Transcript

Waking up · An ASMR Practice

0:02
Speaker 1: Good morning. Good morning. From the East Coast. The East
0:10
Speaker 1: Coast of Florida. I am, uh, about to just do
0:18
Speaker 1: some stretches slash yoga. And I was praying, and then
0:28
Speaker 1: I was like, ugh. I think I want to go
0:31
Speaker 1: on the pod. I think I really want to go
0:33
Speaker 1: on the pod. I'm thinking about, there was this, when
0:39
Speaker 1: I was staying with my friend in New Orleans, they had, like,
0:43
Speaker 1: you know, I don't even know how many roommates, but they.
0:46
Speaker 2: Had roommates, and, you know, this is sort of what
0:50
Speaker 2: the modern economic climate requires of us, is to, like,
0:54
Speaker 2: have roommates, or.
0:56
Speaker 1: To live somewhere really, really, really cheap so I was
1:13
Speaker 1: invited to sleep in one of the roommate's bedroom and
1:18
Speaker 1: I didn't even get her name maybe she told me
1:21
Speaker 1: her name she was basically like I'm headed out feel
1:24
Speaker 1: free to sleep in my room and I really loved
1:32
Speaker 1: her room It was very kind of artsy and had
1:45
Speaker 1: the vibe of kind of like an altar, which is
1:49
Speaker 1: sort of how my stuff is. I mean, not currently,
1:55
Speaker 1: but in the past it has been. And I just
2:02
Speaker 1: remember she had this list on her desk. Like I
2:07
Speaker 1: want to say it was like on top of her laptop.
2:10
Speaker 1: And at the time I was like, did she leave
2:12
Speaker 1: this for me? Like I don't even know this person.
2:16
Speaker 1: And it was just kind of like introspective questions. And
2:24
Speaker 1: the last one was like the biggest letters and like
2:27
Speaker 1: the boldest font. And it just said, why am I
2:30
Speaker 1: so angry at my mother? Why am I so angry
2:34
Speaker 1: at my mom? I think I've been saying for... I
2:47
Speaker 1: don't know. I think I change what I say pretty constantly, actually.
2:56
Speaker 1: But I think.
3:03
Speaker 1: If I am to ask myself the same question, why
3:09
Speaker 1: am I so angry at my mom? The answer that
3:12
Speaker 1: came to me this morning was, That my mother was
3:19
Speaker 1: very powerful at sort of enforcing that we had to
3:27
Speaker 1: be good at school. Like we had to have good grades.
3:36
Speaker 1: And I'm grateful for this because I got a lot
3:38
Speaker 1: of scholarships and I got to go and meet all
3:41
Speaker 1: sorts of great people. Or, I don't know, I got
3:50
Speaker 1: to meet different people. And I learned so much, and
3:53
Speaker 1: I found so much love. And ultimately, you know, I
3:58
Speaker 1: had been ready to come home at the end of it.
4:04
Speaker 1: And then this guy invited me to live with him.
4:09
Speaker 1: And the part of me that really loved Vermont was like, yeah,
4:15
Speaker 1: we'll try it out. You know, it keeps coming up, this, like,
4:18
Speaker 1: dating to marry thing. You know, and there was this
4:21
Speaker 1: guy who I dated in, like, middle school. I don't
4:26
Speaker 1: even know if we were dating at the time, but
4:27
Speaker 1: he was the first person I'd ever heard this from.
4:32
Speaker 1: And I know his mom is, like, extremely Christian and, like... Ultimately,
4:40
Speaker 1: he ended up being gay. And.
4:48
Speaker 1: You know, my understanding is there was a lot of, like,
4:51
Speaker 1: drama with his mama. There was a lot of drama
4:54
Speaker 1: with his mama after that. Like, I want to say
5:12
Speaker 1: that even... I don't know. I mean, I only heard
5:15
Speaker 1: this through the grapevine, but.
5:20
Speaker 1: I want to say they were, like, trying, like, electric
5:22
Speaker 1: shock therapy and shit. Like... But he was the first
5:28
Speaker 1: person I ever heard the date to marry thing from.
5:32
Speaker 1: And at the time, I was like, what? Well, because
5:35
Speaker 1: we were in middle school. We were in middle school.
5:37
Speaker 1: I was like.
