Latest / Drawn of History / Joey Diaz _ This Past Weekend w_ Theo Von _508(M4A_128K)

Transcript

Joey Diaz _ This Past Weekend w_ Theo Von _508(M4A_128K) · Drawn of History

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I have some new tour dates to announce. I'm going
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: to be in St. George, Utah on July 2nd, Moncton,
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: New Brunswick on August 10th, Bend, Oregon on September 11th,
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: and Portland, Oregon on September 13th. Get your tickets early
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: starting Tuesday, June 4th at 10 a.m. local time with
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: code RATKING. General on sale starts Wednesday, June 5th at
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: 10 a.m. local time. As well, we have shows in Montreal, Quebec, Portland, Maine, Spokane, Washington, Belfast, Ireland, Cork, Ireland, London,
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: United Kingdom, Idaho Falls, Salt Lake City, and Las Vegas.
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: Get all tickets through theovon.com slash T-O-U-R. Make sure not
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: to use a secondary site. Thank you for your support.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: New merch. We've got some new Gang Gang hoodies. We've
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: just done crewnecks before. We've got some hoodies now available
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: in heather gray, tan, light blue, and duck camo. Get
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: all that and more at theovonstore.com. That's the only merch
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: site that is run by us. I know there's some
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: other fictional ones out there. Just watch out for fakes.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: And thank you guys for your support. Coming to you
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: live from Austin today, today's guest is a comedian. probably
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: one of the most unique comedians of all time. He
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: has a new book out called Tremendous, which you can
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: check out on Amazon. He was the host of the
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: famed podcast, legendary podcast, The Church of What's Happening Now.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: He has his own podcast now with Lee Syatt called
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: The Check-In. I'm grateful to catch up today with one
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: of my heroes, Mr. Joey Coco Diaz.
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: I'll sit and tell you my stories.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: Shine on me. And I will find a song. I've
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: been singing. I'm going to stay.
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: What do you say?
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: Jelly roll?
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah, go ahead. All right.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: So this is Jelly Roll. Like, Jelly Roll, every time
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: he wins an award, he gets up there and he's like,
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: I just want to thank. Right now, there's somebody stuck
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: under a bridge.
• 2:40
  Speaker 4: There's somebody out there who's got a size 11 foot
• 2:44
  Speaker 4: in a size 8 tennis shoe.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: And I just want to say, you can live your dreams, man. Dude,
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: every time they call his name for anything, every time
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: Jelly gets in a war, man, he just, he's so
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: full of feelings, bro. He gets up there and he's just.
• 3:00
  Speaker 4: Like, I just want, I want to tell you that
• 3:03
  Speaker 4: I was a, I was a maitre d' at a
• 3:07
  Speaker 4: macaroni grill, and now I'm a Grammy Award winning artist.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: Like, sometimes it's just fucking like. Bro, if they even
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: like at a fat, like I feel like even at Chipotle,
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: if they just call his name to come get his order,
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: he goes out there, he picks it up.
• 3:22
  Speaker 5: He's like, I want to let every illegal alien in
• 3:26
  Speaker 5: this motherfucker know in 40 days. And with only 90
• 3:33
  Speaker 5: singing lessons, you can win a.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: Fucking American musical. 90 singing lessons. Dude. It was better
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: last night when I did it.
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: Oh, my God, I was dying. I was dying in
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: my sleep. You do them to the T. It's fucking crazy.
• 3:50
  Speaker 3: Everybody was dying last night.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: Some people do them real good. Yeah, Joey Diaz, man,
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: good to see you, brother.
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: Good to see you, too, my friend.
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: You, too, man. That was fun last night.
• 3:59
  Speaker 3: That was a lot of fun. It was fun just
• 4:01
  Speaker 3: seeing you. It's been four fucking years, Dio.
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: I know.
• 4:05
  Speaker 3: Since the pandemic, man, I haven't seen anybody.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so funny. I realized, I didn't realize how
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: much I missed seeing you until I got out of
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: the car, out of the Uber at the mothership. And
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: I was like, is Joey here? And they're like, yeah.
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: And I literally, my legs, like I ran upstairs.
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: I was so happy. First person I asked for when
• 4:25
  Speaker 3: I got there, I'm like, where's fucking Theo?
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: Like, he'll be here later. Nah, man, we haven't seen
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: each other. It's been, it's fucking crazy, man, what happens
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: to life sometimes. Yeah.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, has it been good? Have you been feeling good
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: in Jersey? It seems like everything's good. You look great.
• 4:42
  Speaker 3: The first fucking year was a struggle because I was lost.
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: I was fucking lost. I was like, you know, what
• 4:50
  Speaker 3: I was trying to do was, honestly, was just figure
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: out what happened the last 30 years. When the pandemic hit,
• 4:59
  Speaker 3: we were all gung-ho. We were very all gung-ho.
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: But like by May of the pandemic, I was like,
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: What the fuck happened? I came here, I auditioned for
• 5:10
  Speaker 3: Mitzi Shaw, and I don't know what happened. Like, here
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: we are. You know, movies, talking to this guy, talking
• 5:19
  Speaker 3: to that guy. The store at the end, before the pandemic,
• 5:22
  Speaker 3: it was something that you'll never ever see again. I
• 5:26
  Speaker 3: still remember I would do spots and then go to
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: the kitchen after my spot and just sit for a
• 5:31
  Speaker 3: minute and look out into the bar area and stuff.
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: And it would be like celebrities MMA people, the Clippers,
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: it was something every night. It was just too overwhelming.
• 5:44
  Speaker 3: Every time you left the store on Tuesdays or Thursdays,
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: you got in your car and you had to fucking
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: drive 30 minutes just to decompress.
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: Dr.
• 5:53
  Speaker 3: Dre was hanging out at night before the fucking thing.
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: He was coming into the store every night. It was
• 5:58
  Speaker 3: just a scene that was hard to believe. We had
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: our own fucking thing. Kennison, Dice, those guys had their thing.
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: And we had our thing.
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: It's really true. I didn't realize it either until I
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: went back like over the, I've gone back over the
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: past two years and it's like, it's not even, it's
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: not even the same thing anymore. It was like a,
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: it was like lightning striking when everybody was there. Dude,
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: the lineup sometimes like on a Tuesday night.
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: I still have them. I saved everything. I would clip
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: a lineup. I would take a picture of it or
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: something and go, this is where you were. with these guys,
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: I want to see somebody try to take something away
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: from me. Like, do you know what I'm saying? Like,
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: people always go, whoa, you didn't do it. Listen, bitch. Yeah.
• 6:45
  Speaker 3: And this is these lineups in 2019. What about the lineups? Well, 2009,
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: I wasn't there. But in 99, I was there. And
• 6:55
  Speaker 3: I remember looking at those lineups, and they weren't good,
• 6:58
  Speaker 3: but you had fucking animals, like three of them there
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: on the lineups. It wasn't like nine motherfuckers coming at you.
• 7:06
  Speaker 3: From Ali Wong to you to D'Elia. A cavalcade every
• 7:11
  Speaker 3: Tuesday and Thursday.
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: And everybody got along. Whitney, you, Burt, Joe.
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: Segura, fucking Tripoli.
• 7:20
  Speaker 4: Brennan.
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: Eddie Bravo. Owen Smith.
• 7:23
  Speaker 3: It was fucking crazy what was down there.
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: It was crazy. Crazy. Bro, they had MMA fighters that
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: weren't even comedians fucking doing 20 minutes down there. It
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: was fucking crazy. Eddie Bravo was doing like 40 fucking.
• 7:36
  Speaker 3: Minutes, bro. Fucking crazy. You think about it. And people
• 7:41
  Speaker 3: walked in there and it's like they got high.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: Soon as people walked in, it's like walking into the mothership.
• 7:48
  Speaker 3: You know, you walk in and you're just taken. You're
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: just taken. And this is, you know, I didn't do
• 7:54
  Speaker 3: it for one summer. I did it for 30 fucking years.
• 7:57
  Speaker 3: So now I got to figure out where they took me.
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 7:59
  Speaker 3: You know, where the fuck did they take me? I mean.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, just to look at that lineup and be like,
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: it doesn't even feel like you're really the person doing it. No.
• 8:07
  Speaker 3: No. You ever see Oh God, You Devil, any of
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: those Oh God movies.
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: With George Burns? Is it like a black movie or not? No, no, no.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: George Burns plays God and he fucks with people. Yeah,
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: and he got the Coke bottle or whatever.
• 8:18
  Speaker 3: And it's really weird. Yeah, those things there. One of
• 8:22
  Speaker 3: the guys he went to, I'll never forget. This is
• 8:26
  Speaker 3: way before I got into comedy. Way before I got
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: into comedy. I started watching them. I like movies. And
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: there was one particular guy that the guy was a
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: musician and he was struggling. And he was like a
• 8:38
  Speaker 3: Bruce Springsteen type guy. And then he came to him
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: and he fucking shut out the light because he was
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: the devil. He plays the devil.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: Oh, he plays the devil.
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: He cuts a deal with you to sell your soul.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: Oh, God, you devil. I remember the gods must be crazy.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: Was that him? No, no.
• 8:53
  Speaker 3: That's why you're getting confused with the Africans and stuff.
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 8:57
  Speaker 3: But that's what I feel like. The guy during the
• 9:01
  Speaker 3: movie after he became a star, he would go, what
• 9:04
  Speaker 3: the fuck? And then he would go to a restaurant.
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: After he knew the devil took his soul, he would
• 9:12
  Speaker 3: go to a restaurant and see the girl he was
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: engaged with, and now she was about to have a baby.
• 9:18
  Speaker 3: And this was his life. Like, it's fucking crazy, and
• 9:21
  Speaker 3: that's what I felt like. A lot of times, like,
• 9:24
  Speaker 3: did I just do that? Why do people want to
• 9:26
  Speaker 3: take a picture of me? I'm a felon. Your mother
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: told you to stay away from people like me, and
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: you want to take a picture of me? And it
• 9:33
  Speaker 3: was just mind-boggling.
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: So that was.
• 9:37
  Speaker 3: The first year in Jersey, it was just trying to
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: figure out coming down. I was coming down. I had
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: committed to coming down and seeing what life was like
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: with the fucking and the sticks, you know, and started
• 9:53
  Speaker 3: going to softball games and basketball games with my daughter.
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: Were you playing or you were just coaching or what?
• 9:58
  Speaker 3: No, I don't even coach. I just sit there. I
• 10:00
  Speaker 3: get high and I sit there and watch.
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.
• 10:02
  Speaker 3: A bunch of fucking girls. You know, it's so funny.
• 10:04
  Speaker 3: I used to go to my father-in-law's house in Nashville.
• 10:07
  Speaker 3: That motherfucker's always watching girls' softball. And I would look
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: at him and go, I'm not even going to say
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: nothing to my wife, but this is the most pedophilia
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: fucking thing ever. An old guy watching girls softball. Well,
• 10:17
  Speaker 3: guess what? I became that fucking old guy. Now I
• 10:20
  Speaker 3: go to her games. I go to her basketball game.
• 10:23
  Speaker 3: You know, there's so much. Listen, man, for me to
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: get into comedy, I lost a family. I lost a daughter.
• 10:33
  Speaker 3: You know, she's 34. I haven't talked. 30 fucking four. Like,
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: this was part of the whole, like, what happened? Like,
• 10:39
  Speaker 3: I left Boulder when she was five. And now she's
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: 30 fucking four. We haven't spoken in 20 years.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: No way. 20 fucking years. Yeah, it's got to be
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: 20 years now. Are there times where it just hits
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: you and it just hurts sometimes?
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: It really hurt in the beginning. For years it really
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: took me. Part of the addiction and all that shit
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: was that. And then I made peace with it. I
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: knew that this wasn't going to work. It wasn't in
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: the cards and you got to move on. Then I
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: had this... Then God gave me a second chance. And
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: they threw another girl at me. And I'm like, what
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: am I going to do here? So I said, let
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: me sink in, you know, and fucking be a dad.
• 11:20
  Speaker 3: I got a second chance to do this the right
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: way this time. And this is what I'm going to do.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: And that was a real thought in your head. You're like,
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: I got this. This is God giving me a second chance.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: Fuck yeah. Yeah.
• 11:30
  Speaker 3: You know, I've gotten, Theo, how many second chances have
• 11:33
  Speaker 3: I fucking gotten?
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: I bet a decent amount.
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: So some second chances you've got to jump on and go,
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: you know what? This ain't going to happen again.
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: I can make peace with myself. You know, I heard things.
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: I wasn't a good dad. I heard tons of shit
• 11:46
  Speaker 3: from my ex-wife. And now I'm living it. You know,
• 11:49
  Speaker 3: now I'm living it.
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: I got a nice house, cars.
• 11:52
  Speaker 3: You know, we don't. I'm not a jet setter.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: You know that.
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: I'm not a BMW guy or nothing. I'm just happy
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: and comfortable.
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 12:00
  Speaker 3: You know, I retire in four fucking years. My daughter
• 12:03
  Speaker 3: collects Social Security for three of those years, the ones
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: I didn't get when my mother died. So everything comes
• 12:09
  Speaker 3: full fucking circle, man.
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: Oh, really? So Social Security, you get it for how long?
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: So when my mother died, I didn't get Social Security
• 12:17
  Speaker 3: because they said she didn't work enough quarters. She owned
• 12:19
  Speaker 3: a business. So I had no money coming in when
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: I was a kid. you know, for all those years.
• 12:25
  Speaker 3: And it's weird now. I got a letter about six
• 12:28
  Speaker 3: months ago about retiring and all this shit with benefit.
• 12:30
  Speaker 3: And I'm like, I don't want to retire. I want
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: to keep slinging dick. I mean, I feel great to
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: go out there. I'm not in the mood to go
• 12:37
  Speaker 3: on planes every weekend.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: No, it's a lot.
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: I'm not.
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: It's a young man. It's not a young man's game.
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: It's a young man's game.
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: It really is. It's not even that you can't do it.
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: It's just, can you put up? It's like the stress,
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: it just wears on you. And you did it for
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: so long. I did it for so long. And we'll forget.
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: I'll forget sometimes, Joey, how long I did this shit for. I'll, like,
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: be going to the airport. I'm like, fuck, I just
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: cannot do this. I cannot get on a plane. And
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: people are like, what are you talking about, man? But
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: part of my brain is just like, I don't know
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: what time when I wasn't going to the airport.
• 13:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Or wasn't getting in the car for a fucking haul.
• 13:15
  Speaker 3: My thing was this. I dreaded the road until I
• 13:20
  Speaker 3: got in the Uber.
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: Until you got in the what?
• 13:22
  Speaker 3: Uber.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 13:24
  Speaker 3: Once I get in the Uber and I got an
• 13:25
  Speaker 3: edible in me and I'm headed to fucking LAX, look out, motherfuckers.
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 13:30
  Speaker 3: Look out. Come fly to Friendly Sky. That's what happens
• 13:32
  Speaker 3: to me. It's the lead up. It was towards the
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: last year. I would wake up in the middle of
• 13:38
  Speaker 3: the night going, I can't believe I booked this trip
• 13:41
  Speaker 3: to this place.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: Fuck, I should have taken that week off, and I
• 13:45
  Speaker 3: shouldn't have booked this. I can't believe I got to
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: go to this town this week.
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like, fuck, East Tickle Town or something. You're like, fuck,
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: in Puerto Rico? Dude, I did a fucking weekend in
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: Puerto Rico one time, and I was like, what the fuck?
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: Some new joint they put. I was like, I never
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: should have went. Nine people fucking showed up, two couple
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: gay dudes over there, bro. I think it was like
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: a sex laundering or whatever, but I didn't do anything.
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: But I went and, you know, I tried to do
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: my best comedy, but just fucking unreal, bro. Now, we've
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: been doing this for a long time. Some of this shit.
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: It's like I just went back to Jersey and I
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: was like, to top it off, I haven't lived in
• 14:27
  Speaker 3: Jersey in 40 years.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: You got a driveway over there? Yeah.
• 14:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Driveway, fucking backyard. I got raccoons.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 14:35
  Speaker 3: I got a raccoon that will not leave me the
• 14:37
  Speaker 3: fuck alone. Really? And he's become like friends. He's like
• 14:40
  Speaker 3: a buddy now. He just comes. I put two bricks
• 14:44
  Speaker 3: in the garbage. He looks at me at night like, motherfucker,
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: you got me again. Then he leaves. I put a
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: piece of nicotine gum in that motherfucker. I didn't see
• 14:51
  Speaker 3: him for a week. That motherfucker was running up and
• 14:54
  Speaker 3: down fucking my street with nicotine in him. But, you know,
• 14:57
  Speaker 3: I live in a great neighborhood. It's quiet. Theo, I
• 15:01
  Speaker 3: live around the corner from Jimmy Florentine.
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah. He's an awesome guy.
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: Awesome guy. But, I mean, that's a week down. You
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: go down there, you're like, whoa. I got to learn
• 15:11
  Speaker 3: how to fucking navigate this shit.
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: Go down where? To his house? No, no.
• 15:15
  Speaker 3: To my house. Like, when I moved down to this place. Oh,
• 15:17
  Speaker 3: it was quiet. I'm an hour out of New York City.
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: I'm an hour 15 out of New York City. I'm
• 15:22
  Speaker 3: an hour where I was raised from. Like, North Bergen,
• 15:26
  Speaker 3: right across the city.
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: Mm-hmm. Where James J. Braddock is from?
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: No way.
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 15:31
  Speaker 3: I used to shovel the driveway.
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: You're lying.
• 15:33
  Speaker 3: When we were kids.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: Nuh-uh.
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and his son was a fucking cop. Yeah, that's
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: the park there, J.J. Braddock Park. They just put a
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: beautiful statue up there. That neighborhood was rocking. When we
• 15:46
  Speaker 3: were kids, not only did he live in town, J.J. Braddock,
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: but fucking the other guy, Jethro's father.
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: Jethro Tull?
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: No, Jethro from the Beverly Hillbillies.
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: Oh, my God. That dude had a father? Yeah. Bro,
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: anybody could have made that dude.
• 16:10
  Speaker 3: Jethro was a bad motherfucker.
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 16:13
  Speaker 3: So, yeah.
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: Dude, you saw James J. Braddock when you were a kid.
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah, like 10, 12. We'd go to Hudson County Park,
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: and one day somebody said, go up there. He would
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: just give you like 10 bucks to shovel in front
• 16:24
  Speaker 3: of his house like fucking when it snowed. So I
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: only went up there like once or twice. It was
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: way out of my neighborhood.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: He probably didn't even know it was snowing. He probably
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: was a snow globe. He got hit so many times.
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: That dude was fucking tough, bro. Oh, yeah.
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: That dude's tough. I saw some tapes of him. That
• 16:36
  Speaker 3: dude was Irish fucking longshoreman. He was fucking, he'll fight
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: you with one fucking hand, those guys.
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah, right there. Jane J. Braddock Park.
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: Right there. Damn, dude. That's one of my favorite movies, dude.
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: I've probably watched that movie maybe 12 times.
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: I love that movie. When I saw that movie, I
• 16:52
  Speaker 3: was crying up a storm. The funny thing was, I
• 16:55
  Speaker 3: got in trouble for that movie. Listen to this. I'm
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: at the longest yard premiere. I'm at the longest fucking
• 17:01
  Speaker 3: yard premiere.
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: That you're in. Right.
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: So I walk into my seats. I sit down, and
• 17:06
  Speaker 3: the last seat is open. I'm sitting there with my wife.
• 17:10
  Speaker 3: We're talking about shit. And all of a sudden, right
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: before the movie starts, a fucking Cameron Crowe sits next
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: to me. And on his sleeve, he's got North Bergen.
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: Did you see the jacket he made for Braddock when
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: he was shooting that movie?
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 17:24
  Speaker 3: He made a fucking great jacket. He sat next to me, man,
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: and I'm like, oh, what the fuck is Gladiator doing
• 17:32
  Speaker 3: next to me? I didn't say nothing.
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: Cameron Crowe, so that's the guy that made Gladiator? Russell Crowe.
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: Russell Crowe.
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: Oh, Russell Crowe.
• 17:38
  Speaker 3: Russell Crowe. It's Russell Crowe sitting next to me, the
• 17:41
  Speaker 3: guy who played J.J.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: Braddock. Oh, really? And he had the jacket on. Nuh-uh.
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: And as the movie ended, I couldn't take it no more.
• 17:48
  Speaker 3: The Longest Yard fucking ended. Everybody's clapping. The producers for
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: The Longest Yard are sitting in front of me, and
• 17:55
  Speaker 3: I turned to fucking Russell, and I go, yo. That's
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: the fucking movie of the year right there. And he
• 18:01
  Speaker 3: looked at me, and the producers looked at me. I'm
• 18:04
  Speaker 3: supposed to be pushing the longest yard, but I'm telling
• 18:07
  Speaker 3: them this is the fucking movie of the year.
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: Cinderella, man.
• 18:09
  Speaker 3: And he started laughing his ass off. You're from North Bergen.
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: We started giggling. Because my friends told me when he
• 18:15
  Speaker 3: was shooting the movie, they would see him at different delis.
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: He was doing different delis around fucking town.
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: Just checking them out.
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: Checking them out, whatever, promos, stuff like that.
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: I love that movie, man. I love that movie, and
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: that's one of the reasons I like this. I mean, I'm,
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: you know, Dustin is fighting in Jersey coming up. Two weeks.
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: In that Islam, yep, in two weeks.
• 18:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a great fight.
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and so part of me is like, I'm like
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: tying it in my head. I'm like, dude, when he
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: told me, I was like, dude, it's like James J. Braddock, bro.
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: It's like Cinderella, man. When are you coming up? I'm
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: going to come up the day before. Yeah, I got
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: a show Friday.
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: Where?
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: At Beacon.
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: Or maybe before the show, I'll take you to J.J.
• 18:59
  Speaker 3: Braddock Park.
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: No way. Yeah.
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: The fucking, we'll go to the park, we'll eat. Over there,
• 19:05
  Speaker 3: they got good fucking.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: Food over there. Yeah, I would love to, dude.
• 19:09
  Speaker 3: They got a fucking place called Tapas.
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: Right down the block from there in an Italian place.
• 19:15
  Speaker 3: That's tremendous. Spaghetti with little meatballs. Anywhere you go. And
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: if not, we go up to Rudy's. Forget about it.
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: Everything's good.
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: Oh, oh.
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah. It's funny.
• 19:24
  Speaker 3: Where I live, there's great food. I mean, fucking. I
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: brought Rogan down there. His head almost blew up. They
• 19:30
  Speaker 3: got everything down there. And it's so weird. Like, you
• 19:33
  Speaker 3: leave there going, I take Leo all the time. He
• 19:35
  Speaker 3: loses his fucking mind.
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: Who's Leo?
• 19:38
  Speaker 3: Lee, Lee.
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: I take Lee when he comes down. Yeah, when he
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: comes down, I take him to different places. That little
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: fucking walkie-talkie. I saw him the other night, dude. Walkie-talkie.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: That little fucking gumball machine. brother. That motherfucker is killing me, dog.
