is you had
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: this stage mother that was eventually going to turn into
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: mom arose like, and I was trying to fast track
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: you getting there to really but you were you were
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: protecting your mother, so you couldn't let go as an
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: actress in that role when she was playing her mother, right, yeah,
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: I think the gypsy right, yes, because you know, at
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: one point there's a sign that says the mother of
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: miss Gypsy Rosalie is not allowed backstage. And at one
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: point Heather, who worked for my mom so talk about
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: a complicated little triangle took over and my mom god
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: lover would just kind of raise little hell backstage, right,
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: And Heather was like, now, my job as your manager
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: is to keep you focused and keep that away from you.
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: But it's your mother, your mother hired me, so like,
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: what do we do with that? But that was the
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: place Betty was trying to get me to. So my
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: point is in the book, I speak about both sides
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: of my mom, the side that was a stage mother,
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: in the side that was absolutely not a stage mother
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: in the bad sense of the term. But I also
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: say in every soccer mom, every mom who's like I
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: want my kid to go to medical school or I
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: want you know whatever, the thing is like, I think
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: every parent is a stage parent in some way, living
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: a little vicariously through maybe some if their kid has
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: a talent that they didn't have, I just wanted or
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: just wanting to give them an opportunity they didn't have.
• 27:01
  Speaker 4: And how did your relationship with your mom affect her
• 27:04
  Speaker 4: relationship with your other three sisters?
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: You know, I wrote this scene in a Hallmark movie
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: I did where my sister Denise, who I made the
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: character named Denise, and I talked about like, I'm so
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: sorry I ruined your childhood and she was like, you
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: didn't ruin my child And I never blamed you for
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: anything like I was. I just was like, Deb's doing
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: what she loves to do. But I did take my
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: mom's attention away for sure. You know, it was like
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: it was a deb centric household. And so my younger
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: sister probably got the worst of it because my older
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: two sisters were off to college and all that, and
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: I think that sometimes they were like, hmm, Deb and
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: her concerts, and then they were like, can we get
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: tickets to write? You know, everybody also enjoyed it, like, yeah,
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: they all enjoyed the house and the parties and the
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: meeting the people and the perks. But my younger sister,
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: Denise was essentially like partially raised by a house keeper,
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: So I think she felt like she missed out on
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: my mom a little bit.
• 28:05
  Speaker 4: That makes sense, Yeah, And how do you feel when
• 28:07
  Speaker 4: you reflect on your like early success and then like
• 28:10
  Speaker 4: struggling later on, you know, the way that your career
• 28:13
  Speaker 4: arc has gone, like when you think about it, which
• 28:15
  Speaker 4: you you know, reflect a lot on in this book,
• 28:18
  Speaker 4: How does how do you feel about it?
• 28:19
  Speaker 3: Everything?
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: I mean, like I love where I've landed now. When
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: I wrote the book, I was like, well, I've been
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: through a lot of stuff, Like I really like at
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: any given point I could have just you know bowed
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: out probably and then like the health challenges was like
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: a free pass to bow out because doctors had me
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: heading in such a different direction where I literally could
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: have been like, well, I just can't work anymore, like
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: if I want it, but I always I'm a survivor,
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: you know, and I'm a thriver. I was like, I
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: don't even want to just survive. I want to like
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: have a badass second act. See. The thing is, I
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: kept thinking I was in a second act, third act.
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: I'm now in a true second act. And all the
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: rest was me trying to.
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: Well.
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: I was trying to figure things out, and I was
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: doing a lot of theater because theater was a pure
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: thing for me. Like you go, you play a role,
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: you deliver, people respect it, you have a great time,
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: you're one of the gang. It was like a clear
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: cut thing that I could do. But at the same time,
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: like my spirit's rock and roll, and I need to
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: do my own thing in my own music. It was
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: on Adam Corolla Show yesterday and we were talking about this.
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: I said, if only at a crystal ball to no,
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: when no matter how fast you're dancing, no matter how
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: hard you're shaking the trees, it's not your time, Like
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: people are not embracing you. The era you came from,
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: whatever the thing is. It's like numerology, right, It's like
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: these years are going to be Jimmy Van Patton is
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: one of my best friends, and his mom Pat reads numbers,
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: and she basically told me right before, like the relationship
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: that was gonna like it was great? What was great?
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: And that it wasn't and was. She basically was like,
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: your life's gonna be it's just going to suck for
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: eight years?
• 30:01
  Speaker 3: Did she?
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah? And did and what year? And then I came
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: out of it. It was like up till four years
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: ago or five years ago, oh wow, Like the mixtape
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: tour kind of was one of the churning points. Dancing
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: with the Stars was me like, right, I'm going to
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: fire up the engines, which I did a little too soon,
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: Like I wish I was doing Dancing with the Stars
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: now because I could have done a lot better, but
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: that wasn't the point of it for me. Then it
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: was like I'm going to tell my body that I'm
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: not old and debilitated and sick, right, I'm just going
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: to do that. And I made it to like it
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: was like I was. I left right after Barbara Corcoran,
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: like third or something. I love her by the way,
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: she was amazing. You know what I what I love
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: about it is I did a lot of things I
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: didn't overthink. Like even when the sci fi movie moment
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: came up, I was like, I don't have a movie
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: career to kill, so what can I What do I
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: have to lose by battling a giant shark and driving
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: a submittage.
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: Because I'm like, I love I love a cheesy shark movie.
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: I love the meg.
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: I love weirdly at the forefront of it's show warby praise,
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: I remember like I was a guinea pig or pioneer,
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: depending on how you look at it. Right, And my
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: agent at the time, David Shapira Shapiro with an A,
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: was like, I got this little movie, and it's like
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: they're paying They're not paying a lot, but you know,
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: if you want to do it, nobody's going it's like
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: a cult thing. It'll be fun. And then the day
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: the trailer came out was like a half a million
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: hits on the trailer because a shark was eating the
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: Golden Gate Bridge and I was driving a submarine. I mean,
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: it was just it was awesome. But my point is
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: I've done a lot of things that make me giggle
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: if not taken myself that seriously. I take what I'm
• 31:39
  Speaker 2: supposed to take seriously seriously, and I don't take the
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: rest seriously.
