Latest / The Family Teams Podcast / Ep. 331 | First Child Tips

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Ep. 331 | First Child Tips · The Family Teams Podcast

• 0:00
  The fathers tended to talk to their kids in much more normal adult language. Mothers tend to be a little bit more baby talk. Hey, what's up guys? Welcome to Five Minute Fatherhood. So we, in our homeroom community, which is a community we have of families that are trying to bring on one new tool, one new challenge every single month to build their family team. You guys can check that out. We open it twice a year.
• 0:27
  Uh, Nolan, who's a new member jumped in there and said, my wife and I are expecting our first baby in December, and I'm equally excited and also feel the weight of what fatherhood will bring as a new dad. What are some first child things you were glad you did and things you would have done differently in regards to the first year?
• 0:44
  or is a three person family and he answers welcome. Okay, so what I wanna do is just do a quick list of some things that Jeff and I enjoy doing with our babies. I would say one thing that I love doing is take my baby on what I call baby tours. So any chance I got with like, took my little six month old, I would just walk around the house, walk around the restaurant, walk around the neighborhood and just talk to them like a real person. Because they are incredible linguistic machines
• 1:12
  And so they are listening. And I don't know if you guys have ever researched the science of what's going on inside of a baby. Talk to them constantly. And it's really therapeutic just to like, you get to introduce your baby for the first time to a flower, to a butterfly. And just talk about whatever you know about that thing. Just stream of consciousness. I did this. I'm really introverted. I don't like to talk, but it felt really different for some reason. Just taking my baby around and talking to them constantly. All of our kids, they talked really, really early.
• 1:42
  And so much of that kind of the science is just that input. They need lots of input. There's something even special about the father's voice, the father's language. I think one study that I read actually demonstrated that the father's articulation to their child had a bigger impact on their sort of their verbal intelligence than
• 2:05
  than than anyone else because the fathers tended to talk to their kids in much more normal adult language mothers tend to be a little bit more baby talk and so I just think that man like talk talk talk to your kids find ways to sort of stimulate that conversation that's one for me but Jeff what do you got?
• 2:24
  Yeah, I mean, one I would add to that is I was exactly just said it's like just talk to him like normal and it's crazy how I think it's kind of fun. It does something to the connection, you know, another one I would say is baby wearing like I just obsessed like it's my favorite thing. I just and it's so easy to have hands free, but where your baby get one of those backpacks where I'm on the front where I'm on the back where I'm on your shoulders do you know where I'm wherever.
• 2:42
  you know, put them in a backpack with their head popping out like a real backpack, you know, whatever you need to do. But there's something about that that just is like my favorite in that season where it's just, you know, having them close, going on walks. And then you can kind of do number one with what you just said when you're just walking with them and wearing them. So that's a big one. That's awesome. This very much relates to that to that one, which is kind of just make your default. I take the baby with me.
• 3:05
  Um, yes, that's, uh, I know that that doesn't work if, you know, certain, certain jobs or whatever, but I think, I think that some people actually have the opposite sort of, um, standard, which is that the default is we're always separated. And unless there's like, everything is perfectly designed for babies, then, then I will leave them home. Um, and just reverse that. I mean, we took our, our babies everywhere, you know, to movies, uh,
• 3:30
  We just take them out if they started fussing. I'm sorry, everyone. I mean, we always sat close to the door. But I mean, just like I wanted them with me. And you're a dad. And there are cultures, by the way, where this is normal. I know our culture is really an extreme. And if you live, the closer you get, by the way, to a coast, especially the West Coast, the more offended people tend to get.
• 3:50
  by the idea. Jeff and I both grew up on the West Coast, we can say this. But you just, you grew up in a culture, a childless culture, you know? And some of you are living in a childless culture where there are adults who are living their lives all day long without children around them. And so they expect...
• 4:09
  to not see a child and they're offended. And so if you're conscientious, you wanna maintain maybe subconsciously even that cultural standard. And I would just say, make it a goal of yours to break that as much and as egregiously as possible. Like bring your child with you. You're a dad, kids are okay. Don't disrupt things, like be respectful. But man, like it's good to be with your child. Your baby should be with you as much as possible.
• 4:39
  um, put them on that backpack or wear them to whatever you're doing, uh, as much as possible and see where that goes. Yeah. Another one I would say too is, uh, you know, the way I joke with it is be rougher with them than you think and obviously be safe, but there's something about, um, just playing with kids and like, uh, and kind of just like, here's another way to put it is don't treat babies as fragile as you think they, they are. Um, let, let siblings touch them, you touch them, tickle them, wrestle with them a little bit. And obviously, you know, if we're talking a month old, they're, they are fragile, but
• 5:07
  you know, I always laugh of like the babies are not glass. Right. And so, and I think that, that kind of mode for a year can really, I think, mess up a little bit of the starting years of like, they're like, just, you know, they're not, don't always just think, I think that's a, that's like a, almost a,
• 5:23
  American idol at some level is like safety, you know, and like just this level of so I'm going to put so many things around me to try to escape the variables. And that's impossible. You can't you can't kind of put you can't put enough door locks to make something never happen or whatever, you know.
• 5:41
  And of course, be safe, be wise. The wisdom is different than I think, you know, you know, craziness. And so no, no, the difference. And so, but yeah, but I think one of those is just like usually being a little rougher with them is fun and connective. And, and it's the, it's the act of physical touch to it. It allows more physical touch on a baby. That is really important.
• 5:58
  Yeah, that rough and tumble play, one of the things they've discovered about it that oftentimes is initiated by the father, gives children their best sort of body awareness. Like a lot of kids don't actually, like, you know, we inhabit these bodies. We don't know what it was like when we were two, three, four, five, trying to figure out what, you know—
• 6:19
  what it looked like to be hurt, you know, and how to control. But as kids get older, very similar to language, if they were played with their dad, especially, you know, a little bit more on the rough side, they just had a lot more awareness of their body.
• 6:36
  and uh and that this turned them into uh someone who's more comfortable in their in their own skin like like literally speaking so anyway yeah that's a really good one i love that one actually jeff on the notes he called that body slammer baby i don't know about that like that's you can do a small one you can do a small one you know a little uh rock or stone stone cold triple h wwf move
• 6:58
  That's right. You put them in the middle of your king-sized bed and you just like give them a good push. Exactly. Let them figure out what that feels like. All right. The last one I would say, guys, is...
• 7:09
  especially if your child is struggling, maybe sleeping, or there's a lot of crying, and you're having a lot of negative interaction with your baby, and that can happen often, is that sneak into their room, and don't wake them up, of course, do this really carefully, especially if you're having a hard time. But I really enjoy just praying over them when they were asleep, just watching them sleep. They're so peaceful, and you can really bond with your baby, and you can really bond with your baby,
• 7:35
  just by experiencing that closeness, that spiritual connection in those moments in the evening hours after they're completely in that peaceful state. So yeah, take advantage of that, go into their room or to their cradle or crib and spend some time just praying over them and expressing your love for them in that way. So those are some ideas, guys. Nolan, hopefully that helps. And congratulations on your first baby and any of the rest of you out there. Fatherhood is an awesome thing.