Latest / The Steve & Jeff Show / S4 E13 - Shipwreck Davis Chases a Record

Transcript

S4 E13 - Shipwreck Davis Chases a Record · The Steve & Jeff Show

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_03: Welcome to the Stephen Jeff Show, the first comedy podcast in the history of the world.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_03: Assuming the world began when I started talking.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_02: Be sure and follow or subscribe to the Stephen Jeff Show wherever you listen to podcasts.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_02: Write us a review while you're there too.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_02: And now, here's Steve and Jeff.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_03: Well, hey Johnny, thanks for bringing us into the show.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_03: And gosh, we made it through the holidays and back into what passes for normal.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_03: How's it going, Jeff?
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_01: Good news is that during the holidays you get to see the family, and you get to see a lot of the family.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_03: That's the great Hobson's choice of the holidays, especially if you're spending time with the Hobson family.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_03: But it's way overkill.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_03: We have two birthdays in December, and we have Hanukkah and two Christmas parties.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_03: Well, with the holidays, you know, some family comes in, they all get together from faraway places.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_03: Some family you haven't been in touch with for years for really good reasons, reasons you could really state.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_03: It's just really a great time to celebrate family and friends, whether you want it or not.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I think there's a big difference between family and friends.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_01: I try not to mix the two together.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_01: But for 2025, though, we had a smaller group than previous years.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_01: I think it had something to do with a lot of my relatives got deported by accident, you know, so they're still finding their way back home.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_01: It's all by accident.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_03: None of this is intentional.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_03: Oh no.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_01: But we did have somebody come that we hadn't seen for a long time.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not sure I even remembered him before, and that was my uncle Joe.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't think you've ever really talked about your Uncle Joe.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: Tell me about him.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I don't know that much about him.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: I know that he's been gone for a long time because he was shipwrecked in the Atlantic Ocean.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_01: He was there for years and years and years.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know exactly how he got there or why it happened.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_01: Uh it was sort of a Hanukkah miracle, though.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_01: You know, he was only supposed to be shipwrecked for eight days.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, the miracle was that he lasted for like 30 years.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_03: It's just like Eugene O'Neill wrote, the sea hates a coward.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_03: Or maybe you wrote that the sea hates an old coward.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_03: I I I digress, but that's too bad about your uncle.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_03: I mean all those years.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_03: I how was he found?
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_03: This is kind of a funny story, uh, hopefully.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_01: Well, we'll find out.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: We'll find out.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_01: But he was found by a cruise ship, the Carnival cruise line, which is oh gosh.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_03: I love Carnival.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_03: I hear that they like the port of Long Beach so much that they just never leave.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_03: And you know, their crew really only has a few prison terms among them, so it's not not so bad.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_03: I'm not at all surprised that they saved your Uncle Joe.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_03: You think a fancy schmancy Norwegian cruise line would have rescued Uncle Joe?
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_03: I don't think so.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_03: I gotta tell you, I especially love Carnival's disco ballroom.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_03: That's the model for the new White House ballroom.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_03: But I digress.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_03: Tell me about Uncle Joe.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: But wait a second, I didn't know that.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_01: I thought that our king would have had his own architects design it.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_01: Where did you get that information from?
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, Snapple, inside the cap of Snapple, you know.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_03: Of course.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_03: You know, for a while, I was thinking that we should get them to sponsor our show because you know we've talked about them so much, and they have such wisdom.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_03: I was thinking, hey, maybe they end every show with an ad and a factoid.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_03: Don't tell Johnny because he's a little sensitive about his role and all the you know.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_03: But I digress again.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_03: Uncle Joe, okay, Uncle Joe shipwrecked.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_03: I gotta tell you though, speaking of shipwrecked, did you know that in 2025 the number of boating casualties rose by 10,000 percent?
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_03: It must be all those violent storms we've been getting, you know, plus the number of people named Joe in the US has dropped 500%, just like our drug costs.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_03: I gotta tell you, I went in today, spent$100 for drugs, and a pharmacist paid me$400.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_03: It's beautiful.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_03: Where'd you get that last factoid about Joe?
