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Transcript

LET'S TALK PORN! · CALL ME MISTRESS

0:03
Hi, welcome to the latest episode of Mistress Mia's
0:05
Dungeon. I'm your Hostess, Mistress Mia.
0:09
I'm losing my voice. I'm getting over a cold.
0:14
And I've got the Barbie. Hi.
0:17
And I am sitting across the room.
0:21
I'm on of antibiotics, I swear I'm not contagious anymore.
0:27
I've only been sick for I think 12 days.
0:29
God bless. Let's.
0:31
Shoot for 20. Fuck you.
0:36
Fuck you, Barbie. All right, so Barbie and I,
0:39
we've had a really kind of like a boring week.
0:43
Yeah, you saw some boring clients.
0:46
They weren't that fun. They weren't boring.
0:48
They were just standard new people.
0:51
They get them there. You're like, what do you want to
0:53
do? They're like, I don't know.
0:55
Like a teenage girl. What do you want to do now?
0:58
What are you wearing? You hang up.
1:00
First like. I wish we had a menu they could
1:04
just pick off of. You know, sometime in matrixes
1:08
do actually have menus. I wouldn't mind just like at
1:12
least a list of things I'm like here.
1:14
It's your first session. Here are things we recommend you
1:16
starting with. Here's our starter kit.
1:21
You know what we'll do? We'll create a catalog.
1:23
Yeah, and we'll let them choose from the catalogue.
1:27
Exactly because when you don't give them parameters, they don't
1:29
they the options are endless and they won't ever pick one.
1:32
OK, so we'll say like this is called the Grand Slam and.
1:38
That's where Barbie literally body slams you.
1:43
So Speaking of body slams Barbie, that would be a great
1:47
Barbie. Body slam Barbie.
1:51
That's. Awesome, that's already me.
1:52
At parties. I'm the bouncer.
1:54
I tell people. I'm big bouncer.
1:55
Barbie Mattel better not steal that.
1:58
No, I've been saying Mattel's listening.
2:00
They have bigger issues. That's great.
2:08
OK, I sound terrible. I can't believe I'm doing this.
2:11
But Barbie, we need to talk about porn.
2:17
I promised I cleared my search history.
2:21
Yeah, could you imagine? So if we die tomorrow, right?
2:23
Knock. Knock on wood.
2:25
Knock on wood. What people would find.
2:29
Yeah, you better knock on wood, bitch.
2:31
What people would actually find in our search history and our
2:36
favorites on our phone. I feel like you would get judged
2:40
less because like at this point, like it's your life.
2:43
I feel like my family, since I kind of got a a double
2:45
personality going on, they'd be like, huh.
2:48
Right. I don't have a lock on my phone
2:50
though, so if anybody wanted to do that anytime they could.
2:53
You say that all the time. Yeah.
2:55
You like no lock on my phone? I don't, I just hate them.
2:58
I'm like OK. I was like, I never, I never
3:01
look up porn on Incognito mode because I don't care, because in
3:04
my head I'm a grown woman and if someone goes through my phone
3:06
and sees what porn I'm watching, to me they're weird like and
3:12
also like, you don't know why I'm looking at that porn.
3:14
That can be for research. Research, you say?
3:17
Yeah, I have looked up things like on on Pornhub before just
3:21
to see like when I first started like doming and like working in
3:25
the dungeon, I went on to Pornhub and was like looking up
3:28
like dominatrixes to see like what the fantasy that some guys
3:32
would look that up. We're seeing to see like how to
3:35
emulate it. Because I wasn't the best at
3:36
derogation and I still I'm not the best at like talking during
3:40
the scenes. So sometimes I'll go watch them
3:42
to see what they say. See, that's great.
3:45
That's a good research. Great way to do it.
3:47
Yeah, yeah. And sometimes I like to see what
3:49
weird shit I can find, you know. Well, I used to want to get my
3:53
tongue forked and that's how I went on Pornhub to look up blow
3:56
jobs with forked tongues to see how it worked just in case I
3:59
ever did it. You know, I just be using that
4:01
as wakey how sometimes I'm like, I got to look something up real
4:04
quick. That's fucking hilarious.
4:06
What did you discover with that that tongue?
4:11
It works just fine for a blowjob.
4:12
It doesn't seem to do any better or any less better.
4:16
It just looks like that you had talked you would talk with a
4:19
lisp. They say you do for the first
4:21
few months and then it goes away.
4:23
I was going to make it. This was like at the beginning
4:25
of the year. I was going to make the
4:26
appointment for this November, but I decided to hold off and
4:30
see where things go a little bit longer.
4:33
So I don't, I don't want to make a, you know, big decision like
4:35
that. And just like it's reversible,
4:37
like, you know what I mean? I don't want to do all that.
4:40
Yeah, we're a little off topic. We're talking about porn, not.
4:42
Yes. OK.
4:43
All right. Well, you know, they kind of go
4:45
hand in hand. True.
4:46
True. True.
