Latest / Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing / #263| The Ultimate Guide to Stop Feeling Overwhelmed (You Need This Episode)
Transcript
- 0:00Michelle Gauthier: In this episode, you will learn the ultimate guide to stop feeling overwhelmed.
- 0:09Michelle Gauthier: You're listening to Overwhelmed Working Woman, the podcast that helps you be more calm and more productive by doing less.
- 0:16Michelle Gauthier: I'm your host, Michelle Gauthier, a former Overwhelmed Working Woman and current life coach.
- 0:21Michelle Gauthier: On this show, we unpack the stress and pressure that today's Working Woman experiences.
- 0:26Michelle Gauthier: And in each episode, you'll get a strategy to bring more calm, ease, and relaxation to your life.
- 0:36Michelle Gauthier: Hi, friend.
- 0:36Michelle Gauthier: Today you're gonna get the ultimate guide for how to stop feeling overwhelmed.
- 0:40Michelle Gauthier: And this is a sneak peek inside what I do in my one-on-one coaching.
- 0:45Michelle Gauthier: I have been coaching women who are overwhelmed for eight plus years.
- 0:50Michelle Gauthier: And over time, I have honed my methods, and it is truly three steps.
- 0:55Michelle Gauthier: There are three steps in the process to go from feeling overwhelmed and frantic to feeling calm and intentional most of the time.
- 1:04Michelle Gauthier: And today I'm gonna share that with you.
- 1:06Michelle Gauthier: I'm gonna tell you the system that I use and the three major steps along the way to that peaceful life that you might be dreaming of right now.
- 1:13Michelle Gauthier: So when you listen today, you're going to learn why do more and work harder has never actually solved anybody's overwhelm, what the real problem is, and then the three crucial steps that I take with every single one of my clients that allows them to stop feeling overwhelmed and create a calm and intentional life.
- 1:32Michelle Gauthier: Okay, before we jump into those three steps and exactly what they are, I want to tell you what happens usually right before someone comes to work with me.
- 1:40Michelle Gauthier: They have tried to solve their overwhelm.
- 1:42Michelle Gauthier: This is how I also tried to solve my overwhelm when I was completely drowning.
- 1:46Michelle Gauthier: What they do is they try to do more and work harder and be more disciplined.
- 1:52Michelle Gauthier: So for me, that looked like get up earlier, stay up later, work as many hours as possible, just do more.
- 1:58Michelle Gauthier: That was the only gear that I had.
- 1:59Michelle Gauthier: It was the only solution that I could come up with.
- 2:02Michelle Gauthier: Get a new planner, try a new time management system, just more, more, more.
- 2:06Michelle Gauthier: And what I've found over time, it did not work for me.
- 2:09Michelle Gauthier: And it really does not work for anyone.
- 2:11Michelle Gauthier: And the reason why is because when you're already overwhelmed and exhausted, doing more doesn't solve the problem.
- 2:17Michelle Gauthier: It just makes you even more exhausted.
- 2:20Michelle Gauthier: So what I've learned in eight plus years of coaching women in this exact position is this.
- 2:24Michelle Gauthier: I'm gonna give away the ending here and just tell you the three things that you absolutely need to do in order to stop feeling overwhelmed all day, every day.
- 2:32Michelle Gauthier: And these are the steps I take with each one of my clients.
- 2:34Michelle Gauthier: I'm gonna go into each one of these in detail.
- 2:36Michelle Gauthier: But number one, change your thinking, your mindset.
- 2:40Michelle Gauthier: Number two, do less.
- 2:42Michelle Gauthier: Do less.
- 2:43Michelle Gauthier: Just those two words in many ways.
- 2:45Michelle Gauthier: Do less of saying yes, do less work, do less caring about what other people think, do less.
- 2:52Michelle Gauthier: And then number three is take what you've learned from those first two steps and keep practicing until it becomes your new way of being, until your personality becomes calm and intentional.
- 3:02Michelle Gauthier: And if this sounds impossible or like what is she talking about?
- 3:06Michelle Gauthier: I'm about to give you more details.
- 3:08Michelle Gauthier: Let's talk about phase one, the very first step that we take when I am helping a woman on her journey to stop feeling overwhelmed.
- 3:16Michelle Gauthier: Here's what I see happen over and over.
