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Blind of Dignity: Eight Years of Humiliation That Ended in Murder · Crime Night

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Imagine this. It's eight point zero t. M. July, Alexandria,
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: twenty fourteen, sticky, oppressive summer heat outside this little rooftop apartment.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: You probably wouldn't hear a thing. Just quiet, but it's
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: a heavy quiet, you know, the kind that comes after
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: years of things left unsaid. Inside. The four kids, they've
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: been sent out of the room. It's just Hamada and Aya.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: He asks for closeness, intimacy. She refuses, grabs a knife
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: from the.
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  Speaker 2: Kitchen right, but not to attack him, which is crucial here.
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  Speaker 1: No, she threatens herself. He manages to calmer down, gets
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: the knife away from her, and then something just snaps.
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  Speaker 1: The man who's spent eight years swallowing every humiliation to
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  Speaker 1: keep her, he violently makes sure that if she won't
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  Speaker 1: be his, well she won't be anyone's. It's horrific when
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: we look at cases like this, cases that are just
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: so tangled. The real question isn't what happened. We know
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: what happened, it's why why did these people let things
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  Speaker 1: get so monumentally broken? Exactly to understand the murder in
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  Speaker 1: twenty fourteen, you really have to rewind eight years, back
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  Speaker 1: to two thousands, back to the moment this psychological deal
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  Speaker 1: was struck between them.
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  Speaker 2: Right, And that's our focus for this deep die, isn't
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: it to get past the shock of the final act
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  Speaker 2: and really dig into the slow decay of dignity of
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  Speaker 2: self respect that defined this whole relationship from day one? Yeah,
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  Speaker 2: because this wasn't about love finding a way. It was
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  Speaker 2: about well, one person's desperate need for acceptance and another
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  Speaker 2: person figuring out how to use that desperation like a
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  Speaker 2: weapon total control. It's a chilling look at how far
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  Speaker 2: someone might go and sacrificing their own sense of self.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, so let's start at the beginning. Then, two thousand
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  Speaker 1: and six. Hamada, he's twenty four living in Alexandria, but
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: he's facing this huge, huge challenge his eyesight.
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  Speaker 2: It's absolutely central to everything that follows. He had severe
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  Speaker 2: vision problems. His left eye was heading towards complete blindness,
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  Speaker 2: and in his right he could only make out shadows.
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: Basically Wow. But despite that, physically vulnerable, more vulnerable emotionally.
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  Speaker 1: And then there's Ayah. She's twenty one, described as beautiful,
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  Speaker 1: waiting for her husband, but she has these very specific conditions,
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  Speaker 1: non neghostable apparently.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, two main ones we know out First, the guy
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  Speaker 2: absolutely could not be from her hometown Kafrel Shake She
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  Speaker 2: wanted out decisively, okay, fair. And the second one, well,
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  Speaker 2: it wasn't stated out loud, but looking at who she chose,
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  Speaker 2: it seems pretty clear, doesn't it. She wanted someone she
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  Speaker 2: could manage, someone whose situation put her firmly in control.
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  Speaker 1: So Hamada picks her a distant relative, someone he's literally
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  Speaker 1: never met, never met. Yeah, and when his family asks
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  Speaker 1: him why Aya, his answer is just I.
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  Speaker 3: Love her very much, which is well, it begs the question, right,
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  Speaker 3: how how do you love someone you don't know? It
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  Speaker 3: sounds less like love and more like yeah, like sheer desperation. Yeah,
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  Speaker 3: here's Hamada facing this incredibly difficult future with his vision loss.
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  Speaker 3: Maybe he saw Ayah less as a partner and more
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  Speaker 3: as I don't know, his only chance at having a
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  Speaker 3: family not being alone. He was kind of metaphorically blind
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  Speaker 3: red flags because her just saying yes felt like a
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  Speaker 3: miracle to him.
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  Speaker 1: And Aya's side, pure calculation, it sounds like.
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  Speaker 2: Absolutely he wasn't from Kafrel Shake check, his financial situation
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  Speaker 2: wasn't strong check his health issues yeah, well that was
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  Speaker 2: the key wasn't it. She saw that vulnerability and knew
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  Speaker 2: she could control him. That was her reasoning, so cold,
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  Speaker 2: and she even spun it convinced her family that marrying
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  Speaker 2: him was this difficult, virtuous path, that she'd get a
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  Speaker 2: great reward for taking care of him. It justified your choice,
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  Speaker 2: deflected any questions. So the marriage wasn't built on affection.
