Latest / Marriage Life and More and Bible Study / 7 Steps to Sexual Pleasure and Intimacy in Marriage

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7 Steps to Sexual Pleasure and Intimacy in Marriage · Marriage Life and More and Bible Study

0:00
Daniel Moore: This week it's a blast from the past.
0:01
Daniel Moore: While we take a short break from recording, enjoy a few of our favorite episodes from the past, and we'll be back soon with brand new episodes.
0:09
Daniel Moore: This episode covers some adult themed material in nature.
0:14
Daniel Moore: If you have young ones around, I'd pop in my earbuds or listen to this when you are by yourself.
0:19
Daniel Moore: Listener discretion is advised.
0:21
Daniel Moore: As far as in a Christian aspect, is it actually okay to do that kind of thing?
0:41
Daniel Moore: And this little section here pretty much hits it right on the head.
0:45
Daniel Moore: We have a roadmap that's been given to us to follow as being a Christian, and that's the Bible.
0:57
Daniel Moore: And there everything that's that's wrong for us to do as a Christian that that is a sin is listed in that book.
1:05
Daniel Moore: And if it's not there, then I feel like I agree here.
1:09
Daniel Moore: I feel like that if it's not in there that it's a sin, that it's something bad that you shouldn't be doing, then I don't see why there is an issue with introducing those types of things into your relationships.
1:21
Daniel Moore: If that's what's going to help you grow closer and you know create that stronger bond between each other.
1:28
Daniel Moore: This week on Marriage Life and More, we're wrapping up our study on the four laws of love as we finish up our two-part episode on true sexual intimacy.
1:39
Daniel Moore: We'll be back to get into that right after this.
1:42
Daniel Moore: I'm Daniel Moore, your host.
2:26
Daniel Moore: Michelle, my wife, is sitting here.
2:28
Daniel Moore: She's the fantastic co-host that I have with me here on this podcast.
2:33
Daniel Moore: Want to thank you guys for joining us this week.
2:35
Daniel Moore: If you're not familiar with our show, check out our website and you can find that at marriagelifeandmore.com.
2:41
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2:43
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2:46
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2:49
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2:53
Daniel Moore: If you're a fan of our show, please subscribe and feel free to leave a comment on our platforms, give us a thumbs up or five-star review on Apple Podcasts, and we thank you for that.
3:03
Daniel Moore: As that helps our podcast to grow and get it out to more people that need to hear these episodes.
3:09
Daniel Moore: Well, last week we started off our final two episodes of our extended series on the four laws of love.
3:17
Daniel Moore: And last week it got a little sexy.
3:19
Daniel Moore: We were talking about true sexual intimacy, and we're going to go ahead and wrap that up this week.
3:26
Daniel Moore: We're going to be talking about seven steps to sexual pleasure and intimacy.
3:32
Michelle Moore: I hope you all have had a good time listening to our series, The Four Laws of Love by Jimmy Evans, going through it and walking uh life with us through this series of listening to Dan and I um of all of our mistakes and where God has brought us through and everything that where we're at now.
3:56
Daniel Moore: Yep.
3:56
Daniel Moore: It's been quite a ride.
3:58
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
3:58
Michelle Moore: So it's kind of sad for this last one.
4:01
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
4:01
Daniel Moore: But we've got more good stuff coming.
4:03
Michelle Moore: Oh, absolutely.
4:04
Daniel Moore: This isn't the end of it.
4:05
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
4:06
Daniel Moore: Originally we started this, we thought we'd just do this series and might, you know, just be done with it and me go back to my normal thing.
4:13
Daniel Moore: But as you've seen, God's directed us to do something completely different, and we flipped the podcast to a marriage platform at this point, and she's gonna stay with me.
4:21
Michelle Moore: You would be surprised.
4:22
Michelle Moore: It's got me chained down to make me do these things.
4:26
Michelle Moore: No, I am super excited.
4:28
Michelle Moore: I feel like that this has definitely been something new for me.
4:32
Michelle Moore: And it's definitely made me grow out of my comfort zone.
4:37
Michelle Moore: And I say things all the time.
4:39
Michelle Moore: I'm like, I probably shouldn't have said that.
4:40
Michelle Moore: Or, you know, did that sound right?
4:42
Michelle Moore: Or if I listen to it going back, I'm like, well, I didn't even say that word right.
4:48
Michelle Moore: But you know what?
4:49
Michelle Moore: I'm just being real.
4:51
Michelle Moore: Dan and I are being real, and um, this is what you get.
4:55
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
4:55
Michelle Moore: This good old Grammy, Missouri little girl.
4:58
Michelle Moore: I wouldn't say little girl, I am an old person now.
5:02
Daniel Moore: And for those of you that don't know about Grammy, Missouri, there's not much there.
5:06
Daniel Moore: Just just you get a chance, you might it's a place you want to visit and check it out, and then you'll see what you're talking about.
5:12
Daniel Moore: It's as they say as they say, it's one of those, what, you that blink in the road, you blink your eyes and you miss it.
5:19
Daniel Moore: It's a a rural, rural town close to us.
5:24
Daniel Moore: That's so funny.
5:25
Daniel Moore: It's a good little place.
5:26
Daniel Moore: There's a nice creek that runs through there that we kayak on occasionally and and stuff.
5:31
Daniel Moore: But uh, we're gonna go ahead though and get started this week on the episode, and we're gonna be talking again, as I said, the seven steps to sexual pleasure and intimacy.
5:41
Daniel Moore: So, as we get started this week, as we pop out this last episode here, we're gonna be talking about seven steps that you can take to have sexual pleasure in your marriage and intimacy.
6:00
Daniel Moore: And this is doing it God's way.
6:03
Daniel Moore: And this is the biblical application that you can put into your life uh to make this the best thing that you could ever have between you and your spouse.
6:12
Daniel Moore: So, the very first one here, I'm going to let you start off with this and let you let you do step number one here as we get started.
6:22
Michelle Moore: So number one, pray and invite God into your sexuality.
6:28
Michelle Moore: We stated in the previous episode that spiritual intimacy and praying together as a couple is one of a woman's most important sex needs.
6:38
Michelle Moore: But husbands and wives should both pray individually as well for sexual temptations, problems, and desires.
6:46
Michelle Moore: Many people are grossed out at the thought of talking to God about sexual issues.
6:52
Michelle Moore: But he created sex and is present with us every time we are having sex.
6:58
Michelle Moore: It isn't gross to God.
7:00
Michelle Moore: It is beautiful and he wants us to enjoy it.
7:04
Michelle Moore: Therefore, we need to keep our sexuality as an open conversation before him.
7:10
Michelle Moore: Trust God to increase your sexual desires if that is an issue.
7:15
Michelle Moore: Believe in him to heal sexual or physical issues that are hindering your ability to perform or be sexually intimate.
7:23
Michelle Moore: Sex is sacred to God, and he cares deeply about us.
7:27
Michelle Moore: You will find that including God in your sexual relationship will add untold blessings.
7:33
Michelle Moore: Remember, the devil is the prince of darkness.
7:37
Michelle Moore: He uses shame, guilt, and ignorance to keep us from coming to God or others with our problems.
7:44
Michelle Moore: That is the same scheme he used in the Garden of Eden to get Adam and Eve to hide from God after they sinned.
7:52
Michelle Moore: The irony is this when you hide from God, you're hiding from your healer.
7:58
Michelle Moore: He loves you more than you can possibly comprehend.
8:01
Michelle Moore: He is a loving, forgiving God who is compassionate and understanding.
8:06
Michelle Moore: Bring your sexual issues into the light of God's love.
8:10
Michelle Moore: It will change and set you free.
