Latest / Miss Understood with Rachel Uchitel / Real Housewife of New Jersey Jackie Goldschneider Candidly Details 18-Year Battle With Anorexia

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Real Housewife of New Jersey Jackie Goldschneider Candidly Details 18-Year Battle With Anorexia · Miss Understood with Rachel Uchitel

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  Speaker 1: real conversations in a new language today. Welcome back to Misunderstood.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: I'm your host, Rachel Yucatel. The Real Housewives franchise is
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: famous for their fights, their wardrobe, and their taglines. But
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  Speaker 1: today's guest, Real Housewife of New Jersey, Jackie Goldschneider, can
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  Speaker 1: now add being a famous author to that list. In
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  Speaker 1: The Weight of Beautiful, Jackie shares her personal battle with
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  Speaker 1: anorexia and her road to recovery. With season 14 of
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  Speaker 1: The Real Housewives of New Jersey officially wrapped, we got
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  Speaker 1: Jackie to give us a glimpse into next season and
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  Speaker 1: what we have to look forward to. We talked about
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  Speaker 1: what her very first day looked like on set way
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  Speaker 1: back when and how the other girls really know how
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  Speaker 1: to have a great housewife fight and what they taught her.
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  Speaker 1: What being demoted really meant for her and her family
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  Speaker 1: and what it meant to have Teresa Giudice supporting her
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  Speaker 1: at her book signing. And now apparently their relationship is
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  Speaker 1: much more friendly. Jackie was so brave to open up
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  Speaker 1: on the show about her eating disorder and her desire
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  Speaker 1: to get better. And she, you know, helps us clarify
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  Speaker 1: a lot of misconceptions about eating disorders in general. With
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  Speaker 1: her book, she delves even deeper. And we talk about that.
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  Speaker 1: We talk about what that rock bottom moment was where
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  Speaker 1: she knew she needed help, why she chose to share
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  Speaker 1: it on the show and how her relationship with her
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  Speaker 1: kids and Evan has changed through her recovery. I think
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  Speaker 1: Jackie's book is going to inspire people and show them
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  Speaker 1: if they're suffering, they are not alone. Becky, thank you
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  Speaker 1: so much for joining me on Misunderstood. I'm so happy
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  Speaker 1: that you're here.
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  Speaker 2: Thanks for having me.
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  Speaker 1: So I wanted to start by saying it's famously known
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  Speaker 1: that you were at one of Teresa's book signings before
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  Speaker 1: you were on the show, and recently she was at
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  Speaker 1: your book signing. How did that come about?
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  Speaker 2: I know. It's like so full circle. So when I
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: didn't even know what I was going to back, I
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  Speaker 2: think that was... God, my kids are 15 now and
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: they were like two. So it was so long ago.
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  Speaker 2: I was strolling them and I was walking by and
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  Speaker 2: I saw her inside and I used to watch Jersey.
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  Speaker 2: I watched Jersey from the beginning. So I was like, oh,
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  Speaker 2: there's Teresa Giudice. So I took my kids inside. And actually,
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  Speaker 2: I think that... it wasn't a book signing. I'm actually now,
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  Speaker 2: I think it might have just been like the opening
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  Speaker 2: of shoe store because I didn't buy a book. And
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  Speaker 2: I know you have to buy a book at these things.
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  Speaker 2: I didn't buy a book.
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  Speaker 3: I just took a picture with her.
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  Speaker 2: So I think it might've, everyone said it was a
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  Speaker 2: book signing, but I think it was actually like the
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  Speaker 2: opening of a shoe store in the town next to me.
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  Speaker 2: And I went in and took a picture with her.
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  Speaker 2: And then famously we did not get along for a
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  Speaker 2: very long time, but yeah, Some things have changed this
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  Speaker 2: year and she was really excited for me and I
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  Speaker 2: was so glad that she came.
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  Speaker 1: So you said that you listen or you watch to
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  Speaker 1: Housewives of New Jersey. Who was your favorite on the
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  Speaker 1: show before you even thought of being on it?
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  Speaker 2: Um, well, like back in the very beginning, I don't know,
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  Speaker 2: like I didn't really like love anybody. I thought they
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  Speaker 2: were all just a bunch of characters, but now that
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  Speaker 2: I know people, I mean, I really loved Carolyn. I
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  Speaker 2: thought that she was great and very strong. Um, I
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  Speaker 2: always really liked her. And then, You know, throughout the years,
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  Speaker 2: I had different people I liked. There were some times
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  Speaker 2: I took Teresa's side, sometimes I took Melissa's side, but
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  Speaker 2: I didn't know them. You know, so when I got
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  Speaker 2: on the show and, like, I was meeting these people
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  Speaker 2: for real and interacting with them, it was like, you know,
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  Speaker 2: it was just so bizarre. It's a little hard to
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  Speaker 2: get used to.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, right, of course. So how did you actually get
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: approached to be on the show?
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  Speaker 2: Got... Facebook message from a casting agent and at first
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  Speaker 2: I was like, no, no, no.
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  Speaker 3: No, thank you.
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  Speaker 2: Because we lived around the corner from Siggy Flickr at
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  Speaker 2: the time. And whenever we would see the trucks outside
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  Speaker 2: her house, so we always had to pass her house
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  Speaker 2: to get to our house. So my husband would always
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  Speaker 2: be like, who the hell would do that? Like who
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  Speaker 2: would sign on for this? Cause there'd always be like
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  Speaker 2: 10 trucks and like people with like cameras and speakers
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  Speaker 2: and like, we'd see them all. And he'd be like,
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  Speaker 2: who would put their life on camera? So I knew
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  Speaker 2: that my husband was, wouldn't want to do it. So
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  Speaker 2: at first I just said no to save myself from
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  Speaker 2: all like the grief of like having to beg him.
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  Speaker 2: And then I was kind of like, you know what,
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  Speaker 2: maybe I do want to do it. Maybe it's worth
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  Speaker 2: asking him, you know, if he would do it. So
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  Speaker 2: I called the casting agent back and told them I'd
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: be interested in talking. And we had a phone call.
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  Speaker 2: And then we had like a FaceTime. And then I
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  Speaker 2: guess they record the FaceTime. It's not the same for everybody.
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  Speaker 2: But with me, they recorded the FaceTime. They send it
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  Speaker 2: to the network. And the network goes through all the
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  Speaker 2: people who do that and then narrows it down. And
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  Speaker 2: I just kept making the cut. It was very bizarre.
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  Speaker 2: Because he asked me, what are the chances that you're
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  Speaker 2: going to make it? And I said, I don't know,
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  Speaker 2: like one in a thousand. Because I felt like my
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  Speaker 2: whole town was interviewing. So he was like, all right,
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: go for it. And then I just kept making the cut.
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  Speaker 2: It was very strange.
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  Speaker 1: What was that call like when they finally called you
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  Speaker 1: and said, you've got the part? It was crazy. I,
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  Speaker 1: at that point I had been interviewing for, or like
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  Speaker 1: having these discussions for definitely a.
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  Speaker 3: Month and a half, like a month and a half.
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  Speaker 3: So I was, I wanted it so bad. I wanted
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  Speaker 3: it so bad. So it was great.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah. I had no idea what I was stepping into,
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  Speaker 2: but I mean, I've loved it.
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  Speaker 3: I've loved it.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: So tell me about that first time that you had
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  Speaker 1: to film. Like, what was that like?
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  Speaker 2: My first time filming was just in my house. So
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  Speaker 2: that was calm. It was great. It was like a little, like,
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  Speaker 2: I had no idea. what the editing process looked like.
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  Speaker 2: They never really did me dirty with editing. I have
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  Speaker 2: no problem with anything like that. Um, but the first
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  Speaker 2: cast event I went to, that was something I was like,
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  Speaker 2: it was just so many people and so many cameras
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  Speaker 2: and so many people that I've watched on screen for
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  Speaker 2: so long. It was the first time I was meeting
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  Speaker 2: all of these people.
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  Speaker 4: Right.
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  Speaker 2: Um, except for Margaret. I knew Margaret already. And, uh,
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  Speaker 2: It was just like, it was a really long night.
