Latest / We Talk Back / EP. 32 Are You a Narc? Feat therapist James Harris

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EP. 32 Are You a Narc? Feat therapist James Harris · We Talk Back

0:00
Speaker 1: Talk. We're just too unapologetically black women with an opinion
0:06
Speaker 1: who talks. I just got off a flight. This was
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Speaker 1: the most scary, the scariest flight I've ever been on
0:15
Speaker 1: in my life. I might not fly for a little while.
0:19
Speaker 1: Place it was like smooth sailing, we're just selling just
0:22
Speaker 1: nice and the friendly skies. That felt like and then
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Speaker 1: all of a sudden, it's just like boom boom, were
0:29
Speaker 1: bouncing up and down like this. The pilot is like,
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Speaker 1: flight attendis, please take your seats. They running today. They
0:35
Speaker 1: run into their seats. They're not walking fast. These bitches
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Speaker 1: is running and that's what made me scared. I'm like, okay,
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Speaker 1: they're moving. Different babies crying. Some people was screaming out
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Speaker 1: cuss words. It might have been me. I think it
0:47
Speaker 1: was me. She was so scary, y'all, I could now
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Speaker 1: wait to touch that ground. I was praying. Was that
0:55
Speaker 1: as soon as y'all got out of the ground and
0:58
Speaker 1: started happening. No, this was in uh when we were
1:01
Speaker 1: landing in Charlotte. Oh, Shane, we just went through some
1:05
Speaker 1: real big clouds. Um was it raining or anything? It
1:10
Speaker 1: wasn't raining, Shane. I'm glad, thank you. I'm so grateful
1:22
Speaker 1: to be here. Anyway, Thank you guys for tuning there
1:27
Speaker 1: for a new episode that we talked back. It's your
1:29
Speaker 1: girl a J It's Tim Bam y'all. I love y'all.
1:33
Speaker 1: I'm still alive. I love y'all even more this time,
1:36
Speaker 1: and then you gotta live a couple of times. In
1:38
Speaker 1: the last couple of weeks. I need to go to
1:43
Speaker 1: church for real. We have a guest today. Tell everybody
1:49
Speaker 1: who you are. Hey, So what's going on? Good people?
1:53
Speaker 1: My name is James Hurst. I am located in Richmond, Virginia.
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Speaker 1: I'm a therapist, I'm my father, I'm a veteran, I'm
1:59
Speaker 1: an entreprene nore and I founded a movement called Men
2:02
Speaker 1: to Hell, which focus on men's over a wellness, that
2:05
Speaker 1: mental health as well, it's that physical health. And I'm
2:07
Speaker 1: also the author of a book called Man, Just Express Yourself,
2:10
Speaker 1: which is the interactive Planner Guy for boys and men
2:12
Speaker 1: and better express themselves. You can find that Amazon, Bonds
2:15
Speaker 1: and over Saget, Walmart, pretty much anywhere books and sold,
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Speaker 1: including my website Men to Hell dot com, www. M
2:23
Speaker 1: E N T O h e A l dot com,
2:28
Speaker 1: that elevator pictures, Hell of fue gotta get it in there,
2:32
Speaker 1: got to get it in there. I'm gonna buy that
2:35
Speaker 1: book for all the minute. I know doesn't do that.
2:38
Speaker 1: It's interactive, like exercises, crying to me after they made listen,
2:46
Speaker 1: So that that's pretty much the premise of it. It's
2:49
Speaker 1: um over sixty five different chop top topics in there,
2:53
Speaker 1: and a lot of wives been getting this book, a
2:55
Speaker 1: lot of partners being in this book and giving it
2:57
Speaker 1: to that significant other like that highlight, A couple of
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Speaker 1: different chop give it to him, he do a couple
3:01
Speaker 1: of exercises, then a process over dinner or day night.
3:04
Speaker 1: So now it doesn't feel like a chore to him
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Speaker 1: or feel like he's you know, being signaled out. It
3:10
Speaker 1: feels like an enhancement for the relationship, which is beneficial.
3:14
Speaker 1: So I've been fortunate. UM And of course parents get
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Speaker 1: it for the sons and stuff like that, but a
3:19
Speaker 1: lot of men get it as well to enhance what
3:21
Speaker 1: they are and then just you know, try to uncover
3:24
Speaker 1: different layers and take the ultimate step of seeking services,
3:27
Speaker 1: whether that's through a therapist or um, you know, trying
3:30
Speaker 1: to navigate that journey. But it's it's definitely a lot
3:33
Speaker 1: of conversation starters, and there was talking about trauma, grief, abandonment, displacement,
3:38
Speaker 1: which a lot of people have that they don't know, um, ego, pride,
3:43
Speaker 1: just so many tough topics, you know, crying, uh, confidence,
3:47
Speaker 1: you know, just a lot of stuff that men talk
3:50
Speaker 1: about it in the bobby shops, so at the mechanic shop,
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Speaker 1: but not in the company of other people who whether
3:55
Speaker 1: they feel they'll be judged for the vulnerability. So it's
3:58
Speaker 1: been a good thing about it in the barbershop though,
4:00
Speaker 1: because I just I just have a thing that I
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Speaker 1: don't don't think men really communicate with each other. So community, Yeah,
4:08
Speaker 1: communication is like it can be different, right, So communication
4:14
Speaker 1: to us is a two way screak. When I say us,
4:17
Speaker 1: I may either people on here, so you're talking about
4:19
Speaker 1: to give other message, to receive other message. But sometimes
4:22
Speaker 1: we have to check and make sure that people are
4:24
Speaker 1: comprehending what the actual messages, you know. So that's the
4:27
Speaker 1: main point. And then on on certain aspects. Men display
4:32
Speaker 1: different things differently as far as that communication. So that
4:36
Speaker 1: display may be anger it maybe aggression, it may be
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Speaker 1: silent treatment, it just may be ignoring it, maybe reckless behavior.
4:45
Speaker 1: Being promiscuous or drinking substance use you know. So those
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Speaker 1: things are him screaming out or communicating the way you
4:53
Speaker 1: know how. Um so those are some of the things too.
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Speaker 1: Within session. Um, if I'm doing a session with the
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Speaker 1: individual or couple, we break those things down. Mmmmm, I'm interesting. Yea, Yeah,
5:06
Speaker 1: any time when a man feels like comfortable enough to
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Speaker 1: cry in front of me and make I've heard that
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Speaker 1: a lot from a lot of different women. So I'm single,
5:15
Speaker 1: so married because that one the ones that I've heard
5:19
Speaker 1: it from. They feel like Dave became that safe place
5:22
Speaker 1: for him to land. Yeah, exactly, Like, so let me
5:26
Speaker 1: cherish this moment that you're you're willing to be open
5:29
Speaker 1: and vulnerable with me. I know, for my lady, you know,
5:31
Speaker 1: I'm I'm expressive. I'm open, like if something not right,
5:34
Speaker 1: I'm letting her know. If something is right, I'm letting
5:36
Speaker 1: her know too. I think oftentimes people feel like I
5:39
Speaker 1: only got to let you know when things are wrong,
5:41
Speaker 1: you know, but now you all that needs to be communicated.
5:44
Speaker 1: Something often to say is, uh, feel your feelings, and
5:47
Speaker 1: especially to the men, because oftentimes they only feel those
5:50
Speaker 1: negative ones right, Like I don't mind, like I know
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Speaker 1: that I'm peace. I know that about myself, right, and
5:57
Speaker 1: I don't want to say that like I just I
5:59
Speaker 1: know I am I'm you know what I'm saying. I
6:03
Speaker 1: can facilitate peace and I can maintain peace. Right. So
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Speaker 1: I want a man on my man to be comfortable
6:11
Speaker 1: enough to tell me what's going on, tell me about
6:13
Speaker 1: your pass present future, whatever it is, though, but don't
6:16
Speaker 1: come to me as if I could be your therapist.
6:19
Speaker 1: I feel like a lot of men, like they do
6:21
Speaker 1: want to be vulnerable with the woman there with, but
6:23
Speaker 1: they think that that vulnerability means that they can place
6:27
Speaker 1: all of this heavy load on this woman. Yes, and
6:31
Speaker 1: she's supposed because even your therapist has a therapist oftentimes.
6:34
Speaker 1: So now if your woman is working on any type
6:36
Speaker 1: of healing she has going on, and maybe she has
6:38
Speaker 1: seen a therapist, and then you come unload your childhood
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Speaker 1: ship that's happened to you and kind of try to
6:43
Speaker 1: use it to justify what's going on now in a relationship.