4:46
True. All right, Yeah, I saw this guy
4:49
on a video. And if you go to YouTube, you
4:52
can video. I mean, you can see this one,
4:55
Dom, and she's actually looking at people just based on how they
4:59
look. And she'll decide what their
5:02
fetish is. She'll try to determine it.
5:05
And there was a guy on there and I I spotted it out too, before
5:08
they even said anything. He kind of looked like Steven
5:11
Tyler from Aerosmith. Long hair, younger, you know,
5:15
but very sexy. But just everything was very
5:19
long on him, like a very elongated body and everything.
5:23
And his kink was, he liked to be licked by anyone.
5:28
Yeah, anyone. He would get really hot and
5:32
bothered by it. I mean I get it, but.
5:35
Not, yeah, I know. Not by anybody.
5:37
Yeah, it's. Quite a few people I would not
5:39
want licking. Oh God, girlfriend, I got a list
5:43
of people. I don't want fun.
5:45
I got a list of people who are not allowed to lick me ever
5:48
right? Oh God.
5:51
So Speaking of licking you. Where is this going?
5:57
I'm scared you did not brief me on anything.
6:00
No. What kind of porn do you like to
6:01
watch? It depends, sometimes I don't
6:05
like watching porn. You know what?
6:08
I don't like watching porn sometimes.
6:09
I know, but we're talking about porn in general.
6:12
What kind of porn do you like if I do watch have you seen?
6:15
I like animated porn. I don't know how to why, but it
6:19
to me just it's less pressure. I don't have to explain it
6:23
'cause I feel like with like when it's people in the porn, I
6:25
overthink it too much and I'm like I'm not not into everybody
6:28
involved. Especially like if I'm like,
6:31
'cause like, I don't know, sometimes I'm just not
6:33
interested in the men in the porn and I'm like, no, I'm going
6:37
to go watch a cartoon because that Dick's fake.
6:40
Well, I'll tell you this much. I I know what you're talking
6:43
about with like animated porn. I remember flipping through and
6:46
I was I typed in like bull, you know, bull porn, and it actually
6:51
showed an an animated. No, it was an animated like he
6:56
almost looked like one of those. Thank you, thank you.
7:01
That's what he looked like. And he was.
7:03
Monster fuckers. Yeah, and he was fucking this
7:06
chick. I'm not going to lie, I've
7:08
dabbled in monster fuckery before, but it's not my favorite
7:11
thing on earth. OK, OK, so monster fuckery.
7:21
Sorry, I got a call like right As I said, monster fuckery, so
7:24
we need to take it real quick. No, but like, you know, have you
7:28
ever seen Bad Dragon? You know what that is the dildo
7:31
company. I remember when I was like 19, I
7:35
went to an anime convention and there was a Bad Dragon tent and
7:39
we went in there and I picked up on these dildos Mia and I shit,
7:42
you know, it was probably 4 lbs. It was huge.
7:46
But like, I don't know, like I've always considered getting
7:48
one, like not a giant one 'cause I'm not really a size queen, but
7:52
like I've always considered getting one just for funsies.
7:55
But I wouldn't say when I did dabble in monster fuckery it was
7:59
not true monster fuckery. I have some friends that would
8:02
like want to fuck the thing from Alien.
8:04
I'm not kidding. I believe it.
8:08
You know, I was, I was watching that the that one channel I was
8:14
telling you about with this Dom and and she was, you know,
8:18
talking to people on what their fetishes were.
8:20
And there's a thing called eggling.
8:23
Oh. Yeah.
8:24
Have you heard about that? So it's basically where, you
8:27
know, you can get a dildo that will implant these these jello
8:31
like eggs inside of you. Have you ever heard of nodding?
8:35
No. What's the nodding?
8:36
So it's, it's, so it's basically like these dildos that like it's
8:41
a thing in like like like the omegaverse almost where because
8:46
the omegaverse is about like, it's like animalistic, it's very
8:49
primal, but like the Dick will like swell up in the middle when
8:53
it's about to come. And so the Dick can't come out
8:56
and it's called nodding and they sell like some dildos like that.
9:00
I I think it's supposed to emulate like more animal
9:04
anatomy. So I'm not a big fan of that,
9:06
but it's usually connected to humans.
9:09
So like that's a little better. But sometimes I see that I'm
9:11
like, I don't know about that one dude.
9:15
Well, you know, if people wanted.
9:16
To stick that. Line it does, but.
9:19
As long as the Dick's connected to a.
9:20
Human. Well, you know what?
9:21
There you go. That's all it is.
9:23
Yeah, it's exactly. I mean, it's not as if they're,
9:27
you know, dabbling into bestiality.
9:29
You know, you should. That's that's horrible.
9:33
So yeah, use all the toys you want.
9:35
And I can't believe you have to tell people that's horrible
9:38
'cause you've had people call you wanting to like.
9:41
Oh yeah, dogs. It's like, Oh yeah.
9:44
Yeah. What do you think we're doing
9:45
over here? Yeah, it's the level of insanity
9:47
with that it is like. Anytime I've ever heard of any
9:51
of that shit, I'm like that is like the most appraised shit
9:53
I've ever heard and I know insane people.