• 31:43
  Speaker 3: Well that's a gift right there.
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: I feel like it is. And so when I look,
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: when I look at my life, I go, you know,
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: I name a chapter my way, and all the boys
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: have a rendition in my way. But I have done
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: things my way for better or worse.
• 31:55
  Speaker 3: And what about your love life? How do you feel
• 31:57
  Speaker 3: about that?
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: That's like the okay, so you might relate to what
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: I'm about to say. The people you want or in
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: my book, the person I've wanted to step up has
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: intercanters off in another journey, We'll say. And then the
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: guys that do things the right way, You're like, no,
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: they're just not it. Or people are so like what
• 32:18
  Speaker 2: I have in my life is either someone DMS me
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: and they've got like a little bit of stature or whatever,
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: and they have a future planned. They're like, hope you
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: like to travel and like to do and I'm like,
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: I don't know you. I mean maybe, but I'm such
• 32:33
  Speaker 2: an organic love person, like I have to it just
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: has to unfold. And I'm at the point where, like
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: I said at the beginning of this conversation, if it's
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: not naturally unfolding, I'm just going to keep doing what
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: I'm doing and that'll appear if and when it's supposed to.
• 32:50
  Speaker 4: And with regard to the person that hasn't stepped up
• 32:53
  Speaker 4: in your life, because a lot of our listeners are
• 32:55
  Speaker 4: trying to navigate in or out of relationships, or well
• 32:59
  Speaker 4: mostly out of our relationships, or they're looking for a relationship.
• 33:03
  Speaker 4: But like, talk to me about how you what you decided,
• 33:07
  Speaker 4: how you decided to move away from that when you
• 33:10
  Speaker 4: were getting what you wanted.
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: Right, Well, that's a great question. And have I fully
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: moved away emotionally? It's the real question, because what happened
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: was this person that like reappeared in my life and
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: I was like, oh my god, I was a thousand
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: percent sure. I was like, this is my person. I
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: never even thought I would have a person. And you know,
• 33:32
  Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm that sole connection person and I am
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: I guess you could say the cliche and it is
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: I see this person's potential or this, but it has
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: not happened. I had kind of sort of it was
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: a thing that wasn't a thing, that was a thing
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: that wasn't a thing. And I'm very much in touch
• 33:48
  Speaker 2: with this person all the time, and I have friends
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: that say, hey, if you really want to emotionally disconnect,
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: you have to get away from greatly not communicate. But
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: I'm not that person.
• 33:58
  Speaker 3: So there was no singular event.
• 33:59
  Speaker 4: It's just it's not a really like it's something you
• 34:02
  Speaker 4: desire that wasn't happening.
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: Yes, and it's still it still affects me. So this
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: person still affects me. But I'm getting better with that
• 34:12
  Speaker 2: because I've decided I want this person in my life.
• 34:15
  Speaker 2: I want to be friends. I want to embrace the
• 34:18
  Speaker 2: situation he's in. But I'm trying to learn how to
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: not be as affected and to really accept that, Okay,
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: whatever I think could or may or may have or
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: may have in the past or may in the future,
• 34:32
  Speaker 2: what's happening right now is it's not happening. So I'm
• 34:37
  Speaker 2: still working with it. I'm still in the process of it.
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: And I shared it in the book and people close
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: to me were like, you sure you want to share
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: this because because I was well aware that it was
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: the scene in never been kissed and I was Drue
• 34:49
  Speaker 2: Barrymore and I was standing in the middle of that field,
• 34:51
  Speaker 2: and it could be like, and he's here with me
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: in the waiting room and we're together.
• 34:56
  Speaker 5: Right.
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: It could have been that from when I was writing it, right,
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: or could be this, which is it's not happening. And
• 35:02
  Speaker 2: I wanted to be vulnerable about that in the book
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: because first of all, nobody is all work, work work.
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: We all have those situations and those feelings, and I
• 35:12
  Speaker 2: wanted to to be okay with Okay, if it doesn't
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: work out, it doesn't go the way I want that,
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: That's what I'll be talking about. And like you said,
• 35:20
  Speaker 2: so many people are are feeling that and going through that,
• 35:23
  Speaker 2: and it's honestly, it's just it's not fun. It's it's
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: inspired endless songs, which has been great, but it's emotional
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: to even think, oh, I'll record these songs for my
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: next album and then I'll be living that. And but
• 35:37
  Speaker 2: that's what we're here for, and that's what artists are
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: here for. You know, that's right, But it's but it's tough. Yeah,
• 35:43
  Speaker 2: it's tough, and that.
• 35:45
  Speaker 4: I will take a break and we'll be right back
• 35:46
  Speaker 4: with Debbie Gibson, not to be confused with Deborah Gibson
• 35:50
  Speaker 4: or what was the other pitch for you to go
• 35:52
  Speaker 4: by Debbie Debbie g We're just Deborah.
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: Funny that you said, like, oh, that sounds like a
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: one hit wonder, because it absolutely but I wouldn't have
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: thought about qig.
• 36:02
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: This week, we're looking for questions from folks who are
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: or used to be in the military. Your question doesn't
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: have to necessarily be about your work in the military,
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: but bonus points if it is. Please write in to
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com.
• 36:21
  Speaker 3: And we're back with Debbig. Okay, what do we got today?
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: We were talking, we were talking about my love life,
• 36:28
  Speaker 2: and I feel like I've heard you say things too
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: about like you want like rendezvous in every report.
• 36:34
  Speaker 3: Right some of the you, Yeah, that's what I like.
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: And it doesn't turn into wanting one person to be
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: the person.
• 36:42
  Speaker 3: If it does, then it does.
• 36:43
  Speaker 4: But I don't have the pressure of something has happened
• 36:48
  Speaker 4: to me in my life where I just don't have
• 36:51
  Speaker 4: the same like desire, Like I don't have the desire
• 36:55
  Speaker 4: for a partner, right, I have a desire for adventure.