6:46
Speaker 1: How is a woman supposed to process? And um, make him,
6:51
Speaker 1: you know, not to dismiss what he's saying, but make
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Speaker 1: him feel comfortable enough to continue to come to come
6:56
Speaker 1: to you with the ship. But how does that's a
6:59
Speaker 1: slippery slow many I'm not a therapist, so yeah. And
7:03
Speaker 1: in many instances though, to be real with you, like
7:06
Speaker 1: especially in compass counseling, um, you you have to know
7:10
Speaker 1: whether regardless of which partner it is, like and some
7:13
Speaker 1: things transpired within your past or your childhood and things
7:16
Speaker 1: like that and you bring into their relationship now because
7:19
Speaker 1: oftentime it does that like unresolved trauma, complex trauma, unreserved grief,
7:23
Speaker 1: those things manifest itself into a lack of emotional maturity,
7:28
Speaker 1: like within relationships, within your social relationships, within the workplace,
7:32
Speaker 1: but especially in your relationship. I definitely tell either partner,
7:36
Speaker 1: the wife or the husband or if they you know,
7:39
Speaker 1: an individual, you gotta take care of your emotional and
7:42
Speaker 1: your your physical safety first because if you are in
7:44
Speaker 1: a place to where you're taking all of this from
7:47
Speaker 1: your partner, it can be damaging and draining. So you
7:51
Speaker 1: have to ensure that you're doing your self care or
7:54
Speaker 1: you're you're not only setting your boundary, but you're enforcing
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Speaker 1: your boundary and letting them know like hey, I support you,
8:00
Speaker 1: I'm not going to enable you. I'm gonna try to
8:01
Speaker 1: help you the best that can, and sometimes helping you
8:04
Speaker 1: the best that can is falling back because I know
8:06
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be drained. So let me refer you to
8:08
Speaker 1: X y Z or let me see you this website
8:10
Speaker 1: or this workbook or you know, go to this group.
8:13
Speaker 1: You know, so those things are here for as well.
8:16
Speaker 1: But I think in those instances the woman probably get
8:19
Speaker 1: fed up to and be like, yo, I'm I don't
8:21
Speaker 1: know to do. I don't have to tell you, and
8:23
Speaker 1: then it starts turning into a contanker, you know, it
8:26
Speaker 1: becomes contakerous. So now they're arguing, this is about in
8:28
Speaker 1: my safe space. I can't come to you because you're
8:30
Speaker 1: not having me, you're nagging me, or you know, you're
8:33
Speaker 1: throwing it back up like my ex did or like
8:35
Speaker 1: my mom did. So those things are the issue. But
8:39
Speaker 1: if if I think it's difficult because she or he
8:42
Speaker 1: probably wasn't taught how to you know, nurture somebody and
8:46
Speaker 1: take care of them in certain instances, there's so many
8:48
Speaker 1: women now who would saying, oh no, you saw if
8:51
Speaker 1: you're crying, you weak, you know, and that right there
8:53
Speaker 1: can be demonizing and can hurt him to come to
8:56
Speaker 1: her further or it can be her accepting him all
9:00
Speaker 1: those things and constantly draining herself, you know what I'm saying.
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Speaker 1: So it's definitely a slipper slope like town Bam said.
9:07
Speaker 1: But find that fine balance. Definitely make sure that you
9:11
Speaker 1: are well enough and equipping enough to handle those things
9:14
Speaker 1: or a system and getting the help that he needs. Right,
9:17
Speaker 1: that's the part for me, because you know, some things
9:19
Speaker 1: I feel like I don't need to know, Like if
9:23
Speaker 1: you're my man, Like, do I need to know that
9:24
Speaker 1: you're afraid of the dark? Tell your therapist because I
9:26
Speaker 1: need to feel protected by you. You know, I don't
9:29
Speaker 1: want to know that you're scared of the dark because
9:31
Speaker 1: I don't know if that diminishing at the dark. Yeah,
9:34
Speaker 1: well you some of these niggas, you need to be
9:36
Speaker 1: scared of it at the dark for real. But no,
9:39
Speaker 1: I get you. You want certain information. You feel that
9:43
Speaker 1: it should be offloaded on somebody else and that it
9:46
Speaker 1: should be compartmentalized. You know what I mean. You want
9:48
Speaker 1: certain information, but you want to still feel that I
9:52
Speaker 1: got safety. Yeah, safety and security. I'm gonna give a
9:56
Speaker 1: big one. You can't tell me that you were abused
9:59
Speaker 1: by a woman where you were younger, Right, and you
10:02
Speaker 1: never because I know a lot of men who have
10:04
Speaker 1: been abused by women. But like just say, for instance,
10:06
Speaker 1: a man telling you that he was abused by women
10:08
Speaker 1: when he were younger. Now we're having intimacy issues and
10:12
Speaker 1: I keep telling you, hey, you're not delivering on this,
10:14
Speaker 1: You're not doing this that at all? What's up? You
10:16
Speaker 1: finally offload that onto me? Right, You've never seek the
10:19
Speaker 1: professional help and regarding it, And now I'm supposed to
10:22
Speaker 1: take that information and use it now to to to
10:25
Speaker 1: just be okay with why I'm having intimacy issues now
10:29
Speaker 1: in our relationship and we're gross. I'm like, at some
10:32
Speaker 1: point you gotta take self responsibility and you gotta go
10:35
Speaker 1: do the work, you know. Tammy allays be like, what's
10:37
Speaker 1: the work? Like, you know what is? You have to
10:41
Speaker 1: get past what that issue is, so so you don't
10:44
Speaker 1: carry it on into relationships with other people. Yeah, and
10:48
Speaker 1: they definitely manifest them. That says in relationships, especially those
10:51
Speaker 1: issues like that, because it's so common for a young
10:54
Speaker 1: man to have a sexual experience at an early age
10:57
Speaker 1: and him not know that those things are a traumatic
11:01
Speaker 1: experience or or experience that can impact him in different settings,
11:05
Speaker 1: and one of those settings being his relationship or being
11:08
Speaker 1: his within his parenting style, because now realistically he can
11:13
Speaker 1: revert back to like, oh man, I don't want my
11:16
Speaker 1: young kids to do this because this happened to me.
11:19
Speaker 1: Like and that's why a lot of parents are guarded
11:21
Speaker 1: um of something that happened to them in the past,
11:23
Speaker 1: and or they're trying to shield them and prevent them
11:25
Speaker 1: from things, or of course the opposite, Like you said,
11:29
Speaker 1: it's just pretty much. Now I'm in this relationship, I
11:31
Speaker 1: finally offloaded. For me, it's peaceful, but now my partner
11:34
Speaker 1: got to deal with it, you know, next to you
11:38
Speaker 1: and you scared it the dart Now both of y'all
11:40
Speaker 1: living is scared because listen, please close the bathroom doors.
11:46
Speaker 1: All doors got to be closed because I don't like
11:48
Speaker 1: looking down on dark goal. Yeah no, I like the
11:52
Speaker 1: door open. Door closed. Yes, door locked actually because if
11:59
Speaker 1: somebody coming to his house at least something to hear
12:00
Speaker 1: you suddenly with the door, I may had a pistol
12:02
Speaker 1: by the time you get there. That's my thought process.
12:05
Speaker 1: I'm with you. Yeah, that's dopey. I feeling like I
12:08
Speaker 1: need to see people coming. But yeah, you made it
12:13
Speaker 1: easy for him to say, you like my house, you
12:15
Speaker 1: gotta navigate this big they're gonna find me. I got
12:20
Speaker 1: a nice size, you know house. So if it's dark,
12:24
Speaker 1: My my theory is, you know, like now you got
12:27
Speaker 1: to navigate, I'm gonna hear something you mump or whatever.
12:30
Speaker 1: And by that time, like you said, I already got
12:32
Speaker 1: the tool. So let's get it. Still chicken, y'all get
12:39
Speaker 1: you will see our therapists gotta go grilling girl period. Okay,
12:44
Speaker 1: with even more now, So I mean, I feel like
12:47
Speaker 1: we can relate. And that's the and that's the whole
12:50
Speaker 1: premise of my therapist because me as a therapist, um
12:55
Speaker 1: and and that ironically, that's how I got into the field.
12:58
Speaker 1: Like when I was younger, I was again group home
13:01
Speaker 1: and therapy was like a poor experience because one that
13:03
Speaker 1: was mandatory then too. All the therapists was older white people.
13:06
Speaker 1: I'm just young kid from the projects, you know what
13:08
Speaker 1: I'm saying. So it fell forced. It wasn't authentic. And
13:11
Speaker 1: now me as a therapist, I can be authentic. I
13:13
Speaker 1: can be myself. You see the jays behind me, the
13:15
Speaker 1: phones behind me. I'm relating to that young kid in
13:18
Speaker 1: the projects. You know what I mean, that young kid
13:21
Speaker 1: who always missed the herd. You dressed like my uncle,
13:24
Speaker 1: but you don't smell like we or this mom that
13:27
Speaker 1: comes and say, oh man, you're the first therapist. He
13:30
Speaker 1: don't have fat therapists before you. And he's talking out,
13:33
Speaker 1: you know, like it's relatable because I looked like him.
13:35
Speaker 1: And then of course as a veteran, I did army
13:39
Speaker 1: um eight years to deployments when Iraq, when I afghanistand
13:43
Speaker 1: and I appreciate that, and a lot of veterans tend
13:46
Speaker 1: to only go to the group's opposed to the the individual
13:49
Speaker 1: therapy because those therapists don't have combat experience. So it's like, yo,
13:53
Speaker 1: we're in here, we're talking to somebody who's only process
13:56
Speaker 1: of information from the book, you know. So the groups
13:59
Speaker 1: are more better because they got that shared experience that
14:01
Speaker 1: karadi we with somebody who've been through it. So for me,
14:04
Speaker 1: I touched on all those platforms by being authentically me,
14:07
Speaker 1: and it's been paying off. Of course, the older people,
14:10
Speaker 1: you know, the season therapists, they have something to say
14:13
Speaker 1: at conferences and stuff like that. But exactly exactly, so
14:19
Speaker 1: you know, I've been fortunate. Um, how my movement has grown,
14:24
Speaker 1: how it how it's been accepted, you know. Um, But
14:28
Speaker 1: of course with everything changes, um, one of those things
14:32
Speaker 1: that people have to adapt to. Right before we move
14:35
Speaker 1: into the next segment, here's a ward from our sponsors.