9:56
You know, and I'm happy to help anyone with their kink, you
10:00
know, But again, there's a difference.
10:02
Between being like immoral and then being.
10:05
Kinky. Exactly.
10:06
I. Feel like if you do have kinks
10:08
that like, you know, you can figure out how to do it where
10:11
it's not fucking bestiality, dude.
10:14
Oh yeah. Go find a furry.
10:16
Like, if you need to, if you need to bang that out of your
10:18
system, go do it ethically. Don't, don't, don't be hurting
10:21
nobody over it. Yeah.
10:23
Furry sex is so much fun too. Seems hot it.
10:27
Would have to work well. Yeah, it would definitely have
10:30
to work well, but yeah, I've had furry sex.
10:33
It's been fun. It's great.
10:34
I have a question, when you were younger, how did you get access
10:37
to porn? Like because I imagine it's
10:40
different than nowadays, because nowadays you type in one thing
10:43
on your phone and you have access to like thousands and
10:45
thousands. Of videos, yeah.
10:46
See, in the 90s it didn't work that way.
10:48
Did. You have to.
10:49
Go rent Avhs you. You could actually go to those
10:54
porn stores and they would have, you know, a backroom.
10:59
Yeah. And then a lot of times you
11:01
could get, like, the porn magazines from them, so you
11:04
could order, you know, your porn tapes and DVDs.
11:10
The porn tapes, they were anywhere from, you know, $30 to
11:13
$45.00 even back then. Yeah.
11:17
But it would also they would also ensure that you'd have 4:00
11:20
to 8:00 hours on a video. Oh, so you owe.
11:24
So that's how much content on a video?
11:25
Yeah. Oh, wait, that seems worth it
11:27
though. That's like, not that bad.
11:30
Yeah, 40. $5 for five hours, You said 4:00 to 8:00.
11:34
Hours, yeah, a lot of it would be 4 to 8 hours because
11:36
sometimes you would get like double.
11:39
So they're like actual movies? Double VHS movies, yeah.
11:42
Ohh see like nowadays when you hear like porn movie like the
11:46
longest ones you usually see nowadays like. 30 minutes, yeah,
11:49
no, they would have like multiple scenes, multiple
11:53
scenes, multiple actors or they would have like multiple scenes,
11:57
same actors and based on the face back.
11:59
And watched old porn or anything.
12:01
Like that? Oh yeah.
12:03
I might, I might go look, see what I can.
12:05
Find, let me tell you, I, you know, like I said, you would
12:08
have to go and you could actually order on the, you would
12:11
go to even porn stores and you could get like the magazine or
12:15
you can go to a convenience store and you would get one of
12:18
the magazines and then you'd have to mail order a catalog and
12:23
then they would send you a catalog.
12:25
Because the magazine was like, buy this movie.
12:27
Yeah, yeah. That's very inconvenient.
12:31
It was very. Inconvenient, but I tell you, my
12:35
ex-husband, you know, he started collecting porn when he was
12:38
1617. Addiction wasn't as rampant.
12:42
Oh it was crazy. He literally his bedroom.
12:46
He had an entire closet full of porn.
12:48
So it was just as bad as it is. Oh yeah.
12:50
Oh yeah, and I mean. That's much more shameful.
12:54
He had like put this in perspective.
12:57
He had almost 1000, 1000 VHS tapes.
13:01
So that's like 6000. Hours.
13:04
Yeah. Crazy.
13:05
Yeah, it's a lot of fucking porn.
13:07
That's a lot of VHS. Tapes, yeah.
13:09
And he had a lot of genres. I think I have like 3 VHS tapes
13:12
and nobody played them. I actually ran over a bunch of
13:16
VHS tapes last night. Why did you do that?
13:19
Somebody dropped a box of VHS tapes and I tried to swerve
13:23
around the pie level and I hit a few.
13:25
I didn't know what they were and this morning I was driving back
13:27
up that road and for a mile I thought there was tinsel on the
13:30
side of the road. But.
13:31
Now so many people have ran over these VHS tapes for a mile.
13:35
There's just the guts of them. And then I saw some people
13:39
trying to like collect them and pick it up, but I didn't know
13:43
that's what I ran over because I saw it and I was like, what the
13:45
fuck was that like? That's crazy.
13:47
I thought because it looked like a beer case almost so I thought
13:51
they were flat in cans so when I hit them and it was sturdier
13:54
than I can. I was like.
13:56
Well hopefully my tire doesn't explode.
13:58
That suck fuck. So in you genres of porn, what
14:04
are some of the other genres that you've seen?
14:07
I've seen a lot of genres, I'd say like I tend to go for like
14:12
less like sex. Like, I don't know, like why,
14:16
but like, I remember I was young guys who really like, like just
14:19
watching like videos of girls kissing.
14:22
Yeah, that did it for me. Yeah.
14:24
It's, it's sensual. Yeah.
