Latest / Motherhood Uncut / Important Tools for Nervous System Management with Patricia Gipple | Motherhood Uncut Podcast | Season 3 Episode 5

Transcript

Important Tools for Nervous System Management with Patricia Gipple | Motherhood Uncut Podcast | Season 3 Episode 5 · Motherhood Uncut

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_04: Welcome to the Motherhood Uncut Podcast.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_04: Deb Ruben and I, Kate Kripke, started this podcast so that we could bring to the table all the things that no one wants to talk about in Motherhood.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_04: Together, both psychotherapists and mothers of teenage daughters, we spent a lot of time, just the two of us, talking about all the stuff that actually shows up behind the scenes in motherhood, and we decided it was time that we all joined this conversation together.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_04: So, if you're a mom feeling alone, if you're a mom feeling like you could use more information, if you're a mom looking to laugh about the things that are so ridiculous about this job, and quite frankly, if you're a mom needing to cry about the things that are more vulnerable, intenuous, and heartbreaking, we've got you.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_04: Pull up a chair, put in your earbuds, grab a cuff cup of coffee, grab a glass of wine, whatever you need.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_04: Sit down and mother with us.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_04: Our conversations are gonna be filled with laughter, probably some tears, hopefully some eye-opening insights in between our conversations and the folks that we interview to help us learn a little bit more and grow a little bit more together.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_04: We're gonna create a system of mothering that helps us all feel a little bit less alone.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you for being here.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_04: Let us know what you think.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_04: We've got you.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_04: Come mother with us.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: Hey everyone, this is Dev.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: The next two episodes are going to be with Kate and our dear friend, colleague, and teacher, Patricia Gipple.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: They had an amazing two-part conversation on Kate's live Instagram, and we decided it was so good that we wanted to put it on our podcast as well.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: So I'll be signing out for the next couple weeks, but I look forward to catching up with you all when I get back.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: Have a great couple weeks and enjoy the shows.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_04: Hey listeners, it's Kate.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_04: I am really, really proud to offer up the next two weeks a two-part conversation that I had with Patricia Gipple.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_04: She is a longtime friend and mentor and yoga and meditation teacher for both me and Deb.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_04: And I actually had her on, it wasn't Instagram Live, as Deb mentioned, no problem, but it was my um Thriving Together membership, which I have on my website that I offer up for moms who are wanting to continue to learn from experts in the field of women's health.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_04: And so if you are interested in joining that membership after listening to our conversation today, the link is in the bio.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_04: But this conversation with Patricia is one where we really dive into polyvagal theory, um, which is around this idea that we have the capacity to manage our nervous systems in times of stress.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_04: And Patricia's gonna bring to us her wisdom, her expertise as a psychotherapist, as well as teacher, around what it looks like to become really active in that work of learning to tend to our nervous systems when we feel unsafe.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_04: I'm really excited for this episode.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_04: Like many of the episodes that Dev and I have had, this was one where my mind was blown.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_04: I learned all kinds of new things that I had not really put into perspective or thought about before.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_04: And I'm walking away with new tools for both managing my own nervous system as well as helping my kiddos manage theirs.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_04: So I really hope you stick around for both of these two episodes.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_04: And um, as always, let us know what you think.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: Hey everyone, this is Dev.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: As many of you know by now, I have a huge passion for self-discovery and growth.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: I just adore helping people find their way back to their intuition and increasing their confidence, especially when it comes to connection.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm learning and relearning all the time that when we expand our connection with ourselves, we deeply learn how to connect with our children.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: So, my groups, the Mother Daughter Journey, that is what they're all about.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: We're learning how to stay steady and how to help out help our girls feel steady when they are going through such a turbulent transition of adolescence.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'll be launching a bunch of new stuff in the fall.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're not on my newsletter yet, you can do so at motherdaughterjourney.co.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: Sign up there and you'll stay informed and just know what's going on in my world.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: I cannot wait to work with you.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: And cheers to being a mom, being human, being messy.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: Have a great summer.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_04: Thanks for joining me in this membership talk today.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_04: I'm so happy to have you.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_04: Um, you and I go way back.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_04: I actually am gonna tell the story as we get started because it was so amazing that right before my 40th birthday, you've heard this story before, but right before my 40th birthday, I met Dia for tea.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_04: And Dia was glowing.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_04: She was glowing, and I was like, Dea, what is up?
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_04: Why are you glowing?
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_04: She's like, Well, I was just at this class with Patricia Gipple, and it was your kundalini class at Little Yoga Studio.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_04: Ah, and that was my intro to you.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_04: It was right before my 40th birthday.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_04: And since then, I have followed you around Boulder to different parts of the world.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_04: I will say here in front of all of these people who are watching that I truly think of you as one of my greatest mentors in my life.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_04: Totally.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_04: Has changed my world to be working with you and learning from you.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_04: So I'm so grateful on so many levels, grateful that you're sharing yourself with us today.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_04: But will you tell everybody a little bit more about who you are and what you do, what what what you do in this big world of ours?
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_02: Um, well, my name is Patricia, and some people might be looking at this going, wait a minute didn't she go by another name?
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_02: So I like to just clear that up.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_02: I have gone by different names, um uh Trista and Sue Graj for different reasons in my life.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_02: And so I guess that's a good place to, you know, my life who I am is somebody who is really who really cares and wants to show up and follow my own truth in that moment.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_02: And I care deeply about always giving the context to that, you know, why why things shift and change for me.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_02: And my life has, like so many of ours, just shifted and changed a lot in the last year, in the last couple years.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_02: However, there are these through lines, you know, that have been a part of me since the get-go, which are really um so funny.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_02: I was just saying, okay, when I was at your open mic night a couple weeks ago, I was talking to somebody and somebody came up to me and said, Oh, you know, what do you what do you love?
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_02: What do you um what do you care about?