5:39
Speaker 1: I'm supposed to be thinking about marrying these guys that
5:42
Speaker 1: I've dated? I just wasn't even... I wasn't even... remotely
5:49
Speaker 1: thinking about that yeah I feel I feel um and
6:10
Speaker 1: so then okay then I was talking to my I
6:15
Speaker 1: don't know what to call him um my roommate That
6:18
Speaker 1: used to be my partner. I still consider him family.
6:29
Speaker 1: I still love him a lot. And... Just our whole
6:42
Speaker 1: drama with the marriage thing. Where I was just like,
6:46
Speaker 1: I just need a list. I just need a headcount.
6:50
Speaker 1: And then eventually it was like, we could just elope.
6:59
Speaker 1: And I don't know, I probably got petty. I probably
7:01
Speaker 1: got petty. But yeah, it's like my mom was extremely
7:10
Speaker 1: militant about.
7:15
Speaker 1: Having good grades. And then at the same time, you know,
7:23
Speaker 1: at least she used to, I'm not really sure anymore,
7:28
Speaker 1: but she really, I mean, she prioritized the kids that
7:34
Speaker 1: were struggling, which I think is admirable because, And I
7:45
Speaker 1: think when I would witness teachers doing the same thing,
7:48
Speaker 1: I would get really mad. Like, I kept it in.
7:55
Speaker 1: I definitely kept it in. But I would just get
7:59
Speaker 1: so mad because I feel like I was trained to, like,
8:03
Speaker 1: strive for perfection. But then the fact of my, like,
8:10
Speaker 1: academic success... it meant I got less attention and in
8:20
Speaker 1: fact it meant that I got negative attention from my
8:23
Speaker 1: peers you know like I felt like people would compare
8:32
Speaker 1: themselves to me and then like either like ridicule me
8:38
Speaker 1: for caring so much or or they would like speak
8:44
Speaker 1: negatively about themselves And I think just like by time
8:51
Speaker 1: I was in high school, it was like.
8:55
Speaker 1: I just had to tone it all out. I just
8:56
Speaker 1: literally had to just wear headphones and like not care
9:00
Speaker 1: at all and just tone it all out. Because it
9:03
Speaker 1: was just like the pendulum swing of like... Either I'm
9:10
Speaker 1: a huge fucking dork. On one hand, I'm a huge
9:13
Speaker 1: fucking dork that people are making fun of. Or... Or, like,
9:29
Speaker 1: I'm making people feel bad about themselves. But, and now
9:41
Speaker 1: I would, now I would honestly call to question, like,
9:44
Speaker 1: did they actually care? Like, did they actually feel bad
9:47
Speaker 1: about themselves? But then it's like, I know I had friends.
9:50
Speaker 1: I know, actually, factually. I had one friend who was
9:54
Speaker 1: less good at school than me and I think I
10:03
Speaker 1: like I was eating breakfast at her house and after
10:10
Speaker 1: I was done eating I brought my dish to the
10:12
Speaker 1: sink because you know this is how I was raised
10:17
Speaker 1: and then of course her mom Said something about it like.
10:21
Speaker 1: Why can't you fucking do that. And it made my
10:25
Speaker 1: friend cry. And then my friend didn't really want to
10:29
Speaker 1: talk to me after that. I was like I didn't
10:32
Speaker 1: say anything. Your mom said it. But I just understood
10:35
Speaker 1: then like. And you know I've had my own version
10:41
Speaker 1: of this.
10:41
Speaker 4: Where like.
10:44
Speaker 1: There was this very pretty girl. Who was also very
10:47
Speaker 1: good at school. And, I mean, her family was, like, rich,
10:55
Speaker 1: is my understanding. And I also heard some really horrific
11:04
Speaker 1: things that went down in that house, and I don't
11:07
Speaker 1: know if they're rumors or what, but.
11:13
Speaker 3: I know I cried about it a lot.
11:16
Speaker 1: And I barely know her. Because I... I believed it
11:25
Speaker 1: and I just couldn't, I mean, I couldn't fathom, you know,
11:29
Speaker 1: I was like praying this morning.
11:31
Speaker 3: And I don't know.
11:32
Speaker 1: I got a calling to go on Facebook reels because
11:35
Speaker 1: Facebook reels is pretty pure for me. Like Instagram is like,
11:38
Speaker 1: they're trying to make me laugh, but Facebook reels is
11:40
Speaker 1: like trying to really like make me cry in like
11:45
Speaker 1: a good way, I guess.
11:46
Speaker 4: I don't know.
