Latest / I Choose Me with Jennie Garth / I Choose...To Stop Overthinking with Dr. Jenny Taitz

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I Choose...To Stop Overthinking with Dr. Jenny Taitz · I Choose Me with Jennie Garth

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garth. Hi, everybody,
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: welcome to I Choose Me.
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: This podcast is all about the choices we make and
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: where they lead us. This is a special day today
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: on the podcast. All of you listeners have gotten to
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: know some of the other people in my inner circle,
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: but today you get to meet my youngest daughter, Fiona. Hi,
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: Fiona Bai.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the podcast.
• 0:32
  Speaker 3: So happy to be here.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: Oh, I'm happy to have you here.
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: Now it's I think I've had everyone. Oh maybe not Luca,
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: I can't remember. Anyways, Today we're going to talk about
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: something that affects both of us, I know, stress and overthinking,
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: and we're going to be joined by a psychologist and
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  Speaker 2: author of Stress Resets, doctor Jenny Taits a little bit later,
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: but first I want to kind of just talk about
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: the fact that we're overthinkers.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: M hmm, yeah, I know.
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: I've been overthinking most of my life, certainly upon becoming
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: an adult. I think that's when it really started for me.
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: Before I was an adult, I was working in an
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: adult environment, so I had a lot of stress, and
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: I think that caused me to overthink more than a
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: normal person.
• 1:27
  Speaker 4: Perhaps I can imagine.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: I'm trying to think of like, what are certain things
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: I overthink about? What are things that you overthink everything? Everything?
• 1:39
  Speaker 4: But I feel like recently it's gotten worse as I've
• 1:43
  Speaker 4: gotten a little bit older, with all the stresses and
• 1:46
  Speaker 4: end of high school and all that, just thinking about
• 1:49
  Speaker 4: my future and stuff. But yeah, yeah, honestly, I feel
• 1:54
  Speaker 4: like my brain is constantly on a spiral at all times.
• 1:57
  Speaker 4: And I know you sometimes feel like that.
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: You said you're a senior. Yeah, for those of you
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: that don't know, she's in her senior year of high school.
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: And so I think during a senior year for teenagers,
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: there is a lot more stress all of a sudden,
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: and it comes fast and it comes hard, and you're like,
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: wait what.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah. I remember the first day of senior year. I
• 2:21
  Speaker 4: was like so overwhelmed because I had all these college
• 2:23
  Speaker 4: applications that I hadn't even started thinking about. But yeah,
• 2:27
  Speaker 4: it's been a lot. Even though it's over the college applications,
• 2:31
  Speaker 4: I still feel myself like always feelings I have something
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  Speaker 4: I need to be doing.
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: So college preparing is a stressor for you, it makes
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: you overthink what else?
• 2:42
  Speaker 4: Hm, I feel like just life and future, I beyond college,
• 2:48
  Speaker 4: just what I'm gonna do, and every day just where
• 2:51
  Speaker 4: you're gonna live, Yeah, where I'm gonna live, Where I'm
• 2:53
  Speaker 4: How'm gonna make money.
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: Who's gonna do your laundry?
• 2:55
  Speaker 3: Exactly? I feel like a lot is just hitting me.
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, what about like social media?
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: Social media for sure.
• 3:03
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I feel like it's just constantly stressing me out,
• 3:06
  Speaker 4: especially TikTok. I feel like recently just scrolling and there's
• 3:11
  Speaker 4: always something new that I'm seeing, and sometimes it can
• 3:14
  Speaker 4: be really scary, and sometimes it's like just very stressful.
• 3:18
  Speaker 4: It feels like there's something always on my mind.
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: M hm, how did this?
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  Speaker 2: I don't know how the TikToker works. Do you like
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: pick who you're gonna follow and that's all you see
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: or do you get random stuff all the day? No?
• 3:30
  Speaker 4: Well, yes, you can follow certain people, but there's also
• 3:33
  Speaker 4: like a for you page, which isn't really for me
• 3:36
  Speaker 4: anymore because I feel like my algorithm is so weird recently,
• 3:40
  Speaker 4: and like it'll just show me random videos of like
• 3:43
  Speaker 4: stressful things and it's like I got hooked to them,
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  Speaker 4: you know.
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  Speaker 2: And before you know it, you're yeah, yeah, it's like.
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  Speaker 4: Ten minutes long, and I just keep watching, keep watching,
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  Speaker 4: and I feel like I just think about that all day.
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  Speaker 2: And well, for example, like, what's an example of something
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  Speaker 2: you saw that made you think about it all day?
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  Speaker 5: Well, the other day I saw the saddest edit of
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  Speaker 5: like just the state of the world right now and
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  Speaker 5: all that stuff, and it just kind of got me
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  Speaker 5: thinking and stressing about these greater things than I am,
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  Speaker 5: and you know, climate changed.
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  Speaker 4: And all these things that I shouldn't really have to
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  Speaker 4: be worrying about, but like I am, And I feel
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  Speaker 4: like it just escalates it so much on TikTok, because
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  Speaker 4: it's once you watch one video, then there's another video
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  Speaker 4: about it, and the amount of times you're watching the
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  Speaker 4: video then gives you more videos like that, and it's
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  Speaker 4: just it's a lot.
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  Speaker 3: It's very stressful.
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  Speaker 2: So your algorithm isn't just puppies anymore.
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  Speaker 1: No, it's not.
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  Speaker 4: I mean I thought it was. And then you watch
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  Speaker 4: one video about World war and then there's ten videos
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  Speaker 4: about World war and then it's like I don't even
• 4:41
  Speaker 4: know how that got there, but.
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  Speaker 1: Oh man, yeah, yeah.
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  Speaker 2: I Mean when I was younger, I didn't have those
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  Speaker 2: kind of stressors. I didn't have that access to all
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: the bad things happening all across the world. Yeah, my
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  Speaker 2: fingertips exactly.
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  Speaker 4: There's like a lot of news channels on tichnokal news
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  Speaker 4: accounts that just.
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  Speaker 3: Kind of update.
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  Speaker 4: I remember when the were happening in California, every single
• 5:02
  Speaker 4: video my for you page was about the fires and
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  Speaker 4: how they're getting worse. And it can be really stressful
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  Speaker 4: because not only does it set you into thinking about that,
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  Speaker 4: but then when you turn off TikTok, that's also all
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  Speaker 4: you can think about, and then you're you know, spiraling
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  Speaker 4: and just going off in your head about it.
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  Speaker 2: So I'm sure that can be really hard on a person,
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  Speaker 2: especially a young person's nervous system. Yeah, yeah, that doesn't
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  Speaker 2: I remember when you know, social media started for you,
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  Speaker 2: and I think my biggest concerns were like, oh no,
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  Speaker 2: she's gonna see naked people or like poorn or something
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  Speaker 2: like that was my biggest concern. But I think just
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  Speaker 2: the state of the world and politics and everything right
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: now is more concerning than that. Okay, that's so true.