- 3:18Michelle Gauthier: Let's imagine a client, the average client who comes to me.
- 3:21Michelle Gauthier: Usually she has been feeling completely stressed and overwhelmed, often for years.
- 3:26Michelle Gauthier: Sometimes it's months, sometimes it's years in a row.
- 3:29Michelle Gauthier: She's snappy with the people she loves.
- 3:31Michelle Gauthier: She's basically going through life on autopilot.
- 3:34Michelle Gauthier: She feels disconnected from her body.
- 3:36Michelle Gauthier: She's completely lost touch with what she actually wants or even enjoys.
- 3:41Michelle Gauthier: They're usually an overachiever type person.
- 3:44Michelle Gauthier: They're very successful at their jobs.
- 3:46Michelle Gauthier: And what they want to know is what do I need to do in order to stop feeling this overwhelm?
- 3:53Michelle Gauthier: I'm going to tell you right now the first step that I have them do, we're starting with mindset.
- 3:58Michelle Gauthier: We're not trying to add more systems or manage your time better.
- 4:01Michelle Gauthier: We're not trying to make you more capable.
- 4:03Michelle Gauthier: Instead, we are going to help you see something.
- 4:06Michelle Gauthier: We're going to help you see the hidden thought or thoughts that are truly driving your overwhelm.
- 4:11Michelle Gauthier: A perfect example of this is my former client, Jenny.
- 4:14Michelle Gauthier: She is a foster parent to three teenage girls.
- 4:16Michelle Gauthier: She founded and runs a nonprofit theater.
- 4:19Michelle Gauthier: She directs and performs and writes, and her days and evenings and weekends were always busy, beyond busy.
- 4:25Michelle Gauthier: And she had a constant to-do list that just went on forever.
- 4:28Michelle Gauthier: She just kept adding to it all the time.
- 4:30Michelle Gauthier: When she came to me, she felt like she was stuck in two modes.
- 4:33Michelle Gauthier: One was either go, go, go mode, where she was frantically running around trying to accomplish things, or just frozen and completely shut down.
- 4:41Michelle Gauthier: And she'd been living this way for like three years at this point.
- 4:44Michelle Gauthier: So during phase one of her one-on-one coaching, our first move was to understand her thoughts before we started working on her making any changes about what she was doing.
- 4:53Michelle Gauthier: In her sessions, we discovered that her thought was, I should be able to handle all of this.
- 4:58Michelle Gauthier: So let's see how that thought, by the way, the thought she didn't even know she was having it was an unconscious thought, but let's look at the cycle that that created.
- 5:06Michelle Gauthier: I should be able to handle this, was the thought that her brain was continually suggesting, and it would create a feeling of panic, which was making her freeze.
- 5:16Michelle Gauthier: So she was making no progress.
- 5:18Michelle Gauthier: And she ended up, A, not getting as many things done as she wanted to, and B, in shame because she was telling herself that she should be able to handle all this.
- 5:27Michelle Gauthier: And understanding this cycle, the way that you're thinking and what that causes in terms of the way that you feel and the actions you take and the results that you get from that is the first step into figuring out how to get out of overwhelm.
- 5:42Michelle Gauthier: And at this point, we're not even necessarily trying to fix it.
- 5:45Michelle Gauthier: We're just simply working on understanding what her mindset is doing.
- 5:50Michelle Gauthier: When you can notice that you're having a thought like that, if you have a thought exactly the same as Jenny's or different than Jenny's, you realize that you have control over your mind.
- 6:00Michelle Gauthier: And that clarity gives you the ability to change everything.
- 6:03Michelle Gauthier: So phase one, where we're finding this thought and understanding your mindset about overwhelm, it's not the full transformation.
- 6:10Michelle Gauthier: It's the beginning, it's the opening.
- 6:12Michelle Gauthier: Because without that clarity, you wouldn't have the mental freedom to actually do less, which is phase two.
- 6:18Michelle Gauthier: You'd be still trapped thinking, I should be able to handle all this.
- 6:22Michelle Gauthier: And no amount of action will free you.
- 6:25Michelle Gauthier: Once you see that thought and you understand what that cycle is costing you, you're finally clear enough to take real action.
