Latest / A Heart That Beats for Home / 57. Real Talk About Sibling Relationships with Olivia Smith - Part 2

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57. Real Talk About Sibling Relationships with Olivia Smith - Part 2 · A Heart That Beats for Home

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Hey friends, I'm Nikki Smith, your host here at A Heart that Beats for Home, the podcast where we're ditching filters and diving headfirst into the raw beauty of all things home.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Now, I am no expert when it comes to this whole parenting and marriage dance.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: I'm simply a gal who's been riding the mom roller coaster for 22 years and a wife still untangling the mystery of it all 25 years after saying I do.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: My goal is to bring you unapologetically messy and boldly genuine conversations about cultivating strong families.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, possibly cry, and straight talk about the joy and chaos that comes within the four walls that we call home.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: No judgment and certainly no perfection, just real talk from my heart, a heart that beats for home.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: Let's dive in.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: Hello friends, welcome back.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: Thanks for being here on yet another Thursday.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: We're so grateful every time that you tune in.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: We know that there's lots of opportunities to listen to a lot of different things out there on your phone and we appreciate every time that you hit play on an episode of A Heart that Beats for Home.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: If you are joining us today and you didn't hear last week's podcast, I want you to go back and start there, because this is part two of a conversation with my sweet girl, olivia, my middle daughter, who is our 20-year-old, who is in nursing school, living at home, working in the hospital and last week shared a ton about her journey with depression and anxiety and just navigating that, starting at a pretty young age and just how.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: That was something that we've just walked together, some things that I can relate to, some that I can't, but just doing that journey together and I know that there's a lot in that conversation that will be super beneficial to both parents and to children, and so maybe that's even one that you send to a child that maybe is struggling with some anxiety and depression, especially if they're in their junior high and high school years.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: So wanted to have another part of the conversation with Olivia because, although anxiety is a big part of her story and she talked a lot last week that that is not who she is.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: It's just a part of her existence and learning how to navigate and not letting that become her whole identity.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: Because Olivia, I think, if you had to sum it up, is just the life of the party.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: She's joy, she's funny, she has crazy energy, she is always throwing a dance party.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: There is nothing real subdued about her existence, and when she's in the room, you know it, which is super fun 99% of the time, but we're going to talk today just about some other fun things that I think will encourage you in fostering relationship, making people feel loved and important, and so, olivia, thanks for being here again.
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: Yes, thank you for having me again so fun.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: When I had asked her if she would be on initially, she said mom, I don't know what are we going to talk about.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: I don't know that we have enough to say, and here we are needing to make it a two-parter.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, You're just bubbling up with all kinds of goodness, but transitioning Olivia from last week's conversation probably one of the things that I've been told a couple times by a couple of different people that's probably the biggest compliment I can get as a parent is, man, you guys all seem to really, really enjoy being together.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: Like your family really celebrates one another well, and I think if I had to kind of figure out why is that?
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: How did that come to be?
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: How did that develop over the last?
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: You know, Maddie is 22, almost 23.
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: How did that become a part of our family DNA?
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: I think a big part of it is in thanks to you, because you are a person that loves to celebrate the people that you love, and so I think today would just be super fun to talk about fostering friendships with your siblings, what that has looked like over the years, and also just prioritizing things that are important to people in your life.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: If it's important to them.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: It's important to me and I think in marriage that is often the case and people know like, okay, if my spouse has all these things and they're not my number one interest, I need to take interest because it's important that I care about what they care about.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: But you have just been like the epitome of a cheerleader for your two siblings and so would love just to talk about your heart behind that, why it's so important to you, kind of how you fostered that, and just have a conversation around that.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: So first of all, I guess just tell me, or tell our listeners, a little bit about why that's so important to you.
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I am a people pleaser, so I like to you know, please people.
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: But also I love getting reassurance or feeling love, or someone's telling me hey, I love you or you're funny or whatever it may be, and so I think that makes me feel good.
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: I think taking that for other people I think too, though I am just a really big fan of your success is my success and your failure is my failure.
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: And so I think, specifically, it's come out a lot through my siblings in sports.
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: Part of it probably is because I'm not in sports myself.
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: Part of it probably is because I'm not in sports myself.
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: So I'm, you know, I'm not really into the X's and O's and the plays and the actual logical parts of their sport, but I'm just there for the ride, and whether it's a win or a loss, I want to be that person who is encouraging you along the way.