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: As a mother and a daughter, let's talk about what
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  Speaker 2: causes each of us to get stressed with each other.
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  Speaker 2: Because you're the baby of the family. I was the
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  Speaker 2: baby of the family, so we have a lot in
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: common you. I think you know that we're very similar.
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: I don't know if you like that. It's good, right,
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: but what do you think? I'll just tell you what
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  Speaker 2: are some of the things that I get stressed about
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  Speaker 2: with you?
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  Speaker 1: Okay, okay, here we go.
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: How about for the Super Bowl, you decided to go
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: into your stepdad's closet and take out one of his
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: vintage Eagles shirts from when he was a child, and
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: you decided to be a good idea to cut it
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: into a tummy show. Yeah, who's cute.
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  Speaker 1: That stressed me out.
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  Speaker 2: You look really cute, but he did not look so cute.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: I mean no, okay.
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  Speaker 3: It was at the bottom of his dresser.
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  Speaker 2: And yes, that's where you keep things that are important
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  Speaker 2: to you.
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  Speaker 1: Probably just moving forward.
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  Speaker 4: It says something like, what did it say? It's just
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  Speaker 4: it doesn't matter, he said, I manage what it said,
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  Speaker 4: because it said like you want a piece of this,
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  Speaker 4: get in line or.
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  Speaker 2: Some Oh you like the slogan. Okay, well you can
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: explain that to him further. One of the other things
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  Speaker 2: that stresses me out is when you drive. Every time
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: you walk out the door. I stress out until you
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: walk back in the door. That's not your fault, that's
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: just being a mom. Yeah. I stress about your stress
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  Speaker 2: level honestly, Like I worry that you have too many
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  Speaker 2: things to deal with at such a young age. I
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  Speaker 2: stress also about just your experience. I stress so much
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  Speaker 2: about you being on the social media because I see
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  Speaker 2: you in the morning, you're on it, and right before
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  Speaker 2: you go to sleep, you're on it like you're going
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  Speaker 2: to sleep with some maybe not so great imagery and messaging.
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  Speaker 4: I feel like I try to do a good job
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  Speaker 4: of you did trying, but it can be.
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  Speaker 3: A lot sometimes.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, what do you stress out when with regard to me?
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  Speaker 4: I mean, I don't even know. I feel like it's
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  Speaker 4: just a constant stress sometimes with like you know, making
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  Speaker 4: you proud and all that, and I mean, I don't
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  Speaker 4: really know what I stress about with you.
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  Speaker 2: What do you mean making me proud? Like you stress
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  Speaker 2: about making me proud?
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  Speaker 1: Grades I want to.
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  Speaker 3: Make you proud, but you do.
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  Speaker 4: Sometimes the way I act can be I have a
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  Speaker 4: lot in my head and a lot I'm overthinking about.
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  Speaker 4: Sometimes I lash out at you or you know, I
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  Speaker 4: can get irritable and stuff like that, and I and
• 8:28
  Speaker 4: I stress about how you think of me and stuff
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  Speaker 4: like that. So I do I stress about when you're stressed.
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  Speaker 4: I can feel it by the way I know when
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  Speaker 4: you're stressed.
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  Speaker 1: These are both It makes me stress. So, yeah, we're
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: gonna have to talk to the doctor about that.
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  Speaker 3: I do want to know how to deal with that.
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  Speaker 2: H Do you stress about the way you look? Do
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  Speaker 2: you stress about things like that?
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  Speaker 4: Yeah? I think that's always a stress in a lot
• 8:57
  Speaker 4: of people's minds, absolutely, especially with social media and all that.
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  Speaker 4: I think like it's very heightened the way the girls
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  Speaker 4: see each other like themselves right now in comparison to others,
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  Speaker 4: comparing yourself. I stress about like what people think of
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  Speaker 4: me all the time, even though I try to not
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  Speaker 4: so is you know high school too has been really
• 9:16
  Speaker 4: hard for me. I know, like I know other people
• 9:19
  Speaker 4: have had hard times too, but it's very stressful. A
• 9:22
  Speaker 4: lot of girls pitted against each other, a lot of
• 9:25
  Speaker 4: conflict and drama, and that just make someone stress about
• 9:29
  Speaker 4: who they are though.
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  Speaker 2: That that whole competition with girls your age or just
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: other girls in general, is so damaging. Yeah, And you
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: can you know if you start that in high school
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  Speaker 2: you carry that around with you for a while, Yeah,
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  Speaker 2: until someday you're just free of it and it's the
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: best feeling ever. But I remember that feeling as a
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: young adult, certainly a young girl working as an actress.
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  Speaker 2: That made me feel like I was against other girls times,
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  Speaker 2: and I hated that feeling.
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  Speaker 4: It stresses you out because you know that that's not
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  Speaker 4: who you are and that's not what you want to do.
• 10:06
  Speaker 4: But then it feels in the moment that that's what's happening,
• 10:09
  Speaker 4: you know, And it also causes you to overthink. I
• 10:12
  Speaker 4: know it causes me to overthink a lot, just kind
• 10:15
  Speaker 4: of going on in your head down this spiral of
• 10:18
  Speaker 4: like am I good enough? What? You know?
• 10:20
  Speaker 3: All those thoughts that come up?
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, so all the thoughts that's the ruminating. I think
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: that's the like obsessing on one thought and then it
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: sort of just spirals and you start thinking about all
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  Speaker 2: the other bad thoughts that can.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: Go with it.
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: How do you stop yourself from doing that? Before we
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: talk to the doctor and find out, Like, I'd love
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: to know.
• 10:41
  Speaker 4: How she stulls it, But I think sometimes for me
• 10:45
  Speaker 4: is I do have a really hard time stopping you
• 10:47
  Speaker 4: when I start to like go down that hole. I
• 10:52
  Speaker 4: want to ask the doctor this. But I did see
• 10:54
  Speaker 4: something where like if you say a certain word out loud,
• 10:58
  Speaker 4: it kind of stops.
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  Speaker 3: The thought cycle.
• 11:00
  Speaker 4: I don't know if that's accurate information, but I want
• 11:03
  Speaker 4: to know how, like psychologically you can really stop yourself
• 11:08
  Speaker 4: from ruminating, because I feel like when I start it,
• 11:10
  Speaker 4: just I'm thinking about something and it starts into something else,
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  Speaker 4: and before I know what, I'm spend forty five minutes
• 11:15
  Speaker 4: of just spiraling in my head.
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: And I don't even what if you, like, say you're
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: ruminating on the way to school about something. When you
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: get to school and your body's doing something different and
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: you're seeing different things, do you do those thoughts end
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: or Yeah?
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: I can get distracted.
• 11:30
  Speaker 4: Yeah, distraction especially I heard one thing naming just like
• 11:34
  Speaker 4: pointing out five things you see and like smell and hear,
• 11:37
  Speaker 4: and you know, stuff like that can help you make
• 11:40
  Speaker 4: your mind think in a different pattern. But yeah, I
• 11:43
  Speaker 4: do get distracted when I start thinking about certain.