• 36:58
  Speaker 4: I need same same and when I think about it
• 37:00
  Speaker 4: in terms of that, I always think about like when
• 37:03
  Speaker 4: I meet someone and I like them a lot, I'll
• 37:05
  Speaker 4: spend more time with them, or I'll commit to a relationship.
• 37:08
  Speaker 3: It's not like I can't marry it, right, I just don't.
• 37:11
  Speaker 4: When I think about my life, I feel like, to me,
• 37:14
  Speaker 4: that feels a narrow and all the options available feel
• 37:18
  Speaker 4: like more of a wide open operation for me, right,
• 37:21
  Speaker 4: And I want to move towards a wide open operation,
• 37:23
  Speaker 4: not narrow I gotcha.
• 37:25
  Speaker 2: I mean listen, like the reality for me. On one hand,
• 37:29
  Speaker 2: I love the idea of partnering up again if it's
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: going to enhance my life. But on the other hand,
• 37:34
  Speaker 2: this is what this is what I always say when
• 37:37
  Speaker 2: I'm in my kitchen and I'm like throwing chicken across
• 37:40
  Speaker 2: the living room to my docs, and I'm like, who's
• 37:43
  Speaker 2: partnering up in this scenario? And I'm not giving this
• 37:46
  Speaker 2: up right, right, So there is a little bit of
• 37:49
  Speaker 2: that too. I wake up in the middle of the night,
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: I turn on whatever I want exactly all that.
• 37:52
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I eat food and bed disgusting things. I have
• 37:55
  Speaker 4: disgusting habits.
• 37:56
  Speaker 2: I go, oh my god, I think I want to
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: go live in London next year for three months, and
• 38:00
  Speaker 2: you know, and so like I'm I'm beholding to nobody,
• 38:03
  Speaker 2: which is also awesome, but I am still a romantic
• 38:07
  Speaker 2: so but I still don't understand how it works because
• 38:09
  Speaker 2: I've never fully successfully made it work for any real
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: length of time without like getting sick or like all
• 38:16
  Speaker 2: these things that because I'm juggling too many things. Because
• 38:19
  Speaker 2: I also only and know how to do everything one way.
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: So if I did it, I think it would have
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: to be like Seasonal, where I go, all right, let's
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: like really spend a lot of time together these three months,
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: and then I'm going on tour and then maybe you
• 38:31
  Speaker 2: can come out and meet. Like, I don't really know
• 38:33
  Speaker 2: technically how it works, so I have a little bit
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: of that rendezvous mindset.
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: I love.
• 38:39
  Speaker 3: I like it, I like it.
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: Well. Our first question comes from Tracy. Tracy says, dear Chelsea,
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: I've been a queen most of my life, but after
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: some career and therefore wealth downturns following a divorce and
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: my menopausal looks not good, I'm feeling like a loser.
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: I know I'm not, but feel so down and I'm
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: feeling jealous of my ex husband's new girlfriend. I hate
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: that about me, but I haven't been able to stop myself.
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: I'm especially worried that my kids might start to like
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: her more than me. I have to stop that immediately.
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: Probably need therapy about twupoor right now. Please give me
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: some advice. Tracy who needs her group back?
• 39:16
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I need it.
• 39:17
  Speaker 3: I know we gotta have her. Tracy, Honey, stop that.
• 39:21
  Speaker 3: You can't talk to yourself like that. First of all,
• 39:23
  Speaker 3: you have to think of your children. You're like they're
• 39:26
  Speaker 3: guiding light.
• 39:27
  Speaker 4: You can't start thinking that they're gonna like your husband's
• 39:30
  Speaker 4: ex husband's wife or girlfriend more than you like. You
• 39:34
  Speaker 4: have to start writing things down that you like about yourself.
• 39:37
  Speaker 4: You have to start getting up every single morning and
• 39:39
  Speaker 4: having gratitude about the fact that you're no longer married.
• 39:42
  Speaker 4: That's a huge victory. We have children that are healthy
• 39:47
  Speaker 4: and happy. That's a victory. You are capable. So you
• 39:51
  Speaker 4: lost your job, You're going through menopause. That's not the
• 39:53
  Speaker 4: end of the world.
• 39:54
  Speaker 3: It's a reset. It's an opportunity for a reset.
• 39:56
  Speaker 4: Every divorce, every like menopause, every may your life change
• 40:01
  Speaker 4: is an opportunity for a reset. That's how I think
• 40:03
  Speaker 4: of it, Like, you know, even menopause, while it's so
• 40:06
  Speaker 4: annoying and gross and so many bad things can happen
• 40:09
  Speaker 4: from it, Like that's another reason to get stronger, to
• 40:11
  Speaker 4: get fearcer, to work out, to be more healthy, to
• 40:14
  Speaker 4: be more conscient, you know, conscientious about your health, about
• 40:17
  Speaker 4: your food intake, about your alcohol intake, like all of
• 40:19
  Speaker 4: the things.
• 40:20
  Speaker 3: But like this pity party that you're having, you can't
• 40:23
  Speaker 3: be a victim.
• 40:24
  Speaker 4: You can't sit around and just feel like shit about yourself.
• 40:27
  Speaker 4: You didn't do anything wrong, and it's up to you
• 40:30
  Speaker 4: to get yourself out of this. So you've got it
• 40:32
  Speaker 4: until you can afford. First of all, you can do
• 40:34
  Speaker 4: better help. That's one of the sponsors of the show
• 40:35
  Speaker 4: that's really inexpensive therapy. But I would really start by
• 40:39
  Speaker 4: starting to write every morning, like ten things that you're
• 40:42
  Speaker 4: grateful for, and that you mix it in with the
• 40:44
  Speaker 4: things that you like about yourself as a mother, the
• 40:47
  Speaker 4: things that you like about yourself as a woman, the
• 40:49
  Speaker 4: things that you're proud of.
• 40:51
  Speaker 3: Just write those things.
• 40:52
  Speaker 4: Down to remind yourself of your own innate value, because
• 40:54
  Speaker 4: we sometimes get lost in your eyes and we forget
• 40:59
  Speaker 4: about are innate value. So I'm here to remind you
• 41:02
  Speaker 4: that you have a lot of it and you are
• 41:05
  Speaker 4: having amnesia.