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_02: And the first thing I said is, you know, I I love God.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_02: I love to, I love to understand how to connect to that word and what that means for me.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_02: And um, it was just such a um uh moment in that experience where I could just see of like, oh, this isn't quite the place to crack that knot open.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_02: But honestly, that's the that's my deepest through line.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_02: And for me, that experience has guided all of the shifts and changes in my life.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_02: So God is the root, and then also my physical body and moving my physical body, understanding my physical body, understanding you through your physical body, and being dialed into all of the shifts and changes that happen.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_02: Um, that really matters to me.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_02: What has mattered more to me in the recent years is just this experience of learning to slow down.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_02: And this experience of not hustling and trying and scratching every itch, even though I don't think I knew how much I was still doing that until the gift of you know COVID came around and gave all of us a chance to live more deeply into our lives and take it more seriously, which to me means having more fun and slow down.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so I would say who I am is somebody who cares, and that's gonna show up in the way that we connect to God and the ways that I can help people do that, the ways that we connect to our own physical, mental, emotional health, and the ways that I can help do that.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_02: And more specifically, really helping people slow down to understand how precious this moment right here is that we're connecting and being with each other, sharing something that we really love.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_02: So, how to really drop in is how I care about and really tending to the nervous system right now and helping people to understand how our nervous system right now is talking to us, and whoever is listening to this, it is also talking to us, and we're missing a lot of the cues.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_02: And um so a big part of my work is also leaning heavily into the psychoeducation aspect of really getting the signals right and getting a shared language with ourselves about ourselves.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_04: It's so good.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_04: I um, as you and everybody knows, and actually, you are also, you know, you you are a psychotherapist in training as well.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_04: And so I think so much of what we do here in this container, in the membership container, and also in all these conversations, is be really thinking about what are all the ways that we can quiet our mind, slow ourselves down so that we can quote unquote feel well, which doesn't mean necessarily like happy and blissful and euphoric all the time, but it means like aligned and grounded and connected.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_04: And you started with this word God, which is now a word that I can tell, I mean, I think you probably remember when I started working with it.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_02: There's no reaction when I said it, Kate.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_02: I was I was tracking that.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_02: I know if there was a reaction, it was like, oh, I know what that means for me.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, yes.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_04: So when I, when you and I first started, that word to me was very um misaligned.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_04: Like I couldn't find myself in that word.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_04: And really what I've you learned over the last 10 years of study and practice is that for me, that word really means the same thing as wellness, right?
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_04: It means like what am I connecting with that is steady and true and universal and forever, and you know, call it source or nature or energy or spirit or God, it doesn't matter.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_04: But what we're what I found in my life is that when I can quiet down and find that alignment, everything is okay.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_04: Right, even if the external life is like chaotic and crazy, yeah, I can still feel okay amidst that.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_04: And that's one of the reasons I'm so happy you're here today because we forget that we have control over that.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes, we do have control over it, but here's here's an important piece that I want everyone to remember.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_02: You're talking from a regulated state.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, great point.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_02: When we're dysregulated, this is where you've heard me say, you know, our practice, we can use it to hurt ourselves.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_02: Uh when we're dysregulated, and we can't, when we, you know, there's a saying in polyvagal theory that the state that we're in creates the story that we say about who we are and what the world is.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_02: So when we are in a shutdown state, we only get stories that are in that theme.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_02: They are in the shutdown theme.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_02: You can't say to somebody who shut, or you can say it, but it won't work and it won't help, um, who's in a shutdown state, pull yourselves up by the bootstraps.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_02: Just get that shit done.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_02: If you say that, the per it's not a choice, it's not an option when we're dysregulated.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_02: So that's the thing that I really like to pull apart in these conversations around mental health, mental wellness, is that we have to let people know that the nervous system is designed to help us regulate and deal with everything that comes up in our lives.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_02: But if we are not regulated, what is what where we are stuck, we can really start to hurt ourselves.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_02: I get people all the time who are like, I'm lazy, I can't do it.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_02: It's like, no, you're dysregulated.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_02: Your nervous system is injured.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_02: Let's swaddle it, let's keep it safe, and let's let it start to learn how to regulate itself.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_02: And then that kicks in, it's very natural.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_02: But I think that that just this that um separating those is really important because I imagine when I hear people hearing that, like when I've been really depressed or really anxious, and it's like, why can't I get my shit together?
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_02: No mantra will work, no nothing will work, no, you have to actually get to a place where you start to feel safe again where you can start to regulate.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_04: Gosh, I appreciate that explanation and perspective so much because I think there is, you know, in this world of this is such a cliche term now, but I'll use it as an as an extreme example of toxic positivity, right?
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_04: It's like just think positively, just and and what you're saying is so important is that when we're in that state of dysregulation, we can't think positively.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_02: It's not an option, right?
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_02: Beautiful truly does not exist.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_03: Beautiful.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_02: And so to know that helps us to stop beat ourselves, beating ourselves.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_02: It's like you're trying to fix the problem from the outside.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_02: The issue is we've become defensive enough, we become afraid enough that that part of our nervous system kicks in and takes over.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_02: It tries to isolate us.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_02: And what we don't do, what we don't understand is how to mobilize, how to move through that, and how to safely get out of that state by embracing it, by actually going into what we are afraid of, repulsed by, you know, jealous of, whatever it is.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_02: It's getting yourself a little closer to the fire so that you become malleable in your own being to be able to digest and process what it is you are feeling.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_02: So that's that feel-feel word.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_02: That, you know, whatever work I do, it's always going to come back to feel-feel.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_02: Feel-feel, don't think feel.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_02: And and know that your nervous system is designed to help you process anything, any shock, any trauma.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_02: We can get through it.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_02: But a lot of the work that we're doing as moms is going back to the places that we couldn't manage before when we were children, and now those sons of its kids of ours that we have that we love so much and have taken over our life, they're bringing all that up again.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_02: And but that's where we have to go.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_02: We have to go back to the place where we left ourselves, where we had to shut down to survive.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_04: What do you tell folks who you work with who really resist that idea of leaning into or making room for those profoundly uncomfortable feelings that you're describing, right?
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_04: Because I think that's something that happens, right?
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_04: Is that people may know, people may absolutely feel that that's important, but the fear of that is so profound.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_04: How do you address that with folks?
