Latest / FINE is a 4-Letter Word / 76. (S3E2) Self-Care and Self-Compassion: A Conversation with Ileana Rontea

Transcript

76. (S3E2) Self-Care and Self-Compassion: A Conversation with Ileana Rontea · FINE is a 4-Letter Word

• 0:02
  Hey, my friend. Welcome to Fine is a four letter word.
• 0:06
  My name is Lori Saitz.
• 0:08
  I'm an entrepreneur, mentor, founder of Zen Rabbit, and your instigator in saying fuck
• 0:13
  being fine. This show is for those of you who are done living with the dumpster fire
• 0:19
  and are ready to find the tools and courage to transform to step into more success and
• 0:25
  fulfillment in both your personal and business life.
• 0:28
  You're in the right place for stories of self discovery, gratitude and connection, and
• 0:34
  to help you strengthen that connection to your own inner guidance, you'll find each
• 0:38
  episode has an accompanying meditation.
• 0:41
  Now let's get into it.
• 0:45
  Ileana Rontea is a master of transformation and a free spirit, world traveler and pillar
• 0:51
  of Light. With her background in psychology and human resource management.
• 0:56
  She uses her many challenging life experiences to help others find fulfillment
• 1:00
  and inner peace.
• 1:02
  She was raised all over the world and has lived in four different cultures across 13
• 1:07
  different countries, which taught her how to fit into different cultures while staying
• 1:11
  true to her own values and beliefs.
• 1:15
  Continuing our theme of sabbaticals this season, Elena talks about a period in her
• 1:20
  life when she worked on cruise ships as a human resources manager.
• 1:24
  Despite the pay and benefits being good and the travel being enjoyable, it was ultimately
• 1:29
  draining on her and she eventually knew she had to move on.
• 1:33
  During this time, she took a sabbatical her first and went to Mexico to get certified in
• 1:39
  Human Resource Management.
• 1:41
  This was the first time she had put herself first and the experience was invaluable.
• 1:47
  In this conversation, we discuss how programs such as Elena's can help people work
• 1:52
  through difficult times and how important it is to not just say, It's fine, I've got it on
• 1:58
  my own. And to ask for help when you need it.
• 2:02
  She shares the details of her second sabbatical and how the lessons she learned
• 2:06
  from it still shape her decisions today.
• 2:09
  Lastly, we break down the importance of self care and some powerful mental frameworks for
• 2:15
  prioritizing it in your life.
• 2:17
  So sit back, take care of yourself and enjoy the ride as we hear from Elena Ron Taylor.
• 2:24
  Today's episode is sponsored by Zen Rabbit.
• 2:27
  If you'd like to find peace of mind amidst the chaos, and no matter what's going on
• 2:32
  around you, you'll find a whole bunch of free resources like meditations and articles
• 2:37
  at Zen Rabbit dot com.
• 2:39
  And while you're there, if you're curious about how you might stop working so hard and
• 2:43
  achieve more success at the same time, get a copy of the five Easy ways to Start Living a
• 2:49
  Sabbatical life.
• 2:50
  It's a short guide to working less and living better.
• 2:54
  Find it all at Zen Rabbit Dotcom.
• 2:59
  Hello and welcome to Fine is a four letter word getting back into the flow here after a
• 3:06
  few months away from recording new episodes.
• 3:09
  So I'm I'm super excited to have Ileana Ron here with us today.
• 3:15
  Welcome, Ileana.
• 3:16
  Thanks so much for having me. Laurie It's a pleasure to be here.
• 3:19
  We started having a conversation about you coming on as a guest months and months ago,
• 3:25
  like the beginning of season two, maybe even.
• 3:27
  Yes.
• 3:28
  And so as we were just saying before we started recording, like everything happens in
• 3:32
  exactly the right time that it's supposed to happen.
• 3:35
  Absolutely. We're finally making it happen.
• 3:38
  Yes, I love it.
• 3:39
  I love it. Let me start with asking you the question that I love starting my
• 3:44
  conversations with, and that is, what were the values and beliefs that you were raised
• 3:51
  with that contributed to making you who you are today?
• 3:56
  So I was raised kind of like all over the world.
• 4:00
  By the age of 12, I lived in four different cultures, four different languages.
• 4:05
  So probably one of the biggest values was tolerance of others and adaptability.
• 4:14
  Because when you're that young and you're you're moving around so much, you're
• 4:17
  constantly leaving and starting over and leaving and starting over.
• 4:22
  But definitely the the tolerance of others.
• 4:25
  So I never really looked at people's ethnic background or color or like these things
• 4:31
  didn't really enter my head.
• 4:33
  And I always had friends from all over the world.
• 4:35
  So that's still holds to this day.