• 41:06
  Speaker 2: One thousand percent. I wrote a song called one Step
• 41:09
  Speaker 2: Closer with DJ Tracy Young on my latest album. It's
• 41:13
  Speaker 2: not new, but to you it's probably new. But there's
• 41:16
  Speaker 2: a line in it about love, trust and being enough,
• 41:19
  Speaker 2: and it's one step closer to love. And sometimes when
• 41:21
  Speaker 2: you step away from romantic love, you're one step closer
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: your self love. And also I do think, like I'll
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: echo just sometimes physical like I started boxing recently and
• 41:34
  Speaker 2: going to that boxing gym and being one of the
• 41:37
  Speaker 2: only females there, like, I'm not amazing at it, but
• 41:40
  Speaker 2: I found it was a way of physically getting unstuck
• 41:43
  Speaker 2: cause I get in that emotional ball too, Like it
• 41:47
  Speaker 2: just sounds like you're stuck a little bit. And sometimes
• 41:49
  Speaker 2: I think firing up the physical engines. Yeah, absolutely is.
• 41:53
  Speaker 2: It's a way to start. And you're around people who
• 41:56
  Speaker 2: are like good for you, Like go where your fan
• 41:58
  Speaker 2: club is, like find you find your people that are
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: gonna be like you said, praising you, getting it, reminding you,
• 42:05
  Speaker 2: remind yourself who you are, but get around the people
• 42:07
  Speaker 2: who remind you who you are.
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: To Yeah, and just to echo the therapy thing. There
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: are tons of support groups online weno and like meet
• 42:14
  Speaker 1: other women who are in the exact same position. So
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: go take a look for some of those.
• 42:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I know the women that a lot of women
• 42:20
  Speaker 2: are in this I don't care club. I say, be
• 42:22
  Speaker 2: in the care club about your self club and keep
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: moving forward.
• 42:30
  Speaker 4: Right right, Well, I mean it's good to not care
• 42:33
  Speaker 4: about what others think, but it's good to it's good
• 42:36
  Speaker 4: to take the energy you have towards what others think
• 42:39
  Speaker 4: about you and invest that into yourself.
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: And some say it's like surrender and relax a bit,
• 42:45
  Speaker 2: but not to a point where get.
• 42:47
  Speaker 3: That over the I mean, you can do well.
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: Our next question comes from Amy, and she is joined
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: by her friend Christina for moral support, and also she's
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: referenced in the email, so her subject line is Judgmental
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: parents and seven Siblings. Amy says, Dear Chelsea, I'm writing
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: because I could really use some guidance on how to
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: deal with religious parents who are very intense and judgmental,
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: especially when it creates tension between siblings for contacts. I
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: have seven siblings, all of us adults now, most living
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: in different states. We all love each other, have stayed
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: close and talk on the phone in the group chat regularly.
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: Although there have been countless examples of my parents demonstrating
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: the opposite of the Christian slash Catholic values they claim
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: to so strongly follow. The most recent offense was a
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: couple weeks ago my parents refuse to help my best
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: friend in a tough position only because she's been divorced.
• 43:35
  Speaker 1: I am too, though, lol, although I passionately disagree that
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: is their right, but then they continued giving their opinion.
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: I didn't ask for on her co parenting arrangement, which
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: is amazing after a lot of hard work. They claimed
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: it when against their beliefs and directly insulted her parenting choices.
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: It felt cold and unfair, and it started up a
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: lot of feelings for me, mainly anger. I'm no longer religious,
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: but some of my siblings still are, though not nearly
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: as extreme as our parents. All have different relationships with
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: them and with faith, and I feel stuck in the middle.
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: I don't want to cause drama or make anyone feel attacked,
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: but I also don't want to keep swallowing my frustration
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: and biting my tongue when something feels wrong. It was
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: a lot easier when my parents moved out of state
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: in twenty twenty following a cult leader. That's another story
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: in itself. I was like it Jesus. I would keep
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: the phone calls to a minimum and kept the topics light.
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: Just a couple months ago, they moved back after a
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: falling out with said cult leader. So now I can
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: no longer hide behind a quarterly phone call. How do
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: you speak up and set boundaries without alienating your family
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: or upsetting your siblings who are trying to keep the peace?
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: Amy and Christina, Hi, girls, Hi, This is our special guest,
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: Debbie Gibsons here today.
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: How are you you good?
• 44:44
  Speaker 5: Thank you?
• 44:45
  Speaker 4: I can't believe your parents broke up with their cult leader.
• 44:47
  Speaker 4: That hardly ever happens.
• 44:49
  Speaker 6: I know, I know it was kind of crazy. We
• 44:52
  Speaker 6: kind of anticipated it, but we're still shocked that it
• 44:56
  Speaker 6: actually happened.
• 44:56
  Speaker 3: Well, I was joking.
• 44:57
  Speaker 4: I mean there's a lot of breakups that happened with
• 44:59
  Speaker 4: cult leader, but I mean that, Yes, your parents sound
• 45:02
  Speaker 4: like they're very far gone. And I would not even
• 45:05
  Speaker 4: be able to exist in this world, in this ecosystem,
• 45:09
  Speaker 4: because I would would not be able to tolerate that.
• 45:11
  Speaker 4: So kudos to you for even being able to have
• 45:14
  Speaker 4: any sort of control over your emotions or outbursts or
• 45:17
  Speaker 4: defense of your brothers and sisters, which I think is
• 45:19
  Speaker 4: completely reasonable.
• 45:21
  Speaker 2: I don't.
• 45:21
  Speaker 3: I'm not a peacekeeper.
• 45:23
  Speaker 4: I think it's important to express yourself, you know what
• 45:26
  Speaker 4: I mean. And I think it's really important to stand
• 45:27
  Speaker 4: up for people when they are Like the situation you
• 45:30
  Speaker 4: described about them insulting your sister's parenting friends. It's actually
• 45:34
  Speaker 4: her best friend, your friend's parent. Yeah, okay, so that's
• 45:37
  Speaker 4: the friend. Okay, great, Yeah, like, yeah, she's here with me,
• 45:41
  Speaker 4: and so what happened?
