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Transcript

A Teen Mom’s Long Road Back To Faith · Pastor Plek's Podcast

• 0:05
  SPEAKER_01: And welcome back to Pastor Plex Podcast.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_01: I'm your host, Pastor Plex, and I have Trudy with me today.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so grateful that Trudy, you are with me.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: And let's talk about your story.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_01: How did you first start coming to our church?
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_07: I came with uh one of the other people, Lori Ann Pico.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_07: How did you know her?
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_07: Um her and another friend of mine were friends, so she was a friend of a friend.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_07: And uh then when I moved down here in January of or I think it was January of 2024, she uh moved in.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_07: We there's three of us living.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_07: Oh, you became a roommate.
• 0:53
  unknown: Yeah.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, and then she said, Hey, come to church with me.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_07: Yes.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: All right, so your church experience prior to our church.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_07: Um, I grew up in the church, uh went to church with mom and dad.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_07: Um, it was uh four square, more Pentecostal kind of more charismatic.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_07: Okay, and did that uh pretty much until I became an adult and then I walked away.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_01: How'd you walk away?
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_07: Well, first of all, I had a child at 17.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_07: I got pregnant at 16, had my oldest daughter, Rosalind, and I had her my senior year in March 1988.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: And how was that?
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_07: It was beautifully tough.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: How tough?
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_07: Just being uh a teen mom and uh at school, like all all of my friends were very supportive of me, but there were a few teachers that were like, you shouldn't even be here, right?
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_07: So that was tough.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_01: That's tough.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so talk to me about like did you end up marrying that guy?
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_07: Did you hear No, no, um, actually we I he ended up walking away completely.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_01: Never like saw him again.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_07: Uh she was when she was two, he said that he wanted to be in her life and be a part of everything.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_07: And I said, if you're gonna do this, you have to do it all.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_07: It's you're all in.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_07: You have to be there for her.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_07: She's you know, he was like, nah, it's too hard.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah, he did.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_07: He walked away, uh goodness, until after she had her first child, and then he reached out to her on Facebook.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: How what was that like for her?
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_07: Uh he reached out and told her that he was having another child.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_07: And so hey, they could be friends, yeah, yeah.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_07: It that that didn't work.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_07: She was like, Oh, so you reached out to tell me about the child that you are gonna raise.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_07: You know, not me.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: So that's tough.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, all right.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_01: Oh wow, that's hardcore.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_01: All right, give me uh okay.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_01: So then tell me what direction your life took.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_07: Oh goodness.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: Um so Roslyn grows up, you're a single mom.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_07: I am a single mom.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_07: Uh I it was really, really tough.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_07: Um, I walked away so far that uh I ended up marrying at 19 for the first time.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_07: And then uh that didn't work out because how long did that last?
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_07: A couple of years.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_07: No.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_07: Uh nope.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_07: Didn't have any kids with him, didn't have my next child until 93, and that was with a man that I wasn't married to.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_07: Um got divorced with uh the first husband and married the second one, and then um Wait, hold on, hold on.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: So 88 you have your first kid.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_07: Yes.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_01: Then you get married, then divorced.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, married, divorced, second kid?
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_07: Second and third child.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, with with the person you weren't married to.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_07: We did get married.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, okay.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_07: After after uh was he husband too?
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, got it.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_01: So husband one, not married, get pregnant with with an ex one, then you eventually marry him.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_01: Got okay.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_07: So we get married, uh, have two kids, and uh Brittany and rated, and then he was an alcoholic that I didn't realize until after I was like, you know, I got three kids now.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_07: Maybe I should stop the party and settle down.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_07: How old were you at that point?
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_07: Twenty three.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_07: Okay.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_01: Some people are just getting started.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_01: You're wrapping it up.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_07: All right.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_07: Uh no, there's more.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_07: Okay.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_07: So uh I left him when my son was an infant, infant age.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_07: Why'd you leave?
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_07: Uh, because of the drinking he was drinking.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_07: He was uh he was a binge drinker.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_07: He would once he started, he couldn't stop until he was passed out on the floor.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_07: It was yeah, it was tough.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_07: Was he angry drunk or happy drunk?
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_07: Um was he a functional only time he would argue with me was when he was drunk.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_07: But I mean, he wasn't like abusive or anything.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_07: He would just disappear and find, you know, find him later somewhere, passed out.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_01: When you say find him later, it's like put in a ditch, in a bedroom somewhere, um in the closet floor.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_07: I don't unfortunately was that in the bathroom.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_07: And uh so I left him at 25, I want to say.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_07: And then uh I was jumping from relationship to relationship, so barely got out the door and hooked up with another guy that will become husband number three.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_07: And uh we got married in '99, but we got together in um ninety five.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_07: Okay, I think.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_07: Um, and we did stay together until uh my youngest Celeste, and we also had my sorry it's on silent now.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_07: Um okay, so we did stay together until uh my youngest was six.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_07: So it was like 2006.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_07: She was born in 2000.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_07: Um, my there's still one more child in there, um, child number four, um, Jordan, and then Celeste was the last one.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_07: So um we split up in 2006, got divorced.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_01: That was marriage over three.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_07: Yes.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_07: And um then um that's actually during the time I was a police officer.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_07: So but we can come back to that.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_07: So then um I when we split up I kind of bounced around, had a couple of relationships, um, still not in the church or going to church or talking about anything to do with church or God.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_07: Right.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_07: And um let uh met my fourth husband in 2009.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_07: And that was a super fast rebound kind of, you know.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just I so you just pulled the trigger on these.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_07: I can't.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_01: You're like I couldn't be you wanna get married?