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_02: That's a great question.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_02: And this is where I think the psychoeducation comes into play.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_02: You you throw out what I say a cue of safety, which is the first cue of safety that we all want as human beings, is I'm not alone.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_02: Oh man, I can relate to that.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_02: I know that feeling.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_02: I know the places in my life right now where I don't want to look.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_02: I know that.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_02: And so that's good.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_02: That's where we start.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_02: And so you help them to understand that what's going on is that their body hasn't had the opportunity, enough safety in that moment to actually feel that pressure, to feel that sense of like, oh, I don't want to look at that, that feels so intense.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_02: But actually, what is required is leaning in just a little bit.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_02: And all you have to do is just a little bit more than you did before.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_02: And so when we're doing that with the therapist, with the coach, with a really good friend, with our partner, we don't feel alone in taking that risk.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_02: We're going to take that risk when there's enough safety.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_02: So it's just a little bit out of time.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_02: Our nervous system does not change in big bites.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_02: It changes in little bites.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_02: And that beautiful, you know, brand, that tagline from Nike, just do it.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_02: We need to toss that out.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_02: It's like take a baby, like don't push.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_02: That's what slowing down gives us is there's so much wisdom and authenticity we have in our own experience that you will know how to manage that next block if you stay with it and feel into it enough.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_02: And so that means that there's enough safety in your life for you to take that risk of trying again.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_02: And over a little bit of time, it does get better.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_02: Beautiful.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_02: Then you're there with the person when they come in and they're like, oh my God, I said that thing to that person.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_02: And it completely changed.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_02: And so you use that as an example of like you did it.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_02: You went in a little bit more, and there's so much reward on the other side of it that our systems have not just had that experience enough to trust it.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_02: A lot of times we trust it with the other person saying, No, no, no, I've been there, I know it, I'll hold your hand, we can do it.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_04: So you're really talking about retraining your nervous system to do what it knows how to do best, right?
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, exactly.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_02: And so that's exactly what it is, is that when we, you know, we know that the neuro plasticity, brain, and nervous system is designed to reshape itself.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_02: So that's really important for every one of us to know when we're really down in in our stuck in our biased version of our nervous system, that it is designed to adapt and change.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_02: But how it does it is with pressure.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_02: We need pressure, you know, um, but we don't that pressure still needs to feel safe.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_02: It it can reshape and change.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, the things that I've seen and the things that I've experienced in my own life by really focusing in on this are really remarkable.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_02: They're really, you know, in our spiritual practice, we have our teachers saying, you know, the potential for you to bloom and grow, look at what you have done in a couple of years, the ways that you bloom and grown, it's untenasivity.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_02: It is limitless, it is endless.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_02: And we're not using that potential so much because we don't know it exists.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_04: That's such an inspiring concept.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_04: I also just before we dive into sort of more practical pieces for you to share, I want to the other thing I'm hearing you say that is so helpful for me in my life is this both and, right?
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_04: That we can both lean into deep discomfort and feel safe in that process at the same time, right?
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_02: And that is exactly what the nervous system is designed to do, like what you said.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_02: When we when we are regulated, we have that capacity to know it sucks, it's terrible, and I can manage it.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_02: And that that is, I mean, that gets us through everything.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_02: That is to me, that's a spiritual practice, that's a physiological awareness, and it's and it's a skill that we all develop in terms of what are what are our resources to regulate.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_04: One of the things that's made the biggest difference for me in my own life is really learning.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_04: I I think it may have been Bruce Tift who first introduced this to me.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_04: I think we talked about it in some of our groups, but really learning that the opposite of fear is not safety, it's confidence, right?
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_04: That when I can allow myself, give myself permission to feel fear, and at the same time have confidence that I can handle that, that I can move through, that I am okay, that's where movement happens.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_04: That's where I get unstuck, right?
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_02: And that's a great point, Kate, because when we are dysregulated, anything that is opposite of what we feel and believe is very triggering to us.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_02: It really dysregulates us.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_02: And one of the ways to understand how we are in our own nervous system is when something opposite of what you believe in comes your way, it doesn't dysregulate you.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_02: You can say something more along the lines of, yeah, I don't agree with you, but I'm still with you.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_02: I'm still listening.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_02: In other words, you're not getting defensive and you're not shutting down.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_02: You're still with the other person.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_02: That is a great way to understand regulation in our own lives.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_04: Wow.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_04: That's beautiful.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_04: That image is super helpful.
• 21:41
  unknown: Yeah.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_02: So what can we shift?
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_02: Um make sure that I cut cover a couple really good concepts.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_02: And so um when I was coming up with what I wanted to share with you, I'm thinking about you know, your moms and their kids as well.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_02: to acknowledge that everything that I'm saying is is really in service in this conversation of that of how to understand ourselves better so that we can really understand who our children are telling us they are.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_03: Beautiful.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_02: So and then support and grow that so that blooms and grows their whole life as well.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm speaking from a polyvagal perspective just to give that um reference I want to talk about the what we call the three C's.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_02: And this is a super simple concept and I refer to them as these three gates that I need to process, get information about whenever I'm feeling uncomfortable.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_02: And so these three things are the three things that our nervous system needs for us to feel safe to connect.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_02: And without safety we're not going to learn and we're not going to really connect.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_02: So in my work I can define it really easily as safety is the treatment.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_02: Everything needs to feel safe for us to move forward.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_02: And it doesn't mean that we're not taking risks and we can't you know we have to go walk around with equipment around us all the time.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_02: It's not like that.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_02: It's just for for a person to understand and for a mom to teach their kids to really understand what feels safe for them and what doesn't to know what that when that trigger switches in us is so key for our happiness.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_02: So the first C is context that whenever we're doing anything like what you did for me before we opened it up you said hey this is what it's going to look like and you kind of you gave me the lay of the land.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_02: When we give each other the lay of the land no matter what we're doing, we we that's the first cue of safety.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_02: It's like oh okay this is what is going to happen.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_02: So we always need to give our kids and ourselves or notice when this is missing the who what why where if we don't have the who what why wear of whatever it is we're doing and a way that this really shows up is if you feel like in your relationships in your work or whatever in your spiritual practice if you can't ask why and keep asking why and keep getting information until your body until your system feels like oh I get it that is always going to leave you in a defensive place.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_02: Something feels a little bit off you might step on it every three steps and then the pebble goes off to the side and it's not there.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_02: But it's it's going to be an irritant when you don't know the who what why where of what you're doing.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_03: Interesting.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_02: So you just sold your business right and so you informed all of us who follow you all the way this is what I'm doing.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_02: You gave context so nobody doesn't go in their own head and and when we don't get context we make it up with our own context.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_04: Interesting.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah because you and you're saying we make it up because we need it.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_04: So if we're not being given it our brains are going to come up with its own fill in the blank.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_02: And it might not be accurate to yes what actually is really going on.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah mostly it makes us defensive and we it's not a word that we would necessarily think of it's like I feel defensive it's it's it gives us pause.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_02: It's like something is missing you know so it's really important when you feel that like huh something doesn't feel right that's a good cue to get more context to ask do I understand what I'm doing?
