Latest / I Said No Gifts! A comedy interview podcast with Bridger Winegar / Zach Noe Towers Disobeys Bridger

Transcript

Zach Noe Towers Disobeys Bridger · I Said No Gifts! A comedy interview podcast with Bridger Winegar

• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Well, I invited you here. I thought I made myself
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: perfectly clear.
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: But you're a guest to my home.
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: You gotta come to me empty, and I said, no guests,
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: your presences presence and I already had too much stuff.
• 0:35
  Speaker 3: So how did you dare to surbey me?
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: Welcome to I said, no gifts. I'm Brigard Wineger. We're
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: in the backyard. I did some a little research before
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: the podcast, which means I checked the email and it
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: looks like this will be releasing on October thirty, first Halloween.
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: This is our annual Halloween episode, very spooky. I'm dressed
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: as a were wolf. Our guest is dressed as a
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: were wolf. Ann Lisa's dress is a giant peanut, so
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: just keep that in mind. Ignore any photo evidence on
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: the Instagram or anything. The costumes are removed before video
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: and photo and then put back on. It's a complicated
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: Halloween process. But what else we're about. We're just a
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: few days away from the election, and I'm not gonna
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: sway anybody or anything. But just to be clear, please
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: don't vote for Donald Trump. Vote for Kamala Harris. I
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: assume most of my listeners will do that. But then
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: I also think you listened to this podcast, You're capable
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: of anything. Ah. I have to do this just for
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: my own good, my own calm. We can't let Grandpa
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: drive again. We put him in the old folks home.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: Do not of him the keys. We can't go through
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: the apocalypse this soon. I'm still in the middle of
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: my career. Okay, what is happening. It's the werewolf costume.
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: This is what's going on. It's driving me wild. So
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: let's get into the podcast. I absolutely love today's guest.
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: It's Zach noy Towers. Hello, Zach, Welcome to I said nokid,
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: I was actually opening.
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: You would never introduce me and I could just listen
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: to your monologue because that tickled me senseless.
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: Uh. That's about as long as I can talk on
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: my own before I really start to drown.
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: No, no, no. And I'm also honored to be the
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: Halloween episode.
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: Of course, I love Fall.
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: I'm an October baby, and Halloween's I think my favorite holiday.
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: When's your birthday? October eighteenth, October ninth right here?
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: Stop?
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: Yes, two little libras. Two libras.
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: That explains why everyone likes us so much.
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: Of course, were the most popular kids in school.
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: We are the most likable people walking the earth, and
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: I dare you to say otherwise.
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: And number three, it's a huge drop off for third
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: most popular person. That person's awful. Yes, we're miles asars likability. Hello,
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: you do like Halloween and you like horror movies.
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: I love horror movies.
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: I the last time I saw you, you are making
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: a very good case for me to watch Trap. No oh,
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: in a bad way?
• 3:21
  Speaker 3: Yes, yes, don't you dare I the way I wanted
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: to walk out of this pod as I was like,
• 3:27
  Speaker 3: now I'm not gonna get gotcha by this journalism. I was, oh, man,
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: I hate talking shit. But I was floored by how
• 3:34
  Speaker 3: much I didn't like Trap.
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: But in a way that made it seem so intriguing. Sure,
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: but I guess not enough for me to leave the house.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: I never saw a movie.
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: I feel like it's streaming now.
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: I've actually looked this up because I was like, oh,
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: I did want to see it. I felt like I
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: should have been locked in a theater because I feel
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: like when it's on my to me way, I won't
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: be able to finish it. But it's coming soon. I
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: believe when I looked it up. You could rent it
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: for like ninety dollars something and that wasn't it, which
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: is because they're trying to recoup what they lost on it.
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: Of course they're begging people. You're gonna be a co
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: producer on Trap. Just rent it right now? Would you
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: like your name in the credit? Eleven hundred dollars.
• 4:13
  Speaker 3: They'll c gi u n is one of Selene's back
• 4:16
  Speaker 3: What was her.
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: Name, Lady Raven, Lady Raven's number one fan. Yes, yes, yes, yes,
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: I mean that's that's what I'm thinking now. I think
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna listen to the album, the Lady Raven Album
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: over and over. So it feels like a concert film
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: for me.
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: That could work, and that could actually work because I
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: feel like the pop music was maybe my favorite part
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: of it. It's fine, it's like nondescript pop music. It's
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: ai ai pop music.
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: It's very odd. I was listening to and it's like,
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: this is so faceless. But I guess that's what you
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: need for a movie.
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, for well, no, I see, I think it
• 4:48
  Speaker 3: was m Night trying to propel his daughter's singing career.
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: Oh so he I think it was an elaborate commercial
• 4:56
  Speaker 3: for going to see Lady Raven in concert.
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: She doesn't perform under the name Lady Raven, does she not? No,
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: she has another name. Well at least we know that.
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: And you messed up. Sileika Seleka Sleeka. Okay, now this
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: is the first legitimate piece of advertising She's gone, yes
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: and huge because everyone else is typing in Lady Raven.
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: Because years when I'm be like this is from that
• 5:19
  Speaker 3: movie I hate.
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: I was thinking that while listening to the music, like,
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: how is there anyone in the world that will ever
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: have an emotional response to this music. It doesn't feel
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: like music that you can feel anything to me? No, no, no,
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: no no.
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: It's music born out of no adversity.
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: I assume that's probably true. Other than like begging dad
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: to be in the movie, yes exactly, I feel like
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: her like this sort of level of spoiling your child
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: is like anybody else, like asking for a Nintendo for Christmas. Yes,
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: He's like, fine, I'll put you in the movie. You
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: make a tire film around the.
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: Extreme wide release film you've been good for the past
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: ninety days. It's wild, I think, and you can probably
• 6:05
  Speaker 3: relate to this as someone who's got in vicious rounds
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: of notes on my projects? Oh to go sit in
• 6:11
  Speaker 3: an AMC theater and watch a movie like that? I
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: was like, who's giving notes to these people?
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: Is anyone giving notes to these people? This is the
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: entire entertainment industry where everyone acts like your particular project
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: is not makeable, and then you go see what turn
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: on TV or go see a movie, or like, wait,
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: what's happening? This is horrible? This is pure garbage.
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: Most recently, I've been pitching cartoons for a while because
• 6:38
  Speaker 3: I do love adult animation.
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: Oh, you should be doing cartoons. I love it. And
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: if you're watching or CAS, I can do voices.
• 6:45
  Speaker 3: But it's all about kind of like the like, what's
• 6:47
  Speaker 3: the diverse thing, what's like the family setup. There's a
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: new cartoon that's been on billboards called Universal Basic Guys,
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: Oh Boy, and it's just like it's like four white
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: guys who are awful husbands, boyfriends being stupid, And.
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: I'm like, what is so far removed from reality? That's
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: a real fantastical thing to think about.
• 7:08
  Speaker 3: People need to see themselves represented, I suppose in cartoons.
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: But and now this is getting advertising. Oh we've got
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: eventually we'll eventually we're gonnacommend something we like quit.
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: I actually make it a point to like because I
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: never understand why people take to the internet and complain.
• 7:24
  Speaker 3: I'm much more of a like, let's lift up things
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: we like as supposed to tear things down because trap
• 7:30
  Speaker 3: you universal basic guys like they still took people forever.
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: To get made and there was someone's dream, yes, and
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: so Lee, Uh that's.
• 7:41
  Speaker 3: All I can say. But go on, I think I do.
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: Really, I think I'm on board with uh promoting something good.
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: But yeah, I mean basically, all I'm saying is that
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: it appears that Fox does not want to make anything
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: expensive anymore, and that's why, like they're going for whatever
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: the hell.
• 7:56
  Speaker 3: This is just like a very very basic It's like
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: bad Family.
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: Guy, Yes exactly, because I think Family Guys extraordinarily expensive
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: to make because all of their writers have been there
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: for twenty decades and so they're like, at the highest level, Well,
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: this sh'll probably cost more than Lord of the Rings.
• 8:12
  Speaker 3: But they probably they keep the lights on at Fox,
• 8:16
  Speaker 3: I would assume, right, or Simpsons stops and Simpsons.
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: Both super expensive, and then all of the voice cast
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: is expensive. I love to talk industry like people's Yeah, yeah,
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: and I what I have just said is probably about
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: forty percent accurate all of us, So everyone just takes.
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: That's better than most news out there. That's better than
• 8:40
  Speaker 3: you're doing, better than most news outlets.
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: Wait, but I feel like you were talking about pitching cartoons.
• 8:44
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, and what do we remember?
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: What reason?
• 8:48
  Speaker 3: Oh no, but that's again I said before we started recording.
• 8:53
  Speaker 3: I think as little as possible at all times, So like,
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: if you say something that makes me think of something,
• 8:58
  Speaker 3: I'll go down that road.
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: But right, yeah, just memory of a goldfish podcast you
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: were ready to pitch me notes.
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: Oh right, How did something so bad get made?
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: If it makes any sense? Because nobody knows anything and
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: everyone's just acting confidently and they're also terrified, so they
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: just blow through things, make decisions based on hype m hm,
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: and truly anything, any idea that got made has about
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: the same chance of being good.
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: Yes, whether celebrities are attached, whether the writer made willing grace.
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: You think of things like Joey the spin off from
• 9:36
  Speaker 3: Friends should have, in theory been like huge show. I
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: don't think it even got a full season. No, no, no, no, mulaney,
• 9:44
  Speaker 3: tough head writer of S and L like a huge cash.
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: Yes, I don't think I made it one season. No,
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: there's no formula. No, there's no formula except for the
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: ones that I'm cooking up.
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: Yes, which is verir.
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: They're all tried and true. Bulletproof, absolutely bulletproof. I just
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: watched The blur Witch Project for the first time, the original. Yes,
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: how would you think I was not scared for a second.
• 10:11
  Speaker 3: Okay, So my theory here is you needed to see
• 10:13
  Speaker 3: it in the brief window where us dumb dumbs thought
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: it was real, right, because I feel like it was
• 10:18
  Speaker 3: the first like found footage film, so like in that regards,
• 10:22
  Speaker 3: it was horrifying, right, Like the end were spoiler alert.
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: People had twenty nine years to watch it.
• 10:30
  Speaker 3: But when they go down and they're screaming and there's
• 10:33
  Speaker 3: handprints all over the wall and they're standing in the
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: corner like chat. I mean, I was young when it
• 10:39
  Speaker 3: came out, but like it scared the dickens.
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and they really did, I think kind of falsely
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: advertise it as real. Yeah, so I think, Yeah, I
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: guess during that small summer of ninety eight or whatever,
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: you could be scared by this this, I was just like, Okay,
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: I've seen found footage before. It's just old hat. So
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: I immediately jumped into uh blur witch Book of Shadows.
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: Now have you seen this movie? Yes, I have obviously
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: a very tasteful tonal.
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: Shift, not found footage anymore.
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: No, it's bathing.
• 11:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't see I've got I wish i'd watched
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: it recently. I know she's like dancing on a bat
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: or like freaking out on a beat at some point.
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: See I haven't gotten to that part. I've only gotten
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: about fifteen minutes in. But the highlight so far as
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: there's an actor named Kim director she that does something
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: a sex porn actress in the movie. She plays Kim Diamond.
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: I guess that was part of her contract.
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: That's what we is she the lead? Is she the
• 11:37
  Speaker 3: kind of reddish hair girl.
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: I think she's either her okay on Lisa's nodding, yes,
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: I was gonna say either her or the goth girl. Okay,
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: but it's yeah, she's the red and I think she's
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: kind of a No, there's there's a witch, like an
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: earth witch.
• 11:49
  Speaker 3: Yes, so that she strikes me as the more famous
• 11:52
  Speaker 3: person in the entire cast.
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: Okay, I don't know where I'm playing that from any
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: of these people, damn. Okay, but it is so to
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: watch because you know that first movie is such a
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: specific thing, and then this is how do you get there?
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: And the way they try to explain it's very confusing,
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: where like the people in the movie are like, we
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: saw Blair Witch Project the movie, so that's why we're
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: doing this. But it's unclear whether the Blair Witch Project
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: they watched was fictional or whether it was real in
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: their world. It's very odd to watch, and it's all
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: shot like a like a studio film or like a
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: music video, like a Marilyn Manson video or something. I mean,
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: there is a Marilyn Manson song in the beginning, as
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: there should be, as there absolutely should be. That's why
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: the first one was such a flop.
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: They should have made Marilyn Manson visual album inspired by
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: Blair Wit if.
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: He hadn't been canceled. That would be a good idea
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: for him.
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: He should have.
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: He kind of was doing kind of these visual albums.
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: He had a very locked in aesthetic. He had a
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: vision scaring me to death when I was in you know,
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: middle school, when it was like the amorphous like gel
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: bodies with a kind of boob esque that I'm trying
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: to think. What's the name of the song? Is a
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: mechanical animals?
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: You could never get?
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: Look? Is that the name of a Marilyn Manson song.
• 13:16
  Speaker 3: I have a lot of buried information in my head
• 13:18
  Speaker 3: that's not in there.
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: He's got beautiful people. Wow, my Malyn Manson, you gotta
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: let go of that. Oh the dope show. That's the
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: name of the song.
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: You You're like a yeah, I manage hot Talk. This
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: podcast is my side hustle. Hot topic is kind of
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: my career, and so I've got to stay on top
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: of Marilyn Manson.
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: You don't see many see many redheads in the goth community.
• 13:46
  Speaker 3: I don't, oh interesting.
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: I feel like they would fit right in. They're so
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: pale agreed, but like those blue eyes and all that
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: real people that ruins the look.
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: I'm just not picturing it. Maybe there are, and I'm
• 13:57
  Speaker 3: and I apologize. I know I'm excluding you for in
• 14:00
  Speaker 3: the community, but I.
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: Know what a horrible, hurtful thing you've done.
• 14:04
  Speaker 3: I joined Marilyn Manson in cancelhood. I'm like, yeah, don't
• 14:07
  Speaker 3: go over the Gingers. We'll take you out.
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: I want to see you open for Marilyn Manson.
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: Well, he famously dated Rose McGowan. Yes, I thank god
• 14:18
  Speaker 3: I knew that.
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: Okay, so now you I mean, wow, I know a
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: lot about him. Well, it's because I was kind of
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: obsessed with him in like high school, not in a
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: like I didn't enjoy him. I thought it was Yeah,
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: it was like, this is so stupid, stupid dope shows
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: a great song.
• 14:35
  Speaker 3: I don't know his music, beautiful hate that you're trying
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: to get me to remember it.
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: They're very within the Trent Reznor world, and I think
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: he produced some of that, so I think that's probably
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: why it was good. Okay, and it's campy.
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: Congrats even though he's canceled. Let's so many bad things,
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: I mean, talk about a scary episode.
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: We're gonna have to make a list of good things
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: that we just re through like credits at the end
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: of this, because we still haven't mentioned a single that
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: we like. It's very hard to do.
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: I did like Rose McGowan a lot, does that And
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: because of Scream, Tatum oream right.
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: She was great in Scream, Yes, and I assume she's
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: been great another thing, Charmed. I have never seen Charmed,
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: really Charmed The TV show.
• 15:23
  Speaker 3: Correct with Shannon Doherty Alissa Milano.
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: Yes right, oh man.
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: I feel so bad for that third one because I
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: don't remember her name. Holly Holly Marie Combs.
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: Holly Marie Combs. Is that is Marie Combs? One word?
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: I think it's Holly Marie. Okay, Holly Marie Combs.
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: She got ambitious having three names, and.
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: Marie Combs sounds like a greeting, like, yeah, Hally Marie
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: comes that. It really does.
• 15:59
  Speaker 3: Hally maricosgeh unto you, and Holly Marie comes.
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: Okay, So we do have rosemackgown'. We've represented her. Hopefully
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: she hasn't done anything bad in the last ten years.
• 16:12
  Speaker 3: I feel like she went a little cuckoo for cocoa puffs.
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: Oh did she?
• 16:15
  Speaker 3: I think? But that could be me being a secret misogynist, right,
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: which you are.
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: I mean, you're trying to bring it out into the
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: line and be public misogynists. You've made that a goal.
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: I am one of those. I mean, I'm a gay
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: of the Yeah, I'm thirty eight. Like I feel like
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: a lot of us like have mistreated women in one
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: way or another. Oh sure, whether it's like going out
• 16:37
  Speaker 3: to the bars with the girlfriend and then leaving her
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: or you know, we did a lot of fondling, like
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: in like my college days. It was very like flat
• 16:46
  Speaker 3: girl's butts and stuff. Right, So I just want to
• 16:49
  Speaker 3: This is my only apology I'll ever make to the community.
• 16:53
  Speaker 3: But I'm sorry.
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: I feel very lucky that I I mean, this is
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: one good thing about me coming out out so late
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: that I got to avoid kind of the bad behavior. Yes,
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: you know, like the misogyny.
• 17:06
  Speaker 3: You were smart enough.
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: I just yeah, I just got to be good friends
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: with women and we respected each other.
• 17:12
  Speaker 3: We have you said, You've said it too many times
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: on the pod. What was your relationship with women like
• 17:18
  Speaker 3: until thirty? Like were you dating and penetrating?
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: There was some very light dating, but very heavy extremely
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: I'm so sorry to ever.
• 17:32
  Speaker 3: Do you not hear about that on the pod?