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  Speaker 2: And that scene didn't even make it to the show.
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  Speaker 1: And beforehand, do they tell you like what they want
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  Speaker 1: you to do or how the end game should go?
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  Speaker 1: Or you just let it play out?
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  Speaker 2: Sometimes they'll like let you know what the important things
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  Speaker 2: to make sure you discuss are. But they never really
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  Speaker 2: set up. anything like they don't, they don't give you
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  Speaker 2: a script or anything like that. Right, right, right.
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  Speaker 1: So, you know, it's very interesting. I'm not somebody who historically,
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  Speaker 1: maybe years ago, I watched New Jersey. I haven't watched
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  Speaker 1: it in many years. And in preparing for this interview
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  Speaker 1: with you, I spent many hours in the last 24
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: hours watching clips of like all the highlights, but like
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  Speaker 1: a lot of stuff from when you were on it. Now,
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  Speaker 1: here's my initial reaction. How the hell did you do that?
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  Speaker 1: How did you stay in that? I cannot believe, and
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: maybe I'm speaking out of turn here because maybe everyone
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  Speaker 1: knows this and I sound like an idiot. That seems
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  Speaker 1: so almost abusive. There's so much craziness going on. Are
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: you talking about the season? No, I'm talking about the
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  Speaker 1: culmination of seasons and behaviors. Maybe not even with you,
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  Speaker 1: but like just the behaviors that, It actually gave me agita.
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  Speaker 1: I was like, how is this? You can't even have
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  Speaker 1: a conversation sometimes with people without them throwing utensils at
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  Speaker 1: someone to get them to listen, without screaming, without accusations
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  Speaker 1: about stuff. And I was just like, why would anyone
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  Speaker 1: subject themselves? to that. And then, you know, I was like,
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  Speaker 1: who are these people? Like if a man behaved that way,
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: they would probably get arrested, threatening people saying, I'm going
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: to beat your face in throwing things at them. That
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: never happened. Creating rumors. I was like sick for you
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: kind You know, I thought you handled it really well.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: And then, you know, not for anything, maybe she's amazing
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: in person, but the way she comes off on the show, Jen,
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  Speaker 1: and the way she spoke to you and called you
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  Speaker 1: cheap for having pizza. And like, I was just like,
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: I don't get it. How could someone even talk like that?
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  Speaker 1: And why is not everyone in an uproar? Like, who
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: are these people? Like, I just thought it was insane.
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: So my question for you is how did you stay
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: in this without being like, screw this?
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: Okay, so first of all, it is not for everybody.
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: If you want a drama-free life, this is not the
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: job for you.
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: I like a little excitement. I don't mind a little drama.
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: But also... It's like, you know, when you have a
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: baby and they say, like, people only have more than
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: one kid because they forget. They forget how, like, crazy
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: it is at the beginning because the reward.
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: Is so good.
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: And, like, there are a lot of positives that can
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: come from the show. So, I mean, you... It's a trade-off,
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: you know? There are times when it gets very dark
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: and it's hard and I cry, but there are great
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: things that come from the show and the platform and
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: the friends I've made. So... You know, I mean, it's
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: a trade-off. There are times when it drives me crazy.
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: As far as things like Jen calling me cheap, that's
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: the kind of petty drama that we all like because
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: calling me cheap, saying my birthday party sucks, that's the
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: kind of thing you can make up from, you know,
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: and move forward and you don't think about it. That's
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: the kind of stuff I think that makes a good
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: Housewives show. When it gets too dark, That's when I
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: don't like it. Well, right.
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  Speaker 1: Like accusing people of being in a scandal or anything
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: like that with no facts. And even if there are
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  Speaker 1: facts involved, it just seems so like when the cameras
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: go off, you go to sleep at night and you
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: have to go home and deal with your marriage or
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: your kids or your actual friends that you have to
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: see your job. And I would think that that's really.
• 11:25
  Speaker 4: They think you're done for the day, but they don't
• 11:28
  Speaker 4: know about the drawer. The drawer. Just the one square
• 11:33
  Speaker 4: before bed. Or two, you know. Nobody's watching. You deserve
• 11:40
  Speaker 4: a treat.
• 11:44
  Speaker 5: With eight flavours to choose from, you can choose the
• 11:47
  Speaker 5: flavour you favour with Cadbury Dairy Milk.
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: Difficult. That was a very, that was very hard for me.
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: That was really hard for me. And if you read
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: my book, you know, that that was actually the catalyst
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: for me reaching like a rock bottom. I couldn't handle it,
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: but you know, when you find a way to reconcile
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: after those situations, you're able to move forward, you know,
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: and then you can actually become friends with people that
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: you were previously at war with, you know? Right.
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  Speaker 1: What was it like to start to be on the
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: show and then get recognized? Did it feel good? Did
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: it was it, you know, too much for you? What
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: was it like to get recognized with your children?
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, no, I loved it.
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: I always used to wonder when I was a kid
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: what it would be like.
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: To be famous.
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: And I always had this little piece of me that
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: really wanted to be famous, but there was nothing that
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: I could really be famous for. You know, like I
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: was always a good writer and I thought maybe one
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: day I would write a book that would make me famous. But,
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: you know, this was like easy fame. It's like overnight fame.
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: So I was like, yeah, why not? I loved being recognized.
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: I didn't like the negative social media. I had to,
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: it took me a little while to learn how to
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  Speaker 2: ignore that and.
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: To get used to it.
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: But I mean, it was exciting getting recognized. My kids
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  Speaker 2: liked it, you know, and then they got over it.
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  Speaker 2: They don't even care anymore. But, you know, it's nice to,
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: you know, the free stuff, not like the free, like
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: I don't care about like a package coming to my door,
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: but like when their favorite sports team offers to let
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: them meet some players before a game, like that kind
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: of stuff I love. Like I like to.
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: do it for my kids, you know?
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: So, and when you were kind of going through your
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: darker times, um, did it affect your children?
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  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: So when I, when all the cheating rumors about my
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: husband were out, um, we would fight because he wanted
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: me to do something about it and I couldn't do
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  Speaker 2: anything about it. I always knew my husband didn't cheat
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: on me. I, I didn't even worry about it for
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: a second. I knew it was a storyline on a show. Um,
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: but yeah, he wanted, like, I couldn't do anything about it.
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: It was out of my hands. And that's the dangerous
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: thing about a reality show. Any reality show is once
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  Speaker 2: you say something like it's out there and there's, there's
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: a portion of the people who are going to believe
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: it no matter what. Right. So I couldn't do anything
• 17:15
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  Speaker 2: And he was very upset about that. And we really
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: don't fight. We have a really nice cordial relationship. And
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: We were fighting and my kids saw it and they
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  Speaker 1: be terrible. Speaking of your husband, one of the things
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  Speaker 1: that is different about the Jersey Housewives is that the
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: husbands play such a big part on the show. What
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: did your husband think of his role about the other guys?
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: So the first season, he was like, involve me as
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: little as humanly possible. Because I think he was concerned.
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: He had no idea what this was. He knew that
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: Jersey was really like a volatile franchise. And he was
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: afraid with his job in finance that it would make
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: him look bad. But it didn't. So his second season...
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: He really like was able to relax a little. He
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: was really involved for like two or three seasons. He
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: was really, really involved. And he got very, very close
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: with the guys. The guys all love each other, but
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: he's been happy to step back a little since I've
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: become a friend. That's been great for my whole family because,
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: you know, my kids are teenagers right now. They're young teens,
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: 13 and 15. And like, you know, they're going through changes.
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: They like their privacy now. Um, he is happy, you know,
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: he loves the guys and he's always happy to see
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: them off camera, but on camera, there's always a fight, you.
• 24:21
  Speaker 3: Know, so he'd rather not.
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: Right, right, right.
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: Um, yeah, that's very interesting. So how has the show
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: changed from your first year to now, do you think?
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: Um, I don't know that it has that much, except,
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: I mean, this season is different because there's certain cast
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: members who just won't speak to each other at all.