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: The fucking Jewish Christmas present. That little fucking.
• 19:55
  Speaker 3: Oh, my God. And he's doing comedy. And he's doing
• 19:58
  Speaker 3: great with it.
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he's been doing it, I think, almost five years now. Yeah.
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: He goes on the road. He fucking.
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: He's opening up for people. Does he close yet? I
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: know he's opening up for people. Yeah, he opens up Rogan,
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: a couple.
• 20:07
  Speaker 3: Oh, not Rogan.
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 20:09
  Speaker 3: Josh Wolfe. Yeah, Josh Wolfe.
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's when I saw him, Josh Wolfe, and Jacob
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: Wolfe the other day at a clothing store. But then, yeah,
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: me and Lee went up to the mothership one night. Yeah,
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: he was excited, dude. I'll never forget that time. I
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: think it might have been the first time I came
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: on you guys' podcast. And, yeah. In the beginning, there
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: was something in the headphones. It was like, Lee, I'm
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: hearing a little sound in the headphones. He's like, I'm
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: trying to fix it. So he's over there fucking... I
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: think he was looking on his phone, trying to figure out...
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: The whole board is in front of him or whatever.
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: Fast forward two hours, dude. I think we did some
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: mushrooms or something. Lee is unconscious or semi-unconscious. I don't
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: want to say he was unconscious. But he wasn't associated
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: with you and me. And we were the only people
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: in the room, so... He's over there, and he's like,
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: and I hear this sound in the headphones again, and
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: it's like. Yeah. This time it was him making like
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: a wheezy. He had like some HVAC issues going on
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: or something, that motherfucker. That was the thing that really
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: killed me.
• 21:20
  Speaker 3: I got to be honest with you.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: Like if he had a popcorn bag, that's been fucking good.
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: That's cooked to the max, bro.
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: That's what he sounded like? Yeah, just when that first
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: like kind of. What killed you? Sorry I interrupted you. No, no, no.
• 21:32
  Speaker 3: You know what fucking killed me, man? Those eight years
• 21:36
  Speaker 3: of that podcast with Lee, that was rough. I didn't
• 21:41
  Speaker 3: know how rough it was until I stopped doing it.
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: Like, what do you mean keeping up every week by
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: having a party every week, you mean?
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: We were fucking, what party? It was a nonstop party. Yeah.
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: Oh, y'all were Neil Armstrong and that other guy who
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: fights people.
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: We were fucking. Buzz Aldrin. We were doing 2,000 milligrams, mushrooms, Vikings,
• 22:01
  Speaker 3: whatever people dropped in that office, fucking, what's the therapy
• 22:07
  Speaker 3: people do?
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: Oh, ketamine therapy?
• 22:08
  Speaker 3: Ketamine.
• 22:09
  Speaker 5: Oh, yeah.
• 22:10
  Speaker 3: We were doing ketamine in there.
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: Y'all put Owen Benjamin into the woods. You fucking put
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: that dude in a blender.
• 22:16
  Speaker 3: There was a couple people that wanted to blend, including myself. Fuck,
• 22:20
  Speaker 3: I put myself in a blender. I was mixed goods
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: for fucking a year after that.
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: When I got home, when I moved to Jersey. Brackish water.
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: When I moved to Jersey, I moved to August, right?
• 22:31
  Speaker 3: August 19th. And we stayed in the corporate housing until
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: my house was ready.
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: You were building a house?
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: No, the house wasn't. We couldn't move in until September 2nd.
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: So we had two weeks in corporate housing. Those two
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: weeks were like I was just driving my wife crazy.
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Because I was eating 3,000 milligrams a day.
• 22:52
  Speaker 3: I was bored. I was lonely.
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: It was a pandemic.
• 22:55
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah. I was eating Xanax to fucking help me
• 22:59
  Speaker 3: go to sleep. I was eating Xanax on the road.
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: And I'll never forget, I went back there, and I
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: got so high one night. I melted the tea kettle.
• 23:09
  Speaker 3: Because I used to make Michael Jackson tea at night.
• 23:13
  Speaker 3: I'd make edible tea and put 2,000 milligrams in there.
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: That sleepy time, yeah.
• 23:18
  Speaker 3: And mix it up, and it'd be Michael Jackson tea.
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: Put some Sesame Street on it, start jerking off. Yeah,
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: I feel you.
• 23:24
  Speaker 3: One night I made that shit, and I was like,
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: I'm not high enough.
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: God, I can't believe you even said that to yourself.
• 23:33
  Speaker 3: Like, it was like the first month in Jersey was
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: a fucking... Like, I wasn't high enough. So I went
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: to make another batch of tea, and I passed out.
• 23:41
  Speaker 3: And when I got up, like, two hours later, the
• 23:43
  Speaker 3: fucking steam thing, the chi, it ran out of water,
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: and it just fucking collapsed into a little metal thing.
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: My wife's like, we got to throw that away.
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: It's just like Lee Science, just like....
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: And then I had, like, fucking... I fell asleep at
• 23:59
  Speaker 3: a restaurant. I was taking hash pills.
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 24:04
  Speaker 3: And we were at a restaurant.
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: What do you mean hash pills? Like from a fire? Hash.
• 24:08
  Speaker 3: Hash.
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: Oh, hash.
• 24:09
  Speaker 3: Hash pills.
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: Hash pills, yeah. Jesus Christ. Yeah, yeah, no. It was nonstop.
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: What are you fucking on, dude?
• 24:16
  Speaker 3: We were fucking, you know, smoking. I mean, listen, I
• 24:18
  Speaker 3: was going to the weed store every other day.
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 24:21
  Speaker 3: And every other day I'd buy a half ounce. Every
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: other day.
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: Why'd you have to get so high, you think?
• 24:27
  Speaker 3: Just, it was part of the thing. I didn't know.
• 24:30
  Speaker 3: To top it off, I was drinking eight to ten
• 24:34
  Speaker 3: espressos a day, Cuban coffees.
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: Bro, what the fuck? What direction you want to go, son?
• 24:42
  Speaker 3: Dog, it was edibles, sleep, edibles. It was stand-up, sleep, edibles.
• 24:49
  Speaker 3: It was just too much.
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: Wow. And did you know what you wanted to do
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: at that point? Or were you thinking like, I don't
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: know what I want to do? Because I remember there
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: was a point right when the pandemic happened, right? After
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: like 30, 40 days and not being able to do comedy. First,
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I'll take a little break. It's great.
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: It's great.
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: But then I'm like, I haven't taken a break in
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: my whole life. I never made a choice what I
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: wanted to do. I made a choice 20 years ago.
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: And now I'm just still doing that choice. I don't
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: even know what I want to be doing. So there
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: was a time I was like, I don't even know
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: what I'm, you know, what's going on, you know? I
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: remember that. And then, yeah, for a little bit, I
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: didn't know. Thankfully, I kept podcasting, but.
• 25:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah, during the pandemic, that's what saved me was we
• 25:30
  Speaker 3: kept podcasting.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 25:31
  Speaker 3: Fucking getting fucked up in there at night. I mean, listen,
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: the podcast started at seven and we would get there
• 25:38
  Speaker 3: at six. Talk shit, me and Lee. start doing edibles,
• 25:43
  Speaker 3: and then you would come at 7.
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: Kick that mule, baby.
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: And we'd do another hour of chit-chat, bongs, edibles, and
• 25:50
  Speaker 3: then a two-hour podcast, and then after the podcast ended,
• 25:53
  Speaker 3: we'd hang out for another hour. I wasn't getting home
• 25:56
  Speaker 3: till 2 in the morning. Podcast started at.
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: 7 o'clock at night. The church, baby.
• 26:00
  Speaker 3: How the fuck can a podcast be, you know, you're
• 26:02
  Speaker 3: there seven hours for a two-hour fucking podcast?
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: Two nights a week, and it was constant. Yeah, I
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: left out of there. They got that set on YouTube somewhere.
• 26:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah.
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: Mushrooms.
• 26:14
  Speaker 3: I left out of there.
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: We were nonstop.
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: It was, like, fun.
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: The THC scene was growing. I felt like a damn
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: taquito when I left out of there, brother. I was
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: fucking cooked up.
• 26:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, the— The fucking weed scene was growing
• 26:26
  Speaker 3: with us. Oh, yeah. Weed companies were sticking their hands out.
• 26:29
  Speaker 3: Edible companies were giving me fucking edibles. Then comedy chaos.
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: Who got the most fucked up over the time? Give
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: me the five people that probably, when they showed up
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: at the church, they definitely, they got the holiest of water, bro.
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: Who got doused the most up there?
• 26:49
  Speaker 3: I saw a lot of people go through changes. Right
• 26:51
  Speaker 3: in fucking front of me, man.
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, dude. You could see their eyes, and I'm like,
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: you know. From spring to fall, a damn solstice right
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: in front of you.
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: Oh, Sarah Tiana?
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 27:00
  Speaker 3: I love her to death.
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: Oh, she's great.
• 27:02
  Speaker 4: That was not good.
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: That made me feel really bad, you know, because she's
• 27:05
  Speaker 3: the fucking salt of the earth. I love that girl.
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: She's so sweet, so funny.
• 27:10
  Speaker 3: There was a lot of shit that people didn't see. Yeah. Like,
• 27:13
  Speaker 3: one of the best episodes we did was Stephen Bauer
• 27:16
  Speaker 3: the first time. You know Stephen Bowers, the guy from Scarface?
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: No, did he pass away?
• 27:22
  Speaker 3: No, no, no. He played Manolo. He played Manny.
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah. Remember, he was at the store, too.
• 27:26
  Speaker 3: He was going to the store at the end. He
• 27:29
  Speaker 3: came in one time with cargo shorts. Now, you got
• 27:32
  Speaker 3: to remember, it was like here. The cameras are facing me.
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 27:36
  Speaker 3: That's the time. He came in with cargo shorts. The
• 27:40
  Speaker 3: camera would face him. Mm-hmm. And every once in a while,
• 27:43
  Speaker 3: he'd go off camera and take a liquor bottle out
• 27:47
  Speaker 3: of his sock.
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: Mm-hmm.
• 27:48
  Speaker 3: First, they were in a sock. I mean, this is
• 27:50
  Speaker 3: classic shit. He would take them out of his sock
• 27:53
  Speaker 3: first and drink them. And then put them upside down
• 27:56
  Speaker 3: over here. Then there were six empty ones. Then he
• 27:59
  Speaker 3: started going in his cargo pants. And he would take
• 28:03
  Speaker 3: another bottle out and drink it. We counted, like, nine
• 28:06
  Speaker 3: fucking bottles, plus the beer he was drinking.
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.
• 28:09
  Speaker 3: Plus God knows what else. You know, people doing that...
• 28:13
  Speaker 3: A guy came on one day. I forget what the
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: fucking guy's name was. I haven't spoken to him in
• 28:16
  Speaker 3: like three years. He disappeared.
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: Was it a Japanese guy?
• 28:19
  Speaker 3: No, he's an Italian guy. I forget what his fucking
• 28:21
  Speaker 3: name was.
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: He would come on there and bring.
• 28:26
  Speaker 3: Bags of pills. I'm not talking about like a prescription bottle, like...
• 28:31
  Speaker 3: Like he'd come in with like, oh, I got these.
• 28:33
  Speaker 3: And then when you take these, like this is the
• 28:35
  Speaker 3: way he carried the bag. When you took one of these,
• 28:39
  Speaker 3: you did one of these. And then if this don't
• 28:41
  Speaker 3: do it, this don't do it. And he'd give us
• 28:43
  Speaker 3: pills by the hand. I didn't know what they were.
• 28:45
  Speaker 3: We used to just call them happy pills. When you're
• 28:47
  Speaker 3: just eating pills, you don't know what the fuck they are.
• 28:49
  Speaker 3: And I remember I did his podcast once on a Sunday.
• 28:52
  Speaker 3: And when I got there, they had bags of fucking
• 28:55
  Speaker 3: pills at the studio.
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: And one day I go, you know what? Give me
• 28:58
  Speaker 3: one of those fucking pills. This is the Lord's Day.
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: I got nothing going on.
• 29:02
  Speaker 3: I was high from 1 o'clock in the afternoon to
• 29:06
  Speaker 3: fucking the next day. I don't know what type of
• 29:07
  Speaker 3: pill I took. I don't know what he was giving
• 29:09
  Speaker 3: out that day. I mean, I was fucked up.
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: Did it have like a leopard pattern on it?
• 29:14
  Speaker 3: I have no fucking idea. I didn't see no weapons.
• 29:16
  Speaker 3: I didn't see nothing.
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: Cause I took some shit.
• 29:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: One time this gay, I don't want to say the
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: dude was gay, but everybody knew he was gay and
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: he knew he was gay, but he, um, gave me
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: a couple of somas to drive him somewhere. Right, dude.
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: He's like, this is the worst idea ever, bro. And
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: RIP bro, my boy, Billy Conforto. But he, uh, he
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: gave me a couple somas to drive him somewhere he's
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: like dio bruh uh because he looked like don flamenco
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: remember don flamenco from mike tyson's punch out this guy
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: was the first homosexual that everybody knew in our area
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: and he also was a pride billy would he was
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: a fighter too he grew up boxing right and then
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: um So he would get the one with the rose
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: in his mouth that looks more like him. There you go.
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: That's Billy right there, bro. Okay? So he fucking goes, Dio, bro,
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: I'll give you a couple somas. You drive me across
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: the lake, bro. I was like, all right. I've never
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: taken somas in my life, dude. So I took two
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: of them bitches, dude. He went into the service station
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: to get a prepaid phone call or something because he
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: had some domestic issues. So he comes back out, bro,
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: and I fucking– It only been about 12 minutes. I'd
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: taken them bitches. We started driving, dude. I took a
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: right turn and it place didn't even exist, bro. Fucking
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: road didn't even exist, bro.
• 30:34
  Speaker 3: Oh, my God.
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: Bro, he fucking takes my body, moves me over to
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: the passenger seat. The cops came. He went to jail
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: for like four months.
• 30:45
  Speaker 3: So he's switching it.
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: Oh, fucking G, bro. Bless his heart. Because he knew
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: he put me in that situation. I was a child.
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: He was like an adult, bro. But it was, I
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: was just trying to, but who gives their driver fucking
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: two somas, you know? So just poor pill management, really.
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: Poor pill management.
• 31:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it is.
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: But damn, that was something, dude. God. When I think
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: of some of the times, dude.
• 31:12
  Speaker 3: It scares you.
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, when I think it's the times that I drove
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: fucked up, Joey. When I used to get, I would
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: put both of my feet on the pedals, right? Because
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: I was too nervous to let one of my feet
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: make all the decisions, right? So I was like, I
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: ain't trusting this one of my feet. I'm going to
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: have both feet down there in case something pops off, right?
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: So I had one on each pedal. But even then,
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: it's like playing a, you know, it's a little bit
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: of driver's ed kind of vibes. And I would be
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: like in a crosswalk and I would be high. And
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: somebody would be walking through, and I'd be like, do
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: not fucking hit the gas, bro. Just hoping my feet
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: didn't do their own shit and start a new adventure
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: for themselves, you know? It just got me so, just
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: being so fucked up that you didn't know if you
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: were going to be able to rely on yourself, you know?
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: That shit was tough, dude.
• 31:57
  Speaker 3: That's one thing about me I never fucking did. As
• 31:59
  Speaker 3: crazy as I am, I could do anything. Like, if
• 32:02
  Speaker 3: you said to me, Joey, can we do this? Let's go.
• 32:05
  Speaker 3: I'm not scared of cops, you know? When I was running,
• 32:08
  Speaker 3: I was running. When you're running, you're running. There's one
• 32:12
  Speaker 3: thing I hate doing. Drinking and driving. Or partying and driving. Listen,
• 32:18
  Speaker 3: I can smoke a joint and drive better than most people.
• 32:21
  Speaker 3: The other shit, I cannot drink and drive. It won't
• 32:25
  Speaker 3: let me. My body shuts down. Because I know I
• 32:28
  Speaker 3: can talk to a cop. But if I'm drinking, I
• 32:31
  Speaker 3: can't talk to him because he's got me. I'm guilty.
• 32:33
  Speaker 3: I'm guilty. I'm not going to fucking try to tell
• 32:35
  Speaker 3: him I had one drink. That's why I won't even
• 32:37
  Speaker 3: have one drink when I go out. The fear of
• 32:40
  Speaker 3: a cop pulling me over and asking me, were you drinking? Yeah.
• 32:43
  Speaker 3: And then I got to go, yeah. And then he
• 32:44
  Speaker 3: gets me out of the car and then I got
• 32:46
  Speaker 3: to do the fucking 10 steps. So before I go
• 32:49
  Speaker 3: through all that shit, you know, and we didn't have Ubers.
• 32:52
  Speaker 3: You know, I didn't have an Uber. Now, fucking great
• 32:54
  Speaker 3: to get high. Yeah, you can do whatever the fuck
• 32:56
  Speaker 3: you want now.
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, people don't understand what that was like, not having
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: an Uber. Shit. You had to get high. Say, if
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: you wanted to leave a place, you had to fucking
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: walk off.
• 33:04
  Speaker 3: Walk or fucking run or fucking go through the weeds
• 33:08
  Speaker 3: or some shit. You know, my thing was, I'm still
• 33:12
  Speaker 3: very grateful that in all those years, nothing happened bad
• 33:17
  Speaker 3: on the road. And, bro, I was in situations where...
• 33:22
  Speaker 3: You know, a lot of shit could have happened drug-wise.
• 33:26
  Speaker 3: One time in Beaumont, like when I think of nights
• 33:29
  Speaker 3: that I could have died, it's Beaumont. Beaumont for reals.
• 33:33
  Speaker 3: I fucking OD'd on Valium.
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: Really? You could OD on the sunset there. It's a
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: beautiful area.
• 33:39
  Speaker 3: I couldn't talk for three days. I had to go
• 33:41
  Speaker 3: to a hotel room. My face was dragging. It's like
• 33:44
  Speaker 3: I had a ballsy face. Yeah. Couldn't go home. Couldn't
• 33:48
  Speaker 3: get on a plane. I blew my whole check in
• 33:50
  Speaker 3: a hotel in Houston fucking coming down, hiding from people.
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: Drinking Gatorade.
• 33:55
  Speaker 3: You know, yeah. It's so many things could have happened.
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 34:00
  Speaker 3: All those weeks in Miami doing drugs.
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: Houston.
• 34:04
  Speaker 3: You know, Houston was fucking. You came to Houston to
• 34:08
  Speaker 3: lose your mind and do comedy. That was part of it.
• 34:11
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  Speaker 1: blend in with the crowd. Stand out. That's a fucking.
• 36:16
  Speaker 3: I had a friend that... Well, he wasn't a friend.
• 36:17
  Speaker 3: When I was, like, 24, there was an old guy
• 36:20
  Speaker 3: that hung out at one of the bars.
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.
• 36:22
  Speaker 3: And he would just drink and then throw punches in
• 36:24
  Speaker 3: the air.
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And say, you're talking to me.
• 36:27
  Speaker 3: And he would throw punches, you know. You know the
• 36:30
  Speaker 3: whole fucking thing.
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, dude.
• 36:32
  Speaker 3: So I'm doing coke in this bar, and every day
• 36:34
  Speaker 3: he'd talk to himself. Yeah, I'll fucking kick your ass.
• 36:37
  Speaker 3: And he'd throw jabs at him. I wanted to ask
• 36:39
  Speaker 3: the bartender, what's up with this fucking guy? He goes,
• 36:41
  Speaker 3: you don't know Johnny Reed? I go, nah, you know,
• 36:43
  Speaker 3: it was 1984, I'm a kid. I don't know Johnny Reed.
• 36:45
  Speaker 3: He goes, I go, is he crazy? He goes, you
• 36:48
  Speaker 3: don't know what he did?
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: I go, nah.
• 36:50
  Speaker 3: He tried to kill himself, jumped out of a building
• 36:52
  Speaker 3: and landed in a garbage dumpster. And he just bopped
• 36:55
  Speaker 3: his head. So now he's fucked up. He would get
• 36:57
  Speaker 3: a check from the government on the first and he
• 36:59
  Speaker 3: would just give it to the bartender and say, tell
• 37:02
  Speaker 3: me when it's over. By the 18th, he'd be broke
• 37:05
  Speaker 3: and he'd be in there fucking arguing with the bartender.
• 37:08
  Speaker 3: I locked him in a bathroom one day. Dog, I
• 37:11
  Speaker 3: locked him in the bathroom at 2.30 in the afternoon.
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 37:14
  Speaker 3: Because in Jersey, the bathroom's locked from the outside. He
• 37:17
  Speaker 3: was driving us crazy, talking about boxing. 1964, I took
• 37:20
  Speaker 3: him to the body, and I'm like, Johnny, knock it off.
• 37:23
  Speaker 3: He went into the bathroom. I can't take Johnny no more.
• 37:25
  Speaker 3: We locked him.
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: We left. We leave. Oh, you got him. I came
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: back at 9. I go to the bathroom. He's still
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: in the bathroom locked. He came in. He's like, whoo.
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: That's the noise he made when I opened the door.
• 37:36
  Speaker 3: He goes, whoo. This guy used to fuck me. Then
• 37:40
  Speaker 3: towards the end, I would go, Johnny, you ever do coke?
• 37:43
  Speaker 3: I'd give him a line of coke, and that would
• 37:44
  Speaker 3: put his embryism, whatever craziness he had, he'd go even worse.
• 37:49
  Speaker 3: And I still remember giving him a line of coke
• 37:51
  Speaker 3: like at 2 in the morning, like a bump, and
• 37:53
  Speaker 3: then being in.
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: The car at 5, going to the.
• 37:55
  Speaker 3: City to get coke, and seeing him walking over the
• 37:58
  Speaker 3: George Washington Bridge, throwing fucking laughs. I'm like, oh, my God,
• 38:02
  Speaker 3: we can't give that motherfucker lines no more. And then
• 38:05
  Speaker 3: I cracked him one day. I just showed him my dick. Yeah.
• 38:08
  Speaker 3: I put it on the stool next to him.
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.
• 38:10
  Speaker 3: And he was right on the stool. And he's like,
• 38:11
  Speaker 3: and I go, Johnny. He goes, what? And I go,
• 38:13
  Speaker 3: look at this. And he goes, wow.
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: And he just fucking, he just watched a basketball game.
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: He goes, wow.
• 38:20
  Speaker 3: And he just started, I'm like fucking dying. Only Johnny
• 38:23
  Speaker 3: could do this. I've been asking about him. What happened
• 38:26
  Speaker 3: to him? He's got to be dead by now. He
• 38:27
  Speaker 3: was 50, 60 when that shit in the 80s.
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: Dude, we had a guy, we had this dude, Mr. Dennis,
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: and everybody just called him Danny, right? This guy in
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: our neighborhood, he kind of like, he was just like
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: an adult, right? But he had this son named Rocky
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: was his son, right? And so Rocky was like, I
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: don't know if something was wrong with him, but something
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: was pretty much wrong with him, right? Like he just wasn't,
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: you couldn't really rely on him. Like if you told
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: him something, it didn't matter because he didn't really know, like,
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: what was going on a lot of times, right? So
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: you wouldn't share, like, a lot of information with him.