11:47
Speaker 1: So I like, I got the instinct to go on
11:49
Speaker 1: Facebook reels and, And then I quickly just said a
11:54
Speaker 1: quick prayer to God. Like, just whatever message I need
11:56
Speaker 1: to hear. You know. And it's freaking Tony Robbins. I
12:04
Speaker 1: like Tony Robbins. And I know my partner. I would
12:10
Speaker 1: still call him my partner. Maybe that's delusional, but... My
12:28
Speaker 1: friend and my chosen family.
12:30
Speaker 4: I kind of lost it.
12:48
Speaker 1: I saw a book on the bookshelf that maybe I should, like,
12:51
Speaker 1: check that out. First of all, the name is, like,
12:59
Speaker 1: extremely meaningful to me, and the title is also, like,
13:03
Speaker 1: I could probably use this guidance. But yeah, I don't
13:18
Speaker 1: know what I was saying. This is my problem. I
13:22
Speaker 1: think definitely, like, I'm curious to speak to a professional
13:27
Speaker 1: about this. I think my short-term memory is not so good.
13:39
Speaker 1: I think my long-term memory is okay. I struggle to
13:45
Speaker 1: imagine that there's, like, a pill for that.
13:58
Speaker 3: So, yeah, I think.
14:03
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, my mom compared me to this very pretty, like,
14:06
Speaker 1: girl who comes from way more money than us. And,
14:10
Speaker 1: I mean, it was nothing serious, but she was just like...
14:15
Speaker 1: She dresses so nice. You never see her in the
14:19
Speaker 1: same outfit twice. Like, she's always dressed so nice. You know,
14:26
Speaker 1: she was just like, I mean, she was tall like me,
14:29
Speaker 1: but she was, like, brunette and, like, skinnier. And, like,
14:35
Speaker 1: probably more popular. And so it's, like, that's the kind
14:43
Speaker 1: of comparison I got. I feel like most people got, like, if...
14:47
Speaker 1: Because it happened a couple times where people's parents were, like,
14:50
Speaker 1: comparing them to me, and it made me extremely uncomfortable.
14:55
Speaker 1: I probably should have said something, but it's like I
15:00
Speaker 1: was raised to not talk back to adults. I mean,
15:02
Speaker 1: another thing I was raised is not to interrupt adults
15:05
Speaker 1: when they're talking. And I recently had a moment where
15:10
Speaker 1: two adults were talking and I needed one of their help.
15:15
Speaker 1: I was trying to perform a job and I needed
15:17
Speaker 1: to talk to one of them, but I was just waiting...
15:21
Speaker 1: you know, it's, like, it's, like, deeply ingrained in me
15:24
Speaker 1: to wait until the adults are done talking, and eventually,
15:30
Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't know if I just kept
15:31
Speaker 1: waiting or not, but I just remember I was just, like,
15:33
Speaker 1: looping in my head, like, do I wait or do
15:36
Speaker 1: I interrupt, do I wait or do I interrupt, do
15:37
Speaker 1: I wait or interrupt, and I think that this is, like,
15:43
Speaker 1: the fundamental loop that goes on in my head, because
15:46
Speaker 1: my other thing is, like, You know, I've been criticized
15:54
Speaker 1: a lot because I don't speak my mind enough. And.
15:59
Speaker 1: But for me, it's like... If someone is talking a lot...
16:05
Speaker 1: Very quickly... I think because I sort of like to ramble.
16:17
Speaker 1: You know? I usually let people ramble, at least. I
16:24
Speaker 1: definitely think, like, just talking is... Even if you're talking
16:27
Speaker 1: to a person, I mean, it is, like, a form
16:29
Speaker 1: of prayer. And so... And I don't necessarily think I'm, like,
16:35
Speaker 1: qualified to.
16:36
Speaker 4: I.
16:41
Speaker 1: Don't think I'm qualified to, like, fix anything. You know?