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: So my first few seasons, everybody was able to argue
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: and then make up. And that's not really the case anymore.
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's unfortunate. It seems like a lot of the
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: storyline for many years has been the arguing between Teresa
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: and and Melissa. And I think that fans have sort
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: of said that they don't want to watch that anymore.
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: Do we feel like there's going to be a new
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: storyline or is that still going on? I know you
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: can't talk.
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: Much about what you're filming. Yeah, I can't talk much
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: about this season, but you're definitely, it's not a season
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: full of Teresa and Melissa arguing.
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: Absolutely not.
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 25:18
  Speaker 3: There's a lot of other stuff.
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: So what is the upcoming vibe of the season? Can
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: you talk about that?
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: I would say definitely shifting alliances, a lot of new friendships,
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: which is nice. Um, new drama, you know, it's not the,
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: not Melissa Teresa anymore. Okay.
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: Um, and talk to me about, you mentioned a few
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: minutes ago about being a friend. How does that happen? Do,
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: does a cast member get demoted? Is it something that
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: you prefer to be a friend? Is it a pay difference?
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: Like explain it all.
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah. So, um, it's called getting demoted, but I mean, that's,
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: you know, that whoever chooses, I mean, that's whatever it's
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: called getting demoted. So the difference between a friend and full-time,
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: there's a few key differences. A friend doesn't have a tagline.
• 26:11
  Speaker 3: It doesn't matter.
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: They're not in the cast picture, but you do get
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: a cast photo. You're just not in like the main picture.
• 26:19
  Speaker 5: Fine.
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: Um, And you don't have a personal storyline. So as
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: a friend, you're involved in all the group events and
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: you're involved in like occasional, like one-on-one scenes to move
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: story forward, but you don't have your own personal storyline.
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: So they don't go into your home and you don't
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: meet your family.
• 26:41
  Speaker 3: And all of that.
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: Last season. So there's different reasons why someone might get demoted.
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: So like, My reason last year, I was not in
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: a good place with like my eating disorder. I wasn't
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: in a good place with my recovery. I was very
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: shaky still. And I think we all recognized that the
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: drama would not be good for me and that I
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: wasn't ready. So I was made a friend and that
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: was very hard for me because even though the decision
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: was on everybody's part, it's, It was hard to take
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: a job that you've been so involved in for so
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: many years and to watch everyone else still doing it
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: without you. And people on social media were so cruel.
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: Every time I posted something, people would be like, shut up.
• 27:29
  Speaker 3: You're demoted.
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: Which to me was like a big kick in the ass.
• 27:32
  Speaker 3: So I hated it.
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: This year, I love it. I mean, I love it.
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: It is less money, which is fine, but... I'm still
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: making good money and I am not involved in like
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: crazy drama. I get to step back. My family doesn't
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: have to be on it. So I get all the
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: stuff that I want out of it. platform the friendships
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: the filming the money without involving my family because inevitably
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: you have to involve your family you have to involve
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: your husband so my husband doesn't have to be take
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: part in any of the drama he can pick and
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: choose when he wants to come I can pick and
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: choose when I want to go um so I think
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: friend is the best thing for me now.
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: I understand having to pull back or them wanting you to,
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: because they thought it would be too much for you
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: with what you were going through. But it almost seems
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: like you were the one that was really creating an
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: authentic storyline. And people, I think, fans of yours especially,
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: would have wanted to see that develop. So I thought
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: maybe that was a little bit of odd timing for you.
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: But as long as you're happy with it, I think
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: that's great. And you're still getting the screen time you want.
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: But does that mean that they don't develop that specific
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: storyline with you about your struggle with just you become
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: a friend you're just there.
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: Well last season it meant that but this season was
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: very different I because of the book I did have
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: a personal storyline and we do talk about my recovery
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: and people were on board with what I was going
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: through this season so I You know, it was almost
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: like the word friend almost became like very fluid. You know,
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: it didn't really mean much. I think the only difference
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: between my role as a friend and a full-time is
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: that they're not in my.
• 29:25
  Speaker 3: Home talking to my family.
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: Okay. And I don't have a tagline. Right. Okay.
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: So you putting your heart and soul into the show
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: and revealing you were struggling with an eating disorder, I
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: think really became a landmark moment for the franchise. It
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: stood out. It was different. I think it touched people
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: in a different way than they've been touched on shows
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: like this before. So let's start at the beginning with that.
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: When did you, you know, when did this begin? When
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: did you start to feel like food was becoming an
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: issue for you?
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: Um, well, when I was 13, I started to become
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: very conscious of my weight gain. I moved, I had
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: no friends. I was like deserted in a new development
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: in a new town where there was nowhere to walk to.
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: And I moved from a very like urban kind of area.
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: I was in Staten Island. All the houses are on
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: top of each other. Everyone on my block was my friend.
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: And I moved to a new development where there was
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: like no houses on my block. And my parents both
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: worked full time. So I was stuck in my house
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: with nowhere to go and walk anywhere. And I really
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: had no friends in this town. And I was very
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: lonely and very sad. And I started gaining weight rapidly.
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: And by the time I was a junior in high school,
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: I was like well over 200 pounds. I was just
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: not in a good place. And I hated my body
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: and I hated, I just hated everything. And I ate
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: a lot. And then I had no concept of dieting,
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: of how to lose weight, of how to be healthy
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: or eat in moderation. And when I was a senior,
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: a doctor told me that I would never have fun
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: in college if I didn't lose weight. He said, Jackie,
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: you don't want to go to college. And I remember
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: just feeling so desperate in that moment to lose weight.
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: And that was the first day of the rest of
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: my life. I was never not on a diet again.
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: I went to Weight Watchers straight from his office. And
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: I learned how to count everything. So food became math
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: to me. Food lost all value as something that you
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: eat for enjoyment or eat for celebration.
• 31:32
  Speaker 3: I lost.
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: All sense of hunger. Food just became like a schedule
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: and math. And I never lost that. I lost a
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: lot of weight really quickly. And then I went to
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: college and gained it all back. And I was just
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: in a really bad place for years with my body
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: and with dieting. I just was all.
• 31:51
  Speaker 3: Over the place, yo-yo dieting, trying diet drugs.
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: And then when I was 26, I decided to start
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: starving myself and see how that worked.
• 32:02
  Speaker 3: And unfortunately, it worked. And I was good at it.
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: And I got so stuck that I couldn't figure out
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: how to get out. And it turned into like a
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: real mental illness where the whole world was black and white.
• 32:18
  Speaker 2: So it was like, if I'm fat, I'm miserable. If
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: I'm really, really skinny.
• 32:23
  Speaker 3: I'm happy.
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: And there was no in between. So I kept myself,
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: my priority in life was keeping myself really, really skinny
• 32:31
  Speaker 2: so I could be happy.
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: But did you feel like people treated you differently when
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: you were skinny versus heavier? And that's what made you
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: feel better?
• 32:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I mean, like the positive reinforcement when I was
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: losing weight was unbelievable. Now, nobody.
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: Oh, you look so good. You know, you look on
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: the way down.
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: On the way down, it was like, oh my God,
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: can you tell me what you eat? Can you tell
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: me what you do? How long do you exercise? Like
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: people would ask me a million questions and it felt
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: so good for me to like, I would, I mean,
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: the lower my sizes got, the better I felt. And so, um,
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: when people would ask me, you know, oh, are you
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: a model? Cause I'm tall.
• 33:16
  Speaker 3: And then I got extension.
• 33:17
  Speaker 4: So I had like, they think you're done for the day,
• 33:21
  Speaker 4: but they don't know about the drawers. The drawer. Just
• 33:26
  Speaker 4: the one square before bed. Or two, you know. Nobody's watching.
• 33:34
  Speaker 4: You deserve a treat.
• 33:38
  Speaker 5: With eight flavours to choose from, you can choose the
• 33:41
  Speaker 5: flavour you favour with Cadbury Dairy Milk.