14:26
And then if I did watch stuff, like I really liked videos of
14:30
blow jobs, but specifically, like, more like, like tightly
14:34
filmed, really kind of zoomed in a little bit.
14:37
So that's usually when I watch, like, titty fucking videos.
14:39
I rarely watch like actual sex. Like, even when I'm watching
14:44
girl on girl, I won't watch the part where they start
14:46
scissoring. I watch up until like boobies in
14:49
the mouth and then I just start the video over.
14:53
I don't know why I don't like it.
14:56
That's all. Me watching softcore on pornhub.
15:00
My God is softcore in the 80s was was still awesome.
15:05
You know HBO. You animated though, I'm
15:07
watching everything. HBO used to have an after hours
15:12
where they would use softcore porn and every now and then as a
15:14
kid you go and sneak and watch it, you know, it's so funny.
15:18
Yeah, so if I do watch like then fucking it typically is
15:21
animated. Yeah.
15:22
But animated gets. I don't recall it weird, but it
15:25
gets so like off the beaten path very quickly.
15:28
And I'm not going to call it weird because like I've I've,
15:30
you know, I've had some shameful, shameful masturbation
15:33
for or you know, that postnup clarity and you're like, I don't
15:36
know why I watched that video. I think we all get that.
15:40
Like I'm talking about because like it very easily goes into
15:42
like conflation. You know what that is?
15:45
Tell me it's basically where it's like it goes hand in hand
15:48
with like, like big Dicks and they'll come into somebody so
15:52
much their stomachs like swell up.
15:56
Yeah, it's, it's, it's a whole like fetish, like inflation and
16:00
conflation, like a big fetish. I have not seen this, Yeah.
16:04
That well it's hard to like know about it because you could only
16:08
really achieve it through animation.
16:10
Now I have seen videos where they mimic it for real and I
16:13
don't know how these girls do it but like or like I've seen guys
16:16
do it but like they somehow fill them their stomachs up real big
16:21
and I think they're using air or video editing to make their
16:24
stomachs look huge. But it's like it's very
16:29
interesting. I've watched a few conflation
16:31
videos. They're not bad, but like,
16:32
they're just not my thing. They're like interesting, Yeah,
16:36
I could see it interesting, but it could.
16:37
But it's a lot of like, you know what food cues are.
16:41
Putnari is basically like this whole like subgenre of porn
16:44
where it's basically girls with giant Dicks.
16:48
And. So it's kind of like goes into
16:49
like trans girl porn but like it's animated usually.
16:53
But they. Sometimes have Dicks and
16:54
vaginas. See, these are so many new words
16:57
to me. I love it.
17:00
But yeah, so there's a lot of weird porn out there.
17:03
Yeah, see, give me good amateur porn and I'm all about it.
17:07
Sometimes I like watching the weird shit that, like, grounds
17:10
me, OK? I don't know why.
17:11
I'm like, I need something to humble me.
17:13
I need something to be ashamed of, OK?
17:16
Like, you know, there's this one German couple and I watch them
17:18
all the time. I like to watch German, I like
17:20
to watch French, you know? Yeah, I like to to listen to
17:25
different people. I mean, sometimes Asian porn's
17:29
OK, but I. Find it uncensored.
17:32
Yeah, exactly. But you can't.
17:34
It's so crazy because I don't like the.
17:35
Noises, the girls I don't, it's a little painful.
17:39
Well, that's also why I don't watch like, normal porn
17:42
sometimes because the noises the girls makes, I'm like, that's
17:44
not sexy. That's scary.
17:46
They're like screaming for help. And I'm like, I will say
17:50
sometimes I, I am someone who enjoys a good stuck porn, you
17:54
know? Yeah, like, Oh my gosh, I'm
17:56
stuck in the washing machine sometimes.
17:59
You got to go back to the classics.
18:02
Oh no, I'm stuck in this window and I happen to have a towel in
18:05
the window so I don't get hurt. You're so silly.
18:10
Well, sometimes you have to go back to basics.
18:12
You do. And you know, like I said, I
18:14
like I like to watch different types of porn.
18:17
I think interracial is hot. I think gang bangs are hot.
18:21
But I think to me. I'm a big fan of Girl on Girl
18:24
and. Yeah, I mean, it's I like eye on
18:26
eye. I I'm like you.
18:28
I like the basics. I don't really get into the
18:30
whole animation thing, but there are a lot of people love fucking
18:32
animated porn. I.
18:34
Like it 'cause sometimes like, like, I don't know, sometimes
18:38
like you just hear bad things about the porn industry.
18:40
And so to me, it feels a little bit like less violating.
18:44
Well, it also is less, like, I hate to say, it's like less
18:47
violent. Sometimes.
18:48
Like, yeah, sometimes like porn, like especially like between a
18:51
girl and like a guy. Like I don't know what the the
18:54
vibe is, but I'm like, girl, that's brutal.
18:56
Like. Yeah, I get it, I get it.
19:00
I'd say like, but I don't really watch a lot of porn these days.
19:02
I used to watch a lot more porn, but nowadays I kind of don't.