- 6:33Michelle Gauthier: And here's what I notice: women who don't question a thought like I should handle all this or even know that they're having it, end up stuck in the overwhelm cycle forever.
- 6:42Michelle Gauthier: They keep hitting the same wall because they're not changing their fundamental thinking.
- 6:46Michelle Gauthier: So that cycle of not getting anything done and feeling frantic is created over and over again.
- 6:52Michelle Gauthier: And if you stay stuck in this cycle three years, five years, what happens is you'll experience burnout, like a physical, emotional, complete exhaustion burnout.
- 7:02Michelle Gauthier: By the time you finish your work week on Friday, you just pass out on the couch with no energy left to even decide what to have for dinner, much less have a real conversation with your spouse.
- 7:12Michelle Gauthier: You find yourself losing it on your kids at random times and then feel guilty about it after and just forget about friends or hobbies.
- 7:19Michelle Gauthier: There's no time to consider doing anything fun when you're in a super overwhelmed state.
- 7:24Michelle Gauthier: And most likely you'll probably have trouble sleeping and have physical pain somewhere, like in your lower back.
- 7:29Michelle Gauthier: All in all, it's just not a great place to be.
- 7:31Michelle Gauthier: Trust me, I've been there.
- 7:33Michelle Gauthier: So this is why phase one matters.
- 7:35Michelle Gauthier: It matters to open the door of understanding to the true root of overwhelm so that you can move on to phase two, which is to do less.
- 7:43Michelle Gauthier: At this point, you've had the aha about your mindset and you're working on changing your thoughts.
- 7:48Michelle Gauthier: So that thought of I should be able to handle this, maybe you're working on changing that thought to, I know the top two things I need to work on today, or something that makes you feel less overwhelmed so that your mind can open up to doing things, to making changes.
- 8:03Michelle Gauthier: Because at this point, you're still saying yes to everything, you're still hosting all the family dinners, you're still the person everyone calls to vent to, even though you're super busy all the time.
- 8:12Michelle Gauthier: You're noticing and working on changing your mindset, but you're still stuck in overwhelm at the beginning of this phase two during coaching.
- 8:20Michelle Gauthier: This is where action comes in.
- 8:22Michelle Gauthier: Phase two is the part where we start taking different actions.
- 8:25Michelle Gauthier: And you cannot skip to phase two without doing phase one.
- 8:29Michelle Gauthier: We don't do generic coaching.
- 8:30Michelle Gauthier: I don't give you a one size fits all program.
- 8:32Michelle Gauthier: Instead, we talk about your situation and exactly what you need, and then we match it up to the right tool for your specific situation.
- 8:40Michelle Gauthier: We start small with one targeted experiment, one tool at a time, not just dumping all the frameworks on you at once.
- 8:48Michelle Gauthier: But here's what really matters during phase two, things start coming off your plate because you're taking them off your plate.
- 8:55Michelle Gauthier: We use tools that you might have heard about on the podcast, like the love and fit test, to decide if you allow something to get on your calendar and if you want to say no, how to do that without feeling guilty.
- 9:06Michelle Gauthier: We talk through setting boundaries, the three steps to setting boundaries.
- 9:11Michelle Gauthier: And maybe you practice doing a small boundary.
- 9:14Michelle Gauthier: We keep working on the pause practice where you notice the way that you're thinking and you pause before you react to things.
- 9:21Michelle Gauthier: And as you start working on doing less, what it looks like in real life is saying no to things without guilt, removing entire projects or commitments from your plate, delegating or lowering standards on non-essential things, outsourcing stuff in your home, setting real boundaries around your time and energy, reducing your workload to match your actual capacities.
- 9:44Michelle Gauthier: If you've got 80 hours of work to do every week and you try to work 40 hours, you've got to reduce that.
- 9:50Michelle Gauthier: It's about removing and taking away and learning to do less.
- 9:53Michelle Gauthier: And we do it one small step at a time.
- 9:56Michelle Gauthier: For example, you practice saying your first no and watch the world not end, and you're shocked, like that was not as bad as I thought it was going to be.
- 10:04Michelle Gauthier: In fact, that didn't feel bad at all.
- 10:06Michelle Gauthier: Or you remove one thing from your calendar and you feel the lightness immediately and start to believe, okay, this is actually working.