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: Long blonde hair. And I was taught, I was the
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: person I always envisioned that I wanted to look like,
• 33:54
  Speaker 2: but never did look like, I mean, I had bushy
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: Brown hair as a kid and people would say, Oh,
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: do you model? And I'd be like, I can't believe
• 34:02
  Speaker 2: people are actually asking me this question. Like, like chubby
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: little Jackie, like people are asking me if I'm a model.
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: It's wild. Um, and then, um, but when I was emaciated,
• 34:15
  Speaker 2: nobody gave me positive reinforcement. It's just that nobody said me.
• 34:18
  Speaker 2: You know, and I had body dysmorphia, so I almost
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: didn't feel like I looked that thin. I felt like
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: other people were just as thin as me. So it
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: was a whole combination. It was a perfect storm of
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: like mental illness and like loneliness and the positive reinforcement. And,
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: you know, it just all combined to make me so
• 34:38
  Speaker 2: scared of ever going back to the way that I
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: was because people really did treat me terribly in high school. Right.
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: I do think it's important to mention, though, that that
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: when someone is a certain weight, it is healthier to
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: start to lose weight.
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: And pay attention to your weight. But it's the way
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: that you have a relationship with.
• 34:58
  Speaker 2: Oh, absolutely. Right. Right. I'm not endorsing. Listen, I'm not.
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: I do think people look wonderful at every size, but
• 35:07
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to sit here as like a size,
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: like two, four and say that, um, you know, like
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: all of a sudden, like body positive, because I, I mean,
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: I am body positive, but I'm not representing bigger bodies still,
• 35:19
  Speaker 2: you know? So, um, I do listen, I don't tell
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: my kids just eat whatever you want, you know, life's
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: too short. I don't do that. So I do recognize
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: the value in having, you know, a healthy, um, you know,
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: relationship with food and eating in moderation. So, um, I
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: do think that's important, but, um, the way that we
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: treat fat people in this world is just, it just
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: leads to a lot of beds.
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree. So when did you meet Evan along
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: this path?
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: Um, I was fully anorexic for about, um, Yeah, for
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: about like six months or so when I met Evan.
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: Sorry, when you say anorexic, just clarify to the listeners
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: what that means. Because I think people have a vision
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: in their head of what an anorexic person is.
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: That means that I was eating the bare minimum to
• 36:14
  Speaker 2: get by. So it started as like elimination diet where
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: I started cutting things out of my diet. But after
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: a few weeks, that became... really, um, I reverted to
• 36:24
  Speaker 2: my Weight Watchers knowledge, which was eating, um, the minimum
• 36:29
  Speaker 2: amounts for like the maximum fullness. So by the time
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: I met Evan, I had been doing several months of
• 36:38
  Speaker 2: eating like such a low, like way less calories than
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: my body needed to function. Um, I had been doing
• 36:50
  Speaker 2: that for several months already. Like really, really low, like
• 36:54
  Speaker 2: dangerously low.
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: And did you hide your issues from him? Did he
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: see it? Was it something visible?
• 37:01
  Speaker 3: No.
• 37:01
  Speaker 2: So when I met Evan, still definitely not thin.
• 37:07
  Speaker 3: I was not obese, but I.
• 37:12
  Speaker 2: you know, I had, I was probably like a size six,
• 37:15
  Speaker 2: size eight, you know, I wasn't like, that's why I.
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: Asked you that question. Cause when people hear anorexic, they
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: think of the women they see that are like 80 pounds.
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: So God, that it's hard to look at them. You
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: don't have to look like that to be anorexic.
• 37:26
  Speaker 2: Correct. Yeah. That's a, that's a very big misconception. Anorexia
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: comes in a lot of different body sizes. It's more
• 37:33
  Speaker 2: about like, uh, what you're eating. Um, but, but when
• 37:38
  Speaker 2: I met Evan and I was only a few months in,
• 37:41
  Speaker 2: I was still like a very, very normal size. Um,
• 37:45
  Speaker 2: so I looked healthy. So at first he had no idea. Um,
• 37:49
  Speaker 2: he started to catch on, you know, we'd go out
• 37:52
  Speaker 2: to dinner and he'd see it a little, but then
• 37:56
  Speaker 2: about like a month and a he like really, he's
• 38:00
  Speaker 2: a smart guy and he knew, cause I had these
• 38:03
  Speaker 2: little tricks that I would do. Like I would cut
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: up food, chop up food and teeny tiny little portions
• 38:08
  Speaker 2: and then eat that for like an hour and like
• 38:10
  Speaker 2: suck on things that aren't meant to be sucked on.
• 38:13
  Speaker 2: You know, like I would eat jelly beans and like
• 38:15
  Speaker 2: just suck on one for like five minutes, you know?
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: So he was like, I don't understand at first. And
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: he would be like, let's order in together. And he
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: would try, but you know, no one really teaches you
• 38:25
  Speaker 2: how to how to talk to somebody about this stuff,
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: you know, and no one teaches a guy how to
• 38:31
  Speaker 2: deal with a girl who won't eat. Like I refused
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: to eat and there was nothing anyone could do to
• 38:36
  Speaker 2: get me to eat.
• 38:37
  Speaker 3: So he just accepted it. He had to.
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: Was there anyone you were confiding in at the time
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: or somebody who really turned to you and said, what's
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: going on?
• 38:45
  Speaker 3: No, no, no.
• 38:46
  Speaker 2: I mean, my mother would say things to me like,
• 38:52
  Speaker 2: You're emaciated. Your arms look like you just came out
• 38:55
  Speaker 2: of a concentration camp. Because when I got really, really thin,
• 38:58
  Speaker 2: like around the time when I was getting married was
• 39:01
  Speaker 2: just so bad. She would cry. But other than that,
• 39:07
  Speaker 2: people didn't say anything. I remember once I ran into
• 39:11
  Speaker 2: a girl who I went to college with. And we
• 39:14
  Speaker 2: ran into each other on the street in New York.
• 39:16
  Speaker 2: And I was like, Robin. And she stopped and she
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: looked at me. And her face was like, what did
• 39:23
  Speaker 2: you do to yourself?
• 39:24
  Speaker 3: I remember. And I was so embarrassed. And like, we
• 39:27
  Speaker 3: were just like, hi.
• 39:28
  Speaker 2: And then we walked off.
• 39:29
  Speaker 3: We didn't really even.
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: Like talk to each other because there was nothing to say.
• 39:32
  Speaker 2: Like we didn't know what to say to each other.
• 39:33
  Speaker 2: And I remember thinking like, is that what people think
• 39:37
  Speaker 2: when they look at me like that I'm dying? And
• 39:39
  Speaker 2: then it just went away. And I was like, no,
• 39:41
  Speaker 2: people are probably just jealous. You know, you convince yourself
• 39:44
  Speaker 2: of things. Yeah.
• 39:46
  Speaker 1: Wow. Um, How does it feel, explain to someone who
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: is not familiar with an eating disorder, what does it
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: feel like? Is it constantly on your mind? Is it
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: you wake up and you're thinking how you can not
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: eat that day or what you can? I mean, is
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: it something that is literally in everything that you do
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: or do you just forget about food?
• 40:08
  Speaker 2: No, you don't forget about food ever. If anything, food
• 40:11
  Speaker 2: becomes more important. So it's like you have to avoid
• 40:15
  Speaker 2: every temptation, right? You have to figure out ways to
• 40:19
  Speaker 2: not eat. Food is, it's a full-time job. For me,
• 40:22
  Speaker 2: anorexia was a full-time job and it was part of
• 40:25
  Speaker 2: my life that was always there. And I lived my
• 40:27
  Speaker 2: life around it. So I did have like real true
• 40:33
  Speaker 2: joy and I did have fun and I did have
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: great experiences, but there was always anorexia, was always a
• 40:42
  Speaker 2: part of every single thing that I did. I just compartmentalized.
• 40:45
  Speaker 2: So it was like, I knew it was going to
• 40:47
  Speaker 2: be a part of everything. It was a part of
• 40:49
  Speaker 2: my pregnancy. It was a part of my wedding. It
• 40:50
  Speaker 2: was part of every single day. But regular days at
• 40:54
  Speaker 2: home when I didn't have to go to something, I
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: had gotten used to a system of doing it. You know,
• 41:00
  Speaker 2: like I knew what I was going to eat for breakfast.