8:12
Michelle Moore: I'm not sure that I have ever prayed about that to God.
8:18
Michelle Moore: I can't say that I have.
8:19
Michelle Moore: Right.
9:37
Michelle Moore: And I can I guess I can go back and remember when after I had the affair, how much guilt and shame I felt, you know, after if we were making love or something like that, there were thoughts in my mind, like how could I do this?
9:52
Michelle Moore: blah, blah, blah.
9:54
Michelle Moore: Um, I won't go into any detail on that, but um I can remember that.
9:58
Michelle Moore: And I I I guess I did have to pray to God to help me with my mind and how to to overcome that.
10:06
Daniel Moore: Well, I will take it a little bit of a step further in what you just commented there.
10:09
Daniel Moore: I know for myself, uh, when we first started moving forward with our relationship, one of the things that I did have to fight in my mind is every time we did hook up and start having I love the word hookup, sorry.
10:22
Daniel Moore: Yeah, have a sexual relationship again and try and trying to reboot that.
10:27
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
10:28
Daniel Moore: There was times in my mind that I was thinking, okay, is she thinking about me or him?
10:32
Daniel Moore: You know?
10:33
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
10:34
Daniel Moore: And or is are you thinking about me or him?
10:37
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
10:38
Daniel Moore: You know, that those are thoughts that Satan would place inside of my mind.
10:41
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
10:42
Daniel Moore: And inside of me, we had discussed what our plan was and we were trying to move forward and we were trying to make that work.
10:49
Daniel Moore: So I knew that wasn't true.
10:50
Daniel Moore: But at the same time, Satan was trying to use that to put a little issue there to cause some problems between us sexually.
10:59
Michelle Moore: Right.
10:59
Michelle Moore: And I can remember saying, I'm not worth this.
11:02
Michelle Moore: Like, why is he giving me an opportunity or a chance at this, you know?
11:06
Michelle Moore: And that would play in my mind constantly.
11:08
Michelle Moore: And for that played in my mind for quite some time.
11:11
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
11:12
Daniel Moore: So it's the best therapy to just sit there and try to fix that ourselves, or should we have prayed about it?
11:16
Daniel Moore: You know, that's I guess that's where it comes down to uh that was probably a spiritual attack in in essence.
11:23
Daniel Moore: And uh and I will say there's times I did pray about that because I had to that was that was a way that I utilized to work through some of those times.
11:33
Daniel Moore: And I know I I feel like I know you did the same thing.
11:36
Michelle Moore: Yeah, absolutely.
11:36
Michelle Moore: That's what I was getting ready to say.
11:37
Michelle Moore: I had to pray through it.
11:39
Daniel Moore: Yeah, it's there's times in your life when you have stuff like that happening that really is trauma.
11:44
Daniel Moore: And there's no other way to get through that except to to introduce God into that equation.
11:50
Michelle Moore: And then I know mentally there was times that we were both like, we just can't right now.
11:54
Michelle Moore: Like if one wanted it and the other one didn't, because you have to, you know, you have to work through it, you know.
12:01
Michelle Moore: So it wasn't like, oh, let's go, you know.
12:03
Michelle Moore: We we had to work through it.
12:05
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
12:06
Michelle Moore: And yeah.
12:08
Daniel Moore: And and there is a lot to be said of being a praying couple.
12:11
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
12:12
Daniel Moore: I think that when we have our prayer lives and we have those moments that we talk to God and we pour our things out to him, uh, that does help us grow even within our own relationships in our home.
12:24
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
12:24
Daniel Moore: Especially if we're praying about those things that goes on between, you know, you and I and uh the direction that our home should be going.
12:32
Michelle Moore: Absolutely.
12:32
Daniel Moore: Uh, for direction and all that kind of thing.
12:35
Daniel Moore: And so if if we keep God in the mix and keep him in the middle of that, then that's only going to help our sexual relationship grow better.
12:42
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
12:42
Daniel Moore: And that's only going to help it to to get to where it is that God wants it to be.
12:47
Daniel Moore: Okay.
12:47
Daniel Moore: And this is something I think that probably a lot of people haven't really thought about, but it's probably a picture you need to keep in your mind is yes, whenever we're having sex and having those moments of intimate relationship, God is there.
13:01
Daniel Moore: If we if we're a true Christian couple and we're keeping God in our life, He's with us all the time.
13:07
Michelle Moore: And it's just not something you ever think about.
13:09
Daniel Moore: It's weird to think about at that point.
13:11
Michelle Moore: I mean, I I'm gonna be honest, it it's definitely not something even now.
13:14
Daniel Moore: I I don't so knowing that, how to how does that make you want to, you know, perform that part of your life?
13:21
Daniel Moore: You want to make sure that it's pure.
13:22
Daniel Moore: You want to make sure that it's in the right way.
13:25
Michelle Moore: I'm gonna be sitting here looking and thinking of a picture of Jesus and God.
13:28
Michelle Moore: Looking at the job.
13:28
Michelle Moore: And I'm gonna be like, somebody's watching.
13:31
Michelle Moore: Sorry, I shouldn't have said that.
13:34
Daniel Moore: Closing the curtains.
13:35
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
13:38
Daniel Moore: But you know, God, as this as we've talked about, God created this whole thing anyway.
13:44
Daniel Moore: And He had full intentions of this relationship of how it was supposed to work, what it was supposed to create between me and you and between other married couples.
13:53
Daniel Moore: And if it's done in the way that God wants it to be, there's no deeper love between two individuals physically or in this physical state here on this earth, uh, you know, barring the relationship we have with God, there is no stronger relationship that can be formed if we do that the way that God wanted us to do that.
14:11
Daniel Moore: So I guess the best uh takeaway from that first point is is make sure that if you're uh performing sexual relationships with someone that it's the way that God wants you, because he's sitting there watching.
14:23
Daniel Moore: You don't want to be doing the wrong thing because Satan's gonna be in there to to use that shame and that guilt.
14:29
Daniel Moore: Yeah, he's gonna try to throw a lot of that stuff on you.
14:32
Michelle Moore: And if you're having problems, as it says, bring your sexual issues into the light of God's love.
14:37
Daniel Moore: Yeah, because he's in June to set you free.
14:40
Michelle Moore: I mean, yeah.
14:41
Daniel Moore: He can heal all of those issues just like he healed ours.
14:44
Michelle Moore: Yes.
14:44
Daniel Moore: Because it's been years now since I've even thought about any of our past.
14:48
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
14:48
Michelle Moore: And trust me, after the after we talk about it, we don't even think about it.
14:52
Michelle Moore: God has just been so good to us about that.
14:54
Daniel Moore: We're just thankful that we can use it as a testimony now to maybe help others.
14:57
Daniel Moore: So the second one's kind of just a little short one here.
15:01
Daniel Moore: It's have a vision for your sex life.
15:04
Daniel Moore: You know, back in episode 213 of the series, we taught you about the importance of having an annual vision retreat.
15:11
Daniel Moore: We briefly mentioned in that episode that one of the areas that you should be praying and getting a vision for is your sex life together.
15:18
Daniel Moore: It's very helpful to talk about sex openly even when you aren't in bed.
15:23
Daniel Moore: And this is something that Michelle and I have had to grow over time because there was a point in our life, especially when our kids were younger and still at home, we really never talked about this stuff very rarely between each other.
15:37
Daniel Moore: We just let it happen.
15:38
Daniel Moore: And I think that one thing that we have made a point ever since all of the stuff's happened in our life in the past, uh, we have had it made it a point now to watch that part of our life a little bit closer.
15:51
Daniel Moore: Yeah and to make sure that we are being proactive and you know, moving in a positive way, regardless of how often or how often it does or does not happen.