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: How how do you feel in your body when you're
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: at your most stressed? Like where does it show up
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: in your body?
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: I actually was thinking.
• 11:57
  Speaker 4: About that the other day because I don't know if
• 11:59
  Speaker 4: I you. But I tend to get really sweaty. That's normady, Okay,
• 12:04
  Speaker 4: I really have a problem with that. All my friends
• 12:06
  Speaker 4: like nowhere where like sweatywear.
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: I don't want to get into that.
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: But armpit, sweat, hands, sweat, yes, okay, okay, do your
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: feet sweat us?
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  Speaker 4: You know? But I think I don't know what that
• 12:21
  Speaker 4: is about. But definitely very tense.
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: I feel tense overall. Do you feel like your shoulders
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: are up here?
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: Sometimes? Oh? Me too.
• 12:29
  Speaker 4: I also genuinely like my head starts to her. I
• 12:32
  Speaker 4: don't know, like it's just what I'm thinking so hard
• 12:34
  Speaker 4: about something for a long time. It's like I feel
• 12:37
  Speaker 4: like I start to get like physically sick about it.
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: So you remember when you used to go on airplanes.
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: You were eight seven six in those years, and we
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: traveled a lot, and you used to get so worked up,
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: whether it was f four in the morning when we
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: were getting on the way to the airport the night
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: before you knew we were taking an airplane, you would
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  Speaker 2: work yourself up so much, stress about it so much
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: that you would oftentimes make yourself sick, like physic I
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: can remember physically sick, actually running through the airport to
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: catch a flight, and just trying to get back and
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: forth to new garbage cans for you to throw up
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: in on the way to the gate.
• 13:16
  Speaker 4: I definitely think that was thought induced, like fear paralyzing fear,
• 13:20
  Speaker 4: Like I was really anxious when I was little. You were, Yeah,
• 13:24
  Speaker 4: I know. It was like a bunch of different things.
• 13:25
  Speaker 4: And I had those I don't know what that was,
• 13:27
  Speaker 4: those ticks I had where I would like have to
• 13:30
  Speaker 4: touch the car ceiling when when we were passing a
• 13:34
  Speaker 4: red light or else.
• 13:35
  Speaker 3: My whole family was gonna die.
• 13:36
  Speaker 4: And that was because I was like overthinking, huh so much.
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: You have a massively powerful brain. You're so smart, and
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: you are so in tune to people's emotions. I think
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: that that might make it even harder for a person
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: to get control of it. Yeah, so I think it's
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: really important that you get control of it. I think
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: now would be a really good time to bring in
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: doctor Jenny.
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: What do you think.
• 14:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'd love to hear what she has to say.
• 14:12
  Speaker 3: I'm really excited to me. Let's do it.
• 14:14
  Speaker 6: Hi, Hi Jenny, Hi Fiona.
• 14:17
  Speaker 3: Hi.
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: Fiona was just telling me earlier that she's a big
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: fan of yours.
• 14:20
  Speaker 4: Yes, I watched you on call her daddy.
• 14:23
  Speaker 6: Oh thank you, that was why I got up. Thank you.
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: Yes, well, you were listening into our conversation, right I was.
• 14:31
  Speaker 6: I was listening in and I firstly like applaud your
• 14:34
  Speaker 6: courage and vulnerability, and I also totally relate. I was
• 14:38
  Speaker 6: like a professional ruminator until realized that it was a
• 14:42
  Speaker 6: toxic habit and that there were ways to free yourself
• 14:46
  Speaker 6: from this habit.
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: I like that a professional ruminator.
• 14:51
  Speaker 6: Sign me up, professional X ruminator.
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: I'm hopefully after this episode, I want to be an
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: official X ruminator. Do you I think that as parents,
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: we kind of disregard our our especially our teenagers stress levels,
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: like what maybe not taking the time to fully hear
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: them out, or you know, we ourselves as parents are
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: so stressed out and spread so thin.
• 15:16
  Speaker 3: It seems like.
• 15:16
  Speaker 6: There's so much variability between different parents. I think some
• 15:20
  Speaker 6: parents can really empathize, and for some parents it's too
• 15:24
  Speaker 6: painful and they don't want to hear it and they
• 15:26
  Speaker 6: want to try to change the channel or they and
• 15:29
  Speaker 6: there's there's like a dance, like you want to be
• 15:32
  Speaker 6: empathic and validating, but you don't want to fall into
• 15:35
  Speaker 6: co ruminating or like removing together in a way that's
• 15:39
  Speaker 6: not helpful. And so I think it really depends. But
• 15:43
  Speaker 6: I think the first place that's important to start is
• 15:45
  Speaker 6: kind of what do we make of our thinking habits.
• 15:48
  Speaker 6: A lot of people think that the conscientious, like responsible
• 15:52
  Speaker 6: thing to do is if there's a problem that you
• 15:55
  Speaker 6: are trying to figure out, like where you're going to
• 15:56
  Speaker 6: go to college or climate change, that keeping it top
• 16:00
  Speaker 6: of mind all the time, especially if you're smart, is
• 16:03
  Speaker 6: going to somehow lead to some sort of solution or breakthrough.
• 16:07
  Speaker 6: Or we have a lot of positive beliefs about worry
• 16:10
  Speaker 6: that like if I worry about this, then I'll get
• 16:13
  Speaker 6: into my choice school, or I'll keep my family safe.
• 16:17
  Speaker 6: But we really need to take a step back and
• 16:19
  Speaker 6: kind of see or is kind of overthinking in this
• 16:22
  Speaker 6: way actually empowering us or depleting us? And is there
• 16:26
  Speaker 6: like a sweet spot where we can like literally schedule ruminating,
• 16:29
  Speaker 6: like schedule time to worry, like cap it at twenty minutes,
• 16:32
  Speaker 6: like you get twenty minutes to really think about, like
• 16:38
  Speaker 6: where do I want to be next fall?
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: Is that term you use worry time?
• 16:44
  Speaker 6: You could call it worry time, you could call it
• 16:46
  Speaker 6: like I call it in stress, resets, reschedule, ruminating. Because
• 16:50
  Speaker 6: the problem is is we know, we're really clear that
• 16:54
  Speaker 6: the more present in the moment you are, the happier
• 16:57
  Speaker 6: you are. And fifty percent of the time we're not
• 17:00
  Speaker 6: in the present moment. For the course of the day,
• 17:03
  Speaker 6: you could have anywhere between like twelve thousand and sixty
• 17:07
  Speaker 6: thousand thoughts. So often we're worrying about things that will
• 17:11
  Speaker 6: never happen, and we're anticipating things that are just totally painful.