19:06
Sometimes I do an audio audio porn and sometimes I just use my
19:11
imagination. Imagination.
19:15
I love it. Yeah.
19:17
You know. I think I'm more of a fan of
19:19
audio. I'm, you know, you know, you're
19:21
more of a sensualist. I can see that I think.
19:23
A lot of girls are, but I am essentialist so that makes
19:26
sense. My my porn tastes are just a
19:27
little odd. Yeah.
19:29
No, it's OK though. Yeah, I've never been turned on
19:31
by watching like people fuck in person, yes.
19:34
Online, no, I'm like you I but I like the concept of the amateur
19:39
porn because it's just regular people, you know, say.
19:43
When I have done watched it, it has been amateur.
19:46
Yeah, because it feels more intimate and it's less produced.
19:50
Yeah, I can tell there's a set of eight people behind the
19:53
camera. I am not into it.
19:54
Not at all, no. I need.
19:55
The lighting to be a little bad. I need your bed not to be made.
19:59
Yeah. I need your like your smoke
20:02
alarm to be beeping and like. Right.
20:06
I mean, very vulnerable On this podcast.
20:08
I don't talk about my port, no. It's OK.
20:10
I mean, it's, it's informative, It's interesting, you know?
20:13
I like watching sometimes like like some fetish videos that
20:18
aren't even necessarily porn. Like I because I like nylon,
20:21
because I didn't know nylon was a fetish until I got older and I
20:25
was like, oh, I kind of have a little bit of like a nylon
20:28
fetish. You know, yeah, it's sexy.
20:31
I found it really interesting. That's what you did during that
20:34
session the other day. Yeah.
20:36
Barbie went and put her arms through nylon stockings and
20:41
basically rubbed this guy down. I had to tell because he had.
20:45
A you said he had a stocking a stocking, so we had him in
20:49
stockings and and I basically like some I'm essentialist, so I
20:54
do like sometimes I do more like massagy things.
20:57
And so when she says rubbed him headed dot and do it wasn't no
21:00
happy ending massage. No, no, no.
21:03
You're rubbing his body. You're like giving him a body
21:05
massage because he could did. You see, like how he reacted.
21:08
Oh my God, he loved it because. I was like, we need to do
21:11
something because if he like came in saying like, oh, I, I
21:15
really like stockings and nylons.
21:17
I'm like, well, we got to do something a little bit more than
21:19
just sticking in pantyhose. Yeah, I think I ended up.
21:22
Wrapping them around his face. Too.
21:23
You did. You did.
21:25
You just just to add to it. Yeah, I thought that was great.
21:29
I I like nylons. I think I I really like videos
21:32
of like girls or guys like masturbating like their Dicks
21:36
through nylon. OK, that's hot.
21:40
I think it is. I think it's very cool.
21:42
For me, there is something hotter with like a modesty.
21:45
It's almost like that, like, sorry.
21:46
It's like, yeah, there's a little bit of that like air of
21:49
mystery to things. Like it is, you know, when
21:52
things are a bit more covered, I always think it's a little
21:54
sexier than just being straight at Megan.
21:57
You know, I couldn't agree more. Like I love like wearing like I
22:01
always have something on and I fuck, I don't know why.
22:03
Like it'll be like like fishnets, like thigh eyes.
22:06
It's usually on my legs because it's easiest.
22:08
But like, I don't know, there's something just hot about having
22:11
something. On there is Yeah, there is, you
22:14
know, And it's like there's really nothing sexy at times
22:18
when you're just like laying there here, take me.
22:21
I'm. I'm not, I don't have anything
22:22
on, you know, it's like, what's the aesthetics of that?
22:25
You know, there's something sexy with that, like.
22:28
Run into issues when guys try to undress me but I wear so many
22:31
layers and my layers are so in place but they grab it and
22:34
they're like what the fuck and I'm like I have to undress
22:36
myself please give me a moment. That's.
22:41
Great, my outfits are cute, but they are hard to remove if
22:45
everyone likes the golf girl in a harness.
22:48
But have we imagined how hard it is to take off the harness?
22:50
The harness I know. So what do you think?
22:54
Is the been the most outrageous porn you've seen?
22:58
I will say when I was young I saw a vac bed porn and I but it
23:03
wasn't a vac bed, it was a cube. That was a back bed.
23:06
And I remember like, that was like my first, like exposure to
23:10
more I, I'm going to say extreme BDSM and I'd never seen anything
23:15
like that before. And I remember I told my friends
23:17
about it and for years that was the craziest thing we'd ever
23:20
seen. And then when I got here and I
23:23
did the vac bed, it seemed like, and I after like growing up, it
23:26
seemed very much less extreme. But at the time because like I
23:30
was used to just like boobies, Dick in porn.
23:33
And he had like a penis pump on it.
23:34
It was like nuts. And I was like, this is the
23:37
crazy thing I've ever seen. How do you even get into that?
23:39
And then like now I'm older and I'm like, oh, it's pretty easy
23:42
to get it. Right.
