Latest / Quarterback DadCast | Intentional Fatherhood & Leadership at Home / Josh Iadarola - From Divorce To A Blended Family That Is Thriving

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Josh Iadarola - From Divorce To A Blended Family That Is Thriving · Quarterback DadCast | Intentional Fatherhood & Leadership at Home

• 0:53
  SPEAKER_03: Again, a theme of theme of C is seven minutes and referral seven minutes.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_03: I got four Josh Aroll up.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_03: He's the Vice President of the North East New England market.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_03: The Yukon has East.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_03: Without further ado, Josh, welcome to the quarterback.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks for having me, Casey.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_01: Super excited to be here today.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_03: I'm excited to have you.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_03: I mean I'm surprised with the U being a Yukon guy.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_03: There wasn't like an NINIL deal attached to this appearance, so I appreciate you giving me a little break there.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yep, appreciate that too.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_03: Uh I am a big Yukon hoop husky fan.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_03: I love from afar, my daughter plays hoop, but I love Gino.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_03: Same.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: I've uh I've never seen the girls in the tournament, but in 2004 I drove down to San Antonio to watch the men win the national title, so that was a pretty cool experience.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_03: Wow.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, one of my favorite Gino um clips is on body language.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know if you've ever seen it, but oh it's one of my favorite ones.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_03: Um all right.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_03: We always start each episode with gratitude.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_03: So tell me what are you most grateful for as a dad today?
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_02: Oh wow, that's a great question.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: Um I think my kid's health is uh physical, but also mental health, which has gotten uh more attention in this generation, but still doesn't get enough.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: I think that um you know, someone who's myself has struggled with mental health from time to time, um, their mental health and well-being and the way that they're they interact with their brain is is important to me and they're in a good place right now.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: But then also my wife, I mean, she's the rock of this family.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_01: Um I always tell people if you're planning on making a family, don't be outnumbered by the kids.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_01: Or at least don't have less cars than you have kids, because the way that she gets everyone mobile uh to the places they need to be when they need to be there, uh, she keeps us all together.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_01: So super grateful for her.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_03: So good.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_03: Love that, ma'am.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I think both are both are are are things that we should never ever stop talking enough about or take for granted because when they're gone, they're gone.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_03: And so it's it's good.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_03: That's why I love starting each episode of gratitude.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_03: Just remind us that how lucky we are each day when we when we wake up.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_03: Um what I'm grateful for today is a couple things.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_03: One, um I'm away from not that I'm away from my wife, I'll get to see her next week, but we're recording in late uh July.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_03: And in July, my wife goes out to the East Coast, spends a few weeks with her her girlfriends, and then me and the kids come out.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_03: So right now we're kind of like a split up family, like my son's working for Taylor Maid this summer.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_03: He's out, you know, doing these demo day events and driving all around the state of Washington.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_03: Um I got my daughter over here with me, and then all of us will be together uh next next week on Thursday.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_03: But I'm just grateful for this the uh independence our kids have.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_03: Um the independence of my wife is is you know, we support each other to have like we're super close, tight family, but we also support each other in independence when like just get a little get away and and get some get some me time and and then we just it just like makes the I think this relationship that much stronger and we've you know missing each other already, but I can't wait to hear moments and the support that we give each other.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: I love those, Casey, and I love that you talked about the independence.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we grew up it as last kids, you know, we got to do whatever we wanted, and as long as we were home before dark and we were out in the neighborhood doing our thing, and and this generation uh parenting has been a little bit more of the helicopter approach, and to get your kids seeing them be independent when they grew up not so much um in in many cases is is great, and to see them branch out onto their own and living their own lives and making their own decisions, that's what it's all about.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it's hard because you uh I'm actually about to enter empty nest world.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_03: It's it's hard because you want you want them to want you, but if you've done your job, they don't need you.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_03: So true.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_03: It's it's such a puller.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_03: It's like, well, but I want to be wanted, but but I don't want to be wanted because that means I've not done a good job as a parent.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_03: So um well, bring me inside uh your huddle, ma'am.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_03: You're you're playing quarterback.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_03: We'll we'll give your wife the title of the general manager and tell us who's on the squad and and how you and your wife met.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_01: Um I actually wrote a riddle for you to answer this question because I knew it was coming.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_02: Sweet.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_01: So my youngest son is my firstborn, my oldest son is my newest, and my daughter in the middle is my royal pin, but I answer that riddle.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: How does that work?
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_03: I suck at riddles.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: I I So my youngest Gavin, he's 11.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, he's my bio-son.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: Um Jack is 15 and Bree is 13.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: They're my bonus kids.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, they've been in my life for five just over five years now.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it's been a blessing.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: And uh, and we got my my dog Finn.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_01: Um how I met my wife.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna take you back a little bit, uh, because it adds color to the story.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I got divorced uh when Gavin was one.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_01: And um in the same year, my dad, who my parents are also divorced, and in the divorce, my dad was left our our vacation home out in Dennis Port, Massachusetts on Cape Cod.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_01: And uh it's not too far actually from where your wife is right now.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: Um he was contemplating becoming a snowbird, and he said, Josh, I'm thinking about getting a home in Florida.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want to deal with the cold during my retirement.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Well, what if you built this up to be a four-season home?
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, Do you really want to be that far away half a year from your your only grandchild at the time?