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: So I don't know, I think to me it's just important that people are celebrated and loved, whether it's a birthday or a job interview or I don't know, whatever it may be, first day of school, go job on a test, like.
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: To me there's not a thing that shouldn't be celebrated or congratulated, or I'm proud of you.
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: I think I don't know it's kind of how I'm wired, I guess but I just think it's important that you celebrate people in all stages, because that makes people feel loved and special.
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: And I love doing it too, like I don't really know how it came to be or why, but I love making other people feel special and feel loved.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: So Olivia doesn't play sports, but she is super talented in so many other things.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: She's our crafter.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: We talked last week about how she has a.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: I don't even know what it's called.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: Is it horticulturist?
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: What's the?
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: plant person Agriculture.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: No, agriculture is all things growing, but what's the plant person?
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: Oh, I don't know.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: Okay, so we just totally A plantaholic.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: A plantaholic that's our technical term.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: She's a plantaholic but she has so many things that she is so passionate about and so good at.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: But they're very opposite of her siblings, and one of my favorite stories of Olivia is when she was younger.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: We've put all of our kids into all different things to see if it sparks an interest.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: And so Jed, olivia's dad, my husband, was a soccer player, and so he thought well, my kids will just play soccer because he was a soccer player.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: So we enrolled our kids in AYSO soccer.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: Maddie got into it, she loved it, she took it very seriously, and so Olivia decided she was going to try soccer.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: This was I don't know, you were probably four or five you had cute little pigtails.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: She was such a diva as a little girl still is a little bit of a diva in all the in all the good ways and we went to go to one of her first soccer games at the field and she walked out of the car carrying her own little like camping chair hot pink, yep, hot pink camping chair.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: Cross body across her body of her little purse and set up her chair, put her purse in her chair, walked over to the team and was playing soccer and literally mid play Everybody running up and down the field.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: She veers right to where I'm sitting with her little hot pink chair, comes over, opens her purse, puts on some lipstick and the coach literally walks across the field.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: Because this is like super beginning right.
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: And he says to her Olivia, are you going to get back in the game or are you heading for a man?
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: And she's like I'm done, I quit.
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: I quit.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: And she sat down in the chair and I looked at the coach because typically my response would be like nope, you signed up for something.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: You need to go do it.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: And we all just knew in that moment, like soccer is not going to be it, it wasn't ballet you are more of a creator and a crafter and a supporter.
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: So, all that to say, she has found her passions, but she has also found a way to really celebrate her siblings.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: Olivia is the girl that will have the poster.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: She will order the overalls.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: She has ordered many a pair of overalls in different team colors, whether it was the high school colors that when her sister went on to play college.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: She is there for her brother and wants to get the student section together and is just the biggest fan.
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: How do you think that that Olivia has played into you guys all celebrating each other and the relationship that the three of you have?
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think, the three of us.
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: I'm so thankful that we're so close and by no means do we have this picture perfect relationship where we never fight or never argue.
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: But I will say there's something about knowing that you have people in your corner, and I think all five of us do that really well.
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: But I think for the siblings, we've had to come to really really know that we're it for each other Like through thick and thin.
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: These are our people and we had to really realize this is who you have.
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: And so I think for the siblings, the three of us, we're each other's best friends and I think with that, you can cheer on your friends, you can cheer on your acquaintances, but cheering on your siblings is just something so different, because they'll be the ones cheering you on when you're in middle school basketball, high school basketball, college basketball, and then when you're in your career, and then when you get your first job, and then when you have your first baby, like all the things.
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: Like those are, your siblings are the ones and your parents who are going to be walking alongside you.
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: In that, I think, the three of us really being there for each other whenever we can and making each other's priorities, our priorities, when I think, when Maddie started playing basketball, I knew not a thing and most of us didn't, but couldn't tell you a thing about basketball.
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: But now it's like one of my absolute favorite things to do is to go and watch her play and to watch Landon play now and, I think, just making their favorite things.
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to go wake up her play and to watch Landon play now and I think, just making their favorite things.
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to go wake up and go to the gym with them every morning.
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: That's where I draw the line and stuff.
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: But making each other's priorities important to us, what I have important to me, they've made it important to them and vice versa.
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: And I think that just helps you automatically bond and grow close.
