Latest / The Jeff Crilley Show / Tyler Dickerhoof, Author & Leadership Mentor | The Jeff Crilley Show
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- Coming up next on The Jeff Crilley Show, you're gonna meet the great Tyler Dickerhoof. He is the author of the upcoming book, The Things We Hide. His incredible story just ahead. Many are predicting that the worst is yet to come. In person here. Until now, they've enjoyed the reputation of being the nation's icebox. Watched a burglar in his home this morning by webcam. As a journalist of over twenty five years, stories are what make my world turn. Reporting live from the newsroom tonight, Jeff Crilley, Fox four news. But in 2008, I took the jump from my familiar life and started a PR firm from my home. We're talking about anyone with a camcorder like the one I'm using becomes a television network. We started slowly growing the company, and we now have over a 100 clients, and we've branched into the world of live digital broadcasting. I now own eight different TV studios and have a huge team. And the stories that I now get to share are sometimes the most important of my life. Life has a funny way of coming around full circle. This is The Jeff Crilley Show. Well, I think this describes millions of Americans. We live in fear. We live in fear of what could happen. We waste so much energy on thinking about something that could happen to us. Many Americans have impostor syndrome, especially the gen z's that suddenly get promoted into a role in which they're managing teams that could be their father's age. Tyler Dickerhoof is in the in the studio and we're gonna talk about his upcoming book, The Things We Hide. Yeah. Thanks for coming on the show. Thanks for having me, Jeff. I appreciate the opportunity to be here with you and and talk about this. Well, you're amazing and we got introduced through a mutual friend, Amberly Lago. So let's give a shout out to her. But I wanna start in your childhood because you had a traumatic event that happened when you were 14 years old. Yeah. I grew up on a dairy farm in the Midwest. I grew up in Ohio and when I was 14, I drove over my younger brother in a farming accident. He was three. I was 14 and he tragically died that day. And one of the things that realizing many many years later in my late thirties is the impact of that event that of course I was impactful but never registered. Right. And what happened from that event is I chose intensity as a way to get through. I just put my head down and push whether it was that afternoon as I'm getting questioned by the sheriff or years later. Yes. My wife, clients, friends. I would just put my head down and push and become intense. And I so much later realized that that response to my fears, my insecurities, do I have value? Am I worthwhile? Because it worked in that moment when my brother died but I also used it when I was getting teased, when I was getting, you know, just normal things in life that do I have value? Am I good enough? I would just become intense. Well, I I think kind of a saving grace is you never felt guilt. You recognized it was an accident. Everybody knew it was an accident. And so you didn't torment yourself for the last, you know No. Twenty, thirty years. I I'm I'm grateful for that. I I can't imagine how if I've been riddled with guilt. Now, again, I I wish it didn't happen, but I can also sit here today. Mhmm. If I hadn't come to grips with that event and my brother's life having purpose, we wouldn't be sitting here. Right. And one of the great motivators for me to tell the story of his life and, you know, the the impact it had on me was to give his life purpose to be able to share with others to say, hey, these are how our fears and insecurities affect us. Yes. And they show up in ways I I call them walls. Intensity is one of them. There's a three other walls kind of build a house around us and how do we put these walls around us to protect us from our fears and insecurities. And I have those moments and as I've interacted and spoken on on stages and into many people realizing, oh, yep. These start to show up. Yes. And what I my hope is as I had to recognize and grow from it that I can help others in the same way. Mhmm. We're gonna pull up your website and as we scroll on the website, I want you to talk about the kinds of audiences that you like to speak to Yeah. And you do group coaching. Yeah. Yeah. So I have a group coaching community called the round table. It's I found that I grew through transformation in a group. I I tell people this, I'm not good enough to do one on one. Now, that's a tongue in cheek but I find that and I learned this from my mentor, John Maxwell. It's layered learning. I share, you share, three other people share. All of a sudden, we've all learned faster than if it's just a one on one. So that's community I love to host and facilitate. And I love to speak to people honestly that are willing to do the work. And you know, so often that's the challenge is like I want someone else to do it. They're not going to. As I share with people in my community, you have to do the work on your own, but you don't have to do it alone. Yes. We're gonna pull up your the book page off of your website because this book comes out in the next few weeks. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm excited about this. It took you a year to write? Yeah. It was a journey to come up with it, but to sit down and actually put pen to paper was about a year process Mhmm. Which as I've learned is most books. Yeah. And I actually enjoyed it. It was fun going through the stories and kind of reiterating and living those back. But the whole time again coming back to the the life of my brother and realizing that this is giving his life purpose. Is pretty fulfilling in and of itself. And had you written about your brother before? No. Not really. I mean, I'd spoken a little bit on stages, maybe through a newsletter or two, but not to the extent of this and really the impact that that incident had on my life that I had no comprehension. But yet, everything that those fears and insecurities manifested them continued to show up in so many relationships. Okay. Let's talk about fear and limiting beliefs because Yeah. I think we're all guilty of this. Yeah. It it it's been amazing to me through this my own journey, but having the conversations with people. And here's what I think is most meaningful and impactful. I was 14. And when I talk to people, the the number of people that have some type of interaction, event, situation between 10 and 14 that stays with them for their whole life. I had a guy tell me one time, he was told that he would never be able to write a book. He was dyslexic, didn't have the skills. He's written 17. Mhmm. But he still every time he writes a book, holds on to what that teacher told him Yes. At that age. And what I find is so many of us create this, I would say, framework of I can't or this fear that is that is overpowering them. Yes. So one of the the last piece of the book, the last section is reframing those mindsets and beliefs. Yes. Because they aren't real but yet we hold on to them and we have agency to change them and we have to do the work. Alright. Let's talk about the danger of living in the past. Yeah. Cause there are countless people watching this right now. They went through a divorce. They lost a job. They lost a loved one. Yeah. People can stay paralyzed for a long long time. Yeah. Yeah. I think the challenge there is if we feel alone on an island, we're the person that marooned us there. The the reason the title of this book is The Things We Hide. Jeff, you and I are sitting down twenty years ago. I'm trying to tell you how good of a salesperson I am, how good of a consultant I am. I'm not sitting here saying, yeah, I I hope I am. But really I'm hiding and I'm trying to cover up what I have hidden of my value, my worth Yes. Through my intensity. And we all hide things. Mhmm. We all have things that either we believe are the truths or not. And so sitting with that shame, that doesn't help anyone. And in a day and age where connections are more meaningful than ever, relationships are more meaningful the other than ever. The only way we can really have true relationships is if we're open and vulnerable. And that's being authentically vulnerable. Sure. You know, it's not telling people all your worst dirty secrets and just kind of poor me. But it's saying, hey, Jeff, I had this happen with me. And all of a sudden, you start to say, oh, I can relate to him. I've had stuff too. Wow. We can do this together. Mhmm. That's what I find is so powerful in our world today is the ability to carry those burdens with others and not on our own. Alright. Let's talk about the power of self talk. Yeah. Because I think we're all guilty of this. We look at the mirror and they say, I could lose five or 10 pounds and we end up becoming our greatest critic. Here's the way I frame that. Would you work for the person that talks to you like the way you talk to yourself? Probably not. You'd walk out the door. Now, if you talk to yourself and you're empowering, it's like, oh, you can do things, you'd probably work for them for a long time. Yes. And that's how I I look at this is our inner talks like, what do we wanna be around that person? Mhmm. And most often not. Well, we have the power and agency to change that. Here's something else. As long as people have lived on this earth, thousands and thousands and thousands years, they've all dealt with it. It's not new. And and so part of the the journey is not something new I'm bringing but just realizing we're not alone in this journey. And it is just a piece of life and where this is powerful. As I've had to go through these things, so have you. So as everyone else watching today, we've all had to go through this and we're not alone. Yes. And so the ability to say, hey, I'm not different but what I have, I don't need to hide from it. So when you find yourself as we all do criticizing ourselves Yeah. Do you like do a record scratch and and get yourself saying positive affirmations or or give us an exercise like what what can we do if Yeah. We're trapped in that Yeah. Downward spiral of self criticism. I I was told to me this, you're not as good as you think you are but you're not as bad as you think you are either. And it really comes to that realistic place. And and what I encourage people is is go ask a couple people around you. Hey, what do I do that I'm great at? And they will tell you. There are things that everyone does that they're great at. I I tell this story in my book. It's called bringing out the best in yourself by bringing out the best in others. Mhmm. And I tell how John Wooden would coach his basketball players. He'd bring them all in at