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: But Rocky had a fucking cock on him, right? So
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: one time we're all outside, and Mr. Denny goes, Rocky,
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: show him that cock, right? His own son, dude. And
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: we're all like, what the fuck, dude? And Rocky fucking
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: showed that cock, bro. And everybody was like, damn. Rocky's
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: got that cock on him, bro. And then after that,
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: it would always, like, any time that Mr. Denny was around,
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: he would be like, Rocky, show him that.
• 39:22
  Speaker 5: Cock, huh?
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: And Rocky would fucking get his cock. out.
• 39:26
  Speaker 3: Now, Rocky wasn't all there.
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: No, he wasn't all there, bro.
• 39:29
  Speaker 3: He was missing a couple bricks, yeah, yeah.
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, he was definitely... But he was like... You know,
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: he was healthy enough. Like, he could enjoy Christmas and shit,
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: you know. It wasn't like he was like, you know,
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: like you got to keep him in the back or whatever.
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: He was definitely like, you know, he was a cool guy. Like,
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: you could play games with him and shit. Like, it
• 39:46
  Speaker 1: wasn't like he was like, he just wasn't real bright
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: and his mouth was always wet, you know. But the
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: dad would be like, Rocky, show him that cock. Show
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: him that dick. Yeah, show him that cock, Rocky.
• 39:56
  Speaker 3: Because most of those, like, mentally challenged, like, retards, they
• 39:59
  Speaker 3: got big dicks.
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 40:00
  Speaker 3: And they're horny, too. They'll fuck you to death. Oh, dude.
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: They'll re-caulk your living room, dude.
• 40:06
  Speaker 3: I saw a fucking, I was up in Salem, Oregon
• 40:10
  Speaker 3: one time.
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: Eugene!
• 40:12
  Speaker 3: And it was whatever, Special Olympian Convention at the hotel
• 40:17
  Speaker 3: we were doing comedy. Not good. And I was working
• 40:21
  Speaker 3: with a feature act who had huge tits with cleavage.
• 40:24
  Speaker 3: And she was on stage and one of the kids
• 40:26
  Speaker 3: was walking by. And he saw her tits, and he
• 40:29
  Speaker 3: started making, he started making noises.
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, just doing the Biden.
• 40:33
  Speaker 3: You think I'm fucking kidding you? I was watching the
• 40:35
  Speaker 3: whole thing go down, and I'm watching this kid. Why
• 40:37
  Speaker 3: is he going crazy? He was looking at her tits.
• 40:40
  Speaker 3: And there was two fucking big black guys, like University
• 40:43
  Speaker 3: of Oregon football players that work in security. There was
• 40:46
  Speaker 3: a point they couldn't contain him.
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 40:48
  Speaker 3: He was just going, and they had to fucking tackle him.
• 40:51
  Speaker 3: He was pushing the brothers out of the way. I
• 40:54
  Speaker 3: was like, this fucker, because they're strong, too.
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah. Oh, definitely. They're strong, too, so you.
• 40:59
  Speaker 3: Got to be careful. They'll hold you down and fuck
• 41:01
  Speaker 3: you to death with that big fucking Special Olympian dick.
• 41:06
  Speaker 3: You're going to have some problems, dog.
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you can't let them pet an animal for too long.
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: That's for sure, brother. That shit will escalate. Dude, what
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: was I saying earlier? What was that thing in the
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: news I just saw that they found? Well, now I'm
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: starting to think that more people will have conditions, right?
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: Because they just found like plastics. What was it? You
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: see that thing? Microplastics have been found in human testicles.
• 41:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: Bring that up, dude. I mean, Joey, this is the
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: kind of stuff, brother. You're lucky you have two healthy daughters.
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: You know, this is the kind of stuff, man. That's
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: happening now. In 2024, microplastics are starting to look a
• 41:50
  Speaker 1: lot like cigarettes did in the early 1960s, a poorly
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: understood health hazard in dire need of better study and regulation.
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: The latest bad news on microplastics in human health emerged
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: last week when a study from researchers at the University
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: of New Mexico examined 47 canine and 23 human testes,
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: nuts or body nuts. taken from neutering operations in condivers, respectively,
• 42:14
  Speaker 1: all of those testicles had microplastics inside of them. So
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: it's just like, what's gonna, what, like, you know, what
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: is that causing, bro? If you got plat, you know,
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: what kind of effects can happen? Does it say they've
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: already been found in our bloodstream and in other human
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: organs such as the liver, the heart, and the lungs? Micro...
• 42:37
  Speaker 1: I just, you start to wonder what happens when that
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: gets into your brain. Does that make more if a
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: kid's got plastic in his head or whatever.
• 42:43
  Speaker 3: Listen, bro, there's so many things going on right now.
• 42:48
  Speaker 3: You know, there's so many fucking things. You know, look
• 42:51
  Speaker 3: at this. The pandemic opened up, you know, with the
• 42:55
  Speaker 3: fucking shots and the mental health. It just opened up
• 42:59
  Speaker 3: a variety of fucking, of everything. Everybody's speeding up. I
• 43:02
  Speaker 3: got a fucking hernia. I lost weight and all of
• 43:05
  Speaker 3: a sudden I had this bump. I got a fucking hernia.
• 43:08
  Speaker 3: You know, who the fuck knows? Who the fuck knows
• 43:10
  Speaker 3: what they're putting in food anymore? You know, you don't
• 43:14
  Speaker 3: know what you're really eating. You know, fucking vegetables. Fruit
• 43:18
  Speaker 3: tastes like shit sometimes. It tastes good others.
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: It doesn't even taste like fruit sometimes.
• 43:23
  Speaker 3: No, no, guys, it's a different fucking world. And, you know,
• 43:28
  Speaker 3: try to make a doctor's appointment now. Possible. It's, you know,
• 43:31
  Speaker 3: try to get a hard, try to make a hard appointment.
• 43:35
  Speaker 3: They'll tell you, like if you call today, they'll go, yeah,
• 43:37
  Speaker 3: fucking July 8th. Because that fucking needle fucked everybody's heart up.
• 43:47
  Speaker 3: There's a ton of shit going on.
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: God knows.
• 43:50
  Speaker 3: They don't tell you shit, man.
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: Has it always been like that, or do you think
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: it's happening more than ever? Do you feel like it's
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: always been like that in life?
• 43:58
  Speaker 3: I think it's always been like that, but we have
• 44:00
  Speaker 3: the internet now and 20,000 media outlets.
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, that's true.
• 44:07
  Speaker 3: We have so much information. Listen, this metal, this fucking heart,
• 44:13
  Speaker 3: the disease, I think the biggest thing I'm looking at
• 44:17
  Speaker 3: is I've never seen mental health like this. I know people.
• 44:20
  Speaker 3: I grew up with people. And I talk to them now,
• 44:23
  Speaker 3: and they're not the same fucking person.
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 44:25
  Speaker 3: And I know I'm not the same person. I know
• 44:27
  Speaker 3: the pandemic or whatever, the 30 years of comedy, you know,
• 44:30
  Speaker 3: getting hit in the head. Who the fuck knows? But
• 44:33
  Speaker 3: right now, man, you have to. Did you see the
• 44:37
  Speaker 3: last 10 years, the rise, and everybody's a politician now?
• 44:41
  Speaker 3: Anywhere you go, people want to talk to you about politics.
• 44:44
  Speaker 3: I never seen like, men, don't even want to talk
• 44:46
  Speaker 3: about pussy no more. But what do you think? It's
• 44:50
  Speaker 3: too much information. And that pandemic fucked us up because
• 44:53
  Speaker 3: what were you doing? Listening to music or watching TV,
• 44:57
  Speaker 3: waiting for the next fucking handjob? After the pandemic, I
• 45:00
  Speaker 3: never watched world news ever again.
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 45:04
  Speaker 3: I'm an American, I wanna watch it at 6.30. I
• 45:06
  Speaker 3: was raised on them. I don't watch anymore because they're
• 45:09
  Speaker 3: just scaring white people. That's all they're doing. They're giving
• 45:12
  Speaker 3: you selective news. I don't believe anything no more. I
• 45:16
  Speaker 3: just live my life and I fucking try my best
• 45:20
  Speaker 3: to decipher what's getting thrown at you all day. But
• 45:23
  Speaker 3: the mental health, I think right now, and this is
• 45:26
  Speaker 3: what it's gotta be, it's the internet. It's the fucking,
• 45:30
  Speaker 3: everybody's a celebrity now. We're living in a world where
• 45:33
  Speaker 3: everybody's a fucking celebrity now. You go to a fucking
• 45:36
  Speaker 3: movie theater now, they got poster boards for you to
• 45:38
  Speaker 3: take pictures of. Everybody's a fucking celebrity. I've never seen
• 45:41
  Speaker 3: a world like this. I got restaurants by my house
• 45:44
  Speaker 3: on Thursday nights. You can't pull up. Can't pull up. Lamborghinis, Ferraris,
• 45:49
  Speaker 3: to go to a fucking restaurant. Everybody's a fucking celebrity.
• 45:52
  Speaker 3: The other half, we're fighting for our fucking lives. And
• 45:55
  Speaker 3: then they keep putting this shit at you. Every day,
• 45:59
  Speaker 3: you put the news on in the afternoon or whatever.
• 46:03
  Speaker 3: The Trump hush deal, this, that, it's constant. It's always
• 46:06
  Speaker 3: in your face. And if you're going to, you get
• 46:08
  Speaker 3: sucked in by it. I'm telling you, I've seen the people.
• 46:12
  Speaker 3: We're getting thrown so much information at us anymore.
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: It's so much.
• 46:17
  Speaker 3: Fucking somewhere along the line, you got to crack.
• 46:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, it's too much, man. I just miss like
• 46:23
  Speaker 1: a simpler time too, man. God, remember how much fun
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: it was, dude? This is simple.
• 46:28
  Speaker 3: Nobody had a phone. You went out. Nobody get a
• 46:31
  Speaker 3: hold of you.
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: We used to go, bro. I remember we'd go to
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: Howard Johnson's, bro. Remember Howard Johnson's? Fuck yeah. Bring up
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: a fucking Howard Johnson's.
• 46:39
  Speaker 3: They had that short water taffy.
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: Show them that cock, Rocky. Oh, show them that cock, Rocky.
• 46:43
  Speaker 1: Bring up a Howard Johnson's, bro.
• 46:46
  Speaker 3: I think there's still a Howard Johnson's by me on
• 46:48
  Speaker 3: Route 3.
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: I hope there is, dude. Howard Johnson's. My mom, when
• 46:54
  Speaker 1: I was like five, we would go. She would drop
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: us off there to meet my grandparents or whatever. And
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: we didn't know our... And they would have, oh, they
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: used to have, and we'd have, like, a nice meal there.
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: It'd be nice, bro. They had the bathroom that had
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: the little, you ever go to a bathroom, but it
• 47:12
  Speaker 1: has a little room before you get in the bathroom?
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: It's like you open the door, and then you're just in, like,
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: a little bitty room, and then there's another door, and
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: that's the bathroom. It's like the room's, like, three feet
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: by three feet. You know what I'm saying? You open that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: They had that shit, too. We never even seen that.
• 47:25
  Speaker 3: How many Howard Johnsons are possibly left?
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: I don't know. Dude, Shoney's Inn, bro. I remember for $ 11,
• 47:34
  Speaker 1: you could stay at the place, right? For $ 15, you
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: could stay and eat, right? So with that $ 4 upcharge,
• 47:41
  Speaker 1: you got that buffet. Shoney's had an inn. And we
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: would go, bro. And they had they also had this
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: like premier buffet for like two more dollars. You could go.
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: They had like this kind of roped off area of
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: the buffet. And down there they had fucking salmon or whatever,
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: you know, damn pig, you know, special pickles, salmon, honey, pickles,
• 48:01
  Speaker 1: honeydew melon. Like I'd never shit. You'd never seen fucking
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: gay watermelon. You know what I'm saying? They had all
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: the special shit. down there like black pudding or whatever
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: they had all the shit down there the Reeboks were
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: on sale they had like this special area of the
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: buffet but it was like roped off unless you got
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: the premiere edition or whatever but dude we would go
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: there bro it was so nice.
• 48:25
  Speaker 3: Dude when you're a kid all that shit's nice until
• 48:28
  Speaker 3: you get old and you're like why am I eating
• 48:29
  Speaker 3: this shit I'm gonna fucking die look at the people
• 48:34
  Speaker 3: around me look what they look like and here I
• 48:36
  Speaker 3: am with them About to die. And that's anywhere. Any
• 48:40
  Speaker 3: of those chains that fucking country crock. What's that one?
• 48:46
  Speaker 1: Crack a barrel. Crack a barrel. You'll die.
• 48:48
  Speaker 3: You'll fucking die in one of those places. There's like
• 48:51
  Speaker 3: 10 of those fucking joints that you're eating in. You're like,
• 48:54
  Speaker 3: you know what?
• 48:55
  Speaker 1: What's the place that they have the chocolate fountain? They
• 48:59
  Speaker 1: have one in Burbank. Memphis? No.
• 49:02
  Speaker 3: No, no, no. No. There's an all-you-can-eat buffet in Burbank.
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: Oh, damn. It's a chain.
• 49:08
  Speaker 3: It's a chain, and they advertise.
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: Oh, you're talking about Shakey's Pizza? No, not that either.
• 49:14
  Speaker 1: We used to do comedy at Shakey's Pizza in Seattle.
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: Did you?
• 49:17
  Speaker 3: One night, they had like a Wednesday night.
• 49:18
  Speaker 1: My buddy got leprosy at one of those places. He
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: fucked me. You got leprosy. Oh, this guy would get everything, bro.
• 49:24
  Speaker 1: He's a real susceptible fella. Golden Corral. Golden Corral. That's
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: a fucking place right there. Oh, you'll die. Oh, there's
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: a lot of.
• 49:32
  Speaker 3: And I see people eating fish at those places. You
• 49:35
  Speaker 3: just want to go over to them and go, listen,
• 49:36
  Speaker 3: here's a good mortician. So when they lay out your body,
• 49:40
  Speaker 3: they can take that salmon out. Salmon, shrimp.
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: And I don't think there's no buffets anymore. No.
• 49:46
  Speaker 3: Right? Since the pandemic.
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: I mean, I think, well, people are still doing them,
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: but it's definitely more of a risque type of thing.
• 49:53
  Speaker 1: It's kind of like the only fans of, like, the
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: dinner community, I feel like. Like, if you see a buffet,
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: it almost feels like it's Prohibition or something. Like, you
• 50:02
  Speaker 1: know what I'm saying? Like, it's a fucking speakeasy, you know?
• 50:06
  Speaker 3: When you go to those places and you look around
• 50:08
  Speaker 3: and you're like, I went to fucking, where did I go?
• 50:13
  Speaker 3: I went to Kentucky, Paducah. My brother-in-law lives in Paducah.
• 50:18
  Speaker 3: I love my in-laws. It's my niece's birthday today. I
• 50:22
  Speaker 3: love her. But I can't go to Paducah because they
• 50:25
  Speaker 3: take me to this restaurant and they put cheddar cheese
• 50:28
  Speaker 3: on everything. They put it on oatmeal. On cereal. I mean,
• 50:32
  Speaker 3: whatever you order, they put a handful of that communist
• 50:36
  Speaker 3: cheddar cheese. It's worse than the one the government sends you.
• 50:40
  Speaker 3: And I'm eating the one night with my wife because
• 50:42
  Speaker 3: my wife brought it home to me the one night.
• 50:45
  Speaker 3: She's like, we're going to go over here and eat.
• 50:47
  Speaker 3: You could stay there and I'll just bring you a thing.
• 50:49
  Speaker 3: And I ate it and it wasn't bad. It was
• 50:50
  Speaker 3: like a steak, just a couple pieces of meat. It
• 50:53
  Speaker 3: wasn't bad. The next night I went. I'm like, yeah,
• 50:55
  Speaker 3: I'm excited. Let's go. And we went there. And I'm
• 50:58
  Speaker 3: looking at these people with everybody's ankles down. They all
• 51:02
  Speaker 3: had a diabetic foot. Everybody. It's like going to a
• 51:05
  Speaker 3: Yankee game. I went to a Yankee game two years ago.
• 51:09
  Speaker 3: I was sitting next to a lady. Her foot was purple.
• 51:11
  Speaker 3: And what this bitch do, she put like a blue
• 51:13
  Speaker 3: tattoo on it to throw the color off of the
• 51:15
  Speaker 3: diabetic foot. I'm like, when does it end?
• 51:18
  Speaker 1: Fucking Don Fattingly, dude.
• 51:20
  Speaker 3: And she's sitting there eating beer, drinking beer.
• 51:23
  Speaker 1: If you're eating beer, I seen a woman over there
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: eating beer with a spoon.
• 51:27
  Speaker 3: You know them bitches are going downhill. It was a
• 51:29
  Speaker 3: fucking nightmare. When I see a diabetic foot at a restaurant,
• 51:33
  Speaker 3: I got to go. Yeah. Or a fat ankle like that.
• 51:36
  Speaker 3: When I looked around this restaurant, Paducah, everybody's ankles were swollen.
• 51:39
  Speaker 3: I'm like, dog, I'm done. I'm on the plane tomorrow.
• 51:42
  Speaker 3: You got to go.
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you get to– it is true. I think it's important.
• 51:46
  Speaker 1: You got to look around and see who's in the joint.
• 51:49
  Speaker 3: Who's in this fucking joint?
• 51:50
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 51:50
  Speaker 3: Look at these people. They're going to die.
• 51:52
  Speaker 1: Because sometimes it is. It's just– it's like people that
• 51:55
  Speaker 1: are almost just like cattle that don't want to– yeah,
• 51:59
  Speaker 1: that can't even breathe that good or read. You'll see
• 52:02
  Speaker 1: people like on– like on Oxygen, you know, sneaking in
• 52:05
  Speaker 1: a fucking... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, when you go in there.
• 52:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 52:08
  Speaker 1: Sneaking in a little hit of pie or something.
• 52:11
  Speaker 3: While they're eating or smoking a cigarette.
• 52:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 52:13
  Speaker 3: They don't give a fuck.
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: They don't give a fuck.
• 52:14
  Speaker 3: They don't give a fuck, man. And it's like, I
• 52:17
  Speaker 3: get nervous in those places. Like, I'm going to die.
• 52:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, there's just a lot of bad food out there.
• 52:23
  Speaker 1: And I think it's gotten more to the place now
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: you have to take care of yourself because the government
• 52:27
  Speaker 1: or whatever, whatever we thought, the FDA... That shit's.
• 52:30
  Speaker 3: All been compromised, bro.
• 52:31
  Speaker 1: That's compromised.
• 52:32
  Speaker 3: You show up with an envelope and they'll approve anything.
• 52:34
  Speaker 1: Those motherfuckers, dude. They don't give a fuck anymore. Bro,
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: you could have damn menthol bread pudding, bro. Those motherfuckers
• 52:40
  Speaker 1: will approve.
• 52:41
  Speaker 3: You know, it's like going on Instagram. They sell every
• 52:43
  Speaker 3: get well cure on Instagram. Like who would buy, you know,
• 52:47
  Speaker 3: and it's constant. Look at your Instagram. It's like bodybuilding, recuperation, testosterone. Yeah,
• 52:53
  Speaker 3: I'm going to buy testosterone online from some fucking guy
• 52:56
  Speaker 3: I don't know. It is crazy.
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: Eyebrow loss. They have eyebrow. Like, what are you even doing?
• 53:00
  Speaker 3: Yeah, no, man.
• 53:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, poor vision. Missing grandparents. You're like, who gives a fuck?
• 53:05
  Speaker 1: Missing grandparents. For $ 40 a month. You're like, what even
• 53:10
  Speaker 1: am I paying for? It's just some of this shit. Yeah,
• 53:13
  Speaker 1: it's like everything is for sale. It doesn't matter.
• 53:16
  Speaker 3: Everything. You sit there and you go, all these products.
• 53:19
  Speaker 3: I like when somebody goes on Rogan and they talk
• 53:22
  Speaker 3: about a product. And then you go on Instagram two
• 53:25
  Speaker 3: weeks later and they're talking on Rogan about the product.
• 53:27
  Speaker 3: And they're selling it just because Rogan was in it.
• 53:30
  Speaker 3: It's like, guys, when does it end?
• 53:33
  Speaker 1: Like using the clips, you mean? Yeah, like using the clips.
• 53:35
  Speaker 1: It's just so... It's dirty.
• 53:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's just changed a lot.
• 53:41
  Speaker 1: We've just gotten to where everything is an advertisement. You know,
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: everything is for sale. I mean, if you look at it,
• 53:48
  Speaker 1: even with like a lot of young men aren't even
• 53:50
  Speaker 1: aren't having sex anymore. A lot of women are selling
• 53:53
  Speaker 1: their bodies on only. It's like there's nobody holding anything.
• 53:56
  Speaker 1: You know, it used to be you had to go
• 53:58
  Speaker 1: at least tickle somebody to get some pussy. You know,
• 54:02
  Speaker 1: it was like a bar.
• 54:03
  Speaker 3: Talk to them.
• 54:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah. At least lie to them.
• 54:06
  Speaker 3: Work the angle. You know what I'm saying? There's always
• 54:08
  Speaker 3: an angle.
• 54:09
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 54:10
  Speaker 3: I'm still recovering from my old boyfriend. Let's do some
• 54:12
  Speaker 3: coke and talk about it. There's always fucking something.
• 54:16
  Speaker 1: But it's just different now. We've forgotten.
• 54:19
  Speaker 3: Listen, man, we've forgotten a lot of things. Things are
• 54:25
  Speaker 3: getting right away from us. You know, I was really
• 54:28
  Speaker 3: opposed to texting for years.
• 54:30
  Speaker 1: I remember that. That's why I even called you yesterday.
• 54:32
  Speaker 3: Really opposed to it.
• 54:33
  Speaker 1: Now I'll do it.
• 54:35
  Speaker 3: But I didn't like it because it takes away our connection, man.
• 54:39
  Speaker 3: I want to hear your voice. You can tell me
• 54:41
  Speaker 3: whatever you want on the text. Theo, how you doing?
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: I'm doing great. I picked up an envelope.
• 54:46
  Speaker 3: Theo, how you doing, man? So that's why I didn't
• 54:48
  Speaker 3: like it.
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 54:49
  Speaker 3: That's why I didn't like it because what they're doing
• 54:52
  Speaker 3: is creating a society that separates us even more. You
• 54:55
  Speaker 3: know what I can't see, Theo, now? So we'll just
• 54:57
  Speaker 3: Zoom once a week.
• 54:59
  Speaker 1: Let's Zoom. Get in my fucking plane and come see me.
• 55:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah. We're doing everything we can to separate. And I
• 55:06
  Speaker 3: always hated that. I understood the pandemic. I got it.