16:48
Speaker 1: And after I did psychedelics, I... the solution I came
16:52
Speaker 1: up with for, I don't know if it's, like, social
16:55
Speaker 1: anxiety or social awkwardness or whatever, like, I was like, oh, like,
16:59
Speaker 1: I just, you know, it was such a big realization
17:01
Speaker 1: for me, I was like, oh, I gotta ask more questions, like,
17:04
Speaker 1: I seriously gotta just ask more questions, and then I
17:08
Speaker 1: think I went kind of, like, I don't know if
17:11
Speaker 1: I went too hard, but I did a lot with
17:14
Speaker 1: the questions, and I think I, because I think this
17:19
Speaker 1: is my thing, is, like, I want people to ask
17:24
Speaker 1: me freaking questions. Like, I want people to want to
17:32
Speaker 1: know me. You know, and, like, my friendship that ended
17:43
Speaker 1: and her whole philosophy was, like, well, like, my version
17:48
Speaker 1: of love is you just, like, offer yourself. You just
17:50
Speaker 1: offer yourself. You just give yourself. You just give all
17:54
Speaker 1: the information. Maybe not all, but you give the information.
17:57
Speaker 1: You give the context. And I think for me, love
18:04
Speaker 1: would be somebody asking a question. I was talking to
18:09
Speaker 1: my friend here. She was saying how she tries to
18:20
Speaker 1: ask questions to her partner. And that he just doesn't know.
18:26
Speaker 1: He just doesn't have the answer. And that it's like
18:28
Speaker 1: frustrating for her. Because she wants to be involved. But
18:32
Speaker 1: she doesn't know how to be involved. So now I'm
18:36
Speaker 1: maybe theorizing a little.
18:38
Speaker 3: I don't know like.
18:59
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know. I got lost. I
19:01
Speaker 1: got lost in the sauce. I wouldn't necessarily say I'm
19:14
Speaker 1: mad at my mom anymore. I think I'm uncomfortable with
19:18
Speaker 1: her lifestyle. And then it makes me wonder like Is
19:30
Speaker 1: me saying that just like an indirect way of saying
19:33
Speaker 1: that I'm uncomfortable with my own lifestyle? And in ways, certainly. Like,
19:39
Speaker 1: I can't even deny. There are ways in which I
19:41
Speaker 1: am uncomfortable with my own lifestyle. And I definitely see
19:46
Speaker 1: that with my partner. Like, all the ways in which
19:48
Speaker 1: I was uncomfortable with his lifestyle. is definitely just, like,
19:51
Speaker 1: I'm uncomfortable with my own. Um... So... and I wish
20:09
Speaker 1: I would have realized that sooner, but you can't really
20:11
Speaker 1: go back, and now I know, and the message I
20:16
Speaker 1: received from Facebook, well, there was one, it was, it
20:22
Speaker 1: was Tony Robbins, and it was some girl who looks, like,
20:24
Speaker 1: kind of exactly like my aunt, and she, like, stood up,
20:28
Speaker 1: you know, very powerfully, and she was, like, you know,
20:31
Speaker 1: she stated her feelings, she stated her feelings, and And
20:34
Speaker 1: then he was asking questions and then she got like
20:37
Speaker 1: emotionally overwhelmed and she like sat back down. She like
20:40
Speaker 1: threw up her hands and she sat back down. And
20:43
Speaker 1: he was like, this is not, he was like, you gotta,
20:46
Speaker 1: you can't just like pop off. He was like, it
20:49
Speaker 1: was very powerful what you just did, but you gotta
20:53
Speaker 1: stay standing. He's like, stand back up. And it was
20:56
Speaker 1: like a process to get her to stand back up.
20:59
Speaker 1: And it reminded me, like, I definitely did that as
21:01
Speaker 1: a kid. Like, You know, I hated it. God, I
21:08
Speaker 1: hated it. When, like, I would, like, want to throw
21:13
Speaker 1: a tantrum or, like, just ball up or something. And
21:16
Speaker 1: then they'd be like, no, stand back up, look me
21:17
Speaker 1: in the eyes. And my partner does this, too. Where
21:23
Speaker 1: when I get super emotional, I don't want to look
21:25
Speaker 1: him in the eye. And, like, sometimes I, like, straight
21:28
Speaker 1: up put a blanket over my head. And I think it's, like,
21:32
Speaker 1: kind of funny sometimes. And I'm always, like, I was
21:34
Speaker 1: always hoping that he would, like, come under the blanket
21:37
Speaker 1: with me. And, like, join me there. And I think.
21:45
Speaker 1: Maybe he did once or twice.
21:48
Speaker 3: I don't know.
21:48
Speaker 1: It's like Queen Charlotte. Like, when her husband is... Her
22:00
Speaker 1: husband's like a mad scientist and he like just doesn't
22:03
Speaker 1: even love her right at all because he's just so
22:05
Speaker 1: lost in the sauce of like doing astronomy and stuff.