- 10:13Michelle Gauthier: I am feeling less overwhelmed.
- 10:15Michelle Gauthier: You have a boundary conversation with somebody and you survive it and your confidence grows and you have evidence that you can set boundaries.
- 10:22Michelle Gauthier: People accept your no better than you expected.
- 10:26Michelle Gauthier: And these quick wins, they build belief because now you're not just understanding intellectually, you're experiencing the results.
- 10:34Michelle Gauthier: So you've got the phase one mindset change and you've got the phase two of taking action change.
- 10:39Michelle Gauthier: I want to tell you another client story about a different client, Stacy.
- 10:43Michelle Gauthier: Her whole family lived near her and they all assumed one thing, and that was that Stacy would be in charge of everything.
- 10:49Michelle Gauthier: If you're shaking your head, you know what this feels like.
- 10:51Michelle Gauthier: Every family event, she was the one who'd host it.
- 10:54Michelle Gauthier: If anybody needed a babysitter for their kids, they'd call her.
- 10:58Michelle Gauthier: Someone who wanted to vent for an hour about their problems, they'd call her while she was on her way to work, completely ignoring the fact that she was working overtime full-time and really didn't have a desire to try to solve everybody's problems.
- 11:10Michelle Gauthier: She was definitely the whole family's emotional dumping ground.
- 11:13Michelle Gauthier: And the same thing happened at work too.
- 11:15Michelle Gauthier: She was that person who made sure everybody was okay and everybody came to her when they had problems.
- 11:20Michelle Gauthier: In phase one, when we were working on the mindset piece, Stacy realized she'd had a thought like, it's my job to make sure everyone is okay.
- 11:28Michelle Gauthier: And in phase two, when she realized that that was causing a lot of overwhelm for her, she decided to do less.
- 11:35Michelle Gauthier: She didn't have a big confrontational conversation or send an angry email or explain or justify herself.
- 11:40Michelle Gauthier: She just stopped.
- 11:41Michelle Gauthier: She stopped answering their calls when they call on the way to work to complain.
- 11:45Michelle Gauthier: Instead, she just listened to a podcast, something that she enjoyed.
- 11:48Michelle Gauthier: When the next holiday came around, she just simply didn't volunteer to host it.
- 11:52Michelle Gauthier: And that was really uncomfortable for her to do that.
- 11:55Michelle Gauthier: When her sister texted and asked what she was planning, Stacy just responded, I don't have plans.
- 12:00Michelle Gauthier: The great thing about this was Stacy was terrified to do this because she thought her family was going to be mad at her and they'd think she was selfish and mean, and she'd feel guilty for letting them down and it would damage their relationships and maybe they'd feel abandoned.
- 12:14Michelle Gauthier: And that's what she was afraid of, and what her brain said would happen.
- 12:18Michelle Gauthier: But what actually happened is someone else stepped up to host and the family figured it out.
- 12:22Michelle Gauthier: Not a catastrophe, not even all that dramatic.
- 12:25Michelle Gauthier: When Stacy was able to do this and take this action where she stopped doing the things that she didn't want to do anymore, she started feeling totally relieved.
- 12:34Michelle Gauthier: She was super proud of herself.
- 12:36Michelle Gauthier: She was kind of in happy shock that it wasn't as bad as she thought.
- 12:40Michelle Gauthier: And she started feeling her energy coming back.
- 12:42Michelle Gauthier: She had time back for herself.
- 12:44Michelle Gauthier: And it really helped her relationships with her family too, because she wasn't feeling resentful toward them anymore.
- 12:49Michelle Gauthier: And she had energy for things that she actually wanted to do.
- 12:52Michelle Gauthier: So you can see that overwhelm didn't shrink because she did more.
- 12:56Michelle Gauthier: It shrunk because she did less.
- 12:58Michelle Gauthier: She removed herself from the pattern.
- 13:00Michelle Gauthier: And that's the magic of phase two.
- 13:02Michelle Gauthier: So in phase one, you open your mind, you start to understand the thoughts that are creating your overwhelm and you get clarity.
- 13:08Michelle Gauthier: And in phase two, you start changing your life one small step at a time.
- 13:13Michelle Gauthier: And as you're doing it with a time, you have to start practicing living differently.