• 55:10
  Speaker 3: But we need each other. It's like, I'm going to
• 55:12
  Speaker 3: tell you something interesting. Pandemic started. I was fucked up.
• 55:17
  Speaker 3: I'm going to tell you something. You're not going to
• 55:18
  Speaker 3: believe this. I started doing better going in. And once
• 55:22
  Speaker 3: I was there a year, August 19th of 2021, I
• 55:28
  Speaker 3: was a little better. I was still withdrawing from the Xanax.
• 55:31
  Speaker 3: I was having some issues. But I did something that
• 55:35
  Speaker 3: Before I did the knee operation, because I went back
• 55:39
  Speaker 3: and my knee went to shit as soon as I landed,
• 55:41
  Speaker 3: like three weeks later, because I was going to cryo
• 55:43
  Speaker 3: every day in California. But once I landed here in
• 55:46
  Speaker 3: the pandemic, there was no more fucking crying.
• 55:48
  Speaker 1: Oh, there's no crying.
• 55:48
  Speaker 3: There was nothing. So my knee went to shit. I
• 55:51
  Speaker 3: got surgery. I went, and one day I was going
• 55:53
  Speaker 3: for a ride, and I saw a jiu-jitsu school, a
• 55:55
  Speaker 3: Gracie jiu-jitsu school by my house. And I went in there,
• 56:00
  Speaker 3: and I was scared shit.
• 56:01
  Speaker 1: It's December.
• 56:03
  Speaker 3: COVID's been around not even a year, you know. but
• 56:06
  Speaker 3: people are still like not touching each other and shit.
• 56:09
  Speaker 3: And they're like, nah, we're doing great here. We only
• 56:11
  Speaker 3: had to close one time. But when I left there,
• 56:15
  Speaker 3: I had a doctor's appointment like a week later, and
• 56:17
  Speaker 3: then he told me I had to have knee surgery.
• 56:19
  Speaker 3: So I didn't go back to that school. I never
• 56:21
  Speaker 3: went back to talk to him. Then one day I
• 56:22
  Speaker 3: get a call, and it's the guy, the brown belt
• 56:25
  Speaker 3: at the school. His name is Sean. He's like, I
• 56:27
  Speaker 3: just want to check in with you. I go, dog,
• 56:29
  Speaker 3: after I saw you, I got knee surgery, so it'll
• 56:32
  Speaker 3: be a while. This guy kept calling me and not selling.
• 56:35
  Speaker 3: He wasn't selling. He was just being a nice kid going,
• 56:39
  Speaker 3: if you want to come in and move a little bit,
• 56:42
  Speaker 3: it'd just be me and you, man. Nobody will bother you.
• 56:44
  Speaker 3: We'll work on stuff. I was like, I don't know.
• 56:47
  Speaker 3: Fucking jiu-jitsu. I went to jiu-jitsu the same day that
• 56:52
  Speaker 3: the Soprano movie premiered. It was September 21st of 2021.
• 56:56
  Speaker 3: And I remember I walked in there. I had to
• 56:59
  Speaker 3: cancel the first two. Like, I canceled two classes. Finally,
• 57:03
  Speaker 3: I go, next Wednesday. Now it's Wednesday. I'll never forget
• 57:06
  Speaker 3: going in there and we did some shit. And then
• 57:08
  Speaker 3: he goes, just roll with me for a minute. And
• 57:11
  Speaker 3: I don't believe in that and going, I feel a
• 57:14
  Speaker 3: lot better. Wow. Just human touch with somebody else. I'm
• 57:18
  Speaker 3: not gay or nothing, but just that touch of him
• 57:21
  Speaker 3: fucking submitting me and grabbing me. And I was like,
• 57:24
  Speaker 3: I feel. And then I went to the premiere that
• 57:26
  Speaker 3: night and I was fucking COVID conscious. I'm like, I'm
• 57:29
  Speaker 3: going to sit at the Beacon. with 2,000 fucking people
• 57:32
  Speaker 3: to see this movie, we're going to get COVID.
• 57:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 57:36
  Speaker 3: It wasn't even that. When I got out, the driver
• 57:39
  Speaker 3: dropped me on the corner of the Beacon, and I
• 57:42
  Speaker 3: was in a corner with 500 people. And they were all, like,
• 57:46
  Speaker 3: touching me and shit. And I remember walking out of
• 57:49
  Speaker 3: that circle going, if I don't get COVID now, I'll
• 57:52
  Speaker 3: never get it. Went to the movie theater. Didn't even
• 57:56
  Speaker 3: go to the premiere party. Just saw the movie with
• 57:58
  Speaker 3: my family and some friends. I didn't even go to
• 58:01
  Speaker 3: the party. But going to that jujitsu class and the
• 58:06
  Speaker 3: classes after that, like I was just going to take
• 58:08
  Speaker 3: privates for like six months. I said, fuck this. I'm
• 58:11
  Speaker 3: going into class with these guys. I need these guys.
• 58:15
  Speaker 3: I need these fucking guys. I need to talk to
• 58:17
  Speaker 3: them and touch them and fucking move around, be human again.
• 58:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, isolation is true. Isolation, it feels like it's what
• 58:24
  Speaker 1: you want to do for yourself to make things easier
• 58:26
  Speaker 1: and more comfortable for you. And that is one of
• 58:28
  Speaker 1: the biggest traps, you know? I notice it for myself
• 58:31
  Speaker 1: a lot of times. It's like I'll like, even the
• 58:34
  Speaker 1: other day I had some friends that went out on
• 58:35
  Speaker 1: the boat here on Lake Austin, right? First I was like,
• 58:37
  Speaker 1: I'd rather just chill, work on my comedy, you know?
• 58:39
  Speaker 1: I'm in town, I'm in Austin specifically to work on,
• 58:43
  Speaker 1: get up on stage and stuff. And so, but then
• 58:46
  Speaker 1: I was like, you know, I should go because I
• 58:48
  Speaker 1: always choose the, let me stay and work on something.
• 58:51
  Speaker 1: Let me stay and be by myself. I always choose that.
• 58:54
  Speaker 1: And then I find myself, Well, then you're always by yourself.
• 58:58
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying? You get stuck with by-yourself thoughts,
• 59:00
  Speaker 1: by-yourself bullshit. You know, when you're with somebody, you get
• 59:04
  Speaker 1: a— and they don't fucking run off. You're like, oh, I'm
• 59:07
  Speaker 1: all right. I'm all right to be around. I'm not
• 59:09
  Speaker 1: a— weird i'm not a complete weirdo you know And
• 59:12
  Speaker 1: so that kind of stuff is huge, man. And being
• 59:15
  Speaker 1: in those classes, it just like and you make friends,
• 59:18
  Speaker 1: you start to realize people got your back. You're not
• 59:20
  Speaker 1: fucking alone that there's nothing is as helpful, I don't think,
• 59:24
  Speaker 1: as going to those jujitsu classes. I don't go to
• 59:26
  Speaker 1: them as much as I wish I did because I
• 59:29
  Speaker 1: kept getting hurt, bro. I would just, and I couldn't
• 59:32
  Speaker 1: do anything. I had to work. I'm like, I'm fucking wheezing.
• 59:34
  Speaker 1: I got my shit all wrapped up. I got a
• 59:36
  Speaker 1: fucking bunch of lemons fucking duct taped to my rib
• 59:39
  Speaker 1: cage and reading shit online, you know, eating oleander or
• 59:43
  Speaker 1: whatever on the fucking internet and apple seeds. But, but yeah,
• 59:47
  Speaker 1: just that camaraderie, bro. I remember one time where we'd
• 59:51
  Speaker 1: been in there rolling for the day and I just
• 59:53
  Speaker 1: started bawling, crying, bro. Like just shit from my, that
• 59:56
  Speaker 1: was stuck in my body or whatever. It just fucking
• 59:59
  Speaker 1: like released, you know?
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 3: It's crazy. People don't understand. And now it's what keeps
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 3: me together. I go every Monday and Thursday, and it
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 3: keeps me together. You have to show up with a
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 3: million-dollar envelope for me not to go. I made that
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 3: decision six months. I've been going steady, but I hurt
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 3: myself in December. And after that hurt, my ankle, I go,
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 3: you know what? I'm doing this a different way. I'm
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 3: going in there. It's a plan. Two days, I lift,
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 3: I go to jiu-jitsu. I lift, I go to jiu-jitsu,
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 3: I ride the bike, and I'm done for the fucking week.
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 3: It's what I do. Like, I don't give a fuck
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 3: what you got going on. I'm really sorry. I got
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 3: to go to jiu-jitsu because if you don't go on Monday,
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 3: then you're behind the week. Then you're not going to
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 3: go on Tuesday. Tuesday, you're going to get an audition.
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 3: Then Wednesday, your kid's sick. You know? This is just,
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 3: you wake up, she's sick, my wife's got to do shit,
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 3: I got to cover. And that's why I always go Monday.
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 3: So you always get at least that one.
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 3: If you want to take Thursday from me, something else
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 3: will happen. But that's helped me a lot because it
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 3: gives you a different set of friends. And it gives
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 3: you a set of friends that have, you know, they're
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 3: all trying to get healthy. One guy's recovering from his shoulder.
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 3: One guy's trying to lose weight. I'm just an old fuck.
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 3: I go in there fucking to get. I go in
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 3: there and burn 500 calories.
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 3: But these are the things I'm doing now. I even
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 3: enjoyed jujitsu when I was doing comedy full time because
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 3: it got you away from the agents and the managers
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 3: and everybody talking about the same shit all the time.
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and secret gay dudes, too, out there in Hollywood, bro.
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 1: Jesus Christ. I remember the first time I ever, some guy,
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 1: you know, I just got into town. I didn't know
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 1: what was going on. And some guy tried to kiss
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 1: me outside of a park or whatever. And then I
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 1: remember another time a dude, an agent or whatever, gave
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 1: me a ride to some place, introduced me to like
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 1: Cuba Gooding Jr. or whatever, and then tried to feel
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 1: on my leg or whatever when he was giving me
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 1: a ride home, dude. And I didn't know what the
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 1: fuck was going on. Dude, I was like, if I
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 1: wasn't a little brave, I would have been gay, bro.
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 1: You know, Rocky got that cock on him. You feel me, bro?
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 1: That's the fucking scary.
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 3: Rock, show him the cock.
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 1: That's just good.
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 3: You should just fly Rocky out here.
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 1: Take him to L.A. with you.
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 3: Whenever one of those guys wants to hit on you, Rock,
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 3: show him the cock.
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 1: Rocky. Boom.
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 3: There you go. You want that roll?
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 1: Here.
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 3: I got a cock for you. Suck this fucking stick
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 3: of love over here.
• 1:02:32
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  Speaker 1: slash Theo to get an extra three months for free. Yeah, bro. Dude,
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 1: and Rocky, they grew up like downwind from like one
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 1: of those pesticide factories or something. You know, the place
• 1:06:17
  Speaker 1: that would have the spray rig, you know? Dude, remember
• 1:06:20
  Speaker 1: when the spray rig would come through your neighborhood, dude? Oh,
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 1: my God. We would fucking get on our bikes, bro.
• 1:06:24
  Speaker 1: Because in Louisiana, they sprayed that bitch fucking twice a week, dude.
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 1: The whole fucking, everybody's stepmother looked like a mosquito in
• 1:06:32
  Speaker 1: that bitch, dude. But we would get on our bikes
• 1:06:35
  Speaker 1: and just ride behind that gas, just pure gas coming
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 1: out that bitch, dude. But Rocky and then Mr. Denny,
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 1: they lived downwind from one of those fucking.
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 3: That's what probably made his dick big. People are going
• 1:06:49
  Speaker 3: to all move from those places now and go, man,
• 1:06:51
  Speaker 3: they made Rocky's dick big.
• 1:06:53
  Speaker 1: Oh, Rocky ain't been fucking stung by a bee since 2011, bro.
• 1:06:56
  Speaker 1: I'll tell you that, dude.
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 3: Fucking crazy.
• 1:07:02
  Speaker 1: I love, yeah, dude, I love. I guess the best
• 1:07:04
  Speaker 1: thing is remembering stuff from growing up. That's something that
• 1:07:08
  Speaker 1: I really, that's my favorite thing. It's just remembering stuff
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 1: from growing up. Yeah, thinking about the past. I love it.
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 1: That's where the most entertaining stuff is for me. But
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 1: growing up now, yeah, it feels kind of weird. I
• 1:07:25
  Speaker 1: think for a lot of times I didn't want to
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 1: grow up because I still wanted to just be a part.
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 1: I feel like if I grow up too much, then
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 1: I lose all the fun. Does that ever make any
• 1:07:33
  Speaker 1: sense to you?
• 1:07:36
  Speaker 3: You know, man, it's so weird how you look at
• 1:07:38
  Speaker 3: your life and you go, what the fuck? I haven't
• 1:07:41
  Speaker 3: had fun, like fun, fun, fun, since I left New
• 1:07:45
  Speaker 3: Jersey when I was 20. Like that old-fashioned fun that
• 1:07:50
  Speaker 3: I liked, I enjoyed, you know, just getting fucked up
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 3: and laughing with your friends, sleeping on the floor and
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 3: going down the shore and all that shit. And then
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 3: it's like I've been chasing it for the last 40 years,
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 3: what happened those summers when I was growing up. You're
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 3: just chasing it, you know. It's funny, I was seeing
• 1:08:11
  Speaker 3: something a while ago about a club. They were talking
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 3: about this club and VIP and all this. And I
• 1:08:17
  Speaker 3: looked at it and I'm like, all this is is
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 3: people chasing Studio 54.
• 1:08:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:08:24
  Speaker 3: That's all this is. They've been chasing Studio 54 since
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 3: the 80s. You know, us guys like you and I,
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 3: our childhoods were fucking really special. They were comical. comical
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 3: when we think of our childhood we had no other
• 1:08:39
  Speaker 3: option than to become a comic because all the tools
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 3: were put in front of us the stories the situations
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 3: other storytellers that taught us how to tell a story
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 3: it's fucking crazy yeah i think now like i was
• 1:08:53
  Speaker 3: always going to be a comic i just didn't know
• 1:08:55
  Speaker 3: that i just didn't know that everything all goes into
• 1:08:59
  Speaker 3: one circle everything that you've lived. I remember somebody told
• 1:09:01
  Speaker 3: me one time that when you do a movie, okay, like,
• 1:09:06
  Speaker 3: you know, I did a bunch of movies early on,
• 1:09:09
  Speaker 3: and nobody talked to me. Nobody said, hey, I saw
• 1:09:11
  Speaker 3: you in that movie. He goes, you gotta give a
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 3: movie culture. You have to give a movie years. And
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 3: all of a sudden, I saw what he meant. Because
• 1:09:21
  Speaker 3: one day, when the podcast and everything else started lifting us,
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 3: people started connecting those movies. Do you follow me? At first,
• 1:09:30
  Speaker 3: you can't connect them. But after you hit a little
• 1:09:33
  Speaker 3: bit and people start following you and stuff, your movies
• 1:09:37
  Speaker 3: will connect. It's the weirdest thing. I don't even know
• 1:09:40
  Speaker 3: if I'm explaining it.
• 1:09:40
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 3: I'm not understanding you 100%. He had a concept that said,
• 1:09:45
  Speaker 3: people do a movie. Like, you do a movie with, like,
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 3: who's the hottest star today?
• 1:09:49
  Speaker 1: I don't know. Probably....
• 1:09:53
  Speaker 3: Gigi Hadid or something. I don't even know these fucking people.
• 1:09:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, probably Bradley Cooper.
• 1:09:57
  Speaker 3: Bradley Cooper, right. You do a movie with Bradley Cooper.
• 1:10:01
  Speaker 3: And the movie comes out. Bradley Cooper wins an Academy
• 1:10:03
  Speaker 3: Award for it. It's a great movie. You don't think
• 1:10:07
  Speaker 3: that you're getting as much as you should have. You
• 1:10:09
  Speaker 3: ever see somebody do a movie and fucking they blow up? Yeah.
• 1:10:13
  Speaker 3: Tiffany Haddish did a movie... She's been working hard for
• 1:10:17
  Speaker 3: 30 years, did one movie, blew the fuck up. I
• 1:10:21
  Speaker 3: did 20 movies. Nobody ever fucking talked to me at all.
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 3: They didn't talk to me until I fucking told the
• 1:10:27
  Speaker 3: story about mugging a hooker and lighting a wig on fire.
• 1:10:30
  Speaker 3: That changed my career. That was it. Now people start,
• 1:10:35
  Speaker 3: you do a Disney show, nobody wants to see it.
• 1:10:37
  Speaker 1: You do a TV, nothing.
• 1:10:39
  Speaker 3: But my point is that Let's say you did a
• 1:10:43
  Speaker 3: movie with Bradley Cooper and you call me a year
• 1:10:45
  Speaker 3: from now and go, what the fuck? All these motherfuckers
• 1:10:48
  Speaker 3: blew up around me. I got one commercial or something
• 1:10:51
  Speaker 3: out of it. But in three years, as you keep growing,
• 1:10:56
  Speaker 3: your career keeps growing, more people will start going, let
• 1:11:00
  Speaker 3: me watch that movie because Theo's in it now. I
• 1:11:02
  Speaker 3: didn't know Theo was in it. Oh shit, I got
• 1:11:04
  Speaker 3: to watch that again. Because now you're somebody to them.
• 1:11:08
  Speaker 3: And that's how that movie gets big and connected to
• 1:11:11
  Speaker 3: all the other movies. It's the weirdest fucking thing. Because
• 1:11:14
  Speaker 3: nobody would see my shit. You know, like I'm telling you.
• 1:11:17
  Speaker 3: I mean, I remember going to see, I did The
• 1:11:18
  Speaker 3: Longest Yard. That's the only movie where people would come
• 1:11:21
  Speaker 3: out and shake my hand and at the end of
• 1:11:22
  Speaker 3: the show they would hide from me. Because they thought
• 1:11:25
  Speaker 3: I was going to go up there and do Adam
• 1:11:26
  Speaker 3: Sandler knock-knock jokes. I'm up there talking about snorting coke
• 1:11:30
  Speaker 3: and fucking getting my dicks up and putting a coke rock.
• 1:11:33
  Speaker 3: And people were like, they would just leave. And now
• 1:11:37
  Speaker 3: you say one fucking joke about mugging a hooker and
• 1:11:40
  Speaker 3: you're selling out fucking comedy clubs. You don't know what
• 1:11:44
  Speaker 3: it's going to be. But the culture of it is
• 1:11:46
  Speaker 3: what I'm talking about, how you might not think nobody
• 1:11:49
  Speaker 3: saw you, but years from now.
• 1:11:51
  Speaker 1: It's like you could do.
• 1:11:52
  Speaker 3: 18 movies and the movie you hate the most There's
• 1:11:59
  Speaker 3: the one that people come up to you and.
• 1:12:00
  Speaker 1: Go, we loved you. And you're like, God damn it,
• 1:12:02
  Speaker 1: I did 17 other ones.
• 1:12:04
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I did 17 other movies. And that's the one
• 1:12:07
  Speaker 3: you like? The one I fucking hated? And then you
• 1:12:09
  Speaker 3: tell them the story. I was coked up till 8
• 1:12:11
  Speaker 3: in the morning, and my call time was at 9.
• 1:12:14
  Speaker 3: And they're like, oh, no wonder you hated the fucking movie.
• 1:12:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think, yeah. Yeah, I guess it's like. Did
• 1:12:23
  Speaker 1: you think that when podcasting started, it was going to
• 1:12:26
  Speaker 1: be what it was? Did you have any real foresight
• 1:12:29
  Speaker 1: on it? Did you get into it because you were like, oh,
• 1:12:32
  Speaker 1: I don't know if, like, acting is going to be
• 1:12:35
  Speaker 1: enough for me? Like, what was kind of your motivation
• 1:12:37
  Speaker 1: to get into it? I know it's kind of an
• 1:12:39
  Speaker 1: old question. I just don't know the answer to it.
• 1:12:41
  Speaker 3: 2009, I moved to the Valley. I moved to Studio City,
• 1:12:45
  Speaker 3: where we lived. The office up the corner.
• 1:12:46
  Speaker 1: From the office.
• 1:12:48
  Speaker 3: At that time, man, I'd done movies. I wasn't at
• 1:12:56
  Speaker 3: the store anymore. And I was just opening for Joe.
• 1:12:59
  Speaker 3: And I would do spots, you know, I would do
• 1:13:01
  Speaker 3: my own shit and open for Joe. And then I
• 1:13:04
  Speaker 3: was like, you know what, man? I got a call
• 1:13:06
  Speaker 3: from the Funny Bone one time. And they're like, we're
• 1:13:10
  Speaker 3: willing to give you like six weeks of work. The
• 1:13:13
  Speaker 3: number they threw at me was so fucking ridiculous. It
• 1:13:17
  Speaker 3: was so ridiculous. And a year before this, I had
• 1:13:21
  Speaker 3: had this conversation with With somebody else. That guy's name
• 1:13:24
  Speaker 3: was Billy Gardell. I saw him in Burbank and we
• 1:13:27
  Speaker 3: were just chatting. And he told me that right before
• 1:13:31
  Speaker 3: he got Molly and whatever that fucking show was.
• 1:13:33
  Speaker 1: Mike and Molly.
• 1:13:35
  Speaker 3: He was like, I'm thinking of getting out of this shit.
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 3: He goes, they just offered me these deals and it's
• 1:13:40
  Speaker 3: no money. They want me to work Wednesday through Sunday
• 1:13:43
  Speaker 3: in those days.
• 1:13:44
  Speaker 1: That's hard. 2000, no airfare, no, you know.
• 1:13:48
  Speaker 3: And I'm like, you know, when that happened to me,
• 1:13:50
  Speaker 3: I was like, you know what?
• 1:13:52
  Speaker 1: It's 2009.
• 1:13:52
  Speaker 3: I got nothing going on. I'm going to go to
• 1:13:54
  Speaker 3: the Ford store and pee in a bottle and get
• 1:13:56
  Speaker 3: a job selling cars. Yeah. I'll still audition. I'll still audition.
• 1:14:03
  Speaker 3: And I'll still go out and work for Rogan. But
• 1:14:05
  Speaker 3: I'm not doing.
• 1:14:06
  Speaker 1: This no more.
• 1:14:07
  Speaker 3: I've been doing it for 20 years or something, right,
• 1:14:11
  Speaker 3: at that point.
• 1:14:11
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 1:14:12
  Speaker 3: And it's not, I'm not even happy doing it anymore.
• 1:14:15
  Speaker 1: That's the biggest thing.
• 1:14:16
  Speaker 3: Okay. It was like, I'm good. I could do movies.
• 1:14:20
  Speaker 3: I keep my insurance. I could always book a movie
• 1:14:23
  Speaker 3: or a TV show, except lately. I don't know what
• 1:14:25
  Speaker 3: the fuck's going on.
• 1:14:28
  Speaker 1: We don't even have any more TV shows, really. No,
• 1:14:30
  Speaker 1: but I've been getting auditions.