22:10
Speaker 1: And he has like severe trust issues because his mom
22:13
Speaker 1: is like constantly like doing extreme medical interventions on him
22:18
Speaker 1: because they think he's crazy because they don't want him
22:20
Speaker 1: to have a passion and they want him to just
22:25
Speaker 1: like be like a logical you know kind of They
22:30
Speaker 1: want him to be like a king. And he wants
22:32
Speaker 1: to be an astronomer. And he didn't choose this life.
22:36
Speaker 1: He was just born into it. And so he goes
22:40
Speaker 1: a little crazy. Because they're doing like electroshock therapy. They're
22:43
Speaker 1: like having like. They're like dipping his body into like.
22:47
Speaker 1: Vats of like bugs. And scorpions. And they're just like
22:51
Speaker 1: doing crazy shit to him. To try to like make
22:56
Speaker 1: him into what he. Quote needs to be. which is
22:59
Speaker 1: like a king, which is like kind of like, I mean,
23:02
Speaker 1: I don't know what exactly is required of a king,
23:04
Speaker 1: but it doesn't seem, he didn't want it. He had
23:12
Speaker 1: other passions. And so he goes, he goes like pretty
23:18
Speaker 1: extremely insane and she's just like, she just wants to
23:23
Speaker 1: love him and he like is kind of just lost. And,
23:33
Speaker 1: you know, like, the final scene is... Spoiler alert, by
23:37
Speaker 1: the way. I mean, I don't know what exactly I'm spoiling, but... He's, like,
23:44
Speaker 1: hiding under the bed. He's, like, literally laying under the bed.
23:47
Speaker 1: And she, like, knows exactly where to find him because
23:52
Speaker 1: this is just, like, usual. Like, she just knows where
23:54
Speaker 1: he is. Which is very, very similar, actually, to the
24:02
Speaker 1: movie Uptown Girls. When the little girl gets lost, she
24:07
Speaker 1: runs away from home. She's like a parentified adult. And
24:10
Speaker 1: she gets sick of it and she runs away from home.
24:23
Speaker 1: She gets sick of it and runs away from home.
24:25
Speaker 1: And the nanny, who is sort of like an adult child...
24:30
Speaker 1: You know, and the parentified child is, like, kind of
24:34
Speaker 1: really extremely mean to this adult child. But ultimately, you know,
24:40
Speaker 1: they need each other. And they learn from each other.
24:43
Speaker 1: And they, like, love each other.
24:46
Speaker 2: A lot.
24:49
Speaker 1: And she runs away, the little girl. And the adult child,
24:53
Speaker 1: she knows exactly where to find her. like it for
24:58
Speaker 1: it takes her a while it takes like the mom
25:00
Speaker 1: calls and she's like do you know where my kid
25:01
Speaker 1: is she ran away you know and at first she
25:06
Speaker 1: doesn't but then she does and it's like the place
25:12
Speaker 1: that she tried to take her because she was trying
25:17
Speaker 1: to teach her how to have fun because it's like
25:18
Speaker 1: this parentified child like doesn't know how to have fun
25:28
Speaker 1: She doesn't know how to have fun. And so she
25:31
Speaker 1: tries to take her to, like, the Staten Island, like,
25:35
Speaker 1: I don't know, amusement park. But then they show up
25:38
Speaker 1: and they're, like, they're there before it opens, like, for
25:43
Speaker 1: the season. And so it's, like, abandoned. And, you know,
25:48
Speaker 1: the parentified child is like, you fucking idiot. Like, why
25:52
Speaker 1: would you bring me here? It's not even open. She's just, like,
25:54
Speaker 1: criticizing her, like, pretty heavily. And she's like yeah damn.
26:00
Speaker 1: You know I don't. I forgot whatever. But when she
26:04
Speaker 1: runs away. She knows. And she goes and finds her there.
26:12
Speaker 1: You know. And it's like. It's like the most emotional
26:15
Speaker 1: scene ever. Because the parentified child. Is just like punching her.
26:20
Speaker 1: She's just like punching her over and over.
26:22
Speaker 2: Like.
26:27
Speaker 1: Taking out all of her rage. Which is really for
26:32
Speaker 1: her mom. Who her mom is just like a workaholic.
26:41
Speaker 1: And she's just like extremely neglectful. And just keeps hiring
26:44
Speaker 1: new nannies. Just new nanny after new nanny. Because the
26:49
Speaker 1: child's extremely difficult. And the child doesn't want to be managed.