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_01: And uh, and I said, You you stay here year round, and I'll make sure you get the relationship with your grandson that that you want.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_01: And and I he did that and I held true to my word.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_01: Um, we visit him through those years, we visited him probably 40 plus weekends a year, um, spent the whole weekend with him.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_01: A year later, I got promoted to um become president of one of our companies um under the umbrella of our parent company, and I had to make a decision to move two hours away from where Gavin lived.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_01: Um I fought in the divorce to make sure that I had him every weekend.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: That was a big to-do for me.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_01: And and so uh my dad helped through that period a lot.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_01: We spent a lot of time on the Cape with him.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: Fast forward four years ahead.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_01: I'm on a golf trip with one of my best buddies, Howard, great guy.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, we went up to New Hampshire.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_01: New Hampshire fireworks were legal.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_01: So um this was the end of June.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_01: Pick up some fireworks, head to the Cape that weekend.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_01: It's July 3rd, 2021.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sitting on the beach and I see this beautiful girl sitting on the beach with oh, I didn't know it at the time, five kids.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_01: Two were hers, two are my nephews now, and my niece.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, God, she's got these five kids, she's all alone.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: So I went up to her and I said, Listen, we're gonna do some fireworks tonight.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_01: If you want to come by, bring the kids.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_01: They they were staying on the same street as us.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and so did a fireworks show, I'm blasting fireworks everywhere.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_01: I think one of them actually hit a car.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_01: Parents are scrambling, kids are running, and she's standing there 10 feet from me, just smiling.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, That one's special.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_01: And the next day I went for a walk on the beach with her, and uh the rest of history.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_01: I knew from our first date it was it was time.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_01: But you know, through a lot of those years, um, getting divorced with a one-year-old and talking about mental health, you know, I had to keep I was, you know, president of a new company, and I had to keep my own mental health and and emotional awareness tacked.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_01: So um, you know, that was a that was a tough time, and I really couldn't focus on relationship.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_01: I kind of swore it off, and um, I wanted to focus on being a dad, and I wanted to focus on my career, and I couldn't really fit time for anything else in there.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_01: And uh, I was still kind of in that mindset when I first met her, but that day it just flipped the switch, and I was like, that's the one.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_01: And now we are fast forward five years later, we're a happy family of five.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_01: Gavin's got additional grandparents and uh cousins and aunts and uncles that he wouldn't ever have had, same with Jack and Bree.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: And we're a happy, wholesome family now.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_03: So good.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_03: What a what a story.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_03: There's so much to unpack there, and I and I'm I you know, me being a curious weirdo, I am fighting my curiosity because I want to I want to learn more about you real quick, and I want to learn before I dive into some of that, um, Josh, I want to go back to what was life like growing up for you and learn about the impact mom and dad had on you from a from a values perspective, maybe even a story that that comes to mind.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_02: Um my parents were together my whole childhood.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_01: They got divorced the summer, uh, the year I went to college to Yukon.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_01: So I had that family unit um throughout my whole childhood.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_01: I was born in an inner city.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_01: Before I even turned one, they moved me out to a very rural town.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_01: Um, they wanted me to have a uh a different style of upbringing than that.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_01: And so um this town had maybe 8,000 people full of farms and antique stores.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it was a small town, and so played a lot of sports.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_01: Uh played football, baseball, basketball, and soccer.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_01: Um, soccer was really my passion.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_01: Um and you know, they were there for every sporting event.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um, there was a meal on the table every day at 6 p.m.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_01: Um the values that I saw in them, you know, my my dad worked in a factory.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, he worked in manufacturing for 35 so years, and he didn't love it.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_01: Um but he sacrificed, he took that on so that my mom could go to um school to secondary schooling.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_01: She was a nurse and she eventually became a CNO of a hospital.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but he did that sacrifice and he went into work every day at 6 a.m.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_01: so he could be out in time to bring me to my sports, my younger brother to sports, and uh so I guess the value of of consistency, um, work ethic.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_01: Um the other thing was, you know, back in when I grew up, our parents were authoritative figures.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_01: They were the ones who set the rules and laid down the law, they weren't there to be friends.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_01: Um and so like discipline and and showing respect, being respectful of others was something that I really took for my upbringing and for my parents.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then that family unit.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_01: We had a big lot of uh cousins, aunts, and uncles, and we had Sunday dinners and just the routine of what family was represented and what it made you feel.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_03: Wow, awesome.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_03: Um let's see, hard work.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_03: Um I love the word consistency.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_03: I mean what a what a what a great word for parents to ad to just you know to me when when you said that I thought it'd just show up, everybody.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_03: You don't have to be you know you might not be perfect, but just show up to when your kid turns around, oh hey, there's mom and dad.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_03: They're there.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_03: You know, you don't have to worry about saying the right thing.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_03: So I I love it was the image that quickly uh came to mind.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_03: Um from a from a from I guess the work ethic perspective, was there I mean I can think of stories for days for me where I had to learn that the hard way, unfortunately.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_03: But like for you, like is there is there a story you can think of where where mom and dad said, Josh, god dang it, you gotta work hard, you gotta do this, or or or did was it just like you just saw them and that's how you learned it?
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it was really just by seeing by example, it really was.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, and and the other thing too, I re I remember as a younger kid, you know, my dad would come home dirty.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, he was working on machines, he'd had grease on his hands, and and I was like, that is that is what defines hard work if anything.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, coming home with grease all over your hands, and and so I also knew at that time that wasn't something that I wanted to go into, and I needed to take my education seriously.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_01: Um what's unique is I visited my dad at his manufacturing plant probably once that I can remember in my career.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_01: And fast forward, I am a vice president of sales and operations for a light industrial sector of a staffing firm, and I've been at easily over 400 different um manufacturing plants touring their facility, doing safety evaluations, things like that.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_01: So, like it's just crazy how full circle life becomes when I didn't want to go into manufacturing and I saw my dad, you know, sacrifice for the family, and then later on I'm supporting all these manufacturers throughout the northeast sector of our country and and helping them with the staffing programs and service models and crazy how life just comes around.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_03: Does that I mean I want to assume, but I I could does it does the story of your dad come up and when you meet with new customers?
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it does often.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_03: Um yeah, it's a great connection and it it's a story of pride.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, just to stay in one profession for that long, that doesn't happen anymore.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_03: But in my dad worked for Whirlpool for thirty five years.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_03: My pops unfortunately passed away December 29th, 2021.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_03: Um but our generation, that's what they did.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_03: They grinded.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_03: And um, I don't know, for me, like I it's easy to want to jump ship um, specifically in this day and age with you know college sports, NIL, and transfer portal and and work, but I that's the thing I I I hope are and I you know and even with AI, it it it can, it yeah, it makes us more efficient, but sometimes it can take away the resiliency, the um the the critical thinking skills because sometimes these they're doing the work for you where you don't have to like go through those tough times.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_03: You don't have to and I'm gr I'm glad that like I've seen my kids go through a couple things.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_03: One you know, and it could have been easy for my son to transfer.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_03: He's a junior in college.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_03: He's not, he's he's l loves what he's doing, and he's you know, he I like he plays golf in college.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_03: Um it's just a lesson of you know, the sport does not define you.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_03: Um eventually when you get when you're 30, you're not gonna remember a shot on the 14th pole in a random tournament.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_03: You're gonna remember your buddies just the hard work, the early workouts.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_03: And my daughter knows she's going through an ACL injury, full blown ACL MCL meniscus.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_03: Um she's not gonna remember she might remember some games, but she's gonna remember the grind of dad rebound for and hard work, and so um I don't know, it's just interesting to see when you say hard work, those immediately go come to mind, and I hope that our generation our kids can, you know, we as parents can can remember the things our parents taught us because if we don't, we're gonna be in a world of hurt 30 years.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think what's what's tough these days, Casey, is uh the conflict between loyalty and consistency versus opportunity.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_01: You know, our our in our parents' world with lack of social media or even internet for that matter, um, there wasn't the opportunity that there is today for people to transition jobs, industries, marriages, whatever it may be.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_01: Um so you know, balancing that the infinite number of opportunities that are thrown at you in 2026 with loyalty and consistency and finding your happy medium, I think, is an important lesson to teach kids.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_01: And uh and it's hard for them, it's gonna be a hard one for them to grasp.