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: And you know, for Landon, one of his things is like if he asked to go fishing, and I say yes, it's like the best, like the best thing that ever happened to him, and so I think maybe I don't really want to do that in that moment or whatever it may be, but I've grown to love it and I am never upset about having quality time with him.
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: But I think just making each other's, making each other's hobbies important to us, is really important, and whether that's Maddie or Landon going to the thrift store with me or me going to one of their games, I think showing up for each other and making it clear I have my own thing that I'm busy in, but I'm still going to show up for you in this way, or I'm still proud of you in this way, and you're not going to make it to everything, but I think the three of us would really know that our siblings are in our corner and when friendships fall through the cracks and when teammates hurt you or whatever it may be that you're going through, your siblings are there, no matter what.
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: And it's, once again, not going to be picture perfect all the time, but truly realizing these are my people and they're the ones who are going to be picture perfect all the time, but truly realizing these are my people and they're the ones who are going to be with me through it all.
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: The rest of your life.
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not just a season.
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: They're with you through all seasons and I think for us and I don't know why it was I didn't grow up doing sports and traveling, but I think it was just always important to dad and I that we don't.
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: We don't want to divide and conquer when we don't need to, like, we want to figure out, not okay, which parent is going to take the kid to basketball, because the other three of us are going to stay home, Cause that's just their thing.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: From an early age, with all of you, it was like we worked really, really hard to protect our calendar so that it wasn't everybody going different directions.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: It was like what are things that we can do where, okay, we can all go support Maddie in this?
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: And then we can all go support Olivia in this and not really giving a lot of options whether it was by default or intention, I couldn't even tell you right now, but just saying like, no, we're all, maddie plays at 10 on a Saturday, we're all going.
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: Nobody's staying home to binge watch TV why a sibling is doing something else.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: And so just really making that commitment to do it all together.
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: And as soon as we got the date of your white coat ceremony for nursing school, a family text was set out in our Smith tribe text.
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: Everybody marked down March 20th, like Maddie from college.
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: This needs to be a priority for you.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: You need to be here for this.
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: This is important to your sister and she's like a hundred percent, of course, right, you showing up for things for them.
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: And I just think, having that culture of we celebrate the highs together and we come together in the lows together and we do it all together A really full circle moment for me.
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: And that was just last week.
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: So Olivia's 20th birthday was on Monday and March 3rd and I had had a crazy.
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: There was just a lot going on.
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: We had had a ton of different activities.
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: I was gone.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: I don't even remember where I was.
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: But I had been gone and was coming home and one of the main things on my agenda was I needed to go to the store and get all the birthday stuff and get the day set up for you for your big 20th birthday.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: Because you are the girl that the night before somebody's birthday is with the balloon arches and the pictures and she's decorating and she's baked something, and I mean somebody wakes up on their birthday and it is a celebration if Olivia is around and so wanting to reciprocate that to you because clearly it's a love language.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: And so I came home it was a Sunday, march 2nd needing to get a bunch of stuff done, and your siblings, landon and Maddie, were here.
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: You were working a 12 hour shift and I came into the birthday factory.
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: There was collages being made, being cut out in the shape of a 20 and there was balloon arches being made and there was gift baskets being assembled and literally I was floored and they just said we already did it.
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: We went and got everything.
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: They hadn't been asked, nobody prompted them, they just knew it was your birthday and you do such a great job at making people feel so important and they wanted to do that for you and I know you were blown away by their kindness, but they worked I tell you what until two o'clock in the morning on some of those collage banners and things, because they wanted to make you feel really important and special, and I think that you are a big part of why our family is the way it is in that way, because you are a person of celebration.
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: You mentioned in talking about you and Matt.
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: Well, just how the siblings are not picture perfect.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: Obviously we would never want to portray like, oh, it's always roses and nobody argues and there's never slamming of doors you and your sister and this would probably be a great conversation to have the two of you, maybe when she moves back in this next year we can have a podcast with the two of you on but have had to come to a place of really having some heart to hearts to get to that point of recognizing like we are the relationship that's going to weather all of the other relationships.
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: What has that looked like for you guys as college students to develop a relationship now as adults that looks really different than it maybe did as children, where you had no choice when you live in our house together.
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: As you know, kids, you are forced to have that relationship.
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: How has that changed now, with you both being in college and choosing that relationship?
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it was tricky for us for a while because we were both kind of in new stages of life and for her, being in college and moving moved out for the first time, and for me, starting college and being in high school was the first time.