14:42
Speaker 1: So look, we uh tam and I I'm pretty sure
14:46
Speaker 1: all y'all saw what was going on ambarose last weekend.
14:50
Speaker 1: We wanted to discuss the situation. We wanted to discuss
14:53
Speaker 1: the relationship. We wanted to just to discuss narcissism, you know,
14:57
Speaker 1: because she's basically calling her her last son's Day. I
15:00
Speaker 1: don't know if they're married or not. Well I was
15:03
Speaker 1: reading some articles and they said that they referred to
15:05
Speaker 1: each other as husband and wife, but there's no proof
15:07
Speaker 1: that they are actually married. So then she her living pain.
15:14
Speaker 1: We wanted to talk about narcissism, but we wanted a
15:18
Speaker 1: professional on the show as at the same time, just
15:20
Speaker 1: so we can, um you know that professional input exactly.
15:27
Speaker 1: So that's where Mr Harris comes in. I just want
15:32
Speaker 1: to read what Amber wanted the tweets or actually was
15:36
Speaker 1: on her Instagram story last week. She said, when you're
15:40
Speaker 1: in love with a narcissist, your brain tells you to
15:44
Speaker 1: turn and run. Your heart says, stay, unanswered questions, gas lighting,
15:49
Speaker 1: stonewall and deflecting, projecting. I wish it was easy to
15:54
Speaker 1: fix him, but that's not for me to do. The
15:56
Speaker 1: pain cuts so deep, especially when children are involved. I
15:59
Speaker 1: will always love him so much, but I know I
16:02
Speaker 1: can't heal him. Only he can do that. I knew
16:05
Speaker 1: I had to set myself free publicly, or I would
16:08
Speaker 1: have stayed forever, never receiving the love I craving begged
16:11
Speaker 1: for it. Tough choice because it hurts so bad, but
16:14
Speaker 1: I chose me. I didn't want to have to do
16:18
Speaker 1: this all. I just wanted my family, my husband. She
16:21
Speaker 1: put that in all caps on this my husband. There's
16:23
Speaker 1: only so many times I can ask a man to
16:26
Speaker 1: just be transparent, on honest and love me wholeheartedly. I
16:31
Speaker 1: don't know if I'll get the happy ending I wanted,
16:33
Speaker 1: but maybe I'll get the happy ending I deserve. Mother.
16:38
Speaker 1: So just one quick thing. It seems like Amber is
16:42
Speaker 1: using the public too basically hold her accountable going forward.
16:46
Speaker 1: So she said she put this out there basically because
16:50
Speaker 1: if if she hadn't done it publicly, she would have
16:53
Speaker 1: never leaved. So now she's making us responsible for her,
16:59
Speaker 1: she's sinking exactly because you know, the first thing, if
17:03
Speaker 1: she do go back to him, the first thing people
17:05
Speaker 1: gonna say, Oh, she's a dumb bitch, so dumb you
17:07
Speaker 1: are really god. But I mean, I guess, but she
17:11
Speaker 1: don't really care. I don't believe that people really follow that,
17:14
Speaker 1: because you're gonna do what you want to do no
17:16
Speaker 1: matter what public opinions is, excially when it comes to
17:18
Speaker 1: matters of matters of the heart. Because he was already
17:21
Speaker 1: on he went live with some guys Big Vaughan and
17:24
Speaker 1: something from some radio station, and he basically said, she
17:28
Speaker 1: messaged him instead of he apologizes publicly she would take
17:31
Speaker 1: him back, and he basically told her like no, like
17:34
Speaker 1: he don't want to keep hurting her. He loved his family,
17:37
Speaker 1: he loves her, but he also loves himself and he
17:39
Speaker 1: just loves women. So I guess loving himself is you know,
17:44
Speaker 1: I don't know, however, just say that in translation he
17:47
Speaker 1: still wants to have extras or whatever. He said he
17:53
Speaker 1: would be able to sustain for about six months, but
17:56
Speaker 1: then he would probably be back at it. That that's
17:58
Speaker 1: something that he asked the process that I mean that
18:01
Speaker 1: that's his truth. But that's also some damage there. You know,
18:05
Speaker 1: that's some has taken place within his lifestyle to where
18:09
Speaker 1: he feels that that's acceptable. Um, and I'm not saying
18:12
Speaker 1: that's right or wrong, because there's so many different lifestyles
18:15
Speaker 1: that are acceptable. Some people feel they need multiple people.
18:18
Speaker 1: Some people feel that one person is solely enough for
18:20
Speaker 1: them to live there in ton of uh, you know,
18:23
Speaker 1: the rest of their life with, so it all depends
18:25
Speaker 1: on them. The issue is he wrung her in thinking
18:28
Speaker 1: that it was just gonna beat them too, you know.
18:30
Speaker 1: So the lack of communication, on the lack of understanding,
18:33
Speaker 1: that lack of agreement hinder that process. And now that's
18:36
Speaker 1: why it's a public disagreement because he maybe he tried,
18:40
Speaker 1: maybe he tried to be with just one person. Maybe
18:42
Speaker 1: he was like, I love her, I'm gonna try my
18:44
Speaker 1: best to be with Yeah, all of that we definitely
18:50
Speaker 1: can take in consideration all of that, But the issue
18:52
Speaker 1: is now we agree to just be or not were
18:56
Speaker 1: in her man anyway? So either way, it wasn't clear
18:58
Speaker 1: because he very well can find somebody to say, oh, yeah,
19:02
Speaker 1: I'm cool with you having an additional part I'm cool
19:04
Speaker 1: with it has been a trio I'm cool, would have been,
19:07
Speaker 1: but it sounds like she is saying, it's supposed to
19:10
Speaker 1: be being you on the kids, you know, so turn
19:13
Speaker 1: into Carl Thomas when you love someone, you just man,
19:20
Speaker 1: that's not Carled Thomas. My bad Karl and don Hey.
19:35
Speaker 1: But either way, I think the topic here was narcissistic.
19:38
Speaker 1: But I didn't hear like she didn't give a lot
19:40
Speaker 1: of examples of him being okay, so okay. I don't
19:44
Speaker 1: know if you're seen a video with him and these guys,
19:47
Speaker 1: she didn't give the examples, but he definitely displays narcissistic behaviors.
19:53
Speaker 1: He has no empathy whatsoever for what's going on right now.
19:57
Speaker 1: She's embarrassed u UM, and I mean we would have
20:02
Speaker 1: never known, right But the women that he's been cheating with,
20:05
Speaker 1: obviously it's some people that probably some public people he's
20:08
Speaker 1: been been sleeping with. Um because she basically called him
20:12
Speaker 1: out first. So based on the interview, he are really
20:15
Speaker 1: not an interview. He just pulled up and did live
20:17
Speaker 1: with some guys after after she put the ship on Instagram,
20:22
Speaker 1: and just his attitude about it about it all, Yeah,
20:25
Speaker 1: he was giggling, he was, and these guys were getting
20:28
Speaker 1: like it was funny and this woman is clearly hurting. Hmm. Yeah,
20:34
Speaker 1: so his lack of remorse, Um, for him, it's probably
20:39
Speaker 1: again like where he was was probably acceptable behavior to
20:43
Speaker 1: have those type of relationships or to be dogmatic and
20:47
Speaker 1: have those you know, situations to where he's sleeping with
20:50
Speaker 1: them out to women. It's praised in some areas, you
20:52
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, So it probably sounds like he
20:54
Speaker 1: was on on that being in that spotlight or being
20:57
Speaker 1: in that the vicinity of those people he would selling
21:00
Speaker 1: the story to further enabled his behavior to make him
21:03
Speaker 1: feel comfortable enough to not display that that certain remorse,
21:06
Speaker 1: you know. And for me it's like accountability, um, not
21:10
Speaker 1: not even on a celebrity standpoint, but just somebody in
21:14
Speaker 1: the neighborhood. If I see a brother doing something that's unbecoming,
21:18
Speaker 1: I'm I'm letting them know, you know. Or if I see, yeah,
21:23
Speaker 1: men do that enough with each other when it comes
21:26
Speaker 1: I do, I think it's not. I think it's not
21:28
Speaker 1: displayed enough. But I definitely I can only speak for
21:31
Speaker 1: me and my circle and the people I engage with.
21:34
Speaker 1: I know accountability is big with the people I associated with.
21:38
Speaker 1: Uh So if it is something like you know you're engaged,
21:42
Speaker 1: but you talking to somebody else, or you murdered and
21:44
Speaker 1: you're trying to do X y Z. Now we're checking you.