practice, he'd watch them all play and then he'd stop them and say, Bill, as in Bill Walton, the hall of famer, hey, when you get the ball there, you shoot. And then he'd go to another player, hey, when you get the ball, pass it to Bill or you shoot here. They started to quickly find out what they did that supported the team. Mhmm. We all have that opportunity. Wow. We just need to be vulnerable enough to ask people instead of believing what we're telling ourselves. Alright. I mentioned off the top of the show, impostor syndrome. Yeah. And we do live in a generation in which there are so many different generations in the workplace and often the gen z's are being put into a role in which they're managing people who could be their dad or their granddad. Yeah. How does somebody deal with impostor syndrome? The view I have on impostor syndrome is we're telling ourselves a lie. If you don't know what you're doing, it's great because you probably never done it before. It's a good place to be. Where there's an opportunity is from a leader. Don't expect people to do what they can't do and don't know how to do. Yes. Guide them. Lead them. Show them. And so that's as much an indictment on our leadership ability than it is on the person themselves. Yes. The biggest thing there for both sides is recognizing it and asking for help. Mhmm. To put your arms in the air and say, hey, why do I wear white black shirts? Because I get sweaty pits. So this way, it's in. I can roll with it. It's good. It's easy. I don't have to worry about the background clashing. And so it's just being okay with that Yeah. To say, I don't know what I'm doing. Great. Help me. Guide me. Instead of thinking, oh, I need to prove Yes. That I'm worthy because then it all comes back to our insecurity. If you're there in the job, you got it for a reason. Yes. Own that and say, now I need help. Guide me. Lead me. Alright. Tyler is a content machine. Not only does he have his own very popular show that has something like 250 episodes Yeah. But he's a guest on many, many podcasts. I found one that you were on. Let's go ahead and roll that clip. And I had to grow through that and had to realize the things that I was hiding, the insecurities, the fears, really put these walls around me. And if we can start sooner we can recognize that and come back to what you said very beginning is like, hey, let's create a legacy and use what we're great at as opposed to, oh, I'm just gonna fit in. Real estate is bad, so it's bad. I'm just gonna give up. It's like, oh, no. There's a greater calling for me. Yeah. And and and I, you know, I will tell you right now, so because I know there's a lot of people listening. Those insecurities and fears, they're still here. I just wanna, like like, I'm still insecure. I still get afraid. There's a great saying is that if you're not afraid of what you're trying to do, that means you're not thinking big enough. Right? So, like, every day when I'm doing these lofty goals, I'm scared to death. You know? So, like, I don't want someone to think, like, oh, maybe I won't be afraid when no. No. It's courage. Right? Courage is being afraid and doing it anyway because it's the right thing to do. Like, that's how you have to live your life. But those insecurities, like, I still sometimes wake up and going, why would somebody wanna listen to me? Like, what do they call it? Imposter syndrome. Right? I still sometimes have those those moments going right? But but then you snap out of it, and then you say, you know why. But but those things will always linger. Like, so I I I hope people don't think that one day that just disappears. Like, you know, some of the greatest speakers in the world still get sick right before they walk on stage. Right? Like, and and they're they're on a 150 stages a year. You know? So so, you know, fear doesn't go away just because you're you're doing more. I wanna make sure everybody realizes that, you know, because again, you know, I'm afraid every day I wake up and going, I can't believe I'm doing this. Right? I think one of the things that I've I've grown to realize, this comes back to what you said earlier, that all the the level of fear changes. You know, we'll have those fears, the insecurities, right? And and I've seen them in my life and, you know, as I talk to people, interact with people. Almost universal. Am I enough? Do I have value? You know, do people respect me? And and again, coming back to the, am I enough? And the thing that changes that is belief. And and to me, it's really a mindset. And it comes back to that I do have value in in finding ways. Like, you've talked about earlier, being on the stage you were at, being, you know, here talking to us. It's leaning into that belief. And so when, you know, the impostor syndrome, as you said, and, you know, the insecurities show up is to say, Oh, yep, there it is. Okay. But yet, I know and believe differently. And what I've learned to do is just be authentic. Yep, this is what I am. This is who I am. I don't have it figured out. Right? I still have these. Yep. They're showing. And I found that drives my personal belief, but what I recognize is that's also a way for me to connect with others. Brilliant. I wanna tackle, like, adversity. So so many people live in fear of adversity. Yeah. But I imagine a, you know, a teenage Tom Brady. He's not dreaming of winning the Super Bowl by 50 