• 4:39
  Okay. And how how have you incorporated that into what you do, like how you live your
• 4:46
  life? Because because one of the things that happened since when we first started talking
• 4:51
  to now was that you moved countries.
• 4:56
  Yeah. So this is country number 13.
• 4:59
  I'm living in France right now.
• 5:01
  And again, it's the tolerance and the adaptability and being able to just integrate
• 5:07
  as much as possible in different cultures and be as accepting and as non rigid as
• 5:14
  possible, because it's always the rigidity that has you're doing this right.
• 5:18
  So when you're moving around so much, you need to fit yourself into what's happening
• 5:23
  around you and you need to step up and you need to make an effort to meet people and
• 5:28
  integrate into that particular community that you're becoming a part of.
• 5:32
  So yes, it's helped me very much, which.
• 5:36
  As you were saying, fitting yourself in.
• 5:39
  Does that then did that ever have a negative?
• 5:45
  What's the word I'm looking for?
• 5:46
  Like, was there a negative to that into Because now I'm thinking och trying to be to
• 5:52
  fit in and and be who other people expect you to.
• 5:55
  Be in so much.
• 5:57
  Yeah. I only fit in so much.
• 5:59
  It's more about having a social life and being able to integrate and speak to other
• 6:04
  people. And so I'm not alone all the time because I'm a single person.
• 6:08
  So it's more to do with that as opposed to anything else, because I have a very strong
• 6:13
  value base of my own.
• 6:14
  I have my own belief system.
• 6:16
  And some of the values that you're talking about also have to do with kindness and
• 6:21
  generosity of heart.
• 6:22
  So that's that's always kind of like a constant, which is part of the reason I
• 6:27
  started the business that I'm doing right now, empowering women, doing trainings,
• 6:32
  empowering women. This is all this is all in the same vein, because I really want to see a
• 6:37
  different world. I want to see a world where most of us are generous and giving and kind
• 6:41
  to one another.
• 6:42
  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 6:44
  And, you know, I think that it comes back to that Anne Frank quote about how most people
• 6:48
  are kind underneath like that.
• 6:52
  Most people are good, I think is what she had written in her diary and I think
• 6:58
  circumstances or X and or expectations mold people into thinking they have to be
• 7:06
  something different.
• 7:07
  Yeah. And hardened them.
• 7:09
  Yes. Yeah.
• 7:11
  Yeah. What what work did you have to do to.
• 7:16
  Help yourself fit in, but still be an individual in those different cultures.
• 7:22
  Yeah. So I'm very I'm very social so I can talk to anybody.
• 7:27
  But when it comes to real close friendships, I'm very selective and I'm selective and it
• 7:34
  all comes from my heart.
• 7:35
  Like I just know who to gravitate towards and I know who to allow in and I know who not
• 7:41
  to allow. And and definitely the one thing for me that will always be a turnoff is
• 7:45
  somebody who I don't feel is genuine.
• 7:47
  Being genuine and authentic is probably the most important thing for me because that's
• 7:52
  how I operate in the world.
• 7:54
  And if I if I see somebody who's being different or who has an agenda or who's being
• 7:59
  disingenuous, I automatically just pull back.
• 8:02
  So I can I can certainly have superficial conversations with anyone.
• 8:07
  But as far as heart friends are concerned, I'm very I'm very much choosing my own tribe
• 8:12
  at all times.
• 8:13
  That becomes easier as we get older.
• 8:17
  Mm hmm. Was that what was?
• 8:20
  Did you have a struggle with that when you were younger?
• 8:23
  Because of all the.
• 8:24
  Kids.
• 8:25
  Moving around?
• 8:26
  Not. Not really.
• 8:27
  You know, I instinctively I instinctively I was very intuitive, even as a child.
• 8:32
  So I always knew who to gravitate towards, and I always knew who to stay away from.
• 8:38
  And, you know, like some some women are attracted to bad boys and all of that scene
• 8:43
  because it's exciting. I never had that problem.
• 8:46
  I was attracted to that.
• 8:49
  All right. For me, it was always kindness, kindness and gentleness and authenticity that
• 8:54
  always attracted me and, you know, friends or boyfriends or whatever.
• 8:58
  It was always the same thing that resonated inside with me.
• 9:02
  Yeah. Well, since the show is called, Fine is a four letter word.
• 9:07
  Tell us about the time or a time.
• 9:10
  If there was more than one pick, pick one where everything was fine.
• 9:15
  You said everything was fine, but it really wasn't fine.
• 9:19
  I've had so many changes in my life.
• 9:21
  It's really kind of difficult to pinpoint one time.
• 9:24
  I'll just. I'll just go with some.
• 9:27
  A general one. I used to work on cruise ships.
• 9:29
  I was human resources manager, and so I was responsible.
• 9:34
  I was the only human resources presence on the ship of, you know, we're talking 750 plus
• 9:40
  crew members.