• 1:14:31
  Speaker 3: I got an audition for me to go, go fuck yourself,
• 1:14:35
  Speaker 3: and I didn't get it.
• 1:14:36
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 1:14:37
  Speaker 3: When you got one line to curse at Steve Martin
• 1:14:39
  Speaker 3: and you don't get it, you're not doing well, okay?
• 1:14:44
  Speaker 1: So you still auditioned a pretty good bit. Huh? You
• 1:14:47
  Speaker 1: still auditioned a decent amount.
• 1:14:49
  Speaker 3: If they have something, they'll call me and I'll put
• 1:14:51
  Speaker 3: it on tape. Lately, they've been doing Zoom ones, which
• 1:14:53
  Speaker 3: I'm in fucking shock. But I'm not booking anything. Look
• 1:14:57
  Speaker 3: at me. It's over.
• 1:14:58
  Speaker 1: But you like it, though. It's something you like, though.
• 1:15:01
  Speaker 3: No, I like booking. I don't like working.
• 1:15:03
  Speaker 1: I see.
• 1:15:04
  Speaker 3: My dick gets hard when I get that call. My
• 1:15:07
  Speaker 3: dick gets hard when I go in the room and
• 1:15:08
  Speaker 3: there's other actors in there and they look at you like,
• 1:15:10
  Speaker 3: what are you doing here? And you're like, really, motherfucker?
• 1:15:13
  Speaker 3: I'm going to show you what I'm doing here, bitch.
• 1:15:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:15:15
  Speaker 3: And then they call you. But then when they call
• 1:15:18
  Speaker 3: you for wardrobe, you're like, come on, guys. What the fuck?
• 1:15:22
  Speaker 3: We want you to come in for wardrobe and then
• 1:15:24
  Speaker 3: come back for this and then park. And then we're
• 1:15:26
  Speaker 3: going to do a table read on Tuesday. And you're like, guys.
• 1:15:29
  Speaker 1: Quit jerking everybody off.
• 1:15:30
  Speaker 3: That's not what I want to do.
• 1:15:31
  Speaker 1: Wasting people's time and money. No.
• 1:15:34
  Speaker 3: So that's my secret. I love booking.
• 1:15:36
  Speaker 1: That is a good moment when somebody calls you and
• 1:15:38
  Speaker 1: says you got something. You got something.
• 1:15:40
  Speaker 3: Listen, they made you an offer, blah, blah, blah, and
• 1:15:42
  Speaker 3: you're like, fuck yeah. Fuck that punk in the audition.
• 1:15:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, fuck those motherfuckers.
• 1:15:46
  Speaker 3: I remember going to an audition one time and the
• 1:15:48
  Speaker 3: guy told us in the audition, go home. I already
• 1:15:51
  Speaker 3: did the job. I already worked with this guy. He's
• 1:15:53
  Speaker 3: going to give me the job anyway. And then I
• 1:15:55
  Speaker 3: booked him. I saw him at the store like a
• 1:15:57
  Speaker 3: week later. Did you ever hear from him? I go, bitch,
• 1:16:00
  Speaker 3: I booked him. He was pale. He was fucking pale.
• 1:16:04
  Speaker 3: But what I was telling you was the truth was
• 1:16:06
  Speaker 3: I'm going to tell you the honest to God truth.
• 1:16:09
  Speaker 3: I always had a problem with comedy. I'm not the
• 1:16:13
  Speaker 3: best comedian, but I'm a good storyteller. And I always
• 1:16:17
  Speaker 3: knew if I had a chance to tell my story,
• 1:16:20
  Speaker 3: it would change things. If it didn't, then I'll go
• 1:16:23
  Speaker 3: away into the hills quietly. You ever watch HBO boxing?
• 1:16:27
  Speaker 3: 15 years ago. Yeah, yeah.
• 1:16:29
  Speaker 1: Joe Frazier or whatever? No. Roy Jones Jr.? Yeah, like
• 1:16:33
  Speaker 1: anything 20 years ago with boxing.
• 1:16:36
  Speaker 3: You know, you look at a guy that's a boxer
• 1:16:38
  Speaker 3: or a UFC fighter.
• 1:16:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:16:39
  Speaker 3: All right, and you're like, look at this fucking guy. Tattoos,
• 1:16:42
  Speaker 3: he's talking all this shit, you know. But then they
• 1:16:46
  Speaker 3: do those things, you know. 20 for 20, like those
• 1:16:51
  Speaker 3: HBO would do. Let's talk to Theo at his house.
• 1:16:55
  Speaker 3: So I know Theo. He's got a hat. He's from Louisiana.
• 1:16:57
  Speaker 3: He's got Icy Mike, this, that. But now I get
• 1:17:00
  Speaker 3: to see you with your mother.
• 1:17:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:17:02
  Speaker 3: I get to see you with your dad. I get
• 1:17:04
  Speaker 3: to see you with your kids. I get to see that.
• 1:17:07
  Speaker 3: Fucking Theo has a farm? I didn't know that. And
• 1:17:09
  Speaker 3: he gets up in the morning after training, two hours,
• 1:17:12
  Speaker 3: and he goes to the farm and works eight hours.
• 1:17:15
  Speaker 3: And then he picks his kid up from school, cooks
• 1:17:17
  Speaker 3: for them. Then he goes back to fucking train. Then
• 1:17:19
  Speaker 3: he goes back over there and puts his kids in showers.
• 1:17:22
  Speaker 3: Then he fucking, you know, and you're like, I thought
• 1:17:24
  Speaker 3: this guy was just a fucking sack of shit.
• 1:17:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:17:27
  Speaker 3: That was my thing.
• 1:17:28
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 1:17:29
  Speaker 3: But I knew if I could tell my story digitally,
• 1:17:32
  Speaker 3: like detail by detail, I could get somewhere. And I
• 1:17:36
  Speaker 3: was right. Just go up there. And for two months,
• 1:17:39
  Speaker 3: we were doing what people do. So what do you
• 1:17:41
  Speaker 3: think about P. Diddy? That's not a podcast. You're just
• 1:17:45
  Speaker 3: fucking the extension of the news. When you get into
• 1:17:48
  Speaker 3: the nuts and bolts with people, like I told you,
• 1:17:50
  Speaker 3: I had nothing going on in my career until I
• 1:17:53
  Speaker 3: told the story that I mugged a hooker and lit
• 1:17:56
  Speaker 3: her wig on fire. And all of a sudden, I
• 1:17:58
  Speaker 3: was selling 150 tickets a show, and you're like, I've
• 1:18:02
  Speaker 3: done fucking all this stuff, and nobody ever wanted to
• 1:18:04
  Speaker 3: buy a ticket. But I tell the most awkward stories.
• 1:18:07
  Speaker 3: So what do guys like me and you do? Tell
• 1:18:09
  Speaker 3: more disgusting stories of your life.
• 1:18:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:18:11
  Speaker 3: And they hate them up.
• 1:18:13
  Speaker 1: Get it out. Well, people can relate to stuff, dude.
• 1:18:15
  Speaker 1: Especially with hookers, man. I remember doing drugs and then
• 1:18:19
  Speaker 1: I would like negotiate with hookers online, right? Because I
• 1:18:22
  Speaker 1: didn't have any money. So I'm sitting there like I'm
• 1:18:24
  Speaker 1: not like price gouging or whatever they call it. But
• 1:18:26
  Speaker 1: I'm like, you know, like. I'm like, how about this?
• 1:18:29
  Speaker 1: Just stay for maybe 40 minutes or whatever to give
• 1:18:33
  Speaker 1: me like $ 75 off the amount or whatever. And I
• 1:18:35
  Speaker 1: was always so high. This would happen to me every time, Joey.
• 1:18:41
  Speaker 1: A woman of the night or whatever escort would come over.
• 1:18:44
  Speaker 1: I'd be so high. I'd be scared. I'd hand the
• 1:18:46
  Speaker 1: money out of the door, open the door a little bit,
• 1:18:49
  Speaker 1: fucking hand them the money. money and have them go home. Right.
• 1:18:51
  Speaker 1: 90% of the time. Cause I was so scared. Like,
• 1:18:56
  Speaker 1: I don't know even know why I would do it, but,
• 1:18:57
  Speaker 1: and I would do that two or three times in
• 1:18:59
  Speaker 1: the night. Right. So one time, dude, I remember one
• 1:19:04
  Speaker 1: time this Russian lady, uh, she, um, I was, uh,
• 1:19:11
  Speaker 1: She had to go or something, right? And she asked
• 1:19:14
  Speaker 1: me to watch her dog, right, at her fucking place.
• 1:19:16
  Speaker 1: I went over there, and she asked me to watch
• 1:19:19
  Speaker 1: her dog. And I couldn't even understand what she was saying.
• 1:19:20
  Speaker 1: I thought she wanted to do, like, butt stuff or something.
• 1:19:23
  Speaker 1: But then she just was trying to get me to
• 1:19:24
  Speaker 1: watch this fucking dog, dude. So the whole conversation was
• 1:19:29
  Speaker 1: just ridiculous, bro. Because I kept kind of touching her butt,
• 1:19:34
  Speaker 1: and she kept kind of pointing at this puppy. I'm
• 1:19:38
  Speaker 1: just like, what am I doing, dude? I would be
• 1:19:43
  Speaker 1: petrified to call a hooker. Oh, it was so scary. Petrified.
• 1:19:48
  Speaker 3: And never mind on coke. Like, I wanted to. Trust me,
• 1:19:50
  Speaker 3: you're not the only guy that got fucking secret fucking desires.
• 1:19:55
  Speaker 3: Whenever you do coke and you're by yourself, you're dying
• 1:19:57
  Speaker 3: to call a freak that's going to take the ride
• 1:20:00
  Speaker 3: with you. I can never do it. I can never
• 1:20:03
  Speaker 3: fucking do it. And if I got somebody to come over,
• 1:20:06
  Speaker 3: If I jerked off before they come over, then I
• 1:20:09
  Speaker 3: wouldn't even open the door.
• 1:20:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:20:10
  Speaker 3: I'd keep that little bit of coke for me. Fuck it,
• 1:20:12
  Speaker 3: you ain't getting none of this. I already cracked a nut.
• 1:20:14
  Speaker 3: You ain't getting none of this shit.
• 1:20:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm out of coke, dude.
• 1:20:16
  Speaker 3: I'm out of coke. I'd crash a fucking aspirin and
• 1:20:19
  Speaker 3: give it to them.
• 1:20:21
  Speaker 1: Oh, I remember, yeah. Like, I'd feel so bad once
• 1:20:25
  Speaker 1: a hooker was coming over one time. I remember putting
• 1:20:29
  Speaker 1: on like an, like I didn't want to even seem
• 1:20:30
  Speaker 1: like I did coke or whatever, so I remember putting
• 1:20:32
  Speaker 1: on like an apron or something to make it seem
• 1:20:34
  Speaker 1: like I was like, cooking around my house, like, just being, like,
• 1:20:37
  Speaker 1: an organized guy, you know? Like, what the fuck? What
• 1:20:41
  Speaker 1: a loser, dude. She's probably like, it's 3.30. This guy's
• 1:20:45
  Speaker 1: a fucking chef. Oh, my God. I just wanted to
• 1:20:50
  Speaker 1: look like I was doing something important or whatever, and
• 1:20:52
  Speaker 1: I didn't have, like, a, you know, that was the
• 1:20:54
  Speaker 1: closest thing. I had, like, a uniform, I guess, or
• 1:20:56
  Speaker 1: whatever was that.
• 1:20:57
  Speaker 3: I would love to sit with, like, a fucking, I
• 1:21:01
  Speaker 3: don't know, one of those psychotherapists. that's analyzing people for
• 1:21:05
  Speaker 3: drugs or something, and just sit there with them for
• 1:21:08
  Speaker 3: three days and tell them the stupid shit that... And
• 1:21:12
  Speaker 3: it's not even stupid. It's fucking hilarious when you look
• 1:21:15
  Speaker 3: at it. Yeah. When you think about it years later,
• 1:21:18
  Speaker 3: you're like, that was fucked. A couple weeks ago, I
• 1:21:21
  Speaker 3: came down here. The 420, I came down here for
• 1:21:24
  Speaker 3: the weekend. And I was thinking about in 86, when
• 1:21:27
  Speaker 3: the Mets won the series or something, or the playoffs,
• 1:21:32
  Speaker 3: forget what it was. I went to New York to
• 1:21:34
  Speaker 3: pick up like a couple ounces of Coke. I was
• 1:21:36
  Speaker 3: bringing them back to Colorado. And when I got there,
• 1:21:39
  Speaker 3: the guy I went to see said to me, your
• 1:21:42
  Speaker 3: Coke is ready to go. You got it. You got
• 1:21:44
  Speaker 3: a house. You could stay at my house. He goes,
• 1:21:47
  Speaker 3: I got to leave. I got to go away for
• 1:21:50
  Speaker 3: three days to a wedding in Connecticut or something. And
• 1:21:52
  Speaker 3: he goes, I forgot you were coming. I hooked you up.
• 1:21:55
  Speaker 3: You're good to go. We went to eat after the
• 1:21:59
  Speaker 3: the fucking airport, and then he drove me to the house.
• 1:22:01
  Speaker 3: He goes, the Coke's in there. Go in, my sister's there,
• 1:22:04
  Speaker 3: my mom. They left you the whole fucking house. I
• 1:22:07
  Speaker 3: get in there, the fucking hot water heater blew up.
• 1:22:11
  Speaker 3: And the power went out. So you know guys like
• 1:22:13
  Speaker 3: me and you. I wasn't leaving until Sunday. I called
• 1:22:18
  Speaker 3: some of my friends, but they were fucking busy, and
• 1:22:22
  Speaker 3: I stayed in that house from Friday to Sunday, snorting
• 1:22:27
  Speaker 3: Coke with a candle. and with my pants rolled up
• 1:22:30
  Speaker 3: because it was all water. So I'm walking around like
• 1:22:33
  Speaker 3: Jethro Tull, that album from Jethro Tull, with a mirror,
• 1:22:37
  Speaker 3: navigating myself through the water in this fucking basement with
• 1:22:41
  Speaker 3: a candle, snorting coke. The sister's like 16. She's down
• 1:22:46
  Speaker 3: there snorting coke with me.
• 1:22:47
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, no, I'm going to go to jail.
• 1:22:49
  Speaker 1: It's a damn underground railroad, brother.
• 1:22:51
  Speaker 3: He would call me every hour, like, how's it going
• 1:22:53
  Speaker 3: over there? I'm like, I'm here with your sister and
• 1:22:55
  Speaker 3: mom snorting fucking coke in this fucking, you know, Nobody
• 1:22:59
  Speaker 3: would believe that. I stayed there until Sunday. And then
• 1:23:03
  Speaker 3: I get to the airport, Kennedy Airport. It's fucking freezing out.
• 1:23:07
  Speaker 3: Everybody's got jackets on. There was no tunnels then. You
• 1:23:10
  Speaker 3: had to walk out and get on the plane. Everybody
• 1:23:12
  Speaker 3: had jackets on. Dog, I'd been doing coke for three days.
• 1:23:15
  Speaker 3: When I walked out, they had a T-shirt on, and
• 1:23:17
  Speaker 3: steam was coming out of me. And people looking at
• 1:23:20
  Speaker 3: me like, what the fuck is he on? Like, you can't.
• 1:23:26
  Speaker 3: The whole afternoon. Then I got on the plane and
• 1:23:28
  Speaker 3: I was so coked out. I had the aisle seat.
• 1:23:31
  Speaker 3: Before the plane took off, they came to me and said,
• 1:23:34
  Speaker 3: you can't keep getting up and going to the bathroom.
• 1:23:36
  Speaker 3: I was going every eight minutes to the bathroom to
• 1:23:38
  Speaker 3: load up. And then when the plane took off, I
• 1:23:41
  Speaker 3: actually took the blanket, put it over my head, put
• 1:23:45
  Speaker 3: the lunch tray down, crushed it up, and I would
• 1:23:48
  Speaker 3: snort and then pop my head up. And I'm like,
• 1:23:51
  Speaker 3: nobody knows I'm getting high.
• 1:23:53
  Speaker 1: But the clinker of that whole fucking day. Like Punxsutawney Phil, dude. Dog,
• 1:23:57
  Speaker 1: it was not. And this was every week. Eight more
• 1:24:00
  Speaker 1: weeks of eight balls.
• 1:24:01
  Speaker 3: You got to remember, this was going on in our
• 1:24:02
  Speaker 3: lives once a week, this craziness. And then I go
• 1:24:06
  Speaker 3: up to, because in those days, the planes had like
• 1:24:08
  Speaker 3: a little bar, and you could order from the bar.
• 1:24:10
  Speaker 3: And I remember that, I'll never forget, there was a
• 1:24:12
  Speaker 3: black linted bar, like black.
• 1:24:14
  Speaker 1: Wow, on the airplane. In the 80s and 90s, shit.
• 1:24:17
  Speaker 1: You had fucking planes with bars. Yeah. Jet blue. No,
• 1:24:21
  Speaker 1: People's Express.
• 1:24:22
  Speaker 3: Was a plane that went out of business, a company
• 1:24:25
  Speaker 3: I went out of business, they had a piano that
• 1:24:27
  Speaker 3: the guy would play upstairs.
• 1:24:29
  Speaker 1: There were double-decker planes. This shit today, I don't know
• 1:24:31
  Speaker 1: what the fuck's going on. No bars, no nothing. This
• 1:24:34
  Speaker 1: shit today is a bunch of fucking traffic.
• 1:24:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you go on a plane now, you go on
• 1:24:38
  Speaker 3: a plane to sit there like a commie and look
• 1:24:40
  Speaker 3: straight ahead. In the 80s and 90s, you went on
• 1:24:43
  Speaker 3: a plane, you partied. You could move around and talk
• 1:24:46
  Speaker 3: to people.
• 1:24:46
  Speaker 1: That's what Ric Flair always says. He always says about
• 1:24:48
  Speaker 1: how great it was on planes. Oh, my God.
• 1:24:49
  Speaker 3: I could come up to Theo and go, Theo, buy
• 1:24:52
  Speaker 3: Theo a drink, buy that lady in row three a drink.
• 1:24:55
  Speaker 1: And all of a sudden, you're picking up chicks on
• 1:24:56
  Speaker 1: a plane, dog. God. Come on. Fuck. I'm lonely.
• 1:25:00
  Speaker 3: So I go to the bar. I order whatever, a
• 1:25:03
  Speaker 3: Southern Comfort, an orange juice, whatever the fuck I'm drinking.
• 1:25:06
  Speaker 3: And Theo, as I'm talking to him, it's just me
• 1:25:08
  Speaker 3: and him at the bar. A fucking coke rock falls
• 1:25:12
  Speaker 3: out of my nose and lands on the lint. And
• 1:25:15
  Speaker 3: me and him are looking at it like to see
• 1:25:17
  Speaker 3: who's going to speak first. And I go, I look up,
• 1:25:20
  Speaker 3: and I'm looking at the plane. I go, that fell
• 1:25:22
  Speaker 3: off the plane there. And I got back in my seat.
• 1:25:25
  Speaker 3: I was never so embarrassed. Look, I was doing shit
• 1:25:29
  Speaker 3: that nobody, I remember going on a date with a
• 1:25:32
  Speaker 3: girl to a fucking net Philadelphia Sixer game.
• 1:25:35
  Speaker 1: Oh, high on coke?
• 1:25:37
  Speaker 3: No, I had a half ounce in my pocket. I
• 1:25:38
  Speaker 3: was holding the fillet in case she didn't want to
• 1:25:40
  Speaker 3: go home with me.
• 1:25:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:25:41
  Speaker 3: You know, the first quarter I'm talking to her, we're
• 1:25:43
  Speaker 3: not getting nowhere. And I go, fuck this. I'm going
• 1:25:45
  Speaker 3: to get it.
• 1:25:45
  Speaker 1: Do you want a drink?
• 1:25:46
  Speaker 3: She goes, yeah, I'll take a drink. I went to
• 1:25:48
  Speaker 3: the bar to get a drink at the net game.
• 1:25:51
  Speaker 3: The bartender had a bow tie on. This is like
• 1:25:53
  Speaker 3: a Theo story. He had a bow tie on, very
• 1:25:55
  Speaker 3: decent guy. And I'm like, let me get a double.
• 1:25:58
  Speaker 1: Bah, bah.
• 1:25:58
  Speaker 3: Let me get another one. Bah. And all of a
• 1:26:00
  Speaker 3: sudden I go, you want to do a line? The
• 1:26:02
  Speaker 3: guy's like, yeah.
• 1:26:03
  Speaker 1: This is 1984.
• 1:26:04
  Speaker 3: Rocky got that cock on him, baby. I'm at a
• 1:26:07
  Speaker 3: net basketball game. I got the bartender in the back
• 1:26:10
  Speaker 3: doing lines. By the end of the night, he had
• 1:26:12
  Speaker 3: his fucking bow tie off. He disconnected the computer. He
• 1:26:16
  Speaker 3: was just pouring them in and giving them to people.
• 1:26:18
  Speaker 3: I didn't go back to that seat. till three minutes left.
• 1:26:22
  Speaker 3: That girl was like, what happened to you? I'm like,
• 1:26:24
  Speaker 3: you're not going to believe it. I had a good time.
• 1:26:27
  Speaker 3: I had a good fucking time sitting next to your
• 1:26:29
  Speaker 3: fucking tight ass fucking telling me. I mean, that's the
• 1:26:33
  Speaker 3: shit that happened all the fucking time.
• 1:26:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, anything could. It used to feel like anything could happen.
• 1:26:40
  Speaker 3: Anything could happen. Like, yeah, we're going to go here.
• 1:26:42
  Speaker 3: But listen, there was a time when there was a
• 1:26:45
  Speaker 3: $ 39 flight to Miami. After midnight in Newark.
• 1:26:50
  Speaker 1: After midnight.
• 1:26:51
  Speaker 3: After midnight. It was 39, it was like 59 all day.
• 1:26:57
  Speaker 3: Like just to Miami, straight shots in 84. But from
• 1:27:00
  Speaker 3: midnight to... It was like $ 29. Oh, my God. You
• 1:27:04
  Speaker 3: get on that plane, and there'd be 200 people fucking whacked.
• 1:27:08
  Speaker 3: You know how you go, we're out of coke. What
• 1:27:10
  Speaker 3: are we going to do?
• 1:27:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:27:11
  Speaker 3: Call Timmy. Call Mikey.
• 1:27:12
  Speaker 1: Call Louie. Nobody's around.
• 1:27:14
  Speaker 3: Fuck it. Let's go to Miami.
• 1:27:16
  Speaker 1: That's what people would do.
• 1:27:18
  Speaker 3: They'd get on that plane with the last two lines
• 1:27:20
  Speaker 3: and pray to God until they get to the airport. Dog,
• 1:27:23
  Speaker 3: it was crazy. That's how crazy it used to be.
• 1:27:26
  Speaker 3: After midnight, a fucking, on the hour, every hour to Miami.