23:43
You know, my husband and I have a we don't have the cube, but we
23:46
have the ball. And he actually cube's crazy.
23:49
He was suspended. Yeah, I've seen the.
23:52
We want a different cube. Honestly, we want that, but we
23:55
have the ball and it's almost like he's in a womb and you
23:58
don't have access to any. I have to put the massager in
24:02
there with them and like kind of move it around.
24:04
I. Remember we one of my first
24:05
sessions we put the massager in there with the guy and it
24:08
immediately fell off. The second we turned back that
24:10
on and we were like his thighs just going to vibrate.
24:16
I didn't mind being in the back bed just because I liked the
24:19
sensory of it. I wasn't like sexually into it,
24:22
but I think it it freaked me out 'cause I didn't have the
24:24
earplugs in. I didn't want earplugs.
24:26
My ear, my ear drums blow. I feel like I'd like it if I can
24:29
control it from the inside. I know I.
24:31
Feel like I wouldn't want someone waiting there for
24:33
because I made it like a little embarrassing where I was like I
24:36
would enjoy this if I could turn it off and on from inside the
24:39
thing. I know right?
24:40
Which I'm sure like if we have it on like a little button thing
24:43
you could. But yeah, because you have to
24:45
turn the. Machine on.
24:47
You can't. Do that, yeah.
24:48
I'd say that was the craziest 1 I've seen.
24:52
Now I've looked up funny. The thing is I've looked up
24:55
stupid stuff to find crazy porn. So I've looked up like horror
24:59
before or like the word weird just to see what happens and I
25:02
watched this one horror porn and the girl like rips the guys Dick
25:07
off and like it wasn't real but like it was like that it was
25:11
like really crazy and stuff like that.
25:13
Wow. I did see a porn launch just to
25:15
see if it had happened, if a guy had ever put his head in a
25:18
woman's vagina and everyone read and seeing that.
25:21
That made me for. Life because I have a
25:24
photographic memory. God.
25:26
Yeah, you don't want to see stuff like that.
25:29
I don't know what I was expecting it to look like, but
25:31
when I saw it I was like I clicked out of it so quick.
25:34
I think I have to go. I have to go do something.
25:37
That was not fun. No, not sexy.
25:40
Yeah, yeah, some stuff just travels.
25:42
Into, not. Sexy.
25:44
You know, and that's the thing when I'm looking at porn, if I
25:48
see a gross vagina, yeah, or something that's like overly
25:52
hairy and gross, I hate. Close up I.
25:54
Can't do. Yeah, I can't do.
25:55
It girls, I do, I eat box but I can't do.
25:59
It yeah, I can't do that. That's why I think I like the
26:01
kissing and like maybe like boob stuff because like it's clean.
26:04
To me, yeah. Like it's nice.
26:07
It's cute. But I also think I'm AI like
26:09
sloppiness a little bit. So I really like spit.
26:12
So I think that helps. But also like, I don't know.
26:15
I know because I know the scissoring and porn is fake so I
26:18
can't get into it. Like when girls are scissoring,
26:20
I'm like, I know you're faking. You know, I don't, I don't know.
26:26
I, I think I, I've known one of my friends that actually likes
26:29
doing it. It was a kink for her.
26:31
But I'm like you, I just don't think.
26:33
I know scissoring can be done but the way it looks in the porn
26:36
like that's not the scissoring, that's.
26:38
No. 'Cause scissoring is a little
26:39
bit more like one person's laying down and one person's
26:42
standing, it's not as cute. Yeah.
26:46
But like, I don't know, sometimes it's just also I don't
26:48
really like the porn look of porn stars.
26:50
I'm gonna be honest, like. I agree when?
26:53
They're a little too, like, perfect, yeah.
26:57
And that's why I said I think that the amateur porn is better.
27:01
Yeah, I, I found myself a lot of times I'm, I like to watch
27:05
different types of fisting porn a lot of times.
27:07
I'm not into anything big with. Porn, I think it's hot.
27:11
Because my taste in sex and stuff, like in real life is very
27:14
different. Yeah.
27:15
I feel like the porn I watch very like calm, very like, you
27:21
know, it's nice. And then like when I have sex,
27:23
I'm like, I can be rough. I can die tonight.
27:27
That's great. Well, that's a nice way to end
27:31
it. Oh, we already done We.
27:34
I didn't mean to interrupt you about what you're talking.
27:36
About no, no, no, you're fine, you know, but just in general,
27:40
you know, talking about different types of porn, it's
27:42
just like, it's just an endless topic.
27:45
It really is because you can just talk because there's so
27:48
many genres and I feel like when you do what me and you do, you
27:51
see a lot of porn just incidentally or and not even
27:55
because we've just like, well, also like you experiment a
27:58
little, you look up new things, you do like it.
28:01
There has been porn. I've looked up and I just wasn't
28:04
into it the way I thought I would be.
28:05
You know, stuff like I looked up, I think I looked up like lap
28:09
dances once. It just wasn't what I thought it
28:12
was going to be. I think I just wanted to get a
28:13
lap dance and I was like, oh, this isn't hot.