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, that was from Dr.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_03: Pepper.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_01: I don't drink Dr.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: Pepper, but do they have those caps that have factoids inside of them too?
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, oh, not the drink.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_03: No, I meant Professor Eugene Pepper from Council Bluffs College and Beauty School.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_03: When I'm not thirsty, uh, he's my go-to for information.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_03: I I keep digressing.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_03: Back to your Uncle Joe.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_03: How'd they find him?
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_03: This is why he got lost for so long, because people kept forgetting about him.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: Kept digressing, right?
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, they got they start talking about him and then they just forget.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: You know, he's kind of a nondescript kind of guy, but yeah, I already forgot about him.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, me too.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: So a carnival cruise ship was heading down towards the Bahamas, and it went by this tiny island that I guess nobody has ever seen before.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_01: They whipped out a telescope and looked onto the shore of the island, and they saw this old Jewish man with long hair and a long beard.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: He was dressed kind of in a typical Jewish outfit, you know, from TJ Maxx.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_01: Probably just off the coast of Boca.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_01: There's no doubt.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_01: You know, Boca has the best shopping discount.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, absolutely.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: So anyway, so the ship arrives near the island, they take one of those little rafts, and there they find Uncle Joe.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_01: You know, he was happy to see them, not overjoyed, but he seemed like he was really well adjusted for somebody who had been isolated all these years.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_01: And so the captain, Captain Stubing, he started questioning Uncle Joe.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_01: Uncle Joe just started telling him the story.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: And the group of Jews that were heading towards Israel, and the boat capsized, and there he ended up being.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_01: And he basically, for all these years, was surviving on fruit and vegetables and soggy bagels from the shore, you know, from Boca.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: The captain was amazed.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_01: And he said, You've built all these structures.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: What is this building?
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: And it was this big, impressive wooden building, you know.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_01: And he said, Well, that's my home.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: So then the the captain says, Well, what's this other building next to it?
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_01: And he says, Well, that's my synagogue.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: And he says, I hold Sabbath services every Saturday, and you know, we don't have quite enough people for the synagogue to make it sort of an official synagogue, but yeah.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_01: The captain said, I get it.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_01: You have one for your home, one for the synagogue.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: Well, what's this third building?
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_01: He says, Oh, that's the synagogue I used to belong to.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_03: It is very important to find the right Lex fori.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_03: Didn't we go to high school with Lex Foray?
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_03: He's the guy that got arrested for having a Molotov cocktail in his locker, but I take recipe.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_03: So did he come right back or did he stay for the seven-day cruise?
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_03: They have some really good bargains in the Bahamas at the duty-free stores.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_03: Terrorists are only 18,000%.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_01: He was gonna stay.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_01: I think he probably came ashore a little bit early.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: He probably stopped in Miami Beach.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_01: I think he, you know, he had some relatives there.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_01: If it had been Disney cruise line, those are amazing.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_01: After 30 years of being isolated, he would have loved Disney Cruise, probably would have stayed for the whole thing.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_03: Well, he had to go to Miami.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_03: Aunt Rose was doing a brunch.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_03: You know, the story about immigrants getting lost at sea reminds me of the boats that are king and his toddler toady pistol peak kegs breath or whatever his name is.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_03: Those uh those boats are sinking from Venezuela.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_03: You know, it's kind of the same thing, although I don't think those people on the fishing boats are Jewish.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, you know, could be though.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_03: What do I know, right?
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_03: Then again, they probably aren't drug smugglers either.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_03: So hey, having said that, uh, it's really a small world we live in, isn't it, Jeff?