• 41:03
  Speaker 2: I knew what I was going to eat for lunch.
• 41:04
  Speaker 2: And I ate the same exact things every single solitary day.
• 41:08
  Speaker 2: I knew what I could have as safe snacks and
• 41:11
  Speaker 2: I knew a maximum amount of calories a day. And
• 41:14
  Speaker 2: after that maximum amount was reached, I was not eating
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: a single thing, nothing else.
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: And is the goal, I mean, is the enemy the
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: scale or is the friend the scale? Like, how does
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: that work?
• 41:26
  Speaker 2: Um, I don't know. I mean, I know after I
• 41:31
  Speaker 2: weigh myself, if I if I weighed myself and it
• 41:33
  Speaker 2: fluctuated by even a half a pound up, I was
• 41:38
  Speaker 2: very upset. I gave myself about a half a pound
• 41:41
  Speaker 2: to fluctuate. And I used to keep very detailed diaries
• 41:43
  Speaker 2: of my weight.
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: And so your happiness was based on the report that
• 41:50
  Speaker 1: scale gave you every day.
• 41:52
  Speaker 2: It's not really my happiness, but like my peace of mind,
• 41:56
  Speaker 2: you know, like I, even if I gained a half
• 41:59
  Speaker 2: a pound, like I knew what I had to do.
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: So I would just have to work harder, you know,
• 42:04
  Speaker 2: to get it back off.
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: So when you came into being on the show, I mean,
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: everybody has like skeletons that they're like worried about will
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: come out or they just throw them all out there
• 42:14
  Speaker 1: so no one can out them on things. Was your
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: relationship with food and your anorexia something that you had identified,
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: put a label on and said, oh gosh, this is
• 42:23
  Speaker 1: something I'm going to need to hide?
• 42:26
  Speaker 2: No, I didn't like in the back of my mind,
• 42:28
  Speaker 2: I knew that I, that there was something seriously wrong
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: with the way that I was eating, but it had
• 42:33
  Speaker 2: been a really long time. By the time I got
• 42:35
  Speaker 2: on the show, I had been doing it for 15 years.
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: So I was like, well, this is just me. You know,
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: this is just the way I am. And there's a
• 42:40
  Speaker 2: lot of people who are thinner than I am. You know,
• 42:43
  Speaker 2: after I had kids, my body didn't get back down
• 42:45
  Speaker 2: to that emaciated look, even though eating like basically not
• 42:51
  Speaker 2: like the very, very minimum. And a lot of foods
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: that I ate were not real. They were like fake, um, like,
• 42:59
  Speaker 2: I don't know, made of like 1800 fake ingredients and
• 43:01
  Speaker 2: full of fiber.
• 43:02
  Speaker 3: So they had very low calories.
• 43:04
  Speaker 2: So I knew that I, I knew there was something
• 43:07
  Speaker 2: wrong with the way I ate, but I convinced myself
• 43:09
  Speaker 2: that every woman on these shows is very concerned about
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: the way their body looks. And probably everyone is doing
• 43:17
  Speaker 2: something a little like weird with their food intake. And
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: once I convinced myself of that, I was like, okay, well,
• 43:23
  Speaker 2: it's not just me. But I was also very scared
• 43:28
  Speaker 2: of ever talking to anybody about any of it because
• 43:30
  Speaker 2: I didn't want anyone to make me stop. I had
• 43:33
  Speaker 2: a very irrational fear about somebody like like doing like
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: an intervention or what. So I didn't want to talk
• 43:40
  Speaker 2: to anybody about it. I just wanted to leave it
• 43:42
  Speaker 2: as my thing. And once I found out that cameras
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: don't like, they don't get left at your house or anything.
• 43:48
  Speaker 2: You film like a few hours and then you go home. Yeah.
• 43:51
  Speaker 2: I was, um, was like, okay, that's easy. Like I
• 43:54
  Speaker 2: can do what I need to do on camera. I
• 43:56
  Speaker 2: knew how to eat. I had a limited amount that
• 43:58
  Speaker 2: I could eat every week. And I saved it for
• 44:02
  Speaker 2: when people were watching. So when I was on camera,
• 44:05
  Speaker 2: I could do that. And then I could just start
• 44:07
  Speaker 2: when I come home.
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So talk about that a little bit, because there
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: are so many scenes where people are eating, where you
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: guys are out to lunch or dinner.
• 44:15
  Speaker 4: They think you're done for the day, but they don't
• 44:18
  Speaker 4: know about the drawer. The drawer. Just the one square
• 44:23
  Speaker 4: before bed. Or two, you know. Nobody's watching. You deserve
• 44:30
  Speaker 4: a treat.
• 44:34
  Speaker 5: With eight flavors to choose from, you can choose the
• 44:37
  Speaker 5: flavor you favor with Cadbury Dairy Milk.
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: Or whatever it is. I know I've heard you talk
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: about this before, but Explain to people what that was like,
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: how you would hide different foods or call ahead. I
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: find that so interesting and just so sad at the
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: same time.
• 44:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 44:59
  Speaker 2: Well, my priority in life was staying thin. So I
• 45:03
  Speaker 2: would call restaurants to make sure that they would do
• 45:05
  Speaker 2: certain things for me, like steam stuff, what kind of
• 45:08
  Speaker 2: fish they had. And then I would look up the
• 45:10
  Speaker 2: calories in the fish and make sure of how much
• 45:12
  Speaker 2: of it I could eat.
• 45:13
  Speaker 3: And then everything had a system.
• 45:15
  Speaker 2: Um, I would sit down at a meal and I
• 45:17
  Speaker 2: would look at the plate and I would divide it
• 45:20
  Speaker 2: up in my head into portion sizes and how many
• 45:24
  Speaker 2: ounces of it I could eat for.
• 45:26
  Speaker 3: Um, I mean, I was like a walking calorie guide.
• 45:29
  Speaker 2: So I knew the different kinds of fish. Um, I
• 45:33
  Speaker 2: knew the genres of fish, what a white fish generally has.
• 45:35
  Speaker 2: It would, you know, take the skin off. I would
• 45:38
  Speaker 2: eat a little bit of the side. I knew how
• 45:40
  Speaker 2: to order in a way that let.
• 45:41
  Speaker 3: Me get by.
• 45:42
  Speaker 2: And, um, You know, sometimes I would say I had
• 45:45
  Speaker 2: a stomach ache. There was only the system, you know,
• 45:47
  Speaker 2: and I had an amount that I was allowed at
• 45:50
  Speaker 2: each meal. And, you know, I learned that on the shows,
• 45:55
  Speaker 2: it's not so much about what you're eating at these meals.
• 45:58
  Speaker 2: You know, it's more about the conversation. And there's plenty
• 46:01
  Speaker 2: of time where lots of women without eating disorders go
• 46:04
  Speaker 2: in and take a few bites and they're done, you know,
• 46:06
  Speaker 2: so I learned how to fake it. Right. Okay. Okay.
• 46:10
  Speaker 1: Oh my goodness. So what was the first time you
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: hit like rock bottom that you knew you had to
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: go see someone and you were actually diagnosed with this?
• 46:20
  Speaker 2: I was never, until recent years, I wasn't diagnosed with it.
• 46:25
  Speaker 2: I didn't give anyone the opportunity to do that because
• 46:28
  Speaker 2: I didn't, I didn't really want to know that. Even
• 46:32
  Speaker 2: though I knew in the back of my head, I
• 46:33
  Speaker 2: had some rock bottoms that Over the years, like there
• 46:38
  Speaker 2: was a time in Mexico, I went with Evan to Mexico.
• 46:42
  Speaker 2: We'd been married only a few months and they wouldn't
• 46:45
  Speaker 2: change anything for me.
• 46:47
  Speaker 3: Because it was all inclusive.
• 46:48
  Speaker 2: So they said they won't change the style of anything
• 46:52
  Speaker 2: on the menu. So I couldn't get anything steamed. The
• 46:55
  Speaker 2: best I could do was leave dressing off of salad.