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  Speaker 2: It was built on his gratitude and her, well, you
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  Speaker 2: called it dignity blackmail. That feels about right.
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  Speaker 1: So they get married incredibly fast three months later, hmm,
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  Speaker 1: and pretty soon two kids arrive. Hamada, still kind of
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  Speaker 1: reeling that she actually married him, is apparently willing to
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  Speaker 1: do absolutely anything for her.
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  Speaker 2: But that initial dynamic it couldn't last, could it. Pretty Quickly,
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  Speaker 2: Hamada starts getting this awful feeling suspicions about what that
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  Speaker 2: Iowa was changing, maybe talking to other men or worse,
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  Speaker 2: maybe even bringing them into the house. And the tragedy
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  Speaker 2: is because of his eyesight, he couldn't know for sure,
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  Speaker 2: He couldn't confirm it, he couldn't deny it, just living
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  Speaker 2: in this world of shadows and gnawing doubt.
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  Speaker 1: And anytime he tried to sort of voice this fear,
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  Speaker 1: she shut.
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  Speaker 2: It down immediately. She didn't argue the facts. She just
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  Speaker 2: played her trump cart, which was reminding him that she
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  Speaker 2: accepted it despite his condition. You know, how dare you
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  Speaker 2: question me? When I made this sacrifice for you? It
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  Speaker 2: was brutally effective. Yeah, so you'd just silence himself every time,
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  Speaker 2: Terrified that if he pushed, she'd leave and that would
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  Speaker 2: confirm all his worst fears about being unworthy, about being alone.
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  Speaker 2: He chose keeping her over finding any kind of peace.
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  Speaker 1: So another three years crawlby. They've been married six years now,
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  Speaker 1: two more children.
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  Speaker 2: It's four kids, four kids, and the relationship it's basically
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  Speaker 2: dead in the water. That doubt inside a mata isn't
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  Speaker 2: doubt anymore. It's certainty, cold, hard.
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  Speaker 1: And the physical side of things pretty much gone.
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  Speaker 2: Aya started refusing intimacy almost entirely, except apparently for the
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  Speaker 2: few times that resulted in the later children. And then
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  Speaker 2: she kicked him out of the bedroom altogether, kicked him out. Yeah,
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  Speaker 2: said she needed quiet with the kids. So Hamada just
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  Speaker 2: accepted it, started sleeping in the hall permanently, like a
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  Speaker 2: guess in his own home.
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  Speaker 1: Just passive acceptance. It's unbelievable, and this vacuum, this emotional
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  Speaker 1: and physical distance. It creates an opening, doesn't it.
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  Speaker 2: It does for the third person in this triangle, Ahmed.
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  Speaker 2: I'm aut a his older brother.
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  Speaker 1: Okay tell us about Ahmed.
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  Speaker 2: He's about ten years older than Hamada, married himself, has kids.
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  Speaker 2: But there's this detail mentioned early on. Apparently right from
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  Speaker 2: the start, Ahmed was annoyed that someone like Aya, someone beautiful,
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  Speaker 2: had married his visually impaired brother.
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  Speaker 1: Annoyed. That sounds weirdly possessive or jealous.
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  Speaker 2: It does, doesn't it like a sense of entitlement? Maybe
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  Speaker 2: it certainly foreshadows what comes.
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  Speaker 1: Next and the confirmation of the betray How does that
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  Speaker 1: finally come.
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  Speaker 2: Through the worst possible source. Their eldest daughter. She's only
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  Speaker 2: four years old. Oh no, she tells her father tells
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  Speaker 2: him that Uncle Ahmed comes over a lot when he's
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  Speaker 2: not home, and sometimes sometimes even when Hamada is home,
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  Speaker 2: sitting right there but unable to see him.
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  Speaker 1: That's just sickening. So Hamada confronts Aya with what the
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  Speaker 1: daughter said.
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  Speaker 2: He does. She denies everything, naturally, but her next move
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  Speaker 2: is pure damage control. She tells the kids explicitly never
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  Speaker 2: to mention Uncle Ahmed's visits to their father again.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, so now it's undeniable. He knows his daughter confirmed it,
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  Speaker 1: his wife is lying and covering it up. What does
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  Speaker 1: he do?
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  Speaker 2: This is where it just completely falls apart. He knows
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  Speaker 2: he has the proof, and he does nothing. Nothing. He
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  Speaker 2: stays silent for a full year. A whole year after
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  Speaker 2: confirming his wife is sleeping with his brother in his
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  Speaker 2: home while he sleeps in the hall.