26:52
Speaker 1: Like the child is like I can do it. I
26:54
Speaker 1: don't even need a nanny. And it's, like, this one
26:59
Speaker 1: nanny who's just, I mean, she's kind of just, she
27:02
Speaker 1: doesn't really have another option. Like, she's kind of just, like,
27:05
Speaker 1: homeless and, like, trying to have fun. And she, like,
27:12
Speaker 1: in a way, she probably looks up to this child,
27:16
Speaker 1: you know, because she needed her parents bad. Like, she
27:20
Speaker 1: relied solely on her parents and didn't ever question, like,
27:24
Speaker 1: that the money could run out. And she's just, like,
27:30
Speaker 1: punching her. The little kid is just, like, punching her stomach.
27:36
Speaker 1: And she's just, the adult, you know, she's just hugging her.
27:42
Speaker 1: And I think she hits her. Like, she barely hits her.
27:44
Speaker 1: She barely, like, I think she, like, gets down on
27:47
Speaker 1: her level. And then the kid, like, smacks her. You know, like,
27:53
Speaker 1: kind of hard for a kid. And then she just
27:55
Speaker 1: kind of, like, barely for an adult, like, kind of
27:57
Speaker 1: smacks her back. You just have to see it. It's
28:03
Speaker 1: like a very powerful movie. But she knew where to
28:06
Speaker 1: find her. That's the thing with Queen Charlotte too. Her
28:10
Speaker 1: freaking husband and king is on the fritz again. She's like,
28:15
Speaker 1: where would this motherfucker be? Under the bed. Under the bed.
28:26
Speaker 1: And so she goes and just lays under the bed
28:28
Speaker 1: with him. You know, she just meets him where he's at.
28:34
Speaker 1: I think that's my biggest frustration with this current time.
28:38
Speaker 1: And I see how I did not do what I
28:41
Speaker 1: was supposed to do. It takes two, for sure. But yeah,
28:52
Speaker 1: I felt like I.
28:57
Speaker 1: It's a recurring pain to not be met where you're at.
29:06
Speaker 1: You know, and my sister was, like, low-key tweaking yesterday.
29:12
Speaker 1: The lover. She was like, my husband said he would
29:17
Speaker 1: come with me.
29:17
Speaker 3: And he didn't.
29:20
Speaker 1: And he always fucking does this. I was like, okay, well,
29:22
Speaker 1: he doesn't always do this. I was like, he literally
29:25
Speaker 1: went to the movie. Like, he literally told me. Because
29:28
Speaker 1: she was, like, having anxiety that he wasn't going to
29:30
Speaker 1: go to the movie. And.
29:35
Speaker 1: Or, I don't know about anxiety, but she was just
29:37
Speaker 1: having doubts about the commitment being followed. through on and
29:47
Speaker 1: ultimately it sounded like she was like well I've already
29:49
Speaker 1: committed so I have to go I haven't seen my
30:05
Speaker 1: friend yet today. And so, I don't know, I was
30:14
Speaker 1: trying to talk her down, but then she was just
30:16
Speaker 1: kind of like... But I had to make him.
30:22
Speaker 3: I had to make him go to the movie.
30:25
Speaker 1: And I don't know what I said, but... I hope
30:28
Speaker 1: I said, like, something like, well, you can't... I mean...
30:30
Speaker 1: I mean, I get it.
30:32
Speaker 3: I think I was just trying to relate. I was like, yeah, like.
30:36
Speaker 1: This has, like, been my hugest issue with my partners.
30:39
Speaker 1: I feel like I have to make them do shit.
30:43
Speaker 1: And it's not really in my nature. And now, now,
30:49
Speaker 1: of course, I realize I don't have to make them
30:51
Speaker 1: do anything.
30:51
Speaker 3: This is what I was trying to tell her. I
30:52
Speaker 3: was like, what's so wrong with.
30:54
Speaker 1: Because she was just, like, driving to... where our family's
30:58
Speaker 1: from essentially that was kind of the task I was
31:01
Speaker 1: like what's so wrong about doing this alone and I
31:05
Speaker 1: was instantly just realizing like yeah what is so wrong
31:12
Speaker 1: with doing it alone like with my own stuff and
31:21
Speaker 1: I you know the church was saying it's kind of
31:25
Speaker 1: ominous what they were saying You know, that some kind
31:35
Speaker 1: of spirit is coming down upon our people. And... That
31:51
Speaker 1: they're banishing nightlife, essentially. Like, they're banishing the corrupt... you know,
32:00
Speaker 1: institutions of whatever, I mean, partying, question mark? Which, at
32:07
Speaker 1: this point, like, sure.