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: What's your name again?
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, exactly.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, exactly.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_07: So um we got married in 2011 and um split up in 2040.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_07: Okay, and got divorced, and that was divorce number four.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_01: Divorce number four.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_01: Caysburg, yeah, not county.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I was good.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_01: I I like to keep I was I couldn't remember what number we are.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_01: All right, so number so you got number four.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so you divorce him, okay.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_01: Then what happens?
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_01: So um we need to back up a little bit to uh 2011.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_07: I um I was arrested.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_07: Um I was an angry mom, um angry person, period, because of things happened in my childhood, uh abuse, um, sexual, physical, emotional.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_01: So you were abused sexually as a kid?
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_01: Like what way?
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_01: Like how who, like an uncle or family member?
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_07: It was a family member.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_07: Um my grandfather.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_07: And uh that's like my earliest memory, is that and I think I was chasing somebody to love me, not just sexually, but like completely.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_07: Yes, I was chasing something that only God could fill.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_01: All right, so you you were molested, you were hurt, you were wounded, you're on uh on in 2011, it was marriage three.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_01: Four.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_01: Four marriage, four, and you get arrested.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_01: Why do you get arrested?
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_07: Um I am not gonna pull any punches.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_07: I yeah, bring him.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_07: I beat the crap out of my 17-year-old daughter.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_02: Like how bad?
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_07: They took my kids.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_07: Oh wow.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_07: It should have been worse.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_07: I I should I should have gone to jail.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_07: I really should have.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_01: Was this when you were a police officer?
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_07: Um, it was after I had uh stopped doing that.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_07: I was uh working in lost prevention and uh excuse me.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_07: Um I was they took my kids, which up until that point were my identity.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_01: So it was like like what like when you when you're talking about like the beat the crap out of her, like what what was the part that triggered like you know, what was the thing, you know.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_01: I mean yeah, it was probably like you know, like you know, like what you don't know anything, mom, you're stupid.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_07: Oh yeah, you know, or what yeah, uh sounds petty now, but she was missing curfew, she was running around, she couldn't couldn't get home on time to save her life.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_07: It felt like and up until that point, I thought everything my children did to embarrass me.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, they did it personal.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_01: It was a like, hey, I'm doing this because I'm gonna make sure you pay.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah, it felt like that.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_07: I know that's not what they were doing.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_07: Right.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, the kids are kids, they do dumb stuff all day long.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: Uh like when you beat a beat her, was it with like a belt, with your fist?
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_07: Was it no?
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_07: I yeah, it was my fist and uh I knead her in the side.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, and broke a rib?
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_07: No.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, just just hurt her real bad.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah, it was bad.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_01: And so how did the police get involved?
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_07: Um, my brave daughter, Jordan, the child number four, told her dad and turned me in.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_07: A few years later, I went and thanked her for that.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_01: Oh wow.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_01: So what happens when you do you go to jail at all?
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_01: Or I did.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_07: I I was uh booked into the county jail.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_01: Which county?
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_01: Which where were we at?
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_07: Just shoots County, Oregon.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_07: Okay.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_07: Um, I was booked into jail.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_07: Uh my we weren't married yet, but we were living together.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_07: But husband number four um bailed me out the same night.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_07: Um because I had because I had been a police officer and I had a lot of I knew a lot of the um cops in town.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_07: Um they were, you know, more lenient.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_07: But not lenient.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_07: I mean, he did arrest me, yeah, absolutely.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_07: And um, but there were more charges he could have topped pop piled on that uh he did and uh um yeah, I still haven't even read that report.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_07: But uh so I was I was broken.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_07: Just broken.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_01: Did it when when you get the charge, you're did you go before a judge or did they just got bailed out, or how did that so I was uh bailed out the same night.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_07: Um and then the next day because they had taken the kids into uh protective custody.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_07: What is that?
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_01: I had to because like did they go to different dads?
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_07: No, actually they went to their sisters, their oldest sister, Rosalind was uh old enough.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah, she was actually pregnant with her second daughter.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_07: And so they went to live with her, yeah, for a couple of weeks, maybe a month.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_07: Um and then what happened?
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_01: Where'd they go after that?