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: I no, I mean, that's fine. We probably won't get
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: deep into it. My mom listens to the podcast, but.
• 17:38
  Speaker 3: Hally Marie combs this whining girl.
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: But no, but the answer is like, and this is
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: truly wild. This was when I was in LA I
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: was like I did some dating women like in my
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: mid twenties, just as a final like, we got to
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: give this a shot. You've got to give it an honor.
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: Maybe being gay is fake, and we just unlock it
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: and prove all of these homos wrong. Yes, obviously that
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: didn't work out. But my relationship prior to being in
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: LA in my mid twenties, all those years before basically
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: just very good friends with women and realizing how I mean,
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: you know, like in the aughts and tens, there's a
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: new magazine article about every week are women funny?
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: And oh sure, you mean today?
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean it's continues, but there was a real
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: heavy period where and I think this is true of
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: most gay men, but I was just like, oh I didn't.
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: That question was never what is this being asked? All
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: of the funniest people I know are women.
• 18:33
  Speaker 3: I literally only care to hear female funny voices, right,
• 18:40
  Speaker 3: Like I have no interest in straight male comics. It
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: is amazing if one of them can hold my time.
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and yeah, and like women are like how
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: I learned how to be funny? Or like my little
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: sister was so funny. So it was that was just baffling,
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: But you know, I was, I was piecing all these
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: things together, trying to find out that I was gay
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: essential Oh but yeah, I'm so advanced beyond other straight guys.
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: It's like, well, no, no, you're actually sorry. You're actually
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: not advanced for a gay man. Yeah, you're so behind.
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: You could be leaving women behind in bars and girl peace.
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: They come get in here. The water's fine. I keep
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: forgetting how we're getting to any of this. I think
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: it's the heat. Probably, like if we speak on a
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: topic for more than two minutes, the memory of how
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: it started just washes away like a sand castle in
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: the ace. Yeah.
• 19:38
  Speaker 3: Now, I don't know because I brought up, Oh you
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: you came out late in life. I was a misogynist
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: and I was like what, I don't know.
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: Why we were there either, interesting and the listeners probably like, well,
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: that all happened ten seconds ago. I'm keeping track.
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: The listeners probably having an aneurysm right now, like they've.
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: Driven off the road. They're like crashed into a snowbank, which.
• 19:59
  Speaker 3: Would be very scary, which is the theme of today episode.
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the scary on this is like subtle, and we
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: get there in interesting ways for the surprise for the
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: jump scare, Yes, and that's how you're sitting directly in
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: front of a bush. Something could pop out of that
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: at any time. Totally, we should have set that up.
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: You're getting a real scare out of you on this podcast.
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: Well you probably didn't because of Ellen. Ellen started off
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: scaring people and then it ruined her career.
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: What.
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean the whole thing was it was it
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: was like insidious because she liked to scare people on
• 20:33
  Speaker 3: the show, and then she was like terrorizing writers and stuff.
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: Is that true?
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: She talks about it her special. She too, like one
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: of the writers and one of the producers hated snakes.
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: She had a trapdoor installed in the writer's room that
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: would drop snakes, like fake ones. But she's like, oh,
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: now that I say it out loud, that is pretty evil.
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: And so that was kind of the toe in the
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: water that it was just like, so now I can
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: just fall out psychologically attack, yes, and then kind of
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: not apologies for it all. Ever. Yeah. I watched a
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: bit of the special, and I mean it was It's
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: baffling to watch. I mean, it's one of the weirdest
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: things I've ever seen to see somebody who could easily
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: just fully apologize.
• 21:14
  Speaker 3: I know, go oh yeah, like Hollywood, what a nice industry.
• 21:19
  Speaker 3: She basically was like, people have been meaner than me
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: in the past, right, let's move on.
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: Yes, and the obviously the clip has been chaired everywhere
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: of like the standing ovation that lasts thirty minutes.
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: It's too many a pause breaks.
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: Where do those people come from? Where did they find them?
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: Had they been trapped in Ellen's studio since the cancelation.
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: We will release you if you'll clap non stop. You've
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: been practicing in the warehouse.
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: I just like think, if forty percent of our country
• 21:45
  Speaker 3: loves Donald Trump, there's a theater full of people that
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: are obsessed with Allen degenereses.
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: There's somebody for everyone, I guess, yeah, yeah, there's a
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: special somebody or presidential candidate or talk show host for everyone. Yes,
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: that will get people off their their butts out of
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: their seats. Oh right, I'm trying to There are very
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: few people I would give a standing ovation, and not
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: for that long. I'm tired. After about four seconds, I'm
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: like looking at other people like is it time to okay?
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: Can we just stop it?
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: And I'm so glad you brought this up because this
• 22:15
  Speaker 3: is my theory on what's happening with those like this
• 22:18
  Speaker 3: film received a seventeen minutes standing ovation. Yeah, because if
• 22:22
  Speaker 3: the actors and writers and director in the room, I
• 22:24
  Speaker 3: dare you to sit down first. So of course I'm like,
• 22:29
  Speaker 3: I'm not sitting. I'm fucking not sitting.
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: Like this is how mass suicide happens. Yes, that starts
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: essentially the same thing. Oh no, but that makes sense. Yeah,
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: every time every year around can like it was a
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: forty five minute standing ovations, and then the movie comes
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: out six months later and people are like, this is garbage.
• 22:49
  Speaker 3: I stood up to walk out. Speaking of I tried
• 22:53
  Speaker 3: to watch Mygalopolis. Oh, there needs to be a Megalopolis challenge,
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: Like how far can you get through? I literally got
• 22:59
  Speaker 3: through fourteen fourteen? Yeah, my friends. I went with two
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: girlfriends and we said, Okay, if at any point you
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: want to like pull the emergency release hacks, just do this,
• 23:09
  Speaker 3: and one of them was in like minute seven, and
• 23:11
  Speaker 3: I was like, oh, I can like make it longer
• 23:13
  Speaker 3: than that, and then fourteen I was like wow. And
• 23:16
  Speaker 3: then if we all we only needed two thumbs up too. Sorry,
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: I just realized I did something visual on a podcast.
• 23:21
  Speaker 3: There's a thumb thumbs up, yumbs up, and we left.
• 23:24
  Speaker 3: I sayed an hour, and I wanted to say for
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: the whole thing, because the only reason I got left
• 23:29
  Speaker 3: was because I got a little sleepy.
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: The movie. I mean, like, it's so horrible. I was like,
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: I have to keep watching. What is going to happen next?
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: What horrible ideas next? Like, and now I'm about to
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: reveal something about myself that I just cannot manage to
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: train my brain to do. How do we say? Shaylabuff
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: Shia Shia.
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: That's what I say.
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: Has been famous for well over two decades and I
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: still have I mean even now you just said it,
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: and I'm so like, wait, Shia, this isn't it shi
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: a Shia Shia? But that is that is she raw?
• 24:03
  Speaker 3: And man, I've never struggled with that. So I'm gonna
• 24:07
  Speaker 3: leave you out on a ledge here.
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: But but he did you get to his part in it?
• 24:11
  Speaker 3: I mean he's kind of littering the whole thing, isn't he?
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: I can't remember.
• 24:15
  Speaker 3: It's in the first few scenes with drawn on eyebrows
• 24:18
  Speaker 3: and dancing on like a little like.
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: Nymph, right, almost Marilyn Manson esque.
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: Sure I would have preferred Marilyn Manson in that I
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: would have loved to see famously an abuser of of
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: FKA Twigs.
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: He's he has some littered past. I mean, legally we'll
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: have to maybe edit around that, but it seems like
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: he's been not a great person.
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, my sister was staunchly against the movie
• 24:42
  Speaker 3: for that reason alone.
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: Right, and then they've got John Voight, who's also an
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: awful human being. Oh, I don't think you made it
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: to John in the movie. He absolutely didn't. And I'm
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: sure there are some other I mean, obviously the director
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: had a bunch of accusations come out. I don't know
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: that it was a super healthy team working on it.
• 24:58
  Speaker 3: Well, and then again, will you get back to the
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: real theme of the episode? How did this get made?
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: How did this? Well? This we actually know? Oh, he
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: he did it. He spent all of his children's inheritance. Wow. Wow,
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: he sold his share in the wine business?
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: Is it that?
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: Was it that important to him? I guess which? To me?
• 25:20
  Speaker 2: You couldn't. You couldn't get me to spend four dollars
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: on my own project, Like I'm not financing financing Bridge
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: or Windegar not happening there's got to trick somebody else
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: into doing this.
• 25:33
  Speaker 3: So funny, so funny. Wait, is there any truth to that? Stavement?
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: I'm so cheap about my own ideas, Like I'm just
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: like I can't if I can get somebody else to
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: find it, Like, what's.
• 25:43
  Speaker 3: The what's the thing behind that?
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: I hate myself.
• 25:48
  Speaker 3: I was gonna get us there in a much more
• 25:50
  Speaker 3: like loving way. But like that's wild to me. You're
• 25:53
  Speaker 3: so smart and funny, and.
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: That's very sweet. That's very sweet. You're like, not believe
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: it at all. It's the idea of spending money like
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: investing in myself.
• 26:02
  Speaker 3: No no, no, no, no, noah, you have some notes
• 26:06
  Speaker 3: for yourself. You're like, oh, it's not quite universal. Basic guys, we.
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: Loved meeting with Bridger, but this word, particularly, this is
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: not for us.
• 26:17
  Speaker 3: That is so that's heartbreaking because it's like I would
• 26:20
  Speaker 3: love to inject a little bit of Francis Ford Coppola,
• 26:22
  Speaker 3: whatever mental illness he has into you.
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: We could all probably use a little bit of that.
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: That's what he should have done, is use that money
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: to somehow spread whatever he's got into humanity.
• 26:33
  Speaker 3: The substance in his spine, and inject us.
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: With a little bit of it. Now you liked the substance.
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: I loved the substance, very loud, helicopter.
• 26:41
  Speaker 3: Body horror in my experience, I bet they won't be
• 26:44
  Speaker 3: able to hear that.
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: They will. They will. Okay, that's a shittier recipment.
• 26:53
  Speaker 3: Because every time I've in my pods in the past,
• 26:55
  Speaker 3: I've been like a tray dumpster or something going by
• 26:57
  Speaker 3: and I'm like, oh God, hold on.
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: And then when I read listened to just being oh God,
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: hold on. If we're like, what's going on?
• 27:04
  Speaker 3: But the substance, if you don't know Tom More, Margaret Qually,
• 27:08
  Speaker 3: and it's such like a Tales from the Crypt episode
• 27:12
  Speaker 3: totally that's been blown up in this beautiful technicolor way
• 27:16
  Speaker 3: and it was so simple and poignant and like, I
• 27:20
  Speaker 3: just loved it.
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: Let me ask you this, could forty minutes have been
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: shed from the Yes, okay specifically and without any spoilers.
• 27:28
  Speaker 3: The third act dragged for me, which is interesting because
• 27:31
  Speaker 3: it was like the most happening. I think, right, so
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: much is going on, But it could have they literally
• 27:36
  Speaker 3: go to cut I think twenty minutes from the third act.
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: That could have you basically get what's going on? In
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: that act and we're like, this could have been maybe
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: three scenes and then we could have said goodbye.
• 27:45
  Speaker 3: I completely agree with that.
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: Because you're sitting there having such an entertaining, disgusting time
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: for the first ninety minutes, and it gives that ninety
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: minute energy. Yes, and you're like, oh, it's probably over.
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, No, it's not, because it's like over two hours.
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: I think well over two hour, probably two twenty at least.
• 28:01
  Speaker 3: And I I think I agree with you. First of all,
• 28:03
  Speaker 3: all movies should be ninety minutes. That's the theme of
• 28:06
  Speaker 3: this entire podcast, is it really? I cannot sit through
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: more than ninety minutes of a movie. Honey, If you
• 28:11
  Speaker 3: can't tell your story in ninety minutes, right, go back
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: to yeah, back to the drawing board.
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: The fact that that Wicked part.
• 28:21
  Speaker 3: One is like two and a half hours long, I
• 28:24
  Speaker 3: think two forty.
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: And there's a second Partond Broadway Musical is shorter than that.
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: How did you make it longer? I don't know. I
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: have no idea. I just like it's you know what.
• 28:37
  Speaker 3: This is the same thing with me and relationships, where
• 28:40
  Speaker 3: I think beautiful short term relationships are dragged into long
• 28:44
  Speaker 3: term relationships.
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: Oh, interesting.
• 28:46
  Speaker 3: Just have a ninety minute relationship.
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: You get all the good stuff.
• 28:48
  Speaker 3: Yes, and when it starts to get a little tired,
• 28:51
  Speaker 3: a little run down, a little dragged out when you're
• 28:53
  Speaker 3: making up plot points or being boring, snip snip snip, bitch.
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, roll credits, get out. Absolutely, you know a sequel later,
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: have a reboot. Have a reboot. I mean I'm Ben
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: and Jen and we've seen how well that's worked out. Yeah, wait,
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: Ben and Jan j lo oh oh oh yeah, I
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: don't Ben and Jan Now, I don't know if you're
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: looking forward to that star coup. Is there is there
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: any celebrity named Jan No just the Brady Yeah. I
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: think that's the last Jan to exist.
• 29:25
  Speaker 3: Jan oh, Alice and Janny.
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: Okay, she probably gets called Jan by close friends. Danny mcfanny.
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: I would love for you to approach her and call
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: her Janny mcfanny. Honestly, I think she might respect it.
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: Either that or she would like you would be laid
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: out on the floor. She would absolutely just knock.
• 29:51
  Speaker 3: You out, just like throat punch. I imagine she's much
• 29:54
  Speaker 3: taller than me.
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: She's a tall person. Yeah, she's statuesque totally. But yeah,
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: as far as other Jans go. I have no Jans
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: in my life. I can't name a single character named
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: Jan outside of Jan Brady. I wonder if she really
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: just cursed that name. And our apologies to any Jan listeners.
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: I'm okay with offending them. Oh there's Jane Jones.
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: Well but she's not Jan. Yeah, Jan Jones would be
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: Jan Jones interest, she would.
• 30:22
  Speaker 3: Not be famous.
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: She definitely would have been her next man, I can
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: tell you that much, Jan Jones. That's way too snappy.
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: Totally you want, kind of yeah you want. She wouldn't
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: have been Betty Draper. No, Jan Jones as Betty Draper.
• 30:34
  Speaker 3: Jan Jones might have actually been in Madman as Jan Jones.
• 30:38
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, absolutely, I'm Jan Jones. See Jan Jones is like.
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: A lesbian advertiser that comes up against Don his number
• 30:50
  Speaker 2: one rival, Jan Jones, and.
• 30:51
  Speaker 3: It's for like a feminine hygiene product, and she doesn't
• 30:54
  Speaker 3: get the bill, Like she doesn't get the job. Like
• 30:56
  Speaker 3: he's better at talking about periods than Jan Jones. What
• 31:01
  Speaker 3: does Jan Jones know about menstruation?
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: If they ever do a movie mad Men, the movie,
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: they've got to get a Jan Jones in there.
• 31:09
  Speaker 3: How do you feel about series ending with a movie
• 31:11
  Speaker 3: because it's happened a few times.
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: I think that's a rough way to go.
• 31:14
  Speaker 3: I think so too. I don't.
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: It's just not necessary. It's like because the feeling is,
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: oh no, I just have to watch a long episode
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: of the show, and I never like a long episode
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: of the show. You've been trained to watch forty five minutes,
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: and now I have to watch it at least, Like,
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: doesn't work, right? What which ones are you thinking of?
• 31:32
  Speaker 3: Didn't Transparent end with like a musical, oh boy movie?
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: I believe it.
• 31:37
  Speaker 3: I think it did. I didn't watch it. I feel
• 31:40
  Speaker 3: like Looking ended with oh, right, so they had a
• 31:44
  Speaker 3: movie or something. Maybe maybe A those could both be
• 31:48
  Speaker 3: lies that I've made up in my head. And then
• 31:51
  Speaker 3: b maybe this is not like a thing as much
• 31:53
  Speaker 3: as I thought it was.
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: But I Breaking mad had something, Okay, breaking bad.
• 31:57
  Speaker 3: We're getting somewhere. It turns out even if it does
• 32:00
  Speaker 3: a gas I've never watched one of them.
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: Right, So Sopranos had a weird thing weird then nobody
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: liked the d Oh really, Oh that series? I'm perfect.
• 32:10
  Speaker 3: I've never watched it.
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: Oh you haven't. It's so funny, it's very yes, Wait.
• 32:15
  Speaker 3: Between, I haven't watched Breaking Bad either or Game of Thrones.
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: I'm really just trying to avoid cultural conversation. No, I am.
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: I don't gravity towards dramas in general. Oh okay, okay.
• 32:26
  Speaker 3: And I tried to watch the Game of Thrones with
• 32:27
  Speaker 3: a hot guy that I liked, but I was so
• 32:30
  Speaker 3: confused the whole time. And there's something very unsettling about
• 32:34
  Speaker 3: being confused that, like I hated so every at the
• 32:38
  Speaker 3: end visas, I'd ever look at him and be like,
• 32:41
  Speaker 3: like read his face to tell what was going on.