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  Speaker 1: I just can't fathom that. What possible reason could he
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  Speaker 1: give himself for that?
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  Speaker 2: Well, he apparently had three justices vacations he clung to
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: one for the kids, two because he still loved Ayah,
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  Speaker 2: whatever that meant at this point. And three, significantly, he
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  Speaker 2: just didn't know how to deal with his brother, how
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  Speaker 2: to confront him.
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  Speaker 1: But the core of it.
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  Speaker 2: The really bizarre part, was his sort of internal negotiation.
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  Speaker 2: He rationalized it by telling himself it was okay, it
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  Speaker 2: was bearable, as long as she still agreed to be
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  Speaker 2: intimate with him sometimes when he asked.
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  Speaker 1: That was his bottom line, occasional intimacy.
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  Speaker 2: That was the tiny, humiliating thread he was clinging on too,
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  Speaker 2: just to avoid facing the reality of it all.
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  Speaker 1: Eventually, the situation forces a change right, they.
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  Speaker 2: Move, Yes, homoditicize they have to move, get away from
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  Speaker 2: the situation, presumably away from Ahmed and Aya. She agrees immediately,
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  Speaker 2: maybe a bit too enthusiastically. Why do you see that
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  Speaker 2: she jumps right in and steers him towards choosing this
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  Speaker 2: specific rooftop apartment outdoor space for the kids, presented as
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  Speaker 2: her dream place.
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  Speaker 1: That's the real reason.
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  Speaker 2: Likely real reason she was so eager to move was
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  Speaker 2: that local god about her and Ahmed was starting to build.
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  Speaker 2: They needed a new location. Maybe thought they could be
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  Speaker 2: more discreet.
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  Speaker 1: So they moved to the new flat. Does the betrayal
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  Speaker 1: stop not at all.
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  Speaker 2: It continues, and the daughter keeps reporting things even more
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  Speaker 2: degrading details if you can believe it, like Ahmed visiting
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  Speaker 2: while Hamada is sitting right there in the living room,
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  Speaker 2: blind to what's happening nearby. Iya apparently had a hide
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  Speaker 2: Ahmed sometimes in the closet or behind a.
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  Speaker 1: Curtain, hiding him while Hamada is in the room.
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  Speaker 2: Can you imagine the level of humiliation, the psychological torment
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  Speaker 2: of knowing that's happening right there and just sitting through it.
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  Speaker 2: His silence must have just emboded them further.
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  Speaker 1: It's reached peak absurdity, and then it finally boils over.
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  Speaker 2: It does. The daughter tells Hamada, uncle Ahmed is here
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  Speaker 2: right now in the bedroom, on the bed. Amada rushes in.
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  Speaker 2: He can tell someone's there, but before he could even
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  Speaker 2: process it, a hand comes out from under the covers
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  Speaker 2: and grabs his throat, tries to choke him. O khim whoo, Ahmed,
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  Speaker 2: it must have been Hamada yells out, and then Ahmed
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  Speaker 2: just appears and tells Hamada his own brother, the man
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  Speaker 2: he was just assaulting. To be quiet, don't make a scandal.
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  Speaker 1: He's asking the victim to cover it up. Unbelievable.
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  Speaker 2: The sheer audacity is stunning.
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  Speaker 1: And Aya, what's her reaction to finally being caught red
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  Speaker 1: handed like this?
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  Speaker 2: It's maybe the most telling reaction of all just and cried.
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  Speaker 2: Doesn't apologize, doesn't seem scared. She gets angry.
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  Speaker 1: Angry at Hamada, Yes.
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  Speaker 2: Angry that he searched after her, that he dared to
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  Speaker 2: confirm what was happening. She immediately packs up and leaves
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  Speaker 2: for Capril. Shaikha and her parting shot her justification. She
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  Speaker 2: actually argued that sleeping with his brother was not like
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  Speaker 2: sleeping with a stranger.
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  Speaker 1: She said that as a defense.
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  Speaker 2: Trying to minimize it, as if the betrayal wasn't the
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  Speaker 2: core issue. Just mind boggling logic.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, surely this is the end. He caught them, he
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  Speaker 1: was attacked, she fled. Divorce seems inevitable, You.
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  Speaker 2: Think so, anyone would think so. But Hamada, his capacity
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: for self abasement seems almost limitless. Two days later, he
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  Speaker 2: travels to Kafril Shaik.
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  Speaker 1: To serve for divorce papers.