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_02: Do I understand the who, what, why, where of what is going on?
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_04: And the same can I ask can I ask you a question before you move on so one of the things that I've been really focusing on in my work with folks these days is how to what it looks like to um allow for uncertainty right because in in in the work I do so many of the mothers so many of the women I work with are very anxious and what triggers a lot of that anxiety is the not knowing how do you how do those two things work together the the the truth that we don't always know and the needing who what where when why having the context yeah so I think I go back to having rhythm to your day having cues of safety throughout the day so that you always feel that internal confidence that lungta of like I always have myself yes I'm tracking myself I'm recognizing how I'm responding to the different people places of things and I'm tracking that accurately and I have these cues you know taking care of your body taking care of your sleep taking care of your hydration all of these things really affect our clarity of knowing those deeper lines of security that we all need.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_02: And then really and and I think the biggest piece of this gets filled by our spiritual practice is that when we are not just relying on ourselves as the source of motivation or as the whatever as the creator when we're really leaning into that connection and and really relying on that.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_02: So when we bring in these cues of safety throughout our day these things that are regular that that are predictable but not obsessive they also give us an opportunity to really check in and and one of the things that our body and our brain absolutely love is to genuinely feel gratitude and connection.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_02: So it really is about taking the simple things really deeply into our daily life and enjoying them.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_02: And the way that that registers in our nervous system is it helps us look for the next really good thing.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_02: And so it we start to really build from the inside and who you are and where you came from and what and who loves you is also untimacified.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_02: It is undying and when we feel that we can feel more relaxed in a chaotic crazy world right now.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_02: So it's a real articulation of how we can practice regularly through the day because the cues of safety are everywhere you know for us to really connect.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah I hear you saying that part of what we can do in this kind of a practice is find the certainty within the uncertainty.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_04: Right?
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_02: Find the predictability within the unpredictability it's that both hand again it can all be true right yes and I'm just thinking of I think one time I remember reading something that you did Kate I don't know when it was but I remember seeing that I think you were writing like a prescription for mental health and in it you you included nature time.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_02: Yes and nature is free you are going to get the biggest bang for your buck if you can have a regular nature practice where you are outside drinking your tea outside hiking when you you know do some of the things that you do but that goes so far in our systems in terms of feeling like okay I guess this is a pretty cool place to be in for right now you know feel that shift it's that it's not a it's not a mental thing it's a physiological shift that we feel our capacity of like I got it I can do it.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know how but I I know I can do it.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_02: Totally oh beautiful so context super duper important when we don't feel comfortable to to review that and make sure that we do have all of the context.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_02: The next thing is choice which is really tricky but us humans don't do well when we are not given choices.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_02: And as you probably have heard me say many times in class where some of the the moments in my life where I've suffered the most part of what's gotten me out of that is where I've realized I don't feel like I have a choice.
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_02: That's what's horrible is like I don't feel like I have a choice.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_02: So how do I pivot and make it so I start to feel like I have choices.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_02: So the feeling of choice for you in your own daily life that you are choosing how all of the ways that you're going to spend your day and then the feeling of giving our children choice that is you know the right choices that we believe you know that that mom believes is for their kids is really important because they need to develop that capacity to strengthen their frontal lobe which is still building as you know until the mid-20sish and and really begin to understand if I do this then I get that if we take that experience that choice and that experience that learning away from them and just say yes or no conversation how do they learn to deal with disappointment how do they learn to you know talk to you about how pissed off they are at you or how do they learn to you know do any of the things without being given that choice to be an adult when they're still little you're you're just kind of flirting with yep it's you know this is the way it is out there and we have to include them in that and um yeah so choice super important.
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_04: I feel so strongly about this word and this you know I think um one thing that happens for many of us who are mothers is that we begin to feel like we have no choice.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_04: We begin to feel like our job is just to take care of everybody else and make sure everyone is okay and that you know this happens all the time when I'm helping women restructure this idea of how are you taking care of yourself throughout the day?
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_04: And one of the first things that comes up is I can't I have no time there's no space right and really helping to shift that the question I often ask which is not an easy question to hear if you're not in the right brain space is what part for us to ask ourselves, what part am I playing in the things that aren't working for me?
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_04: Right?
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_04: Because there is choice in there.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_04: And so for me one of the first ways I can feel grounded and on my feet again is to do make some choice whether it's about what I'm thinking or an action that helps me feel like I'm participating in my life again as opposed to being on my heels right because what neuroscience tells us is that mood follows action.
• 32:45
  unknown: Yeah.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_02: And that is a big area that we have to really step into to understand that if if I'm feeling out of sorts, I'm never going to change it up here.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_02: It's gonna get worse.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_02: We're gonna be down back alleys with all the big bullies in our life right there.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_02: But we have to actually mobilize we actually have to move we have to change the physiological state that we are in to change the story that we are in.
• 33:12
  SPEAKER_02: And so that movement is really really important and there's ways to move when we feel stuck as well we're just slower and more cuddling and more rocking and you know more gentle kinds of movements to start to get us out of that stuck place.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_04: My brother has just a funny little story I was just in LA visiting my brother and I and my brother has this tell he has a tell of when he's like you know in poker there's a t you know someone he has a tell is like there there's something he does that tells me exactly what he's thinking and feeling that he doesn't know he's doing it.
• 33:55
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 33:55
  SPEAKER_04: Oh and he will he'll start rocking yes he'll start and I'm like up he's uncomfortable he's emotionally and psychologically uncomfortable and he just like rocks he'll just do this thing and it's so cute because he's my little brother and now I'm like I know what's happening over there.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_04: I don't think he knows he's doing it.
• 34:14
  SPEAKER_02: He just starts to rock yes and that's the amazing thing when we start talking about the nervous system is what we know or what is shared when I share it with clients, I'm not telling them anything they don't know.
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_02: But there what you're saying is like that's a dorsal vagal response when we're starting to shut down and we might need some comfort yeah just start to rock.