• 46:58
  Speaker 2: So I brought with me a lot of tuna fish
• 47:03
  Speaker 2: in small cans in my suitcase. And I ate those
• 47:05
  Speaker 2: the entire vacation, breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And I didn't
• 47:08
  Speaker 2: eat in the restaurants. I ate them in the bathrooms
• 47:11
  Speaker 2: during our meals. I was, excuse myself, And that was
• 47:14
  Speaker 2: a real, that I look at as one of my
• 47:17
  Speaker 2: rock bottoms, but it wasn't until I was 45. in
• 47:23
  Speaker 2: May of 2021, where I hit a rock bottom after
• 47:29
  Speaker 2: that whole drama on the show. And I had taken
• 47:32
  Speaker 2: it out, taken all my stress out on food. And
• 47:35
  Speaker 2: I was really eating very, very little. But when you're older,
• 47:38
  Speaker 2: your body doesn't bounce back the same way. And I
• 47:41
  Speaker 2: had a leg injury. And one of the things that
• 47:43
  Speaker 2: I used to do was I had to do a
• 47:45
  Speaker 2: certain amount of cardio in order to feel entitled to eat.
• 47:49
  Speaker 3: So I didn't have a choice. So I was running
• 47:51
  Speaker 3: through a.
• 47:51
  Speaker 2: Leg injury and like my body was just falling apart
• 47:54
  Speaker 2: and I didn't have the energy and I didn't have
• 47:56
  Speaker 2: enough food in me. And I just kind of collapsed.
• 47:59
  Speaker 2: And I said to myself, well, like really the first time,
• 48:03
  Speaker 2: like what would happen if I stopped? And I think
• 48:06
  Speaker 2: that moment, I think about that moment I was on
• 48:08
  Speaker 2: my floor and I was like, you know what? I
• 48:13
  Speaker 2: don't think it would be so bad if I stopped.
• 48:15
  Speaker 2: Like I'm so I'm older. I've been married for a
• 48:18
  Speaker 2: long time. Like what's going to happen if I stop? Like,
• 48:21
  Speaker 2: The problem was that there were no public figures who
• 48:24
  Speaker 2: were honest about how bad they had an eating disorder
• 48:29
  Speaker 2: and honest about having recovered. So I had nobody that
• 48:33
  Speaker 2: I could look at and be like, well, they stopped.
• 48:37
  Speaker 2: They were really bad and they stopped and they still
• 48:40
  Speaker 2: look fine. You know, they look happy and they're not like,
• 48:43
  Speaker 2: 400 pounds and miserable. You know, I didn't know what
• 48:46
  Speaker 2: recovery looked like. So once I got far enough along
• 48:50
  Speaker 2: that I was sure that I was on a good
• 48:53
  Speaker 2: path to recovery, I said, you know what? I really
• 48:56
  Speaker 2: want to write a book because People don't know what
• 48:58
  Speaker 2: recovery looks like.
• 48:59
  Speaker 3: People don't know what eating disorders look like.
• 49:01
  Speaker 2: People don't know any of this. And I also felt
• 49:03
  Speaker 2: like as much as I love the show and as limited,
• 49:06
  Speaker 2: they're very limited with how much time they have to
• 49:08
  Speaker 2: tell a story. So my eating disorder story looked like
• 49:12
  Speaker 2: it had a beginning where I was sick, a middle
• 49:14
  Speaker 2: where I got help and an end where I ate
• 49:16
  Speaker 2: ice cream. And that I felt was doing a big
• 49:18
  Speaker 2: disservice to people. because that's not the way that it goes. Right.
• 49:22
  Speaker 1: I mean, that's so powerful what you're saying, because you're right.
• 49:26
  Speaker 1: I can't think of anyone who's kind of come out
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: publicly and said that they were struggling with this for
• 49:31
  Speaker 1: so many years. They came out and how they got
• 49:35
  Speaker 1: better and how they kind of got over that hump.
• 49:37
  Speaker 1: I mean, the fear must be crippling about how your
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: body will react. And then also if people will still
• 49:44
  Speaker 1: love you, if your husband will still find you attractive,
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: all these things. And if you'll be able to stop
• 49:50
  Speaker 1: once you let yourself go and have these things that you've,
• 49:53
  Speaker 1: you know, prevented yourself from having all these years. So
• 49:57
  Speaker 1: I'm curious how you first finally came out to your
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: husband that you had been suffering from this and what
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: his reaction was.
• 50:06
  Speaker 2: The first thing I did actually, when I had that
• 50:09
  Speaker 2: moment on the floor was I said, let me tell
• 50:12
  Speaker 2: someone before I changed my mind. So I came upstairs and, um,
• 50:17
  Speaker 2: Evan was working from home that day. Cause we were still,
• 50:20
  Speaker 2: you know, really into COVID. And I said to him,
• 50:24
  Speaker 2: I want to tell you something. I said, I'm, I'm
• 50:28
  Speaker 2: really like, I'm sick and I want to get better.
• 50:31
  Speaker 2: And I told him I, I wanted to, and he
• 50:34
  Speaker 2: knew exactly what I was talking about. We didn't really
• 50:35
  Speaker 2: go into detail. I told him I wanted to do
• 50:38
  Speaker 2: it on the show. Um, because I knew that if
• 50:42
  Speaker 2: the show, if people were.
• 50:43
  Speaker 3: Holding me accountable, I wouldn't fail.
• 50:45
  Speaker 2: And he was so happy. I didn't know how he'd
• 50:50
  Speaker 2: react to it because he's pretty private, which is bizarre
• 50:54
  Speaker 2: for somebody on a show, but the show wasn't his choice.
• 50:57
  Speaker 2: But he was really happy about it. I think at
• 51:00
  Speaker 2: that point, he knew that things were really bad for me.
• 51:03
  Speaker 2: He was so happy that I had finally gotten to
• 51:05
  Speaker 2: that point. But I also knew that even if I.
• 51:08
  Speaker 3: Changed my mind, that door was opened.
• 51:11
  Speaker 2: I had started that conversation and I would never be
• 51:13
  Speaker 2: able to take that back. So I did want to
• 51:17
  Speaker 2: tell somebody before I changed my mind. Right.
• 51:19
  Speaker 1: I think that's really courageous that you decided to do
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: it publicly and on the show to hold yourself accountable
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: and to make sure that other people were doing that.
• 51:28
  Speaker 1: How did you how did that happen? Like, did you
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: have to go to producers and say, listen, this is
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: what I want to be talking about? Did you have
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: to have a conversation with the cast? Like, how did
• 51:36
  Speaker 1: that unfold?
• 51:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, you have a production call before each
• 51:40
  Speaker 2: season starts anyway to like talk about what's going on
• 51:43
  Speaker 2: in your life and, you know, what you might want
• 51:46
  Speaker 2: to have, you know, show of your personal life on
• 51:50
  Speaker 2: the show. So they were they were really into it.
• 51:53
  Speaker 2: So I think that, you know, at that point I
• 51:55
  Speaker 2: had been on the show for a while and I
• 51:57
  Speaker 2: think that, you know, they really did want to help me.
• 52:02
  Speaker 1: That's great. And how did your cast members react? Were
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: they supportive? Were they difficult? Did they make fun of you?
• 52:09
  Speaker 1: Like how, you know, off camera and on?
• 52:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I didn't. While I was filming the season, no
• 52:15
  Speaker 2: one knew about it except for one cast member.
• 52:17
  Speaker 3: And she was very supportive, of course.
• 52:20
  Speaker 2: But after when the season was airing, I mean, everybody,
• 52:23
  Speaker 2: even the people that I didn't get along with, everybody
• 52:25
  Speaker 2: was very supportive.
• 52:27
  Speaker 1: So you mean you would kind of talk about it
• 52:29
  Speaker 1: here and there, but they didn't know you were really
• 52:31
  Speaker 1: struggling with something as serious? Is that what you mean?
• 52:34
  Speaker 2: Oh, no. I mean, like when I was recovering, they
• 52:37
  Speaker 2: didn't know what was going on in my personal scenes.