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  Speaker 2: No, to begg her to forgive him, to beg her
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  Speaker 2: to come back.
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  Speaker 1: He went to apologize for catching her.
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  Speaker 3: It defies all reason, but yes, and aya does she
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: come back?
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  Speaker 2: She agrees, But on one final soul crushing condition. Hamada
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  Speaker 2: had to promise, absolutely promise to let her live exactly
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  Speaker 2: how she wanted, do whatever she wanted, zero interference, no
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  Speaker 2: questions asked ever, and he agreed instantly, no hesitation. He agreed,
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  Speaker 2: and he brought her back to Alexandria under those terms. Wow,
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  Speaker 2: and here's the final awful irony. Hamada endured infidelity, public shame,
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  Speaker 2: being attacked by his own brother, living like a ghost
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  Speaker 2: in his own home. He tolerated all of it. Yeah,
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  Speaker 2: but when Aya came back under this new agreement, she
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  Speaker 2: completely cut off all physical intimacy, that last shred of connection,
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  Speaker 2: the thing he'd clung to when that was gone.
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  Speaker 1: That's what finally broke him. Not the affair, not the
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  Speaker 1: humane but the final rejection exactly.
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  Speaker 2: He could somehow rationalize the humiliation, but he couldn't handle
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  Speaker 2: being completely erased as her husband, even nominally.
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  Speaker 1: M hmm.
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  Speaker 2: That's what finally led to real conflict between them.
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  Speaker 1: Which brings us right back to where we started. July
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  Speaker 1: twenty fourteen, eight point zero pm. He asks for intimacy.
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  Speaker 1: She refuses, likely citing their agreement her absolute freedom. This
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  Speaker 1: sparks the argument. She grabs the knife, threatens herself. He
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  Speaker 1: calms her, takes the knife, and then uses it on
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: her twice in the abdomen. His reason stated later, the
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  Speaker 1: ultimate possessive, desperate logic. If she isn't mine, she won't
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  Speaker 1: be anyone Else's.
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  Speaker 2: The culmination of eight years of misplaced devotion and simmering resentment.
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  Speaker 1: The children hear the commotion. They come in. They find
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: their mother dead on the floor, their fathers standing there,
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  Speaker 1: knife in hand. The police are called. Hamada is arrested and.
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  Speaker 2: When they investigated, when they questioned him, Hamada could never
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: really explain it, not rationally. He couldn't articulate why put
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: up with eight years of degradation only to snap at
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  Speaker 2: that specific moment. And Ahmed denied everything, of course, denied
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  Speaker 2: the affair.
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  Speaker 1: Entirely, just walked away.
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  Speaker 2: It seems so. The analysis of the material we looked
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  Speaker 2: at summed up hamada state perfectly. I thought it said
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: he wasn't just blind of sight.
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  Speaker 1: He was blind of dignity and feeling exactly utterly blind
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  Speaker 1: to his own worth. It's just such a mess. You
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  Speaker 1: look at the three of them, Hamada, Aya Ahmed, their choices,
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  Speaker 1: their actions. They just don't operate according to normal logic.
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  Speaker 2: Do they not? At all? Hamada capable of sudden brutal violence,
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  Speaker 2: but apparently incapable of demanding basic respect or even just
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: walking away. Ayah choosing this controlling, miserable life when she
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: seemingly had other options. Ahmed engaging in this long calculated
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: betrayal of his own brother. It's outside normal emotional understanding.
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  Speaker 1: So what's the takeaway for us listening to this?
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  Speaker 2: I think the core lesson here is about choices, and
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: specifically about self respect. It's a really stark reminder of
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: the danger of letting fear, fear of being alone, fear
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: of inadequacy, fear based on a disability allows someone else
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: to completely diminish you. When you let someone erode your
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: dignity to that extent, when you sacrifice your own sense
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  Speaker 2: of self entirely, the consequences can be devastating, long before
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: any physical violence occurs. Hamada's loss of dignity was the
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: tragedy unfolding over eight years. The murder was just the
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: final violent punctuation mark.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: It really makes you think, doesn't it. That final question?
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: If Hamada had been able to see clearly, if he
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: could have visually confirmed the affair back when it started
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: six years earlier, would he have acted differently? Or was
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: his love, that pathological neediness and fear of abandonment so
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: profound that he would have remained emotionally blind to the
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: truth anyway, letting it fester for all those years, regardless
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: of what his eyes could tell him.
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: That's the chilling question, isn't it. We'll never know