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When Gratitude is Hard · Infinitely Precious

• 0:00
  Intro: Welcome to the infinitely precious podcast produced by infinitely precious LLC. Your host is James Henry. Remember, you are infinitely precious and unconditionally loved for the gift you already are.
• 0:12
  James: Hello, beloved. It's me, James, and it is Thanksgiving week. There are seasons for all of us, think, when giving thanks, being grateful comes easily. When things are going well, this world seems simple and beautiful, and there are so many things that pop to mind when we think about being filled with thankfulness or gratitude. And then there are other seasons.
• 0:49
  There are seasons when thankfulness doesn't come so easily, when the pain or the sadness or the frustration or anger or chaos or uncertainty of the world makes it feel almost impossible to say thanks in those moments. The moments when people tell us we ought to be thankful in all things. And we want to throttle those folks because perhaps they just don't understand, they don't see. And perhaps this season of Thanksgiving is just such a season for you. Perhaps it's somewhere in the middle.
• 1:40
  We're going talk less about the middle than we are than the extremes. I've talked about gratitude practice before in the podcast and in other places about how to practice gratitude. But what do we do when gratitude is hard? I want to start by suggesting some things. The first thing I would suggest is be kind to yourself if you can't find it in yourself to be thankful.
• 2:15
  Recognize that there is something inside of you that is keeping you from feeling that sense of gratitude. And also recognize that gratitude is not something you have to achieve. It's not something that you need to compare with anybody else. Give yourself space to be where you are right now. Practice self compassion.
• 2:44
  It's probably so much more important to practice self compassion than gratitude Because self compassion gives you space to be where you are right now, not to pretend like you're somewhere else. So give yourself some space to be in the midst of whatever you're in the midst of. The second thing I would suggest would be perhaps to sit with whatever it is that seems to be an obstruction for you. What is it that is blocking your sense of gratitude? Is there a way for you to spend time with it enough to recognize what the pain, anger, frustration, chaos, struggle, where that's coming from?
• 3:39
  What inside of you is feeling this? Because if you can sit with it long enough and name it, You can begin to see what's really going on inside of yourself. And in the end, knowing who you are and where you are is an important thing for yourself. It's just like that beginning with self compassion. The willingness, the courage, and it takes a lot of courage to sit with those moments in our lives when we struggle, when we don't have the answers, when we cannot find it in ourselves to say with authenticity, thank you.
• 4:28
  Oh, we can say it. The words can come out of our mouths, But we can't can't mean it. Therefore, it's not really gratitude. Name that which is blocking you. Name that which is blocking you.
• 4:52
  Now, the third piece I would suggest in the midst of that, once you've been compassionate, giving yourself space to not feel thankful because it comes and goes, whatever is happening after perhaps taking the time, the courage to sit with it and figure out what is going on. That third practice would be to see if you can t just let go a little bit. Release your grip on the thing that you re holding so tightly to, the pain, the fear, the uncertainty, whatever it is, not completely let it go and just move forward, not conquer it, not beat it down, not win, not be victorious over it, but just see if you can loosen your grip on that thing that you're holding so tightly to it really has become that it's holding to you. See if you can release just a little of the pressure that you're holding so tightly to. Is it possible to do that in this moment to let go?
• 6:18
  The last piece I would suggest to you grows out of these other ones. What would it be like to realize that struggling and doing self care, offering yourself self compassion, recognizing the value of your own life is a form of gratitude in itself. Practicing those first three things, recognizing, being compassionate with yourself, naming, and then struggling with the at least loosening the grip is a form of gratitude for the life you've been given. You are practicing gratitude, maybe not by naming 75 things for which you are deeply thankful, Not even naming one thing that you are. But being able to honor yourself enough, the gift that you are enough to not hold to the thing so tightly and to be compassionate with the gift that you are.
• 7:36
  I've been in the place. This year I'm in a kind of a mixed place of thankfulness and struggle. It has been a full year for me. Most recently, I got to celebrate the joy of seeing my daughter get married to a very fine young man whom I'm so glad to call my son-in-law, a member of our family. It's just beautiful.
• 8:13
  It was a wonderful thing and I am so thankful that she found somebody who honors her and loves her and cares for her. So I can be very thankful for that. We got to celebrate the wedding. It was a beautiful wedding. It was a beautiful time together with family and their friends and meeting his family for me for the first time and getting to see Ireland for the first time.
• 8:36
  These were all things for which I could be thankful. This is also the year when we lost my mother-in-law, not even that long ago, within the last quarter of a year, and then earlier in the year to have lost my father. This is the first Thanksgiving without my dad and the first Thanksgiving without nanny around. And that makes it hard. That makes it hard.
• 9:11
  Just last year, Thanksgiving, we shared it with dad. We saw dad. It wasn't long after that that we saw my mother-in-law, nanny. So there was a lot of change in my life. I went from one congregation that I had served for thirty three years to a new congregation whose pastor they were still sad to see go because he had served them for twenty five years.
• 9:43
  So I'm in a new place. I can be thankful for the new place. They've received me with such great love and kindness and appreciation for the difference in the gifts that we bring to the ministry, my good friend who was my predecessor and me. But all that change and all those things make for some challenges. And that's just my personal life, the larger world.
• 10:09
  I feel the heaviness of people who feel broken and oppressed and set apart of war and struggle and oppression. I feel that. And all those things come together. So for me, it is a mixed bag. It is a mixed bag.
• 10:33
  What to do with all of that? So I try to make it my daily practice. Usually, gratitude is my daily practice But on and off during this year, there have been times when I could not honestly say thanks. I had to struggle with the impediments. I had to try to loosen my grip on the things that had hold of me and that I had hold of.
• 11:03
  So, this isn't an easy answer for those of you who feel that gratitude is hard this year or when you hit spots that gratitude is hard. All it is is a word of encouragement. You're not alone in struggling at times to practice gratitude. And perhaps if you reframe it for yourself, you will see that actually taking yourself seriously, struggling to be compassionate with yourself, dealing with the issues that have a hold of you are a form of gratitude in themselves. That you're worth it.
• 11:46
  That you are a gift. As I always like to say in this podcast and in other places as well, you are infinitely precious and unconditionally loved for the gift you are. So am I. And in the midst of that, in the midst of that, give yourself space to be where you are right now, right now, because I m thankful for you. Thanks for joining me on the podcast.
• 12:17
  If you think this would be helpful to someone you know who is struggling, please do share the podcast. I do this. I put this voice out into the world hopefully as a word of a positive word, an encouraging word, a word for those who are struggling to know that they are not alone. That s why I put it into the world. And I hope that it might offer you some consolation in the midst of whatever struggle you may be in.
• 12:46
  Thanks again for joining. Thanks for being with me here in the podcast and on the stream. I intend to stream it wherever you are, whenever you are. Thank you for being you. And when grace is hard, when thanks is hard, hang in there, my friend.
• 13:09
  Hang in there, my friend. Until the next time.