• 45:43
  Speaker 6: So it ended up where it just was let go
• 45:47
  Speaker 6: and nothing Ever, really, I never said anything.
• 45:49
  Speaker 3: What did they say? What did they say to her?
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: You?
• 45:52
  Speaker 6: She said, my mom said it made them feel really
• 45:54
  Speaker 6: uncomfortable to have my best friend and her ex husband
• 45:58
  Speaker 6: and their son just stay at their head. They had
• 46:00
  Speaker 6: a baseball tournament and they were just going to sleep
• 46:03
  Speaker 6: over for a night. It would have worked out really well.
• 46:05
  Speaker 6: They were my parents lived right there, and they said no,
• 46:08
  Speaker 6: that she couldn't stay with them on the basis that
• 46:12
  Speaker 6: she was divorced and it would be confusing for her child.
• 46:17
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, that's really stupid.
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: But her, I mean, they're both amazing parents.
• 46:24
  Speaker 6: They travel to you know, his travel games together and
• 46:28
  Speaker 6: that's the only reason they were you know together, and
• 46:32
  Speaker 6: their son is perfectly happy and fine.
• 46:34
  Speaker 3: Of course, of course he is.
• 46:35
  Speaker 4: But you're dealing with unreasonable people. I mean, your parents
• 46:38
  Speaker 4: just got out of a cult, so you're not going
• 46:39
  Speaker 4: to be able to reason with them, you know what
• 46:41
  Speaker 4: I mean.
• 46:42
  Speaker 3: But like, and it's not your.
• 46:43
  Speaker 4: Job to keep the peace, like if you don't want
• 46:45
  Speaker 4: to deal with that, or if you don't want to
• 46:46
  Speaker 4: be around them, Like where are you at? Do you
• 46:48
  Speaker 4: want to be with your family or do you want
• 46:50
  Speaker 4: what are your goals here? You want to stand up
• 46:53
  Speaker 4: for yourself or and your friends, but you don't want
• 46:55
  Speaker 4: to cause drama within the family.
• 46:57
  Speaker 6: Yes, I would say that. I'm I don't typically have
• 47:01
  Speaker 6: a problem standing up for myself or especially when it
• 47:04
  Speaker 6: comes to my friends. I have a way better time
• 47:05
  Speaker 6: standing up for other people than I do myself. But
• 47:09
  Speaker 6: the problem comes when it's actually when my siblings want
• 47:13
  Speaker 6: to get together with my parents or like just after
• 47:16
  Speaker 6: that happened, my sisters wanted to go visit my mom
• 47:20
  Speaker 6: for Mother's Day and I was so upset that I
• 47:23
  Speaker 6: didn't want to go, and it caused some problems there, because.
• 47:28
  Speaker 4: Well, you can have boundaries without making it traumatic. You
• 47:31
  Speaker 4: don't have to explain to everybody your reasons behind everything.
• 47:34
  Speaker 4: If you don't want to go because you're upset with
• 47:35
  Speaker 4: your parents, You're like, you could just as easily say
• 47:37
  Speaker 4: I have plans. Actually I have a lot of work
• 47:39
  Speaker 4: to do. I'm behind on this. I already made plans.
• 47:41
  Speaker 4: I didn't know it was Mother's Day, and I committed
• 47:43
  Speaker 4: to going to this. Like, you don't have to bring
• 47:45
  Speaker 4: people into your reasoning if that's what's going to create
• 47:48
  Speaker 4: the drama. You just don't have to make yourself available
• 47:50
  Speaker 4: to your family for any reason.
• 47:52
  Speaker 3: You just don't have to. You don't have that responsibility.
• 47:54
  Speaker 4: You have enough siblings that they could fucking pick up
• 47:56
  Speaker 4: the slack anyway, you know what I mean.
• 47:58
  Speaker 6: Yeah, they do with having children because they all have
• 48:02
  Speaker 6: a thousand.
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: I have zeros.
• 48:03
  Speaker 4: Though it doesn't have to be some huge right. My
• 48:05
  Speaker 4: family thinks I'm so dramatic. I'm like, I'm not even
• 48:07
  Speaker 4: telling you guys anything. I'm just withdrawing. I'm withdrawing. I
• 48:10
  Speaker 4: don't have the stamina or with the bandwidth to deal
• 48:12
  Speaker 4: with this. I don't have a desire to deal with this,
• 48:15
  Speaker 4: and so I just removed myself from the situation, you know,
• 48:18
  Speaker 4: and if they ask, I explain.
• 48:20
  Speaker 3: But I'm not creating drama.
• 48:22
  Speaker 4: They can think I'm creating drama, but actually me showing
• 48:25
  Speaker 4: up would be creating more drama. So I am all
• 48:28
  Speaker 4: for you, like having boundaries and.
• 48:30
  Speaker 3: Not explaining yourself.
• 48:31
  Speaker 4: You're an adult woman, and like you know that them
• 48:34
  Speaker 4: saying that about your friend, Yes, that's upsetting, but like
• 48:36
  Speaker 4: also you kind of know what you're dealing with with them,
• 48:39
  Speaker 4: So don't ask them for favors like that.
• 48:41
  Speaker 2: Right, I wouldn't want to. I wouldn't want to combine
• 48:45
  Speaker 2: your beautiful friend's family with that energy anyway. So just
• 48:49
  Speaker 2: like probably for the best, Yeah, I really have that,
• 48:52
  Speaker 2: Like I have that policy in my household where you're
• 48:55
  Speaker 2: just not you have religious beliefs and it's against the lgbtqia.
• 48:59
  Speaker 2: Plus what you're not speaking that language in my house,
• 49:02
  Speaker 2: Like it's not happening in my house. I'm not disowning
• 49:05
  Speaker 2: all those people because there are people even in my family,
• 49:08
  Speaker 2: they were raised a certain way and it's religion and
• 49:11
  Speaker 2: it's whatever the triggers are from whatever they went through
• 49:14
  Speaker 2: in childhood or whatever. But I agree with Chelsea, like
• 49:17
  Speaker 2: it does. You don't need to keep it all in
• 49:18
  Speaker 2: your airspace, you know. Just I think life's too short
• 49:21
  Speaker 2: to go into situations where you're you're uncomfortable, you know,
• 49:25
  Speaker 2: or you're not aligned.