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_01: And and I'm not my kids at 15, 13, and 11 aren't at a certain age where um, you know, they understand that concept yet, but it is something I'm gonna be mindful of as they continue to grow.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_03: That's a really, really good point, dude.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_03: I I love how you worded that because you don't want to be so naive and fix fixed mindset, like no, I'm staying here for 40 years because my dad did.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_03: But like if something happens and something comes along, you gotta be open-minded to it, but also it's like that fine line.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_03: And I think I hope that back to mental health.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_03: When you when people are going through these things, where it's our kids or us as dads, talk about it, ask for help.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_03: Um, don't be afraid, but when we keep that in, it just like manifests probably anxiety in us we don't need.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but I love I love the way you you worded that.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_01: Um yeah, I want to go back and touch on something too.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_01: Um I put it relevant to what we're talking about.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_01: We in 2020, I had given my uh the chairman of our company a year notice.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_01: I said, uh Gavin's turning five this year, he's going into kindergarten, and I'm moving back to be part of his schooling, um, and moving back to be closer to him.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_01: And at the time the company didn't love the idea of working remote, even though I I managed an office in Connecticut and Massachusetts.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_01: I would have been in Providence, Rhode Island, right in between.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_01: So I gave him a year notice to moved back to Providence.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it was January of 2020.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_01: COVID had hit right after that.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_01: So what a blessing of timing of the decision.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_01: But um, I exited staffing for a bit and I started my own business, and my parents thought I was crazy walking away from a full-time, hard, good paying job.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, it just wasn't what their generation did.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_01: You don't take that kind of risk when you're a single dad.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_01: You need to provide for your your son, but also yourself.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_01: And um, and yeah, I started my own business and I did it for four years.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_01: And um, you know, fast forward, I I was missing the people side of things.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_01: When I started my own business, I was an employee of one.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_01: I was sales, I was accounting, I was marketing, I was shipping, I was quality, I was everything.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_01: Um and I missed being in a leadership position.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_01: So when I met Kara Rogan, our CEO at co-work, um, it introduced me an opportunity to go back into being on the people side of business and being a leader is what I was born to do, and that's what gets me out of bed every day.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_01: If if I don't have an opportunity in the morning or or any day to help enrich someone's life, it it I don't turn on as much as I do on days where I really get to connect with people.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_01: So that's what brought me back into the staffing game and here and happy.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_01: And but yeah, you know, you you taking risks is not something that the past generations did as much because they sacrificed for their family and and didn't want any kind of um chance to potentially you know not have it play out perfectly.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_03: When you did take that risk, uh what what was pulling at you?
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_03: What led you to do it?
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_01: One, it was right when COVID was happening.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_01: So it brought me an opportunity to stay grounded, stay close to my son.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_01: When I moved back to Rhode Island, I literally moved uh walking distance from his mom's house.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_01: So um and it was something that I knew I could be good at.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_01: It uh I prided myself through my years of management on PL management specifically.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_01: Um so I knew how to run the finances of the business, and I built out a business model.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_01: And um, one, I was just confident in myself, and two, it put me across the street from my son, basically, and that's all that mattered to me during those COVID years.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_03: Wow, love it.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_03: Um, so I'm gonna talk about about Gavin because I think when we first met, I I wanted to ask so many questions when we first met, but I I'm saving them for now.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_03: Is so when you you know, unfortunately unfortunately or fortunately divorces it happen probably more often than we we want.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_03: And sometimes there's stories where it ends really, really poorly.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_03: It's so awesome to hear your story is one of positivity, but I know it wasn't easy.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_03: And when you were going through the the the divorce and before you met your wife, um I think you told stories that just screamed grit and resilience and consistency and showing up things your pops and mom taught you.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_03: Um I love just uh if there's a dad, I hopefully listen that just can hear your story that might provide I think your story can provide inspiration of kind of just what what you did and and the commitment you made to him.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's a great question.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_01: Um I was the one who initiated the divorce.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_01: Um I knew that my marriage was done, and I knew that to be the dad that I needed to be, I needed to do it on my own path, my own journey.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_01: Uh that beat me up.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_01: That was a really tough decision, and um so I made a commitment to Gavin, this one-year-old Gavin, that I was gonna show up and be there every single minute that he needed me.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um and I held true to that.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_01: Even with my career, even moving two hours away, I would drive on weeknights through uh Providence, just grab him dinner and and let him see dad.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_01: And um, you know, I think just making sure that you're present.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I I recently listened to your your co-parenting, co-quarterbacking episode.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_01: If there's any divorced dads out there, go check out that episode that Casey put up this uh this week or this month.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you and I could probably fill an hour talking about that if you want to do a second episode.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, co-parenting, um, you know, it making sure that your kid sees you showing up and sees you um happy, I think, even at times when it when I wasn't.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm I'm not shy to be vulnerable.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_01: I I lean on into vulnerability.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: Of both work and at home.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_01: But just, you know, making making sure that they see happiness in the household, even when there's difficult times going through divorce, which there always is with a one with any children or any divorce.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_01: But just letting them see positivity is is the key.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_03: Love that, man.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_03: I vulnerability is one of the three pillars that drive me in my life.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_03: The other two are humility and curiosity.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_03: I think those are three secret ingredients to for uh a great recipe of whatever that removes the ego, keeps it checked, um, keeps me learning, uh, keeps reminding me that if I go away tomorrow, the world's not ending, and if you're down 911, my phone's not ringing.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_03: Uh so we're not as important as we think, Dad.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_03: Um, so we might as well just embrace that.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_03: Not to put us down, but like just hey, our job's not to be the smartest of the room, it's to create the smartest room.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_01: You know, um I have a note on my desk right here that says hungry, humble, and smart.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_01: That's what I look for always when I'm recruiting internal team members.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but I'm gonna change smart to curious as of today because that's really what I meant by smart.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_01: Um, yeah, those are some values that I look for in people as well.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_03: Love it.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_03: Shout out to Patrick Lencioni for the ideal team player right there.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_03: That's the guy.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_03: Great, great book.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_03: And shout out to Colin Henderson.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_03: I know he'll appreciate the fact that you listened to that episode.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_01: I got uh Truth Employee Engagement, Patrick Lencioni right here, with right by my side.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_01: And my most recent one was um the three signs of a miserable job.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_01: Uh that's uh immeasurability, irrelevance, and anonymity.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_01: Um, those are things that I lean into often.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I listen to Patrick's audiobooks on loop as I go through my travels.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_01: So uh his his work has has lent um uh a lot to my development as a leader.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_01: Um and the way he tells the fable story just resonates with me.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_03: So you've I'm sure you've read the book Getting Naked.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that's one of my favorites.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_01: Um when I was I started a leadership development program at some point in my career, and in order to become in a supervisory role in my organization, you had to take a course on the five dysfunctions of a team.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_01: And every leader who got promoted, I would sit with and we would do chapter reviews um to make sure as you're developing teams, you're honing in on those five dysfunctions.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_01: That was my that was my leadership Bible probably 15 years back, but I've been through all of all of his his uh stories since so good.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_03: I I want to go back because I think I think your your your humility's coming through, but like when you I'm gonna give you some love, man.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_03: The story that you told me, I don't think it is is been high and um articulated enough yet to highlight you.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_03: So I just love the fact that you were driving, I think whether it's one hour each way or two hours each way, and you committed up to four on a Friday going through Boston, yeah.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_03: And you said, I'm not not gonna not see my son every week.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_03: And you could have easily said, Man, I'm freaking smoked, I'm tired, I'm gonna go grab a beer with the boys.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_01: Nope.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_03: You didn't do that.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_01: There was nothing taking priority over that Friday pickup and that's till that Sunday drop off.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um nothing in my universe happened on the weekend that wasn't Gavin.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I think at a at some point a couple years of the divorce, there was uh two or three weekends a year where his mom would take him.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_01: But I generally had Gavin 50 weekends a year, and that was my number one priority in life.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_03: Does he know that commitment, you think, now at that age?