• 9:42
  So I was kind of like part human resources, part priest, part counselor, part training.
• 9:50
  I mean, I wore I wore all these hats and, you know, the pay was very good and the
• 9:57
  benefits were very good. I did a lot of travel.
• 9:59
  I met interesting people.
• 10:01
  But what it took out of me was a lot more it just took everything out of me.
• 10:07
  So I kept leaving ships and then I would do something else and then I would go back and I
• 10:12
  kept leaving and coming back.
• 10:14
  And eventually I just realized I couldn't do it anymore because it was just not it was not
• 10:20
  resonating with me and it was just so draining.
• 10:24
  So that's when I thought, okay, enough of ships and I'm going to I'm going to do
• 10:28
  something else. And I've had a number of career changes in my life.
• 10:30
  So but that was when I just knew it looks good on the outside.
• 10:34
  And I was an officer and I had the four stripes and I had all of the benefits and all
• 10:39
  of that. But it just wasn't it just wasn't feeding my spirit because it was just taking
• 10:44
  away too much. So I loved the work itself.
• 10:47
  But the fact that it was 24, seven, four or five for five months on board a ship was just
• 10:53
  really a lot.
• 10:54
  Yeah. Hmm.
• 10:56
  Why did you keep going back?
• 10:59
  Because I love the travel, and I liked the non conventional lifestyle.
• 11:06
  I mean, all I. You know, when you're in that when you're in that role, all I had to do was
• 11:10
  work and have fun.
• 11:12
  So I didn't have to do all the mundane things that, you know, that we normally don't
• 11:17
  like to do. Everything else was taken care of for me, but on the other hand, I was I was
• 11:22
  pretty much selling, selling my soul because that was right.
• 11:25
  So demanding.
• 11:27
  Right. And so draining.
• 11:29
  And there was so many issues that were happening all the time.
• 11:31
  And it was like nonstop.
• 11:33
  So finally I thought, okay, I'm getting to an age where I can't do this anymore and I
• 11:39
  don't want to do this anymore.
• 11:40
  So I need to look at another alternative.
• 11:42
  But the experience that I gained during that time was invaluable.
• 11:47
  Absolutely invaluable.
• 11:48
  What kind of soul searching did you have to go through when you left, or is that not the
• 11:55
  place? Did you just jump into something else?
• 11:57
  Like where was the the time when you had to stop and go, What does my soul really want?
• 12:03
  So so this is interesting because you and I talked about the sabbatical, right?
• 12:07
  Mm hmm. So the first time I took a sabbatical was when I left ships because I
• 12:14
  was doing this human resources role.
• 12:16
  But I didn't actually have formal training for it.
• 12:19
  So the company I was working for had trained me in how their company operated as well as
• 12:25
  human resources. And there was a lot of training and it was very intense.
• 12:28
  But I didn't actually have formal training, so I decided to take some time off and do
• 12:35
  some travel and go back to school.
• 12:37
  So I took about a year off and I went down to Mexico.
• 12:41
  I went to Cozumel, which is a really beautiful little island, and I spent six
• 12:47
  months of my life dedicating myself to getting certification in Human Resource
• 12:52
  Management from an organization in the UK, which is the equivalent of Sherm in the US,
• 12:59
  and they had a specific six month intensive specifically for people who worked in the
• 13:05
  industry but who didn't have the educational background.
• 13:09
  So that was a really amazing time because it was the first time I put.
• 13:16
  Myself first.
• 13:18
  And so there was no income.
• 13:22
  Obviously, I had savings and I thought, okay, I'm going to dedicate six months of my
• 13:26
  life to educating myself.
• 13:28
  So where am I going to do it?
• 13:30
  I'm going to do it somewhere beautiful.
• 13:31
  I'm going to do it somewhere that feeds my spirit, too.
• 13:34
  So, you know, I had been on ships and I was exhausted and I needed to get back into shape
• 13:40
  and I needed to take care of myself.
• 13:41
  So I got this beautiful place in Cozumel that I was absolutely in love with.
• 13:45
  I used to go swimming all the time and walking, and I started weight training and
• 13:50
  cooking really healthy and and studying.
• 13:53
  And I graduated with distinction.
• 13:56
  And I was extremely proud of the work that I had done and that actually opened the avenue
• 14:02
  for other things.
• 14:03
  So what I definitely learned from that particular sabbatical was that it's okay not
• 14:10
  to always have to be working full time when you're when you're taking care of yourself
• 14:16
  and you're doing other things that feeds your spirit.
• 14:18
  And I loved human resource management.
• 14:20
  I was I was so happy that I had taken that course.
• 14:23
  There was these two huge books like this, lots and lots of assignments, and it was like
• 14:30
  this huge final exam.
• 14:32
  I had to fly to the UK to write, but it was it was worth every minute.