• 17:16
  Speaker 6: But if we can like move worry or overthinking from
• 17:20
  Speaker 6: like a news ticker that's like sucking energy and joy
• 17:24
  Speaker 6: out of you, or like Fiona so really and courageously
• 17:27
  Speaker 6: talked about like causing physical symptoms sweating, nausea, if we
• 17:31
  Speaker 6: can sort of see, oh my gosh, I'm doing the thing.
• 17:34
  Speaker 6: And there's a lot of different techniques that work for
• 17:36
  Speaker 6: different people. I go through, like you know, so many
• 17:40
  Speaker 6: tools to break free in this habit and happy to
• 17:42
  Speaker 6: go through a bunch.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: Yes, yes, give us the tools.
• 17:45
  Speaker 4: I'm wondering when you're starting to get into that ruminating
• 17:48
  Speaker 4: spiral and you can't even get to yourself to the
• 17:51
  Speaker 4: point to be like I need to put this away
• 17:53
  Speaker 4: I'm gonna worry about this later. What are some tools
• 17:55
  Speaker 4: you could do in that moment that you would give?
• 17:58
  Speaker 6: Yeah, and there's so many and different again, like different
• 18:02
  Speaker 6: things work for different people. I think this is so
• 18:05
  Speaker 6: person specific, Like if like, first, the first thing I
• 18:08
  Speaker 6: think is really knowing your triggers, like if you went
• 18:11
  Speaker 6: to a high stakes social thing or a college interview
• 18:15
  Speaker 6: or you had a stressful conversation with someone, Like knowing
• 18:18
  Speaker 6: your triggers like when am I going to be most triggered,
• 18:21
  Speaker 6: and then having a game plan for them, like, Okay,
• 18:24
  Speaker 6: if I go on a date, prime time for ruminating
• 18:27
  Speaker 6: is going to be afterwards, I'm going to be replaying
• 18:29
  Speaker 6: what I said and wondering what the person thought. I'm
• 18:32
  Speaker 6: going to get into all that. What can I do
• 18:34
  Speaker 6: in those moments? And so maybe it's like this seems
• 18:36
  Speaker 6: so silly, but like I have little kids and I
• 18:39
  Speaker 6: do paint by sticker with them a lot. It's kind
• 18:41
  Speaker 6: of like paint by number, but with stickers. Do you
• 18:42
  Speaker 6: know what I.
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: Mean?
• 18:45
  Speaker 6: How can you possibly be like let me perfectly align
• 18:48
  Speaker 6: number twelve into this thing and also be so having
• 18:51
  Speaker 6: like some sort of compelling I mean, again, there's a
• 18:54
  Speaker 6: lot of different tools. But for some people, having a
• 18:57
  Speaker 6: activity that requires your full folks that totally blocks you
• 19:01
  Speaker 6: from doing something else, whether that's doing the paint by stick,
• 19:04
  Speaker 6: or whether that's reading a book that really captivates you,
• 19:07
  Speaker 6: whether that's really listening to a friend, baking, whatever. The
• 19:11
  Speaker 6: thing is having a specific plan for you of something,
• 19:14
  Speaker 6: and like knowing at a time, like I'm doing this thing,
• 19:17
  Speaker 6: there's a really good chance afterwards I'm going to be
• 19:19
  Speaker 6: tempted to fall into like the tar pits of torturing myself.
• 19:24
  Speaker 6: Here's what I can do instead, and something that I
• 19:26
  Speaker 6: think works across the board regardless. And I want to
• 19:30
  Speaker 6: hear I Fiona and Jennie, what are some of your
• 19:31
  Speaker 6: thoughts on what would be kind of a thing that
• 19:35
  Speaker 6: would distract you. But one other thing I'll say before
• 19:38
  Speaker 6: I get to that is there's a tool that I
• 19:40
  Speaker 6: teach in stress resets, which I love. It's called TIP
• 19:44
  Speaker 6: and it's an acronym for changing your temperature. This sounds
• 19:48
  Speaker 6: so cooky, but like if you took a salad bowl
• 19:51
  Speaker 6: with ice water and you hold your breath instet a
• 19:55
  Speaker 6: timer for thirty seconds. If you submerge your face in
• 19:58
  Speaker 6: the ice water, you so totally transform your nervous system.
• 20:02
  Speaker 6: We all have a lot of us think that solutions
• 20:05
  Speaker 6: are outside of ourselves, but we have this incredible pharmacy
• 20:08
  Speaker 6: within us, Like your body is a walking pharmacy.
• 20:12
  Speaker 3: That's so interesting.
• 20:14
  Speaker 6: Literally, put your face in a salad wole full of ice.
• 20:16
  Speaker 6: Your current weight will slow down. You won't be thinking
• 20:19
  Speaker 6: about the same thing. I mean, if you've ever jumped
• 20:20
  Speaker 6: in a cold pool, like you're not thinking about anything except.
• 20:23
  Speaker 4: Is it the same with like baths and hot water?
• 20:26
  Speaker 4: Is it only cold water?
• 20:28
  Speaker 6: So my response is like a special like evolutionary thing
• 20:31
  Speaker 6: that our bodies do. We're like drowning. So it's with
• 20:34
  Speaker 6: cold water and specifically like holding your breath and getting
• 20:37
  Speaker 6: your nose submerged.
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: That's a problem for me. I can't do that, but
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: I don't like the water.
• 20:43
  Speaker 6: Cold, Okay, So that's cold water. The rest of the
• 20:47
  Speaker 6: acronym of tip is intense exercise. And that's like ninety
• 20:50
  Speaker 6: seconds not ninety minutes. If you start doing burpies, like
• 20:53
  Speaker 6: you cannot be doing burpies and like replaying a conversation
• 20:56
  Speaker 6: that you think badly, and so ninety seconds of burpies, paste,
• 21:01
  Speaker 6: breathing breathing in for five five again very cognitively like sorbing,
• 21:07
  Speaker 6: Like you can't be counting your breath. And we could
• 21:11
  Speaker 6: even do this together, like breathing in for five with
• 21:13
  Speaker 6: our nose and out for five with our nose.
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: It always resets you so nicely, right the breathing.
• 21:19
  Speaker 6: Yeah, And then progressive muscle relaxation. That tip is two peas,
• 21:23
  Speaker 6: tensing and relaxing your muscles, like from head to toe.
• 21:26
  Speaker 6: These are like quick things in the moment, but bigger picture,
• 21:29
  Speaker 6: we also really need to work on accepting uncertainty, like
• 21:34
  Speaker 6: we need to drop the rope and know that we'll
• 21:36
  Speaker 6: never know like what other people totally think of us,
• 21:40
  Speaker 6: or what's going to happen tomorrow, or what climate change
• 21:44
  Speaker 6: is going to do in fifteen years. But I think
• 21:46
  Speaker 6: we need tools for the moment and tools make picture.
• 21:48
  Speaker 6: But I'm so curious, Jennie, and if you wona, what
• 21:50
  Speaker 6: are some things that would help you get really present
• 21:55
  Speaker 6: even if you feel like you're on the cusp of
• 21:58
  Speaker 6: spiraling and once you it's stuck, it's hard to stop.