• 49:27
  Speaker 6: I think that's what I struggled with them almost because
• 49:29
  Speaker 6: it was always, you know, growing up, everyone believes the
• 49:31
  Speaker 6: same things right right, right off, and then when somebody
• 49:35
  Speaker 6: does something different.
• 49:36
  Speaker 2: Right, and that is hard. You want to be one
• 49:38
  Speaker 2: of the gang, but you don't want to be one
• 49:40
  Speaker 2: of the gang at the expense of feeling like you're
• 49:42
  Speaker 2: betraying your friend, or if it is a day where
• 49:44
  Speaker 2: you're like I can deal with whatever their beliefs are,
• 49:46
  Speaker 2: doesn't really matter.
• 49:48
  Speaker 4: Or betraying yourself like I you know, it's like you
• 49:51
  Speaker 4: have certain principles we all do. Like if you're a
• 49:53
  Speaker 4: principal person and you're like, this is I don't want
• 49:56
  Speaker 4: to be around this. I'm sorry, I don't agree with this.
• 49:58
  Speaker 4: I don't like it. It makes me feel feel bad.
• 50:01
  Speaker 4: I actually feel bad after being around it. Then then
• 50:05
  Speaker 4: you're taking care of yourself.
• 50:07
  Speaker 6: Yes, I think you hit the nail on the head
• 50:09
  Speaker 6: there is like it's okay that I don't have No
• 50:11
  Speaker 6: one really has to know why I do things or like,
• 50:17
  Speaker 6: that's just the fact that it helps me and it
• 50:20
  Speaker 6: doesn't make me feel good or comfortable.
• 50:22
  Speaker 2: Is enough is enough? And no is enough?
• 50:23
  Speaker 3: Right?
• 50:25
  Speaker 2: And your friend what's your name? The Fristina? Christina? Hi,
• 50:29
  Speaker 2: And I hope you don't feel Christina, take any but
• 50:34
  Speaker 2: exactly I was gonna say, I hope you don't feel
• 50:36
  Speaker 2: bad or take anything personally, because it does sound like
• 50:38
  Speaker 2: a whole rationale that's not in keeping with Yeah.
• 50:41
  Speaker 7: No, I'm I was raised Catholic and but no, like
• 50:46
  Speaker 7: cult type situations, like.
• 50:48
  Speaker 2: Most people don't encounter that.
• 50:51
  Speaker 1: Kind of a unique how.
• 50:53
  Speaker 6: Up such she was And I'm like, honey, I'm like,
• 50:56
  Speaker 6: it's okay.
• 50:57
  Speaker 7: She's like I didn't even want to tell you because
• 50:59
  Speaker 7: like I felt so bad that they said these things
• 51:02
  Speaker 7: and made these judgments about you. And I was like, listen,
• 51:05
  Speaker 7: you couldn't have hit for me anyways if you wanted to,
• 51:07
  Speaker 7: because we've been best friends for how long, Like I
• 51:09
  Speaker 7: would know something was up. And I don't take that
• 51:11
  Speaker 7: personally because if people don't like me, people don't like
• 51:14
  Speaker 7: me like.
• 51:14
  Speaker 3: Good, good for you, Good for you.
• 51:17
  Speaker 6: The way I way I choose to parent.
• 51:20
  Speaker 7: It works for me, it works for my child. And
• 51:23
  Speaker 7: if no one else liked that, well I'm sorry, Yeah,
• 51:27
  Speaker 7: it works for good don't.
• 51:28
  Speaker 3: Look for you? All right, Well I think we solve
• 51:31
  Speaker 3: that problem. Yes, thank you so much. Have a good day, girls,
• 51:39
  Speaker 3: so much.
• 51:39
  Speaker 1: Bye bye.
• 51:41
  Speaker 3: I am so sick of religion. I cannot enough. I
• 51:44
  Speaker 3: am so fucking sick of it.
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: Okay, should we take a little break, and well, we
• 51:49
  Speaker 1: have one more question to wrap up with.
• 51:51
  Speaker 3: Okay, we'll be right back with Debbie Gibson and we're back. Sorry,
• 51:58
  Speaker 3: it's freezing here and I'm always like.
• 52:02
  Speaker 2: We're rolling so hard today that we all forgot my
• 52:05
  Speaker 2: hoodie in the car.
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: Oh, while you look cozy, this is nice. Well, our
• 52:09
  Speaker 1: last caller today is Katie and her subject line is
• 52:12
  Speaker 1: help for a grieving daughter. Dear Chelsea. I know, sad
• 52:16
  Speaker 1: subject line, but I know you'll have some good advice
• 52:18
  Speaker 1: for me. I'm a thirty six year old woman and
• 52:20
  Speaker 1: I recently lost my dad to a battle with breast cancer.
• 52:23
  Speaker 1: It's been a long two years for me because for
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: the last year and a half I was his full
• 52:27
  Speaker 1: time caretaker. I had to quit working and move home
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: with my parents to take care of him while also
• 52:32
  Speaker 1: trying to live life, which was nearly impossible to do.
• 52:35
  Speaker 1: I have zero regrets about doing this, and I'm grateful
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: I was able to spend so much time with him
• 52:39
  Speaker 1: and my family before he passed. But now I'm in
• 52:41
  Speaker 1: the dreaded grieving phase where I have to figure out
• 52:44
  Speaker 1: how to keep moving forward while also finding myself again.
• 52:47
  Speaker 2: Do you have any.
• 52:48
  Speaker 1: Advice to share on how you've worked through the grief
• 52:50
  Speaker 1: of losing a parent and tips on finding yourself again
• 52:52
  Speaker 1: after going through tough shit. Thanks Katie.
• 52:55
  Speaker 3: Hi Katie, Say hi to Debbie Gibson. She's our special
• 52:58
  Speaker 3: guest today.
• 52:59
  Speaker 1: Hi Katie, nice to you.
• 53:01
  Speaker 2: Nice to meet you.