28:17
I thought this would be hotter. Have you gone to a strip club
28:20
before? I have a lot of friends who are
28:21
strippers so I got so if I'd go I'd probably see a friend.
28:25
OK, well, one night I, you know, I've talked about this with my
28:31
very good friend Missus Griswold, and we actually want
28:34
to go over to Niceville and there, there's a hole in the
28:39
wall, it's a little club and they do full nude.
28:44
So I don't think you're allowed to do full nude.
28:46
You're. Really not, but they get away
28:48
with it. Well, I'm saying here, yeah, I
28:51
think you have to have a very specific license too.
28:54
Yeah, well, they get away with it.
28:57
So either way, we're going to go there one night because it's a
29:00
lot of fun. Yeah, like, well, The thing is I
29:03
get invited to strip clubs a lot by like friends and stuff.
29:07
Like I'll run into girls in the club and they'll just, they'll
29:10
you should come dance with. Us.
29:11
Are we talking like babes? Babes escapes.
29:14
There's Adam and Eve. There's Sammy's.
29:16
Well, Sammy's is. Now a pony club, I think, yeah.
29:19
And they all want me to come dance.
29:21
And I'm like, girl, I'm not doing that.
29:23
Like love and respect that you do it.
29:25
I'm not brave enough because like, I was talking to like my
29:30
friends and I think they work at like, they both work at the same
29:32
strip club and they're really sweet girls.
29:34
And we were just talking and I was talking about how like, oh,
29:37
I do like a dominatrix and. Then.
29:39
We're like, Oh my gosh, she'll make so much more money if you
29:43
just come strip. And one, it's not really about
29:45
the money. Like, you know, you're not a
29:48
stripper because you're into, you're a stripper because you
29:50
want money, you're a dominatrix because you like BDSM.
29:53
It's accurate. So but I was explaining to them,
29:56
I said you don't understand. It's like at your job, they want
30:00
to touch you and they're going to touch you and you have to
30:03
often fight that off. I said at mine, I get to like be
30:07
in charge. I get to say exactly what's
30:09
going to happen. Like a guy doesn't think he owns
30:11
me because he threw me $20.00 because you run into that in
30:14
strip clubs. I hear my friends talk about it
30:16
all the time. Like they're like, oh, a guy
30:18
thinks because he's throwing money at you, he's allowed to
30:21
like stick his finger up like in your panties and stuff like
30:24
that. I'm like, hey, guess where that
30:25
doesn't happen at? Don't happen here.
30:28
Exactly. I like that control.
30:30
I like being able to like dictate what's going on and.
30:33
Like if you should come. Dance I'm like so I can get
30:36
groped every night? I don't think so, baby.
30:39
No. So I heard the clubs around here
30:40
don't like fat girls. I can't imagine.
30:43
I'm like, you know what? Their loss.
30:46
It is their loss. I'm.
30:47
Athletic, I can do a split. Right, because there's a lot of
30:50
men that like bigger women, you know?
30:52
Well if I did strip that means I I'd be like during the normal
30:55
hours so I can still pretend I had a normal job.
30:58
I can go to. The club at like 10 to like 3:00
31:01
PM, yeah, that's when all the people come to see fat girls.
31:04
And I can. Tell my friends, yeah, I work at
31:06
Dillard's. They wouldn't know.
31:09
Are we the babes? I got it, babes.
31:14
That's great. That's fucking hilarious.
31:18
Have you ever been a stripper? I've never been a stripper,
31:21
never really wanted to be a stripper.
31:24
And I'm like you, a lot of my friends were strippers.
31:27
My my best friend growing up was a stripper.
31:30
They're nice people. It was great, you know, but I've
31:33
I watched her just use her body so much to try to get what she
31:38
wants. It's a different kind of grit
31:40
you got. To it is.
31:41
It is. You definitely have to be more
31:43
willing to like, let your boundaries be impeded on, you
31:47
know, and not. And that's not a bad like me
31:49
talking down on strippers. I like strippers.
31:51
But those men in strip clubs are there because they they want to
31:56
almost own the women. Yeah.
31:57
Men who come see us want to be owned.
31:59
And it's a very different vibe. Like, you know, as men here,
32:03
like want to worship us, you know, and that's really fun.
32:06
Like, I really enjoyed that. I'm into that.
32:08
I don't know if I'd be into. I'm here, sweetie, I gave you 50
32:11
bucks. Suck my Dick.
32:13
Yeah, no, I was with this one. This one guy, I really liked
32:16
him. He was, God, he was 3435 and I
32:19
was 21 and you know, he had the expensive car and the great job
32:25
and blah, blah, blah. But he was into BDSM, but kind
32:30
of in denial of it. But he liked to put a clothes
32:33
hanger and take the clips from the clothes hanger and put on
32:38
his nipples, and he liked nipple torture.
32:41
And I was like, well, there's other things that you can use
32:43
besides a clothes hanger. Yeah, like.
32:45
Normal safety clips. Yeah, like normal things, but it
32:49
was funny. Perfectly that distance apart.