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_01: Are you talking about because of all the Jews and Mocha because we tend to be a little shorter, but in sports, some of our best Jewish athletes are not short, you know, like Bobby Fisher and Gary Gas Kasparov.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, they were chess players.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_03: Uh hey, you know, I think Lex Forey played for the chess team, too.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_01: He was short, just like Fisher and Kasparov, too.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_01: You know, when when it comes to chess, you know, like the old saying goes, everyone is the same height on a chess board except for the queen.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_03: No, that's not a chess board, that's in bed.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_03: In bed, everyone's the same height.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah in a queen size bed.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_03: I'm not sure the queen fits in, maybe that's it.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_03: In the queen size bed, everybody's the same height.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_03: I I don't know.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe that's true.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_03: I'll have to consult with Snapple, see what they say.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_03: But actually what I meant by small world was I meant those fishing boats, our king is blowing up, have something in common with us.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_03: And the thing they have in common is all of them had shipwreck Davis on board.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know who that is.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_03: Who uh it sounds kind of familiar, but who is he?
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_03: You know, we actually haven't met him yet, but we do know his uncle, Crash Davis, old record holder for surviving the most plane crashes.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_03: Remember, he's been on the show a couple times, and his son Smash Davis, who's been on the show, just broke the 100-car crash record.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_03: And now his cousin, Shipwreck Davis.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_03: Good news is, assuming he's still in the studio and not getting blown up right now, last I saw he was in the studio just the other side of that class.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_03: Shipwreck?
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_03: Welcome to the Steve and Jeff Show.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_03: It's an honor to meet you.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: Well, the uh pleasure's all of mine.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: Uh the family talks about you guys all the time.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: And in many ways, you and Jeff, uh, you've played a major role in in getting Uncle Crash and Cousin Smash in the record books.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: So thanks for for having me.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: I'm very excited to match the the face with the uh the voices.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_01: That makes me feel so good that you know that we have been helpful for your family, although one of the consequences is our insurance is quadrupled.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_01: Although I guess everybody's insurance is quadrupling, so maybe that's really has nothing to do with you.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_01: But you are a family of world records, there's no question about that.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: But before we go any further, can you give us an update on where the family is right now?
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_01: Because we've kind of lost track of them.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_01: Last last I heard your uncle was lost at sea.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_01: I think was it at Steve?
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_01: Was it Lake Michigan?
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_01: It was Lake Michigan, yeah.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_01: Did he ever get back?
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: Is he still doing it?
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_01: And and what is your cousin Smash doing now?
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: Uh Uncle Crash is doing great.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: He was found just outside of uh New Buffalo, Michigan, right next to Old Buffalo.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: Uh he had amnesia from the plane crash.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: You know, he sweam to shore.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: It was kind of became kind of muscle memory.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, he's so used to doing it so often.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: Uh and then they they found him playing uh blackjack at the uh the casino there.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: I he was up a couple thousand when they found him, you know.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: And then as far as uh cutting smash, he he's really in uh how we say the uh golden era of of car crash survival, you know.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's peak season for him, the winter time.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: You can't throw a dead cat at a windscreen without getting into some kind of car wreck.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, he he's on a he's on a big roll.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: I you know, and the the only downside is you know that with all the electric cars out there, he's kind of gonna wear a rubber suit to avoid getting shocked.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: But I mean, so far, so good.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: This works.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_03: It's been so long since I've been to New Buffalo.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I hope Jenny's big weenie is still open there.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_03: A great hot dog place, but but I digress.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_03: So anyway, we're dying to hear about your own efforts in getting another world record in the family.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_03: This one is at sea, all new frontier.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: It is, it is.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, it's pretty much uh as it sounds.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: I survive ships that go down, uh, usually in in the big waters, like um Gulf of Steve.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: Uh you you might know it as the Gulf of Mexico or America or Mexico.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what it used to be, but it's called the Gulf of Steve now, so we're fine.
• 11:18
  unknown: Wow.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_03: Someone knows my name.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: It just clarifies it.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_01: The only question I have is you just don't hear about a lot of ships that are sinking these days.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_01: So has that been difficult for you?