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_07: They uh my brother and his girlfriend at the time actually uh applied to be um guardians, foster foster parents for them.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_07: So um my youngest two went to my brother's at the time, and then Britney, the uh my victim.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_07: Brittany um actually was almost 18.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_07: Like she was gonna be 18 in September, and this all happened in April.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_07: Wow.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_07: So uh she just stayed with Roslyn.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_07: And then my son um is three years younger than uh Brittany, and he stayed with Roslyn as well.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_07: But the two younger ones, it was, you know, she was she had a little one, a toddler, and a baby on the way.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_07: So it was it was too much for her.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_07: I totally understand that.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_01: So okay, so you you you're you go to jail, you get bailed out, you don't have kids at home anymore.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_01: Um what did is that where things changed for you?
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_01: Or absolutely so tell me what changed.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_07: So I want to say this happened on a Thursday.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_07: And on Sunday, I went to church with my mom.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_07: And as soon as I walked in the door, I'm just bawling.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_07: Just and the this is the church that is full of people I grew up knowing.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_07: So like everybody knew me.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_01: And did they know that what had happened?
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_07: Um, yeah, because I told them.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_07: Um, and I literally went to the altar and fell on my knees.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_07: And I I asked God to forgive me.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_07: I asked him to take away the anger because I knew that that was why I abused my kids.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_07: It was because I was angry for all the stuff that happened to me as a kid.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_07: And uh I just I was broken.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_07: You know how God gets you to that that spot when you won't pay attention.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_07: That was my spot.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_07: And he absolutely reached down and took it.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_07: I walked out of there and I didn't feel anger.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_07: I just felt love.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_07: Everybody in the church gathered around me and put hands on me.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_06: And uh it was beautiful.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_07: It was so instantaneous that even the kids' caseworker could see it.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_07: And the kids' lawyer because they all would get assigned to their own lawyers and yeah, every everybody saw it.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_07: Um so that was that was where God just took me in his arms and said, No, you're mine.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_07: You've been mine the whole time.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_07: You just weren't paying attention.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_01: So from that point forward, you have like you have the anger's gone.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_01: Talk to me about like the the relational need.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_01: Because clearly you got another marriage after that, right?
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_01: So, like, how did that progress?
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_01: Like your relational deficit still probably was strong, although the anger might not have been there.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it was just a relational weakness of like I need a person.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_07: Yes.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_07: He was he was the one that bailed me out.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_07: Um, he was there through that.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_07: Um we ended up getting married.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_01: Um did he go to church with you that Sunday?
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_07: No.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_07: Showbit a clue.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_07: Um, no, he he did not go to church with me on that Sunday.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_05: And uh I had to tell you that.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_07: Because there's things that happen later that I look back now.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_07: And I know God knew what was coming.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_07: And knew that if I didn't have him in my life, I wouldn't make it through what was coming.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, what was coming?
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_07: Well, divorce four.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_01: Divorce four.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_07: What's coming?
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_07: Let's not forget that.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_07: Uh but I learned.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_07: That was in 2014.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_01: So what what on that one?
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_01: You're you're like, you're all right, Jesus.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_01: I'm on I'm on team with you.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_01: You guys get married, and then he's like, ah, you're too crazy Christian, or what?
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_07: What was the uh it was it was a very toxic relationship.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_07: Uh we were very horrible to each other.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_07: Okay.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_07: Uh and he was he was very uh possessive and um even would get jealous of me spending time with my children, who, by the way, I needed to repair or actually build a new relationship with.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's interesting.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_01: Uh that's it.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_01: I guess there's something um initially attractive about someone who's who's possessive of you.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, like they're really into me.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_01: And then eventually it's like, hey, I need a little space.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah, exactly.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_01: So eventually he's like, You don't actually love me, and all his anger comes out.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_01: Is that kind of what happened?
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_01: Oh wow.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_01: He needed Jesus as well.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yes, he did.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_07: Okay, so then and he he acted like he got Jesus, but it was not a genuine uh some issues.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, okay.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_01: So you guys get divorced.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, then what happens?
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_07: So uh that was we got divorced in 2014.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_07: And uh I was living back at home with my mom, and oh, another part of that absolute transformation, I had my kids back home with me in three months.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_01: Wow, that's wild.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_01: Either the state's really bad at knowing how to discern when to put kids back, or the Lord just did a miraculous work.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_01: That's good.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_07: Well, considering there hasn't been anything since, man, the God did a great work.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, he did.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_07: So um I'm back with my mom.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_07: Um, I have my youngest two with me, Jordan and Celeste.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_07: And my oldest daughter was going to therapy.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_07: She was in the Marine Corps.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_01: And wait, you said she's going to therapy in the Marine Corps?
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_01: She got out.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_01: And now she's going to therapy.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_07: Now she's going to therapy to work through the BTSD.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_07: Okay.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_07: Uh, she was never overseas.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_07: It was uh um sexual harassment like that.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_07: So um she's going through that and uh I woke one morning, my phone was off, I wasn't I didn't have income.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_07: This is after I had my surgery and I which surgery still um I had surgery in 2013 because I had a bone infection in my pelvis.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_01: Jeez, that sounds so painful.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_07: It is.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_07: All right, it is nice.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_07: So uh so I was uh my phone was off.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_07: So you had to call me like on Facebook Messenger.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, meaning your phone your phone was off, meaning like it got turned off because you didn't pay.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, exactly.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_01: Got it.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_01: It wasn't like just in the opposition.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_01: So um so what was the phone call?