• 52:39
  Speaker 3: They weren't privy to that.
• 52:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 52:41
  Speaker 3: So they didn't know what was going on as my
• 52:43
  Speaker 3: personal storyline.
• 52:44
  Speaker 1: Got it.
• 52:45
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 52:47
  Speaker 1: So what are the telltale signs for people that are
• 52:50
  Speaker 1: suffering with an eating disorder that people can spot?
• 52:54
  Speaker 2: Um, you know, I can't really talk so much about
• 52:57
  Speaker 2: bulimia because I never had bulimia. And the reason I
• 52:59
  Speaker 2: never had bulimia, which is when you purge, um, the
• 53:02
  Speaker 2: reason I never had bulimia is because I didn't trust
• 53:05
  Speaker 2: that all the calories were coming out of my body.
• 53:07
  Speaker 2: And I was very hyper-focused on calories. So for me,
• 53:10
  Speaker 2: it was like calories in calories out controlled everything that
• 53:13
  Speaker 2: I did. But, you know, with anorexia, it's hard. I
• 53:17
  Speaker 2: will say that the National Eating Disorder Association, they have
• 53:21
  Speaker 2: a screening tool on their website, which is a lot
• 53:25
  Speaker 2: better than me. And you can go there if somebody
• 53:28
  Speaker 2: in your life or yourself, if you want to see
• 53:31
  Speaker 2: if maybe.
• 53:31
  Speaker 3: They're struggling with an eating disorder.
• 53:33
  Speaker 2: But You know, if you spot dangerous patterns, if you
• 53:37
  Speaker 2: spot somebody always making excuses for food, for not eating,
• 53:44
  Speaker 2: especially your teenage child, if they suddenly are always full
• 53:50
  Speaker 2: when it comes to mealtime, they always have stomach ache
• 53:53
  Speaker 2: if they go to their room during dinner.
• 53:55
  Speaker 3: You know, if that becomes a pattern, I would say
• 53:57
  Speaker 3: that that's a red flag.
• 53:59
  Speaker 2: Sure.
• 53:59
  Speaker 1: And what would your thoughts be on kids or even
• 54:02
  Speaker 1: adults who like are eating a meal and then it's
• 54:05
  Speaker 1: super important for them to like go running after or
• 54:07
  Speaker 1: go to the gym three times a day after, like
• 54:09
  Speaker 1: you were talking about earlier, it's like you had to
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: reward yourself to be able to put stuff back in
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: the tank, so to speak.
• 54:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 54:16
  Speaker 1: Like, is that a version of having a bad relationship
• 54:19
  Speaker 1: with food? I would think so.
• 54:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I mean, I mean, there's a difference between an
• 54:23
  Speaker 2: eating disorder and disordered eating. And I think most, most
• 54:27
  Speaker 2: people have some form of disordered eating. But also there's a,
• 54:33
  Speaker 2: you know, people don't know about orthorexia, which is when
• 54:37
  Speaker 2: you go in the other direction with being healthy. I mean,
• 54:39
  Speaker 2: so somebody who like lives and dies by the keto
• 54:43
  Speaker 2: diet or who exercises four times a day, who does
• 54:46
  Speaker 2: three yoga classes in a row, you know, and needs
• 54:49
  Speaker 2: to sweat it all out. Those are all forms. I
• 54:51
  Speaker 2: don't want to say those people have an eating disorder,
• 54:53
  Speaker 2: but You know, those are forms of orthorexia. So, you know,
• 54:57
  Speaker 2: there's a spectrum. Anytime you have a relationship with food
• 55:01
  Speaker 2: that's not about, you know, filling yourself, feeling good, and
• 55:07
  Speaker 2: then not feeling like this need to work it off.
• 55:11
  Speaker 2: Anytime that's distorted, that's some form of disordered eating. So
• 55:16
  Speaker 2: there's a spectrum when it becomes dangerous eating. listen, everyone's
• 55:19
  Speaker 2: always on a diet, right? Everyone always wants to lose weight.
• 55:22
  Speaker 2: So I'm not saying that all these people have eating disorders,
• 55:24
  Speaker 2: but when it becomes dangerous and when you get too
• 55:26
  Speaker 2: obsessed with it and it rules your life and the
• 55:29
  Speaker 2: exercise becomes mandatory, you know, rather than something that you
• 55:34
  Speaker 2: do to stay healthy, get rid of some anxiety, you know,
• 55:37
  Speaker 2: break a sweat once in a while, keep your body moving.
• 55:40
  Speaker 2: When it becomes more than that, you know, and the.
• 55:42
  Speaker 3: People around you know.
• 55:43
  Speaker 1: And when it's affecting your time with your family or
• 55:47
  Speaker 1: your friends, I mean, it seems like You know, there
• 55:50
  Speaker 1: are people who prevent themselves from doing things with others
• 55:53
  Speaker 1: because they're so set on working out or ignoring food
• 55:57
  Speaker 1: situations or whatever. So I think that would be a
• 55:59
  Speaker 1: red flag.
• 55:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 56:02
  Speaker 1: Are there things that we should know about that someone
• 56:06
  Speaker 1: that is struggling with an eating disorder would want to
• 56:10
  Speaker 1: be like a way that we should speak to them?
• 56:12
  Speaker 1: Or is there something that we can do for people
• 56:15
  Speaker 1: that we know are struggling that makes them feel better,
• 56:17
  Speaker 1: a way to, you know, handle it? So it's not
• 56:20
  Speaker 1: like accusatory or you need to get help. You know,
• 56:23
  Speaker 1: I can imagine that's not the best way that someone
• 56:27
  Speaker 1: would want to hear that information.
• 56:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah, for sure.
• 56:29
  Speaker 2: Um, well, it's, uh, first, let me say that if
• 56:32
  Speaker 2: it's a child and you're their parents, you can like force.
• 56:37
  Speaker 3: Them to get help.
• 56:38
  Speaker 2: Um, but if it's an adult, um, I would say
• 56:42
  Speaker 2: letting them know that you, um, are here for them
• 56:47
  Speaker 2: if they ever want to talk about any issues with food,
• 56:50
  Speaker 2: cause then it's not accusatory. Um, and, and letting them
• 56:54
  Speaker 2: know that, um, you know, specialists, even if you don't like,
• 56:58
  Speaker 2: you know, specialists with eating, you know, who could help
• 57:02
  Speaker 2: them with food. Um, just letting them know that you're
• 57:06
  Speaker 2: there to be a resource and to help them. So
• 57:09
  Speaker 2: they don't feel alone because I always felt very alone.
• 57:11
  Speaker 2: Like even if I had decided to recover, like who
• 57:14
  Speaker 2: the hell would I even talk to? I had no idea. So, um,
• 57:18
  Speaker 2: just letting them know that you're there, which Evan always did.
• 57:20
  Speaker 2: And that made it very easy for me to speak
• 57:24
  Speaker 2: to him about it. Once I decided I wanted to
• 57:26
  Speaker 2: recover because I knew that he'd be on board with me.
• 57:29
  Speaker 2: So I guess just letting them know that you're there
• 57:31
  Speaker 2: and also like being, um, being helpful as, as a
• 57:35
  Speaker 2: resource with, you know, helping them find someone they could
• 57:37
  Speaker 2: talk to. Cause there are many, many therapists and dietitians
• 57:41
  Speaker 2: who specialize in eating disorders.
• 57:43
  Speaker 1: What would you say are ways to promote a healthy
• 57:46
  Speaker 1: lifestyle in children? So for example, I have an 11-year-old,
• 57:50
  Speaker 1: she's in sixth grade, and I've noticed even this year,
• 57:53
  Speaker 1: there's a lot of talk about fat shaming. And everyone
• 57:57
  Speaker 1: is in a different size category. in their class. And,
• 58:01
  Speaker 1: you know, kids call other kids fat very easily or
• 58:04
  Speaker 1: ugly very easily. And your self-esteem at that age, listen,
• 58:08
  Speaker 1: at any age, self-esteem is an issue, right? But at
• 58:10
  Speaker 1: that age, when they're developing and they are developing a
• 58:13
  Speaker 1: relationship with themselves, their body, what they're eating, it's so...