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: You go first me. Yeah, I know you like to
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: take baths.
• 22:06
  Speaker 4: I read I'm a big bath taker. I love taking
• 22:08
  Speaker 4: baths I also love.
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: But do you ever sit in the bathtub and just
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: think about your problems more so?
• 22:13
  Speaker 4: Yes, that's usually how they go. But recently I've been
• 22:17
  Speaker 4: trying to. I've been taking a lot of my books
• 22:20
  Speaker 4: with me in the bath and honestly reading. I think,
• 22:23
  Speaker 4: especially with social media and phone time and all that stuff,
• 22:26
  Speaker 4: being a teenager brings. I think, the books and reading
• 22:31
  Speaker 4: and really slowing down and thinking about something else that's
• 22:34
  Speaker 4: helping me and stuff like that helps a lot for me.
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, there's something right, doctor Jenny about the reading and
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: the eyes going back and forth. It like does something
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: to your brain, right.
• 22:44
  Speaker 6: I think even what you just said was so brilliant,
• 22:46
  Speaker 6: Like leaving the phone, I mean again, like the phone
• 22:48
  Speaker 6: and I know you guys were talking about that the
• 22:51
  Speaker 6: phone is like training me to jump and red like
• 22:54
  Speaker 6: you can't. I mean you don't want to. You need
• 22:56
  Speaker 6: to pay attention. You need to like use your full
• 22:58
  Speaker 6: brain to like remember who is this carricter? Or what
• 23:00
  Speaker 6: do they say? And so I love what you're saying
• 23:03
  Speaker 6: for you, and I like stacking things like it's not
• 23:05
  Speaker 6: just the bath, it's getting rid of the phone plus
• 23:07
  Speaker 6: the bath. Plus maybe there's a pleasant smell. Plus the book,
• 23:12
  Speaker 6: we have like a whole plan of the things that
• 23:14
  Speaker 6: will really center you in this moment, Jenny, What are
• 23:17
  Speaker 6: some of the things.
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: That I find nature to be really helpful for me
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: with any kind of stress reduction? And I feel like
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: playing with my dogs, like looking into the eyes of
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: my dogs and connecting with them and taking care of them.
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: I've always, my whole life been a person that loves
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: to take care of other people or things, or the
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: house or whatever it is. I'm just wired to do
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: things like that. So I will sometimes submerge myself in
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: a task like cleaning out the sink or you know,
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: doing something gardening, something that keeps my mind and my
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: hands busy and focused on something else fantastic.
• 24:04
  Speaker 6: And I mean, the thing that I found so surprising
• 24:07
  Speaker 6: and also like hopeful in my research from writing this
• 24:11
  Speaker 6: book was a study where people were asked in a
• 24:14
  Speaker 6: lab setting about something really upsetting that happened to them,
• 24:18
  Speaker 6: and like fifty percent of the people had the option
• 24:21
  Speaker 6: to like eavesdrop on research assistance chatting outside, so just
• 24:25
  Speaker 6: people were like having a conversation outside and ninety percent
• 24:29
  Speaker 6: of the people who had the chance to eavesdrop, and
• 24:31
  Speaker 6: these are strangers. This is not juicy like celebrity you know,
• 24:35
  Speaker 6: high school gossip. This is total you know, lab assistant gossip.
• 24:40
  Speaker 6: Those people immediately stopped ruminating, but the people that didn't
• 24:44
  Speaker 6: have the option to distract continued. And we don't want
• 24:48
  Speaker 6: to live a life that's distracting. But by really learning
• 24:52
  Speaker 6: it's actually the ruination becomes a distraction before really present
• 24:56
  Speaker 6: with our puppies or with reading, then we can get
• 24:59
  Speaker 6: more present. And the whole point of all of it
• 25:01
  Speaker 6: is to live a life that's angered in the present,
• 25:04
  Speaker 6: not having like you know, our minds. That can be
• 25:08
  Speaker 6: really tricky.
• 25:10
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I find that most times I'm ruminating, it's either
• 25:12
  Speaker 4: about the past or the future. It's never about where
• 25:15
  Speaker 4: I am in the moment. And I think sometimes when
• 25:18
  Speaker 4: I'm getting into those patterns, I do think what do
• 25:21
  Speaker 4: I see right now? Like what is happening right now?
• 25:24
  Speaker 4: And think about that moment because that kind of anchers
• 25:26
  Speaker 4: me down, like you were saying, so that's very helpful.
• 25:30
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean a few others. I want to make
• 25:31
  Speaker 6: sure that I cover like a whole range of different things.
• 25:35
  Speaker 6: So distraction can be helpful if you know that there's
• 25:37
  Speaker 6: like a particular window of time, like seven pm to
• 25:41
  Speaker 6: nine fifteen at night, or after a high stakes situation,
• 25:47
  Speaker 6: having a specific plan of something you could do. But
• 25:50
  Speaker 6: if there's something that I've upset you, someone betrayed you,
• 25:54
  Speaker 6: or you face some sort of loss, I don't want
• 25:57
  Speaker 6: to encourage you to just be distracting and distracting for
• 26:00
  Speaker 6: those situations being able to write, you know, expressive writing,
• 26:05
  Speaker 6: writing for twenty minutes, and research where people wrote about
• 26:09
  Speaker 6: something for twenty minutes the same topic over three days.
• 26:13
  Speaker 6: Six months later, they were significantly less depressed and less
• 26:16
  Speaker 6: prone to ruminating. So there's something about like actually going
• 26:19
  Speaker 6: through something with a beginning, middle and an end, and
• 26:22
  Speaker 6: like slowing down and actually letting yourself feel because ruminating
• 26:27
  Speaker 6: is just like touching the surface and like a not
• 26:31
  Speaker 6: structured way, and so actually like feeling your feelings and
• 26:37
  Speaker 6: going through taking the time rather than just kind of
• 26:39
  Speaker 6: like you know, playing whack a mole.
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: Wait, you said feeling your feelings. I know that in
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: your book you suggest giving yourself a panic attack so
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: you're less afraid of them.
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: And I don't know how to give myself.
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: I mean, I guess if I really put my mind
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: to it, I could give myself a panic attack.
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: But what do you mean by that?
• 27:00
  Speaker 6: A lot of people, if they have had panic, are
• 27:03
  Speaker 6: totally terrified of the sensations that resemble panic. If you
• 27:06
  Speaker 6: have felt short of breath, out of the blue, even
• 27:10
  Speaker 6: the like a touch of like breathlessness can lead to
• 27:13
  Speaker 6: thoughts of oh no, it's back, what is happening to me?
