Latest / The Difficult Boss Podcast with Fexingo: Managing Up, Toxic Managers, and Workplace Survival / How to Get Your Boss to Own Their Decisions
Transcript
- Lucas: So Luna, I want to talk about a boss who doesn't just avoid conflict, but avoids decisions entirely. The kind who says 'we'll circle back' and never does, or who lets a project drift because nobody actually chose a direction. Luna: Oh, I've had one of those. It's like pulling teeth. You ask for a yes or no and you get a 'let's explore that more.' Lucas: Exactly. And it's a different beast from the boss who's actively hostile or the one who micromanages. This is the boss who holds all the authority but refuses to use it. They'll hoard the decision rights, but they won't exercise them. And that leaves you in a weird limbo. Luna: Right, because you can't just decide on your own, but you also can't get them to decide. What's the play? Lucas: Well, first, let's understand why they do it. A lot of times it's fear of being wrong. If they make a call and it goes badly, they're accountable. If they don't make a call, there's no failure to point at. Indecision is a shield. Luna: But it's not a very effective shield, because the team still sees what's happening. It erodes trust. Lucas: Exactly. And that's the angle I want to drill into today. Not how to force a decision, but how to make the cost of indecision visible, and how to give your boss a safe way to commit. There's a technique I've seen work called 'decision framing.' Luna: Decision framing. Tell me more. Lucas: So the idea is simple: you take the open-ended question that's been floating around and you turn it into a concrete choice with a clear deadline. For example, instead of asking 'should we revamp the onboarding flow?' you say, 'we have two options for the onboarding revamp: Option A is to hire a contractor for three months, Option B is to shift two team members from the support queue. Which one do you want to green-light by Friday?' Luna: Ah, so you're making it easier for them to say yes to something specific, rather than wrestling with an abstract problem. Lucas: Right. And you're also sending a subtle signal that this decision has a cost. If they don't choose, the default is inaction, and inaction has consequences. You're putting that in front of them. Luna: But what if they still punt? I've had bosses who just say 'let's revisit next week' even when I've framed it perfectly. Lucas: That's when you bring out the escalation memo. This is a written summary of the decision, the options, your recommendation, and the deadline. You send it to your boss, and you copy a few key stakeholders. Not to embarrass them, but to create a record. Luna: So it's like you're saying, 'here's what we need, and it's on you to respond.' Lucas: Exactly. And if they still don't respond, then you have something concrete to take to their boss or to the project sponsor. You're not gossiping about your manager; you're showing that you've done everything you can and the ball is in their court. Luna: That's interesting, but I feel like some people would worry that copying others might seem like you're going over their head. Lucas: And that's a fair concern. So the key is to frame it as a coordination tool, not a weapon. You say, 'I want to make sure everyone is aligned on the timeline, so I'm sending this summary for visibility.' It's about transparency, not insubordination. Luna: Makes sense. So we've talked about framing and escalating. But there's also the boss who makes decisions but never owns them. The 'we' problem. Lucas: Oh, that's a whole other flavour. The boss who says 'we decided' when it's a win, but 'they made that call' when it's a failure. That's the responsibility-dodging boss. Luna: And that can be even more frustrating, because you feel like you're being set up to take the fall. Lucas: Right. And there's a way to handle that too. When they give you a decision that you suspect will go bad, you want to get it in writing. Not in a shady way, but by saying, 'I want to make sure I execute this exactly as you envision it. Can you send me a quick note outlining the approach?' Luna: So you're not just covering yourself, you're also clarifying what they actually want. Lucas: Exactly. And if the decision goes south, you can point to that note and say, 'This is the direction I was given.' It's not about throwing them under the bus, but about making accountability visible. Luna: I love that. It's so much more effective than complaining behind their back. Lucas: And you know, the thing is, most bosses aren't malicious. They're just scared or overwhelmed. If you can make it easier for them to own their decisions, you're not just helping yourself, you're helping them be better managers. Luna: That's a generous way to look at it. And I think it's true. But what about the boss who just doesn't care? The one who sees indecision as a way to avoid work. Lucas: Well, that's a different situation. If you've done the framing, you've done the escalation memo, and they still won't engage, then you have to ask yourself a harder question: is this a place where you can grow? And maybe the answer is no. Luna: So sometimes the best move is to start looking elsewhere. Lucas: Yeah. But before you get to that point, there's something else worth trying. You can create a 'pre-mortem' with your boss. Before the project even starts, ask, 'What would need to happen for this to fail?' And then you both list the risks. That way, when things start going wrong, you're not surprised, and your boss is already primed to take ownership. Luna: That's a great proactive step. It's like you're building a safety net before you need it. Lucas: Exactly. And it's a technique that's used in high-stakes industries like medicine and engineering. But it works just as well in a marketing meeting. Luna: I can see that. So, let's say I've tried all this, and my boss still won't own anything. Is there a point where I just accept it and adapt? Lucas: That's a practical question. And yeah, there are times when you have to adapt, especially if you can't change jobs right away. You can become the de facto decision maker by building consensus among your peers and presenting it as a recommendation that your boss just rubber-stamps. Luna: But that's a lot of extra work and risk. Lucas: It is. And that's why it's important to weigh the cost. You don't want to burn yourself out trying to compensate for a boss who won't lead. Luna: Right. And I think that's where the real lesson is: managing up isn't about fixing your boss, it's about protecting your own sanity and career. Lucas: Exactly. And if today's episode gave you a concrete tool to try, that's what matters. You know, the way we keep these conversations ad-free is through listener support. If you found this useful, and you want to help us keep doing it, you can buy us a coffee at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. It's a small gesture that goes a long way. Luna: Yeah, and it really does help us keep the lights on. We're not backed by a big network, so every little bit counts. Lucas: So, back to the pre-mortem. I remember a product manager at a mid-sized SaaS company who used this with her VP. They were launching a new feature, and the VP was notorious for changing direction at the last minute. She ran a pre-mortem and listed all the risks, including 'scope creep' and 'unclear success metrics.' The VP signed off on the list. And when the project started to drift, she was able to pull out that document and say, 'We agreed this would be a risk, let's stay focused.' Luna: And did it work? Lucas: It worked better than anything else she had tried. The VP actually respected her for it, because she was being proactive. And the feature shipped on time, which hadn't happened in months. Luna: That's a great example. It shows that these techniques aren't just theoretical, they really can change the dynamic. Lucas: Yeah, and that's the thing. Most bosses want to do a good job. They're just caught in their own fears. If you can help them see that a decision is less scary than they think, you're doing them a favour too. Luna: So, bottom line: don't just complain about an indecisive boss, try to reframe the decision, create a record, and if all else fails, protect yourself. Lucas: That's the short version. And remember, you can't control your boss's behaviour, but you can control how you respond to it. And that's a powerful realisation.