16:02
Daniel Moore: Uh this is something that you and I can actually still we can openly talk about it at this point, and it it has become a care point for us.
16:10
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
16:10
Daniel Moore: You know, we absolutely we want to make sure that not only are our bills paid and not only is it important that we're backing each other in our jobs or keeping the house clean or all this other stuff that goes on in our daily activities, uh, we also know how important it is to make sure that our intimate moments, whether if it involves sex or not, uh we want to make sure that that's where it needs to be.
16:32
Michelle Moore: Yeah, and and we definitely, you know, I'm a type of person, I'm not like a calendar person, like, hey, you know, this has been this day, this day.
16:41
Michelle Moore: But between the two of us, when we have this care point, we will be like, okay, it's you know, it's been a little while.
16:48
Michelle Moore: Like we're so busy, we need to slow down and just kind of talk about this.
16:52
Michelle Moore: And then, you know, it's like it's been months when really it hasn't, but it feels like that sometimes.
16:57
Michelle Moore: And so it's very interesting because before we would never talk about that.
17:02
Michelle Moore: And I mean, we're just as you get older, I think though, your intimacy changes a lot too.
17:10
Daniel Moore: It can, yes.
17:11
Daniel Moore: Some people still go like rabbits, but some don't.
17:15
Daniel Moore: So I can't believe you just can't said that.
17:17
Daniel Moore: It can change for sure.
17:19
Daniel Moore: But I think that's kind of based on life uh life happenings and just things that take place or whatever.
17:24
Daniel Moore: That was good.
17:25
Daniel Moore: But I think whether if it is something that happens frequently or if it's something that just happens on a random basis, uh the the important thing of that is that it's satisfying your needs between each other.
17:36
Michelle Moore: Right.
17:37
Daniel Moore: And that you are still growing closer and still building that relationship and you're super happy with where you're at between you two and God.
17:42
Michelle Moore: Good.
17:43
Michelle Moore: That's a good word there.
17:44
Daniel Moore: That's what the most important thing is because there are situations, and we will get into this into a future episode, where the guy or the woman can have issues come up because of illness or surgeries or those kinds of things where it can actually hamper the sexual drive.
18:01
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
18:02
Daniel Moore: And even age or weight.
18:04
Daniel Moore: There's different things that can affect that.
18:06
Daniel Moore: Uh, it's how do you work through those things?
18:09
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
18:09
Daniel Moore: Is is what you have to be careful of and just make sure that your vision for that sexual part, you can't just do away with it completely because that's a huge part of the core of that relationship God's created for us.
18:21
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
18:22
Daniel Moore: So you have to make sure you nurture that and keep it healthy.
18:25
Daniel Moore: Absolutely.
18:25
Daniel Moore: Um, however, that may look to you in your in your point in your life.
18:29
Daniel Moore: So that's the second one is to have a vision for your sex life and to make sure that you're proactive with it, make sure that it's moving in a positive direction and that it's moving in a way that it's building your relationship, not only between each other, but between you and God.
18:44
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
18:45
Daniel Moore: So what's number three?
18:46
Michelle Moore: Be a sexual servant to your spouse.
18:49
Michelle Moore: In episode 212, we talked about the importance of having a servant spirit in your marriage.
18:55
Michelle Moore: Nowhere is there more important than in the bedroom.
18:59
Michelle Moore: The secret of ultimate sexual satisfaction by both spouses is a servant heart.
19:05
Michelle Moore: When two servants have sex, it is a wonderful win-win experience.
19:10
Michelle Moore: They love serving and pleasing each other and don't mind doing something they don't need.
19:16
Michelle Moore: They aren't selfishly focused on themselves, they are focused on the object of their affection and making sure they are pleased.
19:24
Michelle Moore: Selfishness and dominance kill sexual intimacy.
19:29
Michelle Moore: If you are not a selfless and generous lover, you are robbing your spouse of something very important to them.
19:36
Michelle Moore: Ask your spouse what they desire sexually and give it to them.
19:41
Michelle Moore: The only exceptions would be if it is sinful or harmful.
19:45
Michelle Moore: But you aren't going to be able to sexually fulfill your spouse unless you are willing to serve and sacrifice.
19:52
Michelle Moore: And I really like this one.
19:53
Michelle Moore: This one to me is something that you are phenomenal at.
19:58
Michelle Moore: And my previous marriage, I never had this at all.
20:03
Michelle Moore: Like it was not anything about me at any time.
20:08
Michelle Moore: And so when I married you, it was very interesting that the fact that it's like, oh, it's about me, you know?
20:17
Michelle Moore: And it changed the way I looked at it.
20:20
Michelle Moore: It took me a while, but it took, you know, I I love the fact that you always wanted to take care of me first.
20:28
Michelle Moore: And I and I think we both had seasons of life where we both went back and forth to where, you know, hey, this is your time, I'm gonna take care of you.
20:38
Michelle Moore: And I feel like this area we are really both good at.
20:42
Daniel Moore: Well, we have to remember, and I don't know if we've really brought this up yet throughout this this series, but it it takes a little bit different process for the women to get to the point where they are actually satisfied sexually.
20:56
Daniel Moore: And it usually takes longer for that to happen than it does for the guy.
21:00
Daniel Moore: And I think a lot of times guys forget that and they think that you know what, as long as we get in there and do our thing and I'm happy when we're done, then she's gonna be happy too because I'm happy.
21:09
Daniel Moore: But then if she never really got to the point that she was wanting to get to, uh, she's probably not as happy as the guy thinks she is, you know.
21:19
Daniel Moore: And and unfortunately, in a lot of situations like that, the women won't speak up.
21:24
Daniel Moore: And they won't, they just act like, oh yeah, that was great, everything's fine, you know.
21:28
Daniel Moore: They roll over and they go to sleep.
21:29
Daniel Moore: And so the guys, in a lot of cases, I I think sometimes don't even have any idea that their wife never really and got to the point where she enjoyed it to the fullness.
21:39
Michelle Moore: I think that part too comes with communication.
21:41
Daniel Moore: It does, yeah.
21:42
Daniel Moore: You know, and so this part of being a servant to the spouse, uh, it has to be two-sided because as we've been talking about uh through these whole two sections here, if the the husband and the wife are going to be completely satisfied sexually in that part of their relationship.
21:59
Daniel Moore: Relationship to the extent of the way that it's supposed to be, then you both have to be fulfilling that need.
22:06
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
22:06
Daniel Moore: You can't just halfway fulfill one need on one side and let that happen all the time.
22:11
Daniel Moore: And on the other side, it gets completely fulfilled.
22:13
Daniel Moore: That just doesn't work that way.
22:15
Daniel Moore: That leaves a longing there in one of those spouses.
22:19
Daniel Moore: They always feel like there's a void that's not being taken care of.
22:22
Daniel Moore: And that can get very exasperating to them and frustrating.
22:27
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
22:27
Daniel Moore: I think is the best word for that, probably.
22:30
Daniel Moore: And so that communication is very important.
22:32
Daniel Moore: And the guys, you got to remember that your wife, her uh her enjoyment of that is just as important or more than yours.
22:41
Daniel Moore: And you need to make sure that that's taken care of.
22:44
Daniel Moore: And there are a lot of times where one spouse may want something done to them that the other spouse has never done or really has no desire to do it.
22:54
Daniel Moore: And I think that when that comes up, uh that's a conversation that you both have to have.
23:00
Daniel Moore: And you have to understand that there are, I'm sure, bound everybody's gonna have their boundaries.
23:06
Daniel Moore: Absolutely.
23:07
Daniel Moore: They're gonna have their spot that they don't want to cross.