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_01: Uh yeah, he's in a weird stage.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_01: Just he just turned 11 this month.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_01: Um I I don't know if he if he understands it yet.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_01: Um you know I didn't learn until he was maybe six or seven that he didn't understand that we were divorced.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_01: He told me a couple you know, years into his childhood that he would see me drop him off at mom's on Sunday night and wonder where dad was going.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_01: Because neither of us were in another relationship.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_01: He didn't understand the concept of divorce.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_01: We didn't really talk about it because when he you know he was an infant and a toddler.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and that kind of broke me.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_01: Like he every night that I would drop him off at mom's on Sunday night, he would stand in the window and wave goodbye until he couldn't see my car anymore.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_01: And every there were Sunday nights where I was in tears driving from Providence back through Boston, up north north Massachusetts.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but again, it's a sacrifice I had to do to be the dad that I knew I wanted to be, and I wouldn't do any of it different.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_03: Love it, man.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_03: Inspiring.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_03: I hope there's a dad that's got goosebumps like I do.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_03: Um I want to switch gears with with uh you got you got you picked up two new kids out of this free agent deal.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_03: Um I'm sure that was not super easy, but you gotta build just like in business, we build relationships with new employees, you build relationships, now you got two new kids.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe talk about that journey of building relationships as a stepdad now.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_03: Whether they call you that or not.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_03: But like maybe there's a dad listing at home that can can learn from your journey um on the do's, the don'ts that that you feel comfortable sharing.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_01: Sure.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_01: Um, yeah, we don't use the step term.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_01: Those are Jack and Bree are my bonus kids, but Oh, I love that.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so uh I met Carly July 3rd, 2021, and we were married the following April.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_01: Um the three of them moved in with me full time, I think January of that year.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_01: So there wasn't a very long journey.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_01: Um and and I told them right off the bat on our wedding day, I said, I'm not just marrying mom, I'm marrying you too as well.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_01: This is a this is a package deal.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_01: Like, this isn't I fell in love with your mom and you're tagging along.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_01: Like this is my decision to propose to mom was my decision to propose to all three of you, and and you were my children.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_01: And uh, and unfortunate they they live with us full time and they visit their dad every other weekend.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but I've had Jack and Brie full-time for gosh five years now.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, and it's been great.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_01: It's I'm their dad.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_01: Um, they have another dad, they have three parents, Gavin has three parents.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it's great for all, it's just more love.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_01: We just had this conversation last night.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_01: Having blended families sometimes can be difficult, but uh you just get extra love, you get extra care.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_01: You have an additional parent, you get an additional set of grandparents at times and aunts and uncles, and it's just more love.
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I love the family that I uh married into, the family that I have now.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_01: Um part of the story with me meeting Carly that I forgot to tell you, we both vacationed on the same street in Dennis Poor, Massachusetts, our entire lives, never met.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_01: Her parents own a house in that same street.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_01: That's how I ran into her on the beach that day.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_01: And so my dad still lives up there.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_01: Still to this day, almost every weekend, especially every weekend in the spring and summer where there's not as much sport, um, we go and stay on that street.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_01: And my sisters uh and brothers-in-laws um are there as well.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_01: So there's huge family on the street.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_01: There's eight kids that are all there every weekend together.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it's brought sense, such a sense of large family and and um just loving and caringness and camaraderie with within uh our family unit when it was just me and Gavin six years ago.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_03: Uh was family always important to you growing up?
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_03: Was it was it instilled early?
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_01: It was it was huge.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_01: It was every every Sunday I was showing up at Grandma Iderola's house for Sunday dinner.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_01: Um sports sometimes try to get in the way, but most Sundays we were there eating as a family with my dad's brothers and and my cousins, and we did Christmas and Thanksgiving and all the holidays together.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't know any different.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_01: Um family was a was definitely a a a value.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_01: Uh it wasn't just a a noun, but it is you know, it's a value that you instill and that was instilled in me.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_03: That's a that's a great point.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_03: I think and I think that that might be you're making me think like if if you asked your kids like define family kids in three words, what would they say?
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_03: You know, or and so many things we talked about is you know, showing up, love conditionally or unconditionally, um how we treat one another, how curious we are, um are we doing the right thing?
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_03: Are we going out of our way to serve?
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_03: Skills that could be you know useful in any industry.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_03: Um it's funny, my we had a huge family like these family uh family reunions when I was a kid.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_03: Um my parents like you, unfortunately got divorced my second year of college, not first year, but second year of college.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_03: Uh mom remarried.
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_03: But uh that's one thing I kind of miss is we don't have those.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_03: Like we don't have like we're closer to my wife's side of the family.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_03: Um but for some reason we just don't do the huge like it's almost like the Friendsgiving or the Friends Friend Friend Christmas or the you know, like they're f are we have really, really tight friends um and we become close with them.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_03: Um and even it's like my son's Dr.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_03: Ryder and the guy or his new his girlfriend Charlie is kind of a funny story.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_03: He is so Char Ryder's girlfriend Charlie, my son Ryder.
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_03: Charlie's dad is my golf buddy.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_03: And so when they first met, and this is kind of full circle, come this back to the story, so feeling like I'm going to random audience on you.
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_03: Um he uh Ryder comes home from high school.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_03: Like they're he's a he'll be a junior in college now, but this was like six months before he goes away to his freshman year.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_03: He goes, Hey Dad, do you know uh do you know Mr.
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_03: Colp?
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_03: I go, Yeah, I know Rob Buddy.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_03: He's like, dude, dad, his daughter's a smoke show.
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_03: I go, shut it down, shut it down, dude.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_03: And oh it's nine.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_03: He's like, Dad, dad.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, buddy, of all the girls, my golf buddy?
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_03: Why?
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_03: And so then I'm like, all right, whatever.