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: For me and for us our communication is kind of also different.
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: I'm not like you.
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: She's a lot like dad and we just sometimes would not meet eye to eye and I think it took a lot of long conversations to realize how we needed to prioritize our relationship with each other and what that looks like and how we can do that to the best of our ability.
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: When she moved away, it was kind of like great, she's figuring out her thing, I'm going to figure out my thing.
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: And we talked but we really didn't Like it wasn't like I thought with the weekly phone calls or whatever, it was kind of I don't want to say had space.
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: It was like it was just different.
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: She was gone, I was here and we just weren't communicating as much as we would if she would have lived here still.
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: So then when we came together again it was rough because I kind of forgot how to be a little sister, because I, all of a sudden, was the oldest in the house and then I think she kind of forgot what it was like to live with siblings again when she would come home for breaks and for summer, and so I think that was challenging for us to just realize.
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: You know, you kind of forget how that person operates a little bit, what pushes their buttons, and I'm a good button pusher, and so yeah, there was.
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: It was a struggle for us for a while and I think, specifically this past year, we've really done well, once again by no means perfect Better, since I locked you guys in a bedroom and said don't come out until you've figured this out this summer.
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you could say that.
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: But for us I think, specifically for our relationship we were not great at telling the other person what bothered us, and so I would harbor up like, oh, this makes me so mad.
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: She did this, she did that, how could she?
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: And she would do the exact same thing towards me and we would never speak of, hey, this bothered me until, all of a sudden, one of us said one thing, and it was just chaos, and so we would have to have lots of conversations, lots of late night teary crying, you know, snot running down our faces conversations.
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: But I think what we kind of realized once again is you know, we are each other's best friends and biggest cheerleaders, but also I can't know how to be a better sister to you unless I know what you're feeling, and vice versa.
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: So he would tell me, hey, this is happening in my life.
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: When you do this, it kind of pushes me to this end, and I'd be like, oh, my word, I didn't even notice that, I had no idea.
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: And then I'd say, hey, like it's really important to me that we talk about this.
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: And she was like, oh, my goodness, I didn't even know.
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: And so, being able to share with each other, the things that made each other upset, because you cannot read the other person's mind.
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: I would never have known things if she wouldn't have shared them with me and then, I think, also realizing both of us have had a lot of friendships kind of just fizzle away.
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: I think realizing too, like wow, we're not like this, is it?
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: We're not leaving each other.
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: This is never going to fizzle away.
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: We're not like this, is it?
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: We're not leaving each other.
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: This is never going to fizzle away, and we don't want it to because a lot of siblings will grow up and part ways and for us we're like wait, you can't move more than a couple hours away, we can't do it.
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: So I think for us to have both gone through really hard times with friendships and whatever it may be, to realize truly we are in each other's corner and she's my best friend, that will never go away and I think going through those hard trials can help you grow so much closer to it.
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: It brings out this vulnerability.
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: I felt really special when she would say like hey, like this is, this is on my mind, like I want to talk about it.
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: That made me feel so special and to be able to go to her and be like hey, this bothers me too, and I think now we've kind of gotten to the groove too of realizing we're both adults.
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: We're not in high school, we're not in middle school it's not like things once were and respecting each other and space, and we're just finding out each other's little quirks, and it's almost like a marriage communication and I need to know you.
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: I don't know how to help you if you can't tell me.
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: And so I think realizing that as adults is can't just go be like hey, mom, she did this, can you fix it?
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: That's not the case anymore.
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: You're not just gonna put me in time out and then all of a sudden our fight went away.
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: It's we have to be able to each, as adults, communicate to each other the things that bother us to make it better, otherwise it's not, it's not going to go anywhere.
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that has been a huge adjustment for me as a parent, because you do go.
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm not fixing this for you guys.
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: I'm not playing mediator, I'm not threatening, I'm not taking things away.
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: At this point it's like 20 and 22.
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: You guys got to figure it out.
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: You got to fight for it.
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: You got to go in that room and commit to not come out until you've got it figured out.
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: I mean, there's been times.
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: I remember once at the lake where I literally you guys were fighting on the inner tube and I literally disconnected the inner tube from the boat and I let you guys float and I was like swim back to shore.
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: When you got it figured out, I think we came back like two hours later too.
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: We had an amazing conversation, but it started with loud voices and there was a lot of animation out on the.
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: I literally was sitting on the deck just watching them floating out in the water.