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_07: I got a phone call from my sister telling me to call my son-in-law, my oldest daughter's husband.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_07: And I called him.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_07: They're trying to identify a big body.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_01: Oh no.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_07: And I need to get over there as soon as possible.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_07: Oh gosh.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_07: So Rosalind or me sorry.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_07: Celeste was home that day.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_07: And we got in the car and the entire way to his house, which is only maybe three miles.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_07: It's like a five-minute drive.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_05: I am praying because they said they'd also found a note.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_07: And I get there and you know how there's some things like you're you're I wish I didn't know that because I knew what was coming.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_07: When there's three police cars and a tablets car.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_07: I knew what was coming.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_07: And uh my oldest daughter, Rosalind, walked out into the field the night before and shot herself.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_07: Oh man.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_07: One of the officers was a friend of mine.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_07: And I asked him and I said, Am I gonna be able to see my daughter?
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_07: And he said yeah.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_07: She had thought to shot herself in the heart.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_01: Oh gosh.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_01: So her face wasn't and I know.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_06: But if I had not had God and Jesus holding me through that.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_05: I wouldn't be here today.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_05: I would have followed her.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_01: All right, so she's dead there.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_01: You're st in you're a mess in tears.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um and she had kids.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah, she has she has um Kyrie and Sara.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_01: And how old are they now?
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_07: Kai just turned 18.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_01: Oh wow.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_07: She graduated high school early and she's going to college.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_07: She wants to be a lawyer.
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, nice.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_07: Um, Sara is 14.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_07: She'll be 15 next May.
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_07: And uh easy.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_01: And so how did you okay, in that moment, like what are the thoughts?
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_01: Is there a lot of like shoulda, coulda, woulda?
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_01: Uh was it oh yeah.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_01: Like what what were the sort of thoughts that are running through your head?
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what if I had if I had called her Wednesday.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_07: Which was the Marine Corps birthday.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_07: If I called her Wednesday, because she that's uh that's all she ever wanted to do when she was a kid.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_07: She wanted to be a Marine.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_07: And then when things didn't go the way they should have gone.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_07: No.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_07: And then she thought her kids would be better off without her.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_07: And I should have seen the signs.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_01: What did it um so you you go through that process, you kind of you just take it all in.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_01: Um who gets custody of the kids at that point?
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_01: Are the the father still there?
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah, yeah.
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_07: Okay, yeah, their dad raised him.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_07: He's he's good.
• 31:37
  SPEAKER_07: He's a good dad.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_07: Oh, good.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_07: He really is.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_07: Okay.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_07: Uh to me, he was never really my son-in-law.
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_07: He was my son.
• 31:47
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, wow.
• 31:47
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, that's powerful.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_01: So then how do you move forward from that?
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_01: Like, how do you grieve?
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_01: How do you mourn that?
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you know, there's a there's a proper time.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_01: Like, did you have a memorial where you cried and you kind of let it all out?
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_01: And here's all the things I shoulda, coulda, woulda, and I here's the thing that's gonna miss.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_01: And did you get to do that kind of stuff?
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_07: We did, and kind of rushed through everything.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_05: It was and I felt really alone.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_07: So alone.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_07: And I know absolutely I was not.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_07: Right, but it sure feels that way.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_07: I I had some shouting matches with God.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah, I bet.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_07: Um I've I have yelled at him.
• 32:52
  SPEAKER_01: Mm-hmm.
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_01: What'd you say?
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_07: Why didn't why didn't you let us know, give us a sign, tell us?
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_07: But and for a long time, I was like, she was alone when she walked out in that field.
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_07: But she wasn't.
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_07: She wasn't alone.
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_07: And we're having a dedication Sunday coming up.
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_07: She was the only child I dedicated.
• 33:33
  SPEAKER_07: Because I was still living at home.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_01: With your mom, going to church.
• 33:38
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 33:38
  SPEAKER_07: So all right.
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_01: So tell me about like uh like you you you have that death on your heart.
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_01: You are you're just you're reeling from that.
• 33:48
  SPEAKER_01: You're you then how do you like you're you're out with I guess at that point job situation was not great.
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, no.
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_01: Uh you had your phone turned off.
• 33:59
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what how did I mean I'd say turn around or how did you move forward?
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, like, there's so much going on with your life at that point.
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_07: So much.
• 34:09
  SPEAKER_07: So uh the the one smart thing I did do is stay alone.
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_07: I have not been in a relationship since since her death.
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_07: Nothing.
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_07: No, not since I since I divorced him in 2014.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_07: Um and uh that was one of the biggest things.
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_07: The other thing I had to do was figure out can't I work?
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_01: Because uh my surgeries left the pelvis.