32:10
Speaker 4: Whatever.
32:10
Speaker 1: I'm sure there will still be places to go for
32:15
Speaker 1: that kind of thing. Maybe it just isn't in my village.
32:24
Speaker 1: You know, they were sort of celebrating this, and I
32:26
Speaker 1: was feeling, like, a little mixed about it. part of
32:36
Speaker 1: me that feels like... Eh, I don't know. Fuck that
32:41
Speaker 1: part of me, to be honest. Get out of here.
32:44
Speaker 3: Get out of here.
32:44
Speaker 1: Because part of me just wants to dance. And I
32:52
Speaker 1: guess the reality is I probably could just return to
32:55
Speaker 1: a girlhood kind of state. Like dancing in my bedroom.
32:59
Speaker 1: It's like I am pretty excited to get home and
33:05
Speaker 1: get my my new room, kind of situated. And to, like,
33:11
Speaker 1: have a space that is, like, super, like, danceable. You know?
33:24
Speaker 1: So I can dance in the house. I can dance
33:27
Speaker 1: while I do the chores. I always think, I always
33:31
Speaker 1: think about this time I was housekeeping at the... And
33:38
Speaker 1: I loved it. I don't know. My partner at the
33:45
Speaker 1: time was pretty, like, kind of a Nazi. So I
33:49
Speaker 1: didn't really like cleaning when he was around. Because cleaning was, like,
33:56
Speaker 1: military for him. And, like, for me, cleaning is, like,
33:59
Speaker 1: a very, like, whimsical ADHD kind of process. It's kind
34:09
Speaker 1: of like, you know, I'm just looking for something to do.
34:14
Speaker 1: And when I see it, I do it. And there's
34:16
Speaker 1: not like an order. There's not an order of operations.
34:20
Speaker 1: It's just like whatever calls to me the loudest. Whoa,
34:27
Speaker 1: there's like so many bees here. Holy crap.
34:34
Speaker 2: Whoa.
34:35
Speaker 4: Whoa.
34:40
Speaker 3: Like at first I thought it was like some kind
34:42
Speaker 3: of electrical machine. I wonder if the audio is picking
34:46
Speaker 3: it up. I was like, what's over here? It just
34:50
Speaker 3: looks like, I don't even know what to call this, wheat.
34:54
Speaker 3: I mean, it's probably like cover crop if I had
34:56
Speaker 3: to guess.
34:56
Speaker 1: Just like really big grass. Oh my gosh, I didn't
35:06
Speaker 1: even like, and then, you know, then you kind of
35:08
Speaker 1: got to stop. You got to stop and like sort
35:12
Speaker 1: of focus on the image. And then it's like, holy shit,
35:14
Speaker 1: there's like 5,000 bees here. Like every plant has like
35:21
Speaker 1: a dozen bees. This is good. I do have a
35:28
Speaker 1: lot of faith that like the earth is regenerating. There
35:33
Speaker 1: are good people doing good things. You know, this farm
35:39
Speaker 1: is completely organic. I think I'm gonna go see about
35:51
Speaker 1: some kale I could munch on or something. I like
35:57
Speaker 1: woke up feeling like I had maybe like a little
36:00
Speaker 1: cold or something, which makes sense.
36:02
Speaker 3: I haven't really been taking the best care of myself.
36:06
Speaker 3: It's just kind of hard on the road. So, yeah,
36:12
Speaker 3: I'm just, like, in this weird in-between of, like, I
36:14
Speaker 3: want to go home, but do I?
36:16
Speaker 1: But do I? You know, I told this lady, this
36:29
Speaker 1: other farm boss I had, I've had a few. I
36:34
Speaker 1: was like, I don't understand why everybody's growing kale. Like,
36:37
Speaker 1: I understand it's, like, The thing about kale is the
36:40
Speaker 1: bugs don't want it. It's too spicy for the bugs. So,
36:47
Speaker 1: I mean, don't get me wrong, there's some... There's some
36:50
Speaker 1: leaves that bugs have taken bites out of, but... If
36:53
Speaker 1: you compare it to, like, spinach.
36:55
Speaker 3: The bugs go crazy on the spinach.