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_03: So like the first time I meet her, they drive up in the golf cart, and so I go out and shake her hand and she runs and gives me a hug.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, okay.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_03: Interesting.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_03: And which I I'm like, I don't I'm a hugger, I don't care.
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_03: And so and then so we got to know each other, and then my my wife, I'm the social one.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_03: My wife's super social, she's a little bit more reserved.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_03: I I trust everybody, and my friend, my friend Hillary gave me this.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_03: She goes, if you were in like a I'm one sixteenth Cherokee Indian, so that's why she said this.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_03: She goes, if you were to be in a like a legit tribe, your your Indian name would be He who over invite.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_03: And uh I'm like, take that as a compliment, but so my wife and and now Charlie's mom, Jen, they're super close.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_03: Me and Rob are close.
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_03: Charlie's middle daughter Lainey is now gonna be my daughter Riley's roommate in college.
• 32:45
  SPEAKER_03: So wow.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_03: It's like you gotta be kidding me.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_03: So like me and my buddy Rob are like Yeah, it's family, yeah.
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_03: So and it's like and now we get invited to like some of their family dinners where uh like Jen, Jen is Charlie's mom, her sister April is texting with my daughter Riley today because we're going to the Stableton concert today.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_03: I'm not involved in those things, but it's again family.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_03: They've built relationships and so I think maybe that's uh even though it's not like close quote unquote family, it's still family.
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, when I grew up, family was bloodline.
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I think your your story there is it doesn't need to be anymore.
• 33:21
  SPEAKER_01: You don't have to have my last name, you don't have to have my DNA.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_01: Um if you're in my tribe, your family, that's a that's a great point, great takeaway for listeners out there.
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it's fun and it's um and you know it's it it just kind of s there's I'm sure I don't know if you've ever heard this, but like you you spend the if you spend time with the five people around you that make you either better or bring love and joy, like they're those are the type of people.
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_03: Like there's zero drama.
• 33:48
  SPEAKER_03: It's just nothing but like, hey, so good to see you, hugs.
• 33:51
  SPEAKER_03: And it's not like you know, um, you know, what's you know, shiny hap, what's the what's the um the movie where it's like everybody's there's rainbows and ponies out there.
• 34:00
  SPEAKER_03: I mean it's it's genuine love and relationship.
• 34:03
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and we've had dinners where like they've gotten tears, like, we are so grateful that we've run you guys.
• 34:09
  SPEAKER_03: I said, dude, same thing.
• 34:10
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, it's it's like I'm pinching myself, this can't be true.
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 34:14
  SPEAKER_01: That's how I look my sisters and and brothers-in-laws.
• 34:17
  SPEAKER_01: Um they're family that I never expected to have, and we do everything with them, and it and it's uh it's great.
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_01: Um finding Carly that day changed everything in my universe for for a really long time in GAB.
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_01: So um very grateful for that.
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_03: What is what does Carly do?
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_01: Uh she does she works for in claims.
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_01: Um, she's fortunate to be able to work from home.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_01: She negotiates uh negotiates insurance claims.
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_01: Um, she gets to set her schedule, set her hours, which helps a ton because um, you know, I manage uh operations from Maine out to Western PA down to Virginia.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_01: And while I don't do much Virginia travel, I am still on the road a lot.
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_01: So all three of our kids are are in uh competitive swim.
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_01: Um Jack Bree are doing a summer program right now, they're undefeated.
• 35:09
  SPEAKER_01: Uh yet they have swim meets at 7 a.m.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um Gavin just finished in theater, something that he played, he was in a Willie Walka play, and I that kid does not get that creativity from me.
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_01: Um the proudest dad moment I had.
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_01: Uh he was the understudy for Charlie Bucket, and um they didn't let none of the elementary school kids got to be in the mid-lead roles, it's only the middle school kids, but they created an understudy because Gavin was so advanced for his age.
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_01: And so he didn't get to play the lead as Charlie Bucket, but they had a private showing the night before and let him play Charlie with the rest of the ensemble the entire play just for a private showing for parents, and he nailed it.
• 35:52
  SPEAKER_01: Um, that was the proudest I've been because I'm proud of everything that my kids can accomplish, but that's something that I, even at age 44, could not pull off.
• 36:03
  SPEAKER_01: And he did it at age 10.
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_01: And so that was just a proud dad moment.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_01: But again, my point back to Carly and what she does, none of these things would be possible with my career without her being the rock and always being there for everybody, being the transportation, being the mom who has all the calendars up to date and all the things, getting meals in in between.
• 36:22
  SPEAKER_01: Um, she's she's a saint.
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, this is Kathy Ortone.
• 36:27
  SPEAKER_00: I'm the director of talent management at Cowork Staffing Services.
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_00: Co-Works is one of the largest staffing firms in the United States.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_00: With operations in all 50 states, over 60,000 temporary field talent, we are devoted to the success and growth of our employees and our clients.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_00: We are celebrating our 50th anniversary this year and are proud to have a legacy of treating people the right way, doing the right things, supporting our communities, and putting field talent first.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_00: Our two place is candidates and administrative like industrial cells, just to be sort of third-party logistics and digital opportunities to our executives to logic and frequency.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I have to tell you what's expecting case to use and use the first case to be a far exactly really spending time with us outside of the workshop really taking the time to get to know our people's feet shared information about its personal life, about its family, creating the foundation for authentically.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_00: One of the core elements of the strategy to teach us is Casey left our teams feeling motivated, energized, and armed with an actionable tool to transform their sales performance.
• 37:47
  SPEAKER_00: I cannot recommend Casey enough to any or any organization looking to grow and unlock their full potential.
• 37:54
  SPEAKER_00: If you want to learn more about cowork staffing, please visit our website at coworkstaffing.com.
• 37:59
  SPEAKER_00: Now let's get back to the podcast.
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_03: What's uh then besides obviously going through divorce, um just from a parenting perspective, talk about um the hardest the heart your your the hardest thing you've you you go through as a dad that just keeps you strong?
• 38:16
  SPEAKER_03: Like what what what are the challenges that like maybe keep you up night as a dad?
• 38:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's a great question.
• 38:22
  SPEAKER_01: Um having been in a leadership position for the last I don't know 20 years, um I I lean on emotional intelligence at work.
• 38:33
  SPEAKER_01: As a dad, I probably don't focus on it as much as I should.
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_01: And so I parent the way that I know how to parent, there's no playbook for that, right?
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_01: Um but I think that I think that I parent the way that sometimes I was parented, and my parents' generation, the emotional intelligence wasn't even a concept back then.
• 38:56
  SPEAKER_01: So um, again, there was more of the authoritative figure, and so me as a dad, understanding that all three of them are different individuals, I can't just blanket parent.
• 39:06
  SPEAKER_01: They all have to be parented individually um to get to to get them get the most value out of me being their dad, right?
• 39:15
  SPEAKER_01: So I think that's what keeps me up most at night.