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: My pitch for any historical drama or thing that takes
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: place in the past the first three episodes, everyone should
• 32:50
  Speaker 2: have a name tag thank you until we've been trained
• 32:53
  Speaker 2: to know what their names are. Thank you. And this
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: also brings me to a question. I've been talking to you,
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: and so I'm having about one more thing. Do you
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: ever wish you had a straight boyfriend? Oh? Sometimes when
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: I'm watching a show like this or like I'll try
• 33:06
  Speaker 2: to play a new type of video game, I'm like,
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: I wish I just had a straight boyfriend sitting here
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: telling them what to do.
• 33:12
  Speaker 3: Do you mean boyfriend like we say girlfriend? Or do
• 33:14
  Speaker 3: you mean like dating a story.
• 33:16
  Speaker 2: I wish it was just a straight man that lived
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: in my house that could tell me walking through stuff,
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: maybe not even fixed stuff, just literally like straight entertainment. Oh, sure,
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: things are. I'm like, I'd like to see why this matters,
• 33:28
  Speaker 2: and I can't. I can't mentally get there. And if
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: someone was just walking me through step by step, sure,
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: but that's unfortunately not a possibility for me.
• 33:36
  Speaker 3: And I would never let him live in my house.
• 33:38
  Speaker 3: I would let him live in like a converted garage
• 33:41
  Speaker 3: in the attic, yeah, or like an adu. But no,
• 33:45
  Speaker 3: I don't want the influence of a straight guy in
• 33:46
  Speaker 3: my home. I I've been talking about on stage how
• 33:52
  Speaker 3: gay guys are just better than straight guys at like
• 33:54
  Speaker 3: literally everything.
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: Sure, I mean that makes sense.
• 33:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah, except for sports suppressing emotion and murdering women straight guys.
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: On top of it.
• 34:05
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, checking out couldn't catch up. If we
• 34:07
  Speaker 3: tried to kill ninety women today, we.
• 34:11
  Speaker 2: Each would to make a dent to even just a
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: ripple in the ponds, a little pebble, a pebble in
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: the ocean.
• 34:21
  Speaker 3: No, we're not catching up.
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: Well, there is something else we do have to talk about. Unfortunately. Look,
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: I was looking forward to having you here on the
• 34:32
  Speaker 2: podcast today. I adore you, you know that. Yes, despite
• 34:36
  Speaker 2: not taking your very hard recommendation for trape this is
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: Oscar material, Oscar the grouse in a garbage can, I
• 34:49
  Speaker 2: was looking forward to you being here. So I was,
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: you know, I thought we'd have a great time on
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: I said no gifts. You knew what the podcast was.
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: I know, on the way over, your thought you thought
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: I'm going to I said, no gifts. So I was
• 35:02
  Speaker 2: a little surprised, maybe a lot surprised, when I saw
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: you kind of wander into my backyard holding what's obviously
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: a gift. What define gift? Really?
• 35:14
  Speaker 3: Is it a good thing? Because that could be full
• 35:17
  Speaker 3: of cursed objects? And is it really a gift anymore?
• 35:21
  Speaker 3: It's a you know, a gift is a thing we
• 35:23
  Speaker 3: give of ourselves. Ah, there's definitely none of that in
• 35:27
  Speaker 3: the box. So you brought me a wrapped box? I did,
• 35:32
  Speaker 3: so you Okay, So maybe you did follow the rule.
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: You didn't bring a gift.
• 35:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I brought a beautiful box of shit.
• 35:41
  Speaker 2: Well, either way, do you think I should open it
• 35:43
  Speaker 2: here on the podcast? Yeah? Why not? Okay? Right?
• 35:45
  Speaker 3: Or is that dissuaded from and you know, I'm willing
• 35:48
  Speaker 3: to do it this one time.
• 35:49
  Speaker 2: Okay, okay, okay, okay. So it's in this beautiful oh
• 35:55
  Speaker 2: you know.
• 35:55
  Speaker 3: Okay, Bridger just threw it to the ground. Well, despite
• 35:59
  Speaker 3: all of the obviously the signs that I know about
• 36:03
  Speaker 3: not bringing gifts, I got into it because I think
• 36:05
  Speaker 3: I'm of the age where I'm like, I'm excited to like.
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: Wrap a thing. You know, you wrapped it beautifully.
• 36:12
  Speaker 3: I mean the tapes on the outside and you can see.
• 36:14
  Speaker 2: It acts much better than I could do.
• 36:16
  Speaker 3: I have, well, I believe that, but but I I
• 36:21
  Speaker 3: will say it's old. It's old gift grap that I
• 36:24
  Speaker 3: got from like an old person's basement. They were like,
• 36:27
  Speaker 3: whatever you want, and here's a great tip. Old people
• 36:32
  Speaker 3: are the easiest to rob. No, but he was like,
• 36:36
  Speaker 3: take whatever you want from the basement. And there was
• 36:38
  Speaker 3: all this like beautiful old.
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: Crack and gorgeous. Yeah, there will be a picture of
• 36:43
  Speaker 2: this on the Instagram, yes, queen. And then there's a.
• 36:48
  Speaker 3: Card on top, and I did a card. I'm also
• 36:50
  Speaker 3: the age where when I travel I love getting cards,
• 36:54
  Speaker 3: like local cards, yes, like cards, and for any any
• 36:58
  Speaker 3: like any like occasion, so like, I just and it's
• 37:02
  Speaker 3: so funny because it's like, oh my god, I'm becoming
• 37:05
  Speaker 3: the loser adult that I like.
• 37:08
  Speaker 2: There's this weird old guy.
• 37:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah, mommy has a box of cards. Why And now
• 37:15
  Speaker 3: I'm like, I have a card for this.
• 37:19
  Speaker 2: I've acquired enough goods that I have to give them away. Okay,
• 37:24
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna open this up. Okay, okay, oh, this is
• 37:28
  Speaker 2: very cute. It's two little rabbits and it says one
• 37:30
  Speaker 2: says there's a land not far away from here where
• 37:33
  Speaker 2: rabbits live in harmony with all other creatures. And then
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: the other rabbit says, that's a complete load of shit.
• 37:37
  Speaker 3: And you know what, Okay, I didn't realize you're gonna
• 37:44
  Speaker 3: open the card. I'm a firm believer all cards should
• 37:49
  Speaker 3: have money, So I put a five dollar bill in
• 37:51
  Speaker 3: the car.
• 37:52
  Speaker 2: This is such a beautiful thing. I haven't opened a
• 37:54
  Speaker 2: card with five dollars for such a long time. But
• 37:57
  Speaker 2: remember you get cards from your grandma.
• 37:58
  Speaker 3: You shake it and be like, I'm on, bitch, where's
• 38:00
  Speaker 3: the dough?
• 38:04
  Speaker 2: And I say bitch in the loving like gay way,
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: the way we all call our grandma's bitch. She opens
• 38:10
  Speaker 2: the door with a plate of cookies and like, hey bitch,
• 38:13
  Speaker 2: yeah wow. To see a five dollar bill in a
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: gift card, I mean this is really thrown me into
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: a tizzy. This is elementary school.
• 38:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and with inflation, I know, five dollars, it's essentially
• 38:25
  Speaker 3: put this away. What if I put like three quarters
• 38:30
  Speaker 3: in it?
• 38:31
  Speaker 2: I'm telling you, I five dollars to me is still like,
• 38:34
  Speaker 2: oh that's that's a spend. Yeah, I have I have
• 38:37
  Speaker 2: a serious mental problem. Where quarters anything? I'm I cannot
• 38:42
  Speaker 2: spend money. Oh oh you save? Yeah, I five dollars.
• 38:46
  Speaker 2: This is you know, this is worth the thing? You know,
• 38:48
  Speaker 2: it's absolutely I.
• 38:50
  Speaker 3: Will pick I will bend one to pick up a quarter.
• 38:52
  Speaker 3: Quarter certainly I think, I mean, I guess I might
• 38:55
  Speaker 3: die for a while. But quarters are juicy to me.
• 39:00
  Speaker 3: Oh a quarter is like freedom. It's kind of like
• 39:02
  Speaker 3: this will get me a gumball of meter.
• 39:07
  Speaker 2: In a city full of broken meters. When I'm like,
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: you can't see the screen for the credit card. Sometimes
• 39:11
  Speaker 2: not like if only had a quarter right now, you
• 39:14
  Speaker 2: hit on something I would have never thought of. But yes,
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: when the screen is cracked, it's infuriated.
• 39:20
  Speaker 3: I'm like, is it is it?
• 39:21
  Speaker 2: Paid. I think if the screen is cracked, you shouldn't
• 39:23
  Speaker 2: have to put anything in there. It's the city's problem
• 39:26
  Speaker 2: you should have taken. If you want my money so much,
• 39:28
  Speaker 2: treat me like a person, I agree, treat me like
• 39:31
  Speaker 2: a meter.
• 39:32
  Speaker 3: I'm pretty sure that the meters in Glendale are only
• 39:35
  Speaker 3: coin operated.
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: Still. Wow, yeah, how old fashioned. I know, good for them.
• 39:39
  Speaker 2: Evil that feels o. Pasadena has an actual, actually worse
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: situation where it's only quarters or the app.
• 39:46
  Speaker 3: Oh, that's sick.
• 39:48
  Speaker 2: No one should sit ever have to download an app
• 39:51
  Speaker 2: for parking. Okay.
• 39:52
  Speaker 3: The only way I'm on board is if you can
• 39:54
  Speaker 3: refill the uh, if you can recharge it from wherever
• 39:57
  Speaker 3: you are. I think you can see running back to
• 40:00
  Speaker 3: a meter to put more time in it is just
• 40:03
  Speaker 3: entirely abusive, but.
• 40:04
  Speaker 2: It's also a good excuse for a break in the
• 40:06
  Speaker 2: conversation or to leave.
• 40:08
  Speaker 3: Oh my meter's almost out. Yeah, and I don't want
• 40:10
  Speaker 3: to be here anymore.
• 40:13
  Speaker 2: I set it for a half hour for this two
• 40:14
  Speaker 2: hours because I hate you and gotta get out of here. Boy.
• 40:19
  Speaker 2: But the card says thank you for having me on
• 40:21
  Speaker 2: your wonderful show. Oh that's very sweet. I apologize for
• 40:23
  Speaker 2: bringing a gift love zach Noy Towers. I cannot believe
• 40:26
  Speaker 2: I have five dollars. This is gonna I mean, it's
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: gonna ruin my week trying to think of how do
• 40:30
  Speaker 2: I spend five dollars?
• 40:32
  Speaker 3: Is this the only way to buy a home in
• 40:34
  Speaker 3: Los Angeles?
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: Truly?
• 40:38
  Speaker 3: I love though I grew up really pretty poor and
• 40:40
  Speaker 3: so I am a saver and seeing money go up
• 40:43
  Speaker 3: in my savings or whatever brings me true joy.
• 40:46
  Speaker 2: It does bring there's some weird security thing or something
• 40:49
  Speaker 2: you're like, oh wow, Like I mean, it is probably
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: unhealthy in ways, but like for me, I'm like, this
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: is I just have the safety net has to be
• 40:56
  Speaker 2: as much of a safety net as possible, and.
• 40:57
  Speaker 3: It's not weird at all. Like is king like you
• 41:01
  Speaker 3: need money to breathe.
• 41:04
  Speaker 2: And live, But I feel like there's got to be
• 41:06
  Speaker 2: an in between. For me, it's you know, it is paralyzing. Sometimes.
• 41:10
  Speaker 3: I'll let you know when I reach that amount in
• 41:12
  Speaker 3: my bank account.
• 41:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, to get to a point where you're not thinking
• 41:14
  Speaker 2: about it, Yeah, I wonder what number that is? Sure?
• 41:17
  Speaker 2: I actually think I was talking to somebody about this
• 41:20
  Speaker 2: and their number was so much higher than mine. Oh oh,
• 41:23
  Speaker 2: oh oh.
• 41:24
  Speaker 3: Every time I think I'm making money, I talk to
• 41:27
  Speaker 3: a friend who's making like four times when I'm making
• 41:29
  Speaker 3: and I'm like, mother, they're moving the gold posts on me,
• 41:34
  Speaker 3: like I passed what my parents make a long time,
• 41:36
  Speaker 3: like a bit ago. Sure, And then it's like, if
• 41:39
  Speaker 3: you're making more than your parents, who are supposed to
• 41:41
  Speaker 3: be the richest people in your life course anyway.
• 41:43
  Speaker 2: Then it should feel like, oh, I've i've I've done
• 41:45
  Speaker 2: made it. Yeah, pushed the family to a new level.
• 41:48
  Speaker 2: But yeah, there's something about yeah, growing up, like having
• 41:53
  Speaker 2: to save money that really locks into your brain financial insecurity,
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: and then working in an industry that's so difficult. Yes, right, okay,
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: I'm going to open the gifts now.
• 42:02
  Speaker 3: Okay, I didn't make it easy either, really because you
• 42:06
  Speaker 3: might need like a.
• 42:07
  Speaker 2: Key, not like there's a lock on a lot, but
• 42:10
  Speaker 2: there's like packing, you know. So we're gonna see how
• 42:13
  Speaker 2: strong my fingers are.
• 42:15
  Speaker 3: We all know it's not very.
• 42:18
  Speaker 2: Weakest fingers in Hollywood.
• 42:21
  Speaker 3: They all bend backwards and like snap.
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: Just disgusting. People refuse to go to dinner with me.
• 42:28
  Speaker 3: Well, you're unwrapping. I do want to advocate for the
• 42:32
  Speaker 3: best scary movie I've seen in a long time.
• 42:35
  Speaker 2: Oddity. Oh, I haven't even heard of this. It's Irish,
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: I think, scary movie. It's twin sisters.
• 42:42
  Speaker 3: One dies okay, and the other goes to the house
• 42:45
  Speaker 3: where it happened to figure out what happened to her.
• 42:49
  Speaker 3: That sister, though, is blind, but when she touches an object,
• 42:52
  Speaker 3: she can like feel the history of the object. Oh
• 42:55
  Speaker 3: it is I saw it twice in theaters.
• 42:57
  Speaker 2: Is it streaming now?
• 42:58
  Speaker 3: I believe it is streaming now.
• 43:00
  Speaker 2: This sounds amazing.
• 43:01
  Speaker 3: It might be a rental I think it's one of
• 43:03
  Speaker 3: those things where it's on Shutter for free, so if
• 43:05
  Speaker 3: you have Shutter, which is a horror streaming, but if
• 43:07
  Speaker 3: it's on Prime as well, but maybe for a rental fee.
• 43:10
  Speaker 3: But maybe by by October thirty versa, it'll.
• 43:12
  Speaker 2: Be like, yeah, they want to get into the U
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: S spirit.
• 43:14
  Speaker 3: I can't recommend enough, and I would actually say spend
• 43:17
  Speaker 3: the fifteen dollars if it costs.
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: That sounds great. Irish people know how to do spooky.
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: They do ghost stuff.
• 43:22
  Speaker 3: Well because they live without sunlight, yes, and constant diet
• 43:25
  Speaker 3: of rain yes, sure, potatoes and beer. I don't know.
• 43:28
  Speaker 3: I own types.
• 43:30
  Speaker 2: Yes, yes, homes built from the earth. No. I A
• 43:35
  Speaker 2: while ago, I was looking up like Irish spirits or something.
• 43:38
  Speaker 2: I think I googled Banshee, just being like, what exactly
• 43:41
  Speaker 2: is this? And then it led to this rabbit hole
• 43:43
  Speaker 2: of the amount of the different spirits they have. Ooh,
• 43:47
  Speaker 2: they've really gone for it.
• 43:49
  Speaker 3: You also jogged a memory of they are all about
• 43:51
  Speaker 3: fairies and changelings. Oh there's a great changling movie called
• 43:57
  Speaker 3: The The Hollows. Oh anyway, another one.
• 44:01
  Speaker 2: Wow, fantastic. Okay those So now we're getting into good
• 44:03
  Speaker 2: recommend ye for making up. I haven't done any of
• 44:06
  Speaker 2: the work yet, but hopefully i'll get there. It's okay,
• 44:08
  Speaker 2: it's all on your time. It's all my time. This
• 44:10
  Speaker 2: is going to be very long, Okay.
• 44:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't think you're going to get through it.
• 44:13
  Speaker 2: I'm going to get through it, Okay.
• 44:16
  Speaker 3: I have no faith in my friends.
• 44:17
  Speaker 2: I'm like, uh, look at this.
• 44:19
  Speaker 3: He's not face much adversity this tape. Oh he really Okay,
• 44:23
  Speaker 3: he flew through the raccoon. Okay, okay, okay, so the
• 44:28
  Speaker 3: first side.
• 44:28
  Speaker 2: Wow, the surprise feelings you're giving me on this podcast
• 44:31
  Speaker 2: today are so great. Really, Yeah, I'm looking at should
• 44:34
  Speaker 2: I say or do you want to use some beautiful cookies?
• 44:37
  Speaker 2: You know how much I like cookies?
• 44:38
  Speaker 3: Okay, good? Yeah, I remember that I baked yesterday and
• 44:42
  Speaker 3: these are pan bangingies.
• 44:45
  Speaker 2: Sarah Keefer.
• 44:46
  Speaker 3: Yes, so you do you bang the pan or whatever
• 44:48
  Speaker 3: I did? In fact forget to bang the pan until
• 44:50
  Speaker 3: it was much too late in the process. So they're
• 44:53
  Speaker 3: just kind of flat cookies, right, But people love them.