• 1:27:33
  Speaker 3: Why would that fucking, why would you want to go
• 1:27:35
  Speaker 3: to Miami? What would make you want to go to
• 1:27:37
  Speaker 3: Miami at two in the morning?
• 1:27:38
  Speaker 1: Cocaine, brother. Yeah. And women, or men. If you like men,
• 1:27:42
  Speaker 1: I don't like them.
• 1:27:44
  Speaker 3: But women. But you have a thousand of those stories.
• 1:27:48
  Speaker 1: Thousands.
• 1:27:48
  Speaker 3: And I have thousands of them. Thousands of, you know,
• 1:27:52
  Speaker 3: fucking getting high and not getting anywhere.
• 1:27:55
  Speaker 1: That's all it is. That's the truth of it is.
• 1:27:58
  Speaker 1: After you look at it over a long period of time,
• 1:28:00
  Speaker 1: it's like getting high and not getting anywhere.
• 1:28:02
  Speaker 3: Not getting anywhere. You know, you're talking about that shit
• 1:28:05
  Speaker 3: about giving the hook of money. Listen, man, how did
• 1:28:08
  Speaker 3: I quit smoking cigarettes? I forced myself. I bought an
• 1:28:12
  Speaker 3: 8-ball and I didn't take no cigarettes home because I
• 1:28:14
  Speaker 3: knew once I had that 8-ball in me, I'm not
• 1:28:17
  Speaker 3: walking to 7-Eleven. So I stayed in that apartment all night,
• 1:28:22
  Speaker 3: eight hours with no fucking cigarettes on an 8-ball. The
• 1:28:25
  Speaker 3: next day, I didn't need to smoke. I had already
• 1:28:27
  Speaker 3: beat it in my mind. That's how I quit smoking cigarettes.
• 1:28:30
  Speaker 3: I bought an eight ball and no cigarettes to go. Fuck.
• 1:28:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I just miss a time when anything could happen.
• 1:28:37
  Speaker 1: I've told this story before, but I went one time. time.
• 1:28:40
  Speaker 1: I used to love telling people that people had died, right?
• 1:28:43
  Speaker 1: One of my favorite things to do, tell people like
• 1:28:45
  Speaker 1: a famous person had died, right? Like we'd go to
• 1:28:48
  Speaker 1: lunch or whatever. I'd be like, oh, you know, so-and-so died, whatever.
• 1:28:52
  Speaker 1: And just we could talk about it during lunch and
• 1:28:54
  Speaker 1: they'd leave lunch, right? And they'd find out at some point.
• 1:28:58
  Speaker 1: That they didn't die. I'm like, what the fuck? I
• 1:29:00
  Speaker 1: just talked to this guy for an hour about over here, right?
• 1:29:05
  Speaker 1: Let's go take a piss real quick. Oh, yeah, take
• 1:29:06
  Speaker 1: a piss, man. Sorry about that. No, you're good, man.
• 1:29:09
  Speaker 1: I'm 60 years old. You're good, man. You feel all right?
• 1:29:12
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I just had to pee. I was holding it.
• 1:29:14
  Speaker 3: I hate that.
• 1:29:15
  Speaker 1: It burns me up. Yeah, dude, I remember one time
• 1:29:19
  Speaker 1: I had an escort or whatever. Hooker, I feel like,
• 1:29:24
  Speaker 1: but do hookers like the term hooker? They don't care.
• 1:29:26
  Speaker 3: They don't care as long as you pay them. Yeah.
• 1:29:29
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, and I always paid. But, yeah, this hooker
• 1:29:33
  Speaker 1: got sick one time, and I remember I stayed over
• 1:29:35
  Speaker 1: there for like a day and a half taking care
• 1:29:37
  Speaker 1: of her. Really? Yeah, in Beverly Hills.
• 1:29:41
  Speaker 3: Do you ever talk to her anymore?
• 1:29:43
  Speaker 1: No, we texted for a while, and then I changed
• 1:29:47
  Speaker 1: my number. but I think it was fine. We didn't
• 1:29:50
  Speaker 1: even speak really the same language that much. I think
• 1:29:53
  Speaker 1: she spoke like Slovakia maybe or something. And, um, but yeah,
• 1:29:58
  Speaker 1: but we were, I mean, definitely had been doing drugs,
• 1:30:01
  Speaker 1: but that was that, you know? Um, I saw my mother,
• 1:30:06
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't surprise my mom for mother's day. I wasn't,
• 1:30:09
  Speaker 1: it was pretty cool. Went over to Tucson. She was
• 1:30:12
  Speaker 1: doing good, man. I still, I got over there, and
• 1:30:15
  Speaker 1: I go to her house, right? And I'd never been there.
• 1:30:18
  Speaker 1: I'd never been to the house that she lives in,
• 1:30:19
  Speaker 1: but she's only been there for maybe about a year
• 1:30:22
  Speaker 1: and a half. So I go, I'm knocking on the door,
• 1:30:26
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, she's not answering. I'm like, oh, man,
• 1:30:28
  Speaker 1: don't tell me they'll finally come to see her. And
• 1:30:32
  Speaker 1: that would be my mom, because that's how she is.
• 1:30:35
  Speaker 1: I finally come to visit, and she goes and dies
• 1:30:37
  Speaker 1: just to show me up. I could see her doing
• 1:30:40
  Speaker 1: that shit. But I look through the window, through the blinds,
• 1:30:44
  Speaker 1: and through the back blind that's open, and she's laying
• 1:30:46
  Speaker 1: out in the back in the bikini, right? Because my mom,
• 1:30:49
  Speaker 1: the one time she would spend by herself, she would
• 1:30:52
  Speaker 1: get in her bikini and get herself a can of
• 1:30:54
  Speaker 1: beer and go lay on the side of the house.
• 1:30:56
  Speaker 3: How old is your mom now, if you don't mind
• 1:30:57
  Speaker 3: me asking?
• 1:30:58
  Speaker 1: She's probably 74, maybe.
• 1:31:01
  Speaker 3: Wow, you're lucky, man. You don't see her a lot,
• 1:31:05
  Speaker 3: do you?
• 1:31:05
  Speaker 1: She's growing up. I see her like probably twice a year.
• 1:31:08
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to do a little bit more. This is
• 1:31:10
  Speaker 1: the first time I'd ever went and like visited my
• 1:31:12
  Speaker 1: mother in years. You know, like she never asked. She
• 1:31:16
  Speaker 1: never like says like, I want you to come. You know,
• 1:31:18
  Speaker 1: she doesn't, she doesn't like to assert herself into things really.
• 1:31:25
  Speaker 1: You know, she just, she likes to kind of keep
• 1:31:27
  Speaker 1: her distance I think in some ways. But, uh, Anyway,
• 1:31:31
  Speaker 1: so I looked through the thing, and I see her
• 1:31:33
  Speaker 1: in the back in that bikini and the chair, and
• 1:31:35
  Speaker 1: it brought all the memories back from when I was
• 1:31:36
  Speaker 1: a kid. Sometimes, like, if she'd had enough, she'd fucking
• 1:31:39
  Speaker 1: go lay out in the side yard with a fucking
• 1:31:41
  Speaker 1: can of beer, you know, and if I had brought it, look.
• 1:31:45
  Speaker 1: Our whole apartment complex was always sinking in the mud.
• 1:31:47
  Speaker 1: We was always fucking fighting with the landlord. It's like,
• 1:31:50
  Speaker 1: give us 45 bucks off. We're fucking, you know, the
• 1:31:53
  Speaker 1: dinner table's two inches lower than it was last week.
• 1:31:56
  Speaker 5: You know?
• 1:31:57
  Speaker 1: So mom's chair would be over there just slowly. We
• 1:32:00
  Speaker 1: thought that bitch was going to disappear. Now, who does
• 1:32:03
  Speaker 1: she live with? She lives by herself.
• 1:32:05
  Speaker 3: And who's down there with her?
• 1:32:06
  Speaker 1: Nobody. She likes to be by herself. She's always, like, gone. Like,
• 1:32:12
  Speaker 1: even when I was young, she always... Was going. That's
• 1:32:18
  Speaker 1: one thing I remember about her. She always had to go.
• 1:32:20
  Speaker 1: That's the one thing I think I remember the most
• 1:32:22
  Speaker 1: about my mom. She always had to go. She always
• 1:32:24
  Speaker 1: had to go to work. She always had to move away.
• 1:32:27
  Speaker 1: It's just how she's built. Something inside of her. It's
• 1:32:31
  Speaker 1: hard for her to stay right there.
• 1:32:32
  Speaker 3: Well, that's where you get it from.
• 1:32:33
  Speaker 1: I know. Me too. Listen, we were talking about that before.
• 1:32:37
  Speaker 1: That's where I get it from.
• 1:32:39
  Speaker 3: I'm in the same boat as you. You sit there
• 1:32:41
  Speaker 3: and you go, nobody calls me to do anything. And
• 1:32:45
  Speaker 3: when they do call.
• 1:32:47
  Speaker 3: You know, I'm living a life now off of Bill Hicks.
• 1:32:50
  Speaker 3: That's what I'm doing now. Bill Hicks had the greatest
• 1:32:54
  Speaker 3: joke that couldn't be any truer. Marijuana does not make
• 1:32:57
  Speaker 3: you lazy. It just makes you realize that what you're
• 1:33:00
  Speaker 3: going to do just ain't worth doing. And that's why
• 1:33:05
  Speaker 3: I'm at my point in my life now. There's days
• 1:33:07
  Speaker 3: I go, you know what? For me to get into
• 1:33:09
  Speaker 3: this party, I got to drive an hour and a half.
• 1:33:11
  Speaker 3: By the time I get back and I got to
• 1:33:12
  Speaker 3: hear shit and I'm You know, it's just a thousand variables.
• 1:33:15
  Speaker 3: You give yourself excuses.
• 1:33:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:33:17
  Speaker 3: But then again, Tom Hardy says that once you spend
• 1:33:20
  Speaker 3: time alone for a while, you like it. And some
• 1:33:24
  Speaker 3: people like it. And there's nothing wrong with that, Theo. Theo, listen.
• 1:33:28
  Speaker 3: At this age and at any age, from the time
• 1:33:31
  Speaker 3: I was 20, my favorite thing, yeah, everybody likes to
• 1:33:35
  Speaker 3: have sex. Everybody likes to eat good food. But between
• 1:33:38
  Speaker 3: me and you, give me a joint and a good
• 1:33:40
  Speaker 3: book and put me in the corner.
• 1:33:43
  Speaker 1: I'm good.
• 1:33:44
  Speaker 3: I'll smoke a joint every two hours, take a bite
• 1:33:46
  Speaker 3: of the sandwich. I love reading. Yeah. That's the happiest
• 1:33:50
  Speaker 3: I am.
• 1:33:51
  Speaker 1: When I'm fucking reading.
• 1:33:53
  Speaker 3: If I don't have a book now in the hotel,
• 1:33:55
  Speaker 3: I'll go back and start looking up recuperation for men
• 1:33:57
  Speaker 3: over 60, benefits of boxing, you know, benefits of breathing.
• 1:34:02
  Speaker 3: You know, I'm a fucking idiot, but I like to read.
• 1:34:06
  Speaker 3: I love, that's my thing then. Benefits of breathing. Yeah,
• 1:34:09
  Speaker 3: I'm one of those fucking idiots. You press benefits on
• 1:34:12
  Speaker 3: my page and every benefit comes up. Benefits of drinking water.
• 1:34:16
  Speaker 3: Benefits of washing your ass. Benefits of doing, you know,
• 1:34:19
  Speaker 3: I'm the captain benefit. I want to know everything that
• 1:34:23
  Speaker 3: I can about something. That's the happiest I am. And
• 1:34:27
  Speaker 3: you don't read a book in a team. You don't
• 1:34:28
  Speaker 3: read a book with 20 people.
• 1:34:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah. You know, that's what, I love it. I fucking
• 1:34:33
  Speaker 1: love it. That's a good point. We do stand up.
• 1:34:36
  Speaker 3: We could have joined the fucking improv troupe and been
• 1:34:40
  Speaker 3: the wallflowers.
• 1:34:42
  Speaker 1: No.
• 1:34:44
  Speaker 3: We like being up there alone with a microphone with
• 1:34:46
  Speaker 3: four bricks and working ourselves out of there. Takes a
• 1:34:49
  Speaker 3: certain person to want to be a comic, bro. Takes
• 1:34:53
  Speaker 3: a certain person.
• 1:34:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think sometimes I do compare myself to just
• 1:34:56
  Speaker 1: people that aren't comics that much. And then you have
• 1:34:58
  Speaker 1: to realize... how odd it is to do that job.
• 1:35:01
  Speaker 1: It's an odd thing to do.
• 1:35:03
  Speaker 3: It's an odd job.
• 1:35:03
  Speaker 1: If you saw an animal do it in the woods,
• 1:35:05
  Speaker 1: you'd be like, that fucking animal's out of his fucking mind.
• 1:35:08
  Speaker 3: We're crazy. We're crazy as stand-ups. We're not normal. We
• 1:35:13
  Speaker 3: are not normal. There's something, you have to come to
• 1:35:15
  Speaker 3: terms with all the things we are as comics. We
• 1:35:18
  Speaker 3: can't question them. That's who we are. You could have
• 1:35:21
  Speaker 3: been a doctor. We could have been a lawyer. We
• 1:35:23
  Speaker 3: could have been a bum. We could have been a hooker.
• 1:35:25
  Speaker 3: We chose something that, you know, I don't know why
• 1:35:28
  Speaker 3: I chose it. I just love Richard Pryor. And I
• 1:35:31
  Speaker 3: knew once I had the felonies, I wasn't going to
• 1:35:34
  Speaker 3: do anything else that I really liked.
• 1:35:35
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:35:37
  Speaker 3: This is not, you know, comedy is a profession for
• 1:35:39
  Speaker 3: fucking guys like us. Me and you have a little
• 1:35:42
  Speaker 3: darkness in our past. We can't figure out what it is,
• 1:35:46
  Speaker 3: but it makes us tick.
• 1:35:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I love hearing Richard Pryor too, man. I love
• 1:35:51
  Speaker 1: hearing him say the N-word.
• 1:35:52
  Speaker 3: Me too.
• 1:35:53
  Speaker 1: My mom wouldn't let us say it. And we're like, well, fuck, man,
• 1:35:57
  Speaker 1: we gotta hear it, you know? And so I remember
• 1:36:00
  Speaker 1: we would hear him say it, dude.
• 1:36:02
  Speaker 3: Just those books like by, who was the crazy white guy?
• 1:36:06
  Speaker 1: Mark Twain? No. Mark Wahlberg?
• 1:36:08
  Speaker 3: The comic before fucking Richard Pryor that was a white guy,
• 1:36:12
  Speaker 3: Lenny Bruce.
• 1:36:13
  Speaker 1: Lenny Bruce.
• 1:36:14
  Speaker 3: Have you ever read any of his books?
• 1:36:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, one of his books I read.
• 1:36:17
  Speaker 3: Next time you're having a hard time with yourself, go
• 1:36:20
  Speaker 3: order one of his books. Ladies and gentlemen... Legendary, How
• 1:36:27
  Speaker 3: to Talk Dirty, any of those books. He has one
• 1:36:30
  Speaker 3: particular book. That one, the black one there.
• 1:36:34
  Speaker 1: The Essential Lenny Bruce?
• 1:36:37
  Speaker 3: That one. That book will tell you more about yourself
• 1:36:42
  Speaker 3: than you know about yourself. Wow. He lived at the
• 1:36:45
  Speaker 3: Chelsea Hotel. He partied with strippers and jazz musicians and
• 1:36:49
  Speaker 3: did heroin every night. There was no responsibility. He got
• 1:36:53
  Speaker 3: up when he got up. He didn't have to be
• 1:36:55
  Speaker 3: at work till 11 o'clock at night. Remember, they only
• 1:36:58
  Speaker 3: did fucking burlesque shows. In fact, you ever go to Jackson, Tennessee?
• 1:37:04
  Speaker 1: I don't think I have.
• 1:37:05
  Speaker 3: Jackson's like an hour outside of Nashville. Jackson's got a
• 1:37:09
  Speaker 3: comedy club. That used to be a burlesque club. Wow.
• 1:37:12
  Speaker 3: And Lenny Bruce used to play there in the 50s
• 1:37:15
  Speaker 3: and 60s. If you ever have a chance to go
• 1:37:17
  Speaker 3: to this place, go out there. I forget the name.
• 1:37:20
  Speaker 3: Just look it up.
• 1:37:21
  Speaker 1: Google it.
• 1:37:21
  Speaker 3: It's like a comedy club in Jackson. Yeah, that's it,
• 1:37:26
  Speaker 3: I think.
• 1:37:27
  Speaker 1: 731 Comedy Club. That could be it.
• 1:37:30
  Speaker 3: That's it. Guy was great. You know, I had been
• 1:37:33
  Speaker 3: at Zany's already one time. Yeah. And I was going
• 1:37:36
  Speaker 3: back to see my in-laws, so I wanted to do
• 1:37:38
  Speaker 3: stand-up one night. Not a big room. There wasn't a
• 1:37:40
  Speaker 3: lot of money. Fucking guy could cook.
• 1:37:42
  Speaker 1: He had Italian food.
• 1:37:43
  Speaker 3: He was telling the stories about all the comics that
• 1:37:46
  Speaker 3: would come through there in the 50s and 60s. Yeah.
• 1:37:49
  Speaker 1: In fucking Jackson, Tennessee.
• 1:37:52
  Speaker 3: No wonder fucking my boy Johnny Cash was going to Jackson, right?
• 1:37:56
  Speaker 3: Wasn't he going to Jackson?
• 1:37:56
  Speaker 1: We're going to Jackson. Go comb your hair, yeah. See
• 1:38:01
  Speaker 1: if I care. We're not, you know, and that's why
• 1:38:04
  Speaker 1: I went home. I went home.
• 1:38:05
  Speaker 3: Listen, I could have came to Austin. I could have
• 1:38:07
  Speaker 3: moved to Nashville. I had an opportunity in Telluride, Colorado.
• 1:38:11
  Speaker 3: I wanted to come back to Jersey City. to find myself.
• 1:38:16
  Speaker 1: Do you think that you've gathered what you wanted to find? Yeah.
• 1:38:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah. Because now I'm at peace. I'm at peace
• 1:38:27
  Speaker 3: with myself. I'm at peace with my friends, with my family.
• 1:38:31
  Speaker 3: You know, I'm just at peace.
• 1:38:32
  Speaker 1: Did you have any amends to make whenever you got
• 1:38:34
  Speaker 1: there or no? Everything was pretty chill.
• 1:38:36
  Speaker 3: Listen, I thought about making amends. But the people that
• 1:38:39
  Speaker 3: I was going to make amends to weren't worth making
• 1:38:41
  Speaker 3: the amends to anymore. You know, that was 40 fucking
• 1:38:44
  Speaker 3: years ago. Knock it off.
• 1:38:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:38:46
  Speaker 3: Deal with it. My amends was doing something with my life, right?
• 1:38:49
  Speaker 3: That was my amends. If you really cared about me
• 1:38:52
  Speaker 3: or cared about anybody, you look at them and go,
• 1:38:54
  Speaker 3: that dude fucked me over 30 years ago. Well, guess what?
• 1:38:57
  Speaker 3: He did something with his life. You have two options.
• 1:38:59
  Speaker 3: The guy fucked me over, but he died in a
• 1:39:01
  Speaker 3: car accident. Fuck him. He deserved what he got. He
• 1:39:04
  Speaker 3: was a scumbag. Or, you know what, man? The guy
• 1:39:06
  Speaker 3: robbed me. He was having problems as a kid. I'm
• 1:39:09
  Speaker 3: happy he got his life together. Yeah. And that's what
• 1:39:11
  Speaker 3: it was like. I'm not going to fucking apologize to
• 1:39:13
  Speaker 3: nobody now. That was a long fucking time ago.
• 1:39:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I didn't know if anything wild had happened. No, no, no.
• 1:39:18
  Speaker 1: I don't have anything like that either. I don't think
• 1:39:20
  Speaker 1: from my hometown.
• 1:39:21
  Speaker 3: I just wanted to go home and recoup L.A. You know,
• 1:39:26
  Speaker 3: when you've been there for a long time, it's a
• 1:39:28
  Speaker 3: number on your head for a while. Like, just, you know,
• 1:39:30
  Speaker 3: we thought there was a lot of rejection. Oh, yeah.
• 1:39:33
  Speaker 3: A lot of rejection.
• 1:39:33
  Speaker 1: Driving across town, parking, walking.
• 1:39:36
  Speaker 3: Parking.
• 1:39:37
  Speaker 1: Getting in, checking at the station, walking there, don't even
• 1:39:40
  Speaker 1: know my lines, don't even give a fuck, hate the place,
• 1:39:43
  Speaker 1: hate myself, fuck them, fuck me, walk in there, nervous
• 1:39:48
  Speaker 1: as fuck, bomb the shit, walk outside, scream the N-word
• 1:39:53
  Speaker 1: in my head, go back out through the parking thing,
• 1:39:55
  Speaker 1: return my badge, get my ID back, get in my car,
• 1:39:59
  Speaker 1: and fucking go home. It is.
• 1:40:03
  Speaker 3: You know, people have no idea what we did.
• 1:40:05
  Speaker 1: We... Got to L.A., figured it out.
• 1:40:09
  Speaker 3: That's true.
• 1:40:10
  Speaker 1: Figured it out.
• 1:40:10
  Speaker 3: Which, listen, that's alone. That alone.
• 1:40:14
  Speaker 1: The parking meter's alone. Quarter gets you six minutes, dude.
• 1:40:19
  Speaker 3: Dog, I had so many tickets when I first moved
• 1:40:21
  Speaker 3: to L.A. They took a car. I mean, my apartment
• 1:40:25
  Speaker 3: got towed. Remember, I lived in my car.
• 1:40:26
  Speaker 1: Ralphie May and those guys go, oh, your apartment got towed.
• 1:40:31
  Speaker 1: It was that scrambling.
• 1:40:33
  Speaker 3: I would do it 20 more times.
• 1:40:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:40:36
  Speaker 3: That not having money to eat lunch and having to
• 1:40:38
  Speaker 3: rob the gas station for a pack of cigarettes on
• 1:40:40
  Speaker 3: the way to Josh Wolf's house to get a turkey burger,
• 1:40:44
  Speaker 3: you know, to fucking borrow eight bucks to go to
• 1:40:46
  Speaker 3: Sunset Grill and get a burger with the guy with
• 1:40:49
  Speaker 3: the bum leg. You know, nobody knows that, what it's
• 1:40:52
  Speaker 3: like to showcase for J.M. Massard and him telling you, like,
• 1:40:56
  Speaker 3: why are you here?
• 1:40:58
  Speaker 1: You know, and thank God, you know, Mitzi passed me
• 1:41:02
  Speaker 1: right off the bat.
