Latest / Your Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle Bengtson podcast / When Father’s Day Is Complicated: How to Heal from Wounds and Discover God as the Perfect Father

Transcript

When Father’s Day Is Complicated: How to Heal from Wounds and Discover God as the Perfect Father · Your Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle Bengtson podcast

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Life audio, Father's Day can be a complicated day, one
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: that quietly reopens wounds that many people were hard to
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: keep closed. While social media fills with tributes to loving dads,
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: laughter around backyard grills, and heartfelt cards, there are countless
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: individuals listening today who feel something very different. Grief over
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: a father who has died, sadness for a relationship that
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: never was, pain from abandonment, or abuse, longing for a
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: father they never knew. If Father's Day brings mixed emotions, confusion,
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: or even dread, I want you to know you're not
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: alone and there is nothing wrong with you Today. On
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: your hope filled perspective, we are going to gently explore
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: why Father's Day can be emotionally charged, how our experiences
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: with our earthly fathers shape our emotional and spiritual lives,
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: and most importantly, how healing is possible. We will talk
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: about how God meets us in the complexity, how he
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: reveals himself as the perfect father when human fathers fall short,
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: and let's face it, they all do, and how your
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: story does not end with all the wounds you've endured.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: Welcome back to your hope filled perspective, where it's always
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: our goal to restore hope, renew minds, and empower you
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: to live in your God given identity. We will equip
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: you with the encouragement and biblical truth you need to
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: walk in hope. I'm your host, doctor Michelle Banks and
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: board CERTIVIDE clinical neuropsychologists, author, speaker, and companion on the
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: journey to mental, emotional, and spiritual wellness. I am so
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: grateful you're joining me today for this episode. Today we
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: are going to talk about when Father's Day is complicated,
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: how to heal from wounds and discover God as the
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: perfect father. We'll dive into that right after this brief
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: word from our sponsors. For many people, Father's Day isn't
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: just a holiday, It's a trigger. It can activate memories
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: of loss, rejection, neglect, or unmeant longing, stirring emotions that
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: feel confusing or overwhelming. As a neuropsychologist and a Christian,
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: I see firsthand how early relationships, especially with our fathers,
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: shape our brain, our sense of safety, our self worth,
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: and even how we relate to God. When a father
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: wounds us, the impact often reaches far beyond childhood and
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: into adulthood, faith, and mental health. In today's episode of
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: your hope field perspective. We will address the realities of
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: complicated Father's Day emotions. We will explore how father wounds
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: affect the birth and heart, why these wounds can distort
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: our view of God, and how Scripture reveals a father
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: who is consistent, present, protective, and loving. If you've ever
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: struggled to trust God because of your experience with your
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: earthly father, this conversation is for you. As we begin
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: our discussion, I want to remind you of Matthew seven,
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: verses nine through eleven, which says, which of you, if
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: his son asks for bread, will give him a stone,
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: or if he asks for a fish, will give him
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: a snake. So if you, who are evil, know how
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: to give good gifts to your children, how much more
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: will your father in heaven give good gifts to those
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: who ask him. Friends. Let's begin our discussion today naming
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: the complexity of Father's Day because Father's Day often assumes
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: a shared experience, that everyone has warm feet about their father,
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: but that simply isn't true. For many, Father's Day brings
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: grief over a father who has passed, estrangement or silence,
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: childhood neglect, or emotional abuse, physical emotional or spiritual abuse.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: Sometimes it brings with it that longing for affirmation that
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: never came, or pain from infertility or a loss of
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: a child, or the ache of being a father who
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: feels inadequate. Scripture reminds us that God is not intimidated
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: by our complicated emotions. He invites honesty, not performance. From
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: a brain science perspective, emotionally charged days activate memory networks
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: in the limpic system. Basically, that means your body may
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: react before your mind catches up. You may feel tearful, anxious, irritable,
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: or even numb without fully understanding why. And that doesn't
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: mean you're weak. It means you're human. If Father's Day
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: feels heavy, let's start by giving yourself permission to feel
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: what you feel without guilt, shame, or comparison. Let's turn
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: our attention to understanding father wounds and their impact our
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: earliest relationships, share our internal working model of the world.