• 44:56
  Speaker 2: They look amazed. Was this your first time making them? No?
• 44:58
  Speaker 3: Make them a lot?
• 44:59
  Speaker 2: Okay, I make them a lot too. I actually got her.
• 45:02
  Speaker 2: Would you call that a cookie book? You don't call
• 45:04
  Speaker 2: it a baking book a cookbook?
• 45:07
  Speaker 3: Do you?
• 45:08
  Speaker 2: Oh?
• 45:09
  Speaker 3: A very question.
• 45:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but it doesn't make any sense to me.
• 45:13
  Speaker 3: Well, isn't cooking just anything with heat in a kitchen?
• 45:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah? No, cooking and baking are two different things.
• 45:19
  Speaker 3: But it's not a bake book.
• 45:20
  Speaker 2: Oh I like that bake book maybe too cute? So
• 45:23
  Speaker 2: maybe that's a recipe book. Recipe book either.
• 45:27
  Speaker 3: Cook I would have accepted accept a cookbook, but again
• 45:29
  Speaker 3: I don't think that much.
• 45:32
  Speaker 2: Should we try these right now? Oh? May I go
• 45:34
  Speaker 2: for it? Please? Both of you? Oh? You should have
• 45:37
  Speaker 2: some too, just a pinch. I'm not going to eat
• 45:40
  Speaker 2: in front of you. I also have for this is
• 45:42
  Speaker 2: because they they're kind of big and the way you
• 45:44
  Speaker 2: wrapped them. Okay, so this is also we have to
• 45:48
  Speaker 2: take a picture.
• 45:48
  Speaker 3: Is the thing I needed. I've been making them for
• 45:51
  Speaker 3: a while. I haven't heard how to make them perfect circles,
• 45:54
  Speaker 3: so I made them little tinfoil things. These bitches went
• 45:58
  Speaker 3: over the sides of them, so they couldn't even be.
• 46:01
  Speaker 2: Tamed by the by the foil. I've never seen this before.
• 46:06
  Speaker 2: Well it doesn't work, so that's why. Yeah, you've basically
• 46:11
  Speaker 2: made little pie tins for each of them, which like, yeah,
• 46:15
  Speaker 2: this is so interesting. I mean, this could be a
• 46:17
  Speaker 2: new Maybe Sarah Keifer is gonna rip you off. Oh
• 46:19
  Speaker 2: I would love to be ripped off.
• 46:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah, they're good nuts, so that Yes, the hack that
• 46:27
  Speaker 3: I've experienced is putting little balls of it in mini
• 46:30
  Speaker 3: muffin tins and then they make little cookie cups. They're
• 46:34
  Speaker 3: very easy to pop and share.
• 46:36
  Speaker 2: Right, you're a big baker.
• 46:38
  Speaker 3: I'm not a bit I have this horrible reputation for
• 46:41
  Speaker 3: being a baker, and I'm not. I make like three
• 46:44
  Speaker 3: things and TikTok recipes, but I would never if and
• 46:48
  Speaker 3: there are any bakers listening, I'm going they're going to say,
• 46:50
  Speaker 3: I'm not a baker. I'm someone who puts ingredients together
• 46:54
  Speaker 3: in their kitchen.
• 46:55
  Speaker 2: That's kind of where I think I fall on that
• 46:57
  Speaker 2: side as well, where I do bake constantly, but it's
• 47:00
  Speaker 2: a very limited amount of thing. Absolutely.
• 47:03
  Speaker 3: It's like when I before I call myself a comedian,
• 47:05
  Speaker 3: I respected the title too much that I didn't want
• 47:09
  Speaker 3: to refer to myself as media. I was like, I'm
• 47:11
  Speaker 3: pursuing a career in comedy. Now I'm like, I'm a
• 47:13
  Speaker 3: fucking comedian, but like I'm nowhere near there with baking.
• 47:16
  Speaker 2: Yes, that's exactly how I feel, and I don't think
• 47:19
  Speaker 2: i'll ever get there because I don't have that much
• 47:21
  Speaker 2: interest in baking beyond what I do. No, just cookies.
• 47:23
  Speaker 3: No, I don't even understand how things work, like baking
• 47:27
  Speaker 3: soda versus baking.
• 47:28
  Speaker 2: Powder, right, Like what it like if I put more
• 47:30
  Speaker 2: of this in? What would it do?
• 47:31
  Speaker 3: The fourth of a teaspoon makes this thing exist? No,
• 47:36
  Speaker 3: I'm like a flat earther. I'm like, that doesn't that's
• 47:38
  Speaker 3: not real. There's another thing in there.
• 47:40
  Speaker 2: There's nothing else in here.
• 47:41
  Speaker 3: There is another thing.
• 47:42
  Speaker 2: Oh, Okay, okay, let's oh.
• 47:47
  Speaker 3: It's a it's a can of what I'm drinking and
• 47:50
  Speaker 3: the I brought them two of my favorite things. Cook Well,
• 47:54
  Speaker 3: it was cold, so I didn't want to just sweat.
• 47:57
  Speaker 2: Smart.
• 47:58
  Speaker 3: But I am one of the many awesome people addicted
• 48:02
  Speaker 3: to Celsius energy drinks. And Celsius really has me by
• 48:05
  Speaker 3: the throat because they keep releasing new flavors, and so
• 48:09
  Speaker 3: it becomes a thrill to see what new flavors. They
• 48:12
  Speaker 3: have a cherry cola and it's incredible.
• 48:15
  Speaker 2: Should I try it? Now?
• 48:16
  Speaker 3: Do you like energy drinks?
• 48:18
  Speaker 2: I do love energy drinks. This is the current dilemma
• 48:20
  Speaker 2: I'm up against. I just drank a cold brew about
• 48:22
  Speaker 2: half an hour.
• 48:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but you drink caffeine all the time.
• 48:25
  Speaker 2: I just don't. I'd like to drink the whole thing
• 48:27
  Speaker 2: at once.
• 48:28
  Speaker 3: Oh, then save it.
• 48:29
  Speaker 2: But I want to try. I'm gonna try it. I
• 48:31
  Speaker 2: have to try.
• 48:31
  Speaker 3: If I like it enough, I'll get another at some point.
• 48:33
  Speaker 3: Perhaps I have a taste test. Yes, please, I order these.
• 48:36
  Speaker 3: They have ten calories each. They really do a lot
• 48:38
  Speaker 3: with those ten calories too, because it is so flavorful.
• 48:44
  Speaker 3: I don't know if it pares well with the cookie, but.
• 48:47
  Speaker 2: The cookie was gone far enough that I was able
• 48:50
  Speaker 2: to taste this. Okay, it's like I mean, if you
• 48:52
  Speaker 2: like it cherry good, just like cherry cold. Yes, wow,
• 48:55
  Speaker 2: that's wonderful, I know.
• 48:57
  Speaker 3: And it's two hundred milligrams of caffeine plus a lot
• 48:59
  Speaker 3: of vitamins that your body probably doesn't even need. But
• 49:03
  Speaker 3: I love Celsius. Celsius is watching you know. Of course
• 49:07
  Speaker 3: I'm open to brand partnerships.
• 49:08
  Speaker 2: I feel like I was a very early and not
• 49:12
  Speaker 2: by choice, early Celsius adopter. Really in twenty fourteen when
• 49:16
  Speaker 2: I was working at Jimmy Kimmel. For whatever reason, some
• 49:19
  Speaker 2: of them, I think they must have sent them to
• 49:20
  Speaker 2: the office or whatever. I was the only person drinking
• 49:23
  Speaker 2: these things, and I felt insane. Yeah, and then it
• 49:26
  Speaker 2: seemed like they went away for a while. Maybe they
• 49:28
  Speaker 2: almost went out of business. Let's let's give them a story.
• 49:31
  Speaker 3: Absolutely, they only be better than Trap. This Elsie is
• 49:35
  Speaker 3: origin story, I promise is more interesting than Trap, the
• 49:38
  Speaker 3: major motion picture.
• 49:40
  Speaker 2: So they basically almost went out of business, according to me,
• 49:43
  Speaker 2: did you see the wrong? Did they have a different
• 49:45
  Speaker 2: look to them? They did used to have it like
• 49:46
  Speaker 2: a hideous label. It felt like, yeah, it had a
• 49:49
  Speaker 2: very bad label and it almost felt like it was
• 49:51
  Speaker 2: this still says burns body fat, but it felt like
• 49:53
  Speaker 2: that it was really like trying to market itself as
• 49:56
  Speaker 2: fen fan.
• 49:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 49:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and so this feels like it's a this must
• 50:00
  Speaker 2: be part of it where that you can walk around
• 50:02
  Speaker 2: not embarrassed drinking Absolutely. When did this take off?
• 50:05
  Speaker 3: And who's I've been drinking them for probably three years,
• 50:08
  Speaker 3: but I feel like about five years ago they became
• 50:10
  Speaker 3: a staple of CrossFit gems, at least in Los Angeles, California.
• 50:15
  Speaker 3: Everyone is addicted to CrossFit or we all know someone
• 50:19
  Speaker 3: afflicted by a CrossFit who has hurt themselves so badly
• 50:22
  Speaker 3: doing it. Waits to heal, to get right back in there.
• 50:25
  Speaker 3: And I'm like, but they they drink it for sports.
• 50:30
  Speaker 3: I drink it to just feel alive because I don't
• 50:34
  Speaker 3: have any other vices.
• 50:35
  Speaker 2: Really do Do you drink coffee at all? Yeah?
• 50:38
  Speaker 3: But I know coffee doesn't agree with me. I'm an
• 50:41
  Speaker 3: espresso boy, and it makes me, of course, so high.
• 50:43
  Speaker 3: I look forward to that first sick feeling Starbucks and
• 50:48
  Speaker 3: I immediately, I would say, within an hour and a
• 50:50
  Speaker 3: half crash or feel jittery or nauseous or like need
• 50:55
  Speaker 3: to lie down.
• 50:56
  Speaker 2: Oh wow, what an effect. I know. Okay, I'm a
• 50:59
  Speaker 2: delicate little flower. I am able to consume a lot
• 51:02
  Speaker 2: of caffeine. I think my body chemistry is bad where
• 51:05
  Speaker 2: it's like it's truly so necessary for sure me to
• 51:08
  Speaker 2: be loaded on caffeine to just operate like a regular person.
• 51:11
  Speaker 2: Sure it's not just like, oh I need my coffee.
• 51:13
  Speaker 2: It's like no, no, no, like I just I am
• 51:16
  Speaker 2: a bad person, and so I'm consuming a lot of
• 51:20
  Speaker 2: caffeine throughout the day well into the night. But I
• 51:24
  Speaker 2: kind of step down at night. I can only drink
• 51:26
  Speaker 2: soda caffeine.
• 51:27
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I mean soda. I mean I'm drinking a
• 51:30
  Speaker 3: lot of diet I can't dare diet coke to try
• 51:32
  Speaker 3: anything on me. You're not a diegog. I could have
• 51:35
  Speaker 3: a dietgog next to my bed and sip it throughout
• 51:38
  Speaker 3: the night. I get up to be drink half the
• 51:40
  Speaker 3: diet coke, go right back to sleep.
• 51:43
  Speaker 2: I think there's a photo that Elon Musk posted of
• 51:46
  Speaker 2: his nightstand has a diet coke and a gun.
• 51:48
  Speaker 3: On okay, goals, I mean a disgusting person does any
• 51:55
  Speaker 3: part of you want to get a gun? Absolutely not,
• 51:58
  Speaker 3: I do you do? Yeah, I would like to have like.
• 52:01
  Speaker 2: A taser or one of those like orange guns that
• 52:04
  Speaker 2: shoots kind of a non lethal bullets. Yeah, if you
• 52:10
  Speaker 2: want a full on gun, want a gun, like a
• 52:13
  Speaker 2: cute one small that probably wouldn't kill you, especially with
• 52:18
  Speaker 2: my aim.
• 52:18
  Speaker 3: But like I'm just like I refuse to be caught
• 52:21
  Speaker 3: with my pants down if someone comes to try to
• 52:24
  Speaker 3: hurt me.
• 52:25
  Speaker 2: So you're looking for a cute accessory, dangerous successory, yes.
• 52:28
  Speaker 3: Like bond girl.
• 52:33
  Speaker 2: I also think like people.
• 52:34
  Speaker 3: As a rule, I want more people to walk around
• 52:37
  Speaker 3: with the assumption that girls, gays, and days have a
• 52:40
  Speaker 3: lethal weapon on them.
• 52:41
  Speaker 2: Oh that's a great yeah, and whether it's true or not, yes,
• 52:44
  Speaker 2: and see how people treat people that we should start
• 52:48
  Speaker 2: spreading that myth.
• 52:49
  Speaker 3: Right, That's what I'm saying, And I'll start it with
• 52:51
  Speaker 3: a fact that I am armed and jumpy because I
• 52:56
  Speaker 3: drink celsius.
• 52:59
  Speaker 2: So you just have to shoot one person that bad
• 53:03
  Speaker 2: and it has to be like, oh, like he was
• 53:05
  Speaker 2: well within his rights to shoot this person. Like, of course,
• 53:08
  Speaker 2: it's very cut and dry. Your life was absolutely in danger. Yeah,
• 53:12
  Speaker 2: and you took care of it. I did.
• 53:14
  Speaker 3: Brad startled me, and he'll never startle anyone again startled.
• 53:21
  Speaker 2: That's the justification in court. While he was startling to me,
• 53:25
  Speaker 2: I jumped. I jumped. I would like to have something
• 53:29
  Speaker 2: strapped to my thigh at all times, preach. I've got
• 53:33
  Speaker 2: to think to think of other things that aren't guns.
• 53:35
  Speaker 2: Maybe a knife or crossbow always on your back.
• 53:39
  Speaker 3: My girlfriend Kelsey has a switch blade, oh that she
• 53:43
  Speaker 3: loves to bring with her and then forget in my spaces. Oh,
• 53:47
  Speaker 3: so she'll text me and be like, I left my
• 53:49
  Speaker 3: knife in your glove compartment. I'm like, mother, she's wanting
• 53:53
  Speaker 3: to frame you. She's truly, she just has a d
• 53:57
  Speaker 3: D really bad. But she'll be like, oh, I think
• 54:00
  Speaker 3: I left my knife in your like in your office.
• 54:02
  Speaker 3: I'm like, great, I hope. I can't wait for my
• 54:04
  Speaker 3: cleaning person to stumble upon a switchblade to the police.
• 54:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well what she doing with her switchblade just self defense?
• 54:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah, she also has a gun though she got broken into.
• 54:15
  Speaker 3: Her huss got broken into like three times in like
• 54:18
  Speaker 3: in like fifteen days. Whoa same person? It was kind
• 54:23
  Speaker 3: of someone obviously needed more access to mental health care.
• 54:27
  Speaker 3: But like this dude kicked in her back door. Yeah,
• 54:31
  Speaker 3: and so she has a gun that she has like
• 54:34
  Speaker 3: with a lock code and stuff. But like since then
• 54:37
  Speaker 3: she got swatted by someone, so like in the middle
• 54:40
  Speaker 3: of the night, helicopter police. Get out of the get
• 54:44
  Speaker 3: out of the house, Get out of the house, and
• 54:46
  Speaker 3: like these people they got a fault. This is this,
• 54:51
  Speaker 3: this is not worthy.
• 54:52
  Speaker 2: I'm so you're talking about somebody's house being surrounded by
• 54:55
  Speaker 2: helicopters and yeah, and.
• 54:56
  Speaker 3: It's so crazy because so her boyfriend came down first.
• 54:59
  Speaker 3: They were get out of here, get it, come out
• 55:01
  Speaker 3: of the house. They handcuff him, put him in a
• 55:03
  Speaker 3: cop car. She comes down, she's naked, she has all
• 55:05
  Speaker 3: this on like ring camera footage, and she's like, hold on,
• 55:08
  Speaker 3: I top my dog away. She's like, I do have
• 55:10
  Speaker 3: a gun. She's telling to them she didn't know put
• 55:13
  Speaker 3: it down anyway. Someone had called in that he had
• 55:19
  Speaker 3: just this person who called and said, I just killed
• 55:21
  Speaker 3: my wife. Oh my god, I have wrong and I'm
• 55:24
  Speaker 3: going to kill myself. And that's what the cops were
• 55:28
  Speaker 3: coming into ring, right, And then of course her boyfriend
• 55:31
  Speaker 3: was the first person to come out.
• 55:33
  Speaker 2: Oh I know.
• 55:34
  Speaker 3: And she has this dog that who's Uh, he's Instagram
• 55:37
  Speaker 3: famous and uh, she was afraid they were going to
• 55:40
  Speaker 3: like shoot her dog. She's like her dog's like barking
• 55:42
  Speaker 3: like crazy and stuff.
• 55:43
  Speaker 2: Anyway, So was this someone have to get her? Or
• 55:45
  Speaker 2: is that just a random thing? I don't know. People
• 55:48
  Speaker 2: are we've just I mean, while, shut it all down, yeah,
• 55:51
  Speaker 2: shut it all down there, I know. Wow. Yeah, I
• 55:55
  Speaker 2: mean if someone were to break into your house, do
• 55:57
  Speaker 2: you truly think you'd have the wherewithal to get the
• 55:59
  Speaker 2: gun and aim at and take care of business?