23:09
Daniel Moore: But make sure that if you set that boundary, that you both can agree on that boundary and that you both are okay with that.
23:17
Daniel Moore: And especially if, like, as it was mentioned here, if it's something that's not a sin or taking you down a harmful road, if it's just something that's could be enjoyable between the two of you, that's gonna really cause no harm.
23:29
Daniel Moore: Uh even if you don't enjoy doing that kind of thing, every once in a while, you might want to consider uh allowing your spouse to enjoy that because that is something that's going to even make you love each other even more.
23:43
Daniel Moore: The fact that you would sacrifice something for your other spouse for their enjoyment, uh, that just I know for myself, that does a lot for my psyche because I know that if that there's things that I enjoy that you don't, but if if you do that for me, I know I feel completely different about our relationship after that.
24:00
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
24:00
Daniel Moore: Because I look at you as like, you know, she really does love me.
24:03
Daniel Moore: I mean, she she'll do you know things that she doesn't even want to do for me, and vice versa.
24:08
Daniel Moore: And, you know, that really just does awesome things for how I feel about you, yeah.
24:14
Daniel Moore: And how I look at you at my spouse.
24:16
Daniel Moore: And so definitely uh keep those boundaries as they need to be there.
24:20
Daniel Moore: It might be something you need to pray over uh to try to get a piece in those situations in those areas because everybody looks at sex a little bit differently, obviously.
24:29
Michelle Moore: Absolutely they do.
24:30
Daniel Moore: Uh, but don't forget that that God did call us to be servants to our spouses, and that servanthood encompasses everything, every aspect of our relationship in our marriage, yeah, including the sexual part.
24:45
Daniel Moore: So don't be selfish with that in a selfish manner, talk through it, right?
24:51
Daniel Moore: Communicate.
24:52
Michelle Moore: So good.
24:53
Daniel Moore: The fourth one, take turns being the focus of the experience.
24:56
Daniel Moore: And this kind of piggybacks off the last one.
24:59
Daniel Moore: Jimmy shared that one of the things Karen and he would do that really worked great for them was having his nights or her nights every now and then.
25:07
Daniel Moore: Men and women are different by God's design, and we both have different sexual natures and needs, which we just discussed.
25:13
Daniel Moore: The purpose of having nights that focus on one of us is to make sure our needs are being fully met.
25:18
Daniel Moore: He went on to say that on Karen's nights they would do a lot of talking, and things were slower and more romantic, which is very typical for a female.
25:26
Michelle Moore: That's right.
25:27
Daniel Moore: Sex is saved for the end of the experience, and it was all to her choosing.
25:31
Daniel Moore: All Jimmy cared about was for her to be pleased.
25:34
Daniel Moore: Jimmy's nights focused more on sex and less romance.
25:38
Daniel Moore: That's all of us guys.
25:40
Daniel Moore: Things are the way he would choose, and Karen was focused on him.
25:45
Daniel Moore: Sex and marriage should be a win-win proposition, and no one should be left out or in second place.
25:50
Daniel Moore: We should have sex on a frequency and in ways that make sure that both spouses are fulfilled, which we just talked about that earlier.
25:58
Daniel Moore: For this to occur, there's gonna have to be concessions on both sides.
26:02
Michelle Moore: I really like that.
26:03
Daniel Moore: I think it's an awesome idea because it allows you to not forget that one of the other may not be being pleased.
26:10
Daniel Moore: We should try that on that part of our relationship.
26:12
Daniel Moore: I don't think we have that issue.
26:14
Michelle Moore: No, but it's still no, I'm just saying his or her.
26:17
Daniel Moore: I understand.
26:18
Michelle Moore: You know, you write down I think you should write down a list of everything that you like and then hand it to me and say, here's my list on one of my nights.
26:27
Michelle Moore: Here you go.
26:29
Daniel Moore: You won't have to read a whole, I mean I mean, come on, Dan.
26:32
Daniel Moore: But yeah, this is something that gets can be considered.
26:37
Michelle Moore: I mean, you might want me to wash your truck.
26:39
Daniel Moore: Oh, hey, now we're talking.
26:41
Michelle Moore: Doesn't have to always be sexual.
26:44
Daniel Moore: That's true.
26:44
Daniel Moore: So you can see where the the guy's mind goes, it just goes right in the gutter every time.
26:49
Daniel Moore: But no, I think you know, this is a way that I think if you're having trouble being a servant to your spouse, maybe take this approach and that will maybe help work through that process a little smoother, possibly.
27:04
Michelle Moore: And I do think that, you know, if you do do that, do write down things that you like that you would want to be pleased by, and same for the female.
27:16
Michelle Moore: So because sometimes guys just don't know.
27:18
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
27:19
Michelle Moore: And wives don't really know, you know, themselves of like what makes him happy or turns him on or whatever.
27:27
Michelle Moore: You know, that may be something that, you know, if you're newly married, write them down, you know, yeah.
27:33
Michelle Moore: And sit down and talk about them before you do that, you know, and just like, hey, this is, you know, what I like, what I don't like, and you know.
27:41
Daniel Moore: And this is a huge part of the relationship.
27:43
Daniel Moore: You're gonna find out as you if if you're newly married, you're gonna find out as the years go by that the sexual part of your relationship is that glue that keeps you together in all reality.
27:52
Daniel Moore: Everything else kind of circulates around all of that.
27:56
Daniel Moore: And there's this is no place to be embarrassed to talk about.
28:00
Daniel Moore: Oh, no.
28:00
Daniel Moore: If you are too embarrassed to tell your spouse what you like and don't like and those kinds of things, then you need to work on that.
28:08
Daniel Moore: Yeah, you need to try to get to a point where you both can be completely open with those things because that's what's going to get you to the place where God, you know, God designed this for having children, yeah, but he also designed it for our pleasure.
28:22
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
28:23
Daniel Moore: We know that by reading the Bible that that's why this was created between us and to help us, you know, nurture this relationship in a godly way.
28:31
Daniel Moore: And so we have full full grounds to, you know, take it wherever it needs to go for to be able to have that type of relationship that God wants you to have.
28:42
Daniel Moore: And if you're too embarrassed to talk about it, you're never gonna make it to that point.
28:46
Daniel Moore: And you're gonna probably leave frustrating voids that you don't want.
28:50
Michelle Moore: And seasons of life, your body changes.
28:53
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
28:53
Michelle Moore: And, you know, having children as a female perspective or having surgeries, uh, health issues, you know, as you get older, it all changes.
29:05
Michelle Moore: And, you know, us women, we're we're kind of critical on ourselves.
29:09
Michelle Moore: If you, you know, if you're used to be this small person and you've gained all this weight or, you know, or hey, your body's been like cut and stuff, you're not your mind can go into a place that I'm just not, I'm not, I don't want him to see me that way.
29:27
Michelle Moore: I don't want to have to become self-conscious.
29:29
Michelle Moore: Yeah, you vary.
29:30
Michelle Moore: And it's like, you know, you have to talk that through with your spouse.
29:35
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
29:35
Michelle Moore: Because more than likely they kind of already know what you're thinking, but give them the opportunity to build you up.
29:45
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
29:46
Michelle Moore: Give them the opportunity to encourage you that that it's okay.
29:50
Michelle Moore: I mean, heck, my body's changed a lot multiple different times.
29:54
Michelle Moore: And I told the end to this day, I mean, there's been times I've really struggled with it.
29:59
Michelle Moore: And he knows I I really struggle with my weight.
30:02
Michelle Moore: And I mean, that is one of my things that Satan really, really fights me with.
30:06
Michelle Moore: And over the years, it's just like I'm so thankful you still love me for who, not for my body, because that's not what's important.