• 1:41:03
  Speaker 3: Thank God. But then it was seven years of I
• 1:41:07
  Speaker 3: can't get an agent. And you can't do this, and
• 1:41:11
  Speaker 3: you can't do that. Oh, yeah. And most people would
• 1:41:13
  Speaker 3: have quit. We did something that a lot of people
• 1:41:17
  Speaker 3: just can't handle. They move back, and they go, you
• 1:41:19
  Speaker 3: know what? It wasn't for me. Listen, I understand that.
• 1:41:23
  Speaker 3: I fucking definitely understand that. But for me, I think
• 1:41:27
  Speaker 3: it was time to move on to the next chapter.
• 1:41:31
  Speaker 3: I'm trying to find what that chapter is now.
• 1:41:33
  Speaker 1: You wrote a book. Wrote a book. That was cool, man.
• 1:41:36
  Speaker 1: I feel bad that I haven't even read it, but
• 1:41:37
  Speaker 1: I did just order it today. I didn't even know
• 1:41:39
  Speaker 1: that you had written it, I don't think. Actually, you
• 1:41:41
  Speaker 1: know what? I think when I did your podcast last
• 1:41:43
  Speaker 1: time over Zoom, I think you remember telling me.
• 1:41:46
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 1:41:46
  Speaker 1: That you had done it. But that's awesome. Tremendous.
• 1:41:51
  Speaker 3: I was trying to write that book for fucking 20 years.
• 1:41:54
  Speaker 1: I know. A lot of comics always have that book
• 1:41:56
  Speaker 1: milling around in them.
• 1:41:57
  Speaker 3: And then I kept writing and making notes, and then
• 1:41:59
  Speaker 3: I kept trying to hook up with a writer.
• 1:42:02
  Speaker 1: Tremendous.
• 1:42:03
  Speaker 3: And then I hooked up with Jimmy Florentine's niece. Really? Yeah,
• 1:42:07
  Speaker 3: his young niece, and she fucking helped me. Listen, man,
• 1:42:10
  Speaker 3: we sold some copies. We made it to number nine
• 1:42:13
  Speaker 3: on the audio book in New York Times, which for
• 1:42:16
  Speaker 3: a dirty comic and a criminal, that's not too fucking bad.
• 1:42:19
  Speaker 1: Rocky got that cock on him, baby. Rocky got that
• 1:42:21
  Speaker 1: cock on him, motherfucker.
• 1:42:23
  Speaker 3: Before, you were saying something really funny, and I interrupted you.
• 1:42:26
  Speaker 3: I had to go to the bathroom, but you were
• 1:42:28
  Speaker 3: telling me that you used to call people and tell
• 1:42:30
  Speaker 3: them celebrities died.
• 1:42:31
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, dude. And so we'd go like on
• 1:42:33
  Speaker 1: Boy Scouts or whatever. My buddy was in the Boy Scouts.
• 1:42:36
  Speaker 1: And so I remember one time we went on a
• 1:42:37
  Speaker 1: camping trip with them. And right when we started out,
• 1:42:41
  Speaker 1: I told everybody Jay Leno had died, right? I've told
• 1:42:44
  Speaker 1: this story before, but I love it. And I was like,
• 1:42:47
  Speaker 1: you know, Jay Leno died. And so all the dads
• 1:42:50
  Speaker 1: were like, oh gosh, that's so sorry to hear that.
• 1:42:53
  Speaker 1: And so then throughout the rest of the weekend, I'd
• 1:42:55
  Speaker 1: be in my tent, right? And I'd hear the dads
• 1:42:58
  Speaker 1: out there talking, one of them telling the other one,
• 1:42:59
  Speaker 1: you know, Jay Leno passed away. And I would be
• 1:43:01
  Speaker 1: In my tent, bro. Fucking... Dying. Howling, bro. Laughing at
• 1:43:06
  Speaker 1: a level where it was, like, coming out of my
• 1:43:09
  Speaker 1: fucking spine. And I don't know why stuff like that
• 1:43:13
  Speaker 1: made me laugh so much. I don't know if it
• 1:43:15
  Speaker 1: was that I had control, like a hidden control, or
• 1:43:19
  Speaker 1: that I was affecting things without them knowing.
• 1:43:21
  Speaker 3: It just.
• 1:43:22
  Speaker 1: There was nothing as good as that, bro. It was
• 1:43:25
  Speaker 1: that kind of shit, dude.
• 1:43:26
  Speaker 3: When you fuck with people, like... You know, control fucking
• 1:43:30
  Speaker 3: with people like me telling Eddie Bravo Rogan was in
• 1:43:33
  Speaker 3: the CIA. All that shit. It's always great. But the
• 1:43:38
  Speaker 3: best thing I ever think I did, and I did
• 1:43:40
  Speaker 3: it on accident. Remember Chuck Liddell?
• 1:43:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah. When Chuck Liddell was the fucking king of the UFC,
• 1:43:46
  Speaker 1: he was the king of the UFC, okay?
• 1:43:50
  Speaker 3: So I get a call from Eddie Bravo. No. I
• 1:43:54
  Speaker 3: find out that Fidel Castro died. I got a call
• 1:43:59
  Speaker 3: from a friend of mine. He goes, you know, Fidel died.
• 1:44:01
  Speaker 3: I go, thank God that motherfucker died. And all of
• 1:44:05
  Speaker 3: a sudden I call Eddie. I go, Eddie, where you at?
• 1:44:07
  Speaker 3: And he goes, I'm sitting here with Dana White or something.
• 1:44:11
  Speaker 3: I go, you know, Fidel died. But the phone didn't
• 1:44:15
  Speaker 3: say it right. It said Liddell. So he goes, let
• 1:44:17
  Speaker 3: me call you back. And he hung up the phone.
• 1:44:20
  Speaker 3: He told Dana White that Joey Diaz just called him,
• 1:44:23
  Speaker 3: told him Chuck Liddell died. I said Fidel, not Liddell, right?
• 1:44:29
  Speaker 3: Now this is Dana White's fucking man at the time.
• 1:44:32
  Speaker 3: Dana White's got no hair. And he lost even, he
• 1:44:35
  Speaker 3: lost the hair he was going to give his children. Fucking,
• 1:44:38
  Speaker 3: how could this be? Eddie Bravo calls Dave and says,
• 1:44:42
  Speaker 3: Liddell died. Not Liddell, Fidel, you fuck.
• 1:44:49
  Speaker 1: That's fucking great. I love that kind of shit. Did
• 1:44:53
  Speaker 1: your parents come over from Cuba? I don't remember. Both
• 1:44:55
  Speaker 1: of them?
• 1:44:56
  Speaker 3: Wow. I'm 100%. There ain't no fuck.
• 1:45:00
  Speaker 1: We went there when I was a student.
• 1:45:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you told me. Yeah, I remember.
• 1:45:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah. We went there, and Fidel came and spoke to
• 1:45:05
  Speaker 1: our class, I remember. but we didn't speak enough Spanish
• 1:45:09
  Speaker 1: to know a ton of, they had a translator.
• 1:45:11
  Speaker 3: Where did you go to college? LSU?
• 1:45:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, over at LSU and University of Arizona, but it
• 1:45:18
  Speaker 1: was a thing called Semester of City. It was like
• 1:45:19
  Speaker 1: a floating college, but we stopped there on the cruise ship. Wow.
• 1:45:22
  Speaker 1: I was working in a bookstore, so we pull up
• 1:45:24
  Speaker 1: in a Cuba, dude, and all the people are there having,
• 1:45:26
  Speaker 1: you know, and we're like throwing all our tennis shoes,
• 1:45:28
  Speaker 1: everything we own that they could have, we're throwing it
• 1:45:30
  Speaker 1: off the boat, bro. And like you would be walking
• 1:45:33
  Speaker 1: through town and people would like have you come up
• 1:45:34
  Speaker 1: to their windows and they would tell you like, Just
• 1:45:37
  Speaker 1: about like the control they were under and shit. And
• 1:45:39
  Speaker 1: it was like top secret kind of. Well, we got
• 1:45:41
  Speaker 1: to go to a baseball game. Dude, some group was
• 1:45:44
  Speaker 1: partying in this alley somewhere. I went over there. I'm dancing, partying.
• 1:45:47
  Speaker 1: They cut up in a birthday cake. Probably thought it
• 1:45:49
  Speaker 1: was like a fucking party for like an old man.
• 1:45:54
  Speaker 1: Next thing I know, I turn around. This old dude
• 1:45:57
  Speaker 1: is going down on one of the chicks, bro. It's
• 1:46:00
  Speaker 1: some guys and some hookers in there. Like, what the fuck?
• 1:46:03
  Speaker 1: They don't fuck around. I thought it was like somebody's
• 1:46:06
  Speaker 1: grandpa's birthday, bro. I'm over there singing the Pledge of Allegiance.
• 1:46:11
  Speaker 1: I look over, dude, this guy's fucking trying to get
• 1:46:14
  Speaker 1: back in the birth canal over here.
• 1:46:18
  Speaker 3: Dog, Cuba's a dirty fucking country, bro.
• 1:46:20
  Speaker 1: It was awesome, dude.
• 1:46:21
  Speaker 3: They got tons of hookers down there.
• 1:46:23
  Speaker 1: Oh, it was apparently so. Tons of hookers down there. God,
• 1:46:27
  Speaker 1: I got to go back.
• 1:46:27
  Speaker 3: And those girls come up here and they destroy it.
• 1:46:30
  Speaker 3: They're all over Jersey, those Cuban hookers. Really?
• 1:46:31
  Speaker 1: Wow, I got to get out more.
• 1:46:34
  Speaker 3: There's a strip club in Jersey that my friend and
• 1:46:37
  Speaker 3: I grew up with this guy.
• 1:46:38
  Speaker 1: He owns. And they keep closing them down because they're
• 1:46:41
  Speaker 1: just nasty. You know, they're fucking 60 deep in there.
• 1:46:45
  Speaker 1: I went in there like three times and I'm like,
• 1:46:48
  Speaker 1: This is buck wild. There was a biker chick that
• 1:46:50
  Speaker 1: would slam her heels together. And every time her heels would.
• 1:46:53
  Speaker 3: Come, I got to get out of here.
• 1:46:55
  Speaker 1: Oh, every year.
• 1:46:56
  Speaker 3: But they had a bunch of Cuban girls in there.
• 1:46:58
  Speaker 3: And I would go in there once a week just
• 1:47:01
  Speaker 3: to talk to the one Cuban girl. And she would
• 1:47:02
  Speaker 3: tell me. about Cuba, what's going on. And she would
• 1:47:05
  Speaker 3: tell me right off, why don't you just sit there?
• 1:47:07
  Speaker 3: Why don't you go get your dick sucked? That's their mentality.
• 1:47:10
  Speaker 3: They're like, what?
• 1:47:11
  Speaker 1: There's a thousand.
• 1:47:11
  Speaker 3: Girls that'll suck your dick. What are you there talking,
• 1:47:14
  Speaker 3: watching a game for? I'm like, I'm married.
• 1:47:16
  Speaker 1: Who cares?
• 1:47:16
  Speaker 3: Go have a good time. Your wife ain't going to mind.
• 1:47:18
  Speaker 3: I mean, they're fucking open-minded as shit. I'm like, nah.
• 1:47:22
  Speaker 1: That's when I might get a real Spanish wife or something.
• 1:47:26
  Speaker 1: Be nice, huh? Yeah.
• 1:47:29
  Speaker 3: That would balance you out a little bit. Yes. They'll
• 1:47:31
  Speaker 3: smack you around, take your money.
• 1:47:35
  Speaker 1: This is my wife. How did you know you were
• 1:47:38
  Speaker 1: in love when you met your wife, dude? Did you
• 1:47:40
  Speaker 1: know it?
• 1:47:41
  Speaker 3: No.
• 1:47:43
  Speaker 1: Did it grow on you? You think it's hard for
• 1:47:44
  Speaker 1: guys like us to be in love, kind of?
• 1:47:46
  Speaker 3: Yes, because our first love is community. That's when you're
• 1:47:51
  Speaker 3: in L.A., not when you're in your hometown. Once you
• 1:47:54
  Speaker 3: get to L.A. and you're caught up, that's your love.
• 1:47:57
  Speaker 3: When you really, really think about it, at the end
• 1:47:59
  Speaker 3: of the day, that's your love. I was with my
• 1:48:01
  Speaker 3: wife maybe.
• 1:48:04
  Speaker 3: Three years before, you know, it was like, but thank
• 1:48:10
  Speaker 3: God she had patience. Thank God I had patience. And
• 1:48:15
  Speaker 3: it wasn't until my wife and I got together. We're
• 1:48:18
  Speaker 3: going to be together 24 years.
• 1:48:20
  Speaker 1: Next month.
• 1:48:22
  Speaker 3: And it wasn't until I got the longest yard. It
• 1:48:25
  Speaker 3: was 2004. We were struggling. Every week was a struggle
• 1:48:29
  Speaker 3: with her and I. We were living together. The relationship
• 1:48:32
  Speaker 3: was good, but we were always struggling. We had no money.
• 1:48:35
  Speaker 3: We had six cats.
• 1:48:37
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.
• 1:48:37
  Speaker 3: And I got the longest yard. And I went to
• 1:48:40
  Speaker 3: shoot it. And when I came back home, I had
• 1:48:43
  Speaker 3: to shoot, you know, for 11 weeks. My call time
• 1:48:47
  Speaker 3: was at 4.45 every morning. Oh, my God. In Orange County.
• 1:48:51
  Speaker 1: 4.45. So I don't know how many times I got
• 1:48:57
  Speaker 1: up at 3 in the morning and my fucking.
• 1:49:00
  Speaker 3: Costume would be out. She'd be cooking eggs at 3
• 1:49:03
  Speaker 3: in the morning for me. And I go, what did
• 1:49:06
  Speaker 3: I do to deserve this? And that's when I realized
• 1:49:11
  Speaker 3: I really love her. I wasn't going to get married again.
• 1:49:16
  Speaker 3: Once you get married and you lose, I'm a Catholic.
• 1:49:18
  Speaker 3: You do it one time and you move on. I
• 1:49:20
  Speaker 3: wasn't looking to get married. I wasn't looking to waste
• 1:49:23
  Speaker 3: anybody's time. I'm not a big time waster. If it's
• 1:49:26
  Speaker 3: not working, let's move the fuck on. But with her,
• 1:49:29
  Speaker 3: it was different. And now, it's tremendous. Now, After 24,
• 1:49:36
  Speaker 3: I look at her and I'm like, if it wasn't
• 1:49:37
  Speaker 3: for her, I wouldn't be here. Wow.
• 1:49:40
  Speaker 1: Did moving to Jersey help you guys' relationship, you think?
• 1:49:43
  Speaker 3: One thing about me and my wife, I got to
• 1:49:45
  Speaker 3: be honest with you, we got into a fight in
• 1:49:47
  Speaker 3: December in Nashville.
• 1:49:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, good.
• 1:49:50
  Speaker 3: Beside that, me and my wife never really, we got
• 1:49:53
  Speaker 3: into like, it was a long-awaited battle. Her family, me,
• 1:49:58
  Speaker 3: the whole thing. I just went home. I was in
• 1:50:00
  Speaker 3: Nashville for Christmas. I just went home Christmas Day. And
• 1:50:03
  Speaker 3: she got mad at me for like two weeks. We
• 1:50:05
  Speaker 3: had a little problem at the house for two weeks.
• 1:50:07
  Speaker 3: But ever since then, it's been... And before then, it
• 1:50:11
  Speaker 3: was smooth, you know? And we're fucking a great team.
• 1:50:15
  Speaker 3: And now we got this little girl, and, you know,
• 1:50:17
  Speaker 3: we bought this house. We paid it off. We did
• 1:50:20
  Speaker 3: so many fucking things in three years, you know? She's
• 1:50:23
  Speaker 3: an accountant. So I got pensions. I got a pension
• 1:50:26
  Speaker 3: for the pension, another pension.
• 1:50:28
  Speaker 1: Hopefully she's laundering money for you, too.
• 1:50:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah, she's laundering, too. You know, I mean, she's... It's
• 1:50:35
  Speaker 3: great for me. I never thought I would say something
• 1:50:37
  Speaker 3: like this.
• 1:50:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what I find interesting.
• 1:50:39
  Speaker 3: I would never in my life tell you. For me,
• 1:50:43
  Speaker 3: it was the best thing that happened at that time.
• 1:50:45
  Speaker 1: Was there a fear to do it? Like, was there
• 1:50:47
  Speaker 1: a fear to be like, okay, this is— Fuck it. Theo,
• 1:50:50
  Speaker 1: look at our lives.
• 1:50:52
  Speaker 3: We go on the road. We bump into a girl.
• 1:50:55
  Speaker 3: You do things with them for three days, then you
• 1:50:57
  Speaker 3: come back a year later, and there they are. And
• 1:50:59
  Speaker 3: then one time you come back, and they obviously have
• 1:51:01
  Speaker 3: a boyfriend. Yeah. And they bring him to the show,
• 1:51:03
  Speaker 3: and that's when the relationship ends. And I was in
• 1:51:07
  Speaker 3: Boulder before I went to L.A., and I had, honest
• 1:51:10
  Speaker 3: to God, no lie, I probably had six girls on
• 1:51:13
  Speaker 3: a rotation that would just come over to snort coke
• 1:51:16
  Speaker 3: and have sex.
• 1:51:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's beautiful. I mean, yeah. It's a beautiful thing,
• 1:51:19
  Speaker 1: but it's like you get used to it. Right, and
• 1:51:23
  Speaker 1: then it runs its course, and then time changes. And
• 1:51:25
  Speaker 1: you come back, and you're still living five years ago,
• 1:51:27
  Speaker 1: and now they got chilled, they got a fan, so
• 1:51:29
  Speaker 1: everything changes.
• 1:51:30
  Speaker 3: So, like, I was never going to get remarried. I
• 1:51:34
  Speaker 3: got the movie. Then it took me two more years
• 1:51:38
  Speaker 3: of struggling on coke.
• 1:51:39
  Speaker 1: I mean, a.
• 1:51:40
  Speaker 3: Horrid two years. Heroin, and then, and that was what
• 1:51:45
  Speaker 3: was killing me, that I was hurting her. And one
• 1:51:47
  Speaker 3: day I go, you know what? I got to stop
• 1:51:49
  Speaker 3: this shit, because, listen, I'm old school. I found my
• 1:51:53
  Speaker 3: mother dead, and I'm here. I could find somebody dead,
• 1:51:57
  Speaker 3: but I never wanted her to find me dead because
• 1:52:00
  Speaker 3: she couldn't handle it. That would live with her for
• 1:52:03
  Speaker 3: the rest of her life. So that's what made me
• 1:52:06
  Speaker 3: get clean off coke. I didn't want her. There were
• 1:52:08
  Speaker 3: two reasons I got off coke. One, I didn't want
• 1:52:12
  Speaker 3: her to find me, and number two, if something happened
• 1:52:15
  Speaker 3: to me, I didn't want people telling Rogan he was wrong.
• 1:52:18
  Speaker 3: That meant a lot to me that he had my back.
• 1:52:21
  Speaker 3: So now he's got my back 100%. So I got clean,
• 1:52:26
  Speaker 3: and then two years later, I proposed to her on
• 1:52:29
  Speaker 3: the phone. I just go, it's time. It's time. No
• 1:52:33
  Speaker 3: more shit. I was going for a ride, and I go,
• 1:52:35
  Speaker 3: you know what? I got to marry this girl. And
• 1:52:37
  Speaker 3: then two years later, she got pregnant. So it was
• 1:52:40
  Speaker 3: all like.
• 1:52:41
  Speaker 1: That's interesting, man, saying, like, I don't want to hurt you,
• 1:52:43
  Speaker 1: so I'm going to stop hurting me, you know? Yeah. Yeah.
• 1:52:46
  Speaker 1: I don't want to hurt this person.
• 1:52:48
  Speaker 3: She could never handle waking up and finding me on
• 1:52:51
  Speaker 3: the floor.
• 1:52:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:52:52
  Speaker 3: She doesn't have it. It's not in her DNA. She's
• 1:52:54
  Speaker 3: very sweet. We're animals. We can find anybody dead the
• 1:52:59
  Speaker 3: next day if I can go eat a pizza.
• 1:53:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:53:02
  Speaker 3: But she's from a different cloth, so.
• 1:53:05
  Speaker 1: Hey, Rocky got that cock on him, dude.
• 1:53:07
  Speaker 3: What's that?
• 1:53:08
  Speaker 1: Rocky got that medium pepperoni on him.
• 1:53:10
  Speaker 3: I'm telling you, dude.
• 1:53:11
  Speaker 1: Look, that's true, dude. Sometimes I'll be sitting with somebody,
• 1:53:14
  Speaker 1: I'll be like, if this person died, what would I
• 1:53:16
  Speaker 1: do with them right now? I literally will think that
• 1:53:18
  Speaker 1: kind of shit. It's fucking crazy, man. Yeah, and I'm
• 1:53:22
  Speaker 1: just in the backseat of an Uber, and you're like,
• 1:53:24
  Speaker 1: what the fuck would I do with this guy, you know?
• 1:53:28
  Speaker 1: Do you ever have tough moments, like when you think
• 1:53:31
  Speaker 1: back on your own mom and just that whole situation? Like,
• 1:53:33
  Speaker 1: do you ever, like, on Mother's Day, do you do
• 1:53:35
  Speaker 1: anything special? Do you just say, like, a special prayer?
• 1:53:37
  Speaker 3: It's like these idiots celebrate 420. One day a year.
• 1:53:44
  Speaker 3: I do 420 every day. There's not a day I
• 1:53:47
  Speaker 3: don't think about my mom. In fact, I didn't even
• 1:53:50
  Speaker 3: bring flowers to a cemetery this time. I went to
• 1:53:53
  Speaker 3: a cemetery when I moved back to Jersey. It looked
• 1:53:56
  Speaker 3: like a fucking rat's nest. I went. I complained. I
• 1:54:00
  Speaker 3: brought some tools up there. I did some cleaning. And
• 1:54:03
  Speaker 3: it's like scared me now. And it's like now I
• 1:54:06
  Speaker 3: don't even want to be buried. I don't want the
• 1:54:09
  Speaker 3: people to have to come visit me and clean up
• 1:54:10
  Speaker 3: my grave. Burn this shit out of me. I don't
• 1:54:12
  Speaker 3: give a fuck. Well done.
• 1:54:14
  Speaker 1: The last bullet.
• 1:54:15
  Speaker 3: Well done. I'm not fucking, don't come visit me. She
• 1:54:18
  Speaker 3: lives in your heart, Dio. They live in your heart
• 1:54:21
  Speaker 3: and in your mind and funny fucking stories and, you know.
• 1:54:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, do you remember like a funny story that you,
• 1:54:27
  Speaker 1: do you have like a real fun memory that you
• 1:54:29
  Speaker 1: remember with your mom? Oh, I got 30,000 of those
• 1:54:33
  Speaker 1: things where it's just, I still remember a night where
• 1:54:37
  Speaker 1: I was probably like in the eighth grade. Maybe in
• 1:54:41
  Speaker 1: the seventh grade, the second time, because I got left
• 1:54:43
  Speaker 1: back in the seventh grade. Real Gs do it twice, son.