• 56:03
  Speaker 3: I would hope. So, okay, I you know, you know
• 56:07
  Speaker 3: what my real, honest to god fear is. I am
• 56:10
  Speaker 3: a sleep walker and talker, and so I'm terrified I
• 56:15
  Speaker 3: would get it in my sleep right as old as
• 56:18
  Speaker 3: time shoot something.
• 56:19
  Speaker 2: Uh huh yeah, yeah, that that's kind of my That's
• 56:22
  Speaker 2: part of my reasoning of not having Like, I just
• 56:25
  Speaker 2: shouldn't be trusted with a weapon in any situation. Even
• 56:28
  Speaker 2: if you sent me to war, you'd be like, let's
• 56:30
  Speaker 2: not give him any of the Let's put him behind
• 56:31
  Speaker 2: the typewriter, let him just march into battle, have him
• 56:34
  Speaker 2: train the pigeons that we send messages all dream job.
• 56:38
  Speaker 2: I know, Oh, we should bring that carrier pigeons. That
• 56:40
  Speaker 2: feels like it could become a trend death. Somebody's just
• 56:43
  Speaker 2: got to do it once on TikTok Oh some hipster
• 56:45
  Speaker 2: and then is doing that right now? Yeah they must
• 56:50
  Speaker 2: still that must still happen somewhere. I mean, just give up.
• 56:54
  Speaker 3: Chen just got a medal of honor. Oh no, I
• 56:56
  Speaker 3: think so for helping I mean recently it like recently
• 57:01
  Speaker 3: carried information from one place to another.
• 57:04
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 57:05
  Speaker 3: But again I I ingest tiktoks and I just take
• 57:08
  Speaker 3: what I like and I spread it as gospel.
• 57:10
  Speaker 2: There is so much false information on that, but usually it's.
• 57:14
  Speaker 3: Kind of like innocent. Yeah, like me telling saying that
• 57:17
  Speaker 3: a pigeon got a medal of honor. Is that's great,
• 57:19
  Speaker 3: that's a beautiful made up story.
• 57:21
  Speaker 2: Right, and then everyone just respects pigeons a little more exactly,
• 57:24
  Speaker 2: and they are so trodden upon, they really are. And
• 57:28
  Speaker 2: you know, pigeons are ant. Do pigeons live in the wild,
• 57:32
  Speaker 2: like do they live in like a forest?
• 57:33
  Speaker 3: So I heard there's actually really sad plight of pigeons,
• 57:36
  Speaker 3: like they were bred as like pets and then turn
• 57:40
  Speaker 3: their back on and so they have no discernible skills
• 57:43
  Speaker 3: as like, oh birds, Wow, that.
• 57:46
  Speaker 2: Kind of makes sense as to why they're only in
• 57:49
  Speaker 2: areas with people. Yeah, because I can't imagine coming upon
• 57:51
  Speaker 2: a pigeon in the middle of uh No National Park.
• 57:54
  Speaker 3: You know, I feel like they're adjacent to the dodo
• 57:57
  Speaker 3: bird to be honest, like they move a little too.
• 57:59
  Speaker 2: Late, right, there's just kind of not great at being
• 58:01
  Speaker 2: a bird.
• 58:02
  Speaker 3: Have you seen? I mean, the pigeons of New York
• 58:04
  Speaker 3: are just the most weathered creatures I've ever seen. Some
• 58:10
  Speaker 3: of them have eyepatches, little pains one leg, and somehow
• 58:14
  Speaker 3: it's like getting along just as good as the other ones.
• 58:17
  Speaker 2: Like what is going on? They're tough, They've learned to
• 58:20
  Speaker 2: live in the streets.
• 58:21
  Speaker 3: They tear, tattoos coming from their little eyes, all carry
• 58:26
  Speaker 3: a switchblade.
• 58:27
  Speaker 2: Appears to be.
• 58:29
  Speaker 3: I've seen some shit.
• 58:31
  Speaker 2: Would you ever own a bird? Yeah? Yeah, bird ownership
• 58:35
  Speaker 2: is a tough one for me to do.
• 58:37
  Speaker 3: You own animals?
• 58:38
  Speaker 2: Oh you we had? I'm sorry you lost something to
• 58:42
  Speaker 2: apologize for.
• 58:43
  Speaker 3: How has that been?
• 58:44
  Speaker 2: Like? The grieving process horrible? Okay, Okay, you know it's been.
• 58:50
  Speaker 2: I don't want to bum anybody out, but it's been.
• 58:52
  Speaker 2: It's opened a lot of my brain to new the
• 58:55
  Speaker 2: world and what life experiences is is And obviously there's
• 58:59
  Speaker 2: a been a lot of beauty in it, but it's
• 59:01
  Speaker 2: also devastating, so devastating and so unpredictable. Yeah, and it
• 59:07
  Speaker 2: doesn't it gets easier in some ways and in other
• 59:10
  Speaker 2: ways it's just like, well, this is a pain that
• 59:12
  Speaker 2: will just be part of my life forever, and that
• 59:14
  Speaker 2: it's because I cared about something someone. But that's why
• 59:20
  Speaker 2: we don't own We don't have any pets right now.
• 59:21
  Speaker 2: I'm still in a state where I'm like, emotionally, I'm
• 59:26
  Speaker 2: not quite in a place to have an animal in
• 59:27
  Speaker 2: the house.
• 59:28
  Speaker 3: Maybe you'll foster at some point.
• 59:30
  Speaker 2: I think we'll definitely have another dog at some point.
• 59:33
  Speaker 2: I think it's so weird not to have a dog.
• 59:37
  Speaker 2: The house is so quiet. But you know, dogs are just.
• 59:40
  Speaker 3: Like they are brilliant and this is old information, but
• 59:46
  Speaker 3: they anchor you to the present, like a dog is
• 59:49
  Speaker 3: nowhere but the present, like the fact that you can
• 59:51
  Speaker 3: actually step on its tail and thirty seconds later it's
• 59:54
  Speaker 3: like completely forgotten. It's so happy to be there, It's
• 59:58
  Speaker 3: like and you can't be up when when that happiness
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 3: like is taken from you like.
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 2: Oh, it's unlike anything I've ever and nobody can prepare
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 2: you for it. No, you see other people grieving animals,
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 2: You're like, oh, yeah, it must be kind of sad,
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 2: and then it happens to you. It's another universe. You
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 2: don't have any pets right now.
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 3: No, I fostered and my ex wound up adopting and
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 3: that dog and then adopting no in a beautiful way
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 3: that I thought I was going to be able to
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 3: adopt the dog, and then I found out very quickly.
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 3: I tour like I'm on the road all the time,
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 3: and he was always at the ex's house. Uh so,
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 3: thankfully the X was an introvert. It was a beautiful pairing.
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 3: I think, if anything, I did my part in like
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 3: bringing them together. But like, it was so hard for
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 3: me to love this thing and then not like when
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 3: I was out of town, I was thinking about it.
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 2: Of course, it's it's wild. Yeah, and you can't talk
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 2: to it on the phone. There's nothing you can do now,
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 2: just fully separated. Mm hmmm. What kind of dog was it?
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 3: A little mutt, like a little he was a kind
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 3: of like a corgy Chihuahua.
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 2: Oh, very cute.
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 3: Loved other dogs, very distrusting of people, which is an
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 3: amazing instinct.
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, of course.
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but he's still get his Nim's peanut, and he
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 3: lives in Kentucky and I'm hopefully going to see him
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 3: when I'm on tour this fall.
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 2: Oh that's very sweet.
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 2: It's hard when you're again in this horrible industry and everything,
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 2: you're moving and leaving all the time to have an animal. Yeah,
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 2: unless you have the resources to carry it on a
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 2: plane everywhere you go, or a partner yes.
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 3: God forbid that would be at home with it, right,
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 3: or a.
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 2: Real good friend that likes to stay your house. Yes,
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 2: But even then it's a little tricky.
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 3: Oh my god.
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And I don't know birds. Yeah again. Oh, when
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 2: you leave the house and a bird's there.
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 3: I wouldn't feel very bad about the bird. I don't think.
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 3: I'm sure they're brilliant creatures, but I don't think of
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 3: them as like being well rounded or like or like
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 3: missing me for whatever.
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like the bird would never care about me. No,
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 2: I think that's probably part of the problem totally.
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 3: I assume it would always be trying to get away
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 3: if I had to, if I had to get a prisoner.
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 2: Birds are only prisoners. I have a prisoner bird, not
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 2: I have a pet bird.
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 3: The fact that people clip their wings, yeah, so they
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 3: cannot do what they're dying to do, right, Yeah.
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 2: I think we've kind of just solved a big part
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 2: of life in the modern world. Birds are prisoners. Birds
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 2: are They're either street thugs or prisoners otherwise. Yeah, do
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 2: you have one in your a cage in your home?
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 1: No?
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 2: No, no, dark and they're throwing the seed on the floor.
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 3: I don't think I believe in having any pet that
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 3: you have to have in a cage or box of
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 3: some sort.
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 2: Oh interesting, right now, I don't. My friend is a bunny.
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 2: I'm like this, that's weird. I find it.
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 3: So have you looked into a bunny's eyes? Soulless creatures?
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 3: There is nothing behind a bunny's eyes. Nothing.
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 2: A lot of people really love their bunnies.
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 3: Well, good for those.
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 2: Kidding.
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I just I personally don't see any soul there.
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 2: I feel like a rabbit or a bunny is too
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 2: fragile of a creature to have now, so I'm always
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 2: like I would step on it and then it'd be over.
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 2: Of course, and they're so fast moving, and you know,
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 2: one darts under my heel. Yeah, by a bunny isn't
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 2: like you?
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 3: I maybe I'm wrong. You don't come home from a
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 3: long day and the bunny like hops up to you
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 3: and gets on your lap and like nuzzles you. You
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 3: chase it down and then it bites you, and then
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 3: you're like hey, stop, hey, and then it like calms down.
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 2: I guess you're just talking about like one wild animal
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 2: that you've just experienced. I'm sure there are all these
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 2: rabbit listeners, like I've got my trained talks. It can
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 2: open doors totally.
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 3: You know what deranged thing I've been doing lately? What
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 3: is well lately? For two years, I've been feeding the
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 3: squirrels in the courtyard of my building. Oh so now
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 3: they come up to my screen door and like put
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 3: their paws on it. I know sweet, And I'll I
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 3: have like a thing of mixed nuts by my door,
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 3: so I'll put a handful in the lid and I'll
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 3: sit out there with the lid in front of me,
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 3: and they'll come up. Have a peanut, eat it, Come up,
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 3: get another one, eat it. We run away. One crawled
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 3: up the screen door. One No, it is crossing a
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 3: boundary from me. I want them to come inside my
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 3: house so bad. I'm like, bring your little diseased dass
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 3: in here.
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 2: Give me typoil. I know.
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 3: I'm like, I need one of them to like jump
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 3: on my shoulder at some point, or I'm gonna stop
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 3: feeding them because I'm not getting my full Disney princess story.
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 2: I think that's well within your reach. I really think
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 2: that that squirrels can be trained. Yes, most of them
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 2: are hungry. They're going through the garbage and you're providing
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 2: a fresh store bought nut.
• 1:04:39
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, lightly lightly roasted and sulted.
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 2: Yes, they're putty in your hand.
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 3: They have never experienced. I'm like the cheesecaka factory for
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 3: these bitches.
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 2: And the rest of your neighbors are like, there's a
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 2: squirrel infestation. No, I'll have you know.
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 3: The gays that live above me also feeding these squirrels.
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 3: Oh interesting, So we've created a real sick environment. It's
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 3: like a method. Don't clinic first, girls.
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 2: As long as there are no rats rats.
• 1:05:05
  Speaker 3: Oh, anything with fur doesn't bother me.
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 2: But the possum A possum, Now, possum terrifies me. Although
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 2: I I mean over. You know, it used to be
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 2: probably my number one most feared thing, but I've realized
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 2: that they're so unbelievably safe to be around and scared.
• 1:05:23
  Speaker 2: They're very scary. Yeah, I mean, I do think that
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 2: they look like they existed before Earth.
• 1:05:29
  Speaker 3: They do look subterranean.
• 1:05:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, there is something truly from a portal about them. Yeah,
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 2: or like when you say mole people, I'm yeah, of course,
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 2: just on its hind legs and the light always catches
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 2: their fucking eyes. And the teeth, I mean, the teeth
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 2: are far too long.
• 1:05:47
  Speaker 3: Raccoons one of the keyest animals in the world. Unbelievably dangerous, Okay.
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 3: I have one that comes and dig several that dig
• 1:05:54
  Speaker 3: up this garden constantly. They're looking for something and I
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 3: don't know what it is. They buried a body.
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 2: They're trying to move it.
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 3: We've got to get this out of here before the
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 3: cop I want to be like Michelle Pfeiffer in Dangerous
• 1:06:04
  Speaker 3: Minds with a group of raccoons.
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 2: Teaching them poets, treating.
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 3: Them whatever, how to throw rocks.
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 2: That's a great movie. I think so too, maybe with
• 1:06:17
  Speaker 2: Michelle Pfeiffer.
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 3: Oh my as one of the raccoons dressed real raccoons.
• 1:06:24
  Speaker 3: And then Michelle Viifer, you don't care about us.
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 2: I've never seen Dangerous Minds. I've seen the trailer. Of course.
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 2: It had a very vibe, quite an impact on me
• 1:06:33
  Speaker 2: as a kid.
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 3: Yes, it's very I mean it's probably definition White Savior,
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 3: of course, but like it's her and getting more like
• 1:06:43
  Speaker 3: streaked whatever that means to connect.
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 2: She's got coolio playing.
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 3: Yes, oh my god, that was Gangster's I bet that's
• 1:06:51
  Speaker 3: a very painful rewatch.
• 1:06:54
  Speaker 2: No questions or for us watch. Yeah, there's I cannot
• 1:06:57
  Speaker 2: imagine that's aged. Maybe it has, maybe we're underestimating it. Yeah, well,
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 2: is there anything left to say about Celsius. I'm gonna
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 2: take another sip.
• 1:07:07
  Speaker 3: Oh, Celsius.
• 1:07:08
  Speaker 2: I just like delicious.
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 3: There's all these like tiktoks of like girls having panic
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 3: attacks having drink of Celsius, and I like, haven't gotten
• 1:07:15
  Speaker 3: there yet, but maybe I aspire to. I just like, yeah,
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 3: I love that caffeine thrill.
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 2: Oh right, I remember, can you remember the first time
• 1:07:25
  Speaker 2: you had an energy drink? I have a very specific
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 2: memory because the way I grew.
• 1:07:29
  Speaker 3: Up, mine was probably a vodka red Bull when I
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 3: was a teenager, and there were all these reports saying
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 3: it'll make your heart explode or something, and I was like,
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 3: I dare you to explode my heart?
• 1:07:43
  Speaker 2: And I, uh, well, let's see, let's see what's yours mine,
• 1:07:48
  Speaker 2: I mean mine similar. There was no vodka involved, but
• 1:07:50
  Speaker 2: I was in it. Must have been like a junior
• 1:07:51
  Speaker 2: in high school and for whatever reason, we were at
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 2: the grocery store and I thought I need energy and
• 1:07:57
  Speaker 2: there was red Bull was pretty new. I was like,
• 1:08:00
  Speaker 2: am I gonna try it? I'm gonna try it. I
• 1:08:01
  Speaker 2: tried it, and then I was scared for twenty four hours.
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 2: Oh my god. I felt like I had broken some
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 2: sort of Mormon rule and I thought my heart's gonna explode,
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 2: my parent's gonna be Oh yeah, oh you did, Yeah,
• 1:08:11
  Speaker 2: you broke a big one. Well, actually, caffeine. This is
• 1:08:15
  Speaker 2: something I've had to clarify a lot recently. I think
• 1:08:17
  Speaker 2: because it's Mormons are so in the culture. Most Mormons
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 2: will drink caffeine soda, but not coffee, but not coffee
• 1:08:24
  Speaker 2: or tea. They go strictly for the most unhealthy version
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 2: of caffeine.
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 3: That's so interesting. Yeah, you think coffee and tea would
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 3: be the Okay, ones right, like the more natural yes
• 1:08:34
  Speaker 3: from the earth. God obviously gave.
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 2: This yes, yes, No, it's the opposite. You can have
• 1:08:39
  Speaker 2: a diet mountain dew. And I think at this point
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 2: most people would like drink a red bull. Wait, what's
• 1:08:44
  Speaker 2: but I need to know.
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 3: The loophole because I am so sick of like religious
• 1:08:48
  Speaker 3: people like having rules, but then they don't apply to
• 1:08:52
  Speaker 3: them exactly, Like I'm just curious.
• 1:08:55
  Speaker 2: It is interesting. I think that that loophole has just
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 2: kind of always existed for whatever reason. They basically they're
• 1:09:02
  Speaker 2: like scripture, I believe, just as no hot drinks, which
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 2: then gets which gets confusing because they drink hot chocolate
• 1:09:08
  Speaker 2: an apple cider. I walk out of all the subjects
• 1:09:11
  Speaker 2: that we walk into our Yeah, I'm I can't be
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 2: on this planet and.