points. He's dreaming of it's thirty seconds to go and I'm down by six points. Mhmm. And he's in the huddle and he's like, guys, we're gonna be in the end zone together. Yeah. Talk about the power of like optimism even if you don't have it figured out. Man, I think the the thing that I believe there is be glad to be in the game. You know, and and it's so much that's such a mindset shift. Oh, I gotta be the guy that's gonna win the game. Not just be in the game because there's a place for everyone and it comes a little bit back to that John Wooden story is, you know, I tell the story in my book as well about Sweyn Nader. Okay. You don't have to be an old time basketball fan but Sweyn Nader was a is a hall of famer. He never started a game in college. Wow. He's a hall of famer. Wow. Because he backed up probably the only other hall of famer better than him, Bill Walton. And that that story to me resonated so much because it's like, you don't have to be the the best to have value. Mhmm. And so that adversity comes down to if I need to prove myself, well, then it's your insecurity. Yes. Then it's your insecurity challenging you. Are you good enough? You're perfect, But you have a skill set that I don't have and vice versa and that's okay. And so if we can tap into those, if we can recognize those. No, I'm saying this as a 46 year old. It took me years to figure that out. But I also know the years that I took to figure it out can be shortened Mhmm. Once we understand that, hey, those fears and insecurities are there. I need to own how they show up. Now, how do I start to reframe those mindsets belief and that comes to people saying, hey, again Jeff, what do you see in me that I can't see? Because I can't see it until then I can't hold on to it. And it really is this belief factor. Can we train our brain to look forward to adversity? Like, this set back happened. I lost this big client. Yeah. This thing cancelled. Yeah. You look for the gold. Yeah. Yeah. I I was just here for an event in Dallas. John Maxwell. He's a huge mentor of mine. He has a new book coming out. It's called, The Return on Failure. And so, the idea and he shared and I believe it comes to this point is, if you keep failure and success close, then you can look forward to it. But if all of a sudden you're defined by your success or your failure Yes. Then you're in trouble. But if you understand I can't have success without failure and failure leads me to my next success, it's all mindset shift, right? You know, growing up so often it's like, oh, you failed, you failed instead of like, hey, you failed great. And I've been in some of those conversations where I've seen, you know, coaches that applaud failure. Oh, that was a great try, Right? As opposed to, oh my goodness, missed. What are you doing? And and we hold on a lot of those childhood events from parents, from coaches, and we hold that into our professional life. The worst thing I can do is fail. They're gonna think badly about me. The people watching are think, oh my goodness, this guy failed. When in reality, it's like, yeah, I failed. Well, so did everyone else. Yes. But I'm not a failure because I continue to work at it. There will be success come. Yes. And I think it comes back to when you embrace that adversity, you start to get excited about it. You start to find that moment, oh, this is a little challenging. Yes. Something good is gonna come. Great. But it takes such a mindset shift. But to me, people will talk about all the time. Oh, you know, change your mindset, beliefs. But they never dealt with their insecurity and fear to Yes. Begin And recognize and they want to hide it and think, I can make that go away. Like, no, no, no, no. That's there in all of us. And at the end of the day, when we think about Michael Jordan, we don't think about all those shots he took at the buzzer where he missed. We don't think about his baseball career that didn't go as well as he wanted it to go. We have about a minute left. So I want you to look into the camera on the left and talk to the viewer who might be struggling with impostor syndrome or fear anxiety. Yeah. You're not alone. We all have it. Whoever you admire, whoever you look up to, whoever is a mentor in life, they have fears and insecurities as well. Now here's what our opportunity is. We can choose to own how they show up. And when we do that, that authentic vulnerability, as I mentioned with Jeff earlier, is people will come to you. I have this belief empathy is putting your arms around people and walking with them. When you're authentically vulnerable, when you own who you are, not as an excuse but own who you are and allow others to put their arm around you, that's when you can start to do magical things. But it comes back to the you gotta do the work on your own. You don't have to do it alone. You find those people that are willing to put their arm around you and walk with you. Then all of a sudden, the impostor is just a make believe. It's not something real because you are who you are and you have value to offer to everyone around you and it's a choice. Wow. Beautiful way to end this broadcast. We're also gonna leave you with this website which again is tylerdickerhoof.com. Yep. You nailed it. I I had so much trouble with that name. All good. Yeah. Yeah. Alright. Tyler, thank you for coming on. Appreciate it. You bet. That's it for now. We'll see you next time.