• 27:16
  Speaker 6: How is this happening again? And then your mind and
• 27:18
  Speaker 6: your body are doing this like tortuous tango, where your
• 27:23
  Speaker 6: thoughts aren't helping your body, and your body is not
• 27:25
  Speaker 6: helping your thoughts. It's you know, even if you start
• 27:27
  Speaker 6: to sweat, if you like are mentally sweating about sweating,
• 27:31
  Speaker 6: that's going to lead to more sweat. Yeah sure, yeah,
• 27:34
  Speaker 6: But what happens if you break down exactly what do
• 27:39
  Speaker 6: I feel when I'm really stressed? You know, if I
• 27:41
  Speaker 6: start to feel really stressed, I feel short of breath,
• 27:45
  Speaker 6: I feel a little dizzy, my body feels a little
• 27:48
  Speaker 6: bit shaky. Okay, great, we can help you. You know,
• 27:52
  Speaker 6: this is not in the peak moment of panic. This
• 27:54
  Speaker 6: is preemptively. Let's practice, like, let's set a timer for
• 27:59
  Speaker 6: sixty seconds. We can hyperventilate for sixty seconds, we can
• 28:03
  Speaker 6: spin in a chair for sixty seconds, we could hold
• 28:06
  Speaker 6: a plank. And then once you come to realize that,
• 28:09
  Speaker 6: like your body runs itself, you don't need to police it,
• 28:12
  Speaker 6: you don't need to judge it. If you like literally
• 28:14
  Speaker 6: say oh yeah, been there, done that, I know what
• 28:16
  Speaker 6: this is, it loses its bite and the next time
• 28:21
  Speaker 6: it shows up, you stop propelling your body with these
• 28:25
  Speaker 6: negative thoughts in a bad way. And so this again
• 28:27
  Speaker 6: is not like a random idea that I thought of
• 28:30
  Speaker 6: in the shower, but this is something that is really
• 28:34
  Speaker 6: powerful and across all anxiety conditions, whether social anxiety or
• 28:40
  Speaker 6: anxiety about flying, or driving anxiety or panic attacks where
• 28:45
  Speaker 6: you're afraid of a specific bodily response.
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: So you're saying, let your body have the response, allow
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: it to run its course, so you can kind of
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: observe it and realize that it's not the end of
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: the world.
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: It's going to stop eventually.
• 28:59
  Speaker 6: Exactly the same some people are afraid of elevators or heights,
• 29:02
  Speaker 6: and they need to like face that few you can
• 29:04
  Speaker 6: face the view that you can feel short of breath
• 29:07
  Speaker 6: and that actually doesn't mean you're dying. That means you're
• 29:10
  Speaker 6: short of breath and that will pass and your breath
• 29:13
  Speaker 6: will also breathe itself when you stop like hovering over
• 29:17
  Speaker 6: it and trying to micromanage it. And this is something
• 29:21
  Speaker 6: that a lot of people find can be helpful with
• 29:23
  Speaker 6: a therapist. But if you allow yourself to practice like
• 29:28
  Speaker 6: sweating and like you know, purposefully putting on a warm
• 29:31
  Speaker 6: coat and not sweating about sweating, do you think when
• 29:34
  Speaker 6: it came on it would feel less stressful or.
• 29:37
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean usually it's just it's not even that
• 29:41
  Speaker 4: I realize that I'm sweating. It just happens, and then
• 29:44
  Speaker 4: that makes causes me to overthink.
• 29:46
  Speaker 3: I do feel like kind.
• 29:47
  Speaker 4: Of preparing myself more would stop the scare, like you said,
• 29:51
  Speaker 4: because sometimes I like, oh no, I'm sweating, and that
• 29:53
  Speaker 4: means I'm overthinking, and then I overthink about overthinking, and
• 29:56
  Speaker 4: then you know, I don't even know, But yeah, I
• 29:59
  Speaker 4: do think that would help.
• 30:01
  Speaker 6: Yeah, maybe it's even when it comes on to not
• 30:03
  Speaker 6: judge it, because a huge part of not judging it,
• 30:05
  Speaker 6: I mean can't but I imagine if you went to hot
• 30:08
  Speaker 6: yoga and you were sweating. I love hot yoga, and
• 30:13
  Speaker 6: so you could generalize that, like, okay, sweating is great.
• 30:15
  Speaker 6: Sweating is healthy, It is good for you.
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: Actually, it's so interesting you said before, you know, when
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: you're looking at your social media and stuff, that you
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: start to think that you have symptoms of a certain illness, yeah,
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: or even like oh, when I get a sore throat,
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: then you start this is something you do. You start
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: worrying about your sore throat and thinking, oh, no, something's
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: really wrong with me. I have the sore throat and
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: it never it doesn't seem to go away because you're
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: just focusing on it so much.
• 30:54
  Speaker 4: And every time I look up a new symptom online
• 30:57
  Speaker 4: on Google, on TikTok especially, tell me a new thing.
• 31:01
  Speaker 4: So I'm like, okay, I have this now, and then
• 31:03
  Speaker 4: I also have this disease and all these things, and
• 31:06
  Speaker 4: in reality I'm fine. But it's just I just have
• 31:10
  Speaker 4: this constant worrying fear of health for some reason, and
• 31:13
  Speaker 4: I don't really know why or how to.
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: What do you think, doctor.
• 31:21
  Speaker 6: That like we have to accept some amount of uncertainty,
• 31:24
  Speaker 6: like we don't know if it is itchy because it's
• 31:26
  Speaker 6: dry in our house or because we might be getting
• 31:29
  Speaker 6: strap or something else. I mean, And so I think
• 31:32
  Speaker 6: accepting in this moment, it's okay. It's okay because we
• 31:35
  Speaker 6: can just watch like thinking those thoughts can lead to
• 31:38
  Speaker 6: more symptoms and then maybe you're losing time to do
• 31:41
  Speaker 6: something that is, you know, writing a report or calling
• 31:44
  Speaker 6: a friend back. And so a lot of people think
• 31:48
  Speaker 6: it's helpful to like Google, but Google is really accepting
• 31:51
  Speaker 6: it in a situation where you have recurrent fears that
• 31:56
  Speaker 6: like you're almost like nine times out of ten, it's like, oh,
• 31:58
  Speaker 6: this is just help anxiety. I know that I have this,
• 32:00
  Speaker 6: and I do this. I talk about something else in
• 32:03
  Speaker 6: the book that a lot of people find fun is
• 32:06
  Speaker 6: if you have a recurrent like stressful thought that never
• 32:08
  Speaker 6: helps you, like I'm making something up, but like I'm
• 32:11
  Speaker 6: going to die, and when you're not, you know, it's
• 32:13
  Speaker 6: like you have you know, an itchy throat does not
• 32:16
  Speaker 6: mean you're going to die. If you can sing that
• 32:19
  Speaker 6: I'm going to die to like an upbeat tune, it
• 32:22
  Speaker 6: automatically is like, oh, yeah, this is what you know,
• 32:24
  Speaker 6: This is what I do in these situations. I tell myself.