• 1:09:15
  Speaker 3: I'm unpooked my mic that I'm not wearing. You're like,
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 3: where do you get that?
• 1:09:19
  Speaker 2: Laugh? There's a boom mic over you. Okay, boys, let's
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 2: get out of here. I'm done.
• 1:09:26
  Speaker 3: I'm dying.
• 1:09:27
  Speaker 2: You have a whole crew Union crew. For some reason,
• 1:09:32
  Speaker 2: this episode cost it fifty thousand dollars. No, they can
• 1:09:36
  Speaker 2: drink those two hot drinks, but not coffee.
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 3: And not iced tea, but there is no hot.
• 1:09:45
  Speaker 2: Drinks, but they have kind of decided that means coffee
• 1:09:49
  Speaker 2: or tea in any form, and then even like coffee
• 1:09:52
  Speaker 2: ice cream.
• 1:09:53
  Speaker 3: If you Oh my god, I'm like beyond annoyed right now.
• 1:09:58
  Speaker 3: They're like and no.
• 1:09:59
  Speaker 2: Drug but math on the high Holy Days is okay. Yeah,
• 1:10:05
  Speaker 2: there's a lot of flexibility where you're like, I don't
• 1:10:08
  Speaker 2: I'm not quite sure how this gymnastics is been done.
• 1:10:10
  Speaker 3: But I can't express how much that bothers me.
• 1:10:13
  Speaker 2: I can't feel like you should say, if this is
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 2: your religion, just you have to do the religion.
• 1:10:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah, especially when people start imposing their things on other people,
• 1:10:21
  Speaker 3: not saying mos do that. But it's just like it's
• 1:10:24
  Speaker 3: just it's hip.
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 2: It's hypocrisy, of course, I mean, and it's so I'm
• 1:10:30
  Speaker 2: gonna blow your mind right now, there are some hypocrisy
• 1:10:33
  Speaker 2: in religion. What No, there is an interesting thing within
• 1:10:39
  Speaker 2: Mormonism that's been happening that I've noticed recently that like
• 1:10:42
  Speaker 2: I think as people have become more aware of the
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 2: world and you know, what the religion is or whatever,
• 1:10:47
  Speaker 2: people will stick to the religion, but are still are
• 1:10:49
  Speaker 2: starting to do more of like the cafeteria Catholic thing
• 1:10:52
  Speaker 2: where you just pick which parts of it like, but
• 1:10:54
  Speaker 2: Mormon more excuse me. Mormonism in particular is so like
• 1:10:58
  Speaker 2: you should buy the God has brought religion back, and
• 1:11:02
  Speaker 2: we should follow every detail of this. So it feels
• 1:11:05
  Speaker 2: like a weird religion to be in and then be
• 1:11:07
  Speaker 2: picking and choosing. Yeah, it's like it's like no, our
• 1:11:09
  Speaker 2: whole thing is being staunched, right, Like these are the rules,
• 1:11:13
  Speaker 2: the new rules follow them. So yeah, I don't know,
• 1:11:16
  Speaker 2: I guess it's a comfort thing. I don't know it's
• 1:11:19
  Speaker 2: a but that's a I have to I'm just trying
• 1:11:22
  Speaker 2: to go on record in as many places as possible Mormons.
• 1:11:24
  Speaker 2: Most Mormons will drink caffeine, except it has to come
• 1:11:27
  Speaker 2: from a fountain.
• 1:11:28
  Speaker 3: I hope they enjoy.
• 1:11:29
  Speaker 2: Hell, there are gonna be very few Mormons that actually
• 1:11:34
  Speaker 2: make it.
• 1:11:34
  Speaker 3: Could you imagine if they get if they are in
• 1:11:36
  Speaker 3: limbo and they're like, yeah, we have you drinking eighteen
• 1:11:39
  Speaker 3: gallons of diet hope throughout the course of our live
• 1:11:42
  Speaker 3: one day. So bye bye a trapdoor, let's go.
• 1:11:48
  Speaker 2: I mean, have you watched secret lives of Mormon wives
• 1:11:50
  Speaker 2: or real housewives of Selex I.
• 1:11:51
  Speaker 3: Don't really do matreality.
• 1:11:53
  Speaker 2: So if I'm being honest, there's a lot of soda consumption. Yeah,
• 1:11:56
  Speaker 2: of course there is.
• 1:11:57
  Speaker 3: We have a little god have a selsia.
• 1:12:00
  Speaker 2: Do you ever tour through Salt Lake City?
• 1:12:02
  Speaker 3: I have done a show. They're like opening for someone
• 1:12:05
  Speaker 3: and you're fine. Audiences.
• 1:12:07
  Speaker 2: I've heard there are good audiences in Utah, I think
• 1:12:08
  Speaker 2: because there there aren't that many sources of entertainment.
• 1:12:11
  Speaker 3: You know, it's bonkers that I've realized from touring. If
• 1:12:15
  Speaker 3: you bring up Utah in other places, a lot of
• 1:12:19
  Speaker 3: people boo really yeah, and it's it's actually be fuddled me. Wow, yeah, Like,
• 1:12:26
  Speaker 3: in what context are you bringing up Utah? Doesn't these
• 1:12:28
  Speaker 3: states suck?
• 1:12:31
  Speaker 2: Why aren't you clapping?
• 1:12:32
  Speaker 3: No, it's it's honestly been opening for bigger comics in
• 1:12:36
  Speaker 3: like bigger venues, and they the bigger comic will be
• 1:12:39
  Speaker 3: like we were in Utah last week boo. And I
• 1:12:43
  Speaker 3: only bring this up because it has happened enough times
• 1:12:47
  Speaker 3: for me to clock it, which is just weird.
• 1:12:50
  Speaker 2: Well, it does have a bit of a reputation that's
• 1:12:52
  Speaker 2: a little bit earned. I mean, I love the state
• 1:12:54
  Speaker 2: and I love a lot of the people there, but
• 1:12:56
  Speaker 2: like there are certain things that I would boo. Maybe
• 1:12:58
  Speaker 2: not as an audience member, but.
• 1:13:00
  Speaker 3: If other audience members were doing, would you with the crowd? Yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 1:13:04
  Speaker 3: you'd stone Utah. You to be the first one to throw.
• 1:13:08
  Speaker 2: You have no no, But having grown up in Utah
• 1:13:13
  Speaker 2: and it's such a butt of so many jokes, I'm
• 1:13:14
  Speaker 2: very sensitive to other states being like New Jersey, like,
• 1:13:18
  Speaker 2: leave New Jersey alone. Leave They've all got something decent
• 1:13:21
  Speaker 2: about them. Yeah, I mean even Florida.
• 1:13:23
  Speaker 3: It's like going over to your dad's or stepdad's house,
• 1:13:26
  Speaker 3: like you can do anything here. I'm not gonna tell mom,
• 1:13:31
  Speaker 3: like you actually don't have to wear shoes.
• 1:13:33
  Speaker 2: And then you think about all of the good, normal
• 1:13:35
  Speaker 2: people that are trapped in really bad places, and you're like, oh,
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 2: that's got to suck to be the butt of the
• 1:13:39
  Speaker 2: joke and you're not in on the horror.
• 1:13:41
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I always. I guess everyone has their unique uh
• 1:13:45
  Speaker 3: like situation.
• 1:13:46
  Speaker 2: But it's like, leave, that's not a possibility for everyone,
• 1:13:52
  Speaker 2: is it not?
• 1:13:52
  Speaker 1: No?
• 1:13:53
  Speaker 3: I mean I barely made it out, I guess, so
• 1:13:57
  Speaker 3: I just like, yeah, I mean I left. It wasn't easy.
• 1:14:00
  Speaker 3: I shared my bedroom, I shared a studio apartment, but
• 1:14:03
  Speaker 3: like I knew I wanted to be in La right,
• 1:14:05
  Speaker 3: and I like just made it work.
• 1:14:07
  Speaker 2: But other places do have the things that I think
• 1:14:09
  Speaker 2: people want to They do have good qualities. Oh yeah, yeah,
• 1:14:12
  Speaker 2: yeah yeah. I mean I can't imagine living anywhere else
• 1:14:14
  Speaker 2: at this point, but I've been here for fourteen years,
• 1:14:17
  Speaker 2: like I would wither anywhere else. Sixteen sixteen. It feels
• 1:14:22
  Speaker 2: like one long week. It feels like vacation. Yeah, it
• 1:14:25
  Speaker 2: still feels like vacation because the lack of seasons really
• 1:14:28
  Speaker 2: does alter your sense of time. Throws it throws you.
• 1:14:32
  Speaker 2: It's probably why everyone here goes insane.
• 1:14:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah, in a beautiful way and a beautiful but everyone
• 1:14:39
  Speaker 3: has botox, so you can't really tell how crazy they are.
• 1:14:42
  Speaker 3: It's all simmering beneath the surface. Like no, I've been
• 1:14:44
  Speaker 3: making a screenpace for like ten years. I just can't
• 1:14:48
  Speaker 3: reflect that.
• 1:14:49
  Speaker 2: And then you get to the point where you're dropping
• 1:14:50
  Speaker 2: snakes from the ceiling.
• 1:14:51
  Speaker 3: Yes, torturing your employees, where I cannot wait to see
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 3: what type of monster I evolve into. Oh, when I
• 1:14:58
  Speaker 3: like get those big fat check.
• 1:15:00
  Speaker 2: You wouldn't evolve into a monster. There's no way I might. No, no, no, no,
• 1:15:04
  Speaker 2: For me space to do it. I think that you
• 1:15:07
  Speaker 2: would be okay. I think that certain people just have
• 1:15:10
  Speaker 2: that latent monster in them that's waiting to waiting. Yeah,
• 1:15:14
  Speaker 2: and other people are just becoming famous and having money
• 1:15:18
  Speaker 2: probably throws them off a little bit, but they're able
• 1:15:21
  Speaker 2: to be decent. You know.
• 1:15:22
  Speaker 3: It's wild, the anomaly, the monster with no credits.
• 1:15:26
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, where are these people coming? I mean we
• 1:15:30
  Speaker 2: both know. I'm sure dozens of Oh my god, I'm like,
• 1:15:33
  Speaker 2: you are not famous enough to be this before the horse, Yeah,
• 1:15:37
  Speaker 2: like whoa, yeah, that is that? Like they're overshooting. They're like,
• 1:15:42
  Speaker 2: you have to be confident, so confidence means just terrorizing everyone.
• 1:15:46
  Speaker 3: I guess. I don't even know if it's like a
• 1:15:48
  Speaker 3: decision in their head. I think they are actually just
• 1:15:50
  Speaker 3: like they see the world differently. It's like a narcissistic thing, right,
• 1:15:54
  Speaker 3: I don't.
• 1:15:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Like I think I've experienced some of this, like
• 1:15:57
  Speaker 2: in hosting and trying to book a podcast, where like
• 1:16:00
  Speaker 2: it's so interesting, like some of the most successful people
• 1:16:02
  Speaker 2: I've had on the show are so game for everything,
• 1:16:04
  Speaker 2: and then other people who are not game for anything.
• 1:16:06
  Speaker 2: I'm like, well, hegi, you are terrible. Like there's a
• 1:16:10
  Speaker 2: reason that you are where you are because you refuse
• 1:16:12
  Speaker 2: to do anything. I want to be clear, you're not
• 1:16:15
  Speaker 2: a get exactly, You're lucky to be here.
• 1:16:19
  Speaker 3: I've experienced the same thing with interviewing people, and I'm like,
• 1:16:25
  Speaker 3: you cannot be boring.
• 1:16:26
  Speaker 2: You do not have the luxury of being boring. This
• 1:16:29
  Speaker 2: is your opportunity.
• 1:16:30
  Speaker 3: Yes to shine, give me a clip, say something wacky.
• 1:16:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, some people just gets ahead of them and maybe
• 1:16:38
  Speaker 2: they were just born that way.
• 1:16:40
  Speaker 3: What sucks is that maybe they will still get successful.
• 1:16:42
  Speaker 2: I know that's the worst when they get rewarded and
• 1:16:45
  Speaker 2: then you're like, maybe I should have done that. Yeah,
• 1:16:47
  Speaker 2: maybe I should have been the worst personal.
• 1:16:50
  Speaker 3: Next time.
• 1:16:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's it goes back to there's no formula, nobody
• 1:16:54
  Speaker 2: knows anything, nobody knows anything. Just do your own thing.
• 1:16:58
  Speaker 3: But I am back to that, and that's why I
• 1:17:01
  Speaker 3: pained me to hear you won't invest five dollars in yourself.
• 1:17:03
  Speaker 3: Maybe that's what that five dollars is. And maybe we
• 1:17:05
  Speaker 3: should already gofund me the untitled Bridge or Wineger project.
• 1:17:10
  Speaker 3: And like we just raised the budget we raise and
• 1:17:13
  Speaker 3: you'll see reflected in your loyal fans and listeners how
• 1:17:16
  Speaker 3: much faith they have in you.
• 1:17:18
  Speaker 2: It's gonna be very low. That's going to confirm my feelings. No, no,
• 1:17:24
  Speaker 2: this just leads to me driving into the ocean.
• 1:17:27
  Speaker 3: Maybe that's the project. Maybe maybe it's this beautiful like
• 1:17:31
  Speaker 3: underwater adventure where you get like an ambigious member those
• 1:17:37
  Speaker 3: the cars that turn into boats. Oh, of course, maybe
• 1:17:39
  Speaker 3: that's it.
• 1:17:40
  Speaker 2: I remember like there were a lot of like Basic
• 1:17:43
  Speaker 2: cable shows in the nineties and thousands where they had
• 1:17:45
  Speaker 2: futuristic things, and I remember one of those dots. It
• 1:17:49
  Speaker 2: was like every episode those were in the future, and in.
• 1:17:52
  Speaker 3: The future we were promised still exists. Though it still exists,
• 1:17:55
  Speaker 3: I get kind of excited when I see it.
• 1:17:57
  Speaker 2: I would, I honestly think if I had some be like,
• 1:18:00
  Speaker 2: this is great. It is.
• 1:18:01
  Speaker 3: It's a weird sensation. The freezer dried neess like sticks
• 1:18:05
  Speaker 3: to all areas of your mouth until it succumbs to
• 1:18:08
  Speaker 3: the heat of your tongue.
• 1:18:09
  Speaker 2: And the flavor is unlike any other flavor of ice cream,
• 1:18:11
  Speaker 2: because I think it's very artificial.
• 1:18:13
  Speaker 3: Chemical chemical peanut flavor.
• 1:18:15
  Speaker 2: Yes, yes, yes, yes, it's almost like bubblegum or something.
• 1:18:18
  Speaker 3: Which, oddly enough, I'm getting weirded out by all the
• 1:18:20
  Speaker 3: flavors of chips happening.
• 1:18:22
  Speaker 2: It's ores. We have got to just absolutely slam on
• 1:18:26
  Speaker 2: the brain. Whoever at Nabisco has lost control of the vehicle. No, no, no, no,
• 1:18:31
  Speaker 2: no is watermelon oreos coke go to bed. Oh my god,
• 1:18:36
  Speaker 2: I just had a Coke zero oreo flavor. Oh you've
• 1:18:40
  Speaker 2: talked about that. No, we haven't talked about this. Then
• 1:18:42
  Speaker 2: now is the time. There has never been a better time.
• 1:18:45
  Speaker 3: I knew you would get to something important if we
• 1:18:48
  Speaker 3: just talked long enough.
• 1:18:49
  Speaker 2: On the week of a national presidential election.
• 1:18:53
  Speaker 3: They were literally like, they're not talking about Halloween. They're
• 1:18:55
  Speaker 3: not talking about scary movies. They're talking about things they hate.
• 1:18:58
  Speaker 3: An oreo flavored Coke zero and.
• 1:19:00
  Speaker 2: Coke zero flavored oreos. There were both things. No, it's
• 1:19:04
  Speaker 2: some sort of this all started with collabs. Collabs have
• 1:19:08
  Speaker 2: ruined Earth.
• 1:19:10
  Speaker 3: You know the clad they can go straight to hell.
• 1:19:12
  Speaker 3: Cheese it and taco bell Oh no, one asks for that.
• 1:19:16
  Speaker 2: No. The last thing I want with my Mexican food
• 1:19:19
  Speaker 2: is cheese crackers. It's not the flavor you think about
• 1:19:23
  Speaker 2: with Mexican folly.
• 1:19:24
  Speaker 3: It's not even the type of I'm not thinking of
• 1:19:26
  Speaker 3: crackers when I'm thinking of Mexican food.
• 1:19:29
  Speaker 2: I'm not thinking of sharp cheddar. No, I'm thinking of
• 1:19:32
  Speaker 2: a mild cheddar, a moneray jack, even a pepper jack
• 1:19:34
  Speaker 2: if you will. Yes, but like, and let's be very clear,
• 1:19:38
  Speaker 2: I love to cheese it. I love a cheese nip.
• 1:19:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but get the out of my crunch track, Supreme.
• 1:19:43
  Speaker 2: I love that you have been censoring yourself because it
• 1:19:45
  Speaker 2: makes it seem like we have decided you were the
• 1:19:47
  Speaker 2: first person will censor on this podcast.
• 1:19:49
  Speaker 3: Well, I got a little insecure when I brought up
• 1:19:51
  Speaker 3: sex and You're like, we're not gonna talk about that.