- 13:17Michelle Gauthier: You have to remove things.
- 13:18Michelle Gauthier: You have to actually say no.
- 13:20Michelle Gauthier: You have to trust that the world won't end when you do that.
- 13:23Michelle Gauthier: And when you take the action and you see the result, you believe it.
- 13:26Michelle Gauthier: You can't deny it.
- 13:27Michelle Gauthier: You're like, okay, I actually feel better.
- 13:30Michelle Gauthier: A lot of times women who don't actually remove things from their plate stay overwhelmed no matter how much they understand.
- 13:36Michelle Gauthier: It's one thing to understand the mindset piece, but if you don't start saying no, setting boundaries, those kinds of things, you can't get rid of the overwhelm.
- 13:44Michelle Gauthier: You have to have phase one and phase two.
- 13:46Michelle Gauthier: And they have to go in that order, and you can't have one without the other.
- 13:50Michelle Gauthier: Okay, so now you're working on phase one and phase two.
- 13:52Michelle Gauthier: You're continually practicing them, you're going back and forth between changing mindset, taking action.
- 13:58Michelle Gauthier: And in phase three, we reach pro status.
- 14:01Michelle Gauthier: At this point, you've practiced, you've taken action, you've set boundaries, you've said no, you removed things from your plate and it worked, and the overwhelm decreased and your calendar opened up and your energy started coming back.
- 14:12Michelle Gauthier: But at this point, when you start phase three, it still feels like work.
- 14:16Michelle Gauthier: It feels like something you're doing, like a practice you have to remember.
- 14:19Michelle Gauthier: And if you stop paying attention, you'll slip back into overwhelm.
- 14:23Michelle Gauthier: So when a situation comes up, for example, I was talking about Stacey and we did a lot of work around her family.
- 14:28Michelle Gauthier: But then when a new situation came up at work and she could use these same tools that she had already learned, she felt a little panicked about it and she didn't know which tool to use and she wasn't sure what approach to take.
- 14:39Michelle Gauthier: So when we're in this third phase, you take everything you learn and you start applying it everywhere in your life because the ultimate goal is that you don't need me anymore, that you really reach pro status with this, knowing how to do all of these things and where this practice of mindset plus doing less becomes just who you are.
- 14:59Michelle Gauthier: In phase three, you take the same tools you've been practicing and apply them to new situations that you haven't been coached through yet.
- 15:06Michelle Gauthier: So you go deeper and you integrate them more fully.
- 15:09Michelle Gauthier: This is the point where you really start trusting your own judgment.
- 15:12Michelle Gauthier: And a lot of times my clients say, I hear your voice in my head.
- 15:15Michelle Gauthier: Like my voice becomes your voice in your head, and you become your own coach.
- 15:20Michelle Gauthier: Let's go back and let's look at Jenny and Stacey, and I'll tell you about what happened with them in phase three.
- 15:24Michelle Gauthier: Jenny went through the full journey.
- 15:26Michelle Gauthier: Phase one, she saw her hidden thought.
- 15:28Michelle Gauthier: Phase two, she implemented strategies.
- 15:31Michelle Gauthier: She worked on all kinds of time management, productivity stuff, saying no, setting better agendas, really planning her week.
- 15:39Michelle Gauthier: And in phase three, something really shifted.
- 15:42Michelle Gauthier: She went from three years of constant overwhelm.
- 15:45Michelle Gauthier: Those are her own words.
- 15:46Michelle Gauthier: You can listen to her whole story on episode 207 if you want to, to occasionally slipping into overwhelm.
- 15:52Michelle Gauthier: And when she did, she'd know exactly how to get back out.
- 15:55Michelle Gauthier: But that's not the real story.
- 15:56Michelle Gauthier: The story is that her brain felt free.
- 15:58Michelle Gauthier: This is exactly what she said.
- 16:00Michelle Gauthier: These are her words.
- 16:01Michelle Gauthier: I was constantly thinking, I don't have time for this, or I have to get that thing done.
- 16:06Michelle Gauthier: But now that I'm not doing that, now that I'm not thinking that way, I find myself having more ideas.
- 16:11Michelle Gauthier: I find myself being inspired more.
- 16:13Michelle Gauthier: It's like your brain opens up in this most amazing way.