21:47
Speaker 1: We're letting you know um that that's inappropriate, you know,
21:50
Speaker 1: or we you know, we handle it within within us
21:54
Speaker 1: um and letting you know how it can be a
21:56
Speaker 1: different situation like what you're putting on the land. We're
21:59
Speaker 1: just holding your accountable. We're letting you know the things
22:01
Speaker 1: that you can potentially rest and the people that you
22:03
Speaker 1: can potentially hurt, right I you know, I left a
22:07
Speaker 1: guy alone one time and I really liked him, but
22:09
Speaker 1: we went and met with his friend and his friend
22:12
Speaker 1: was telling the story about how he had to slap
22:14
Speaker 1: a bit. Really, this is what was the story he
22:17
Speaker 1: was taking saying right in front of me at the table,
22:20
Speaker 1: and I got really upset about the conversation. So I
22:22
Speaker 1: got up and left. And then the guy was seeing
22:25
Speaker 1: came and he's like, why did you leave the table?
22:26
Speaker 1: I was like, I was very uncomfortable with that conversation.
22:29
Speaker 1: He was like, well, I was like, that's that's the
22:31
Speaker 1: type of people you hanging with. He was like, that's
22:33
Speaker 1: a grown man. What I'm supposed to be and and
22:36
Speaker 1: that's wow, bro, Like, how can you have your boys
22:39
Speaker 1: one be confortable enough? Like I don't have I don't
22:42
Speaker 1: associate with nobody right now. That's comfortable enough telling me
22:45
Speaker 1: that he was comfortable enough touching a woman like that,
22:49
Speaker 1: or you know, even even if even I don't got
22:52
Speaker 1: nobody in my socker right now as a grown man,
22:54
Speaker 1: I'm thirty five years old and say, hey, man, I
22:56
Speaker 1: just got to fight, Like you know what I mean,
22:58
Speaker 1: if you wasn't defending yourself that alone, hitting the woman,
23:01
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, Like, what are we doing? Bro?
23:03
Speaker 1: We thirty five, We got stopped to lose, We got families,
23:05
Speaker 1: we got careers, Like why are you are fighting in
23:07
Speaker 1: the streets, letting alone what you're talking about? Yeah, exactly so,
23:12
Speaker 1: so so I'm going to call me a uber. I
23:14
Speaker 1: was like, man, I'm getting the funk up out of
23:15
Speaker 1: your Get the guy friend, I guess he told him
23:20
Speaker 1: I was leaving because of the things he was saying.
23:22
Speaker 1: So the friend came to try to stop me, right
23:25
Speaker 1: he was like, don't leave. I wasn't trying to be disrespectful,
23:28
Speaker 1: but you gotta understand some of these women don't feel
23:31
Speaker 1: like you love them unless you beat them. Um, this
23:34
Speaker 1: is what this man said to me. He's like, it's
23:36
Speaker 1: a real thing, Like I love you talking about a
23:38
Speaker 1: trauma bond. If she don't, if I don't hear her,
23:41
Speaker 1: she gonna feel like I don't love her. And see,
23:44
Speaker 1: she probably experienced abuse when she was younger, you know,
23:49
Speaker 1: so she does. It can be people who associate abuse
23:53
Speaker 1: with love who you know, have those things anonymous and
23:57
Speaker 1: equivalent depending on the type of attack when they grew
24:00
Speaker 1: up with all the type of parents and style they
24:02
Speaker 1: grew up with, so those things can be detrimental. So
24:05
Speaker 1: all the parents out there listening, make sure that you
24:07
Speaker 1: understand that how you're raising your kids and the attachment
24:11
Speaker 1: style and the parents and style that you're us and
24:12
Speaker 1: can affect them now as a as a child or adolescent,
24:16
Speaker 1: but also as an adult. And if you aren't familiar
24:18
Speaker 1: with that. On my YouTube channel, I got both those
24:20
Speaker 1: videos parenting styles as well as um attachment styles, So
24:25
Speaker 1: check that out. YouTube is men to Hell. Yeah, I
24:30
Speaker 1: definitely have experienced, uh trauma bon not trauma the trauma
24:35
Speaker 1: bonds of course, but like where I feel like this
24:38
Speaker 1: man doesn't know I love him unless I'm yelling at him.
24:41
Speaker 1: So like, I'll be here all day long and you
24:44
Speaker 1: just keep doing ship to get me up, and then
24:47
Speaker 1: when I start going crazy, then you get calm. It's like,
24:51
Speaker 1: what happened? Why are you want to exchange this ill
24:53
Speaker 1: ass energy like this? So but that that what we
24:57
Speaker 1: talked about earlier. Communication that to him, this communication was
25:01
Speaker 1: if I get her aroused at a certain point, she's
25:04
Speaker 1: displayed that she cared, you know, so, and that was
25:08
Speaker 1: the negative side opposed to just saying, hey babe, I
25:10
Speaker 1: did X Y Z or hey baby, let's talk about
25:13
Speaker 1: you know, his was let me take you off. Yeah,
25:16
Speaker 1: he's exactly. But here's what's to tick you off? And
25:20
Speaker 1: now that you're ticked off. Oh yeah, she's showing me
25:22
Speaker 1: all attention. I need you know. I used to pick
25:25
Speaker 1: fights to have angry six. Yeah, that's not a common either.
25:30
Speaker 1: This ain't your therapy. I'm sorry, we're supposed to be
25:35
Speaker 1: talking about ever Rose hopefully what is happening. I'm not
25:43
Speaker 1: doing that anymore to do that. I'm glad you're grown.
25:47
Speaker 1: That's good. That's good. Grow. But okay, what are some
25:57
Speaker 1: trades of it? Because okay, if y'all on club I'm
26:00
Speaker 1: a clubhouse all the time Instagram. Everybody swears a god
26:05
Speaker 1: that they were the narcissist or experience a narcissist. It's
26:08
Speaker 1: easy to go on because the traits that she listed,
26:11
Speaker 1: like the gas lighting and all that stuff, those are
26:13
Speaker 1: all easy traits of somebody trying to manipulate you. But
26:17
Speaker 1: there's a difference between someone having narcissistic traits and someone
26:22
Speaker 1: that could possibly be, yeah, clinically diagnosed as a narcissist.
26:29
Speaker 1: So I think in reference, like within society, it's a
26:32
Speaker 1: couple of different ones that people use improperly, like anti
26:36
Speaker 1: social personality, like somebody to say, I'm antisocial, but now
26:40
Speaker 1: you're not anti socialists, like a real psychotic disorder. Um.
26:44
Speaker 1: But I guess they thinking like I don't like talking
26:46
Speaker 1: to people engaging in social STIs, so they use that
26:49
Speaker 1: but the same way I think she used, um, he
26:53
Speaker 1: was a narcissist, you know, within that term, just using
26:56
Speaker 1: it loosely as as to what she understand it to be. Um.
27:00
Speaker 1: But realistically it's a mental disorder in which people have
27:03
Speaker 1: like inflated self uh entitlement within ourselves. Yeah, you know,
27:07
Speaker 1: they feel superior have little regard for other people feelings
27:10
Speaker 1: depending on what they are. They need that admiration, they
27:14
Speaker 1: need that praise. You know, it can be understanding by
27:17
Speaker 1: different unique characteristics. And and this is something that has
27:21
Speaker 1: taken place from childhood at aolescing hood to now adulthood
27:26
Speaker 1: and especially within those relationships that we're talking about. So
27:30
Speaker 1: as a parent, you definitely can promote your child to
27:34
Speaker 1: be a narcissistic uh or getting narcissistic personality. You know,
27:38
Speaker 1: those things can be developed, and of course the trade
27:41
Speaker 1: can be picked up in many different aspects too. So
27:45
Speaker 1: some people have an unrealistic sense of entitlement. They expect
27:48
Speaker 1: others to cater to their needs and wants all the time,
27:51
Speaker 1: you know, like not only within relationships, but of course
27:54
Speaker 1: in the in the work setting as well. You know,
27:57
Speaker 1: like you're not even a boss, and you acting like
27:59
Speaker 1: you the boss. You're trying to fill in. You're trying
28:01
Speaker 1: to get all this the people to glorify you, like chill,
28:04
Speaker 1: we get the same salary, you know, So it all
28:07
Speaker 1: all those type of things UM can affected. But I
28:10
Speaker 1: think also if I understand correctly what you read that
28:14
Speaker 1: she wrote was or that you said it was his
28:17
Speaker 1: lack of empathy, fulfilling the way for not feeling a
28:21
Speaker 1: certain way based on how she's feeling. She's upset, she's
28:24
Speaker 1: with the kids. You know, he I guess validated her trust,
28:28
Speaker 1: it seems like. So those things are definitely characteristics um
28:33
Speaker 1: and of course a narcissist. A true narcissist is a
28:37
Speaker 1: person who wants to get you know, they display envy,
28:40
Speaker 1: they want to get revenge, or they feel that others
28:43
Speaker 1: are all together them. So he could feel like, you know,
28:46
Speaker 1: I'm not even entertaining because she is using the public
28:49
Speaker 1: to make me out to be the bad guy, you know,
28:52
Speaker 1: So that can be another another reason why he felt like,
28:56
Speaker 1: I'm not even gonna display like vulnerability for the word.