• 53:03
  Speaker 4: I'm so sorry about your the loss of your father
• 53:06
  Speaker 4: and what a wonderful act of love you gave him
• 53:09
  Speaker 4: by being by his side for those last two years
• 53:12
  Speaker 4: and everything that you did for him. I mean, that's
• 53:14
  Speaker 4: beautiful and you should be really proud of yourself for,
• 53:16
  Speaker 4: like you know, going the distance with him. What I
• 53:19
  Speaker 4: would say is like, first of all, grieving is completely natural.
• 53:23
  Speaker 4: I can't compare it to my grieving my father because
• 53:26
  Speaker 4: I was so ready for him to die, So that's
• 53:28
  Speaker 4: a two says separate situation. But my mother, I wasn't
• 53:30
  Speaker 4: ready for her to die, So I can relate on
• 53:33
  Speaker 4: that front. And I know you're you weren't ready for
• 53:35
  Speaker 4: your mother to die. But I think you have to
• 53:38
  Speaker 4: accept that there is a state of grief and then
• 53:40
  Speaker 4: that's okay, Like you're okay.
• 53:42
  Speaker 3: You can't fast forward your grief. That doesn't work. It
• 53:45
  Speaker 3: has to work through you.
• 53:46
  Speaker 4: And you also have to say, like you have to
• 53:48
  Speaker 4: wake up every day and remember think about what your
• 53:51
  Speaker 4: father would want for you, because he doesn't want you
• 53:53
  Speaker 4: to suffer, and you have to think, like, take him
• 53:56
  Speaker 4: with you.
• 53:56
  Speaker 3: His spirit is with you always.
• 53:58
  Speaker 4: He's been such a big part of your life that
• 54:00
  Speaker 4: even though he's not physically here, he is spiritually a
• 54:02
  Speaker 4: part of you. He will always be a part of you.
• 54:04
  Speaker 4: And the part of like building back your life and
• 54:07
  Speaker 4: getting through this time is by remembering what remembering that
• 54:11
  Speaker 4: and remembering what he would want, and living with him
• 54:14
  Speaker 4: in spirit, not living for him, but living with him
• 54:18
  Speaker 4: in mind. You know, like, what would my dad want
• 54:20
  Speaker 4: from me? Your dad wants you to be happy. Your
• 54:23
  Speaker 4: dad wants you to be successful, Your dad wants you
• 54:25
  Speaker 4: to be selfish about certain things, you know, to make
• 54:27
  Speaker 4: the best life for yourself. So I wouldn't judge yourself
• 54:30
  Speaker 4: so much for the grief. I would just really try
• 54:33
  Speaker 4: to move forward with like the knowledge that this is normal,
• 54:36
  Speaker 4: your normal, everything's fine, everything that.
• 54:39
  Speaker 3: You're feeling is fine, and that you want.
• 54:41
  Speaker 4: To think about a way to live your life out loud,
• 54:44
  Speaker 4: in a loud, brave way that will honor your father.
• 54:48
  Speaker 5: Yeah, you sound just like my therapist. Great, great advice. Yeah.
• 54:51
  Speaker 5: I think it's more of like accepting that as normal
• 54:55
  Speaker 5: and being okay with emotions because, like you know, emotions
• 54:58
  Speaker 5: are rough. It's very isolating right now when you don't
• 55:00
  Speaker 5: know other people that kind of go through the same thing.
• 55:02
  Speaker 5: And it was so long and such it's good Ashkenazi
• 55:06
  Speaker 5: jew genes is what got in though.
• 55:08
  Speaker 4: You know, if you're struggling with your vulnerability and being emotional,
• 55:11
  Speaker 4: like first of all, or your emotions, you you should
• 55:15
  Speaker 4: go online and find a group of people who have
• 55:17
  Speaker 4: just lost their parents, go to a support group so
• 55:19
  Speaker 4: that you can sit there with people who are dealing
• 55:21
  Speaker 4: with it and like fucking let it rip, let it
• 55:24
  Speaker 4: out and cry, and you know, like I can see
• 55:27
  Speaker 4: you're about to cry right now, Just cry, let it go.
• 55:31
  Speaker 4: It's okay, you want this out, Like, if you keep
• 55:34
  Speaker 4: everything bottled up, it's just going to come and get
• 55:36
  Speaker 4: you anyway.
• 55:38
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 55:38
  Speaker 4: And so is that the part that you struggled with
• 55:40
  Speaker 4: the most, like letting your emotions out?
• 55:42
  Speaker 5: Oh for sure?
• 55:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 55:43
  Speaker 5: Yeah. I felt super super related to your story when
• 55:45
  Speaker 5: you said you were like crying over trying to open
• 55:48
  Speaker 5: a fucking orange during your like therapy session, and I
• 55:50
  Speaker 5: felt I was like, if I don't go to a
• 55:52
  Speaker 5: therapist in six months, I'm going to be like exploding
• 55:55
  Speaker 5: over trying to open an orange. You know what I mean? Right,
• 55:57
  Speaker 5: So it felt super related to that story.
• 55:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and you're in therapy.
• 56:01
  Speaker 5: I am, but Friday is my last session because she's
• 56:03
  Speaker 5: actually moving away, so I'll have to find a new therapist.
• 56:05
  Speaker 5: But I did go to therapy, yeah, which is.
• 56:08
  Speaker 3: Helpful because of your dad's dath.
• 56:11
  Speaker 5: Yeah yeah, yeah, because I was like, I'm not I'm
• 56:12
  Speaker 5: going to completely avoid it. I'm very avoidant. I'm like
• 56:14
  Speaker 5: just kind of like stay busy, stay busy, and just
• 56:16
  Speaker 5: kind of you'll go through it and get over it.
• 56:18
  Speaker 5: And then I think she's helped a little bit kind
• 56:22
  Speaker 5: of like be cool with having emotions because I think
• 56:24
  Speaker 5: that's the part of like grief there, like, okay, that
• 56:26
  Speaker 5: is normal.