• 32:27
  Speaker 6: It's like almost like if you don't have plans on
• 32:29
  Speaker 6: a Friday night and you tell yourself you're a loser
• 32:32
  Speaker 6: instead of really believing that and like syncing into that,
• 32:36
  Speaker 6: and then then spending the night on social media and
• 32:39
  Speaker 6: seeing what other people are doing, and then it really
• 32:41
  Speaker 6: feels even more real. What if you sing I'm a
• 32:44
  Speaker 6: loser for like a second to a fun song.
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: You know, I'm a loser, Like, yeah, it's the same thing.
• 32:53
  Speaker 6: With it, I'm going to die. It's like, okay, you're
• 32:55
  Speaker 6: not going to die. Like the second you sing the song,
• 32:57
  Speaker 6: it loses it's sting. And do you have some perspective
• 33:01
  Speaker 6: because it Another huge way to change your relationship with
• 33:04
  Speaker 6: ruminating is even just seeing like thoughts are mental events.
• 33:08
  Speaker 6: Like thoughts are mental events, we can get above them.
• 33:10
  Speaker 6: We can see our thoughts the same way we see
• 33:13
  Speaker 6: clouds in the sky or but they also create very
• 33:17
  Speaker 6: real feelings. If I ask you to think about biting
• 33:20
  Speaker 6: into a lemon, and your mouth will start to water.
• 33:23
  Speaker 6: But if you can get above that and just see
• 33:25
  Speaker 6: this is just a mental event, I don't need to
• 33:28
  Speaker 6: get sucked in. Just because I thought about alignment doesn't
• 33:30
  Speaker 6: mean that there's a limen in my mouth.
• 33:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: Sometimes when I will have a thought that doesn't make
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: me feel great, I'll just say that's interesting. I wonder
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: what that's about, you know, and then it kind of
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: just without judgment, thinking yeah yeah, and then say we'll
• 33:48
  Speaker 2: see what happens with that.
• 33:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 33:50
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I love that so much. I was at a conference,
• 33:52
  Speaker 6: a psychology conference, and a colleague he was like an
• 33:56
  Speaker 6: older senior person when I was in grad school, and
• 33:59
  Speaker 6: I had gone to his workshop and so we sort
• 34:00
  Speaker 6: of knew each other. And he came up to me
• 34:03
  Speaker 6: at the conference and he was like, oh, are you
• 34:05
  Speaker 6: giving a talk? And I said, oh, no, I'm not
• 34:07
  Speaker 6: giving a talk. You said why not? And I said, oh,
• 34:09
  Speaker 6: I'm not very good at giving talks. And he looks
• 34:13
  Speaker 6: at me and he was like, did you thank your
• 34:15
  Speaker 6: mind for that thought? And it was like such a
• 34:18
  Speaker 6: light bulb moment, like do you mind that thought? Like wow?
• 34:21
  Speaker 6: Like me me, I'm not good at giving talks. It
• 34:23
  Speaker 6: is like a story my mind.
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: You're telling yourself. Yeah, And I.
• 34:27
  Speaker 6: Can think of my mind for that thought, like thank
• 34:29
  Speaker 6: you mind, you know.
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but you can then you can say oh, thank
• 34:32
  Speaker 2: you very much for coming, but no, thank you not
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: right now?
• 34:36
  Speaker 6: Yeah, Or you could play with it like I joke
• 34:37
  Speaker 6: with my clients like what if your thoughts are like
• 34:39
  Speaker 6: Susie from Curb Your Enthusiasm. You know you automatically. I
• 34:43
  Speaker 6: don't know if you want to get the reference. Maybe
• 34:48
  Speaker 6: we look like that we need to figure out some
• 34:50
  Speaker 6: like annoying, complaining kind of character. Yeah, it's because again
• 34:55
  Speaker 6: we get sucked into ruminating because we think that we're
• 34:58
  Speaker 6: somehow helping ourselves.
• 35:00
  Speaker 2: We're going to figure it out if we think about
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: it more and more, we're going to figure it out.
• 35:05
  Speaker 6: Let's think about it in a structured way, or let's
• 35:08
  Speaker 6: see it with distance and humor and perspective.
• 35:12
  Speaker 2: What about when, like we as mother and daughter, we
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: have stress over a topic or a situation, how can
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: we handle that better in a way that's good for
• 35:24
  Speaker 2: our relationship at the end of the day.
• 35:28
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean so I think talking about things in
• 35:32
  Speaker 6: a constructive way. And so if there's something that happened
• 35:35
  Speaker 6: like the Eagles T shirt or something like if you
• 35:38
  Speaker 6: can have a timestamp like okay, let's talk about this
• 35:41
  Speaker 6: for fifteen minutes and then let's get really present and
• 35:45
  Speaker 6: do what we would do on a normal Sunday night.
• 35:48
  Speaker 6: Because I think a lot of people think the more
• 35:51
  Speaker 6: they turn it over, they're more they're again like gonna
• 35:53
  Speaker 6: prevent it from happening again or create some sort of
• 35:57
  Speaker 6: brand new insight. But can we try to understand this
• 36:01
  Speaker 6: with compassion and kindness, will validate one another At the
• 36:04
  Speaker 6: end of the day, all we want is to feel
• 36:06
  Speaker 6: understood and see and if you and I can totally
• 36:09
  Speaker 6: see how you would like this is the perfect shirt,
• 36:11
  Speaker 6: Like no one could, guys, sure better than this. Oh,
• 36:14
  Speaker 6: this shirt really means a lot to to your stepdad
• 36:19
  Speaker 6: and what may be a way to repair this with him?
• 36:23
  Speaker 6: So again, like, if we can contain it, because I
• 36:25
  Speaker 6: think we get into it. It's fine to talk to
• 36:27
  Speaker 6: your friends about something that's stressing you out, or to
• 36:29
  Speaker 6: complain to someone about something, but can we you know,
• 36:33
  Speaker 6: make it ten minutes not two hours?
• 36:37
  Speaker 3: That's good, that's a good.
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 36:39
  Speaker 2: I think sometimes when you're in the heat of the moment,
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: we're you know, butting heads about something, we don't ever
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: really have a conversation about it. We just kind of
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: vent and pop off about it.
• 36:50
  Speaker 4: And that also causes me to ruminate about it more
• 36:53
  Speaker 4: when we stop talking.
• 36:55
  Speaker 2: So it's better to just sort of sit down, give
• 36:57
  Speaker 2: us that two minutes or three minutes or five minutes,
• 36:59
  Speaker 2: whatever we need. Yeah, I like that. It's a great tip.
• 37:03
  Speaker 6: The problem solving. Problem solving is a good alternative to
• 37:06
  Speaker 6: ruminating instead of like what if?
• 37:08
  Speaker 4: What if?
• 37:08
  Speaker 6: What if? Can know? Problem solve? This?