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: Lots of animation to eventually a very just, calm conversation, to then you guys paddling back into shore on the tube.
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: Several hours later, several people said do you need to go check on them?
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: I'm like nope, nope, they're having therapy on the lake and it's hard as a parent just to be like you.
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: Guys got to figure it out.
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: You got to battle through this.
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: I know you love each other and so we're coming into a different chapter in our lives.
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: We have you living at home as a 20-year-old adult.
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: We have your brother as a freshman, so you guys have a sweet relationship.
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: Him and Maddie have a sweet relationship.
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: The three of you together have a sweet relationship.
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: But Maddie's moving home for one year as she works to get her clinical hours, to go on to PA school to be an orthopedic physician's assistant, and so we made the decision that when she moves home, the two of you are going to share a room instead of having yes, roomies.
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: Roomies room instead of having your own rooms, because you have never had a roommate in a situation like a dorm.
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: She is extremely particular and loves things a certain way, and so I thought what better way, when my daughters are both living here as adults, to put them in a dorm-like situation.
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: Number one nobody's going to get too comfortable and decide they want to stay here for forever, which you can move close you don't need to stay here, but you can always be close by and then also just to help you guys kind of navigate through working in that relationship together in a roommate type situation.
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: And so it's either going to be one of my most amazing parenting decisions or the most epic fail.
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: We'll do a fall.
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: We're both excited.
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: You are excited, and that's what I want to know about.
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: What are you excited about in that next stage of being roommates with her in your own home, but in a way that you guys really haven't ever been, and now as adults?
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, oh, my word, I'm so excited.
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: Of course I was a little skeptical because I have my room exactly how I like it.
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: I have my plants in all their right spots and you know, the thought of kind of mixing that up was at first like, oh, I don't know if I want to do that.
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: But then, thinking about it, I'll never regret the time that we spent together.
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: Some of our favorite memories are from when we shared a room, when we were little you know, four and five really young.
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: Some of our favorite memories are those times that we shared a room, the funny things that we would do and that only we knew about and stuff, and so I think kind of making those memories again living together in close quarters.
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: But also we are truly each other's best friends and we haven't lived together in four years now, and so I remember thinking that we would never live together again because either I'd be away at college or doing something, and you know she'd do something after college, and so that's also.
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: It's exciting that we'll have that time that we never thought we would have back together.
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: But I think too I'm just really excited to I don't know it sounds silly, but just live in a close environment with her and kind of get back to like seeing how she operates, seeing how I operate.
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: But then also like the late night chats and time when you get so deep in a conversation that you can't fall asleep.
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: One of our favorite things is to go through each other's camera rolls and just find like, oh, tell me about this day or what was this about her.
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: So stuff like that I'm just really excited to have.
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: But also make our own memories together again instead of being like, oh, when at college, here's what I had her.
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: Instead, it's going to be like us living together.
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: I'm really excited for that.
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: I think it also helped me be more tidy clean.
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: I used to be so clean and then life got busy and but she, she's good at that, so it helped me keep me on my toes, and every time she comes home now, knowing that that's going to be happening soon, she'll walk into Olivia's room and be like just so you know this will not work in a couple of months when I'm home and Olivia's like I know, I know, I know, yeah.
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: But yeah, I'm just excited to be with her more often and, as my best friend, being gone for four years, I'm just excited to have her back and just create new memories and be by her side as she's going through a hard time of getting her clinical hours, working a job and while I'm going through the hard time of nursing school and just being by each other.
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: And also it's fun now because we can connect kind of on healthcare stuff.
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: As she's going on to be a PA and I'm doing nursing, it's like fun because we can connect kind of on healthcare stuff.
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: As she's going on to be a PA and I'm doing nursing, it's like fun because we can talk about those things and understand it with each other.
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: Like, oh yeah, that's so cool.
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: So we have a lot Study anatomy together.
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we have a lot to bond on, which is so fun, and so I'm really looking forward to that.
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: So fun.
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: Your brother made the comment when we were talking about we were doing some.
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: Olivia was putting together some vision boards for what the new room her bedroom is turning into the dorm room and Maddie's old room will now be a study room so that there's a space set apart for studying for them, as they're all working on big things in high school and college and post-college.
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: And Landon was like wait, I kind of feel left out.
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: He's like what's the chances that we could cut an archway between the two bedrooms so that I can come and go?