• 14:37
  It was absolutely fantastic.
• 14:39
  So I was really happy that I did that and that did change the trajectory.
• 14:43
  You bring up a good point there in that you were on a sabbatical, you were still working,
• 14:50
  but you were doing work that filled your heart with joy.
• 14:54
  Yes, yes.
• 14:55
  And there's a very big difference there when you are slogging through every day, working
• 15:02
  at something that's sucking your soul out versus working at something that brings you
• 15:08
  joy. Like being honest.
• 15:10
  Sabbatical doesn't necessarily mean not doing anything and just act like a slug,
• 15:16
  right? Yeah, I wanted to point that out because a lot of times people think taking a
• 15:22
  sabbatical means doing nothing.
• 15:24
  Exactly. And it's not true.
• 15:26
  I know people who have taken sabbaticals and have traveled.
• 15:29
  They've done a ton of travel, and that is helps you grow as a person, right?
• 15:34
  Yes. Well, and that's another definition.
• 15:36
  I think people also think of sabbatical means taking time off to travel.
• 15:42
  But not necessarily work like that.
• 15:45
  Work is not a component of a sabbatical.
• 15:47
  But to your point, you were working, you were studying, doing something that lights
• 15:52
  you up, not drain you.
• 15:54
  Yes, exactly.
• 15:56
  And the second time I took a sabbatical, it was sort of kind of forced on me because my
• 16:06
  mother got sick with cancer and she wanted to die at home.
• 16:10
  And she asked me to stay and take care of her.
• 16:13
  So I had this period of time where it was work, unpaid work, and it was hard work.
• 16:21
  And it was it was completely it changed my life, having to take care of my parents in
• 16:26
  that particular way.
• 16:28
  And after she passed away, there was my father to take care of, and he was completely
• 16:32
  lost. There was the estate to take care of.
• 16:35
  There was all these things.
• 16:36
  And then I moved to Europe.
• 16:38
  So this was about a four year break that I had where I had to not just do all of these
• 16:45
  very emotionally draining things, but then I took time for myself to put myself back
• 16:51
  together.
• 16:52
  I was just going to ask you if you did that.
• 16:54
  Yeah, it was it was kind of essential because I had adrenal fatigue and I just I knew I
• 17:00
  wouldn't be able to. I needed the rest and the time for me.
• 17:04
  So yes, I did that.
• 17:06
  Yeah.
• 17:07
  Congratulations to you for recognizing that you needed that.
• 17:10
  But and at the same time, your body was telling you you needed that.
• 17:15
  So I just got off a phone call before we started our interview with somebody who's
• 17:19
  going to be a guest in the future about her sabbatical was forced by her health.
• 17:26
  Like she faced a health situation that forced her to leave everything she had been
• 17:31
  doing before. And you're talking about adrenal fatigue.
• 17:35
  I think a lot of people have that, but don't allow themselves to recognize that they have
• 17:41
  it. So I'm just going to push through it.
• 17:43
  It's okay. Yes, I can manage.
• 17:45
  Yes, Yes.
• 17:47
  And this is you serve them?
• 17:49
  No. And you know, we do these training courses for women.
• 17:53
  So one of the things we talk to them about is recognizing when you're heading for
• 17:58
  burnout. It's recognizing when you've got too much on your plate.
• 18:02
  It's being self compassionate.
• 18:04
  It's taking care of you.
• 18:06
  Because if you allow yourself to fall apart, you're not good to yourself or anyone else.
• 18:12
  And really, we're not taught to self care.
• 18:14
  We're not taught to be self compassionate, especially as women.
• 18:18
  We're taught to push through.
• 18:20
  We're taught that we have to keep giving and giving.
• 18:23
  And I'm all about giving.
• 18:24
  But if I don't give to me first, I'm going to be give me from an empty cup.
• 18:28
  And at that point, there's not going to be much there.
• 18:31
  And I've seen people in burnout.
• 18:33
  It's not it's not a pretty place.
• 18:36
  It's not somewhere that I would advise anyone to allow themselves to get to know the
• 18:41
  signs, know yourself, you know, and this is when you start to connect with your inner
• 18:45
  person.
• 18:46
  Yeah, it's interesting how so many people don't connect to their inner self, that inner
• 18:51
  voice, until they're in dire circumstances.
• 18:55
  And it doesn't have to be that way.
• 18:58
  Like your program. My program, my fuck being fine program.
• 19:01
  That and, and the the living the sabbatical life program that I have now helps people get
• 19:07
  in touch with those emotions, those feelings, that voice.
• 19:12
  That voice is always talking to us, but we are not always listening.
• 19:16
  And sometimes we know we should be.
• 19:19
  We know we should be. But then there's all these external voices that we've been
• 19:22
  programmed to listen to because this is how we have to live our lives, which is total
• 19:26
  nonsense, right? It's nonsense.