37:02
Speaker 1: And so....
37:06
Speaker 3: But kale is like a little too spicy for it.
37:07
Speaker 1: I mean, I told my farm boss, I was like,
37:09
Speaker 1: I was all pissed off. I was like, why?
37:11
Speaker 3: I was like, we got way too much kale. Like,
37:15
Speaker 3: we need some gosh darn arugula. And some spinach. And lettuce.
37:20
Speaker 3: I was like, I don't like kale. And she's like, well,
37:27
Speaker 3: you probably just never had.
37:28
Speaker 1: Kale, right?
37:28
Speaker 3: I think she's right.
37:35
Speaker 1: She's literally right.
37:59
Speaker 3: It's different.
38:00
Speaker 1: It's pretty different than when I was last here. Yeah,
38:04
Speaker 1: I know they got super flooded. They lost a lot
38:13
Speaker 1: of their good dirt, so they were having to, like,
38:15
Speaker 1: rebuild the soil.
38:16
Speaker 3: It's like a whole process. But, yeah, then the boss,
38:24
Speaker 3: she made me some kale in the oven.
38:29
Speaker 1: She's like, shoot, try this.
38:33
Speaker 3: And I was like, okay, okay.
38:35
Speaker 1: This is better. But now I can eat kale raw.
38:38
Speaker 1: That's the thing is you just gotta keep trying. The
38:43
Speaker 1: only thing I don't like is tomatoes. And like fruit
38:49
Speaker 1: that's like too ripe.
38:50
Speaker 3: I had this one crazy boss.
38:56
Speaker 1: He was like....
39:00
Speaker 3: You know, they were just all about not wasting things.
39:05
Speaker 3: They used a lot of fertilizer and stuff.
39:09
Speaker 1: And they still were not paying us right. I'm going
39:19
Speaker 1: to grab another leaf of kale. I believe it's red
39:22
Speaker 1: Russian kale. And he was like, because I don't like
39:34
Speaker 1: to eat fruit when it's like mushy. He was like
39:39
Speaker 1: trying to sell me on it.
39:40
Speaker 3: He was like, but you see.
39:44
Speaker 1: When it's mushy, that means it started fermenting. It's like
39:47
Speaker 1: alcohol and you can get a little drunk eating this
39:49
Speaker 1: fermented fruit.
39:51
Speaker 3: I was like, I'm at work. I was like, I'm
39:53
Speaker 3: literally at work.
39:57
Speaker 2: What, dude?
40:05
Speaker 3: And so.
40:09
Speaker 3: I don't know.
40:10
Speaker 1: And then he's like eating like a mushy fruit in
40:11
Speaker 1: front of me and I was like, ew. Ew.
40:14
Speaker 2: I was like, seriously, ew, dude.
40:18
Speaker 3: You're, like, totally freaking me out.
40:20
Speaker 1: You just gotta keep trying. I mean, with the kale,
40:34
Speaker 1: I started getting those, like, salad packs. Like, the pre-made bags.
40:41
Speaker 1: And there was like a cranberry poppy seed kale. And yeah,
40:48
Speaker 1: I think just eating it with the like drenched in
40:52
Speaker 1: like a dressing, like a poppy dressing. You know, I
40:57
Speaker 1: still didn't like it, but I did.
40:58
Speaker 3: It enough times where now I can just eat it raw.
41:04
Speaker 1: What a blessing. My understanding is this stuff is pretty nutritious.
41:12
Speaker 1: I was like feeling hungry this morning. I was feeling
41:14
Speaker 1: so hungry. I was like, how am I even going
41:16
Speaker 1: to cook? I'm so hungry. I like forgot I'm surrounded
41:20
Speaker 1: by a literal garden of food. I just got to
41:26
Speaker 1: get out of bed.
41:27
Speaker 3: It was helpful.
41:34
Speaker 1: I got like a good morning text and I was like, okay,
41:37
Speaker 1: now it's time to get out of bed. I was like,
41:40
Speaker 1: I do not need to be just like texting all day.
41:41
Speaker 1: That's so stupid. Which now I'm like, should I text
41:46
Speaker 1: this person back? Oh boy.
41:58
Speaker 3: It would seem somebody else.
42:00
Speaker 1: Is receiving the negative effects of.
42:02
Speaker 3: Like my own karma.
42:03
Speaker 1: Yeah.
42:08
Speaker 3: He does all I have.
42:09
Speaker 1: Bye.