• 1:19:53
  Speaker 3: So it's like I'm not.
• 1:19:54
  Speaker 2: Gonna say.
• 1:19:57
  Speaker 3: You're just you said it very beautifully. You're like, we
• 1:19:59
  Speaker 3: can maybe a little bit. But I've been interviewing people
• 1:20:03
  Speaker 3: enough to know like, no, fly zone, don't do it.
• 1:20:06
  Speaker 3: And I usually, if anyone knows me, I turn a
• 1:20:09
  Speaker 3: lot of things sexual very fast as you do.
• 1:20:12
  Speaker 2: But you're so good at it because you're so I
• 1:20:14
  Speaker 2: think you're just you're you're a free person.
• 1:20:16
  Speaker 3: I'm a free person and I'm definitely leading with like
• 1:20:19
  Speaker 3: kindness and an open minded but it's not like healthy. Yes,
• 1:20:22
  Speaker 3: but my blank smells like you know, I'm not like
• 1:20:24
  Speaker 3: just trying to gross people out. I'm like genuinely curious
• 1:20:28
  Speaker 3: about this.
• 1:20:29
  Speaker 2: I mean, it's a very not even modern. It still
• 1:20:33
  Speaker 2: feels like future way of thinking because almost so many
• 1:20:35
  Speaker 2: people are still trapped within what's while it's the shame,
• 1:20:38
  Speaker 2: it's wild, it's not even shame for me at this point.
• 1:20:40
  Speaker 2: It's just like, well, I don't know. I'm just like,
• 1:20:43
  Speaker 2: I guess my brain is just stunted in I guess
• 1:20:46
  Speaker 2: unrecorded media.
• 1:20:47
  Speaker 3: Sure, and that's what it is. I just wish more people. Yeah,
• 1:20:52
  Speaker 3: were like we were talking about cheese, it's and taco
• 1:20:56
  Speaker 3: and now I'm on.
• 1:20:56
  Speaker 2: A soapbox about our attention s it's zero.
• 1:21:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I wonder if this will be a liked episode
• 1:21:04
  Speaker 3: or I had to turn this off episode.
• 1:21:07
  Speaker 2: This should be sent to someone who can prescribe some
• 1:21:10
  Speaker 2: sort of ADHD medication, because I need them to hear me.
• 1:21:14
  Speaker 2: It's my inability to say on any topics.
• 1:21:17
  Speaker 3: This is a typical add person and an enabler of
• 1:21:19
  Speaker 3: an add person.
• 1:21:21
  Speaker 2: It's just two people absolutely freebasing. But we talk about
• 1:21:24
  Speaker 2: chip flavors. Have you had any of these?
• 1:21:27
  Speaker 3: I just like it, and the thing is like, maybe
• 1:21:29
  Speaker 3: it's me being closed by and maybe it's like my boomer,
• 1:21:31
  Speaker 3: the boomer and me coming out where it's like not
• 1:21:34
  Speaker 3: buffalo and reranch, like just one or the other. But
• 1:21:38
  Speaker 3: then you taste it and like this oddly tastes like
• 1:21:40
  Speaker 3: buffalo and ranch, right. But for me it's just like
• 1:21:43
  Speaker 3: but the if I want of those things, I would
• 1:21:46
  Speaker 3: have those flow wings and ranch. It's like, I know,
• 1:21:49
  Speaker 3: peanut butter and jelly frozen yogurt. I'm like, if I
• 1:21:52
  Speaker 3: love this flavor so much, why am I not making
• 1:21:53
  Speaker 3: myself a sand and J I completely agree with you,
• 1:21:57
  Speaker 3: It's just I don't.
• 1:21:58
  Speaker 2: I don't know. I guess it's not inherent wrong, no,
• 1:22:01
  Speaker 2: but it feels like stunts.
• 1:22:02
  Speaker 3: But I guess yes, Okay, okay, yes, this is where
• 1:22:05
  Speaker 3: I'm getting. Where you get something crazy, I think for
• 1:22:08
  Speaker 3: the sake of being crazy, I annoyed.
• 1:22:11
  Speaker 2: Right. Had I tried a sour patch oreo recently? It
• 1:22:16
  Speaker 2: was one of the top five most revolting things ever,
• 1:22:20
  Speaker 2: it was, and you knew that before you've been of course.
• 1:22:22
  Speaker 2: I mean, but I have an open heart, and I
• 1:22:24
  Speaker 2: thought I'm giving them a chance. I had to spit
• 1:22:26
  Speaker 2: it out.
• 1:22:27
  Speaker 3: Did you spend four ninety nine on a whole box.
• 1:22:29
  Speaker 2: No, they were at the office and there was fair.
• 1:22:31
  Speaker 2: I should have taken note that none of them had
• 1:22:33
  Speaker 2: been eaten fair, I mean a very select few. It's
• 1:22:37
  Speaker 2: a dare.
• 1:22:37
  Speaker 3: But this is the thing where why are we playing
• 1:22:39
  Speaker 3: fear factor at the grocery store like I dare you
• 1:22:42
  Speaker 3: to eat?
• 1:22:43
  Speaker 2: I want to food for me really is a very
• 1:22:47
  Speaker 2: sacred area where I'm like, every element of it I
• 1:22:49
  Speaker 2: want to enjoy.
• 1:22:50
  Speaker 4: Of course on Alish, I'm sorry, I just have to
• 1:22:53
  Speaker 4: it came on this on Reddit, just this line sour
• 1:22:57
  Speaker 4: patch oreos.
• 1:22:58
  Speaker 3: Just why not everything has to be a collab?
• 1:23:02
  Speaker 2: Oh, thank you.
• 1:23:05
  Speaker 3: Six nine six nine sixty nine.
• 1:23:08
  Speaker 2: That's your private account. You're upvoting all of your videos. No,
• 1:23:15
  Speaker 2: these were disgusting and no, like people will like go
• 1:23:19
  Speaker 2: out to eat ironically sometimes at like restaurants that they
• 1:23:22
  Speaker 2: know are bad, And I just think, no, you are
• 1:23:24
  Speaker 2: not roping me into that. I'll meet you after because
• 1:23:26
  Speaker 2: I have to have a good dinner.
• 1:23:27
  Speaker 3: No, I completely agree.
• 1:23:30
  Speaker 2: Such a waste of money and an experience to enjoy.
• 1:23:34
  Speaker 2: Resources Now I'm thinking about people who don't have food.
• 1:23:37
  Speaker 2: You're making a.
• 1:23:38
  Speaker 3: Mockery of it by embarrassing like and if you would
• 1:23:41
  Speaker 3: send this item to like a ward worn country that
• 1:23:43
  Speaker 3: desperately needed food, and they wouldn't eat it.
• 1:23:46
  Speaker 2: Like Oreo is going to get there. They are going
• 1:23:52
  Speaker 2: to get to an Oreo where no person would consume it,
• 1:23:55
  Speaker 2: no matter.
• 1:23:56
  Speaker 3: I don't know, sour patch kid Oreo is. It might
• 1:23:58
  Speaker 3: be there, pretty demented. It's like one before fish food.
• 1:24:02
  Speaker 3: I think it was kind of like a neon. Oh no,
• 1:24:03
  Speaker 3: the cookie was actually I think the cookie was the
• 1:24:06
  Speaker 3: white cookie.
• 1:24:07
  Speaker 2: Like the vanilla.
• 1:24:08
  Speaker 3: The vanilla cookie.
• 1:24:08
  Speaker 2: That doesn't matter, Like it could have just as well
• 1:24:10
  Speaker 2: been the chocolate. It was going to be as disgusting
• 1:24:12
  Speaker 2: as it was.
• 1:24:13
  Speaker 3: I somehow think vanilla is better with a sour patch
• 1:24:18
  Speaker 3: than a chocolate.
• 1:24:19
  Speaker 2: Of course, in your brain that makes.
• 1:24:20
  Speaker 3: Sense logically speaking, But this is.
• 1:24:24
  Speaker 2: Not a logical product. It shouldn't exist in any form.
• 1:24:27
  Speaker 2: So just give it the chocolate cookie and let's just
• 1:24:29
  Speaker 2: move on to the next one.
• 1:24:31
  Speaker 3: Make throw up in the box and put it on
• 1:24:33
  Speaker 3: the shelf. Just do vomit flavor so we can all
• 1:24:37
  Speaker 3: move on with our lives.
• 1:24:38
  Speaker 2: We could reset to just plain Oreo, it's unfair and
• 1:24:43
  Speaker 2: it's yeah, even the peanut butter ones don't work.
• 1:24:46
  Speaker 3: They have Tiara Massou flavored ones.
• 1:24:48
  Speaker 2: Again, that's what No, what does that? What does that
• 1:24:51
  Speaker 2: even mean? That just turns Tea massoux into an idea exactly.
• 1:24:55
  Speaker 2: And I like Tira Masseau. I think it's like my
• 1:24:57
  Speaker 2: favorite dessert maybe, but like I don't need it here.
• 1:25:00
  Speaker 2: And part of Tira Masou is the texture. Yes, Oh,
• 1:25:03
  Speaker 2: I could eat a sheet. Oh, it's the only thing.
• 1:25:07
  Speaker 2: Put a lady finger in preach either. The moment I
• 1:25:14
  Speaker 2: was a halfway through sat that sentence.
• 1:25:17
  Speaker 3: I mean, you can put three lady fingers and me
• 1:25:20
  Speaker 3: wouldn't do much. Horrible.
• 1:25:27
  Speaker 2: Okay, it's time to play a game. Okay, it's time
• 1:25:30
  Speaker 2: to play a game. Let's play Gift to a curse.
• 1:25:33
  Speaker 2: I need a number between one and ten from you. Nine. Okay.
• 1:25:37
  Speaker 2: I have to do some light calculating to get our
• 1:25:39
  Speaker 2: game pieces. So right now, you can recommend something, promote something,
• 1:25:42
  Speaker 2: say something good about something.
• 1:25:44
  Speaker 3: Oh right, I'm gonna I'm gonna shamelessly promote me.
• 1:25:47
  Speaker 2: I have a show.
• 1:25:49
  Speaker 3: Well, I'm on if you're listening to this when it
• 1:25:51
  Speaker 3: comes out, I'm on the road opening for Bob the
• 1:25:52
  Speaker 3: Drag Queen between October twenty third and November third, and
• 1:25:56
  Speaker 3: then I'm headlining in Kansas City on November thirteenth, Omaha
• 1:26:01
  Speaker 3: November fourteenth, and Saint Louis, Missouri November sixteenth, And I
• 1:26:05
  Speaker 3: would love your support because they're big venues and I
• 1:26:08
  Speaker 3: have a lot of tickets left, which is so crazy
• 1:26:12
  Speaker 3: to say out loud, but I value honesty absolutely.
• 1:26:16
  Speaker 2: Everybody goes see Zach buy tickets to live things. Oh
• 1:26:19
  Speaker 2: my god, please, it's very hard for especially it seems
• 1:26:23
  Speaker 2: like in comedy right now people are like begging, please
• 1:26:26
  Speaker 2: come see the thing you like.
• 1:26:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah, this is the other thing.
• 1:26:28
  Speaker 2: Though.
• 1:26:28
  Speaker 3: It's like I also believe in the universe and like,
• 1:26:30
  Speaker 3: obviously I'll go in the direction I'm supposed to go.
• 1:26:33
  Speaker 3: And if ticket sales don't pick up at.
• 1:26:34
  Speaker 2: Some point, maybe that's the universe saying you're not that
• 1:26:37
  Speaker 2: good and it's not well.
• 1:26:40
  Speaker 3: I know I think so too, But like I'm just saying, like,
• 1:26:44
  Speaker 3: no sweat, if you don't want to go, don't feel
• 1:26:46
  Speaker 3: like you're you're being forced to go. Sure, but if
• 1:26:49
  Speaker 3: any part of you values like a little live theatrical moment,
• 1:26:53
  Speaker 3: I think I deliver a really good hour.
• 1:26:55
  Speaker 2: I just think people have kind of forgotten how much
• 1:26:56
  Speaker 2: fun it can be so they've fallen into that rut.
• 1:27:00
  Speaker 3: There's also there's never been more comedians ever, ever, ever,
• 1:27:02
  Speaker 3: in the history.
• 1:27:03
  Speaker 2: There should be a calling. We've got to shed some
• 1:27:05
  Speaker 2: of these people.
• 1:27:06
  Speaker 3: Is that where you kill people?
• 1:27:07
  Speaker 2: Yes?
• 1:27:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And when I.
• 1:27:09
  Speaker 2: Say calling, I don't mean metaphoric. I do think it
• 1:27:11
  Speaker 2: should be killed.
• 1:27:12
  Speaker 3: I although a wood chipper of sorts.
• 1:27:15
  Speaker 2: Of stand up comics. Okay, I have to remind you
• 1:27:19
  Speaker 2: to promote one other thing. Okay, the shirt you're wearing.
• 1:27:22
  Speaker 3: Oh, my sister, So I'm wearing a ghost face embroidery.
• 1:27:26
  Speaker 3: My little sister, Jules Towers, has an amazing Etsy called
• 1:27:29
  Speaker 3: Unsettled Roots, and I think we'll tag it maybe in
• 1:27:33
  Speaker 3: the post. But she does custom embroidery and so cool.
• 1:27:36
  Speaker 3: It was a gift and I love it so much
• 1:27:37
  Speaker 3: because I love scary movies. Screams one of my favorite
• 1:27:40
  Speaker 3: scary movies, and she just made it and I love it,
• 1:27:42
  Speaker 3: and I just love all the stuff she makes.
• 1:27:43
  Speaker 2: I Yes, I guess I should also promote my sister's
• 1:27:48
  Speaker 2: thing she's got going. I've done this once before. But
• 1:27:50
  Speaker 2: if we're promoting sisters, yes, I feel like why not
• 1:27:53
  Speaker 2: a timeless thing. She has a new company called Lovesy.
• 1:27:57
  Speaker 2: She was a nick you nurse, and so she knows
• 1:27:59
  Speaker 2: everything about baby care. She's created and again I'm not
• 1:28:03
  Speaker 2: an expert, so I don't know, but she's created this
• 1:28:05
  Speaker 2: this clothing that apparently is incredible l u v s
• 1:28:08
  Speaker 2: I e oh go on Instagram, and I'm so proud
• 1:28:11
  Speaker 2: of her. I'm just like, wow, this is so great.
• 1:28:13
  Speaker 2: You're doing this thing and solving what seems to be
• 1:28:15
  Speaker 2: a problem that I'll never experience, but apparently you know
• 1:28:18
  Speaker 2: a lot of people do or maybe not even a problem,
• 1:28:20
  Speaker 2: but like, no, make things better. Yeah, look at our
• 1:28:24
  Speaker 2: sister zoas everything.
• 1:28:27
  Speaker 3: My sister is five years younger than me, and she's
• 1:28:28
  Speaker 3: absolutely acted as my big sister, like.
• 1:28:30
  Speaker 2: Oh a million percent. I cannot tell you the life
• 1:28:35
  Speaker 2: advice and wisdom I've received from my younger sister same.
• 1:28:38
  Speaker 2: This person is so much more mature than I agreed.
• 1:28:40
  Speaker 2: I mean, starting elementary school.
• 1:28:42
  Speaker 3: Uh huh.
• 1:28:43
  Speaker 2: She taught me to tie my shoes, so aw, that's
• 1:28:46
  Speaker 2: actually kind of embarrassing. That probably shows some sort of
• 1:28:49
  Speaker 2: real really efficiency.
• 1:28:50
  Speaker 3: On my parents look horrible. It was very dogg eat
• 1:28:55
  Speaker 3: dog in the households.
• 1:28:57
  Speaker 2: I've put an embarrassment for decades okay. This is how
• 1:29:01
  Speaker 2: we play Gift or a Curse. I'm gonna name three things.
• 1:29:03
  Speaker 2: You'll tell me if there're a gift or a curse
• 1:29:05
  Speaker 2: and why okay, and then I'll tell you if you're
• 1:29:07
  Speaker 2: right or wrong. Because they are correct answers, you can
• 1:29:09
  Speaker 2: lose the game. No one is on your side here.
• 1:29:13
  Speaker 3: I look forward to losing.
• 1:29:15
  Speaker 2: Okay. Number one. This is from a listener named Emily
• 1:29:17
  Speaker 2: Gift or a curse parents or adults saying I want
• 1:29:21
  Speaker 2: to be her slash him when I grow up, referring
• 1:29:24
  Speaker 2: to a little kid.
• 1:29:25
  Speaker 3: Oh, curse, don't lift up children. Yeah, no, that's embarrassing
• 1:29:34
  Speaker 3: for all parties involved. I'm completely on your side here.
• 1:29:39
  Speaker 3: This is horrifying to see when you formulate that sentence.
• 1:29:43
  Speaker 2: I was like, yuck, there's a whole category of the
• 1:29:48
  Speaker 2: world and like the internet, and like even like product
• 1:29:52
  Speaker 2: marketing that lies in whatever this is. And it makes
• 1:29:56
  Speaker 2: my skin cross.
• 1:29:57
  Speaker 3: It really does.
• 1:29:58
  Speaker 2: There's a big factor. It's like this weird like slumber
• 1:30:02
  Speaker 2: party or like being a kid is like an adult.
• 1:30:06
  Speaker 2: I just look up to them.