29:00
Speaker 1: So let's rewind a little bit. So I'm always I'm
29:05
Speaker 1: a firm believer that we you are what you eat,
29:08
Speaker 1: Thus you are who you beat. So when you date somebody,
29:12
Speaker 1: you marry somebody, you kind of see yourself in them
29:14
Speaker 1: a little bit. Is it possible that she's a narcissist
29:18
Speaker 1: because why would she publicly put that out there? Because
29:20
Speaker 1: I won't say that. He felt like somebody brought him
29:24
Speaker 1: out because he took ownership of what happened. But it's
29:27
Speaker 1: the giggling and the childish like you know, ship arounding it.
29:30
Speaker 1: So he acknowledged that he fucked up, right, and he
29:35
Speaker 1: acknowledged that he had been sucking up. And you know,
29:37
Speaker 1: she's been going through his stuff, found out he's in cheating.
29:40
Speaker 1: But to try and control somebody in a way too,
29:44
Speaker 1: especially because you have such a large platform larger than his,
29:48
Speaker 1: to put that out publicly in that way, and that's
29:51
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, that could have been one his NBA
29:53
Speaker 1: is thinking like, oh, she's out to get me, or
29:56
Speaker 1: it could have been like you're saying, you know, she
29:59
Speaker 1: can have that feature as well. But um, that's the
30:02
Speaker 1: difference between narcissistic personalities order narcissistic trait because a lot
30:06
Speaker 1: of people have the trait, you know, so certain criteria
30:10
Speaker 1: pulled here and there of those specific behaviors. And she
30:15
Speaker 1: said for her mama too, because she's a narcissisition. She
30:17
Speaker 1: also used to date Kanye And that's the thing, like
30:20
Speaker 1: it's one So in many different settings, of course, people
30:24
Speaker 1: sitting behind the keyboard or or it glued to that phone,
30:27
Speaker 1: so it's hard to see if she's doing it for attention,
30:31
Speaker 1: or he's doing it for attention or is it something
30:34
Speaker 1: that they need to definitely process and uncover in the
30:37
Speaker 1: in the therapeutic setting, I feel like I'm learning a
30:39
Speaker 1: lot about myself just talking about what's the difference between
30:43
Speaker 1: a narcissist. So listen, it can be some overlapping features,
30:49
Speaker 1: but a sociopath is pretty much, uh, somebody with anti
30:53
Speaker 1: personality disorder, Like they lack feelings of understanding, they break
30:57
Speaker 1: all the rules, they're making possive decisions. Um, they don't
31:00
Speaker 1: feel guilty when they harm other people. You know. So's
31:03
Speaker 1: so many different characteristics of a sociopath for somebody with
31:08
Speaker 1: antisocial personality, like disrespect for norms to laws and rules
31:13
Speaker 1: and regulations. Um. And they also you know, they are lied,
31:16
Speaker 1: that deceive if you they don't care about nobody but
31:19
Speaker 1: themselves and getting on top um. They live in a
31:23
Speaker 1: moment as far as explaining aggression, you know, just being
31:28
Speaker 1: disregard for authority and safety and stuff like that. They
31:31
Speaker 1: can be cold and and and shield themselves from actual reality.
31:35
Speaker 1: More of a narcissist. They want that attention, They want
31:39
Speaker 1: the admiration, that glorifying. You know, I'm not trying to
31:41
Speaker 1: push you away because I need you to continue to
31:44
Speaker 1: lift me up. That's more of a narcissist. The antisocial
31:48
Speaker 1: person or the social path They don't care, like I'm
31:50
Speaker 1: gonna hurt your feelings. I want you to know that
31:53
Speaker 1: I ain't going to intentionally hurt you because I know
31:55
Speaker 1: you're not going nowhere. I know it's nothing you can do.
31:58
Speaker 1: I'm big a moment, tell that I'm big, you're a little.
32:02
Speaker 1: I'm smart, you're dumb. I'm big, you're little, I'm right,
32:04
Speaker 1: you're wrong, and there's nothing you can do about it.
32:07
Speaker 1: And now you're sending that question like you right, ain't
32:09
Speaker 1: gonna or you start to question yourself um and then
32:13
Speaker 1: you know, all of that comes back to your personal
32:14
Speaker 1: self esteem, your personal journey that you have to develop. UM.
32:18
Speaker 1: So that's pretty much a difference though that the narcissistic person,
32:21
Speaker 1: they want you to uplift them, build them up, get
32:24
Speaker 1: them admiration. Just sociopath or the personal anti social behavior
32:28
Speaker 1: they don't care. They know they're gonna hurt you. They
32:31
Speaker 1: know that they're gonna deceive you, lie to you, like
32:34
Speaker 1: disregard for authority and laws and your norms, all that, No,
32:39
Speaker 1: none of that matter to them. So let's say you
32:42
Speaker 1: discover that you are a narcissist, what what do you do?
32:46
Speaker 1: What kind of do the work? What kind of no?
32:48
Speaker 1: And then that's a good question. So it all depends
32:51
Speaker 1: on where you are, too, like depending on your age,
32:54
Speaker 1: depending on when you got diagnosed, um, depending on where
32:58
Speaker 1: you are, you know, because it's it's a few different
33:01
Speaker 1: methods that you can do. UM. You know, I guess
33:06
Speaker 1: it all depends. So if you're a young person, you
33:08
Speaker 1: definitely you definitely want to ensure that your parents are
33:12
Speaker 1: giving you the proper support and care that you that
33:14
Speaker 1: you can possibly have. UM. But if you're older person,
33:17
Speaker 1: now pretty much is stuck in your ways. You've probably
33:20
Speaker 1: been this way for a minute. So you probably still
33:22
Speaker 1: want the admiration whether you are let's say now in
33:26
Speaker 1: the workplace, because when you were younger, you was in
33:28
Speaker 1: all kinds of sports and everybody praised you for being
33:31
Speaker 1: a good athlete or a good cheerleader and stuff like that.
33:33
Speaker 1: So now in the workplace, you feel that you should
33:36
Speaker 1: get those same praises. UM. So now it's pretty much
33:39
Speaker 1: you gotta uncover those things. We gotta figure out where
33:43
Speaker 1: to start, you know. So it all depends you got
33:45
Speaker 1: to maintain how to maintain personal relationships without offending people,
33:50
Speaker 1: without needing that admiration from people, without just you know,
33:55
Speaker 1: being in the room and being comfortable without somebody's give
33:58
Speaker 1: me your compliment on your shoe was or your hair
34:00
Speaker 1: or oh man, you donated so much money. You know
34:03
Speaker 1: you don't need that. So pretty much taking you from UM,
34:07
Speaker 1: a certain level of being praise and admiration, like reducing
34:12
Speaker 1: those feelings, increasing your understanding and how to regulate your feelings.
34:16
Speaker 1: Like all of those things can be treatment within therapy. UM.
34:19
Speaker 1: And of course it's it's potential medication out there as well. UM.
34:23
Speaker 1: But we have to understand or or assist you in
34:26
Speaker 1: making sure that you can obtain certain goals within the
34:29
Speaker 1: therapy process, like whether it's a go of um, you know,
34:34
Speaker 1: going to work this week and and not having your
34:36
Speaker 1: coworkers UM compliment you. You know, so those things are important.
34:41
Speaker 1: I don't like when bitches compliment because I feel like, girl,
34:44
Speaker 1: I know I was cute if I left the house, Like,
34:46
Speaker 1: I don't need you every time I see you tell me,
34:48
Speaker 1: oh you look cute. First of all, cut is for kids, bitch,
34:51
Speaker 1: you know, I love all of that, I have toted,
34:57
Speaker 1: but then I like to celebrate. And that's the difference too.
34:59
Speaker 1: That's part of it, because this narcissistic person is in
35:02
Speaker 1: the office and if you're not saying, oh man, Mike,
35:05
Speaker 1: that's a nice time, or da siel it, that's a
35:07
Speaker 1: dope dress, you know, they're they're gonna intentionally come around
35:11
Speaker 1: your earth like hey keep this tied, you know, or
35:14
Speaker 1: just so you can uplift them. Yeah. So, so those
35:17
Speaker 1: are some of the things we work with. Well, we'll
35:19
Speaker 1: assist you know, well, we'll put a number on it.
35:22
Speaker 1: We'll put a quantified number on it, so you can
35:24
Speaker 1: reduce those behaviors. Hey, you you you normally want five
35:29
Speaker 1: different people to compliment you. If you only get two
35:32
Speaker 1: completed compliments, is we want you not to react in
35:36
Speaker 1: an upsetting manner. We don't want you to walk back
35:38
Speaker 1: Susie desks to make sure that she sees you or
35:40
Speaker 1: you know. So we do different things like that within
35:43
Speaker 1: within the different setting. Um so it all depends. Okay,
35:47
Speaker 1: So out of ten couples, how many of those couples
35:53
Speaker 1: would you say a narcissist exists out of ten? Like
35:59
Speaker 1: somebody like you know, I don't even want to. I
36:01
Speaker 1: don't even want to get it. So I wouldn't say that.