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah it feels good right it's like yeah I remember doing that with with Ilana our first daughter of like oh my God I didn't know I knew how to rock but you put that baby up against you and all of a sudden you're rocking yes um it it's just this wisdom that's in the body the and and so it's regulation I'm co-regulating with my daughter rocking back to side doing something I've never done with myself that just came out of me.
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_02: Ah so awesome yeah so the other little thing I want to mention about choice you know in terms of you know if you have more than one child is that obviously each kid is different.
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_02: We don't want to raise them the same I made that mistake for about the first three years until it was obvious they weren't um is that each child is going to have a different window of tolerance just like each person does for how much choice they want.
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_02: Wow so if you give one child one kid too much choice it's gonna throw them into chaos you know and and another child might need you know a lot of choices for them to feel safe.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_02: So it's really part of what I hope that your women the moms listening to this are thinking about their nervous systems and watching the cues from their own kids because I'm sure that every mom knows the temper tantrum is about to come before it comes, right?
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_02: That's this body awareness that we have dialed in and there are things that we can do in that window of tolerance to not let it get that triggered.
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_02: And so knowing your child's tolerance for choice how much like what's their lane for the amount of choice that they need because they have to start experiencing making the wrong choices and recovering from that and and making the right choices and knowing what that feels like but working that whole line of opposites that you were talking about earlier is the more we get friendlier with opposites in our lives the happier we become the more content we become because opposites inform each other they help us know what the other one is.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_04: Totally I'm just struck by how what you just said is such the antithesis of what we're taught about parenting and mothering you know as especially as a new mom right is that there's one right way right that we should that good parenting means that you're doing it this way.
• 37:16
  SPEAKER_04: And of course there the reason we get so overwhelmed in new parenthood is because there's a million versions of that and we're like which right way is the right way right but what you're really saying is so in line with so much that we know those of us who are in this work which is oh we have to come back and feel what is right.
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah and how do we feel what is right by being present and attuned and paying attention because you don't just give every child two choices right you give the child who can only tolerate two choices two choices.
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_04: You might give the other child six choices and I'm making that up but like it's there's not one right recipe.
• 37:59
  SPEAKER_02: We have to be really attentive to each other right 100% when you were saying that I was remembering I I just had this flash of like you know um oh what to expect when you're expecting my version of that book is completely from page one to page whatever all highlighted in like an orange highlighter I was driving myself crazy with choices.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_02: That's right every single book and taking notes and studying and my day of glory happened when I just shut all of those books and said okay I've got enough now to start from because I didn't I wasn't raised watching mothering happening you know I wasn't it was a new thing for me when I did it um and I really got to that place where it's like I am so confused I just have to now start with this information I've gained and now this information what my kids tell me they need.
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_02: So it is it's it's a um it's a moment for sure for sure so there was context and choice and then the third one is connection and I heard you speak to this on um on your open mic night um and I want to just acknowledge this just honest and truly Kate is to hear you speak for that five minutes and to feel all of the integration I felt like you were picking things off of different shelves and just knowing you in your life and the way that you integrated it and it just came out was really beautiful and what I was struck watching you talk was you are what it seems to me like your life is about is creating these moments for this biological need that we all have to connect.
• 39:48
  SPEAKER_02: And one of the problems we have in the world right now is that the mothers are not connecting.
• 39:53
  SPEAKER_02: That's right they're not sourcing from their own wisdom and managing these bottleneck moments, bottleneck years it feels like you know of doing something that is the most meaningful and toughest work to do which is to raise you know aware healthy happy children.
• 40:13
  SPEAKER_02: So I was really struck by that really touched by that that you are that seems to me if I were to sum up your work it's like how do we create more spaces to get this biological need met because without it the mom isn't singing her song you know and her song doesn't just include what her kids need or what her partners need it includes her own desires before they even came on the scene.
• 40:39
  SPEAKER_02: And so that feeling of connection is what makes it willing for us to take risks you know to be this is who I am this is what I love this is how I want to show up if you're good with that stick around and if you're not I'm I'm okay with that too like we all need to go and land where we need to land but there needs to be more opportunities for women who are raising young children to hear from each other to learn from each other and to support each other so the biological need has evolved you know we didn't start off that way but it it is the the final evolution of our nervous system and um and we don't get that need met unless it's safe.
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_04: I'm so interested though by that last statement.
• 41:33
  SPEAKER_04: I actually think we're probably saying the same thing so but but what I find so interesting about this idea of the safety the the somatic the body set safety that happens when we are in connection with others and for me I love my men but I desperately need my connection with women it almost makes I feel a prickle behind my eyes when I say that because it's so profoundly meaningful for me.
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_04: But didn't we start that way?
• 42:05
  SPEAKER_04: I mean when I think about the earliest history of time there was all of this interconnectedness inherent in living and it feels like as we've moved through the centuries and decades and periods of time we've entered this stage where it's amazing that so many women feel empowered and independent and sort of quote unquote strong to do their own thing.
• 42:34
  SPEAKER_04: I really value that but we've sort of fallen into this eitheror mentality and have lost this idea of what is it like to feel really confident on your own two feet, to feel really enabled and empowered within yourself and be in connections with other women who are doing the same thing.
• 42:56
  SPEAKER_04: Like somehow do you know what I mean?
• 42:58
  SPEAKER_04: It's like I'm I think one of the things that you and I are both saying is that we need to come back to that idea.
• 43:06
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah so my listening to you my feelings my reactions to that are is that we have been deluded so much by so much information our lives have become so complicated yes that we don't you know going back to what you described it's simple.
• 43:24
  SPEAKER_02: It's subscribe it's connecting it's like being available for what your neighbor needs despite the fact that it's a you know inconvenience for you and it's it's being able to care outside of our own needs outside of our own realms which is what really turns us on.
• 43:40
  SPEAKER_02: You know it really that's the stuff that really matters to us is when we're able to show up and that's really show up like that.
• 43:49
  SPEAKER_02: But that's really hard to do when our life is fast.
• 43:51
  SPEAKER_02: Yes a ton of responsibilities and all of those extra things that we're doing are whipping up some of the problems some of the agitation Or inflammations in our lives.
• 44:02
  SPEAKER_02: And so when we stop doing so much and then doing what we're doing in the moment with a deeper awareness, we get filled up in a completely, completely different way.