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you're you're right.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: Again, uh, luckily with the record, uh, unfortunately for it to be a Guiddess book of records, it has to be recorded, which means people have to kind of see it, you know.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: So, but you know, it okay, okay.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: You know the uh the movie Titanic, okay.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: It gave sinking boats and Celine Dion a really bad name.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: To be fair, everybody thinks every shipwreck lasts three hours now, and there has to have a romantic story, and they have to have this weird kind of steerage dating right.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's just it's not needed.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's not needed, but everybody just thinks it has to happen.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: And there's not many pirates out there anymore.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, regardless of whatever Jimmy Buffett sang about, you know, but but for for a long time I was struggling, okay?
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: But I am proud to say I am now the record holder for surviving the most shipwrecks.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I'm up to I'm up to 28 and climbing.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: Or is it sinking?
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_03: Shipwreck, that is just outstanding.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_03: You know, your family, uh great family tradition.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, your family must be so proud of you.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_03: How how do you account for your success?
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_03: Is it just luck?
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_03: You happen to pick a ship that's going to sink, or is the increase in violent hurricanes, or is it extrajudicial killings?
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_03: Uh you know what to what do you attribute your success?
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I mean, uh the the hurricanes do help, but the problem is that most people just don't go out on a boat in a hurricane.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's not like the Midwest with tornadoes where you got people literally driving trucks right into it.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: So you know, and again, I blame I I blame all the bad press that the storms got from that movie something about a uh perfect storm uh with George Clooney, you know.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's like who would have thought you'd have to survive the storm, you know.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: You survive the storm, you know, being a big star and all, but but no, they they they kill him off, they kill off the rest of the crew.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, if I have to put a name to it, okay, if I have to thank someone for all my successes, it would probably be our king Donald Trump.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I would have never been close to the record without him kind of lending a hand, uh as small as it may be.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_01: Doesn't that describe the king exactly?
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, the the size of his hands, because he's all about helping people and he's so selfless.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, to have a king this selfless.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_01: Well, if you're looking for proof that he's selfless, who else would be renamed after the Kennedy Center, except right, you know, a king that was selfless?
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_01: Now, specifically, how has he played a role with you on to help you get the record?
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: Well, and again, as you bring up the Kennedys, obviously those were big shoes to fill in that whole boating accident type thing.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: So you have to we definitely have to kind of keep an eye out for them.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: So anything that can surpass a Kennedy, I I I take it to the heart.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: But but I will say that the king and I we we we we don't talk as much anymore, you know, since he's so busy straightening out all the the big problems that the country has, like remodeling the White House, lack of ballroom, rigging mid-term elections, and of course tariffing.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, the faith is his favorite word, and it's a full-time job.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: You know, in the in the midst of all that he has to do, and he he still found time to give me a small helping hand in the quest to be a world record holder.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_03: Wow.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_03: Tell us a little bit about that.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_03: How did he give you that helping hand?
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I mean, well, one day back in March, I was I was lamenting on X that uh I needed more shipwrecks, and uh sure enough, our king responded with the comment, Well, it's a little late for Christmas, but I'll see what I can do to help you get the record.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: And then night and day, almost immediately after that message, our king sent me on a one-way plane ticket to Venezuela with a note that read, feed a man to fish and he eats for a day.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: Teach him to fish off a drug smuggling boat from Venezuela, and he won't be hungry for long.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: Think that was in the Bible somewhere.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: He reads the Bible a lot, so I'm sure it's in there.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_03: That's in the space card, I think.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, exactly, exactly.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: And again, I've got no aversion to to planes, you know, it's not like I'm my uncle.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: So so it's it's kind of a situation of uh I took the clue, I hopped on a Venezuelan fishing boat, and and survived my first shipwreck at sea.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: And and since then it's it's kind of been like clockwork, you know, the the clocks they they attach to a bomb.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, those those clocks.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I'm up to 28 shipwrecks with with many more to come, I hope.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just padding those numbers.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_01: Now, I don't want to challenge you on these numbers here, but I've recently discovered Steve, I think we didn't we hear about this double tapping.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_01: We're not talking dance steps here.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, no, that's it has to do with the ballroom.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_01: But right the double tapping, I think, is basically sinking a ship twice, a boat twice.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_01: And my question is, are you giving yourself credit for sinking it twice?