- 16:17Michelle Gauthier: And in Jenny's job, where she's running this women's theater collective, she's giving opportunities to female artists, featuring women on stage.
- 16:25Michelle Gauthier: She's managing logistics and books and insurance and payroll and fundraising, and she's performing and directing and she's thinking creatively about the next show.
- 16:34Michelle Gauthier: She's handling unexpected situations on the fly.
- 16:37Michelle Gauthier: And in order to do that without feeling overwhelmed, Jenny needed to feel space in her brain and she needed to feel calm.
- 16:46Michelle Gauthier: And now she can handle all those things from a place of calm, clarity, and mastery.
- 16:50Michelle Gauthier: She can do all of that.
- 16:52Michelle Gauthier: She can handle all the complexity in her life.
- 16:54Michelle Gauthier: And that's phase three.
- 16:55Michelle Gauthier: It's not perfect.
- 16:56Michelle Gauthier: You still get occasionally overwhelmed, but you are free and capable to figure out how to handle that on your own.
- 17:03Michelle Gauthier: Let's talk about Stacy in phase three.
- 17:05Michelle Gauthier: Stacy was the client who set the boundary with her family and stopped answering their endless calls and hosting family events.
- 17:11Michelle Gauthier: She stayed with it and the boundary stuck and the resentment went away, and her family adapted and found other solutions.
- 17:18Michelle Gauthier: And what I think is amazing as she got to this phase three is that her relationships with her family actually got better because she wasn't bitter with them anymore.
- 17:28Michelle Gauthier: She had energy and she was different.
- 17:30Michelle Gauthier: So now she has energy and time for things she loves, and she's modeling a different way for her four kids, showing them what it's like to have boundaries, how to say no, not to absorb everyone else's problems.
- 17:44Michelle Gauthier: She's reached the pinnacle, which I refer to as I take zero shit anywhere in my life mode.
- 17:50Michelle Gauthier: Every one of my clients get to this.
- 17:51Michelle Gauthier: Jenny got to this too.
- 17:52Michelle Gauthier: She does not with her family, with her work colleagues.
- 17:57Michelle Gauthier: She just doesn't.
- 17:58Michelle Gauthier: And that's pro status and that's mastery and that is freedom.
- 18:02Michelle Gauthier: So what phase three actually delivers is for you to become an expert on your own mind and not need me anymore.
- 18:10Michelle Gauthier: Not because something went wrong, but because something went super right.
- 18:14Michelle Gauthier: You've internalized the framework, you trust yourself, and you handle life from a place of calm clarity.
- 18:20Michelle Gauthier: And that's the gift of phase three.
- 18:22Michelle Gauthier: True freedom.
- 18:23Michelle Gauthier: You're your own best coach now.
- 18:24Michelle Gauthier: Phase three is super important because you don't want to stay dependent on a coach forever.
- 18:29Michelle Gauthier: You don't want to slide back into old patterns if you're not talking to your coach every week.
- 18:34Michelle Gauthier: And you miss the part of getting true freedom where you can be this new person any place you want to be.
- 18:40Michelle Gauthier: Okay, so now you know that is my secret sauce.
- 18:44Michelle Gauthier: That is what every single client who I work with one-on-one goes through.
- 18:47Michelle Gauthier: And the results that I talked about for those two clients are extremely typical.
- 18:52Michelle Gauthier: Everybody's story is different, but everybody comes out once they have figured out their mindset in phase one, started to do less across many areas of their life in phase two, and then in phase three, reached pro status.
- 19:05Michelle Gauthier: It's like their new personality.
- 19:06Michelle Gauthier: And when they get to that point, they have freedom in their life that they get to keep forever because you'll definitely get overwhelmed again.
- 19:13Michelle Gauthier: But no matter what comes up, you know how to handle it.
- 19:16Michelle Gauthier: If this is the kind of freedom that you are looking for, I would absolutely love to talk to you.
- 19:22Michelle Gauthier: Click the link in the show notes to set up a free consultation with me and let's figure out how you can get through phases one, two, and three and reach pro status on how to be calm, intentional, and actually enjoy your life.
- 19:38Michelle Gauthier: Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast.
- 19:45Michelle Gauthier: If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at MichelleGauthier.com.
- 19:51Michelle Gauthier: See you next week.