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah, left me with uh chronic pain and some other d dysfunction, they called it.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_01: And uh um just what kind of like when when you talk about chronic pain, give me what that means.
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_07: I I it's one of those things that until you've done it, I don't want to do it.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_07: No, don't ten out of ten do not recommend.
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_07: Um it it is just a constant thing in your life where something hurts all the time.
• 35:29
  SPEAKER_07: You go to bed with it, you wake up with it.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_07: Sometimes you don't sleep.
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_01: Uh and are you like trying, are you trying like medicine and doctors and yeah, like give me the whatever sleeping pill?
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_01: And they're like there's nothing stronger, you'll die if we give anything else.
• 35:46
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah, actually, I was on morphine and oxycodone for a couple of years.
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_07: Did you ever get addicted to that?
• 35:55
  SPEAKER_07: Um my body is used to it, but like addicted definition, like abuse it.
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_07: No.
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_07: Okay, never because I knew that that is a possibility.
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_01: So you're kind of very careful.
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 36:12
  SPEAKER_01: Very careful.
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_01: So is that pain affect you now?
• 36:15
  SPEAKER_07: Um so I moved down here in January of 24.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 36:23
  SPEAKER_07: And I went to I found I had to find a pain management doctor down here.
• 36:28
  SPEAKER_04: Uh-huh.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_07: And I did.
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_07: Can I?
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 36:33
  SPEAKER_07: Okay.
• 36:33
  SPEAKER_07: It's uh advanced paid care.
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_07: Oh yeah.
• 36:36
  SPEAKER_07: They're awesome.
• 36:37
  SPEAKER_01: I hear their ads all the time.
• 36:39
  unknown: Yeah.
• 36:40
  SPEAKER_07: And and uh they have a podcast.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_01: Oh wow, yeah.
• 36:44
  SPEAKER_07: Urban on a podcast.
• 36:46
  SPEAKER_07: Either way.
• 36:47
  SPEAKER_07: So um I went to them and the very first examination, he was like, Well, let's fix this.
• 36:59
  SPEAKER_07: And I'm like, what?
• 37:02
  SPEAKER_07: Because I keep from, well, here's a pill.
• 37:06
  SPEAKER_07: Hopefully it'll get better, you know.
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_07: That's I mean, that's what it felt like.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_07: Right.
• 37:11
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, no one knew what was wrong.
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_01: No one said physical therapy or some sort of thing.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_01: Would if you do this muscle, it'll fix this, whatever.
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah, no, no.
• 37:19
  SPEAKER_01: So what did he have you do?
• 37:20
  SPEAKER_07: Um, I went to a neurosurgeon, um central, central Texas brain and spine.
• 37:32
  SPEAKER_07: Oh wow.
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_07: Amazing doctor who uh did my SI joint fusion a year ago this month.
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_01: Is that a back surgery or neck surgery?
• 37:44
  SPEAKER_07: Um it is your pelvis, it's the it's where your hips connect to your sacrum, yep, your tailbone, all that.
• 37:56
  SPEAKER_07: Um that joint in there.
• 37:58
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah, I have four.
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_01: And once you fuse that, if the pain was alleviated?
• 38:03
  SPEAKER_07: Um well I had to recover from the surgery first.
• 38:07
  SPEAKER_07: That was that was and unfortunately, I've had to have a lot of surgery, and that was the hardest one.
• 38:14
  SPEAKER_07: I mean it was by far the hardest.
• 38:17
  SPEAKER_07: Okay.
• 38:18
  SPEAKER_07: So um I had to recover, and then I went to physical therapy for three months.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 38:27
  SPEAKER_07: And um when I started going there, um they he asked me what would be the marker where I could say, all right, I think I could go back to work again.
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_07: And I said, walk a mile without doubling doubling over in pain.
• 38:54
  SPEAKER_01: At the time, was that like miracle?
• 38:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_07: I haven't walked 200 feet without being in pain.
• 39:00
  SPEAKER_01: Oh wow.
• 39:01
  SPEAKER_07: Prior to that.
• 39:02
  SPEAKER_07: And uh, but he had me do exercises to strengthen my uh lower back muscles.
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_07: Um, because of this surgery, I couldn't do like crunch, you know, your normal core stuff.
• 39:18
  SPEAKER_07: You can't do crunches, can't do planks, stuff like that.
• 39:22
  SPEAKER_07: So I had to do uh deadlifts, which sound wrong, but they were great.
• 39:31
  SPEAKER_07: And um holding a weight while I'm sitting, go from a city position, stand back to city, holding like 25, 30 pounds.
• 39:43
  SPEAKER_01: Oh wow, so you've you've done that huge recovery.
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah, yeah.
• 39:47
  SPEAKER_01: All right, where'd you go?
• 39:48
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so all right, now like you come to our church and and you're you you know you're getting pain, pain, yeah, care.
• 39:58
  SPEAKER_01: Uh and how have things changed, improved, gotten better?
• 40:03
  SPEAKER_01: What how is that what has your experience been like pain-wise?