36:03
Speaker 1: I would say, it's a lot of different sessions where
36:07
Speaker 1: somebody to google something or heard something the podcast or
36:11
Speaker 1: a club house on the way and now they and
36:15
Speaker 1: now my my degree in my case, studies don't mean nothing,
36:18
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, because they already got the answer.
36:21
Speaker 1: So I mean, I wouldn't put a number on, you know,
36:24
Speaker 1: a certain couple of sessions out of time. But some
36:28
Speaker 1: of the things we're hearing there, or at least I
36:30
Speaker 1: hearing session is um at somebody on clubhouse at X
36:33
Speaker 1: y Z. So I'm personally not on clubhouse for those
36:37
Speaker 1: reasons because you can't get those people, you know what
36:39
Speaker 1: I'm saying, Like, and different states got different laws regarding ethics,
36:43
Speaker 1: and you know, different jurisdictions. So I don't even want
36:46
Speaker 1: the red tape, Like, don't even tell me what somebody
36:48
Speaker 1: said on Earth because it might not even contain something
36:51
Speaker 1: that I'm even dealing with or too much information, but
36:55
Speaker 1: it doesn't mean it's the correct information. So it all depends. Yeah,
37:01
Speaker 1: So I would attend people five of them Martins, because
37:04
Speaker 1: you ask every woman right now, right now, ask a woman.
37:12
Speaker 1: Because it was a narcissist, that's my favorite ship. To say,
37:19
Speaker 1: that's my favorite ship, so toxic, I would be a
37:27
Speaker 1: terrible therapist. I could imagine me telling like my clients
37:31
Speaker 1: like if they were a narcissist, I would tell him
37:33
Speaker 1: to wake up in the morning and look in the
37:35
Speaker 1: mirror and tell yourself that you ain't ship. So you know, uh,
37:40
Speaker 1: taking it back though education purposes. Uh, that's how narcissist.
37:44
Speaker 1: That's how it was formed. Um, the guy name was
37:48
Speaker 1: narc maybe narcissists or something like that. But he's seen
37:51
Speaker 1: this reflection in a in a pool and fell in
37:54
Speaker 1: love with it. That's how Yeah. Yeah, okay, so maybe
37:58
Speaker 1: that would work. You ain't ship, say the hundred times
38:01
Speaker 1: a day. Listen, I mean that interventional like you gotta
38:04
Speaker 1: say it like that. You can definitely be tactful, but
38:07
Speaker 1: you need a little bit of narco when you dog.
38:09
Speaker 1: You need a little bit like so you know you
38:11
Speaker 1: that bit you know you the ship, Like everybody need
38:13
Speaker 1: a little bit of narcissism. Right, Well, it's a difference
38:15
Speaker 1: between confidence and and you know, so you can be confident,
38:21
Speaker 1: you can reassure yourself, you can be you know, ensure
38:25
Speaker 1: that you are uplifting yourself, but you don't have to
38:27
Speaker 1: be as arrogant and standards. Most millionaires are narcissist, right,
38:31
Speaker 1: A lot of them are. They just cut throat, no empathy, Like,
38:34
Speaker 1: whatever I gotta do to get to the top, I'm
38:35
Speaker 1: doing it. I'm shipping on whoever I feel like you
38:37
Speaker 1: have to have you have in order to be a billionaire.
38:41
Speaker 1: You gotta shoot on a lot of people along the
38:42
Speaker 1: way and not have re not in some cases. So
38:46
Speaker 1: it's a it's probably a list that you can google,
38:48
Speaker 1: but it's certainly professions suit that promote a lot of
38:52
Speaker 1: different narcissists, like the military, like police force, like lawyers, boxers.
38:57
Speaker 1: Every boxer is a bit of a narcis So, I
39:00
Speaker 1: mean it's a couple of different professions. You probably can
39:02
Speaker 1: google it on your downtown or your listeners. Um, you know,
39:06
Speaker 1: in a real narcissist is dangerous. So we got these
39:09
Speaker 1: people in law enforcement. That's why we have so many
39:11
Speaker 1: problems potentially, Yeah, because they want that one up. They
39:15
Speaker 1: want that you know, admiration of Okay, you the authority figure,
39:19
Speaker 1: you know, so those things can translate to that m
39:24
Speaker 1: scary now word from our sponsors. All right, so we
39:33
Speaker 1: have our same series, which which would be equivalent to
39:37
Speaker 1: our Dumb Bitch Story, which is a segment where women
39:40
Speaker 1: can you know, hit us up. Let us tell us
39:42
Speaker 1: a time where you are a dumb bit and now
39:44
Speaker 1: how you are recovered? Right, and the same series would
39:47
Speaker 1: be equivalent to that. So guy tells the time where he,
39:50
Speaker 1: you know, maybe was consistently played by a woman knowingly.
39:54
Speaker 1: I would say, knowingly if you unknowingly participate in some
39:58
Speaker 1: some ship, like you just got used, but knowing that
40:01
Speaker 1: somebody's playing with you, you stay in a situation, I
40:03
Speaker 1: would say, it would have to be a situation where
40:05
Speaker 1: you knowingly knew. So I mean, yeah, I'll be real
40:11
Speaker 1: with you, like I've never had a situation to where
40:15
Speaker 1: I was like blind like that. You know. Um And
40:17
Speaker 1: me personally, I've been on my owner since sixteen. I'm
40:20
Speaker 1: inspected myself at sixteen, so everything for me has been
40:23
Speaker 1: hustled and getting to myself. So I just I made
40:27
Speaker 1: sure that I didn't put myself in a position to
40:29
Speaker 1: where I'm being used because I'm a majority of part
40:33
Speaker 1: of my life, I didn't have much like I wasn't
40:35
Speaker 1: gonna give you my lads, and you planned me so
40:37
Speaker 1: for me. You know, I've been fortunate not to be
40:40
Speaker 1: in those situations. Now I am in a situation or
40:43
Speaker 1: have been a situation to where I cater because I care,
40:48
Speaker 1: because I know this is what you know, This is
40:51
Speaker 1: my heart, Like, regardless of what you're giving me, I'm
40:53
Speaker 1: giving you because I know these things are gratifying to you.
40:56
Speaker 1: I know this is what I suppose as a partner.
40:59
Speaker 1: So I mean, and that is sepping or being a
41:02
Speaker 1: sent Oh yeah, well I'm good now that's not a simping.
41:05
Speaker 1: Yeah you know. But again where I'm from, like, oh man,
41:09
Speaker 1: you you don't did x y z and this person
41:12
Speaker 1: ain't give you nothing, you know. So restiprosly mean a lot,
41:15
Speaker 1: you know, and you can be it can be a
41:17
Speaker 1: fat line depending on where you are, right. And I
41:21
Speaker 1: have an interesting dumbing story for you guys. All right,
41:24
Speaker 1: here goes hi tam bam and a g Okay. So,
41:27
Speaker 1: about three months ago I ran into a dude at
41:29
Speaker 1: work who approached me and asked for my number in
41:32
Speaker 1: the sexiest way. He was so damn fine and his
41:35
Speaker 1: approach was it for me. Whatever. Fast forward, we go
41:38
Speaker 1: out a few times and start smashing. We have a
41:42
Speaker 1: convoy about only sleeping with one another because we were
41:44
Speaker 1: fucking wrong. This is her exact words, and he begins
41:48
Speaker 1: to admit that he has feelings for me. Soon after this,
41:52
Speaker 1: things start getting thrown off a little because he doesn't
41:55
Speaker 1: trust that I have no relations with my baby daddy
41:57
Speaker 1: and thinks that I lie. He goes on vacation and
42:00
Speaker 1: tells me he's going alone, but it doesn't sit right
42:04
Speaker 1: with me, and I was definitely thinking he was out
42:06
Speaker 1: there with another bitch. We also barely talked while he's
42:09
Speaker 1: on vacation. I begin taking it as he's kind of
42:12
Speaker 1: off of it now boom. Here's where she gets messy.
42:15
Speaker 1: I have a good friendship with one of his friends,
42:18
Speaker 1: who I thought they were just cool co workers. We
42:21
Speaker 1: flirted a lot at work, but it's never gone past that,
42:24
Speaker 1: and I knew him before original boom. So I end
42:27
Speaker 1: up getting drunk one night and called the friend. Let's
42:29
Speaker 1: call him for an ex to bring me home because
42:33
Speaker 1: I can't drive. He brings me home. We pinky promise
42:36
Speaker 1: we won't do anything. I tell him that I'm involved
42:39
Speaker 1: with someone who I really like, and he knows him
42:42
Speaker 1: so we don't do anything. But then it happened, and
42:45
Speaker 1: good as ship was bombed. Me and Friend asked, talked
42:48
Speaker 1: about how we shouldn't have fucked and agree it will
42:51
Speaker 1: never happen again, also that we were taking this ship
42:54
Speaker 1: to the grave with us. Original Boo returns from vacaing
42:58
Speaker 1: and we're kicking it again and just don't seem the same.
43:01
Speaker 1: So I fall back in with Friend X, who provides
43:04
Speaker 1: me with all that Original Bull doesn't, such as conversations, communication,
43:09
Speaker 1: and we goofy as funk with each other. At this point,
43:12
Speaker 1: Original Boot just blah, but I don't want to let
43:15
Speaker 1: it go, So now I'm rotating between the two friends.