• 44:14
  SPEAKER_02: And that biological imperative, when it gets met, that's when we actually see who that person really is.
• 44:22
  SPEAKER_02: And and the um the natural connections and the natural creativity that's in that person is going to come forward much more.
• 44:32
  SPEAKER_02: And creativity means that I'm just sitting here enjoying the view that I'm enjoying.
• 44:37
  SPEAKER_02: It doesn't mean I'm making a Picasso.
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_02: You know, it's just I'm I'm engaged in doing nothing right now and I'm okay with it.
• 44:45
  SPEAKER_02: You know?
• 44:47
  SPEAKER_02: So those three C's are and so that uh that last piece, that connection piece has really been violated in the last couple of years with with all of the separations that we've had.
• 45:00
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, just looking for ways when we can um get that connection as much as possible through the day.
• 45:08
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like to say you can get that biological need that imperative met by having a nice smile with a stranger, you know.
• 45:17
  SPEAKER_02: That gets that gets our nervous system um to expand.
• 45:24
  SPEAKER_02: Um and that just reminds me um the other thing is okay if I move on to yes, yeah, please.
• 45:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 45:33
  SPEAKER_02: Because that that flows nicely into the other thing that I wanted to really highlight for the moms to understand this word, these words, um, glimmers and triggers.
• 45:44
  SPEAKER_02: So one of the things that I spend a lot of time on is helping clients know what is what is the trigger.
• 45:49
  SPEAKER_02: And often what happens in our nervous system is that we are attracted to the trigger and we don't realize that we are attracted, um, that we are drawn to things that are familiar.
• 46:00
  SPEAKER_02: Our body likes patterns, and even if the pattern is going to be a destructive one and we're gonna engage in it and it's gonna hurt us, the way that the body and the brain perceive that match, they perceive that match as success.
• 46:15
  SPEAKER_02: Like, oh so that need for predictability that you talked about is really also biologically wired for us.
• 46:24
  SPEAKER_02: But we also have a pivot to us if we don't get what we want that comes to us when we're regulated.
• 46:30
  SPEAKER_02: So knowing what triggers you about your kids is really, really important.
• 46:37
  SPEAKER_02: Knowing what triggers you, you know, in your in your own life and where how you are when you go to pick them up and where you are in your own system is really important because once a trigger gets established, it's it's you know almost like a sneeze.
• 46:52
  SPEAKER_02: We have to like finish the sneeze to end the sneeze.
• 46:54
  SPEAKER_02: It's like once you get triggered so far in your nervous system, it's gonna be pissed off or it's gonna be sad.
• 47:01
  SPEAKER_02: It just needs to kind of go through what it needs to go through.
• 47:05
  SPEAKER_02: And when we understand what the triggers are, we can start to not go near them.
• 47:10
  SPEAKER_02: You know, there are always gonna be people, places, and things that aren't gonna grow us.
• 47:15
  SPEAKER_02: And so we need to understand sometimes we might be attracted to that, drawn to it.
• 47:21
  SPEAKER_02: And and if we start to catch ourselves in that process of like, oh, she's actually not any good for me.
• 47:27
  SPEAKER_02: I don't feel good with her, and I feel worse when I'm even away from her, or whatever it is, we don't need to go with her anymore.
• 47:34
  SPEAKER_02: You know, we can start to steer ourselves away.
• 47:37
  SPEAKER_02: And the same is true with your kids, they have their own triggers, and parents really know what they are, but we we want to really talk about them and strategize about them and start to understand what are ways that we can keep our kids in their own window of tolerance so they're not always triggering.
• 47:58
  SPEAKER_02: So I say know your triggers, and then the opposite, know your glimmers.
• 48:03
  SPEAKER_02: No, know when you get that, you know, it literally feels like a glimmer or like, you know, I don't know, like aspen leaves, like moving in your own system.
• 48:13
  SPEAKER_02: It's like it feels good when you get that connection with a person.
• 48:17
  SPEAKER_02: And when you feel that glimmer, you want to hang out in it and really name it as a glimmer or come up with some other name for it that reminds you that in that moment, your nervous system and your brain are expanding in their capacity to take in more joy, to take in more love, or to take in more acceptance, whatever the glimmer is, when you can catch it and recognize it consciously, again, it's just gonna deepen the body and the mind's awareness to go out and actually look for another glimmer.
• 48:51
  SPEAKER_02: So knowing your glimmers, your kids' glimmers, super important.
• 48:56
  SPEAKER_04: It's so interesting how wrapped up in addicted to, attentive to our triggers we can be, right?
• 49:08
  SPEAKER_04: That we get so used to feeling triggered, feeling that feel.
• 49:12
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, you say it, and I know I know exactly what that feels like in my body when I'm triggered.
• 49:17
  SPEAKER_04: Like I can, I can pull up that feeling sitting here.
• 49:20
  SPEAKER_04: I know it so well.
• 49:21
  SPEAKER_04: But we're not always so familiar with with what the glimmer feels like.
• 49:26
  SPEAKER_04: We have to train ourselves, remind ourselves, as I'm hearing you say, to look for it, to recognize it, and to almost memorize it so that we have more of a desire and capacity to lean that way towards glimmer instead of leaning this way towards trigger, right?
• 49:43
  SPEAKER_02: Because the nervous system and the brain are so loyal to our safety that, and and the way that they're both built, they're built with that negative tilt.
• 49:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 49:52
  SPEAKER_02: So the glimmers help us bring some more balance to it so that we're not supporting that negativity.
• 49:59
  SPEAKER_02: We're keeping ourselves safe and and regulated, but we're not um exaggerating it because it really gets biased in our nervous system.
• 50:08
  SPEAKER_02: So we start to get hyper-vigilant.
• 50:11
  SPEAKER_02: We're seeing things and feeling things that aren't really happening in the outside world, but they're absolutely happening in our inner world.
• 50:18
  SPEAKER_02: And you can't tell somebody that this inner world is not their world.
• 50:22
  SPEAKER_02: It is.
• 50:23
  SPEAKER_02: And so when we start to understand that psychoeducation piece of it, it's like we're built with that tilt.
• 50:29
  SPEAKER_02: And until we train the mind to experience the glimmers, to feel feel the glimmers in our lives, it doesn't know how to do it, it won't do it.
• 50:39
  SPEAKER_02: It knows how to do it, but it won't do it.