30:14
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
30:15
Michelle Moore: He loves me for who I am and what's in my heart, you know.
30:19
Michelle Moore: And I think sometimes we lose sight of that.
30:21
Michelle Moore: It's about the body, and it's not.
30:23
Michelle Moore: It is not.
30:24
Michelle Moore: So just remember if you if you are fighting that, talk to your spouse, let them know what's going on in your head.
30:31
Daniel Moore: Yep.
30:32
Daniel Moore: And honestly, the beauty of creating a family, if you're truly in your relationship and you're married for the right reasons, then your ultimate goal should be to wanting to create that family and that family unit around you as you grow older and them kids grow up, uh, you create a legacy, basically.
30:52
Daniel Moore: And so what the female goes through to have those children, uh, you know, I look at, you know, what's happened with with your body, with uh having the children and everything, the way that you've had to do it.
31:04
Daniel Moore: Uh, that's to me, that's a beautiful thing because that's the beauty of the family unit being created.
31:10
Daniel Moore: And that's one of the purposes that we got married was to have a family and to be together.
31:14
Daniel Moore: And that's a sacrifice that I see you make.
31:17
Daniel Moore: And, you know, that makes me love you that much more because the fact that you're willing to sacrifice uh what you once had as a younger person uh to sacrifice that as you get older.
31:28
Daniel Moore: And I feel like that a lot of guys lose that perspective, and as they get older, they all of a sudden want this young teenage figure again in front of them, you know, and want to trade them in for a younger model, and some women do the same thing to the guys.
31:44
Daniel Moore: Uh, but in all reality, you know, uh beauty should be uh should be better with age.
31:50
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
31:51
Daniel Moore: You know, it's I think that over time, as those scars that we have, uh, because we've been fighting for our family and building our family and building that legacy, uh, there are battle scars that come along with that.
32:02
Daniel Moore: And those should those should be beautiful to us because that those are sacrifices that we both have made as we endeavor to create our family unit.
32:10
Michelle Moore: I always tease Dan about him loving the round-the-world map because the stretch marks that I have.
32:16
Michelle Moore: That's probably TMI, but you know, I always tease him about it.
32:20
Michelle Moore: And you know, he's always been really good and so encouraging to me that now it's like I don't really say anything about it anymore.
32:27
Michelle Moore: I don't think anything about it.
32:29
Michelle Moore: It, you know, he has done such a great job of making me always feel beautiful.
32:34
Daniel Moore: Yeah, and that's that's the per that's what a guy's supposed to do.
32:37
Daniel Moore: I mean, that's that's the whole essence of the love that you should have for your spouse.
32:42
Daniel Moore: And you don't, you know, dumb them down and talk down and uh, you know, uh point out all the flaws all the time and expect them to fix them.
32:51
Daniel Moore: Uh that's not the purpose of us being married.
32:53
Daniel Moore: We're we're married to grow together and to love each other more and more every day, regardless of what kind of through thick and thin, rich, poor, all that stuff comes into play.
33:01
Michelle Moore: Oh, absolutely.
33:03
Daniel Moore: Absolutely, you know, say at the beginning.
33:06
Daniel Moore: All right, so we'll be going on here to number five, and you go ahead and read that one.
33:24
Michelle Moore: This one is be adventurous and creative.
33:28
Michelle Moore: There are two extremes that must be avoided sexually.
33:33
Michelle Moore: One extreme is being in ruts and only doing sex one way all the time.
33:38
Michelle Moore: Interesting.
33:40
Michelle Moore: The second extreme is the pressure to be constantly changing and experimenting.
33:46
Michelle Moore: You don't have to come up with something new constantly.
33:51
Michelle Moore: But if you never do anything different, it means you aren't taking sex or your spouse seriously enough.
33:58
Michelle Moore: Pray about it, think about it, and talk about it with your spouse.
34:03
Michelle Moore: Your annual vision retreat is also a great place to talk about this issue.
34:08
Michelle Moore: Regarding being adventurous, Jimmy regularly gets questions from husbands and wives about whether he thinks oral sex, sex toys, and things like that are all right.
34:20
Michelle Moore: His response was if the Bible says not to do something, you shouldn't do it.
34:26
Michelle Moore: But if it is something the Bible doesn't address, then you should consider these questions.
34:31
Michelle Moore: Is it safe?
34:33
Michelle Moore: Is it mutually agreed upon?
34:36
Michelle Moore: Does it harm our relationship?
34:39
Michelle Moore: Does it harm anyone else?
34:42
Michelle Moore: If something you are considering is against the Bible, isn't unsafe, it's mutually agreed upon.
34:50
Michelle Moore: And doesn't harm your relationship or anyone else, I would consider doing it and see if you like it.
34:56
Michelle Moore: It might be that one spouse really likes it and the other one is just alright with it.
35:02
Michelle Moore: That is fine.
35:03
Michelle Moore: You don't have to like something the same to do it, but don't be a prude.
35:09
Michelle Moore: Keep your sexual relationships pure, but have fun and be creative.
35:14
Michelle Moore: By the way, it is important to know that there are many reasons we have sex.
35:20
Michelle Moore: Here are some of them: reproduction, comfort, sensual enjoyment and pleasure, bonding, self-esteem and confidence, intimate connection and knowledge of our spouse, protection from outside temptation as a covenant sign of good faith.
35:43
Michelle Moore: When you remember that sex is a multidimensional and important on many levels, it helps to keep it in context and motivates you to put energy into it.
35:54
Michelle Moore: I really like that.
35:55
Michelle Moore: I would definitely say that, you know, there's been times that we have definitely done some different things, just to, you know, try try different things out.
36:06
Michelle Moore: I can't believe we're saying that.
36:07
Michelle Moore: Yeah, spice it up, you know, and but that's not an issue that we've ever come across, I think.
36:16
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
36:16
Michelle Moore: Um, most of the time, if we've talked about something, you know, if it's something that you really like and I'm kind of okay, it's still okay because I want to please you.
36:26
Michelle Moore: So um, same as me.
36:29
Michelle Moore: Um now we don't get heavily invested in toys or anything like that.
36:34
Daniel Moore: Um You know, it's one of those things that I think I think we can vouch for the fact that if if it was the same all the time, it would be probably like being in a rut.
36:47
Daniel Moore: And I think a lot of people listening probably can, you know, testify to that same thing.
36:52
Daniel Moore: And so it is a good thing, I think, to mix it up every once in a while and do different things and try different things.
36:58
Daniel Moore: And again, it if you're in a servant attitude, like we talked about earlier, then that's also going to help your relationship and trust that you have in your spouse.
37:08
Daniel Moore: And, you know, this this question, if you go Google this, uh the question of oral sex and some of those types of things are brought up quite often as far as in a Christian aspect, is it actually okay to do that kind of thing?
37:22
Daniel Moore: And this little section here pretty much hits it right on the head.
37:26
Daniel Moore: It's it's the same way as it is with anything when it comes to our walk with Christ.
37:31
Daniel Moore: We have a roadmap that's been given to us to follow as being a Christian, and that's the Bible.
37:38
Daniel Moore: And there everything that's that's wrong for us to do as a Christian that that is a sin is listed in that book.
37:46
Daniel Moore: And if it's not there, then I feel like I agree here.
37:50
Daniel Moore: I I feel like that if it's not in there that it's a sin, that it's something bad that you shouldn't be doing, then I don't see why there is an issue with introducing the types of things into your relationships, if that's what's going to help you grow closer and you know create that stronger bond between each other.
38:09
Daniel Moore: I will say this though.
38:11
Daniel Moore: Uh, we talked last week a lot about pornography.