• 1:30:07
  Speaker 3: They I'm like, well, that's embarrassing.
• 1:30:09
  Speaker 2: It's and hearing an adult say when I grow.
• 1:30:12
  Speaker 3: Up honey, you're winding down, you're growing, You're growing down.
• 1:30:19
  Speaker 2: Humiliating curse, no question. Okay, you've gotten one right so far.
• 1:30:22
  Speaker 2: That's very good. Number two. This is from a listener
• 1:30:25
  Speaker 2: named Erica gif to a curse when bands on tour
• 1:30:29
  Speaker 2: use the local city instead of the original city in
• 1:30:32
  Speaker 2: the song.
• 1:30:32
  Speaker 1: I e.
• 1:30:33
  Speaker 2: If Martha and the Vandelas were in Indianapolis and saying
• 1:30:37
  Speaker 2: dancing in the street and replaced New York City with Indianapolis, curse.
• 1:30:41
  Speaker 3: This is this is a basic bitch move, Like it's
• 1:30:44
  Speaker 3: pandering to locals.
• 1:30:46
  Speaker 2: It's not true.
• 1:30:47
  Speaker 3: If this is a kin to someone doing karaoke and
• 1:30:51
  Speaker 3: changing the gender to make it work for them, Oh,
• 1:30:53
  Speaker 3: you don't do that. No, there's a great tweet like
• 1:30:57
  Speaker 3: don't you dare change the gender you're gay for the
• 1:30:59
  Speaker 3: next four minute, like if you're it's like a love
• 1:31:02
  Speaker 3: song about a guy or a girl or whatever. So
• 1:31:04
  Speaker 3: like no, like only like basic bitches are they going,
• 1:31:10
  Speaker 3: like when they hear Chicago instead of like whatever cooler
• 1:31:13
  Speaker 3: city the person named.
• 1:31:17
  Speaker 2: Absolutely right, it's so cheap. It's so the audience hasn't
• 1:31:22
  Speaker 2: earned that. No, it's I mean, the pride in their
• 1:31:25
  Speaker 2: city was not earned. And it's like doing a simple
• 1:31:28
  Speaker 2: magic trick.
• 1:31:29
  Speaker 3: You idiots and think they're not doing that for every city.
• 1:31:33
  Speaker 2: Right, You're not special, You're a fool. You're not. Your
• 1:31:36
  Speaker 2: partner is cheating on you.
• 1:31:37
  Speaker 3: Yes, with many bitches.
• 1:31:39
  Speaker 2: Yes, you fall for everything. Yep, curse. I want to
• 1:31:43
  Speaker 2: hear the city, the city they actually cared about, same
• 1:31:47
  Speaker 2: city that Martha and the Vandela's actually car Yes, I mean,
• 1:31:50
  Speaker 2: ever they are that recommendation. I mean that detail almost
• 1:31:53
  Speaker 2: got me. I do love Martha and the Vandelas, but
• 1:31:55
  Speaker 2: you know, Martha and the Vandela's probably dancing in the street.
• 1:31:59
  Speaker 2: Uh loves like a heat wave. They've got a bunch
• 1:32:03
  Speaker 2: of great songs. Is Martha's still alive? Oh wow, good
• 1:32:07
  Speaker 2: for her. Hopefully she's still singing Martha reach out. Okay,
• 1:32:12
  Speaker 2: you've gotten two rights so far. This is very impressive.
• 1:32:15
  Speaker 3: Well, we are both libras. Yeah, that's true, and we're
• 1:32:18
  Speaker 3: both on the ginger spectrum. Right, was incredibly talented. So
• 1:32:24
  Speaker 3: we'll see what happens with the third one.
• 1:32:26
  Speaker 2: Mark. A listener named Mark, has suggested gift her a
• 1:32:29
  Speaker 2: curse back in angle street parking.
• 1:32:33
  Speaker 3: Back in angle like parallel parking.
• 1:32:35
  Speaker 2: No, I think this is when it's the it's not
• 1:32:40
  Speaker 2: the lines aren't straight, like you would pull up to
• 1:32:42
  Speaker 2: the curve on an angle almost, you know, like that's insane,
• 1:32:45
  Speaker 2: that's a curse. Oh and actually you don't even pull
• 1:32:47
  Speaker 2: up your backing in.
• 1:32:47
  Speaker 3: He's said, that's insane. You're then facing the wrong direction
• 1:32:51
  Speaker 3: when you leave when you back in. Yeah, but if
• 1:32:55
  Speaker 3: it's angled and you're backing in, then you were facing
• 1:32:58
  Speaker 3: oncoming traffic. That's deranged. Am I getting this right? You're
• 1:33:05
  Speaker 3: going that they're angled in the direction of traffic.
• 1:33:07
  Speaker 2: Correct to someone with zero spatial skills, So that me,
• 1:33:10
  Speaker 2: trying to put this together in my brain is very difficult.
• 1:33:13
  Speaker 3: So I'm picturing like, okay, you know how it has
• 1:33:15
  Speaker 3: a flow of traffic, and then like say you're in
• 1:33:18
  Speaker 3: a mall whatever, and you have to go in a
• 1:33:19
  Speaker 3: certain direction, so the angles are like I'm going to
• 1:33:23
  Speaker 3: pull forward into this, do you know what I mean?
• 1:33:28
  Speaker 2: All like this as you go like this.
• 1:33:30
  Speaker 3: So if you went past it and then backed first
• 1:33:36
  Speaker 3: of all, that's a too two move job. And then
• 1:33:40
  Speaker 3: you're I want this person take into a psychle ward immediately.
• 1:33:46
  Speaker 3: They definitely shouldn't have their license. That's mark you're.
• 1:33:49
  Speaker 2: All the same, just as an option. He doesn't know either.
• 1:33:53
  Speaker 3: Well, I hope I'm not also like getting this wrong.
• 1:33:55
  Speaker 3: But back in angled street parking, yes, no psycho curse,
• 1:34:01
  Speaker 3: a nuisance whatever that is.
• 1:34:04
  Speaker 2: Zach wrong, It's a gift, and only because the way
• 1:34:08
  Speaker 2: you just explained it to me makes me think this
• 1:34:10
  Speaker 2: is an exciting opportunity to be able to pull in
• 1:34:13
  Speaker 2: and then the getaway is so scary you're pulling out
• 1:34:17
  Speaker 2: that the moves that have to happen as you're leaving
• 1:34:20
  Speaker 2: the space are so such a fun topper to the
• 1:34:23
  Speaker 2: mall or to the shopping center you've just been at,
• 1:34:26
  Speaker 2: very exciting. I'm so disappointed and the prowless you have
• 1:34:30
  Speaker 2: to show getting in there.
• 1:34:32
  Speaker 3: It's part of your thing. You have to like make
• 1:34:34
  Speaker 3: me lose. Is that part of your sick twisted game.
• 1:34:38
  Speaker 2: Part of the thing is that I'm always right? Oh,
• 1:34:41
  Speaker 2: and there are certain universal truths that only I have
• 1:34:45
  Speaker 2: access to.
• 1:34:45
  Speaker 3: You know what your answer lies? In the just to
• 1:34:48
  Speaker 3: be Devil's advocate? You sound like right now.
• 1:34:52
  Speaker 2: Man is showing your thirty year old show.
• 1:34:56
  Speaker 4: Actually, actually you there's nothing illegal about parking that way,
• 1:35:04
  Speaker 4: and like then I can see who's coming.
• 1:35:09
  Speaker 3: That's what you sound like.
• 1:35:12
  Speaker 2: To see, you know, sore loser. I mean it is showing.
• 1:35:16
  Speaker 2: I mean they can see it from the moon. Okay,
• 1:35:20
  Speaker 2: we got two out of three, not too bad, and.
• 1:35:23
  Speaker 3: That did for some reason, you're saying too out of three, Chap,
• 1:35:26
  Speaker 3: my ass real hard and I.
• 1:35:30
  Speaker 2: The source loser ever to enter this arena.
• 1:35:32
  Speaker 3: Well that makes mewitter ye that you dosers. I'm the
• 1:35:37
  Speaker 3: best loser.
• 1:35:39
  Speaker 2: It's an excellent job at losing.
• 1:35:40
  Speaker 3: Thank you.
• 1:35:41
  Speaker 2: Okay. This is the final segment of the podcast. It's
• 1:35:43
  Speaker 2: called I said no emails people right into I said
• 1:35:46
  Speaker 2: no gifts at gmail dot com begging for answers. That's
• 1:35:49
  Speaker 2: all you really need to know. Every one of my
• 1:35:51
  Speaker 2: listeners has countless life problems, and they're just like, please
• 1:35:55
  Speaker 2: take care of at least one of these. FORMATU, my
• 1:35:57
  Speaker 2: load is too heavy. Okay, that's two. You're lucky. At
• 1:36:05
  Speaker 2: the end you're talking about loads all of a sudden.
• 1:36:10
  Speaker 2: We hope me answer a listener question. Okay, okay, great,
• 1:36:13
  Speaker 2: this says let's see here. This says benevolent providers. Okay,
• 1:36:18
  Speaker 2: I don't know what quite what that means, but we'll
• 1:36:20
  Speaker 2: take it.
• 1:36:20
  Speaker 3: It sounds culty.
• 1:36:21
  Speaker 2: It does sound a little culty, and we'll take it. Okay,
• 1:36:23
  Speaker 2: you're taking it.
• 1:36:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm taking this listener's load. Of taking this benevolent
• 1:36:31
  Speaker 3: load from the listener. We haven't said anything bad, it's all.
• 1:36:37
  Speaker 2: This could all be on ABC. Yeah. I'm stuck on
• 1:36:40
  Speaker 2: what to get my little brother for Christmas. He's twenty four,
• 1:36:43
  Speaker 2: works for Whole Foods, lives with his girlfriend in a
• 1:36:46
  Speaker 2: beach area of Florida, and is a huge video game nerd.
• 1:36:50
  Speaker 2: It seems anything I buy him sits on a shelf
• 1:36:52
  Speaker 2: or isn't something he's interested in. He has a good
• 1:36:54
  Speaker 2: job now, so he buys anything he wants. I've thought
• 1:36:57
  Speaker 2: of getting him comic books and Oculus rift, a drone,
• 1:37:00
  Speaker 2: et cetera, but he apparently has all of those things already.
• 1:37:04
  Speaker 2: Do you or your lovely guest have suggestions for what
• 1:37:07
  Speaker 2: to get him? I can't think of anything, and I'm
• 1:37:09
  Speaker 2: tired of my gifts not being useful, disrespectful listener. That's
• 1:37:13
  Speaker 2: from someone named Matt, So Matt's brother has some sounds
• 1:37:19
  Speaker 2: like an impossible to please straight guy. Yes, who's it?
• 1:37:24
  Speaker 2: Must be a higher up at Whole Foods. I was
• 1:37:26
  Speaker 2: just bagging groceries.
• 1:37:28
  Speaker 3: I can't believe that. But I was, like, what high
• 1:37:31
  Speaker 3: paying job is there at Whole Foods?
• 1:37:34
  Speaker 2: Right? I mean, we appreciate all of our grocery workers,
• 1:37:37
  Speaker 2: but I don't think any of those are things where
• 1:37:39
  Speaker 2: you're like, I can but now buy anything I ever wanted,
• 1:37:42
  Speaker 2: unless you're irresponsible with money, which twenty four could be.
• 1:37:47
  Speaker 3: Totally the girlfriend. So obviously bills are cut.
• 1:37:50
  Speaker 2: In half, right, and he doesn't mind sailing into debt.
• 1:37:54
  Speaker 3: Listen, this is the thing. I actually don't like gifts either.
• 1:37:57
  Speaker 3: For the most part. I like money. Uh, I don't
• 1:38:02
  Speaker 3: like when people guess for things. I don't like being
• 1:38:05
  Speaker 3: brought something that I then have to either get rid
• 1:38:08
  Speaker 3: of in a beautiful way or incorporate into my life. Sure, So,
• 1:38:12
  Speaker 3: like my go to is like, get them a gift card.
• 1:38:15
  Speaker 3: Give them a fucking Visa Bucks gift card.
• 1:38:17
  Speaker 2: I love a Visa Bucks.
• 1:38:18
  Speaker 3: I let them spend it how they whatever you were
• 1:38:21
  Speaker 3: going to spend on what dumb comic book? Get them
• 1:38:24
  Speaker 3: one hundred dollars and be done with it. And your
• 1:38:26
  Speaker 3: your brother sounds like he lacks any sentiment or sentimental appreciation,
• 1:38:33
  Speaker 3: so stop trying.
• 1:38:34
  Speaker 2: I think teach him a lesson. Yeah, I think this
• 1:38:37
  Speaker 2: little grub needs to learn that just because you bought
• 1:38:41
  Speaker 2: everything for yourself doesn't mean you don't need a brother.
• 1:38:43
  Speaker 3: Totally. Oh brother, Yes, and then with next Christmas eve
• 1:38:50
  Speaker 3: love thee yeah or double down.
• 1:38:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, make it worse every year. Next year you send
• 1:38:55
  Speaker 2: like a like a sowd off finger to you know,
• 1:38:58
  Speaker 2: things have gotten worse in this situations. And maybe eventually
• 1:39:01
  Speaker 2: he will appreciate the oculus rift. We can all use
• 1:39:06
  Speaker 2: two oculus rifts. We all love VR, we all love escaping.
• 1:39:13
  Speaker 2: I think that that's totally fair. This brother is an
• 1:39:15
  Speaker 2: absolutely spoiled brat and we're not on his side. I
• 1:39:19
  Speaker 2: think Whole Foods should look into should take these details
• 1:39:21
  Speaker 2: and find him and fire him.
• 1:39:23
  Speaker 3: Also, little brothers are iconically the worst type of people.
• 1:39:27
  Speaker 2: I've never experienced a little brother. Interesting, do you have one?
• 1:39:30
  Speaker 3: Well, not personally, but like think of all Medians in
• 1:39:32
  Speaker 3: the early movie. It's a snot nose, Yes exactly. They're
• 1:39:35
  Speaker 3: either like treasured by the parents and annoying to the siblings,
• 1:39:40
  Speaker 3: or they're just a little cunts.
• 1:39:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, completely, and this one is probably both. I agree
• 1:39:45
  Speaker 2: Whole Foods. Track him down, lay him off, make him
• 1:39:48
  Speaker 2: learn what it is to you know struggle, Yes, Matt,
• 1:39:53
  Speaker 2: never right back in. Oh boy, Zach, I now have
• 1:39:59
  Speaker 2: three gifts. I've got still a lot of Celsius to
• 1:40:02
  Speaker 2: drink and delicious cherry Cola soda, two cookies and five dollars.
• 1:40:09
  Speaker 2: I'm out of my mind over this. Memories galore, hours
• 1:40:13
  Speaker 2: of audio. We should split this into three episodes than
• 1:40:21
  Speaker 2: I think. This may be our longest episode ever on Alice. Wow,
• 1:40:25
  Speaker 2: let's go for two, let's go for another twenty. Well,
• 1:40:28
  Speaker 2: now that we've reached the halfway heart, No, it's because
• 1:40:30
  Speaker 2: I've had, I mean, the best time with you same.
• 1:40:33
  Speaker 2: Thank you for the gifts, and thank you for being here.
• 1:40:34
  Speaker 3: I was looking forward to it the whole since since
• 1:40:37
  Speaker 3: we've been trying to line up the date.
• 1:40:39
  Speaker 2: And you were a real diva about that. I know.
• 1:40:42
  Speaker 3: Well, it's life on my terms.
• 1:40:44
  Speaker 2: Or get out, uh listener, the podcast is over. We're
• 1:40:51
  Speaker 2: letting you go. Maybe you could start the episode over.
• 1:40:54
  Speaker 2: I don't know. Try to memorize every word, you know,
• 1:40:57
  Speaker 2: like your favorite song. That's a new idea. Has anyone
• 1:40:59
  Speaker 2: ever memorized every word of a podcast? You could be
• 1:41:02
  Speaker 2: the first. This is the end. I love you, goodbye,
• 1:41:10
  Speaker 2: I said, no, Gifts is an exactly right production. It's
• 1:41:14
  Speaker 2: produced by our dear friend Annalise Nelson, and it's beautifully
• 1:41:17
  Speaker 2: mixed by Ben Holliday. And we couldn't do it without
• 1:41:20
  Speaker 2: our guest booker Patrick Kottner. The theme song, of course,
• 1:41:24
  Speaker 2: could only come from miracle worker Amy Mann. You must
• 1:41:28
  Speaker 2: follow the show on Instagram. At I said, no gifts.
• 1:41:31
  Speaker 2: I don't want to hear any excuses. That's where you
• 1:41:33
  Speaker 2: get to see pictures of all these gorgeous gifts I'm getting.
• 1:41:36
  Speaker 2: And don't you want to see pictures of the gifts?
• 1:41:40
  Speaker 3: The lie invit?
• 1:41:41
  Speaker 1: Did you hear? Funa man myself perfectly clear? But you're
• 1:41:49
  Speaker 1: I guessed, Tom. You gotta come to me empty And
• 1:41:57
  Speaker 1: I said, no guests, your present persons enough. I already
• 1:42:04
  Speaker 1: had too much stuff, So how do you dare to
• 1:42:08
  Speaker 1: surbey me