• 19:28
  Right? Yes.
• 19:29
  Somebody else is telling you how you you need to live your life.
• 19:35
  And they're really only speaking from their own fears and experiences and programs and
• 19:42
  programming. Exactly.
• 19:44
  Yes, Exactly. Yes.
• 19:45
  It's fascinating once you start looking into it all.
• 19:49
  Yeah. Yes. So it.
• 19:51
  Really is. And, you know, I really would advise anyone who's at a point where maybe
• 19:57
  they don't know what to do with themselves and they need a break.
• 20:00
  Take the damn break.
• 20:02
  Take the time and figure out what it is that you need.
• 20:06
  Is it a new course?
• 20:08
  Is it something that's going to help you grow mentally?
• 20:10
  Do you need to take care of your body?
• 20:12
  Do you need to take care of your spirit?
• 20:13
  Do you just need to go on like on on a spiritual retreat for a month?
• 20:17
  I've done that too, and that was part of another part of my life.
• 20:21
  So, you know, know what it is that you're looking for, know what it is that you need.
• 20:25
  And exactly as you said, listen to that voice inside.
• 20:28
  Because unless you do that, you're going to live somebody else's life, right?
• 20:33
  Yeah. What what do you say to people who say, well, I can't do that because I have to raise
• 20:40
  my children or I don't?
• 20:41
  Have the money or now's not the right time or all of these other reasons why they can't.
• 20:48
  So again, you have to know your own circumstances and you'll find that if you're
• 20:54
  really eager and really focused on doing this, there will show up a way will show up.
• 21:02
  And also, you need to ask for help.
• 21:04
  So I find a lot of strong independent women don't like to ask for help because they feel
• 21:09
  it's weak somehow, that they need to be able to handle everything by themselves.
• 21:13
  And I think that's a mistake because that's the road to really burnout.
• 21:17
  If you want to take a month off and you need somebody to take care of your kids, see if a
• 21:22
  relative can do it, a parent, a grandparent, whoever.
• 21:26
  See if you can work something out with the friend, whatever it is.
• 21:29
  But take the time.
• 21:30
  It doesn't mean you don't love your kids.
• 21:32
  It doesn't mean any of that.
• 21:34
  It just means that you are self caring.
• 21:37
  And again, we need to do that more.
• 21:39
  And as women, we need to learn to do that a second nature because we give so much.
• 21:45
  Do you think this is generational, that Gen X is especially.
• 21:51
  Terrible at asking for help.
• 21:54
  I'm not you know, it's very good question.
• 21:57
  I don't actually think so.
• 21:59
  I think it's this programming that we have that women are indoctrinated since they're
• 22:07
  tiny, that it's their job to please other people.
• 22:11
  It's their job to always be giving.
• 22:13
  It's their job to always be supporting.
• 22:15
  It's their job to be there for others.
• 22:17
  I don't know of too many parents who talk to their kids about self care.
• 22:22
  It doesn't it doesn't seem to be a topic of conversation.
• 22:25
  What do you think? I've never seen any parent who says that.
• 22:29
  Make sure you take care of yourself.
• 22:31
  That is such a good point.
• 22:34
  Now that I'm thinking about it.
• 22:36
  I certainly wasn't.
• 22:38
  I don't remember being having that conversation.
• 22:41
  You know, I used to I teach I've taught networking skills to people before, you know,
• 22:46
  like how to walk into a room full of people that you don't know and start conversations.
• 22:50
  And I've always said that's another skill that people don't learn at home or in school.
• 22:56
  And you're bringing up this this idea of self care.
• 23:00
  Like, I think that some a lot of times we see parents getting massage or having their
• 23:06
  nails done like, but that's not true.
• 23:09
  That's a small piece of self care.
• 23:12
  Yes. Yes.
• 23:14
  Agreed.
• 23:14
  Yeah, agreed.
• 23:16
  I mean, you can self care without getting your nails done.
• 23:20
  So. So knowing knowing what it is that you particularly need, that's you know, that's
• 23:26
  where it comes into listening to that intuition, that inner voice, because it will
• 23:30
  tell you what it is that you need.
• 23:32
  I knew I needed to be somewhere beautiful if I was going to study so hard because I it was
• 23:38
  a master's level program.
• 23:40
  So it was very intense.
• 23:41
  And I thought, I'm going to go somewhere beautiful and be happy to do this in this
• 23:47
  beautiful place. And yeah, I'm not going to be making money during that time, but it's
• 23:52
  okay. You know, I really need this right now.
• 23:54
  I need to replenish.
• 23:56
  It was the best decision I ever made, honestly.
• 23:58
  I bet it was because when you put yourself in that beautiful place and again, it doesn't
• 24:04
  have to be tropical, you don't have to necessarily go off to another country.