• 39:18
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes I I treat them all the same in one blanketed uh statement to them or whatever we're doing, whatever conversations we're having, and just making sure that I see them each as individuals and different people is super important to me.
• 39:32
  SPEAKER_03: Do you do you are you were you how do I ask this?
• 39:35
  SPEAKER_03: Do you think you're pr you're present about thinking about that until I just asked you, or was that something you thought about before?
• 39:41
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I'm always thinking about it.
• 39:44
  SPEAKER_01: I'm in my head a lot.
• 39:46
  SPEAKER_01: I uh I create my own anxieties about life.
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_01: Um I'm I'm one of those people where like continuous and never-ending improvement.
• 39:57
  SPEAKER_01: I uh I don't stop trying to become better at anything, um, whether it's career, parenting, or anything in between, sometimes it drives me a little nuts.
• 40:05
  SPEAKER_01: But um, yeah, I'm always I'm always in my head and thinking about it.
• 40:09
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, that's something I don't want for my kids.
• 40:12
  SPEAKER_01: I want them to be content.
• 40:14
  SPEAKER_01: Um, that's something that's really important for me and their upbringing.
• 40:17
  SPEAKER_01: I've never let myself settle.
• 40:19
  SPEAKER_01: I've always been trying to improve.
• 40:21
  SPEAKER_01: And at some point in life, maybe when I retire, but I doubt it.
• 40:26
  SPEAKER_01: I just wanted to have some degree of being content.
• 40:30
  SPEAKER_01: I can tell you, we're sitting here in this conversation today, this is the most content I've ever been in my life.
• 40:35
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm in a great place.
• 40:36
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but that's the mental health thing that I want from them.
• 40:40
  SPEAKER_01: I want them to be able to just sit back one day, breathe, and be content with where they are in life.
• 40:45
  SPEAKER_01: And that's that's my that's a blessing for them.
• 40:47
  SPEAKER_01: If I if I can help them understand that and get there, that's a goal.
• 40:51
  SPEAKER_03: Love it, man.
• 40:52
  SPEAKER_03: I think sometimes people, at least in conversations I've had, I mean this is a blanket statement, sometimes people I want people to make sure they don't get content mixed up with complacency.
• 41:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 41:02
  SPEAKER_03: Uh content means I think how I interpret content is if you are your best, and maybe your best is you know, ahead of accounts payable.
• 41:12
  SPEAKER_03: And you you comparison is a thief of joy.
• 41:15
  SPEAKER_03: So don't compare yourself to others.
• 41:17
  SPEAKER_03: Don't compare that your best is your best.
• 41:20
  SPEAKER_03: And so being the best is something you can't control.
• 41:22
  SPEAKER_03: Being your best is something you can control.
• 41:24
  SPEAKER_03: And you know, sure there's people that want to climb the corporate ladder and be this, that, and that's great.
• 41:29
  SPEAKER_03: But you know, there's a phrase, be where your feet are, like always just be present, be where you are, and you know, um I I love the fact that you're you can can celebrate that because I think sometimes your your kids or anybody's kids will look up like, oh I I want to do what he's doing or she's doing, but I want my kids to do what you want to do.
• 41:49
  SPEAKER_03: Don't do what I want to do, and don't live vicariously through them.
• 41:52
  SPEAKER_03: Just I think it's our job as parents is to figure create environments so they can like here's a perfect example.
• 41:58
  SPEAKER_03: My son is um very much like me, goofball, social butterfly.
• 42:04
  SPEAKER_03: Um he's he's working his ass off right now in like college golf, and he like he literally got up today hour before he had to be to work, he had an hour-long commute, but he went to the range, practiced.
• 42:14
  SPEAKER_03: I didn't ask him to do that.
• 42:15
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I can't wait to talk to him later.
• 42:17
  SPEAKER_03: I'll say, Man, that's a choice you made.
• 42:19
  SPEAKER_03: That is um like you know, doing these little things along the way, but um early on Wednesday of this week, so early a couple days ago, his uncle, my brother-in-law, is a um pilot and flight instructor for Alaska Airlines.
• 42:33
  SPEAKER_03: And so he got us into this like well, friends and family hookup, we gotta go into the 737 simulator.
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_03: It was if you've ever hit the chance to do it, it is the most I literally felt like we were flying.
• 42:48
  SPEAKER_03: Like literally, I'll I'll get your cell phone when we get done and I'll t text you a video.
• 42:52
  SPEAKER_03: My kids torched me on landing.
• 42:54
  SPEAKER_03: Like and my mom, my brother-in-law's like, dude, he goes, Riley, right?
• 42:58
  SPEAKER_03: You guys, if you're gonna do this, like you you just did, I'm not just saying this but your uncle, like you literally just landed the plane like really, really well, really, really good.
• 43:06
  SPEAKER_03: Now, dad, I went there, I was doing great, doing good, and right as I if touching down Honolulu, I uh I I like pulled the thing back, the little the little flare up pre-land, and I didn't quite do it the right way.
• 43:18
  SPEAKER_03: And we then all started taking off again.
• 43:20
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, uh oh, and I like slammed down.
• 43:22
  SPEAKER_03: I thought I broke the stimulator, the$20 million thing, bam! And all of a sudden my kids are starting to laugh.
• 43:28
  SPEAKER_03: And then I put it down again, and like literally we're almost in the bushes.
• 43:31
  SPEAKER_03: I said, Everybody survived.
• 43:32
  SPEAKER_03: Everybody survived.
• 43:33
  SPEAKER_03: But the point is, like, my son told my wife today, I want to go back to that.
• 43:38
  SPEAKER_03: I just I just love doing that so much.
• 43:39
  SPEAKER_03: So, like, maybe out of that, I never told thought he'd be a pilot, but maybe that moment gets him into aviation and figure out so anyway.
• 43:49
  SPEAKER_03: I I think it again, I feel like I talk I could talk to you forever, dude.
• 43:52
  SPEAKER_03: It's these fun conversations.
• 43:53
  SPEAKER_03: Um if you were to um uh say one area your dad could game that if you could reflect like man this is one thing I know that if I'm watching film um I wish I could have a do over.
• 44:07
  SPEAKER_02: Tell me what comes to mind.
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_01: I think that I think keeping my cool is something that um you know typically the majority of my parenting comes in the latter half of the day or the evening.
• 44:23
  SPEAKER_01: But I've already had work beat me up a little bit.
• 44:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm so conscious of not letting work stress impact me as a dad but I can't be perfect at that.
• 44:34
  SPEAKER_01: And there are times where you know I'm I'm working my butt off I'm doing a lot I'm traveling and just drove home five hours and um and and then they throw something at me and it catches me off guard and I I could do a better job with my reaction to that.
• 44:51
  SPEAKER_01: And you know I can think you could tell by this conversation I'm very aware um I I I understand when I do things I'm a dad who apologizes um I let my kids see my tears when they're necessary and relevant.