• 50:41
  SPEAKER_02: So it feels a little artificial, and this is why, and Deb Dana is the woman who phrased this word uh glimmers and triggers.
• 50:49
  SPEAKER_02: It really helps.
• 50:50
  SPEAKER_02: You know, that's a glimmer, call it a glimmer.
• 50:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's that's a glimmer.
• 50:53
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna take that in.
• 50:55
  SPEAKER_02: And one of the things, Kate, that I'm trying to do in our conversation is when I feel those glimmers with you, which I I have a number of them, to try to say them.
• 51:06
  SPEAKER_02: So part of teaching each other is sharing our glimmers, sharing that I love you.
• 51:11
  SPEAKER_02: I love seeing what you're doing.
• 51:13
  SPEAKER_02: It has it matters to me that what you're doing is what you're doing.
• 51:17
  SPEAKER_02: So we need to give our more of our glimmers to each other when we feel them, because that's part of us not getting that co-regulation and that biological need for connection met.
• 51:31
  SPEAKER_04: Gosh, that's such a um, again, I'm feeling myself almost a little teary in that recognition because to me, quote unquote good mothering, big quotes around that.
• 51:44
  SPEAKER_04: So, but quote unquote good mothering is around for me with my two daughters, is learning how to find those glimmers within myself so that I can offer them up to my daughters and meet them there.
• 51:58
  unknown: Yes.
• 51:58
  SPEAKER_04: So I can invite them to find their own glimmers, so we can meet in the glimmers as opposed to always meeting in the triggers, which is so easy to do in mothering.
• 52:10
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 52:11
  SPEAKER_02: And so we get conditioned literally, that imprint is in our nervous system and in our brain, conditioned to connect through conflict.
• 52:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, rather than connect through the glimmers, connect through those moments of joys.
• 52:25
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, when you if if your moms start to focus on saying their glimmers outside, out loud to their kids, their house, your house will become more and more safe.
• 52:37
  SPEAKER_02: And the safer your house is, the more your kids will grow into who they are designed to be.
• 52:45
  SPEAKER_02: So those glimmers really they they're very interesting in terms of how they stay in the nervous system.
• 52:51
  SPEAKER_02: A real glimmer can change your day.
• 52:54
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, you know, really, really bad day, but a real glimmer will really focus it.
• 52:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 52:59
  SPEAKER_02: So that's why we want to stay in them and recognize them so that we give our systems the chance to go, oh, there's more to life than just getting stuff done and and taking care of other people.
• 53:10
  SPEAKER_02: I actually get to have this too.
• 53:13
  SPEAKER_02: And this then creates something new that wasn't there before for you.
• 53:18
  SPEAKER_02: So it's really important to keep grabbing hold of those triggers and taking them down and and really letting them rest in.
• 53:28
  SPEAKER_04: This conversation is such a glimmer for me.
• 53:29
  SPEAKER_04: I'm having this this whole time we've been talking, I'm like, I'm gonna grab a pen and paper and take notes because I want to remember this.
• 53:35
  SPEAKER_04: And like, oh, I can just re-watch it.
• 53:37
  SPEAKER_04: I can just watch it again and take notes later.
• 53:39
  SPEAKER_04: So I will say right now, for any of our listeners who are having the same feeling I'm having, watch this again and take notes.
• 53:46
  SPEAKER_04: There are so many beautiful nuggets in here.
• 53:50
  SPEAKER_04: I know you wanted to share a screen of something.
• 53:54
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, I do.
• 53:56
  SPEAKER_04: Um I'm aware that we have just a few minutes left.
• 53:59
  SPEAKER_02: So I want to give you what whatever I don't think we should crack that open because um it would take too long for me to.
• 54:07
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 54:07
  SPEAKER_02: We can do a part two.
• 54:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, we could do a part two, and and actually that could be the whole thing that we could talk about.
• 54:13
  SPEAKER_02: That's great.
• 54:14
  SPEAKER_02: Let's do a part two and we'll do that.
• 54:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 54:17
  SPEAKER_02: I love it.
• 54:18
  SPEAKER_02: So here's what I want to say about the nervous system, and part of what we get to do as moms is we get to help our children feel, feel, express their feelings, um, and understanding that our feelings are never the problem that we're having them.
• 54:39
  SPEAKER_02: It's the defenses that we've all built up to not know how to share our feelings with other people, to not know how to um to communicate that even with ourselves.
• 54:52
  SPEAKER_02: So, so much of what I think our work as mamas are are to really encourage and figure out ways with each of your kids, and again, it's different with each kid, to get them to live in their body and to give them permission to be creative and express the feelings that the stories that are in the body.
• 55:14
  SPEAKER_02: The the nervous system loves stories, it wants to hear stories, it comes up with its own stories, and the more we can facilitate and help that experience grow in our kids' lives, you know, the more opportunity again, we're giving them to live more freely and fully into their lives.
• 55:35
  SPEAKER_02: So really understanding that um the feelings aren't the problems, it's it's the ways that we stop ourselves from feeling our feelings that becomes really the issue that we're unpacking as adults.
• 55:49
  SPEAKER_02: That's you know, when I say we're we're always picking up where we shut down in the past, that's where we start on our healing journey.
• 55:56
  SPEAKER_02: That's what we're doing as an as adults, but as parents, knowing that we can support that um uh that process so that it doesn't have to get as defensive.
• 56:08
  SPEAKER_02: So they know whatever they're feeling is not wrong.
• 56:12
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 56:13
  SPEAKER_04: And then to come full circle, it's real hard to do that with our kids if we don't believe that and have that experience for ourselves, right?
• 56:23
  SPEAKER_04: And so some of what I'm hearing you talk about in the work that you do is really helping the us as adults to do to learn that it's okay to feel our feelings, that if we lean in within the context of safety, we can retrain our nervous systems to stay steady, regardless of what emotional experience we're happening, right?
• 56:47
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 56:48
  SPEAKER_02: That none of those feelings, none of those characters need to leave the room.
• 56:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, they just need to get friendlier with each other.
• 56:55
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 56:56
  SPEAKER_02: And and that's it, because we're all of those parts.
• 56:59
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but they're they literally are as you know, just these different weather patterns that come through.
• 57:05
  SPEAKER_02: We don't want to believe any particular weather pattern.