• 24:09
  But when you put yourself into a place that feels.
• 24:13
  That makes you.
• 24:14
  Happy, that's right.
• 24:15
  You're a happy place.
• 24:16
  You're raising your energetic vibration.
• 24:18
  When you raise your energetic vibration, you attract more good things to you.
• 24:23
  It's absolutely I was going to say it's a vicious cycle, but it's not vicious.
• 24:27
  It's it's a beautiful.
• 24:29
  Positive cycle.
• 24:30
  Yes. Yes.
• 24:32
  Yeah.
• 24:34
  And more people need to understand that that it also that self care, the more you take
• 24:39
  care of yourself, the more things show up to help you take care of yourself.
• 24:43
  And perhaps the question that people could be asking themselves instead of.
• 24:50
  I can't. Instead of making that statement, I can't do that is asking the question, how can
• 24:55
  I?
• 24:55
  How exactly?
• 24:58
  Exactly. And discuss it.
• 25:00
  Discuss it with your closest friend, discuss it with your partner, discuss it, and just
• 25:04
  say, look, I'm at this point where I could really use a break.
• 25:08
  Can you help me brainstorm some ways we can do it?
• 25:10
  And it doesn't have to be six months.
• 25:12
  Maybe it just needs to be three, four weeks, whatever it is that works.
• 25:16
  And most organizations now are willing to work with you to make that happen.
• 25:22
  And there's there's programs that you can work with in most organizations to allow you
• 25:28
  to do that, because a lot of organizations realize the need for that, because their
• 25:33
  employees come back refreshed and they have a totally different perspective and attitude.
• 25:38
  You don't want somebody who's exhausted and burnt out because they're not going to
• 25:42
  perform, they're not going to be happy.
• 25:44
  It's not going to help anybody.
• 25:46
  So there's a lot I'm really happy to see this in the workforce now that there's a lot
• 25:50
  more understanding of this.
• 25:52
  In the progressive companies.
• 25:54
  In some companies, of course there are, of course.
• 25:57
  So many companies that don't see the connection and aren't willing to sacrifice
• 26:03
  the productivity.
• 26:06
  Of not realizing that people are more productive when they do take these breaks.
• 26:12
  Exactly. It's just like if you think about it, it's just like not giving people
• 26:16
  weekends, because if you don't give people weekends, what are you doing?
• 26:20
  You're just working them. 24 seven.
• 26:22
  So it's just it's the same idea.
• 26:23
  People need sometimes a longer break than just that weekend for whatever.
• 26:27
  For whatever reason it is, everybody's life is different.
• 26:30
  And that's the other thing we need to honor is that everybody's life is different and at
• 26:35
  different times. We need different things.
• 26:37
  And life is not just about work.
• 26:41
  This is another program we've had drilled in, right?
• 26:44
  Like it's have to be working all the time.
• 26:47
  Yeah. No you don't.
• 26:50
  Right. Work is a piece of what you do.
• 26:54
  Exactly.
• 26:55
  It's not who you are.
• 26:57
  It's a piece of what you do.
• 26:58
  And let's go to that word doing.
• 27:02
  We are beings like we keep hearing this.
• 27:06
  You are human beings, not human doings.
• 27:09
  And we still don't get it.
• 27:12
  Exactly.
• 27:13
  Still, I got to keep doing I got to be I'm guilty of it as anybody else of.
• 27:18
  Yes.
• 27:19
  My worth is tied to my productivity.
• 27:22
  If I didn't accomplish enough today, if I didn't get everything on my to do list done,
• 27:28
  then I need to keep working until it is done and then I can have fun.
• 27:34
  Then I will allow myself to take a break.
• 27:37
  And that is the programming we all have.
• 27:40
  Right. And that's what we need to wake up and say.
• 27:42
  It doesn't have to be like that.
• 27:44
  Right. Right.
• 27:45
  So it's a matter of reprogramming our brains.
• 27:49
  Yes. And even becoming aware.
• 27:52
  Yes, certainly.
• 27:54
  Number one is becoming aware.
• 27:56
  What are some of the techniques that you've used to reprogram your brain?
• 28:00
  Well, I've always been kind of an unconventional kind of person.
• 28:03
  So my life has never really been like most people's.
• 28:07
  I don't have a problem stepping out of the norm and doing things according to how I feel
• 28:11
  is right for me and I.
• 28:13
  I have been accused before of being selfish.
• 28:16
  But there is a there's a huge difference between being selfish and between self
• 28:21
  caring. And this is another thing that needs to be discussed because a lot of people and
• 28:27
  especially women, feel that if they self care, they're being selfish.
• 28:31
  Being selfish means that you don't care about anybody but yourself.
• 28:34
  It's your number one, and that's all that matters.
• 28:36
  That's not the case for most people.