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: So I think he's feeling a little left out.
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: But how have you worked to foster Cause there's?
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: There's a good age gap between you and Landon, five years between you and Landon, seven years between Maddie and Landon, and yet you all have really precious relationships and have been able to really build strong relationship.
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: What would you say are ways that you have fostered relationship with your brother, who's at a totally different stage of life, and what does that relationship with him look like?
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think our relationship we got really close when Maddie left.
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: I think we would have gotten close whether she stayed here or not, but I think now became the two of us and it was like, well, now we got to be best friends and be there for each other when she's away, and so what?
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: I think that's part of it and also, I think, part of him.
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: It was so fun.
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: My junior year of high school he started coming to the same co-op that I went to and that was so fun.
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: It was so fun because it's small enough where I would see him multiple times a day.
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: We would drive to school together and play our favorite songs on the way there and on the way back and maybe get a milkshake here or there.
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: And a lot of our friends were the same.
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: Our environment was the same.
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: It was fun because the classes I had I had already taken, he was taking, and I could help him out with those, and so those were just really fun.
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: Times of it was just our thing.
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: It was our thing to go to school together and shortly after that conversation would flow.
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: We just started getting closer and I'm like sister bear I don't want to say mama bear, but sister bear, in a way of like I want to protect him, and so I think that also came out too, where it's like you know, if you're having a rough day or friend problem or whatever, like I want you to talk about it so I can help you.
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: That's special for me too.
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: That's because I like being able to help other people and feeling like I like that they, that I feel special to them, and so for him to be able to like be his big sister and kind of step up and not replace Maddie by any means, but take on that role of being like okay, I'm your big sis, I got you, and so that was really fun.
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: And I think.
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: Two is getting into what he enjoys.
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: Specifically, I would say fishing.
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: We would go fish at local rivers, a bunch or ponds, and a lot of times I didn't really want to, but, as morbid as this sounds, it was like if he were ever to be gone, I would so greatly regret not doing that with him, because most times like, oh, I want to watch my show, or oh, I want to watch this movie or do this thing, I never really had a good reason to not want to go, and so I think that that's part of my anxiety playing there, but being like, I'll never regret doing things with him, and so whether that's watching a dude perfect video with him, or taking him fishing, or listening to him talk about basketball or golfing- yeah.
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: Driving the golf cart and he has to let me play music when he's not teeing off, or whatever.
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: But and then he has to let you make whatever videos you want.
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: She's always documenting and making the the thing, the tiktok, the real, the whatever.
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but I think yeah just just finding how to connect with him on what he loves, because then he can be the one be like, okay, so here's how you do this, here's how you do that.
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: And that would make him feel special because he's teaching me this new thing, and so I think our relationship grew a lot on going to the same co-op and me being able to help him through that and then him being able to teach me a lot of his favorite things.
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: That automatically, I think, made us grow closer, and I think now he knows that I'm in his corner, I know that he's my protective brother who will be there for me.
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: It's been fun also just to see him grow up and to be able to have a front row seat at that with him.
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: Of him becoming a literal man.
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: Yes, it's so strange.
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: A literal man.
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: Yes, of all of the growing up things, watching a boy turn into a man is wild, so strange, so wild.
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: Okay, I love that.
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: So let's transition real quickly into relationship with parents.
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: Talk to me about you and your dad and just why that relationship is so precious to you.
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: Oh man, I love my dad.
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: He's my buddy.
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: I still call each other his buddy.
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: I don't.
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: I feel like I'm so mama's girl and I'm so daddy's girl at the same time, like he's so special to me.
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: I think I all the time I just think like I don't understand how I got so lucky on both of my or so blessed on both of my appearances.
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: I didn't pay her to say that, yeah it's not prompted.
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: But my dad, he is just everything and more.
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: I can't even.
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: I don't know, I can't even explain it, but he, I think we're so, we're so, so close and he truly makes his field my, his first priority.
• 31:39
  Speaker 2: I think we've talked about that so many times.
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: One thing that I've told him so many times is I never feel more special than when I go say bye.
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: He's on a phone call and he says hold on, guys, I'll be right back.
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: And where he pauses his call to give me a hug, I'm just going to school for the day, or maybe he's going to go on a trip, no matter what it is, his work is never more important than his family.
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: I think that's something that I admire so much.
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: And makes me feel special to him is when I'm like, oh, my word, like he just stopped that important call, give me a hug, and I don't know.