38:14
Daniel Moore: And one thing that happens with the pornography is you will see a lot of these extracurricular activities taking place on those screens.
38:24
Daniel Moore: And a lot of times it's in a very uh forceful type manner or a possessive type manner from the guy to the girl.
38:34
Daniel Moore: They'll it's like they're forcing them to do things because that's part of the sensuality of what turns the guy on.
38:40
Daniel Moore: Um, that's just that mindset that they're trying to set there.
38:43
Daniel Moore: So I think the thing that you just have to be careful with, um, especially with like the oral sex and those kinds of things, is it does kind of uh lean towards the pornography side of things to an extent.
38:56
Daniel Moore: So you have to be careful with that.
38:57
Daniel Moore: You definitely don't want to force it, you don't want to make them do something that they don't want to do.
39:02
Daniel Moore: Uh, you know, you don't want to, you know, do things like they do it in the movies where you know grab their head and shove it down or whatever it may be.
39:10
Daniel Moore: I think there's things that you have to be careful of when you're doing that because then uh it can get more over to the other side of things where you are being forceful in an area where you shouldn't be.
39:20
Daniel Moore: It needs to be something that's coming natural.
39:21
Daniel Moore: Absolutely that the other spouse is definitely okay with doing because they want to please you, because they want to give you your sexual fulfillment in that moment.
39:31
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
39:31
Daniel Moore: And, you know, there's just some things you just have to kind of weigh the balances with there.
39:36
Daniel Moore: And it'll it's a testing.
39:38
Daniel Moore: There's a there's a little field of testing there that you guys, you know, as married couples, you can kind of tread through those lightly and just see how things, you know, pan out.
39:48
Daniel Moore: And it may be something that you all enjoy, and it's just gonna add that much more spice to your relationship and it's gonna help you draw closer to God.
39:56
Daniel Moore: And just again, just ask those questions, you know, that we mentioned, is it safe?
40:00
Daniel Moore: Is it mutually agreed upon?
40:01
Daniel Moore: Does it harm your relationship?
40:02
Daniel Moore: Does it harm anyone else?
40:04
Daniel Moore: There's a lot of questions you can ask yourself if those things aren't specifically spoken of in the Bible as a sin.
40:11
Daniel Moore: And I think that this is an area that a lot of people really cut themselves short on because they automatically start feeling, well, we can't do that because that's sinful.
40:20
Daniel Moore: Well, where's that scripture at that says it's sinful?
40:23
Michelle Moore: Well, let me ask you this.
40:24
Michelle Moore: And this is not necessarily I think this just came from someone that had asked me one time, and I know the answer, but I'll just ask you this.
40:34
Michelle Moore: Someone had said we're not having sex before marriage, but we have oral.
40:42
Michelle Moore: Is that wrong?
40:46
Daniel Moore: It's definitely wrong.
40:47
Daniel Moore: Because in all reality, even oral is sex, it's still a sexual activity that you're taking place in.
40:54
Daniel Moore: Uh, the nude body biblically is to be saved for marriage for that person that you are to be married to, unless it's in other situations such as getting surgeries and that kind of thing.
41:06
Daniel Moore: Obviously, that's a whole different aspect.
41:08
Daniel Moore: But when it comes to building a relationship between a guy and a girl, uh at our school we used to have what we call the six-inch rule.
41:17
Daniel Moore: And if we uh had a boyfriend or a girlfriend, I went to a Christian school, by the way.
41:22
Michelle Moore: I was gonna say it, it ain't no public school.
41:24
Daniel Moore: It wasn't a public school, but we had a six-inch rule.
41:27
Daniel Moore: So if we got anywhere within six inches of our boyfriend or girlfriend holding hands or wrapping arms around or whatever, we got in huge trouble for that.
41:36
Daniel Moore: And that wasn't necessarily a biblical uh standard, by the way.
41:41
Daniel Moore: There's nothing in the Bible about that.
41:43
Daniel Moore: Um, but it was just basically trying to keep us from the temptation and all the kinds of things that go along with that.
41:49
Daniel Moore: And obviously we didn't follow that when we weren't at school.
41:52
Daniel Moore: But, you know, there's just a a certain point that you can't you can't pass.
41:59
Daniel Moore: Right.
41:59
Daniel Moore: You know, you you can go so far uh with the uh, you know, showing affection between a boyfriend and a girlfriend.
42:07
Daniel Moore: Uh but when it comes to getting handsy, touching body parts, getting underneath clothing, uh, that's things that a lot of people do and they fall for it.
42:17
Daniel Moore: Michelle and I were this in that same boat, you know, when we were dating.
42:20
Daniel Moore: We did those kinds of things, but it was not right.
42:23
Daniel Moore: Uh, that is a sinful thing to do.
42:25
Daniel Moore: If you're going to completely keep yourself for marriage, then you know, we talked about the hymen, I think it was last week, about when it breaks, that can actually be broken, you know, with fingers.
42:35
Daniel Moore: It doesn't necessarily have to be uh the other kind of penetration for that to happen.
42:40
Daniel Moore: And so you have to be careful with all that stuff because that's essentially that's sex.
42:46
Daniel Moore: It's just in a different form, a different way of doing it.
42:49
Daniel Moore: And so we just have to be careful with that and just bring it to the word.
42:53
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
42:53
Michelle Moore: Just which I knew the answer, but if somebody ever does ask someone out there as the listener, right, you know.
43:00
Daniel Moore: Yeah, it's it seems strict and all that kind of thing, and it's it kind of comes back to uh legalistic and all the the stuff that people like to say about it, that the Bible's just a bunch of rules, but those are in place for a reason.
43:12
Michelle Moore: That's right.
43:13
Daniel Moore: And you know, for us to be sexually pure whenever we are uh married, that is a reflection of the pure relationship we have with Christ, and that's something that we need to keep in mind.
43:25
Daniel Moore: So moving on here to number six, be romantic in your spouse's love language all day long.
43:33
Daniel Moore: Sex doesn't begin when you get in bed, it begins when you wake up in the morning and say hello to each other.
43:40
Daniel Moore: As we stated in previous episodes, sex is only one fourth of the full intimacy formula.
43:45
Daniel Moore: For it to be fulfilling, we have to pay attention to other three areas as well, such as spiritual, mental, and emotional.
43:52
Daniel Moore: As a husband loves his wife in a sacrificial and sensitive manner through the day, it is foreplay to the max.
43:58
Daniel Moore: When he acknowledges Ignores his wife and doesn't meet her needs, he will pay for it in bed later.
44:04
Daniel Moore: Also, when a wife honors her husband through the day and meets his needs, it prepares him for intimacy with her on every level, including sex.
44:13
Daniel Moore: In the early episodes of this series, we describe the difference between husband and wife's needs in marriage and how to be romantic in your spouse's language.
44:22
Daniel Moore: It might be helpful to refer to those episodes for a reminder regarding this issue.
44:27
Daniel Moore: It is critically important in sex and all other areas of marriage to accept and celebrate the inherent difference that we have.
44:34
Daniel Moore: And with this one here, um, it is very true, you probably do need to remember the differences between guys and girls.
44:44
Daniel Moore: Uh if you're mean to your spouse throughout the day, then you're gonna have a padlock locked at night when you're wanting to have the the sexual intimacy part happening.
44:53
Michelle Moore: I think it does play a little bit of a role in the state.
44:54
Michelle Moore: But I don't, I mean, I don't I'm not a type of person to hold things against you during the day.
45:03
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
45:03
Daniel Moore: Yeah, unless it's something that really makes you angry.
45:09
Daniel Moore: I mean, there are I think there are things that can make somebody angry enough that in the past, yeah.
45:15
Daniel Moore: They may especially if you go to bed angry.