• 45:07
  SPEAKER_01: So I know I'm I'm conscious of it but it's definitely something I can improve on.
• 45:14
  SPEAKER_03: It is like the universe or karma or the movie Step Brothers that we just become best friends that we got uh um you want to do karate in the garage uh you're gonna have to skip your what's your favorite movie question because that that was don't go with Step Brothers on you can't see it.
• 45:34
  SPEAKER_03: I watched that last night with my daughter and her boyfriend.
• 45:38
  SPEAKER_03: And it was my daughter's idea.
• 45:39
  SPEAKER_03: I was like are you kidding me?
• 45:40
  SPEAKER_03: Uh yeah I'm watching this this is the best night of my life um episode I think it's episode nine you're gonna be episode 360 something uh my buddy Darren Balmores we did an episode on the power of saying sorry to your kids um my kids uh they don't do it as much well they still make fun of me but I am you give me a good golden girls episode maybe punky brewster a good ATT commercial I might tear up uh and there's one time where it was like my kids were probably like ninth grade seventh grade were up in our bonus room watching like a holiday movie like Family Stone one that gets me every year or something yeah and uh our dog Jen oh God tear jerker my my uh my dog our dog Jenny who passed away a couple years ago um like getting to the sad part and looked at my left looked to my right I'm like oh shit here it comes here it comes and I kind of like like oh nice doggy kind of petting the doggy and grabbed her tail and kind of wiped away a tear here there and my I hear my daughter whisper dude he's crying again like just making fun of me but I'm like I don't care yeah I I want them to and even when my daughter went through her ACL injury dude I was a wreck for a week literally because I had I don't remember if I told you this but I had a similar injury I broke my foot in four spots my senior year lost my entire senior year totally shaped who the guy I am today around being vulnerable asking for help learning grit learning resilience and and to have to like relive that again through my daughter super emotional.
• 47:04
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah and um but I'm glad I don't I don't want to I don't I don't want my kids afraid to show their emotion.
• 47:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah because it's not helping also I think you know we're talking on this podcast about what we do to uh mold our kids and help support them and all the things but it's the same thing as being a and and being a dad.
• 47:21
  SPEAKER_01: I mean you're you're still at your age learning every day how to be a dad it doesn't stop.
• 47:26
  SPEAKER_01: And if the different experiences that you have life whether you're a child or or a parent you're becoming something every single day that you weren't the day before um and that brings me to a thought you know when Gavin was one and I take on this job to become president of a company I was like I was interviewed by the Boston Business Journal they did an article on me like or a little piece on me and I was like how cool is it going to be when Gavin can look back in time and say his dad was a president of a company at age 35.
• 47:57
  SPEAKER_01: Let me tell you something Casey none of my kids care.
• 48:00
  SPEAKER_01: They don't care what I do for work.
• 48:02
  SPEAKER_01: They don't care what my job title is um they just care about how dad shows up and how I treat them.
• 48:08
  SPEAKER_01: And um you know I I didn't know that as a parent of a one year old.
• 48:12
  SPEAKER_01: It was my first time doing it.
• 48:13
  SPEAKER_01: I thought this was going to be a thing that was going to set up his future and none of them care.
• 48:18
  SPEAKER_01: None of them care what I do for work.
• 48:20
  SPEAKER_01: They just care how often I'm coming home and how they're getting to their activities and what we're doing for dinner and all the things right I think that's a good lesson for for dads out there, especially with younger children.
• 48:31
  SPEAKER_01: You know as your children age of course they look to you for career advice and all the things but with younger kids they don't care.
• 48:36
  SPEAKER_03: They just want dad to be dad oh I love that you said that you you've literally if you go back into like multiple episodes I've said you it's almost like verbatim what I've said which is probably one of the reasons I started this podcast is you know I've been lucky enough to interview Mike Holmgren um that's awesome uh to again John Forzan who's a Seattle Kraken play by play guy but I've also interviewed a guy named you know Josh Lyons who is a business owner former teacher stay at home dad guess what same we got same job title dad and that's the only thing that matters and I and I love that you've reinforced that because uh the the more that we can I guess fall in love with that mindset and actually I want to go back to throw myself in the bus a little bit uh overreacting um sometimes r reacting versus responding it was a gap I had as a a a dad and sometimes I still do and I but I I I think it's because I'm super competitive but I swear interviewing as many dads as I have I get free therapy out of every these episodes and as as much as I get to be the host I I do it selfishly to learn.
• 49:41
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah I love that and what are things that I can do to become a better dad and I picked up so many things from dads.
• 49:48
  SPEAKER_03: Um you know sometimes we we look at these we we look to and you know listen to podcasts on whatever make us laugh and it's there's a fine balance of both but I I hope that dads can carve out time to listen to conversations like these because I I believe they help them and I don't get paid to do this.
• 50:05
  SPEAKER_03: This is like just a fun this is a me just being of service and um maybe you know hope 10 years from now maybe Rogan's like you know what maybe we should bring this guy on to have him help us out a little bit probably not going to happen but yeah you never know why not buy that thing big so um okay I want I want to transition it to to you and co-works I've been lucky enough to to spend time with Kara I've been really lucky to spend time with uh you know Barbara who retired shout out to Barbara if you're out there uh Kathy and and the fantastic Shannon um she's an amazing amazing mom amazing woman um I can see why you guys are are great colleagues and probably friends too because she's of emotional intelligence and um uh but talk about for the people that have no idea who co-works is um how can we make it easier easy for them to learn more about you um the work co-works does to serve so many uh amazing companies in the United States yeah thank you um yeah Shannon's great the team at CoWorks is great excuse me um so what we do is uh staffing temporary attempt to hire direct placement the whole gamut of it uh our our core focus is for the co-works brand is uh manufacturing logistics three PL type organizations um you know a lot of times in staffing and and you've been there you're from the industry uh our industry is often looked at as a commodity it's who do you have that can fill this job and what's the going rate for it right at co-works we really focus on a service model we're a service oriented company come into your organization do a consultation with you on your hiring program what you're doing to retain your people what you're doing to keep your people safe um hire training your employee engagement all the things and we create staffing models for them to help them improve their business and and by the way the consultation is free so you can find me on LinkedIn um you can find me at josh dotarola i a d a rol a at co-works co-w or x staffing dot com and you get free consultation on you know what you're doing to bring in and retain talent um and we treat our people awesome our the people we put out to work while they're on our payroll or beyond um we really focus on their well-being their development their happiness at work um and yeah great organization if you're any any employer out there looking to for some help even if you're not in manufacturing logistics or that type of line of work we can have a conversation and help support you with your staff and model awesome we'll make sure that's uh linked in the show notes um shout out to Kathy too can't I can't forget Kathy's Kathy's great yeah yeah Kathy's Kathy's she's she she is had a lot of great uh uh time spent with her when they uh they brought me in I think it was like almost three years ago it's hard to believe how fast time goes um all right if you were to summarize Josh everything we talked about into maybe three actionable um pieces of nuggets of information or takeaways like ideal team player does part of our conversation Josh tell me tell us and listeners what what are three actionable things they can take from our conversations today to become that better ultimate quarterback leader of their home that's a great question I would say don't take yourself too serious as a dad uh you know we're all just people trying to do a thing I say it at work all the time like with with the people who report up through my org and that you know I'm just another human being that gets out of bed and puts one sock on after another with that I just have a different job title and different function than the rest of you but we all treat each other as equals same thing with parenting um you know you're just a another human being and the kids look up to you and you have a big influence over their future but um no one's perfect.