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_01: I know you the first time blow it up, and it's usually on fire, and there may be a couple survivors who are trying to get back on top of the boat and then they blow it up again.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_01: So how do you do that?
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I mean, technically it is two independent acts, okay?
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: You are you know getting on another boat and then or it's you know, steerage and and you're finding something that floats, but then you start getting into that what is a boat really, you know, how you know I could be just holding a second bomb and I just wait for that to go off.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: Is that technically a second independent ship?
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: And and but again, to be fair, I I I don't count them in the running as two.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: Uh if if I did it it'd be it'd be over 40.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: But but you know, I I based on what I have been told is coming, I'll I'll hit 40 before March.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_03: So that is certainly something to look forward to, and we gotta have you back on the show when that happens.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_03: But I you know, I gotta ask so, since it's double tapping and everything, they're going out of the way to make sure that nobody survives these things.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_03: Does that put you at a greater risk as you try to get this record?
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: Well, uh normally it would be at risk, but our country has developed um color-sensitive radar technology, uh, which it basically what it does is not only does it scan for body heat and warmth, but it specifically looks for melanin levels, so it can it can find the ethnic color of the targets, and since I'm white, they're pretty careful to work around me.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: And again, they don't have to do that, but I love America and I love Americans, you know.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: But it's a situation they know if if they take one less pigmented guy out, then then it starts making the do's and they're a little worried about that.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: So that's why I am very much proud to live in this country.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just so warm inside.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_01: I'm actually too hot from yeah, all these all these stories of crashes and stuff.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_01: Now, I don't know how long our king will well, that's blasphemy.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_01: He'll be the king forever, but yeah, yeah, but but I don't know, I don't know how many ships are left to sink in uh Venezuela.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_01: Do you have a a plan for after we use up all the boats that are coming from Venezuela?
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_01: I guess you could move on to the big oil rigs, but exactly.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: Do you have any thoughts on that?
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's a little bit of a farther trek to get to those.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: Those are coming around from the other side.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: Uh you'd be amazed how much area is left in the South Americas that I can just hop right on.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_00: You got your Venezuelas, you got your Colombias, there's that whole long line of chili, chile, or however they pronounce it.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_00: All I know is I can't say it correctly every time.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's like a gyro gyro kind of thing.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_03: I think it's Lex Fore.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I I think he does play chess, by the way.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: He does.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but anyway, so so it's really a situation.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna be able to get boat upon boat upon boat upon boat, because there's always somebody that wants something that's too far away.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_00: The worst comes to absolute worst.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: If I gotta make the far trick, I can go to Australia, because that's just coastline upon coastline upon coastline.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: We'll just put on a real bad accent, and they'll either accept me as one of their own, to which then they'll never try to take me out, or they'll think I'm somebody else, and they have a brand of racism that is just spectacular for blowing things up.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_03: So wow.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_03: Now you mentioned the oil tankers.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_03: Those typically are not, at least so far, uh, have not been blown up, like the fishing boats, those have been seized.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_03: Now, does it would a seizure count as one of your shipwrecks, or would that be a different category?
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it'd be it'd be a different type of category because again, it's not necessarily a shipwreck because the boat is still entailed.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_00: Now, granted, if you want to put up a little bit of resistance after the seizure, kind of uh just you talk a lot of smack as you're walking away from a fight and they punch you.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: You had a fight and you just lost it, so it you know losing is still surviving, so you can kind of figure that stuff out.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just spitballing here, but each one of these oil rigs have all those lifeboats, right?