45:17
Daniel Moore: And we've talked about that as well.
45:19
Michelle Moore: In the past, yes.
45:20
Daniel Moore: And that's why it's so important not to go to bed angry, because that can definitely play over into and it can also be a situation, just like we've talked before, where you try to have makeup sex.
45:31
Daniel Moore: You know, if you make somebody make each other mad throughout the day, and then the guy or the woman expects to just have sex when you go to bed and make up for it when the other person's still mad, then that's not gonna work either.
45:43
Daniel Moore: And that's not how that works.
45:45
Daniel Moore: So it's very important to remember or to understand your spouse.
45:49
Daniel Moore: And not all spouses have the same love language, although women have a lot of the same basic needs, and so do guys.
45:56
Daniel Moore: Uh, but in all reality, women are created different between each other, and guys are created different between each other, and that's where this communication comes into play, and knowing your spouse inside and out, and understanding how to meet those needs and take care of that.
46:11
Daniel Moore: So uh that's I think we'll leave that one there.
46:15
Daniel Moore: The the seventh one uh to wrap up these seven steps here.
46:20
Daniel Moore: Let's go ahead and you go ahead and share that one.
46:22
Michelle Moore: Okay.
46:23
Michelle Moore: Number seven is never give up.
46:25
Michelle Moore: If you have some physical or emotional issues that are keeping you from opening up to your spouse sexually, you need to take it seriously and get help.
46:35
Michelle Moore: When you have a problem, you both have a problem.
46:38
Michelle Moore: If you don't take it seriously and get the help you need, you will sexually strand your spouse and it can do great damage to your marriage.
46:47
Michelle Moore: You might be dealing with sexual guilt, or it might be previous abuse, an abortion, an affair, or something else.
46:55
Michelle Moore: Maybe you are dealing with erectile dysfunction or vaginal dryness.
46:59
Michelle Moore: You may be dealing with anger and unresolved conflicts with your spouse, but deal with it.
47:06
Michelle Moore: Don't let any problem derail your marriage or your sexuality.
47:11
Michelle Moore: It is too important and too sacred in your marriage.
47:16
Michelle Moore: Go to your pastor or a Christian professional, go to a doctor if necessary, but let your spouse know that you won't stop fighting for your marriage.
47:27
Michelle Moore: Let them know that you are committed to meeting their sexual needs and will overcome any obstacle that may come in your way.
47:34
Michelle Moore: Sex is a beautiful gift from God.
47:37
Michelle Moore: It is designed solely for the marriage relationship as the covenant, still, and sign.
47:43
Michelle Moore: If we will honor God's plan and reserve sex solely for our spouses, it will result in a glorious intimacy that will bond us together for life on the deepest level.
47:56
Daniel Moore: So with this one here, uh, I think a lot of people may have a lot of have probably experienced this, where if they had some obstacles or roadblocks come up that it made them just want to give up on it and not even try.
48:11
Daniel Moore: Uh, and that's a very dangerous place to be.
48:14
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
48:14
Daniel Moore: Because that's unfortunately a lot of times that's a a recipe to to held you head you straight to a divorce if both of you aren't on the same page with all of that.
48:26
Daniel Moore: And as it's mentioned in here, you know, some of these things are inflicted on people, like like previous abuse.
48:33
Daniel Moore: That's a big one.
48:34
Daniel Moore: There's a lot of people that are abused as teenagers, and when they finally get to the point where they're able to get married, as soon as they start having sexual relations with their spouse, it starts bringing back just in floods all of their childhood and all the stuff that was done to them.
48:52
Daniel Moore: And that makes it very difficult for them to be intimate and to open themselves up and allow their spouse to be a part of them like it's supposed to be done.
49:01
Daniel Moore: How do you navigate that?
49:02
Daniel Moore: You know, I mean, I fortunately did not go through that.
49:06
Daniel Moore: I didn't even know that you didn't either, and so we didn't have that issue, and you know, I I'm thankful for that because that's not something that I really myself ever wanted to have to navigate.
49:18
Daniel Moore: Uh, but I do know people that's been through it.
49:20
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
49:21
Daniel Moore: And but that's not a reason to give up.
49:23
Daniel Moore: You know, that's not a reason to just say, okay, we made a mistake, let's cut the ties and move on.
49:28
Daniel Moore: Uh, that's something you need to work through.
49:30
Daniel Moore: You know, abortions, um, those can have a huge effect on marriages before and after, uh, especially with the women, because you know, a lot of times if you look at statistics, and I've done a a couple of episodes uh last year, I think it was around August of last year's July, August, um, about abortion.
49:51
Daniel Moore: And statistics show that women, when they actually get the abortion, some of them are okay with it and they think they're doing the right thing or whatever, but after they do that, later on, statistics are very high that they have a huge regret and it really messes with their psychological uh mindset, and they start going into depressions and all that kind of thing, and that can create an issue in sexual intimacy, you know, affairs.
50:19
Daniel Moore: You know, look at look at what happened with us, uh, with the situations that both of us brought into our marriages, it would have been real easy for us to just give up.
50:29
Michelle Moore: Oh, yeah.
50:29
Daniel Moore: It would have been easy for us to not go back and try to fix any of that.
50:33
Daniel Moore: Uh, but we chose to do it.
50:35
Daniel Moore: And with God's help, we were able to restore that.
50:38
Daniel Moore: And you have uh medical conditions.
50:43
Daniel Moore: Uh, there are some surgeries that women have that, you know, it talks here about uh erectile dysfunction or vaginal dryness.
50:50
Daniel Moore: You know, there's things that can happen within our bodies uh medically that can cause issues and create problems.
50:57
Daniel Moore: And you know, you you might have had a really active sex life up to a certain point, and then all of a sudden something uh something medically happens that stops that.
51:07
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
51:08
Daniel Moore: And over time, all of a sudden you're having problems.
51:11
Daniel Moore: You know, one the other spouse just doesn't understand, and they don't grasp the whole fullness of what's just happened, and they start playing the blame game.
51:22
Daniel Moore: You know, was this it's just an excuse.
51:24
Daniel Moore: You don't really have this problem, you know.
51:25
Daniel Moore: What's the problem, you know, and it can really create issues.
51:29
Daniel Moore: And again, I think we've said this time and time again through this whole series.
51:32
Michelle Moore: I think communication I was gonna say, communication is the key.
51:36
Daniel Moore: It's a huge key in that because you and I have walked that, and like I said a couple times, several times here, we've talked about we're gonna be doing an episode pretty soon because we walked through that exact thing, and it's it's it can be traumatic to relationships if you're not careful.
51:54
Daniel Moore: Uh, but as it as we was talking here, you know, don't let any problem derail your marriage or your sexuality.
52:02
Daniel Moore: Uh God brought you together, you've gotten married, you're walking that path that He set before you.
52:08
Daniel Moore: You you're keeping God in the middle.
52:10
Daniel Moore: He wants to bless that marriage.
52:12
Michelle Moore: Yes.
52:12
Daniel Moore: He wants to make sure that it ends to the fullness that it could ever be.
52:16
Daniel Moore: In all reality, you know, one way that guys look can look at this, uh, when we get married, uh, we are actually preparing our spouses uh for that marriage in heaven someday.
52:32
Daniel Moore: You know, our life doesn't just end here.
52:36
Daniel Moore: Once we walk this walk and we end up crossing through those gates someday uh into heaven, everything that we've done on earth down here is practice.
52:45
Daniel Moore: We are practicing for the marriage supper of the Lamb when we walk through those gates and we become a part of the heavenly kingdom with God throughout eternity.
52:56
Daniel Moore: And so that should be all the more reason why we should really work on our marriages while we're here on earth and make them the best that they can be.