• 40:11
  SPEAKER_07: Or overall?
• 40:13
  SPEAKER_07: Overall.
• 40:14
  SPEAKER_07: So coming to church has been the best thing I've ever done here.
• 40:23
  SPEAKER_07: Um I moved to Texas knowing one person, and now I have a whole family.
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, wow, that's sweet.
• 40:34
  SPEAKER_07: Um, I uh told my um my kids I was doing this today, and uh they're like, oh mom, that's awesome.
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_07: So they're excited about it.
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's encouraging.
• 40:51
  SPEAKER_07: They want to they let us know when it's out.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 40:55
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 40:55
  SPEAKER_01: And so tell me then, like, um, what has been like, is there been like a truth that that that God's really spoken to you uh through your time at the church, or like I don't know, a realization, or like a something that kind of puts your whole past together into a a way forward, kind of like here's my purpose, or anything like that that you you've kind of sort of seen God.
• 41:17
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 41:18
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 41:20
  SPEAKER_07: My purpose is to serve others.
• 41:23
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, nice.
• 41:25
  SPEAKER_07: I serve here in the church.
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 41:29
  SPEAKER_07: Um talk to me about what you do.
• 41:31
  SPEAKER_07: I um I cuddle the babies and play with them.
• 41:36
  SPEAKER_07: I love it.
• 41:38
  SPEAKER_01: Huge, huge effort.
• 41:40
  SPEAKER_01: It's a big deal.
• 41:42
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 41:43
  SPEAKER_07: Um, you put it really in perspective to me one day when you just in passing said something about um by cuddling the babies, I'm allowing a mom to enjoy the service.
• 41:59
  SPEAKER_07: And I'm like, hadn't thought about it that way.
• 42:02
  SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_01: But children's ministry is so powerful in that it might be the only time a person hears from God, and as a lost person, maybe their parenting skills aren't great.
• 42:16
  SPEAKER_01: And so they're just embarrassed the whole time that our kids are like freaking out or whatever.
• 42:20
  SPEAKER_01: And so to have or like crying, or a baby's doing whatever.
• 42:22
  SPEAKER_01: And so when you're holding someone's baby and they know that you're a mom who loves kids and you love Jesus and you're holding that baby, what a sweet, sweet deal that is.
• 42:33
  SPEAKER_01: And then God is able to speak to them because they know that someone like you is caring for them.
• 42:38
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 42:39
  SPEAKER_01: It's powerful.
• 42:40
  SPEAKER_07: It's amazing.
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_07: It's the only thing I have ever done where I get more out of it than they do.
• 42:50
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's sweet.
• 42:52
  SPEAKER_07: I love those babies.
• 42:53
  SPEAKER_07: I have grandchildren.
• 42:54
  SPEAKER_07: I have eight grandchildren.
• 42:57
  SPEAKER_00: Congratulations.
• 42:58
  SPEAKER_07: Six girls and two boys.
• 42:59
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, wow.
• 43:00
  SPEAKER_07: And they are my world.
• 43:05
  SPEAKER_00: How often do you get to see them?
• 43:07
  SPEAKER_07: Um, not as often as I would like to due to financial constraints.
• 43:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 43:15
  SPEAKER_07: I mean it's expensive to fly to Oregon.
• 43:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 43:19
  SPEAKER_07: And uh so next month it'll be two years since I was back to Oregon.
• 43:27
  SPEAKER_07: But I was able to go to Pennsylvania where my second daughter, Brittany, lives.
• 43:33
  SPEAKER_07: Oh wow.
• 43:34
  SPEAKER_07: And um, I was there for the birth of my grandson Jet.
• 43:39
  SPEAKER_01: Oh wow, great name.
• 43:41
  SPEAKER_07: Isn't it?
• 43:42
  SPEAKER_01: That's awesome.
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_07: During uh the uh Focus.
• 43:49
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_07: I talked to your son a lot.
• 43:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 43:55
  SPEAKER_07: I helped him build the bodies.
• 43:57
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I got this.
• 43:58
  SPEAKER_01: What else do you have to do?
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's great.
• 44:01
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 44:02
  SPEAKER_01: So Trudy, like, let's just talk about like advice.
• 44:04
  SPEAKER_01: You know, as a a woman who's a grandmother, you've got wisdom.
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what what do you want to share?
• 44:11
  SPEAKER_01: Like, there's there's other teenage moms.
• 44:12
  SPEAKER_01: Uh yeah.
• 44:14
  SPEAKER_01: And what do you want to say to them?
• 44:20
  SPEAKER_07: It's so much easier to go with God than go against him.
• 44:26
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 44:27
  SPEAKER_00: I like that.
• 44:28
  SPEAKER_07: Keep him keep him out your focus.
• 44:33
  SPEAKER_07: Nice.
• 44:35
  SPEAKER_07: And the parent team will come like read the Bible together, pray together.
• 44:51
  SPEAKER_07: Um stay connected with your church.
• 44:57
  SPEAKER_07: Especially if you're a teen mom, single mom, anything like that.