• 57:08
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 57:08
  SPEAKER_02: No, it's gonna come and it's gonna go, but in that process is is your life.
• 57:13
  SPEAKER_02: And to me, this work really wraps up into you know, life is risky, we know how it's gonna end.
• 57:20
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but we don't want to take, we want to learn how to take what are understand what are the healthy risks that we need to take to keep growing.
• 57:29
  SPEAKER_02: Um and and not approaching the middle or the end of our lives feeling regret like we didn't do it.
• 57:38
  SPEAKER_02: It's gonna be scary.
• 57:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 57:41
  SPEAKER_02: And so a regulated nervous system helps us to understand that that fear that that risk is worth it.
• 57:47
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 57:48
  SPEAKER_02: Because it's how we grow.
• 57:50
  SPEAKER_02: We grow with that.
• 57:53
  SPEAKER_04: I am so inspired and grateful for this conversation.
• 57:58
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you.
• 57:59
  SPEAKER_04: I'm not kidding about a part two.
• 58:01
  SPEAKER_04: I'm coming after you for a part two.
• 58:03
  SPEAKER_04: So thank you for spending this hour with me, with us.
• 58:07
  SPEAKER_04: Um can you, we're gonna put all of this in the notes with this talk so people can see it in writing, but anything you have happening or anywhere you want to make sure folks know that they can find you to learn more about these topics and questions and practices.
• 58:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 58:24
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm not heavy on social media.
• 58:27
  SPEAKER_02: I have a website, patriciagipple.com.
• 58:30
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I have an Instagram and a Facebook that I just post up things very randomly.
• 58:35
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 58:36
  SPEAKER_02: Best way to reach me is just through an email, old-fashioned email.
• 58:39
  SPEAKER_03: I love that about you.
• 58:41
  unknown: Yeah.
• 58:43
  SPEAKER_02: Connections, connect, real connections.
• 58:46
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
• 58:47
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I watch what you're doing, and so many other people, and it's like, yeah, and I can do that.
• 58:52
  SPEAKER_03: I I know.
• 58:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 58:53
  SPEAKER_02: I admire it.
• 58:54
  SPEAKER_02: Um so um I'm having, I'm at the end of this month, I'm starting uh a program that I developed a couple years ago called Slower is Faster.
• 59:04
  SPEAKER_02: And it's it's all in service to the nervous system.
• 59:07
  SPEAKER_02: And I use a uh neuro uh programming uh music program uh that strengthens the vagus nerve.
• 59:14
  SPEAKER_02: We didn't get into that, which is what is responsible for regulating the nervous system.
• 59:19
  SPEAKER_02: So I've designed a five-week program where you are listening to this listening protocol 30 minutes a day, which strengthens the vagus nerve, and then also doing a restorative yoga practice to help you slow down.
• 59:32
  SPEAKER_02: Um, that starts in um the end of May, goes till the end of June.
• 59:38
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I offer a weekly Kriya class on Thursdays for people who are in town 9 to 10:15 at a local uh meditation studio that I rent out.
• 59:50
  SPEAKER_02: So that information is on my website as well.
• 59:53
  SPEAKER_02: Um the next thing I'm enrolling for is I'm doing a uh retreat in October at Sun Mountain.
• 1:00:02
  SPEAKER_02: And so I will be opening up enrollment for that soon too.
• 1:00:06
  SPEAKER_02: And the way that I work on my retreats is really a combination between a little bit of Kriya yoga, some of the cayute and restorative practices, and this particular retreat in October, we're gonna really work um into the lymphatic system and really work that first line of uh immune-building response in the body.
• 1:00:27
  SPEAKER_02: So I think that's it.
• 1:00:28
  SPEAKER_04: And those retreats, just for anyone listening, I've been to numerous retreats with Patricia, with you, worth every moment.
• 1:00:38
  SPEAKER_04: For a while, I haven't been on one since the pandemic, I think.
• 1:00:43
  SPEAKER_04: But there was a time where I was like, it was just the thing I did for myself every year, and very, very, very meaningful and profound.
• 1:00:53
  SPEAKER_04: So I will um, I'm happy to answer any questions anyone has about those retreats.
• 1:00:57
  SPEAKER_04: If they have them, I love them.
• 1:00:59
  SPEAKER_04: I love you.
• 1:01:00
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you for this hour today.
• 1:01:02
  SPEAKER_02: Great spending the morning with you.
• 1:01:04
  SPEAKER_02: Have a good one.
• 1:01:05
  SPEAKER_04: You too.
• 1:01:06
  SPEAKER_04: I'll see you soon.
• 1:01:07
  SPEAKER_04: All right, friends.
• 1:01:08
  SPEAKER_04: Are you as inspired as I am to start managing your nervous system?
• 1:01:14
  SPEAKER_04: Come back for part two next week because we're really getting practical in next week's conversation with Patricia, where we will be really learning about practical tools and strategies for managing our nervous system.
• 1:01:25
  SPEAKER_04: And if you're leaving these conversations and wanting more conversations like this, please consider joining my Thriving Together membership.
• 1:01:35
  SPEAKER_04: Again, you can find the link in the show notes, but this is a chance for you to have access to lots and lots and lots of conversations with experts in the field of women's health.
• 1:01:48
  SPEAKER_04: You can listen and watch on your leisure.
• 1:01:50
  SPEAKER_04: They are videos that are uploaded to the back end of the member area, as well as having access to conversations with other women just like you about how to put these things into practice.
• 1:02:00
  SPEAKER_04: So I hope I see you there.
• 1:02:02
  SPEAKER_04: Hey you guys, it's Kate.
• 1:02:04
  SPEAKER_04: We really hope you enjoyed this week's episode.
• 1:02:07
  SPEAKER_04: And if you did, go ahead and share it with a friend.
• 1:02:09
  SPEAKER_04: It also would mean the world to me and Deb if you would take a minute and write a review.
• 1:02:14
  SPEAKER_04: If this podcast makes you laugh, makes you cry in the best of ways, helps you feel less alone, gives you information that's useful to you in your mothering journey.
• 1:02:23
  SPEAKER_04: If you write a review, it will make this more accessible to other mothers like you.
• 1:02:28
  SPEAKER_04: So take a minute.
• 1:02:29
  SPEAKER_04: We'd be so grateful.
• 1:02:30
  SPEAKER_04: Thanks for being here.