• 56:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 56:28
  Speaker 4: And also this in vulnerability that we create when we're
• 56:31
  Speaker 4: not allowing ourselves to be emotional, we'll end up blocking
• 56:34
  Speaker 4: other relationships in your life, intimate relationships, and you know,
• 56:38
  Speaker 4: like you want to be vulnerable so that you're accessible.
• 56:40
  Speaker 4: Like I had a therapist once tell me this was
• 56:42
  Speaker 4: about like the girls in my life, these young girls
• 56:45
  Speaker 4: that say, like, as long as you can cry, you're accessible,
• 56:48
  Speaker 4: like then we can get to you.
• 56:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and you're recoverable.
• 56:51
  Speaker 4: As long as you're vulnerable enough to be emotional, then
• 56:55
  Speaker 4: we can make in roads in progress.
• 56:56
  Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, so.
• 56:57
  Speaker 4: Yeah, remember that and then focus on getting a new
• 57:00
  Speaker 4: therapist and talk and be really obviously you're going to
• 57:03
  Speaker 4: be fourth right, you're being forthright to me and right
• 57:06
  Speaker 4: now to all of us.
• 57:07
  Speaker 3: But focus on.
• 57:08
  Speaker 4: Really working through your emotions and letting it out, you know,
• 57:12
  Speaker 4: just really have that be your goal in your father's honor.
• 57:15
  Speaker 5: No, that's that's great advice.
• 57:17
  Speaker 4: Could you'd be surprised Once you do let it out,
• 57:20
  Speaker 4: then it's out, and it's usually doesn't last for like
• 57:23
  Speaker 4: you know, no, you're like holding on so tightly, so tightly,
• 57:26
  Speaker 4: so tightly, and for what like once you cry in
• 57:30
  Speaker 4: five minutes, you're like, Okay, that felt good.
• 57:31
  Speaker 2: I feel better all the time these days. And like
• 57:34
  Speaker 2: a period of years where it didn't cry, couldn't cry, right,
• 57:38
  Speaker 2: and now I mean I think I cry every day.
• 57:40
  Speaker 2: But yeah, it's so good. But it also feels like
• 57:42
  Speaker 2: because you you did commit to his health in his
• 57:46
  Speaker 2: final what two years it was years? And how long
• 57:49
  Speaker 2: has it been now since he's gone eight months?
• 57:52
  Speaker 5: Okay, so like it's super new.
• 57:56
  Speaker 2: And I would think because that was your focus for
• 57:58
  Speaker 2: two years too, that even becomes smarter kind of chance
• 58:02
  Speaker 2: transitioning out of being that caretaker and trying to kind
• 58:05
  Speaker 2: of find your own rhythm in your life again. So
• 58:07
  Speaker 2: that's got to be really hard. So give yourself a
• 58:09
  Speaker 2: grace for how hard that is.
• 58:11
  Speaker 4: And honor the moments where you are feeling emotional, Like
• 58:14
  Speaker 4: when you have a moment and you're feeling it, go
• 58:16
  Speaker 4: to your car, go to your room, go wherever you
• 58:18
  Speaker 4: can have some privacy and let it out and honor that.
• 58:22
  Speaker 4: Don't try to push it away, don't try to keep busy,
• 58:24
  Speaker 4: Like even if you're out with a group of friends, say,
• 58:27
  Speaker 4: and all of a sudden, you're overwhelmed with emotion.
• 58:29
  Speaker 3: If you don't feel comfortable just being honest with them.
• 58:31
  Speaker 4: Go outside, let it out, and then come back in
• 58:34
  Speaker 4: and be like, oh I got a sad email or
• 58:35
  Speaker 4: whatever if you don't want to share it with other people.
• 58:38
  Speaker 4: But don't fight that those feelings because it doesn't get
• 58:41
  Speaker 4: you anywhere.
• 58:41
  Speaker 5: I agree, I totally agree.
• 58:43
  Speaker 4: Okay, but make sure you get that therapist. Okay, make
• 58:45
  Speaker 4: sure you get a new one.
• 58:47
  Speaker 5: I know I need a new one. Friday is my
• 58:49
  Speaker 5: last sash, so I'm hoping to get another.
• 58:51
  Speaker 2: I have a good one. We can get you his number.
• 58:53
  Speaker 2: Wood old fella. I like to call him like he's old,
• 58:57
  Speaker 2: but he's like so channeler, He's amazing.
• 59:03
  Speaker 3: Love me, do it, love it.
• 59:04
  Speaker 5: Right than I really appreciate it.
• 59:08
  Speaker 3: Okay, take care, bye bye bye.
• 59:11
  Speaker 2: I was trying to sing right after, like because I
• 59:14
  Speaker 2: had chose and I had all these anniversary shows and
• 59:17
  Speaker 2: it was so tied to my mother and singing and grieving.
• 59:21
  Speaker 2: It's not a good compo.
• 59:22
  Speaker 3: Is it not.
• 59:23
  Speaker 2: It's like you're crying and everything's like, oh yes, your
• 59:25
  Speaker 2: stuff right there, and you're like, and let me sing
• 59:28
  Speaker 2: this song that my mom helped promote and she's gone,
• 59:31
  Speaker 2: and yeah it was intense.
• 59:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah, very intense, I would imagine.
• 59:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 59:35
  Speaker 3: Her book is called Eternally Electric.
• 59:38
  Speaker 4: Her name is Debbie Gibson, so buy yourself a copy.
• 59:41
  Speaker 3: Thank you, Debbie Gibson. So nice to see you again.
• 59:43
  Speaker 2: This is so much fun. Yeah, so much fun.
• 59:46
  Speaker 4: I put up new Vegas dates by the way for
• 59:48
  Speaker 4: next year. This year, I will be there November first
• 59:52
  Speaker 4: and November twenty ninth. Those are my last two dates
• 59:54
  Speaker 4: this year. Then I start up again January thirty first,
• 59:56
  Speaker 4: March seventh, April eighteenth, and May thirtieth, and tickets are
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 4: now on sale for all.
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 3: Of those dates.
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 1: Do you want advice from Chelsea, write into Dear Chelsea
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 1: Podcast at gmail dot com. Find full video episodes of
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea pod.
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 1: producer Katherine law And be sure to check out our
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 1: merch at Chelseahandler dot com