• 45:02
  SPEAKER_01: All right, talk to me about this.
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_01: Um you were molested by your grandfather.
• 45:07
  SPEAKER_01: How long was that a secret?
• 45:18
  SPEAKER_07: 2011.
• 45:21
  SPEAKER_01: So a long time.
• 45:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 45:23
  SPEAKER_01: Like how many years?
• 45:25
  SPEAKER_01: So that 2011 I was what, 41?
• 45:30
  SPEAKER_01: So what would you say to somebody?
• 45:31
  SPEAKER_01: 37 years.
• 45:32
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, what would you say to somebody who has kept that something a secret like that for that long?
• 45:38
  SPEAKER_07: Give it to God.
• 45:39
  unknown: Yeah.
• 45:40
  SPEAKER_07: Tell somebody.
• 45:42
  SPEAKER_01: And what anybody.
• 45:43
  SPEAKER_01: What did telling somebody do for you?
• 45:46
  SPEAKER_07: It took the shame away.
• 45:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 45:48
  SPEAKER_01: That's wild, isn't it?
• 45:50
  SPEAKER_07: It is.
• 45:51
  SPEAKER_07: Absolutely.
• 45:52
  SPEAKER_01: And so here's what some people don't understand is like, why would you feel shame you didn't you weren't the bad you were the victim?
• 46:01
  SPEAKER_01: But why was there shame?
• 46:04
  SPEAKER_07: Because even even as a kid and you don't know what's going on, you know it's wrong.
• 46:14
  SPEAKER_07: You feel it.
• 46:15
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 46:16
  SPEAKER_07: But if you don't tell anybody, it's like you're taking ownership of it.
• 46:24
  SPEAKER_01: Oh wow.
• 46:25
  SPEAKER_01: You're like protecting it.
• 46:27
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 46:28
  SPEAKER_07: And it's not yours to carry.
• 46:31
  SPEAKER_01: Um what's wild is um I've noticed, and I've just, you know, as a pastor, you counsel lots of people.
• 46:40
  SPEAKER_01: And whenever people have just really just a lot of anger or I wanna say even violence, I always go, it's like an anger that doesn't have a it feels disconnected.
• 46:52
  SPEAKER_01: It's just like a yeah.
• 46:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, I always go, hey, were you ever molested?
• 46:57
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like bam, bam, bam, bam.
• 46:59
  SPEAKER_01: Like every and it's not like like almost like I want to say seven out of ten people I've talked to recently.
• 47:09
  SPEAKER_01: Uh and I'm like, I didn't realize it was that many.
• 47:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 47:13
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and so that means I feel like there's this, and again, I mean it's not something like, hey, um, I'm Trudy and I've been listed.
• 47:19
  SPEAKER_01: And everyone's like, oh, nice to meet you, me too.
• 47:21
  SPEAKER_01: Uh like I no one's I don't think that's a a thing.
• 47:24
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 47:25
  SPEAKER_01: But at some point, the reason why meaningful relationships are so important as a church body is because you have to have someone that you have that depth of relationship.
• 47:34
  SPEAKER_01: Or what can happen if you're a lone wolf, isolated person, you go through your life without ever having someone that you can share the deepest, darkest things of you and not be rejected.
• 47:44
  SPEAKER_07: Yes.
• 47:46
  SPEAKER_07: Okay, so that's the biggest thing I've seen in this church.
• 47:51
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 47:51
  SPEAKER_07: I can they will never reject me.
• 47:56
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 47:56
  SPEAKER_07: Nobody.
• 47:57
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 47:58
  SPEAKER_07: Well, and and uh going back to the the fact that I abused my kids.
• 48:14
  SPEAKER_07: God was using that even because it ended with me.
• 48:23
  SPEAKER_02: Nice.
• 48:24
  SPEAKER_07: But my grandbabies, they're safe.
• 48:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 48:29
  SPEAKER_07: They won't go through what I went through.
• 48:32
  SPEAKER_02: Nice.
• 48:33
  SPEAKER_07: I mean, I I'm not gonna say that, you know, no nothing will ever happen, you know, like, but I know that their moms and dad, if my son when has any babies, um aren't gonna do that to them because I went and got help and I ended that generational thing.
• 48:56
  SPEAKER_07: Nice because I was abused, I abused my kids, my mom was abused, she abused me, my grandma was abused, she abused my mom.
• 49:08
  SPEAKER_07: It's it's a cycle and it's it can go back generations to the point where it's like you have to end it someplace.
• 49:18
  SPEAKER_01: Wow, that's wild.
• 49:19
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 49:19
  SPEAKER_01: Be that end.
• 49:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, okay.
• 49:21
  SPEAKER_01: So let's talk about that.
• 49:22
  SPEAKER_01: If you have something to say to just maybe a mom who's just angry, frustrated, um, and then and then at the same time feels shame.
• 49:31
  SPEAKER_01: Uh because it's like, I mean, it's one thing to be the victim, it's another thing to be the what's what's a uh perpetrator.