• 1:54:48
  Speaker 3: My mother used to fucking own a bar, and every
• 1:54:50
  Speaker 3: night at three, she'd come home, 315, and some nights
• 1:54:54
  Speaker 3: she'd walk me up with food, some nights she'd just
• 1:54:56
  Speaker 3: walk me up to talk to me and see how
• 1:54:58
  Speaker 3: my day went. This one particular night, she woke up
• 1:55:01
  Speaker 3: and she's like, get dressed. There's a girl downstairs that
• 1:55:04
  Speaker 3: wants to meet you. That was my mother. She's like,
• 1:55:08
  Speaker 3: go downstairs. And I went down like with warmups or something.
• 1:55:12
  Speaker 3: And there were like three of my uncles and there
• 1:55:14
  Speaker 3: was other women and fucking my stepdad. And this girl
• 1:55:17
  Speaker 3: was dancing with me. And I'm like, hold on. I
• 1:55:20
  Speaker 3: got to go up and put on my suit. At
• 1:55:22
  Speaker 3: four in the morning, I went upstairs and put on
• 1:55:24
  Speaker 3: a suit. And they're all like, go, Joey. And I'm
• 1:55:26
  Speaker 3: dancing with Coquito. They would call me Coquito. And I'm
• 1:55:29
  Speaker 3: dancing with this girl. I'm rubbing her tits and shit. Finally,
• 1:55:32
  Speaker 3: somebody gives me like a shot of whiskey and I'm
• 1:55:34
  Speaker 3: You know, I'm like in the seventh grade, and all
• 1:55:37
  Speaker 3: of a sudden they're like, take her upstairs. And I'm like,
• 1:55:40
  Speaker 3: and my mom was there. I didn't even make eye
• 1:55:42
  Speaker 3: contact with my mom. I just held her hand, and
• 1:55:45
  Speaker 3: she took me upstairs to the attic, not even to
• 1:55:47
  Speaker 3: my bedroom. We had an attic where she was going
• 1:55:49
  Speaker 3: to spend the night. And Theo, do you know, to
• 1:55:51
  Speaker 3: this day, I cannot tell you if I fucked her,
• 1:55:54
  Speaker 3: ate her, kissed her. I think I just passed out
• 1:55:57
  Speaker 3: from the fucking anxiety.
• 1:55:59
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.
• 1:56:00
  Speaker 3: And that's the type of mom I had. Like, she
• 1:56:02
  Speaker 3: brought a girl home. She took me to fight somebody once.
• 1:56:06
  Speaker 3: She would pick fights for me. She was my Dana White.
• 1:56:09
  Speaker 3: When I went to Catholic school and I'd come home,
• 1:56:11
  Speaker 3: she's like, you got to go home and change. You
• 1:56:12
  Speaker 3: got to fight at 3.30 in front of my boss.
• 1:56:15
  Speaker 3: Some guy cursed at me, and I told him, come
• 1:56:16
  Speaker 3: back here Friday at 3.30. You're going to fight my son.
• 1:56:19
  Speaker 3: And I had to go up there and fight two
• 1:56:20
  Speaker 3: fucking kids. You know, it never ended, man, with this lady.
• 1:56:24
  Speaker 3: But those years, this is what I'm trying to do
• 1:56:27
  Speaker 3: with my daughter now, because I remembered how my mom
• 1:56:30
  Speaker 3: got to me. And it was just... Like, I finally
• 1:56:35
  Speaker 3: had to tell my daughter a couple months ago that
• 1:56:36
  Speaker 3: I smoke pot. 11 years old. And she's looked at
• 1:56:40
  Speaker 3: me like, Dad, come on. I know.
• 1:56:44
  Speaker 1: Smoke coming out of your mouth, and you come out
• 1:56:45
  Speaker 1: of the bathroom, what do you think, I'm stupid? She's like,
• 1:56:48
  Speaker 1: everybody knows that. She's like, we have smoke coming out
• 1:56:50
  Speaker 1: of our house, and we don't have a chimney, Dad.
• 1:56:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I fucking go in the garage with her sometimes.
• 1:56:55
  Speaker 3: She's like, Dad, it smells in here. She'll go, and
• 1:56:58
  Speaker 3: I go, how many keeps breaking in my house and
• 1:57:00
  Speaker 3: smoking dope? And she's like, Dad, So I'm really being
• 1:57:04
  Speaker 3: honest with her, little steps at a time. Like, I
• 1:57:07
  Speaker 3: got to break it to her that she's got a
• 1:57:08
  Speaker 3: sister soon. Eventually, someday I got to tell her the story. Yeah.
• 1:57:13
  Speaker 3: I don't want to tell her now because I don't
• 1:57:15
  Speaker 3: want her to think, well, what if me and mommy
• 1:57:18
  Speaker 3: break up? You'll never see us again. So I got
• 1:57:20
  Speaker 3: to be careful. I thought when I put the book out,
• 1:57:23
  Speaker 3: I would have to sit her down. But it's been
• 1:57:25
  Speaker 3: two years.
• 1:57:26
  Speaker 1: She ain't ready.
• 1:57:26
  Speaker 3: No, she's not going to read it until I tell
• 1:57:29
  Speaker 3: her to read it.
• 1:57:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:57:31
  Speaker 3: So... Things like that, you know, but I miss my mom.
• 1:57:35
  Speaker 3: I miss my childhood. If it wasn't for my childhood,
• 1:57:37
  Speaker 3: I would have never became the person I would have became. Yeah.
• 1:57:41
  Speaker 3: Plain and simple. Whether it's a criminal thing, everything I
• 1:57:44
  Speaker 3: did in my childhood came to help me out later on,
• 1:57:47
  Speaker 3: you know, like in some way or another. So I
• 1:57:50
  Speaker 3: have no fucking regrets at all, you know? Yeah.
• 1:57:56
  Speaker 1: Dang, man. Thanks, dude. Thanks for just sitting down. It's
• 1:57:59
  Speaker 1: just so good to just hear your voice even I
• 1:58:02
  Speaker 1: remember how much, like... When you would go on your lives, dude...
• 1:58:05
  Speaker 1: Remember when... Mad Flavor was going fucking live, dude? The
• 1:58:10
  Speaker 1: world lit up. You remember that, Nick? The world, people
• 1:58:14
  Speaker 1: were like, Joe Coco's going live. Dude, I would get
• 1:58:16
  Speaker 1: texts from my friends back at home. They're like, Coco's
• 1:58:19
  Speaker 1: going live. And I thought it was like a black
• 1:58:21
  Speaker 1: stripper was going to do something. I didn't know what
• 1:58:23
  Speaker 1: was happening.
• 1:58:24
  Speaker 3: All the periscopes?
• 1:58:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, when you would do periscopes.
• 1:58:26
  Speaker 3: I love them. I love them.
• 1:58:28
  Speaker 1: And the cats, you'd be on your balcony.
• 1:58:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you can't smoke on Instagram. They'll fucking shut you down.
• 1:58:33
  Speaker 3: So I can't do that stuff no more. It's been fucking,
• 1:58:37
  Speaker 3: I love smoking on Instagram and stuff like that, but
• 1:58:39
  Speaker 3: you can't. I haven't made a video on Instagram in
• 1:58:42
  Speaker 3: three weeks.
• 1:58:42
  Speaker 1: That's ridiculous, though. You can link, yeah, there you go.
• 1:58:47
  Speaker 1: Fucking 7 in the morning. 7 in the morning.
• 1:58:51
  Speaker 3: I would get up just to take a shower to
• 1:58:53
  Speaker 3: go out there, smoke, and talk to these fucking animals.
• 1:58:57
  Speaker 1: Oh, dude, there was nothing like it, bro. People, dude,
• 1:59:01
  Speaker 1: I remember a deaf kid even fucking called me and
• 1:59:03
  Speaker 1: talked to me until he was excited about that shit.
• 1:59:06
  Speaker 1: Two people fucking came out of their own diseases and malfunctions.
• 1:59:10
  Speaker 3: Do you understand we were getting up at 7 in
• 1:59:12
  Speaker 3: the morning to do that shit? At 8 o'clock, I
• 1:59:17
  Speaker 3: was already three sheets to the fucking wind. There was
• 1:59:21
  Speaker 3: a weed store that opened up at 9 that gave
• 1:59:24
  Speaker 3: out bagels. Yeah. In Studio City, he was a Jewish guy.
• 1:59:27
  Speaker 3: I would be there at 9 in the morning with him,
• 1:59:30
  Speaker 3: eating bagels, eating fucking banana bread. You know, it had
• 1:59:34
  Speaker 3: to give in eventually. Now, listen, I got some edibles.
• 1:59:37
  Speaker 3: I didn't take them last night, and that's why I
• 1:59:39
  Speaker 3: was uptight last night on stage. I got to drop
• 1:59:41
  Speaker 3: them tonight.
• 1:59:42
  Speaker 1: I don't give a fuck.
• 1:59:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I'm going to drop like 800, 1,000 milligrams tonight
• 1:59:46
  Speaker 3: and go down there and torture Joe, get some fucking barbecue.
• 1:59:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it'll be good. I'll be down there, man. Any
• 1:59:52
  Speaker 1: chance you move in Austin? Is that just a myth?
• 1:59:54
  Speaker 1: You know, Joe throws it around, you know?
• 1:59:56
  Speaker 3: Well, I'll tell you what. For my situation now, it
• 2:00:01
  Speaker 3: makes sense. I miss you guys. I really do miss this.
• 2:00:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I miss it too. I'm realizing that.
• 2:00:07
  Speaker 3: I don't want a week down here. I don't want
• 2:00:09
  Speaker 3: to be down here for a week. That's too much. Three,
• 2:00:12
  Speaker 3: four days, eight, nine sets, get back on the plane
• 2:00:14
  Speaker 3: and go home. If I buy, I'll buy a condo
• 2:00:18
  Speaker 3: or something in the building. Like I told you, something
• 2:00:20
  Speaker 3: that everything is there. Like my niece in Nashville, everything.
• 2:00:23
  Speaker 3: She's got everything for $ 2, 200 a month. Everything, weights, music,
• 2:00:28
  Speaker 3: they cook in the building. If I could find one
• 2:00:31
  Speaker 3: of those down here, maybe get Troy Conrad in with me,
• 2:00:34
  Speaker 3: maybe Lee.
• 2:00:36
  Speaker 1: Just somebody, you know.
• 2:00:38
  Speaker 3: If I'm not in town, they're in town.
• 2:00:39
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 2:00:40
  Speaker 3: Watching the joint. You know, they're not watching it. Somebody
• 2:00:42
  Speaker 3: else could come in.
• 2:00:43
  Speaker 1: I don't care.
• 2:00:44
  Speaker 3: That's what I'm thinking. I can't buy a house down there.
• 2:00:46
  Speaker 1: I don't want to do that.
• 2:00:48
  Speaker 3: Because I don't want to resettle. I don't want to
• 2:00:50
  Speaker 3: remove my daughter. She's settled there now. You know, for
• 2:00:54
  Speaker 3: me to remove her again, fuck that.
• 2:00:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, I might. I do like going and doing
• 2:01:01
  Speaker 1: the sets, man. I did 24 sets last week. Yeah.
• 2:01:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah, just at the Mothership?
• 2:01:07
  Speaker 1: At the different clubs, 22 sets.
• 2:01:08
  Speaker 3: Where'd you go?
• 2:01:10
  Speaker 1: I went to.
• 2:01:11
  Speaker 3: Red Band?
• 2:01:12
  Speaker 1: Mothership. I went to Red Band Sunset. I went to
• 2:01:14
  Speaker 1: Creek in the Cave. I went to Black Rabbit. And
• 2:01:18
  Speaker 1: I think that's it. But amongst those clubs, I did like.
• 2:01:22
  Speaker 3: I.
• 2:01:24
  Speaker 1: Mean, I probably did 12 sets at Mothership. Wow.
• 2:01:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I did three last night.
• 2:01:28
  Speaker 1: I left.
• 2:01:29
  Speaker 3: I went to get tacos, and I'm like, dog, I'm tired.
• 2:01:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 2:01:32
  Speaker 3: I went to get tacos after the... the second main
• 2:01:35
  Speaker 3: room show and i wanted to do the bottom of
• 2:01:37
  Speaker 3: the barrel again to get some other jokes but i
• 2:01:40
  Speaker 3: was like dog i gotta go.
• 2:01:41
  Speaker 1: Home yeah i went home dude ended up jerking off
• 2:01:44
  Speaker 1: didn't want to but.
• 2:01:45
  Speaker 3: I went home smoked some pot watched some tv i
• 2:01:51
  Speaker 3: slept good got up too early this morning i ate
• 2:01:53
  Speaker 3: that shit ate breakfast went for a nice walk smoked
• 2:01:56
  Speaker 3: a joint went right back upstairs watched the rest of
• 2:02:00
  Speaker 3: uh some Clint Eastwood movie, and I fucking slept from
• 2:02:03
  Speaker 3: 10 to 2.
• 2:02:04
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's beautiful.
• 2:02:05
  Speaker 3: I got up. I washed my pussy. I hit you back.
• 2:02:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 2:02:08
  Speaker 3: I took a long shower. I shaved with one of
• 2:02:10
  Speaker 3: those Puerto Rican Bic razors. I got skin missing. I
• 2:02:15
  Speaker 3: shaved my fucking ear. I cut my ear. You know,
• 2:02:18
  Speaker 3: when you get out of the shower, you feel all
• 2:02:19
  Speaker 3: these little things. I could see myself as I was
• 2:02:22
  Speaker 3: shaving in the shower putting all those little cotton balls
• 2:02:24
  Speaker 3: all over your face like you.
• 2:02:26
  Speaker 1: Had all this fucking prison freckles. Oh, God.
• 2:02:30
  Speaker 3: Well, it's good to see you, brother. I'm happy you
• 2:02:32
  Speaker 3: had me on here. I'm very proud of you and
• 2:02:35
  Speaker 3: what you've done. You're a fucking animal. I love that
• 2:02:39
  Speaker 3: you have a smile on your face all the time.
• 2:02:41
  Speaker 3: And I will take you up on June 1st.
• 2:02:44
  Speaker 1: We're going to....
• 2:02:47
  Speaker 3: So you're at Beacon that Friday night.
• 2:02:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm at Beacon that Friday night.
• 2:02:51
  Speaker 3: Just one show. Just one show. Or two shows.
• 2:02:53
  Speaker 1: Just one.
• 2:02:54
  Speaker 3: Just one. And then you're free. Yeah. You're staying in
• 2:02:56
  Speaker 3: the city.
• 2:02:57
  Speaker 1: I could stay anywhere.
• 2:02:58
  Speaker 3: Saturday.
• 2:02:59
  Speaker 1: Saturday.
• 2:03:00
  Speaker 3: We'll do the Saturday.
• 2:03:03
  Speaker 1: Let's go to lunch Saturday and then go to the fights.
• 2:03:05
  Speaker 3: Perfect.
• 2:03:05
  Speaker 1: Even if you don't go to the fights, it'd be great. No, no, no.
• 2:03:07
  Speaker 1: Saturday we'll go because you'll have more time. Yeah.
• 2:03:11
  Speaker 3: So you come over.
• 2:03:11
  Speaker 1: I'll cruise over early Saturday.
• 2:03:12
  Speaker 3: Take the ferry.
• 2:03:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 2:03:14
  Speaker 3: Take the ferry right to there. It drops you off
• 2:03:16
  Speaker 3: right down the block.
• 2:03:17
  Speaker 1: No way, really?
• 2:03:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 2:03:18
  Speaker 1: Drops you off right down the block. That sounds good.
• 2:03:21
  Speaker 1: That's J.J. Braddock Park. Finish the story about J.J. Braddock.
• 2:03:24
  Speaker 3: About what?
• 2:03:26
  Speaker 1: But you met him?
• 2:03:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah, like when he was old, though. Guys, you know,
• 2:03:30
  Speaker 3: he was fucking old.
• 2:03:31
  Speaker 1: Was he still talking about fighting and stuff? Like, was
• 2:03:33
  Speaker 1: he still like.
• 2:03:33
  Speaker 3: He was just, I remember his son. He had a
• 2:03:36
  Speaker 3: son that was a cop. I think he's still in
• 2:03:38
  Speaker 3: the town. I think they still own the house. The
• 2:03:41
  Speaker 3: family still owns the house. But I never saw him
• 2:03:45
  Speaker 3: box or, you know, he never coached me in boxing.
• 2:03:48
  Speaker 3: I wish he would have.
• 2:03:49
  Speaker 1: But you got to see him, though.
• 2:03:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I got to see him.
• 2:03:51
  Speaker 1: And did people, like, think he was like a hero? No.
• 2:03:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, at that time, I didn't know his full history.
• 2:03:58
  Speaker 3: I just knew he was a fucking boxer. And there
• 2:04:00
  Speaker 3: was somebody in our neighborhood that told us about him.
• 2:04:04
  Speaker 3: And then they said, if you ever go up there,
• 2:04:06
  Speaker 3: he'll give you money to shovel snow. And I remember
• 2:04:08
  Speaker 3: one time we went up there as kids, and he
• 2:04:11
  Speaker 3: was outside giving like danishes and 10 bucks if you shoveled.
• 2:04:15
  Speaker 3: And that was it. I never really saw him after
• 2:04:18
  Speaker 3: that or spoke to him. But you hear the legend,
• 2:04:21
  Speaker 3: you know, and then.
• 2:04:24
  Speaker 1: It is what it is.
• 2:04:24
  Speaker 3: But my buddy, well, we don't talk no more, but
• 2:04:29
  Speaker 3: my buddy's in charge of that park.
• 2:04:31
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 2:04:31
  Speaker 3: He's a committee, he's like a.
• 2:04:34
  Speaker 1: Groundskeeper?
• 2:04:35
  Speaker 3: No, no, no, no. He's a big time dude. He's
• 2:04:38
  Speaker 3: in charge of that park. He's a politician.
• 2:04:41
  Speaker 1: And they keep it nice?
• 2:04:42
  Speaker 3: And they keep it nice. And he's the one that
• 2:04:43
  Speaker 3: put the statue from my age.
• 2:04:45
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 2:04:46
  Speaker 3: So he put that up there. And the whole family
• 2:04:49
  Speaker 3: showed up when they put the statue up. It was
• 2:04:50
  Speaker 3: pretty nice. I saw the pictures. It was pretty impressive, man.
• 2:04:54
  Speaker 1: That's cool, man. Yeah, I think I saw Natalie Portman
• 2:04:56
  Speaker 1: at my hotel yesterday. Really?
• 2:04:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I don't know. Dog, every time I'm in Austin,
• 2:05:02
  Speaker 3: I see somebody. One day I was in, not this time, 420.
• 2:05:06
  Speaker 3: I fucking walked out of my elevator. I walked right
• 2:05:08
  Speaker 3: into Magic Johnson. Nuh-uh. And he goes, he looked at
• 2:05:11
  Speaker 3: me like we knew each other. I'd never met Magic.
• 2:05:14
  Speaker 3: And he's like, hey, man, what are you doing here?
• 2:05:15
  Speaker 3: I'm like.
• 2:05:16
  Speaker 1: The question is, what are you doing here?
• 2:05:18
  Speaker 3: I go, I was in L.A.
• 2:05:19
  Speaker 1: For 23 years. You never fucking showed up one time.
• 2:05:22
  Speaker 1: Now I'm in Austin.
• 2:05:23
  Speaker 3: I gave him a big hug. He's like, hey. I go,
• 2:05:26
  Speaker 3: you want to come do Rogan with me?
• 2:05:27
  Speaker 1: He's like, ah, that would have been crazy. I told Joe,
• 2:05:29
  Speaker 1: and Joe's like, ah, you should have brought him.
• 2:05:32
  Speaker 3: I bumped into him, started talking to him like he
• 2:05:34
  Speaker 3: knew me for 10 years.
• 2:05:35
  Speaker 1: I don't know fucking Magic Johnson. Fucking never met him
• 2:05:38
  Speaker 1: in my life. I'm like, hey. Hey, we used to
• 2:05:41
  Speaker 1: do coke in Miami. They don't fucking know. Nobody knows.
• 2:05:45
  Speaker 1: Coco Diaz, man, I love you, dude.
• 2:05:47
  Speaker 3: I love you with all my heart, brother. This is
• 2:05:49
  Speaker 3: the best part of this trip.
• 2:05:50
  Speaker 1: Good to see you.
• 2:05:50
  Speaker 3: When you hit me last week and said, what time tomorrow,
• 2:05:53
  Speaker 3: I was pissed.
• 2:05:54
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, because I had the wrong week, dude. You
• 2:05:56
  Speaker 1: had the wrong Wednesday. I'm like, what?
• 2:05:57
  Speaker 3: Fuck no, you better be doing it next week. I
• 2:06:00
  Speaker 3: love you, brother. Thank you very much for having me.
• 2:06:02
  Speaker 1: I love you, too, man. I'm going to order the book.
• 2:06:03
  Speaker 1: I'm going to read it, man. Thank you, man. And, yeah,
• 2:06:09
  Speaker 1: I just appreciate the fact that I get to know you.
• 2:06:12
  Speaker 1: It's been one of the gifts of this job.
• 2:06:13
  Speaker 3: Bro, you're my favorite guy in LA. Me, Lee, how
• 2:06:17
  Speaker 3: fucking happy was he to see you? When I told
• 2:06:20
  Speaker 3: that motherfucker you were down here, he lit up. Oh, yeah.
• 2:06:23
  Speaker 1: He lit up.
• 2:06:23
  Speaker 3: He was like a fucking.
• 2:06:25
  Speaker 1: Just like a warm McFish when I.
• 2:06:27
  Speaker 3: Got a hold of him.
• 2:06:27
  Speaker 1: Did you do an edible with him or anything? No,
• 2:06:29
  Speaker 1: I just fucking smelled his breath for a couple minutes, dude.
• 2:06:32
  Speaker 3: He has no more flies on his neck.
• 2:06:34
  Speaker 1: He looks great.
• 2:06:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah, he looks great.
• 2:06:35
  Speaker 1: He probably looks clean. He was excited about things. A
• 2:06:39
  Speaker 1: lot more energetic than I heard of me in the past.
• 2:06:41
  Speaker 1: More vocal, confident. He needed all that. Yeah.
• 2:06:44
  Speaker 3: We all needed that break. to realize what just, you
• 2:06:48
  Speaker 3: just need a break sometimes to realize what just fucking happened.
• 2:06:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 2:06:53
  Speaker 3: And now we're ready for the next. I love you, brother.
• 2:06:55
  Speaker 1: Let's go get it. Love you too.
• 2:06:58
  Speaker 2: Now I'm just floating on the breeze and I feel
• 2:07:01
  Speaker 2: I'm falling like these leaves. I must be. cornerstone oh
• 2:07:09
  Speaker 2: but when I reach that ground I'll share this peace
• 2:07:13
  Speaker 2: of mind I found I can feel it in my
• 2:07:16
  Speaker 2: bones