32:52
Yeah, yeah. It was weird.
32:54
He was. He was an odd man.
32:56
He really was. I'm not.
32:57
In the nipple torture. But it was interesting because I
33:01
went out with him one night and he wanted me to stomp on his
33:04
Dick while we were eating dinner.
33:07
And I was like, oh, OK, you know, But he wasn't paying me to
33:11
do this. You know, We were just going on
33:13
a date and I was like, you know, God, I get paid to do this, You
33:19
know, why am I doing this for free?
33:21
I definitely. Feel that sometimes.
33:23
Yeah, you feel it. So when you were talking about
33:25
it the other day and I was like, I totally get you, Barbie.
33:28
But anyway, I sent him over to my friend who was a stripper and
33:33
she ended up going down and putting lit cigarettes on his
33:37
Dick at her strip club where she worked in the backroom in the
33:41
champagne room. Oh my gosh.
33:43
And let me tell you, he fucking loved it so much.
33:46
But he ended up giving her like 5-6 hundred dollars one night.
33:49
I was like, that motherfucker wouldn't pay me to stomp on his
33:53
Dick. He I just got a free meal you.
33:56
Know, that's the thing about strip clubs, is that the payout
33:59
can be huge. Yeah, but how often is that
34:01
happening? It's because my friends like,
34:04
oh, I made $1000 in a night. OK.
34:06
When was the last time you did that though?
34:07
It's exactly, It doesn't count. No, it doesn't.
34:10
It doesn't matter if you make $1000 once every six months.
34:14
It's nothing. It's nothing.
34:16
I had a friend who quit stripping around, quit stripping
34:20
because she said she'd walk in, she said.
34:22
I quit stripping after I left the club with $14.00 and I said
34:25
yeah. Yeah, you got it.
34:27
That's it. At that point, you just got to
34:29
go. Yeah, we're not in a big
34:31
metropolitan area either, you know.
34:33
No, I know girls who sometimes go up to New Orleans for a
34:36
night, see what money they can make or like a weekend.
34:39
Or I've seen girls go up to Atlanta for a weekend or two,
34:42
try to make some money. Yeah.
34:44
Atlanta, you have to have a specific look.
34:46
They like the big booty, big titty like BBL girls.
34:49
Yeah, they do. So, but like if you're going
34:52
more country, they like that more stereotypical, like skinny,
34:56
skinny girl kind of big boobies. Yeah.
34:59
Around here I think. Well, who knows?
35:01
Who knows? You know everybody.
35:03
Has a preference down 10 minutes ago and the certain.
35:05
Well, I, I thought it would be funny to end on, well, I could
35:08
die tonight, you know, and choke me out and I'm like, OK, we're
35:11
going to fuck it, you know? So if you want to see me and me
35:16
and Mia strip, feel free to come to our next party.
35:21
I have been trying to get Mia to buy a stripper pole.
35:24
I've been requesting two things of Mia, a stripper pole and a
35:27
cage. Look, I had a stripper pole
35:30
before. Did a big bitch break it?
35:32
That wasn't me. No, but there's going to be a
35:34
big bitch that breaks. It's going.
35:35
To be Mia. It's a it's a hazard.
35:43
It's me. As fault that I'm not a stripper
35:45
at the party I also want a cage so we can put rabbit in there so
35:49
rabbit now the. Cage, we're working on.
35:51
I've already talked to Charles about it.
35:54
We're working on that. We won't have it at this party.
35:56
Yeah, we won't have it at this party.
35:58
Rabbit's not going to be here anyway, but hopefully by the
36:01
first of the year we'll have one.
36:03
However, we're not going to do the stripper pole.
36:05
It is a hazard. You're right.
36:07
I could just see some big bitch coming in, jumping on it.
36:12
Yeah, ripping it from the. You're right, not all the big
36:14
bitches have. Decorum like they don't.
36:17
And we can say that as two big bitches, we can talk shit about
36:20
other big girls, all right? God, we were earlier.
36:24
Maybe that's a topic for a different.
36:25
Person that is a definite topic for another episode.
36:29
But in the meantime, you know porn.
36:32
I think the most you torture my dog.
36:37
I know. I I was curious one time and I
36:41
looked up what was the most typical or typically viewed
36:44
porn. Step sister.
36:46
No, no, it was breast play titty torture.
36:51
Oh, I don't like titty torture. I.
36:53
Like, yeah, yeah, but it was. Like nothing better than a pair
36:56
of oiled up tits. Yeah, yeah, it's true.
37:00
You can. Tell my bisexuality really
37:02
showed this episode I. Did.
37:03
I watch more girl porn than I do poor men.
37:06
I've hit my microphone 20 times this episode.
37:09
Yeah, hopefully it's not going to fuck it up.
37:11
Well, if it does, they can they can do.
37:13
It it's Barbie's fault, it's Barbie's fault.
37:15
I'll try to edit as much as I can, all right?
37:18
On that note, Barbie, may all your fucking fantasies become
37:22
fucking reality.