• 58:18
  Speaker 1: painful to watch as a parent. I hate when weight
• 58:23
  Speaker 1: or looks are brought into a conversation. It almost brings
• 58:25
  Speaker 1: me to tears even talking about it. So what is
• 58:27
  Speaker 1: a way that when your kids come home and they're
• 58:30
  Speaker 1: not feeling great about themselves because of how other people
• 58:33
  Speaker 1: are talking to them, what's a way to promote a
• 58:35
  Speaker 1: healthy lifestyle and a healthy relationship with food?
• 58:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I mean, it's hard. That'll always be hard. I
• 58:42
  Speaker 2: have a 13-year-old daughter and I always remind her that
• 58:46
  Speaker 2: she's you know, I always remind her that she's beautiful.
• 58:50
  Speaker 2: I also tell her, and I'm not the best at
• 58:53
  Speaker 2: talking to people about food because now I'm so concerned
• 58:58
  Speaker 2: with the messages that I give off. So I, I
• 59:01
  Speaker 2: I'm very nervous sometimes about calling certain foods healthy and
• 59:05
  Speaker 2: what that might like do to their mindset. So, um,
• 59:09
  Speaker 2: I do always, encourage a physical activity. I think that's
• 59:12
  Speaker 2: a no brainer because that, you know, that's good for
• 59:14
  Speaker 2: you no matter what this is like, get your endorphins
• 59:17
  Speaker 2: going and, um, physical exercise, you know, especially as a
• 59:21
  Speaker 2: kid will help keep you in shape. But I also
• 59:24
  Speaker 2: encourage her to have everything in moderation, enjoy food, Um,
• 59:28
  Speaker 2: have dessert, you know, but like everything in moderation and
• 59:31
  Speaker 2: make sure, you know, make sure you're getting protein and
• 59:34
  Speaker 2: vegetables and then like, don't stuff yourself and you'll be fine.
• 59:38
  Speaker 2: You know, don't overthink it. Don't go overboard with anything
• 59:42
  Speaker 2: and you'll be fine. Right.
• 59:44
  Speaker 1: And I try and remind my daughter that everyone looks
• 59:47
  Speaker 1: different and everyone can be beautiful in different ways and sizes.
• 59:51
  Speaker 1: It's so much different than when we were younger.
• 59:53
  Speaker 2: I'm 48.
• 59:53
  Speaker 1: So we're basically the same age. I remember the standard
• 59:56
  Speaker 1: of beauty was the Victoria's Secret models. Like that was it.
• 59:59
  Speaker 1: If you didn't look like that, then you were ugly
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 1: or you were fat or you were not worthy or
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 1: not sexy. And it's like nowadays... Anyone could be sexy and,
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 1: you know, happy if they are voluptuous or if they're not,
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 1: as long as, I mean, confidence to me seems like
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 1: that's the best trait you can have. And I try
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 1: and remind my daughter of that, you know? So talk
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 1: to me about the process of writing the book.
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 2: Um, it was great.
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 3: It came pouring out of me.
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 2: Once I got my book deal, I just, I had
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 2: no ghostwriter. It was just me. I, um, that.
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 1: Is so hard by the way.
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 3: No, I loved it.
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 2: Well, I was always writing and I was a journalist
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 2: for many years before this, but never wrote a book. But, um,
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 2: I would just, I would just do stream of consciousness
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 2: like every day for two hours. I would just write
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 2: until I got to a certain number of words. And
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 2: then once I had all of my thoughts out, I
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 2: would go over it like 10 times and really mold
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 2: it into like a beautiful chapter.
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 3: And it really didn't take me that long. I wrote
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 3: it in a few months.
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 2: I loved it.
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 1: And at the end, did you have to have an
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 1: editor be like, Oh wait, we got to fix all this.
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 1: Or was it, you had an editor at Simon and Schuster.
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 2: So I would send them and then they would, they
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 2: have a whole team, you know, they're like one of
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 2: the big ones. So they would send it back to
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 2: me with like red lines or, you know, changes, but
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 2: not substantive changes to like what I wrote. There were
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 2: parts where they were like, can you explain this? Or like,
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 2: I don't understand this, but really what I wrote was what,
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 2: what you got.
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 1: That's so impressive. What's been the best response that you've, or,
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 1: you know, the most shocking response you've gotten from the
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 1: book and doing the press for the book?
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 2: Not really shocking. I knew this was coming, but a
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 2: lot of people opening up to me about their eating disorder.
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 2: I love the ones where people tell me that that
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 2: you know, now they want to recover.
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 3: Those are the best. I mean, that's the reason I
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 3: wrote it.
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 2: But just a lot of people talking about it for
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 2: the first time. You know, it's really sad to me
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 2: how many people struggle in silence. So, I mean, it's been...
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 2: I get personal notes mailed to me. I get emails
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 2: to my manager all the time that he sends me.
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 2: I get a lot of DMs on Instagram. It's just,
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 2: it's nice. I'm very glad that I'm opening up conversations
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 2: about it.
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 1: That must feel so good that something that you felt
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 1: Like you were struggling with, alone, that no one else
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 1: was going through. And also that really, you know, was
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 1: controlling your life is something that now you can speak
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 1: openly about and it's helping so many people. I think
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 1: that's really commendable. And I think your book is going
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 1: to help a ton of people. And I think you
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 1: should obviously feel great about it. And it's also so
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 1: nice that, you know, to not be known just for
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 1: your part on the show that you are on. but
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 1: that you are a woman of so many other things
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 1: and struggle is okay. And getting through it is even
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 1: better because you can educate other people on it.
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 3: Thank you.
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 3: I'm really proud of it.
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So you should be proud, but thank you for coming.
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 1: I thank you for, you know, shedding light on this
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 1: entire topic. And I guess my last question for you
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 1: would be, you know, what are your, you've talked about
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 1: it a little bit, but if you had to be
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 1: succinct about one thing, what is the biggest misconception about
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 1: anorexia in particular?
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 2: That it's about food. It's really not. It's a mental illness.
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 2: And that's why you need therapy and a dietician to
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 2: help you. It's really about anxiety and fear and control.
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 2: It's not really about the number on the scale. It's
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 2: about so many mental hangups. And so I would want
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 2: people to understand that, that when you tell somebody with anorexia,
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 2: just eat burger or I'll cook you dinner, like come over,
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 2: you'll love my meatloaf. Like it doesn't work like that.
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 2: You know, it's not simple. It's something that you really
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 2: need to change your mindset.
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 1: So you really need to get help. You can't do
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 1: it alone.
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 2: I mean, I guess there are people who can do
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 2: it alone. I'm sure that some people can, but it
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 2: really is a mental illness and it's not just something
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 2: that you can snap out of. Right, right. Okay.
• 1:04:20
  Speaker 1: Where can people find you if they want to get
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 1: your book, if they want to follow you on Instagram,
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 1: and if they want to actually contact you because they
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 1: have a story they want to share with you?
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, my book is everywhere books are sold. Barnes & Noble, Amazon,
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 2: independent booksellers. I'm on Instagram, Jackie Goldschneider. The book is
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 2: called The Weight of Beautiful. So that's all you need
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 2: to know. And I'm at Jackie Goldschneider on Instagram and
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 2: DM me.
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 3: I love messages. Good.
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 1: So you read your messages?
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 2: I do.
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 1: Okay, perfect. Thank you, Jackie, so much. I really wish
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 1: you the best.
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 2: Thank you, Rachel.
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listening to Misunderstood. I'm your host,
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 1: Rachel Yucatel. Please be sure to subscribe to the show
• 1:05:12
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• 1:05:14
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• 1:05:19
  Speaker 1: misunderstood with Rachel Yucatel.
• 1:05:21
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• 1:05:22
  Speaker 1: Or want to reach out? Email us at infomisunderstoodpodcast at gmail.com.
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 1: That's spelled M-I-S-S understood. Thank you so much, and I'll
• 1:05:32
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• 1:05:33
  Speaker 2: Misunderstood.
• 1:05:37
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