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: Am I safe? Am I seen? Am I valued? Can
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: I trust authority? Figures? Will love stay? But when a
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: father is inconsistent, critical, absent, or abusive, the brain adapts
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: for survival. Those adaptations may include you being hypervisilant, maybe
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: people pleasing, often emotional numbing. It couldn't include fear of abandonment,
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: difficulty trusting God or other authority figures, and it might
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: include perfectionism or chronic shame. Many people don't realize that
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: their struggle to experience God as loving isn't a spiritual failure.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: It's often a relational wound. If your father was absent,
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: you may feel that God seems distant. If your father
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: was harsh, you may experience God as condemning. If your
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: father was unpredictable, God may feel unsafe, And if your
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: father was impossible to please, God may feel demanding. Recognizing
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: this connection isn't about blaming. It's about understanding. I want
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: to turn our attention to separating God from the image
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: of your earthly father, and we'll discuss that right after
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: this shortbreak for a brief word from our sponsor. When
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: we return, we'll continue our conversation about how to heal
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: from fatherwinds and discover God as the perfect Father. We'll
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: be right back. Welcome back. Let's turn our attention to
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: how do we separate God from the image of your
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: earthly father. One of the most important healing steps is
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: learning to separate who God is from who your father was.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: God does not thankfully inherit the flaws of human fathers.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: So where earthly fathers fail because they're human, sinful creatures
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: in need of a savior, God remains constant. God remains faithful,
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: God remains compassionate, God remains attentive, and God remains gentle
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: and strong. Scripture repeatedly emphasizes God's fatherhood not as authoritarian,
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: but as nurturing and protective, and personal healing begins when
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: we allow God to redefined fatherhood for us. That might
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: mean on your pathway to healing, you may need to
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: grieve what you didn't receive, what you deserved but never got,
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: or you might need to grieve the father you hoped for,
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: and then grief makes room for new attachment. Sometimes, when
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: we've had a difficult relationship with our earthly father, it
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: can be difficult to see God as the perfect father
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: because we don't see him, because we don't always hear
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: him or feel his presence. But God does not merely
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: fill the gap. He heals the wound. A perfect father, God,
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: as our heavenly father, sees you fully and loves you completely.
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: He disciplines with love, not anger, and he protects without controlling,
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: a perfect father, corrects without shaming, and stays when others leave.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: From a neuroscience standpoint, healing relationships can actually reshape neural pathways.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: As you begin to experience God is safe, present, and loving,
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: your brain learns new patterns of trust. But friends, just
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: a word of caution. This is an instant, it's relational,
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: it's experiential. You don't have to force yourself to call
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: God father if that feels particularly hard for you. God
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: is patient, and healing unfolds through honesty, not pressure. So
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: let's talk about some practical steps towards healing on Father's Day.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: Here are a few gentle steps you might consider. Number one,
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: acknowledge your emotions without judgment. Number two, name the losses
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: you've experienced. Number three, and especially important, invite God into
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: the places of pain. Number four. A big one is
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: to release comparison. All holidays tend to increase our tendency
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: to compare our lack to what others seem to have.
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: Let's release the comparison so that we can move forward
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: in healing from father wounds. And number five, create new
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: meaning for the day. Maybe indulge in service to other
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: people or consider a period of rest and refer and
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: I would encourage connection with safe people. You would be
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: surprised the number of others who can relate to your experience.
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: Healing doesn't erase the past, but it loosens its grip.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: As we come to the end of this episode, I
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: want to leave you with this hope filled perspective. If
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: Father's Day feels complicated for you, please hear this. You
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: are not broken, you are not behind, and most importantly,
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: you are not fatherless. You are seen by a father
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: who delights in you, not because of what you do,
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: but because of who you are, because of whose you are.
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: Let Palm twenty seven to ten be an encouragement to you.
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: receive me.