• 28:38
  Most people are very giving and loving and to the point that they forget that they also
• 28:44
  need this care and love and compassion and giving to themselves and that there's a small
• 28:48
  child inside.
• 28:49
  Right. Inner child work has a lot to do with coming to realize that I do need to nurture
• 28:55
  myself and I do need to take care of myself.
• 28:58
  If you can see yourself in that way, then it shifts a lot of things, right?
• 29:03
  Because I'm a very demanding person of myself.
• 29:07
  So I'm I'm like, exactly like you said, But I'll tell you, the last two weeks, I was
• 29:12
  really sick. I was sick, and I couldn't do hardly anything.
• 29:17
  And I had to be self compassionate and say, all I just want to do is sleep.
• 29:22
  And that's okay because I'm sick and it's okay.
• 29:25
  And it's and I had to keep telling myself this.
• 29:27
  This is how I'm self caring, right?
• 29:30
  I did a little bit.
• 29:31
  I did as much as I could, and then I allowed myself to rest because that's what my body
• 29:37
  was demanding. And we are just so programmed to feel guilty about that, right?
• 29:42
  To feel like, Oh my God, I'm not like, look at my to do list.
• 29:46
  I'm so far behind.
• 29:48
  Right, right. I have all these calls lined up.
• 29:51
  Those people are going to be disappointed.
• 29:53
  I'm not going to be able to reschedule them.
• 29:55
  What are they going to think?
• 29:56
  It's just we're human.
• 29:58
  We're human and we have to give ourselves the permission that it's okay.
• 30:03
  It's okay not to be productive at all times.
• 30:06
  I just recently read a very interesting book and this woman said something very
• 30:09
  interesting. You know, there's seasons for everything, right?
• 30:13
  And nature is very cyclical.
• 30:16
  But we have been again, programmed that we have to go 24 seven.
• 30:20
  We have to always be productive.
• 30:21
  We always have to be growing.
• 30:23
  We're not allowed any internal winter time.
• 30:26
  She calls it a time when you just get more quiet and you go more within and you're not
• 30:31
  as productive outward because you're nurturing your inner self.
• 30:34
  We're not taught again, this is something else.
• 30:36
  We're not taught that we have the cycles.
• 30:39
  And especially as women, I think we're much more in tune with those kinds of things.
• 30:44
  But again, we shut down that voice because 20,000 things need to be done and we forget
• 30:50
  about ourselves.
• 30:51
  Yeah, not realizing that those seasons are required.
• 30:56
  Like you can't.
• 30:57
  Exactly.
• 30:58
  Spring if you don't have winter.
• 31:00
  So you have to get quiet enough and allow yourself to step back and recharge in order
• 31:07
  to go at it again. Exactly.
• 31:09
  Yes. And she said, no flower blooms year round, no tree yields fruit year round.
• 31:15
  Yeah. There's there's there's times when it's okay to be a little bit more quiet and
• 31:20
  not as out there. So I found that of course you know this, right?
• 31:24
  We know this. But the way that it was put forward this way, it was so clear and it made
• 31:29
  so much sense to me. I was like, Yeah, I have to honor that.
• 31:32
  I have to honor that. I also need that quiet time.
• 31:35
  And it's okay if it's on a regular basis, you know, everybody's different and that's
• 31:41
  what you need to honor.
• 31:42
  Yeah, it needs to be on a regular basis.
• 31:46
  Yes. When you are taking these breaks on a regular basis, you.
• 31:52
  More likely.
• 31:54
  I'm not going to say you won't, but you will more likely not reach a crisis point where
• 31:59
  your health.
• 32:01
  Whether that's physical, mental, psychological health forces it because it
• 32:06
  will eventually force it.
• 32:08
  Yes. Nobody's getting out of this life alive.
• 32:12
  So the thing is, how do you stay healthy for as long as possible, healthy and joyful,
• 32:22
  living in, enjoy and enjoy precisely the the life that you have.
• 32:27
  You can run yourself into the ground.
• 32:30
  And then live out the last whatever, 20.
• 32:34
  30 years worn down because you haven't taken.
• 32:39
  If if you even get to do that, you know how many people retire and then a year later they
• 32:45
  die because they're so engaged in their work, it's the only thing that defines them.
• 32:50
  So my gosh, who wants that?
• 32:52
  Nobody wants that. You want to be able to live a joyful life at all times and to have
• 32:58
  once you do retire, you don't have these responsibilities.
• 33:01
  You want to have another life where you you get creative and you do whatever it is that
• 33:06
  makes your heart glow.
• 33:07
  If you are not able to do that during your career.
• 33:10
  So, I mean, it doesn't have to be like that.
• 33:12
  But if you define yourself by your by your work, if that's all that matters, then once
• 33:17
  it's over, you don't know who you are anymore.