• 49:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's a whole nother like it's a whole different level of shame.
• 49:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 49:45
  SPEAKER_01: So talk what what do you what do you suggest?
• 49:47
  SPEAKER_01: What what do you tell them?
• 49:49
  SPEAKER_07: Find that person that you can tell anything to and they will not reject you and tell them.
• 49:56
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah, I have to because I used to sugarcoat what I did um just a couple weeks ago on Wednesday.
• 50:07
  SPEAKER_07: It's the first time I actually said I beat the crap out of her, yeah, which is what I did, and saying it out loud was so healing because I asked my kids for forgiveness a long time ago.
• 50:31
  SPEAKER_01: Right, right, right.
• 50:32
  SPEAKER_07: And they gave me a baby.
• 50:33
  SPEAKER_01: Do you have a relationship with Brittany now?
• 50:34
  SPEAKER_07: Oh, we are so close.
• 50:36
  SPEAKER_07: I was there when she had her her son Jet.
• 50:40
  SPEAKER_07: That was the one she's the one that had my grandson Jet.
• 50:44
  SPEAKER_07: Oh, and that was her son.
• 50:48
  SPEAKER_07: She has two girls too.
• 50:50
  SPEAKER_00: So oh, that's so sweet.
• 50:51
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 50:52
  SPEAKER_01: That's that's powerful.
• 50:53
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 50:54
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, the lesson is it's I think from your life is do not like shame in the darkness, whether you're the victim or the perpetrator, only manifests more darkness.
• 51:06
  SPEAKER_06: Yes.
• 51:08
  SPEAKER_01: Healing, and we say this all the time here at church.
• 51:10
  SPEAKER_01: You know, James 5, 5, 16, confess your sins one to another, and pray for each other.
• 51:15
  SPEAKER_01: That you may be healed.
• 51:17
  SPEAKER_01: Because you can walk in forgiveness, you're saved, you love Jesus.
• 51:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, you do.
• 51:21
  SPEAKER_01: But until you go, hey, you expose your sin to another person, and then they pray over you that gospel power, it then there's no place for sin to kind of the bacteria doesn't get a place to grow, it just is crushed and killed.
• 51:33
  SPEAKER_01: The light doesn't is stronger than the darkness.
• 51:36
  SPEAKER_06: Absolutely.
• 51:37
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 51:38
  SPEAKER_01: Well, Matt, thanks so much for sharing your story.
• 51:41
  SPEAKER_01: Uh thanks for letting me yeah, it's powerful.
• 51:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that people it's a lot.
• 51:46
  SPEAKER_01: It's a lot.
• 51:47
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, you've you've you've experienced a ton in well, I'm not a spring chicken anymore.
• 51:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but I mean I okay, how about I don't want to I want to get into one more thing.
• 52:00
  SPEAKER_01: The pain, the chronic pain.
• 52:01
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 52:02
  SPEAKER_01: What do you tell someone who's living in chronic pain?
• 52:04
  SPEAKER_07: Oh don't believe that they can't do anything for you.
• 52:15
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 52:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 52:16
  SPEAKER_07: Keep looking, advocate for yourself.
• 52:19
  SPEAKER_07: Keep I mean, if you have to move states, move.
• 52:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 52:24
  SPEAKER_07: Which is what I had to do.
• 52:26
  SPEAKER_01: So you came to Texas for this.
• 52:28
  SPEAKER_07: I keep to Texas, yeah.
• 52:30
  SPEAKER_07: And to heal from uh losing my daughter.
• 52:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 52:36
  SPEAKER_07: There's running away from that, but I'm working on it.
• 52:40
  SPEAKER_01: That's that's another uh whole there's a lot there.
• 52:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, to just that's so hard.
• 52:46
  SPEAKER_01: And um, you know, we've we've I've had interviews with other people that have lost their um adult kids.
• 52:53
  SPEAKER_01: Uh and it's just it's like that's not supposed to happen, you know, like you're supposed to die before your kids do, and they get to bury you, you don't bury them.
• 53:02
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but recently, even on this podcast, I've had another one.
• 53:06
  SPEAKER_01: Uh they had a 19-year-old die, just heart, heart wrenching.
• 53:11
  SPEAKER_01: And you just sit there and go, Lord, what is happening?
• 53:14
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and so thank you so much for sharing that.
• 53:16
  SPEAKER_01: I think there's more people here that have more in common with you than you ever knew.
• 53:22
  SPEAKER_01: And um, that's gonna draw people close.
• 53:25
  SPEAKER_01: And that's how you have family when you have when there's no more secrets, nothing's hidden.
• 53:28
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, it's powerful.
• 53:30
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, if you have any questions, if you want to text in 737 231 0605, we'd love to hear from you.
• 53:36
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, thank you so much, uh, Trudy, for your story.
• 53:40
  SPEAKER_01: And uh thank you guys for watching.
• 53:42
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, we'll see you next time on Pastorplex Podcast.
• 53:45
  SPEAKER_01: Until then, have an awesome week.