53:04
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
53:04
Daniel Moore: Because that is the reflection of that marriage relationship that we have with Christ.
53:09
Daniel Moore: And that's what we're doing here.
53:11
Daniel Moore: We're so else.
53:12
Daniel Moore: We are practicing for that day.
53:15
Daniel Moore: So everything that we do, whether if it's uh emotionally, spiritually, uh, sexually, any of those different areas within our bodies that we have the intimacy take place, we need to dedicate all of that to God and allow him to work through that within us so that we can have the fullness of what he expects us to have in our relationships as we're here on this earth, knowing that someday when we get to heaven, if we've done it all right, we have rewards waiting for us.
53:42
Daniel Moore: And at the same time, we've had the best possible marriage and life on this earth that we could ever ask for.
53:47
Michelle Moore: Absolutely.
53:48
Daniel Moore: And I think that that's probably one of the best ways that we can end this series on the four laws of love.
53:54
Daniel Moore: So, is there anything that you want to add to this?
53:58
Michelle Moore: I just want to tell everybody thanks for walking this uh uh series with us, you know, the four laws of love.
54:05
Michelle Moore: And I hope you learned something.
54:07
Michelle Moore: I know that Dan and I have.
54:09
Michelle Moore: We've grown more together.
54:11
Michelle Moore: We hope that if you're listening to us as a couple, that you've grown together and you've taken something from it.
54:18
Michelle Moore: And I'm super excited that God has, you know, worked everything out for us.
54:23
Daniel Moore: Yep.
54:24
Michelle Moore: And continue goes some going before us.
54:26
Daniel Moore: Yep.
54:42
Daniel Moore: So don't forget that you can reach out to us.
54:44
Michelle Moore: Yes.
54:45
Daniel Moore: Uh, we do have all the information in our show notes here on the episodes.
54:49
Daniel Moore: Uh you can email at Daniel at connectingthegap.net.
54:51
Daniel Moore: There's a little shout-out link that you can click and it'll send us a text, and we'll respond to that on a future episode as we can't text you back.
54:59
Daniel Moore: But if you have questions, just want to give us some encouragement, give us some examples from your marriages where God's just intervened in a miraculous way.
55:06
Daniel Moore: We love to hear that stuff and we'd love to share it with our other listeners to encourage them because a lot of times when you're walking through these dark, dark moments with your spouses, it feels like you're by yourself.
55:16
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
55:17
Daniel Moore: We're really not.
55:18
Daniel Moore: There's a lot of people going through issues, a lot of people going through problems.
55:22
Daniel Moore: The statistics today are so extremely high for divorce, it's unbelievable.
55:28
Michelle Moore: It's been amazing since we've been starting this podcast of how many people that we've talked to that have walked some kind of path that I wouldn't say some kind of path, but it's been amazing since we started this podcast that we've talked to other couples that have walked something similar like us.
55:59
Daniel Moore: Or even worse.
56:00
Michelle Moore: Yes.
56:00
Michelle Moore: It has been amazing to I mean, I would have liked to known that when we were walking through things just because I it made me feel like I was all alone.
56:11
Michelle Moore: And that I literally was, I mean, obviously I did some things that I wasn't supposed to, but even afterwards, I mean the guilt and the shame and you know, we we didn't talk about it.
56:22
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
56:23
Michelle Moore: You never talked about it.
56:24
Michelle Moore: And now that this podcast has come out and we've been talking about the, you know, the four laws of love and everything, it's it's been amazing to sit down with other couples and just to listen to their story and what they've walked through.
56:38
Michelle Moore: And it's like, you know, if other people knew how hard life can be and they have someone else that's walked through it, you know, to know, hey, there is hope.
56:49
Michelle Moore: You know, I I just it just blows my mind that how God has used this even to open my eyes to other people.
56:57
Michelle Moore: And it's like, because before I was like, I'm not talking about this because everybody's gonna know and they're gonna judge me.
57:03
Michelle Moore: Well, what you don't know, other people have walked their own stories as well.
57:08
Daniel Moore: Yeah, it's not taboo.
57:10
Daniel Moore: No, it's not something that we should shove under the rug and approach.
57:14
Daniel Moore: There's help out there.
57:16
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
57:16
Daniel Moore: But you gotta speak up if you're gonna get that help.
57:19
Daniel Moore: And whether if that comes from just a very close friend that's very biblically grounded that maybe's been through some stuff you've been through that can help you, or if it's through your pastor at your church, or if it's through some biblical counsel or somewhere that has uh some kind of curriculum that you can go through to help you navigate all of that stuff, there's a lot of things out there that are available today, and your marriages are worth it.
57:42
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
57:43
Michelle Moore: I do want to give one shout out to a person that has been with me through thick and thin, besides you.
57:49
Michelle Moore: But Paula, I just want you to know that I love you.
57:53
Michelle Moore: You have been with me ever since all my kids have been born.
57:58
Michelle Moore: Like you have walked seasons of life with me.
58:04
Michelle Moore: You have always encouraged me, you have always kept me accountable when I stepped out of line and you've poured into me.
58:14
Michelle Moore: And I just want to thank you for that because God put you in my life for all these years that I needed someone that I could talk to.
58:23
Michelle Moore: And she knows me inside and out.
58:26
Michelle Moore: She knows everything we've walked through, my previous marriage.
58:30
Michelle Moore: I mean, she has truly been a godsend for me, and I just want to say that I love you and I thank you for that.
58:37
Daniel Moore: Yeah, everybody needs that friend.
58:39
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
58:40
Daniel Moore: That's for sure.
58:40
Daniel Moore: It's it's God, it's a God thing when people like that are put into your path.
58:45
Daniel Moore: And I'm thankful for her as well, and everything that she's helped you through.
58:50
Daniel Moore: And uh they've been her and her husband both, they've been really good friends to us for a very long time.
58:55
Michelle Moore: And you need that friend that will put you in your place when you step out.
58:59
Daniel Moore: For sure.
59:00
Daniel Moore: Well, I guess with that, we'll call this a wrap.
59:03
Daniel Moore: And uh next week, uh, I will be starting a mini-series on rejection, and then we have some more marriage stuff coming.
59:13
Daniel Moore: So I don't, we've got some interviews lined up, and then Michelle and I have some things that we're going to do as well.
59:19
Daniel Moore: So be watching for all of those.
59:21
Daniel Moore: We may have a couple of episodes next week.
59:23
Daniel Moore: It'll just depend on how things land.
59:25
Daniel Moore: Uh, but we'll be uh pumping out some more stuff here, and hopefully you guys will enjoy all of that.
59:30
Daniel Moore: So please subscribe because if you don't, you're gonna miss it all, and you don't want to miss these good episodes that are coming your way here on Marriage Life and More and Connecting the Gaps.
59:40
Daniel Moore: So that's gonna end this week's episode.
59:42
Daniel Moore: I'm Daniel Moore, my wife Michelle.
59:44
Daniel Moore: She's sitting here with you for this extended series on the four laws of love.
59:49
Daniel Moore: Thank you guys for listening.
59:50
Daniel Moore: This show really wouldn't be possible without you.
59:52
Daniel Moore: If you're a fan of the show, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts.
59:56
Daniel Moore: Or if you'd like to help us out, just take a few seconds to give us a five-star click and please subscribe to us on your favorite platform.
1:00:02
Daniel Moore: The links are in the show notes.
1:00:04
Daniel Moore: Well, that's all for this week, and we pray that your marriage is stronger and your walk with God is closer after this episode.
1:00:12
Daniel Moore: This is an extension of Connecting the Gap Ministries, and we pray that you guys have a blessed week.
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1:00:20
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