43:18
Speaker 1: Friend X knows about it, but Original Boo doesn't, so
43:21
Speaker 1: I assume they both give me great dick and I
43:24
Speaker 1: think I'm stupid over Original Boob because he is so
43:26
Speaker 1: damn fine, while freen Necks just really is the nastiest,
43:30
Speaker 1: freakiest nigger I've ever had been with. Plus our chemistry
43:33
Speaker 1: is just fire. I'm not dating either of them, nor
43:36
Speaker 1: do I see myself in a relationship with either. I
43:39
Speaker 1: don't know if I should just keep smashing it too
43:42
Speaker 1: and say fuck it or cut one of them off
43:44
Speaker 1: or both, which I don't want to do. L O L.
43:47
Speaker 1: I'm so stuck and I have no clue what I
43:49
Speaker 1: need to do. I need you'll help, Sincerely, the accidental
43:53
Speaker 1: homie hopper. Yeah, girlfriend's first of all, second off, a
44:04
Speaker 1: third of all? Right them nig slashing both of it?
44:12
Speaker 1: Baby girl? Is uh? Baby girl? Like? Why was it? Raw? Squirrel?
44:18
Speaker 1: Like so immediate? You know what I'm saying? Like why
44:21
Speaker 1: you you know, protect yourself because even and you have
44:24
Speaker 1: any thoughts about him doing something else, and you still
44:27
Speaker 1: have my unprotected sex. Um and just once you started
44:31
Speaker 1: you can't stop it, but you added somebody else to
44:34
Speaker 1: it as well, So you know what I mean, like
44:36
Speaker 1: protect yourself? Like it's just so many, so many different
44:39
Speaker 1: things within that I think that she has to uncover
44:42
Speaker 1: within herself. Um, But bouncing between two partners, I don't
44:47
Speaker 1: think that's it, you know. I think she definitely needs
44:49
Speaker 1: to decide on one of them. Um. If not, it's
44:53
Speaker 1: gonna reveal itself and then how she gonna figure out
44:56
Speaker 1: what the outcome would be? Like what happens when they
44:58
Speaker 1: do find out? You know what I'm like? Now their
45:01
Speaker 1: friendship or coworkership or whatever they them to the two
45:05
Speaker 1: males are can be a jeopardy. You know, that can
45:08
Speaker 1: become a different situation as well, whether it's balance or
45:10
Speaker 1: them to just having a fallen out and turn to
45:13
Speaker 1: something else. And now she used to you know, she's
45:16
Speaker 1: gonna be feel guilty that she was the cause of that.
45:19
Speaker 1: So it's just so many different things like that, that
45:21
Speaker 1: immediate gratification that she's getting from having both those partners,
45:26
Speaker 1: with that amazing you know, sexual chemistry that she's doing.
45:32
Speaker 1: I don't I don't think. I think now she's living
45:34
Speaker 1: in the moment, but it could be a regrettable decision
45:37
Speaker 1: if you don't figure out which one she wants. But
45:39
Speaker 1: I think with the original guy, if she's having doubts
45:42
Speaker 1: of him being faithful, then they need to identify the
45:46
Speaker 1: lands of within the context of that relationship because if
45:49
Speaker 1: they don't have a title, what are you worrying about
45:52
Speaker 1: what I'm doing? You know what I'm saying, or because
45:56
Speaker 1: that's what it is we studing. Condom did once you
46:01
Speaker 1: take that condom off, you're my whole man, You're my
46:03
Speaker 1: whole boyfriend. Let's make sure that I or he the
46:10
Speaker 1: person the original guy understands that you know, because it
46:13
Speaker 1: couldn't to him. It's probably was when they said, hey,
46:17
Speaker 1: we were just smashing. It couldn't for him. It probably
46:20
Speaker 1: was all right, we're just smashing. It don't matter. But
46:22
Speaker 1: to her is yo, we're smashing all of all of
46:24
Speaker 1: what you guys said. So they have been short down
46:27
Speaker 1: the same page. So what I think she's this is
46:29
Speaker 1: what she's going through. So original guy, he's obviously dating
46:34
Speaker 1: other people. You may not be having raw sex with
46:37
Speaker 1: the second guy, but you have been. You're now attached
46:39
Speaker 1: to the man you've been having sex with without the condom, right,
46:42
Speaker 1: But this man seems unattainable. He goes out on vacation
46:46
Speaker 1: with other women. This is why you think you like him.
46:49
Speaker 1: This is why he lacks communication. He's barely talking to you.
46:52
Speaker 1: So it's the unattainability of that man that you think
46:55
Speaker 1: you like. But you got this other guy who's giving
46:58
Speaker 1: you everything. He's giving you the good nasty sex, is
47:01
Speaker 1: communicating your laugh y'all? Kick items, what's up? Why wouldn't
47:06
Speaker 1: you choose him? You only think you like this other
47:08
Speaker 1: guy because you can't get him well for an accident
47:11
Speaker 1: like he not may not be as physically attractive. To
47:13
Speaker 1: her as well, because she's like the other guys, So
47:15
Speaker 1: damn fine, is he though? That's what she's saying that.
47:20
Speaker 1: I mean, I ain't seen him, but I mean it's
47:22
Speaker 1: it's so it's attraction worth that though like what you having.
47:26
Speaker 1: She it sounds like she would have rather have an
47:29
Speaker 1: attractive person with none of those other qualities over this
47:32
Speaker 1: other guy with all the other qualities and features that
47:36
Speaker 1: she seemed right, you know, she getting that, she getting
47:38
Speaker 1: their attention, she gets it sounds like it sounds like
47:42
Speaker 1: both of them, That's what it sounds like. Well, yeah,
47:44
Speaker 1: that too, but it sounds I mean, okay, but I'm
47:48
Speaker 1: sorry to read your story. We got a therapist on now.
47:51
Speaker 1: He dissected your as bit. So yeah, it's not okay,
47:57
Speaker 1: but it sounds like that. Uh. The second guy has
48:00
Speaker 1: every quality, or at least enough qualities for her to
48:03
Speaker 1: be comfortable within the situation, opposed to just that physical
48:08
Speaker 1: attraction that she has for the first guy. You know,
48:11
Speaker 1: if she's getting the conversation, she's getting the sexual gratification.
48:15
Speaker 1: The chemistry is good like all of those traits who
48:17
Speaker 1: are half her comfortable with the relationship. But the weird
48:20
Speaker 1: thing is, like, now, she can't even be in a
48:22
Speaker 1: relationship because you know, how are you going maneuver through that? Like,
48:27
Speaker 1: I know they probably talked about you like women we
48:29
Speaker 1: Why wouldn't you think these guys they work together and
48:32
Speaker 1: I listen's just go out on the limb. They're probably
48:34
Speaker 1: working on cars in it somewhere, some type of office setting, right,
48:37
Speaker 1: whereas maybe only a couple of guys in anyway, So
48:39
Speaker 1: they're probably tapping all the women that's in there, Like
48:42
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure they communicate, and they know they're both
48:44
Speaker 1: smashing you. So the guy thinks you're lying about still
48:47
Speaker 1: smashing your baby daddy, because he probably knows who you
48:50
Speaker 1: are actually smashing. Yeah, and and well she say one guy.
48:55
Speaker 1: The second guy know about the first guy, so he's
48:57
Speaker 1: probably not gonna slip up and say, you know, I'm
49:00
Speaker 1: smashing so and so you know what I mean. But
49:02
Speaker 1: he's probably listening to Guy one. You know, he's probably
49:07
Speaker 1: listening to Guy one saying, yo, dog, I was on
49:10
Speaker 1: the trip with and he's thinking like, yeah, exactly, like
49:16
Speaker 1: why you was over there? Yeah, why you was over
49:18
Speaker 1: there with some one? So I took you all home
49:20
Speaker 1: and that, you know, So it could be one of
49:22
Speaker 1: those situations. So that's I think that's more plausible. Well yeah,
49:29
Speaker 1: but but hope hopefully a little baby figure it out though,
49:32
Speaker 1: and she just the sad on because right now, like realistically,
49:36
Speaker 1: it's it's even the safety issue just from all the
49:39
Speaker 1: additional sex. Because if guy one is sleeping with somebody
49:42
Speaker 1: else and he's sleeping with you raw, you don't you
49:44
Speaker 1: don't know or you can't control if he's sleeping with
49:47
Speaker 1: the other chick, you know, and you introduced guy to
49:51
Speaker 1: you know, hopefully you guys are that raw, but you
49:53
Speaker 1: don't know who has hes sleeping with. So now there's
49:55
Speaker 1: some mulchiple people. That's multiple potential diseases. Uh, in addition
49:59
Speaker 1: to the hazard of if I'm too found out now
50:02
Speaker 1: they beefin one up? What the other guy one, how
50:05
Speaker 1: he's gonna react knowing that, you know, I laughed in
50:07
Speaker 1: this guy face he was smashing a whole time like
50:09
Speaker 1: that can be a trouble situation. So one thing that
50:12
Speaker 1: Mr Harris here in a j did not mention. But
50:16
Speaker 1: I'm going to quote Walker Flocker, I sucked my money up.
