Latest / Stuck No More Voices / Swan Song of Love_ Embracing Change and Healing in Turbulent Marriages

Transcript

Swan Song of Love_ Embracing Change and Healing in Turbulent Marriages · Stuck No More Voices

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: So welcome to Unleashing Kingdom Voices.
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: It's Thursday and that means tea on Thursday.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: So I wanted to share something with you.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Like I always do, break it down, keep it simple.
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: But I want to release something to you on tea on Thursday.
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: That may be a start of really just being candid and having a message of hope.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: So I'm going to show you some.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: Those on the podcast can't see this, but I'm holding up two swans Good old Swarovski collection.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: See them.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: Swans are supposed to mate for life.
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: There's stories about how they could take care of each other.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: They fight for each other and they mate and stay together for life.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: My question, as I answer, as I lift these up again what happens when one is removed?
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: Let me tell you a story.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: So a lot of times I believe, when you're finding your voice, that there are threads.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: I've shared this before, but threads that kind of.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: You can look back and think what did I like to do when I was young?
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: Those threads for me included climbing upstairs at this old house, getting to the top of the stairs and preaching.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: I was Catholic, but I still wanted to preach.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: Forget that homily.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: It was just preaching that same house that my dad brought home a tape recorder, a microphone.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: It wasn't a walkman.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: I'm dating myself.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: I would talk into that thing for hours, guys.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: It was like I pretend to be funny and all this imitated news.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: Guys, I thought it was funny, but each one of my four brothers came to me separately and they said D Teresa, the only one who's laughing is Mom.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: We moved and there weren't big stairs at that house.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: I was so frustrated because I wanted to find a platform to continue my preaching.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: I had found Jesus at that time, so I think there was a real.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: I wanted to preach.
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: But guess what I found?
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: One day.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: I was just kind of hanging out in the front with those two little steps, feeling quite despondent.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: I noticed an apple guard.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: I did that thing up the highway and I climbed up on that shaky apple cart and I braged.
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: I wasn't just yelling at him.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: I think I had much empathy as I shared Jesus to the birds and the bees and the apple trees.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: Think about this apple cart.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: Since 2008, I have opened an Apple computer MacBook to iPhone and I've shared my word, just like I'm doing now.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: I think, a lot of times when you look back and you play what happens, that's like the beginning.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: Let's get back to the swan story.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: That's what I opened up with the swan.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: So what's the guilty?
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: So I tried to find a stage as a professional golfer.
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: I crashed and burned.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: After three years, miracles ended at a radio station.
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: Come on a microphone.
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: I got paid to talk, to pray, to say the good news.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: This is like.
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: I love that job.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: About six or seven years into that career, the war for my voice started.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: I got married and I realized I was married to someone who was controlling, had his own issues, and my voice slowly, slowly, was getting stomped on and silenced.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: So we may have been two swans, but it wasn't a good thing.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: So just to fast forward, not to go into the details, if you know what it means, being controlled can't have friends.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: If you do have friends, or jealous, you feel like you're just existing.
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: At some points You're not living, you're just existing Around.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: A couple of years ago, the two swans one of them died.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: That was my husband.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: So now there's only one swan.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: She had to learn how to have her mind rewired, how to reconstruct some memories, how to go through all the things she experienced.
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: I'm talking to myself as a second person.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: That's weird.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: So I had to learn and this is what I want to say as I've gone through this.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: I want to speak from a healing place, but can I share maybe you can relate to that or not but maybe you're in a struggle and it's not a marriage but it's a relationship or it's a parent, and that narcissism spirit is just all over the place and you just feel like you can't win.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: Can I give you three tips that I think will help you?
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: Number one learn to say no.
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: When you're no, as strong, you're taking care of yourself.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: When you get your no strong enough, the yeses come easier.
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: Just a basic example.
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: I wish someone would have told me these three things my husband, the last 12 years of our life.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: He was the chef, he was the cook and he always wanted to go to the ghostly story and I always wanted me to go.
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: I wish I could just say no, let me enjoy some time when you're out the door.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: Why could I not say that?
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: Because if I said no, the control, the manipulation was just too much.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: I think I said yes a couple of times but I reaped it Like just the guilt and false guilt and you just name it.