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_01: So a lot of those all you have to do is kind of set a fire to the to the main ship, people get on the lifeboats, and then it's easy to sink those.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, and shipwreck.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_03: If you could if you were a good swimmer, which you probably gotta be if you're surviving all these shipwrecks, oh yeah, absolutely.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_03: You could get on one of those lifeboats, sink it, swim to another one.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_03: You know, sink that.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my gosh, you could you could get to 40 on one ship.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's the whole bear in a forest theory where it's like if you're you if you're outrunning, you'd never have to outrun the bear in the forest, you just have to outrun your friend.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's really the honest reason why it's men, uh why it's not never men on a boat, it's women and children first, because they don't think the women can stroke just as fast.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: So the women and children don't know how to get the boat far enough away, so the men can overtake it if they need to.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_01: It's funny because you know, we do this show live, and Uncle just sent me a note and he said, You wouldn't believe how many life rafts there are in carnival cruise ships.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_01: It's a completely new category.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_03: Whole new genre.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my gosh.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_00: So and he said he would be glad to help you if you d definitely again, you you I I said it at the beginning of the show, and I'm saying it now.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_00: You guys are so helpful, and I am so glad you were doing so much for the Davis family.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_00: Best Electrical Joe, I'll I'll I'll I'll get his number off the line.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_00: We'll figure out something.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_00: Again, the problem with Carnival Cruises a lot of the time they don't necessarily wreck, they just kind of lean over to the side and stop.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_00: So that doesn't always necessarily count.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's more just dereliction of duty than necessarily a crash.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: But every little bit helps.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm sure they probably have some kind of subcategory for lifeboats, and yeah, they are loaded with that.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I'd be the first person to, you know, survive a shipwreck inside of a water slide.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_00: So I think that'll work.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_03: We're getting a little low on time, but I I wanted to ask you this.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_03: With with all this time you're spending in the water, I do do are you concerned at all about sharks?
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_03: Because with all these boats blowing up, there might be sharks going for a record.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I I don't really worry it too much about the shark.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_00: I I'm I'm thinking in the thousands for sharks would be that record.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_00: So so I mean that's that's based off of a uh a speech our king gave.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: And again, the number of uh 756 men, women, children, but uh he tends to be a lot more conservative in the numbers and facts, so so it could be very, very many more uh as far as like what the what the shark record is, but you know, we'll we'll make that work.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_03: Or I remember that speech.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_03: That was the same one where he said that 300 million people had died of a drug overdose last year.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, no, I remember that.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_03: Exactly.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_03: Well, and can't argue with those numbers, right?
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_01: Not at all.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_01: No, and remember when he was talking about how the Venezuelans are actually strapping drugs onto the sharks, absolutely and then sending them it's brilliant and scary all at the same time.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_00: Who's checking a shark?
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_03: I mean and see up here we call them mules, but see they they figured out to use sharks, shark mules, you know because mules can't swim, mules can't very well.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_03: They tried that and woo, right down.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, straight down, straight down.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_01: It was great meeting you.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_01: You have an amazing family.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_01: We need to stay in touch.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: I'll talk to you guys.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I'll I'll I'll hope to talk to you again soon.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_00: Uh again.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_03: You know, Shipwreck, uh, before we get kicked out of eccentric Lady Land Studios here, I think you should not go empty-handed.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_03: With this record that you're chasing and these these this danger that really you're putting yourself in, I think we should give you some gifts.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_03: So, Johnny, what do we have for shipwreck?
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_02: Right, Steve?
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_02: Shipwreck won't have to worry about getting on the wrong fishing boat and missing his chance at the record when he uses the new double tap beaking metal coin.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_02: It comes complete with a bullseye, as it wasn't needed, and is guaranteed to warm up and attract any empty sea missiles at the touch of a button.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_02: The request for the record is safe with Double Tap, product of the Appropriation Station Nation of Company.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_02: This has been a Nuremberg production in association with The Hague Media.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_02: Read all about Steve's Jeff at their website, StephenJoff.com.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_02: This is Johnny speaking.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_02: They better not replace me with a Snapple bottle cap.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_02: They have 48 more payments on that combination bracelet and travel flask I got for Steve's mom.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_02: Plus, they keep paying me, but have the bottle cap do the work.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_02: No work, but also pay.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_02: I like that.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_02: Good night.