50:21
Speaker 1: Now I can't read up. Don't be sucking all these
50:23
Speaker 1: nicks at your job, you're gonna mess you'll checker girl.
50:29
Speaker 1: I ain't even cast too. No, she she wrote that
50:36
Speaker 1: on this. I thought she said there was all coworkers.
50:40
Speaker 1: Oh no, yeah yeah, yeah, wait I thought you were
50:43
Speaker 1: saying she said to walk the fun that's me her
50:46
Speaker 1: money up. Oh yeah, you definitely three the office. I've
50:54
Speaker 1: seen it happen. That's what happens. This is interesting. Did
51:02
Speaker 1: we give her something? Oh yeah, he look I was
51:04
Speaker 1: about to say, did we give her advice? And her advice,
51:07
Speaker 1: but we know you're gonna keep sucking both of them
51:09
Speaker 1: to something blow up because it's fun, right, happens, And
51:17
Speaker 1: that's why more exists, because now she's gonna how you
51:19
Speaker 1: gonna know who that is? How you gonna know? It's
51:22
Speaker 1: just so many. If you're gonna keep if you're gonna
51:25
Speaker 1: keep going doing this, you got to, I mean, because
51:31
Speaker 1: now guy one, don't gonna feel weird, like yeah, we've
51:34
Speaker 1: been going all the sign without the kind of you
51:36
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, But now that's her excuse, Like, hey, listen,
51:39
Speaker 1: I don't know who you would We're not exclusive or
51:41
Speaker 1: I'm exclusive, You're not exclusive. You know she can trick
51:44
Speaker 1: it up how you need to but realistically, like if
51:46
Speaker 1: his if his responses, Hey, we've been going this whole
51:49
Speaker 1: time without want why we do want wound now? Well,
51:52
Speaker 1: because you you know, don't Yeah, you're going Yeah, So
51:58
Speaker 1: all that the vacation she can use. She can easily
52:03
Speaker 1: tell guy to to use one. You know what I'm saying, like, Hey,
52:06
Speaker 1: I'm still smashing guy one, so let's use his protection.
52:10
Speaker 1: Hang in there, girl, I mean, get all the digy
52:14
Speaker 1: can I guess? I don't know what to tell you.
52:16
Speaker 1: Listen to the therapist. She got more things to me,
52:19
Speaker 1: I know, So I mean to what to be real
52:22
Speaker 1: If I was her therapist, I'll try to figure out
52:24
Speaker 1: what she's running from or why she feels like she
52:27
Speaker 1: needs that validation from both now. But is it that
52:29
Speaker 1: or that she's just she's single, And I think that
52:32
Speaker 1: men getting more get more of a pass with this
52:35
Speaker 1: type of thing, Like it's okay for a man to
52:37
Speaker 1: desire some multiple women, but for a woman it's like, oh,
52:41
Speaker 1: she has trauma for some reason. No, my response wouldn't
52:44
Speaker 1: be based on gender. Remember our conversation earlier before we
52:48
Speaker 1: start Gotta get we went live. My response wouldn't be
52:51
Speaker 1: based on gender. It would be based on the fact
52:54
Speaker 1: of like what are you trying to escape? Being promisco
52:57
Speaker 1: is a sign of so many different things, you know,
53:00
Speaker 1: so we I would dissect that thing, and no you can.
53:06
Speaker 1: But it can be a different feature though, you know,
53:09
Speaker 1: whether it's self esteem, whether it's you feeling yo now
53:12
Speaker 1: that I gave this person that they valued me. It
53:15
Speaker 1: can be so many things. That's why I say, That's
53:17
Speaker 1: why I say, we wouldn't uncover that, you know, and
53:19
Speaker 1: who knows exactly? Who knows, you know, because a lot
53:24
Speaker 1: of people have reckless behavior at Being promiscuous is one
53:28
Speaker 1: of those things like if you look at like where
53:30
Speaker 1: I grew up at, you know, like just this man
53:33
Speaker 1: had a family here and then they had a family
53:35
Speaker 1: two blocks down. You know, those things were he was
53:40
Speaker 1: running from something or he was trying to find something else,
53:43
Speaker 1: and sex was the outlet, just like substance, you know,
53:45
Speaker 1: like drinking. The result of drinking and driving is you
53:48
Speaker 1: can get in the correct you can get locked up
53:50
Speaker 1: or whatever du are. But the result of being promiscuous
53:55
Speaker 1: is on playing pregnancies, diseases and stuff like that. And
53:58
Speaker 1: people don't you those through yeah, exactly yours. You know,
54:02
Speaker 1: people don't view those things as as as a you know,
54:06
Speaker 1: as a potential symptom of something. But you know, as
54:09
Speaker 1: a therapist that have to you have to unscover everything.
54:14
Speaker 1: It always starts with you. So if you're in a
54:16
Speaker 1: bad relationship or you know, always think like would in me,
54:20
Speaker 1: it's causing why am I willing to accept this? Like
54:25
Speaker 1: you know, if that's the life stock you choose and cool,
54:27
Speaker 1: But I know deep down a lot of people feel like, no,
54:30
Speaker 1: I can't have one person. Some people do feel like, okay,
54:33
Speaker 1: I'm cool with the poly thing. I can have multiple women.
54:35
Speaker 1: But the thing is like, let me ensure that this
54:38
Speaker 1: other people know that this is the situation. I think
54:42
Speaker 1: that's where the issue come in that like, because now
54:44
Speaker 1: you've being deceitful, like you're not even being honest en
54:47
Speaker 1: up front. But if everybody is on the same page,
54:49
Speaker 1: then you're good because the safety is taking girls, you know,
54:52
Speaker 1: but behind the back and sneaking and doing it, you know,
54:55
Speaker 1: those things that you got to figure out, Like, you know,
54:57
Speaker 1: if I got to do this, then it's not even
55:00
Speaker 1: situation I need to get a part of. But it
55:01
Speaker 1: do make it more fun. Oh yeah, that thrill is
55:04
Speaker 1: definitely something that's you know what I mean. I get
55:06
Speaker 1: a lot of few with the sneaky link. Sneaky link.
55:12
Speaker 1: I'm scaredy, I'm too old for sleep. Sleepy Lincoln Man,
55:14
Speaker 1: Sleepy linkol, I say sleep sleep. That's how you know,
55:20
Speaker 1: you know, That's how you know your old bitch. Can
55:23
Speaker 1: we do this and lead get together? It's can we
55:27
Speaker 1: get together? The second nap Mrs tire Girl. That's intimate.
55:32
Speaker 1: That's an intimate athlete taking a nap with a good Yes,
55:35
Speaker 1: I would love that. That's fun. Leepy Link, I want
55:44
Speaker 1: to Sleepy Lank. That's my new ship. So Mr Harris,
55:48
Speaker 1: plug yourself again. Tell us all your information about your website.
55:51
Speaker 1: That book that I'm going to buy for all the
55:53
Speaker 1: men in my life, can you tell us that, Yeah,
55:56
Speaker 1: so he got the whole Still he got it? I
55:58
Speaker 1: mean the easy way to find at me um definitely.
56:01
Speaker 1: If you've got questions about anything that was said on
56:04
Speaker 1: this wonderful podcast with these two levetly long ladies, tonight
56:08
Speaker 1: hit me directly. My website is mental here dot com.
56:11
Speaker 1: Www m E n t o h e A l
56:14
Speaker 1: dot com. You can from there you can subscribe to
56:17
Speaker 1: my YouTube channel, mental Hell. You can purchase the book. Man.
56:20
Speaker 1: Just express yourself, UM, and of course you can follow
56:23
Speaker 1: me on social media from there as well. My I
56:26
Speaker 1: g is men Underscore, t O underscore h e a
56:30
Speaker 1: L Email me your questions if you have them. UM.
56:33
Speaker 1: Also go to my YouTube channel if you do want
56:35
Speaker 1: to UM view those videos on communication, on parenting styles
56:40
Speaker 1: on UM, narcissistic trade versus narcisistic personality disorder, and attachment styles.
56:46
Speaker 1: All those things are important. You appreciate you coming on
56:50
Speaker 1: the show. We enjoy you. You were great. Yeah. Yeah,
56:53
Speaker 1: I mean I'm trying to come back, man, because I'm
56:54
Speaker 1: sure it's gonna be a segment to where y'all probably
56:57
Speaker 1: gonna need we need to do a whole episode where
56:59
Speaker 1: we bring some men on and just have you on
57:02
Speaker 1: as a little quick therapist. Right. Let me know. I'm
57:05
Speaker 1: definitely interested, and uh, it's been a pleasure. I wish
57:08
Speaker 1: you guys continue success, keep up to do work, definitely
57:12
Speaker 1: continue to thank you. Really appreciate you. All Right, that's
57:16
Speaker 1: Mr Harris's y'all man to here ship. If y'all bitches
57:21
Speaker 1: enjoyed this episode, please tune in every Thursday on an
57:25
Speaker 1: I Heart radio app or whatever. The fun you get
57:28
Speaker 1: your podcast that this is your co host. If we
57:31
Speaker 1: talked back a j holiday to point and it's tam Bam.
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Speaker 1: You can find me on Instagram at official tam Bam.
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Speaker 1: Y'all Love, Y'allus