• 53:59
  SPEAKER_01: There's no playbook for perfection at this thing and everyone's gonna get it right.
• 54:03
  SPEAKER_01: There is no wrong um you're just gonna do it different.
• 54:08
  SPEAKER_01: Another takeaway is you know be kind just be someone who's curious and and generous and kind to others um and then you know be present that in the in your family unit um in your kids activities and all the things because you're gonna influence their memories growing up and their memories and and your you know your thoughts and your actions are are a collection of who you become and and those things are going to make a big impact over who your children end up being and and and who you're gonna be be proud of and what they accomplish.
• 54:44
  SPEAKER_03: Gold buddy mic drop moment right there.
• 54:46
  SPEAKER_03: Alright we will make sure everything is linked in the show notes so people can find josh they can find co-works um we'll probably tag Shannon and Carrot too so they they make sure this they see this episode and I hope there's some people at co-works who work with Josh they're like man I didn't know that about you and which the goal which is was never never the goal but it's turned out to be kind of like this blessing is these conversations I found just from talking to other dads and other companies they bring people together inside of companies which was not the goal when I did it but it's it's kind of fun now and it happens and when when you know a guest calls me back says dude this has been so cool I had four people come up to me and and we had three things in common that we didn't know we had in common.
• 55:25
  SPEAKER_03: You know thanks for giving me this space and I'm like dude thank you for sharing I didn't I just asked the questions you're the one that opened up so um that's that's been kind of the coolest moment uh of this journey is um just seeing those types of moments happen.
• 55:37
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm I'm hopeful it happens at cowork too.
• 55:40
  SPEAKER_03: All right brother it's now time to go into the lightning round um I I I think you might have tried to prepare I'm gonna try to catch you off guard and show you the negative hits of taking too many hits in in uh in college not bong hits but football hits your job is to answer these questions as quickly as you can and my hope is to get a giggle out of you.
• 55:58
  SPEAKER_03: Alright let's do it okay that that giggle does not count everybody you can I can see him you guys can okay true or false you took two weeks off PTO approved to play on the USA national team in the World Cup.
• 56:11
  SPEAKER_01: False false recognized you um last book you read was this isn't you can't ask me this one because it was honestly win the relationship not the deal I did not mean to do that everybody either but definitely anyone out there go go pick up Casey's book it was a great one um yeah I had to take a pause for my Patrick Lencioni time and and pick up on in your book and I love the uh the different steps in there especially the golden rule I appreciate that ma'am if I came to your house for dinner tonight what would we have?
• 56:43
  SPEAKER_01: It's one of the few things I can get all three of the kids to agree on.
• 56:47
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 56:48
  SPEAKER_01: Uh what would be one genre of music that might surprise the the folks that co-works you listen to I don't know if it would surprise anybody but the one genre of music that I will always be listening to is rap.
• 57:01
  SPEAKER_01: Hip hop was my Lord and savior through my college years or high school years.
• 57:07
  SPEAKER_01: That's that was my go my go-to there we go.
• 57:10
  SPEAKER_03: 90s rap dude and old school rap is it's so untouchable.
• 57:14
  SPEAKER_03: It is and I my kids even love it now too it's like they'll they'll be like I'm like how did you know those were daddy we listened to stuff growing up and we just we fell in love with it.
• 57:26
  SPEAKER_03: If you were to take Carly on vacation just you and her no kids tell me where you're taking her Turks and Caicos that sounds money right now.
• 57:34
  SPEAKER_01: She's never been the Caribbean she doesn't have a passport and we're working on that and so that's one of the few Caribbean islands I hadn't been to that's where we're going.
• 57:43
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 57:43
  SPEAKER_03: If there was to be a book written about your life tell me the title I don't want to steal Angela Duckworth Grit I think we'll switch it to Perseverance just so I don't steal her thunder.
• 57:54
  unknown: Okay.
• 57:54
  SPEAKER_01: It's a great book by the way it's fantastic.
• 57:57
  SPEAKER_03: I love that book too okay Perseverance believe it or not Josh it's I I literally just tried to search for it and Amazon said it's sold out Barnes Noble said it's sold out um I recently went to an airport copies are sold out they can't keep it on on the on the shelves and uh Netflix has heard about this book and they're gonna turn it into a a movie you are now the casting director I need to know who's gonna star Josh in this critic critically acclaimed hit new movie on Netflix I love that question.
• 58:25
  SPEAKER_03: Um Matthew McConaughey alright alright alright here we go okay and then last the most important question tell me three words that would describe Carly loving she leads with love and steady she's always there for everybody no matter what and it keeps this family ticking so um shout out to Carly without her none of this family stuff would be where it's at today so good lightning round is complete we got a teeny giggle um it was amazing learning about you man I'm grateful our path across I can't wait to meet you in person cannon thank you so much for for saying uh we got to do this and Josh thank you to you for being open to have such a form of a conversation and I hope that other dads have taken a page full of notes like I have proof Josh if you guys can't um I just I just love these types of conversations my my tank is full for the rest of the day and grateful for you um grateful everybody to continue to listen will make it easy just to find this everybody um gosh again you the best I can wait to meet you first command keep doing what you're doing you're inspiring me and I know you're inspiring many others at co-work but I'm grateful for our past across yeah thanks for having me Casey and keep doing what you're doing you inspire a lot of people out there and I I'm just blessed to be a part of a small snippet of it so thanks for having me.
• 59:48
  SPEAKER_03: Bye bye thank you again everybody for listening to this week's episode and a huge favor now if you have enjoyed this podcast please wherever you just listen to it go into the your phone the computer and click on reviews and leave us a review leave us a rating hopefully five stars if you if you like it a lot which will help us be easily to be found by new listeners that are going to be wanting to learn more about the quarterback deck or about ways they can become a quarterback a leader of their household and even better yet if this episode touched it please share it with a friend find another episode that you like share that episode with a friend keep growing this thing in quest to get to a thousand dads.
• 1:00:29
  SPEAKER_03: So I appreciate you uh continuing to listen to every week and thank you again for all your support and wish you uh a great rest of your day and we can't wait to see you next week see everybody