• 37:13
  Speaker 2: Problem solving that's something we don't think about enough. We
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: just think about the problem. Yeah, I think I taught
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: you this before. One of the things that my best
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: friend Adele, who's a therapist, taught me was when I'm
• 37:26
  Speaker 2: spiraling or ruminating or like feel like I'm gonna lose
• 37:29
  Speaker 2: it because I can't stop thinking about something, to envision
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: a stop sign. To see the stop sign in my mind,
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: the octagonal shapes, the edges, the white line around the border,
• 37:40
  Speaker 2: the color of the sign, the way that the letters
• 37:42
  Speaker 2: are white within the red and follow each letter in
• 37:46
  Speaker 2: my mind. And then by the end of it, I've
• 37:49
  Speaker 2: stopped thinking about whatever I was thinking about. And it's
• 37:52
  Speaker 2: just ironic that it's the stop sign. It's just a bonus.
• 37:57
  Speaker 6: Yeah, And there's a skill that we teach. I teach
• 38:00
  Speaker 6: as part of dialectical behavior therapy. Stop, slow down, take
• 38:05
  Speaker 6: a step back, observe, and proceed mindfully.
• 38:09
  Speaker 2: Would like that Stop, take a step back, step back,
• 38:13
  Speaker 2: slow down, Yeah, observe pndfully Already Oh my gosh, this
• 38:22
  Speaker 2: has been such a great conversation. Thank you, doctor Jenny.
• 38:25
  Speaker 2: I know that Fiona, you've loved it too.
• 38:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah, this is really helpful for me.
• 38:30
  Speaker 2: Uh, Before I let you go, I have to ask
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: you a question that I always ask my guests, Doctor Jenny,
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: What was the last I Choose me moment you had?
• 38:39
  Speaker 6: One?
• 38:39
  Speaker 5: Is?
• 38:40
  Speaker 6: I find like people find social media so distracting. I
• 38:43
  Speaker 6: find texting is so distracting. And I just yesterday someone
• 38:49
  Speaker 6: asked me to join a WhatsApp and I very proudly
• 38:52
  Speaker 6: told them that I don't use WhatsApp because it's like this.
• 38:56
  Speaker 6: I love like I Choose Me moments that are just
• 38:59
  Speaker 6: in distances but dramatically overhaul your quality of life. And
• 39:04
  Speaker 6: so much like ruminating takes us out of this moment,
• 39:07
  Speaker 6: constantly texting and messaging, of being really present and so not.
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: Having what's upp was your voment?
• 39:15
  Speaker 6: I love that group texts. Yeah, this constant noise and
• 39:19
  Speaker 6: pining and overthinking. And then the second one is even
• 39:22
  Speaker 6: in this moment, I think I'm all about removing negatives
• 39:25
  Speaker 6: and adding positives and even just taking a moment to
• 39:28
  Speaker 6: really savor this moment. I you know, it's crazy. I
• 39:31
  Speaker 6: used to watch Nina Tuna when I was Fiona's age.
• 39:34
  Speaker 6: It is surreal. I never would have thought when I
• 39:37
  Speaker 6: was an adolescent struggling with self doubt that I would
• 39:40
  Speaker 6: be sitting across from you today.
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: Well, I'm so glad you are because you're helping so
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: many people. So thank you. I know you helped us.
• 39:48
  Speaker 3: Yes, thank you.
• 39:50
  Speaker 2: I'm savoring this moment too, me too. Thank you, doctor Jenny.
• 39:55
  Speaker 6: Nice to see you, guys, Please stay in touch.
• 39:57
  Speaker 2: Yes, yes, nice to see you too. Oh my gosh,
• 40:03
  Speaker 2: didn't you love that conversation?
• 40:04
  Speaker 3: I loved it. It was really helpful.
• 40:07
  Speaker 2: You know what always amazes me about you. You have
• 40:11
  Speaker 2: a great self awareness about you, Like you know the
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: things that you would like to do differently. I think
• 40:19
  Speaker 2: you know, you know areas of your life that you're like,
• 40:21
  Speaker 2: I need to improve that a little bit or I
• 40:23
  Speaker 2: kind of don't want to be stuck in my thoughts
• 40:26
  Speaker 2: it doesn't feel good, and like you seek out ways
• 40:30
  Speaker 2: to make changes in your life. And I respect that
• 40:33
  Speaker 2: so much about you. Because you're just eighteen years old.
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: I wasn't doing any of that kind of helpful, you know,
• 40:40
  Speaker 2: thinking about thinking, Yeah, at my age.
• 40:45
  Speaker 3: You know, yeah.
• 40:46
  Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, you're just so ahead of where I was.
• 40:49
  Speaker 2: I'm proud of being so much. Okay, but before I
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: let you go, Fiona Vatchinelle, what was your last I
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: choose me moment?
• 41:00
  Speaker 4: Okay, let me think. You know, I feel like I've
• 41:06
  Speaker 4: been doing this a lot recently. I don't know if
• 41:08
  Speaker 4: you've noticed, but I've been taking a lot of baths,
• 41:10
  Speaker 4: like I said earlier, and I feel like it just
• 41:13
  Speaker 4: is kind of a time for me to unwind from
• 41:15
  Speaker 4: my day. And I know sometimes I want to bring
• 41:18
  Speaker 4: my computer with me, like on my little like, you know,
• 41:21
  Speaker 4: prop it up some more and watch my show while
• 41:22
  Speaker 4: I'm in the bath. But like two nights ago, instead
• 41:25
  Speaker 4: of doing that, I actually read like literally half of
• 41:29
  Speaker 4: my new book that I got, And I think that
• 41:31
  Speaker 4: was just a really good moment where I put myself
• 41:33
  Speaker 4: first and I was in a ruminating spiral, so it
• 41:36
  Speaker 4: did help me. And yeah, I think reading and taking
• 41:40
  Speaker 4: time for myself away from the phone is really just
• 41:43
  Speaker 4: recently what I've been feeling like, I'm choosing myself more.
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: That's so good.
• 41:46
  Speaker 2: I'm glad you're getting that now because I've been telling
• 41:49
  Speaker 2: you to get off that damn phone.
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: It's happening.
• 41:53
  Speaker 3: I'm trying.
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: Wait, what book did you take in the bath.
• 41:55
  Speaker 4: With the Actually you got it for me for Christmas.
• 41:58
  Speaker 3: It was the one.
• 41:59
  Speaker 4: It's called Choosing Myself. I don't know the author. It's
• 42:03
  Speaker 4: called Choosing Me, and it's all about how to choose yourself.
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: Of that great.
• 42:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's really good. Also.
• 42:10
  Speaker 4: Another one is one hundred and one Essays That'll Change
• 42:13
  Speaker 4: the Way You Think. Best book ever. I reread it
• 42:16
  Speaker 4: all the time. Brianna West I think is the author.
• 42:18
  Speaker 3: It's great.
• 42:20
  Speaker 2: Good hot tip yep from the eighteen year old you guys,
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: You're welcome. Thanks babe, thank you for having me.
• 42:28
  Speaker 4: It's so much fun and learned a lot