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Why Can't Narcissists Handle Rejection · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  Why can't narcissist handle rejection?
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  Why can't they just take no for an answer and just move on like
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  healthy minded folks? Right?
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  I was going to say normal, but normal is kind of kind of a wild
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  word out, right? That's what we talked about
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  today, y'all? Why can't narcissist handle
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  rejection? If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist and
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  welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  Welcome back folks, welcome back, welcome back, welcome back
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  y'all. Rejection tends to breed
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  obsession. We are dealing with
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  manipulative, narcissistic people.
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  This is what happens. I'm.
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  I'm. Yeah.
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  And I'm dead serious. Like, narcissistic people just
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  cannot handle being rejected. Cannot handle it.
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  OK, Lee, we know they can't handle it, but why?
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  That's supposed to be the title of the video, right?
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  Why can't they handle rejection? Because that's important.
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  Like the number one reason why narcissistic people cannot
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  handle rejection is because of shame.
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  The shame monster comes in like a parasitic brain worm eating
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  one of our main eating a politician's brain, right?
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  It just comes in and nibbles on it.
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  Shame nibbles on narcissistic people's brains on their brain
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  stem like a brain worm, right? Like a parasite.
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  But this it just does. Shame is a great Shame is one
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  of, if not the most, the largest provocation from narcissist,
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  right? I hate shame.
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  I hate feeling shame. I hate thinking about shame.
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  I hate thinking. I hate even imagining myself
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  being in a shameful situation. I hate imagining myself being in
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  a situation where shame is even an option, right?
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  Because that's important, right? Narcissistic people, toxic
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  people have to understand this right here.
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  Yeah. It's just like, for me, I'm
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  battling it. I'm I've been battling shame for
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  years. But most narcissists see shame
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  as like, damn near the devil, right?
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  As this, this being that cannot be controlled, this being that
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  eats away at us, this being that can hurt us and harm us and make
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  us feel less than shame. It's, Yeah, it's so, it's,
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  there's so much shame in our bodies, it is damn near
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  impossible to get rid of. So if you're dealing with a
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  narcissist or a toxic person or manipulative person or whoever
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  it may be, this is something that you absolutely need to
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  understand, right? Because they're going to hurt
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  you. They're going to do horrible
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  stuff to you. They're going to try to do,
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  they're going to try to just get their way or their way or the
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  highway because shame is going to break their damn minds.
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  I know it's Yeah, I know it sounds crazy.
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  I know a lot of people just like Lee.
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  That sounds, that sounds ridiculous.
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  I know it sounds ridiculous, right?
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  I know it does. But this is something that you
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  have to understand. But for most narcissists, we we
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  cannot deal with it. We cannot handle the shame.
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  We cannot deal with it because shame, it just makes us feel
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  like bad, a bad person. Shame makes us feel like bad
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  people. That's why you hear me refer to
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  it as the shame monster, The shame monster, the monster of
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  shame takes over. So when you reject me, when you
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  make me feel rejected, when you use the word no, when you set a
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  boundary, because a boundary you set in a boundary can make a
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  narcissist feel rejected, right? So it's something as simple as
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  you set in a boundary can set that narcissistic person off,
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  right? Can because that makes them feel
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  ashamed. Oh, you set a boundary on me,
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  You're telling me no, you're making me feel rejected.
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  Roar, they lose they damn twisted narcissistic minds.
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  They really do y'all. So This is why so many people
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  like when you're battling A narcissist, you're going to get
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  this. This is what's going to happen
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  to you. You're going to get this like
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  there's damn near nothing you can do about it, right?
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  Because shame is going to take over.
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  Like narcissist cannot handle rejection because like I said
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  earlier, it makes them feel ashamed, but it also makes them
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  feel like a bad person. That's one of the main things
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  right there. The shame makes narcissist feel
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  like bad people. Like you make me feel like a bad
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  person when you hold when you bring shame to me, when you
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  reject me, you make me feel like a not good person when you bring
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  shame into when you when you bring shame into my life.
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  This is what happens y'all. And I want you to understand
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  this. They're like, and This is why so
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  many narcissists retreat when you say when you This is why
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  some of them retreated when you bring up or you hurt their
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  feelings. This is why somebody in there
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  retreat within themselves. They don't want to talk, they
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  don't want to argue, they don't want to fuss and fight.
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  Some of them retreat and give you the silent treatment when
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  you say no, when you set a boundary, right, because you
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  make me feel like a bad person. Narcissistic people have like,
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  like truly it's black and white thinking It's either all good or
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  all bad. Like seriously, it's either all
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  good, everything, everybody telling me yes, everybody making
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  me feel good about myself or all bad.
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  People telling me no, people don't like me, people hurt my
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  feelings, people reject me, people say no, people don't.
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  People make me feel this big. All good or all bad, you know,
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  And this is a battle that you're going to face when you're
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  dealing with a narcissistic person.
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  Well, Lee, how can we like, how can we set a boundary and not
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  make them feel this way? You can't, y'all?
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  I say the only way you can set a boundary on a narcissist and not
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  make them feel rejected or small is if you make it seem like the
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  boundary is somehow beneficial to them.