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: So.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: Friend, if you didn't receive what you needed, maybe You're
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: heavenly father wasn't present, or he treated you in a
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: way that was rejecting and abandoning. Remember what this verse
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: is the Lord receives you. And another verse to take
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: home and meditate on, is that God reminds us in
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: Psalms sixty eight, verse five that he is a father
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: to the fatherless and a defender of widows. Is God
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: in his holy dwelling friends. I hope that today was
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: an encouraging episode. No matter where you stand on Father's Day,
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: I thank you for spending this time with me on
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: your hope filled perspective. If today's episode has touched your heart,
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: please consider sharing it with a friend who needs a
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: biblically based hope field perspective. May I pray with you, Father,
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: I thank you for all who are within the sound
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: of my voice. Lord. Holidays like Mother's Day and Father's Day, well,
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: all holidays actually often and stir up painful memories, wounds
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: from the past, areas in need of healing. Father, I
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: lived each one up to you. You know the areas
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: that they struggle most, maybe areas that are so painful
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: they've never shared about them with anyone else. Lord, Would
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: you woo them into a conversation with you, because we
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: know that you can heal all wounds. Lord, Would you
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: give them a fresh perspective of you as the perfect
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: loving father, And would you remind them that you are
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: big enough to handle their honest emotions. Mother, Cradle them
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: in your tender, loving care, speak words of love into
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: their heart, and quiet those areas that hurt Father, thank
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: you for the healing that you long to bring for
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: each one of us in whatever areas we carry them.
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: And thank you Lord for being a good and perfect father.
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: And Jesus name. I pray Amen, friends, I look forward
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: to being with you again next week. You know that
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: it's my prayer for you that until then that you
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: would have a hope filled week.
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: Do you know that depression is now our greatest epidemic worldwide?
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: It is greater than heart disease, cancer, and aids all
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: put together. That is daunting. Have you ever looked for resources?
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: You will find that there is a scarcity of biblically
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: based resources that identify the spiritual component that will help
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: individuals cope with depression, or resources for their loved ones
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: who are trying to support them. Throughout doctor Benkson's thirty
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: year career, she has treated thousands of individuals with depression
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: and has suffered from it herself. Out of her suffering,
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: she has come to understand the great need to address
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: the spiritual dimension of depression along with the physiological and
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: emotional components. In her award winning book, Pope Prevails, Insights
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: from a Doctor's personal journey through Depression, she describes her experiences.
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: She combines her decades of professional expertise in mental health
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: along with her personal insights to help you or reader
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: overcome depression's grip. You can find Hope Prevails at Amazon
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: dot com, in other fine online retailers, or through her website,
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: doctor michelbe dot com. Please get your copy today and
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: begin healing from depression. Here's what doctor Neil Anderson, founder
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: of Freedom in Christ Ministries, had to say about her book.
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: It is refreshing to have a board certified neuropsychologist acknowledge
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: the spiritual component of depression, but it is even more
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: impressive that doctor Bankson be willing to share her own
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: story through the fog of despair. Her personal insights are
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: invaluable for those who are struggling with what is often
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: described as the common cold of mental illness. Thank you
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: for joining doctor Bankson for your hope build perspective. We
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: hope you are encouraged by her authenticity vulnerability in biblical truths.
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: If you enjoy today's conversation. When you take a moment
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: right now, open up your podcast app and look for
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: the subscribe button bright next to our podcast profile image.
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: We think this podcast is best enjoyed with friends. So
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: tell a friend and click share in your podcast app
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: and send a friend our link to share hope with them.
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: If you have a comment, question, or suggest a topic
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: for a future show, reach out to our staff at
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: info at Hope Prevails dot org. For additional resources. Information
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: about doctor Bankson's books where free downloads, or to contact
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: her to speak at your next event, please visit doctor
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: Mishelbe dot com. Until next time, May you have a
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: hope filled week.
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: I'd like to take just a second to thank the
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: team at Life Audio for their partnership with us on
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: this podcast. If you go to lifeaudio dot com, you'll
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: find dozens of other faith centered podcasts in their network.
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: They've got shows about prayer, doable study, parenting, and more.