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: So learn to say no.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: Number two is really important now.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: Fight for a few friends, find a community.
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: There's something that's released.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: It's called oxytocin.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: It's a chemical in the brain.
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: For women it's really intense.
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: They call it the bonding, something to do with.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: You know, I just know this.
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: I didn't get around with my friends much, I didn't have much friends, but when I was around them it made me a better wife.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: Coming home, come on, we just need to talk, we need to bond, we need to say and then not to gossip.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: Oxytocin, when it's not present, can cause depression, can cause all sorts of mental problems.
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: Fight for a few friends and you think, well, I'm fighting for a community.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: You're like well, wait three, so there's no one around me.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: I live out in Podong City.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: Get on Zoom.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: I have learned a new level of oxytocin that comes with a Zoom call or comes with a Girl Power Alliance Leadership Academy, where you see the same faces for 16 weeks, week after week, and you start to bond.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: The oxytocin is flowing.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: I just believe that's a modern day community right now.
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: And it's real.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: I mean, listen, listen, listen.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: I've met some of my best friends through a Zoom camera.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: I went to Australia and met three that I was just new by Zoom.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: I went to BC but Canada last year and I said, hey, am I different?
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: No, he laughed at me, he was just the same.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: So you can be real oxytocin.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: And the final thing is you are enough.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: You are more than enough.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: We who knew no sin became sin on your behalf.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: That we might become the righteousness of God in Christ.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: You are righteous, you are worthy.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: You are a much loved daughter.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: You are a much loved son.
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: You have great worth.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: You are Christ.
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: In you the hope of glory Is that not feeling like you're enough is such a byproduct of going through all this.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: My husband did eventually die, as I said, and it was a real tragic last six, seven months, and it wasn't the way you'd want to end a marriage, that's for sure.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: But I hope you know I'm speaking from a healed place, a whole place, because, see, I know some of you.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: You are two swans, but you're like fighting.
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: How can you coexist?
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: How can you?
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: How can you I'm talking to you how can you live with someone that seems to just tear you down?
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: God puts two people together to heal, not kill each other.
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: Find that community, find some help.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: So I am only now one.
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: I was telling a friend of mine earlier.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: I said you know these, these swans date for life.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: I said this is two and she goes well, take one off.
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: There you are, T.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, I'm dead.
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: If you're not on they can't see me.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: But I'm just like I'm flying with this one and took the other swan off.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: Oh, you gotta laugh.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: Come on, it's serious, but hey, it's life.
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: So I hope that little short T on Thursday helped you.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: No matter what, there's always hope for you.
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: One thing that was stayed the same for me through the abuse emotional, through even now recovering I did have a solid relationship with Jesus.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: That's what helped me not just exist.
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: It helped me not go into depression.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: I really believe it helped me keep me from being an alcoholic.
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: Having that relationship with Jesus gave me a place to pour out what I was dealing with, not understanding, because trauma has a way of making you not see things the way they really are.
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: I live with regret.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: I wish I could have been there for my kids.
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: I wish I could have seen through the gaslighting, the control.
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: I wish I could have helped my kids.
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: But I'm not going to live with regret.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: I'm going to love my children right now, my adult children, and they love me and they get to spend time with me.
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: No jealous, I get to have friends and no one died.
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: Last time I went to when my husband was live, I went to have coffee with one of my best friends at that time, which was just a phone friend, and he came with me.
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: I remember that friend.
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: He reached over and held my arm for just a second like a tea.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: Oh, bless her.
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: So listen, I believe God's raising up strong marriages.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: I am not against the covenant of marriage and I am not against man.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: Good looking man, good looking truck.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: My head's going to turn.
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: I involve four marriage and I just want to be a voice who's gone through some stuff where I felt voiceless.
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: I've now found my voice from my identity and I love to serve.
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: Speaking to the person I once was, thanks for listening to this edition T on Thursday on Unleashing Kingdom Voices Share those with a friend.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: Maybe you know someone who's going through a real difficult situation.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: Share it with them.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: All right, I'll talk to you in the next episode.