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  You have to come up with a way to make that boundary that
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  you're setting or the reason that you're saying no to them
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  seem like a benefit to them. Let's give you let me give you
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  an example right here. Not the benefit part, but how
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  narcissistic people can snap on you when you reject them.
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  This might go for this go for most of the women right?
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  But men can get this gab to bed too.
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  Imagine getting cat called right?
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  I know a lot of y'all don't even have to imagine you get cat
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  called right and they were like woo hey sexy hey look at that
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  look at them look at them cheeks I want them cheeks hey hey
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  beautiful come on here give me that number girl hey and then
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  you say not interested or you just ignore them and walk away.
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  You ignoring them and not acknowledging their catcalls or
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  their admiration or whatever you want to call it can make them
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  feel rejected. So guess what happens?
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  Oh, if you didn't, If you didn't be.
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  I only wanted to hit it anyway. You ain't even that cute.
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  I just wanted some ass. You ain't even cute anyway.
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  Your head big, your butt stink, your teeth probably messed up,
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  you're probably broke, you're probably single, you're probably
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  old cat lady. That's why they'd be snapping
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  like that. Because you made them feel
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  rejected. Because you hurt their feelings.
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  You hurt. Look, and the crazy part is you
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  can hurt their feelings without even saying anything to them.
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  Like part of that example right there was part of that example
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  right there was literally just me.
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  As I said, you can ignore them and they can still act the same
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  way. You can ignore, yeah, you don't
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  even have to say anything to them to make them feel rejected.
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  You can literally simply ignore them and they will still feel
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  the same way. Like, like, like something has
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  changed in their life and all. You don't have to say anything.
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  It's just the rejection. Narcissistic people cannot
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  handle rejection. Rejection is how can I put this
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  in terms how, how can I put this in impact terms?
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  Rejection is damn near trauma. It feels like it's a traumatic
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  experience for narcissists. Like you rejecting me or you
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  rejecting that narcissistic person in your life is damn near
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  trauma like. Like you're, you're making me
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  feel trauma for that right there.
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  You making me feel trauma for embarrassing me.
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  You making me feel trauma for saying no.
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  You making me feel trauma for saying, for doing this and for
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  doing that. You're making me feel trauma for
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  ignoring me. You're traumatizing me.
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  How crazy is that right there? The fact you could traumatize me
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  without even saying anything to me.
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  You can make me feel like I'm having a traumatic experience by
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  not even saying anything to me. You don't even have to say
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  anything to me. You can maybe have.
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  You can make me feel a traumatic experience.
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  So rejection can absolutely breed obsession with
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  narcissistic people. And a lot of when I say that
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  when I say rejection breeds obsession, a lot of narcissists
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  get damn near addicted to the reason why you rejected them.
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  They need to know why you rejected them.
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  They need to know the reason why you told them no, so they can
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  try to fix it, right? It can't just be you're not
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  interested. They're not your type or
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  whatever you are. You like them.
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  You're married, you have kids. You know you're in a committed
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  relationship. It can't just be that, right?
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  So they try to make it seem like it's way more than that.
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  You may they. They need to know it just it
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  can't just be, oh, you're married.
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  We're married. People cheat all the time.
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  Why don't you? Why?
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  Why don't you want to cheat with me?
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  What is it? What is it about me that makes
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  you not want to cheat with me? What?
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  Yeah. How crazy in asinine does that
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  sound right there? You know what I'm saying?
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  Seriously, You see, you see how it goes right there.
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  Seriously, that's what how asinine is it?
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  Does that sound? You know?
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  But as you continue to move forward, as you continue to heal
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  and as you continue to grow, this is what you have to
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  understand that narcissistic people typically are going to
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  keep doing the same things over and over again because they find
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  great benefit in it for them, right?
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  They find a great benefit in it for them.
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  They're going to typically do things that benefit them that
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  they can feel good about. Seriously, you know, But as
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  y'all move forward, hit that subscribe button, y'all.
• 10:37
  Also, my next course is available right now.
• 10:41
  It's called finding your why, How to heal from narcissistic
• 10:44
  abuse. If you're interested in learning
• 10:45
  how to heal from narcissistic abuse from someone who has
• 10:48
  helped over damn near 5000 people heal and understand what
• 10:52
  they went through, check out my course called Finding Your Y How
• 10:56
  to Heal for Narcissistic Abuse at my website mentalillness.net.
• 11:00
  You can enter the code Y. WHY 25 for discount on it?
• 11:04
  Y'all it's already it's not super expensive anyway.
• 11:06
  Hit the subscribe button and I am out.
• 11:08
  Peace. Before you go, make sure that
• 11:11
  you hit that subscribe button if you haven't already.
• 11:12
  Y'all you already here just hit the button.
• 11:15
  Also you can find my coaching, my courses, my one on ones,
• 11:18
  everything is available at my website, mentalillness.net, kids
• 11:21
  book, self love journal. Also check out joining the
• 11:24
  channel memberships as well. Y'all thank you so much for
• 11:26
  being here. I'm super grateful I'm out.
• 11:28
  Peace.