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: He just is.
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: He's so steady, he's so steady, he's on steady Eddie, but he, his emotions don't really flare up.
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: He's a very steady guy, he.
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: I mean he has emotions, don't get me wrong, but he's not one to get, he's not reactive at all.
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: Yes, he's not going to get riled up, he's not going to get loud during basketball games, but not really.
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: But he really is a steady guy and someone who I value his advice and his opinion so much.
• 32:42
  Speaker 2: He's one of my.
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: I love having conversations with him and being like, hey, what do you think about this?
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: There's so many situations where I've gone to him and just been like, what do you think?
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: And he makes me feel so special and loved.
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: He just is the best on, just you know, really making us kids feel loved and like his family is his priority.
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: And I think that's so special.
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he loves you guys well and he rolls his eyes often at you and me because you and I are the same way and him and Maddie, really specifically, are the same way and you and I process by talking and sometimes by getting animated, and he's often our mediator, hashing things out.
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: I feel like now, more even than mediating, he's like good luck, girls.
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: And he leaves.
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: He's like I'm out because he knows we're going to come out of the bear fight Fine and we're going to be friends.
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: But I think he has learned now, at this stage, just to leave us in the pen to figure it out, the two of us, and he walks away like this is way more complicated than it needs to be.
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah.
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: I think we stress him out, you and I.
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: I think we do too.
• 33:45
  Speaker 2: But I will say one thing too that I've always loved about him when in the moment it bothers me, but I love it so much is that he will always defend you first, and I love that so much.
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: Whether that's he might think, oh, she shouldn't have said that, but with like Olivia, you do not talk to your mom and my wife this way.
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: I think that's so special too, because he it's not being like one up, being against each other.
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: It's you know, you're my, you're my wife, and when deep down inside he's thinking she crazy, yeah, she crazy, she crazy, like dang, I'm like dad, you really didn't defend that right now.
• 34:17
  Speaker 2: You know, whatever it may be, but I think that's so special too, to see him always be like no, this is your mother and no matter if what she's saying is right or wrong, you respect her and you're appropriate to her.
• 34:29
  Speaker 2: I value that so much and he truly.
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: We always tell him this might be weird, but we want to marry somebody just like you, because truly I think he's to me.
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: He's this picture perfect person who you too, who I love so much, and yet we're so far from it, and I think that's proof that relationship covers a lot of sin.
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: Right, because we're all very imperfect people.
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: But I think if you love people well, I think the other thing that we have been really intentional about is we don't get so caught up in ourselves that we can't come back and apologize.
• 35:02
  Speaker 2: I was just going to say that you two, both I think now all of us have gotten good at it because we've seen you two, no matter what, there's always an apology and there's never an argument left unsettled.
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: We don't go to bed upset.
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: I can't do it.
• 35:15
  Speaker 2: We can't do it Just so much of the other day we got in an argument and at the exact same time we texted I'm sorry, I love you.
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: At the exact same time it came through, but I think just yeah, like no, you're never too mighty or powerful to say I'm sorry, and you both really really well do that and you say I'm sorry, I shouldn't have raised my temper, and it's taught us kids to do the same.
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: Well, thanks, it's important to me and it takes a while to get there and sometimes it's with gritted teeth, I think for anybody anytime that you're saying I was wrong.
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: It comes a little bit out of gritted teeth, but the more you do it, the easier it gets.
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: And just not trying to live in a hierarchy of one-upping or I'm the authority Again, the older your kids get, too, man, you see right through that stuff of we're all just adults trying to figure it out.
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: But I know your dad is super special to you, so I just wanted to ask you that question.
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: Okay, so you and I we're going to wrap it up with this one, you and I.
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: What is your idea of the perfect mother-daughter day?
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: Ooh, perfect, mother-daughter day.
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: Well, I love that.
• 36:19
  Speaker 2: We have a lot of the same interests, so it's great for the both of us.
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: But we're probably going to get coffee somewhere.
• 36:24
  Speaker 2: Yep, we're going to get coffee Maybe.
• 36:25
  Speaker 2: Yep, we're going to get coffee Maybe twice.
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, our vanilla lattes, that's our go-to.
• 36:28
  Speaker 2: And then we're probably going to hit the spa.
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: I'd say we're going to hey, now we're going to get a facial and maybe get our nails done.
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: We like to shop together.