• 33:19
  Yeah. Yeah. And work being whatever it could be.
• 33:23
  Raising children.
• 33:25
  Exactly. It could be whatever the work is.
• 33:28
  But once that work is finished.
• 33:31
  Yes.
• 33:32
  Then who?
• 33:33
  Who are you for?
• 33:34
  And that is, who are.
• 33:35
  You and what you're going to.
• 33:36
  Do. Right. And that's a point where a lot of people are reaching now.
• 33:41
  A lot of people who listen to this show are reaching now, asking themselves, well, who am
• 33:47
  I now? And and looking for ways to figure out the answers to that.
• 33:53
  And it all comes back to at the very least.
• 33:57
  Getting in touch with that inner voice and allowing yourself to hear your inner voice.
• 34:01
  Absolutely. Absolutely.
• 34:03
  And that's for everything.
• 34:05
  Like if you live if you live connected to that inner voice, that's what's going to help
• 34:10
  you in every decision in your life, not just about when to take time off, but who to
• 34:15
  choose as friends and which path to take.
• 34:17
  And sometimes it's a practice to learn how to listen and to actually hear what it says,
• 34:22
  because sometimes it says stuff we don't want to hear.
• 34:24
  Right? Exactly.
• 34:26
  But that's where that's where it starts to get difficult.
• 34:30
  But if we learn to just allow and just listen with an open mind and just go with it,
• 34:37
  it changes everything.
• 34:38
  It really, really does.
• 34:40
  Yeah. And that's where programs like what you offer and what I offer can help people work
• 34:46
  through some of that.
• 34:48
  This isn't something that you need to do alone.
• 34:51
  It is true that you are the only one who can hear your inner voice, but that doesn't mean
• 34:55
  you have to do all the work just by yourself alone.
• 34:59
  Yeah, exactly.
• 35:00
  Yeah, absolutely.
• 35:01
  Yeah.
• 35:02
  I am so appreciative that we finally got to have this conversation.
• 35:06
  Yes.
• 35:07
  Because some really important points here.
• 35:11
  Before we go, what is the song that you listen.
• 35:16
  To.
• 35:17
  To get hyped up?
• 35:18
  What's your what's your song that you need?
• 35:20
  Listen to when you need an extra boost of energy.
• 35:22
  Uptown Funk by Bruno Mars.
• 35:25
  Oh, that's. That's a good one.
• 35:26
  Yeah, right.
• 35:28
  Okay. I got it in my head now.
• 35:30
  Yeah, I hear it.
• 35:33
  Yes. Yes.
• 35:34
  Adding that to the playlist sometimes I put on some music in the morning when I'm
• 35:38
  brushing my teeth to get charged up for the day.
• 35:41
  That's a good one.
• 35:43
  Yep, I think so too.
• 35:44
  Yeah. Now lastly, if people want to continue a conversation with you, what is the best way
• 35:50
  for them to reach to reach out to you?
• 35:53
  So my company is w w w dot empowered women now dot com.
• 36:01
  And my email is hello at empowered women now dot com.
• 36:06
  Fantastic. We'll put links to that as well as the link to the to the song Uptown Funk in
• 36:13
  the show notes.
• 36:14
  Awesome.
• 36:15
  Thank you so much for joining me today.
• 36:17
  Ileana on fine is a four letter word.
• 36:20
  Thanks so much, Laurie.
• 36:21
  Thank you.
• 36:23
  What an awesome conversation today's five key takeaways are.
• 36:28
  Number one, self care is important and taking a break can help you grow mentally and
• 36:33
  spiritually. Number two women often feel guilty for taking care of themselves, but
• 36:39
  it's okay to not be productive all the time.
• 36:43
  Number three, it is essential to connect with your inner self and be self
• 36:48
  compassionate. Number four, recognize that you're worth is not tied to productivity.
• 36:55
  I have said this before and I am going to keep saying it because I need to hear it just
• 37:00
  as much as you do.
• 37:02
  And number five, it is important to not go through difficult times alone.
• 37:07
  Find the support you need.
• 37:10
  Thanks for being here and subscribing to Fine is a four letter word.
• 37:14
  Please share this show with a friend or a colleague.
• 37:17
  If you're feeling especially generous, leave a review so other people like you can
• 37:22
  discover the show too.
• 37:24
  It's on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music, Stitcher, and all the
• 37:31
  major podcast directories.
• 37:33
  You can join me on social too.
• 37:35
  On Instagram, its Zen underscore rabbit.
• 37:39
  You can find links to the other platforms at Zen Rabbit dot com.
• 37:44
  Before you go, remember to take a moment to think about what you're grateful for today.
• 37:50
  Lastly, you can find this week's meditation cued up right after this episode.
• 37:55
  And if no one's told you this week, I'm proud of you.
• 38:00
  Take good care.