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: That's one of our fun things is we're both honest with each other on what we like and stuff.
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: So that looks good on you, that does not look good on you, type stuff that's not the best, yeah, yeah.
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: So shopping together, probably thrifting too.
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: Olivia's a big thrifter, probably a little thrifting, yeah, chit, chatting about a lot.
• 36:52
  Speaker 2: I mean we're, I like we talk about everything and anything which is so funny, no matter what it is.
• 36:58
  Speaker 2: So getting lost in conversation probably, and then maybe going for a walk we both like walks, getting outside.
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: What are we having for dinner?
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: Probably having sushi.
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we're having sushi.
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: That's our thing.
• 37:12
  Speaker 2: That's our thing Sushi.
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, coffee, sushi conversation, a little shopping, a little pampering, probably a movie to end the day.
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, snuggle o'clock A sweet treat, yep.
• 37:21
  Speaker 2: Cuddle, o'clock Cud.
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: And in the hay, that's right.
• 37:26
  Speaker 2: Awesome.
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: Awesome, olivia.
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: I love it.
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: It's so fun just to be able to have conversations about life and family and Dad and I in our parenting we've always tried to have like the North Star.
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: We've talked about that with the Andy Stanley series we did this summer.
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: In parenting, what is the North Star?
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: And for us it has been obviously, first and foremost, obviously we want our children to know and love Jesus on their own and have a relationship with him.
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: Outside of that, our North Star is not for you guys to have amazing jobs and these huge accomplishments.
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: Our North Star is that as you guys become adults and start your own lives, that you would want to have relationship with your family because you want to.
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: You choose to not because you want to.
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: You choose to not because you have to.
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: And so it's so cool and rewarding 20, 22 years into parenting to start to be able to see you guys as young adults and to see you thriving and doing so well.
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: Again, we will say it over and over and over far from perfect.
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: Jed and I were just talking about how frustrating it is that we can't seem to have a game night without some kind of people being annoyed with each other or somebody walking away or being like, let's just finish this so we can leave, like that's the real and raw of what's also happening in home.
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: But because of the relationship that we've built, because of the way that we support each other and we celebrate each other and we always you know, I should say always we try really, really hard to come back and apologize and humble ourselves where we've been wrong I do think that we have built a really awesome foundation as friends, in a way that it's more of an authority friendship in the younger years but now, as your kids get older, into just a really beautiful friendship of.
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: These are my people.
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: These are the people I want to hang out with.
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: This is who I want to spend a Saturday with.
• 39:11
  Speaker 2: This is who I want to have a Friday night out with.
• 39:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think, if you ask me, and Maddie and Landon too like I think we would always choose to hang out with our family at home rather than go out with friends.
• 39:18
  Speaker 2: I think I don't know if just that's what we prefer to do, it's just so special to us.
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, that and that's special to me, that that's special to you.
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: So me and dad feel the same.
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: Being in Hawaii this last week, we were just like, oh my gosh, we got to get the kids back here.
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: We have to get everybody here to see this.
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: We just are so grateful for the family that God has given us that we have struggled and battled and will continue to.
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: There's no, you've arrived.
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: We know that there's a lot of hills and valleys ahead of us as we continue to journey through, but I'm proud of you.
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: I'm proud of you for sharing your journey of anxiety and just your, your realness and vulnerability with that.
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: I'm grateful for the way that you love our family so well.
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: You are some of the glue that really contributes to the closeness that we have and I'm grateful for that.
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: And we're excited to watch you as you keep kicking butt with this nursing and just go out and change the world with what you're going to bring to that career and to a family and to so much more.
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: So excited for the next 20 with you, as crazy as that sounds, and just love you to pieces.
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: So thanks for being here, sugar.
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: Thank you, mom.
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: I love you.
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: I love you too.
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: All right, friends, until next week.
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: We are excited to have you back.
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: We will be sharing next week another Beauty from Ashes story A sweet, sweet mama who has had to undergo the unthinkable journey of walking with her small child through a cancer journey, and so that will be next week's episode in our Beauty from Ashes series.
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: Be sure to share the podcast and episodes.
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: If you have not yet rated the podcast, we would be so grateful if you would just scroll down and give us that five-star rating.
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: We are just a few ratings away from a hundred, and these are the things that help get us into the algorithms.
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: So if you'd be willing to do that, I would be so grateful.
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: But until next week, friends, take care.